People You Need To Run From with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

People You Should Run From with Dr.Dorothy Jeffries, Behavioral Relationship Consultant on The Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Memphis probably presents the Damp Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let me you say bathe first, let me you say
she's done empistogain.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
No matter of the problem she can have.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
So just all the phone and the normans your mind.
She jim me in the hair by chilling you to
just keep the thing.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
When a wrangle a pegging out the Johnson Show because we've.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Got outing game here every day.

Speaker 4 (01:00):
I hate my bell, got me a missed king. Yay,

(01:48):
good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome into w
d i A The BEV Johnson Show. I'm bed. It
is indeed a pleasure I have you with us once
again on of this Friday. Friay, Friay. It's Friday, September

(02:09):
twenty six, twenty twenty five. Enjoy this fabulous day. Today
it is Relationship Day on Fridays where we talk about
relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, hoostome, wonderful and
most of all loving between consenting adults. We'll do that

(02:30):
with our expert, our relationship behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries.
We will be talking with her this day. We will
also share some WDIA good will announcements, so you know
what's going on this weekend, so you can make your

(02:51):
plans when it's your turn to talk. As always, we
do invite you to call nine zero one five three
five nine three four two nine zero one five three
five nine three four two eight hundred five zero three
nine three four two eight three three five three five

(03:17):
nine three four two will get you in to me.

Speaker 5 (03:24):
And if.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
This day, this this day, Friday September twenty six, twenty
twenty five, is your birthday. Happy birthday to each and
every one of y'all out there who may be celebrating
a birthday on this day, Friday September twenty six, Saturday

(03:47):
September twenty seventh, Sunday September twenty eight, Happy birthday, y'all.
Go out and celebrate your life. You beta you better.
When we come back, we'll do some double U d
i A Good will announcements. Then we'll talk to doctor

(04:12):
Dorothy Jeffares right here on the Heart and Soul of Memphis.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
W d I A.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
Of Memphis w d i A.

Speaker 6 (05:04):
Hi, this is David Porter, and you are listening to
the Queen of Talk, Bev Johnson. She is the one
and only no one can tapa, no one can stop her,
and I'm in love with her. You're listening to Bev
Johnson at w d i A The Beth Johnson Show.

Speaker 4 (05:55):
Jeffres, I think she's finished with her client, and I'm
glad to hear from her going to the phone lines
to talk to our relationship behavioral consultant, doctor docthy Jeffries.
Good morning, doctor Jeffries. How you doing, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Can you hear me?

Speaker 7 (06:20):
Yes?

Speaker 8 (06:20):
I can hear you now, all.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
Right, good good, Good morning, sister.

Speaker 8 (06:24):
Good morning. How are you.

Speaker 4 (06:26):
I'm doing well today? How about you?

Speaker 8 (06:29):
I am doing so well, so well today. The sun
is shining. It's not so hot and humid, and still
a little you know, polling out there, but it's much
better than it has been.

Speaker 4 (06:41):
And you're right, but so and I'm like you, doctor,
we have a beautiful day. We had rain this week,
and I'm glad the rain stopped because doctor Jeffery, you know,
it is a Southern heritage classic weekend and we got
folks coming from Mississippi and everywhere. So the sun is out,
and so I think it's gonna be a beautiful weekend
and we're gonna have a good time.

Speaker 8 (07:01):
I certainly hope. So you know, the classic is classic,
so everybody needs to be class C.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
Come on, right, that's right because as we said earlier,
Doctor Jeffers, I had mister Fred Jones on the show Monday,
who's the founder. I says, we ain't acting. No foods,
we ain't having that stuff. We're not having this weekend
because we've already heard this morning doctor doctor Jeffries, the
governor was on TV the guards will be National Guard.

(07:29):
We'll be here next week exactly.

Speaker 8 (07:32):
Well we knew that was coming. Look about how long
it's been since they've been there. Yes, yes, you know.
The best way to get them in and get them
out is act like grown folks with common sense and
don't put yourself out there doing anything stupid or being
mis read is being in the wrong place at the

(07:53):
wrong time. Make it an uneventful visits.

Speaker 7 (07:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:57):
And then as we were saying, we were talking last night,
doctor Jefferson said, if you're a law abiding citizen, you
don't have anything to worry about. Exactly, if you obey
the law and do what you're supposed to do, you
are okay.

Speaker 8 (08:14):
Absolutely, And you know the thing, when like we were
talking about last week, we got to stop lying to
ourselves and start telling the truth.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
That's right.

Speaker 8 (08:23):
If there was no tension and fear and problems with
chaos and violence and Memphis, it never would have come up.
It hasn't always come up, and people hadn't always been
saying these things. And so if this is what it
takes so that people like you said, law abiding people,

(08:46):
children elderly you know, can park in their driveways, can
have their cars and not be worried about somebody jacking
them or a ten year old putting a gun in
their face, then that needs to be because people don't
deserve to live in that type of environment. So if
it is not about you, support it and hope that

(09:08):
people just do what they need to do so that
they can go on about their business and hopefully peace
and safety will come back to Memphips exactly.

Speaker 4 (09:17):
I'm like you, doctor Jeffrey. We're praying for that. We're
praying that our city because now all the eyes are on.

Speaker 8 (09:24):
Us exactly exactly. And it must be noted too that
I know it's coincidental that most of the cities that
are targeted our urban areas and who would they live by, primarily? Oh,
people of color? That's right, and so you know, it
is what it is, but we have control of this

(09:45):
if we can control ourselves.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
Sounds good, good words of wisdom. I hope you all
heard Dr Jeffries. Matter of fact, and I just wanted
to say thank you again with last night, Doctor Jeffries.
We had a community kind of town hall meeting with
the air personalities of w d i A. It was Mark,
Mark Stansberry's Than Bell's, Stormy and myself and we were

(10:09):
we were at the Stax Museum of American Soul Music.
We were there and and we were, you know, telling
our story and talking about w d I. It was
WDI in the community, you know, and a lot of
people came out. And one of the things that and
I loved Norman red Wing Black Pastic he was there

(10:29):
and one of the things he just touched my heart.
He said he learned and because of w d i
A he was able to get help. Being listening to
you and doctor Harper and I talked about and I
told Norman, I said thank you for that, because it
was Bobby who said because mental health was wasn't talked
on radio. It was not until you all came on

(10:50):
and was on my show and talking mental health. And
I hear from a lot of people that you and
doctor Harper has helped a lot of people and that
that and that was wdi a part of community and
giving our mental health was not talked about, and you
all came on and talked about it, so people can
get help, and we're still doing it. And I just

(11:12):
want to say, appreciate it, and I appreciate Norman for
bringing that up in the crib was saying yeah, and
well says we listen, you know, and we enjoyed, enjoy
doctor Harper and doctor Jeffrey. So thank you for still
coming on and wanting to help our people. Is doctor
Harper always say we want to help our folks.

Speaker 8 (11:32):
We got to help our folks. That's true. And it
was just very prophetic and with a lot of foresight
that Bobby was willing to take that creative risk. And
you know, and at the time, a lot of things
fun out of that.

Speaker 9 (11:47):
The Black Women's Group, the Black Males Group, right, I
mentioned that, Yeah, yeah, and things and then the consulting
that doctor Harper and I did with a lot of.

Speaker 8 (11:58):
Organizations and what have you, and speaking at churches and
what have you. So this is a platform I think
we made a commitment to just seeing and being educated
and aware enough to know about our history, to be
the learning how to take what types of philosophies and

(12:18):
approaches that are designed by other people, and how to
translate that where it's customized and cultural competence to benefit
our people. So we've spent a lifetime doing that. And
every time you run into somebody or they say I
listened to WDA or I remember when y'all first started

(12:39):
coming on and I'm still listening, it just warms my
heart because a lot of times when you make contributions
back to the public or to people, you never know
what made an impact and what did not make an impact.
So we appreciate that, and we appreciate certainly all of
the people.

Speaker 4 (12:59):
Who can you to listen exactly we do we do, so,
thank you, Thank you all right, doctor Jeffries, what is
our topic of conversation this day?

Speaker 8 (13:10):
If you see one of these people coming at you,
I suggest you better run the other way.

Speaker 4 (13:18):
Say that one more time, sister.

Speaker 8 (13:21):
If you should see one of these people coming at you,
I suggest you better run the other way. I'm gonna
have to put my roommate out of here.

Speaker 4 (13:31):
Yeah, put your roommate out. Say your roommate trying to
give some advice.

Speaker 8 (13:37):
Give her advice. Okay, you didn't speak to it this morning,
so she want to give some advice. Okay, Joey, that's
point one. Now, Okay, I'm sorry about that. But yes,
if you should see one of these people coming at you,
I suggest you should run the other way.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
Okay, who are the talking?

Speaker 8 (13:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (13:55):
What are you talking about? Sister?

Speaker 8 (13:58):
I've been thinking about this because we we've been talking
about line to ourselves. We've been talking about flags, red flags,
green flags, yellow flags and all of there. How do
you know if somebody is right for you? When do
you know if it's in your best interest to leave
or to stay? And how do you get to the

(14:21):
point where you can cut a lot of that heartache
and time wasted and stuff and have if we start
paying attention and learn how to be behavioral or romantic
profilers where you can recognize certain characteristics. So what I
tried to do was come up with five archetypes, five

(14:44):
profiles female that you should run from, and five archetypes
or profiles that are males that you should run from.
And with that, he said, I wanted to share some
characteristics of them and kind of describe the toxic or

(15:05):
the inappropriate or the unhealthy behavior that they bring to
it and what you might experience if you don't know
how to be a swift foot and run. But a
lot of times we go into relationships because we get
caught up an extraneous things, their titles, their physical appeal,

(15:29):
of what they own, where they live, what their station
is in life, of what type of work that they do,
and we become mesmerized with that without being able to
do a clean assessment to see everything pretty is not
healthy and must do some things is not going to

(15:51):
be good for you anyway, and too much of a
lot of things can hurt you and sometimes kill you.
And that's the same thing that happens when you make
your diet for relationships, and particularly intimate partner relationships on
people who feed on your soul and your mental capacity

(16:15):
and your ability to feel free, to feel happy, to
feel stable, and to feel like you're autonomous. See to
be autonomous means that you can stand on your own
two feets, but you're very much inclined to want to
walk with somebody else as a partner, as a cohort

(16:35):
as somebody who's your support and you're their support. Somebody
who feeds your soul, somebody who makes you smile, somebody
who makes you laugh, somebody who loves you tenderly when
you need that, ferociously when you need that, and with
commitment and respect when you deserve that. So that's what

(16:57):
we're looking for. All of those things. And your friend,
your partner, your lover are all entwined in the same person,
not necessarily at the same time. But if you don't
have those three cornerstones, then you might not be getting
all that you deserve and all that you want and need.

(17:17):
So let's look at some of these people and so
that we can become better at recognizing them and figuring
out what are the cues that they give. Because everybody
presents in the same way, we just choose when we're
going to acknowledge it and how much value we might

(17:39):
put on it. Right, all right, So we talked about
the narcissists or the egoists. You know, before we've even
had some callers who will come in. A female may
have called in and given a problem or a share
a concern or something like that, and we'll get a
narcissist or ego who are call in and cannot make

(18:03):
a comment or give their opinion without some way or
somehow trying to gaslight that person or to mean that
the person's character, or to show some attitude about why
it's all about her or she's just not good enough.

(18:24):
This particularly happens in situations when some women come in
where they're still carrying baggage from a ghost laundry list
of past lovers and relationships that they have not properly
processed or terminated. And so what happens is is that

(18:47):
you've become bloated with all of this negativity and toxicity
that you've allowed into your life. And so this of
course is going to either make you overly thirsty for
any approach or attention from somebody else, or it will
make you very bitter and sarcastic about the effort or

(19:09):
the interest of somebody else may have or it may
or it may make you continue to keep trying because
you feel that if I keep trying with the narcissists,
then they will see me and I can change them
and make it better for me, and they will change.
And just because they behave this way, they don't really

(19:30):
mean it. People mean what they say and do if
they do it the first time, they mean what they
say and do. Most things that intentionally injure you, the
choice of words, the physical assaults, the mental strain, the

(19:51):
stress of having somebody that leaves you feel and awkward
and unstable. People are intentionally doing that to me. They're needs,
which means, particularly for a narcissist, they can't see and
have very little care or concerned about your needs. So
if nobody is concerned about you, guess who usually is

(20:14):
up dumped and damage you. And so we want to
we want to note that the narcissist is one who
has exaggerated needs, uh overdeveloped feelings and ambitions that always
always take priority over anything else in the connection. And

(20:37):
I say connections because it's very hard to have a
relationship with a narcissist, because when we when we are
in a relationship, we're relating, we're interacting, we're communicating, we
are in a communally driven partnership that we're moving in
a direction that benefits both of us. And so the

(21:00):
wait in the flow of the relationship ships back and
forth where if I'm feeling down or I need a
little bit more from you this week, then you provide that,
and then next week or the next month, or whenever
it happens, if you should need a little bit more,
we do that graciously and unselfishly because we understand that

(21:21):
that's what the flow is about in a loving relationship.

Speaker 4 (21:27):
So when we I want to go back, when you
talk about people who are narcisstic, are they they are
not the right ones, doctor Jeffers, I guess I'm asking
this question correctly that you would really want to be
in a relationship with, But how do you know they're
narcissistic until that you start seeing that behavior?

Speaker 8 (21:51):
I guess, well, you know, narcissistic people don't wait to
show you who they are their actors, Okay, you have
been granted a privilege to meet me. They talk intensively
about who they are, what they have, where they be,
and what they've done, what they think and what have you.
If you notice that you're having a conversation with somebody

(22:14):
you just met, and if the conversation has never gotten
around to you may be beyond what's your name and
everything else is about me, me, my mind and what
have you, then that's the first clue, because when you're
meeting somebody, and if somebody's interested in you, they ask

(22:35):
interesting questions to find out what things about you that
they may find intriguing, that they may find entertaining, or
they may find something that they want to learn more about.
You go into asking questions to people, and then you
quietly wait and listen to their response so that you

(22:58):
can pay attention how you're responding, how you're thinking about
what they're saying, how you're feeling to the words that
they're using, and what have you their physical response to you.
Are they looking at you in the eye, are they talking,
are they smiling, are they leaning in all of those
things saying they're focused on you. But if it's me, me,

(23:20):
my my eye, you haven't come up in the conversation yet.
And what they're doing is just letting you know, you know,
this is who you getting. Look at all that I've
got going from me, you should be, you know, turning
cockwheels here now. But it's also a message that it's
gonna take a lot of energy for you to try

(23:41):
to maintain yourself in somebody's spotlight that only shines on one.

Speaker 4 (23:47):
Okay, okay, so let's talk about some of those these
people doctor Jeffers. That's just one that if we see
these people we need to run the other ways.

Speaker 8 (24:01):
Another one is the fixer upper.

Speaker 4 (24:04):
Fixer upper.

Speaker 8 (24:05):
The fixer upper. The fixer upper is somebody that you meet.
You you feel a little bit of attraction to them.
It's something about them that you like. But you could say,
if I could just tweak this about them, if I could,
you know, get them to do this. A perfect example
of it, let's say a working woman meets somebody who

(24:32):
has more education than she does, and so this person
is somebody who wants to come in with a plan
on how to bring you up to park there. They're
just a step or two below the narcissistic person.

Speaker 10 (24:51):
With that.

Speaker 8 (24:51):
They have not found somebody who they feel is their
equal part. So they've taken somebody underwing so that they
can build you up like a prop, into something that
would be more worthy or appropriate for them to be
viewed with as a partner. You know, the person who

(25:13):
comes in and they're talking and you know, maybe you
have a very comfortable life and you've done some things
and what have you, but you have not gone to
formal school. You don't have anything maybe a certificate and
something technical or vocational, and you may even be making
more money than that person. But the status thing that

(25:33):
goes with the degree, that's what's missing. Where do you live,
what kind of car do you drive, and what have you.
They may be loaded down in debt and you have
a modest income, a modest livelihood that is working well
for you because you plan and budgeting what have you.
But that's not making their bells ring because they want

(25:55):
to show a kind of person that comes in that says, look,
had I, we're here. And so then the plan goes
into I'm gonna date you up, We're gonna have good time,
but I'm working on you. I'm gonna start talking about,
Oh you're so smart, why don't you go back to school?
Or have you ever thought about it? You could get
a much better job while working at this company over here,

(26:17):
or maybe you know you've had this house for a
long time, have you ever thought about moving? There's a
new development sofa. Everything is designed to what they are.
What they're telling themselves and you is to lift you up.
But you find where you are. You know, there's nothing.

(26:39):
You've made all these decisions, did all this by yourself?
And when someone cannot appreciate the grit and the commitment
and the courage it takes to do all of that,
and only see what needs to be you know, improved
or different or what have you a make of? If

(27:00):
you will before they can feel more comfortable with you,
they're saying that you will never be acceptable because it's
always one more thing that may happen. So you want
to be real conscious of somebody who starts giving you feedback,
especially unsolicited feedback about how you dress, you know, how

(27:22):
much weight you need to gain or lose, or maybe
I should go strive shopping with you, or maybe I
can help you decorate your house better and what have you,
or introduce you to the right people. All of those
are like little dingers or zingers that they shoot out

(27:42):
as they're smiling and tell you about how smart you are,
how pretty you are, but or if right, only you
know and you feel those but you're looking at the
person in the eye as saying what you think that
they present and hearing what they're saying about making you

(28:03):
better without taking stocks. How many times have you received
the zinger since they've been telling you not what's right
and good about you, but what with a little tweaking
will do. See, we get very comfortable with that, to
the point that a lot of people of color become

(28:25):
so accustomed to hearing and receiving microaggression. You know, you're
really pretty for a black woman or a dark skinned woman,
or oh, you have a beautiful face, but all you
need to lose about fifteen to twenty pounds, or you
need to do this, or you should never wear that color,

(28:47):
or that doesn't look good on you, or that's just
too much. You know, when you start laughing, people can
hear you blocks away, so people are trying to moderate
you and trying to change you into something else. And
a lot of times hear this, and we may have
been heard it all the times growing up. We don't
hear it when it's somebody that we have decided I

(29:09):
really want this to work, especially if there's a history
of things not working, so to fix it up. If
somebody needs to fix you up, then you need to
be fixing to go in the opposite.

Speaker 4 (29:23):
Fixing to go, you know what, doctor Jefferies. But a
lot of people they see someone and oh, I'm gonna
get them, and then they when they get they want
to fix them up. Well, I can do this or
or we hear this all the time doctor jeffries, uh here,
women will say this, he has potential. I can do
this for him.

Speaker 8 (29:42):
No, I can work with this, right, yeah, I can
work with this, work with this. And you know that
there are there are people the opposite side.

Speaker 10 (29:52):
Are there?

Speaker 8 (29:52):
There's the person because you may have the degree, or
you may have the experience, and you may have the money,
or you may have the good job. Pod decine, well,
he knows.

Speaker 10 (30:02):
Or she knows.

Speaker 8 (30:04):
She knows better than that. You know, she's gonna tell
me where I can you know, how to go out,
how to eat in a restaurant and well, And it's
one of the most demeaning things that you can do
when you criticize somebody and the mean you know their

(30:24):
manner because they may not use the right word, or
they may have missed the step or something that you
think about how they should have presented or addressed.

Speaker 9 (30:36):
That's not good matters.

Speaker 8 (30:37):
So you really are not all of that. If you
haven't learned how to treat people in a respectful and
kind way, you're still lacking there. So yeah, that that
is the fixer upper. Don't ever decide to be somebody's options.
If you can't start out being a priority, then you

(31:00):
don't want to be an option.

Speaker 4 (31:02):
And like you always say and doct Jeffreys, you always
say you don't need a project. If you've got a project,
that's it.

Speaker 8 (31:10):
You going in and tell yourself, I got work to do.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
Right, You better run from that person. They trying to
fix you up.

Speaker 8 (31:18):
Person, they're trying to fix you up.

Speaker 4 (31:21):
All right, I like this, Doctor Jeffries. Hold on, we're
gonna take a break. And if you have a question
or two for doctor Jeffery our topic. If you see
one of these people, doctor jefferes is talking about you
better run, better run, And you may have a question,
but somebody you better run from. We've talked about that
narcissistic person and the fixer upper. You better run. Five

(31:46):
three five nine three four two is our number one
eight hundred five zero three nine three four two eight
three three five three five nine three four two will
get at you in to me. If you can't call,
you can email us the question to Bev Johnson at

(32:07):
iHeartMedia dot com. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. We're talking.
If you see one of these people, doctor Jeffson, I
suggest you better run the other way. We're gonna talk
more about these people next right here on the Heart
and Soul of Memphis double d i A.

Speaker 11 (32:32):
Whether you're in Arkansas, Tennessee, or Mississippi on Facebook, Twitter,
or Instagram, thank you for listening to the Bev Johnson
Show on.

Speaker 4 (32:41):
Dou W d i A Memphis, and we're going to
the other side of the Bev Johnson Show on doub
d i A the bevj Show.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Bell justn't show Bell up time with this talking and
home away, help.

Speaker 8 (33:24):
You go, you go?

Speaker 4 (33:26):
Son't getting ready to go in time?

Speaker 2 (33:30):
Just say show Bell Show Let's go Bell don't. We'll
make your day right here.

Speaker 4 (33:40):
Wud listen to what to say. You know it's Tampa
the bell. Just show Tapa the belt of showy.

Speaker 8 (33:53):
Let's go.

Speaker 4 (33:54):
We are rocking and rolling on this Friday, September twenty sixth,
twenty twenty five. It's the Southern Heritage Classic Weekend and
we are getting ready. It's Relationship Day where we talk
about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,
and most of all loving between consenting adults. We're doing

(34:16):
that with our expert our Behavioral Relationship consultant doctor Dorothy
Jeffries topic of conversation. If you see one of these people,
better run away where we're talking about some folks and
we'll continue our conversation. Hold on callers a minute, just
a minute or two. I tell you about my favorite place.

(34:36):
I'm talking about the rock and Chair of Memphis fifteen
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soul food in town, best entertainment around, and they're getting
ready for the Southern Heritage Classic Weekend at the Rocking
Chier of Memphis. You can dine in, go over there
and get your lunch, or you can take it out

(34:57):
nine zero one four two five five two six nine
zero one four two five five two six four the
best soul food in town. Yeah, going over there you
can take it or standing there and get it. Yeah.
And as we always say, they're open Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

(35:17):
Saturday and Sunday as well. And when we talk about
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I don't worry about security is safe over there at
the Rocking Chair. TJ. Hooker Taylor will be there tonight,
doors open at six. And on Tomorrow night we're celebrating

(35:59):
Wonder Phase birthday party. It's a concert birthday party. Yeah,
and special guests l j Echos, Little lj Echos. That's
my pyt y'all. He is going to be in the
house for Wanda Faye's birthday party tonight at the Rocking Teer.
I mean tomorrow night, y'all. Saturday, so coming after the

(36:20):
game and hosted by my sister friend, Queen Anne Hines.
So that's tomorrow night with l j Echos for Wanda
phays birthday party at the Rocking Tier. Doors are open
tomorrow at six tonight TJ. Hooker Taylor. So if you
want the best soul food around, best entertainment in town,

(36:41):
I'm telling you, it's the Rocking Chair of Memphis. Fifteen
forty two Elvis Presley, dine in or takeout nine zero
one for two five five two sixty four. When you
go there, y'all and you know what to say, tell
them Bev Johnson sent you to the Rocking Chair of Memphis.

(37:05):
Doctor Jeffries, We're going to our phone lines to talk
to some of our listeners. We're talking if you see
one of these people who you better run. So we've
talked about the narcissis person and the fixer upper. But
I'm going to our phone line to hear what our
listeners have to say, Doctor Jeffries, my friend and my

(37:25):
friend only.

Speaker 10 (37:26):
Hey, Steve, Hello, my most beautiful Black African Violent Radio
Hall of Fame Princess VP member. Only this you Beverly
Elaine Johnson.

Speaker 4 (37:42):
Thank you, my Steve.

Speaker 10 (37:46):
Let me say the real quick about the Rock and Trail.
A couple of times we was there, and I always go.
When i'll go somewhere, I get there early so I
can get a good park spot. But it was people
parking way down the street from the establishment. They got
secure who be on golf cots. They will go down there,
pick you up from where you park, bring you to

(38:07):
the club, and when it's over with, they will take
you back to your car. Now that is that is
what you call over and beyond security. Mind, that is
one of the nicest establishments. And Mensis and everybody in town,
y'all need to visit. And they got good food, good
good food.

Speaker 4 (38:23):
And let me add to Steven now and top out
of parking.

Speaker 8 (38:26):
Now.

Speaker 4 (38:26):
They they've acquired the a lot across the street where
next to the hotel. Hey, the rocking chair has that.
So there's plenty parking over there, and and it's right
next to the to the hotel. Then they have parking
across from the from the place the club, and then
they have their parking lot. So you're right, it's secure.

(38:49):
It's secure, student, Steve. You don't have to wear it.

Speaker 10 (38:51):
And they'll go down there and pick you up, bring
you to the club and when it's over there'll take
you back to your car that's off the chain.

Speaker 5 (38:59):
Uh.

Speaker 10 (38:59):
The morning, doctor Jeffers.

Speaker 4 (39:02):
She said, good morning. She here you Steve.

Speaker 10 (39:06):
Okay, I want to add some of what bell real
quick shots. My beauty white father said, what's up, sweet
lady p Lady Clyde them a Prince Shaw, mister Shaw
and all the truck rab Bill. I want to add
this to the men that you run from.

Speaker 12 (39:20):
Bruce.

Speaker 10 (39:21):
Bruce said last night that if you see a man
walking with a woman and he got his hand like
on her shoulder, on the back of her neck, and
he got the everywhere to go?

Speaker 5 (39:31):
What to do?

Speaker 10 (39:32):
Go this way, go that way, do this, do that?

Speaker 4 (39:34):
Do it?

Speaker 10 (39:35):
He said, soon as he take his hand off her
shoulder to the summer fix He needs to run to
get away them, the men you need to run away from.

Speaker 12 (39:43):
You know.

Speaker 10 (39:44):
You you got guys call this radio station just low
all the time, and when a woman finally run up
on the need they run away from this guy. But
like I say, Bill, you know, I can't understand what
it is. Like you said, a woman want to fix
a man up? They ain't doing You ain current a
problem right there if a man don't come to you
all all you know already together, you know, like like

(40:05):
I said, I saw it's like we we ad all
the time.

Speaker 5 (40:09):
We did show that night.

Speaker 12 (40:10):
Let me say this, right, we.

Speaker 10 (40:12):
Want to expect him to see Sheryl Underwood. But you
showed me that the other lady had to have surgery.
Yeah yeah, yeah. But Serol Underwood put on a hell
of a show in a Jewels on Ambrose. He did
a wonderful job hosting, but I'm looking forward to tonight
because you know I'm a blast u uh jazz fanatick.

(40:33):
But you know it isn't and beb you had all
the time. Like the majority I see in groups, our
packs of women, it's like they can't find I don't
know if they don't find a man, but women don't
sell her for no man with no job, no car,
no money, because you're just asking for problems. Just take
your time, keep going out with your girl groups, enjoy

(40:55):
yourself and have fun.

Speaker 5 (40:57):
Bib.

Speaker 10 (40:57):
I want you to have a super great weekend after
to the night. You can put me on a call
if you need a ride. I'll be running around. Call
you drop y'all pick up because I know my boy.
But now my boy, my man.

Speaker 12 (41:07):
Body God is super super big bell.

Speaker 10 (41:10):
Keep your head on the swivel, Be careful, be safe.
And doctor Jeffery's answer that for me would if you
see a woman with the man and he got his
hand on her shoulder all the time on a neck guarden,
should a woman run from that kind of man? Ball
have a supergrade We again, love you, sister, might see
tomorrow at the game.

Speaker 4 (41:29):
Thank you, Steve, love you too. Something thing about hey Carl.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
Bell justin yes, and doctor Jeffrey, how are both are
you doing today?

Speaker 4 (41:40):
We are fabulous today, Carl Well.

Speaker 3 (41:43):
Bell, Before I get started, ask doctor Jeffrey a question.
What are those just stake tigers going to due to
those Southern jackwards tomorrow?

Speaker 4 (41:53):
Beat they tail? Carl, you know what I will go
going to say? My tie is gonna cut up, cut up?

Speaker 3 (42:04):
Well, you know what they say. A good lawyer never
asked a question unless he knows what the answer is
going to be. That's right, okay, doctor Jeffries, what clgory
do you call a female who knows that they start
athlete in high school and college it's going to make

(42:28):
a lot of money? And that individual realized that and
set her sights on that individual? And what should parent
do with that high school athlete? If a person who
I call gold get a gold digger come after him?
What category do you call that?

Speaker 5 (42:46):
Lady?

Speaker 3 (42:47):
Now I'll hang him to listen.

Speaker 4 (42:48):
Say that again? College. I want to make sure I
got it out as the question you ask the question?

Speaker 3 (42:53):
You know, you know, when you have a young man
who's a start athlete, okay, in high school and college
who had to potential to make a lot of money
as a professional player, and the female sieged that and
realized that and decided to go after him. What category

(43:15):
you call that person?

Speaker 4 (43:16):
I got you, I got your car.

Speaker 5 (43:18):
Okay, okay, thank you.

Speaker 4 (43:19):
I'm going to doctor Jeffries and we have had the two. First,
Doctor Jeffries, you heard Steven Carl. Let's give Steve's question. First,
Doctor Jeffries said, if when you see a man always
has his hand on a woman's neck or shoulder guiding
her around, what is that? Should you run?

Speaker 8 (43:37):
Well, I'm gonna tell you something. I started laughing when
I heard Steve say that because I heard my mother's voice.
Even when we were very young girls, she would lose
her mind. If you were playing with the boy and
he put his hand around your neck like you know,
and there was a period where if someone was dating something,

(43:57):
they would hook their arm around your neck. Not just
sho older, you're wasted, but around your neck. That drove
her absolutely crazy, and it was because she was saying,
he's telling you that he is going to be the
dominant person in there and is going to lead you
wherever he wants to go. She would, I mean, she

(44:19):
would lose her mind over there like that. If she
fell in it, by that she get in it. Don't
let that boy be holding you around your neck like that.
You not know you needing a harness. So yes, somebody
who physically wants to show ownership or to leave you

(44:40):
in it. Because when somebody, you know, like when a
gentleman is walking with you, let's say, out in the
public and what have you. They have been trained as
gentlemen to put their hand at the in the in
your back and gently got you like through crowds and
what happened you with them on the outside. But that's

(45:02):
a long way from your neck. If somebody hooked your
arm around your neck, your head is about and they
pulling you along into whatever direction and into whatever situation
that they want to. So that stuck with me from
that time to this. Can't be no hook in a

(45:22):
man's arm. He's telling you a lot about himself. Excuse me.

Speaker 10 (45:29):
So I agree with Steve.

Speaker 8 (45:31):
Run run from that, Run run from the hook man.

Speaker 4 (45:36):
Run from We could call the hook man. You know
what I'm thinking, doctor Jeffers, You're right. I'm thinking my mother.

Speaker 7 (45:45):
They were about.

Speaker 4 (45:48):
On your neck, and yeah, you're absolutely correct.

Speaker 8 (45:53):
He don't have any right put in his hand on you. Period,
when a man puts his hand and you think about it,
if you a lot of times when people have become
into it, they give themselves the way if they're trying
to hide it because they touch you know when you

(46:13):
I mean, they just touch each other. But unless you
have developed a certain type of relationship with it, maybe
even just be that you long term friends where you
may feel comfortable touching or holding their hands or putting
their arm around you. But when a man puts his
hands on you, it's a sign of possession, so you

(46:36):
need to keep that in mind. A gentleman only puts
his hand around when he's dancing or leading you. Any
other time, hands to themselves, especially in public. Right it's
easy to protect you from a crowd, or from the curb,
or from getting water splashed on you, from the things.
He's being a gentleman if he's putting it. And when

(46:59):
a man that you do not have an intimate relationship
puts his hand on your butt, and a lot of
people think that if they're doing a slow dance with
you that they take licensees. If you don't stop it
right there or become it dignant, your command a message

(47:21):
to them. You always have to have your boundaries and
you and if your boundaries shifts, you are the one
who does the shifting, not him.

Speaker 12 (47:33):
You are the one.

Speaker 8 (47:34):
And be aware that when they put their hands on
you like that around your neck, grabbing you around your
shoulder and pulling you in on your butt, if anything
that's personal or what have you, or putting their hands
in your face, you know, then you want to take
heed from them. And if you don't feel offended, then

(47:58):
we need to really talk about why you don't feel
offended like that, because anybody is supposed to give anybody
else permission to come into their personal space. That's even
with a child. You know, you don't violate a child's
personal space unless you have a relationship with that child.

(48:20):
That's your child and what have you, and after a
certain point then that child has to be comfortable with
you violance. Don't kiss babies that don't like to be kissed,
the little kids who don't want to be kissed, you're
vialating their personal space. And so the more you practice
that and on your own personal space, then little bails

(48:41):
should go out. Because if you don't pay attention to
how somebody is engaged with you. If they're profiling you,
they're certainly paying attention to what it is you allow
them to do and not respond or acknowledge.

Speaker 4 (49:01):
Very good, And then Carl asked about doctor Jeffries. When
you know young athletes, they're going to high school, then
they go to college and NFL and women see that
they're going to be successful and run after them, trying
to go for them. What is that? Should you run

(49:21):
from them women or do those guys know?

Speaker 8 (49:24):
Well, you know the thing about that is if those
guys have all this potential and they're playing most of
the time, their focus is on the ball, that's what
they're poking on. Yeah, what unfortunately some young girls do
is that they get get attached to somebody like that.

(49:48):
I'm hoping that there's someone around who will tell them,
you don't know where this young man is going to
end up. Don't put all of your eggs in one
basket hoping on what's gonna comprehend you do. Better have
it getting your own basket, putting your eggs in that

(50:09):
and working on what you're going to do. Remember, people,
people sometimes come together and it's what they call unequally yoked.
You may not have anything in common and background and
education and religion and all of that, and there's some
people find few between who are able for willing to

(50:32):
navigate the conflicts and the stress that comes with trying
to pull a car. When the two oxen or horses
are unequally yoked, one is gonna be front, one's gonna
be pulling backwards. You can't get anywhere. That's what it
means when it says you need to be equally yoked.

(50:55):
If you equally yoke, there is more in common that
you have. It doesn't matter about you know, you may
come from different backgrounds, But if the things that you
have on your list your values, your points are integrity,
your needs physically, mentally, emotionally. If you are well aware

(51:16):
of those, where you have clear boundaries and you have
clear expectations of what you want and need and must
have in a relationship and what you will not cannot
and we can never tolerate or accelf or get over
in a relationship. You have the means and the resources

(51:37):
to mediate a relationship that can work with both of you.
But when you start setting sights under, whether it's in
high school, college, or afterwards, you come better prepared. When
you increase your value as opposed to counting on somebody
else's values and vice versa. If somebody who has less value,

(52:02):
less assets, less determination, less motivation than you, then I
would ask the question of myself, what is it about
this person that you're willing to compromise for? And it's
kind of like saying, yeah, you can move in with

(52:22):
me you don't have and then if you don't have
a change of clothes, address or suitcase, a car, nothing,
no job, nothing, unless you are a fixer up for yourself,
that's something that should make you take pause. Because we're
talking about partnerships. We're working towards mature, healthy adult partnerships

(52:47):
where there's honesty, there's autonomy. Autonomy means that you are
separate beings but you are working to mail a life together.
But you can be separate men when you do not
have to be signed these twins. That is not necessarily
an indication of how much you love somebody. It may
have more to do with how little you trust somebody.

(53:11):
But you want a partner. And I learned this, and
I always say I learned this from reading's thoughts attorney.
In a partnership, you think carefully about that because whether
it's personal or business, whatever it is that you and
whoever it is you're considering in your partnerships, you are

(53:31):
equally responsible for whatever they do, and vice versa. So
if you want to take on a liability without thinking
about consequences, and I do think we fail to consider
consequences too often and too immaturely as adults trying to

(53:53):
work out adult relationships. And of course I have to
put my place guard in there. And actually when it
comes into creating light, when you don't even know how
long you.

Speaker 7 (54:04):
May like this person, right right?

Speaker 8 (54:08):
Okay, got you date date.

Speaker 4 (54:12):
Date date, I got you. I'm going back to our
phone lines, doctor Jeffries and talk to some of our
listeners onfore Get Full.

Speaker 7 (54:24):
Hey, Liz Justin Baker with accept my call. I want
to ask doctor Jeffery because it's two things that I
have some problems with, and I want to ask us
some other questions about the things that I saw on
television dealing real relationships. Okay, the first thing is that
I have a problem with doctor jeff I don't understand
because I was raised in a society that hold hands

(54:48):
and you know, and cuddle and all that stuff. When
you got a boyfriend, girlfriend, my wife. You know, now
I agree with the caller said about you know, I
don't understand a man with heavy hand on a woman
net or pushing her on the shoulder. I don't understand that.

Speaker 13 (55:03):
I agree with that part.

Speaker 7 (55:04):
But for us that you know, not permission should touch
my girlfriend, to hold her hand, it kind of look
crazy with me. And the next thing is when they
come to a relationship, like for answering, I'm not trying
to say in the names that Jens, I'm just gonna
throw it out there. But when you in a relationship

(55:29):
and you are the one that quit it or she
quit it, do you owe that person still? I mean,
like for answering, let's say you paying the rent and
all of a sudden, you know, the relationships was overwhel
and you gave her your word that you would pay
that rent for that year. I used to I would

(55:49):
be able to pay that rent for the year though
the relationship is overwhelmed. And that's the seconds.

Speaker 4 (55:56):
What's the next one?

Speaker 7 (55:59):
And this is the one that that really bothers me business.
Just as I was talking about what I saw, you know,
this is a young man on television killed this baby.
Do you think it's wrong if he having to get
out and someone take him out, because you know, Ben Johnson,

(56:19):
when I think about that baby and killed the mother too,
you know, that's really it's really bad, you know, because
I thought somebody liked that, and miss Johnson.

Speaker 10 (56:27):
I'm one of the one that would take him out.

Speaker 7 (56:30):
I'm killing Miss john I don't like that.

Speaker 13 (56:32):
I don't know it.

Speaker 7 (56:33):
Because I was one of them, firstborn, and my mother
never got read of me and my father, I mean,
my grandparents took me in, you know, just something about Yeah.

Speaker 4 (56:42):
I know what. I'm forgetful. He's in court, so those
jurors are gonna hear all the evidence.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
And I hope he be fried.

Speaker 7 (56:49):
I hope he be fried.

Speaker 14 (56:51):
And the next thing, the mother that was up there,
you know, was the da and he was saying this
stuff and the mother was shaking her head, and then
she came back and said, all this stuff is wrong
because the dad.

Speaker 7 (57:05):
Saw the narcisism type person. Doct Jeff Okay, and that's it,
John Well, thank you.

Speaker 4 (57:11):
I'm forgetful. Okay, thank you, unforgetful. I'm forgetful. Doctor Jefferies
had some pretty good questions today.

Speaker 10 (57:18):
Yes he did, he did his homework.

Speaker 4 (57:21):
He did his homework this time. Okay, let's answer some
of his questions, doctor jeffy oh he and then what
he said if it was his girlfriend, I hear what
he's saying. Does he still have to have permission to
hold her hand? Or well?

Speaker 8 (57:34):
You know, you know, everybody is not comfortable with public
displays of affection, right, and it depends on what kinds
of public displays of affection. So as you get to
know your girlfriend, remember she's still an independent woman, and
so yes, you should check in. Well. Winner will let

(57:55):
you know when they're not feeling you, now, you know,
and that will never end. If if you are married
to somebody and you and your spouse are having differences,
you can go in there after y'all've had a blowout.
And if she still hot under the collar, every man knows.
Unless you're coming in there with some way to try

(58:15):
to play nice, don't come in there thinking that anything
is gonna happen intimate or otherwise. If you even get
to come in the room. So to respect another person's
right to say no, don't touch me, or leave me alone,
or stop talking to me or whatever. That's a form

(58:36):
of respect and that should never go away. But I
don't think that if you, you know, are walking with
your girlfriend and you pick her, you know, you take
her hand. If she doesn't want to hold hands, she
may let you hold it for a second and then
she'll pull her hand gently away, or if she really
don't want to do that out in purpose, she may

(58:57):
snatch it away. But that's something that you are to
talk about with her about how you want to show
affection and what what feels comfortable to her. Old fashioned girls.
You're not gonna do anything out of it. Okay, I'm sorry.
So I'm sorry, I'm forgiving.

Speaker 4 (59:16):
And then he asked about what else did he asked about, Oh, yeah,
if you're you're you're you're dating someone, doctor Jefferson, you
break up and you had been paying her rent every
every month, are you still obligated to do that?

Speaker 8 (59:33):
Well, you know what, if you're dating somebody, why are
you making a financial contract with that person? People date
and it could end at any given time on part,
on either part, and you know, it just depends if
you put it in writing, if you put it in
a text. You know, we see it on all the

(59:55):
court shows that I'm going to pay you. I'll pay
your rent for a year. If she take it to
small kindschse, you may have to do that. But my
first question is, don't do marital partnership business with somebody
that you're dating. Okay, when you're dating in the beginning,

(01:00:15):
it's still friendship until you move it to a different level.
And we need to understand that just because you are
having sex with someone does not make it a committed relationship.
All of these things need to be discussed before you
act or make contractual statements or commit to doing something

(01:00:40):
for somebody. And that's why when people get together and
you're too adult, you should be independent and autonomous until
you decided we like or care about each other that
we want to go up level to level to level.
When you start introducing money and exchanging money in you

(01:01:04):
change expectations. The expectations may mean that if you have
a lot of discretionary money, it means nothing to you
to pay her rent, to buy food, to pay you
to the bill of what have you. And just because
you do that one time, she may begin to think
or he may begins to think, that you're gonna do

(01:01:26):
it every time.

Speaker 15 (01:01:27):
So don't do anything behaviorally.

Speaker 8 (01:01:32):
Or say anything verbally especially Pillarton that you're not willing
to follow through on. In fact, if you just can
in dating profile until you are sure that this is
somebody you want to move to the next level with
and that person wants to do the same thing and
talk about it. Don't make assumptions. Don't make assumptions because

(01:01:54):
I'm going out with you all the time, and every
time you ask me, I say, okay, I'll go out
with you. Don't make a sump that I'm not seeing
somebody else or that I want you to be exclusive.
We have to talk about that and come to an agreement.
We always want to take shortcuts because we don't like
to talk. We don't like to say, you know, how

(01:02:15):
we feel, what we want, what we don't want, or
what we want to clarify. We want to stay in
a little ambiguous stay so that we can have an
argument after I promise to pay your rent and now
I'm mad with you, but I can fix you because
I ain't gonna pay your rent and you gonna get
thrown out and don't come crying to you know, we
get we just classification and articulation will remedy all of that, all.

Speaker 4 (01:02:42):
Right, sister, I got it. Hold on, doctor Jeffers, we're
gonna take a break. Hold on, listeners, We're gonna get
to you. We are talking today. If you see some
of these people, you better run. Hold on, y'all, we
will talk to you. Five three five nine three four
to two is our number. Eight hundred five zero three

(01:03:03):
nine three four two eight three three five three five
nine three four two will get you in to us.
You're listening to the Heart and Soul of Memphis w
d I A.

Speaker 11 (01:03:17):
You're listening to Tennessee Radio Hall of Famer Bev Johnson
on w d IA.

Speaker 2 (01:03:24):
The BEV J Just Show.

Speaker 11 (01:04:12):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show. Here's Bev Johnson.

Speaker 4 (01:04:17):
And we're back, Dr Jeffries. We're going to our phone
lines to talk to some of our listeners.

Speaker 12 (01:04:22):
Common man, Hey, hey, beb how you doing.

Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
I'm doing well, common man, and yourself.

Speaker 16 (01:04:30):
Doing good, doing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
Good, And hello to doctor Jefferson on the other side.

Speaker 10 (01:04:34):
I want to doctor.

Speaker 17 (01:04:35):
I want to ask you about verbal abuse of abuse.
You know, uh, what about a man that gets his
wife out and just disrespects her, you know, talks to
any account of way in front of people in the
public courses are out just just just no respectful at all. Also,

(01:04:56):
when it comes to parents that talk to children like
that mouth and you know that burbal abuse. Can you
explain to us what's going on.

Speaker 16 (01:05:06):
With a person that thinks okay to do that in
the type of impact it may have on the victim,
because that person becomes a victim at that point in
time in my opinion, So can you can you ele
on those two questions for me?

Speaker 4 (01:05:19):
I got a common man, Thank you, comming man, all right,
bye bye, w d I a lady.

Speaker 18 (01:05:26):
P I promise you it ain't but one isabel you rightly, good.

Speaker 6 (01:05:33):
Morning to you.

Speaker 18 (01:05:34):
But I'm so glad you made it fair safer. Now
let me say what I got to say, right and
I'm gonna let you go. And I ain't trying to
be main cool. First of all, I'm saying miss a
birthday line. Let me say I love it so much.
You know Mayor always in California and Mary Weeds AND's
I'll see Mayor tell lady people she loves and to
her man James Wallingson, we love you something, cousin, Jane.
We don't know what we do about coming from your

(01:05:55):
two daughters, Jamick and Jane and your sister Berlin, and
the rest of the family, Michael and all the rest
of the rest of the thing.

Speaker 7 (01:06:02):
Everybody would love it so much.

Speaker 18 (01:06:03):
Let me say this right here, Bill. Now, I know
it's a relationship dab, but let me say this to
a doctor, Jeffers. Now, the last time I spoke with you,
I asked her was she coming to Mesipter. I wasn't
trying to be fun. I want her to know this
because one thing about the lady, she ain't gonna sugarcoat
it if I ask you know now, I hear people
calling me. That's why I why doctor just an awsked her. Well,
I don't know why she didn't answer my questions, but
she didn't have to answer my question. The reason why

(01:06:25):
I want her to know why I asked her this.
I wasn't trying to be fun when I asked her
what she's coming down for the uh for the anniversary
y'all having She never responded. But the reason why I
asked her that because I had something for her. You know,
I didn't have to bring it to the show. I
want her to know that I'm gonna bring it up
till to the g I a thing you know, because something.
She probably want to be in town. That's why I

(01:06:45):
asked her that.

Speaker 8 (01:06:46):
But she didn't have to.

Speaker 12 (01:06:47):
She didn't never answer, and people will call her.

Speaker 18 (01:06:48):
I said, I don't know why.

Speaker 12 (01:06:49):
She didn't answer.

Speaker 8 (01:06:54):
Lady Yeah, okay, sometimes wait I want her to know that.

Speaker 16 (01:06:57):
But it really bothered me because you.

Speaker 18 (01:06:59):
Know, you got people, you got millions and millions of
people that listen to yourself, right, you know. And maybe
just then I said, well, maybe she wants to Maybe
she said, well, maybe she wanted surprise, you know, but
she could have said.

Speaker 12 (01:07:10):
They said she didn't say anything. Well, you know, that's
all I'm being.

Speaker 18 (01:07:13):
Once you have a great weekend, young doctor Jeb. That's
I things to say to my call hall. You know
what I started talking.

Speaker 4 (01:07:17):
I can't stop, doctor Jeffery. Lady P said, felt some
kind of way you didn't answer if you were coming
to Memphis for the anniversary. We don't want Lady P
to feel that kind of way.

Speaker 5 (01:07:30):
Doctor, I certainly do not, and.

Speaker 8 (01:07:35):
I honestly don't remember that she asked me. I didn't
intentionally not answer the question of what have you? But
since I she's not talking directly to me, and then
when I get to answer the question. A lot of
times I rely on your notes on what dollar calls

(01:07:56):
he said, but it was nothing personal, and I apologize
that she said else some kind of way, And now
I feel some kind of way because shouldn't even say
hi to me?

Speaker 4 (01:08:09):
So you feel some kind of way, right, Yeah, But but.

Speaker 8 (01:08:12):
All jokes is by lady Pete. If you feel some
kind of way, I would never do anything to intentionally
hurt your In fact, I don't intentionally try to hurt
anybody feeling. I cannot commit to coming to the show
just to answer your question because I'm not in Memphis
as much as I was before, and I'm not traveling

(01:08:33):
as much as I was, So nine times out of ten,
I probably will not make the show. If that changes
and something comes up and I happen to be there
and say I will announce it on the show, but
right now I don't. I don't think I will be
able to come.

Speaker 4 (01:08:52):
Okay, Now, the common man's question, Doctor jeffries about a
man doing verbal abuse. Giving a.

Speaker 15 (01:09:02):
Man who verbally abuses his spouse or girlfriends or any
anybody like that and including his children and what have you,
is probably living what he learned or witnessed.

Speaker 8 (01:09:17):
And you know, people who have been hurt tend to
continue to hurt other people until they can resolve or
come to terms with the hurt that they have experienced.
For people who abuse, their issue is not about love.
It's not about jealousy, it's not about feeling neglected or

(01:09:41):
mistreating or anything. It's about domination and control. It's about
not feeling secure enough in the relationship to have an adult,
a mature adult relationship with anybody. And so what that
person may do is will verbally humiliate the person just

(01:10:04):
so if they're out they can show other people and
the public, I'm the man, I'm in control. You know
she's gonna do what I say do or she knows
what will happen. The sad thing about that is most
of the time the abuse is gonna centered on the woman,
and then later as the children grow up and if

(01:10:26):
they have lived under that, when they start challenging the male,
then they too become targets of the verbal abuse. But
the clincher is very rarely is it that everything remains
strictly verbal. The kids may never see it, and maybe

(01:10:49):
the person has never actually come to terms where they
hit the person, But usually it does boil.

Speaker 12 (01:10:57):
Down to.

Speaker 8 (01:10:59):
Becoming a point of physical contact. It may be pushing,
it may be shoving, It may be holding somebody down
against their will. It may be up in somebody's face,
so so point that you know, you don't know which
one one of the people is going to reach out

(01:11:20):
and strike. But but it is a volatile relationship and
it's and it's just as damaging to that individual and
to the family as physical assaults and what have you.
Verbal abuse is not like one that you get a
pass because you're just talking. We are We know definitely

(01:11:41):
that words can hurt even much longer sometimes than physical
assaulce because they stay with you, they ring with you.
You may respond or continue to replay the physical assault.
But if somebody demeans you, insults you, shames you, you know,

(01:12:02):
and all of that and uses a lot of prepentitive
and violent words with you, every word that you receive
is like a whip. It leaves a scar. And people
tend to wear their scars by their loss and the
light in their eyes, their posture, their movement, until they

(01:12:23):
begin to shrink.

Speaker 7 (01:12:24):
So words do hurt.

Speaker 8 (01:12:26):
Violence still hurts and kills, if not your life, it
really really damages your spirit and your sense of work.
And so the person who's conveying that and putting that
on the family is the first one who needs treatment.
The second person who needs treatment if she or he

(01:12:49):
continues to stay is that person's partner. So that they
can process and get some insight as to A why
they're stained, b what do they need to do to
protect themselves and their children, and see what kind of
safety plan do they have in place? And in case

(01:13:12):
the violence that comes to a point that they cannot.

Speaker 10 (01:13:15):
Live with it.

Speaker 4 (01:13:17):
M okay, okay, hold on, doctor Jeffries, will get these
last calls. W D I a high bootsye.

Speaker 13 (01:13:26):
Well, good morning here everybody, Harper Friday, doctor Jeffrey.

Speaker 4 (01:13:30):
And all, good afternoon.

Speaker 12 (01:13:31):
What do you want?

Speaker 13 (01:13:34):
Why are all these women are helping these abuses in
the life in their homes? And he comes to keeping
on abusing and abusing? What is the real deal on that?
Do you love him for the abuse?

Speaker 8 (01:13:49):
Uh?

Speaker 13 (01:13:51):
And he just a natural bone abuser. Then he figured
he could just take anything out on her whenever he
had lost job. You don't want no y'all hard time,
he's saying, hard time, hard tim all this, but he
kicking all these out on on her? So why she's
setting the abuses? Guy?

Speaker 4 (01:14:12):
All right, good question, bootsy, Thank you bootsy? Father?

Speaker 12 (01:14:18):
Why away do it?

Speaker 4 (01:14:20):
I don't know, Father, good seeing you last night.

Speaker 12 (01:14:24):
Father, we're good sending you be spoke he was speaking.

Speaker 4 (01:14:29):
You know what, thank you father?

Speaker 7 (01:14:32):
What do you say? Father?

Speaker 5 (01:14:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 12 (01:14:33):
What if I was gonna say this, I would say
this is different. Here's another thing there. She's gotten me
into routing heart and staff.

Speaker 19 (01:14:44):
But now I like with your invide doctor following and
the girl I found it par evil walker. She I
think she would be good for some of departments and
that because you know all believing that.

Speaker 12 (01:14:57):
Argument and all that. And now I say, hey, what
you say about this? Yeffer, I think that.

Speaker 7 (01:15:02):
The argan and.

Speaker 12 (01:15:04):
Clowning and something like that, that's what ignorance, stupid heaters. Man.
You never get an argument out to be like that.
I'm intelligent and thoughtful, Lincoln. Uh talk about anything? So
uh anyway, uh uh. She had a lot of things
I like about it. One thing she she don't she
don't uh smoke cigarettes.

Speaker 4 (01:15:22):
And uh, I don't know she want to be with you, father,
You know what you smoke?

Speaker 12 (01:15:30):
Well, but they're gonna be falling all the things. You
get a little mentality going on here, all.

Speaker 4 (01:15:37):
Right, father, But I will ask doctor Jefferys that question.
Thank you, father, Thank you for coming out last night.
Thank you.

Speaker 8 (01:15:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 12 (01:15:45):
Yeah, I'm gonna ask too much because I'm a human
like that. I'm over your humor. I ain't have a
clown making fun trying to put folks down. There ain't
nothing like that. All right, that's my question, man Dot Jeff,
thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:15:59):
The future file and little Daddy what to do?

Speaker 12 (01:16:07):
Belle about you do?

Speaker 4 (01:16:08):
I'm doing fine, Little Daddy? How about you?

Speaker 5 (01:16:12):
Ben If? I got breaking newstirp. First of all, I
want to get.

Speaker 12 (01:16:15):
My children's treasures and things to love.

Speaker 5 (01:16:17):
Abod that because I see them all the time. Ben If,
I'm back at home, but I ain't gonna tell you
where I'm at.

Speaker 10 (01:16:22):
You I got you, yeah, uh?

Speaker 4 (01:16:25):
Ben?

Speaker 5 (01:16:26):
My first ball, I pen a break the newsstore, bell,
break the newstore. I bend to put doctor Jumper in
my black house cabin.

Speaker 3 (01:16:35):
My team.

Speaker 5 (01:16:36):
Like, you're a positive kind of person, and that what
I rolled with.

Speaker 4 (01:16:39):
You understand that, that's right, that's what you need to
roll with positive people.

Speaker 5 (01:16:43):
That's what I do all the time. You know, I
got yours. You know, I got the president president apartment,
my cap, everybody in my cabinet. The thing is that's
how I roll Bill, Okay, And that thing is Ben.
But my course is I still stay conversation in the
relationship for to loose the nation. And but the thing

(01:17:04):
is my take on that bell, I think it's as
I still say, it's a different miss it's a missed Bill.
Now all women's out here trying to play up on
on on they prey and they out here.

Speaker 13 (01:17:20):
Still doing what they're doing, bigging you and.

Speaker 5 (01:17:23):
Don't even know you used to be back in the
day when we was coming up and you was in
my you in my group. It used to be we
used to coach and and learn each other whereever whatever.
But now it's there's none of that going on no more.
Every woman that's curting, that's cutter pie and kind of paying.

Speaker 12 (01:17:47):
They got their hend out.

Speaker 5 (01:17:48):
They feel like all man's old them something. Ben, I
old no woman nothing, and and no woman old be nothing.
It needed to get back like it used to be.
And I just don't understand that. That's mean.

Speaker 20 (01:18:03):
It's a lot of very abuses and stuff. That's when
the abuses going on in the relationship. They just get
with the women because they got it like that. Then
you got foods out here still a week like that. Bell,
they gonna pay the women's you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (01:18:17):
They don't even know them, they gonna pay them. They
gonna be tricks and suckers right there. That But my mama,
then raise me up like that just to be abused
to a woman.

Speaker 12 (01:18:28):
I like women, and.

Speaker 5 (01:18:29):
I'm a man, a mistake upstair man. I just don't
like a bigger woman. And I want doctor Jeffery and
as that's my course to do her. I want to
know why these women feel like me and anybody else
bigger for money that's not.

Speaker 12 (01:18:48):
Called Bell's up.

Speaker 5 (01:18:50):
You still in my black ass cabin I don't roll
with nothing but legs. You are legends them other folks
there ain't nobody have a good bell.

Speaker 4 (01:18:58):
And you too, little daddy. All right, doctor jeff if
we've got little daddy.

Speaker 8 (01:19:05):
He did say, I'm rolling in the cabin You in
the cabinet.

Speaker 4 (01:19:08):
You're in the black house cabinet with me, doctor Jeffer O, okay,
both of us in the black house cabinet. But he
said he said, women don't coat no more. They just
begging doctor Jeffery.

Speaker 8 (01:19:19):
And it's a shame, I tell you what. People people
have forgotten how to court. Yes, but because when you know,
when you were of age to court, there was a
lot of preparation that went in there, and the adults
told you how you were supposed to behave, how you
were supposed to treat somebody else, how that other person

(01:19:39):
is supposed to receive your behavior, and what have you.
And there was boundaries in place about how you're supposed
to respect yourself, respect that person's family, and respect the
person that you're seeing. A lot of young people missed
that type of home training because they don't they don't
have the stability and and then the maturity of the

(01:20:02):
adults around them to provide that kind of socialization safety.
Then a lot of stuff that young people now pick
up and their behavior is there is off of internet, youtubes,
from music and what have you, and some of it

(01:20:23):
would make I mean, some of it makes me blush,
the way that they will behave around adults and what
have you. And so it's sad, but they missed a
lot of the good things that came into play with
how we were raised and what have you. Because that
structure did not hurt anybody, and it taught if nothing else,

(01:20:46):
impost control. It taught you good manners and how to
carry yourself, how to enter somebody else's house, how to
have a conversation with the adults in the house, looking
them in the I yes, ma'am, no, sirah, yet you
know no, thank you, yes, thank you please, and all

(01:21:06):
of that where you put value in making a good impression,
especially if you liked the boy or girl that you
were coming to see, because if you made a bad impression,
then you couldn't come back there to see nobody there
at the house, and they would tell you that, you know,
and tell your parents that if they had a question

(01:21:27):
about it. So they miss a lot of that, and
that's our fault because of life things that have happened.

Speaker 15 (01:21:36):
We have done a grave disservice.

Speaker 8 (01:21:39):
To a lot of children. Yes, and even with the
churches that you know, there used to be the only
place that a lot of young people could socialize. They
were being trained to be, you know, participants in the church,
but they also made friends in the church and they
were activity sponsored by the church, social activities, educational activities,

(01:22:02):
things that they could do together, so that again, these
kids were being raised with similar value, similar backgrounds, similar expectations,
and around a group of the adults who shared the
same kinds of expectations out of them. And it's said,

(01:22:23):
but that's the reality of it. I'm not saying it's
fatal or that it has to be like that, but
I think that at some point, and maybe this is
that point, that we need to take heeds and start
trying to make amends by providing some of that.

Speaker 9 (01:22:40):
You know, I read somewhere that.

Speaker 8 (01:22:41):
There is over twelve hundred different nonprofits and Memphis.

Speaker 3 (01:22:47):
What have you.

Speaker 8 (01:22:48):
We need to find out if there are any nonprofits
that's doing that, doing group socialization or given activities to
develop different interests that young people might have, and given
time back uh to these young people. They can't always
be their biological parents and biological relatives, but it's the

(01:23:09):
people who live and sharing their village that they're a
part of that they can make all the difference in
the world. And we're living testimony to that.

Speaker 4 (01:23:19):
Okay, you know, Doc Jeffers and I love this topic
and I want to ask you because we talked about
two of them and people were calling, but can we
do a part two on this that if you see
one of these, Yeah, we.

Speaker 8 (01:23:33):
Have to do a part because we didn't do any
of the women, and we've got three more of the mens.

Speaker 4 (01:23:37):
Okay, so we're going to do a part two of this.

Speaker 8 (01:23:41):
Yeah, maybe a part three if we don't get to it,
because I would like for people to hear all of
arch types and so that we can have a discussion
about them. And then if we do it like that,
you will have them available on the podcast, yes, yes,
where they can go back and listen to them, because
it is their important because not only being able to

(01:24:04):
eyeball and profile certain characteristics and behaviors and attitudes and
other people, but also do your homework and your due
diligence on yourself. Are you one of these people? Just
wait to some of the others that we got that's
gonna come up.

Speaker 4 (01:24:21):
Okay, So yeah, we're gonna do a part two and sounds.

Speaker 8 (01:24:25):
Good, sister, All right, sounds good to me too, Zoe.

Speaker 4 (01:24:33):
He's in okay, all right, Doctor Jeffrey, thank you so much.
As always, you have a wonderful weekend and I'll be
thinking about you here as we celebrate the Southern Heritage Classics.

Speaker 8 (01:24:45):
Please please please do and you take care and have
a good time.

Speaker 4 (01:24:49):
We will, Doctor Jeffries, Thank you, Doctor Jeffrey, take good
care you too. Bye bye. That's our relationship consultant, Doctor
Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 1 (01:25:04):
The views and opinions discussed on The Bev Johnson Show
are that of the hosts and callers and not those
of the staff and sponsors of wd I A The
Bev jon Show.

Speaker 4 (01:25:32):
I want to thank you callers. I want to thank
you listeners for joining us all week long on the
Bev Johnson Show. We do, we really do appreciate you.
Don't forget. We are celebrating the Southern Heritage Classic, thirty
six annual Southern Heritage Classes. We're gonna be good. We're
not gonna act a food. We're gonna be good. I'm

(01:25:54):
gonna see you all tomorrow at the tailgate and at
the game. Also on Sunday, I'll see you at the
Ward Chapel Am Church. I'm speaking for their Women's Day.
They begin at ten am, eleven twenty five South Parkway.
Then I'll see you at two o'clock at my church,
Mount Pisga. Seeing me as we have an afternoon of

(01:26:18):
Soul with my boyfriends John Williams and the eight four
point forty band. So we got a good weekend. See
y'all there. So until tomorrow, please be safe, keep a
cool head, y'all, and don't let anyone steal your joy.
Until tomorrow, I'm Bev Johnson and y'all Keith the faith

(01:26:41):
Mark Baker, take me Home, boyfriend,