Moving through 2025 with Psychologist Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

Moving Through 2025, Are You Borrowing, Begging, On a Break, or a Breakthrough with Psychologist/Mental Health Specialist Dr. Dorothy Jeffries on The Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Don't.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Memphis probably presents The Bem Johnson Show.

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Let me say Bath I've gone me first, let me.

Speaker 4 (00:18):
You say she's gone epistogain.

Speaker 5 (00:28):
No matter of the problem, she can.

Speaker 6 (00:32):
So all the phone and the normans on your mind.

Speaker 5 (00:38):
She was there Jimmy in the hair by chilling you
to just keep the fair when a wrangle a pegging
out them Johnson Show, because well, I've got something game
happy fun here every day you need I hate well

(01:02):
bell got me a missed hopping.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome in to
w d i A The BEB Johnson Show. It is
indeed a pleasure to have you with us once again
on this day. Riay, as we say around here, January seventeenth,
twenty twenty five, enjoy this fabulous day to day. It's

(02:11):
Relationship Day where we talk about relationships to help make
yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most of all loving
between consenting adults. We'll do that today with our expert
our psychologists, mental health specialist doctor Dorothy Jeffries. When at
your turn to talk, you know you can. All you

(02:32):
need to do is dial these numbers nine zero one
five three five nine three four two nine zero, one, five, three, five,
nine three four two eight hundred five zero three nine
three four two eight hundred five zero three nine three

(02:58):
four two eight three three five three five nine three
four two eight three three five three five nine three
four two will get you in to us. And if
this day, this day, Friday, January seventeenth, twenty twenty five,

(03:25):
is your birthday. Happy birthday to each and every one
of y'all out there who may be celebrating a birthday
on this day on Tomorrow, Saturday, the eighteenth, Sunday the
nineteenth as well, Happy birthday, y'all go out and celebrate
your life. You better, you better. When we come back,

(03:49):
we'll talk relationships with me Bev Johnson on the Bev
Johnson Show on Double D.

Speaker 4 (03:59):
I A Sip Sip, Sip, sip.

Speaker 6 (04:30):
Sipp over the time, working hard to bring you out

(05:09):
day never saving Fay.

Speaker 7 (05:20):
Monday, Relationship Day, Peopleship.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
Good morning and welcome back to WD I A. I'm Bev.
It is good to have you here on this Friday.
As we say, me and doctor Jeffery Friday, It's January seventeenth,
twenty twenty five. Enjoyed this fabulous day to day Relationship
Day where we talk about relationships, help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,

(05:54):
and most of all loving between consenting adults. We're doing
that with our expert our psychologist Mental health Specialists, doctor
Dorothy Jeffries. This morning our topic of conversation. It's your turn.
How are you going to move through twenty twenty five?
Good question to ask yourself? How am I going to

(06:17):
move through twenty twenty five? Are you borring your begging
or break or breaking through? Doctor Jeffries?

Speaker 2 (06:25):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
Good morning, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
Good morning, good morning, Happy frie.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
To you, Happy frye to you. Sister. I had meant
to ask you last week, doctor Jeffries. Did you all
get snow down there and Jackson?

Speaker 8 (06:40):
We did not.

Speaker 9 (06:41):
We had cold, but we did not have snow.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Thank goodness.

Speaker 10 (06:45):
Wow, Mississippi is not set up.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
For snow, and that Memphis is barely set up for snow.

Speaker 9 (06:52):
But Mississippi is not set up for snow.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
Yeah, I know because I remember with the years when
I lived down there.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Oh my gosh, people go to the grocery store two
days before they expect the snow and they do not
come out until it starts melting.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
And you're run and that's good.

Speaker 9 (07:10):
And the people who are out there, you don't want
to be out there with.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
Them, No, you don't. And same in Memphis. So when
when when when our weather folks was telling us last week,
doctor Jefferies, we're gonna have snow. They were right, they were,
they were on it. And those folks Friday, and those
folks started going to the grocery store Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
And it's so funny. At one of the news stations

(07:33):
showed one of the stores the shelves just empty.

Speaker 11 (07:37):
Yes, yes it was.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
And see when people heard Mississippi, it was northern Mississippi its.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
Essential Yeah yeah, up up up here by us Yeah,
Desota County in that area, yeah, Mississippi.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
And I mean it looked like a war zone in there.
Train you couldn't find any staples right right, So, and
you know it's not gonna last that long here, because
where are we be in the South.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
We're in the South.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
What January is gone?

Speaker 12 (08:07):
Hey?

Speaker 13 (08:08):
Yeah, you ready for the.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
To And And also doctor Jefferies, our weather, we may
have cold, ice, snow, it may a tornado, may come
through anything. So we have all kinds of weather.

Speaker 10 (08:20):
Yes, we do, we do well.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
I'm glad you're safing and I'm glad and and I
love it because y'all I told doct Jeffers said, doctor Jefferies,
I'm taking a snow day. So I was like the kids,
Doctor Jeffery. We took a snow day last Friday.

Speaker 2 (08:38):
I sent a picture to my friend with her dance.
She's a teacher, uh, dancing on a table chop coming.
It's fide and a snow day.

Speaker 3 (08:47):
It's right, exactly exactly. But we are here today, doctor Jeffries.
I love this topic of conversation, and I hope we
get a lot of people calling in some things that
they're going through. But let me see again, it's your turn.
How are you going to move through twenty twenty five?
Are you borrowing, begging on a break or a breakthrough?

(09:12):
Let's talk about that, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
Well, i'll tell you first. This is kind of a
follow up to Affirmations. The work we did on Affirmations,
and thank you everyone who responded with such great feedback
and positive affirmations on that show. We really appreciate that
and that helps us kind of pick and choose what

(09:35):
things we might want to talk.

Speaker 9 (09:36):
About that's helpful to the community.

Speaker 10 (09:39):
So we do thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
So with that in mind, this is a follow up.

Speaker 10 (09:44):
A part too, if you want.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
It's one thing for us to decide, I'm going to
develop new habits. I'm going to start practicing affirmations. I'm
going to start doing all of these positive things so
I can meet these goals that I'm setting for or
twenty twenty five. But my thinking is we have to
plan for longer change, longer enduring change than just a

(10:12):
few recurring expectations.

Speaker 9 (10:16):
Or goals that we set in January.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
I think that one of the things that we have
to have to begin to practice. Affirmations are very positive.
They are personal tools to use for your own well
being and mental help. And so when you decide on
specific affirmations that relate to something that you like or

(10:40):
love or want to grow within you that's positive, your
mind hears it, receives it, and plants that. So that
when you start feeling down on yourself, or you start
feeling unworthy, or you start being triggered by things that
are not healthy for you, or time in your interactions

(11:02):
with other people and circumstances these are things in your
mental health to kids that you have putting into place.

Speaker 9 (11:11):
For yourself and by yourself.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
So when we plan the affirmations, we want to say
positive things about ourselves, but there's a step before that
where we have to practice some truth telling. Oh and
one of the things that's most difficult for us to
do is that when we build a sense of false

(11:33):
positivity or very confusing, complicated, kind of complex perceptions of
who we are, how we are, how we think, and
how we feel. Excuse me.

Speaker 14 (11:48):
The more we look in here.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
And listen to that, particularly from close people in our
lives co workers, family, friends, spouses, children, what have you
to hear the tape that this person has manufactured so
that they have a defense mechanism in order to counter
some of the negativity that they may hear, think and

(12:12):
feel that other people may view at them, that they
may possibly buy into or that may threaten that sense
of false positivity that they use and the things that
they they really believe about themselves that are not positive
or helpful. So we want to take a look at

(12:33):
that an inventory. And this is where this is a
year of paper to pen and paper journaling, writing things
down because one of the first things that you hear
is that we are people who do not like to
commit things to paper. Why is that because we're paranoid.

(12:53):
We're culturally paranoid that if we put the truth down
on paper, somehow it's gonna back and we may need
to lie, may want to lie, or want to change.

Speaker 9 (13:03):
It, or want to pretend it never occurred to us.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
We're caught because we put it down on paper. So
that's why you may see people will tech. If they
text you, they do more writing and text, which is
kind of like a new digital language as it is
in terms of somebody writing a note or.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Something and I too, yeah, yeah, and and people don't
write letters anymore, so now it's the texting thing exactly.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
And so if you are old school, yes, and you
worry about your privacy and stuff like that, other than
people in your own peer group, write it in curses.
Your children won't be able to read it. They won't
just write your stuff down and curse it. They don't
know how to read it, and they don't know what
it is some of the words that you may be using.

Speaker 13 (13:56):
But it's very.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Valuable to you when you can do some self talk
and you think about what kinds of things you know
and do it like it would be a car that
you're trying to maintain, and you know how we feel
about our cars. Just kind of do a run through
about if this car is the car I'm going to keep, what.

Speaker 9 (14:18):
Kinds of things do I need to upgrade on it?
What kinds of work do I need to get done
on it?

Speaker 13 (14:23):
Are there any cosmetic.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
Things that you want to take care it's going to
make your car look better, make you feel better about
your car, and so do those things about yourself? What
things about you? And I'm not talking about things that
you have to go through expensive surgery or you have
to go through drastic kinds of drug programs in order

(14:48):
to try to get a size or a physique or
something that you're not able to get. The goal is
I want to be more healthy. Yes, I want to
send you the things about myself that I feel on
my accent points.

Speaker 9 (15:05):
I want to I want to be more informed.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
I want to be prepared to have a good or
great conversation with someone that I find interesting. I want
to appear to be more interested, more interesting, and well
versed in whatever it is you're interested in.

Speaker 9 (15:25):
It could be.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
Topics of that you might enjoy doing. You're learning a
new language, you're taking a class, you're looking you got
a promotion on things that you find interested and entertainment
and engagement, so that you can share that with different
groups of people. Doesn't mean that you're always going to
take the center stage and brag, but you can talk

(15:49):
about something that people can ask you more questions about.
If it's something you're interested in, then you're going to
speak with it and bear can attest it that if
you have some passion about the topic, it's going to
come across more lively, more animated, more interesting than if

(16:09):
you just say I don't do anything any day. You know,
I retired, I ain't doing nothing every day, or I
got this job I hate and a boy and a boss.
I don't don't even want to speak to it. When
you talk, we reflect those emotions. But emotions can can
do positive and negative. You can fall into an emotional

(16:33):
trap where it starts first with your sensibilities, how you feel,
and if you don't investigate the feeling or try to
change that feeling, then it can kind of weed its
way through it, and I mean like growing weeds through
your mindset Oh, it's no reason for me to try
to do this. I'm too old to do that. I'm

(16:56):
too dumb, you know, I didn't make good grades and clash,
you know, go back.

Speaker 9 (16:59):
To school, take a class.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
I don't want to either make new friends.

Speaker 10 (17:04):
I'm too old for that.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
I don't like people anyway.

Speaker 5 (17:06):
You know.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
We could go on and on with a litany of negativity,
but we can also come up with possibility thinking. Possibility
thinking is as you do your inventory of what you'd
like to enhance, improve, grow, learn, know do, it's all

(17:28):
possible if you begin to identify first the habits that
would kind of that you're being able to do that,
and second, make a plan that in concludes a goal.

Speaker 9 (17:41):
So if you plan to do something and you.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
Set a goal for it, guess what you're creating a
positive expectation that you have the power. You mean, I
have the power to change and move towards whatever it
is that I believe in and want to achieve for myself.

(18:06):
That takes time, That takes planning, that takes established goals
with t ask or tached to them so that you're
working too it, but it's doable. So that goes to
the question, now, some people, they're gonna go into twenty
twenty five just like they went out of twenty twenty five.
They don't give a crap about anything. They're totally apathetic. Right,

(18:29):
people gonna do what they're gonna do.

Speaker 13 (18:30):
The world gonna do this work.

Speaker 9 (18:32):
It ain't my problem.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
People who don't like people gonna stay in the house
and complain that they don't have no friends and don't
nobody like them. People who do not like their job
or do not feel that they're being appreciated and valued,
are gonna stay there and continue to make everybody else
in the workforce miserable. But if you want something different,
And as we live and grow and we watch the

(18:54):
change of time, we somewhere if your two things, we
else come together and we see how fast people that
we know and love and have heard of.

Speaker 9 (19:05):
Are not having the best of circumstances, are.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Not living their best life, are dealing with chronic illness,
have substance abuse, probably live in homeless. We know all
of these people that we have passed through. Why would
we not.

Speaker 9 (19:20):
Want the best for ourselves?

Speaker 2 (19:23):
And when I'm saying to you, if you convince yourself
that you're deserving of that, you have the possibility of
using your resources once you put the time and energy
into investigating those things to make those things begin to
happen in your life. But you first have to deal

(19:44):
with the belief and the value.

Speaker 9 (19:45):
That you have in your self.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
In other words, as we always say, we've said before,
doctor Jeffries, you have self worth?

Speaker 14 (19:56):
What is it?

Speaker 15 (19:57):
What is it?

Speaker 2 (20:00):
You have it? You feel good about yourself. You know
that you're valued.

Speaker 9 (20:05):
You know you deserve to be respected. You know that
you deserve love, to give love and to be loved.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
You know that you.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
Deserve to have a productive career, not just a job,
but a career, something that you enjoy doing, that you
are compensated for. That you deserve to have good help,
something that you invest in. That you trade our things
that do damage to us and substitute them for things
you don't like. But you're willing to try to develop

(20:34):
a taste for You have all of the powers to
doing that. But we have taken such a role, and
I understand and believe I understand it especially during times
like these, and these are trying times or crime times.
Have you want to say it, yes, but things are
times that many of us, as our group age group. Remember, no,

(21:00):
we know this is not new. Some people never take
things seriously until it hits them in the face. But
with all things that appeared to be happening, the things
that we thought were impossible to ever happen again, to
be faced or dealt with again is coming back in
triple threat. And so what should we do. Should we

(21:24):
just fall down, be quiet? Should we lie down and
just be a doormat? Should we decide that I'm gonna
get better and then I'm gonna encourage other people in
my group, or in my community, or in my church
or in my school to get better. And if I
do that, oh guess what I'm doing. I'm beginning to

(21:46):
build a community collective. And if that collective developed some momentum,
and we have people who are not focused on pettiness
or crab biting, or pulling each.

Speaker 9 (22:00):
Other down or just being ignorant and honorwoke.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Then we have people who have a shared goal. We're
moving forward, we're looking higher, We're bringing our children behind us.

Speaker 9 (22:14):
We're dealing with our.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
History and we're creating new legacies feels from us. We're
deciding how we're going to be viewed and how we're
going to be valued because we're naming and claiming who
we are and what we stand for. That has to
be done starting individually and moving towards a collective than
a coalition.

Speaker 9 (22:35):
And then you have something that people have to deal with.

Speaker 14 (22:41):
I like it.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
I like it one of the things that I want
to talk about. And you said earlier and I think
this is so important, doctor Jefferies, because a lot of
people don't do it. Is when you mentioned that we
have to have truth telling, tell the truth, and a
lot of us don't want to do that. Tell the

(23:03):
truth about yourself. Why is that because the truth we hear,
the truth hurts or people can't handle the truth.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
No, I think you can't handle your own truth. Yeah,
because we all share pockets of guilt about something, shame
about something, regrets about something, ignorance about something, and pain
about something, and those are the things that dig in

(23:37):
and create those wounds that we're always talking about. And
so what we invest in more so than saying I
have more in common with you because as a black woman,
and you're a black woman, and we know growing up
in this environment in this country, dealing with the years

(24:00):
is that we were going and matureing. We have a
lot of shared experiences. They may not be exactly the same,
but we can talk and have our high moments. We
can talk about things that were positive, what we enjoy,
but we can also if we have boundaries and have
established a path of confidence, then we can also talk

(24:22):
about the things that we whisper about only to people
that we trust, or only to a professional that we're
paying to listen to us. But they're all there.

Speaker 14 (24:32):
They are all these.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
Threads that connect us together. And the trick has been
to always keep the threads severed in key places. Just
when you think you have a thread of fifteen or
twenty people, you go through there and you find out
their thread really isn't really connected. They just holding the
pieces together. So if the wind blows through, they may

(24:55):
change course, they may disappoint you, they may let you down.

Speaker 10 (24:58):
But we don't have a lot of trust.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
But what I'm saying is that our very survival is
now resting on the fact we have to create some
villages where children can trust the adults to be the
adults and take control and allow us to grow up
with purpose and expectations. And the adults have to have

(25:22):
had some truth then sessions first with yourself. Write it
down to yourself, or just talk to yourself. If you
can't put it down on paper, talk to yourself and say,
I recognize and I know it's true, and I know
it's real, what you went through, what it cost you,
what it did to you. I know because I was there.

Speaker 9 (25:46):
I know who disappointed you.

Speaker 10 (25:48):
I know what you wanted.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
I know the dream that you thought you were going
to have. We know those things about ourselves, but until
you bring them to the light, then you can't do
any thing about them except hoard them. And then they can't.
They tend to mustard and grow like weeds or mushrooms
and stuff that's not good for you. So we want

(26:10):
to do some clean slating and what have you, so
that we can begin to have truthful, honest conversations with ourselves.
And then when we find people who also want to
experience that, we have cleared the space to do that
with some honesty and integrity, because people will be able

(26:32):
to recognize when you're being honest about who you are
and what you stand for, as opposed to just wanting
to hear their stuff, you know, And then we stop
doing certain things that diminish those relationships. We stop wanting
to hear the gossip about somebody that I thought that
person was great. We don't want to hear that because

(26:55):
then you have to question, well, why are.

Speaker 16 (26:56):
You bringing it to me?

Speaker 2 (26:58):
Gosain know you gonna carry a girl? Yeah, so that
means that's your perception of me. I need to work
on bed. So we got in that space of being
able to tell that first to ourselves, then we're able
to share that with somebody else, and like I said,
doing it in small groups at a time. But it
is so health building, and it's so mind healing, and

(27:25):
is so bringing yourself out of the darkness into a
sense of light. People will be flood flabbergasted. It's what
happens to a lot of people in therapy, you know,
when you tell the truth and then when the person
doesn't get up screaming and walk out of the room
and all of that, it's such a relief.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
Yeah, it is very good. I think we're off to
a good start, doctor Jeffries. I am going to open
up our phone lines for us. If you missed our topic,
our topic of conversation this day, it's your turn. How
are you going to move through twenty twenty five? Are
you borring? Begging on a break or a break through?

(28:11):
As always, if you have a question or two four
doctor Jeffries, you can call us. Here are our numbers
nine zero one, five three five nine three four two
five three five nine three four two eight hundred five
zero three nine three four two eight three three five

(28:33):
three five nine three four two will get you in
to us. You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show on w.

Speaker 16 (28:44):
D I A.

Speaker 17 (28:46):
The BEVJ says show, Hi, this is David Porter, and

(29:08):
you are listening to the Queen of Talk, Bev Johnson.

Speaker 3 (29:12):
She is the one and only.

Speaker 11 (29:14):
No one can top her, no one can stop her,
and I'm in love with her. You're listening to Bell
Johnson at w d I A, BEJ Justin Show.

Speaker 5 (29:31):
Bell Jompass talking and all away. Help you go, you go,
don't getting ready, just show.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
Let's go Bell j Justin.

Speaker 3 (29:50):
We make Gorday right here wrong.

Speaker 4 (29:55):
T g Hi.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
She listen to ont Fay. You know it's time for
the belt of fish. Shout of showy, Let's go. Good afternoon,
and welcome back to WDI A and Bev. We are
rocking and rolling on this Friday, Friday, January seventeenth, twenty

(30:20):
twenty five, enjoy this fabulous day to day relationship Day
where we talk about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,
and most of all loving between consenting adults. We're doing
that today with our expert, our psychologist mental health specialist,
Doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Topic of conversation this day, it's your turn.

(30:42):
How are you going to move through twenty twenty five?
Are you borring, begging or on a break or a breakthrough?
Stand by for that hold on callers. But it's lunchtime
in the city. Yeah, I have to tell you about
my special place. It's the Rock and Chair of Memphis,
where we rock with the best entertainment in town and

(31:03):
the best soul food around. We're located at fifteen forty
two Elvis Presley, where you can get catfish and buffalo fish, yeah,
fried chicken, pot roast, smoked turkey, necks, baked chicken smothered
or fried, the pork chops, ham durg of steak, and
Miss Ann's famous chitlins and yams and greens and cabbage

(31:25):
and tinto beans. I know you're hungry.

Speaker 18 (31:26):
Mac running and cheese, mashed potatoes, northern beans, purple whole peas,
boil ochre, spaghetti and dressing in corn bread, and always
an assortment of desserts.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
At the Rocking Chair. Now y'all can dine in right now,
or you can take out call them. They'll have your
meal waiting for you. Nine zero one four two five
five two six four. Keep this number handy. Nine zero
one four two five five two six four. They closed
at five or the lunch open on Mondays. And you

(32:01):
know that twenty five percent off on Mondays for veterans
and seniors in city and county employees. I d and
they will be open on King Day on Monday. So
go when you do all your activities, stop on by
the Rocking Chair and get you something to eat. They
will be open there, but they're closed on Tuesdays. Closed

(32:21):
on Tuesdays, open Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Usually
I hit them over there after church on Sunday get
my dinner.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
But also the Rocking Chair is noted for the best
entertainment in town. And this weekend, this evening at doors
open at six o'clock, gonna have karaoke featuring soul and
performing live. They're gonna have cash prizes for the best
singer with the band. Ooh, I like that and one

(32:50):
hundred dollars fifty dollars. So y'all think y'all can sing?
This evening gone by the Rocking Chair. Doors open at six.
They're gonna have good time with the soul and the
band will be performing. And also tomorrow night, my girl
will be there Miss t Jay Moore for the Winter
Party and Dinia's Birthday party. What TJ out of Houston, Texas.

(33:12):
That sister can sing, So going head on over there
on Saturday night. Doors open up at six o'clock. I'm
telling y'all we have some of the best entertainment in town.
So if you're looking for entertainment and you're looking for
some good soul food, check my place out. It's the
Rocking Chair of Memphis fifteen forty two Elvis Presley, Dine

(33:34):
in or take out. Give them a call nine zero
one four two five five two sixty four nine zero
one for two five five two six four. When you
go there, y'all, y'all know what to say, you know
what to do? Tell them BEV Johnson since it's gonna
be a good weekend. And you know you got family
coming in and weekend go tonight or tomorrow, y'all. Y'all

(33:55):
gonna love miss TJ.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
Moore.

Speaker 3 (33:57):
That sister's bad. I'm gonna sneak in there. Uh huh,
y'all ain't gonna know. I'm gonna be there yet. At
the Rock and Chair of Memphis fifteen forty two, Elvis preslead.
We are going to our phone lines. Hold on, doctor Jeffries.
I'm going to our phone line to talk to on
for Getful. Hi, Unforgetful, Beth joneson.

Speaker 13 (34:20):
I'm so glad doctor Jeffery is here. In twenty twenty five,
I'm telling.

Speaker 19 (34:24):
You, well, how you doing, doctor Jeffery?

Speaker 4 (34:28):
Doing fine?

Speaker 3 (34:29):
She said, I'm doing fine. Unforgetful. We both here, baby girl,
that's right, were.

Speaker 20 (34:34):
Still here you, Ben Jones.

Speaker 13 (34:37):
I'm not gonna leave you out.

Speaker 3 (34:38):
Okay.

Speaker 16 (34:39):
You know you know this decade and some change is
getting real hard.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Baby right here. So what's on your mind? Unforgetful, What's
on my mind.

Speaker 13 (34:49):
Is deth Can I just take none of the ball
In twenty twenty five, I'm not out here begging.

Speaker 20 (34:56):
I'm out here, Lord of that bell.

Speaker 3 (34:58):
You're not borring, you're not beg all of them break.

Speaker 15 (35:05):
No, ma'am.

Speaker 13 (35:07):
You know doctor just said something that they're important talking
about the language, uh, writing and curses and stuff. Yeah,
you know, we're just printed stuff. I wonder when people
print their names and stuff. Do they know how to
writing Curtis as far as the signature? Some don't they
know how to do that, or they still printed again some.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
Yeah, you're right, some don't know how to do that.

Speaker 13 (35:32):
Well, Beth Johnson, I'm gonna tell you how we can
solve this problem.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Okay.

Speaker 13 (35:37):
Now, a lot of these people out here with this
digital stuff that's going on with the telephone and computer,
why do you an industry out there don't develop the
curtsies instead of the print because look at our constitution.

Speaker 3 (35:50):
The unforgetful, unforgetful, they have it on that. Now, do
you have a specific question for doctor Jeffery. They have
curses on that. You can do that on your computer.

Speaker 16 (35:59):
Now.

Speaker 13 (36:01):
I just wanted to say it again.

Speaker 8 (36:03):
I just want to say it again.

Speaker 13 (36:04):
Okay, thank you, thank you for letting me be myself. Okay,
I really appreciate.

Speaker 3 (36:09):
That you welcome, but I let you go. Thank you unforgetful,
when we have open conversations, you could, but no, cursive
is already on the computer. You can you can if
you've got a computer. Now you have to sign a document.
You can do that. Isn't that right, doctor Jeffrey?

Speaker 15 (36:27):
It is.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
Oh yeah, it is on that because I've done it before.

Speaker 14 (36:31):
You know they have it.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
But one of the things, yeah, your signature, yeah, they
have it on. They have cursive writing on computers now,
they have that. But one of the things that I'm
forgetful say, he said, Doctor Jeffery. He said, he's not
doing any of the borring, begging on a break none
of that. No, he didn't tell us what he's doing.

(36:55):
I will Yeah, well, well that'd be for another time.
He tell us what he's doing for himself.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
But yeah, you're giv him a pass on that, okay.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
But I want to remind unforgetful when doctor Jeffrey started off,
we want to remember she said, truth telling. We have
to be as Shakespeare said, to dye on self, be true.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
It is.

Speaker 3 (37:20):
It is so so when we talk about doctor Jeffrey,
we we talk about are you borrowing? Are you begging
on a break or a breakthrough? And a lot of things,
and you think about that, and a lot of people will.
It amazes me when a new year comes in doctor
Jeffrey's people say it all the time. I hope I

(37:41):
can find love. I hope I can be in a relationship.
But doesn't that start with you? Doesn't that start with you?

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Absolutely, because one of the first things that you would do,
and the reason why I think people are doing more
listening too, is the we can't get past the part.
I have to start with myself.

Speaker 10 (38:04):
Yes, just tell me what I need to do, you know,
to meet.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Somebody, to have a relationship and to follow And really
that's more of a dream than an expectation. And if
things are really important to you, you want to begin
to create expectations because when you expect something to happen,
you always you also have a seed of belief that

(38:29):
it at least possibly could happen. I'm doing ABC and
D on this part so that i can create a
fertile foundation to plant this hope and dream and all
of this in. But I'm doing some work to cultivate
it and stuff to make it happen. So when you
want love, you know, and a lot of people say

(38:51):
I want a wife, or I want.

Speaker 9 (38:52):
A good wife, I want a good husband, and.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
What happens, what are they getting? Okay, what's then your
bad Let's talk about that first, so that if there's
anything that you can take out of your baggage. If
there are some issues that you know that you have
a problem with, then you want to address that and
at least begin working on them so that they don't

(39:17):
become trigger points for you. And some people have a
smoller things to do. You need to hold You need
to corral your spending. You need to slow down on
your escape through alcohol or drugs, prescriptions, and otherwise you
need to deal with somebody professionally. If you cannot move

(39:38):
your mood above depression, that is something wrong. If you
have poor health any of the diabetes, high blood pressure,
high blood pressure, cholesterol, any of those things that impacts
a significant number of people in the African American community,
you need to address that so that you're on a

(39:59):
health plane in too. So you're fixing up the package.
So there's somebody that somebody who is also looking for
a good person to share a relationship with, they can
catch your eye. That's like putting a house that's been
sitting empty for we nothing going on, no activity, all

(40:21):
kinds of things have taken advantage of it and saying
I'm ready. I'm ready for a nice family.

Speaker 9 (40:26):
To move right in here.

Speaker 10 (40:29):
Here's the key.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
But they don't want to because they can see and
anticipate all the stuff that needs to be working on.
And we gotta stop fooling ourselves that the things that
we do and that we believe that cover personalities. Maybe
you don't get along well with people, and there are

(40:50):
other people who just think you're dolling. What's the what
is the glitch there? Are you impatient with people because
you're shy? Are you silent and judge mental? As people
pick up on that, does your behavior change?

Speaker 9 (41:04):
You have to two drinks.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
You've got to get a handsome on all of those things.
And like I said, none of us are perfect, and
we should all be working on something.

Speaker 9 (41:15):
To improve ourselves on a regular.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Basis because we want to get the best, yes, the
basics out of life. We want to be as healthy
as we possibly can be.

Speaker 9 (41:26):
We want to be as physically.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
Agile as we can be in this body that we're
working on. Good health, good physicality means great sense, you know,
look for whatever you need to be cared for you
to move you towards. So we have to do those
kinds of things. And as you said, it goes back

(41:49):
to me. First, I've got to be honest.

Speaker 3 (41:51):
Yes, And when you're honest with yourself, that makes you
have what's the word I'm looking for, a positive I
guess thing for yourself, doctor Jefferings. But but it makes
your life better, you know you it's it's positive. You

(42:13):
know you're you're on a good, good path.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
Well, you know it does in the beginning, it does later,
oh late, because okay, fear comes from.

Speaker 9 (42:22):
Telling yourself the truth.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
But guess what, you're the only one who knows the
total truth. So you already have a sense about that,
and you're telling yourself the truth so that you can
work on it. And then once you work on it
and identify, you can have a plan. Once you start
working on your plan, then you can also begin to create.

(42:48):
Whether it's the expectation. It may be that I know
I'm not physically after so I'm gonna walk ten minutes
every day, five days a week. That's a small thing.
But if it forces you to get up and get
some movement in it, if you're just walking around your house,
but that moment you've created a start.

Speaker 9 (43:08):
So we will begin to do those things.

Speaker 2 (43:10):
And if you know that you are one of those
people where you're very critical or very directed, some of
those things that are off putting to other people, then
address that. Learn how to speak in a soft tone,
be quiet. You don't have to say something when you
feel yourself getting to a point where you're getting ready
to be judgment Oh so when you do those things,

(43:34):
then you're working on being more engaging and being more
charming with people, and so people there will be naturally
more drawn to you as opposed to what trying to
get as far away from you as.

Speaker 9 (43:46):
All, or leading your name off the guest list, and
what happens.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
And this is one of the things. And I think
people probably do it in the South more than other people.
I appall everybody and their religious affiliation. Whatever you choose,
whatever you choose that works for you, that gives you comfort,
that gives you a connection to God, that's it.

Speaker 9 (44:15):
But that's personal.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
And when you get into the place and we know
people automatically, we may know people who may not be
as engaged in the church, but that doesn't mean that
they are not good people. And then there's some people
who refuse to join an organization as a church, Baptist,

(44:39):
Methodist and of that, but they're very spiritual people with
a great conscience and a good moral conference. So when
we throw that out and ask immediate, what church you
belong to?

Speaker 14 (44:50):
Do you work in the church?

Speaker 2 (44:51):
How do you say to God?

Speaker 9 (44:52):
You're judging?

Speaker 2 (44:53):
Really you're judging, because what happens in many cases when
you ask those questions then it becomes a tit for
tad or do you know this person?

Speaker 13 (45:04):
Or did you work on this problem?

Speaker 2 (45:06):
How much money do you you tie? I mean you've
hit all kinds of personal things that people may not
be comfortable with. They may be doing all those things,
but they may be put off about that.

Speaker 9 (45:19):
Yeah, you know how much money you spend?

Speaker 16 (45:21):
How much is this cost?

Speaker 10 (45:23):
You're gonna eat all of that?

Speaker 2 (45:24):
Wow? I don't know if I can afford hard. You know,
people say things without thinking.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
Oh my goodness, you know, you know, doctor Jeffers, I
say that all the time that people they just talk
that they don't think. And I used to tell my
students and I must speak once it's once it's out,
it's out. You can't. You can't take it back. You
can apologize, but people, well, once it's out, so think

(45:53):
before you speak.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
That's it. And the very last person that you would
think is sensitive, whose feelings are easily hurt, who's shy
and timid about those things, or who is easily.

Speaker 9 (46:08):
Embarrassed, is the last person that you would think.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
And so you assume, you know, when you make a joke,
or when you say something that puts them on blasts,
or you come in and make an inappropriate remard that
it was just in fun. It's very few things that
hurt people's feelings that are sincerely and.

Speaker 9 (46:30):
Not easily just in fun.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
And a lot of times those are passive, aggressive remarks,
directed and targeted at that person, and they know it, yes,
and they know it yes. And so if we learn
to be quiet and listen more, you're learning about the person.

Speaker 9 (46:51):
Be observant.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Look at the person, See how they're talking to other people.
If they're not talking to other people, ask something general
and simpl and simple to engage them.

Speaker 9 (47:02):
In a conversation.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
A lot of people will talk about themselves if they're
given the opportunity in a non directive way. Where do
you work? Now do you have any hobbies, how long
have you been? Are you from the city, If you're
from the city, where happening you go? I mean things
like that pretty much, just very general, but it can

(47:25):
start a conversation.

Speaker 9 (47:27):
So we have to all learn to be better conversationally.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Hey, yes, ma'am, Yes, ma'am. I want to go to
our phone lines, doctor Jeffries. Some callers are waiting hold
on to talk with you. And let me say this
that if you can't call in, you can email a
question to me for doctor Jeffries. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia
dot com. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. Okay, I'm

(47:53):
going to our phone lines to hear what you have
to say. W d ia Hi caller.

Speaker 16 (48:00):
Of going on, Queen Cogar, Queen Jeffreys, King, Harry, Oh,
that's right in the house. Hey, I like that thing.
You know, they said the tongue is the worst weapon
to hurt a person because once you say it, you
can't take it back. It's already damaged. Yeah, so you
have to think before you speak. As far as the relationship,

(48:21):
the ladys people saying this New Year, I want to
get in a good relationship. Go back and think about
the relationship you've been in the past. What caused them
to break up? Was it you or was it them?
If it was you, then find out what you were doing,
Like doctor Jeffers said, your attitude, your anger.

Speaker 14 (48:39):
You want a man to take care of you.

Speaker 16 (48:42):
You don't want to put nothing in it. Check out
the things that you have done to lose the people
you have been with, and if you've been with different
people you're in time and time again. Then you're the problem.
So until you fix yourself, you ain't gonna get no
good relationship. And we hear that all the time, I'm
gonna give me a good relationship. Well, well what happened

(49:02):
to all the other ones?

Speaker 15 (49:03):
Right?

Speaker 16 (49:04):
So you have to check yourself before you start saying
for you, try to get into something. Find out why
your other relationships went bad.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
And see harry O, that's the truth telling tell yourself
the truth.

Speaker 16 (49:17):
Yes, they don't want to do that, that's the problem.
Nobody wants to check themselves. They want to say, oh, nah,
he is and he did this, and he wouldn't pay
my bills and who was paying for I came here?
You know, I mean, quit thinking about money. Things will
come you to the person. Right, all that'll coming, you know,
it'll come together. But if you're not treating them with respect,

(49:39):
don't nobody want to be with a filthy mouth woman
or or a woman of mouth or a filthy mouth man.
Well that to the same things, same thing, Yeah, goes
both ways. Set the mouth man too, either way. Don't
nobody want that? You know? Nowadays people want somebody that
we can relax, do things together, have good conversation together.

(50:00):
This is gonna be some good and bad.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
But because you're gonna have you will have disagreements. And
that's okay. You you learn how to talk through what said,
have a conversation, you can you can talk through it.

Speaker 16 (50:13):
Yes, But if you can't take the good with the bad,
then you don't need to be in a relationship period,
because that's gonna happen. I don't know no perfect relationships, No.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
There's no there's no perfect there's no perfect.

Speaker 20 (50:27):
Jesus.

Speaker 3 (50:28):
Yeah, I get that. But I'm saying, get male and female.

Speaker 16 (50:33):
Oh no, that ain't gonna happen. That's all I wanted
to talk about.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
Thank you, King, Harry, I appreciate it, and go, I'm.

Speaker 16 (50:40):
Going for your lines to win Super Bowl now well,
well well we we we we we're hoping.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
We're hoping. Thank you can't harry up. Keep going all right,
bye bye w d I. A hiy caller.

Speaker 10 (50:56):
Ask the question.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
Okay, she asked the question, Okay, go on, un forget
the question of what I'm doing for yourself?

Speaker 16 (51:03):
Yeah, for yourself, for myself, Yes, got the different.

Speaker 13 (51:07):
I'm gonna tell you what I'm doing. I'm out here
with the young folks. I'm out here getting with the
young folks and let them know the right and the wrong,
the good and the bad.

Speaker 19 (51:16):
That is what I'm doing.

Speaker 13 (51:17):
I'm trying to go by example, doctor Giff, because that's
the most important thing. I can't understand this generation now,
when you're in front of your kids and you're doing
all kind of negative things, they get that and then
they go through life thinking it's okay. I mean you
got weapons. And finally them thirteen year old, twelve year old,

(51:38):
they see that.

Speaker 3 (51:39):
Well, unforgetful, I'm so glad you're working with young people.
That's very good. That's a possible.

Speaker 13 (51:44):
It's all about the job. Our days overwhel No no, no, we.

Speaker 20 (51:49):
Ain't around here.

Speaker 3 (51:52):
Well, nobody's gonna be around but our days aren't over, Okay, I.

Speaker 13 (51:56):
Forget I ain't talking about now, Beth Johns. I'm talking
about the young people we got to think of out
there there.

Speaker 3 (52:00):
We do think about what I'm forgetful. We are glad
you called back and let us and we're glad you
called back to let us know what you are doing.
Thank you, unforgetful, I appreciate that.

Speaker 14 (52:12):
W D I a HI caller, Hey bell, Hey, hey,
uh good good here y'all voices. Let me say to you,
I'm the one. Bobby oj used to ask me how
I say anything to anybody, and uh, I tell him.
He said, You're getting a lot of trouble for that.
I said, yep, I get in a lot of trouble

(52:34):
for it. But I don't mind because I let them
know I'm self centered, I'm narcissistic ahead of time. I
mean the women I've met, I told them I'm not
about you, I'm all about me, and they still decided
to be with me. So I felt comfortable at saying,
if I'm in business with you, don't get serious on
anything with me because I'm gonna leave you hide and dry.

(52:54):
I'm telling you, why are you here? And if most
people I meet today, are talking serious and this, that
and the other. And I said, I'm a fun loving person.
Now I'm in the seventy just enjoying myself. And me, me, me, me,
I know children can tell me what to do, no preacher.

Speaker 3 (53:10):
So so captain, you told you told women and people
you tell them up front who you are upfront?

Speaker 14 (53:18):
Okay, exactly. And I said, now let me tell you
what I'm stealth. Sel sell me me me I tell
And I was telling the lady in cashavery us Dad,
I said, it's like this with me. If somebody walked
in this store with a gun, I'm not concerned about
anybody in here, but me, I said, I'm not concerned.

Speaker 13 (53:34):
About stopping that.

Speaker 14 (53:35):
Man, I'm not poking my business. I said, hey, I've
been in several robberies. Well, I walked in, guys, had I.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
Want to ask you this question.

Speaker 14 (53:41):
I got nothing to do with it.

Speaker 3 (53:42):
Kevin Man, ask you this question for I'll let you go.
Why Why has it been all about you?

Speaker 14 (53:49):
It hasn't always been that way. Because I was a
doormat for like forty years. I didn't say anything. I
let folk you and they say he's so sweet getting married.
They say he's nice, he says, And I look at
him sideways, like a dog of sudden looking at a gage.
So I said, why they're saying that? Then I found
out I'm the door. I'm the guy to go to
when you want money, you want first, and the family members,
all of them, they don't chase me now because my

(54:11):
answer is just say no or the T shirt Michael
Jordan put out, that's my answer. Now, go to somebody
that cares and sweet on you, like you whatever, because Captain,
don't play that no more. I said, it's about me
going on the boat to me, hearing about what wd
I gonna do. They don't listen to it. I said,
you're not listening. But I said, I'm listening to you, guys.
I listened to doctor Jeffrey, I listened to doctor of Pop.

(54:33):
I listen to everybody, listen to everybody. What to be
about you?

Speaker 3 (54:37):
All right, thank you, Captain.

Speaker 14 (54:38):
But there are people like me. We're self centered, we're
self fener.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
Okay, I have to ask doctor Jeffries about that. Doctor Jeffers,
I don't know if that's a good thing, Captain said.
Because he was a doormat for over forty years now,
it's all about him. Is that a good thing?

Speaker 2 (54:53):
Well, I think that if he was a doormont math
for forty years, he probably was kicked out for forty years,
and so you can imagine how much resemblent has built up.
So he probably gets he probably gets a lot of
pleasure out of said Nope, not interested, Nope, can't help you, Nope,
don't want to.

Speaker 9 (55:10):
I'm into me, you know.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
And that's probably better than being with somebody and then
living in fear that you may default to that old
position or end up being resentful and mean to somebody
who you didn't have around.

Speaker 9 (55:29):
You when you were younger.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
So it works for him. He sounds like he's very
upfront about it, and then it's up to the woman
to decide if she wants to go play with him,
because he said, that's all I have to offer. My thing?

Speaker 3 (55:43):
Is this okay?

Speaker 9 (55:44):
And this is something we.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Said on the show. It's between consenting adults. Yes, And
everybody has laid their cards on the table and told
each other the truth about the what I am, what
I'm not, what I will, what I might that I
ain't never gonna do. And you still want us to
hang to be together and I'm still telling you I

(56:08):
have no expectations about what I.

Speaker 10 (56:10):
Need or want for you.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
But that causes you to both be independent, and it's
more independence than it is interdependent and definitely no dependency.
But when you have that kind of relationship those two people,
and they are usually either people who they're financially self
contained early on, or who they are now free without

(56:32):
any responsibilities of children and other other things that young
people have to do, homes paid off, or you know,
maybe have lost the spouse or whatever. But they're free.
They feel free, and that's what they live for, their independence.
So if it works and he's honest about it and
somebody else feels the same way, yeah, But the key

(56:57):
is you have to also monitor that person because a
lot of us will soon well that's the way they
feel that they never met me. I can change him,
I can change her. Then you set yourself in a
situation and become upset, you know, or jealous or angry
when that person says, but I told you, you know,

(57:19):
I was honest with you, but you let me do
all of this for you. I never asked you for anything. Yeah,
So be careful when you ask for that and make
sure you get exactly what you put on the causes
to what you want in the relationship, because at any
given time, one or the other may have feelings and

(57:42):
then the relationship is definitely going to have to change.

Speaker 13 (57:45):
And be careful.

Speaker 2 (57:46):
You're not the one who ends up with feelings and
the other person tells you. But that's why what we
signed up for.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
And also doctor Jeffery, is that I like what you said,
said that people always and we say this, you can't
change your person. You cannot change a person. A person
has to want to change for themselves.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
That's it. They have to and that is a lesson
that we still don't. I mean, we still don't. Whether
the person is in bad shape, having problems, you know,
you can't stop those problems.

Speaker 9 (58:21):
Whether if they're addicted to something.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
You can't stop them. If they are am mature, irresponsible,
you can't change any of that until they see the light.
And some of them may never see the light, you know.
And so you either have to choose to download your
expectations and accept them where they are, or you need

(58:44):
to move on. Cut your time. Sure, don't invest a
whole lot of time wishing in hoping that somebody is
gonna be what you want them to be as soon
as you're finished with them. Like we always say, don't
be an option and don't be a project. Okay, if
you can't be a prior, you don't want to be anything.

Speaker 3 (59:02):
That's right, that's right. Hold on, doctor Jeffers. I'm going
to our phone line. W d I A high caller was.

Speaker 19 (59:10):
A big John.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
Oh hey, class over my big So she's telling the truth.

Speaker 8 (59:20):
That's now. Now that's John. I'm gonna say this right here.

Speaker 3 (59:22):
Okay.

Speaker 8 (59:23):
Now I heard that man on the radio talk about
he's been a domatic all this. See that was his fault.

Speaker 14 (59:31):
That was his fault.

Speaker 20 (59:31):
See, that was this.

Speaker 19 (59:32):
That was his way of getting the women by paying
their bills and all everybody there.

Speaker 20 (59:39):
That was his fault.

Speaker 19 (59:41):
So now you want to choose to be hard on them.
See when you meet miss Wright, Ms Wright's gonna have
you taking care of her and treating other like a lady.

Speaker 15 (59:53):
See.

Speaker 8 (59:53):
He just didn't know. He just didn't know how to
choose women.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
He didn't know how to choose a woman.

Speaker 2 (59:59):
No, he she was real one. How do you choose
a record?

Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
Come on, Clyde, how do you choose a real woman?

Speaker 8 (01:00:06):
You got to first see how how she was, how
she was brought up. Well she she was brought up
with around her grandmother and mother. They're gonna be a
good one. Is she old fashioned? They're gonna be a
good woman. How she pay her bills, they're gonna be
a if she's flashy or not. If she flashes, they're
gonna be a problem. But the sh a plain girl,

(01:00:29):
uh gravel at old hunderdor.

Speaker 20 (01:00:32):
And excited about all that jewel and all that right there.

Speaker 8 (01:00:35):
That's a good one, okay. But see a lot of.

Speaker 20 (01:00:37):
Guys don't know how to pick a good one, so
they get out.

Speaker 8 (01:00:40):
Of here and choose the the flashy type women. H
Like I said, a lot of people don't have don't
have a clue.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
But you got it, don't you, clind Oh, I got
it down pad Okay, Okay, God's damn fast there.

Speaker 8 (01:00:58):
You know that song with what they're saying, ain't no
woman like the one I.

Speaker 10 (01:01:02):
Got you.

Speaker 3 (01:01:06):
Two Clyde, Doctor Jeffers, I don't know what you're gonna
do with your brother.

Speaker 9 (01:01:11):
I don't, I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
But one of the things he said, it sounds like
he picks women who are none demanding.

Speaker 9 (01:01:20):
Who don't have a sense of or need to be seen.

Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
By other people, will be the center of potential. She's
probably quiet, let him do all the talking, and actually
she's under his control. That's what he wants.

Speaker 3 (01:01:39):
But doctor Jefferies.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
Picks that because he's not gonna deal with a woman
who's competing for any of that other stuff demanding attention,
demanding flashy things, demanding that he does stuff out of
his comfort level. So what grown folks do and then
find another grown folks who are okay with it.

Speaker 9 (01:01:59):
That's what we do. That's what we promote.

Speaker 10 (01:02:02):
Lord.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
As nobody's getting hurt and people have informed consent about whatever,
then you good, You're good with me.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
Let me go back to something that that Clyde said,
Doctor Jeffrey's about Captain. He said, the reason Captain was
a doormat, it was it was his own fault. He
chose to be Okay, so he chose he chose to
be a doormat.

Speaker 2 (01:02:29):
That's why he. Clyde was right.

Speaker 3 (01:02:33):
Yeah, your big sister say you were right. You were right.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
That's what I was alluding to when I said that
he sounds angry and resentful. Okay, when you when you
allow other people to treat you in a disrespectful way
and you never liked it. Okay, you never liked it,
but you put up.

Speaker 9 (01:02:53):
With it for forty years.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
And my guess, my guess is that that was a wife.
Maybe that he's with one particular woman, or it might
have been multiple women. But that's my first guess is
that it was a why he was in a marriage,
a long term relationship, which is another reason why he
don't want He don't want to a relationship. He don't

(01:03:15):
want a committed relationship. He just wants to be free.

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
Right, thank I God? Say no, Okay, okay, hold on,
doctor Jeffries. We're gonna get take some more calls. I'm
gonna take a break hold on callers and listeners. We're
talking of this a day. It's your turn. How are
you going to move through twenty twenty five? Are you
gonna borrow big? You wanna break? You gotta breakthrough? Have

(01:03:41):
a question for doctor Jeffries. Nine zero one five three
five nine three four two eight hundred five zero three
nine three four two eight three three five three five
w d I A the BEVJ.

Speaker 15 (01:03:57):
Just say show, ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the
Queen of Talk, Bev Johnson on w d I A.

Speaker 3 (01:04:51):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 15 (01:04:54):
Here's Bev Johnson and.

Speaker 3 (01:04:56):
Back to our phone lines to talk with you. Hi, Beverly.

Speaker 21 (01:05:00):
Holding belly and hey a proper.

Speaker 3 (01:05:06):
How you doing, Beverly?

Speaker 21 (01:05:08):
Okay, great, Look this show is so interesting today.

Speaker 16 (01:05:14):
I just pulled up at Kroger.

Speaker 21 (01:05:16):
I'm in the parking lot now, okay, so I said,
I'm gonna call.

Speaker 16 (01:05:21):
But the thing about.

Speaker 21 (01:05:25):
I went to Africa last year. I went on a
missionary trip and you know, most missionaries are European, so
I was like the only black on the trip. And
when we pulled up at the orphanage and there were
like hundreds of little black kids out there that had

(01:05:48):
no mothers than fathers. And as everybody was stepping off
the bus and out of the cars, they looked at me.

Speaker 16 (01:05:57):
There they went crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:06:00):
M h.

Speaker 21 (01:06:01):
I was literally knocked down. People was trying to pull
them off me, and I was saying, why they're attacking
me like this? And then I thought about it. I
looked like the mother they would have had.

Speaker 16 (01:06:13):
Yeah, That's what it was.

Speaker 21 (01:06:17):
And I just tell anybody you know, go to Africa.
Go to the Orphanage and just visit where you came from.
When I stepped off the plane there there, I felt
like I was at home for the first time. I
never felt like home here in Memphis, but when I

(01:06:37):
went there, it was like home. It was so spiritual. Okay,
and yes, so I just wanted to share that.

Speaker 3 (01:06:47):
Thank you Beverly for sharing. Be safe out there, all right, Thanks,
You're welcome.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
Hi.

Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
I hey Nick Johnson during the day, Yes as well.

Speaker 22 (01:06:59):
Look, yeah, I was just calling to ask a question
about that word.

Speaker 8 (01:07:05):
Doormat.

Speaker 22 (01:07:07):
That's slang or what I've never really just heard of.
What is the definition of that? That's all I need
to know. And I hang up and listen.

Speaker 15 (01:07:12):
Thank you here.

Speaker 3 (01:07:13):
Okay, well I'll tell you what. You know what a
doormat is. Ike, doormats are usually in front of in
front of your your door. You walk on it, you
walk you know what a doormat is. When we say
I was like a doormat, people walk all over you.
So it's kind of a slag here. So a doormat

(01:07:34):
is you see him, you know, you have a doormat
in front of your step, your house, the kitchen. And
when when Cap was saying he was like a doormat.
People walked all over him. So that's what a doormat is.
I hope I explained that to you. What a doormat?
Folks just walking on, you just walking on, you keep
walking usual people on doormat. You people walk on and
they don't even clean them up. So that's a doormat.

(01:07:57):
Brother Bernard, what's going on?

Speaker 8 (01:08:01):
Miss John b.

Speaker 20 (01:08:04):
Yeah, you know what this?

Speaker 8 (01:08:06):
Uh, the commentary is pretty fun.

Speaker 1 (01:08:08):
I heard the Uh, I heard brother Clyde, and I
have to agree with him when the other brother was
talking about, uh, he was a door.

Speaker 14 (01:08:17):
Mat and this and that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:18):
Now he was he was going after the women only
for the physical, and he put himself out there their way.
And because she had their physical, he knew he was
only with a cousin. He had their physical. So she
did whatever she was gonna do and treated them like
a door mat. Because a woman know if you like
him for them, but you just like him, you know,
for the honey.

Speaker 21 (01:08:38):
And uh.

Speaker 1 (01:08:39):
But sometimes you know, we as men, we know if
they're only there, you.

Speaker 14 (01:08:42):
Know, for the money.

Speaker 16 (01:08:43):
And so it sounded like he's angry, and.

Speaker 8 (01:08:46):
Uh, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
It's a lot of women that are the same way.
You know, they they've been hurt and this and that,
and so you know he taking his trauma out on
innocent bystanders. That's that's that sounds like what they as happen,
you know, you know the movie Grumpy Old Men and
uh yeah, so you know, you just you really have
to like a person for them, and sometimes we don't

(01:09:10):
really be ourselves or the other person may have some
some physical attraction about them and instead of us being
ourselves because we want what they got so bad. You know,
we're gonna continue to be that representative, but you know,
uh might need to see God and seek seek your
son on that one. So appreciate you with taking my conference.

Speaker 3 (01:09:31):
Thank you welcome, Brother Bernard W. D. I a common man. Yeah,
how you doing, I'm doing well, common man?

Speaker 20 (01:09:43):
All right, Hello to doctor Doctor Jeffer's on the other side.
I uh, I think that people treat you the way
that you allow them to treat you. Me myself, I
want someone that has degnity, and I think that I
have dy So it's no way possible you're going to
be able to treat me like that because I'm not

(01:10:03):
going to allow you to. And I don't have to
be mean or anything like that to let you know that.
And I don't want someone that wants to treat me
like this, So it wouldn't it wouldn't confine from the beginning,
because I think those type of things supposed to be
established at the beginning of a courtship or a relationship,

(01:10:23):
you know, getting to know one another. And if you
see early that a person is not respecting you, treating
you with respect, the honor, or whatever else, then you
might want to reconsider that. Also. I want to say
thank you again to you and doctor Jefferys on the
conversation of affirmations. I was like, doct Jeffy. I think
she alluded to, you know, not starting something in quitting,

(01:10:47):
you know, quitting, and so with this affirmation thing, you know,
where I feel it's something that I could just probably
continue for the rest of my life. Ever since you
all brought that subject up, affirmation across my mind every
day and I look at it like this bell if
I applied, it's my choice, and it's very easy to do.
It's very easy to do. If you want to have

(01:11:10):
that type of man sat or whatever, it's very easy
to do. So it's up to me so you can
expect that out of me. Okay, yeah, you appreciate you.
You and doctor Jefferson. I'll talk to y'all next time.

Speaker 3 (01:11:23):
You too, common Man, thank you. I like DTR Jeffries.
I want to go back that Brother Bernard, and he
mentioned that Captain would because he's so hard now because
he said he was a doormat. And Brother Bernard said
the trauma was is that trauma?

Speaker 21 (01:11:44):
I think so?

Speaker 2 (01:11:45):
H the way if you're trying to love somebody, or
to befriend somebody, or even to benefit somebody and they
treat you as nothing, they demean your value. You know,
it's the form of a okay, and the fact that
you stay and take it and endure it. To me,

(01:12:08):
when somebody share stories like that, that's something that they
have been come accustomed to. And usually again, where does
this start. It started with the messages in childhood that
kind of made this person more vulnerable than someone else

(01:12:29):
might have. Someone else might have said, look, if you
don't know how to talk to me or to treat me,
or if you don't want me here, hey, I can
go and take my good time someplace else and be gone.
I want you to say now, and other people would
be now, I need to do more even though they're
feeling bad, even though their feelings are hurt. There's a message.

(01:12:50):
There's a tape that goes on where somebody of importance
to that person once told them, you get on my nerves.
You know, you asked to many questions. You're too needy,
you to this. Whatever it was, was like, I don't
like you, I don't care for you, you don't mean
that much to me, And so it translates over into

(01:13:13):
other relationships. It may be a work relationship where they
work to get positive affirmations from the boss, but it
doesn't come because the bosses figure out the more I
kick this person, but the harder they're gonna work for me,
and the more work I'm going to get. So and
then relationships, the moment that I tell this person I

(01:13:36):
like you or or treats him nice, then he gets all,
you know, upset and overwhelmed with it and what have you.
And I just want to be a spriend. So there's scripts.
And then if you happen to be a giver trying
to receive, then you end up with a taker, you know,

(01:13:57):
because takers have no limit for what they can ask
you for what they want from you. They just go
up or notch every time you get bigger and bigger
with what you're giving them. And so the same thing
sadly holds true for the giver. Givers don't know when
to stop either. The next time I'm gonna get the
right thing, the next time, I'm going to pay more

(01:14:19):
for it. The next time It'll be a better relationship.
And that's just pure I'm a sadistic kind of interaction
with somebody on both parts. So yes, I mean when
people give you permission to misuse you and to take
advantage of you, to be abusive to you, to disrespect you. Now,

(01:14:42):
let me clarify this, that does not justify because you
are a victim of it. It never justifies a person's
right to do any of those things to you. But
what happens is that most people don't look at emotional
abuse or you know how people can just withdraw themselves,

(01:15:07):
give you the ice what do.

Speaker 3 (01:15:08):
They call it?

Speaker 2 (01:15:09):
The refrigerator treatment?

Speaker 3 (01:15:10):
Yes, and all that.

Speaker 13 (01:15:11):
Oh, it's still.

Speaker 9 (01:15:12):
Forms of emotional abuse.

Speaker 2 (01:15:15):
People can verbally abuse you and they still don't react
as they would when somebody has laid hands on you.
That's like the ultimate thing where people is like, Okay,
that's too far.

Speaker 9 (01:15:29):
Now we have to react.

Speaker 2 (01:15:31):
Nobody has a right to make you live in a
situation that is scary, that's harmful to you.

Speaker 10 (01:15:38):
And I say that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:40):
As a part of people always being aware of who's
being abused and what happened. But there are people who
are used to being misused, mistreated, and undeserving of people
acknowledging their goodwill.

Speaker 3 (01:15:54):
Yeah, and I'm glad you mentioned that, and especially I
love the word said, we give people permission to misuse us.

Speaker 15 (01:16:04):
We do.

Speaker 3 (01:16:05):
Yeah, hold on, doctor Jeffries, go back to our phone line.
W D I a high caller.

Speaker 10 (01:16:13):
Hey Bill, I'm gonna be real quick, because really really,
I just called to tell doctor Jeffries Happy New Year.
I tried to get in Friday before they left. I
know they was pushing my time, and I told doctor
Harper the other day. I just wanted to tell her
that happy New Year. And I just really want to
express my opinion and tell her that she really helped me,

(01:16:38):
her and doctor Harper the last couple of years, three
years through my grief. You know, I know I wasn't calling,
but I was listening every single day and I just
wanted to express that to her that you know, you know,
just because I ain't calling, no, don't mean I ain't listening.
I'm listening every day. I don't care what grocery store, warehouse.

Speaker 8 (01:16:59):
I got my book.

Speaker 10 (01:17:00):
Then, I just really want to tell her that her
and doctor Harbor really helped me through my grief. And Bell,
what was it beg borrow?

Speaker 3 (01:17:07):
What it says? Are you borrowing? Are you begging on
a break or a breakthrough?

Speaker 15 (01:17:16):
Bell?

Speaker 10 (01:17:17):
I hope I don't have to borrow now. I can't
loan because I have had some terrible experience loan. If
I got it, I'm gonna get it to you.

Speaker 15 (01:17:24):
Bell.

Speaker 10 (01:17:25):
I'm never on a break and I hope you know
my breakthrough over with. Hey, sisters, I want y'all to
have a good say weekend. Keep your head on a squibble,
watch your surroundings. And Sister Bell, you know you mine friends,
mine friend only. And with that being said, I know

(01:17:45):
I want you to get out there. Bell been careful
out here. It's just and I ain't our expresses all that.
It's just unbelievable how people drive so fast on Expressway
and on these street they will kill you and you
know they'll be alive in the hospital and there. One
day they'll get out of jail and they'll get in
the car and doing the same do the same thing again.

(01:18:07):
A car is a dangerous weapon, sister. Don't get out there.
Watch around. If you need a rad I got you,
just call me and let me know they're being seen. You, sister,
have a super great weekend and I got you a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:18:20):
Thank you every day you love you, Thank you, thank you.
And doctor Jefferies. Before we get out of here this email,
Gray wanted to know dtr Jeffries, why is it when
you're some family members always say that they're going to
stand by their family member's side even if they're wrong,

(01:18:42):
because we are blood out of up, even if they
know they're wrong, but we I'm gonna stand by. But no,
but that's wrong, I will say Gray.

Speaker 2 (01:18:56):
Some families that adhere to a loyalty O.

Speaker 9 (01:19:00):
And I think that.

Speaker 2 (01:19:03):
The way that that works so effectively and so for
so many generations is that the people, the elders in
that family, set the tone, They set the moral compass,
and if you work hard, that everything, every behavior, every
adult adheres to what you have put into action. Like

(01:19:23):
there's an elder person who may be ninety years old,
but they can come in a room, everything is chaotic
and just say in the softest wort, be quiet and
sit down. Room goes out of that's fifty and fifty
year old people doing that, doing what she or he says.
If they say, you never turn against sayings. That's mafia

(01:19:45):
mentality is one example of it. Black folks extend it
in many cases will because if you could not depend
on the support and the allegiance and alliance of your family,
there was nobody else that you could pandemic because everybody
else was, well, you know, half the people you knew,
we're not gonna support you, a befriend you and what

(01:20:07):
have you. And and if you were lucky, then it
carried on to your neighborhood, your community, or your church.
But family first, Okay, family first is the matto. And
it was out of the need because we even though
we had community, what happened in that house stayed in
that house.

Speaker 9 (01:20:27):
That was family law.

Speaker 10 (01:20:28):
Right, Okay, it's a self protected measure.

Speaker 9 (01:20:32):
But I also said, that's what the mafia do.

Speaker 2 (01:20:34):
And if you don't follow through, they take you to
the river.

Speaker 3 (01:20:36):
That you got that right, thank you.

Speaker 15 (01:20:38):
Gray.

Speaker 13 (01:20:39):
Watch The Godfather.

Speaker 3 (01:20:41):
Exactly, exactly one of my favorite movies. I know, I know, well,
Doctor Jeffers. As we end up, it's your turn, how
are you going to move through twenty twenty five?

Speaker 2 (01:20:53):
Well, you know I love it with the last collar
who asked, Okay, I don't want to borrow anything. I
don't want to beg for anything. I don't want to
loan anything because people will teach you lessons about that.
I don't want to be on a break, and we're
gonna do a show about that. You need to learn

(01:21:14):
the definition of own break, okay, And I don't want
to be on a break.

Speaker 9 (01:21:21):
So what I'm working on is a breakthrough.

Speaker 2 (01:21:24):
I want to have good things come as the result
of my taking the time of plant to see the change.

Speaker 12 (01:21:32):
I want to alleviate the stresses that trigger my high
blood pressure or my high cholesterol that makes me eat
the wrong things.

Speaker 9 (01:21:43):
Or not exercise my body and treatment and the simple
it is.

Speaker 2 (01:21:47):
I want to commune with people who like, love and
respect me and who I feel the same about, because
that's where I get my light and my energy from.
I want to foster a community that helps us look
back at our children and know we've neglected them shamefully,
and in twenty twenty five we have to find ways

(01:22:10):
to make that up. I want to maintain my continuous.

Speaker 9 (01:22:14):
Journey as a spiritual.

Speaker 2 (01:22:15):
Person who's out here on a mission that I believe
that has been handed to me is to look out
for and care for my brothers and my sisters the
best that I know how, and be grateful for the
creator who has.

Speaker 9 (01:22:31):
Inspired me to do so.

Speaker 2 (01:22:33):
This is what I expect, not only for myself, but
it is my hope and my wish for you as well.

Speaker 3 (01:22:41):
I like it, Doctor Jeffries. So we will see.

Speaker 2 (01:22:44):
Find the work better twenty five years.

Speaker 3 (01:22:46):
I know, Hey, hey, doctor Jeffries, we will because think
about Monday. I just keep saying, here comes Monday, Here
comes Monday, Monday, Here comes Monday. As always, doctor Jefferies,
thank you, thank you, thank you. We appreciate you and

(01:23:07):
and and as always we want you to take care
of yourself as well.

Speaker 2 (01:23:12):
I'm on the road our vision.

Speaker 3 (01:23:14):
And and you are quite welcome and looking forward to
next Friday.

Speaker 2 (01:23:22):
Man, We're gonna have a lot to.

Speaker 3 (01:23:24):
We have a lot to talk about. And also doct Jeffries,
is I get with you because It's interesting that the
other day I was looking at some old topics we did,
and I think we can revisit some of those. I'm
as sueing, Oh my gosh, from back from back to
nineteen ninety eight, now ninety You're like, that would be fun. Okay,

(01:23:47):
I'll get them to your sister.

Speaker 2 (01:23:50):
Okay, you do that.

Speaker 3 (01:23:51):
Have a good weekend. Dtor Jeffries.

Speaker 13 (01:23:54):
Alrighty, you take care of the girl, you too.

Speaker 2 (01:23:57):
Alrighty, bye bye bye.

Speaker 3 (01:24:00):
Psychologists and mental health specialists, doctor said Dorothy Jeffries is
always helping us out. In the twenty twenty five I

(01:24:26):
want to thank you callers. I want to thank you
listeners for joining us this day on the Bev Johnson Show.
We do, we really do appreciate you. So until tomorrow,
please be safe, keep cool head, y'all, don't let anyone

(01:24:47):
steal your joy. Until tomorrow. I'm Bev Johnson, and y'all
keep the faith. Mark Baker, take me home, boyfriend.

Speaker 20 (01:25:06):
The views and opinions discussed on The Bev Johnson Show
are that of the hosts and callers, and not those
of the staff and sponsors of w d I A