ep. 8 - Setting The Standard

Riley White and Cameron White share the importance of setting boundaries and having standards for yourself in relationships and life!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
What up y'all. Welcome back tohad a girl? Hello, Hello,
how was your weekend? Cam eventful? Oh gosh, wait, let's hear
about it. Well it wasn't.I went out, I had a girls
night. I got a facenight callfrom you Saturday night, and I freaking
loved it because I was at thelake for a retreat and I was literally
about to crawl into bed and Iget a face home from Cam. I

(00:20):
was like, this is amazing.Yeah. So Zidaco in Birmingham had this
like rock music night see and whenI first saw you dressed, I wondered
if the Velcro Pygmies were there becausethey had mentioned something about being in Birmingham
some time soon. So I waslike, oh my gosh, No,
it was It was some It wasthis guy. It was basically just a
DJ who played rock music instead ofthe normal wrap in a bar. Yeah.

(00:43):
If you know me, this isup my alley. This was like,
she's sick. This is my kindof fun. Yeah, because I
mean they were playing Creed nickelback.Your dad would have been in heaven and
that's the kind of stuff I grewup on. That's what I listened to
anyway. Yeah, yeah, itwas so fun. So we did that.

(01:03):
I mean, I am jamming,we are, Yeah, And by
the end of the night, Ihad a little too much to drink.
I wouldn't say, I mean,I don't know. By the end of
the night, I just know whenyou called me, I mean you were
feeling good, you were happy.It was sweet. Yeah, fun.
We were hypy about the podcast.We were like, I mean, I
was telling the girls in the bathroom, I was hyping them up. I

(01:25):
was like, you've got to listento the podcast. This is what this
is about. Yeah, had agirl. Anyway, it was fun,
no regrets kind of, but itwas. It was fun. It was
a fun time. That's all that. Wo Yeah, Saturday, I kind
of just chilled. Sunday I cleaneda little bit and nice, here we
are today. So we are.So I spent my weekend at smith Lake

(01:48):
doing a lot more productive things thatI was doing. Hey, listen,
most of my weekends kind of looklike yours. I mean, I mean,
yeah kind of. So it wasreally really good for me. Also,
if I'm yelling into my mic myrsare just so stuffed and I keep
trying to pop them and nothing isworking. Well, so I can't hear.
So if I'm screaming today, okay, we'll figure it out. So

(02:10):
the owners of Rock the South,Shane and Laura Quick, they have a
house on Smith Lake, and theyinvited some of us influencers out there just
to meet kind of have a retreat, get to know one another. The
yeah, yeah, And I honestlyhad no idea what to expect. I'm
not gonna I had some social anxietygoing into s It's a group of girls,

(02:34):
and this sounds insane, Like Iknow what I'm about to say sounds
insane. Maybe it makes me soundlike a hoe. I don't know.
I'm way more comfortable in a roomfull of guys in a room full of
girls. It's more casual. Yes, I feel like when you're in a
room full of girls sometimes you kindof want to have to one up or
something like impressed. Strange, weird. I don't get it. I don't
know why I felt that way.And they're sweet girls, so especially don't
know why I felt that way.But how's a little nervous. We get

(02:57):
there on Friday night and and theyhad a chef cook a dinner. We
had a pasta amazing and then thecharcuterie board. He explained each and every
cheese where it was from the funkinessof it, and I was like,
yummy, whoa, I don't knowif I want to hear that. It's
funky for eat and I was justkidding. It was so good and actually
he's going to be on Chopped betweenAugust and February. I was like,

(03:23):
yeah, I've tasted his food.Yeah good, Yeah, I can promise
you he's a great chef. Sothat was cool. Uh. Then we
made some cocktails mohidos with this Campsinorum. I'd never heard of it.
Their son works for them, andoh my goodness, it was delicious,
so refreshing and I can't wait tomake it. We got to keep our

(03:44):
little kit that to make all it, and they gave us a bottle rum.
It was super awesome. And thenwe changed into comfy clothes and that's
when everything got a little more serious. And another thing I want to share
they gave us these bracelets and itsays immeasurably more. Oh, I love
that. And part of it isjust because all of us being on social

(04:06):
media, a lot of times wefocus on numbers or numbers and we are
a number, we are a quoteunquote influencer or whatever you want to say.
And this weekend was just a reminderthat you're immeasurably more. You're so
much more than that. And Ithink that really just resonated with me.
And I haven't been able to stopthinking about a lot of things we talked

(04:29):
about, and so I think that'swhy I was like, hey, can
we talk about it on Monday,because oh my gosh, there's just so
much to unpacked about all of that. And I even brought and I won't
be able to do it justice comparedto what laarded for us. Oh my
gosh. I mean she is meant, that is her calling is to bring
out everything in people and be suchshe is talk about adegirl. She is
one of the most encouraging, confident, sweet, beautiful, one of the

(04:55):
most beautiful people I've ever met.So to start off, we put up
all these feelings around the room,right, and she said, Okay,
go stand or emotions. I guess, go stand by the emotion that describes
your last year. Oh and sothere was happy, anxious, overwhelmed,

(05:15):
sad, thankful, or something else. So what would you say yours was
from last year? Last year,like twenty three. Yeah, well okay,
Actually, if I think about howI ended the year, I would
have probably went with happy or thankful. Yeah, the year itself, if
I had to summon all in one, maybe anxious or sad because it was

(05:40):
started and throughout was not good,but the way it ended was great,
right, So I don't know.Yeah, I could have went either way.
Really, yeah, so I startedthinking back to everything. I Actually
what we did is after we wentto that emotion, we explained why we
felt the way we felt. Wewent back and she gave us these little

(06:00):
work books and we had to writegratitudes spiritually partner's spouse, I said,
beyond thankful to be single and grownalone. Nice, like partners spouse,
What about singleness? Can we sayslash singleness? But friendships, work,
business adventures, travels, physical health, music books and notable moments nice?

(06:20):
And so the whole idea behind itwas sometimes we do have these fears,
this anxiousness, overwhelmed feelings. Butwhen you go through and you actually write
down everything you did, yeah,exactly, even friendships like even that in
itself, I was like the linenancing girls, my teammates rhythm staff juyaus,
Cidney Weldon, then my cousin Cameron. I was like, all,
looking back at all of that orall of the brand deals opportunities us starting

(06:44):
this podcast on it coming real spiritually, I've been at a good place.
One thing I did say, youknow, I wake up and I pray,
and I do my devotional I prayat night. Yeah, I'm like,
what about Jesus out the day.Oh that's a good point. I'm
like, oh my gosh, Jesus, I don't actually ever talk to you,
not once throughout my day, Likeit's well, nowhere but up,

(07:08):
babe. But I was like,spiritually, I mean I made it more
of a priority, but I guessnot. And yeah, So when you
go through and you sit and notablemoments rocked the South last year with my
family that was so good, freakingamazing. And when you sit down and
you actually look at things that youhave in your life that you're grateful for,
it pushes out all those other emotions. Yeah. And she was saying

(07:31):
people will call her a to ventand be sad on the phone, and
she's like, Okay, before wefinish this conversation, I need you to
hang up. I need you towrite five to ten things you're grateful for
and then call me back and it'sa harsh truth. Yeah, it's like
one of those things that like youdon't want to hear in the moment when
you're venting, it's like, ohmy god. Right, But then if
you actually take the time to doit, I'm sure you're appreciative. And

(07:53):
one thing I've always I've only feltthis way about anxiety. I haven't felt
this way about other emotions. So, but it applies to all. When
people I know who are quote unquoteanxious and they find their identity and anxiety,
I'm like, oh my gosh,you are not. You are not
anxiety. You might have it attimes, but that's not your whole personality.
And that's what we talked about,Like feelings are feelings, Yeah,

(08:13):
feel them, yeah, and thenthey come and go also, and it's
not your identity, right, Sowhen she was saying that, she didn't
mean like, oh, I'm notgoing to talk to you, but like
let's make sure we're not Our identityis not in this feeling that we're feeling.
Yeah, and it's temporary, andit's because of something going on in
your life making you feel this way, so feel it and then move on.
And we had to talk about ourmost uncomfortable feeling, like what are

(08:39):
your most uncomfortable feeling? And forme it's sadness. Yeah, what would
you say Yours is anxiety because Ilike physically feel yes, and that's what
it's weird. And she asked wheredo you feel it? My chest big
time, Yeah, like ten poundsweight, all just heavy. Yeah,
And we talked about that and actuallylike what do you feel when you feel

(09:03):
these things? And for me minewas sadness just because I mean, to
be honest, I am pretty happy. I kind of opened up and explained
my senior year of high school howthat was probably the darkest, toughest time,
and then I would say junior andsenior year when I was in a
relationship that mentally I was just notokay and that was like my saddest,

(09:26):
darkest times. But other than that, I'm pretty happy, and so being
sad, I'm like, I don'twant anyone to see that I'm sad.
No, Like it's really hard forme, and it's easy for people to
tell when I'm sad because I'm alwayssmiling and happy, and so if I'm
not be like what's wrong? AndI'm like, can you just give me
a moment? Like, can Ineed to have a day please? Like
I don't have to always be on, but you feel like you have to

(09:46):
always be on. Yeah, whenyou're that person for people, Yeah,
and especially social media, that doesn'thelp either. When people are always like
you're smiling, you're happy, you'reoptimistic. How are you always as happy?
And I am like, I'm notgonna deny that, but you have
days. Yes, everybody does andshould yes. So that was kind of
the thing for me. And thenwe sat down and just talked through our

(10:07):
gratitude and if it made us changehow we originally felt about everything. And
then one thing I haven't done sincetwenty twenty four started and I wish I
had, but I'm glad I gotto now I want more and I want
less. So basically I haven't donethat either. Yeah, I haven't done
it either. I was kind ofthinking about it, but it's hard,
actually, it actually is. WhenI sat down, I was like,

(10:30):
well, I don't know if there'sreally anything I want more of because I
am very grateful for so much.Yeah, that I want less actually was
so much easier. Because yeah,it's like, okay, well, what
are all the things that pulled meback last year that I don't and that
was great and then so oh thatwas cool. We'll get into that.

(10:52):
But she talked about standards, principlesand values and the difference, and I
liked listening to. The One thingthat hit hard, and I think part
of it is a lot of thethings we've been going through lately and talking
about with relationships and friendships is astandard. And I'm always thinking like,

(11:13):
oh, I lower my standards,Oh my standards, I gotta make my
standards higher. Yeah, A standardis the floor. It's the bare minimum,
like a standard, like my momhas teaching standards. Sure, you
have to teach to this, andthat is the bare minimum. And as
a teacher, she has to beshe wants to go above and beyond.

(11:35):
And I'm like, oh, gall, I know I have not. My
standards has not been the bare minimum. No, my standards have never even
been met. So can we talkabout how Like, well, that's what
I'm saying, Like we took anelevator to the basement, like we have
been in the basement. Yeah,we've been underground. No, like the

(11:58):
way we've been in a bunker undergrounds. We needed someone to come getting no
cell service, nothing, no food, no water after I mean, we've
been shriveled up down there. Welooked like that girl and Spongebobs like shock,

(12:22):
that's I'm not kidding. Yeah.So, and it's so funny how
you can have this whole week involveall this amazing stuff and like something's just
stick out. Yeah, And thatmade me like want to cry, like,
yeah, seniors are the bare minimum, they're the floor. So when
we went over that list, thathurts. And so basically our standards for

(12:46):
men, like they have to meetthat. But then I think my standards
are bare minimum anyway, and theyhave you know what I mean? Yes,
Like we we talked about that,yeah, and it was it was
what be nice, be a goodperson. Please don't cheat on me,
don't lie emotionally abuse me. Pleasebegging? Yeah, don't mean you have

(13:13):
to go to therapy again the relationship. Don't give me anxiety. I didn't
even know what anxiety was. Ijust kept crying and feeling that heavy weight
on my chest and I'm like,oh, it goes away eventually, It's
just right now. I just feellike I can't move, I'm just gonna
sit here and cry and memory.Yeah, eventually I would go away.
And I went to my therapist andI explained this to you, and she

(13:33):
goes, welcome to anxiety. Iwas like, what, No, I
don't have anxiety. I know plentyof people that do. I don't.
She's like, Nope, that isanxiety, so the bare minimum. And
so then I'm just like, ohmy gosh. So like, if I
meet a guy and he doesn't meetmy standards, gone, because a guy

(13:54):
should not only meet your standards,but go above and beyond. That is
so wild to think about it.I just am like or even friends,
yeah, like all relationships like you. And so another thing is when we
talked about standards that I haven't finishedas part of it, because I'm supposed
to write all this stuff down likea prayer over yourself and then a new
personal boundary you are committed to maintaining. And I was thinking to myself,

(14:16):
well, a boundary for me shouldbe if you do not meet the standard,
you're out, You're done. Ineed that same boundary because I,
like we've already talked about, Ijust accept people at face value and fit
my life around there, Yes,why and that, and so we talked
about that. Yeah. And weeven talked about if you tried something for

(14:39):
somebody and they hurt you or itdidn't go right or they didn't that's on
them. They're not a person foryou in your life. Yeah. And
we even talked about the whole justbecause he's a good guy, he's not
the guy. Yeah. And ifsomeone makes you feel like you're too much,
that's on them. They're not theright people in your corner. They're
not the right people in your life. And there's nothing wrong with that.
You can still love on them andthem as a person, because that's what

(15:01):
we're called to do, is Christians. But like, you don't owe them
anything, you don't owe them.And it was just so, oh,
dad, gummy, what have Ibeen doing? Now? I know I
feel the same way. And therewas a day I think it was right
after our Valentine's Day episode, which, by the way, that did not
go over well with everybody that listenedto it. So that was fun.

(15:24):
Well, I wouldn't know, becauseI don't think anyone that freak a brick
I talk about, well, sheit. I'm trying to find this.
It was literally Okay, wait Valentine'sDay was when the fourteenth? Duh?
Okay, oh it was the daybefore this go these have been hidden hard.

(15:46):
I'm not gonna lie because of everything. Oh and this one, this
was the sixteenth. This one appliesa little more so for me. I
talked to my mom about this alot last night. Is I think the
reason my standard has been what it'sbeen is because it's easier. Yeah,
and I know it sounds stupid.Well, getting hurt and being treated like

(16:07):
shit is easy. No, wasnot that part, but like finding being
vulnerable. Yeah, and if itdoesn't if something someone who doesn't have a
whole lot going for them, andit's you know, like you're kind of
half asking it because it's like,well it's not worth it to really invest
that much in this person. Yeah, then if it doesn't go, well,

(16:27):
what did you really lose? Well? I do that same thing,
I think because I have, youknow, certain personal things that I am
terrified to like find someone and likeshare all of that stuff and like be
accepted for that stuff. And soit's kind of easier to date someone who

(16:48):
you know is not going to beyour husband. Yeah. No, I
try to, which is bad.But like, that is so how I've
been, That's how I've been navigatinglife. Yeah, me too. It
is easier. So it's it's like, well, it won't matter because well,
I'm not gonna marry them and bewith them for the rest of my
life anyway. So and even ifyou were like for me, even if
I were to be vulnerable with someonewho isn't whatever, if they end up

(17:11):
not liking me or cutting things off, I'm like, wow, I really
didn't lose a whole lot anyways.And then if you've got a guy who's
a total package, who's been pursuingyou for two years, who's athletic and
sweet and smart and driven and literallyand he's amazing, and he's like perfect,
and it's scary, so scary becauseif you are open, if you

(17:32):
open to him, open up tohim, and I'm vulnerable. And actually,
if I could dive into it likeI did with the first guy I
ever loved, because you dive inwith no fear, you've never been hurt
before. Yeah, and it sucksbecause you've been hurt now and you've got
all these walls and it's like,well, what if I dive into this

(17:52):
person who's amazing and they cut thingsoff and people are always like, oh,
well it's his loss. Well whatif it's not this, that's not
gonna say, like, it's somuch easier to lose bad love if you
lose good love. It's like ithurts so much worse, embarrassing and it
hurts, and it's like, wellhe was a great one, so what
does that mean? Yeah, yeah, I get that completely. So that's
kind of been my mindset, andthat's why I've been in such situationship after

(18:15):
situationship. Yeah, my standard,for one, I haven't looked at it
as that is the bare minimum andthey have to meet all of those and
if they don't meet that, thenthey're out. And then it's also been
I've only been in relationships where it'slike, oh, I mean I can
half ask it because it does itreally matter? Is it really going anywhere?

(18:37):
And they really don't have that muchnot that that's not the way to
say that they aren't. They aren'tbringing everything you want to the table.
And so it also keeps you ableto have your options open because it's like,
well, it's not we're not seriouslytalking or dating. You haven't asked
me to be your girlfriend. Youhaven't even taken me on a date,
like whatever. You don't have everything, and so I can kind of have

(18:59):
one foot in one out and myother foot can be like just peeking around
the corner of what else is outthere? But someone who is everything,
I genuinely want to jump all in. I'm like, I don't want to
look at anybody else. I don'twant to be invested anybody else. And
then putting all your eggs in onebasket is scary, yeah, but it's
worth it for the right guy.Anyways, I'm just blabborating and I agree
completely with everything. It's just everything, just really. Yeah, I've been

(19:22):
in the same exact mindset for likefour years, and I think it's just
realized, like really and truly afterour Valentine's Day episode that shifted everything for
me. Yeah, and then readingthis, So this was my devotional two
days later. The New and Livingway, believing we are made right with

(19:44):
God through our faith in Jesus Christis a new and living way, one
that gives us freedom, boldness,and confidence. Trying to follow the law,
doing everything right in order to earnacceptance. Minister's death, every kind
of misery to us grace and God'spower coming to free of charge to help
us with ease, do to helpus do with ease what we could never

(20:06):
accomplish on our own. Grace isfree and it puts us well at Okay,
I cannot make myself acceptable to allpeople, neither can you, but
we can believe God will give usfavor with the people he wants us to
be involved with. Sometimes we tryto have relationships with people God does not
want us to even be associated with. Knowing who we are in Christ sets
us free from the need to impressothers. Those are things I ended up

(20:36):
underlining, And then there was anotherone talking about Okay, don't spend one
more day living a narrow life thatonly has room only for you and your
fears. Make a decision right nowthat you will learn to live boldly,
aggressively and confidently. Don't let fearrule you any longer. So it's just
one of those things. Fear isalways going to be there. It says,

(20:57):
you can't just sit around and waitfor fear to go way. And
like, my fear right now isthat fear of letting go and trying something
different with dating and relationships and peopleand it's one of those things. It
was. It was just so muchback to back to back. I think
that's why I like the guy Italked about Valentine's episode. I think that's

(21:18):
why I was so hurt, eventhough I only knew him for a short
period of time, Like we stilllike communicating stuff. It's not like I
was dad blood Yeah, No,we're friendly or whatever. But like,
I think that's why it really hurtmy feelings as much as it did,
because it was the first guy thatI went for that was like a good
guy that I a little different.Yeah. And so what you're saying too

(21:40):
about jumping all in and stuff likeI was. I think I was ready
to do that, yeah, andthen the door closed and I was like,
oh no, I'm never doing thatagain, right, No, it's
so scary. Yeah, and navigatingit suck. But but just because he
was a good guy something one Iusually wouldn't go or like personality wise,

(22:03):
doesn't mean he was it. WhichAnd another thing I think you and I
can relate on this too, withboth the past two or yours mine.
They were sweet, yes, andwhen's the last time we actually talked to
someone who's sweet to us? Yeah? I mean, well, my high
school boyfriend. Maybe my high schoolboyfriend sweet like a sweet boy, and
yeah, I haven't been going fora sweet guy me neither, because it's

(22:26):
kind of a fun game, it'syou know whatever, and it showed me
genuinely. Wait, I think Iam ready to settle down for someone sweet.
Yeah, I didn't think. Ididn't think I was, and I've
been so go go go career driven. I think it's because we're like,
you're twenty four, right, I'llbe twenty four maye. Yeah, I'll
be twenty five. Our frontal lobeis formed. It really has, and

(22:51):
I, okay, this might becrazy. I think this podcast has been
therapy for me. Okay, Ikind of do too through everything, and
it's really made me realize a lot. And it's too Like I don't want
I kind of want to come onhere and be truthful and honest. Yeah,
but also I don't want to justthrow shit at people. So I

(23:12):
don't want to. I don't wantto do shit, you know what I
mean? Like, I don't wantto come on here and be like,
yeah, my boyfriend sucks and yeahhe's mean to don't be like me.
I don't want to do that.I don't want to tell people that I'm
living that, so I don't exactlyyou know what I mean. Yeah,
it's been really good to change ourperspective on our situations. Yeah, to
look at it, like even eventhough we were really frustrated that episode of

(23:36):
what the heck is going on withus in dating? Why can't we figure
it out? Oh my gosh,Like what we want our standard truly is
the bare minimum. Yeah, andwe haven't. We've been accepting people who
haven't hit the standard at all.Like it's if you're a school teacher and
you're not teaching to the standard,you're fired. Yeah, so these boys
are fired. You wash the jobwith me, fie, you are gone.

(24:02):
I had a history teacher. Huh. He would do that if you
like. It was like a funnything. Like he wasn't like mean,
but like if you got a questionwrong or like said something silly in class,
it was like just such a wronganswer'd be like fired, you are
fired. This was an f okay. Yeah, I was like, wait,

(24:26):
fired, that is a funny.Yeah. So that's the thing,
like in any other aspect of yourlife, if you're not doing what you're
supposed to do and hitting his standard, you're you're cut. Yeah. I
mean, if you're in an NFLfootball player and you're not hitting the standard
of catching passes or they're a pickafter a pick, like you're done,
you're traded, You're gone. Ye, Like you're gone. See yuh literally

(24:52):
contract removed from. If you losemore than you win, you're gone.
You're fired. Ye. So whydoes it work everywhere else but in our
lives? Because we're nice, Ithink, and it sucks, like,
genuinely, let me a bitch,and you don't want me to not be
like And I genuinely am too compassionatefor my own good. I truly am.

(25:14):
Because if someone comes at me andthey they mess up with me in
one area, but then they comeat me with like an explanation like this
is what happened to me back inmy past, and this is why I
kind of navigate things. I amsuch a put myself in their shoes person
and like I'm like, yep,I understand, do it again. See

(25:36):
here's here's the thing. It's notright, no, but okay, so
I'm that same way. I canunderstand where they come Frond, I'm so
sad, But here's my thing.If you put yourself in their shoes,
would you have would you have treatedyou the same way? No? No?
Yeah, no, I get thattoo. That's what's hard. It's
like I see both sides. Isee how I see the better way to

(25:56):
handle things, and I understand wherethey're coming from. But I know I
wouldn't have done that to somebody.Yeah, and you gotta find somebody that's
like those tiktoks you see everywhere where. It's like, would you let your
daughter date him? No, thenyou shouldn't date him. If you wouldn't
let your best friend date him,would you date him? Or if you
would let your best friend, youshouldn't date him. Yeah. Yeah,

(26:18):
but I love making excuses for peopleto When my friends and family try to
know, I'm all making excuse forhim, yeah, I do the same
thing. It's terrible, but Ifeel like I genuinely have moved past that
recently, good, even like justthis year. Yeah, after the podcast,
after all of it, see,I think I finally hit my final

(26:41):
straw, Like, yeah, I'mkind of there. It's so funny.
Every after every I'm like, I'mnever dating you. Good, I'm gonna
be single and enjoy this and actuallygrow and wait till the right person comes
along, and then it's another situationshipand another situationship. Well, the right
person may have listen that. It'sanother thing. Is sometimes I'm like,
okay, Also, they don't havepeople talk about right person, wrong time.

(27:04):
Yes, I believe in it.No, it's it's true. I
used to not believe in it,but I believe in it wholeheartedly. I
do too completely, because I justdo they do. I really think it's
I think it's a thing, andI don't. And I don't know why.

(27:26):
I'm so blind. My vision isperfect, but I think I've been
wearing readers I don't need. Yeah, tried trying to change your prescription.
They've been this sick. I justneeded to take them off. I tried
to do an eye exam. Itried mom talking about my mother. Every

(27:48):
other guy, every other guy I'veever like talked to, she's been like
poor sons. Yeah, I'm like, Mom, don't you dare say that
again? No, he's just justpoor so so. And I'm like okay,
And it's all those things like whoknows what's going to come from it?
But like, yeah, we're beingsilly, but yeah, but it's

(28:11):
a step in the right direction forme, considering like when we went over
all of our standards of what wewant, that is the bare minimum.
And if someone exceeds all of those, like send you pictures they're devotional every
morning, that's exceeding a standard.That's really sweet. It's really good,

(28:33):
especially when you tell them things goingon in your life that you're struggling with.
In the devotional that they have matchesyour life perfectly and they send it
to you. That's exceeding the standard, almost like fate. You know,
my mom was funny. My momwas talking about the movie Redeeming Love.
Have you seen it? I haven't. I know, I know. I've

(28:55):
always told myself I wanted to readthe book before I watch the movie,
and you haven't read the book.Gotten around you have all people I know,
I know, I know, andyou know I don't read a whole
lot that book. I could readten times over again. Everyone tells me
that who's read it? Beth,that's one of her favorite books. I
just haven't done it. Fine,I'll do it today. I'm not kidding.

(29:15):
And you have watched the movie becauseyou're not gonna understand what I'm about
to say about it's fine. Okay, Well, my mom's like, because
the gist of it is the storyof Hosea where he pursued the prostitute.
Yeah, even though she wanted nothingto do with him. Yeah, he
just kept praying about it, anda voice kept telling him to stick around,
stick around, stick around. AndI actually got told last night that

(29:37):
because I was like, you know, thanks for sticking around, and I've
been pretty crappy. He said,you know, there's just been a voice
that's told me to stick around.And my mom I was like, Mom,
remember when you said this is redeeminglove? Quite literally is thank you
Jesus? Actually you were. Idon't like comparing you to the prostitute.
That's fair, that's she beats Icannot on that part. I would admit

(30:03):
I am not quite the same inthat category as her. Okay, I've
just been stupid, my standard.I think you've just been scared, and
that's so normal. Okay, yeah, but Kelly scared. You don't want
to lose someone who's worth losing.Yeah, that's scary, yes, you
know. Yeah, like if ifsomething were to happen, I don't think

(30:25):
i'd be able to say his loss. No, everyone would want to say
it's his loss, and I'm like, well that's not though he's lovely,
he's awesome. That's what sucks.I like being told because then you can
have that bad bitch energy like,yeah, you're right, it is his
loss. You can listen to thatangry music that go in those hot girl

(30:45):
walks or your swaying your hips.But with this it would just be like
sad girl hours. Yeah no,I get that though. What I mean,
you're both good people. It's notlike one's better than the other.
I don't want to say that.No, it would be both of your
losses. I just I don't know. I don't know either. But yeah,

(31:07):
so personal boundary I'm committing to maintain. Committed to maintaining is my standard.
Like before you can walk into thebuilding of my school, the standard
is up on the wall. Andif you read it and you don't think
you fit that, like, Ineed you to exit, and then if
it's right, you can press thebutton and I will scan you in to

(31:32):
the building. But there's two there'sdouble doors the first and then there's the
standard. You read it, okay, you think I can do that?
You can click the button I'll buzzyou and you can walk through the next
doors. Then we'll go through eachhallway together. But I like it not
if you're not you're not getting throughthose doors. I'm not standing you in.
I need to be better about thattoo. Oh my god, do

(31:56):
you do you're worth I'm worth aa lot. I'm genuine Like you're smart,
and when I like, genuinely careabout someone like, I'll go above
and beyond. Like I don't knowwhy I accept less than what I give.
I know you're that's a great point. Yeah, your standard should be
what you give at least at leastand they should go above and beyond what

(32:20):
you do, like it doesn't matter. Like you can look me in the
face and say some vile things tome, and I'm like, okay,
where did that come from? Likewhy did you say that? What's wrong
with me? Oh? My lord, have a mercy. No, it's
okay that you just cussed me.I don't like why what made you feel
like you needed to cuss me out? What did I get a bad day?
It's okay, you can, let'stalk about it. I'm so that

(32:44):
person though, and it's stupid,but I kind of be but I I'm
gonna just be honest, like,I don't hate that about myself. I
really know. I think that Ithink that I should set more boundaries and
not take what I usually take andnot put up with all that crap.
But because it's all some of thosethings. This is another thing that I've
had to really learn, and Ithink it's part of the reason I was

(33:05):
able to break up with the personI dated for two and a half years
that was so difficult. Sometimes youhave to look at how they treat you
import than you look at how youfeel for someone, Yeah, because you
might have because honestly too, likephysical attraction and like all of that,
you can have this amazing connection withsomeone just because it's like, man,
they're hot. Man, that sure, that attraction is there. There's a
lot of qualities they have that makethem attractive. But how do they treat

(33:29):
me? Yeah, because that matters. You can you can be blinded by
all these other things and then belike a really crappy person crappy to you.
So it's it's the combo of allof that. And genuinely, how
many people are in this world,so many, so many, Yeah,
and for us to put up withpeople who just don't even treat you kindly,

(33:52):
is like ridiculous for us to do. Yeah, I agree, it's
crazy. Yeah, that's my boundaryI'm committed to maintaining is Yeah, I'm
not going to accept less than whatI give and deserve. Yeah that's fine.
So to all my aut of girlsand attitudes out there, I really

(34:15):
encourage you to look at what yourstandards are genuinely and know that that is
the floor, and that's all aspectsof your life, that's friendships, relationships,
whatever, and create boundaries for howpeople treat you or to help you
succeed. Sometimes you just surround yourselfwith people who are energy drainers. Maybe
that's your boundary. Let me findpeople who are energy givers that are you

(34:37):
know, uplifting me and hopefully that'sthat's what we want to do on here
too. We want to be wordsof encouragement for you. We want to
help you, yeah, shine yourlight and change your perspective and be better
because, oh my goodness, Iknow this podcast is helping me be better
just talking through everything for our ata Girl Spotlight. I personally wanted to

(34:59):
do this just because I'm super proudof my mama. She doesn't talk about.
So, my mom's been teaching howmany freakin years I don't even know,
maybe close to thirty she's been teaching. Yeah, she's a seventh grade
science teacher and she's been teaching forever, let me tell you. And she
got a sticking up from her principalthe other day and it said, missus

(35:21):
White, thank you so much forbeing a calming presence in our building.
You are a true example of beinga dedicated professional. Keep being a light.
I would love to sit down anddiscuss what ideas you have for the
next school year. Oh and it'sjust one of those things she does.
And it's cute that she sent itto me, because you know she it

(35:42):
meant a lot to her, andit just even reminded me of the little
things you can do for people thatlike a little sticky upe with words of
encouragement. Yeah, Like, ohmy gosh, so love you, mom.
I'm super proud of you. YouChris, you kick but totally so
in. You're a blast. Youare so fun and accepting and loving and
just I truly want you to knowhow much I also appreciate you. Yeah,

(36:04):
you're You're awesome. So and I'mgonna start writing a little sit you
knowes and just leaving op places.I think that's kind of cute too.
Maybe we can make cards or somethingwith little inspiration like our things. We
could do those and like give themout or something like it. I think
that'd be cute. So yeah,Okay, a nice little therapy session this
weekend. This retreat really just gotme back on track spiritually, mentally,

(36:27):
relationshiply, relation, relationally, whatever. Anyways, So I hope everyone has
a fabulous week. Keep going afterall those dreams and make a change.
If you're not happy with something,make that change. Don't be afraid.
Everything happens for a reason. It'sscary changing, Oh it's terrifying. It's

(36:49):
for the better, because Lord ofMercy knows I this. My mom told
me this is the happiest she's seenme in a long time. I kind
of feel that way too about you. Definitely, So those changes, because
I promise you you'll be so happyyou did. It's always going to be
worth it. Yeah, but welove y'all, Love you, Bye bye.