ep. 15 - AITA

Am I The Asshole? The question we all ask at different times. 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Loocome back. Hi. Okay,last week we made fun of ourselves because
we've just been diving on in.But welcome back to At a Girl podcast.
If you were new here, I'mRiley and I'm Cam. Welcome,
Welcome, And this is at aGirl podcast where we talk about all things
life. Yeah, we've been talkingabout relationships, friendships, family, all

(00:26):
the things. We've been on abig relationship kick just because I'm like in
a honeymoon phase of a relationship.Yeah, I'm still navigating dating and I
this is funny. It's in amorning you guys. Yeah, we debriefed
a little bit before the podcast andI'm just struggling at the moment, but

(00:46):
I'm fine. Well, we talkedlast week about toxic relationships how to get
out of them, and we'll havea part two here in a little bit.
We just needed to take a smallbreak because all we've been talking about
is relationships, but not only leavea toxic relationship is hard, but then
dating and navigating afterwards. Yeah,and I'm trying to decide like what I

(01:06):
want to deal with or what isactually important to me, like genuinely important
and what right and just kind ofI don't know yeah, because I'm used
to I'm used to just dealing withthings right and accepting what I've I'm given
instead of pushing for what I want. And for me navigating this with bulldog

(01:29):
Man, he's so big on likeit's no longer you and I, it
is us. Anything that you're dealingwith, we deal with. And I'm
like, no, it's okay,Like I've got it. Yeah, no,
I'll bottle it up, like Idon't need to talk to you about
it, and he's like, no, you do. And I've had to
learn how to rely on somebody andlean on someone and how to be open

(01:51):
and honest about my feelings because inthe past, if you were open honest
about your opinion, yeah, andyour feelings, I mean it was like
you get yelled at, you getcuss that or stone walls. Also,
it's just like there are so manygreat attributes that I don't want to overshadow.
Well, no, I need tofigure out I don't know, okay,

(02:12):
but I think like who somebody is, like the characteristics of who they
are, their character, and thenwhat they offer and how they treat you
or two totally separate things, likejust because trying to figure out communication wise,
if it's good or not, doesn'tmake him a bad person or not.
All these amazing qualities, and inhis head he might not have a

(02:35):
clue. He might think you're sittinghere so secure, and like, yeah,
I just don't. You don't havethat security. So I'm kind of
overthreading, right, That's okay,We're all okay, we're just gonna keep
navigating. You're gonna we're gonna deflecttoday. Great sounds good. Yeah,
I'm just not. I don't know. I'll figure it out, see.

(03:00):
And that's the thing. It's feelinglike you have to figure it out and
navigate everything on your own ease,you don't like you did in the past.
I just I feel like I don'twant to come on too strong and
I need to get out of myhead with that because I shouldn't feel that
way that and part of you isscared to lose him, Yeah, Like
I don't want to push him awayor like freak him out or make him

(03:23):
run because I'm used to dating peoplewho would do that. So I don't
know, Like I'm scared to likespeak my feelings because I don't. I
mean, what if he is thatsame way I'm gonna that's gonna suck and
it's not your person. I know, but that's hard. I know,
trust me, I'm just not readyfor that. And I genuinely from the
get go everything I sent, Iwas like, well, I'm afraid to

(03:43):
tell you how I fel because Iwant to push you away. Well,
I'm afraid because I don't want toput you away. Well I don't want
to bring this up because I don'twant to. And I literally was like,
no, like I'm terrified, likeif I don't, if I lose
you, like I'm never dating again. Yeah, So like that is such
a big fear. Why I don'tknow, And it's just like the only
thing is like the communication heart,Like if I had that security, like
him not texting me for however muchtime during the day wouldn't bother me.

(04:06):
If I just felt secure enough thatI knew where he stood. Yeah,
yes, yes, and don't Idon't have that for sure. That's what's
tripping me out a little bit.No, that makes total sense, knowing
how someone feels about you where you'allstand. Are you on the same page
or yeah, I just want toknow if you're in the same place.
Yes, that's what I want toknow. Yes, I would love to

(04:28):
be Yeah, but no, Idon't know. Okay, well we shall
see. Let's uh, we'll keepyou updated on I thought today we could
keep things a little bit light,but still, you know, keep it
on brand, give some advice,yes, have some fun. So.
I don't know if you guys knowabout the Reddit page. Am I the
asshole? It's a good one.It's so good. It's a good one.

(04:53):
A lot of podcasts do these episodes. It's it's a normal thing.
But we wanted to and I kindof looked this morning for some that would
you know, fit in well withwhat we do here weekly anyway, and
I found some interesting ones. Yeah, let me tell you. So should
we just start? Yeah, let'sdive right into it, all right,

(05:14):
rye, Okay, let's I'm gonnaread just the title and we're gonna do
some first impressions before I get tothe full story. Perfect, Okay,
Am I the asshole for not wantingto go on my wife's annual girls trip?
For not wanting to go with her? Yeah? First impression? Yeah,

(05:36):
if she's inviting you to a girl'strip and you don't want to go,
Yeah, do you know how fun. Girls trips are there's They're a
blast, and I'm sorry, ifyour wife is hot, I would be
jumping at the opportunity. What kindof girls trip? Yach bikini? Yeah?
What? Okay? Yes you are. Here's the story. My he's

(05:59):
thirty two wife thirty female okay,has this tradition where she goes on an
annual girl's only trip with her closestfriends. They've been doing it since college
and it's like their sacred bonding timewith each other, I know, especially
since they've all been married and havebusy lives. This year, my wife
really wants me to join them,as they're bringing their husbands too. Even

(06:20):
more of an asshole. That's acouple strip. Yeah, it's turning into
that, okay, And he doesn'twant to go to She says it'll be
fun and then I'll get along greatwith her friends. But here's the thing.
I have absolutely zero interests in spendinga weekend with a bunch of giggling
girls and men. I don't know. I don't want to sit everywhere all

(06:45):
awkward. I'd rather stay home andwatch Netflix. But I just don't see
the appeal of it. Don't getme wrong, I love my wife,
and I respect your friends. WhenI told my wife I was interested,
she got upset and accused me ofnot wanting to spend time with her friends.
Am I the asshole here? Yes? Yeah, okay, I'm gonna
be a big asshole right now.How the freak did you get her to

(07:09):
marry you? If you consider herand her friend's giggling girls? Are you
freaking kidding me? You so youhave no sense of humor. You don't
like to have fun. No,you like to sit in the dark and
just watch TV all day every day. Yeah, you want to stay home
and watch Netflix on the couch ratherthan go on a couple's trip. Mm
hmm, this is a you problem. Here's my thing too. That's odd.

(07:32):
So they've been doing this since college, right, and they've all been
married and stuff, he says.She accused me of not wanting to spend
time with her friends. She says, I'll have fun with her friends.
Do y'all not hang out anyway?You've not met, have you? Have
you not spent time with them atall? Because this is what about ten
years now out of college could be? Yeah, he's thirty two, she's

(07:56):
thirty. Yeah, so you're tellingme in ten years, you've never been
around her friends or you've been aroundthem enough to just say that they're giggly
girls. That's gross like language tome. I don't like that. Giggling
girls. There're thirty year old womenand they probably laugh a little loud when
they're all together because they love eachother and have fun, have fun.

(08:16):
Oh fuck sue them and their husbands. Said he doesn't know, so with
men, I don't know. It'swhat he says. How have you never
met them? What do you mean? But why is that a problem?
Like? How do you meet friendsand make friends in the first place you
meet men? I guarantee this manexpects her to let him have all of

(08:37):
his guy friends over at the housefor Super Bowl Sunday. Yeah, and
hang out with all of his friendsand their wives. Yeah yes, but
heaven forbid going on a girl's trip. That's just that's too much to ask.
I just can't believe that. Iknow, it just sounds very this
is a hymn prop. Maybe Ijust don't think he has much social battery

(09:01):
life. And that's fine. Idon't either. A lot of the time
my social battery deplete spirit. Buthe should say that rather than saying I
don't want to be around her andher giggly friends and husbands have never met
girls, just hurt. I don'tlike them, and man, I don't
even know. I don't want tosit there everywhere all awkward. Well,
don't put your yeah, put yourselfout now, talk, put yourself out

(09:24):
there. Talk. Can you getyour new people? Yeah, loosen up?
I don't Yeah, yeah, you'reon the assholes. Oh my gosh,
an homegirl. Oh, I wouldbe finding me another one. Are
you kids? What I'm thinking?It sounds very like isolation vibes and controlling
because now she's gonna feel bad goingon this trip without her husband. Yeah,

(09:46):
And you're gonna expect her to goon this trip and everybody else's husband's
there and you don't give a shitand you're just going to stay home and
she's going to be the single one. Yes, And all of her friends
are going to be like, whyis your husband not here? Yes?
Oh, thanks for giggling girls,and they're all gonna hate you and then
probably talk her into divorcing you.This is a spiral that's gonna happen,
and you should go on the trip. Yes, absolutely, are you freaking

(10:09):
like, I just it's a nicethings too. This was only posted six
hours ago too, since new OhI hope she's listening to this. Oh
she is. I don't care abouthim. I hope she's listening to this.
Yeah, I wish I knewho shewas. I'm sorry. Also,
like, do you not do thingsfor your wife because she wants you to

(10:30):
do them? Like? Do younot love her? That's that's how many
things I used to do that Idid not want to do. But it's
because I knew my or Like,yeah, bulldog man wants to go do
something, Sure, I'll go justbecause you want to. That's my thing.
What that's my thing? I justlike tagging along. Yes, you
don't want to spend time with yourperson, I don't really care what we're
doing now. If you're having fun, I'm having a blast. Yeah,

(10:52):
if you like it, I loveit? Yes, asshole? Asshole?
Good that makes me mad for Iknow I like girl giggling girls and man,
I don't even know why don't youknow them? Yeah? That's odd?
Next? Okay, first impression.Okay, am I the asshole for

(11:16):
calling out my best friend shitty behaviortowards me in front of our friend group.
Yeah, not in front of people. I don't like it in front
of people. Okay, yes,call her out, but I didn't really
think about that where that is amean? That's mean, like coaches that
do that bother the hell out ofme, like pull me aside, address

(11:37):
me one on one, like todo that to embarrass me in front of
people. Now, okay, let'ssee what really happened. Yeah. I
haven't actually read this one either,so this one's first impression for me too.
Yeah. When I first read that, I was like, shitty behavior.
It's like, not call her out, but I didn't think about it
in front of people. In frontof people, that's the part that yes,
call her out absolutely. Okay,I sixteen female, have a friend.

(12:00):
I'll call her Madeline sixteen female whoasixteen? And what I would do
to go vacae sixteen years? Youknow, Madeleine and I have been best
friends for three years, and recentlyshe has been downgrading me in front of
our friends, staying saying stuff likepull your shorts up, you have no
bum? Are they from England?And ew, your acne makes you look

(12:24):
gross and just overall talking horribly aboutme and has really made me self conscious.
After that, I distanced myself awayfrom her until we see each other
at a party, and she triedto pressure me into taking a substance with
her, which I refused multiple times, which one yeah, hold up,

(12:46):
loser, I'm just gonna lame.I'm totally party pooper. She then got
mad and started screaming at me infront of everyone, basically saying, why
did you come here? If you'regonna be a loser and not take drugs,
might as well go home. Thisis so sixteen, and I love
every second of it. I obviouslywas embarrassed, so I did go home

(13:11):
and completely avoided her as much asI could. This was like two months
ago, and I had avoided herfor Wait, sorry, I read that
wrong. It was like two months. I had been avoiding her, and
she kept making comments towards me infront of everyone on the days that she
was actually at school, which waslike two to three times a week,

(13:31):
which I don't understand why she wouldsay stuff towards me, considering I have
been by her side through everything shehas been through. One day at school,
it was lunchtime and I was alreadyhaving a horrible day because of her,
and she was criticizing what I wearoutside of school, very loudly,
and so I stood up and said, you are the shittiest friend I have

(13:52):
ever known. A real friend wouldn'tbe treating me like you are. You
barely ever come to school, andyou have these big dreams, but you
won't achieve them if you're out allnight every night with men seven years older
than you and taking drugs and drinkingyour life away. You got angry at
me because I wouldn't do drugs,and yet you still have. And yet

(14:13):
you should have understood why I didn'twant to, not only because this is
long I didn't expect. I didn'texpect this, yet up these feelings you
could tell. You should have understoodwhy I didn't want to, not only
because of my past trauma, butalso yours. Fuck you, sorry,

(14:35):
this is language I didn't expect.And fuck this old table. I would
have thought someone here would have stoodup for me. And then I left.
Okay, am I the asshole?Because now the whole group hates me
for what I said, and Ibelieve I had a valid where you have
to voice my opinion. What's hername, Madeline? Now Madelan's the friend
we don't know. I don't knowwriter's name. Wow, home girl,

(14:58):
I think what we should have donewas not let all of these emotions and
feelings build. This is so sixteen, yeah, because I mean you exploded.
If you really said all of that, like you when breath said all
of that, I could just seeit at the table, slamming the trade
out and storming off. Okay,I don't think. I think you both

(15:22):
kind of are assholes, but metoo. I mean, I think you
guys just need to take a breathor not be friends. To be honest,
I don't think that you guys arewanting the same things out of high
school. Well no, and itsounds like you're on very different pages.
You want to go to school andnot do drugs. She wants to skip
school and do drugs. Let thathappen. Yeah, let her be a
druggie. Yeah, she's exploring.If she thinks you're the loser for not

(15:46):
wanting to take drugs at a party, then that's all that you really need
to know. I don't think theexplosion was necessary. No, I think
just seeing yourself was enough. Ithink I think the comment that would have
gotten me was the acne thing,because I know for sure I was with
my Yeah, so I think fromthe get go I would have been like,
hey, like, why do youkeep calling me out in front of
everybody? Like, I just thinkthat's kind of But and genuinely, I

(16:07):
think she's jealous. Yeah, she'snot happy in her own life. If
she's sitting around hanging out with thesemen and doing drugs and skipping school,
I don't think she's very secure withherself. I think she's looking for things
like phill voids that she doesn't knoware there, right, I agree,
And she's putting you down to makeherself feel better. Yeah, completely,

(16:29):
that's sixteen year old behavior, withouta doubt. Yeah, I just think
I think that you guys are growingapart, and that naturally happens in high
school. Yes, you're at thatripe age where that happens. A lot
of the friends that you had inelementary school are not your friends today or
will not be. No, yourfriend's at twenty five. Let me just
say that, Yeah exactly, youknow, just want different things. And

(16:51):
I don't think this explosion was verynecessary, but I will say I really
understand, Yeah, you were fedup. I kind of had a situation
a little bit like this. Atsixteen, I think we were like seventeen,
Yeah, okay, sixteen seventeen,my friend group in high school started
partying a little bit and I hada friend who didn't agree, which was

(17:11):
fine, And where we me andmy friends went wrong was we knew this
girl wouldn't agree. So while wewere at a party, we were we
were kind of being assholes. Wewere making comments like, oh, make
sure so and so doesn't find out. You know, we're just being turns

(17:32):
and we're sixteen and seventeen. Wheneverwe were and we were being assholes,
well it got back to her.She was exploded. Yeah, she kind
of exploded at the lunch table justlike this, actually, and yeah,
we The difference is is it wasn'tthis kind of explosion where it was like

(17:57):
you're shitty and you're gonna ruin life, and yeah, it was more calm,
like, yeah, she didn't likethat we did that. But I
think I think if you would havetaken a calmer approach or even addressed the
little comments that bothered you way before, we could have avoided that. We
could have avoided we could have avoidedthis. Oh man, this one kind

(18:18):
of I'm a little embarrassed too,But I get it. I do get
it, but I'm sitting here likeidled it so differently. But that's okay.
I don't think. I don't thinkyou're really an asshole though, No,
I think you're just immature. Yeah, yeah, and that's okay,
that's you're sixteen. Let's do onemore. Okay, am I the asshole

(18:41):
for agreeing to split the bill ona double date which ended in my best
friend being dumped? Okay, Idon't know about this one. Let's see.
Yeah, let's hear it. Hi, I twenty two female and unsure.
Here my best friend and roommate twentytwo female. Amy has been seeing

(19:04):
a guy for two months. Shereally likes him. It seemed to be
going super well. Last night sheasked if i'd go on a blind double
date, her and the guy she'sdating, and me and one of his
friends, who was single and looking. I wasn't keen at first, but
she insisted, so I agreed.We got to the restaurant, just a
nice place in our area with andthings started seemed to be going fine.

(19:27):
Sorry. The friend she was settingme up with was cool, but I'm
really not looking right now and feellike I didn't feel any spark. Okay.
We get to the end of dinnerand the bill comes. Amy chimes
in and says, don't worry,our men have got this. Don't like

(19:48):
that. That embarrassed me a little, okay, to which I say back,
ah, no, I don't mind. We've had two cocktails each,
all four of us, and itwasn't crazy expensive, but not cheap either.
A bit of back in Beth happened. Amy kept insisting it is always
the gentleman who pays, so Isaid something like you to you, I'm
happy to split. The guys weresaying they would cover both, but seemed

(20:10):
kind of uncomfortable. They paid andwe all left. Amy and her boyfriend
went back to his I said goodnight to his friend and we all went
home. Later Amy texted saying herman is now contemplating the relationship because he
doesn't want someone who always insists theman pays. She told me I ruined
it by offering to split and shouldhave sided with her and not made things

(20:30):
worse. She's now saying that heneeds time and might not want to continue
the relationship with her. Am Ithe asshole for this? No? No,
she's got she needed to be checked. She needed humbling. Oh,
I hate that, but there areso many girls out there like that.
I hate that. I mean,it's a nice thing to do if a
man decides to pay, yeah,but you should never expect it. I'm

(20:52):
always the type two of a guyoffers the girl should always be like no,
let me let me like no.I would never be like, yeah,
you should be paying. Yeah.It shouldn't be expected never. I
hate that because it does like rollsfor me. I don't want roles and
expectations. Yeah. I feel likeif the man pays, like, if
you expect that, then you can'tget mad of him for expecting you to

(21:15):
cook dinner every night and clean exactly. But also like the same thing,
sometimes people are going through different thingsin their lives, like it was nice
to go and get dinner and spendtime with you, Like why are you
like no, you should be payingyeah for me right now, especially like
I'm because of nil able to havemoney, whereas like bulldog man doesn't have

(21:37):
a source of income right now,and so if I were like you should
be taking me to tell these nicedinners are you talking about? We don't
see each other? I would Iwould be that asshle. Absolutely yeah,
and it's just weird to like.Also, like for the friend who is
on a blind date with a manshe doesn't know, Like what if she
was like, yeah, you shouldbe paying because I am in your company,
I'm the woman. No, youdon't know. She also wasn't asked

(21:59):
by this man like go on thisday with me. Like I'm also so
big on that too, Like ifI were to be like, oh my
gosh, we should grab dinner andthen I expect you to pay. I
asked you to go to dinner,Yeah right, I agree and ask me
like I don't know. I justthink that's weird, and I hate when
girls act that way, Like Idon't like it either. It's I and
I think there's a good balance likehalf and half, like sometimes you pay,
sometimes he pays, like you justbounce it out. It shouldn't be

(22:22):
a whole like expectation on this man. But also does that say with yourself,
like are you I think if youhave a man who feels like he
should pay every time, then Imean I wouldn't necessarily just be like no,
I'm a woman and I can yeah, like if he if that's his
thing and he's like a gentleman.Yeah, he feels absolutely didn't let him,
but like, if he doesn't agreewith you, then you shouldn't force

(22:44):
him to spend all the time withsomeone being like, yeah, you should
be paying for everything for me.I can I can't imagine. No,
No, I mean you're not goingto pay for everything for me. You're
not my sugar daddy. What oddIt's so like it's a little egotistical.
I don't like that blame and toblame the friend, like you're the reason

(23:07):
we're in an argument because you wantedto split. Huh. Yeah, No,
you're the reason you're in an argumentbecause you're a bit hate to break
it to your sister, but uh, this one's on you. Yeah,
big time. I needed to gohome and look at the mirror and be
like, oh huh, lesson learned, got it? Yeah? I don't
like that. Hey, word's gonnaget around. I was gonna want to

(23:30):
ask you on dates, like,geez, don't take her on a day.
She's gonna make you pay. Yeah, I'll be broken. Well,
these are kind of fun. Actually, we probably should wrap up, wrap
it up, wrap it Sorry.Just a little word of advice, word

(23:52):
of advice on this fine Monday Wednesdaymorning. Yeah, happy Monday. I
love it. I have everyone hasa fabulous week. And we're going to
have updates for y'all next week.We're going sure have I'm gonna not be
running off of like five hours ofsleep. I'm gonna be perky. Yeah

(24:12):
we got this. You need resh, Yeah, yeah we do. It's
yeah, end of the semester,end of my athletic career, six years
of school's a long time, Likewe're just we've had a point you guys
running off fumes for sure. Yeah, yeah, it's okay, we got
this. Ye love y'all. Lovebye,