Eldest Daughter Syndrome with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries #1

The Eldest Daughter Syndrome and What it Means to Black Women with Psychologist/Mental Health Special Dr. Dorothy Jeffries on The Bev Johnson Shw on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Over the.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hard to bring you out days.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Good morning and welcome back. And it's Relationship Day where
we talk about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,
and most of all loving between consenting adults. We're doing
that again today with our expert our psychologists, mental health specialists,
doctor Dorothy Jeffries. And let me give you these numbers

(00:57):
if you have a question or two for doctor Jeffries
this day nine zero one, five three, five, nine three
four two eight hundred five zero three, nine three four
two eight three three five three five nine three four two.
Or if you just can't get in today you have
a question, email me your question Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia

(01:24):
dot com. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. I'll get
those questions to doctor Jeffries. Our topic of conversation today.
Listen up, ladies and gentlemen, the Eldest Daughter syndrome and
what it means to many black women. We're going to

(01:46):
talk about the expectations, the needs, the challenges and the
need to understand it. And once again we say good
morning to doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Good morning, Doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
Good morning. It's nice to be in the house again.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
I'm glad to have you. I'm glad to have you
in the house because it's a beautiful, nice day in Memphis, Tennessee.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
It is, and it's a beautiful day here in Mississippi
as well. So we appreciate that.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yes, we do well, Doctor Jeffries. When we talk about
the eldest daughter syndrome, that's me and what it means
to me. The black women and that's you too. Let's
talk about that. What are we talking about?

Speaker 1 (02:32):
Well, you know, this is an interesting topic to me
and I really just kind of stumbled onto it after
a period of time. And you know, I've been seeing
black women, particularly all women as a rule, but particularly
black women, because that's always been my area of focus

(02:56):
and my mission, if you will, is to provide outreach
and resources to people who look like being you and
how to enhance or enrich or access positive mental health resources.
And one of the things that I became curious about

(03:18):
is that, particularly during COVID and we were doing telementtal health,
a lot of women were more comfortable calling in and
accessing individual therapy. And some of it was coming out
of the structured, not intended and not by choice. Means

(03:42):
of having to sit with themselves and take a look
at how their life had kind of mapped out, where
their priority seemed to be, who was there for them
and who they continually or found themselves necessarily having to

(04:02):
reach out to even being confined, and then began to
pay attention to those different kinds of patterns. And you know,
when you're engaged in the activity that you've always done
because it's always been expected and you've always kind of
met that expectation, you don't really think with it. You

(04:24):
don't sit with it, you don't process it or take
a deeper look at it. You just do it. But
then when you have this time to kind of look
at it and step back from it, you began to
ask questions. And what trinked my interest in it was
that a lot of these women who were from a
lot of different types of environment, a lot of different

(04:46):
family structures, a lot of different income brackets, and you know,
just so many differences, but yet commonalities across the thing.
If they were the oldest, it was typical. If they
were the eldest daughter in a family of at least
two other children themselves and one other. If they were

(05:12):
the only girls, in that family, and sometimes if they
were the only child but reared with other cousins that
they kind of grew up with, you know, at grandma's
house or what have you with As a sibling, they
assumed this role of just very high, very structured, very

(05:38):
specific expectations about how they were to meet the needs
and the requests and the caretaking and the responsibilities of
those younger siblings. And in some cases in single parent families,
they became like the co partners where regardless of whether

(06:01):
it was male or female parent, as the single or
solo parent, they then became the absentee parent when the
biological parent or the caregiver of the guardian had to
work or had to do other things. They were in control.
They were the ones who were responsible. They were the managers.
They were the executor of making things happen and holding

(06:24):
the younger siblings accountable, disciplining when needed, correcting behavior to
a point that they found themselves sometimes depending on how
much that single parent or the other parents would come
engaged or kind of come back into the house and

(06:46):
try to sum some bro they had more authority than
sometimes the parents. The thing that was really troubling after
a point is that even when they left the house,
they never moved out of that role of being the
eldest sibling. So they, you know, in terms of crisis,

(07:09):
they would get the first phone call, in terms of
trying to resolve a problem, or if somebody was in
distress or need or ill or what have you, or
there was a situation that need to be dealt with,
and many times that was the person who was called
in lieu of the biological parents. So even though these people,

(07:33):
you know, if they're still in the house, some of
them never leave the house, they remain in that role.
Some of them moved out get their own place by
assuming that space and a place will shift the role.
But all they do is just you know, they maintain
the expectations and the responsibilities. They just live someplace else.

(07:55):
But a phone call or a busits home or whatever,
you can bring them right back into that role, to
a point that they end up as adults with a
mixture of different kinds of emotions and thoughts and feelings
about how they inherited that role. Many of them did

(08:15):
not choose it. It was kind of prescribed to them.
Some of them assumed it out of necessity, but it
was not something that they just looked forward to walk
into seeking because the trade off was every time they
assumed the role, the younger they were. When they assumed
that particular role, it cost them some childhood times. You know,

(08:42):
so when you go to school, if you're used to
managing your younger siblings, and you may be six, but
then you are labeled as she's too fast, she acts
too grown, she's too bossy. You know, she didn't know
how to stay in a child's place. She hasn't had
the opportunity to feel comfortable in a child's place because

(09:06):
at a moment's notice, she has to be a semi adult.
And when you live with that, what happens is that
as you grow and then developed along those natural lines,
there are some difficulties that come with how you then
pick and choose your adult partners, even to the point

(09:30):
of what types of roles you choose careers. You may
choose how you interact in the workplace. You know, in
your social or you know your church activities. We assume
these personalities because it's too hard to shift when you're
being the manager, the one that's directing and making things happen,

(09:54):
to being a follower. Or allowing somebody else to tell
you what to do. You know, it becomes very difficult
to do that, and it's a high discomfort level. And then,
of course if the desire is to shake that role
because you're tired or you're angry about it, there are
sometimes a lot of residual feelings of anger or resentment

(10:18):
about what it's cost you, or what points do these
other people decide to be an adult as well, or
how you've become so comfortable with enabling until you don't
know how to shift or to swisch. So then you're
left with some guilt about that, some frustration, and it's

(10:42):
like when am I ever going to be able to
just be responsible for me? And the shame if you
begin to say no and then people begin to react
because now you're changing or putting down boundaries. If not
really a formal diagnose, but it's definitely a social, a gender,

(11:06):
and a cultural diagnosis that many of us can relate to,
some more extreme than others. But I do think that
it's an interesting conversation and this offers a platform if
there are some callers who understand what we're talking about

(11:26):
today and we'd like to share their thoughts or opinions
and experiences on this, and then I will also give
some insights on what we have learned since women are
now beginning to talk about this in a more open
fashion and being able to be honest about how their

(11:46):
feelings about it, and trying to gain some insight and
understanding as to why it's like this. You know, it's
tied into a lot of rooted causes. But I think
the more we understand how we are own certain roads
and use certain behaviors and have certain mindsets, the more
enlightened we've become, and the better we're able and prepare

(12:10):
to deal with our own mental health. So the plight
of the eldest daughter, what it means to you meet
and the whole tribe assistance out there like us.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
So I want to go back something you said that
was I thought was interesting. You said, being that eldest
daughter that had to take care of the siblings or
sibling that they lost a lot of their childhood. And
when you think about that, I'm thinking, doctor Jeffries, So

(12:46):
what are the parents thinking, I'm gonna have this oldest
daughter take care the children because I got to do
this that, and I'm leaving this person with all the
responsibility and not thinking is that this child is not
able to be a child like the other children because
this child now has to assume the role of a grown.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Up well, you know, and a lot of cases, and
that's a very good question because a lot of I
think that when they're mothers that do that, the mother
either is emotionally aware enough to understand the role that

(13:30):
the child is assuming, because in many instances she had
to assume the very same role in her household, particularly
if in you know, among black parents, there were very
few stay at home moms. You know, dads and moms work,
and so whoever was the oldest they had to do

(13:54):
some things and babysitters depending on how old the child was,
a lot of children stayed at home without an adult
presence because parents could not afford the babysitting thing or
there was nobody available, and so what they would do
was neighbors would keep an eye on them, and the

(14:15):
oldest child knew the calm miss so and so or
mister so and so if there was an emergency, you
stayed in the house, the door locked, blah blah blah,
and you manage within. But what happens when you do
that when you formed there. What some mothers or parents
would do was they would compensate the child, like, I

(14:36):
really appreciate you doing this, so this child may get
an allowance earlier. Well, this child may get to do
some things, you know, on a day when I am
going to be home, you know, go play with your friends.
That's a parent who may have some emotional awareness and
kind of shift the child back and forth. But the

(14:56):
older the child gets, the less shifting that takes place. Yes,
she may still get those different advantages, but now the
older she gets, then she becomes a cohort to the
mother or the father where they discuss, you know, the finances,
where they discuss who's going to have to take the

(15:20):
child to the doctor. If I make the call to
the doctor, then you I want you to when you
get out of school, to take your sibling to the
doctor and do this or these are the chores you
make sure that these are done, all of those kinds
of things of prescription. And we're told that when you
get when you are responsible forgetting this, this is making

(15:41):
you to be a responsible adult. But I'm nine, you
know nine, But this is the situation we're in, and
I need some help. And so you're the oldest. So
it's you're supposed to look after your brothers and sisters,
posed to learn how to take care of them in

(16:04):
an emergency. You're supposed to do that. And so, particularly
as women, we are socialized even earlier as caregivers with
the expression expectation, this is what you're supposed to do,
and so you don't question it because everybody expects it.

(16:24):
In fact, you get you know, where people she isn't
she such a sweet girl? And she helps her mama
so well, and she does that and she looks after
her grandmother that you know, everything about the compliments is
tied to you being sweet and nice and obedient and
a helper. And so that's what you that's what you

(16:48):
work for. You work for being the good girl. And
you learn to swallow a lot of feelings about that.
And like I said, guilt just moves in you. Why
was that all? You know? Look at how hard you
know my parents are working. I'm here, you know, of
course I have to help. That's what we do as family.

(17:10):
And this ideology stays there. So even as the siblings grow,
their expectation is the eldest, the eldest sister. Yes, you
know I can talk to her this is and she
may say sometimes I change your dancer with three years apart,
but I change your dancer right. No, so you'll treat

(17:32):
her different than somebody who's just three years older than you.

Speaker 4 (17:36):
Hmm.

Speaker 3 (17:37):
Okay, we are talking this day. If you've tuned in,
we are talking with doctor Dorothy Jeffries, the eldest Daughter
syndrome and what it means to many black women. If
you have a question or two for doctor Jeffries, we
do invite you to call right now nine zero one

(18:01):
five three five nine three four two eight hundred five
zero three nine three four two eight three three five
three five nine three four two will get you into me.
Can't call email me, I'll answer the question. We'll get
the question answered. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. Bev

(18:23):
Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. You're listening to the Bev
Johnson Show on do W D i A.

Speaker 5 (18:45):
Don't go away. The Bev Johnson Show returns after these messages.

Speaker 3 (19:08):
I'm telling you loving and we're talking relationships today. Our

(19:29):
topic of conversation the eldest Daughter syndrome. Doctor Jeffries I'm
going to our phone lines to talk to some of
our listeners. Thank y'all for waiting.

Speaker 6 (19:39):
Hi Carolyn, Yes, Hi.

Speaker 7 (19:42):
Doctor Jeffries and Bell. Hey, I'm so glad you brought
up this subject because a lot of people don't understand, uh,
you know, being the elder growing up, the amount of
responsibility that's placed on you, and there is no gratitude
really or appreciation most of the times work for what

(20:06):
you've done for the younger siblings. I was an extreme
case of that there, Doctor Johnson. At the age of six,
I took on that responsibility of taking care of the
younger sisters and brothers who were There were five of them,
so I had to wash dirty diapers, chain feed babies

(20:31):
because my mother worked and we had an elderly relative
who was supposed to be there taking care of us,
but she had so many issues that she was dealing with.
She was drinking every day, and you know, so she
sort of neglected the kids and I had to take
on that role. And so as an adult, I had

(20:54):
to take on that role in terms of taking care
of elderly relatives who were I brought them in my
home and I took care of them with no assistants
from the younger sisters and brothers, and I just helped
them throughout the years with whatever was going on, you know,

(21:15):
in their lives with their children and with their grandchildren,
helping them get jobs with no gratitude or appreciation. So
now they see me as interfering, I guess in their
lives when they tell me things about what's going on,
and they get resentment, even though they asked me for advice.

(21:38):
But when I give them the advice, they seemed to
resent me and say, I'm the troublemaker. But you came
to me because you needed the advice or the help.
So how did you get out of that role?

Speaker 6 (21:52):
And what do you.

Speaker 7 (21:53):
Say to them to get you out of that role?
Continuing to help them even though they're adust.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
And let me ask this before you go, Carolyn, how
are you feeling about that that you were the one
that had to take care of the siblings and now
it's like they're unappreciative and don't appreciate you. How are
you feeling? How are your emotions.

Speaker 7 (22:16):
Terrible when I think about the past and everything that
went on.

Speaker 8 (22:25):
Just angry.

Speaker 7 (22:26):
I hope I can get over it, and I'm going
to try to get over it.

Speaker 9 (22:29):
But anglish, you know, because they're not.

Speaker 8 (22:32):
There for me.

Speaker 7 (22:33):
I have a disabled son, but they are there for me.

Speaker 10 (22:37):
They never call, they never come back to take him anywhere.
I mean, it's though, you know, my son and I
don't exist. You know, we don't have a family support.
So you know, I guess I'm sort of angry about that.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
Okay, thank you for sharing, Carolyn. I good with doctor Jeffrey.
Thank you. Okay, bye bye, Doctor Jeffries. You heard Carolyn's story.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
I did, and unfortunately, Carolyn's story is a pretty common response.

Speaker 6 (23:13):
To being the eldest when you.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
Were the co care provider. The children in many cases
grow up with resentment towards the eldest because, in their viewpoint,
the eldest received favor, when to the eldest, it's not
favor what you're doing. The responsibility is not a privilege,

(23:39):
it's something that is a responsibility and an obligation because
if things go wrong, if a child gets heard, if
things are not done as you have been instructed to,
your health solely responsible for it. And so with that,
there's a lot of anxiety that goes with that. What
if this has happens and if something does happen, then

(24:04):
there's that overwhelming guilt that, oh, I wasn't as attendive
as I should be, and you know, my parents are
going to be upset. So there's just always this array
of emotions that we're going through. So the thing that
is probably most difficult to understand is that your siblings

(24:27):
sometimes some of them, some of them do understand, and
some of them do appreciate it, and some of them
in their own way may acknowledge you for the role
that you pay played as a substitute parent or a
co parent, but in most cases there's that sense of resentment.

(24:47):
And so what we have to do is kind of
shift perspectives that even though you were paying the price
and they were on the receiving end, it costs them
as well because while they had a relationlationship with you
that was a parent child relationship, there is something that
was a miss about their relationship with the biological parents.

(25:10):
So it cost them as well. And in terms of
one of the most difficult things to do, you know, when,
like I said, when you get to the point and
you start processing and looking back on your role and
all the things that in your heart and in your
experience and in your memory you it cost you of

(25:33):
what you had to give up. There's resentment there if
it doesn't seem people are as appreciative as they should be.
And if that's the case and people are still coming
to you wanting you to help manage their lives and
tell them what to do, what you may find is

(25:54):
that there is that addiction and that need on the
elders part too to be the director, to give the advice,
to try to manage, to try to chastise, even though
the sibling is an adult. And so in terms of
what you can do for yourself is relieve yourself, almost

(26:19):
on a conscious basis. I am not responsible for managing
this situation. And you have to consistently inform your siblings
that I think that you need to figure this thing
out for yourself. You know, I don't want to get
in the midst of it. You're old enough, you know.

(26:39):
Just think about it, you know, find somebody that you
can talk to that you feel comfortable with, and make
a decision. And you can't judge it, you can't critique it,
you can't correct it. But you have to let go,
if you will, and allow that relationship that bond that

(27:00):
expectation you'll take care of and handle it because you
always have and you do it so well. You have
to let that go and let go the satisfaction we
get from we managed it, you know. So it is
it's a two way street, and the relationship first has
to be acknowledged. What are the dynamics of the big

(27:21):
sister and the younger siblings and what part do you
continue to play in spite of being resentful or not
wanting to do it anymore, because that may be the
piece where you get validation for what you did and
what you're needing to do at this point not only

(27:42):
is to cut the tires with them and allow them
to become independent, but also cut your own need to
get that validation.

Speaker 3 (27:51):
Okay, all right, doctor Jeffries, going back to our phone
lines and talk with Linda High.

Speaker 6 (27:56):
Linda, Hey, bab hired you to do.

Speaker 3 (28:00):
I'm doing well inndon yourself.

Speaker 6 (28:03):
Oh I'm wonderful. I just my thing is this, I'm
not the eldest, but I'm the second oldest sister out
of five girls. And it was in five boys, so
it was ten of us altogether. So I took that
role like at thirteen, I learned to wash, cook, you know,

(28:26):
clean the house, all those kinds of things. And so,
as you know, the time went on, what happened with
me and my sisters and brothers. They felt like my
mother made a queen out of me because they thought,
you know, she would do extra things for me, but

(28:49):
they didn't realize she was doing that because of all
the other things that I was doing to help her out.
So it has kind of went over in you know,
from young life to older life. Yeah, yeah, so they
you know, it's kind of a distance, but you know,

(29:10):
I just try to go ahead on it and I tell them,
you know, if they need me, you know, if I
can help them anyway, I will. But you can still
feel that tense, the tenseness you know there. It's not
there all the time, but you know you can still
fit certain conversations come up about certain things. Uh you know,

(29:31):
well you know she thinks he better than and you
know those kind of things. Right, That's not the case
all for me. I you know, I believe, you know,
like I said, I still help them to this day.
If you know, if either one of them call and say,
well I need this or can you help me? There
you know, if I can, I will. It's just that simple. Now,

(29:51):
I tell them, you know, you don't have to talk.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
To me.

Speaker 6 (29:56):
To get that. You know, I'm still gonna help you,
but I wouldn't, you know.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
I like they felt like like mom treated you better
than they treated them.

Speaker 6 (30:11):
Yes, yeah, that's those are the words. They said that
she made a queen out of me because other things
that she would do. If I asked her for something
in particular, she tried to make sure I got it
and it would try to be on the way that
so they wouldn't know. I guess I don't know, but

(30:33):
anyway that and you know, that's just kind of how
they feel. And some of them still feel that a way.
And our mother's gone, you know, he's been gone over
twenty five years, so and uh so I'm just trying
to ask questions how, you know, how can you kind
of help them help themselves get out of that picture.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
Wait.

Speaker 6 (30:58):
I talked to them and said, you know, if it's
anything that I've done to you all, just that's just
put it on the table and then that's all. It
ain't nothing. It's deeper than you know, you know, just
different kind of things. But won't never come on say
hey if you know this or that, and how.

Speaker 3 (31:19):
They feel Linda has has has really bothered you, right.

Speaker 7 (31:24):
It has.

Speaker 6 (31:25):
Sometimes something will come up and it'll it'll just you know,
like that gut wrench and irritate me things. But still
I just I just go on, but I still would
like to know, ah, you know, just something something kind
of help on that.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Okay, I got you all right.

Speaker 6 (31:46):
And my story too, you know, because I'm curious though
people out there like me, Carolyn, you know something I thought, wow,
you know so anyway that that's just what I wanted
to say today, Bell and I I certain appreciate you
taking my call.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
You are so welcome, Linda, thank you for calling and listening.

Speaker 6 (32:06):
Okay, bye bye.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
Doctor Jeffries. You heard Linda's story. What do you say?

Speaker 1 (32:12):
And it's such an excellent example of all the feelings
that go into you know, like the dynamics of family roads.
You know, when we think about the eldest and most
people think, oh, the firstborn, that's the one who's the
most responsible. That's the one who gets the parents' attention
because they're the first, so they don't have to share

(32:35):
attention and what have you and they're also the ones
who are given this shared of responsibility because they get
the time and the attention. You know, even if there's
another baby that comes within another year or so, they're
the only child that gets that extended amount of time
with new parents so and grandparents, so they may get

(32:55):
that doated time on them, which makes them feel to
and special. And then the middle child is the one
who because they'll never be the oldest, then they usually
will try to come up with something to do to
get attention. That's like Linda, she saw that what it

(33:16):
sounds like, she's just a natural helper. She sees if
you're in need, or if it's somebody she cares about,
she wants to help something, you know, help you solve
the problem, help you work out what it is, help
you feel better. Whatever. She's a helper and that's who
she is. And she saw that her mom was working

(33:36):
and with nine other children, and it's take you can
imagine that. I mean just the times that she was
taken you know, that was taken from her being pregnant
and then having to steal work if you're sensitive, if
you're a sensitive child, she was greatly appreciated for taking
over the household work, and which was not an easy job.

(33:59):
But to the chi children, the way Mom was acknowledging it,
she knew that if the kids saw her doing special
things for Linda, that they would feel that she was
making a difference. The children always know what's going on
in the house. So even though she tried to hide it,
it appeared to the other children they were in cahoots

(34:22):
or they were having a clean deathtine relationship where she
was singling Linda out. They were not paying attention, no
focus on. Don't want to hear about what Linda's doing.
She's just a favorite child. And if she the favorite child,
we don't like her, you know. And even though that's

(34:43):
the sister. And even as adult, and we've talked about
this before, the things, the memories, the events that trigger
certain feelings, certain positions, certain attitudes and belief in you
as a child, unless it's explored, unless it's examined, where

(35:04):
you can have a different perspective provided by someone else
who was there, or a different perspective by someone who
was an adult and had a different perspective, or being
able to talk it through with a professional or even
talk to your honest feelings from being that child to

(35:24):
another sibling, then you never get to move beyond Mama
made a difference in us and Linda was the favorite.
So no matter her willingness to help or to do
or to assist, it's guilt she feels because Mom did
single her out, even secretly, And the guilt comes from

(35:47):
they knew it, they let her know it. But I
would think that they never seriously said anything to mother
because she probably would say I love all my children
the same, you know, or if she said, but Linda
would help me out. They blew that off like that
was just an excuse. And one of the things that
happened in so many families when it's such a gut

(36:10):
wrenching and that's her words, it's such a gut wrenching
reaction that the eldest feels or experiences when they're responding
to the treatment that they're getting from these siblings that
cost them. Then we have guilt, we have hurt, and
we have resentments. And so it's no way to wagh

(36:34):
through that with a casual conversation, and it's no way
to address that unless everybody wants to have an honest conversation,
and they are very few families, especially one that size,
that could have an honest dialogue without somebody being a
facilitator of it so that people could process their thoughts

(36:56):
and feelings. So my advice to Lenda is she has
to just work on herself. You know, acknowledge the guilt,
and guilt is something that you feel bad about that
you did that you wish you hadn't done because you
feel like there should have been another way you did
what you felt was helpful to your mom. That's a

(37:18):
good thing. Your mom compensated or acknowledged what you were
doing with what she had available. Treat special, attention, special
you know, permissions and all of that. That's the gift
that you have. And and the thing is to just
give yourself permission to have received that because you earned that.

(37:41):
It was a reward for being a good daughter. And
you may if you decide you want to work on it.
There's one sibling that you're closer to than the other,
Pick one at a time, you know, and raise the conversation.
They'll share it among themselves because they are in you know,
their unit. So if you pick one that you that

(38:01):
you feel fairly close with and share how you feel,
it'll get back to the others. And once you put
it out there, whether they acknowledge it when nobody else
wants to talk about it, or they deny it or
ignore it, at least you would have gotten it out
all right.

Speaker 3 (38:17):
Hold on, doctor Jeffries, we are going to Beverly. Hi,
Beverly Hey.

Speaker 4 (38:23):
Good afternoun bev and could after known to doctor Jeffrey.

Speaker 3 (38:27):
It's good afternoon to you.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
Uh well, I guess I'll tell my story because I
fit into that category. Also, I'm the oldest of five children.
And when I became I guess if I look back,
I think my role changed from being a child to

(38:50):
being I called it the second mother started. I guess
when I was like in my teens, maybe around fifteen.
So when my mother got a job working at one
of the big companies here in the city, and she
worked a lot, So she worked a lot, and so

(39:14):
I became like the second mother to my two brothers
and two sisters. And I was so involved as being
like the second mother. You know, I kept the household going.
You know, I made sure my siblings got up and
got ready for school. I made sure they got their homework,

(39:36):
made sure they got their baths and went to bed
because my mother worked in the evenings. She worked like
from three to eleven, so you know, while she was
at home, we were at school. And when we were
at home, she was at work, so they were there
with me. Well, you know, I did have some resentment

(39:59):
sometimes because sometimes there were places I wanted to go
or things I wanted to do, you know, being a teenager,
I couldn't because I had to babysit my sisters and
brothers because my mother was at work. And I resented that,
and I used to say, you know, under my breath,
these are not my children. You know, I felt that resentment,

(40:23):
and that's what I would say, you know that these
are not my children. Why should I have to not
do the things that I want to do to baby sit?

Speaker 1 (40:33):
You know.

Speaker 4 (40:34):
But also as I got older, you know, still being
at home, being a teenager, my mother became I guess
I don't know if the word dependent, but you know,
I basically, as I said, kind of carried on a
lot of the things in the household, and particularly one

(40:56):
was doing the grocery shopping. I remember my mother would
sign her check and give it to me, and you go,
I would go to the grocery store, and I would
buy groceries. I knew what to buy, and I would
buy the groceries and everything, and you know, come back home,

(41:16):
you know, with the groceries and give my mom the
change from her check. So you know, I kept on,
you know I did that. You know, basically was a mother,
I said, second mother because a lot of times they
would ask Mama, could they do something or go somewhere
or either they would come to me. Sometimes me and

(41:39):
mom would be there together, but they would ask me, Beverly,
can I go so and so so and so so.
I think at some point in time in their lives
they did consider me a sucker mom. As time went on,
time went on and got married and moved away from
home and everything. As my mom, you know, got older

(42:02):
and all, you know, I'm being the oldest I was
responsible for, you know, helping look after her. I mean,
she did a good job of taking care of herself,
but as she got older and had more health problems
than I became the person who managed her doctor's appointments
and made sure she had what she needed and just

(42:26):
doing a lot, just just just doing a lot for
her and worrying and then at the same time, I
had a sister who was sick too. She was kind
of like a support person sort of to my mom.
The other one lived out of town, one had passed away,
and then I have another one here. You know, she
wasn't much of a help. But anyway, my sister eventually

(42:50):
passed away, so that means looking after Mom was solely
up on me. And it was very stressful. It was
very stressful, and I got so stressed that I got sick.
I anxived to depression, couldn't sleep, worrying about my mom

(43:10):
because she was getting older and I could see her
health declining. And I had to do all these things,
manage her health care and manage mine at the same time,
and then doing my sister when she was sick. I
was managing help managing her. You know, it was just
a lot of fun me. Well, anyway, get to the end,

(43:31):
my mother eventually passed away. And when she passed away,
you know, I was I was sick. I had been
dealing with depression and anxiety, and because I was so stressed,
I was just in a mood that I couldn't I
couldn't really be sad. I was relieved and I felt

(43:53):
I mean, I wasn't glad that she died, but I
felt like a burden had been lifted off of me.
But then at the same time, I felt guilty for
feeling that way. And even now, you know that I
don't have the responsibilities, you know, of taking care of her,
I've got more time on my to do what I
want to do, and I'm feeling better. I feel guilty

(44:15):
because I feel this relief that I don't have that
care anymore. But I do have my youngest sister who
lived with my mom, and she's still living in the
house and she's living alone. But now I'm having to
kind of have to watch over her and not take
care of her. But because she lives alone and crime

(44:37):
is so bad, you know, I have We have this
this thing where when you get to work, call me,
let me know you got to work. When you get
home in the evening, call me and let me know
you home from work. And when that doesn't happen, I
get stretched. I get started thinking all these negative thoughts

(44:57):
that maybe somebody broke in the house, or maybe it's
somebody uh mugged her, you know, coming home from work,
you know, getting all these thoughts and and died to
building up to me when I don't hear from her,
you know, if her phone, something happening with her phone,
or she just kind of get careless and don't call me.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
So it's like.

Speaker 4 (45:21):
And then that's what I'm dealing with now. So anyway,
it's a challenge, it's it's a life experience. In a way,
it was kind of helpful because it did helped me
to be responsible as a mother and as a wife.
But you know, it's it's just something that you look at,
look back at as part of your life. You know

(45:43):
that you just have these mixed feelings about So, but
I want to ask doctor Jeffers about the feeling I
have a feeling, this sense of release that I don't
have to worry about my mom got building. You're about that.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
Thank you, Beverly, Thank you for sharing.

Speaker 4 (46:03):
All right, thank you for listening.

Speaker 3 (46:05):
You welcome doctor Jeffries. Hold on, we're gonna get you
to answer Beverly's question. You need to take this break
and hold on. Callers, we're gonna get to you. And
uh yeah, yeah. If you've just tuned in this day,
we are talking the eldest daughter syndrome and what it

(46:26):
means to many Black women. We're going to the other
side of the Bev Johnson Show right here on DOUBDIA.

Speaker 5 (46:41):
Whether you're in Arkansas, Tennessee, or Mississippi on Facebook, Twitter,
or Instagram, thank you for listening to the Bev Johnson
Show on dou w d IA Memphis.

Speaker 4 (47:00):
Be Dozen show Belt Time with this talking and home away.

Speaker 3 (47:08):
Help you go, you go, so get ready.

Speaker 4 (47:14):
In time.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Show Esco.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Don't we make Gordy.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
By here at time to listen to what to say?

Speaker 6 (47:31):
You know, it's time of the belt to this show
of the Mountain show Lucky Leco.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
We are rocking and rolling on this Friday, September twenty
of twenty twenty four, its Relationship Day. We are talking
the eldest Daughter syndrome and what it means to many
Black women with our expert psychologists, mental health specialists, doctor
Dorothy Jeffreys. Hold on callers, hold on dot to Jeffrey's

(48:00):
We're gonna come back to you, but we've gotta tell
you it's around lunchtime. Also, ohso you know I have
to tell you about my favorite place. It's the Rocking
Chair of Memphis, located at fifteen forty two Elvis Presley
because we serve up some of the best Southern soul
food around and the best entertainment in town. So if

(48:21):
you're hungry, head on over to the Rocking Jigger until
five o'clock this evening to get you some dinner, like
some smoke, turkey necks, buffalo fish, catfish, baked, fried chicken,
pork chopped smothered, or a fried yeah. A lot of vegetables,
peas and greens and yams and corn and all kind

(48:42):
of vegetables, corn bread, yeah, an assortment of desserts. It's
going on at the Rocking Chair of Memphis. Fifteen forty two,
Elvis Presley. Turkey necks, Yeah, I can't forget miss Anne's chitling's. Yeah,
they love them chitlings. Yeah. So stop on by the
Rocking Chair fifteen forty two, Elvis Presley. You can dine

(49:05):
in or you can carry out, and if you want to,
they'll have your plate waiting for you. Give them a
call to place your order. Nine zero one four two
five five two six four nine zero one four two
five five two six four Get your order in for
some of the best Southern soul food around, and we
have the best entertainment in town as well. Every Wednesday

(49:29):
it's karaoke night. Friday and Saturday it's free until eight o'clock.
And on Tomorrow night, y'all, they gonna have a cook
on hunt of there. My my little Pyt Courtney Lite
will be in the house at the Rocking Chair tomorrow night. Yeah,
so go on by and get some good entertainment at
the Rocking Chair, don't forget. On Sunday, I'll be hosting

(49:53):
the book signing a former NFL player for the Buffalo Bills,
mister Derreck Burrows coach and now he is the athletic
director for Lane College. Derek will be there with his
books signing at five o'clock, y'all, five o'clock. The book
is called a RaSE from History, and they're going to

(50:13):
extend the dinner hours so you can come on and
have your dinner there. Come on after church on Sunday
because we're gonna extend our dinner hours on Sunday. But
meanwhile they are serving lunch Sundays, Mondays at Monday, football Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays,
Fridays and Saturdays, and their clothes now on Tuesday. So

(50:35):
if you want the best entertainment in town and the
best soul food around. Head on over to my place,
my favorite place, the Riking Jeer of Memphis, fifteen forty two.
Elvis Presley tell them that Bev Johnson since you and
I'll see y'all there on Sunday evening with coach Derek Burrows.

(50:55):
Going back to our phone line. Is going to talk
to doctor Jeffries. She is going to a dress. Beverly's
question and doctor Jeffries, you heard Beverly's story.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
I did? I did? I think specifically, the thing is,
it's the guilt that we experience over, first of all,
the guilt over knowing that it's it's put you in
an uncomfortable place. But you've been carrying this burden since
she was fourteen thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years stage. And even

(51:32):
though you know we do things to help parents out
of love in many cases, a lot of times that
love gets mixed in with obligation and responsibility before we
assumed it or before it was put upon us. And
so as a teenager, you know there's a there's so

(51:53):
many mixed up feelings and emotions, and our emotions are
just raw at that point, and so we express them.
But when you put in this position, you learn not
to express what's real and truth for you. You know, we
have that cultural thing that it says we can't talk

(52:13):
to our parents to say I hate you, you make
me sick, or you know, I wish you we did,
or I wish I we can't do that. We never
have been able to do that. You know, there's just
a cultural curtain that closes down, and you know that's
not an option for you. I don't care who your
mama is, they usually will pull that.

Speaker 6 (52:35):
Up to task.

Speaker 1 (52:36):
So we learn to just push that down. And I
think that what she's struggling with is the body and
the mind's release, that the burden of worry and caring,
concern and anxiety over the inevitable passing of her mother

(53:00):
had been waited on her for so long as an adult.
I'm just talking about the adult burden, and when she
passes on, even though there's grief, there's loss, there's love
here at the passing or the transition of the parent.
The body and the mind that's been depressed and in

(53:24):
pain and anxiety and fear. You know, anxiety is that
fear that's twisted up on you waiting for the other
shooter drop when when your body just exhales, that's what
you experienced.

Speaker 7 (53:38):
That's the release.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
It's no release over that she's gone, or you know
how you made a feeled or you don't really love her.
That's the body taking care of you as it took
care of you when the depression was present and the
anxiety kept you on alert and whenever, when you don't
need those defenses anymore.

Speaker 4 (54:00):
Now you're in.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
A state where you can prepare yourself for healing. So
you and I would encourage you to just accept the
grace of acknowledging that you were a good daughter. You've
been a good sister, You've done all that was asked
for you and respected and honored your mother in a

(54:24):
way that is admirable. And so you do deserve to exhale,
and you do. You do deserve to have peace of mind,
and guilt plays no role in that. I can assure
you if your mother experienced all that you gave and
devoted yourself to being and looking after her, she would

(54:46):
not wish that on you. So I invite you to
let it go and breathe and exhale and be okay
that you did what you needed to do. When you
have to do it.

Speaker 3 (55:00):
Okay, Doctr Jeffries. I'm going back to our phone lines,
common man.

Speaker 11 (55:07):
Yeah, how you doing, Belle?

Speaker 3 (55:08):
Doing well? Common man?

Speaker 11 (55:11):
Okay. I had a little to doctor Jeffers on the
other side, and I'm gonna have to totally agree with
what doctor Jeffers said to Nurse Beverly because I experienced,
actually I had the same experience with my mother and
becoming a caregiver for her and her letter letter mysel life,
and I experienced that that that weight that you feel

(55:34):
in becoming a caretaker and the ups and down, the
motional roller coaster of this person that you love. Sometimes,
I guess, I say, not being compliant in regards to
like taking her medicine, like what I would try to
give up medicine. Sometimes she didn't want to take it, she's,
you know, say she's tired of taking it. And sometime
I would cook her food. She would say, you're cooking

(55:56):
too much, just too much food for me. Just a
bunch of different things. They had me going back and forth,
but I knew that I was doing what she would
want me to do, in what she needed me to do.
So when she passed, I did feel that sense of relief,
but it wasn't because it was over. I think it

(56:16):
was just a natural a fear that that I was
gonna have or what was coming. You know. I don't
think it's anything to feel guilty about, Mss Beverley. You
did the best that you could do. You did what
your mother would have wanted you to do, and I
think you should just kind of like accept that and
just know that you've done the best that you could do.

(56:38):
So I experienced that same thing, and I really empathized everybody.
But I don't think you should feel bad about it,
Miss Beverley. Don't beat yourself up with that. I also
want to say, I also want to ask doctor Jefferies,
you're talking about the big sister, how important could it
be or should it be for a parents to talk

(57:00):
to those other children, because I've seen a situation like
that where the big sister was overseeing the other children
in the family, the other siblings, and those children became
somewhat rebellious towards the mother and kind of like resentful
and stuff like that because she wasn't around. She was
always gone working to take care of them and to

(57:21):
support the family. But I don't think she explained that
to them. So how important could THEE me to try
to talk to your children and give them a you know,
let them understand why you're not there so they won't
be Hopefully they won't become resentful and angry and bitter
and stuff towards the parents. All right, okay, common man,
that's my question.

Speaker 3 (57:42):
Okay, we'll get that question. Let me get these calls in.
I'm coming to you, doctor Jeffreys WD. I a high unforgetful.

Speaker 9 (57:49):
Hey, Belle Johnson, y'all got a great show going. I
really appreciate y'all that doing what y'all doing, because you know,
I want of those really love this subject because it
deals with me, you know, being the firstborn. I always
honor my mother. Go I don't know who my father is,
I would always.

Speaker 12 (58:08):
Honor him to and you know, just to be around
the grandparents back in the days when I was, you know,
a young man and coming over there sitting on the
porch and just listen to my grandmama when she said,
wash your hands before you go in there and sit
down and eat, you know.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
In the kitchen.

Speaker 9 (58:25):
Oh, Bell, it's so beautiful with my grandparents and my grandfather.
You know, sitting on the porch. You know, he was
the same case worker, and to see what he went
through and he owned land and everything, you know, very
intelligent hands. But you know, just to sit on the
porch and listen to his stories and what he telled me.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
You know, all this.

Speaker 9 (58:47):
Wisdom that both of them had, you know, and now
only at that point where they were. It's amazed me.
Jump and I were always you know, dealing with me.

Speaker 3 (59:00):
You know, since you say so, you were the eldest child.

Speaker 9 (59:04):
I got you to forgetful. Okay, Yeah, you know my mother,
you know, she died of counsel and uh, you know,
I'm gonna be honest with you, Belle. It's one of
the most devastating emotions that I ever said in my life.
Oh my god, I'm talking about she being in the
hospital and me going to the hospital and back and forth.

(59:25):
You know, she she wanted to be at home, but
you know it happened at hospital when she pass.

Speaker 3 (59:30):
Okay, well, we appreciate you sharing your story. Unforgetful, thank you.

Speaker 9 (59:36):
I need to say this death Johnson. I'm gonna be
honest with you. I need to say this to the
world out there in radio life when they come to
your parents, you know, when they passing and stuff. Just
do the best you can and be with them. That's
the most important thing to be with them. And you know,
always honor them and listen to them because that nomber

(59:58):
old people. Man, they got so much stuff in there.
You just don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:00:04):
All right, Well, you said it to the world. Unforgetful,
Thank you and forgetful. W D I a hey caller,
Hey down Hi, how are you?

Speaker 6 (01:00:14):
Hey?

Speaker 8 (01:00:14):
Hey doctor Jeffrey. Oh hey, I've been listening to your
callers Beverly and common man and manager just got off.

Speaker 6 (01:00:25):
Their stories of my stories.

Speaker 8 (01:00:29):
I was trying today in Koger standing there talking to
a lady it's a register, telling her about my mom.

Speaker 6 (01:00:36):
I had took care of my mom. I was prepared
to take her.

Speaker 8 (01:00:39):
For almost five years and uh she was one hundred
and one when she passed away. Recently, I feel I
haven't gotten over it yet, and I'm in grief counseling
right now.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Good for you.

Speaker 8 (01:00:53):
So it was bad, and uh there, I know I
know their grief. Know what happened, Lord Jesus. One day
my mother told me, I said, Mama, you gotta eat
down to eighty pounds. Now we got because we just
came from the top. I said, you gotta eat. She

(01:01:15):
didn't want me to eat in her mouth or quivering,
and she said, Beverly, just let me go on home.

Speaker 7 (01:01:23):
She got tired of me trying to here.

Speaker 3 (01:01:29):
She got, well, Beverly, I hear what you're saying. I'm
glad you're in grief counseling. Don't give that up, okay,
and we're going to talk to doctor Jeffries and she's
gonna give you some Okay, hang on in.

Speaker 11 (01:01:43):
There s so much.

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
You are so welcome. You are so welcome, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
Yes, yes, I'll respond to it was that Beverly.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
That was that was another Beverly.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
Okay, I'll respond to her first. You know, I think,
you know, I thought that for years ago. I was
in my twenties when my father passed and he had
been sick for a long time, and I was very
very close to my father, and I really didn't know
how close I was to my father because I guess

(01:02:20):
I was so much like him that we just had
that kind of and being the oldest course. But when
he passed, it was it was a situation where I
just I went into denial. I went through every stage
of the grief to the point that I didn't like
anybody who still had a dad. That's how emotionally crazy

(01:02:44):
it was. And I remember my mom had said to
me that time, she said, I always thought that when
my daddy her what she was saying to be when
her dad, my grandfather, had passed, that she was so
upset with that. She said, I didn't know what loss
was until my mom, till I lost my mother. And

(01:03:07):
that has been so true because, you know, especially if
you go through the caretaking roles with your parents, either
one of them. But I think it's even especially so
when you caretake the woman who carried you for nine
months and brought you into the world. There's a connection there,

(01:03:32):
and no matter what you know, no matter how long
it is, no matter how draining it is, no matter
the frustration as humans you may go through as you
do the diligence and the day to day things, you
are honoring the woman who brought you into the world.

(01:03:54):
And we do struggle with dealing with what life is
all about. You know that that's an easy thing to do,
but it's never an easy thing to do. So what
I will tell you what I have had to learn
to do for myself is the first thing to acknowledge that,
having had illness the latter part of her life, that

(01:04:18):
I am grateful that I have the opportunity to care
for her. And when she was finally released through transition,
and she did something very similar to what Beverly was saying,
her mother said, I am tired. I am tired. You've

(01:04:38):
done all you can do. I just want to close
my eyes and be at peace.

Speaker 4 (01:04:43):
And you know what that means. You know what that means.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
But we've become little children, like you know, the babies.
We don't want to release our mothers. We don't want
to experience what it's like not to have our mothers
that we can call to, that we can go to,
even if it's going to the hospital to see them
or to what happened. We don't want to miss being
able to touch them. But I can tell you this,

(01:05:08):
when you've done all you have been able to do
on this earth to give them the care, the love,
the respect, and by honoring them and doing the best
you could with what you have available to you, being
the good daughter, being the dutiful child, and what have
you allow yourself to be at peace, because that's what

(01:05:33):
your good mother would want for her child, her daughter.
She knows you better than anything. And grief and to
the point that it paralyzes you is the unwillingness to
accept God's plan. We're all going to have to go
through this. We're all going to have to come to
a point when we lay down and have peace, whereas

(01:05:55):
somebody who loves us has to let us go. So
what I'm saying to you, be grateful for the time
that you had, the grateful the time that you were
able to honor your mother, and now honor your life
that she gave you and left you with by not
stop loving her, by not stop talking about her and

(01:06:18):
seeing her name, but living your life and finding peace
for you. That's what I pray and wish for you, Beverly,
and all the other daughters out there who where we
all are in that club where we're trying to hold
on to Mom. We hold on to her by what
she left us with, the memory her name, you know,

(01:06:42):
the her daughter. That's how you carry it on, not
by not enjoying and loving and appreciating the pricelessness of
your life.

Speaker 3 (01:06:58):
Sounds good, doctor, your Phris. Hold on, when we come back,
we're gonna wrap up uh this and and and I'm thinking,
doctor Jeffries, Well, well, when I come back, we'll we'll
we'll we'll talk about we may have to do a
I know this, but you know a part to it. Yeah,
we will do that. Hold on, doctor Jeffries, as we
take this pause for calls right here on w d

(01:07:24):
i A.

Speaker 5 (01:07:38):
Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the Queen of talk,
Bev Johnson.

Speaker 3 (01:07:43):
On w d i A. You're listening to the Bev

(01:08:22):
Johnson Show.

Speaker 5 (01:08:24):
Here's Bev Johnson.

Speaker 3 (01:08:25):
We've been talking this day about the eldest Daughter, the
eldest daughter syndrome and what it means to many black women.
Doctor Jeffries, this has been I think a powerful show,
and I'm so glad that the ladies called in the sisters.
And we need to do a part too, because there's

(01:08:46):
some other dynamics we need to explore in this topic.
Doctor Jeffries, Oh.

Speaker 1 (01:08:52):
I absolutely agree. And I also, you know, I appreciate
the women who did call in, but I want to
encourage those women who didn't get an opportunity to call
in to please call in. Share your comments, your questions,
and what have you, because we don't really have a
lot of opportunities for us to just do real talk

(01:09:16):
about things that we don't talk about as a group,
and so this is an opportunity for us to live
and learn and grow because this is something that is
personal to us and this is something we are understanding
from a different viewpoint than any other.

Speaker 11 (01:09:33):
Group of women.

Speaker 3 (01:09:36):
Yes, so, and also ms B, we got your email
and we're gonna save it for next week as we
continue this topic on the eldest daughter syndrome and what
it means to many Black women. Last word you like
to say this day, doctor.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
Jeffries, Well, I mean I was hoping that this topic
would be well received, but I am just delighted that
it resonated with so many women. And you know, I
can feel the energy when you know, what we're talking
about is being listened to and received by the listeners,

(01:10:15):
because you can tell by the energy of the phone
calls right coming in and the way that the callers
come in and open up. So that is how we
have a really good educational moment on the show. And
so without that participation, I think that there's so many
little nuances that would not be shared. So I always

(01:10:36):
appreciate that, and I'm going to continue to do some
additional research on the topic and bring some other perspectives
to share next week and during the week. Think about
your relationship.

Speaker 11 (01:10:51):
You know, think about your role.

Speaker 1 (01:10:53):
Think about how it's impacted you as a child and
now as you're an adult. How has been the eldest child,
the eldest daughter impacted your relationships as an adult woman.
We know we not like other women and what have you,
because we've been expected to be responsible in the to

(01:11:17):
her for a long time. What does it look like
on you? How does it play out in your life?

Speaker 3 (01:11:24):
Sounds good? Look forward to Doctor Jeffries Part two next week,
The eldest Daughter Syndrome and what it means to many
Black women. Thank you, doctor Jeffries. As always, who thank.

Speaker 6 (01:11:37):
You, Miss Bevere.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
Hey, I'm clocking look, i'm clocking out now.

Speaker 3 (01:11:44):
Clock on our sister.

Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
Okay, you take care and be safe this weekend, and.

Speaker 3 (01:11:50):
You too, Doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 1 (01:11:52):
Alrighty bye bye. I'll say your Memphis next month, next Friday,
same time, same station.

Speaker 3 (01:11:58):
Right, Thank you, doctor jeff have a good weekend. Bye
bye you too, Bye bye, doctor Dorothy Jeffries are psychologists
and mental health specialists. We will continue part two because
we got some other things to talk about, and sisters,
we want you to listen and brothers listen to so
you'll learn something. We're talking the eldest Daughter syndrome and

(01:12:21):
what it means to many black women. Yeah, yeah, thank y'all,
Thank y'all. Don't forget this weekend. Hey, I am heading
down what's up, Lost Taliban. I'm heading down to the
Delta on tomorrow. I'll be at the Delta Blues and
Heritage Festival in Greenville, Mississippi. I'll be down there as

(01:12:44):
they honor three time Grammy Award winner Bobby rush King.
George is on the show, a bunch of other folks.
I'll be in Greenville on tomorrow and Sunday afternoon. Don't
forget our concert at our church, the Mount this Gay
Seeing Me Church. We are spotlighting the Cordova High School

(01:13:05):
Choir and the Jazz Workshop the B. R. Danner Club
of the Mount Pisco Seeing Me Church. We'll have that
on Sunday evening, starting at two o'clock. We're starting at
two o'clock there, want all y'all to come out and
when you tell them who invited you, you better tell them.
BEV Johnson Invitedude of Mount Pisca. You all are gonna

(01:13:26):
love that and come support these young people, the Cordova
High School Choir and the jazz Workshop. And then at
five o'clock at the Rock and Chair, we'll be there
with coach Derek Burrows, who is the athletic director at
Lane College. He will be there with his book signing
his new book called Erased from History. I'll be there

(01:13:48):
hosting that. We had coach Derek Burrows five o'clock. So'll
come on to the Rock and jag aet your dinner,
get you some beverage, get a book from Derek. I'll
see y'all at five o'clock. Whoo, not going on this weekend,
but hey, that's what we do. Thank you callers, Thank
you listeners for joining us this day on the BEB.
Johnson Show. We do we really do appreciate you. So

(01:14:14):
until tomorrow, please be safe. Cap a cool head, y'all,
don't let anyone steal your joy. Until tomorrow, I'm BEV
Johnson and y'all keep the faith. Mark Baker, take me home, boyfriend.

Speaker 11 (01:14:38):
The views and Opinions discussed on the Beb Johnson Show
are that of the hosts and callers, and not those
of the.

Speaker 3 (01:14:44):
Staff and sponsors of wd IA.

Speaker 1 (01:15:01):
The Man