“Guts, Grit and Gusto” with guest Dr. Erica Miller

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to Becoming the Journey. Thisshow will be a series of conversations that
will inspire listeners along their life's journey. This show's mission is to cultivate a
community of mentorship by sharing our experiencesin our life's journey. Nobody's journey is
a straight line, So no matterwhere you are in yours, this show
is for you. Meet Grace Lovray, Hi, listeners, thanks for tuning

(00:25):
into Becoming the Journey on w Rseven ten Biha Radio. Today's show is
about Guts, grit, and gusto. My guest today is doctor Ericamilla.
She's a Holocaust survivor, best sellingauthor, motivational speaker. She has a
pH d in clinical psychology and togetherwith her husband Jerry, opened a chain

(00:50):
of mental health clinics throughout Los Angelesand Orange County, Erica. And Jerry
ran a nonprofit organization called California DiversionIntervention Foundation, which, close to my
heart, served the needs of thesubstance abuse and domestic violation population. Welcome

(01:11):
Doctor Miller, Hi, Grace andaudience. I'm here. Okay, So
in two thousand and twelve, therewas a book that you wrote. I'm
assuming an autobiography called Thanks for MyJourney, Living Fearlessly? Can you bring
us back to the why? Iwanted my sister, you know a Spielberg.

(01:34):
He had had a documentary of peoplefrom the Holocaust survivors. So my
sister, five years older, shewas interviewed and she's part of the of
the memorial of the Holocaust Survivors evenfour years in camp. I was seven
from seven to eleven. So shesuggested that I do it as well.
So I said, you know what, you told the story already, why

(01:57):
would I Later in life, Ithought, you know what, I want
my kids and my grandkids to knowmy experience because it's so different from my
sister. So that so one ofthe psychologists that worked in my clinic,
she said, you know what,how but if I take down your story,
you edit it, and because it'sgood to be known, So I

(02:22):
said, why not. So myfirst book came to be so that my
grandkids, my kids and grandkids knowmy story. So because I'm strong and
resilient, but again, we havemany layers to all of us. So
it was very rough or little kid, but look at me now. So
that's the reason the first book cameto be. And by the way,

(02:44):
on Amazon now it's changed, thesame story, the same book, but
it's like the title is from Traumato Triumph doctor Erica Miller's story. It's
just different packages because you know,they thought it would be better and all
that. It's all about marketing.Here I am. That was definitely going
to be my next question because thedoctor eric A. Miller's story from Trauma

(03:08):
to Triumph. Now, the purposewas to tell your story for your your
children and your grandchildren to understand rightwhat you've gone through so they can see
where you are today. And somost interrupting you, I've ptendency to do

(03:28):
that. But it's not what Iwent through is one portion, But what
how I evolved. I'm not avictim, I'm a thriver. So actually
the message that trauma happens, butlook how I how I evolved in my
life journey. So it's almost likea message to them. Yeah, I
wouldn't be the person today if Iwould not have gone through the misery.

(03:52):
But it's all about a resilience andspirit and optimism. That is it.
That's the message. I'm going toquote something from you, maybe you can
explain it a little bit. Itsays, while I don't dwell on the
bygone days, looking at my lifetoday affirms my belief that because of the
good parts of our past lives,we become who we are in the process

(04:14):
of ever evolving. Now, youtalk about the good parts of our past
lives, your journey talks about thebad part. Well again, when I
say in the process of evolving,I am an optimist, I'm not in
Lala land. So I experience whenI say, the good part, the
kindness of people and the brutality ofpeople. So the kindness of a German

(04:39):
Nazi guard at the camp, myinteraction with him. So it's like the
good part of no matter what,you embrace whatever happens to you, and
you just move forward with optimism,with passion and purpose. And so you
took the good parts of what you'vegone through in life. We've all experienced

(05:00):
trauma, some more so than others. I've talked to several people. I
just finished reading the book Night byEllie Wizel, very inspiring. But you
so, what would you tell youngpeople today? And I'm going back to
do you think young people today wouldbe able to survive a holocaust if they

(05:24):
had to experience that, And whatwould you tell those young people today who
seem to think that the pandemic wasthe worst thing that could have ever happened,
and as you know, things arestarting to spiral, what would you
tell them today? I would clearlysay to them that we don't get to
pick our trauma, but we arewho we are because of it in spite

(05:47):
of it, and not all ofus, some of us, and the
young people today not any different.I have faith that many of them would
actually push through and they are movingforward, and there's a lot of conditions
how you'll move forward easier than others, but not everybody. So it's like

(06:08):
we have to deal what we canright here and now, and not from
the past. I had the pleasureof meeting a woman who worked on the
Holocaust Museum in Chicago and did theholograms of survivors, and she was saying
that the most inspiring thing that shegot out of it, aside from their

(06:29):
stories, was they never victimize themselves. Do you believe that? Do you
think that that's the inspiration we getfrom someone who's experienced that, that they
don't have that victim mentality. They'vecommanded that with positive positivity and just wanted

(06:50):
to make a better life. Grace. You are describing me, and as
an elder, I can repeat myself. I don't blag, I share.
I'm absolutely defiant, and I'm sayingnobody should be exposed to any kind
of trauma, especially four years.I don't. It's an eternity. You

(07:15):
know. I have blocks. Ihave like video kind of sparts of memories.
But it turned me out to bea fighter. Don't tell me because
I'm Jewish, I have to die. Don't tell me because I'm a girl.
I can swim with the guys.Don't tell me I can. I'll
be married, have kids, ina profession. So that brit That defiance
gotten me into the Israeli Air Force. I was two years in the Israeli

(07:39):
Air Force. By the way,I'm a little short, little powerful little
person. I will never lie aboutmy age. And you know, girls,
you know my husband or fifty threeyears die ten years ago. I'm
so sad, but again I'm gladI'm still here. But I will never
lie about my age. Look atme. If I can do it,
you can do it. But again, my height, I shrunk a little

(08:01):
bit. I'm a little bit lessthan five foot and I said, I
will never share that part. Sothat kind of empowerment that I got out
from that they defined from from mytrauma experience. So I am you know
what tikun alam but repair the world. I'm engaged my voices in their own

(08:22):
universe. I absolutely I am striving. I travel all over the world and
being able to share a little bitof light in the darkness in some people's
life. So there's a purpose andpassion. And I know you read Elive
by Zel there are quite a fewpeople like me. I've never researched.

(08:43):
How many people are you know areable to be like me? And some
like my mother and my sister,they were beaten down all their lives.
So maybe because she was older,maybe different geneful, I don't know.
I know it's possible. And Iam an example of a great of adventure

(09:03):
of defining because of it in spiteof it. So whatever the experience in
life, it becomes part of us. There are many layers to all of
us, uh, And there's someyou know, a choice, and it's
very tough when you're in a darkspot. So we need to reach out
to see that we push through thedark spot. In our life at that

(09:26):
moment, because like I said,life is an amazing journey. I don't
know why they're born. I don'tknow. I just know that it's it's
the possibilities are endless, and that'show I live my life. I went
up on you know, Mount Everestfour years ago with National Geographic in my
eighties. You know, a Machupicchuer, I jump out of a plane.

(09:48):
I don't encourage people to do that, but you know, Pickleball,
I absolutely life is the moment,no matter how long we live. And
by the way, my last book, I researched how long do I have
an opportunity to live? Because Inever thought that I would you reach twenty
thirty anything, because I see deadpeople around me all the time. So

(10:11):
my research, you know, livingchronologically gift and long and well, somebody
lived in France the ball one hundredtwenty two, one hundred sixty four days,
and that's not fake news. SoI decided that I can't potentially lift
one hundred twenty three in being inthe Book of Guineas. If that is
not grand gals, what is?But I do my part because I'm excited

(10:35):
of the possibilities there's a movie goingto come out, there's another I lecture
all over the place. I justabsolutely excited for the gift to keeps on
giving. And that's a life journey. So that applies to everybody, to
the audience, to the young,to the older. Life doesn't always anything
just being the moment. The pastis gone, plan for the future,

(10:58):
look for ball and do the bestyou can, but be present being the
moment and new and new things,new opportunities. It doesn't have to be,
you know, flying through the moon, although if it wouldn't be so
expensive with mosques, you know,I would go to the you know,
to the other side, if itwould not be a million dollars or something
like that. So it's not allabout me. But I'm an example that

(11:20):
we are not dinosaurs. And it'slike we have to embrace it all because
that is life. It's easier saidthan done sometimes when people are really like
you say, the young people,you know what especially hard they compare you
know, the date, I wanthim, it doesn't want me. They
go to college and you know,afford it. The boyfriend is cute and

(11:43):
I'm ugly, I'm too fat.I mean, all those voices. This
is part of young people evolving,so that is part of it too.
So it's like reaching out to somebodylike you. I don't know much of
your back non, but it soundslike you're a healer in the commun unity
and guiding. It's not forever,possibilities are there, there's no failure.

(12:07):
So that's kind of a positive stake. Does not mean very latherland, but
means it's like embracing what comes ourway because it's not forever. We can
push through and plan of certain things, strategy, having vision, and just
follow our heart and again because partof us, we need to be part

(12:28):
of our community, so we arenot all alone in the world to push
us through the dark moments. Iknow you don't know a little bit about
me, but so I live Mylittle motto is live life in the present,
live it with purpose, and alwayscontinue learning. So if let's go,

(12:50):
let's go back a little bit.And I'm a huge proponent on young
people and education and teaching them differentlythan the way we teach them today.
I'm a big proponent about paralleling thepast to the present so we do learn.

(13:11):
When do you think I mean wecan't prevent trauma? We're all going
to have some sort of trauma again, good or bit in our lives.
But how do we where do westart? Do you think it's the purpose
and you're a parent, you're agrandparent. I also with them young,

(13:31):
trying to get them to deal withsome sort of emotional diversity where if trauma
does happen in their lives, theyhave the tools to accept it, learn
from it, evolve from it.I mean, you can't you know someone

(13:52):
I don't know you answer me someonein their seventies and eighties, if they've
had trauma and they've victimize themselves theirwhole lives. I don't think we can
change them. But if we goback and we take all these young people
under our wings and lead them tobelieve that they are better than they think

(14:13):
they are and they can evolve,when do we start that? That's a
big, big question. It isunless trauma happens. It's like the whole
medical field is changing. Looking outof us health preventive measure not a sick
model. Now, not all youngpeople are dark in they're in jeopardy because

(14:37):
of their mental health. So tellingsomebody something that they cannot relate to doesn't
help. It's really when somebody,we cannot prepare them. I just think
from terms that I know is myfive grandchildren, and I'm just thinking of
them how they evolved. So youknow, lecturing, teach in preparing really

(15:01):
does not resonate unless they actually experiencesomething that really dragged them down. A
trauma is a very extreme trauma.This will be a disappointments first duration.
So when things happen, you know, then one can deal and be there
for them. So yeah, asan educator, there should be I don't

(15:24):
know in school, they don't reallyprepare you know, kids for life about
a relationship. Nobody's a mind rate. I mean this is a society because
I grew up in Israel and they'revery direct, so I emulated it part
and nobody's a mind rate that expressyour feelings so that we can know how
you think without to be then surprised. So they could be in introducing and

(15:48):
I'm not a trailblazer in that areathat, Yeah, if things happen,
they're resources, we are resilient.They're not dinosaurs, so that can kind
of general but I don't think itreally. Yeah, they might here go
over their head, but actually whenthings happen, when bad things happen to
good people, as that book said, then then we need resources for the

(16:12):
young people because when they're good signedyou know, but the thing, they're
going to live forever, and theytake chances. Sometimes they're a little bit
stupid and they following the crowd.So I don't think they can prepare somebody
for yet to be good or bad. So I'm very practical in that family
is very important, exposing them toyou know, to you know, to

(16:37):
as far as sports and engagement inthe community and seeing that they're not isolated.
So I think the family's really important. That the family has structure enough
that things are done together. Butnot every family is the close families.
So sometimes you know, a teacher, sometimes a preacher or rabbi whatever are
there there for them. So it'snot one is saying that fits for everybody.

(17:02):
So I might not answer the questionthat you want to hear because I
don't. I do not. Iknow there's a lot of down and depression,
but in young and in old,but like you said, they all
they manage. Although you are peopleare more resourceful to either stay stuck and
manage or being grateful. There's stilla life. But with young people because

(17:25):
of the Internet, because of theexposure and comparing themselves, and some not
all because I see a lot aroundme young friends and their kids. They're
striving, they're doing well. They'rein addition to call to school, they're
involved in in use organizations, incaring for in the community. So there's

(17:48):
a mixing and match. So it'snot it's not. Everybody's not in the
same position. And I guess youare interested, and that's a good thing.
How do we help young kids today, you know, you know,
to strive to deal with life alittle bit better. Say I don't see
that, so I hear you,but I'm saying, you know, but

(18:12):
nothing new. There is Spain,there is strategedy, there's there's always has
been. But the COVID was roughbecause of the isolation or that kind of
thing. But they're moving forward,we're moving through. And I'm still saying
that the family educators community is reallythe key all over the world to keep

(18:33):
us as safe and as resilience aspossible, because they're not all alone in
the world. And our reaction,oh my gosh, when in doubt,
freak, this is part of ourDNA. But they're not our ancestors.
To watch out. You know,another tribe could take us over, a
bear would eat us up. Weare present and especially here in our environment.

(18:56):
You are you are in New York, I am yes, okay,
I am in Los Angeles. Okay. So my point being is it's not
nothing is perfect, but there area lot of resources in our world.
You're in mind here that we canguide. We have to identify to see
signs in parents most of the timethey see to reach out, to reach

(19:21):
out and get educated. What seeto pay attention, there's something going on
with my kid? What's going onthere? Reaching out and see how can
I be there for them? Forthose that are really in dark place?
And I would assume um that mostaren't, but you're speaking about those young

(19:41):
people that are that are really thatare that are challenged and they need assistance
so they can push through in thepast is gone and the possibilities are there
yet to be, but they needto be guided by the hand to give
them tools what to do, andthat they're the when the community comes in.
If you just tuned in, Iam here with my guest, doctor

(20:04):
Erica Miller, and we are talkingabout a lot of things. God's great
gusto aging purpose it is. Itis amazing and just so my audience knows
doctor Miller will be ninety years oldin November. I cannot believe me.

(20:26):
I cannot believe my good fortune.And if you want to see how good
I looked, and again I cannot, I do my part. But DestinE
it has something to do with it. Well, and I'm so greatful.
I'm still here my website. Youcould see me talking or see my picture,
you could see my videos. Ijust was in a conference in Dallas.

(20:47):
I mean, audience is just standup, and it's never mind my
wisdom which you don't learn in school. You know, it's part of your
day that my energy and my mygrit and my passion for life is contained.
Just so, Yeah, most ofmy peers are gone, but being
ninety and pushing for I have division. And I don't know who they are

(21:10):
that we pick our time of death. I don't know. It's like I
see me in ten years, I'mgoing to have a big celebration in my
home, my nineties ghala and havingall those young guns, you know,
to yeah the possibility, if Ican do it, you can do it.
And yeah, I can see himin ten years still be the same.

(21:32):
I exercise every day, No,I shouldn't say every day, at
least four times a week, youknow, an hour and a half,
you know, you know the treadmill, in weights and running, and I
played pickaball. I just started itlast year. So self care is really
important. In order for us tobe present for others, we have to

(21:52):
take care of self first and thenopting for the possibilities yet to be.
And I'm not in lala land,just saying, based on my life story,
I'm an example of the possibilities andbeing nineties old. If you were
to see me, my energy.My daughter is sixty two, my son
is fifteen nine. I cannot believemy old kids. They not my daughter

(22:15):
cannot keep up with me. Sotheir friends and we travel, you know,
in Florence, going up on thefifth Florida's no elevator. I'm first
there with the luggage. But Ido my part. I do keep on
for forty years. I do theexercise. I'm prescatian, I'm optimistic,
I'm engaged in life. I haveaudiences one or a thousand, so I

(22:40):
feel that I make a difference inthe world, and that keeps me going.
So I'm not the only one anylonger. There are more people,
more centennarian in supercentenarian coming up,not just living long, living well and
doing your part self scared tatatatatata.But then it's also destiny. Nothing we
can do about it in establishing yourlegacy. Am I there tomorrow? I'm

(23:03):
there tomorrow. But again, noregrets, because I just see myself living
the possibility of one hundred twenty threeand all the things yet to be.
So just talking to you, lookhow animated I am. And yes,
I'll be ninety in November the tenth. Okay, just so you know,
my mother is going to be ninetynine in September, and at the age

(23:25):
of ninety five, it was theworst thing in the world trying to take
the car keys from her because shewas still vibrant fighter. And so I'm
hoping that we can celebrate that hundredyears next year. But but I don't
kid myself. I live well,I have good habits, but I'm not
I'm not thinking that, you know, because she's going to be ninety nine,

(23:47):
that I will live that far.I live in the moment, like
you said, and I live akind, purposeful life. I love giving
back. You are an inspiration andthere are a lot of people out there
now with inspirational stories and coaching.There's a lot of coaching out there.

(24:12):
There's a lot of books being written, self help books and this might work
for you and NLP and it goeson and on and on and on.
Where do we begin? I meannot ever, it's not one size fits
all. But is that healthy forus to have all of this? Or

(24:36):
is it just as easy as lovingyourself, working on yourself, living a
good, healthy life. I don'tknow. By the way, grace and
not guarantee is because your mother isa resilient whatever, nine nine whatever,
it helps to have a good gainfulthat's not your mother. Okay, I

(25:00):
just wanted to correct you. Ohno, no, I I know.
Yeah. People tell me that yougot you got good genes and I'm like,
okay, but you know, Ijust want to age well. Me.
I just want to age well.I don't care what agetter. I
just want to age well. AndI don't want to do my part,
that's all. But you do,see, age is a number, and

(25:23):
what wonderful. I'm not going toask you what your age is because most
most girls don't like to share it. I'm not normal. But again,
it is like age is a numberand I'm an example of it. And
all those self help books are notgoing to be looked at unless somebody is
seeking self love. Self cares easiersaid than down. So all those self

(25:47):
help books, whatever they're out there, they're there for the for the interested
one. So I don't think.I don't think that it's something that says,
okay, if I can do it, you can do it. That
can be inspiring people that seek it. So I don't know, there's nothing
wrong with people expressing them selves.That it's it's marketing, it's making money.

(26:07):
It's in self help, gurus,coaches, they're all over the place.
To me, unless you are aPhD, you cannot be you know,
culled, you know, a psychologist. You know, but people,
but people are are so many peopleare lost and they're hungry to to to
look for somebody that can inspire themto do. But somebody else can.

(26:32):
The possibilities are there and sometimes againit helps. So yeah, self love
is a big order and that comesfrom you know, it's not it's not
a formula. It comes from beingyou know, engaged and they do say
in my research, people that livelong and well, not just living long

(26:53):
your right, it's like there's somethingfind find something that talks to you,
but be part of the community bygiving the get so they're they're you know,
there's good having self help sometimes forthose people that are seeking so I
don't you know, there are manytheir unique situation in their many situations,

(27:17):
but there's still for those that arein the dark spot because especially young people,
they've just been left by a boyfriendor by girlfriend. It's a lot
of pain. And most people pushthrough one door closest another one opens,
but some but there are few,I believe, And I don't have statistics,

(27:37):
that's not I've never researched it.I know that some troubled teenagers,
maybe more than ever because of theInternet, of the exposure and on isolation
during the COVID. But it's stilla phenomenon for the minority most most by
having a family and and going tohaving you know, dinners, having connections,

(28:00):
having you know, going to churchor temple whatever, being in news
groups, being in leadership in school. I mean those people, those kids
that strive, they do well,and others we cannot everybody doesn't feel the
same. There will always be somehave and have not, and eye witnessed
over the years, a lot ofyou know, trying, you know,

(28:25):
to to make everybody to be thesame, to uplif socialism, communism,
capitalism. But there will be somepeople that are driven, and that drive
you cannot it's a trade you cannotlearn. And even the same household ambitious
and driven. And some are justjust sitting there and just have nothing in

(28:45):
there to to offer, the nothingto give. But those are I believe
those are the minority. So peoplelike you with your voice, people like
me my voice, we erase thediscussion. How can we assist they wounded?
How can we lend the hand inyour case in the young people that

(29:06):
are really lost, well, timeand again it is the community. How
to literally take them by the handand bring them to an organization that helps
others, food banks, the samething I saw from examples. On the
other end, old couples, theirhusband dies and their mother or the other

(29:30):
way around, they're stuck. Theirkids literally have to take them to take
them to a senior group so they'renot alone, so they're not isolated.
Because again pain is universal, asthis joy. So it's like divers thing
is to feel their all alone.Nobody gets you, they will never love
again, they will never achieve,and comparing themselves to others. So those

(29:52):
are really challenges. All generations haveit, and this I believe like you
do too. It's a little bitmore more because of the media that they're
exposed to. Oh, you don'twant to get me started on the media
and influencers. But it's God,it's a nightmare. It's definitely a nightmare.

(30:15):
So I've often heard other people tellme not everyone will experience darkness and
bad trauma, but life is notperfect. So you know, getting a
divorce could be much more traumatic forone person than it is for another,
or or you know, I mean, everybody experiences those It depends on your

(30:38):
personality. Do you think that youwould be not you personally, but one
would be a better inspiration to someonegoing through something if they've experienced it themselves.
Because I've heard people say to me, well, you can't understand you've
never experienced that, do you think, Okay, Grace, Grace, there's

(31:03):
a support you heard about support groups? Sure, you heard about Okay,
it really helps when I when Iran in the clinics. I always had
individual but also men support group,women support group because it really helps.
Yeah, you will never you don't. I mean doctors, they don't need

(31:23):
to know all the pain you're goingthrough in order to relate to your pain.
They've never experienced certain things. Soas support groups really happened with seniors,
it's happened with not support good withyoung people. But that is very
organizations you know, boys club,girls club, because yeah, you cannot

(31:45):
get me in it. And parentsare the last one. It is something
they can comfort their their kids.So um, that's that's where still I
keep on saying, uh, thecommunity is filled the risources depending on what
the situation is, because parents they'rereally at loss O word. Sometimes they

(32:09):
really do the best, but howwould they know what to do with their
kid? It is I feel itdoes one to come out from the from
the from from the room and theysee something that's going on, so literally
they have been find out where canI get help? It's really important because
sometimes and very rare, but soas that happens, I was you know

(32:32):
that, you know I heard timeand again I wish the guilt that parents.
I wish I would have been therewhatever I didn't see. I didn't
see it coming. But you knowthat we cannot control all events, and
by the way, we have tobe at the present. But look at
you. You have and I don'tknow you. I don't need to,

(32:52):
but I do. You have gonethrough stuff, uh and you you left
to share it to try to helpothers. So there's no way just by
talking. People need to when thingshappen, we need to reach out for
resources. Everything cannot be fixed,but again there is help there and groups,

(33:15):
support groups, whether it's it's aparent of gay children or transender.
Now there's a lot of things thathave so reaching out. The community is
filled with resources in your community toreach out. How can I get help?
How can I get help from mysister for my mother? Because it's
you're not alone, and it's reallycomplicated. It's easier said than done because

(33:38):
to me, unless you're dying,pick yourself up and figure it out.
But I come, I'm a warchild. I was in Ukrainan four years
and I see what's happening there,what's happening in Somalia, what's happened in
Utuopia. I mean it will nevernot be so I am not a survivor.
I'm a survivor. So unless you'redying, figure it out, and

(34:00):
I will help you figure it out. But again, it's like, it's
not an easy thing. And itwas very hard for my daughter to be
my daughter because her father was anenabler. It was American man, you
didn't anything she did was fine.And to me, unless unless you're you're
really sick, you go to school. So I am not normal. And

(34:21):
by the way, grade your audienceis going to just roll their eyes.
I have a casket in my bedroom. It's decorated. My artists painted me
on top of the casket, whitedress, white boots. I wear boots,
and I have that white dress inthe boot that I'll be buried in.
And it's like, oh, mother, nobody will come to the house
and death. It's not if itwent so I stare. I am so

(34:46):
in the moment. If I'm deadtomorrow, everything is in order. My
will, what I want the kidsto say in the in the caskets,
what I even want to be writtenon it is that normal? No,
it's not. But I know howlucky I am to have a conversation with
you, Grace right now, becausewe are just your a moment, So

(35:07):
being being in the moment and livinglife to the fool and having some vision
for the future. What else canI introduce? What else can I give?
But knowing that if I'm there tomorrow, I have a legacy. So
I casket is a reminder in mynineties, I'm going to have it exposed
and educating be stop stressing over nothing, because stress shortens life. Stress is

(35:30):
as that your arter is inflamed andwe die that how we literally you know
what, we're shortening our lives.So um it works for me, but
again by by by putting it outthere that life don't know us anything.
Life is an amazing journey and alot yet to be without, to be

(35:53):
morbid. But you know that lifeis to shorten matter how long it is
if you live it well. It'snot just living long, but living long
and well. And you're doing yourpart with your lifestyle and you're having lucky
that you know a good gene becauseyour mother is still here and opting and

(36:15):
being in the community. You makea difference by having a show like this.
And guess what the audience that hearsme, I hope they can listen
through my accent. They hear me, some will be inspired and saying yeah,
yeah, it's either said and done. Hey, it's not easy.
It's all part of life. Sosooner you you you know that that that

(36:37):
you know what. Life doesn't oweyou anything that you will you push through,
but not alone. This is thebiggest thing to have a special friend.
Some people are isolated, some peoplehave conditions. But again, how
can be six but anticipate ahead oftime being surrounded by positive people because negativity

(37:00):
drags you down. And we cansay it when I say, hey,
I'm not happy, happy happy.I don't real to make fun of the
Americans happy, that's not a goal. It's being content, have balanced in
life, you know, giving tothe community because by giving you you feel
in power to get back. Andthose are those are some tools that when

(37:21):
people hear me, some get back. Oh my gosh, you're so right.
And uh, you know what,Grace, I hope that you and
your audience know that, uh thatI am not I'm not making up stores,
it's not my My positive stake isjust the gift of life that keeps

(37:42):
on giving. And I am involved. I'm engaged to the end and that
what makes gives me gives me thatpassion, you know, to to to
to be a life and useful andtomorrow I could be a corps for bit.
I woulday have a casket. I'mnot suggesting that my audience go run

(38:06):
out and get a casket. Buta funny story my mom about about eighteen
months ago, she walks me intothe bedroom, into her bedroom, and
she says, you see this bag, She said, I have my old
Whatever I want to be in thecasket, whatever I want to be dressed
in is in that bag. AndI kind of looked at her, like
what, But so I get it, I I do. She's prepared,

(38:30):
she's ready, she's h I don'tknow if I am, but she is.
But so it's you know, alot of people do not understand the
difference between getting and giving, andsomething that getting is much more rewarding than

(38:53):
giving. I'm a firm believer thatgiving is much more rewarding. But if
there is today and I've speak witha lot of young people this victim mentality,
and they're stuck. They're stuck inthat victim mentality because sometimes they don't

(39:14):
think beyond that, that there isthat forest for the trees. And so
I was wondering if I know youunderstand community and we should always be part
of community, But do you thinkthat families, the parents, okay,

(39:36):
should share at the dinner table.And I think that's a lost thing these
days because kids come home from school, they're out doing sports, the pizza
that it's the parents both work.I don't know if parents really spend the
kind of time with their children thatthey should today. Anyway, it's a

(39:57):
fast paced world. But if theparents are going through some sort of hard
time, do you think it's bestto share that with their children, because
I know a lot of parents donot. If they're having financial difficulties,
emotional difficulties, whatever, does thatkind of help that child or prepare that

(40:20):
child in a way. Well,again you're asking the right person, I
believe so based on their age inthe presentation, so to prepare them because
kids and pets are not into pets, but kids they sent and not knowing
is worse going on? What's goingon here? And that was my or

(40:45):
my experience when I kept on askingquestions when the Nazis when they came and
behind in the addict in what's happening? Don't ask form any questions? So
I think you're right, but say, I don't see the way you'll see
it because the population that I'm engagedin, I see because they're all my
daughters and my grandkids' friends. Theydo have dinners, they do have they

(41:12):
do they are They are sharing withtheir kids, but not as much as
if you're right, and something isgoing on, find the language the words
appropriate to that age. But sharingmummy is really upset or daddy. They're
speaking about whatever it is because thatis education. So also empowering the children

(41:34):
so they're ready for the grown upreally important, not to enable them,
not to do everything for them,and sharing age appropriate because sensing something going
on they get and not knowing isthe word that parents can do. So
I agree with you, but Idon't see it's not it are those situations
as well, But but I amnot. I don't see the doom and

(41:58):
they see that is me might takeon life somehow. We have figured it
out in the past, the Depressionera, the slave area, the Holocaust
area, they Syria areas, andwe are moving forward. We are going
to figure out. They're always goingto be some that have and some have

(42:19):
not, and still being part andassisting the powerless being part of the community
because many people gives. Many peopleAmericans are very generous, but it's not
those that don't. You know,it wouldn't it be nice and more people
would be like you and me toobad grades? You know what those they
do, it will never not be. There are many the kindness of people

(42:45):
that they help and they're they're inthe community and there they're they're good people.
And many are predators and they're notgood. We cannot it's never going
to be that everybody, like inEthiopia, the hab bad someday Messiah will
come to Israel. Everybody will behappy, not working, how boring.
So I have faith based on faithof evolving and doom predicted that the world

(43:08):
go underlooking the heat. You know, we are going to deal the best
we can. So that is notnew for me. I'm a problem solver.
I cannot fix the world. Ican tell in my cask exactly what
I want them to say. Ialready have written down, but I want
on my tombstone. I mean,you know, I think it's educational.
I think it's I'm a control freak. I cannot control you or anybody else,

(43:32):
but I can control my life.So, but I'm hearing from you.
You are seeing that part that existsas well, the negative, the
helpless, the dark. But againthey're both the yang and yang of life.
So I don't know whether I helptelling you that, because it will
never unfortunately, it will never notbe because because again there are many layers

(43:53):
the strata in society. You know, they're the rich and the poor,
they driven and the lazy, andin capitalism it's you know, so in
the middle. Now they're trying.They're trying. They'll never be perfect society.
But if somebody complains about the America, I'm sending him to Russia or

(44:14):
go to Venezuela, you know,so it's like Ukraine, you know.
So it's like I and how good, how lucky I am to be me.
I look at this thing that thepositive. What can I do with
a viv I cannot do so evenin counseling, I don't want Yeah,

(44:36):
I know now your past. Idon't want to hear it again, boring,
you keep on repeating yourself, Okay, moving forward? What is your
vision realistically? In strategy? Howwhere do you want to go? How
are you going to get there?In personal relationship? In business, anywhere,
no guarantees. If that doesn't work, tweak it a little bit.

(44:57):
Don't keep on the same thing inpersonal relationship. Don't keep on same all
the same on that doesn't work,Find a little bit different. Honey,
I really love you, but whenyou do this it drives me nuts.
Could you please stop rocking the chair. I don't know. Nobody's a mind
reader, so I'm very practical Iam. I know there's miser in the
world. How lucky am I tolive in a home by myself that the

(45:22):
twenty other people could live. WhenI was in camp, there were twenty
people in one little ten by tenlittle place. So I cannot believe my
good fortune. How I evolved,And it's all the toy. I can
go back in a little, tiny, little square, and here I live
in this big house. So youknow, it's a life with all its

(45:44):
imperfection, still life. I'll neverfigure it out. I don't know about
God, I don't know about lifeafter. I'm too busy to live being
the moment and to live my lifewith passion, to reach out and to
make a difference to those that canhear me. And look how passionate I
am. And I'm going to beYeah, after I hang up on you,

(46:04):
I'm going to do my routine,and I'm going to watch the stupid
news timing again, and I'm goingto walk. Now, I do five
minutes on the treadments. Too hotto walk five minutes. I walk in
five minutes. I run to beprepared when it's cool again to go out
and pickle people cannot get over howhow you know I pickle it? So
yeah, I'm an example. SometimesI'm tough. I'm better for young people

(46:27):
because there's still opportunities. I donot lecture in front of the older group
because again, I wish I couldhave been like you. So I like
to be young audiences in grace.I've been around the world and lecturing this
and that, but being asked inSacramento at the FBI, I lectured about
seventy seventy handsome women and men FBIpeople about trauma, resilience, and self

(46:55):
care. And yeah, they knowabout trauma, they know about resilience,
but self care they don't know.They wouldn't let me go. They want
me to come and do some workshopbecause, oh my gosh, I wish
I would have met you ten yearsago. Balanced Family Care takers don't take
care of themselves very often. Everybodymatters, but so do you. So

(47:15):
I have messages and when I feellike Draucula with blood, when I know,
when I know that I reached somepeople because the darkness inspiring, because
life owes us nothing. So Ifilled your ears forgive me audience. You
asked me to come and join you, so I can go on forever.

(47:37):
I have to tell you, Ido believe we can fix the world one
person at a time. Um,I have a curious greg order Grace.
That's a big world. One personat a time though, so it may
take a long time. But butI think if if you've if you've supported

(48:00):
and help one person get through it, and it becomes that snowball effect where
that person can help the next one, and then that's what I think will
change. Will not fix, butmaybe change the way we think today.
Here's a question. I totally getself care. I practice it every day.
I do my own self audits,I mentor, I try and reach

(48:25):
out. I'm very open and yes, someone who's experienced something dark and can
pull themselves out of it, that'sterrific. What happens, Well, how
would you talk to someone who's facingan illness that they can't change, how

(48:46):
do you inspire them? How doyou get them to live that life every
day when all they can think aboutis I may live another year or two
years. How do you inspire that. It's a big order, and it's
a personal kind of thing. Idon't know, you're probably young, and

(49:07):
young people don't think about in themoment dying. To me, if I
know I'm terminal, or if Iyou know I'll sim or demension of whatever,
I want to be helped to die. I want to live forever.
But when I know my input inlife and it's nothing but the burden's the

(49:28):
family, I want help to die. Okay, that's my in California now
with doctors with family, I alreadyhave made it very clear. Okay,
it's a big order. When somebodyknows and here comes and I people pop
up in my mind, those thatknow that have a short time to live.
It's that kind of take on life. Some will say, Okay,

(49:50):
I still have another year, Howlucky am I? And they live to
the fullest. Somebody in my community, the husband he has you know,
you know, cancer and he knowsit. And I just was in his
presence. He's so happy to justbe in the moment, all right,
as long as there's no pain,and they have a lot of places ways
to kind of come the pain downit so, but yeah, it is

(50:14):
a personal thing. Some are gratefulI'm still here. In many maybe okay
by bad and they're depressed and they'rewaiting to die. How sad is that
saying you'll be okay. It's notgoing to help any maybe knowing what they
like, maybe music or money tolift up their spirit a little bit.

(50:36):
But this is a very personal thing. We cannot fix. We can be
there, but it's a very personhow people deal with anything in life,
especially knowing. I would love toknow when I die. I don't,
I know. I mean, I'mprepared. Listen to me. I have
already casket and everything is in order. I want to live forever. But

(50:57):
it's like nothing when they say makesure that people that are close to you,
I love you, because you mightnever have a chance. You see
it in the movies or whatever,to be kind of like be present and
knowing that most people don't sing thatway, but people that have a short
time to live, you know,but I can see it happened to me,
because the day will come then Iwill be in a wheelchair. My

(51:20):
brain will still be okay, andI will still I will have caretakers and
I'll still be engaged. Still Icheck out. And some people everything the
big drama, and they obsessed andthey are, you know, over nothing,
especially when you know you're dying prettysoon. But we are dying pretty
soon, all of us. SoI repeat myself. It's a very personal

(51:42):
thing, and it's like, howdo you bring joy to somebody. My
mother, she was a war child. She had no self, she was
unhardonic, the best, nothing,everything, everybody else was more important.
So she liked the orange chocolate fromthe old country, so said mamma.
Every bio, nothing caused their pleasure. I still wanted her to smile.

(52:07):
There's no way I could bring outany because she had no joy in life.
She was just there to be anextension of my father and my sister
in me. So it's like,yeah, you're a good door, your
kind. You really want to help, but everybody cannot be helped, so
does not mean we cannot be therefor them. But again, it's like

(52:27):
getting blood out of a turn up. So we have I run out of
time. No no, no no, but we've run out of time,
and you've given me such joy andhopefully inspiration, and I can't thank you
enough. And I want to thankmy listeners for tuning into this episode of
Becoming the Journey. Just keep tuninginto w R seventeen I Heart Radio.

(52:52):
You can follow us on Instagram andInstagram Becoming the Journey, Any topic,
anybody, just message me and youalready know five story view. We'd welcome
that. I can't thank you enough, Doctor Miller. We'll do it again.
It was fun. It was funto be inspired more. If you

(53:15):
can handle my accident voice, goto doctor Miller on the Internet and look
at me moving and shaking. Okay, okay, bye bye, bye bye.
You have been listening to Becoming theJourney, hosted by Grace Lavrey.
Tune in weekly to hear more conversationsthat will inspire listeners along their life's journey.