March 10, 2025 • 26 mins
This week’s hometowns include safe deposit box treasure and riding on bumper boats.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Last, Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, the Mini.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
So whill we read you your stories? They're Mini? Would
you like to go first?
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Sure, I'm not going to read you the title of
this one. I'm just going to start telling you.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Okay, hey all.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
In the late nineteen seventies, seventy six or seventy seven,
my mother in law and father in law were on
a long drive going down the coast of California when
they decided to pull over at night in a Sanma
barber area to sleep in their car. My father in law,
a tall man, slept sitting up in the driver's seat,
while my mother in law laid on the front bench
with her head on his lap. My mother in law
(00:51):
woke up to a loud sound, disoriented and not able
to see because her contact lenses were out. She eventually
realized my father in law was holding his and running
around in a state of shock. She started to panic
when my father in law eventually grabbed her and told
her she needed to remain calm and flagged someone down
for help because all caps he had been shot in
(01:12):
the neck what Thankfully, he was a Navy vet and
he was able to stabilize the situation. According to her,
how he was shot in the neck though by a
stranger who came to their lonesome parked car and shot
him from the outside where they were sleeping.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Oh my god, my mother and law said.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
She flagged down a semi and told him they needed
to get to the hospital because her boyfriend had been shot. Apparently,
the truck driver suspiciously asked, how do I know it
wasn't you?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Who did it? A valid question?
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Look valid, it says, like, okay, man, good question, but
clearly they need help AnyWho. He called for help over
his radio and my father in law ended up surviving.
They never caught the person or even had an idea
of who did it. My mother in law said she
highly doubts it was the Zodiac, but seems pretty Zodiac,
wouldn't you say?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Was it in California? Fucking Santa Barbara on.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
The Coast which is the most recent Zodiac documentary about
the one guy that they Arthur Lee Allen.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So it's like, there's a case in Santa Barbara.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
It's where he started, right is early early.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And yeah, one hundred percent, Well, the story is.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Shocking, solves at Zodiac on this show. Let's do through
minis for.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Someone else's work. Yes, well, this story is shocking and
fascinating to hear. I'd like to add that has made
me realize, in the grand scheme of things, when it's
your time, it's truly your time. I never got the
honor of meeting my father in law because he passed
away unexpectedly when my husband was a baby. I like
to imagine he was a smart and interesting man who
was an amazing dad and husband and would be the
(02:40):
best grandpa to our kids. Today, just finding out that
my dad has primary colon cancer that has spread to
his liver, I'll appreciate all the time I've been able
to spend with him, unlike my sweet husband who lost
his dad way too soon. Sorry to end on a
bummer note, you too, are a safe space and I
am eternally grateful for this community you two have created.
SSDGM and hug your dad.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
M she her and you're so right. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:06):
And also it's just it was my aunt Seen's ninetieth
birthday this weekend and she looks great and it's great.
But my cousin gave a little speech you know before
we you know, saying her happy birthday and I never
knew this about her. Her mom died when she was twelve, Wow,
and her dad sent her off to live with like
family friend.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Oh my gosh. And that's it's just.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
That kind of thing where it's like that primary thing,
it's so easy to take your parents for granted and the
upbringing you got, especially if you have complaints about it totally,
where you're just kind of like this old thing and
it's like there's a lot of alternatives that are much
worse than.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Oh, I've said it's Evince a million times, whose mom
died when he was very young, Like, I'm sorry I
keep complaining about my mom because I'm sure like you
didn't get any of those experiences.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Yeah, yeah, that's very sweet. Thank you em for that
lovely email.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
They wrote out a funny subject line for this email,
but then in parentheses at the end it says, may
not want to read the subject first.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Okay, read to me after.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Let's okay, So it says, hello, MFM posse. You guys
are great. My mom attended Saint Mary's of Notre Dame
in the sixties, and my dad attended Notre Dame. My
mom is a hoot and was a bit of a
wild child.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
She got the nickname in eighth grade. Nuts. That was
her nickname. That's fun, just straight up nuts. Nuts.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Another time I'll tell you the many pranks that she
and her friends pulled on the nuns. However, this time
I will tell you something a little less mischievous, but
no less awesome that she did. As she tells it,
my mom used to go out drinking with the priests
from Notre Dame.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Fuck. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
She used to love to argue theology and philosophy with
them while having.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
A cold broke. I love her so good.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
She had to check in her dorm every few hours,
though it was strict in those days.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But the priests though, like you could stay out all night.
They can do whatever they want. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
The priest would take to driving her there and back
so she could sign in at the dorm.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
What is it happen is because they want to have
a good time.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
It's like some of the few few things, kind of
lightly sinful things they can do is like drink and
play cards, laying out and chat. Yeah, and it's very
important to like build those relationships communities spiritually. Yeah, my
mom really wanted to take a theology class with one of.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
The priests she partied with. Problem.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Notre Dame at the time was an all boys school.
This would not be a problem for Nuts, though. She
struck up a deal with the priest. She told him
she would make him homemade spaghetti and meatballs every week
if she could unofficially take his class. Needless to say,
he agreed. Thus, as far as we know, my mom
is the first woman to take a class at Notre Dame.
Oh my god, unofficially that is. Stay sexy and never
(05:48):
underestimate the power a homemade spaghetti and meatball dinner has
over a priest.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Molly, she hears those words to live by.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
But also, Nuts doesn't get the credit for being the
first woman at fucking Notre Dame.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
But we fucking know here on MFM and now all
of you know listeners, you love her.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I love that. That's what we call chutzpa.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I know she wouldn't, but we call it futswah and
then fucking like it and we should all be like that.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
It's so good. Wait, so we only got the name Nuts.
You didn't tell us her mom's real did she tell us.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
In the beginning? No, I don't mean what more do
you need. I guess it is all I need. That
is her government name to me.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Now this is called former Banker Self Deposit Box Trasures Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Please yes, please, Hello lovelies.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'm currently months behind on episodes, so Binge listening in
episode four forty one from August twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
You asked for safe deposit box stories.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Then she says, so, I hope this isn't too late,
as if we've ever been like, stop writing the thing
we asked.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Stop it. That's from six months ago.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
No more matrix splitch in the matrix story than nah.
Then I said, let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
Never too late for that's just under the headline of treasure,
which will always be.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Valid, totally all of it. I spent almost fifteen years
in retail banking. She wrote in two stories, but they're
really long, so I'm just going to read the second one, okay,
because it says story two is much more scandalous.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
A man rented a safe deposit box at my bank.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
I helped him with.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
The rental, and he was charming and smooth. Think Miami
vice total player. He visited the bank a few times
a month, dressed to the Nines to visit his safe
deposit box. I looked like it's a date that he
got dressed up for. Yeah, with the safe deposit box.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
And I'm imagining if they said, think Miami vice, then
it was what like kind of a pink linen suit.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yep, white suit, jacket, pink tie, all the things.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Everything's kind of open and chest Harry, Yeah, but like
so high end and tons of coke.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Okay, Well, one day his wife shows up and wants
entry to the box. No, ma'am, that is not how
this works. Your marital status does not give you ownership
of a safe deposit box. So we turned her away.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
That's good to night. I know, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
She showed up, but once a week, always approaching a
different member of the staff. She knows what she's doing,
trying to access the box, and always getting the same response,
you aren't an owner of the box, you cannot access it.
After weeks of this, she shows up in a state
of desperation, screaming at us that her husband can't open
the box because he's in prison awaiting bail, and we
(08:20):
have to let her in.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
We didn't. We couldn't.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
That's not how the law works. But now that we
had this tidbit about prison, the online sleuthing began. Keep
in mind that this is the late nineties, so the
internet is not what it is today. But with the
determination and burning through several work hours, we found the
arrest records several counts of manufacturing and selling fraudulent tickets
to concerts and sporting events all over the state.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Oh so random, right, it's so specific, I know.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
And then it says in parentheses, this might be a
good time to inform the young MFM listeners that in
the nineties there was no such thing as a QR code,
cell phones only made phone calls, and event tickets were
all paper. The fucking used to go to the Hollywooden
Vine tickets store. They like buy paper tickets with cash
because they charged you less and because you only have
(09:08):
a credit card.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Never had a credit card, right exactly?
Speaker 4 (09:10):
Or like didn't They also sell like tower records and stuff.
There were certain places you could go to get concert tickets.
They had like a little machine totally, but you had
to go to them. Yeah, my god, that's how it
all was back now then what's harder.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Tickets were physical and fraud was much easier than it
is today. Bast forward a few months, multiple vehicles pull
into the bank parking lot at the same time. This
is just like the movies. And here comes the wife again,
this time being escorted by local sheriffs, state police, and
no less than five US Marshals. She's in handcuffs and
I've served a warrant for access to the safe deposit box.
(09:45):
Every went through all the hoops, and then the warrant
was valid and required the bank to allow US Marshals
to access and inventory the box.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
A locksmith was called.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I observed the drilling of the lock and then handed
over the closed box to the US Marshals and.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Left the privacy room.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Sweet Jeesus, curiosity was killing the cat when a US
Marshal came out of the privacy booth and said to me,
here's the inventory list.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I need you to make three copies please.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
You better believe I went to the coffee room to
make those copies and absolutely took a quick peek at
the inventory.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
I mean, what human being would not.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
The fact that they didn't make an extra copy for themselves.
It's like that means you're a saint, you know what
I mean? No, what do you mean like I would
have made myself an extra copye, like take put it
in my pocket.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
You know, but all none of us did was take
a peek.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Do you think you would do that because you're like,
you won't tell men to not read this thing. I'll
keep it for myself.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, like I need this for later. I need to
show my friends that I need this from my personal records.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Right, Yeah, you can't take a screenshot of it because
phones were just for phone calls.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
But also I think this was a time where it
was easier to keep all that separate. Where it's like,
if you're the person at the bank, you're like, sorry,
I can't ever put my eyes towards your very private thing,
right where it's like that was their one and only
chance to find out totally, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Absolutely, because yeah, you can't get into like they don't
have the key. The inventory is tens of thousands of
dollars in cash and hundreds of diamonds, emeralds, sapphires, and rubies.
As it turns out, my customer was part of a
large scale operation across state lines and one of multiple
defendants tried in a Rico case.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
My customer, what's Rico.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Again, racketeer influenced and corrupt organizations.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So it's mafia. So it's like mafia stuff.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah cool, Okay, My customer, charming and smooth, was responsible
for cleaning the dirty cash by converting it to expensive
gems and stones and then selling those gems stones to
a different jeweler to get clean cash in return.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
But you'd have to know the jeweler that would be
just dealing in gems like that. It's not just any
place you go into.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I'm sure there's enough around town. Thanks, So yeah, because
I think we should get into this.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Sounds like a great business for us.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I followed the case in the news for a few years,
and even all these years later, my palms get sweaty
thinking about the day a crew of US Marshall rolled
in and the criminal who'd been utilizing our bank to
stash his dirty earnings. Hope this story makes the cut
for a mini said sometimes stay sexy, and if you're
thinking about committing fraud, just don't anonymous murdery.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Now, anonymous, you made it. You made the cut at
your name can't be involved, but we know.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
At heart, yeah, we know who you are.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
God, just it stresses me out because all I can
do is focus on the fact that you did all
this work to make these fake tickets and rip these
people off. You made your money, you had to turn
it into jewels. Yeah, how like where's those contacts? And
then you have to sell those jewels?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Totally who I love the wife who just kept trying
to get into get rid of all the evidence.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You got to get those jewels or like line her pockets,
Totally move the fuck out of town.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
I love learning that it's just the person who. Yeah,
like safe deposit box the concept of them were set
up for people to have secrets totally. No one finds out.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
About illegal secrets too, because like, you can't put this
in a bank, You can't have this at home.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
You can have it in the bank. It's just not deposited,
but it's safe.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
It's a secret in a bank.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Where did safety deposit boxes come from? I ask myself
as I decide to do this is an episode Nazis?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Promise it was Nazis.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
My dad saw the fucking movie The Woman in Gold,
which is about starring Helen Mirren about that climped portrait
that the Nazis stole from the Jewish family and she
had to go fight for it. He talked about it
all weekend. It's really well, it's good, but I mean
that all of that stuff where just.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Like, oh yeah, completely okay.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
The subject line of this is fellow Finders Unite, and
then in parentheses it says, hold on, why isn't mine money? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Got it? What does it mean?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
People who just find shit all the time? And why
isn't the thing I find all the time? Money?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
I just love using.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I think you're right because I've read this. Hello fuck
word murder mystery hosts. My eternal compliments to the dad
who coined this that alternative podcast name. It's my favorite
piece of historical fiction.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I love it. Yes, ours too. We just did a
rewind episode with that when that first came out.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Okay, So it says I just wanted to say to
the recent listener who wrote in about the Chicago street
money finding talent, oh yeah, girl, what you two? And
then a parentheses it says girl is meant to be
gender neutral here for exclamation purposes. So it says I
also have a weird knack for finding lost things, not
cash money, unfortunately, So hats off to that incredible luck.
(14:31):
But I have found the following.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
My God, was this written by a crow?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
And it's just going to be a bunch of like
like weird, shiny jumpy.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Things listing out a soda cantab, a quarter. I gave
him on to a little girl a piece of corn. Okay,
so it says I have found so many sets of
lost keys. My own keys when they're lost almost never,
but keys strangers have lost at the park, on a
hiking trail, in parking, loss at grocery stores, or on
a riverbed at absolutely yes, Sometimes even if I'm not looking,
(15:03):
I just happened across them and see someone looking nearby,
and I get to be a hero for a few minutes.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
That's hilarious.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
My favorite key finding story happened about three years ago
when I went to the dog park a bit late
one day after work, and while leaving, as the sky
had just fully darkened, I noticed someone frantically looking around
with a flashlight. They seemed really stressed, so I asked
if everything was okay. This person was on the verge
of tears and told me they had been looking for
their keys for almost two hours and they were already
(15:31):
late for work.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
No joke.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
I found their keys in less than a minute.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Oh my god, I love that skill. It's such a
good skill.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Almost immediately after I started to look, they were just
right in front of me, and I was drawn to
them right away, even.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
In the dark. Wow.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
We both were shocked, and they insisted that they had
looked there several times before, already two. I also find
random lost items that are still in perfect condition all
the time, like Bert's Bee's chapstick with the plastics wrap
still on.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I still wouldn't.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Yeah, because why did the person just go unopened candy
mints or packages of gum, perfectly intact glasses and jewelry.
And once again a favorite recent story, just last week,
I found an unopened package of weed from a local
dispensary on the ground, still fully sealed and child prooved.
Three credit cards, debit cards, and IDs. At least four
(16:24):
times a year I find these items someone lost in
my path. I try to return them when I can,
but I can't always find the person. Once I even
found what looked to be someone's entire wallet, everything butt cash,
dumped out on the ground. I can't wait to see
what I find next, and I would love to know why.
Isn't it also street cash. I guess I'll have to
take my random weed gifts and acts of kindness finding
(16:47):
strangers keys. For now, stay sexy and keep your eyes
on the potential prizes in front of you.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Kendra, geez amazing. Isn't that so good?
Speaker 3 (16:55):
That reminds me of So you're not obsessed with mud larking. Yeah,
just like finding stuff in the Thames, the stuff and
the thing I read about people who are really good
at it, at just finding treasure among trash is that
our brains immediately want to spot man made shapes, so
not natural shapes. It just like makes sense that your
brain just goes to like a button among rocks because.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
It's circular and it's not supposed to be in nature.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
So you just kind of think like that, Yeah, that
you're looking for not natural shapes.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Your brain will find whatever's there. Yeah. Cool, Yes, for sure.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I follow a couple mudlarking accounts on TikTok and there's
a woman who does it, and I'm almost positive she
does this on purpose, and it's so brilliant because she
puts this thing down into the water so the camera
is clear so you can see from her point of view. Yeah,
looking at the river, right, you've seen it.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I but love her. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
So it's almost like I was looking here and this
is interesting and then you see it. Yes, yeah, but
then there's always something when she goes and picks up,
say like the button. Yeah, there's always something else in
the shop. I'm like, why aren't you touching that over there?
And I think that's potentially intentional so that it is
a little more addictive.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Maybe, or it's my suggestion, hide a little bird in there.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
A little piece of like china.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Yeah, that's my fae. My favorite one was the bird
that time. Yeah, someone found like it was a bird
whistle or something. Yeah, I know you're talking about. Yeah,
it's amazing, so good. Okay, here's my last one.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
I'm not going to read it.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I'm gonna read you the title is it? Moron doesn't
make any sense? Hello.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I've been listening since I came out of the womb.
Maybe a bit traumatic, but it really feels like that.
I love you guys so much and sometimes forget how
much the podcast has grown. I recently had a job
interview and someone I met told me they were from Petaluma. Hey,
I said, oh my god, this tiny underground podcast that
I listened to. One of the hosts are from there,
and she said, uh, yeah, people always say that when
(18:54):
I tell them where I'm from. Imagine my surprise. Anyway,
I never intended to write in but I just listened
to Minnesota four twenty three and was inspired by the
story about the falling priest. Remember at the funeral, and
the priest fucking fell face down just like like a
timber and just like made everyone at the funeral laugh.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Yes, okay, yes, but also there have been so we've
done I think many of these. It is kind of like, yep,
there's somewhere in there totally.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
So that one was about laughing, needing a good laugh
at a horrible time, right, and how important that is,
and so this Then it goes on to say, in
twenty seventeen, I had spinal fusion surgery for my scoliosis,
and being sixteen at the time, I was treated at
the children's hospital. In the waiting room full of kids
much sicker than I and loads of worrying parents, we
(19:43):
anxiously wait to hear our last name so we can
go over final paperwork before the surgery. One of the
nurses calls out for a family saying is it Moron?
That annoyed mom says it's a Monroe, and then there's
an emoji, like just this flat line of like emoji
(20:04):
in the way that sounded like that mistake happens pretty frequently.
In a completely silent room. My parents and I lock
eyes and burst out laughing. A nearby family joined in
and we shared a much needed cackle. The four hours
of surgery slash waiting. This is a classic story in
our family, and you guys feel like family, so I
wanted to share. Oh, stay sexy and don't yell moron
(20:27):
in a room full of sick kids.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Emma, is it Moron? Not Moron? Our name isn't like
Dan and Jean Moron.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
And then we're here with our child. What are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
There's nobody named Moron. Probably I think they would change
their names. Okay, here's my last one.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
The subject line is bumper boats trauma, lighthearted. Hi. I've
been listening since twenty sixteen. Love you all, Oh I haven't.
When I was eight, my family went to the fair.
My older siblings and I really wanted to go on
the bumper boat attraction basically bumper cars on water.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Have you ever done that? No, but doesn't sound crazy right,
seems familiar, but I haven't done it. Each boat was.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Equipped with rubber edges, so you could crash into other
boats without causing damage. Sure, when we got in line,
we could see the rules said ages eight and up
could ride alone.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I was elated.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I felt so grown up, ready to captain my own
tiny vessel. I remember seeing a younger boy riding with
his mom and thinking, Ah, he's not even old enough
to drive his own boat. When they released us, I
realized the steering was a lot harder than I'd imagined.
The wheel was very sensitive. As everyone else was having
fun driving around, I was desperately trying to control my boat.
(21:46):
I was zigzagging all over the place. When the whistle
blew to end the ride, everyone smoothly navigated back to
the dock. Meanwhile, I couldn't figure out how to steer
my boat that way. Full panic set in The pool
itself was not very big, but to me it felt
like the ocean. I thought to myself, I'll never make
it back to the dock. Every time I came close
to the dock and the right attendant tried to catch me,
(22:07):
I'd unintentionally zip away.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Oh no, I'm not doing it a purpose.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
This went on so long that the attendant started to
put waiters on to get into the water to grab me.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Oh are you? And you're probably crying, humiliating, just.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
Trying to have fun at the fucking fair. However, before
he stepped into the pool, an older gentleman who was
standing near the edge caught my boat and was able
to guide me to the dock. Relief flooded me as
I burst into tears.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yah. Meanwhile, my mom.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Was laughing hysterically as she watched the whole thing unfold
from the sidelines. She had to physically turn away so
I couldn't see how hard she was laughing at my terror.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
What's the little bit of joy she's had in so
fucking long?
Speaker 4 (22:54):
And also it's controlled danger right srying, but nothing's going
to happen from this, It's so hilarious. Once I was
back on dry land, she took me in her arms
and we decided that was enough riots for the dam.
Since then, I've always wondered if they raised the minimum
image after that incident. I'll never know SSDGM and always
have a pair of waiters on me and Kelsey.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Being a kid sucks so bad.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
It's a series of seeing other kids doing things, going
here's what I'm going to do. When I do that thing,
you go to do that thing. Not only do none
of those things happen, but a series of other totally
unprepared for and like unimagined things happen, and then you're like, oh,
that's how.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I humiliation like constant.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
It's why I don't want kids, mainly because I don't
want to live through someone else's horrible fucking childhood again.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
You know, I can't watch someone.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
I love get bullied, no or humiliated, like I just
can't do it.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
No, I'm more like that part of life or hold their.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Hand through it and be like it'll be okay, because
it's like it's not.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
By the grace of God, it's fine. You and I
were fine, but like.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
The good news is nothing's okay. So in a way,
we do have to keep on remembering and like you're saying,
we just have to keep remembering and reminding each other always.
This happens to every single person. It's just a different noun.
It's not the bumper boats, it's just a different.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
It's pants minus pants. Oh, it's just always something. Yours
is tampon's being thrown across mine.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
It's the tampon suitcase.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
It's also the day I watched a girl who was
I think in fifth or sixth grade walk in because
it was free dress Day. I think I've told you
this a thousand times, but this one had killed my
soul because I was in eighth grade, and of course
by I went to Catholic school, so it was first
through eighth, so the eighth grade. By the time your
in eighth grade, you're like, I'm fine, and I'm trying,
just trying to prepare for high school. It was free
(24:47):
dress Day, which we got like I think once a month,
so very special. Everyone wore their best and it was
a big deal. This little girl who was a lovely
girl and I think she was only in like the
fourth or fifth grade. And also our I've tried to
make this fast, but our playground, because it was Catholic school,
it was like part gravel, part unpaved, like okay, bad
(25:07):
for children to play on, literally a forty five grade downhill,
Like you weren't allowed to run because you would start
and you wouldn't be able to stop.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Blah.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Blah blah.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
I'd never noticed this before, but in the entrance there
was almost like a little lip of like asphalts where
they kept having to pave over it because this is
where all the kids walked in. But then then it
was downhill started and this little girl walked in and
immediately slipped and fell because she had brand new like
Mary Jane's on or hard shoes that she had not scuffed.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
And she got up and.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Basically fell down like five times in front of the
eighth grade girls. And by the end, I mean it
was multi four or five. By the end, me and
my friend almost went to get her, and then she
finally made it up and ran away.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
But it was one of those things where I was watching, going,
you'll always remember this, I forget, you'll always scuff your shoes.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
This has changed your trajectory absolutely.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
It's the kid who pisses themselves or calls the teacher
mom on accident. Oh, in third grade.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
You'll never not be that kid.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
And you'll hold it like you think that's the reason
people don't want to talk to you in a bar
or something.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
But everyone's fine. Everyone has that.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
Everyone's barfed and pissed and called people mom that they're
not supposed to call mom. We're gonna be okay, We're
gonna be okay, We're gonna be okay.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Stay sexit and don't get murdered. Good goodbye, Elvis. Do
you want a cookie? This has been an exactly right production.
Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
Our editor is Aristotle Aceveda.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squalaccui.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
Emailing your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot
com and.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Goodbye
Last, Hello, and welcome to my favorite murder, the Mini.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
So whill we read you your stories? They're Mini? Would
you like to go first?
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Sure, I'm not going to read you the title of
this one. I'm just going to start telling you.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Okay, hey all.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
In the late nineteen seventies, seventy six or seventy seven,
my mother in law and father in law were on
a long drive going down the coast of California when
they decided to pull over at night in a Sanma
barber area to sleep in their car. My father in law,
a tall man, slept sitting up in the driver's seat,
while my mother in law laid on the front bench
with her head on his lap. My mother in law
(00:51):
woke up to a loud sound, disoriented and not able
to see because her contact lenses were out. She eventually
realized my father in law was holding his and running
around in a state of shock. She started to panic
when my father in law eventually grabbed her and told
her she needed to remain calm and flagged someone down
for help because all caps he had been shot in
(01:12):
the neck what Thankfully, he was a Navy vet and
he was able to stabilize the situation. According to her,
how he was shot in the neck though by a
stranger who came to their lonesome parked car and shot
him from the outside where they were sleeping.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Oh my god, my mother and law said.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
She flagged down a semi and told him they needed
to get to the hospital because her boyfriend had been shot. Apparently,
the truck driver suspiciously asked, how do I know it
wasn't you?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Who did it? A valid question?
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Look valid, it says, like, okay, man, good question, but
clearly they need help AnyWho. He called for help over
his radio and my father in law ended up surviving.
They never caught the person or even had an idea
of who did it. My mother in law said she
highly doubts it was the Zodiac, but seems pretty Zodiac,
wouldn't you say?
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Was it in California? Fucking Santa Barbara on.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
The Coast which is the most recent Zodiac documentary about
the one guy that they Arthur Lee Allen.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So it's like, there's a case in Santa Barbara.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
It's where he started, right is early early.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And yeah, one hundred percent, Well, the story is.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Shocking, solves at Zodiac on this show. Let's do through
minis for.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Someone else's work. Yes, well, this story is shocking and
fascinating to hear. I'd like to add that has made
me realize, in the grand scheme of things, when it's
your time, it's truly your time. I never got the
honor of meeting my father in law because he passed
away unexpectedly when my husband was a baby. I like
to imagine he was a smart and interesting man who
was an amazing dad and husband and would be the
(02:40):
best grandpa to our kids. Today, just finding out that
my dad has primary colon cancer that has spread to
his liver, I'll appreciate all the time I've been able
to spend with him, unlike my sweet husband who lost
his dad way too soon. Sorry to end on a
bummer note, you too, are a safe space and I
am eternally grateful for this community you two have created.
SSDGM and hug your dad.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
M she her and you're so right. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:06):
And also it's just it was my aunt Seen's ninetieth
birthday this weekend and she looks great and it's great.
But my cousin gave a little speech you know before
we you know, saying her happy birthday and I never
knew this about her. Her mom died when she was twelve, Wow,
and her dad sent her off to live with like
family friend.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Oh my gosh. And that's it's just.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
That kind of thing where it's like that primary thing,
it's so easy to take your parents for granted and the
upbringing you got, especially if you have complaints about it totally,
where you're just kind of like this old thing and
it's like there's a lot of alternatives that are much
worse than.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Oh, I've said it's Evince a million times, whose mom
died when he was very young, Like, I'm sorry I
keep complaining about my mom because I'm sure like you
didn't get any of those experiences.
Speaker 4 (03:55):
Yeah, yeah, that's very sweet. Thank you em for that
lovely email.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
They wrote out a funny subject line for this email,
but then in parentheses at the end it says, may
not want to read the subject first.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Okay, read to me after.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
Let's okay, So it says, hello, MFM posse. You guys
are great. My mom attended Saint Mary's of Notre Dame
in the sixties, and my dad attended Notre Dame. My
mom is a hoot and was a bit of a
wild child.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
She got the nickname in eighth grade. Nuts. That was
her nickname. That's fun, just straight up nuts. Nuts.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Another time I'll tell you the many pranks that she
and her friends pulled on the nuns. However, this time
I will tell you something a little less mischievous, but
no less awesome that she did. As she tells it,
my mom used to go out drinking with the priests
from Notre Dame.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Fuck. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
She used to love to argue theology and philosophy with
them while having.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
A cold broke. I love her so good.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
She had to check in her dorm every few hours,
though it was strict in those days.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
But the priests though, like you could stay out all night.
They can do whatever they want. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
The priest would take to driving her there and back
so she could sign in at the dorm.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
What is it happen is because they want to have
a good time.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
It's like some of the few few things, kind of
lightly sinful things they can do is like drink and
play cards, laying out and chat. Yeah, and it's very
important to like build those relationships communities spiritually. Yeah, my
mom really wanted to take a theology class with one of.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
The priests she partied with. Problem.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Notre Dame at the time was an all boys school.
This would not be a problem for Nuts, though. She
struck up a deal with the priest. She told him
she would make him homemade spaghetti and meatballs every week
if she could unofficially take his class. Needless to say,
he agreed. Thus, as far as we know, my mom
is the first woman to take a class at Notre Dame.
Oh my god, unofficially that is. Stay sexy and never
(05:48):
underestimate the power a homemade spaghetti and meatball dinner has
over a priest.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Molly, she hears those words to live by.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
But also, Nuts doesn't get the credit for being the
first woman at fucking Notre Dame.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
But we fucking know here on MFM and now all
of you know listeners, you love her.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I love that. That's what we call chutzpa.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I know she wouldn't, but we call it futswah and
then fucking like it and we should all be like that.
Speaker 4 (06:12):
It's so good. Wait, so we only got the name Nuts.
You didn't tell us her mom's real did she tell us.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
In the beginning? No, I don't mean what more do
you need. I guess it is all I need. That
is her government name to me.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Now this is called former Banker Self Deposit Box Trasures Anonymous.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Please yes, please, Hello lovelies.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'm currently months behind on episodes, so Binge listening in
episode four forty one from August twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
You asked for safe deposit box stories.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Then she says, so, I hope this isn't too late,
as if we've ever been like, stop writing the thing
we asked.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Stop it. That's from six months ago.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
No more matrix splitch in the matrix story than nah.
Then I said, let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
Never too late for that's just under the headline of treasure,
which will always be.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Valid, totally all of it. I spent almost fifteen years
in retail banking. She wrote in two stories, but they're
really long, so I'm just going to read the second one, okay,
because it says story two is much more scandalous.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
A man rented a safe deposit box at my bank.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
I helped him with.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
The rental, and he was charming and smooth. Think Miami
vice total player. He visited the bank a few times
a month, dressed to the Nines to visit his safe
deposit box. I looked like it's a date that he
got dressed up for. Yeah, with the safe deposit box.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
And I'm imagining if they said, think Miami vice, then
it was what like kind of a pink linen suit.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yep, white suit, jacket, pink tie, all the things.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Everything's kind of open and chest Harry, Yeah, but like
so high end and tons of coke.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Okay, Well, one day his wife shows up and wants
entry to the box. No, ma'am, that is not how
this works. Your marital status does not give you ownership
of a safe deposit box. So we turned her away.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
That's good to night. I know, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
She showed up, but once a week, always approaching a
different member of the staff. She knows what she's doing,
trying to access the box, and always getting the same response,
you aren't an owner of the box, you cannot access it.
After weeks of this, she shows up in a state
of desperation, screaming at us that her husband can't open
the box because he's in prison awaiting bail, and we
(08:20):
have to let her in.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
We didn't. We couldn't.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
That's not how the law works. But now that we
had this tidbit about prison, the online sleuthing began. Keep
in mind that this is the late nineties, so the
internet is not what it is today. But with the
determination and burning through several work hours, we found the
arrest records several counts of manufacturing and selling fraudulent tickets
to concerts and sporting events all over the state.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Oh so random, right, it's so specific, I know.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
And then it says in parentheses, this might be a
good time to inform the young MFM listeners that in
the nineties there was no such thing as a QR code,
cell phones only made phone calls, and event tickets were
all paper. The fucking used to go to the Hollywooden
Vine tickets store. They like buy paper tickets with cash
because they charged you less and because you only have
(09:08):
a credit card.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Never had a credit card, right exactly?
Speaker 4 (09:10):
Or like didn't They also sell like tower records and stuff.
There were certain places you could go to get concert tickets.
They had like a little machine totally, but you had
to go to them. Yeah, my god, that's how it
all was back now then what's harder.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Tickets were physical and fraud was much easier than it
is today. Bast forward a few months, multiple vehicles pull
into the bank parking lot at the same time. This
is just like the movies. And here comes the wife again,
this time being escorted by local sheriffs, state police, and
no less than five US Marshals. She's in handcuffs and
I've served a warrant for access to the safe deposit box.
(09:45):
Every went through all the hoops, and then the warrant
was valid and required the bank to allow US Marshals
to access and inventory the box.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
A locksmith was called.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I observed the drilling of the lock and then handed
over the closed box to the US Marshals and.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Left the privacy room.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Sweet Jeesus, curiosity was killing the cat when a US
Marshal came out of the privacy booth and said to me,
here's the inventory list.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I need you to make three copies please.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
You better believe I went to the coffee room to
make those copies and absolutely took a quick peek at
the inventory.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
I mean, what human being would not.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
The fact that they didn't make an extra copy for themselves.
It's like that means you're a saint, you know what
I mean? No, what do you mean like I would
have made myself an extra copye, like take put it
in my pocket.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
You know, but all none of us did was take
a peek.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Do you think you would do that because you're like,
you won't tell men to not read this thing. I'll
keep it for myself.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, like I need this for later. I need to
show my friends that I need this from my personal records.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Right, Yeah, you can't take a screenshot of it because
phones were just for phone calls.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
But also I think this was a time where it
was easier to keep all that separate. Where it's like,
if you're the person at the bank, you're like, sorry,
I can't ever put my eyes towards your very private thing,
right where it's like that was their one and only
chance to find out totally, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Absolutely, because yeah, you can't get into like they don't
have the key. The inventory is tens of thousands of
dollars in cash and hundreds of diamonds, emeralds, sapphires, and rubies.
As it turns out, my customer was part of a
large scale operation across state lines and one of multiple
defendants tried in a Rico case.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
My customer, what's Rico.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Again, racketeer influenced and corrupt organizations.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So it's mafia. So it's like mafia stuff.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Yeah cool, Okay, My customer, charming and smooth, was responsible
for cleaning the dirty cash by converting it to expensive
gems and stones and then selling those gems stones to
a different jeweler to get clean cash in return.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
But you'd have to know the jeweler that would be
just dealing in gems like that. It's not just any
place you go into.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I'm sure there's enough around town. Thanks, So yeah, because
I think we should get into this.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Sounds like a great business for us.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I followed the case in the news for a few years,
and even all these years later, my palms get sweaty
thinking about the day a crew of US Marshall rolled
in and the criminal who'd been utilizing our bank to
stash his dirty earnings. Hope this story makes the cut
for a mini said sometimes stay sexy, and if you're
thinking about committing fraud, just don't anonymous murdery.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Now, anonymous, you made it. You made the cut at
your name can't be involved, but we know.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
At heart, yeah, we know who you are.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
God, just it stresses me out because all I can
do is focus on the fact that you did all
this work to make these fake tickets and rip these
people off. You made your money, you had to turn
it into jewels. Yeah, how like where's those contacts? And
then you have to sell those jewels?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Totally who I love the wife who just kept trying
to get into get rid of all the evidence.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You got to get those jewels or like line her pockets,
Totally move the fuck out of town.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
I love learning that it's just the person who. Yeah,
like safe deposit box the concept of them were set
up for people to have secrets totally. No one finds out.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
About illegal secrets too, because like, you can't put this
in a bank, You can't have this at home.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
You can have it in the bank. It's just not deposited,
but it's safe.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
It's a secret in a bank.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Where did safety deposit boxes come from? I ask myself
as I decide to do this is an episode Nazis?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Promise it was Nazis.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
My dad saw the fucking movie The Woman in Gold,
which is about starring Helen Mirren about that climped portrait
that the Nazis stole from the Jewish family and she
had to go fight for it. He talked about it
all weekend. It's really well, it's good, but I mean
that all of that stuff where just.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Like, oh yeah, completely okay.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
The subject line of this is fellow Finders Unite, and
then in parentheses it says, hold on, why isn't mine money? Oh?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Got it? What does it mean?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
People who just find shit all the time? And why
isn't the thing I find all the time? Money?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
I just love using.
Speaker 4 (13:49):
I think you're right because I've read this. Hello fuck
word murder mystery hosts. My eternal compliments to the dad
who coined this that alternative podcast name. It's my favorite
piece of historical fiction.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I love it. Yes, ours too. We just did a
rewind episode with that when that first came out.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Okay, So it says I just wanted to say to
the recent listener who wrote in about the Chicago street
money finding talent, oh yeah, girl, what you two? And
then a parentheses it says girl is meant to be
gender neutral here for exclamation purposes. So it says I
also have a weird knack for finding lost things, not
cash money, unfortunately, So hats off to that incredible luck.
(14:31):
But I have found the following.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
My God, was this written by a crow?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
And it's just going to be a bunch of like
like weird, shiny jumpy.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Things listing out a soda cantab, a quarter. I gave
him on to a little girl a piece of corn. Okay,
so it says I have found so many sets of
lost keys. My own keys when they're lost almost never,
but keys strangers have lost at the park, on a
hiking trail, in parking, loss at grocery stores, or on
a riverbed at absolutely yes, Sometimes even if I'm not looking,
(15:03):
I just happened across them and see someone looking nearby,
and I get to be a hero for a few minutes.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
That's hilarious.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
My favorite key finding story happened about three years ago
when I went to the dog park a bit late
one day after work, and while leaving, as the sky
had just fully darkened, I noticed someone frantically looking around
with a flashlight. They seemed really stressed, so I asked
if everything was okay. This person was on the verge
of tears and told me they had been looking for
their keys for almost two hours and they were already
(15:31):
late for work.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
No joke.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
I found their keys in less than a minute.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Oh my god, I love that skill. It's such a
good skill.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Almost immediately after I started to look, they were just
right in front of me, and I was drawn to
them right away, even.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
In the dark. Wow.
Speaker 4 (15:46):
We both were shocked, and they insisted that they had
looked there several times before, already two. I also find
random lost items that are still in perfect condition all
the time, like Bert's Bee's chapstick with the plastics wrap
still on.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I still wouldn't.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Yeah, because why did the person just go unopened candy
mints or packages of gum, perfectly intact glasses and jewelry.
And once again a favorite recent story, just last week,
I found an unopened package of weed from a local
dispensary on the ground, still fully sealed and child prooved.
Three credit cards, debit cards, and IDs. At least four
(16:24):
times a year I find these items someone lost in
my path. I try to return them when I can,
but I can't always find the person. Once I even
found what looked to be someone's entire wallet, everything butt cash,
dumped out on the ground. I can't wait to see
what I find next, and I would love to know why.
Isn't it also street cash. I guess I'll have to
take my random weed gifts and acts of kindness finding
(16:47):
strangers keys. For now, stay sexy and keep your eyes
on the potential prizes in front of you.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Kendra, geez amazing. Isn't that so good?
Speaker 3 (16:55):
That reminds me of So you're not obsessed with mud larking. Yeah,
just like finding stuff in the Thames, the stuff and
the thing I read about people who are really good
at it, at just finding treasure among trash is that
our brains immediately want to spot man made shapes, so
not natural shapes. It just like makes sense that your
brain just goes to like a button among rocks because.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
It's circular and it's not supposed to be in nature.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
So you just kind of think like that, Yeah, that
you're looking for not natural shapes.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Your brain will find whatever's there. Yeah. Cool, Yes, for sure.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
I follow a couple mudlarking accounts on TikTok and there's
a woman who does it, and I'm almost positive she
does this on purpose, and it's so brilliant because she
puts this thing down into the water so the camera
is clear so you can see from her point of view. Yeah,
looking at the river, right, you've seen it.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I but love her. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
So it's almost like I was looking here and this
is interesting and then you see it. Yes, yeah, but
then there's always something when she goes and picks up,
say like the button. Yeah, there's always something else in
the shop. I'm like, why aren't you touching that over there?
And I think that's potentially intentional so that it is
a little more addictive.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Maybe, or it's my suggestion, hide a little bird in there.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
A little piece of like china.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
Yeah, that's my fae. My favorite one was the bird
that time. Yeah, someone found like it was a bird
whistle or something. Yeah, I know you're talking about. Yeah,
it's amazing, so good. Okay, here's my last one.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
I'm not going to read it.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I'm gonna read you the title is it? Moron doesn't
make any sense? Hello.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
I've been listening since I came out of the womb.
Maybe a bit traumatic, but it really feels like that.
I love you guys so much and sometimes forget how
much the podcast has grown. I recently had a job
interview and someone I met told me they were from Petaluma. Hey,
I said, oh my god, this tiny underground podcast that
I listened to. One of the hosts are from there,
and she said, uh, yeah, people always say that when
(18:54):
I tell them where I'm from. Imagine my surprise. Anyway,
I never intended to write in but I just listened
to Minnesota four twenty three and was inspired by the
story about the falling priest. Remember at the funeral, and
the priest fucking fell face down just like like a
timber and just like made everyone at the funeral laugh.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Yes, okay, yes, but also there have been so we've
done I think many of these. It is kind of like, yep,
there's somewhere in there totally.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
So that one was about laughing, needing a good laugh
at a horrible time, right, and how important that is,
and so this Then it goes on to say, in
twenty seventeen, I had spinal fusion surgery for my scoliosis,
and being sixteen at the time, I was treated at
the children's hospital. In the waiting room full of kids
much sicker than I and loads of worrying parents, we
(19:43):
anxiously wait to hear our last name so we can
go over final paperwork before the surgery. One of the
nurses calls out for a family saying is it Moron?
That annoyed mom says it's a Monroe, and then there's
an emoji, like just this flat line of like emoji
(20:04):
in the way that sounded like that mistake happens pretty frequently.
In a completely silent room. My parents and I lock
eyes and burst out laughing. A nearby family joined in
and we shared a much needed cackle. The four hours
of surgery slash waiting. This is a classic story in
our family, and you guys feel like family, so I
wanted to share. Oh, stay sexy and don't yell moron
(20:27):
in a room full of sick kids.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Emma, is it Moron? Not Moron? Our name isn't like
Dan and Jean Moron.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
And then we're here with our child. What are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
There's nobody named Moron. Probably I think they would change
their names. Okay, here's my last one.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
The subject line is bumper boats trauma, lighthearted. Hi. I've
been listening since twenty sixteen. Love you all, Oh I haven't.
When I was eight, my family went to the fair.
My older siblings and I really wanted to go on
the bumper boat attraction basically bumper cars on water.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Have you ever done that? No, but doesn't sound crazy right,
seems familiar, but I haven't done it. Each boat was.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Equipped with rubber edges, so you could crash into other
boats without causing damage. Sure, when we got in line,
we could see the rules said ages eight and up
could ride alone.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
I was elated.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
I felt so grown up, ready to captain my own
tiny vessel. I remember seeing a younger boy riding with
his mom and thinking, Ah, he's not even old enough
to drive his own boat. When they released us, I
realized the steering was a lot harder than I'd imagined.
The wheel was very sensitive. As everyone else was having
fun driving around, I was desperately trying to control my boat.
(21:46):
I was zigzagging all over the place. When the whistle
blew to end the ride, everyone smoothly navigated back to
the dock. Meanwhile, I couldn't figure out how to steer
my boat that way. Full panic set in The pool
itself was not very big, but to me it felt
like the ocean. I thought to myself, I'll never make
it back to the dock. Every time I came close
to the dock and the right attendant tried to catch me,
(22:07):
I'd unintentionally zip away.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Oh no, I'm not doing it a purpose.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
This went on so long that the attendant started to
put waiters on to get into the water to grab me.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Oh are you? And you're probably crying, humiliating, just.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
Trying to have fun at the fucking fair. However, before
he stepped into the pool, an older gentleman who was
standing near the edge caught my boat and was able
to guide me to the dock. Relief flooded me as
I burst into tears.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yah. Meanwhile, my mom.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
Was laughing hysterically as she watched the whole thing unfold
from the sidelines. She had to physically turn away so
I couldn't see how hard she was laughing at my terror.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
What's the little bit of joy she's had in so
fucking long?
Speaker 4 (22:54):
And also it's controlled danger right srying, but nothing's going
to happen from this, It's so hilarious. Once I was
back on dry land, she took me in her arms
and we decided that was enough riots for the dam.
Since then, I've always wondered if they raised the minimum
image after that incident. I'll never know SSDGM and always
have a pair of waiters on me and Kelsey.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Being a kid sucks so bad.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
It's a series of seeing other kids doing things, going
here's what I'm going to do. When I do that thing,
you go to do that thing. Not only do none
of those things happen, but a series of other totally
unprepared for and like unimagined things happen, and then you're like, oh,
that's how.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I humiliation like constant.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
It's why I don't want kids, mainly because I don't
want to live through someone else's horrible fucking childhood again.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
You know, I can't watch someone.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
I love get bullied, no or humiliated, like I just
can't do it.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
No, I'm more like that part of life or hold their.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Hand through it and be like it'll be okay, because
it's like it's not.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
By the grace of God, it's fine. You and I
were fine, but like.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
The good news is nothing's okay. So in a way,
we do have to keep on remembering and like you're saying,
we just have to keep remembering and reminding each other always.
This happens to every single person. It's just a different noun.
It's not the bumper boats, it's just a different.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
It's pants minus pants. Oh, it's just always something. Yours
is tampon's being thrown across mine.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
It's the tampon suitcase.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
It's also the day I watched a girl who was
I think in fifth or sixth grade walk in because
it was free dress Day. I think I've told you
this a thousand times, but this one had killed my
soul because I was in eighth grade, and of course
by I went to Catholic school, so it was first
through eighth, so the eighth grade. By the time your
in eighth grade, you're like, I'm fine, and I'm trying,
just trying to prepare for high school. It was free
(24:47):
dress Day, which we got like I think once a month,
so very special. Everyone wore their best and it was
a big deal. This little girl who was a lovely
girl and I think she was only in like the
fourth or fifth grade. And also our I've tried to
make this fast, but our playground, because it was Catholic school,
it was like part gravel, part unpaved, like okay, bad
(25:07):
for children to play on, literally a forty five grade downhill,
Like you weren't allowed to run because you would start
and you wouldn't be able to stop.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Blah.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Blah blah.
Speaker 4 (25:16):
I'd never noticed this before, but in the entrance there
was almost like a little lip of like asphalts where
they kept having to pave over it because this is
where all the kids walked in. But then then it
was downhill started and this little girl walked in and
immediately slipped and fell because she had brand new like
Mary Jane's on or hard shoes that she had not scuffed.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
And she got up and.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
Basically fell down like five times in front of the
eighth grade girls. And by the end, I mean it
was multi four or five. By the end, me and
my friend almost went to get her, and then she
finally made it up and ran away.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
But it was one of those things where I was watching, going,
you'll always remember this, I forget, you'll always scuff your shoes.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
This has changed your trajectory absolutely.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
It's the kid who pisses themselves or calls the teacher
mom on accident. Oh, in third grade.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
You'll never not be that kid.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
And you'll hold it like you think that's the reason
people don't want to talk to you in a bar
or something.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
But everyone's fine. Everyone has that.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
Everyone's barfed and pissed and called people mom that they're
not supposed to call mom. We're gonna be okay, We're
gonna be okay, We're gonna be okay.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Stay sexit and don't get murdered. Good goodbye, Elvis. Do
you want a cookie? This has been an exactly right production.
Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.
Speaker 4 (26:39):
Our editor is Aristotle Aceveda.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squalaccui.
Speaker 4 (26:44):
Emailing your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot
com and.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at my Favorite Murder.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Goodbye
Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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