September 6, 2022 • 8 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Uh. The weekend was the opposite of bitterly amusing for me.
My daughter, my eldest kid, Caitlin, got married over the weekend,
and last week I was talking about giving the father
of the bride little speech slash toast at the reception
that I was. I wasn't sure quite how to approach it,
and I didn't want a blubber and got a lot
of nice advice from folks. You'd be surprised to act
(00:21):
the number of people who sent along the what they
wrote out um their their daughter's wedding. You didn't take
my suggestion of prop comedy. You open a trunk and
you you pull out some like giant things or No,
I did not, as a matter of fact, but thank
you for offering that. I will. I'll get to that
in a second. I will tell you this. I as
(00:44):
as the groom at the one other wedding that I've really, really,
really been involved with the complexity the logistics of the thing.
I had not fully appreciated um as as pop of
the bride, the guy who was working the credit card
hard um and and also the father of the maid
of honor. Because Delaney, our our youngest kid, was Caitlin's
(01:07):
maid of honor, which was beautiful. Yeah, oh yeah, it's
very sweet. And actually Decklan my son and officiated it
the hipster hippie offficiant Um, So this was this was
a closeness of the family, not a it just saved money.
Oh yeah, Judy catered it and uh you parked cars
(01:30):
e exactly. I threw on the black vest. I was
running back and forth, very sweaty when I gave my
daughter away. But what are you gonna do? Um? Actually
has reminded I haven't spent a lot of time in
the Seattle area for a while. It's a little grand
cloudy at times, but it's so cool and there are
no bugs. It was really something anyway. So, but Delaney
(01:52):
was the maid of honor, and she was in charge
of logistics and making the trains run on time as
it were. And she was the perfect because Kate and
who's on the autism spectrum, she's the last person in
the world who ought to be handling, uh, planning ahead
complex logistics. It's just not her strength. Whereas Delaney is
a legal assistant and that is what she does. So
it worked out great. Although I will tell you this
(02:15):
it's uh twenty minutes before the ceremony, and Delaney comes
to me. She says, Dad, there's a screw up with
the flowers. Here's the address of the shop. It's twenty
minutes before the ceremony. She says, it's five minutes away.
So I'm like, I'm on it. I'm gone. So I
go screech here at this point, oh, I'm in a suit.
(02:36):
Yeah yeah. So I go screaming in the rental car
through Tacoma. I get to the shop. I says to
the shop, I says, hey, we're supposed to have flowers.
Here's the name. And they're like, ah, yeah, we don't
have an order for that. And I'm like, oh boy,
can you check again? Blah blah blah. I called Delaney.
I say, all right, here's the situation whatever there, and
they're they're at a flower shop. They're like, oh no,
(02:57):
oh no, what what's the story? What's the name? Again?
We gotta check because they realized because I said ceremonies
literally starting in like fifteen minutes, five minutes. Await, my
first thoughts. Drive through a nice neighborhood and uh start
grabbing him out of their yard. Oh yeah, yeah, I
consider that. But uh, they scrambled like crazy to put
together a bridal bouquet and a nice corsage for the groom.
(03:21):
Um And I was stayed very common, didn't yell at anybody,
didn't raise the roof. I thought, at this point, what
I need is these people's enthusiasm and cooperation, not to
be a frantic maniac. And so sure enough got it together.
I drove like a maniac back through the streets at
Cooma and uh and got to got to the church
(03:41):
almost on time. The church was was not a church,
um and and things went off fine. Walked Caitlin down
the stairs and down the aisle, Uh, definite teary eyed,
but did not blubber um And and part of that
was adrenaline, I mean, because I went full Mannix. For
(04:01):
those of old enough that streets of San Francisco car chase,
U driving you're Steve McQueen bullet all of a sudden
with flowers in the trunk. It's you know, and I
know from from being around weddings that for women the
flowers is a very very big deal. For guys, there
are flowers, you know, I wouldn't noticed their flowers, right,
(04:23):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a whole bunch of flowers
right there now that you mentioned it. Yeah, we like
spent hours choosing those and ordering them, and they were
super expensive in the rest of it. Yeah. So I
called my brother on the way back. I said, I'm
about two minutes out, meet me out front, and he's
you know, military guys like Roger. He So I spreached
(04:44):
to the halt in front of the venue, which was
really cool. I'll tell you more about the venue later.
But I hand all the flowers out of her hair
hair because my parking spot had been taken, so I
had to part like a block and a half away
in my suit. There's not a special fo the best
parking spot there should be, there should be if herbs
are gone, there wouldn't be. But anyway, so I hustled back,
hustle back upstairs, get upstairs where Caitlin is kind of
(05:07):
hiding so she's not seen. And I'm like, oh, it's great,
it's covered, it's good. We got the stars. Holy crap,
I'm thirsty. And I grabbed the pitcher water there in
the getting ready room with the bride'smaids and and and
the bride and everything, and I poured myself a nice
a cup of water and I take a big swig,
and Caitlin says, Dad, that's the vase. I adjust swig
(05:32):
down a couple of big gulfs of flower waters, so hammered.
You're drinking out of the vase at this point. All right,
So I have not one, but multiple allergies to various things. Boy,
so I'm thinking, holy crap, I'm about to go anaphylactic
on my daughter's wedding. The paramedics are gonna have to run.
(05:54):
I can't walk her down the aisle I'm going to do.
I can't breathe, breathe, and it's gonna be ruined, ruined.
And well, I was drinking out of the vase. You
were what? So I quickly googled and and we're gonna
be walking down the aisle in sixty seconds. I quickly
(06:16):
google I drank from a vase and all sorts of
results come on. That's hilarious. And thank god, they said,
you know, the flower food is really just a couple
of different kinds of sugar, and you're gonna be fine.
We wouldn't recommend it, but it's really no problem. Oh wow,
(06:38):
And and and so Kate, and later Judy said, didn't
it taste weird? And I said, it tasted like, you know,
cucumber water or strawberry lime water, whatever you get at hotels.
It's just kind of slightly sweeter than normal, kind of
odd water. So it's just some sort of fancy pay
(07:00):
its water. Anyway, So I did not go into anaphylactic shock,
and I uh patted my sweaty brow and walked to
my beautiful daughter down the aisle where her bow awaited,
and she got all hitched up and and it was.
It was fabulous. It all came off great. And you
know another thing, I hadn't been that close to a wedding.
(07:20):
I hadn't realized the overwhelming emotion for most of the
people involved is avoid disaster, avoid disaster, avoid disaster. Everything's
got to come off right. Please nobody screw up. Please
nobody like no show or get lost on the way
and the officiant doesn't show up. And as far as
the father of the bride toast thing, I didn't go
(07:42):
with the long I remember when she was a baby
and I brought her home. Then we used to play
hop scotch and blah blah blah. It just it didn't fit. Um,
we're out of time, but for reasons I can get
into later. Um, she and her man have been together
like ten years at this point, so it just it
seemed a little odd. So I want much more brief
than that. You drank the chemicals that they put in
(08:04):
vases to keep the flowers alive. Mm hmm. Yeah, your
petals are very green today. Thank you, thank you. I
feel verdant.
Uh. The weekend was the opposite of bitterly amusing for me.
My daughter, my eldest kid, Caitlin, got married over the weekend,
and last week I was talking about giving the father
of the bride little speech slash toast at the reception
that I was. I wasn't sure quite how to approach it,
and I didn't want a blubber and got a lot
of nice advice from folks. You'd be surprised to act
(00:21):
the number of people who sent along the what they
wrote out um their their daughter's wedding. You didn't take
my suggestion of prop comedy. You open a trunk and
you you pull out some like giant things or No,
I did not, as a matter of fact, but thank
you for offering that. I will. I'll get to that
in a second. I will tell you this. I as
(00:44):
as the groom at the one other wedding that I've really, really,
really been involved with the complexity the logistics of the thing.
I had not fully appreciated um as as pop of
the bride, the guy who was working the credit card
hard um and and also the father of the maid
of honor. Because Delaney, our our youngest kid, was Caitlin's
(01:07):
maid of honor, which was beautiful. Yeah, oh yeah, it's
very sweet. And actually Decklan my son and officiated it
the hipster hippie offficiant Um, So this was this was
a closeness of the family, not a it just saved money.
Oh yeah, Judy catered it and uh you parked cars
(01:30):
e exactly. I threw on the black vest. I was
running back and forth, very sweaty when I gave my
daughter away. But what are you gonna do? Um? Actually
has reminded I haven't spent a lot of time in
the Seattle area for a while. It's a little grand
cloudy at times, but it's so cool and there are
no bugs. It was really something anyway. So, but Delaney
(01:52):
was the maid of honor, and she was in charge
of logistics and making the trains run on time as
it were. And she was the perfect because Kate and
who's on the autism spectrum, she's the last person in
the world who ought to be handling, uh, planning ahead
complex logistics. It's just not her strength. Whereas Delaney is
a legal assistant and that is what she does. So
it worked out great. Although I will tell you this
(02:15):
it's uh twenty minutes before the ceremony, and Delaney comes
to me. She says, Dad, there's a screw up with
the flowers. Here's the address of the shop. It's twenty
minutes before the ceremony. She says, it's five minutes away.
So I'm like, I'm on it. I'm gone. So I
go screech here at this point, oh, I'm in a suit.
(02:36):
Yeah yeah. So I go screaming in the rental car
through Tacoma. I get to the shop. I says to
the shop, I says, hey, we're supposed to have flowers.
Here's the name. And they're like, ah, yeah, we don't
have an order for that. And I'm like, oh boy,
can you check again? Blah blah blah. I called Delaney.
I say, all right, here's the situation whatever there, and
they're they're at a flower shop. They're like, oh no,
(02:57):
oh no, what what's the story? What's the name? Again?
We gotta check because they realized because I said ceremonies
literally starting in like fifteen minutes, five minutes. Await, my
first thoughts. Drive through a nice neighborhood and uh start
grabbing him out of their yard. Oh yeah, yeah, I
consider that. But uh, they scrambled like crazy to put
together a bridal bouquet and a nice corsage for the groom.
(03:21):
Um And I was stayed very common, didn't yell at anybody,
didn't raise the roof. I thought, at this point, what
I need is these people's enthusiasm and cooperation, not to
be a frantic maniac. And so sure enough got it together.
I drove like a maniac back through the streets at
Cooma and uh and got to got to the church
(03:41):
almost on time. The church was was not a church,
um and and things went off fine. Walked Caitlin down
the stairs and down the aisle, Uh, definite teary eyed,
but did not blubber um And and part of that
was adrenaline, I mean, because I went full Mannix. For
(04:01):
those of old enough that streets of San Francisco car chase,
U driving you're Steve McQueen bullet all of a sudden
with flowers in the trunk. It's you know, and I
know from from being around weddings that for women the
flowers is a very very big deal. For guys, there
are flowers, you know, I wouldn't noticed their flowers, right,
(04:23):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a whole bunch of flowers
right there now that you mentioned it. Yeah, we like
spent hours choosing those and ordering them, and they were
super expensive in the rest of it. Yeah. So I
called my brother on the way back. I said, I'm
about two minutes out, meet me out front, and he's
you know, military guys like Roger. He So I spreached
(04:44):
to the halt in front of the venue, which was
really cool. I'll tell you more about the venue later.
But I hand all the flowers out of her hair
hair because my parking spot had been taken, so I
had to part like a block and a half away
in my suit. There's not a special fo the best
parking spot there should be, there should be if herbs
are gone, there wouldn't be. But anyway, so I hustled back,
hustle back upstairs, get upstairs where Caitlin is kind of
(05:07):
hiding so she's not seen. And I'm like, oh, it's great,
it's covered, it's good. We got the stars. Holy crap,
I'm thirsty. And I grabbed the pitcher water there in
the getting ready room with the bride'smaids and and and
the bride and everything, and I poured myself a nice
a cup of water and I take a big swig,
and Caitlin says, Dad, that's the vase. I adjust swig
(05:32):
down a couple of big gulfs of flower waters, so hammered.
You're drinking out of the vase at this point. All right,
So I have not one, but multiple allergies to various things. Boy,
so I'm thinking, holy crap, I'm about to go anaphylactic
on my daughter's wedding. The paramedics are gonna have to run.
(05:54):
I can't walk her down the aisle I'm going to do.
I can't breathe, breathe, and it's gonna be ruined, ruined.
And well, I was drinking out of the vase. You
were what? So I quickly googled and and we're gonna
be walking down the aisle in sixty seconds. I quickly
(06:16):
google I drank from a vase and all sorts of
results come on. That's hilarious. And thank god, they said,
you know, the flower food is really just a couple
of different kinds of sugar, and you're gonna be fine.
We wouldn't recommend it, but it's really no problem. Oh wow,
(06:38):
And and and so Kate, and later Judy said, didn't
it taste weird? And I said, it tasted like, you know,
cucumber water or strawberry lime water, whatever you get at hotels.
It's just kind of slightly sweeter than normal, kind of
odd water. So it's just some sort of fancy pay
(07:00):
its water. Anyway, So I did not go into anaphylactic shock,
and I uh patted my sweaty brow and walked to
my beautiful daughter down the aisle where her bow awaited,
and she got all hitched up and and it was.
It was fabulous. It all came off great. And you
know another thing, I hadn't been that close to a wedding.
(07:20):
I hadn't realized the overwhelming emotion for most of the
people involved is avoid disaster, avoid disaster, avoid disaster. Everything's
got to come off right. Please nobody screw up. Please
nobody like no show or get lost on the way
and the officiant doesn't show up. And as far as
the father of the bride toast thing, I didn't go
(07:42):
with the long I remember when she was a baby
and I brought her home. Then we used to play
hop scotch and blah blah blah. It just it didn't fit. Um,
we're out of time, but for reasons I can get
into later. Um, she and her man have been together
like ten years at this point, so it just it
seemed a little odd. So I want much more brief
than that. You drank the chemicals that they put in
(08:04):
vases to keep the flowers alive. Mm hmm. Yeah, your
petals are very green today. Thank you, thank you. I
feel verdant.
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