Types of Love with Psychologist Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

The Types of Love with Psychologist and Mental Health Specialist Dr. Dorothy Jeffries on The Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're good Will and Good Time StationAM ten seventy w d I A Memphis
Live from the Reeves Law Firm nineone five o four forty four forty four.
Let us be your voice. Beyour voice dot Com Memphis probably presents
the Beam Jos and show. Letme say bad. She's done damp game.

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No man, she can't have yourmind ship by channing you to just
keep when I go, I'm pickingup. It doesn't joke because they'll gotking

(01:07):
I have here every day. Yourd I ain't top my mail. Got
mestoking get good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome in to

(02:04):
w d I A The Bev JohnsonShow. It is in a ded of
pleasure to have you with us onceagain on this Friday Friday, a Memorial
Day weekend, Friday, May twentysix, twenty twenty three. Enjoy this
fabulous day today. On Fridays,it's Relationship Day where we talk about relationships

(02:30):
to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most of
all loving between concerning adults. We'lldo that today with our expert psychologist and
mental health specialist, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Yeah, we'll be talking with doctor
Jeffries. This day, we're goingto continue our conversation. We're going to

(02:53):
talk about the five types of love. The five types of love. When
a you're turned to talk, youknow you can. All you need to
do is dial these numbers five threefive nine at three four two five three
five nine to three four two.If you're listening to us outside the Memphis

(03:15):
area, how are y'all this day? You can call Stoll free at one
eight hundred five zero three nine threefour two. That one eight hundred five
zero three nine to three four two. And if this day, this day,

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Friday May twenty six, twenty twentythree, ears your birthday. Happy
birthday to each and every one ofy'all out there who may be celebrating a
birthday on this day Friday May twentysix, Saturday May twenty seventh, Sunday
May twenty eighth, as well everybirthday, y'all. You know what we

(04:00):
say, go out and celebrate yourlife. Yeah better, You're better.
When we come back, we'll talkwith our expert psychologist, mental health specialist,
doctor Dorothy Jefferies and me Bev Johnsonon the Bev Johnson Show only on

(04:23):
Double d I A. You arealways on my mind. Yeah, yeah,

(05:15):
good morning, and welcome in tow d i A The Bev Johnson
Show. It is a Friday,May twenty six, twenty twenty three,
as we began the Memorial Day aweekend. Happy Memorial Day to all of
you all and all of our veteransout there. We do appreciate your service.
It is relationship Day for our firsttime listeners. You just may be

(05:40):
a first time a caller. Todaywe talk about relationships to help make yours
healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most of all loving between concerning
adults. Today, our topic ofconversation, we're going to talk about the
five types of love. Yeah,the five types of love. We'll talk

(06:01):
about that. You can talk onthe topic of conversation. Have a question
for doctor Dorothy Jeffries, who's notin the studio, but she'll be on
the phone. She can hear you. But also you may have another relationship
problem you like to ask doctor Jeffriesabout. You can. Here are the
numbers. Write them down. Fivethree five nine three four two. That's

(06:24):
area code nine oh one five threefive nine three four two. You're listening
across the country. What's up,y'all? I hope you're having a beautiful
day like we are having a Memphis, Tennessee. You can call us toll
free at one eight hundred five zerothree nine three four two one eight hundred

(06:44):
five zero three nine three four two. If you just can't get in and
you want to don't want to getin, and you like for me to
ask a question, email me Bev. That's b e V Johnson at iHeartMedia
dot com. Bev b e Vj O h N s o N at

(07:08):
iHeartMedia dot com. We will getyour questions to doctor Jeffries this day.
So we are going to take break, Yeah, we are, and when
we come back, we'll start ourrelationship conversation the Five Types of Love with

(07:30):
our expert psychologist mental health specialists,doctor Dorothy Jeffries and me Bev Johnson on
the Bev Johnson Show only on doubleD I A. Hi, this is

(08:18):
David Porter, and you are listeningto the Queen of talk, Bev Johnson.
She is the one and only noone can topple, no one can
stop her, and I'm in lovewith her. You're listening to Bev Johnson
at w D I A. Okay, bring those many women who served in

(09:05):
the Armed Forces. Enjoy your Memorialweekend with the hard and soul of Memphis
ten seventy w d i A noover the town, working hard to bring
you Mondays, never settling for everyis off. The difference Monday is Hilda,

(09:37):
It's the good, good morning,and welcome back to w d i
A. It is Friday, Maytwenty six, twenty twenty three, as
we head into the Memorial Day weekend. For those of you all traveling,
be safe. You're traveling on theroad, be safe, be careful.

(09:58):
If you're going visiting relatives and friends. You're flying, have patience at the
airport, y'all. Yeah, yeah, Now I'll know what it's going on,
So have patience. I want tosay that, But have a great
Memorial Day weekend. Stay safe.Also, before we get to doctor Jeffries
this morning, let me thank allthe folks who came out last night to

(10:20):
the rock chair. We were rockingin the house. Yeah with mister LJ.
Eckles. I didn't realize how thewomen love ell Jay Eckles. Oh
my goodness, them sisters was cuttingup. LJ. Eckles did an awesome

(10:41):
job. And also mister Terry Harrisin the house. Hadn't seen Terry in
a while, and I was goingback and reflecting that Terry is one of
the voices that you hear on mytheme song, Bev's Got Myths Talking.
Yeah, Terry's on there singing withKirk Clayton and Jeff's friends. So yeah,
and Terry was awesome. But itwas a good good night. On

(11:05):
the Thursday night as we kick offMemorial Day weekend, we kicked it off
at the Rocking Chair. Yeah,y'all, Lady P was there celebrating a
birthday. Lady Pee was in thehouse and her man Melvin. Happy birthday,
Lady P. Hope you had agood time and continue to celebrate your

(11:26):
life. And miss Tony there wascelebrating her birthday. Some folks but some
out of town as were there.But thank you all for coming to the
Rocking Chair last night. We areit was a good crap. I mean
it was packed. The house waspacked on Thursday. I guess y'all getting
ready for my Moral Day weekend.But good but have a good time.

(11:46):
And also let me remind you theRocking Chair they told me to tell you
weekend long, it will be freefor the ladies and you know, ladies,
you get in free to night sixto eight and my boyfriends will be
there, John Williams and the Afour forty man. Yeah, they know
how to rock the house. Socoming out to the rocking Chair tonight and
all this weekend, Memorial Day weekend, ladies, you'll get in free.

(12:09):
What a special gift from the rockingChair at Alan Run. Yeah, so
thank you all Alan Run for havingme to host. Last night. We
had a ball in the rocking chair. Can't wait till the next time I
see y'all at the rocking chair.All right, well, we're gonna rock
this morning. This is sister whoknows how to rock. Our psychologist,

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mental health specialist, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Good morning, doctor Jeffries, Good
morning. How a happy Friday,sister. I'm so glad yea yea yeay,
yeah, yeah, we say Friday. Yeah absolutely, And it's beautiful.

(12:54):
Weather is absolutely beautiful. It's perfectfor family time, book out,
yeah, during the weekend, stayingsober, got that rights, Suster,
got that right. It's and it'sbeautiful here in Memphis. Still. The
sun is shining just a gorgeous say, I think we're gonna have a good

(13:16):
Memorial Day weekend for people who aretraveling and the people who are coming to
our city in your city as well. So as you said, doctor Jefferies,
we want them to say safe,have fun, but stay safe,
be careful, y'all. Yeah,absolutely, absolutely gay, You got that
right, got that right, doctorJefferies. I wanted to continue because last

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week we were talking about the fivetypes of love, and we were talking
about that, but we really andI didn't think that we really got into
the five types of love where peoplereally knew what you were talking about or
we're talking about, and so todaythey'll be able to ask questions and they
may find them themselves in one ofthe different types of loves. So I

(14:00):
thought we revisit that and go overthat again and talk about those five types
of love. Well, Brob,I absolutely agree with you on it.
And as I was revisiting the topicand preparing for today, it occurred to
me that the last three shows we'vetalked about different types of relationships, ethics

(14:24):
and relationships, parenting, particularly fromthe mother's standpoint in the maternal relationship with
children, and just that whole thingabout what is a positive, loving adult
relationship and your expectations out of it. So one of the clearest way to

(14:48):
do is to first figure out whatis my love preference. Most of the
time we and you know, andI preached this all the time, but
I've been doing it thirty plus yearsnow, so why stop, right?
But you cannot let anyone else appropriately, intentionally, consciously, and positively until

(15:15):
you know how to love yourself.You have to understand where your love language
originates, your love needs, andthe depth and the gaps of having those
needs acknowledge, validated, and sometimesmet. You will not love yourself if

(15:39):
you are spracked of a negative tapethat says you are not worthy, you
are not value, you are anaccident, You just like this other negative
person, any of those negative tapesthat someone else has put on your a
trap. Then that keeps looping andit interferes with the ability to have clarity

(16:07):
of self, clarity of expectations,clarity of needs, and how to appropriately
communicate those needs. So by talkingabout the five types of love, then
we can look at the characteristics ofthose loves and have a discussion on what's

(16:30):
the needs and wants and desires fromeach one of those characteristics. And once
we're able to kind of look atthat we can see if we see ourselves,
or if we see the targeted personthat we are typically attracted to,
or the partner that we're with,or the person that we may be still

(16:52):
you know, missing warning back ortrying to find insight and clarification is probably
one of the two most instrumental factorsin self awareness and validation and increasing your
self esteem. Hmm, okay,sounds good. So let's be do you

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want to begin and start going overeach one of the different types of love
or you want to start somewhere else. Now we can constrib with that.
Let's let's talk about errors first.Yeah, so interesting that errors is considered
the most primal characteristic. Errors isum based purely on primal, primal,

(17:44):
basic, primitive feelings of attraction andthose tracts. You see someone, you
feel, you feel, the emotional, the physical, the all those different
levels of connections and desires, andthe impulse is to act on those in
a physical way. You want tolove, you want to caress, you

(18:07):
want to kiss, you want tobe kissed. In hell, how that's
the that's error's love and an error'slove. Then if one you know thinks
honestly about him cannot be contained orsustained because usually the desire is so obsessive

(18:29):
and so directive. Unless the otherperson responds and gets caught up in the
desire and experiences all the passion andimmediacy of errors, then the more errors
is going to desire that person,and the stronger the desire becomes. However,

(18:51):
the person who responds to that maynot be responding at an error's level
of love. They may just beattracted to the attraction of somebody desiring themselves
or you know, or the passionor whatever else that comes with that level

(19:12):
of love, and so the expectationof having permanence or stability or you know,
where you can just slow down andcatch your breath. By the time
you get to that stage where desireis waning or the passion has been subsided,

(19:33):
it may be a one time event. It may be a short time
of fact fair, or it maybe restricted to just the sexual attraction.
But if the expectation is to buildon that and grow with them that,
then you are going to be disappointedand possibly hurt, you know. And

(19:56):
when you think about two arrows peoplegetting together, it's probably more like the
fool of July and all these firecrackersand fireworks and guns shooting off and what
have you. But at the endof the day, then one or both
is going to get to the poemwhere something else or someone else now has

(20:17):
their eyes and they're ready to go. Just as quickly as they come in.
They exit, no fanfare, noyou know, hey, you know
I'm gonna miss you. You know, we'll check up. You know it's
me, it's not you. Thatkind of stuff. They're gone onto.
The other thing that their movements.Well, one of the things that you

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said, and I wrote it downwhen you said arrows arrows is basically attraction.
You are attracted to that person insome kind of way. Whether are
you saying merely are you saying primarilyIt's one of those those situations if you

(21:02):
think, for a minute, haveyou ever seen someone and you saw them
and there was an instantaneous physical attractionto that person. I mean, you
can't deny that you feel that yourbody is responding to. You may not
even know them, you may seethem across the room, you may see

(21:22):
them on television or something, butthere's an instant attraction to that person,
and the attraction immediately goes to warningto physically be with that person, to
kiss them, to hug them,to hold them. Everybody finds that electrifying.
But and it's almost like doing adrug, a highly addictive drug that

(21:48):
if you desire it and you can'tget it, you moon over them,
you think about them, you fantasizeabout it and what have you. And
then once you're able to actually communicatewith them and consummate the relationship, then

(22:10):
you may want more if you foundit as passionate, as responsive as you
desired. So if you think aboutthat person, and we all have that
person in our mind, when youthink about it, you you can instantly.
You may maybe so long ago,like Sharon Brown saying, it takes
your minute to remember how long ago, but you remember that person who had

(22:33):
that effect on you. And ifyou probably are not with that person now,
it was an instantaneous thing. Ithink that that is that is probably
the clearest way for me to explainto you that it's a fantasy type of
experience. Okay, but okay,so so so with that fantasy, does

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that person ever, doctor Jeffries,get with that person, because you know,
we we when we think, whenI think about fantasies. You're just
dreaming, you think about what you'redoing with this person, but you don't
actually get with them, or doyou. You may, That's just what
I'm saying. You may, youknow, sometimes it may be you need

(23:21):
you have that. I think ithappens a lot when people have one night
stand. You know, yeah,that they And usually what what will happen
is there is there is a reasonthere is. It may be a reason
why you're there. You you're movingon from somebody else that you're looking for,

(23:41):
somebody new, or you there,you relax, you're having a good
time, and you get caught upin the moments and what have you.
But you have the attraction that's thereand you're really not even thinking about what
what about tomorrow, tonight, thismoment and you get caught up. And

(24:04):
I think that that happens quite frequently, and in a lot of cases they
may never have a second experience,or they may A lot of times,
when you have that initial intense sexualexperience, then there's a desire and an

(24:26):
increased appetite to be together. Andso for three weeks, six weeks,
three months, maybe even six months. Every time you get together it's clear
we're together to be together physically,you know, specially to live out this

(24:47):
fan. That's why I call ita fantasy, because usually when you're indulging
in that, there's no ram ofpracticality. You're not where, you're not
thinking about how we're gonna pay thethen or was you know any of them,
what we're gonna eat? You know, you lose weighting a lot of
those things because you've lost the desirefor food and what happened. You just

(25:10):
want to be close and in touchwith that person. Got it. So
I'm wondering that may not not bethe best kind of love. Huh.
It usually isn't, but it sureis a lot of fun. Yeah,
exactly, got it. Okay,So I got I'm clear on that,

(25:30):
arrows. I'm good, good,Okay, you explained it. Well.
I was trying to paint those picturesfor the listeners. Well, I think
you painted something, so they'll they'll, they'll, they'll they'll call them and
say it. Yeah, okay,And and let me say this. It's
true for men and women. Okay, for a long time people try to

(25:56):
you know it, sir, thatthe warmer is the passive recipient of an
Arrow's love that she never felt thattype of potentious or that sexual tension or
attraction or just raw passion for somebodyShe was responding to someone else feeling like

(26:18):
that towards her. But let metell you, women have just as strong
of raw passion and desire as men. Yeah, And when two people get
together, and that's what a lotof men find attractive, is the woman

(26:38):
who is in her own and hasownership of her own passion and sexuality,
you have an equal person there thatyou're experiences, no games, you know,
no pretension whatever, you know,We're in this to enjoy each other.
And we both have that standing.Yeah, and it needs to be

(27:03):
clear that you both have that understanding. Absolutely absolutely, Okay, all right,
our next type of love, doctorJeffries. Now, it's interesting that
the second type of love is calledthe storage love sto RGE, and the

(27:26):
storage love may become as a resultof the errors love because the storage love
talks about the love of a parentfor a child and a child for a
parent. So you know, sometimeswith those errors relationship, we find far
too many babies that come out ofthat with no planning or expectation for that

(27:52):
to happen. But we've also talkedabout and I see a connection to this.
The storage love is an indication ofthe birth reception and the family client
for receiving that child, and theparents' ability to love that child as if

(28:18):
it is a part of herself forhimself, that this is a child that
was conceived and loved and it ishere and we love it. Even when
parents may not stay together or mayno longer have that type of romantic love
or even you know, any typeof affection for each other, but there's

(28:41):
a respect and a caring for thisis the father of my child, and
this is the mother of my child, and we both loved and will care
for this child. That's where thechild gets his or her initial connection to
the world at large, what hisor her value is, how people and

(29:07):
the world feels about them, howthey should respond to them. Are they
able to respond to a friendly environmentthat's engaging and accepting and protective or is
it a hostel, rejecting denial ofthem. So that that core storage love

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is very, very significant, andwe heard how when that's not present,
or when that's not consistently given.We heard that in the Mother's Day program
where people were talking about what wasdenied or what was not received, or
what was manipulated and invited into theirlives. And it has a distinct and

(29:56):
a negative impact on the healthy selfesteem and development and growth of any child.
So storage is very, very,very significant, and in my mind,
I am in storage as the foundationfor stability in that child, the

(30:18):
stability to grow, to the stabilityto be received, to be protective,
to be loved, to be caredfor, and to be provided with the
resources needed for optimal the best opportunitiesfor growth and development for success. Okay,

(30:45):
so when we talk about the storagekind of love, basically, again
I want to be clear, we'retalking about that parent child kind of love
it is. And then there's I'mreferenced that even inferred that people who have
long term friendships where you may havechildhood friendships or at some point in your

(31:11):
life you end up being very veryclose to certain people where the duration or
the tenure of the friendship extends,you know, many years, you develop
a storage feeling and sense of lovefor that individually because at some point what
was a social friendship or business orsocial hazards the friendship originated, at some

(31:40):
point that relationship transitions into more ofa pseudo familiar or sibling or in the
family. As a lot of uscollege, we're in the family together.
It's no longer just referred to asmy friend because they've around them, been

(32:00):
a part of your growth, youdevelop, all of your transitions and what
have you. They're they're just likebiological family members or families who are created
through marriage and and love. Theyare a part of your tribe and very
important to you. They also offera foundation of stability and care and protectiveness

(32:25):
and stuff, just like family membersdo. And let me add, even
though we're talking in terms of storageand the mother and the parents and the
child and the child and the parents, not a love or family or a
loving relationship that ends, even asa person may transcend if that person has

(32:52):
that type of relationship with that childor that parent, even in death the
relationship stipid, the relationship is stillvital and significant to both. So it's
a it's a very positive, Ithink, a very positive attribute. And

(33:13):
you can think of people in yourlife, you know, who represent these
different roles and what happens. Doesit ever get to a point when an
adult has a relationship with somebody doctorJefferies, and I'm thinking the storage love
because a lot of times people goin relationships they're looking for that mother or

(33:36):
that father that they never had absolutelyand in that case storage love was denied
or inconsistent. And you know,an interesting point about that, even if
it's not conscious, there's something insensual within us that hints that kind of

(34:01):
shadows or whispers to us what itis we're missing and what it is we
need. It's just there, andit's kind of like a fleeting thought that's
just right below consciousness or on thetip of your time. But you know
what. You feel it, andyou may have never had it, but

(34:23):
you heard about it. You mayhave witnessed it, you may have jumped
about it. You know what's missing. And so in a lot of times
in situations, particularly in adult relationships, people tend to try to fulfill that
what was not given or made availableon a consistent level to them as a

(34:50):
child. You know, how theywere parented. They were not parented according
to what they needed in a parent, if they were parents to it at
all. You know, if youhave an extremely shy child and the parent
is constantly trying to change that child'spersonality, to be more out going,

(35:12):
to be more sociable, to bean event as opposed to trying to nurture
that sensibility in the child. Thanthe child is going to feel like there's
something wrong with me, and theymay end up pretending to be one way,
but there's still that desire to feelvalidated, like even in my peri

(35:35):
state, somebody loves me, somebodycares about me. Parents who with so
many young parents and mature parents andinexperienced parents having their children may miss the
experience of having a mature adult parentor the grandparent factor. Many of us

(35:59):
had the benefit of having the matureparent, the responsible parent, and the
grandparent factor, which means the parentdid whether they had never had a child
or not. They knew that theyhad to be responded, had rules,
they had expectations, and they rearedyou along those lines. And then in

(36:20):
the areas that they may not besufficient in, you had grandparents who coached
them and gave to you, soyou were able to be validated by people
that you could quickly identify as lovingyou, and therefore you would not need
to go searching for an adult parentin an intimate relationship or to remain childlike

(36:47):
yourself in an adult relationship, orto be punitive or then doing in a
relationship. Because that's what you experienced, you were able to work fit as
a part of development. M okay, I got it. Got the storage,

(37:07):
Got the storage. We're off toa great start, doctor Jeffries.
So I want you to hold onas we continue our conversation on the five
Types of love. And as always, if you have a question or two
relationship question for doctor Dorothy Jeffries,have you hurt yourself in one of these

(37:30):
loves? First one h Wow,We're gonna get to the other three.
But if you do have a questionfive three five nine three four two is
the number five three five nine threefour two one eight hundred five zero three

(37:52):
nine three four two or email meVEV Johnson and iHeart Media dot com.
It's relationship Dad. We're talking theFive Types of Love with doctor Dorothy Jeffreys
and me Bev Johnson on the BEVJohnson Show only on DOUBLEU d I A.

(38:24):
You're listening to the BEV Johnson Showcelebrating thirty six years of good times
and goodwill on wud I A TheHeart and Soul of Memphis. Yes,

(39:04):
ma'am by chairman, to just keepthe three bigging up this chaffing show because
we've got ye and welcome back tow d I A. We're talking a

(39:30):
relationships today. We're talking about thefive different types of love. Also,
if you have a question on relationshipsomething concerning you, you like to ask
doctor Dorothy Jeffries. We do inviteyou to call five three five nine three
four two one eight hundred five zerothree nine three four two will get you

(39:50):
in to us doctor Jeffries. Iam going to our phone lines to talk
to our listeners w d i A. Hi caller, Hi bad, how
are you. I'm doing well todayin yourself good. This is early,
Hey earl. Good to have you. Thank you, Um, doctor Jeffrey.

(40:13):
I was listening and you said thearrow love was am this type of
love like an attraction that a personhas and that doesn't last. Is that
true? M That's what she said. Yeah, M hmm, okay,
what's your question? Really? Well, you said it doesn't last, and

(40:34):
I was like, man, becauseI just had this type of relationship,
experienced this type of relationship on theplane where I met someone just for the
first time. Blah blah blah,anyway, So we we did hook up
or whatever. So I'm just wantingto know. She said the relationship ship
doesn't last, and I truly agreewith her that it doesn't last. So

(40:57):
so, how long did you communicatewith this person? Early? Well,
long distance? Um, for itwas a long distance relationship. Right,
it's going on seven months now,it's been seven months. Are you still
talking to that person? Still talkingto that person? Yes? Have you
all seen each other physically just insteadof talking over the telephone? Have you

(41:23):
been y u? Yes, likefour months after we after we met.
Okay, so four months after youmet you met him, met him on
the plane, Yes, exchange numbers. It was a physical attraction. You
liked him, he was it wasfor him. He came on to me,

(41:44):
so sort of yeah, soda,yeah, soda, yeah, soda.
Yeah, but he came on toyou. Yeah. Well I was
sort of sort of taking that becauseit was strange how we met and and
my thing was, I don't evenknow because my husband had passed like three
years ago, and I never likereally got close to anybody else. And

(42:07):
then I met this man at theairport. We set together, and then
we started talking and end up downand gave me a piss and I'm like,
wow, Okay. So then whenwe were talking and I said to
him, I don't understand why Godallows you to come in mind in my
view, because I was good.I feel like I was doing really good,
and then I got kind of discombobily. I'm just needing this guy.

(42:30):
You know, I'm like, Idon't know where I'm supposed to go,
where it's supposed to go. Letme ask this question. Doctor Jefferies is
listening to you. So what wasthe attraction on your part? Was it?
Guest? Physical was the attraction?The conversation is what is now the

(42:50):
attraction now? But in the beginningit was conversation, but doesn't really conversate.
I feel like I'm doing all theconversations and I feel like I'm I'm
having an interview. That's why Ifeel when I'm talking to him, it's
like, you know, I'm tryingto find information out because I don't know

(43:12):
him like that. He lives inanother state. So I keep feeling like
I'm I'm digging for information so andnow and I'm and he's not forthcoming with
any information. He what he saidwas he just wants a relationship to start,
not by anything to happen to usin the past or where we are
right now. And I can't Ican't understand that because he was married twice

(43:36):
and so was I, so bothof us have some baggages. Um,
I'm feeling like, you know,I may not be healed from what I'm
gone through. Maybe he's not herewith where he's coming from, and and
maybe he's hiding something. I don'tknow. So it's interesting early and you
said it feels like you're in aninterview. Yeah, when you're talking to

(43:58):
him now, because he's he's notconversing really with you. Is he's kind
of listening in to what you're askinghim and he yea, yeah, he's
not responding, or he goes tosomething else. He doesn't answer your question.
No, he responds, But thenit's still like I'm digging for the
information. You're not giving me anything, or you're not asking me anything about

(44:22):
me as a person. Okay,So I think I'm trying to write this
down that they say you all havebeen having a correspondence seven months, right,
right, So the seven months yousaid that you have, you saw
him once out of the seven monthsphysically, I mean, okay, how

(44:45):
was that meeting? How was that? Okay, be honest, be honest.
Now that's what works. Okay.He came, Okay, he came
to He lived in Washington. Ilive in Illinois, so you know,

(45:07):
I made the arrangement for him tocome. He came by. So anyway,
it was it was kind of cool. But you know the things I
thought we would like deal memories together, and so his thing was, I
don't want to do anything like butbefore he came, like I had all
these things. Now all these things, but like the things we could do,
and then when we set there,he doesn't want to participate in any

(45:29):
of these things. I'm tired.I just want to lay down. I'm
like, okay. So that partit took me back and sort of gave
me some bad bags right then,you know. Okay, So so it
was bringing up you you were seeingsome red flags right right right? Okay,
okay, let me ask let meask this question. You found out

(45:53):
see what he likes to do.He's a he's a gambler. He's a
gambler. He's a big time datejust yesterday told me he was on sway
to a ruber. I'm like okay, So what are you going to do
in a ruber? Oh? Yes, like thirtye discons in LA and we's
gonna go. And he's got thebig, big wiz game going on.

(46:15):
I don't like gambling cause my motherwas a gambler. Okay, so I
can't declusitate in that, you know. Okay, what what are the ages?
What are your ages? I'm sevnyfast okay, And how you still
ask him? I believe it.I believe he's about sixty five seveny okay,

(46:38):
Okay. So you've both been marriedtwice and now you're you're seeing kind
of red flags at first the physicalattraction. You don't know what's going on.
So what do you want to happenearly? Well? I later man,
man, oh you've made it.Okay, what yeah, I just

(47:00):
decided that this is not going towork because okay, this, this is
what happened. My birthday is nextmonth, by okay. We met for
his birthday, okay. And sowhat he said when I first met him
is I'll come to you if youcould come to him. Okay, that's
Scoulian thing. So I said,Okay, my birthdays next month, and
I'll be there as soon as youget the ticket. I think that was

(47:22):
something for him to get upset about. But anyway, so, um,
so he tells him yesterday that he'sgonna be in Chicago in June because they
played Ben Wenday. They got anattorney going on, right, So I'm
like, my playing was he knewthat my plan was to come to Washington
for my birthday. But he's notsaying anything about tickets or anything like said,

(47:45):
I'm like, okay, but you'retelling me you go into a ruba
Okay, okay, So yeah,okay, So I don't know. I
decided, well, you know,I don't think this is gonna work.
Okay. So the last thing Iwant to ask you, what specific question
do you want to ask doctor Jeffries, because she's heard all this, what

(48:06):
a specific question do you have forher? Well specific questions is I don't
know. I don't really know howto date. So it wasn't wasn't improper
for me to suggest that he sentme a ticket. Okay, And and
when you all came together before youbought his ticket, he is that correct?

(48:30):
No, I didn't buy his ticket. I paid for the hotel.
You paid for the hotel. Okay, okay, yeah, okay, all
right, so you because again Ithink when you start off, you want
to When doctor Jeffries was talking abouterrors, you also asked the question will
it last? So I think she'sheard you so early. Thank you for
calling. Listen, and doctor Jeffriesis going to give her take on this,

(48:53):
all right, and happy and happyhappy early birthday to you too as
well. Thank you and have yoube late versays to you. I listened
to you every day, every day. Well, thank you, earl,
thank you be back you too.Bye bye. Wow. All right,
I'm going to doctor Jeffries. Doctordoctor Jeffries, I know you heard early.

(49:15):
Here we go. Good question,I'm telling you, thank you,
Thank you, sister. I tellyou you can interview now. Thank you.
But I tell you my sense isthat this man is a predator,
and he saw something in early thatwell, you know, you can look

(49:39):
at people's eyes. You can seesadness, you can see loneliness, you
can see depression, and you canand you can see hunger for companionship and
what have you. Emotional predators readthat quicker than like they can read your
the color of your hair. Ithink that he um the fact that he

(50:04):
approached her with such intensity. Thatwas the kiss to see if she was
going to respond. You know,when you're not used to somebody just flooding
you with compliments and you know,acting as if they just, you know,
think you are the best things tohave life, bread and all of

(50:28):
it. And that's not something thatyou have had a lot of. It's
hard for you to process it quicklyenough, so it is an easy way
to kind of throw you off yourgame. The other thing was, and
I think she said he kissed herwhen he sat down. Did she say
that I thought of her about hekissed her? Okay, that they have

(50:54):
misunderstood that as well, Okay,But the point was because they got together
physically. I think that was thepeace that has kept her pursuing this.
You know, I think, youknow, seventy five, she's old school,

(51:15):
you know, I was. Iwas. I don't think she's even
really sure what she was responding toabout this man. But they got together
and evidently they had a good timeduring that time. But the idea that
for her to just have that goodtime and move on with it. She
has been struggling for all of thesemonths trying to make it something like a

(51:39):
relationship, and it is not right. You know, the fact is that
he has given her red red flag. He's a gambler, he is insensitive.
He comes to visit you and allhe wants to do is be tired.
But he can travel and and somebodycomes up with the game and all

(52:04):
of that. None of that isit sounds like that's compatible with her way
of life, or her expectations orof her needs. The thing that she
should take from this because we learnlessons from everybody, Yes we do right,
Cut it off and get make thatyour birthday present. Cut it off.

(52:25):
And number two, you now areaware that you are interested in companionship.
You are in need a physical companionshipand a relationship with somebody that may
start as a friendship and move towhatever, but you you have a need

(52:47):
to be with somebody to do somethings. And make that be your birthday
present. Get rid of him sothat he does not take any more of
your time, affect, and interest. Because every time he rejects you when
you're talking on the phone by justgiving you one syllable answers, that's a

(53:10):
rejection. Every time he is supposedto get together, and I'm sure they
have been some misdates when they weresupposed to get together and what have you,
and something came up. He's tellingyou he's going to a Ruba,
but he's not coming for your birthday, but you can't for his birthday.

(53:30):
All is telling you that you needto cut time bested, time spent no
more and make that be your birthdaypresent to yourself. And if you really
still feel a little vulnerable to him, don't talk to him. Don't talk
to him until or ever. Youdon't have to ever talk to him again,

(53:53):
but don't talk to him until youare clear that you don't need that
kind of treatment anymore, because he'snot He is not going to change,
y'all. I hed eight months,seven months. He's shown you who he
is. Believe him, believe him, and you already have the suspicion,

(54:15):
You already have the feeling this isas good as it gets and you deserve
more than that. One of thethings I thought was very interesting, and
I want to ask, remember whenshe said doctor Jeffrey, she says,
what I'm talking to him, Ifeel like I'm in an interview. And
then also she said, maybe Idon't know how to date. Don't don't

(54:38):
we interview people anyway, now,don't we suppose to? Well, you
know, she says she feels likeshe's in an interview because everything she asked
him he either has no comment orone word comment or you know, or
I don't know. So he's whathe's really doing going is he is not

(55:02):
giving up any information about her abouthimself. So if you've been with him
all of this time and he isstill withholding information, he may not even
be who he has told you heis. He may marry, you know,
he may have a whole separate ofthe life, and which may be

(55:24):
why he doesn't want to be seenout in places and what have you.
You know, there's just too manyquestions that you don't even have baseline data
owned. So yeah, we interview, and people expect the two people expect
that it's an exchange of information.If he's not asking you any questions,

(55:47):
he doesn't want to know and hedoesn't want you to ask him any questions.
So to stay with a perpetual strangermy good. And that means there's
something that he's hiding and you definitelydon't want to be uh in the mix
all of that and not even knowingwho you're with or what's going on with
him? M I got it.I'm smiling, Yeah, I'm smiling,

(56:12):
Doctor Jeffers, that you're talking.I got this email in from Pam,
and Pam says BEV and doctor Jeffers, she needs to run all shades of
red short. Yeah, yeah,all right, absolutely, very good.
Thank you, Thank you earline forcalling. I hope you got that,
Doctor Jeffers. That's moved to numberthree types of love. Hold on,

(56:32):
callers, we're gonna get to you. The third type of love, okay.
The third type of love is thepragma love. This is love that
people know. Spell that p RA G m am. Okay, wait,

(56:54):
but let's let me back up fora minute. The next let's look
at lutis are you eu ask?And I'm trying to do these in order
of feeling. So I'm gonna goback a LUTs are you ask? It?
Love? That is playful, flirtaciouslove. Okay, So you've moved

(57:15):
out, you've had errors, you'vehad stores and all the stability. The
next step is you have luters love. This is playful love. It's not
fers. You're dating, getting toknow people, socializing. You may be
dating more than one paper. Cussis not ferious. You're not involved,

(57:37):
you're there, You're just you likethe person there's you have a good time
with them. It may be groupdating. I mean, it just could
be different things. And you're happyand you're flirtatious, and you're you feel
good about who you are, andit's fun. This is life and fun.

(57:59):
And I don't think we do enoughof light and fun because then there
are no streams attached to this.You can just go out, have a
good time and what have you.There's no expectation that sex has to be
in bobd or you are you asking? Are you seeing somebody else? Or

(58:21):
where is this going? It's goingto the end of the date, when
I take you home or I gohome. You know that's for now today,
Who knows about tomorrow. It's kindof like a more. It's a
lighter version of errors because there's noobsession or anything with it. It's just
friendly, affectionate dating, okay.And then we move to pragma p r

(58:49):
A g M A okay. Pragmalove is committed, long lasting love.
So you date, and you date, and you date and you include and
you date for it extended time.Then you exclude, and then you date,

(59:09):
and you date, and you date, and then you find someone who
you both seem to be at thesame point about each other. You're interested,
you spend time together. The feelingshave grown, and you have an

(59:30):
affection and you have an attachment toeach other. There's a sense of loyalty
and intent with being together. Itdoesn't mean that you have you know,
like rules that we're going to getmarried, But at this particular point in

(59:51):
time, we feel like we gotsomething here. We want to nurture this,
we want to see where it grows. So you're leaving it open to
see where it grows. But youmay decide we're going to no date other
people. You may decide we're notgoing to be sexually intimate with anybody else.

(01:00:12):
You know, you make up thedecisions about what is going to be
the parameters for your relationship. Butyou love each other, you want to
and spend time together, you know, and you just want to see if
it will go to the next levelif you do. This is usually when

(01:00:32):
people who've been dating decide that theywant to you know, I guess in
the old days, they would saythey want to go steady I'm gonna be
your girl, You're gonna be myguy kind of thing. And there's an
understanding. Now, if you stayin this for a period of time and
with the time that's invested in it, you're going to have a deeper sense

(01:00:58):
of physicality, to have a deepersense of intimacy, not just the physical
intimacy, but where it is withthe emotional intimacy that occurs. Because if
you're spending all of this time withthis person and you have decided this is
someone that I can trust, thatI'm committed to, that I am sharing

(01:01:27):
my life with at this point,so I can be vulnerable with this person.
I can tell this person my deepestfears, my feelings, my desires,
my hopes, my dreams. That'show you began to build the level
of emotional and its intimacy that willfuel your physical intimacy. Because now you

(01:01:54):
are you have a sense not onlyof awareness and connect to this person,
you have intimate knowledge about the enterthe inner person and how they are entering
into your life with you as apartner. Okay, now we're moving towards

(01:02:15):
partnership with what we're doing is interchangeable. We're responsible and accountable for each other.
And this is where you decide ifwe're going to go for longevity,
because now you're ready to say I'vebeen committed, I've done all of this
work, and you know we've goingto this level. Now. I want

(01:02:37):
to be able to say to youthat I love you, I care for
you, I have concerned for you, I have hope and what we can
have together, and I can sayto you honestly, I will never intentionally
hurt you or disrespect this relationship.And the operative word is intentional here.

(01:03:00):
And I always like to say,is that intentional part is so critical because
we're humans, and humans do thingsout of carelessness, sometimes out of anger,
out of forgetfulness, just out oflack of awareness. But they do

(01:03:22):
not do things that they know sohurt somebody. You do not break about
that you've made. You do notcheat, you do not steal, You
do not lie. Because with allof those things, you have to consciously

(01:03:42):
say I'm gonna do this, andthat's where the intent comes in. You
know, maybe we had, youknow, maybe we had a special thing
that was important to you and Iforgot, you know, and made another
commitment, or I came home laterwhenever, but I forgot, and you
know it hurt your feelings. Itwas your big day and I wasn't there

(01:04:05):
for you. I did that,and I'm so sorry. I feel so
bad, But you know I didn'tdo it to intentionally hurt you or forget
about you or disrespect you. Ijust lost sight of time of what have
you. That's not that's a hurt. The person is upset, but with

(01:04:27):
you acknowledging and apologize it and talkingabout what it was. You weren't out
party and you weren't out with somebodyelse. You forgot that about this going
on, And they may be angryand what have you, but it's a
different kind of anger and upset fromyou just forgot about me, or you

(01:04:47):
put somebody else before me, oryou were unfaithful. Those things grown people
do intentionally, And so that's thedifference between this or And you're in pragma.
You're working on longevity, you're workingon commitment. You're adding value and
values of inter integrity and character toyour relationship, and those are the things

(01:05:14):
the cornerstones that will get you throughtime together where you don't have to worry
about tracking somebody going through their phonetrailing them around in the dog, you
know, catfishing them to see whatthey do. If you have to put
all that energy into something, youdon't have pragma. Something in you is

(01:05:40):
telling you some may write something theywrite I like it. We got those
four Hold on, doctor Jefferies.We are going to continue our conversation.
We are also going to go toour phone lines to talk with y'all.
Five or two is our number?Five three five nine three four two one

(01:06:04):
eight hundred and five zero three ninethree four two will get you in to
us. Question for doctor Jefferies comment, We'd like to hear from you next
as we go to the other sideof the Bev Johnson Show right here on
w d i A. You're inArkansas, Tennessee, or Mississippi on Facebook,

(01:06:35):
Twitter, or Instagram. Thank youfor listening to the Bev Johnson Show
on w d i A. Memphis. Daniel wal Hill Blues Festival. This

(01:07:13):
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(01:07:35):
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(01:07:56):
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(01:08:23):
did say that man kissed up onthat date that they met at the airport,
and that man is playing games wherehe's not really interested. Clay bad
Let's friends five years of goodwill andgood times. We're am ten seventy wd

(01:08:45):
I a Memphis Live from Reeve's LawFirm Studios called nine O one five h
four four four four four. Letus be your Voice Be your Voice dot
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(01:09:08):
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It's time of abutfish show. Timeon the bout show. Let's go.

(01:09:34):
How good afternoon, and welcome backto the second half of the Ben Johnson
Show. On this Friday, Maytwenty six, twenty twenty three, It's

(01:09:55):
Relationship Day, when we talk aboutrelationships help make your us healthy, happy,
wholesome, wonderful, and most ofall loving between concerning adults. We're
doing that with our expert psychologist mentalhealth specialists, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. We're
talking about the five types of love, another relationship stuff. Going to our

(01:10:15):
phone lines to talk with you.Thank you for waiting fellas. Hi,
Maurice, Hey Bell, how areyou doing doing fine? My reason you?
I'm doing pretty good. Doctor Jeffers, Hello, how are you?
She said? Hello? All right, Maurice, what do you say?

(01:10:36):
Yes? Yes? But well Bell, y'all, it's not exactly all about
what y'all are talking about right now, but if it's doctor Jeffers expertise,
and I've just real have been concernedabout my third graders and I was wondering
what kind of psychological effect it hason them to be reclaimed in the third

(01:10:58):
grade. You know, I cansee the first grade. You know,
more or less they know they're awayfrom home and it's never work. In
the second grade, you know,you're getting used to going to school seeing
what was all about them with yourclassmazing you get your third grade. I
was just wondering what kind of psychologicaleffects does it has on third grade to
be retained because of their teacap squad? All right, I'm gonna hanger listen

(01:11:24):
to you, Thank you, birdof all y'all. Okay, all right,
thank you maries. You want toget the psychological aspect. Okay,
I let you get away with itthis time. I let you get away
with it this time. A resBut doctor Jefferies, I know you've heard
about that retaining third grade isn't becauseof the tea captain. He wanted to

(01:11:44):
know the psychological effect on a littlethird grader to be retained. Well,
you know the problem with that isthat I think that any time a child
experiencing failure and it's you know,it's presented to them as you have failed
and what have you, and thatyou will be retained. It's an emotional

(01:12:09):
upset for sure. It has tohave a steam or an impact on their
self esteem and sense of value withintheir peer group, because if other people
within their group are moving on tothe fourth grade and you have to repeat
this grade again because of that.So I think that it's very important to

(01:12:32):
educate parents about how to be supportiveof the child. And that's the other
piece of it. Is this becausethe child and not receives the supportive works
from parents and from the school thatwas needed in order for them to at

(01:12:53):
least make basic levels. Because Ithink when a child is held back,
it is not just the child fault. You know, interventions of her should
occur periodically throughout the school year,regardless of where they're social, emotional,
or behavioral, and to address thosewith what is needed, whether it's counseling,

(01:13:16):
whether it's tutoring, whether it's parentalintervention or what have you, sold
that at the earliest point those resourcesare put in place to the child to
benefit from it. Now, childrendon't like to be singled out and what
have you, and educators understand that, you know, calling this we're gonna

(01:13:41):
go to tutoring because y'all done andcan't work? Do your work and what
have you? Do it in away where it's supportive and it does not
necessarily create a stigma on the child. And it's from a school an option,
you know, it's from a schoolan option where they could advance the
skills that they have now, sothat if even if they go back to

(01:14:05):
the third grade, they are ina better position to go in not having
lost what they've earned during the summer. But they go back where they can
go in stronger with the possibility ofexperience immediate success when they go back.
So that would be my recommendation.But I you know, I think the

(01:14:29):
child is the last person to beblamed for the child being retained in third
grade. Okay, all right,doctor Jeffreys. Ybody can't point those fingers,
Okay, going back to our phonelines, doctor Jeffries, common man,
m h, Hey, hey,I'm doing well in you all right?
All right? Doing okay, doingokay? Hey hey jeff liked doing

(01:14:54):
on us that. Okay, SoI got I got two different of question
for doctor Jefferson. Okay, myfirst, my first hills dot JF.
You speaking about arrow of from thebeginning of your your session. So you
you you said, excuse, aperson may see someone across the room or

(01:15:16):
you know, just where of edgrosser store or wherever it may be,
and you find that instant attraction.And that could be very true. But
I've actually experienced that. And youalso said that in most cases those kind
of situations don't last. I agreethat also, But have you ever known
or do you believe that sometimes thosescenarios can develop into a relationship. And

(01:15:40):
do you believe that just because aperson finds that physical attraction first or immediately,
does that mean that that's all theywant from that person? In your
opinion, Kid, it sometimes tothe person want more than just the physical
aspects of the scenarios. So that'sthe first one, okay, second else
the second is a two part questions. Uh you know, Bill? One

(01:16:04):
time, I mean you and Iwere talking about me and saying I love
you, and I said that,you know, I think Bill up sometime
we may have grown up at homeswhere we wasn't taught to say I love
you, or maybe our parents didn'texpress that that physicality of saying I love
you to the kids, or whateverit may have been. And I said,
so sometimes we didn't learn to expressthat that that love that expression.

(01:16:29):
And so doctor Jeff's I want toask you, do you think that a
person could be in love with someonenever say I love you, but seems
to show that I love you?And the second party, do you think
that a person could be in lovewith someone uh, never show it but
saves it. Got it? Sothose are those are the questions. Good

(01:16:51):
questions, coming man, thank youcoming man. I got it, I
got it, doctor Jeffries common manquestion. The first one, yes it
too. People who are both ina state of error is not going to
have a long term sustainable relationship becausethat is not what they're interested in.

(01:17:17):
And most everything that I have researchand read is that when it is like
that combustible physical attraction that brings topeople together, that can only be sustained
for X amount of time because allthe focuses zone the physical attraction and consummating

(01:17:47):
or satisfying that desire in order towork towards longe longevity. As I explain
with prisma, you have now youknow the it doesn't mean that the physical
attraction goes away, but it's likeyou can't just burn up every day set

(01:18:09):
yourself on fire every day like it'sthe first time we got together, and
expect to do that for the nexttwenty five to thirty years. Life comes
in and some point children may comein, work, relatives, all that
stuff comes in, which means youhave to now compartmentalize and create priorities.

(01:18:30):
That's reality when you're in errors.As I said, you're in a fantasy
world and you work to stay inthat fantasy where but at some point you
have to come out of it.So that's my position. You cannot sustain
it at that level. People mayhave a strong physical attachment to each other

(01:18:51):
and because of that then they putsome time and effort in it, but
they also have to introduce a levelof interest in other areas. They enjoy
each other's conversation, they like orshare the same interest in something, or

(01:19:11):
they have conversations about things they hopeto achieve and to build in their lives.
But it has to be something elsethat they can attach to that so
that when those flames do turn down, they don't go out, but then
they're able to add to that,if you will, the interests, the

(01:19:34):
work, the hobbies, the company, the person out, whatever it is
that they have to offer an additionto the physical attraction. But you've moved
out of errors to a first lineof pragma by that time, moving from
errors maybe to just the first lineof just spending more time together than what

(01:19:59):
has you because the realities, youhave to build a relationship, and as
part of building the relationship, youmaintain the sexual attraction because as your love
grows, then the intimacy will addthe fuel to your love making and what
happens, and that is sustainable,So it can you're saying it can develop

(01:20:24):
into a relationship. But you've movedout of arrows. Okay, you're not
in You're not in arrows having asustained relationship, got it. You moved
out of arrows. You've changed it, got it all right? And both
people have to agree to move okay. His second question is can a person

(01:20:48):
be in love and never say it, but show it? Or they can
be in love and show it butnever save it say it. Those are
love languages and a part of whatwe're talking about today gives you some insight,

(01:21:08):
and maybe we can do this inanother show to talk about your love
language. Everybody has their own specificand sometimes unique love language. There are
people who never say to each otherI love you. They both may be
reserves though it people and their theirlove languages show me I will do things

(01:21:33):
for you. You do things forme. You know. If I get
up and prepare your meals for youevery morning before you go to work,
you know I do that out ofcare and love for you. If you
make sure that my car is alwaysfilled up, or if the weather is
bad, it's you know, it'sset for me to just go out and

(01:21:56):
get in it. Or if youand dinticipate that you have to work late,
I have dinner still for you.Or if I have to work late,
you've prepared. But these still thingsthat you do to show I'm aware
of who you are and what itis that you have to do. And
these are things that I can doto show you I care for you and

(01:22:20):
you know. And then with thepeople who like gifts, gifts don't always
have to be super expensive, butgifts that things are saying I was thinking
about you. I saw this andI know how you like this. Or
I bought this home because we wereout and you said you liked and I

(01:22:42):
just picked it up for those arethe kinds of things that communicate I love
you, but it's also saying Iwas thinking about you and you were not
even here or I was anticipating.So yes, both both are real and
true. And I think again itgoes back to understanding what it is that

(01:23:02):
you need. Some people need tohear the words I loved you, and
that's because maybe they never heard them. But what they also need to understand
is they need to hear the emotion, the affection and the care in that

(01:23:24):
I love you, or is ascommon man with saying they just said,
but there's nothing behind it. Somepeople say I love you all the time,
they love everybody. No, butthey love everybody. That means nothing
to anybody. And other people maynot tell you but three times in your
whole relationship, but each time theysaid it, you knew it was deep

(01:23:49):
enough that it'll last you for thenext ten years. Do you hear it
again? So it is for learningyour love language, and those are still
tied to what it is you wantand need in a relationship. Okay,

(01:24:09):
going back to our phone lines,doctor Jeffreys, Prince of the chus that
proppy catcher, that's that's that wouldbe me? How you doing my life?
I'm doing well, Prince and yourself. Thank you for waiting on the
top yelf. Thank you, andthen hello, doctor Jefferson. Good afternoon

(01:24:30):
to you, your callers, andto your lester's spell UM's great topics out
of way. But I'm gonna haveto piggyback on, is it, miss
miss Elane, Miss el Arlene lessArline, how you doing, miss Arline?
And happy birthday to you as well? Along with while already talking to
doctor Hawfer. But uh, letme say this be when was people stop

(01:24:54):
following by the hoky dough? Imean, especially up in eight now,
Miss I said to me, Iunderstand people are searching for love. I
get that, I get it.But I would think at the age of
seventy five you would know the insand out if someone was trying to pour
the wall over your eyes. Andthis guy, Miss Earline, does not
mean you any good. In myopinion, I'm saying to myself that if

(01:25:15):
I was your grandson or son,I would tell you, mom, if
you have to beg for anybody's attention, this is just me best. If
you have to beg for anyone's attentionor an affection, that is not the
right person for you. If aperson cares and devote themselves while both people
are carried and the other. That'sone thing you never have to ask,

(01:25:36):
Miss Arline. This is just plantCharles. You don't have to take my
advice or suggested. But if itwas up to me to tell you,
I will run to the hills andforget all about this joker. He's a
sorry South soccer and he doesn't meanyou any good. First of all,
Bell long dis a relationships are okay, but not for me. It's just

(01:25:57):
all the pe people can deal well. And let me go back when you
say, when you also asked thequestion, Prince, who will people stop
falling for the okay doke? Well, sometimes people don't know. Sometimes people
don't know it's okay doke. Thinkabout think about all the scams people fall
for, so sometimes people sometimes peopledon't know it's the okay doke. But

(01:26:21):
listen to her. I was justpicking out these were you know, people
talk about red flag, you know, green flag, deeth you know the
type of person I am. I'mlooking for the old caustious flag, so
yellow ones, because once to getto the yellow, it's going to go
into that red zone potentially. AndI'm just saying to myself, miss mister
Lene, because you should have startedcoming a mouth or wait, once you

(01:26:44):
start making excuses or not showing orreciprocating the same thing that you was giving
him. That to me, Benwas not a red flag, that was
a yellow flag. You should havebeen cautious and said, well, this
is not going to work out forme. This is not going to be
the type of person that's gonna giveme the same energy I'm giving him.
On two young people would say thesame vibe I'm giving you in a relationship,

(01:27:06):
best this is just me. Youshould always be getting the same vibe,
if not more from the person thatyou with, and if you're not,
you're just hurting yourself. And thenI don't thought the person you w
I stop fothering you now because youcould have left and ended that long time
ago. You didn't have to putall your emotions into it, especially at

(01:27:28):
the beginning. Now, I understandif you're in a relationship and over the
years at seeing sides that happen,that's a different story. But at the
beginning, Beth, you should knowwhat you want and who you wanted from
and if they're not giving it,tickets bag out and find you another blue.
Believe me, every fifteen minutes there'sanother bus coming you can jump on
this. Bath is always and doctorJeffreys, I want you and Bath and

(01:27:51):
everyone else to have a beautiful blessand thank you for allowing me to speak
that. I want everybody to havea beautiful, blest and safe and happy
weekend. The more your day weekend, and happy birthday to the sweet lady.
Keep take care of them, andthank you, Princess Charles. Bye
bye, doctor Jeffers. I heardwhat Prince said, but again we have

(01:28:12):
to look at people are vulnerable andas you mentioned earlier, people have needs,
wants and desires. And sometimes you'reand you can correct me, doctor
Jeffreys, sometimes you at a pointthat you may want to be in a
relationship, you want companionship, andwell, you know what, I'll sum

(01:28:32):
it up like this, def yourabsolute wife judgment does not benefit the listener
at all. Yeah, because whenyou judge people all choices, decisions or
experiences that they have, you areshaming them and saying that they did something

(01:28:54):
wrong. Right, warning to beopen to love, warning, something to
work with. And somebody has soaggressively pursued you as well, you know
that just means you opened yourself up. But if we tend to and probably
when we become hypocritical of somebody else'sdecisions and choices, then it shuts down

(01:29:20):
the opportunity for communicating. We haveall done dumb things in the name of
love. The only difference is youmay not have put yours out there on
the radio. And the thing aboutwhen you put it on the radio,

(01:29:43):
you're asking for help, but you'realso giving other people who won't acknowledge or
open up the opportunity to learn fromyour experience. So I always try to
applaud and expect people who call inbecause that's the benefit of us being able

(01:30:05):
to get the maximum out of thistime we have together. So, no,
she shouldn't have seen the bus coming, or maybe her experiences that she
don't live buses. Remember she wason a plane. And all of this
brings me back to the thing whenpeople present with the proposition that I'm offering

(01:30:31):
love, i myfriend friendship, I'moffering hope, I'm myfriend companionship. Our
hungry hearts respond because of what we'rehungry, and it's like going to a
busfet And you may have been hungryfor a while, you can make yourself
sick because you can't really sit thereand comfortably choose. So mister Lean had

(01:30:56):
the experience. She shared the experiencea lot out of other people who will,
potentially at different phases of where sheis at this relationship, will hopefully
learn from her experience on them,and all of them through hindsight, will
identify the yellow the yellow flags,the red flags, and use the green

(01:31:18):
flags to move on and learn better, because until we know better, we
can't do better. Ye're absolutely right. Hold on, Ncor Jeffreys. We're
gonna take a break. We havesome other calls, doctor Jeffrey, so
hold on in as we continue ourconversation this relationship day. We're talking about

(01:31:39):
the different types of love. Holdon, callers. I will definitely get
to y'all next. Right here onDA, it's the Queen of Talk,
Your Girlfriend and Mine, Bev Johnsonon w D I A so good.

(01:32:32):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show. Here's Bev Johnson and back to our
phone lines to talk with Mary.Hi, Mary, Hi? Hi?
What do you say? This isa statement for arline. Okay, share
her to listen to Tylon David giveit up turning loose, all right,

(01:32:58):
Mary, I work all right,Thank you, Mary, I shall be
hey. Good afternoon, Miss BevJohnson. Good afternoon, queen, Yeah,
queen of talk radio, Hall ofFamer, thank you, and good
afternoon to you. Full of wisdom, missus Dorothy Jeffries, she said,

(01:33:20):
thank you. Oh yeah, shecan hear me. Okay, she can
hear you, all right, MissBell. She she's given some good advice
to that lady Earlin when she saidthat was a plesator. So I agree.
But what piqued my interest, MissBev, is what that guy called
in about the TEACAP scores. AndI know that's a sort of different,

(01:33:43):
but I do want to say thatwe should not allow seventy six percent about
students to be labeled of insufficient orhell back time is so valuable, so
we need to look at that detectivedoor the TACAP test. Okay. So
moving on from that, Miss Bell, okay, uh with your topic.

(01:34:09):
I'm old school and I learned inmy research about it the three love eros,
the law, and a gothe andmiss miss Jefferies has given us five
new ones. I want her toelaborate on the storage word. Speaking of
the language of that storage is abothersome to me. But I am in

(01:34:34):
my life trying to show more loveon the fee law. So I love
you, go with the law,the brotherhood, sisterhood, friendship, love
mh. So my question to missJefferies, explain to me why she chose

(01:34:54):
that word storage. Okay, oneof the title love stories. God,
Yes, Shelby, right, thankyou, thank you, Shelby. Bye
bye. Hi, Clyde, Iwant a little bit of a job.
You got it, Clyde. Intomy vicis dogevis? Now look this one
thing I have learned. Have youlearned, Clyde? Men and don't laugh

(01:35:19):
because when they tell the truth,woman ain't gonna bleed. They literally hear
a lack of the sound good.And women don't pay attention to what men
are saying to them. But man, I mean a man can tell you
that it's all you want to viseyour friend, but you want to make
it more than a friend. AndI think it's miscommunications on both v see

(01:35:45):
and women don't know take it gonnasee all my relationships like on one nice
thing called We're the grown full thingto day, I am not calling a
week or two because I'm visiness somewhereelse and and see that when the Alaxy
was one thing about when you dogrown ful things, feelings get involved,
you know. And first thing I'llsaid, well, I don't let my

(01:36:08):
stiling get involved. But then it'sa change. So I think women just
need to pay more attention to whata man is saying and stopped looking at
his wallet when he's driving. Idressed, you know, tell you a
close tension what he's saying. Andif he he's talking like you want to
hear him disappear, all right,clide, you're talking about what you want

(01:36:33):
to hear, disappear, disappeople.But I ain't like you know, I
know you. They don't disappear onme. And I don't never be talking
about what they want to him.They ain't talking about no money or none.
Yeah, I can't get a clod. Doctor Jeffrey's your little brother.
I'm I gonna do with him.But he did get some good advice.

(01:36:56):
Oh lord, it runs in theface good. One of the things that
shelby doctor Jeffrey, she's confused withthat storage type of love. I think
she is saying sto ara age itis t o are ge storage and you

(01:37:27):
know, it's not my word thatI'm calling it. All of these come
from the Greek classics, through mythologyand what have you, where they talked
about the Greek gods and how theycreated relationships and roles that they played with

(01:37:47):
different scenarios to explain human behavior.Uh, if you read the Greek classes
and mythology, you will find allof these. The number of different types
of love varies. In some theysay they're only four, you know,

(01:38:09):
and then others you may go upto even seven where they break it down.
The word that she was talking aboutwas philia, which is about friendship.
I mentioned the role of friendship understorage. So she just separated philias
when you have an affection for somebodyin a friendly manner, and that's why

(01:38:32):
she was saying. She filled asense of filia towards us. And the
other thing, the greatest love orthe highest level of love is considered a
copy where we love everybody, weare concerned about everybody. Our being expresses

(01:38:54):
care, concern, and hope andprotection for everybody. And we know you
have my garden to the level ofa copy home. Very few people have
that. Our work is still downhere on the mid to the lower levels,
just trying to pull it together forus and who we're gonna be with

(01:39:14):
within our circle. So that's whywe use the time and invested according to
that. But the key, theother, the other word that is not
often brought up is celestia p hi l a ut i a felatia,

(01:39:35):
and that means self love and selflove always my mind goes back to the
root of your ability to give andreceive love, your ability to set boundaries

(01:39:56):
and expectations, and and be ableto express and communicate your desires for how
you want to be loved, howyou want to be respective, how you
want to be shown value, andhow you use your love language. All
of that is is encompassed in silasiapH i l a u p i a

(01:40:23):
self love. Now the trick part, and the Greeks looked at this very
closely. Self love is like ayin and a yang. It's a negative
side and a positive side. Muchof what creates conflict and our ability to
show and experience self love is thenegative self love that some people have,

(01:40:46):
the narcissistic that obsessive love where loveis given to myself and I have an
inability to even be able to careor show concern for anybody else or the
capacity to love them. We talkabout narcisistic people all the time when they

(01:41:09):
have no regard for other people's feelings, how to treat them, how to
be with them. It's like theyare the takers and the other people they
expect to be to continuous givers.So we want to promote self love from
the healthy appropriate side, but wealso want to be able to recognize where

(01:41:30):
we're in the presence of narcisistic personalitiesand be very aware that they show up.
They have a silk tongue. Inmany cases, they look good,
they have something that may attract you, but they always bring their flags.
They always bring those red flags becausethey can't hid them. And so we

(01:41:54):
want to learn how to recognize them, how to protect us selves from them,
and how to excuse ourselves out ofany type of contact with anarcistic or
an obsessive self love and person likethat, because it is quite evident they

(01:42:16):
can only love us at our expenseand that is not a good thing.
So if they're not telling you whatyou want and need to hear, and
the words my little brother, disappearit love it good, good, good,

(01:42:36):
good session today. I think we'vegotten all the types of love and
we need to think about those typesof love. Yeah, and you know
one that came to my mind asI was looking through all of this,
and I'd like to do it foras another. It's another topic one day,
empty love. Oh yeah, howdo you get it? How do

(01:42:59):
you feel? How do you knowwhere it is? I like that one,
Doctor jeffries, maybe we need todo that next week, empty love,
empty love. You can do that. Let's do that next week.
I'm curious about that, and we'lltalk a little bit about more details about

(01:43:19):
love language. With your love language. Yeah, it's just like if you
can't speak Greek or you speak Greekin Spanish, we can't communicate because that's
not even one of the romance languagesthat we can bridge. So we need
to be able to learn other languagesat least be bi lingual where you can

(01:43:42):
speak truth, so that you knowsomebody's telling you that they love you,
Are they seeing that any love withyou, or they want to love you,
or they love to pass tent.You need to be able to recognize
I love it. We'll do that. Last words this day, doctor,
Jeffreies, you like to say toour listeners, I think that when we

(01:44:09):
talk about the different types of lovethat it is, we always get stuck
on just that mad passionate love,like that's the beginning and the end of
our experience of love. And weknow that in order for us to have
the best experience of love, thatwe have to begin with self. We

(01:44:31):
have to acknowledge and appreciate the beautifulversion of ourselves that has been created as
a vessel to receive love to itsfullest, to be able to exchange it
with our neighbors, to be ableto express it to the world, and

(01:44:55):
to be able to just promote itso that we can all live in harmony
and in a state of a gopy. But we have to understand what each
distant phase and I see them inphases. We have to understand them at
each phase about development with the intentthat we can all grow at some point

(01:45:17):
to at least the goal of reachinga state of a gopy love for everyone.
I like it. Thank you,doctor Jeffries. I hope you have
a fabulous Memorial Day weekend this weekend, and I hope you do the same
all right, looking forward to nextweek we'll talk about that empty love and

(01:45:40):
love languages. Alrighty, have agood weekend, Doctor Jeffries, y'all take
care and Memphis behead yourself this weekend. Do it right, do it good?
All right, thank you doctor Jeffries. All right, talk to you
later. Bell you welcome, Byebye. Expert in psychologists mental health specialists,

(01:46:02):
Doctor Dorothy Jeffries, hope you learnsomething today. You can always go
back to our podcast and listen todoctor Jeffries and get that fadbulous information.
Want you all to have a good, good Memorial Day weekend. Stay safe
out there. I'll see y'all.And by Helia, Mississippi on the Sunday

(01:46:28):
at the Wall Hill Park. Yeahbehavior, Miss Christine the Queen of Holly
Springs with her Blue Show and Wallhere part Oh yeah, we party,
we party of So bring you yourcoolers and they bring you to your grills
and we're are doors and the weatheris going to be beautiful, so we're

(01:46:51):
getting ready for that on Sunday evening. By Halia, Mississippi, Wall Hill
Park on the Wall Hill Road.Yeah yeah, and again thank you all
for hanging out with me last nightat the Rocking Chair tonight it's John Williams

(01:47:12):
and the A four forty band.And before I get out of here,
I didn't say our condolences, heartfeltcondolence to the Queen of rock and roll
her family, Miss Tina Turner.Yeah, her music will live on.
And also to my church member,condolences to his family. Mister Floyd Newman.
He put the sacks in stacks.He played on a lot of those

(01:47:35):
stacks records with his saxophone. MisterFloyd Newman. Gonna miss mister Newman,
my church member, and we're gonnamiss him. Yeah. Yeah, but
he could play that saxophone, Yeahcould condolences our heartfelt to missus Newman and
his whole family. Yeah. Besafe, y'all. So until tomorrow,

(01:47:58):
please be saved. Cap a coolahead, y'all. Don't let anyone steal
your joy until tomorrow. I'm BevJohnson and y'all Keith the Faith, Mark
Baker, take Me Home, Boyfriend. The views and opinions discussed on The

(01:48:23):
Bev Johnson Show are that of thehost and callers, and not those of
the staff and sponsors of WDIA H