January 6, 2020 • 15 mins
This week’s hometowns include badass grandmas and tales from the county morgue.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome my favorite murder the Mini.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
So it's Karen kilgerat. Oh, that's Georgia Hart. Start. We're
going to read your ship back to you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Are you ready to hear your own emails in your face?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Are you ready for this?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
This first email subject line tails from the County Mark.
I work at a no greeting again, I'm into this,
do it your way. I work at a mortuary in Kentucky.
I was picking up a body at the County Mark.
As a funeral home van pulled in with a drop off.
The funeral director began chatting with the security guard, beginning
with have I got a story for you? After months
(00:53):
of doing corner runs, I knew these stories were always
good in parentheses murdering no caliber good, So I slowed
down my work so I could listen in.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
That's right, that's right, drop them more.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
That's what's fucking I mean, we're here for that's hardcore, Okay.
The bodies the funeral director was bringing in were from
a trailer park in an adjacent county. A man returned
home to find his wife waiting for him and reveals
she had found out he was having an affair. They
argue shouts escalate to threats. The husband pulls out a
gun and the wife gets in her truck to escape.
(01:29):
He shoots her twice in the head through the back
window of the truck as she attempts to drive away.
She dies behind the wheel and the truck crashes, bursting
into flame. The husband then douses the trailer with gasoline
lights it, takes his gun back inside and sits down
in his comfy chair. He calls his sister, confesses to
the murder, and asks her to look in his freezer
(01:51):
in the trailer's outbuilding. He hangs up, takes his gun,
and shoots himself in the head as the trailer goes
up and flames around him.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Afterward, his devastated sister.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Follows his instructions goes to his freezer in the outbuilding
to find packaged and individual bags the dismembered body parts
of his mistress. I spoke to the embalmer who had
the job of arranging these parts for an ID viewing,
who noted that one the parts were all in different
stages of decay, and two the torso was missing. I
(02:22):
later found out the likely reason why from a coworker
who had friends in that County. The lady was pregnant,
which is likely why he decided his mistress had to go.
Yikes SSDGM Katie, Well, that.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Is just a whole bunch of fucked up inness.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
It's so intense and horrible, and it's that kind of
thing where everybody lose it.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
It's like, it's not fair to the women. That guy
just fucking plows through everyone's life. Yeah, and ruins it
for everyone.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
And dies himself. Yeah, clearly on his own fucking terms.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Right, But it's like, somewhere somewhere there has to be
the realization that getting help is better than ending up
like that, Somewhere at some point.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, hopefully.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
I think a lot of people do, and some people
just don't have that fucking capacity.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, true, And then it just becomes just tragedy stories
that people are overhearing, because then the people at the morgue,
all those bodies are it's a worse and worse state
of I mean, good god.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
This one's called Uncovered Juicy Family Secrets, and I'm reading
it because I want everyone to send us their family
secrets please, like you're fucked up juicy family secrets please,
that's all we're here for. It starts, hay Gang, I
know you hate cheesy interest, so let's get started. My
father died a few years ago, but something I found
out after he died was that his father tried to
kill him as an infant, oh, suffocate him with a pillow,
(03:53):
and my dad had a restraining order on him, which
is why we never knew my dad's parental side of
the family. So I've never known any I do with
my last name, but anyway, this year, to cope with
his great my brother did some digging into my dad's
dad's side and turns out he had a secret half
brother who was a locally famous radio personality. What. My
brother met him with him and said he looked to
(04:14):
talk and acted so creepily similar to my dad. Also,
turns out my piece of shit grandfather also tried to
kill him and his mom. What so they cut out
that side of the family as well, never knowing any
family since his mom didn't have any They would have
been such great friends, which was so sad.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
So they would have been brothers.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Yeah, both were only children of single moms. Another development.
My brother kept digging and it turns out my dad
has nine more siblings. Oh shitty, grandpa had seven kids
with a woman, got rich somehow, and had a ton
of grandchildren who adored him.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
And then it says ugg.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Which is very confusing since he was literally a monster
to my dad and his secret semi famous half brother.
I don't know how much of this my dad knew,
probably none of it. It may have been too painful
for him. Anyway, my piece of shit grandfather is now
for the past decade, but I will never stop digging.
Seems like the older you get, the more family secrets
come out.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Anyway, I love you guys so fucking much.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Lauren, God, is this like the new thing because of
the all these ancestry in twenty three and meters where
people are like this secrets that for decades people have
been able to hide. It's like, well, now here we
are it is.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
And it doesn't happen a lot of people don't like
suspect something and so don't do it till their parents
die and then like that wasn't my dad, And they
have no one that can ask questions too.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yeah, it's and no one to kind of confront and go,
is is there a reason this was happening?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I wasn't not not stoked. Wait, I wasn't not not
bummed that I didn't have a secret sibling when I
did my DNA test, you know what I mean? Or
that I wasn't adopted considered like exactly like my dad.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
There's no way.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
But I wasn't like I was hoping for some some
little drama, little branch off that family tree. Sure that
kind of went somewhere else. Yeah, the kind of like
went all curly and weird. Nope, it's fascinating.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well, and also I think it's it might be nice
to people here and then they're like, Oh, I'm not
the only one with this weird secret family with all
this crazy shit.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Guys, everyone has crazy shit in their family. Just because
my family is actually my family doesn't mean we don't
have much a crazy fucking secrets and shit.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
For real, you know, for real, my dad knows how
to use a switchblade.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Okay, so this just says hometown story is the subject line.
Hello Karen Georgia and the pack.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
God. Can you imagine if my dogs and your cats
all got together and like ran as a pack?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Oh that would be cute. Elvis jumps on to George's
back to go in the trash can.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, and they all they make.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
A pyramid and they go to Hawaii together.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
When I was a twenty one year old college student,
I had this sense that I was invincible. Oh God, hello,
this meant a lot of solo night walks home from
the bar. In parentheses, kids, don't try this at home.
One night, I was less than half a block from
my apart when it happened. I felt large hands firmly
grabbing my shoulders from behind. I froze. I couldn't move, scream,
or react in any way. All I could think was,
(07:09):
it's happening.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
This is it.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
As the hands grip on my shoulders got tighter and
forced me into the street, where they then abruptly let go,
I spun around to look and took in the following scene.
Standing at the front gate of the house that I
was just about to walk past was a frat bro
drunkenly pissing onto the sidewalk in the street next to me.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
It was the gentleman who saw that.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I was just about to unknowingly walk into a non
consensual golden shower, and recognizing that there was no time
to intervene in any other way, grabbed me mere inches
from disaster and pulled me out of harm's way.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
I thanked him.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
He said, you're welcome, and we parted ways. If you're
out there, kind sir, I still appreciate what you did
for me that day.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Stay sexy and.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Don't walk home alone at night, and don't get peed
on by strangers.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Jana, Oh my god, that's like the best possible outcome.
It is the perfect turn. It's the perfect turn. That's amazing,
isn't that, Corey.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I wonder it was the guy his friend or something,
or he ran if it was just a bunch of
people walking home from a bar. You just had better
vision than she did or something lucky. Yeah, okay, this
is a grandma's squirreling story. Squirreling swirling away. Oh okay, yeah, yes,
scrolling away.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Got it? Hey, friends, human and furry.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I just listened to the Minnesota grandparents squirreling random items,
so I remembered my own grandmother story. My grandmother told
me when she and my grandfather were young and just
starting out, that my grandpa would constantly complain about the
amount of shoes she had. Not much changes over the years,
do they Well. This major complaint was not just that
she had so many shoes, but that she had too
many pairs of shoes that were too worn down to
(08:45):
wear again. Anyway, As you can imagine, a newly married
couple living in Montana in the early sixties did not
have the biggest home, so he wanted her to clear
out some room in the house. My grandma refused and
thought that was that until one day she came home
to her husban been burning the trash in a metal barrel. No,
they lived on a small ranch in Montana, so this
was pretty normal. She didn't think anything of it until
(09:07):
she noticed multiple pairs of her old shoes were gone. Yet,
my grandpa took it upon himself to clear out the
closet of my grandma's old shoes. Now, I told you
this is a squirreling story. So my grandma went running
out of the house, cursing my grandpa and trying to
put out the fire. She exclaimed that inside those shoes
is where she hid all her extra cash she would
make from odd jobs and babysitting from other ranch families. No, apparently,
(09:30):
my stubborn grandpa burnt over one hundred dollars in cash
by simply trying to clean out the closet, and then
it says to save you well, Stephen time, that's around
eight hundred to one thousand dollars. Now, oh no, so he'
sexy and don't hide money in your shoes, no, Whitney.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I'm so glad that I was immediately thinking it was
going to be like tens of thousands of years.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
So thank god, Yes, still eight or eight hundred, one
thousand dollars when you're fucking living on a ranch trying
to make end me ung newlyweds so much money, you
know what's funny.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Is immediately the picture in my mind was this pair
of shoes that I had, like when I was like nineteen,
that I loved so much, that were like these little
slip on they almost looked like rich guy slippers where
they were like black flat and they had a weird
little crest at the time, and I wore them until
they had a hole in the bottom, and then I
put electricianers tape over the wall and I because I
(10:25):
couldn't find them anywhere else. Yeah, so I just kept
doing that, and I like, that's the first pair of
shoes I imagine we're in that grandma's cloth.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
I didn't really understand where the money would have gone,
but that's not our business.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I guess maybe in the toe.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, she like shit, but also why she hiding it?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I mean, like what anyway?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
A lot of questions I looked, no answers, that money
got burnt and listen hopefully.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
After that they started sharing some secrets with the show.
You gotta at least tell you your life partner, right
where you're hiding money.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yes, especially because you'll forget.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I told Men's where I was hiding money once because
I was like, never, let me throw that coat away.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Okay, I'm not going to read this subject line. Hello,
lovely friends and animals. I listen all the time to
get through my boring desk job, and you guys keep
me laughing and make the time fly by.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I'm always trying to remember.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Different things that have happened to me to write in about,
but I never have any luck, which is why I
was excited when I realized my grandma is a badass bitch.
Had spent her younger life as a nurse in the Bronx,
jumping buildings at rooftop parties and doing things I can
never imagine my Irish Catholic grandma doing amazing. It's so
amazing because also is Irish Catholics were very bottom heavy.
(11:38):
Usually it's not easy to jump from roof to roof. Okay,
so she's let a few stories slip, like the one
time she told us. On our way to work one day,
she stopped at the phone booth to make a call
and went to lean her elbow down when she felt
something squishy. No, she immediately pulled her arm away to
see a fucking human eyeball. She knew it was a
(11:59):
human eye because she was a nurse and she had
no idea how it got there, but she figured she
better just leave it for whoever left it there to find.
I can't do eyeballs, you can't. I have a hard
time with that.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
You did the eyeball killer I did? It was hard.
It is really gross. And also, God, did that person
go in there to call like nine one one? What
are you making calls for? Oh God?
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Or could have just been someone that like was trying
to fuck with people?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, and it wasn't real, that'send. It was a cow.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Let's pretend it was a cow's eyeball. That was also
not real, right, Okay, another story, it was like it
was a fake cow. Another story my grandma loves is
how on long shifts at the hospital when she would
need a nap, all the breakrooms would be full of
other people sleeping or doing the do and it was
almost never a nice quiet place space where she could
(12:48):
get some rest. So she decided to start taking naps
in the morn on the fucking examination tables. Apparently she
was friends with the mortician and he didn't mind. I
love to hear her crazy stories and hopefully one day
she'll more of the beans. But until them as s
DGM finn Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I love those. I wanted to talk to Grandma.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I mean your nurse in the Bronx back in the day.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
That's a fucking story. There's some stories to tell. Uh
huh oh the eyeball.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Oh, the eyeballs.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Okay, this one's very lighthearted. It says it starts stop.
When I was five years old, my mom woke me
up at around six am and frantically scurried me and
my brother into my parents' bed. She was shaking, and
I could hear my dad clacking around the house, clattering
around them. She was shaking and I could hear my
dad clattering around the house. About five minutes later, I
(13:37):
heard the back door close, and a couple minutes after that,
the police were knocking on our door. Once my parents
had chilled the fuck out and the cops were gone,
I was told what had gone down. When my dad
had gotten up to start his day, he walked into
the bathroom to find a man taking a bubble bath.
What Dad started yelling to mom to quote call nine
(13:58):
one one one one side note, I'm from Melbourne, Australia,
so you should one hundred percent dial zero zero zero.
But Hollywood and panic are powerful entities, so he said,
called nine one one, even though it was even though
that wasn't their emergency number.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
That's hilarious.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Dad was hiding all the knights well. My mom was
protecting the children when they heard a little voice say,
excuse me, would you be able to close the door?
Oh and can someone grab me a towel. After the
intruder had soaked himself, spodjets on and everything, he quietly
let himself out of the back door and sauntered off
to start his day. The police didn't quite know how
to handle it. To be honest, they probably thought it
(14:33):
was fucking hilarious, so we added an extra lock to
the back door and gave that a good scravit. Yeah,
I love everything you do. Stay sexy and never underestimate
the importance of a good soak. Hashtag self care Hillary.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
What, I don't know, where, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Now I agree, Oh my god, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Nothing. He wasn't doing anything. He wasn't and he kind
of wasn't worried about it.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
It seems like, yeah, all right, send us your stories, drugugs,
drugs answers always, drugs always, my favorite murder at Gmail,
send us your weird stories, family secrets.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Let's do this.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
We we love it all, and stay sexy and don't
get murdered.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Goodbye, Elvis.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Wow,
Hello, and welcome my favorite murder the Mini.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
So it's Karen kilgerat. Oh, that's Georgia Hart. Start. We're
going to read your ship back to you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Are you ready to hear your own emails in your face?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Are you ready for this?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
This first email subject line tails from the County Mark.
I work at a no greeting again, I'm into this,
do it your way. I work at a mortuary in Kentucky.
I was picking up a body at the County Mark.
As a funeral home van pulled in with a drop off.
The funeral director began chatting with the security guard, beginning
with have I got a story for you? After months
(00:53):
of doing corner runs, I knew these stories were always
good in parentheses murdering no caliber good, So I slowed
down my work so I could listen in.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
That's right, that's right, drop them more.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
That's what's fucking I mean, we're here for that's hardcore, Okay.
The bodies the funeral director was bringing in were from
a trailer park in an adjacent county. A man returned
home to find his wife waiting for him and reveals
she had found out he was having an affair. They
argue shouts escalate to threats. The husband pulls out a
gun and the wife gets in her truck to escape.
(01:29):
He shoots her twice in the head through the back
window of the truck as she attempts to drive away.
She dies behind the wheel and the truck crashes, bursting
into flame. The husband then douses the trailer with gasoline
lights it, takes his gun back inside and sits down
in his comfy chair. He calls his sister, confesses to
the murder, and asks her to look in his freezer
(01:51):
in the trailer's outbuilding. He hangs up, takes his gun,
and shoots himself in the head as the trailer goes
up and flames around him.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Afterward, his devastated sister.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Follows his instructions goes to his freezer in the outbuilding
to find packaged and individual bags the dismembered body parts
of his mistress. I spoke to the embalmer who had
the job of arranging these parts for an ID viewing,
who noted that one the parts were all in different
stages of decay, and two the torso was missing. I
(02:22):
later found out the likely reason why from a coworker
who had friends in that County. The lady was pregnant,
which is likely why he decided his mistress had to go.
Yikes SSDGM Katie, Well, that.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Is just a whole bunch of fucked up inness.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
It's so intense and horrible, and it's that kind of
thing where everybody lose it.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
It's like, it's not fair to the women. That guy
just fucking plows through everyone's life. Yeah, and ruins it
for everyone.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
And dies himself. Yeah, clearly on his own fucking terms.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Right, But it's like, somewhere somewhere there has to be
the realization that getting help is better than ending up
like that, Somewhere at some point.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, hopefully.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
I think a lot of people do, and some people
just don't have that fucking capacity.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, true, And then it just becomes just tragedy stories
that people are overhearing, because then the people at the morgue,
all those bodies are it's a worse and worse state
of I mean, good god.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
This one's called Uncovered Juicy Family Secrets, and I'm reading
it because I want everyone to send us their family
secrets please, like you're fucked up juicy family secrets please,
that's all we're here for. It starts, hay Gang, I
know you hate cheesy interest, so let's get started. My
father died a few years ago, but something I found
out after he died was that his father tried to
kill him as an infant, oh, suffocate him with a pillow,
(03:53):
and my dad had a restraining order on him, which
is why we never knew my dad's parental side of
the family. So I've never known any I do with
my last name, but anyway, this year, to cope with
his great my brother did some digging into my dad's
dad's side and turns out he had a secret half
brother who was a locally famous radio personality. What. My
brother met him with him and said he looked to
(04:14):
talk and acted so creepily similar to my dad. Also,
turns out my piece of shit grandfather also tried to
kill him and his mom. What so they cut out
that side of the family as well, never knowing any
family since his mom didn't have any They would have
been such great friends, which was so sad.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
So they would have been brothers.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Yeah, both were only children of single moms. Another development.
My brother kept digging and it turns out my dad
has nine more siblings. Oh shitty, grandpa had seven kids
with a woman, got rich somehow, and had a ton
of grandchildren who adored him.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
And then it says ugg.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Which is very confusing since he was literally a monster
to my dad and his secret semi famous half brother.
I don't know how much of this my dad knew,
probably none of it. It may have been too painful
for him. Anyway, my piece of shit grandfather is now
for the past decade, but I will never stop digging.
Seems like the older you get, the more family secrets
come out.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Anyway, I love you guys so fucking much.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Lauren, God, is this like the new thing because of
the all these ancestry in twenty three and meters where
people are like this secrets that for decades people have
been able to hide. It's like, well, now here we
are it is.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
And it doesn't happen a lot of people don't like
suspect something and so don't do it till their parents
die and then like that wasn't my dad, And they
have no one that can ask questions too.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Yeah, it's and no one to kind of confront and go,
is is there a reason this was happening?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I wasn't not not stoked. Wait, I wasn't not not
bummed that I didn't have a secret sibling when I
did my DNA test, you know what I mean? Or
that I wasn't adopted considered like exactly like my dad.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
There's no way.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
But I wasn't like I was hoping for some some
little drama, little branch off that family tree. Sure that
kind of went somewhere else. Yeah, the kind of like
went all curly and weird. Nope, it's fascinating.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well, and also I think it's it might be nice
to people here and then they're like, Oh, I'm not
the only one with this weird secret family with all
this crazy shit.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Guys, everyone has crazy shit in their family. Just because
my family is actually my family doesn't mean we don't
have much a crazy fucking secrets and shit.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
For real, you know, for real, my dad knows how
to use a switchblade.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Okay, so this just says hometown story is the subject line.
Hello Karen Georgia and the pack.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
God. Can you imagine if my dogs and your cats
all got together and like ran as a pack?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Oh that would be cute. Elvis jumps on to George's
back to go in the trash can.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, and they all they make.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
A pyramid and they go to Hawaii together.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
When I was a twenty one year old college student,
I had this sense that I was invincible. Oh God, hello,
this meant a lot of solo night walks home from
the bar. In parentheses, kids, don't try this at home.
One night, I was less than half a block from
my apart when it happened. I felt large hands firmly
grabbing my shoulders from behind. I froze. I couldn't move, scream,
or react in any way. All I could think was,
(07:09):
it's happening.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
This is it.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
As the hands grip on my shoulders got tighter and
forced me into the street, where they then abruptly let go,
I spun around to look and took in the following scene.
Standing at the front gate of the house that I
was just about to walk past was a frat bro
drunkenly pissing onto the sidewalk in the street next to me.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
It was the gentleman who saw that.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I was just about to unknowingly walk into a non
consensual golden shower, and recognizing that there was no time
to intervene in any other way, grabbed me mere inches
from disaster and pulled me out of harm's way.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
I thanked him.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
He said, you're welcome, and we parted ways. If you're
out there, kind sir, I still appreciate what you did
for me that day.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Stay sexy and.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Don't walk home alone at night, and don't get peed
on by strangers.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Jana, Oh my god, that's like the best possible outcome.
It is the perfect turn. It's the perfect turn. That's amazing,
isn't that, Corey.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I wonder it was the guy his friend or something,
or he ran if it was just a bunch of
people walking home from a bar. You just had better
vision than she did or something lucky. Yeah, okay, this
is a grandma's squirreling story. Squirreling swirling away. Oh okay, yeah, yes,
scrolling away.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Got it? Hey, friends, human and furry.
Speaker 3 (08:24):
I just listened to the Minnesota grandparents squirreling random items,
so I remembered my own grandmother story. My grandmother told
me when she and my grandfather were young and just
starting out, that my grandpa would constantly complain about the
amount of shoes she had. Not much changes over the years,
do they Well. This major complaint was not just that
she had so many shoes, but that she had too
many pairs of shoes that were too worn down to
(08:45):
wear again. Anyway, As you can imagine, a newly married
couple living in Montana in the early sixties did not
have the biggest home, so he wanted her to clear
out some room in the house. My grandma refused and
thought that was that until one day she came home
to her husban been burning the trash in a metal barrel. No,
they lived on a small ranch in Montana, so this
was pretty normal. She didn't think anything of it until
(09:07):
she noticed multiple pairs of her old shoes were gone. Yet,
my grandpa took it upon himself to clear out the
closet of my grandma's old shoes. Now, I told you
this is a squirreling story. So my grandma went running
out of the house, cursing my grandpa and trying to
put out the fire. She exclaimed that inside those shoes
is where she hid all her extra cash she would
make from odd jobs and babysitting from other ranch families. No, apparently,
(09:30):
my stubborn grandpa burnt over one hundred dollars in cash
by simply trying to clean out the closet, and then
it says to save you well, Stephen time, that's around
eight hundred to one thousand dollars. Now, oh no, so he'
sexy and don't hide money in your shoes, no, Whitney.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I'm so glad that I was immediately thinking it was
going to be like tens of thousands of years.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
So thank god, Yes, still eight or eight hundred, one
thousand dollars when you're fucking living on a ranch trying
to make end me ung newlyweds so much money, you
know what's funny.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Is immediately the picture in my mind was this pair
of shoes that I had, like when I was like nineteen,
that I loved so much, that were like these little
slip on they almost looked like rich guy slippers where
they were like black flat and they had a weird
little crest at the time, and I wore them until
they had a hole in the bottom, and then I
put electricianers tape over the wall and I because I
(10:25):
couldn't find them anywhere else. Yeah, so I just kept
doing that, and I like, that's the first pair of
shoes I imagine we're in that grandma's cloth.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
I didn't really understand where the money would have gone,
but that's not our business.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I guess maybe in the toe.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, she like shit, but also why she hiding it?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I mean, like what anyway?
Speaker 3 (10:42):
A lot of questions I looked, no answers, that money
got burnt and listen hopefully.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
After that they started sharing some secrets with the show.
You gotta at least tell you your life partner, right
where you're hiding money.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Yes, especially because you'll forget.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I told Men's where I was hiding money once because
I was like, never, let me throw that coat away.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Okay, I'm not going to read this subject line. Hello,
lovely friends and animals. I listen all the time to
get through my boring desk job, and you guys keep
me laughing and make the time fly by.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I'm always trying to remember.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Different things that have happened to me to write in about,
but I never have any luck, which is why I
was excited when I realized my grandma is a badass bitch.
Had spent her younger life as a nurse in the Bronx,
jumping buildings at rooftop parties and doing things I can
never imagine my Irish Catholic grandma doing amazing. It's so
amazing because also is Irish Catholics were very bottom heavy.
(11:38):
Usually it's not easy to jump from roof to roof. Okay,
so she's let a few stories slip, like the one
time she told us. On our way to work one day,
she stopped at the phone booth to make a call
and went to lean her elbow down when she felt
something squishy. No, she immediately pulled her arm away to
see a fucking human eyeball. She knew it was a
(11:59):
human eye because she was a nurse and she had
no idea how it got there, but she figured she
better just leave it for whoever left it there to find.
I can't do eyeballs, you can't. I have a hard
time with that.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
You did the eyeball killer I did? It was hard.
It is really gross. And also, God, did that person
go in there to call like nine one one? What
are you making calls for? Oh God?
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Or could have just been someone that like was trying
to fuck with people?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Yeah, and it wasn't real, that'send. It was a cow.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Let's pretend it was a cow's eyeball. That was also
not real, right, Okay, another story, it was like it
was a fake cow. Another story my grandma loves is
how on long shifts at the hospital when she would
need a nap, all the breakrooms would be full of
other people sleeping or doing the do and it was
almost never a nice quiet place space where she could
(12:48):
get some rest. So she decided to start taking naps
in the morn on the fucking examination tables. Apparently she
was friends with the mortician and he didn't mind. I
love to hear her crazy stories and hopefully one day
she'll more of the beans. But until them as s
DGM finn Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I love those. I wanted to talk to Grandma.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
I mean your nurse in the Bronx back in the day.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
That's a fucking story. There's some stories to tell. Uh
huh oh the eyeball.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Oh, the eyeballs.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Okay, this one's very lighthearted. It says it starts stop.
When I was five years old, my mom woke me
up at around six am and frantically scurried me and
my brother into my parents' bed. She was shaking, and
I could hear my dad clacking around the house, clattering
around them. She was shaking and I could hear my
dad clattering around the house. About five minutes later, I
(13:37):
heard the back door close, and a couple minutes after that,
the police were knocking on our door. Once my parents
had chilled the fuck out and the cops were gone,
I was told what had gone down. When my dad
had gotten up to start his day, he walked into
the bathroom to find a man taking a bubble bath.
What Dad started yelling to mom to quote call nine
(13:58):
one one one one side note, I'm from Melbourne, Australia,
so you should one hundred percent dial zero zero zero.
But Hollywood and panic are powerful entities, so he said,
called nine one one, even though it was even though
that wasn't their emergency number.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
That's hilarious.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Dad was hiding all the knights well. My mom was
protecting the children when they heard a little voice say,
excuse me, would you be able to close the door?
Oh and can someone grab me a towel. After the
intruder had soaked himself, spodjets on and everything, he quietly
let himself out of the back door and sauntered off
to start his day. The police didn't quite know how
to handle it. To be honest, they probably thought it
(14:33):
was fucking hilarious, so we added an extra lock to
the back door and gave that a good scravit. Yeah,
I love everything you do. Stay sexy and never underestimate
the importance of a good soak. Hashtag self care Hillary.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
What, I don't know, where, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Now I agree, Oh my god, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Nothing. He wasn't doing anything. He wasn't and he kind
of wasn't worried about it.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
It seems like, yeah, all right, send us your stories, drugugs,
drugs answers always, drugs always, my favorite murder at Gmail,
send us your weird stories, family secrets.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Let's do this.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
We we love it all, and stay sexy and don't
get murdered.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Goodbye, Elvis.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Wow,
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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