April 11, 2024 • 24 mins
We've all heard that Nice Guys Finish Last...is there truth in that? Riley and Cam share their thoughts and recent opinions on it!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
What is right? How are youdoing good? How are you I'm really
tired and really stressed out currently inthe moment. Yeah, we're on a
time crunch this morning. Well thatand I've had so much going on these
last few days. And you knowwhere you like are in the middle of
processing all of it. Sure,but you haven't quite Yeah, but like
(00:22):
you know, it's a lot.Yeah. Yeah, and you don't really
want to process it because you mighthave a breakdown. No, I totally
get that. I deflect things allthe time, Yes, focus on other
things. Yeah, and I thinkthat's what I'm trying to do. But
that's okay. Well I can helpyou do that for the next twenty minutes.
Yeah, we can just keep keepdiving into Well, I don't want
(00:44):
to bring it's it's a lot.But I'm saying deflect. Oh oh,
oh my gosh, I would loveto deflect. This would be great.
Yes, we don't even have tothink about it. No, this morning.
I did compete on Saturday and itwas great day saw I saw it
was a season's best and honestly thebest I've jumped in two years. It
was awesome. I saw the videoand I loved it. When he looked
(01:04):
at your friends and maam thanks.It came sweet so that I could go
to things like that. I knowyou're a working girl on Saturdays. It's
terrible on the weekend. Yeah.Yeah, So that was fun. And
then I went to Starkville to watchbulldog Man play baseball. How is that
how you played? He played awesome, but uh they ended up losing Friday's
(01:26):
game and Sunday's games. Says aseries but one little shout out to him.
I'm just super proud he got nominatedfor a leadership award for there did
right for their little It's like wehave Crimson Choice Awards. They have something
like that for Georgia. But it'snot only those things, like you're really
proud of them, Like athletically,I get it, like athletic a compliments,
(01:46):
accomplishments are huge, but stuff likethat when it's who you are as
a person, because that's just itmeans, It means a lot. So
I'm just really proud of him.I think that's awesome. I'm proud of
him, but not surprised. He'slovely, I know. So speaking of
him, last week, I launchedhim on Instagram. Yes, he was
(02:07):
the second picture that sounds bad.I liked in the comments where he said
I'm surprised he said, I don'tremember his dog same but I said Buck.
Yeah, he was shocked that Buckdidn't go first. I know.
In the I'm like, honestly,me too, Buck. His dog is
a GSP saw my GSP lovers.I had a lot of GSP comments.
(02:30):
I had a lot of people thatwere more of a fan of me because
of the GSP. Nice he is, that's why you're dating him just for
the extra Instagram Well he knows thathe makes the joke all the time.
He's like, I really just amlike a business deal for you. I
was like, yeah basically, soyeah, I posted him as a second
(02:50):
picture just because I knew how itwas gonna go. I did, at
first lose like over two hundred followers. Good. Yeah, And I was
like, honestly, if you're nothere to be happy for me and support
I don't want you anyways. Yeah, if you're only following me because you
thought we were gonna date, yeah, you think you have a chance.
I I cause I, like Isaid, I don't really like using social
media as a dating app. Imean, yes, that is howblelldog Man
(03:12):
and I met, But that waslike out of the blue, Yeah,
that was I just I hate,like parasocial relationships are so strange. Yeah,
yes, so posted him. Andthen I go to practice and our
team meeting and one of our freshmangirls she pulled me aside and she was
like, who is this guy youposted? I was like, oh,
that's my boyfriend. Yeah, andshe was like, okay, what's his
(03:34):
name? And I was telling herall about him, and then she's like,
how did y'all meet? And Iwas like, huh, funny story.
And I kind of start going intoall of it, and I explained
how for some reason, for twoyears, my brain wasn't working and yeah,
I was going for uh not thegreatest of guys, yeah, I
would say, and then finally decided, you know what, I'm gonna go.
(03:59):
And she was like, well,what flipped for you? What finally
went off for you to be likeyou know what? And I was like,
oh, yeah, wait, Idon't. I don't know. I
looked at her and I was like, I guess like enough was enough with
the other. Yeah, But genuinely, I'm like, I don't know if
I could put my finger on it. Yeah. It was more of a
(04:21):
feeling than an action, like athought yeah yeah. And then she was
like, well, can we goget coffee because like I need help.
I'm like, you're a freshman.You got plenty of time to live and
learn, trust me, girl.But she was like, I genuinely like
want to pick your brain as likewhy do I keep going for and chasing?
Why am I chasing? And Iwas like, oh, we love
to chase. I was like,we're track girl, Is we live like
(04:44):
that? Chase? Like no,yeah, but I and then I start
thinking, because of course it's asaying nice guys finished last Yeah, like
we all know that, or wetalk about oh we're in our bad boy
fays, but why oh I stilllike a bad boy? But about not?
I don't know. I do havea lot of thoughts on this because
(05:08):
I think when it comes to justgoing after a guy you know you have
no future with, he's not goingto provide a good future, like that
kind of vibe, that kind ofbad boy yeah, and that's just kind
of a loser at the same time, right, I think it's just maturity
and like knowing that you're not readyfor anything serious. But here's my thing
(05:29):
we we like you in the beginning, yes, but it's also in those
things And why do we still gethurt and upset? Because I think you
I think you catch feelings so muchlike if you're giving your time energy focus
on someone and they're not. Ithink it's also and I hate to put
it this way, I think it'sa little bit of an ego trip to
Yeah, when they don't see youas someone worth changing for or at least
(05:56):
you take it that way, right, that's not at all the point,
and that's not how they think ofit. But I think, well,
and my thing is too, likewhen we when we get into these situationships
is what they are? They're notrelationships? What are like? What is
in our minds? What's the endresult? Like? Do we are we
in this? Because deep down youdo hope to date and see where it
(06:17):
goes. But they're not quality guys, are checking off boxes. So why
are we so like it's like we'rehypnotized, yeah, and caught and stuck.
I just I've just in my ownsituationships that I've had, it's always
been like like I could like eventie it back to like childhood stuff for
(06:41):
me. Okay, I won't.I won't go into all of those details,
but it's kind of like for me, it's always been I want someone
to find me worthy of those changesand like finding someone who's you know,
not making good decisions in their lifeall this stuff, and then I have
(07:03):
like a savior complex and I'm like, oh, but I'll be worth it
to them, or I want toprove to them. Okay, it's more
proof, like trying to prove tothem I'm changing for and look, I'm
gonna be the girl that he finallysettles down with. I'm going to be
the one that he need to changethem, fix them, and everyone's going
to be like, wow, shemust be amazing, yes, to get
(07:24):
him to make best changes and dothese things. And that's It's interesting you
say that because all through my everythingback and forth, both of my parents
literally one day were like, youwould think you had daddy issues me too,
yeah, And I'm like, no, you would because all the things
that I I just I don't know, Like it's crazy when I look back
(07:47):
now at the type of guys Iwas falling for, and yeah, not
even necessarily who they were, becauseI didn't even really get to know them
all enough to know they were Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's another
that's crazy about these situationships is wewe build them up to be so much
more than what it really is,like when you look at it, like
(08:09):
they are just literally another snapstreak,another person you text, another friend in
your life. I will just toyou know, in our corner, give
us a little bit of credit.It's not completely our fault. Because guys
love to bread crumb. Yes.I learned that term in therapy. Yeah,
bread crumbing. They love to giveyou a little bit of hope.
(08:31):
Yes, I'm actually kind of dealingwith that right now. I think so.
I'm not sure because it's so No, it's not good, it's not
it's not all bad. So Istarted kind of seeing this guy like a
month ago. We've hung out likepretty consistently, like once a week.
I don't think I've even mentioned himbecause I didn't think it was This is
(08:56):
what I'm talking about. Do wehave a nickname? I can give you
a nickname? Oh God, Idon't know. I have to think about
that. Uh uh. Can Isay drummer boy? Yeah? Amen,
Merry Christmas, Mary. That's allI thought about, drummer boy. So
(09:20):
Madiemona daddy app Okay, cool,Yeah, he's great, awesome, he's
like but he's a breadcrumber. Ithink so. No, but I can't
put my finger on it because whenwe first started talking and like seeing each
other and stuff, I kind ofput him in a box. Okay,
he reminded me of a past situation, not in like just like not like
(09:41):
he doesn't suck, That's not allI was saying, but like, when
you say past, I think youneed to clarify what past we're talking about.
When you say past, you're talkingabout four year long. Yeah,
damn, but it didn't ask youto be his girlfriend. It reminded me
of him, but like in thebeginning, like when I first started seeing
(10:05):
him, it was very unseerious andthen it flipped to what I thought was
serious. But I was getting cheatedon all the time right when he started
like seeing me, and he's kindof like an asshole, but in like
a funny way. Even my dad'san asshole, but like in a funny
way. Yeah, he was kindof that way too. And so it
was four year so when he startedacting like that, I put him in
(10:28):
a box. I was like,oh no, he's just I would have
to trauma. Yeah I was,but now he's saying things like he went
to I don't want to give toomany details and give it away, but
he went to this thing that oneof my family members happened to be at,
and he was like, I'm gonnago meet them, like and like,
(10:50):
and I was like, no,you wouldn't. He's like, why
wouldn't. I I don't know.It was odd, right, And then
he was like, just tell himthat your boyfriend's here and he wants to
meet you or meet him. Iwas like, what I said, my
boyfriend? Yeah. He's like Imean yeah, So I got I'm confused
right now. Girls. So I'mlike, is this bread crumbing? I
have trauma? What? And sothat's another thing. Is it bread crumbing
(11:15):
is not with me? No?I don't think so. But I also
think y'all need to have like awhat's going on? That's the thing.
We haven't had that talk because Iand I've learned to just be so open
and honest, because if someone doesnot respond well to me being open and
honest, I don't want you.I just didn't think that that was gonna
be like a talk that we everhad, because I kind of put it
on a box and I was like, oh, this is casual, like
(11:35):
if it turns into something, Iwas like in my head, I was
like, I'm not gonna put pressureon it. I'm not gonna worry about
it's fine, Okay. But nowI'm like, oh, maybe this is
because I'm open to anything. Ilike him. We have a great time.
It's not that I'm like, Idon't know, I'm just confused.
Okay, So I guess navigating kindof guy he is. Yeah, we
(12:01):
did to realize. I think weneed to go back to that episode where
we wrote down Okay, that's athat's good because I think and one of
my new guy friends that I workwith and stuff like, we get along
very well. He vouched for him. He knows. Hey, that is
a good sign. Yeah, Ithought so too. I think I was
(12:22):
like, oh, and I liketold her, I like made a joke.
I was like, you wouldn't likethrow me to the wolves, right,
Like he's genuinely a nice guy.Yeah, He's like, oh yeah,
he's great. Okay, that's it. That's a good I was like,
oh, I've put him in abox. Happened? I put him
for a year and a half,and so that's when people ask me,
like what clicked. I'm like,God, I don't know. I think
(12:46):
he dropped a brick on my headright and I was like, oh my
gosh, hey, can I comevisit Georgia be your girlfriend right now?
Like literally don't know what happened otherthan I think that episode where we talked
through all that stuff. I'm like, how can I have these standards for
myself and all these things I wantwhen I don't stick to it. Yeah.
And so one of my teammates shehas been getting text and snaps and
(13:09):
dms from this guy and she's likeit's too much. And I'm like,
I get it. He was toomuch, but he wasn't too much.
He was perfect and he wasn't toomuch. He was more than enough.
I like that. I like that. It's just like a brain switch.
It's a brain switch, and it'sone of those things she thought she was
gonna get picked out. He cameto the meet. We went over and
talked to him and she was likewait. I was like, yes,
(13:30):
I think meeting in person is themost important part because it does make you
feel overwhelmed and stuff. When youdon't really know someone and they're trying very
hard being nice and they're yeah,and it was an ick. I told
him on the phone last night.I'm like, there was a day that
I was telling you all of thethings I had to do in a day,
and you ask like what can Ido to help? Like I really
wish I could help you? AndI was like help me? Do you
know me? I'm independent. Idon't need your help. Why did I
(13:52):
get so defensive for a guy wantingto help me? I don't I do
the same thing though, And Ithink part of it like when people ask
me like, oh, like whywhy am I going after all these guys
a chase? And I'm like,well, you probably had one bad relationship
that literally changed how you look atdating. Like I was like, I
don't want to date. Dating wasnot fun? Why would I want to
(14:13):
do that? Like there, itrewired how I looked at dating. And
two, I think it rewired theway you look at like being in a
more feminine role because you were solet down. You don't you want to
build that wall and you don't wantto be let down again because you're not
going to let yourself down, right, you know? Yes, you're all
for yourself. I also saw thisthing that I sent him on Instagram the
(14:33):
other day, and it said,the wrong guy teaches you you can do
everything on your own. The rightguy lets you know you don't have to.
Yeah, I agree. I've beenseeing a lot of stuff like that
because I agree with all of itthat was the case, and I just
I don't know. And so withmy teammate, I might look sometimes we
get so picked out when guys areso nice, and I think I think
(14:54):
what it is is because we somehowattach masculine with an asshole. Yeah,
I think it's I do. Ithink society even does that too, like
it looks at nice guys as beingsoft when I can tell you right now,
I've never met a more masculine manin my life. Where is the
sweetest also the sweetest human being?And so I think we just and I
(15:18):
think we have to be better encouragersof one another, Like go for the
nice guy, go for the personwho treats you how you deserve to be
treated, and give it a goand if it's if it doesn't work,
it's not the end of the world. But you can't keep going for bad
after batter but because you're just rewhat's the word like I saw it,
(15:41):
I saw a TikTok, I saidit. It's not your type, it's
your pattern. Yes, And you'rehonestly you're you're making it stick. The
more you get used to the samething and it being bad, it's gonna
stick around and you're not gonna beable. It's gonna be that much harder
to find good because I think what'sso scary for me is being married to
(16:06):
a terrible person, and like dating, you're not stuck. Yeah, when
you're married, like you're married.So that's why it's so important to find
someone who genuinely treats you with respect, love, patience, because like the
thought of being married to someone thatyou don't really know or doesn't treat you
or feel like they know you orcare about you. I think that's my
(16:27):
biggest thing, to a guy thattruly cares about my feelings. Yeah,
no, I totally agree. AndI was looking up I was like,
why do we like the chase?Why are we fixers? Why do we
go for all this stuff? Andliterally the first thing which I thought this
was kind of funny, Literally Aisays the phrase nice guys finished last suggest
that people who are kind, considerate, and respectful have a harder time achieving
(16:48):
success or finding romantic relationships compared tothose who exhibit more assertive or self centered
behaviors. This is because the niceguys are looked at is less attractive,
and they're competing with attractive not sonice guys. And it's one of those
things where it's like I think wedo just put together nice guys is being
soft or I mean, and alsolike think about either your past or just
(17:11):
guys, you know, sorry guysyou know in general, like to the
naked eye or when you first meetthem, they're like he's so confident and
like sure of himself and like,yeah, assertive, dominant. What does
that usually turn into a chach narcissism? I'm controlling all of those negusive,
(17:33):
abusive emotionally. I mean, itdoesn't have to be, but yes,
yeah, that's what it usually turnsinto. And I think I think that's
why we do have to be likebetter about encouraging. Like it's a guy
who's blown up your phone being sweet, Yeah that's not a bad thing,
and I know it can be annoying, but if we take a step back
and look like, what is hedoing wrong? Pursuing you, being kind
(17:56):
to you? Why is that abad thing? It's not. And I
think I just want to be abetter encourager because I know how I treated
him for so long or not treatedhim, but like looked at him,
and I that is probably gonna belike my forever regret in life. Well,
if got worked out. It happened. It is all well now,
(18:18):
but it happened the way it wassupposed to. And it also makes me
think about like when you listen tosongs like one step foward, three steps
back. Yeah, there are moresongs about that and narcissism and terrible relationships.
And I mean there's a song outnow called Situationships. Well, I
will say too. Oh. Ialso saw another TikTok and this one hurt.
Oh no, But you can alwaystell how much a woman loves herself
(18:42):
by the partner she chooses. Sorryfor that one, girl, Holy crap,
that one hurt me because I waslike, oh my god, they're
right. Oh, so think aboutthat if you're choosing wrong guy after wrong
guy. And I can take myown here like I do it too.
You're not alone. But like,if you're choosing wrong guy after wrong guy,
(19:04):
Like maybe you need to take astep back from dating and like just
look inward. Yeah, absolutely,what am I respect yourself? Respect yourself
and go after what you deserve.That is we need to make that a
quote post to the gray that hithard. That is facts because I think
(19:25):
about your past and like, thinkabout yourself now. Yeah, and the
difference in your partner, huge,huge difference. That's crazy. I'll get
there one day. Also, Okay, this this makes me think back to
bulldog Man and he will explain hispast and how he was not the guy
(19:48):
he is now and what changed washe was very unhappy with kind of how
he was looking at life and goingabout it, choices he was making,
and so he started praying to howcan I I love myself better? Lord?
Like, how can I love myselfbetter? How can I love you?
How can I work on this sothat one day you can help me
love somebody? Right? And Ithink if we all do that within ourselves,
(20:14):
it starts with how do I loveyou and love myself? Because then
you'll start looking for the right peoplemoving forward, because you know how you
treat and love yourself, You're notgonna You're not gonna settle for someone who's
not treating you same way you treatyourself, right exactly. So that's a
great point you should be in likewhen you're dating or meeting someone or whatever.
(20:36):
Like it's also a confidence thing likea man should be asking you instead
of like who am I in competitionwith? When it comes to men?
Yeah, remember you're in competition withthe girl herself. Yeah this song can
you? Can you treat her betterthan she would herself just being alone?
(20:59):
Are you going to add to herlife? Are you? Yep? Like
you're in competition with her? Yes? How are you going to contribute and
be better for her? Right?And opposite? It's the song too,
I mean this isn't really I meankind of something this song better Boy,
where it's like like you should alwaystreat her like there's always someone else out
there like you always want to beAnd I mean that goes for us too
(21:22):
towards men, like yeah, you'reyou, how you treat your significant other
like you should never stop dating them, pursuing them like that personally you don't
stop pursuing them, That pursuit neverstops yep, I agree. So,
but with choches and assholes they're not. They're not going to pursue you.
That's your ego. They they feellike they are up here. Just like,
(21:42):
sorry, Simone Biles. I don'tmean to call you out and your
husband, but in his eyes,he said, men are the prize,
and that's the kind of guys thatdon't pursue you. You cannot convince me.
I'm sorry, like just tangent,you cannot convince me. He had
no idea who she was. Thatis totals totals that shut up, dude.
(22:03):
It makes me want to kick himin the nose. And I just
still don't know his name. Idon't I don't know his name. I
have no idea. I couldn't tellyou what team he played. Is it
football? He's a see I don'teven know what freaking sport because he's so
irrelevant to me. But I knewsome of the Biles for how many years
now? The greatest of all time? And you literally said, she pursued
(22:27):
me. Well, you're a dumbass. If she pursued you, you're
stupid. You're a chance to pursueher and you didn't. Yeah, anyways,
story for another time. We couldWe could probably spend hours on that,
but yeah, so I don't know. I just wanted to be able
to go on and talk about typesof guys and what are we doing.
(22:48):
I think that is what clicked foryou. You finally love yourself. I
agree. I think we figured outour answer on accident. I think,
hey, podcast, let learned toup yourself. If you want to go
for the good pose yes and beand just give it a go, please
be like, Okay, I wantto see what this is about. He's
a good guy. He treats meamazing, like, we'll see. The
(23:11):
worst that could happen is it's abad date, right, and what was
nice and treated you with respect?It just didn't click. Here's the thing
too, It's like your worst casescenario with a nice guy is still way
better than worst casenario. I wouldget on my knees and like pray to
never do that again. Yes,I mean I'm begging you guys, like
(23:34):
please. Oh. I I couldgo on about this. I won't,
but I have friends and I wantto hit right now. I have so
many things in my brain right now. I think we should do an episode
of like what to look for ina narcissistic Oh. I would love that.
I think we should do that.I think that we could scream from
the rooftops. Okay, please catchthat. Could throw something off. I
(23:56):
could throw it off a balcony rightnow at barstool, almost almost in a
cop Okay, we love y'all,and I hope y'all are navigating life almost
as great as weird. And I'mjust kidding out right, I wish.
Hey, I hope you're navigating lifeas great as I wish I was.
(24:18):
Yeah, that's a good way tosay, because right now I feel like
I'm hanging on like a dread metoo. But live, love love,
Yeah, had a girl at agirl God bless I love y'all.
What is right? How are youdoing good? How are you I'm really
tired and really stressed out currently inthe moment. Yeah, we're on a
time crunch this morning. Well thatand I've had so much going on these
last few days. And you knowwhere you like are in the middle of
processing all of it. Sure,but you haven't quite Yeah, but like
(00:22):
you know, it's a lot.Yeah. Yeah, and you don't really
want to process it because you mighthave a breakdown. No, I totally
get that. I deflect things allthe time, Yes, focus on other
things. Yeah, and I thinkthat's what I'm trying to do. But
that's okay. Well I can helpyou do that for the next twenty minutes.
Yeah, we can just keep keepdiving into Well, I don't want
(00:44):
to bring it's it's a lot.But I'm saying deflect. Oh oh,
oh my gosh, I would loveto deflect. This would be great.
Yes, we don't even have tothink about it. No, this morning.
I did compete on Saturday and itwas great day saw I saw it
was a season's best and honestly thebest I've jumped in two years. It
was awesome. I saw the videoand I loved it. When he looked
(01:04):
at your friends and maam thanks.It came sweet so that I could go
to things like that. I knowyou're a working girl on Saturdays. It's
terrible on the weekend. Yeah.Yeah, So that was fun. And
then I went to Starkville to watchbulldog Man play baseball. How is that
how you played? He played awesome, but uh they ended up losing Friday's
(01:26):
game and Sunday's games. Says aseries but one little shout out to him.
I'm just super proud he got nominatedfor a leadership award for there did
right for their little It's like wehave Crimson Choice Awards. They have something
like that for Georgia. But it'snot only those things, like you're really
proud of them, Like athletically,I get it, like athletic a compliments,
(01:46):
accomplishments are huge, but stuff likethat when it's who you are as
a person, because that's just itmeans, It means a lot. So
I'm just really proud of him.I think that's awesome. I'm proud of
him, but not surprised. He'slovely, I know. So speaking of
him, last week, I launchedhim on Instagram. Yes, he was
(02:07):
the second picture that sounds bad.I liked in the comments where he said
I'm surprised he said, I don'tremember his dog same but I said Buck.
Yeah, he was shocked that Buckdidn't go first. I know.
In the I'm like, honestly,me too, Buck. His dog is
a GSP saw my GSP lovers.I had a lot of GSP comments.
(02:30):
I had a lot of people thatwere more of a fan of me because
of the GSP. Nice he is, that's why you're dating him just for
the extra Instagram Well he knows thathe makes the joke all the time.
He's like, I really just amlike a business deal for you. I
was like, yeah basically, soyeah, I posted him as a second
(02:50):
picture just because I knew how itwas gonna go. I did, at
first lose like over two hundred followers. Good. Yeah, And I was
like, honestly, if you're nothere to be happy for me and support
I don't want you anyways. Yeah, if you're only following me because you
thought we were gonna date, yeah, you think you have a chance.
I I cause I, like Isaid, I don't really like using social
media as a dating app. Imean, yes, that is howblelldog Man
(03:12):
and I met, But that waslike out of the blue, Yeah,
that was I just I hate,like parasocial relationships are so strange. Yeah,
yes, so posted him. Andthen I go to practice and our
team meeting and one of our freshmangirls she pulled me aside and she was
like, who is this guy youposted? I was like, oh,
that's my boyfriend. Yeah, andshe was like, okay, what's his
(03:34):
name? And I was telling herall about him, and then she's like,
how did y'all meet? And Iwas like, huh, funny story.
And I kind of start going intoall of it, and I explained
how for some reason, for twoyears, my brain wasn't working and yeah,
I was going for uh not thegreatest of guys, yeah, I
would say, and then finally decided, you know what, I'm gonna go.
(03:59):
And she was like, well,what flipped for you? What finally
went off for you to be likeyou know what? And I was like,
oh, yeah, wait, Idon't. I don't know. I
looked at her and I was like, I guess like enough was enough with
the other. Yeah, But genuinely, I'm like, I don't know if
I could put my finger on it. Yeah. It was more of a
(04:21):
feeling than an action, like athought yeah yeah. And then she was
like, well, can we goget coffee because like I need help.
I'm like, you're a freshman.You got plenty of time to live and
learn, trust me, girl.But she was like, I genuinely like
want to pick your brain as likewhy do I keep going for and chasing?
Why am I chasing? And Iwas like, oh, we love
to chase. I was like,we're track girl, Is we live like
(04:44):
that? Chase? Like no,yeah, but I and then I start
thinking, because of course it's asaying nice guys finished last Yeah, like
we all know that, or wetalk about oh we're in our bad boy
fays, but why oh I stilllike a bad boy? But about not?
I don't know. I do havea lot of thoughts on this because
(05:08):
I think when it comes to justgoing after a guy you know you have
no future with, he's not goingto provide a good future, like that
kind of vibe, that kind ofbad boy yeah, and that's just kind
of a loser at the same time, right, I think it's just maturity
and like knowing that you're not readyfor anything serious. But here's my thing
(05:29):
we we like you in the beginning, yes, but it's also in those
things And why do we still gethurt and upset? Because I think you
I think you catch feelings so muchlike if you're giving your time energy focus
on someone and they're not. Ithink it's also and I hate to put
it this way, I think it'sa little bit of an ego trip to
Yeah, when they don't see youas someone worth changing for or at least
(05:56):
you take it that way, right, that's not at all the point,
and that's not how they think ofit. But I think, well,
and my thing is too, likewhen we when we get into these situationships
is what they are? They're notrelationships? What are like? What is
in our minds? What's the endresult? Like? Do we are we
in this? Because deep down youdo hope to date and see where it
(06:17):
goes. But they're not quality guys, are checking off boxes. So why
are we so like it's like we'rehypnotized, yeah, and caught and stuck.
I just I've just in my ownsituationships that I've had, it's always
been like like I could like eventie it back to like childhood stuff for
(06:41):
me. Okay, I won't.I won't go into all of those details,
but it's kind of like for me, it's always been I want someone
to find me worthy of those changesand like finding someone who's you know,
not making good decisions in their lifeall this stuff, and then I have
(07:03):
like a savior complex and I'm like, oh, but I'll be worth it
to them, or I want toprove to them. Okay, it's more
proof, like trying to prove tothem I'm changing for and look, I'm
gonna be the girl that he finallysettles down with. I'm going to be
the one that he need to changethem, fix them, and everyone's going
to be like, wow, shemust be amazing, yes, to get
(07:24):
him to make best changes and dothese things. And that's It's interesting you
say that because all through my everythingback and forth, both of my parents
literally one day were like, youwould think you had daddy issues me too,
yeah, And I'm like, no, you would because all the things
that I I just I don't know, Like it's crazy when I look back
(07:47):
now at the type of guys Iwas falling for, and yeah, not
even necessarily who they were, becauseI didn't even really get to know them
all enough to know they were Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's another
that's crazy about these situationships is wewe build them up to be so much
more than what it really is,like when you look at it, like
(08:09):
they are just literally another snapstreak,another person you text, another friend in
your life. I will just toyou know, in our corner, give
us a little bit of credit.It's not completely our fault. Because guys
love to bread crumb. Yes.I learned that term in therapy. Yeah,
bread crumbing. They love to giveyou a little bit of hope.
(08:31):
Yes, I'm actually kind of dealingwith that right now. I think so.
I'm not sure because it's so No, it's not good, it's not
it's not all bad. So Istarted kind of seeing this guy like a
month ago. We've hung out likepretty consistently, like once a week.
I don't think I've even mentioned himbecause I didn't think it was This is
(08:56):
what I'm talking about. Do wehave a nickname? I can give you
a nickname? Oh God, Idon't know. I have to think about
that. Uh uh. Can Isay drummer boy? Yeah? Amen,
Merry Christmas, Mary. That's allI thought about, drummer boy. So
(09:20):
Madiemona daddy app Okay, cool,Yeah, he's great, awesome, he's
like but he's a breadcrumber. Ithink so. No, but I can't
put my finger on it because whenwe first started talking and like seeing each
other and stuff, I kind ofput him in a box. Okay,
he reminded me of a past situation, not in like just like not like
(09:41):
he doesn't suck, That's not allI was saying, but like, when
you say past, I think youneed to clarify what past we're talking about.
When you say past, you're talkingabout four year long. Yeah,
damn, but it didn't ask youto be his girlfriend. It reminded me
of him, but like in thebeginning, like when I first started seeing
(10:05):
him, it was very unseerious andthen it flipped to what I thought was
serious. But I was getting cheatedon all the time right when he started
like seeing me, and he's kindof like an asshole, but in like
a funny way. Even my dad'san asshole, but like in a funny
way. Yeah, he was kindof that way too. And so it
was four year so when he startedacting like that, I put him in
(10:28):
a box. I was like,oh no, he's just I would have
to trauma. Yeah I was,but now he's saying things like he went
to I don't want to give toomany details and give it away, but
he went to this thing that oneof my family members happened to be at,
and he was like, I'm gonnago meet them, like and like,
(10:50):
and I was like, no,you wouldn't. He's like, why
wouldn't. I I don't know.It was odd, right, And then
he was like, just tell himthat your boyfriend's here and he wants to
meet you or meet him. Iwas like, what I said, my
boyfriend? Yeah. He's like Imean yeah, So I got I'm confused
right now. Girls. So I'mlike, is this bread crumbing? I
have trauma? What? And sothat's another thing. Is it bread crumbing
(11:15):
is not with me? No?I don't think so. But I also
think y'all need to have like awhat's going on? That's the thing.
We haven't had that talk because Iand I've learned to just be so open
and honest, because if someone doesnot respond well to me being open and
honest, I don't want you.I just didn't think that that was gonna
be like a talk that we everhad, because I kind of put it
on a box and I was like, oh, this is casual, like
(11:35):
if it turns into something, Iwas like in my head, I was
like, I'm not gonna put pressureon it. I'm not gonna worry about
it's fine, Okay. But nowI'm like, oh, maybe this is
because I'm open to anything. Ilike him. We have a great time.
It's not that I'm like, Idon't know, I'm just confused.
Okay, So I guess navigating kindof guy he is. Yeah, we
(12:01):
did to realize. I think weneed to go back to that episode where
we wrote down Okay, that's athat's good because I think and one of
my new guy friends that I workwith and stuff like, we get along
very well. He vouched for him. He knows. Hey, that is
a good sign. Yeah, Ithought so too. I think I was
(12:22):
like, oh, and I liketold her, I like made a joke.
I was like, you wouldn't likethrow me to the wolves, right,
Like he's genuinely a nice guy.Yeah, He's like, oh yeah,
he's great. Okay, that's it. That's a good I was like,
oh, I've put him in abox. Happened? I put him
for a year and a half,and so that's when people ask me,
like what clicked. I'm like,God, I don't know. I think
(12:46):
he dropped a brick on my headright and I was like, oh my
gosh, hey, can I comevisit Georgia be your girlfriend right now?
Like literally don't know what happened otherthan I think that episode where we talked
through all that stuff. I'm like, how can I have these standards for
myself and all these things I wantwhen I don't stick to it. Yeah.
And so one of my teammates shehas been getting text and snaps and
(13:09):
dms from this guy and she's likeit's too much. And I'm like,
I get it. He was toomuch, but he wasn't too much.
He was perfect and he wasn't toomuch. He was more than enough.
I like that. I like that. It's just like a brain switch.
It's a brain switch, and it'sone of those things she thought she was
gonna get picked out. He cameto the meet. We went over and
talked to him and she was likewait. I was like, yes,
(13:30):
I think meeting in person is themost important part because it does make you
feel overwhelmed and stuff. When youdon't really know someone and they're trying very
hard being nice and they're yeah,and it was an ick. I told
him on the phone last night.I'm like, there was a day that
I was telling you all of thethings I had to do in a day,
and you ask like what can Ido to help? Like I really
wish I could help you? AndI was like help me? Do you
know me? I'm independent. Idon't need your help. Why did I
(13:52):
get so defensive for a guy wantingto help me? I don't I do
the same thing though, And Ithink part of it like when people ask
me like, oh, like whywhy am I going after all these guys
a chase? And I'm like,well, you probably had one bad relationship
that literally changed how you look atdating. Like I was like, I
don't want to date. Dating wasnot fun? Why would I want to
(14:13):
do that? Like there, itrewired how I looked at dating. And
two, I think it rewired theway you look at like being in a
more feminine role because you were solet down. You don't you want to
build that wall and you don't wantto be let down again because you're not
going to let yourself down, right, you know? Yes, you're all
for yourself. I also saw thisthing that I sent him on Instagram the
(14:33):
other day, and it said,the wrong guy teaches you you can do
everything on your own. The rightguy lets you know you don't have to.
Yeah, I agree. I've beenseeing a lot of stuff like that
because I agree with all of itthat was the case, and I just
I don't know. And so withmy teammate, I might look sometimes we
get so picked out when guys areso nice, and I think I think
(14:54):
what it is is because we somehowattach masculine with an asshole. Yeah,
I think it's I do. Ithink society even does that too, like
it looks at nice guys as beingsoft when I can tell you right now,
I've never met a more masculine manin my life. Where is the
sweetest also the sweetest human being?And so I think we just and I
(15:18):
think we have to be better encouragersof one another, Like go for the
nice guy, go for the personwho treats you how you deserve to be
treated, and give it a goand if it's if it doesn't work,
it's not the end of the world. But you can't keep going for bad
after batter but because you're just rewhat's the word like I saw it,
(15:41):
I saw a TikTok, I saidit. It's not your type, it's
your pattern. Yes, And you'rehonestly you're you're making it stick. The
more you get used to the samething and it being bad, it's gonna
stick around and you're not gonna beable. It's gonna be that much harder
to find good because I think what'sso scary for me is being married to
(16:06):
a terrible person, and like dating, you're not stuck. Yeah, when
you're married, like you're married.So that's why it's so important to find
someone who genuinely treats you with respect, love, patience, because like the
thought of being married to someone thatyou don't really know or doesn't treat you
or feel like they know you orcare about you. I think that's my
(16:27):
biggest thing, to a guy thattruly cares about my feelings. Yeah,
no, I totally agree. AndI was looking up I was like,
why do we like the chase?Why are we fixers? Why do we
go for all this stuff? Andliterally the first thing which I thought this
was kind of funny, Literally Aisays the phrase nice guys finished last suggest
that people who are kind, considerate, and respectful have a harder time achieving
(16:48):
success or finding romantic relationships compared tothose who exhibit more assertive or self centered
behaviors. This is because the niceguys are looked at is less attractive,
and they're competing with attractive not sonice guys. And it's one of those
things where it's like I think wedo just put together nice guys is being
soft or I mean, and alsolike think about either your past or just
(17:11):
guys, you know, sorry guysyou know in general, like to the
naked eye or when you first meetthem, they're like he's so confident and
like sure of himself and like,yeah, assertive, dominant. What does
that usually turn into a chach narcissism? I'm controlling all of those negusive,
(17:33):
abusive emotionally. I mean, itdoesn't have to be, but yes,
yeah, that's what it usually turnsinto. And I think I think that's
why we do have to be likebetter about encouraging. Like it's a guy
who's blown up your phone being sweet, Yeah that's not a bad thing,
and I know it can be annoying, but if we take a step back
and look like, what is hedoing wrong? Pursuing you, being kind
(17:56):
to you? Why is that abad thing? It's not. And I
think I just want to be abetter encourager because I know how I treated
him for so long or not treatedhim, but like looked at him,
and I that is probably gonna belike my forever regret in life. Well,
if got worked out. It happened. It is all well now,
(18:18):
but it happened the way it wassupposed to. And it also makes me
think about like when you listen tosongs like one step foward, three steps
back. Yeah, there are moresongs about that and narcissism and terrible relationships.
And I mean there's a song outnow called Situationships. Well, I
will say too. Oh. Ialso saw another TikTok and this one hurt.
Oh no, But you can alwaystell how much a woman loves herself
(18:42):
by the partner she chooses. Sorryfor that one, girl, Holy crap,
that one hurt me because I waslike, oh my god, they're
right. Oh, so think aboutthat if you're choosing wrong guy after wrong
guy. And I can take myown here like I do it too.
You're not alone. But like,if you're choosing wrong guy after wrong guy,
(19:04):
Like maybe you need to take astep back from dating and like just
look inward. Yeah, absolutely,what am I respect yourself? Respect yourself
and go after what you deserve.That is we need to make that a
quote post to the gray that hithard. That is facts because I think
(19:25):
about your past and like, thinkabout yourself now. Yeah, and the
difference in your partner, huge,huge difference. That's crazy. I'll get
there one day. Also, Okay, this this makes me think back to
bulldog Man and he will explain hispast and how he was not the guy
(19:48):
he is now and what changed washe was very unhappy with kind of how
he was looking at life and goingabout it, choices he was making,
and so he started praying to howcan I I love myself better? Lord?
Like, how can I love myselfbetter? How can I love you?
How can I work on this sothat one day you can help me
love somebody? Right? And Ithink if we all do that within ourselves,
(20:14):
it starts with how do I loveyou and love myself? Because then
you'll start looking for the right peoplemoving forward, because you know how you
treat and love yourself, You're notgonna You're not gonna settle for someone who's
not treating you same way you treatyourself, right exactly. So that's a
great point you should be in likewhen you're dating or meeting someone or whatever.
(20:36):
Like it's also a confidence thing likea man should be asking you instead
of like who am I in competitionwith? When it comes to men?
Yeah, remember you're in competition withthe girl herself. Yeah this song can
you? Can you treat her betterthan she would herself just being alone?
(20:59):
Are you going to add to herlife? Are you? Yep? Like
you're in competition with her? Yes? How are you going to contribute and
be better for her? Right?And opposite? It's the song too,
I mean this isn't really I meankind of something this song better Boy,
where it's like like you should alwaystreat her like there's always someone else out
there like you always want to beAnd I mean that goes for us too
(21:22):
towards men, like yeah, you'reyou, how you treat your significant other
like you should never stop dating them, pursuing them like that personally you don't
stop pursuing them, That pursuit neverstops yep, I agree. So,
but with choches and assholes they're not. They're not going to pursue you.
That's your ego. They they feellike they are up here. Just like,
(21:42):
sorry, Simone Biles. I don'tmean to call you out and your
husband, but in his eyes,he said, men are the prize,
and that's the kind of guys thatdon't pursue you. You cannot convince me.
I'm sorry, like just tangent,you cannot convince me. He had
no idea who she was. Thatis totals totals that shut up, dude.
(22:03):
It makes me want to kick himin the nose. And I just
still don't know his name. Idon't I don't know his name. I
have no idea. I couldn't tellyou what team he played. Is it
football? He's a see I don'teven know what freaking sport because he's so
irrelevant to me. But I knewsome of the Biles for how many years
now? The greatest of all time? And you literally said, she pursued
(22:27):
me. Well, you're a dumbass. If she pursued you, you're
stupid. You're a chance to pursueher and you didn't. Yeah, anyways,
story for another time. We couldWe could probably spend hours on that,
but yeah, so I don't know. I just wanted to be able
to go on and talk about typesof guys and what are we doing.
(22:48):
I think that is what clicked foryou. You finally love yourself. I
agree. I think we figured outour answer on accident. I think,
hey, podcast, let learned toup yourself. If you want to go
for the good pose yes and beand just give it a go, please
be like, Okay, I wantto see what this is about. He's
a good guy. He treats meamazing, like, we'll see. The
(23:11):
worst that could happen is it's abad date, right, and what was
nice and treated you with respect?It just didn't click. Here's the thing
too, It's like your worst casescenario with a nice guy is still way
better than worst casenario. I wouldget on my knees and like pray to
never do that again. Yes,I mean I'm begging you guys, like
(23:34):
please. Oh. I I couldgo on about this. I won't,
but I have friends and I wantto hit right now. I have so
many things in my brain right now. I think we should do an episode
of like what to look for ina narcissistic Oh. I would love that.
I think we should do that.I think that we could scream from
the rooftops. Okay, please catchthat. Could throw something off. I
(23:56):
could throw it off a balcony rightnow at barstool, almost almost in a
cop Okay, we love y'all,and I hope y'all are navigating life almost
as great as weird. And I'mjust kidding out right, I wish.
Hey, I hope you're navigating lifeas great as I wish I was.
(24:18):
Yeah, that's a good way tosay, because right now I feel like
I'm hanging on like a dread metoo. But live, love love,
Yeah, had a girl at agirl God bless I love y'all.
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