In Session with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

We're In Session with Behavioral Relationship Consultant Dr. Dorothy Jeffries on The Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Memphis probably presents the Beam Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let me say.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Bathe me first, let me you say.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
She's gone emphistop game.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
No matter of the problem, she can have me.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
So all the phone and the normans on your mind.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
She understand you mean in the hair by chilling you
to just keep.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
The thing.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
When a wrangle. I bigging out mis Johnson's show because well,
I've got nothing in here. Every day d I ain't
well bell got me a missed king Yay, good morning,

(01:49):
good morning, good morning, and welcome into w d i
A the Bev Johnson Show. I'm Bev. It is indeed
a pleasure to have you with us once again on
this Friday Frie friay, as we say around here, it

(02:10):
is Friday, November fourteenth, twenty twenty five. Enjoyed this fivebulous day.
Today it's relationship Day where we talk about relationships to
help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful and most of
all loving between consenting adults. We will do that with

(02:33):
our expert, our behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Doctor
Dorothy Jeffries will be with us this day. Yeah, my

(02:54):
fingers crossed, but it's your turn to talk. You know
you can't. All y'all need CAD do is dial these
numbers nine zero one five three five, nine three four
two nine zero one five three five nine three four
two eight hundred five zero three nine three four two

(03:19):
eight three three five three five nine three four two
will get you in to.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
Me.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
And if this day, this here day, Friday November fourteenth,
twenty twenty five, is your birthday. Happy birthday to each
and every one of y'all out there who may be
celebrating a birthday on this day Friday, November fourteenth, Saturday

(03:59):
November fifteenth, Sunday November sixteenth, Like my second Supreme.

Speaker 3 (04:07):
What.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
My second Supreme, Andrea better known as Arbit, Happy birthday,
my second Supreme that's coming up on Sunday the sixteenth. Yeah.
From your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, your nieces,

(04:34):
your nephew, your cousins, your aunties, your uncles, y all
who love you. Happy birthday, Andrea, Dallas, Texas. From your
girls here. Yeah, happy birthday to you. You know what
we say, Go out and celebrate your life, you Beta,

(04:55):
you Beta, and all of you all out there who
may be having a b birthday this weekend, go out
and celebrate your life. You bed time. When we come back,
we will give you some double d I A goodwill announcements,

(05:16):
and we will be talking with our Behavioral Relationship consultant,
doctor Dorothy Jeffries, and me Bev Johnson on the Bev
Johnson Show only on Double us D.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
I am telling.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
You to just keep the booing. So good morning and
welcome back to wd I A, the Heart and Soul

(06:19):
of Memphis. It's Friday, November fourteenth, twenty twenty five. Enjoyed
this fabulous day to day and year. My niece says,
it is Scorpios Scorpio months. It's relationship day where we
talk about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,
and most of all loving between consenting adults. We're doing

(06:42):
that once again today with our expert, our Behavioral Relationship Consultant,
doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Good morning, Doctor Jeffries, how are you?

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Good morning, Good morning, good morning. It's a beautiful fall
morning in Mississippi today and it's just gorgeous outside. Just
just a good day to be up and about it is,
doctor Jeffery.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, pretty, we got pretty decent weather here as well.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
Well, that's good. We deserve some some good vibes from
the outside.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
I like that you rhyd me, Doctor Jefferson. I know,
I don't I don't know you. Hey, hey, doctor Jeffers,
is is Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes will say
Tendy Pendergrass. If you don't know me by now, you'll
never never know me. I know you since I know

(07:46):
you by now before we get began to talk on
our topic, Doctor Jeffers, and I'm sure, and I told
you last week, and as we were talking about we
were we were in part two of Baby I'm Still
Scared of You, and we had an email, left had
an email, and we ran out of time, and I

(08:08):
promised that I was going to get this email to you,
doctor Jeffers, and she starts a I'm scared of you.
When we were talking about this, you all if you
all missed those shows, let me say go to the podcast.
They were good, Baby I'm Scared of You. And then
we did a second Baby I'm Still Scared of You

(08:28):
with Doctor Jeffery. So here it is doctor Jeffries. So
I'm gonna take it slow and read this email because
she wanted some advice That's why she wrote in here
we Go, Doctor Jeffries, Here we go, Doctor Jeffries. As
a married woman, I do not have a relationship with

(08:49):
my husband because his love is not the kind of
love I won't or desire. He does not listen, He
overtalks me. There is no real conversation. It's always his
way or no way. He also wrongly accuses me of things,

(09:15):
particularly regarding being friendly with others, even when he has
exhibited that behavior himself. I love him, but I love
me more. I have been loyal and patient for four
years of our nine year marriage. We have tried counseling

(09:37):
a few times to no avail. Doctor jefferys, I'm done.
He is who he is and he is not wanting
or willing to change. I didn't enter the second marriage
just to leave it. I promised myself I would stick
it out through hell or high water. However, it takes

(10:01):
both people to make a marriage work, and since he
is unwilling to put in the effort, is divorced. My
only alternative sounds like doctor j just it addressed my
concerns by answering Theliria kind regards. I'm trying doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
Well, but you know that's really it's a very honest,
hurting letter, hurting, not hurtful, but hurting letter. And unfortunately,
I think that a lot of times people who've had
bad experiences in relationships put the value on the years

(10:47):
in the marriage as opposed to the marriage in the years.
So trying to do it's like trying to do times
you're committing to a covenant of love, care, kindness, and support.
Love is one that have to be reciprocal. You know,

(11:12):
where both persons are being fed, what it is that
they need to be recognized as a significant partner, respected
as a valued spouse. The person that comes to mind

(11:32):
when you need comfort, when you want confidence, when you
want to be heard, when you want to be validated,
the exact thing that she's saying is not being made
available to her. Who there should she go to in

(11:53):
a married place. So I agree that at some point
you have to make a decision for yourself because at
this point in my life, I'm on the side of
we have to value the people we love, and we
have to value the time that we have with them,
and we have to also expect and require that they

(12:16):
do the same to us. Because a person who is
not fed, will soon be hungry. And once you get hungry,
then that usually is an excuse to go out and
you know, try to find a substitute or and it
doesn't always have to be a sexual substitute. People find

(12:36):
other ways to try to find affections and companionship in
their relationships. But that's not what you're bargain for when
you agreed to get married. And I think she said
she's been in in nine years.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
Yeah, she said, yeah, for nine year marriage. And for
I've been low and patient for four years of the
nine year marriage.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
So you know, well, there are some criminals that get
out easier and earlier than that. And if you've not
done anything wrong, I would say the first of all
is to have an honest conversation with him. Maybe since
you can't talk to him, then I would write it
down how you're feeling, and what you are trying to

(13:21):
do at this point is to get an idea for
he's in the marriage, because actually, when someone tries to
bully or maintain or keep somebody in their pocket, if
you will, that's more about fear and insecurity. And so
if you really were able to state your opinion and

(13:43):
people could hear that you were an intelligent woman and
you had ideas and opinion, or if you have a
good sense of humor and can get people engaged in
laughter and people like to be sociable with you and
what have you, you know they may be attracted to
you as a person. And a lot of times people
think that marriage is also a cage that you put

(14:06):
the other person in, and we just don't do cages anymore.
You know, that's a form of enslavement. So what you
have to do, first of all, I think is to
be real clear within yourself. And this is where the
journaling part would come in to if you were to
describe what your ideal marriage would be, the reason you

(14:29):
married this man, because I'm assuming also he was not
this person. He did not show you these characteristics before
you got married, or was it immediately after you got
married that these behaviors came into play. But who was
it that you were attracted to? Was it the idea

(14:53):
of getting married or was it the idea of falling
in love with this man and wanting to be married
to him? Two different questions. What was the first thing
that comes to your mind when you felt disrespected, unloved,
and shocked that who you had married. So you go

(15:15):
back to those places and you relive those kinds of
emotions that came into play, because for five years you
put that aside. So there's a lot of hurt and
pain and loneliness that you're carrying around with you because
there doesn't appear to be a place to carry it.

(15:37):
Once you started doing this type of inner work journaling,
the next thing I suggest to you to do is
to find you a therapist, a counselor, if you will,
somebody that you I'm not talking about Mary of a
counselor that you can sit down with and you can

(15:57):
go through all of this so you can un pats
a lot of the stuff that you've been storing and
so that you can become very clear about who you are,
what you're worse, and what you want to do with
the rest of your life. If your husband is not

(16:17):
willing to hear and understand that you can't go any
farther you're unwilling to and is he's dismissive and unwilling
to acknowledge where you are, then he is telling you
that he doesn't want to be married. But if he's
saying that he does want to be married, he needs

(16:39):
to go to therapy by himself first too, because nobody
who cares for anything will misuse it, take it for granted, disrespected,
and not care for it like that if they want longevity.
And one of the things I suggest that you begin
to inform yourself up where you can articulate it. What

(17:03):
is your love language? Some people like flowers and cars
and attention and what have you. Other people like physical
affections behindees that I love you and all those kinds.
What is it you know? And then there are some people.
One person may be the TOUCHI Philly person, and the

(17:24):
other person is the doer. That's the person who cares
for you. They do things for you, They think about
you in advance, They take care of you. They look
after you. Like the spouse who make sure that the
car is already running and warm when you get ready
to go to work. It doesn't sound like that's a
romantic thing, but the person thought about keeping you warm

(17:46):
while you're going out to go to work. The person
who thinks about making sure that you have gas in
your car, that you don't run out of gas where
you might get into a situation where you know you're
in trouble, what have you? Those are the kinds of
things that show love and care. And I think that

(18:07):
the more that you think about what is it that
you want and how do you show your love language
to somebody else, and that gives you a good place
so that if this doesn't work out, you have a
script for what it is you're looking for. If it
does work out, that y'all are trying another time to

(18:27):
make it work out. You're clear and you have the
language and the clarity to clearly make him aware of Nope,
not that you're doing it. Don't cut me off, don't
embarrass me in front of other people, don't shut me down.
You have that ability and you can stand if you

(18:48):
can stand your ground on that. If that doesn't work,
and I say put a time limit on it, you know,
you don't have to give him another year or two
years or whatever for him to show because when people
know somebody is serious and they want to fix things,
they get busy right there. From that moment at the
end of the conversation, he needs to think about it

(19:09):
and then decides are you the woman that he wants
for his wife or does he want to have an
amicable party and just tell them. At this point, I
don't know that I would fight either one until you
show me something.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
But doctor Jeffers then, and in what she said when
she said I'm done, he is who he is and
he is not willing or wanting to change. So is
that going to be Is that going to make sense
that she goes to try to talk to him.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
If I think that because she stayed all this time,
Uh huh. She needs to be clear when she's gone
that she's done, that she is done and she is gone.
There are a lot of times when you're hurt and
you said and you're angry, and you know and all
of that and you had in a fit. Then that's
how people rebound. You know, you come bad, they come

(20:01):
around and nothing really has changed that you fall into
the pattern. Because remember she made a company that also,
I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Stick this out.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
She didn't say unless it gets very bad.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
She said, I'm gonna stick this out.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
And I think that's the part that she really wants
this to work. Right. And let me say this too.
Human beings get married, and a lot of human beings
are not prepared to make what is supposed to be
a lifetime commitment to somebody else. First of all, because

(20:39):
we are just getting into a mindset where we recognize
that it's important to know who we are, what we want,
what we like, what we need, and how we are
with other people. We don't want to devote that time.
So if you don't want to devote that time, and
I mean you generically out there or you want to,

(21:02):
you have a false image of who you think you
are in spite of power everybody reacts to you. You
don't want to change out of stubbornness, out of fear,
or whatever it is. You're stuck there. When people get married,
a lot of times it's not the real of them
getting married. So how can you make an honest commitment

(21:24):
when you don't know who you're married and they don't
know who they're married until you've lived with somebody, and
that's when the real people come out and it may
not work. So then when you say, well, I had
a divorce one time that I don't want to second divorce,
you're the only one count your divorce.

Speaker 5 (21:42):
What you want to.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
Seek is love and happiness with somebody who truly cherishes you.
Until you've been loved and able to give your love.
You won't find comfort in marriage or anything else until
you can recognize what you have to offer and that
you don't substitute or make excuses for anybody else's their behavior.

(22:06):
So don't count the fact that you had one divorce
that didn't work. You didn't know how to pitch maybe
or you gave it the best and it didn't work,
you know, and so at some point you decide, all right,
I'm not necessarily going to give up on love, but
this time I'm going to be informed and prepared so

(22:27):
that i know what I'm getting and I know what
I'm offering. And now you know, make your decisions, but
don't put pressure on yourself to follow anybody else's script
about what's right or wrong for you. You may not
want to have another talk with him. I'm just saying
if you need that, to make sure that when you go,

(22:47):
you gone, Because if there's any revidual feelings about the marriage,
about him, and about what people are going to think,
you want to leave all of that at his doorstep.
Because he's the one who's really insecure and that's what's
been going on. He will know how to come and
get you back. Unless you are really gone.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
I want to ask this question, doctor Jefferies. And because
we hear people all the time who say I've tried
counsel We've gone to counseling, it hasn't worked.

Speaker 3 (23:23):
So and we.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
Suggest you suggest about going to counseling. Should you give
up on that or as you said, maybe if it
doesn't work for a couple, you may have to go
by yourself.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
You know, I really think that unless both people are
in agreement that we both have some issues, and you're
specifically going for marriage counseling that and you're prepared and
you go to somebody that you are both compatible with.
See when you go for a therapist, that's the person
who's going to see the naked you, okay, and in

(24:02):
order to have the confidence and the comfort level to
tell them the truth, you know, because counfering is not easy,
is ugly, and it's hard. That's why counseling doesn't work
for everybody. Because the moment you go in there and
you looking at the therapist and you got your list

(24:24):
and your complaints, the other person got their complaints and
then they both looking at you like okay, now fix
it right, and the councilor is probably thinking, I don't
know how y'all even got together. Okay, oh why that's
the first thing we all got to figure out. But
they don't want to hear that because they expect magic.
You the magic. You have to be the one to

(24:47):
find the magic in you in order to be that
person who is attracted and attracted to the other person,
and that the two of you can see that or
the pitchel in there and as willing to get ugly
and ugly crime, ugly hurts, hurt feelings. The truth is

(25:07):
not always pretty or comfortable, and sometimes you have to
go back to before you even knew this person, get
that mess straightened now, and then you know what brought
you to this person. If it's still something you want
to do. But the point is you want to get
truth and clarity for yourself so that as two adults

(25:28):
or one adotes, you can make a healthy, heart full
decision about how to preserve your life with help, loving
and kindness as you move forward with or without that person.
And that's grown folks kind of decisions, and it's a

(25:50):
big decision. People pack up take breaks, don't have rules
about breaks. Why do you need a break? But they
never say they're going for a breakup, which means we're
gonna rebound and come to the same insanity. None of
that makes any sense. You need to just be able
to manage your life. And if your life is hurtful, scary, terroistic,

(26:13):
out of control and chaotic, you need a third party
in there. But you get to also because you're seeking
a person. Don't work with just somebody you're sent to you.
You just need to keep going to you find somebody
that you're comfortable with, that you have researched their background,
you have confidence and their skills, and that you're willing
to trust them and take notes if you have to.

(26:38):
But yeah, it's in the vesfert. But don't go in
there thinking that, okay, it just because the insurance company
says six sessions and you fixed. Okay, if it means
that much to you and you like the counselor and stuff,
you can work out something. If it's your life and
your love that you're talking about, right, So just be

(26:59):
prepared to do work in maybe crowd reading and maybe
crowd writing. I mean, it's a job. And if you
really are committed and therapists, good therapists really get excited
about people coming in there really to do whatever whatever
and to hear and then if you're able to come
out of there and reconcile and back in love again,

(27:21):
that's a win win for everybody. And if you're not,
then hopefully that you can disolve the relationship and go
in a healthy way where that at least you got
something that you learned about yourself and other people as
you part. No drama and all that kind of nonsense.

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Okay, that's good.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
That was a great question. Bell.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Oh thank you, doctor Jeffrey. I'm talking to you to
these folks, stop messing with my books.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Oh lord, we're gonna get We're gonna get a start
to this one. Okay.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
No, I'm just saying I'm sitting here and and.

Speaker 3 (28:07):
Well, you know, I know that's what I'm saying, that.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
They want to be messing with the board while I'm
talking what we're good.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
But people hurt.

Speaker 1 (28:19):
Yeah, so maybe they're fixing something. So that's hope. So
doctor Jeffries, We're gonna pause. That was so good.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
Pause.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
Uh, the phone line is ringing.

Speaker 3 (28:33):
Doctor topic.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
Okay, I know, well you already know it. Come on, sister,
because I have some more. But I want I want
but you were so clear on that. But I have
some more questions about counseling, so people can understand what
about counseling. But hold on, callers, I'm gonna get to you.
I promise, I promise. I'm waiting to these folks, but
I promise. So doctor Jeffries again, I will write down

(28:59):
the question and as best I can and get it
to you. So hold on, sister, he I know it's
Sam and Davis. Hold on, I'm coming. Hold on, doctor Jeffrey,
I'm coming, And hold on, callers, I'm coming. Hold on.
We are talking this relationship day. If you have a

(29:21):
question or two relationship wise, you have four, doctor Jeffers.
Let me get this out the way. I invite you
all to call I do I do nine zero one
five three five nine three four two eight hundred five

(29:42):
zero three nine three four two eight three three five
three five nine The three four two will get you
in to me. If you can't call, email me your
question like my emailers. Thank you trying, Thank you Valerie
for last week. Thank you, we appreciate you. Email me.

(30:05):
Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia
dot com. We're going to the other side of the
Bev Johnson Show right here on w d I. A. Hi,

(30:31):
this is David Porter, and you are listening to the
Queen of talk, Bev Johnson. She is the one and only.
No one can tapa, no one can stop her, and
I'm in love with her. You're listening to Bev Johnson
at w d I, A.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Show with this talkie all away.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
Help you go, you go, don't get ready.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
In time.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
Show.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
Let's go fall that we make gor day by hereroud.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Listen to to pay you know it's.

Speaker 6 (31:26):
Time of the Belt of.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
The Mountain show Lucky.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
Let's go.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
We are rocking and rolling on this Friday, November fourteenth,
twenty twenty five. Enjoy this fabulous day to day for
our first time listeners. Welcome, Welcome in. You might be
a first time caller. It's Relationship Day where we talk
about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful
and most of our loving between consenting adults. We are

(31:57):
doing that with our expert, our behavioral relationship consultant, doctor
Dorothy Jeffries. We're talking. If you have a problem of concern,
we invite you to call nine zero one five three
five nine three four two eight hundred five zero three
nine three four two eight three three five three five

(32:19):
nine three four two will get you in to me?
Can call email me your question at BEV Johnson at
iHeartMedia dot com. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. Before
I go to our phone lines, let me do this.

(32:41):
I forgot to do this for our good will announcements
as we come up next week, y'all. It is the
seventy seventh anniversary concert that is coming up next Friday, Yeah,
November twenty first, So get ready for that. And let

(33:06):
me tell y'all we're selling out, selling out, selling out,
selling out. We've sold out, Platinum tables, sold out, VIP
seating sold out, reserved seating sold out online, general seating
sold out. But there's always a butt.

Speaker 3 (33:27):
We have.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
General seating tickets just made available, just made available for
forty dollars cash only and can be purchased at A
and R Barbecue starting on Monday. That's Monday of next
week through Thursday until Day last, eleven am to four

(33:50):
at thirty seven to twenty one Hickory Hill. Forty dollars
tickets left. General seating tickets, cash only I'll remind y'all
on Monday. Yeah, and there is no ticket. It's going
to be sold at the door, y'all. No ticket, non non,

(34:11):
none at the door. It is no clear bad policy.
We'll have a cash bar and good entertainment and fun.
So I'll remind y'all on Monday. I'm just giving you
a heads up. Yes see, we thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,
and thank you. I am going to our phone lines
and start thank you so very much for waiting with

(34:33):
Prince of the Jolls, the deer slayer, the crappie killer.

Speaker 6 (34:42):
Traveler. Doctor Harbor would say, right.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
Exactly what I'm doing, Well, Prince, how are you I do?

Speaker 6 (34:51):
Is it not the twelve yet?

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Yes it is.

Speaker 6 (34:55):
I'll take it afternoon to you and call us to
your listeners and doctor ye priests. I hope doctor Jeffers's
doing okay. The weather, like you said, is great down here,
so I'm enjoying myself. Uh, Doctor Harp and Brad Johnson,
I was listening to your conversations and I'm gonna say
this excuse when I was out of breath because I
was loading the truck. But let me say this, and

(35:18):
this is just because just pertaining to me, nobody else.
I don't want other people to get their feelings involved.
But recently I lost a relationship due to the fact
that the individuals she wanted to marry and I didn't.
And I let her know from day one I didn't
want to marry. I wanted a great relationship, but I
want I didn't want to be in a relationship where

(35:41):
I Later on we decided to go to extra mile.
I've been down that road. I always told myself maybe
one day in a half and maybe one day I
won't but I was not gonna push that that envelope.
And like I'm gonna say this there. She was a
great she's a great woman still to this date. I
just didn't want head down that road of being married

(36:02):
ever again or no time soon. And because of that,
I lost a relationship with her. And I don't regret it.
Don't get me wrong, because I let her know from
James Street that I don't want to marry. I can
do all the things a husband and wife can do.
Chake it out val your things, I mean, do all

(36:24):
this thing a husband and wife do together, even live together.
A lot of people say I don't want to shack.
I say, I get that one of people don't want
to shock, but there are people like me who have
no problem in what we call shocking or living together.
I said, we can do all those things, but the
marriage part was a start. It broke to come back
with her and I told her that this, and I
was totally young. I said, I hope you find that

(36:45):
individual that makes you happy. And you guys are trying
to get married to say, I'm not happy with you,
but I just want to get married. I just I
want to be married. And I said I can't go
down that road. So I wanted to put that out
there bells and I'm not saying it, but my thoughts
and opinions, doctor Jefferies, everybody's not cut out for marriage,

(37:07):
even though people say, well, go to the Bible. A
man who finds some white files of that thing, you know,
that's what the Bible says. I I got to look
at that in another light depending on who wrote it.
But beb I asked you and doctor Jefferson, also, situation
like this, and you let a person know from Jump
Street that hey, don't put a tuck feet on me.

(37:28):
I'm not putting a wedding gown on you. So let's
just enjoy our relationship as to go, because I found
out that some of the best relationships I have ever
had in my life had nothing to do with marriage.
But I found out the womens that I did meet,
they have been married once, twice, three times. What's up
to commodoors? And I'm like saying to myself, I don't

(37:50):
want to be that guy. I don't want to be
the guy to say, oh, this is my third marriage,
or this is my fifth marriage, or I don't want
to be like Elizabeth Taylor she was married with like
nine or ten times. I don't want to go down.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (38:02):
So but there are people, and I found out, especially ladies,
and this is true. As long as just married, you're happy,
But are you willing to commit to that marriage? Like
doctor Jeffrey said, marriage is worked. It ain't no walking
the park, a day at the beach, and sometime it
could be a hard pill to swallow. And I found
out marrying is the easy part. But when things go

(38:25):
haywire all of a sudden, now there's a divorce involved. Okay,
we got to leave each other, like doctor Jefferys was saying,
some people get into their feelings death, then all of
a sudden, the relationship is over for maybe tedious reasons.

Speaker 4 (38:38):
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (38:39):
Just depends as long as y'all not. Haven't you know
physical well, you know that type of relationship is physical, abusing,
you know everything. Basically, I feel that can be worked out.
But I just wanted to pose that question to you
and doctor Jefferson, anybody wanted to change them in on it.
Marriage is not meant for anybody, for everyone. And because
and I'll leave you with this, the because breakups, she

(39:04):
still want to remain press. I told her I don't
want to be pressed. I'm going for my next one,
you know, Okay, I got your friends and so always
I want you to have a beautiful, blessed, safe and
healthy weekend, and hopefully I would try to make your
one hundred and forty eighth morning, fifth forty fifth. Okay,
I'm sorry, I'm gonna try to make it this coming Sunday.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
All right, Thank you friends, we started eleven. Thank you brother.

Speaker 6 (39:27):
Okay, take care, have a great day.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
And you too. Bye bye. I am going to doctor Jeffers.
Doctor Jeffers, I know you didn't hear anything.

Speaker 3 (39:37):
Yes, I am. Actually I'm listening to him on the radio. Okay,
you talking? Oh good, I thought about doing that. I
was listening to it on the other phone.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
Okay, good. So did you hear what Prince had to say?

Speaker 3 (39:49):
Yeah, okay, so that can't come to you. I heard
about he didn't want to get married right, and.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
And he said he doesn't and and and the lady
they was great relationship, but she wanted to get married.
But Prince said he told her up front, I don't.
I don't want to be in another marriage. I just
want a great relationship for partnership. And she said she
wanted to get married. Well, because that he didn't, they
broke up. Says he doesn't regret for breaking up, but

(40:18):
he is he just doesn't want to be in a marriage.
He wants, you know, partnership, companionship. Also with the breakup,
he said, she said, well they want to still be friends,
and he said he didn't didn't want that. He said,
she's a good lady. Still lady told him, you know,
want to be happy if you hope you can find

(40:39):
somebody that you can marry and go on. M So
what about he asked. He says, he didn't want to
have a friendship now because she wants to get you.

Speaker 3 (40:50):
Know, marriedship.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
Yeah, they had the friendship, and he said he told
her from the beginning he did not want.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
To get married right at the princeship she agreed to it,
or I'm assuming they never would have initiated a relationship right,
And I think he was absolutely right, knowing what was
in her heart and what she wanted. The longer she
stayed with him, at some point she was either hoping

(41:22):
and wishing that he will change and give in and
marry her, or she would become resentful that after I've
given you all of my time and you know, been
with you, and you still don't want to marry me.
So I think he made the absolutely most mature division

(41:45):
about this because they had what she said being friends
were it was just with intimacy and other things else,
you know, and it sounded like it was even a
committed relationship to the point that you know, you're my
plus one, I'm your plus one, and what have you.
He said, he did everything else, but he just did
not want to get married. And that's the saying when

(42:08):
people tell you the truth and it's not in your script.
But it is that the book they're reading. You have
to listen and hear that, because it's a dobno effect.
What you bring to the table and what they have
on the table is going to either have to merge,
compromise or what have you, or there's just no fits.

(42:29):
But a lot of people do not want to do
the adult things and say, well, that's too bad. I'm
sorry we couldn't work out something.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
Okay, So that was good.

Speaker 3 (42:40):
I think that was a very good idea to do that.
You cannot go back and do that because her feelings
are not gonna change just because now we're gonna call
ourself friends. She just hasn't given us because if she
wants to get married, he's saying, after all this time,
I don't want to get married, And he's not saying,

(43:02):
as I understood it, I don't want to marry you.
I don't want to marry anybody like enough to want
to hang around you.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
Right, But.

Speaker 3 (43:12):
If you keep bringing up the thing about marriage and
now we're supposed to be just friends, what does that mean?
What's gonna change? That's why it's good to hear. And
that wasn't even fine print. He said that out. Well,
this is the agreement we're making, so right.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Right good, thanks Prince for that. I am Doc Jeffrey.
I think the phone lines ringing. Let me let me
check on our listeners. W D I a high caller.
What's up, Joe Willie?

Speaker 4 (43:48):
Because I know how I get that starts it said,
but you know I don't even way, so I don't
know where called little man?

Speaker 3 (43:54):
What? Uh? Oh boy?

Speaker 4 (43:57):
He want to weigh somebody time. You know, women ain't
got time, be waste a time and they don't want
to cast no money on it, don't want no commitment.
He had every dand tree you know what I'm talking about?
Uh huh and uh you know it is bad that
be by here is want to you folk? Ibo. I

(44:17):
hate that more of time. That woman looked for somebody
she can grow up with, you know, something solid, like
a foundation, not the house. You know what I mean? Yeah,
you know people ain't got time.

Speaker 1 (44:32):
Okay, good afternoon. Bad. My name is Tracy and this
is for doctor Jeffries. Doctor Jeffries. I've been in a
relationship for the last six years. I told my ex
before we got serious that I wanted to get married.
It's been six years and he is not willing to budge.

(44:55):
He lives with his cousin in an house and they
are paying the rent together. I told him that I
was going to stop having sex with him because the
relationship was uneven. He stopped calling me and stopped dealing
with me. I was more interested in having a long

(45:16):
relationship than the love that actually goes with a relationship.
With that being said, what are some of the positives
in identifying a good man? I'm forty three, and the
next relationship I have I wanted to be based off
of love and not sex or money. I was giving

(45:40):
my ex huh two hundred dollars dollars a month and
he wasn't giving me anything. Okay, that's a red flag, Tracy.
What can I do to have good relationships? The next time,
Doctor Jeffries, where do I start?

Speaker 3 (46:00):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Lord, I know, I don't know what. Before you say anything,
Doctor Jeffery, take your breath, Tracy, I don't know if
you've been listening to me and doctor Jeffries over all
these years on the shows, we talked about red flash.
What the last two weeks, Tracy, we talked about baby,
I'm scared of you? Oh my goodness, Tracy, Tray Tracy,

(46:21):
Tracy Tracy forty three. Okay, doctor jeff I'm gonna calm down,
and I know you're taking some breaths, so come on,
doctor Jefferson, help Tracy.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
Well, you know, this is exactly this is exactly the situation.
There are a lot of people who have the same
attitudes or understanding. That's what the understanding or perception of
how you find love and the first thing that you know,

(46:53):
and we have to say this over and over again,
you have to know your work. You have to know
your worth before you can look for somebody else to
appreciate your work. You have to know who you are
and what you're worth. Any man who's living with his
cousin and they split in the rent that you're probably

(47:16):
helping them pay for with the two hundred dollars is
not anybody who is a contender for a husband, a
roommate with you, or even a serious partner. He's telling
you in every kind of way that you know it's
just a con He read that you wanted a permanent relationship.

(47:39):
But a permanent relationship will not work until you're ready
and understand what goes with that. You can't buy a
commitment you can't buy the attention or the time. You
can buy the attention or the time. But you know,
anytime you're buying something, there's a finite value to that.

(48:01):
That means at some point the clock is gonna take
Your time is up. And I promise you, if this
went on for six years, there was somebody else or
somebody's else that was getting the same treatment. That was
how he was living. That was how he was living,
taking care, taking care of the hopes and the dreams

(48:25):
of young women who want to get married but are
unsure or have no idea about how to approach that.
So let's clear us that sleep and say we're never
gonna do that. But anytime somebody says to you, I'm
running a little low, can you let me have two

(48:46):
hundred dollarsand and then that becomes a payment. But when
they say can you let me have and you are
doing most of the giving, everything shuts down. Everything shuts down.
So and section be on the table unless it's on
your turn, on your turn. And you have to be

(49:09):
a hard working woman. You have your own place and
what have you. Really, this is just a lesson, And
I'm just sorry it took so long for you to
get it, because I'm sure he was very good at
what he was doing. But the point is, if all
of that has to come from you, that's not a partner.

(49:30):
A partner means you're getting equal at least equal sometimes,
and it goes back and forth, but you don't worry
about when it's embattst a little bit because you know
your turn is gonna come when you're gonna get most
of it too. You just know that that person's in
your corner. And so first thing, if he ever calls you,
come back around, and don't you ever call him a

(49:52):
Delete everything, raise it from your memory and remember everything,
every red flag that popped up that you're sorry about
now that he took from you, so that those red
flags won't trick you again into believing that somebody is
interested in loving you and marrying you and creating a life. Now,

(50:15):
let's get down to Tracy and devoting sometime with what
I said earlier about finding out who you really are,
what it is that you want, what's your love language?
How do you It sounds like you define loving somebody
is taking care of somebody. But when you take care

(50:36):
of them and you're taking care of them, off you know,
contributing financially to somebody who's not doing anything from you
except coming by and using your time and your body
and what have you. That's not taking care of somebody
that's being used. And so what we want to do
is find out, and journaling is a good way to

(50:56):
start there is find out where is that coming from?
That overwhelming need that you believe about yourself that the
more I do, the more attractive I will be and
somebody will love me. Because somewhere you receive that message
and you continue to internalize it that that's the only

(51:20):
way I can receive love and care and kindness. I
have to be the doer, the giver, the caretaker, all
of that, and what they get back from me is
coming back to take more. That's the contact that I have.
That's the act of their gratification. They come back to
take more from you. And so if you keep that

(51:41):
in line, you will not be able to serve anything
to yourself because you would have given it all away.
So we want to we want to focus on Tracy
finding finding some ways for her to explore, building her
self esteem, maybe finding some outlets where you can read

(52:05):
certain books and and and gain knowledge that way and
finding finding an affordable counselor for you to talk to
so that you can talk privately, one on one about
what has you trapped in that belief, because you sound
like a beautiful person who's just saying all I want
is to love and be loved, right, and that there's

(52:27):
so many people out there like that, And I promise
you there is somebody out there deserving of your love.
You just got to get you to the poor where
you can recognize your love language and somebody's earnest love language,
and hopefully the two of you will find each other.
But I would find I would find myself a counselor
somebody that you can talk to and lay all of

(52:49):
this out privately and confidentially so that you can work
through it and get the get on with your life
and get ready. Forty years old, baby, you're still young.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Yeah, forty three, that's still young.

Speaker 3 (53:03):
Yes, you got everything, everything to look ahead of. So
don't waste your time with that. Okay, don't waste your
time with it. Let's get started. Get you somebody to
talk to, ask that therapist to recommend some books for you,
and then maybe next week what I'll do is search
for some books that we can put out there about

(53:24):
people finding themselves and figuring out a self planned too.
To get people started. Reading is always the first way.
If you can't you can't afford counseling, If you struggle
with that, you can read yourself to some awareness, I
promise you.

Speaker 1 (53:40):
Yeah, that's good. Yeah, And I just want to address that.
And I'm see people always say, you know what and
when when Tracy said, doctor Jeffery, what are some of
the positives in identifying good man? And we always hear
somebody says where you find a good woman? Where you
can find a good man? And I think, and tell
me if I'm wrong, Doctor jeffries. When you see somebody,
when you hear and talk to, you'll know if they're

(54:03):
a good person or not.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
Right, Yeah, but you know you got the first note
that you're a good person.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Right, Okay.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
If you don't recognize it in yourself, okay, you're not
gonna recognize it anybody else. Case in point, here's somebody,
a young man, maybe average, looking quiet, neatly dressed and
what have you, approaches a young woman. He's not dressed
in you know, like I guess whatever the young people

(54:34):
are wearing, and you know the young people who are
out there in the club and south spoken maybe and
it's very polite. Some young women would just look past
him because he's not hey, baby girl, can I holler
at you? And all of that, you know, that kind

(54:55):
of stuff. If they're not using the slang or approaching
them and what have you, they don't hear that. They
think he's a square or nerd of what have you,
and they will look over there to some shiny guy
back there where all the women are hanging on him,
and that's a red flag like that if he needs
that much of an aunt rode. Unless you want to
be part of a harem, you need to talk to

(55:17):
this guy, see what's going on with him, because he
saw you and came to you. He sees something in you.
You got to be able to recognize the ones who
see something in you and how they approach you and
what's their conversation and listen to it with untent on hearing.

(55:38):
Why is he here talking to me? Not with your
eyes looking over his head trying to see who you
might miss, Because the loudest person in the room, the
shiniest guy in the room, or the shiny and flashiest
woman in the room may not be the one for you.

Speaker 4 (55:55):
Now.

Speaker 3 (55:56):
They may be, but unless that's the only type you like.
But that may not be the one that you're looking for,
especially if you're looking for that ever after kind of thing.
Because the shiny lights need a stage, they need an audience,
and they need changing people, they need an entourage. You
will be one a minute. But if you want to

(56:16):
be the only one, pay attention to the one who
focuses on you.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
Got it.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
That's the first step.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
All right, sounds good. Hold on, doctor Jeffries, I'm breaking.
I see some calls coming in. I'll be back with
your sister. We are talking. I love this day to day.
I thank you all for these emails. We love this.
We love this. Hold On, callers, please hold on. We
are going to get to you. Yeah we will, Yeah,
we will. I want you to hold on. Hold on.

(56:48):
I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming, and we're gonna talk
with you. Five three five nine three four to two
eight hundred five zero three nine three four to two
eight three three five three five nine three four two
will get you in to me. You're listening to the

(57:10):
heart and soul of Memphis w D.

Speaker 3 (57:14):
I a.

Speaker 5 (57:23):
Got something to say. Say it next with Tennessee Radio
Hall of Famer Bev Johnson.

Speaker 4 (57:30):
On w d IA.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show. Here's Bev Johnson
and we're going to our phone lines to talk with you.
Thank you for waiting.

Speaker 5 (58:12):
Hi, Carl, yo mail, How you doing?

Speaker 1 (58:16):
I'm doing well in yourself?

Speaker 5 (58:19):
I am okay? And doctor Jeffries, how are you today?

Speaker 1 (58:22):
Male? She's doing well.

Speaker 5 (58:25):
Okay. Here's my question I've been meaning to ask for
a while dealing with relations dealing with relationship. Why are
females attracted to the bad boy image with the intent
where they tell their friends I can change him, I
can make him come over to my side. I know

(58:46):
he's a bad guy, but I believe I can change him.
Why do they do that? And I would hang him
to listen?

Speaker 1 (58:52):
All right? Thank you, Carl, I got your question for
doctor Jeffries. Common man. Hey, but I'm doing well in yourself.

Speaker 4 (59:04):
I'm doing fine. A lot a few comments, very quick.
H My first comment is about the email that to
read from last week, and I noticed you all spoke
about it also where the lady said that she was
going into the second marriage and she's basically uh, saying
that she was gonna give her best effort or whatever.
You know, Uh, you know, I just give fight to

(59:26):
the end. What I would say to her, what I
would say to her is that you know, it sounds
like you wanted to be married and you was willing
to give your best, your best everything. But in my opinion,
you don't accept being treated any kind of way just
to be married. You know, you you should want somebody
to teach you like a person, like human being and

(59:48):
show you that they loved you. So I wouldn't stick
in a marriage being treated any kind of way just
to be married. Just think about it. If a person
was beating you, would you stay there just to be married?

Speaker 2 (59:58):
Then?

Speaker 4 (59:59):
So think about that and do the things that Doc
Jeff said. I think those recommendations are good. Okay, Joe Willie,
Joe Willie's come in. I wouldn't say that the man
he didn't call Prince Chaw's night, but I think you
might have been talking about Prince Chaw. If the man
said upfront that he didn't want to be married, he
made everything very clear, and if he didn't decide to

(01:00:22):
change his mind, I wouldn't say that he was playing
with the woman. You know, he made it clear that
he didn't want to be married, So I disagree with Joe.
Joe Willis come in and for the last email Tracy.
You know, if Tracy was my sister or my daughter,
I would tap on her hand and say, why are
you giving a man two hundred dollars every every week

(01:00:42):
or every two weeks or whatever. He can't support hisself,
so why do you want to marry him?

Speaker 1 (01:00:48):
He don't.

Speaker 4 (01:00:48):
He's not financially stable. So those are things to consider
when you're talking about being married, because marriage comes with
a lot of commitment. So I wouldn't. I would tell
my daughter, my sister, you don't, you don't. You might
like him, loving whatever, but don't marry somebody that's not
financially stable, someone you cannot achieve, will you know? And

(01:01:11):
so that's those are my uh comings for today. Beb
I appreciate them.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
You welcome, common man, All right, thank you, common man.
I want to go. Doctor Jeffries Carl had a good
question about women who are attracted to bad boys, and
they say when they get these bad boys, they said,
I'm gonna get it and I'm gonna change them. Why
do they do that and and and we've talked about

(01:01:35):
you can't change anybody.

Speaker 3 (01:01:38):
Projects.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
Oh oh yeah, we talked about a project. That's right.
But I guess the first question is, doctor Jeffrey, before
we talk to project. You know, women are attracted to
bad boys some way, some women it is okay.

Speaker 3 (01:01:54):
Both say that they're attracted to bad boys. They don't
want them to be a bad boy with them. So
if you are attracted to a bad boy, and that's
what you're seeking out, the ultimate is not to be
with the bad boy, but to change that bore into
your man. That's a project. I don't care how you

(01:02:16):
want to address it up. What you want to call
it is the project because you have to do the
work to change them. And one or two things happen.
As we said before, when you become a project manager,
that's a full time job. That means that you've got
to you've got to monitor, manage, and direct all aspects

(01:02:38):
of your projects, life behavior, interactions, good, bad, and different.
And then let's say you are able to successfully make
some changes, then they started looking at you as a
project manager or a parent. And what do people do

(01:02:58):
once they no longer need a project manager or a
parent guide in their life, they go find them a partner. So,
but the thing that people say they want somebody that
they can make into a good person, then there again
is speaking about insecurities on your part. Because partners are interchangeable.

(01:03:21):
You're both equally accountable and responsible to each other and
for each other to adult managing or cooperatively and collaboratively
managing your relationships. But if one person is the person
who is directing everything and the other person can be irresponsible,

(01:03:47):
non accountable and not have to do anything, then that's
an imbalance. And most people don't respect somebody who allows
them to walk all over them or take advantage of them.
There's no investment on their party. So do you really
want a bad boy or do you wander? Because the

(01:04:09):
bad boy may be somebody fine to play with. That's
only if you're a bad girl and you know that
you don't have any expectations out of it. Then a
good time right now may be a ride or something
for a while, and then when something else catches his
or her eyes, then you out of the picture. Now,
some people want that and that's what that's time that

(01:04:31):
works for them, But that's not a relationship. That's a connection. Yes,
And we've been talking about collections, I mean the next
almost forty years. Right. You don't want to know the
definition of a connection.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Connection, right, And doctor Jeffers, a lot of people have connections.
You are when we say connections, you are connected to
that person for a particular reason.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
Exactly. The young lady Tracy, unfortunately, that's what she had.
She was paying for a connection, right, right, So that
was never going to materialize in a stable relationship or marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
And you know one other thing about marriage that people
people have created this romanticism around marriage. Marriage bobs out
of the romanticism of being in love with another person
and wanting to commit, you know, make a commitment uh

(01:05:40):
to that person to bring your two lives together and
then become interchangeable, collaborative, cooperative partners. But I think that
in many, many cases, what people, particularly my sisters, are
fascinated about is the marriage plan. Not the marriage, but

(01:06:01):
the wedding. It's the wedding that everybody sees. It's the
wedding that gives all the pomp and circumstance and all
the investment and stuff that goes into a wedding that lasts,
you know, the ceremony doesn't last an hour usually, and
then after you have your reception and all that kind

(01:06:22):
of stuff, you may maybe a good four hours or
five hours. And how much money have you invested in that?
And I'm not down in weddings. Weddings are a good thing.
If it's something there's discretionary fums. You should plan weddings
according to what you can afford. And if you have

(01:06:42):
resources and you're seriously talking about your future and you
spend in twenty at twenty five thousand dollars on a wedding,
twenty or twenty five thousand dollars will put you into
a very nice little house to start off in if
you're planning to be together. So I think that just
understanding what the whole dynamics of building a life is

(01:07:02):
based on, as opposed to you find the romance, then
have the person who's also romantically inclined and build on
vent to you have a stable, committed relationship. Then we
can talk about marriage and what that means. And as

(01:07:23):
Prince Charles indicated, you can love somebody and still not
want to marry them. That has nothing to do with
their being good, bad or indifferent to being a good spouse,
but it's your preference to remain single. So it's still
not a guarantee that you're going to get married. And
then if it is that you want to get married,

(01:07:45):
you have to be really clear about what's going to
cost you and what you're willing to put into it.
Some people get married and their behavior never changes, right
you know, so maybe that's what we need to talk about.
Have you know, a conversation about what it really means
to say I do and who you doing it too?

Speaker 5 (01:08:07):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:08:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:08:09):
I hear doctor Jeffries before we get out of here.
When we started off with trying, you remember that, she says,
you know, on done, went to counseling. Matter of fact,
she just sent me an email, she says, doctor Jeffries,
you summarize my situation perfectly. Thank you. Just to provide
more clarity. After being a divorcee for over twenty five years,

(01:08:34):
I was taken in by him, charming, well dressed, gentleman, older, settled,
protective and attentive. I called him a gentleman and a thug.
I truly believed I had found my guy. It was
within three years of our marriage that the reality set in.
He had a gambling problem that quickly led to household

(01:08:56):
financial struggles. As the responsible one, he knew I would
not let the bills fall behind, and he manipulated that
dynamic without an ounce of care. The turning point was
when he said he never told me he was going
to take care of me. That was my light bulb moment,
and I realized the marriage was effectively over. I left

(01:09:20):
last year, though we are still legally married. I was
initially hesitant to pursue a divorce, holding on to the
hope that he would want to honor the covenant and
work to keep our marriage whole. However, I didn't know
what I truly had when I married him. But I
have accepted the difficult truth, and I have remained in

(01:09:42):
counseling for my own well being. My piece is first,
but now I must release the ties that bind us.
Thank you, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 3 (01:09:53):
Do you know what? I am so glad? She wrote back,
But one last caveat today talk to you in the
turn because you still partners until you're no longer legal partners. Right,
And if he is a gambler and has an addiction
like that, and he's told you he don't want to
take care of you, then he definitely don't intend to

(01:10:19):
not look out for you handle your business. It sounds
like you're on the right track and I do wish
you much health, happiness and happy hunting.

Speaker 1 (01:10:30):
Yes, good and thank you. I'm trying for you know,
writing back, because we need to know because when we
tell people give them information, we like to know how
it works for you and what that does.

Speaker 3 (01:10:46):
It passes it on because if you right back and
said that the out that what we have shared was helpful,
then somebody else can take advantage.

Speaker 5 (01:10:56):
Of that and move forward.

Speaker 3 (01:10:58):
So hopefully somebody else will needed to hear that you
help them today as well.

Speaker 1 (01:11:04):
Good good, And before we get out of here, doctor Jeffery,
you know we always talk about counseling and I had
this one last question. So when people think about going
into counseling, doctor jeffries, what should they expect from the
therapist and the counseling session Because people have they think

(01:11:26):
because I've heard people say to me, well he or
she didn't tell me what to do. No, they're not
going to tell you what to do. So explain that,
doctor Jeffery, so people will be clear on that.

Speaker 3 (01:11:37):
What twos let me, I'm gonna do you one better?
Because actually I saw an article about the difference between
a good and a bad therapist. Okay, and so I'm
gonna look for that article and we can do that
next week, right right, And that's an objective one, yes,
and we can put that out so that and I

(01:11:57):
can answer questions that people may have about that.

Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
Yes, okay, that sounds good. I love that.

Speaker 3 (01:12:04):
But the first part is I can leave you with
license credentials.

Speaker 1 (01:12:11):
Remember that, y'all. License credential.

Speaker 3 (01:12:15):
They went to a real school, writing some things, past
state tests and have credentials within that state where you are,
so that that you know that you have some because unfortunately,
there are a lot of well meaning people who think
that counseling is nothing but listening you talk about your

(01:12:36):
problems and them giving you their.

Speaker 1 (01:12:37):
Advice, right exactly, But that is not You would talk to.

Speaker 3 (01:12:43):
Your best friend and your mama about that, you know,
and they know you.

Speaker 1 (01:12:50):
You right, doctor Jefferson.

Speaker 5 (01:12:51):
Right.

Speaker 3 (01:12:52):
But you want a professional mental health person, Okay, Okay,
that's one thing you definitely want. You want somebody with
mental health experience, and you want somebody who's experienced with
working whatever your gender, cultural orientation, diverse, being able to

(01:13:15):
work with diverse populations and all of that kind of
good stuff because that helps you see and understands that
they come in with an awareness that people have differences,
and differences are to be appreciated, not mitigated or minimalized.
You want to be seen and heard for who you

(01:13:38):
are so and respected. So but I'm gonna look for
that and then we can do that.

Speaker 1 (01:13:44):
Yeah, and we can share that next week.

Speaker 4 (01:13:46):
So it's important.

Speaker 3 (01:13:47):
Yeah, yeah, because we're headed for the holidays, people are
going to have to have to to start thinking about
how they're going to care for themselves. More anniversary blues.

Speaker 1 (01:13:59):
And all of that in the holiday blues.

Speaker 3 (01:14:02):
Right, So we'll do that and give some mental health
resources that might be available.

Speaker 1 (01:14:08):
Sounds good. Well, you did good today, and you know what,
we want to thank the folks for the emails, doctor Jeffers.

Speaker 4 (01:14:14):
Good day to day women.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
Yeah, no, women, thank you, sisters. I know you all
may not want to call, but we love these sisters. Sisters.
Keep giving us these emails.

Speaker 3 (01:14:25):
That's right, do it, just do it your way. It's helpful.

Speaker 1 (01:14:28):
It is, it is, it is, it is. Thank you,
doctor Jeffries. Have a beautiful weekend, sister and we look
forward to next Friday.

Speaker 3 (01:14:37):
All right, and handlo phone, get our heart on it. Handlo,
I know that's right.

Speaker 1 (01:14:42):
We're gonna we're gonna go off of I know that's right.

Speaker 3 (01:14:44):
Doctor Joff, Okay, twenty five. I should not have to
be listening on a cell phone and talking on the regular.

Speaker 1 (01:14:50):
And you absolutely correct. All right, thank you you too,
all right, bye bye. That that is our ex spurt
our relationship Behavioral relationship consultant, Doctor Dorothy Jeffrey. The views
and opinions discussed on the BEV Johnson Show are that

(01:15:13):
of the hosts and callers and not those of the
staff and sponsors of WDIA. We want to thank you callers,
We want to thank you listeners for joining us this
day on the BEV Johnson Show. We do, we really
do appreciate you. So until tomorrow, please be safe, keep

(01:15:42):
a cool head, y'all, don't let anyone steal your joy.
Looking forward to having you all come worship with us
on Sunday at the Mount Pisga sem Me Church twenty
four to ninety Park Avenue right there park in Marsham
Hill as we celebrate one hundred and forty five years
in the Orange mild community with our pastor, the Reverend

(01:16:04):
Kenneth Thomas and our first lady, doctor Thomas. Yeah, welcome
you then, So come on y'all and as always, don't
let anyone steal your joy. Yeah, Mark Baker take me

(01:16:26):
home boyfriend, SA