Stop Lying To Yourself with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

Stop Lying To Yourself and Start Healing Your Life is the topic of conversation with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries, Begavioral Relationship Consultant on THe Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Memphis probably presents The BEV Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let me say bathe.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
First, let me you say.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
She's gone memphistop gain No matter of the problem, she
can have.

Speaker 4 (00:32):
So a phone and the normans of mind.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
She was there.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Jimmy d in the hair by.

Speaker 5 (00:43):
Telling you to just keep the fair, went around picking
up the chopin Show Goes.

Speaker 6 (00:53):
We got out in gay Hack.

Speaker 7 (00:57):
You can hear every day.

Speaker 6 (01:00):
Indeed, I hate man my bell got me a missed king.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yay, good morning, good morning, good good morning, good morning,

(02:13):
good morning, and welcome in to wd I a the
BEB Johnson Show. It is indeed a pleasure to have
you with us once again on the Friday.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
We say Friday.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
It's September nineteenth, twenty twenty five. Enjoyed this fabulous day.

Speaker 8 (02:35):
To day Get ready with your ears on its Relationship
Day where we talk about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,
and most of all loving between consenting adults.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
We will be doing that with our expert, our.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
Relationship Consultant, Dot Dorothy Jeffries. Behavioral relationship Consultant, Doctor Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
Our topic of conversation this day.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Stop lying to yourself and start healing your life. WHOA
love that, Stop lying to yourself and start healing your life.
We'll be talking about that with doctor Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
When it's your turn to talk, you know you can.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
All you need to do is dial these numbers nine zero, one, five, three, five,
nine three four two eight hundred five zero three nine
three four two eight three three five three five nine
three four.

Speaker 2 (03:49):
Two will get you in to us. Have a question.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Also, you can email me Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com.
Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. And if this day,
this day, Friday September nineteenth, twenty twenty five, is your birthday.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
Happy birthday to each and every one.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Of y'all out there who are celebrating a birthday on
this day Friday, September nineteenth, Saturday September.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Twentieth, Sunday September twenty first.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Yeah, happy birthday, y'all. Go out and celebrate your life.
You better, you better. When we come back, we'll share
some wdi A goodwill announcements with me for you Right
here on double D I A Hi, This is David Porter,

(04:58):
and you are listening to the Queen of Talk Bev Johnson.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
She is the one and only. No one can top her,
no one can stop her, and I'm in love with her.
You're listening to Bell Johnson at w d i E.

Speaker 6 (05:11):
The Bev Johnson Show over the time, working hard to

(05:51):
bring you Holladay, never.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
Saying welcome back to w d I A. And today

(06:17):
it's relationships. Matter of fact, it's relationship Day, where we
talk about relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome,
wonderful and most of our loving between consenting adults.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
We're doing that again.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
Back from vacation, our behavioral relationship consultant, Doctor Dorothy Jeffries.
Good morning, Doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 9 (06:43):
Good morning.

Speaker 10 (06:43):
Then, how are you?

Speaker 2 (06:45):
I'm doing well today. How are you? Sister?

Speaker 10 (06:49):
One foot is back and another foot is saying I
need to go again.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
I know folks who.

Speaker 3 (06:54):
Are missing it on When Doctor Jeffries, I said, she's
on vacation.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Can't she take a vacation?

Speaker 10 (07:01):
She needs another one?

Speaker 6 (07:03):
I know.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
I know what you mean, Doctor Jeffers, and I need
another one too. We will we will well, doctor Jeffries.
I love this topic for today.

Speaker 11 (07:14):
I thought you might.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
I like this.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
I like this you know because I because I want
to say this to a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
You know.

Speaker 3 (07:23):
Anyway, our topic you all is stop lying to yourself
and start healing your life. Stop lying to yourself and
start healing your life.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
What are we talking about, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 10 (07:41):
Well, you know, the more that we talk about things
that we carry on from our childhood, We've talked about trauma.
There's so much chaos and divisiveness that's going on in
this country or in the world in general, people on edge,
you know, their daily killings. It's just so much toxicity

(08:06):
that we're exposed to on the outside. We cannot afford
to continue to feed toxicity into our systems, to our body, hearts,
and souls from the inside. And one of the first
things that comes to mind, especially you know, like when
we're dealing with new clients coming in, one of the

(08:27):
first things and probably the most difficult things that you
struggle with as a therapist and as the client coming in,
is at what point can I take a chance on
being real, you know, doing real talk as young people say,

(08:48):
but in essence what it means and what point am
I willing to do the work to become to be
honest with myself about myself and That is no small
feat because in many cares and in many instances, we
have a lifetime of building secret hoarding secrets, hoarding changes,

(09:16):
hoarding transitions, hoarding instances of rejection, of alienation, of feelings
of being betrayed, feelings of being excluded. You know, it's
just the whole gamut. Then on top of that, then
no every day top ten anger, jealousy, you know, are

(09:37):
not feeling good enough, not having enough, feeling that you
don't have access to viable opportunities, struggling all of those things.
It sounds like a garbage pit. And what happens is
that we all have trash. We all have things that
manifest themselves into different areas of our lives. That's negative,

(10:04):
But the key is that you have to remind yourself
that all of that is toxicity, and toxicity is poisonous
to us. So until we're willing to take the chance
with another person and do the work to start peeling
back the layers of deception, denial, and whatever else that

(10:31):
we have put in that place and looking at what
is it rooted in, What are we hiding from, what
are we running from, what are we needing and wanting?
Then we cannot begin to heal. And since you know
the way we do this, I guess the most primary
and then on the most criminal level, is we lie

(10:53):
to ourselves. And lying to yourself serves two basic purposes.
It either and first and foremost we is the default.
We lie to ourselves and to others for self protection.
I don't want to tell you the truth because you
may change how you think or feel or care for me.

(11:14):
I feel ashamed, I feel less than, I feel vulnerable,
So I lie to myself about what I'm not worthy of.

Speaker 9 (11:25):
Why I'm not valued, why I'm.

Speaker 10 (11:27):
Not wanted or needed or loved. So self protection is
to go then, But what we understand is that the
more we become proficient in lying for self protection, two
things happen. On the first, we begin to pack down
into hard kernels within our systems and within our mind

(11:52):
and our behaviors feelings of distrust, anger for feeling and
resentment for a feeling as if we were have to lie,
why can't I just see who I am? And then
feeling that we're always on guard to avoid more pain
and more suffering or more hurt from the people that

(12:12):
we're engaged with or associated with, and then on the
other part of lying, we do it to cover up
our feelings of not being worthy of or not having
the smart, the resources, the gifts, whatever it takes to

(12:34):
be an acceptable of productive, appropriate member of society. So
in the long run, it's a cocoon that we wind
ourselves in. And unfortunately, at this date and time, lying
seems to be the default behavior. When people open their minds,
they will just tell a lot about nothing as opposed

(12:55):
to telling the truth. You can ask somebody what time
it is. They can look, it's the clock, it's eleven o'clock,
and they can say, oh, it's uh after eleven o'clock.
Why would you say that just to throw somebody off
or just to deter it's not the truth. So we're
talking about our ability to tell the truth, live with

(13:19):
the truth that stands in your truth for your better good,
not for somebody else's, but for your better good.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
And you know what, I love that, doctor Jeffries, when
you you said, you know when when people and and
and people will lie and they know it's not the truth.
But I don't I don't get it when when when
they lie and and a lot of times doctor Jeffries,
Well I off to speak, for I can look at

(13:48):
people say uh huh you lying? Yeah, okay, well, so
what what is it that you're you're hoping to get
out of it? For you don't we always say do
Jeffries speak truth to power?

Speaker 9 (14:03):
Right?

Speaker 10 (14:04):
But the thing too, if you feel ill equipped and
you don't have the courage, you don't have the self validation,
and you don't have the developmental growth and maturity to
stand in your truth, regardless of what it is. It
may not be what the general population believes. But if

(14:26):
you're standing in your truth, at least you are free
to hear what other people are saying and decide whether
they have some points that may be of value or
important to you or that you have to stand where
you are. And if you're firmly grounded in that, but

(14:46):
you have the ability and the maturity to hear in
respect other thoughts, you again can gain more advanced insight.

Speaker 7 (14:55):
And what have you.

Speaker 10 (14:56):
Because what people fail to realize we we are human
beings and we never stop maturing, growing and learning from
each other and from life and the environment, the world
itself until the day we terminate. We never stop. You
can learn something from a stranger on the street, from

(15:17):
a four year old child, from your pets, as well
as people that you totally disagree with. And the fear
is that we get so caught up and warning to
make sure that our opinion is out there. Because what
you notice is that when people are in heated or
in comfortable conversations, body language changes, voice rising, people start bellowing,

(15:44):
people start deferring to profanity or attack personal attacks, which
is taking you off of me and my having to
use intellect and listening skills in order to communicate what
my position is and then patiently allow you to share
yours and we dialogue about it. We may both leave

(16:08):
there not changing positions, but hopefully we can leave the
conversation at total odds but still maintain civil respects and
concern for the other person. But when people lie, they
are protecting their self esteem, you know so, and and
the more that you disagree, then people usually reduced to

(16:33):
calling you stupid or you're ignorant, you don't want to
hear the choose, and blah blah blah, and you never
you know, then they go back down to historically, you
can't listen, you you always been done. You know, I
never liked you didn't like you, you know, then it
just name You have to petty name calling. And because

(16:53):
people do lack a lot of universal maturity now, then
we resort to either physical altercations or people start thinking about.

Speaker 7 (17:03):
How they're going to terminate you.

Speaker 10 (17:06):
So we have to do better, because they said humans
are meant to live socially inclined together in communal settings,
usually hopefully prayerfully, in a community where your differences are
invited and included to give richness and color to the group,

(17:29):
and not where people have to shrink and reduce and
hide their differences because their penalties attached to them, and
the times that we're in now, differences are not valued.
We appear to be trying to set a movement towards

(17:49):
a homogeneous population where everybody looks, thinks, behave, and acts
the same. And we know that that's impossible. We know
that there are people who are never going to be
able to blend into the crowd unless that crowd is
a homogeneous group within them. But I think the part

(18:12):
that's most distructive is that when outsiders try to convey
to you that you're the problem because you are not
like me, and you look at sound and talking things
different from me, Then something is wrong with you, something
is less than you, less than in you, and we

(18:33):
internalize that. Then what we have and imbalanced. And that's
how one population may move to a position and a
perception of dominance. I am there or see you know,
I took this, I controlled this. I forget the facts
of the behaviors that went into play line still and chieving,

(18:55):
you know, whatever it is it takes to take from
other people, but deny that part of empathy, courage, you know,
conscience and all of those things that put value and
concern for the community in place. So we have to
do our own healing first and began to dispose of

(19:19):
those things that we have been hiding and lying about.
Bring them up, let them air out, dispose of what
is do the work that you need to do. And
I'm not minimizing how psychically difficult and painful and frightening

(19:40):
that is to people, because some things have been packed
down so long they may have lost sight of where
it began. But what I am saying is that until
we do that, we will not have the resources and
the strengths as a community and as a population to

(20:00):
do what work is necessary to convey these same types
of values to our community and then to society as large.
If we're the rotting eggs and we're stinking and we
keep putting on perfuming every day and pretending we don't
smell it, then at some point and people start modeling

(20:21):
that first your children, people who are in your group,
and then as things grow, we will be alienated groups
of stinking people who are still lying and denying and
cheating each other and we can no longer afford to
do this. So that's one of the things that is
so strongly rooted in today's topic is being willing. And

(20:44):
the first step is the first tell of the truth
to yourself. You may think you know the truth, or
you may think that it's nothing wrong. You know, I
deal with people like they deal with me. I like
people who like me. I love people who love me.
And then you ask like you're a bull when people
come at you, and for whatever reason, you attack this person,

(21:08):
you gossip about this person, you reject that person and
feel okay about it, and because your bullying and exclusion
is pushing that person away. And the many times the
truth is your fear is that person may see you,
they may see you may understand what they see and

(21:31):
for whatever reason, recognize where you are hurting, where you
are wrong, where you are hiding. And that scares the
hell out of people who have secrets and who are
unwilling to change. So it's better, just like the argument,
it's better to attack you and be so ruthless about

(21:51):
it that you back away from.

Speaker 7 (21:52):
Me, then for me to allow you.

Speaker 10 (21:56):
Because here's another secret. As much as we take pride
in being historic and independent and in our silos and
I don't need anybody and blah blah blah, we all
need love and we need to give love and we
need to receive it. We all need to be validated

(22:18):
right where we are, shortcomments assets, whatever we have working.

Speaker 11 (22:24):
You know that we struggle with whatever we have going
for us.

Speaker 10 (22:28):
We need to be validated for what we are as
we show up. And the purpose of that is is
that everybody needs to have somebody in their life that says,
as crazy as you are, you're my person and I'm
gonna stick with you. You know, because that means you're work.
Somebody working with you, staying with you, caring for you,

(22:50):
loving you, and respecting you as a valuable human being.
When you experience that, then it's no longer something that
you worry about losing. You have the capacity and the
generosity that may start growing to share that with your children,
with your spouse, with your siblings, with other people. But

(23:12):
as long as we feel that, it's not enough of
that to go around. And so I got to hold
onto this bitterness because that's the only thing I can feel.
We're in trouble.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
Mm Okay, I have some questions, but but I'm gonna
hold it because I'm gonna take a break, doctor Jeffries,
because I got okay, I got my little questions down there.

Speaker 4 (23:34):
You know, you know, you know.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
But also we're talking today, ladies and gentlemen, if stop
lying to yourself and start healing your life, we're talking
about that with our behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries.
If you have a question or two for doctor Jeffries

(23:57):
this day, here are our numbers. Nine zero one five
three five nine three four two eight hundred five zero
three nine three four two eight three three five three
five nine three four two will get you in to us.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
Can't call your at work or doing something else.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Email me your question or situation you like Doctor Jeffries
to comment on you know, any relationship thing. Yeah yeah,
email me Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. Bev Johnson
at iHeartMedia dot com. You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show.

(24:39):
That's me on w.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
D i A.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
Don't go away. The Bev Johnson Show returns after these messages.

Speaker 12 (24:48):
The Bev jes Show.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Your not telling you to just keep.

Speaker 7 (25:30):
Around. Bar enough being so.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
Welcome back to w d i A.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
We're talking our topic of conversation, Stop lying to yourself
and start healing your life. We're talking about that with
our behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Doctor Jeffries, I'm
going to our phone line to talk to some of
our listeners.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Thank you for waiting.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
W d i A Black Conservative.

Speaker 4 (26:09):
Good after good out to the hope you are having
an awesome day.

Speaker 2 (26:13):
We are. I hope you are too.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
I have a question for doctor Jeffries. Okay, okay, Doctor Jeffery.
I know I know her, I know her. Okay, Doctor Jeffery.
We talk about mental illness and there are cases when
you do have that. But suddenly some of the response

(26:39):
come from some chin the callers or listeners on Bad
Show and other shows. That's not mental illness. That's way
past mental illness. And let me let me, let me
tell you what I'm talking about. If you get somebody
who get assassinated live recording and people glorify that and

(27:03):
don't give their condolence or don't have a heart for
the taking of innocent life where they created and try
to make excuses, that's not mental illness. That's a sin
sick minded person. That's a sick minded person. My question is,

(27:24):
how do you fix people who have that kind of condition.
They don't have a mental sickness, illness where you can
give them, you know, some kind of antidepression medicine, or
they can take this or that. How do you fix
the mindset here of the mindset of folks like that?

Speaker 3 (27:47):
Okay, all right, Black Conservative, thank you for your question.
We'll get it from that.

Speaker 4 (27:52):
All right, bye bye.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
And I wanted to.

Speaker 3 (27:55):
Say, doctor Jeffrey is a black but if people who
think like that that maybe that is a mental illness
that they have.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
Doctor Jeffries, what.

Speaker 13 (28:03):
Do you say, Well, you know what, mental illness is
a rapidly growing epidemic in this country and probably throughout
the world, and there are so many dysfunctional behaviors and
presenters that are.

Speaker 10 (28:20):
That people present. It's very difficult to just label how
many people are actually, you know, able to have a
diagnosis of mental illness. However, there are there are levels
and scales of inappropriate behavior and mature behavior, judgmental behavior,

(28:44):
socially destructive behavior, and what have you. The question that
the Black Conservative raise was very interested to me because
I cannot and I work very hard not to generalize
from a population and to particularly when we're talking about
the college who call in to the show, and I

(29:05):
guess on particularly this show and this station. I think
that this is more an example of what I said
earlier about when we are when we are so.

Speaker 9 (29:19):
Regimented into a position.

Speaker 10 (29:22):
That we have bought as a total belief, then that
belief becomes our dogma, and our dogma then clouds everything
that we think about, every inner action we have with
anybody else. It filters whatever anybody else says to us.

(29:43):
And if it doesn't come through in that same collected voice, language, mind,
and intensual kind of internalization that we first absorb, that
in it comes up as dissonance or static or chattering
what have you, And it makes us uncomfortable. And what
people tend to do when they're in an uncomfortable situation socially,

(30:08):
you know, verbally, in works relationships, marital or infee relationships,
so even with their children or what have you, they
take a defensive posture. And when we're defensive, our first
thing is to do is to attack. So I'm going
to disagree that people who call in and talk about

(30:32):
and I you know what, I know who.

Speaker 9 (30:34):
He's talking.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
We know who he's talking about, who you're talking about.

Speaker 10 (30:39):
But I'm not going to illuminate that person to a
status that's any bigger than the hundreds, the thousands of
people who have been assassinated, who've been gunned down, who's
been lynched, who've been poison who have been shot, who've

(31:00):
been staffed, who have been a politically assassinator, who's been
oppressed and victimized for sexism, racism, agism, and all that stuff.
Any person who decides that where they are is a
place of power and dominance and they use that to
do anything, and especially taking the life away of somebody else,

(31:25):
has a problem, has a serious problem. Because I do
not believe that anyone has the right to take anybody's
self esteem, their life, their health, anything away from that person.
That person's presence and belongings belong to them. And it
also is a state of something that we have always

(31:50):
been told that we had certain unalienable rights, in analiable right,
and that is to speak our minds as long as
you're not physically hurting somebody else. So for all of
the time that that person detegrated populations of people had

(32:11):
spouted anti racial demeaning, you know, ideology and what have you,
to just anybody and whatever that differences were experienced, I
saw that person as someone who had limited communications ability
and also was playing a very dangerous game during this

(32:37):
time because people now do not have the self restraint
to deal with verbal assault in the same way you
do with physical assault. And you're right, we have an
unknown population of mentally disturbed, of people who feel disconnected,
who do not feel that being America is something afforded

(32:57):
to everybody in particular, and the thing that they sleep
with as their security blanket is a gun. And we
have people in power who are watching many of people
who look and think and act like them killing their
own and they're still unwilling to take a stand on
putting guns and by other weapons of violence in the

(33:22):
hands of people who cannot even maintain their own behavior.
So I'm not going to say that the colleges who
calling on to our herd WDIA or whatever are mentally ill.
I have not, you know, I and a lot of
these people I have grown up with, they have grown
up calling on this station, and they speak their mind.

(33:42):
They tell you what they honestly thinking is their peerios
of words, and that is that's honesty. You know, we do,
I too, to believe to deal with people where they are.
So that's what I think about that. But I'm not
gonna give any air time calling anybody's name or trying
to illuminate that one depth. One assassination takes precedence over

(34:04):
the other. I haven't gotten over Trey Bonn's death, Sandra Bland.

Speaker 7 (34:08):
You know there are others.

Speaker 10 (34:09):
At least I could go on son.

Speaker 9 (34:12):
Do that? All right?

Speaker 3 (34:13):
Hold on, doctor Jeffries, going back to our phone lines,
w D I a high caller.

Speaker 14 (34:20):
Yeah, good morning you bo Hey, good morning.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
Good morning, good afternoon, Boots, this afternoon. Hi, what do
you say?

Speaker 14 (34:26):
How are you doing, Doctor Jeffery, She's doing.

Speaker 15 (34:29):
You had a great vacation.

Speaker 14 (34:32):
Yes, I wanted to know why do people lie to
themselves all the time when they can what is said?
What is the problem of your lying.

Speaker 16 (34:43):
To yourself when you can do better by yourself, do
better with yourself in order to to uh face the
reality of telling the truth?

Speaker 3 (34:58):
Okay, okay, okay, okay, Bootsy, we got it, Thank you, Bootsy.
And I kind of think doctor Jeffries, that Bootsy wants
to say that people who who all the time is
it to impress other people? Or or and and and
and and with that question with Bootsy, doctor Jeffries, I
go to my question I had wrote down for you.

(35:18):
Is that and when you talked about lying in self esteem?
Lying has to do something with self esteem, Doctor Jeffers,
you hear me?

Speaker 16 (35:33):
Can you hear me?

Speaker 9 (35:33):
Now?

Speaker 13 (35:34):
I hear you?

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Now, I hear you now? Okay, good, good, I hear
you now? Did I But did you hear what I
heard you? Okay? I heard Okay? I got that.

Speaker 10 (35:42):
You know, Uh, have you ever been around one of
those people that whatever you've got, they got to us.
Whatever you've been, They've been to sixth places. Whatever you
want to do, they already did that and more. You know,
and what they're trying to do, and you know that
they're lying. You know, you know that they're lying because
when people have not invested the time and the work

(36:05):
and the effort to create or do something, and there's
a conversation and they don't feel that they have something
that is worthy of putting in, they manufacture ideas, they
manufacture situations, they manufacture achievements, and so it gets to
the point that when people who stay around you and
spend a lot of time with you, they get to

(36:26):
the point where they don't believe anything that you say, right, yeah,
And so I think we do that on a national level.
Now we can hear certain things, and it's so ridiculous
when you know the facts and people still keep repeating
the same things and telling you is if this is
factual and this is information for you to go with

(36:47):
and build, don't we know? But most people who do
that bausterous line, and for no good reasons, usually feel
that they're trying to create image to garner some respect,
some attention, uh, to feel bigger and better than they

(37:07):
really feel inside.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Mmm.

Speaker 3 (37:12):
So so so that so because they have doctor Jeffery's
low self esteem.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
That's that's where that line comes from.

Speaker 10 (37:22):
To try to be That's one of the ways.

Speaker 11 (37:24):
That's one of the reasons.

Speaker 10 (37:25):
Okay, you know, I'll give you another example. Okay, Uh
in the dating world. Uh, you see the person who
has a big, fancy car, and I mean they shining,
you know, everybody knows how expensive it is.

Speaker 9 (37:39):
And what have you.

Speaker 10 (37:40):
And when they go out and go to the club
and wherever they meet their friendsians up. They're always well dressed,
and they're in that car and what have you.

Speaker 11 (37:49):
They're homeless.

Speaker 10 (37:51):
So if you knew that the person was homeless, would
you look at the car uh in the same light
and the out fit in the same life? And why
are you driving there?

Speaker 3 (38:04):
Why?

Speaker 10 (38:04):
What makes more sense? Have you a place to live?
And we know far too many people is there. People
will get a job making minimum wage, just start working
and then then immediately rather than thinking about pain than livelihood,
bills on a monthly basis, and what have you food,
rent that kind of thing, taking care of the kids.

(38:27):
They wasted on discretionary stuff and then get upset or
want to borrow from somebody else, or they go into
debt and then their stress. You see. So until you
can tell the truth to yourself, like I don't make
enough money to try to hang out with this group
of people, or because I don't want to tell my

(38:48):
friend I can't afford to do everything that she does
or he does, then I try to do it, and
then I'm worried about how I'm gonna rob Peter to
pay polamics. When you know, if you're honest with yourself
and you feel that you're a good enough friend, y'all
have been friends forever. I can't do this with you,
or I can only go out with you once a month,

(39:09):
or we'll have to go someplace else or do something different.
Then you know, if the person want to spend time
with you, they want to be with you. It doesn't
matter where you are. So but before you really focus
on that and other people, you have to know that
you have done the work to be presenting your authentic

(39:30):
self to the person. And that's a scary thing to do.
If there are things about yourself that you don't like
or that you wish was different, and what have you.
You know, very few people are totally satisfied with how
they look, how they present everything about themselves. Most people

(39:51):
wish this was different about them, that this wasn't so much,
that wasn't so little, all of that. But in the
heart of heart, if you were to do a list
about the things about yourself, about your life, about your
five year goals, even if you don't have any, how

(40:12):
you see yourself five years from now. If you were
to make a list of each one of those areas
and be coldly, down target honest about what you like
about yourself and what you don't like about yourself.

Speaker 9 (40:27):
Where do you see.

Speaker 10 (40:28):
Yourself five years from now and what would you like
to change, Then then that's a blueprint for the things,
and you can look at them and see, you know,
what things are reasonable, which things are just arrogance, which
things are ignorant, which things are just stupid. You know,
you could be honest with yourself. There's some things you're

(40:50):
not going to change about yourself. You show it, You're
gonna look.

Speaker 9 (40:55):
You show it.

Speaker 10 (40:55):
You got two short parents. You're not gonna go in
you know, to be a six foot something model, you're not.
So what is it that you can do to be
cute and short and like it? You know that begins
to build your self esteem Because some of the shortest
people that I have ever met, one is my sister

(41:16):
in law. She is you talking about something. She walks
around like she's six foot six tallering some other and
the personality to go with it. And so, but that
means I've accepted who I am, but doesn't mean that
my spirit can't be six six. You know, I may
be four foot nw, but my spirit is six six.

Speaker 11 (41:38):
And that's who you got to deal with.

Speaker 10 (41:42):
So being able to tell the truth about yourself. And
then when you do identify that stuff, find somebody that
you trust, that you know that you trust, somebody who
wants what's good for you to give you feedback on
that and the permission. Now, look, you don't need somebody

(42:03):
going down all four of this at the same time
in the same meeting, because y'all may not be seeking
each other after. But you know, pick something out on there,
tell them to pick one or two things and offer
you some feedback. On Feedback is when you give somebody
information for their advancement and knowledge that they can use
that they can work with and build a bons. Criticism

(42:27):
is when you become pickier than they already are about
what's wrong with you. You know, I don't like my figures. Well, girls,
I'm telling you because you got this.

Speaker 11 (42:38):
And you got that, or you know, to the guy,
you know you just this, or you got it. You
need to do some weight, you need to work out.

Speaker 10 (42:45):
You know, that's criticism, that's not how you. Somebody began
to do their blueprint for change. And so when you
can give that with the idea that you're being a
support to help them do the work again, to work
and to make it not feel so uncomfortable, because it
is a very uncomfortable, scary thing to go back and

(43:07):
look at yourself and say, what have I been lying
to myself about all these years. Another example might be people,
particularly my girlfriends, who say I don't need no man.

Speaker 9 (43:19):
I do bad by all by myself.

Speaker 10 (43:21):
And what is it that they thirst for more than
this a healthy relationship? Well, how are you going to
get that if you're saying, if you're putting that to
the universe, I don't need none back right, Okay, They
can't distinguish that you lying to yourself and that really
what you want.

Speaker 11 (43:39):
They respond to.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
What you say, I got it, I got it all right,
doctor Jeffries. Back to our phone lines. Hold on, doctor Jeffries,
w D I a unforgetful.

Speaker 9 (43:55):
Bell jeff you got a great show going on and everything.
Hey doctor jeff Hey, what.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Do you say on freefl Yes, I'm listening.

Speaker 9 (44:07):
That was a lie.

Speaker 17 (44:11):
Right there. Yeah, what I just said, that was just.

Speaker 9 (44:17):
What this But doctor Jeffery is saying and everything, because
I'm going to be staying and I guess you could
stay crazy because I believe in preservation. I will never
chastise myself. Never because you're going down the road that
I just shill a suicide.

Speaker 11 (44:36):
But I won't do that.

Speaker 9 (44:37):
But let me tell you something about jeff This just
my opinion. This world been lying to people, and everybody lies.
There's good lives and their bad life. Let me give
yours them. If you got a wife, a husband or whatever,
and she walks out and she saying, how you look?
And you know for a fact he don't look that good.

Speaker 11 (44:59):
You you want to tell them the truth.

Speaker 9 (45:04):
Some things are just left unsaid. To be honest with
your doctor jep And another thing when it comes to
self subsivation, like I say, you know that's a that's
a dangerous thing, doctor Jeffery. I mean there's an old
saying out here. You got caught in in a life.
That's the way I would like to go because something

(45:25):
does not good to say to people because you really
don't know their mindset and you can cause a lot
of confusion in trouble. You know, I'm just being myself now,
that's all i can do, doctor jeffer And y'all have
going with Beth.

Speaker 3 (45:40):
Johnsons and you too, unforgetful and you too, doctor jefferys,
I forget to say. He doesn't criticize himself, but I want,
I want to I want to go take that. Wait
a minute, so, and I'm on a serious fight. There
are things when you look at yourself in the mirror
of there are things about you. You know that I

(46:02):
aren't right, doctor Jeffries. You know they are not right.

Speaker 10 (46:07):
And a lot of time does too.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Yeah, he does, and.

Speaker 10 (46:10):
People, and that's why he won't talk to himself, right,
That's why that is why he wants you know, the
car and and the thing you know when he was
saying about he's not gonna ask anybody else because they
will just say means you you wouldn't go to somebody
that you know dislikes you or struggles you know with you,

(46:31):
uh as saying I said, find somebody that genuinely is
in your corner, your friend or somebody a relative or sametimes.
Your children will will be the ones who gives you
an honor seedback. But I do think that I hear
what he's saying about everybody lies. But that's not an
excuse for you to lie first to yourself and then

(46:52):
to become.

Speaker 11 (46:52):
A part of everybody lies.

Speaker 10 (46:55):
You know, people lie for different reasons. People may lie
to keep from hurting something feeling.

Speaker 2 (47:01):
You know somebody.

Speaker 10 (47:04):
Sometimes you lie to a child to encourage them to
do better. I see how smart you are. I see
you can do this. I just see you trying and
blah blah blah, and they haven't done anything. But you
planting a seed.

Speaker 11 (47:20):
Okay.

Speaker 10 (47:21):
The intention is not to be distrustive in one thing.
You're planting a seed of hope and growth and positivity
that may take that child to where you could see
them and say that to them. So I think that
they are faultful things in communications that we use. But
we're talking about lying to yourself, denying, lining, deceiving yourself,

(47:46):
and deciding that you're no longer going to put that
toxicity in your life and you want to heal because
two situal opposite of negatives cannot live and manage in
the same house. They cannot. They cancel each other out,
and you're the one who ends up with the runt
of it. So if you're going to live doom and

(48:09):
gloom and be a martyr, your house is gonna stay dark.
You're gonna be bitter and angry all the time. If
you're the person who does not has a fear of
being successful, then you're never gonna put yourself out there
because you're more worried on failing than you are succeeding.

(48:30):
And the mind believes what you program the most in there.
So if you're putting negative stuff into your mind and
into your lune, that is exactly what you experience. And
people can say, oh, that's just you know, just talk
or that New Age stuff and what have you. Then
you don't understand your connection to the universe. You don't

(48:52):
understand the spirit of things, and you cannot decide that
it's okay to talk to one spirit that you've never seen,
but it's not okay to talk to some other spirits
that some other groups may acknowledge and pray too.

Speaker 11 (49:06):
So that's part of being honest.

Speaker 10 (49:09):
We've just got to be.

Speaker 11 (49:10):
Honest with ourselves.

Speaker 10 (49:12):
And I know the truth is easier to remember than
a lot.

Speaker 11 (49:15):
I know that yes it is, Yes it is.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
I'm glad you said that. Hold on, Doctor Jeffries, I
have more questions. We're going to open up our phone
lines for our listeners. If you have a question for
doctor Jeffries our topic of conversation. Stop lying to yourself
and start healing your life. And when we come back,
doctor Jeffers, I want to talk about healing. The healing
part five three five nine three four two is our

(49:42):
number one eight hundred and five zero three nine three
four two eight three three five three five nine three
four two will get you in to us. We're going
to the other side of the BEB Johnson Show right
here on double You d I.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
A whether you're in Arkansas, Tennessee, or Mississippi. On Facebook, Twitter,
or Instagram, thank you for listening to The BEV Johnson
Show on w d i A Memphis, The.

Speaker 6 (50:14):
BEVJN Show, BEB Justin.

Speaker 5 (50:36):
Show, Bell Jomps, Memphis Talkie at Home Away, How You Go,
You Go, Son't Getting Ready, Show, Show, Bell, Justin, We You.

Speaker 7 (50:57):
Make your.

Speaker 6 (51:00):
By hered.

Speaker 5 (51:04):
Listen to what to say you know it's time about
of this show.

Speaker 6 (51:14):
Let's go.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
Good afternoon and welcome back to the second half of
the Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
Here on wd I A, we're rocking and rolling on
this relationship day.

Speaker 3 (51:48):
Our topic of conversation stop lying to yourself and stop
healing your life. We're talking about that topic with our
behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. And hold on, we'll
get back to doctor Jeffries. Doctor Jeffries, I have some
callers back before we do that. Hey, I want to

(52:09):
tell you about my favorite place.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
You know the place.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
It's the Rocking Chair of Memphis fifteen forty two Elvis personally,
where we rock with the best soul food in town,
best entertainment around like catfish and buffalo, fish and fried chicken,
pot roast, smoke turkey, neck, baked chicken, smothered pork chops,
fried pork chops, hamburger steak, miss Anne's famous Chitlin's, an

(52:35):
assortment of vegetables and desserts.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
You will find at the Rocking Chair of Memphis. You
can dine in or you can take out. Yeah, you
can do that today.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
Give them a call nine zero one for two five
five two sixty four, nine zero one four two five
five two sixty four. It's Friday, so this evening at
the Rocking Chair, there'll be rocking karaoke fry with the.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Band and also entertainment too. It's sold.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
So you want to go where grown folks go and
where security is the bomb. Yeah, you are safe at
the Rocking Chair.

Speaker 2 (53:11):
Let me tell you.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
They don't play Officer Robinson, they don't play down there, ladies.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
You are safe at the Rocking Cheer.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
They will take you to your car and they will
get you from your car and take it to the
front door.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
That's how we rock at the Rocking Chair of Memphis.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
So going down, get you some food, dine in or
take out open Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday
as well. Rocking Chair of Memphis fifteen forty two, Elvis Pressley,
dine in take out nine zero one four two five
five two sixty four nine zero one four two five
five two sixty four.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
When you go there, y'all, you know what to say.
Tell them Bev Johnson sent you to the Rocking Chair
of Memphis.

Speaker 3 (54:04):
We are going to our phone lines, doctor Jeffries and
talk to some of our listeners.

Speaker 2 (54:09):
Thank y'all for waiting.

Speaker 6 (54:11):
W D I a HI caller.

Speaker 7 (54:14):
You know, I'm really mattered to you. Hey, okay for
me to Collin and says she's been talking about me.

Speaker 4 (54:23):
And I'm a burgo.

Speaker 7 (54:24):
Yeah, I'm a burg up. I don't like to tell
nobody not I might be in that because they they
got their own perceptions. I don't give it there, so
we don't care, you know. But I was seventy two
years old doctor Jefferson that became a branded p S,
a major corporation. Dave been traying, I don't ever have time,
so I got too minion ill brothers. I want to
be in love, but when loved are doing and I

(54:46):
wanted to do, I walk away. And I ain't got
that much innything being best in love. I'm dealing with
too much ill brothers. And at this late date, you know,
I love to help my bother the most hat and
I just love having nobody in my bed for me.

Speaker 10 (54:59):
Dog.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
But kay, kay, answer me this question. You're not knowing
you and the way well, well, the years.

Speaker 7 (55:09):
I've talked to me because everybody don't know me to
jee us on the Batman because they don't good to
know me.

Speaker 11 (55:13):
Okay, well ask me.

Speaker 3 (55:14):
I'm just well, I want to ask you this question. Well,
let me say that the years that I've been talking
to you on the air.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
Are you afraid of what.

Speaker 10 (55:21):
It might be?

Speaker 7 (55:22):
And you know what I might be, because I'm gonna
tell you what happened. When I was sixteen. My mother
and stepfather got a divorced and he was a fIF
three bank built in Judo. Now, right to sit there
and see this man crying, and they had seven other
children at the time. I was first you know, I
was first born, and it was like my dad. But
to see him crying, and then if I took myself

(55:43):
in the position, oh yes, if I get there, I
got a little tolerance. You might do one thing and
get on my nerve, but I can't you do that
third or fourth time. I'm ready to leave you alone
and I walk away. Now, it might be a tiance spirit,
it may be one day, it may be fifty years,
you know, to have it out. But I don't, you know,
like most women have to have a man. What they said,

(56:04):
they can do bad by themselves.

Speaker 9 (56:06):
I'm blessed.

Speaker 7 (56:06):
I got four sisters. I'm blessed.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
Yeah, okay, but but but but would would you like
to have some companion.

Speaker 7 (56:16):
Or somebody now that my companion, I'm at the Last
Givers Dean uh stilling over with lam On, the one
that just graduated from my Germantown High you know, you
know Christie Chandler, Yeah, one of my Yeah, that's not
that's my good friend like family, you know they like
my family. Yeah, but that way, Christy, I've been working
with one of my grand babies, you know, because they

(56:37):
like you know, they have the last week and artistic abilities.
The facts. She worked with Christie during the summer which
she came in, you know, the New York first time
they met, the hooked up. But the thing is, I
like to be around people who are creative. But I'm
a writer. I can write plays, I can write songs.
I've had people are steal songs and it be so
funny because I didn't copyright no way. But I look

(56:59):
at it like this, I was swap and pay you
for the time I'm around you and to be around you,
and you cansume up my time. It doesn't makes sense.
That's some important doctor, Jeffrey.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
Jeff I'm gonna ask doctor. You can't because I'm I'm
my best one of my best friend is a virgo,
and I know how those virgos.

Speaker 7 (57:18):
But okay, but you may go ten or twelve years
and don't date nobody, and then you date somebody and
then you sitting there talking to them and they may
be physically over here, but mentally they are nowhere, or
if they I didn't not can make them do. So
that means that you're not the one or to wait.
But when you got the one, I'm come of stated
and let it go, i'se just gonna just be real case.
But the sisters who got whoever I left back behind,

(57:42):
they may have not been but one or two y'all
blessed because had I stayed, you wouldn't have been there.
And on that note, yes, on that note, yeah, sister,
k that's enough, Okay.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
Doctor Jeffers. A case has subject I don't know as
running from something.

Speaker 10 (58:08):
And that's one of that's one of the secrets. And
it doesn't sound like she is necessarily lying to herself.
She knows what it is that she UH that she's
running from, and the fact that I don't I don't
entertain or engage any new UH encounter or attempt at
a new relationship because I already know what's gonna happen,

(58:29):
and I don't have time for all of this. The
characteristics that she was describing the potential relationship all had
negative overtime to it. And you know, when you talk
yourself out of something before you even get to experience it,
you know, like I said, she knows the reason why,

(58:52):
she knows the and it and it probably I would say,
probably more. And I'd be willing to bet that if
they do start having the arguments and the things get
you know, where it's toxic and what have it, it's
gonna be because of the case, because she's predicting it.

Speaker 11 (59:12):
She's predicting it.

Speaker 10 (59:13):
And like I said, what you tell yourself we manufacture
into the truth for ourselves. So if every relationship is
going to turn out negatively, just like she writes those
plays and stories and stuff, she's writing her own and
she's already writing the anything. So you probably hear it,

(59:34):
you probably, you're probably right. She running from something and
she's not running towards anything.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
So right now she's right, she's not and you right,
and Kay knowing Kay and Ka, Yeah, she's something.

Speaker 10 (59:49):
She's said that I'm laughing now because you know we
tell her the truth, right, she's.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
Laughing right right, right before I go back to our
phone line, Doctor Jefferys I head got this email from
Esther and she wanted to know Doctor Jeffries is lying?
Can you inherit lying? And the reason I'm asking this
because my spouse's family seems to be all big liars.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
They all lie all the time. They lie, lie, lie.
Can you inherit that?

Speaker 10 (01:00:23):
I don't think you can inherit it, But I do
think that if children grow up around people and witness
them lying, and they you know, and they see after
a point that what those adults are saying is usually
a lie. Whether it's a fun lie is get you
to do something for me lie, whether it's a lie

(01:00:44):
to protect somebody, or whether it's just an outrageous lie,
or whether it's a lie to self PRETEI. They know
they're not telling the truth, and they tend to model
the behavior. But those people usually are the most hypocritical.
When a child is underage and they catch them lying
to them, then they want.

Speaker 6 (01:01:03):
To get crazy.

Speaker 10 (01:01:05):
You don't, don't you lie to me? Don't quite? How
else would I learn to communicate with you. That's what
we do. We lie, and so yeah, it's not inherited
genetically or what have you. But it is something that
while you know, with with families, communities and what have you,

(01:01:26):
they get together, they create some very specific rituals and
mores and things that are particularly and peculiar to them.
And if two liars got together and they started lining
with each other, then I'm sure they probably produced some
other little liars because that's what they learn to do

(01:01:46):
to communicate. And no, there's no chesching balances in that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
Oh okay. So again.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
Again, as we always say when we talk about you,
children live what they learned. So those two that was
in those households and they and they saw those parents
of people whatever, relatives just lying.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
I mean, they are probably gonna do that as an adult.

Speaker 10 (01:02:13):
Yeah, well they're gonna yeah, they're gonna lie. The parents
lie to them too.

Speaker 2 (01:02:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (01:02:17):
The thing about it is is that by the time
that the child recognizes that what the parents or the
other adults are saying is not true, that they've already
adapted to the Uh, they've already adapted to the behavior.
So but they're not going to keep it just at home.

Speaker 11 (01:02:36):
And among family and what have you.

Speaker 10 (01:02:38):
That means they're gonna lie about why their homework is late.
They're gonna lie to their friends. They're gonna lie, you know,
just indiscriminately because they haven't had the conversation about what's
wrong with life.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Okay, if everybody's.

Speaker 10 (01:02:56):
Doing it in the house, if people do that, I
mean you have fair I don't do everybody lie, but
they may not lie. But everybody house stills from each other,
from other people whatever.

Speaker 3 (01:03:09):
You know.

Speaker 10 (01:03:10):
Everybody in the house fights, you know, with each other,
and everybody they have those little rituals and things that
just become their things.

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
Uh huh okay, all right, doctor, I'm going to that phone,
like Doc Jefferson, I want you to laugh because uh K,
just email me, she says, beb Doc Jeffers, I'm.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Laughing my chin off.

Speaker 15 (01:03:32):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:34):
You told the truth. Dr Jeffries.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
All right, hold on, Doctor Jeffers. I'm going back to
our phone lines to talk to our listeners. W D
I a high caller.

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
I'm doing well, Larry and yourself.

Speaker 17 (01:03:48):
What you're doing great? You know, I can tell I
can tell the world about Virgil.

Speaker 4 (01:03:54):
You know.

Speaker 17 (01:03:55):
They they try and they try and try well once
they threw, because they throw, they're through no love age.
But the main thing, there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 15 (01:04:11):
I watch my mother, uh raised eight children by herself
because she tried, and she tried, then she tried until.

Speaker 17 (01:04:23):
She just say no. Uh, I stay from the age
of uh sixties eighty nine. She just had her birthday.

Speaker 18 (01:04:32):
She's eighty nine now and she's still by herself. And
and and and you know, I just mined by family
gathering that my mother will drink.

Speaker 17 (01:04:44):
I never talked.

Speaker 18 (01:04:45):
She never drinks around me.

Speaker 15 (01:04:47):
She I mean she always A redo is a is
a unique, very unique person. They hear about everything.

Speaker 11 (01:04:58):
They children, their life, in their man's life. If he
act right, they love that man. But he got to
act right because they will walk away and it's over.
And when I say over, it's over. And they don't.
They content doing body hisself very content. Once they get

(01:05:21):
two or three years under their belt or it's over,
then it's over.

Speaker 15 (01:05:26):
But I'll say this means, please take care of yourself, because.

Speaker 11 (01:05:31):
I as a as as a man out here. If
you eat right, if you stop smoking, stop drinking, you
will forever fulfill that woman some.

Speaker 15 (01:05:44):
Thousand in relationship it's the like of It could be flex, it.

Speaker 11 (01:05:50):
Could be money, it could be anything. But if you
open your mind up to stop drinking and fill your
body with good nervous and food. I never took a
v well, they.

Speaker 9 (01:06:04):
In my life goodness every time.

Speaker 11 (01:06:07):
Every time I see.

Speaker 17 (01:06:08):
My wife, it is just like myr ask.

Speaker 15 (01:06:11):
Because I take care of my body.

Speaker 11 (01:06:13):
I gotta clear mind. And as long as you do that,
you're gonna have a clear relationship. That's all it takes.

Speaker 9 (01:06:21):
Eating right, stop cheating.

Speaker 11 (01:06:24):
I mean, bringing that other spirit into the house is very,
very bad. And please don't make that woman get out there,
because when you got two spirits coming in there from
people other people, you soon gonna be in one room
and they gonna be in another, and y'all gonna hate
to see each other anytime. But if you eat right,

(01:06:47):
take care of your body, take pretty baths, kick your
klogn on, and that woma gonna do the same. You
gonna have that house meeting like proud and every time
you come in there and us what is all about?
Making your wife happy and smelling.

Speaker 15 (01:07:04):
Good and have good help and doing what you're supposed
to do.

Speaker 9 (01:07:10):
Exercise okay, and we got it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Larry taking larry good words of wisdom.

Speaker 3 (01:07:14):
We thank you doctor Jeffery's good words of wisdom from Larry.

Speaker 10 (01:07:18):
But I wanted to say something to hear Larry's testimonies
whenever he calls he loves his wife, and I'm telling you, yeah,
he loves his wife.

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
Yes, But I want to go to something that Larry said.
You know, he was talking about his mother.

Speaker 3 (01:07:32):
But people who made doctor Jeffers get out of relationships
and Larry talking about being being content, I don't know
if that if you're content or lying to yourself that
because as you said earlier, some of these people want relationships.

Speaker 10 (01:07:49):
Well I think I think a lot of people want companionship. Yeah,
but happy see the thing that we too many people
do all or nothing either. First of all, the older
that you get, the less that your relationship or potential
relationship is going.

Speaker 11 (01:08:10):
To be like the early relationship.

Speaker 10 (01:08:13):
If you find yourself acting like you're sixteen and you're
in your fifties, then you're probably in a fleeing because
we don't we don't maintain those. If you know you're
in it, it stays light, it's fun and what have you.
And then when when you get bored or if you need,

(01:08:34):
you're ready for another flame.

Speaker 7 (01:08:36):
Because you like the you know, the bizzazz and all
of that.

Speaker 10 (01:08:39):
That's not the person for you doesn't mean that you
can't enjoy the flame. You just have to read the
behavior and react accordingly to the potential partner. But to say,
if I if you don't have vanilla ice cream, I
don't want to know ice cream and I am never
gonna eat ice cream again. That's your choice. But if

(01:09:00):
that's your favorite dessert, you depothering yourself of a real
pleasant experience. Companionship is something that you can set the
boundaries to. You can describe what it is and what
it isn't, and you can negotiate with a reasonable person

(01:09:20):
about what you expect, what you willing to give, what
you need to receive, what you will accept, and what
you will not tolerate. Some people will do better in
a fleeing or in a companionship relationship than they would
in being married because they feel free that they don't

(01:09:41):
have to do anything. They don't have to do anything,
They don't have to put up with this you don't have,
You don't have the other responsibilities of children and mutual
deaths and all that to deal with you design it
the way you want to. And sometimes so many of

(01:10:01):
us have never had the positive experience of designing or
creating anything just for ourselves to enjoy. That's a mind blower.
So what I'm talking about today is lying weighs you down.
There's a lot of baggage, there's a lot of negativity

(01:10:22):
in what have you. When people say the truth will
set you free, your truth can set you free. And
once you have a sense of freedom, there are kinds
of things that you can do because what you're free,
and you're grown, and you're over twenty one ya, and
you can just start using your imagination and what have you.

(01:10:45):
And when you look light and free and having a
good time, you face out all frowned up, you're not snapping,
mumbling under your breath and.

Speaker 9 (01:10:54):
All of that kind of stuff, you draw different.

Speaker 10 (01:10:57):
People to you. Yes, so, But if some people just
want to be a soul puss over there by himself,
you know that's a choice too, and you'll be free
enough to make that choice.

Speaker 3 (01:11:11):
All right, hold on, doctor Jeffries, we will take this
break and we will come back.

Speaker 8 (01:11:16):
Y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:11:17):
As we're talking, stop lying to yourself and start healing
your life five three five nine, three four two eight
hundred five zero three nine three four two eight three three, five,
three five nine.

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
The three four two are the numbers to double you.
D I A.

Speaker 1 (01:11:37):
It's the Queen of Talk, Your girlfriend and Mine. Bem
Johnson on doub d Ia.

Speaker 6 (01:11:44):
The Bell Jon Show.

Speaker 1 (01:12:24):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show. Here's Bev Johnson and.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
We've been talking this day.

Speaker 3 (01:12:31):
You stop lying to yourself and stop start healing your life.
And doctor Jefferys, when we talk about folks need to
start healing, what are we talking about?

Speaker 2 (01:12:43):
How do we heal?

Speaker 10 (01:12:45):
We're talking about first of all, making that decision for
yourself about yourself that I deserve better. I deserve some light,
a sense of plenty and availability into my life. And
one of the first ways that we began to do
that is starting with like I said before, like the

(01:13:07):
four columns of things that you dislike about yourself, things
that you like about yourself, and then adding you know,
those things that you want to change. And when I'm
talking about things, I'm not just talking about physical appearance
and what have you. There are things, people, situations, regrets

(01:13:28):
that you may have stored up in your life, that
are weighing you down, that are blocking your blessings and
opportunities to get a different situation available to yourself. And
so what I'm encouraging you to do do your own
assessment first, so that way you're identifying what it is
that you struggle with, what it is that you want

(01:13:50):
to change, and what it is that you see as
an assort, set or resource in your life. And then
get a trusted friend or confidine whomever that person is,
and ask them to give you feedback on whatever they
think are some of the significant things from your list,

(01:14:11):
from your lists, and you know and make sure that
they understand you want feedback, not criticism, not judgment, not
direction on what to do. Feedback on if these things
I've identified a truth, what do you think you know
me well enough? What do you see when I do
such and such a thing or when when I'm out

(01:14:34):
with other people or in my relationship, whatever it is
you want to focus on and take this opportunity first
to listen to what they have to say, don't interrupt
or try to correct, let them finish a piece first.
Then ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand what

(01:14:55):
they meant, what they were talking about, and what kinds
of things things that their suggestion if you have questions
about but what about you know, I thought it was this,
and you're saying this, that's fine, but receive what they're
giving you, because when you ask somebody to give you
loving feed that they're giving you truth that you can

(01:15:18):
work with, that you can plan in your life and
make it better. And then finally decides that you're going
to document your transformation. And I'm saying transformation change. You're
going to change something, you know, like that Patty Label song.
You got a new attitude, So start journaling on a

(01:15:40):
regular basis. And journaling begins with words, begins with fonts,
begins with poems, essays, observations. It's your journal.

Speaker 7 (01:15:51):
You can put in it and share from drawing to writing.

Speaker 10 (01:15:56):
Essays, poems, songs, describe it. But the but the point
is you use your journal to communicate with yourself about
where you're headed, what's happening, how you feel, and staying
on point, making sure that you have an achievement plan
in there.

Speaker 19 (01:16:14):
So that you can experience success because you're architect and
this plan for yourself. And then finally, once you complete
this day instead of time limit with it. Let's say
within the first ninety days.

Speaker 10 (01:16:30):
This is what I'm going to work on, this is
what I'm going to accomplish. Be patient with yourself, acknowledge
and appreciate yourself every day, because it takes a heck
of a lot of courage to decide to do this
pass of work. That means you like cleaning out some
closets that you don't even know what you do in
there or why. Sometimes things may trigger you if you

(01:16:54):
have to take a period where you're mourning, you're upset,
you're angry, be kind, give you Steff time and needs
to process those emotions, document, and then kep moving. And
the key is your worth it. You deserve it and
it's not now. When when is the best time for
you to choose this time in your life to move

(01:17:17):
towards health.

Speaker 3 (01:17:19):
Sounds good, good information, good instruction. As always, Thank you,
doctor Jefferes. We appreciate you.

Speaker 10 (01:17:28):
Thank you, Miss Johnson, and I appreciate you as well
as the listeners. Couldn't do the show without job.

Speaker 2 (01:17:33):
That's right, that's right. Look forward to next week, doctor.

Speaker 11 (01:17:36):
Jeffries, same time, same station, girl, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:17:40):
Yeah, And and check your texts okay, all right, all right,
thank you you too, alright, bye bye bye.

Speaker 3 (01:17:50):
That is our behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 12 (01:17:56):
The views and opinions discussed on The BEV Johnson Show
are that of the hosts and callers and not those
of the staff and sponsors of wt IA.

Speaker 3 (01:18:09):
We wanna thank you callers, we wanna thank you listeners
for joining us all this week on the BEV Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (01:18:17):
We do, we really do appreciate you.

Speaker 3 (01:18:21):
So until tomorrow, please be safe, keep a cool head, y'all.
Don't let anyone steal your joy.

Speaker 2 (01:18:31):
Until tomorrow.

Speaker 3 (01:18:32):
Yeah, tomorrow, we'll be into Delta in Greenville, Mississippi at
the forty eighth Annual Mississippi Delta Blues and Heritage Festival.
Looking forward to seeing all y'all down in the Delta
tomorrow in Greenville, Mississippi. So until tomorrow, y'all keep the faith.

(01:18:54):
Mark Baker take me Home, Boyfriend,