Lost ,Ignored, Forgotten wtih Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

Are you feeling Lost, Ignored, and Forgotten in the Dating World? Tips for turning Challenges into Choices is the topic of conversation with Behavioral and Relationship Consultant Dr. Dorothy Jeffries on The Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Memphis probably presents the Ben Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let me say, Beth, stop me fist.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
Let me you say, she's gone empis stop game alone.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
No matter of the problem she can have.

Speaker 4 (00:32):
So all the phono and a normans on your mind.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
She don't understand you mean in the hair by telling
you to just keep the thing when a wrangle pegging
out this Johnson Show because we've.

Speaker 5 (00:53):
Got nothing.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
You can hear every day, I.

Speaker 4 (01:03):
Got me a missing.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome into w
d i A The Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 6 (01:56):
I'm Bev. It is indeed a pleasure to have you
with us once again.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
And on this Friday, May twenty third, twenty twenty five,
Memorral Day weekend.

Speaker 6 (02:07):
Yeah it is.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah, wherever you are, I hope you're having a fabulous day.
It is Relationship Day, you know. It is on Fridays
where we talk about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,
and most of all loving between consenting adults. We'll do

(02:30):
that with our expert, our behavioral relationship consultant.

Speaker 6 (02:36):
Doctor Dorothy Jeffries. We will be talking with her when
at your turn to top. You know you can all
you need to do is dial these numbers.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Nine zero, one, five, three, five, nine three four two
nine zero one five three five, nine three four two
eight hundred five zero three nine three four two eight
hundred and five zero three, nine three four two eight

(03:07):
three three by three five nine three four to two
will get you in to us.

Speaker 6 (03:16):
And if this day, this day, Friday.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
May twenty third, twenty twenty five, is your birthday. Happy
birthday to each and every one of y'all out there
who may be celebrating a birthday on this day and
on tomorrow May.

Speaker 6 (03:38):
Twenty fourth, Sunday, May twenty fifth as well.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Happy birthday y'all. You know what we say, Go out
and celebrate your life. You better, you better. When I
come back, I'll share some doubdia good will announcement and
then we'll talk to doctor Dorothy Jeffries, our behavioral relationship specialists.

(04:07):
Next with me Bev Johnson on The Bev Johnson Show
only on do w d I A.

Speaker 6 (04:55):
Working Hard to bring you outa day, no saving.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
Day, relish, good morning, and welcome back to wd I
A The Bev Johnson Show. It is Friday, May twenty third,

(05:31):
twenty twenty five. As we get ready to go into
Memorial Day. Wee can be safe out there. I hope
wherever you are you are fabulous as well. For our
first time listeners, welcome, Welcome.

Speaker 6 (05:44):
You just may be a first time call it. We
welcome you to call in.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
And it is our Relationship Day where we talk about
relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful and
most of all loving between consenting.

Speaker 6 (06:00):
That's the key word, consenting adults.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
We're doing that with our expert, our behavioral and relationship consultant,
doctor Dorothy Jeffries. I love this topic today. Let me
give it to you one more time. Are you feeling lost,
ignored and forgotten in the dating world. Well, doctor Jay

(06:25):
is gonna give you some tips for turning challenges into choices.
And let me say good morning, Happy Mamorrow Day weekend
to doctor Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 6 (06:36):
Good morning, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 7 (06:38):
How you It's an excellent day in the neighborhood. The
sun is shine, the birds singing, and I'm just glad
it's Friday.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
I'm glad it's Friday too. Ooh, I'm glad it's Friday.
To doctor Jeffries. You know what I was saying, doctor Jeffries.
You know, the as the world changed the time the calendar,
usually we would have Memorial Day will be the end
of the month of May.

Speaker 6 (07:05):
This is just the twenty and now it's here Monday, and.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
Goodness gracious that I don't know, but like I say,
everything must change, doctor Jeffrey, we just have to deal
with it and go with the changes.

Speaker 7 (07:17):
Well, right now everything is topsy turvy and curby werby
and stuff.

Speaker 8 (07:21):
We don't know what to do or what to think.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
And you're right, but it is Memorial Day weekend, and
so we wish everybody a happy Memorial Day and be safe.
And I think about, doctor Jeffries, those people who have
served in our armed services, you know, you know, we
wish them well and that they're doing well. So I
just want to say that, and I know you probably

(07:45):
want to say it as well.

Speaker 7 (07:46):
Absolutely beb. I mean, when we think about the word
Memorial Day, you know, we think about people who have
gone on and the contributions that they have made. And
I don't think that we really showed the value and
respect for those people, men and women and their families

(08:07):
who have been committed to military service so that we
can enjoy a feeling of security and freedom that.

Speaker 8 (08:17):
Is unknown to so many.

Speaker 7 (08:19):
Other parts of the world, so we commit there. I've
had a number of relatives who have served, both men
and women, and I'm proud of those who passed on
and those who are still living, in particular, you know,
my brothers and uncles and cousins and them. Fortunately we
didn't lose anybody, you know, during service, but they definitely

(08:42):
made their commitment and made a contribution.

Speaker 8 (08:45):
So we salute you, yes.

Speaker 9 (08:48):
We do.

Speaker 6 (08:48):
We salute you.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Thank you, doctor Jeffries. Doctor Jeffries, I love this topic today.
And the reason why I'm telling you that I love
it just last week when I was on vacation and
a couple of the.

Speaker 6 (09:03):
Ladies that were there went with me on vacation.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
They were talking about how hard it is in the
dating world today, and then you come up with this topic.

Speaker 6 (09:13):
Let me say it one more time. Are you feeling.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Lost, ignored and forgotten in the dating world? Lost, ignored
and forgotten, doctor Jefferson. And they were saying it's hard
to find somebody. And they were older ladies, older ladies,
not young. They not they were I would say, uh,
in their they were in their sixties and say it said,

(09:38):
you know, it's hard. I said, I would like to
date somebody. I don't want to be married. They was,
I don't want to be but just have a companion
and date and said, it's so hard because because I'm
gonna tell you what they were saying, can you can
imagine what they said. But you know, you know your girlfriends,
you know, you know we've heard them all in group.
But but they say, it is so hard to date

(10:01):
these days. So let's talk about that, Doc Jeffrey. When
you say you're feeling lost, you're feeling ignored, you're feeling
forgotten in the dating world.

Speaker 8 (10:13):
Well, you know, there are two science to every story.

Speaker 7 (10:17):
Yeah, and one of the biggest things is that. And
I hear you saying people and their women in their sixties.
Society may tell you that when you're in your sixties,
you know you're supposed to fill a certain role, or
by now you may be a grandparent and dealing with

(10:38):
adult children or senior parents and what have you. But
we still desire and crave companionships, sexual intimacy of having
a stable partner. Not necessarily in sixty does everybody want
to be married, but just the consistency and the stability

(11:02):
of having a partner that you're comfortable with, that you trust,
and that you enjoy spending time with, and who feels
the same way about you. But in many cases, we
count ourselves out, you know, we sit around with our
friends and we make assumptions and the declarations about why

(11:26):
it's so hard to find a good partner, and in
many cases, the reasons why we can't find some good
men or women out there is that, as a means
of protecting ourselves from past experiences, setting up safety nets

(11:49):
and walls to avoid repetitive issues that we may have
had in the past, we set such a rigid of
expectations that we can comfortably assure ourselves that nobody is
going to live up to those standards, including ourselves. So

(12:11):
we find ourselves struggling justifying companionship or the availability of somebody,
because we say, unless they can pick off every box
on our list, I'm not wasting my time. And in
many cases it's because of what has happened in the past,
which is still your unfinished business. We rule out potentially

(12:36):
very compatible partners, and that, I think is a big
thing what we have manifested in our head about what
we don't want and won't accept, and then the favorite
I can do bad all by myself. I don't need
a partner. But we're social beings and its fine if

(12:58):
we have great peace, your you know, peer relationships with
men and women that we do things with. But the
heart still craze, the body still needs, our social needs
are still there, and being fifty and over is not
the end of the line.

Speaker 8 (13:19):
In fact, you should be growing more into your.

Speaker 7 (13:25):
Personal confidence and your personal sense of self. You know,
in the terms we use by now, you are to
be a grown man and woman, you know, settle into
who you are, or those things that you've been able
to resolve, you dress them and come to terms with them,

(13:46):
at least to a point that they're not flags that
come up every single day.

Speaker 8 (13:51):
But you come to a point where you should be cruising,
you know, relaxed.

Speaker 7 (13:56):
Kind of put things in place, and not just being
a drama king or queen every day or a grumpy,
bitchy old person every day. We had behind all those
negative emotions and then blamed everybody and everything else out
in the world as our denial of happiness and companionship.

(14:20):
And it's just not fair, because life is too short.
Life is too sweet not to be shared with somebody
that you respect and care for and who cares for
you in return.

Speaker 9 (14:34):
HM.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
So I want to go back to something you said,
and I think, and I think, doctor Jeffries, a lot
of people, when you talked about when you're not dating,
it's protection from past experiences. And I think that a
lot of people who have had bad relationships will say, well,

(14:58):
I don't want to be in a relationship because of
what happened lat I want to be going through that again.

Speaker 6 (15:04):
But we have to remember, and.

Speaker 2 (15:05):
You've said this all the time, doctor Jeffries, everybody is different.

Speaker 6 (15:11):
Just because yeah, everybody, everybody is different.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
That that last relationship you had doesn't mean that the
new relationship you're gonna have is going to.

Speaker 6 (15:20):
Be like that last one. Why is it, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
A lot of us cannot get that out of our heads,
that pass experience.

Speaker 7 (15:29):
Because then it's somebody else's fault. And what do we
always say?

Speaker 8 (15:35):
You are your own gatekeeper?

Speaker 10 (15:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 8 (15:38):
Yo, if you don't want daisies.

Speaker 7 (15:41):
In your yard, you want roses, Why the heck do
you keep planting dates.

Speaker 8 (15:48):
And expecting roses?

Speaker 7 (15:50):
Yeah, you have to plant rose bushes if that's what
you want, as.

Speaker 8 (15:54):
Opposed to say, I can't do nothing with this, y'ad.

Speaker 7 (15:57):
This is not with the kind of flower guy and
I wanted. And what these damn dayes keep coming up,
and I'm just getting fed up with it. How did
the dasers get in there?

Speaker 8 (16:07):
Why is it there nobody here? You haven't gotten out there?
Trap them up, clide them over.

Speaker 7 (16:12):
Whatever it takes, we kill her, whatever it hits.

Speaker 8 (16:15):
To empower yourself to.

Speaker 7 (16:17):
Say, if I want roses, then I'm going to at
least plant roses and give myself a chance to see
if I can grow roses.

Speaker 8 (16:27):
So that I can enjoy them.

Speaker 7 (16:29):
But it's much easier to let ourselves off the hook
and say, you know that woman I was involved with
twenty years ago, you know, every time I feel like
I'm getting close to somebody, I remember what she did
to me. Or you know, you know my children's father,
and he may be long gone dead to cease, moved

(16:51):
on with his life and whatever, I remember the first
year we got together, blah blah blah happened. And so
right now I don't trust I don't trust no man
at all. You know, I just don't want to fool
with them, well, where you were back then and at
the age you were, and your level experience, and where.

Speaker 11 (17:12):
He was that that thing.

Speaker 7 (17:14):
Hopefully, when you're now.

Speaker 8 (17:17):
Over fifty, you should you should have grown or.

Speaker 7 (17:20):
At least be wise enough to say, you know.

Speaker 8 (17:24):
I don't make the same old mistakes.

Speaker 7 (17:28):
Give yourself an opportunity to use what you learn, and
if there are mistakes to be made, things that you
can look at as lessons, as opposed of denials and
commitments to loneliness and failure.

Speaker 8 (17:45):
We we will say, if you're over fifty.

Speaker 7 (17:49):
Don't nobody want no woman fifty years old.

Speaker 8 (17:51):
Because these men just want.

Speaker 7 (17:54):
Young women, and you know, I don't have time for
all that kind of foolishness. One of the first things
if you're looking for love is you have to love
yourself now, particularly if you are black, and in this country,
nine times out of ten you suffer with some common

(18:16):
chronic illnesses. You do yourself an injustice if you don't
address those issues medically.

Speaker 8 (18:25):
So if you have hypherotension, if you.

Speaker 7 (18:27):
Have heart disease, if you have that being, if you
have high cholesterol, if you're overweight, or if you live
out a junct food because I don't want to cook
for no one person and all of those things, or
you eat the wrong things that you know you shouldn't
be doing, or you don't exercise. All of those things
are controllable factors. You can't be your best self if

(18:51):
you feel chronically ill, lethargic, you know, all of those
things batter than bruised by your own poor decisions and choices.
So the first thing you do is you set up
a loving relationship with yourself. You know, where you force
yourself to eat properly, to get some exercise, to get

(19:15):
some sunlight, to spend time with people, where you can
begin to change that. You know, that dim kind of
shut in, blackened mood, that kind of a cloud that
follows you around, where everything that comes out of your
mouth is no negative and no more so.

Speaker 12 (19:38):
When you begin to.

Speaker 7 (19:40):
Feel better and do things that encourage good physical health,
then you begin to look better.

Speaker 8 (19:48):
And when you begin to look.

Speaker 7 (19:49):
Better, we naturally have an increase in our confidence level
about our body image. You know, we can dress that,
we can dress with clo those that accommodate out side
our reduce size, or brought you beefing upsides. Whatever it
is that you're trying to work with. But we can

(20:09):
wear proper fitting clothes, we can dress according to a
contemporary person at our age. We can do those things
that present us as grown men and women that somebody
might find appealing. Because when somebody sees you, I promise you,
whether you're in a relationship where your love, where you're

(20:32):
loving yourself, or you're taking care of yourself, people can
look at you and tell if you look cared for,
if you look like something that the cat drug again
and don't give a crap about all of that, people
can see that. And if people can see that, most
people don't want none of that.

Speaker 6 (20:52):
Right wow.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
So, first of all, as we always say the first
step in the tip doctor Jeffery, you have to love
yourself first.

Speaker 7 (21:04):
Absolutely, nobody's gonna do their job for you better than you.
In fact, the way you love yourself and care for
yourself and how you present yourself as this love, love well,
love and care for a person sets the basis standards
for how somebody else can be invited into your life

(21:26):
to love and care for you.

Speaker 8 (21:28):
Because if you look thrown away.

Speaker 7 (21:30):
People say I can do I can treat that person
any kind of way.

Speaker 8 (21:35):
If you have low expectations.

Speaker 7 (21:37):
People say, I don't have to be respectful.

Speaker 8 (21:41):
I don't have to you know, keep my word, I
don't have to do.

Speaker 7 (21:45):
Any of these things. But if you look like you
know you, way you come in and.

Speaker 8 (21:52):
Out of my life, the way you enter is according
to this, this, and.

Speaker 7 (21:57):
This, and if this is not something that you're comfortable
with doing or even learning how to do, or at
least presenting how to do or us discussing it, then
there's no reason for me to open the door for
you to even knock.

Speaker 8 (22:15):
So, but you have to set that up.

Speaker 7 (22:17):
This is not a grab bag that you can come
on being a fast food man and a drive I
mean a fast food woman and a drive through man.
That's not going to do that. Setting your standards of expectations, saying.

Speaker 8 (22:32):
What you think you deserve because you show it anyway.

Speaker 7 (22:36):
But if you consciously begin to do things where you
do care for yourself, then the mindset is assume that
you will present that image.

Speaker 8 (22:47):
To the public.

Speaker 7 (22:49):
And the more you change and expect respect, then you
get respect. You know, I like the way Star joints
that you can't demand people to respect you, but you
can't command people to respect you.

Speaker 6 (23:07):
Yes, you absolutely correct, Absolutely correct.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
If you've drops tuned in this morning, we are talking
our topic of conversation. Are you feeling lost, ignored, and
forgotten in the dating world, and Doctor Jeffrey, I would
just love to hear from, hopefully we hear from these
folks men and women who who say they just can't date,
they can't find, they are being ignored, they are lost,

(23:36):
they don't understand what's going on. I hope we get
some of those calls to help those folks because, especially
if doctor jeffries they want to be in some kind
of relationship because somebody may say, I don't want to
be in a relationship. Well that's okay, isn't it.

Speaker 7 (23:54):
That's okay, and it is okay.

Speaker 8 (23:57):
But acknowledge, you know, at least for your own you know,
mental health.

Speaker 7 (24:01):
Acknowledge why you don't want that, Why do you want
to Why do you want to.

Speaker 8 (24:06):
Be isolated and solitary? Okay, nobody's asking.

Speaker 7 (24:09):
You to get married, nobody's asking you to live with somebody,
nobody's asking you to do that.

Speaker 8 (24:15):
What I am.

Speaker 7 (24:15):
Inviting you to do is to set up your own
expectations and boundaries for how you want to engage with someone.
And then if you set that up, then you get
to choose if there's somebody who is appealing to you
that you might consider, who appears to be interested enough

(24:37):
in you that you spend the time dating and getting
to know each other.

Speaker 8 (24:42):
See, we don't.

Speaker 7 (24:43):
We don't want to, and we've talked about this before.
We don't want to go through the dating steps, you know,
we want Why Why is that? Because that requires time,
measured time, contemplated thought and intentions. In intensional dating means
that you have some specific tasks that you want to

(25:06):
see accomplished by the partner as well as yourself before
you move to next levels, more intimate levels, more permanent
levels of what have you? And that requires a process.

Speaker 8 (25:18):
We like to do instant putting, you know, we like
to do it. Just add the water and whip it
with a spoon, and then.

Speaker 7 (25:25):
You got banana pudding. Anybody who really likes banana pudding? No,
that's not banana pudding. They artificially flavored something, but it
is not banana pudding.

Speaker 8 (25:36):
Doesn't even have bananas in it.

Speaker 7 (25:38):
So you need to learn the difference about it.

Speaker 8 (25:42):
But you first have to come up with what do
you want. Some people may like.

Speaker 7 (25:46):
Instant put it all right, but it leads the after taste,
and the after taste may be rejection, It may be betrayal,
it may be misused, it may be disrespect. You take
a chance on getting that. But if those are the
things that you do not want to have to deal with,

(26:07):
then immediately with the first contention that somebody finds that
you are an option and not a priority for them,
get up, walk out, close the door, erase the number.

Speaker 8 (26:23):
And that takes courage.

Speaker 6 (26:24):
It does take courage, It does, it does take courage.

Speaker 2 (26:28):
We are talking this day, doctor Jefferys, are gonna take
a break and get back into our topic of conversation.
Let me invite you to call if you have a
question or two, or if it's hard for you to
find some dating you've been ignored, your loss, you're forgotten
in the dating world, and any other relationship question that
you may have for doctor Jeffries. We invite you to

(26:49):
call nine zero one, five three five, nine three four
to two eight hundred five zero three nine three four
to two or eight three three three five nine three
four two. Now, if you can't call in, we do
invite you to email me. Here's my email Bev Johnson

(27:12):
at iHeartMedia dot com. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com,
and we'll answer those questions you have for doctor Jeffries
this day.

Speaker 6 (27:26):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show on w d
I A.

Speaker 4 (27:33):
The Bev Jnson Show.

Speaker 13 (27:51):
Hi, this is David Porter, and you are listening to
the Queen of talk, Bev Johnson.

Speaker 6 (27:56):
She is the one and only.

Speaker 13 (27:58):
No one can tapa, no one can stop it, and
I'm in love with it. You listen to Bell Johnson
at w d I am.

Speaker 6 (28:22):
I'm telling you just keep the first around a bear
enough behoving, So welcome back to w d I.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
A topic of conversation this relationship day. Are you feeling lost,
ignored and forgotten in the dating world? And Doctor Jeffrey
is gonna give tips for turning challenges into choices. Doctor Jeffries,
I am going to our phone lines to talk what
some of our listeners w d I A unforgetful?

Speaker 6 (29:07):
Kay to justin, how you going doing well today? Unforgetful?

Speaker 7 (29:10):
And you.

Speaker 14 (29:13):
Unforgotten?

Speaker 10 (29:14):
Okay, I feel so forgotten?

Speaker 6 (29:17):
Best John Why do you feel forgotten?

Speaker 11 (29:22):
It's just saying like when it comes to relationship, the Jent.
I'm sort of like a traditional type person. It's just
that people today are different.

Speaker 14 (29:32):
Than today when I was trying to talk to.

Speaker 10 (29:35):
A young lady or whatever.

Speaker 8 (29:37):
You know.

Speaker 10 (29:37):
It's just I feel so forgotten.

Speaker 6 (29:40):
It's just, so, what do you mean when you say
you feel forgotten? Unforgetful?

Speaker 14 (29:46):
I mean even the older generation, my generation, they more
in tune with stuff. Thats young folks, do you know
what I'm saying? Even addressing even the conversation.

Speaker 11 (29:57):
You know, when I be listening to w D and
I listened to all the classes of music and joy
and when I play it in my car, they seemed
like they want to go to another station. And here's
some hip hop, you know, some names that I'm not
familiar with.

Speaker 10 (30:13):
That kind of music. And then the dressing pod, you know.

Speaker 11 (30:17):
I mean it gets pre different.

Speaker 14 (30:18):
I mean their names, that's jun But they want to.

Speaker 11 (30:21):
Seem like like like what you be saying, you know,
everything changed to change the time, you know, and all
that kind of stuff.

Speaker 10 (30:28):
But I don't believe in that, you know.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
So that's why so you're saying you're having a hard
time dating because you just feel.

Speaker 6 (30:38):
For good.

Speaker 14 (30:40):
When out there trying to Beth just it's hard to
find a person that's on the same wave link that
you is.

Speaker 6 (30:47):
You know, I'm sure somebody on the same wave link
that you are. Unforgetful.

Speaker 11 (30:52):
Yeah, and this just when you were talking about your
three friends, uh, the ones that's sixty years old.

Speaker 14 (30:59):
I can understand where they're coming from.

Speaker 10 (31:02):
Do you what not a name?

Speaker 8 (31:06):
You don't have to know?

Speaker 2 (31:07):
You don't have to know their names? What do you
You don't have to know their names? Okay, So you
say you understand where.

Speaker 6 (31:13):
They're coming from.

Speaker 10 (31:15):
We got a bunch of names out there, like married
Brenda Carling. Come on, now, we got a bunch of
names out there. Okay, what's the first name? Is justin?
You can't tell us about.

Speaker 6 (31:26):
What's the part?

Speaker 2 (31:27):
So you say you understand where they're coming from? So
what do you understand where they're coming from? What is
it about what you understand about them?

Speaker 8 (31:35):
You know where the.

Speaker 10 (31:36):
Biggest problem with women's there's Johnthon. I'm just just my
opinion as a man. Okay, y'all listen too much of
y'all girlfriends, you know, fan out for yourself. I don't
go around and listen to what men gonna tell me
about what other mans, do you know or what other
women do? And that's not my mind said, I think

(31:59):
the biggest problem with women there they listen too much
of what other women think because one time I don't
see it all that we all are difference.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Okay, I got your unforgetful, so okay, well i'll we
all are different.

Speaker 10 (32:12):
We know that.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
So I when I get back to doctor Jeffries, I'll
tell doctor Jefferys that you feel the last thing?

Speaker 10 (32:19):
This is the last thing?

Speaker 6 (32:20):
What is that? Unforgetful?

Speaker 11 (32:22):
Will you answer the call?

Speaker 8 (32:24):
You know?

Speaker 10 (32:25):
I laugh where you where you say? I said, unclegiffer,
you said, okay, I could feel your bye baby girl.

Speaker 6 (32:35):
Okay, I feel forgot Okay, I know I love you, unforgetful. Okay,
thank you unforgetful. Have a good week.

Speaker 10 (32:48):
I do, I do, thank you you. You just don't
know warm day of your from my heart.

Speaker 5 (32:54):
Well, thankuse.

Speaker 10 (32:55):
I never made you and I love you that well.

Speaker 6 (32:58):
Thank you God for bye. W D I a high caller.
Hey you're on the air.

Speaker 8 (33:08):
Oh I didn't know that.

Speaker 5 (33:09):
Okay, mouthful of medine, but anyway, thanks for taking my call.

Speaker 10 (33:15):
I just wanted to.

Speaker 5 (33:16):
Say hello to both of you, doctors and your topic
is very well well received. I'm one of those people
and I feel not not not to a way, but
I'm going through a change right now.

Speaker 6 (33:31):
What kind of change you're going through? How do you captain?

Speaker 15 (33:36):
I think I'm right in the setting me.

Speaker 5 (33:39):
But I started at fifty five. I noticed everybody was
accepting me and dealing with me and dealing with me
because of what they saw out of their eyes. So
I asked God to show me what they're seeing. And
what they saw was he wearing dripping gold jewelry. And
some of the women say, I look like a pimp,
and I said, I've never been a pimp, but I

(34:00):
was dressing with a lot of jewelry, and I go
cadillacts and all kind of pretty cars and all that
kind of thing. Whereas people saw me that way, they
see me and uh, they didn't see me in the
police cars. That was I was meant police they didn't
see me because I worked twelve o'clock eight in the
morning and they never saw me. And most good people,
I said, were at home in the bed stuff. So

(34:23):
when I'm out there and I worked under cover, they
didn't see me. And when they did see me, I
was playing clothes double looking like the case that was
part of my dress.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
So now so now so at fifty five they saw
you this. So now you're in your sixty So what
you say in your kind of feelings?

Speaker 5 (34:38):
Yeah, seventy years old, I say to everybody, I said,
always look at what they're saying. Because she kept saying,
Doc kept saying something about how people perceive you. So
when I go in churches and things, I said, I
go in there just playing Jane, I mean paying Johnny's
call it.

Speaker 16 (34:53):
And I go and I sit in the back. But
then the women come to me, and everywhere I go
they chased me. When you are had the duke to
a thing, I got so.

Speaker 5 (35:02):
Many phone numbers, so many names, and uh all this time.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
So now in your seventies, cap, let me get let
me get to this question. So I'm trying to find out.
So now you do you feel lost, ignored or forgotten.

Speaker 6 (35:15):
Or what you can't date? Or you you're not interesting
or what?

Speaker 8 (35:19):
What?

Speaker 9 (35:19):
What is it?

Speaker 5 (35:21):
I have a trust the issue trust?

Speaker 16 (35:23):
Now, yeah, because the people that I had, that they're
always been there in my life, that were real people.
They passed away. They all passed away, like when they
never saw Obama come a black president. That bothered me
a lot because they didn't believe he was gonna make it.
But then I didn't think nothing of it until I
realized that people I see.

Speaker 6 (35:41):
So I got it.

Speaker 7 (35:42):
Now.

Speaker 6 (35:42):
So you you you have trust issues or the people
you meet have trust issues with you.

Speaker 5 (35:49):
Yeah, that don't happen with me, but you have people
still rushing.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
You have trust issues with up pay Okay, I got it. Okay,
we gotta we're gonna trust that trust issues.

Speaker 10 (35:58):
I like that.

Speaker 5 (35:59):
Okay, sense your think.

Speaker 16 (36:00):
And I said, for the people, the preachers, everybody, when
they see me, they see something that they don't know.

Speaker 5 (36:07):
And it's a song I sing all the time.

Speaker 16 (36:09):
People see me, but they just don't know. I said
it and started laughing because I said, they don't know
who they're talking to when they're talking to me.

Speaker 5 (36:16):
I'm the guy that introduced me. I'm the guy.

Speaker 10 (36:20):
We got your, captain.

Speaker 6 (36:21):
Okay, okay, okay, captain, I got you. We got you.
We don't have to go through all this story book,
but we got you. I got you. Thank you, captain.

Speaker 10 (36:30):
Captain.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
Want to tell I got it. I got to trust
and we're gonna address that. W D I a high caller.

Speaker 15 (36:39):
Hey, Hi, I want to pandy.

Speaker 6 (36:47):
He says again, I can't. I can't holler here. You
need to turn your radio down and talk to me.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
Okay, well they're gone, so I'm going back to doctor Jefferies.
Doctor Jeffery, we were starting off good.

Speaker 11 (37:04):
I'm tellious from you.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Haul your mules anyway? Okay, So unforgetful, saying Doctor Jefferies.
He feels forgotten, and then Captain says he has trust issues, right.

Speaker 8 (37:21):
Because they what they see.

Speaker 7 (37:24):
Is not who he is, right, And it sounds like
with Captain that he's still trying to he may not
be working, but he's dressing. He's still dressing under cover
when he's going out, regardless of how he presents himself.
So he hadn't whatever is the real self. And a

(37:46):
lot of times because if people were drawn to who
and what he looked like when he was working on
the cover, he.

Speaker 8 (37:54):
Appears to believe that if.

Speaker 7 (37:57):
They found the real him, they would not be as
attractive or it would be a different type of person,
which makes perfect sense. But if you want a relationship,
and it is possible in your seventies, show people who
you really are and that people are drawn to that

(38:18):
or feel some level.

Speaker 8 (38:19):
Of attraction to who they see you as you really are.

Speaker 7 (38:24):
Then that's the beginning to begin a friendship, to start
dating and so forth. But I think that he's a
perfect example of when I.

Speaker 8 (38:35):
Was talking about people create these.

Speaker 7 (38:38):
Barriers around themselves. That creates a kind of a mistique
about why you won't dat anybody, why you won't talk
to me, and what have you, And most of the reasons,
most of the barriers are mental barriers, and they're playing
scripts from when they were heard, when they were abandoned,

(38:58):
when they were.

Speaker 8 (38:59):
Cheated upon, you know.

Speaker 15 (39:01):
When they were used, and what have you.

Speaker 7 (39:03):
Or in a rare case, it was I loved this
one person when I was fifteen, and I'm never gonna
love anybody else because there was the only person who
really loved me. And here you are at sixty, and
you know you've spent all those years dealing in the
past with a memory of a high school love. Granted

(39:27):
it may have felt real, and I'm sure it did,
it was intense, but you've cheated yourself over what you
have at this point created as a fantastically.

Speaker 8 (39:39):
Perfect relationship with a ghost.

Speaker 7 (39:43):
And nobody can live up to that, So you gotta
think about why is it that we create these barriers
and first own life with the captain, own the fact
you're still messing up like the pimp. So why if
you're not a pimp, why are you hiding behind that

(40:06):
and saying you can't find.

Speaker 8 (40:08):
Who it is that you want.

Speaker 7 (40:11):
You may not be in the goal and all that
kind of stuff, but your mindset and your behavior when
you're around potential people that you might be interested in,
it's behave like a pimp, you know. So if you
gave that up, who would they meet? And that's a

(40:31):
and that's I think it's a big thing. That's an issue.
How do people meet?

Speaker 8 (40:37):
Now?

Speaker 7 (40:38):
Most people meet online, which is a sax pool, a
snake pit, because you just it's like you're going to
Mega market, which is our data. You going shopping looking
for something, and they've got everything in.

Speaker 8 (40:57):
A bondance there, but you don't know what's real. And
work may believe because.

Speaker 7 (41:03):
People can get online and put up advertised and false
yos and pictures and all that kind of stuff and
create a fantasy that may not even be down here
on earth, and then you find yourself drawn to that.
And because we may have our own body issues and
our own lack of confidence. We carry on a torrent

(41:29):
virtual relationship with somebody that we've never met face to
face and find ourselves in love with this person because
we're now living in a fantasy where you can be
whatever it is you want, but none of it's real
and truth. And that's where people are preferring to me,

(41:49):
because we are romantically late and we're still believing that
somebody's gonna come along. It's going to be one of
those happenspace things you meet at the bus stop, or
you know, you go somewhere with a friend and you
meet that special person, that special.

Speaker 8 (42:06):
Man and that woman.

Speaker 7 (42:07):
We have to work at what it is we want,
and romantic love is more fictional and fantastical, particularly now
in this world where people are not as morally driven.
It is best that you do the grit work of

(42:28):
really digging in and when you find yourself drawn to somebody,
pacing yourself to find.

Speaker 8 (42:35):
Out what's real, what's not real, what.

Speaker 7 (42:39):
You know, make believe on your part and their part,
what their expectations are, what your expectations are. And if
people avoid giving you contact information or avoid face to
face meeting, click take the number down, take the post down,
don't answer any more, move on. Don't tie up your

(43:03):
time with something that.

Speaker 8 (43:05):
Is too good to be true, because as over here
in my world of cynicism.

Speaker 7 (43:11):
If it's too good to be true, it's probably not.

Speaker 6 (43:15):
Okay.

Speaker 14 (43:16):
Let me.

Speaker 8 (43:18):
Oh, I'm forgetful, don't forget. I forget.

Speaker 6 (43:20):
Oh yeah, I forget.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
He said, he's he feels forgot, and he's a traditional
kind of person, and he's he's feels lost.

Speaker 6 (43:30):
For God the thing that.

Speaker 7 (43:32):
I'm forgetful, and I love him too bad.

Speaker 11 (43:35):
So you know, he's one of our old time favorites.

Speaker 5 (43:39):
Right, and what have you.

Speaker 7 (43:41):
But one of the things that I would suggest that
unforgetful is do some do some soul searching and figure
out who it is that you really are.

Speaker 8 (43:54):
Because one week, just accept.

Speaker 7 (43:56):
Me for who I am, I am what I am,
I'm a true dishalist, and I'm this and but and
then the next week you've changed your mo to something else.
I don't know if you're aware of it or not,
but when it comes across, it's like you're interested in
something totally different, or you your image of yourself is
totally different from what you said the week before. So

(44:19):
if there is somebody who's listening who may be curious
about you, or may even be interested or want to
meet you, you gotta have some consistency in that. Even
on the radio, you have to be consistent because otherwise
people then think, well, I don't know what's real and

(44:39):
what's not real. I don't know if this is true
or if he's clear about who he is and what
have you. I do think that you want to be
a traditional male You you a spouse or you you
characterize yourself by identifying very strong male dominated characteristics. And

(45:03):
then on the other hand, I don't need nobody. I'm
just gonna be by myself and blah blah blah. I
think you're very lonely, and I think that you want
to have somebody in your life.

Speaker 8 (45:12):
I think you want to be in love with somebody.
But just like everybody else, men.

Speaker 7 (45:19):
And women, you've got to give up some of the
barriers that you've.

Speaker 8 (45:24):
Put up to protect yourself because, let me.

Speaker 7 (45:29):
Tell you, people say they want love and I'm not
talking about the dating and the socialization and all that
kind of stuff.

Speaker 8 (45:37):
You can do that, but you can do that.

Speaker 7 (45:38):
It's like getting on a bus and using your transfer
to get out one another. You can change buses as
long as you're the one who's.

Speaker 8 (45:46):
Getting to where you want to go. Is fine.

Speaker 7 (45:49):
But when you say I want consistency, I want genuine
affection and attachment and care, guess what that means. You
have to forego, possibly one by one by one.

Speaker 8 (46:05):
The security blankets, the walls, the.

Speaker 7 (46:08):
Barriers that you put up to self protect, because the
moment that you find yourself loving someone, really, truly, seriously
grown folks loving someone, your pit.

Speaker 8 (46:25):
Of your stomach just rings off with an alarm.

Speaker 12 (46:30):
You're vulnerable.

Speaker 7 (46:32):
And the message is the moment.

Speaker 8 (46:34):
You truly love someone, you're vulnerable.

Speaker 7 (46:37):
Because the moment you realize this person has the capacity
to hurt me, and even though I'm afraid they will
hurt me because I want to be with them, I
feel like I'm dragging my feet, but I want to
take a chance.

Speaker 8 (46:54):
So you go into it conflictually.

Speaker 7 (46:57):
But if you want genuine love, you do have to
at some points become vulnerable.

Speaker 8 (47:04):
The thing is you acknowledge that the person.

Speaker 7 (47:08):
That you love and who you are assuming loves you
as well, and who will care for you and respect
you and all that stuff. They are The part of
that is you believe the because they have those feelings
for you, they will never intentionally hurt you. That's the
difference when we gamble using our own vulnerability as indicator,

(47:31):
they will.

Speaker 8 (47:31):
Not intentionally hurt me. But if you go into it scared.

Speaker 7 (47:35):
Because you see behaviors that you know that this person
you may be attracted to, and you see what they're
doing and you know that if they did it to you,
it would hurt when you see. That's called the red flag.
And the more you ignore red flags, the more vulnerable
that you become. But it also means you're nine times

(47:56):
out of ten going to be hurt because you're standing
in front of a moving George.

Speaker 8 (48:01):
You won't jump to the set.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
Very good, hold on, doctor Jeffries. I hope I'm forget
for heard you and other folks. When I come back.
I have an email and we're gonna read the email.
Matter of fact, I have two emails, doctor Jeffrey for you.
Emails are coming in if you would like to call.
Here are our numbers. Nine zero one, five three, five,

(48:27):
nine three four two eight hundred five zero three nine
three four two eight three three five three five nine
three four two will get you in to us. We're
talking this day. Are you feeling lost, ignored and forgotten
in the dating world? Are you We're gonna talk about

(48:50):
it next as we go to the other side of
the Bev Johnson Show right here on w d i
A The Bev Justin Show.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Whether you're in Arkansas, Tennessee, or Mississippi on Facebook, Twitter,
or Instagram, thank you for listening to The Bev Johnson
Show on w d i A Memphis.

Speaker 4 (49:45):
Beth Justin Show, Bell Jomps Memphis Talkie at Home Away,
How you Go?

Speaker 8 (49:54):
You Go?

Speaker 4 (49:56):
Son't getting Ready? Let's go Don't will make your day
by herold Douty Listen to what to Day? You know

(50:17):
it's about of about show Lucky.

Speaker 8 (50:23):
Let's go.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
We are rocking and rolling on this Friday, May twenty third,
twenty twenty five.

Speaker 6 (50:29):
It is Memorial Day, a weekend. Yeah, so you'll be
safe and enjoy your Memorial Day weekend.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
It is Relationship Day where we talk relationships to help
make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most of all
loving between consenting adults. We're doing that with our expert,
our behavioral and relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 6 (50:52):
Our topic of conversation.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Are you feeling lost, ignored and forgotten in the dating world?
Tips for turning child unges into choices. We will continue
in just a minute or so, but as always, you
know I have to tell you about my favorite place.

Speaker 6 (51:08):
You know the place.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
It's the place where we rock with the best soul
food in town, best entertainment around. It's called the Rock
and Chair of Memphis fifteen forty two, Elvis Presley. You
can dine in, you can take out. Nine zero one
four two five five two sixty four is their number.
Nine zero one four two five five to two sixty

(51:32):
four is their number. Get food like catfish, buffalo fish,
fried baked chicken, pot roast, smothered or fried pork chops,
hamburger steaks, smoke turkey nets, Miss Ann's famous chitlings, and
assortment of vegetables and desserts are waiting for you at
the Rocket Chair of Memphis, fifteen forty two, Elvis Presley.

(51:55):
It's Friday and it's karaoke night, that best entertainment into.

Speaker 6 (52:00):
You think you can sing with a band, You say, yeah,
you can't.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
Okay, Well, tonight the Rocking Chair You'll have your opportunity
Kararaoke Night with the band.

Speaker 6 (52:08):
The doors will open up at six o'clock. Get on
in there.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
It's a grown folks party. I'm talking about grown folks.
Great security. You are safe. You are safe at the
rock and Chair. They don't take no stuff down there.
They ain't playing, So come out and enjoy you Tomorrow
day weekend, you got folks in town, bring along down
to the Rocking Chair this weekend. Enjoy the entertainment Karaoke
Night with the band all weekend long at the Rocking Cheer.

(52:34):
But also go there and get you some great food.
They're open Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursday's, Friday, Saturdays, Sunday eleven to five,
closed on Tuesday. So if you want some of the
best entertainment in town, the best soul food around, check
out the Rocking Chaer of Memphis fifteen forty two Elvis
Presley dine in. You can take out nine zero one

(52:59):
four two five five two six four. And when you
go there, y'all you know what to say.

Speaker 6 (53:04):
Tell them.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
Ben Jhonson sent you to the Rocking Chair of Memphiz.
We are going back to our phone lines. Doctor Jeffries,
I want to get these emails into you because I
don't want to forget them because they were not there

(53:25):
nice enough to listen.

Speaker 6 (53:26):
To listen, I love our listeners.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
And they email so, Doctor Jeffries, this is from Stephanie,
and she says, Doctor Jeffries, ignored, forgotten, and I think
we should add creeped out to the list, Doctor Jeffries.
A guy walking around in a store, for example, Walmart,
and he walks up and asks me if I'm cooking.
This was super early one week day morning, and I

(53:51):
kindly said no, I'm not cooking, and he then backed off. Secondly,
Doctor Jeffries, you give a guy your phone number, he
says it, Then in front of you they call the
number to see if it's actually the woman's real phone number.
That's a huge turn off to me, Doctor Jeffries. Therefore,
I get creeped out. This dating scene is hard for me.

(54:18):
I hope you can help out. I'm just lost, Doctor Jeffries. Stephanie,
Oh boy, I know, said I don't. She said no,
I'm not cooking.

Speaker 8 (54:30):
What up?

Speaker 7 (54:32):
Well, you know there's something to be said for romantic
approaches now, and you know there's such an age gap
between those people who and that's why I differentiate between
grown folks and the younger ones because grown folks have
some common sense and there's like a foundation of courtesy

(54:56):
and good manners, right, you know, and if they can't
present in a way where you just on first impression,
sometimes first impressions that are you need to go on moving.
But let me add this to about uh asking for
your phone number and.

Speaker 6 (55:14):
Then they call it and see if that's you.

Speaker 7 (55:17):
Yeah, yeah, but ask the bears, right because as opposed
to giving out your number, if they're really interested in you,
then they should give.

Speaker 9 (55:27):
You a number.

Speaker 7 (55:27):
Where it doesn't they don't have any control over when
you might call, whether your number comes up, or anything else.
But by giving your number, you're opening yourself vulnerable because
people can find out a lot of information about you,
but just your phone numbers. So that don't say you
said I would suggest if there's somebody, well, first of all,

(55:49):
have enough of a conversation before you choose to give
them your number or your email address. Even so, and
be mindful of how much descriptive information that you get.
Never tell anybody about what's close to your house, where
you work, or you know, what type of work you do.

Speaker 8 (56:11):
Keep it very general, as if you were in.

Speaker 7 (56:13):
A store and any given number of people in there
to be on America's Most Wanted or Jack the Rippers list.

Speaker 8 (56:20):
And respond to corner.

Speaker 7 (56:21):
You can be courteous, you can be kind, but you
also need to protect your privacy and just to ensure
your safety. But always ask for their numbers.

Speaker 8 (56:32):
There are some.

Speaker 7 (56:33):
People who were offered their offer their numbers. They give
me a call if you want, you know, if you're
available for a conversation. That's one thing that's saying that
you can come because they can't control when you call it,
who might answer.

Speaker 8 (56:46):
The phone or whatever.

Speaker 7 (56:49):
It's the first step as opposed to putting yourself out
there and them having them where you down after they
very fact that there's your real.

Speaker 6 (56:56):
Number, right exactly.

Speaker 8 (56:59):
That's kind of you alive, right right right to your.

Speaker 6 (57:02):
Fate, exactly exactly. I was thinking on that.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
Okay, so you don't believe that's my number, so you're
gonna call it to see I'm.

Speaker 7 (57:11):
Gonna answer, yes, that's exactly right. That's so high school
high school girls used to I know we used to
do that when we would give false names and.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
Stuff, right and false numbers.

Speaker 7 (57:24):
A kid hopefully you're not still doing that.

Speaker 8 (57:27):
But like I said, give me your number.

Speaker 7 (57:29):
You know what my schedule is, so erradic, give me
your number.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
Okay, okay, Doctor Jeffries. This is from Miss Felicia. She
says doctor Jeffries in bed. My opinion in today's dating
world is very, very different. To answer the question today, No, ma'am,
I don't feel left behind. However, I do feel that
because human beings values have diminished to a very low

(57:53):
standard when it comes to dating. I'm skeptical, meaning nowadays
it's more sexing going on then dating. With that being said,
what worked for me is staying in my lane, setting
boundaries without wavering standards, no online dating period, wait on

(58:13):
God to send me what's for me, and continue to
date myself until my change.

Speaker 6 (58:19):
Come. Am I wrong, Miss Felicia?

Speaker 7 (58:24):
Well, I'm not here to judge what works for you,
but I think that you know God, God also works
to help those who help themselves. Yes, you know a
lot of times where people will say I'm waiting on
God to send me a man, and they're at home
in their road.

Speaker 6 (58:43):
Watching right, watching the soap operas right.

Speaker 7 (58:48):
Or whatever they're that they have takes from the day
before right, one of the things the better. You cannot
be in isolation and expect to have a Bible social
life or even be available to meet new people. So
you know, yes, of course, believe in God and pray
to God to send you that person, but also make

(59:08):
yourself available just in case he's out somewhere and not
always at the club. There are a lot of different
venues that you can meet that person. So you want
to use whatever is available or opportunity that presents itself
so that you don't have to wait forever waiting to
meet that person that God has in line to you.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
And I say with that doctor Jeffers, I always say,
make your prayers equal.

Speaker 6 (59:37):
To your performance.

Speaker 7 (59:39):
I like to add yes.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Because because you know, in the back in the day,
well still, I guess people still say, is I waiting
for God to send me a man?

Speaker 6 (59:51):
I want to God? Okay, so what are you doing?

Speaker 8 (59:54):
What do you do?

Speaker 6 (59:55):
You just think God, they're gonna come to your door
and knock on the door and say, hey, I'm here.

Speaker 8 (01:00:00):
That's today.

Speaker 7 (01:00:00):
You know, some people even too lazy to spell out
what it is they want exactly, Just send me a man, okay.
And there are many people who are all woman. Send
me a woman, or send me a man, Send me
a husband, send me a wife.

Speaker 8 (01:00:15):
And God has a very rich sense of humor.

Speaker 7 (01:00:18):
Okay, right, right, want this is your wife, this is
your husband. You made no specifications, right, so you want
to think you want to do.

Speaker 8 (01:00:31):
Know enough about what you like, what you don't like,
what you want. Since you're praying, and.

Speaker 7 (01:00:37):
We believe that prayers can be answered, be specific enough
to ask for what you want.

Speaker 8 (01:00:43):
If you are.

Speaker 7 (01:00:44):
Deserving of it and he's going to give it to you,
you might as well get the Cadillac as opposed to
you know, a BikeE So you know, be specific exactly.

Speaker 6 (01:00:54):
We've always said that, Doctor Jeffers. I'm going to Yeah,
I'm gonna I'm going to get this other email.

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
But I'm going to go to our phone lines, Doctor Jeffries,
I have someone holding on hold on, Doctor Jeffers, say,
w D I a high caller.

Speaker 12 (01:01:14):
Hello, my wonderful bel Hi Eric, how are you a
wonderful day? And think thank go this is Friday, doctor Jeffers.
On the dating scene. It's on the dating scene. Now,
I'm more like an old fashioned guy. Let me get
to the point. I'm like an old fashion guy. I
like to meet people like out and and and try

(01:01:36):
to get their number or you know, get their number.
And there's nothing wrong with getting your number or I
g okay whatever. But uh, a lot of people say, well,
I hope that God sitting there, man, God sending the
a woman. I don't believe God gonna see me nothing.
You have to use your intuition into entwine with the

(01:01:57):
right per person because a lot of them always especial
the women and me and too. But women always pray
to God sid me this, but they end up picking
the wrong men and staying with him fast seen fifteen
years know he's the wrong you know.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Let me let me ask Let me ask you this question, Eric,
because I've heard this. This is the second time I'm
hearing this today. You said you're old fashioned kind of guy.
What does that mean when it comes to dating?

Speaker 10 (01:02:19):
What that means?

Speaker 8 (01:02:21):
That means?

Speaker 10 (01:02:22):
For ask?

Speaker 12 (01:02:22):
Like too much social media dating? A lot of these
women it's on social media, that's from out of town,
that's on different platforms.

Speaker 2 (01:02:30):
They cant fishing so so so you're you're saying that
you you're not into the social media kind of dating.

Speaker 12 (01:02:39):
Not not too much because it's like a lot of people.
You don't know who's who's faith right, Okay, just old
fast personal person.

Speaker 10 (01:02:47):
That's so.

Speaker 6 (01:02:47):
I like what you said.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
You said you you said, Eric that you love to
get out and meet people. That's how that's how you. Okay,
I got you and.

Speaker 12 (01:02:56):
Another thing, another thing, say another thing. Uh, and I
took it, took to you men and women. These me
into the women I can even do open the door.
Let's just like doctor Jeffer said, you're gonna make yourself available.
How can God see you somebody? We have all these
emotional premature and standards, and also you don't give an
about our chance. You have to take first step.

Speaker 9 (01:03:17):
Thank you very much. I'll have a blessed weekend.

Speaker 6 (01:03:18):
You too, Eric, Thank you. W D I a high caller.

Speaker 5 (01:03:23):
What's going on?

Speaker 6 (01:03:25):
Clyde?

Speaker 17 (01:03:27):
Clyde?

Speaker 6 (01:03:33):
I love that your your big sister. She's listening. Okay, Clyde,
what is it today?

Speaker 10 (01:03:38):
Now?

Speaker 18 (01:03:38):
You know, I just look at you know women, women
pray for a maid, and they put all these stipulations
out there, and then once you got the owner, you
know you have one man make a six signal, but
you don't make six thicks.

Speaker 15 (01:03:56):
So so what I'm looking at what you've got.

Speaker 3 (01:03:58):
The offer they're gonna make him stay around, I mean,
and then see how they.

Speaker 17 (01:04:02):
Gonna they wait for God and send him a good man.
Then all of a sudden, God might send him a
garbage man. Like I had a friend girl God the
dude want to time, he drove a godage truck. But
she come talking about, I know God, He's gonna send
me nothing like this. This man was making a hard
times dollars a year driving.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
The roller on goditru and youre talking about what God
was gonna send you. You just said, know him a
good man when you saw one. So I mean, stop
hollering about you going went to God send you some
good and then when when the man come knocking on
your door, then you're gonna hollow.

Speaker 10 (01:04:35):
I know God, he's gonna send me nothing like this.
You don't know what he gonna say.

Speaker 17 (01:04:40):
He gonna send you what's best for you. That's what
you all worried about. But a lot of time women
don't know how to read. They can't find a good
man because they keep picking the same type of man.

Speaker 5 (01:04:53):
Change it, change up.

Speaker 17 (01:04:56):
And I tell him all the time, Bill, take the
man that shoot because you're gonna get more out of
him because he sees.

Speaker 18 (01:05:04):
Some na that other men don't see.

Speaker 15 (01:05:06):
But if you choose that man, you're gonna have you
got to show him because you got to drew yourself
there because he an't really won't you?

Speaker 6 (01:05:14):
Cause and joo you.

Speaker 17 (01:05:17):
We remember wake hunt and take that.

Speaker 5 (01:05:19):
Man that want them take care of their drugs.

Speaker 6 (01:05:23):
Thank you, Clyde.

Speaker 2 (01:05:25):
Doctor Jeffrey, did your little brother give some advice? Because
it goes back to turning challenges into choices.

Speaker 6 (01:05:31):
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (01:05:34):
I mean I agree with him, is that you know,
you if somebody is there who's interested in you, and
what you're saying is that you're lonely, you want companionship
and what have you.

Speaker 8 (01:05:45):
We write off people, good.

Speaker 7 (01:05:47):
People, decent people, because we have an image in our
mind as to what it is that we want to
you know, that we want to have in our lives.
And I think that we get caught up a lot
of the artificial reality that's on TV. You know, there
are only so many doctors out there, so many lawyers,

(01:06:08):
so many people that's gonna come by in one hundred
thousand dollar car and swoop you out and what have you.
And because of.

Speaker 8 (01:06:17):
The economic situation.

Speaker 7 (01:06:19):
Now, let me say this, you want to and have
your assets, those things that you have going for you,
and minimize, eliminate, or at least reduce your liability.

Speaker 8 (01:06:37):
So if we've started out in the very beginning and
hear what I'm.

Speaker 7 (01:06:42):
Saying, I think that education is something that even the
slaves understood.

Speaker 8 (01:06:51):
The one way to help our children.

Speaker 7 (01:06:54):
Overcome this situation is to get an education. There was
a unified command that my children need to be educated,
males and females, and many of the slaves and the
parents that during reconstruction and after that devoted themselves to

(01:07:16):
coverage hideouts of saving pennies so that when their child
that they're putting all.

Speaker 8 (01:07:21):
Their hopes and dreams in can get of age, they.

Speaker 7 (01:07:24):
Can go off to some school to get some learning.

Speaker 8 (01:07:30):
And with the thought that the more of the young.

Speaker 7 (01:07:32):
People who would get educated, it would help not only
our family and their child, but the.

Speaker 8 (01:07:39):
Group and the race as a whole. We've lost that mindset.

Speaker 7 (01:07:44):
And now what tends to happen is rather than being
kind of directed by the group as to having those
types of goals, setting their goals, long term goals, having
moral values, having certain behavioral constraints and having such such respectful,

(01:08:09):
respectful kinds of consideration. We were preparing and caring for
the package that was going out to bring back something
of value to not only to that person, but to
their family and to the community, valuating the package the

(01:08:29):
person and what it is they were going to do after.

Speaker 8 (01:08:31):
They got their education.

Speaker 7 (01:08:34):
Now, if you begin having children by another child at
the age of thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen, and then have
multiple children, you are increasing your liability.

Speaker 8 (01:08:51):
Because as much as you may want and.

Speaker 7 (01:08:53):
Love your children, if you are uneducated, if you are unmarried,
if you are not have a skill that you can
create a livable wage with to earn a decent living,
you are not only compromising your value, but the expectancy of.

Speaker 8 (01:09:15):
What and how your children will be able to move forward.

Speaker 7 (01:09:20):
These children that come out of nowhere when a lot
of things going against them and seem to sprout up
and do wonder things are miracle children and high resilience.
They are not the common children that we see. The
children who are often the common children who did not
receive that type of foundational stuff that create more liability

(01:09:43):
for not only their individual client and the family and
the community.

Speaker 8 (01:09:48):
But to all of us are these children who are.

Speaker 7 (01:09:51):
Running rampid with no respect, no education, no good intention
and what have you. Because they have no direct they
have no positive intentions. And so until we can pull
back in and put that in place, then we lose
sight of how do I market myself? If I want

(01:10:12):
a companion?

Speaker 8 (01:10:13):
This is what Cloude was talking about. You want somebody
that makes one hundred.

Speaker 7 (01:10:18):
Thousand dollars a year, be realistic. How are you going
to be competitive with a trusting somebody who makes one
hundred thousand dollars a year. But you don't have a
high aprovement, you don't have a ged, you won't go
to school if it's outfit to you, you won't go
to counseling.

Speaker 8 (01:10:36):
And if you have problems, you have more than one
or two children.

Speaker 7 (01:10:41):
Now, and each child that you bring into reduces the
likelihood that somebody is going to be equally economically in
favor of joining with you and trying to rear your children,
because if those children are by multiple days or multiple mamas,

(01:11:03):
then most people don't want to get into the potential drama.
And there's always dramas with mama's.

Speaker 8 (01:11:09):
Daddys and baby daddies.

Speaker 7 (01:11:11):
So you have to think intentionally about what you want
for yourself. And the sad part about if when you
were thirteen or fourteen you made see erroneous decisions and
what have you, And here you are in your fifties,
if you are still operating under that limited mindset that

(01:11:33):
you had as a teenager or as a young child
about what you were good at, or what your worth was,
or your value, or what your intention was, and you're
still using that mindset in your fifties, you're going to
get the same thing somebody who is just as stuck

(01:11:53):
or just as limited or unmotivated for a better life,
for a healthier life, for a productive life as you are.
So you have to bring yourself up. You have to
improve your value as a person. Now people will get
pissed off in times. I don't know what she talks about.
I love myself. I can you know.

Speaker 8 (01:12:14):
I'm found who I am.

Speaker 7 (01:12:16):
I don't need nobody who blah blah.

Speaker 8 (01:12:19):
That's crap.

Speaker 7 (01:12:19):
Economically, you know, numbers don't lie.

Speaker 8 (01:12:23):
If you can count, numbers don't lie, and two and
two is always gonna be four. But if you package
are five.

Speaker 7 (01:12:32):
At twenty five, that other person that you're trying to
get is either going to come for fun and frolics
or come for a temporary lay up.

Speaker 8 (01:12:45):
And maybe add increasing your numbers.

Speaker 7 (01:12:47):
But it's not for anything that's productie and of a
long time commitment to you and or your children. When
we think better, when we use critical thinking, when we
learn how to live with intention, then we protect our
livelihood and we enhance our children's opportunity because we're not

(01:13:11):
just thinking in the past about what happened or feeling
locked in is where we are today. We're futuristic and
thinking about how can I move forward on this? And
that's very important, particularly in the.

Speaker 2 (01:13:25):
World of dating.

Speaker 6 (01:13:27):
Yeah, hold on, doctor Jeffries, We're gonna take this break.
I'm coming to you. Callers, just hold on.

Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
Hold on this day we are talking e Are you
feeling lost, ignored and forgotten in the dating world? Hold
on next, we'll answer those questions right here on w
d i A the Bevejusensial.

Speaker 1 (01:13:59):
That's something to say. Say it next with Tennessee Radio
Hall of Famer Bev Johnson on.

Speaker 5 (01:14:06):
W d i A.

Speaker 6 (01:14:47):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 1 (01:14:49):
Here's Bev Johnson.

Speaker 6 (01:14:51):
Back to our phone lines.

Speaker 9 (01:14:52):
Hi William, Hey there, beautiful Bev and and thank you
doctor Jeffries for taking my call. And uh, quickly, I
would like to say that well, let me just put
it kind of metaphorically. So you meet a young lady
first time, give a name and ask for a number,

(01:15:13):
and you know she's basically looking for a man to
come and you know, make her life blossom. Right, So
I come in as a cloud and you know, with
the words of with the words out of my mouth,
it's a bunch of wind, and you know I'm working consistently,
so she believes that I'm going the rain is coming

(01:15:36):
from this cloud and from my again for my words,
she can even smell the rain. But for seven years straight,
I did not make her life blossom. So the question
is for doctor Jeffers, is OK, she has invested so
much time and but at what point she finally cut

(01:15:59):
her losses and cut me loose? I mean, you know,
God is good, but how much time should a young
lady invest When a guy is he's talk right, he
seemed to be doing the right thing, but it's just
not working out and seven years have gone by, at
what point do they cut their life losses.

Speaker 6 (01:16:18):
Love that question. Thank you, thank you, William, You two,
I got it down. Bye bye common man.

Speaker 15 (01:16:26):
Hey, hey how you doing?

Speaker 7 (01:16:28):
Do you.

Speaker 15 (01:16:31):
Going fine? And hello to doctor Jeffers. On the other side,
I agree with what Clyde had to say, but I
wanted to say this. I wanted to speak out to
women basically in general, I've had experiences where I've met
women and uh, you know, you speak, you know, maybe
trade numbers or whatnot, and you begin to get acquainted

(01:16:52):
with one another, right, and so you know, just say,
for instance, like, uh, we're getting acquainted, just the general
information and stuff like that. And then maybe I may
say like, well, you know, I'm open for a committed
relationship or whatever, and she may say, well, that's what
all y'all say. That right, there is a negative. I

(01:17:15):
think women should stop it because well, for me personally,
it makes me feel like you have a problem trusted
me because you just placed all us in the same
boat or made a blanket statement that's what all y'all say.
And the thing is, you know, you don't get the
same from everybody, you don't give the same to everybody.

(01:17:35):
In other words, what I mean by that is, if
you take the time to get to know this person.
This may be the best person you've ever met. You
may have had a terrible relationship with somebody in the past.
But if you don't categorize everybody to be the same
and take the time to get to know this person,
let this person get to know you, maybe you all
can develop together and be fabulous together. But stop, you know,

(01:18:00):
that's what all y'all say. Stop thinking everybody's the same,
so you don't get the same from everybody, and you
don't give the same to everybody. Ladies, if you think
about it, you've had somebody that you probably dated that
you yeah, it was okay, it was okay. Then there
was somebody that you was just straight crazy about, love
them deeply, you know, and so that comes along sometimes,
but you have to take the time to try to

(01:18:21):
figure it out. So you know, my point is, don't
put us out all in the same boat. Take the
time individually to get to get the newer person and
just see what happens, all right, And that goes likewise
for men too. But I just wanted to say that
to Latest, because you know I hear from Latest.

Speaker 6 (01:18:39):
All right, thank you, comming man.

Speaker 2 (01:18:40):
I appreciate that doctor Jeffries before you comment on a
common man said, I want to go back to William.

Speaker 6 (01:18:46):
He wanted He asked the question, how long you know
he was in the relationships? Seven years?

Speaker 2 (01:18:52):
If young lady invested their time, cut your losses. How
long do you invest your time?

Speaker 7 (01:18:57):
I think that people, and what William I think was
describing was that even though they he was there in.

Speaker 8 (01:19:08):
The relationship, or they had established they were together.

Speaker 7 (01:19:12):
It sounds like he was commitment bobic, but he was
doing enough to help her believe that at some point
she would win him if you.

Speaker 8 (01:19:25):
Will, and so she pursued.

Speaker 7 (01:19:28):
People will stay in a toxic relationship depending on how
high their tolerance is for lack of commitment, lack of respect,
lack of care, lack of consistency. Some people have a

(01:19:50):
very high limit of tolerance for all of these things
because they have a very low limit of self esteem.
And to have someone who is pursuing you may not
have as much to do with I love you so
much as opposed to I'm used to pursuing and holding

(01:20:14):
on and trying to win somebody who is not available,
and the person who's commited for OVID is used to
being in something kind of being that person who is
there but really is not available, and so they can
dance and let dance. You know, for a very long time,
you're not going anywhere, And that's how the years accumulate

(01:20:36):
until one person decides I either want something better than this,
or I've had enough of this hurting me or disappointing me,
or they get.

Speaker 8 (01:20:46):
Bored one of the three.

Speaker 7 (01:20:48):
But that happens there very frequently. The people who call
themselves being in a relationship for twenty years never married
their friends, their partners, or whatever it is. But it's
a safe haven to be.

Speaker 8 (01:21:05):
Ain't going nowhere, ain't moving backwards up.

Speaker 7 (01:21:08):
We're just kind of pattering along because there's no demand
to do anything.

Speaker 8 (01:21:15):
Relationships are healthy. Relationships are bent on being.

Speaker 7 (01:21:21):
Intentionally growing individually and together.

Speaker 8 (01:21:25):
As a couple.

Speaker 7 (01:21:26):
If you're not doing that, you're doing something else. And
my advice would be to figure out who's doing what
and what you're getting out of it, and how long
that will be. How long do you think that will.

Speaker 8 (01:21:41):
Be sufficient for you? That's your responsibility. But it happens.

Speaker 2 (01:21:45):
They're frequently okay, And I think what common Man was saying.
We had discussed this earlier doctor Jeffrey's protection from past experiences.
You know, everybody is different, and just because you had
that experience on site doesn't mean that the new person
is gonna do the same kind of things.

Speaker 8 (01:22:03):
Yeah, but that's easier said than done.

Speaker 7 (01:22:06):
Here, that's in your head. You know, you say that,
and you even have to abide to a certain level
to be able to say, yeah, we're all different and
this is a difference. There are people who are so
noun doubt and self protected that they don't have those
types of even self conversation where they are processing what

(01:22:29):
this means, what's my role? What am I getting out?

Speaker 8 (01:22:31):
They don't do that if they are here.

Speaker 7 (01:22:34):
We may not even be fully emotionally preserent. If I
show up or if I'm hanging on or if I'm
being dragged along, I consider myself connected to this person.
And if you're dragging me or allowing me to hang
on or what have you, then I'm doing something that
helps and protect you not be committed and what have you.

Speaker 8 (01:22:57):
Neither one is.

Speaker 7 (01:22:58):
As the other person priority, and in most cases we're
not even a very good option because you can go
about busying in your life and what have you and
have this make do kind of person present or semi
present in your life. And now I'm out for years,
and I think that it's worse than most things of

(01:23:21):
arguing and having jealous out birds or what have you.
You have kind of a calm of indifference and and
difference is worse than any you know, lack of emotion pills.
You just could take it a leader. If you wake
up one day and they're gone, you want for how
long they've been gone, you know, because they just had

(01:23:41):
no real substances, meaning or impact on your life.

Speaker 8 (01:23:45):
And that's advance their situation.

Speaker 7 (01:23:49):
But because of things that people have endured or become
accustomed to in their lives of being that kind of
invisible person or the shadow lover and.

Speaker 8 (01:23:59):
What have you, they have a high tolerance for that.

Speaker 7 (01:24:02):
It's not healthy, it's not good, it's not productive, but
they have a high tolerance for that and they can
hang on for years.

Speaker 1 (01:24:09):
Mm hm.

Speaker 6 (01:24:11):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:24:12):
So, as we wrap up, doctor Jeffries for those folks
feeling lost, ignored, and forgotten in the dating.

Speaker 8 (01:24:20):
World, you first have to love number one.

Speaker 14 (01:24:26):
Do the work.

Speaker 7 (01:24:27):
Do the work, do the work, Create a pain upon
pen to paper and write down what it is you
want in your pie. In your pie, the different aspects
of your life where you want to spend your time,
what it is you want to invest in in your
life pile, what how do you spend your time and

(01:24:47):
what is it that you want that would compliment that.
When you begin to protect the paper and that kind
of provides a guide for you, then you could your
work then become fulfilling those percentage. How much time do
you need to stay with friends? How much time do
you devote to being more productive at work? How much

(01:25:08):
time do you devote to community things, or to your children,
or to the church or whatever else encompasses your path?
Which is your life right now and where which you
like to see is Those are life goes that you
put in place. And when you're busy doing that, then
you're really beginning to emotionally begin to stretch and go

(01:25:30):
beyond survival but to thrive a bit and to begin
to feel better about yourself and to raise your self esteem.
And when your self esteem goes up, your perceptions become sharper,
and you're much more intentional about what you will invite
or uninvite in your life. When it's clear, when you're
looking with clarity of where you're headed.

Speaker 8 (01:25:52):
Who you are, and who you are looking to walk on.

Speaker 7 (01:25:56):
This journey with clarity is something that we are all
needs to seek and to dare you.

Speaker 6 (01:26:03):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:26:05):
Good good tips, Doctor Jeffries. Thank you so much, Doctor Goodness.
We thank the callers and we thank the emailers today,
Doctor Jeffrey.

Speaker 8 (01:26:12):
I love it.

Speaker 7 (01:26:13):
It was an active show today.

Speaker 8 (01:26:14):
I love it. I love it.

Speaker 13 (01:26:15):
I love it.

Speaker 6 (01:26:16):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:26:16):
Well we're gonna be active next week, doctor Jeffers. I
wish you have a happy Memorial Day weekend. Be safe, sister.

Speaker 6 (01:26:26):
Good work today, good work.

Speaker 8 (01:26:29):
Thank you, ma'am. And you did work me today and
I wish you the same.

Speaker 7 (01:26:32):
Happy Memorial Day.

Speaker 8 (01:26:34):
Enjoy yourself, be safe and be good to yourself.

Speaker 7 (01:26:37):
Methhist be good to yourself.

Speaker 6 (01:26:39):
That's right. Thank you, doctor Jeffries. Talk to you next Friday.

Speaker 7 (01:26:43):
I'll see you on the radio. I love it all right,
bye bye, take care you too.

Speaker 2 (01:26:50):
That is our Behavioral and the Relationship Consultant, Doctor ded
Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 6 (01:26:59):
Yeah, yeah, I love it. She took my words. I
want to thank you callers.

Speaker 2 (01:27:09):
I want to thank you listeners for joining us this
day on the BEV Johnson Show. We do We really
do appreciate you, so until tomorrow, please be saved. Keep
a cool head, y'all, don't let anyone steal your joy.
Until tomorrow, I'm BEB Johnson, and y'all keep the faith.

(01:27:35):
Mark Baker take me Home, boyfriend.

Speaker 13 (01:27:43):
The views and opinions discussed on the BEV Johnson Show
are that of the hosts and callers, and not those
of the staff and sponsors of wd I a