September 15, 2024 • 41 mins
Ever had a friend ditch you for a guy she just met? Join me on this episode of Brunch with Brittany as I share my personal stories about the chaos that ensues when "boy crazy girls" prioritize male attention over their friendships. We delve into the concept of "Girl Code," highlighting the strain such behaviors put on relationships and the importance of valuing friendships over fleeting male validation. With relatable anecdotes and practical advice, let's explore how to foster stronger, more supportive friendships without compromising your self-worth or values.
In the second half of the episode, we tackle the complexities of modern dating, from the impact of provocative clothing and social media to the shift from in-person interactions to dating apps. Reflecting on past experiences, we'll discuss the risks associated with casual sex and emphasize the significance of long-term relationship goals. Wrapping up, we focus on maintaining self-worth and confidence in dating, stressing the necessity of being whole and self-sufficient before seeking a partner. This conversation is all about challenging societal norms, embracing self-care, and understanding that love and attractiveness transcend age. Tune in for a thoughtful and empowering discussion on navigating today's dating landscape.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome back.
It's Brunch with Brittany, mypodcast.
Grab your drink and it doesn'thave to be alcohol.
As you know, we are healthyover here.
We are doing what's best for us.
As you know, we are healthyover here.
We are doing what's best for us.
Sometimes that's a mimosa andsometimes it's a bottle of water
.
Lately it's been water for me.
I've been feeling like I love mydrinks, but during the day day
(00:37):
drinking it's like if I'm notgoing hard, I got to just chill.
So get your water or whateverit is that you like to drink,
even if it's coffee.
And let's, let's chat, let'schat on this episode.
So how are you?
How's everything going?
Are you good?
Are you going crazy, like me?
Because I'm kind of going crazyFor the last what two days I
(01:02):
broke a glass right by my bedand I haven't cleaned it.
It's just right there by my bed, shattered glass, just trying
to show you how crazy and hecticit's been that I haven't been
able to tend to that.
Yeah, but my sheets are clean,so that's good.
(01:23):
So this episode I was thinkingI wanted to talk to the girls.
I got to talk to us girls.
We got to huddle.
Get in here, boy, crazy girls.
Some of you are here today withme and I'm going to hold your
hand through this episode.
Okay, the boy crazy girls.
If you don't know what thatmeans, it is the girl that
(01:47):
completely prioritizes andchooses the guy over their
female friendships.
Okay, that is their number onefocus.
These kind of girls are thegirls that, let's say, you go
out, right, you go, it's agirl's night.
You all go out for drinks andyou know you're going to have a
good time.
(02:07):
You know it's girl bonding time.
Let's have some drinks maybeget some free ones, you know,
depending on on how the night isand then one of the girls meets
a cute boy at the bar orwherever you are.
Cute boy comes along and nextthing, you know you can't find
your girl.
She's gone, she's gone.
(02:30):
Maybe she told you she wasleaving, maybe she didn't, she
probably didn't.
But next thing, you know youcan't find her, she's a goner.
And then she tells you oh, I'mgoing to go, I'm going to go
home with him.
Wrong move.
Never go home with a guy on thefirst date.
It's not even a date, notice.
I said the first day okay,because if you meet a guy out at
(02:54):
the bar, you should not begoing home with him that night.
Okay, I don't care how much funyou want to have, trust me,
it's not worth it.
It go to dinner first.
If you're gonna be like that,okay, at least do that.
At least do that, because thenyou'll find out if he has a car.
You don't want to be meetingthat guy at the bar and then you
(03:16):
later on find out after, afteryou went to his place and he was
staying at his friend's place.
It it's not even his end up ona couch.
I'm not speaking from experience.
I'm speaking from stories I'veheard and I just don't want more
of us women, more of thosegirls I should say us.
I really am not in that group,but just I don't want that for
(03:38):
us, for any of us.
That's why I said this is agirl's girl podcast, which is
why I'm like these boy crazygirls.
Look, I can't.
I don't think it's your job tochange them.
And if you are that girllistening, maybe you didn't even
know if these examples aresomething you've done.
(03:59):
You're a boy crazy girl andit's good to acknowledge that.
I don't think everyone's aware.
I don't think everyone's aware.
I don't think everyone's awareA boy crazy girl is the kind of
girl that will embarrass youaround other men for attention,
to make you look like less thanher, to make you look like the
(04:21):
one that they shouldn't want.
Right, like they'll, you know,say something like oh, that was
so dumb of you to say that,right, they'll make you sound
dumb, make you feel dumb, youknow, ignore you when you're
talking.
Don't even have you ever hadthat.
Oh, I've experienced this and Iknow some girls have too where,
like there's a guy in theconversation maybe you're all
(04:42):
three talking and she you'retalking and she wants nothing to
do with it.
Right, like she starts talkingover you, she's all focused in
on him, you no longer matter.
That is a boy, crazy girl.
Um, they'll make fun of youroutfit in front of the men.
Like that's a girl again, who'strying to make you seem like
(05:03):
less, so that she can seem likethe, like the one in the group,
that that the boys need to wantand it's important to them.
These are the kind of girlswhere that, that is what makes
them feel valued.
Is that male validation, youknow?
And I think that it's.
(05:23):
It's one of those things whereit's like I get it when you want
that guy's attention, but atwhat cost?
Right, and why?
Why are you putting in so mucheffort and work?
You think about that, andthat's the problem with a boy
crazy girl is that they will doanything to get whatever kind of
male validation.
That is, whether it's you knowa phone number, whether it's
(05:47):
just to get them looking intheir direction, like that is
the most important thing to them.
I remember this was when I wasin college.
I remember I had a girlfriendwho I loved her.
Okay, we became so closebesties, all right.
Um, she was quirky, she was fun, funny, um, a little older than
(06:11):
me.
Well, I was like this with her.
Okay, locked in you can, ifyou're not watching my podcast
right now on YouTube, I got myfingers crossed.
We were locked in.
Like I was like this is goingto be my sister for life.
Okay, that's what I was lookingfor in college.
That's what I'm always lookingfor A sister.
More than a friend, I want asister.
Uh, so she was.
(06:33):
We were close and, um, Iremember a guy coming into our
life.
Uh, we were actually livingtogether.
I have to add that detailbecause it made a difference.
So we were living together and Iremember she started dating
this guy and he was alwayscoming over, right, and I, me
being like I want my girls to behappy.
I never had an issue with ituntil our bills started to go up
(06:57):
.
Like there was a noticeabledifference in the bills from him
being over so much showering,using the electricity, cooking
whatever the heck he was doingin there.
Okay, my little college budget.
I felt it All right.
I was eating 99 centcheeseburgers twice a day to
survive in college, all right.
So it made a difference in mypocket.
(07:19):
So I remember bringing it up toher and being like, hey, can you
just ask him to throw in?
Throw in some money, becausehe's always here and I don't
mind it.
I'm never like annoyed thathe's here, but I am annoyed that
he's a man and he's notpitching in and he's here too
much.
So she asked him.
I wasn't there for thatconversation, but she asked him
(07:42):
and then he's like he throws.
I'm not even kidding.
The next time I see him he sayshe says something to me like oh
, yeah, here, you know that'sfor.
For my part, gives me some cash.
I open it up and it's gotta be.
I I remember $15, but it couldhave been 10.
Okay, and I was like, no, hedid not.
(08:06):
He, this was like two to threemonths.
In that I started to ask forhim to pay, okay, so, mind you,
right.
So the $15 was just theaudacity.
Well, that caused a rift.
He no longer liked me afterthat.
Naturally, I called him out onit.
No longer liked me.
So then she started to go andlike she no longer like her
(08:30):
loyalty to me as a friend whowas there for her Day.
One all of a sudden was likeBrit, he doesn't like you,
you're out, right.
So we weren't we?
There was a whole bunch ofdrama that went down after that,
but then I remember they lastedthree months, right, three
months.
Three, four, no, four months.
They lasted no more than fourmonths.
It went about three and a halfmonths before like they
(08:51):
officially broke up.
But I just remember that momentand I'm like man, I thought we
were locked in and this guycomes and he shakes us up.
You're no longer the samefriend to me.
You know, and that was just.
That was an example of a boy,crazy girl where, even though
you may have this close bondwith her, once a male enters the
room, once a male enters heratmosphere, oh no, throw that
(09:15):
friendship out the window.
It's no longer important to her, important to that person.
So that's something that I hateto see and again, I feel like I
can't.
When a girl is boy crazy, ittakes time, energy and a lot of
(09:36):
self-worth to break thatmentality.
Where you're like, everythingyou do is for the male gaze.
You know, and, being a woman,that's definitely something
that's always been taught to ussince we were little.
You know, know through everyform, open your eyes.
You know, we've always beentaught to like.
It's always about would a manlike this?
And what kind of body does theman like, right?
(09:59):
Does he like a big butt?
So then the girls go get theBBLs right.
That's why the girls aregetting BBLs.
It's for the guys Okay, you'renot going to tell me that that
is just for us girls.
And not when they're sounnatural looking Cause, why?
Why?
I think there's very few womenthat are doing that for
themselves.
(10:19):
Okay, um, same thing withanything like.
Again, the way you dress, it's,it's always for like, and I even
dress today with a littlecleavage showing, but I felt
like being cute.
And this is not for the men,this is for me this really is.
But I think it's important tostill be sexy, feel sexy.
(10:41):
Just not always think that ithas to be sexy to be, to be
wanted by a man, because beingwanted by a man is low effort,
it doesn't take much.
You ever been at the grocerystore looking raggedy, trying to
pick up some rice-a-roni andthere's a guy trying to hit on
you?
You have no makeup, your hair'sin a bun, you feel horrible,
(11:05):
and there he is hitting on you.
And I know I have somegirlfriends that are like well,
I think that's a compliment.
Well, honey, I don't.
I think that means he'll pickup anything.
Okay, because you didn't putany effort into yourself.
So imagine you when you getdressed up.
You look all good and he'scheating on you with a girl that
(11:27):
looks like she didn't try.
But there you are trying.
It means something in thebeginning.
You know what I mean.
You got to be presentable andthat's why it's important also
to be presentable always Ifyou're looking for a man, if you
are.
If you're not, then who cares?
Right again.
But I do think that there's morevalue to dressing up, dressing
(11:49):
nice, than just getting the maleattention right.
It makes you feel moreconfident it makes you.
When you are more confident,you will make better decisions.
You will be more in control ofyour life.
So there's a lot of benefitsfor yourself in dressing up and
dressing sexy, right, andfeeling that confidence.
But when you're just doing itfor a man and thinking that, oh
(12:13):
well, if I want his attention, Ihave to wear the little mini
skirts and I have to, you know,wear my cleavage is all out.
I was that girl doing that too,you know.
But then I realized like it'sthe wrong kind of attention.
It really is.
It brings in the dusties, itbrings in the dusties, it brings
in the dusties.
(12:33):
So you got to be careful aboutwhy you're dressing sexy and who
you're attracting when you'redressing sexy like that you know
who's and this is a might be a.
Okay, let me walk you throughit.
What I really liked about CardiB and Offset's relationship was
when they were on a hightogether, on a good note, right,
(12:55):
they would go out together andthere was videos of them where,
like, cardi B would just bedancing all over Offset shaking
her romper, doing her thing,being nasty out in public, okay,
like I remember one time shehad like a thong with her dress
like lifted or something, andshe's like dancing on him,
(13:15):
putting it on him.
Mind you, this is after thering, this is after the ring.
I should have pointed that out,right, this is after they're
married.
And I felt like, see, that'show I would do a relationship,
not like that, like I need tohave my thong out or anything
like that.
But I'm'm just saying, like, ifI'm going to be nasty or dress
very provocative, I should saythat if I'm going to be dressed
provocatively, I want to bealready in that relationship,
(13:39):
because then I've alreadyattracted the man.
I'm already with the man that Iwant to be with, right, I'm not
dressing to find him, I alreadyfound him at that point, the
ring, right.
So who cares?
Dress sexy, that's for your manand hopefully he's, you know,
confident.
He loves that you feelconfident, you feel sexy and
(13:59):
that you should feel protectedwhile you're dressed sexy,
because that's the other thingyou know, like dressing sexy,
too sexy, by yourself.
It's a scary world out therewith men Like you know, you kind
of, you put yourself in danger.
I've seen videos of womenwalking alone at night in skirts
and, unfortunately, things,things went, and I am not
(14:21):
blaming the girls by any means.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying that that's howdangerous it is and that's you
can make it easier.
Even it's crazy.
So what I'm saying is that forme, I thought that was like a
really good way, for if you'regoing to be that sexy girl, do
it after you have the ring.
But I am not saying don't besexy.
(14:42):
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just be careful with it, bemindful with it.
You know.
Again, if you're having to wearyou know what I really want to
go away, that I've been wantingto go away for a long time, is
those outfits that they're likemesh.
It's like a one-piece bodysuit,right, and they're mesh and
(15:03):
they got a lot of holes in them,in the front and on the sides.
Can't wear underwear with them.
You can only wear boob tape,can't wear a bra.
Okay, those outfits right there, those to me girls, they look
so good on you that they look sogood on you, right, you look
very sexy.
The problem is you're givingfree sexiness like that, like
(15:25):
it's close to OnlyFans.
Let's be real.
It's close to OnlyFans and youare putting that on the internet
and giving that out for free.
For free, you know.
You know when you do that, youdon't think about it.
These men, I'm not even kiddingyou.
Ask any guy.
(15:45):
If you are next to a guy rightnow, ask him to look I'm about
to get.
Ask him to look at his for youpage.
Just look at his for you page,that's it Just.
You don't even have to scroll,just open it.
If he'll let you tell me whatyou see, I really want you to
take this survey with me andthen I want you to comment under
(16:06):
the video, wherever you seethis comment, what did you see
on his explore page?
Because I can guarantee you,one of the first main things
you're going to notice isnothing but girls.
It's going to be all femalesmodels, either in their bathing
suits, in lingerie or thongs orin that mesh outfit I was
(16:28):
telling you about lingerie orthongs or in that mesh outfit I
was telling you about.
So when a man opens his phonefirst thing in the morning, a
lot of that is what he sees inthe first part of the morning,
like that is a lot of sexualcontent.
Think about that.
It's like desensitizing them.
It's not good for them.
To them, they're like oh, thisis great, you know them.
(16:50):
To them.
They're like, oh, this is great, you know, but if, if they
really thought about it, it'stoo much.
It's too much too easily andtoo easy for them to get it.
You see what I'm saying youdidn't make them chase it, you
didn't make them work for it.
You're showing most of yourbody, you're on all four, you're
doing a photo shoot and and Iknow like I again I've been that
(17:13):
girl like doing that kind ofphoto shoot, feeling good about
myself, thinking like, oh, I'mempowered, I can post this and
I'll feel good about it.
Whole time, though, the men arelooking at it, like you know,
with these eyes of like, no,that's not empowered, they're,
they don't.
They don't look at you asempowered.
They look at you as like, lookat this piece of meat that I
(17:35):
need to take a bite out of and Ijust want to try it, and it's
just a meal.
How long does a meal last?
You?
Until the what?
Until the next meal?
Are you that next meal?
Because there's so much foodout there we're still talking
about food here and meals rightfrom different women.
(18:00):
So where is that longevity right?
And that's what you want.
If you are so male centered,you should want that longevity,
that long-term guy.
You don't want that verytemporary.
This was just a sexual thing,and now you find out that he
really is a loser.
You found out that you've givenyour body to someone who
(18:24):
doesn't have a job, maybedoesn't have a car, maybe has an
addiction.
You don't know this man, youdon't know this man.
You don't know this man.
So it's important that's why totake the time, because in this
day and age, the way dating is,it's completely different.
Like I remember, in college, Ihad the best dating experiences.
(18:45):
Everybody would be like noteverybody, but a lot of people
would say, oh, dating so bad.
I would have so many greatdates, great convo.
Uh, they never made me pay.
I never, I never, no, never,never, wanted a date where they
wanted to do 50, 50 or make mepay, okay.
So I was experiencing that andI would really like getting to
(19:06):
know the guys.
I was in college, college, theywere all college guys.
You know what I'm saying.
So I knew they had a future, Iknew they were headed towards
something.
But you know, so that was funand then you were only really
finding people like, if you wentto the parties, you went out,
you had to go outside to meetsomebody.
Now it's completely different.
You know they have it right intheir hands.
(19:29):
Completely different.
You know they have it right intheir their hands, so having any
option that they want in theirhands on those apps.
The dating apps are horriblegirls.
If you're on it, you cannot beseriously looking for a partner
on there, and I get this.
Some of you are in your chapter, your era of just having a good
time.
That is a big risk right now,whereas maybe before that wasn't
(19:51):
.
And why I say it's a risk nowis because the laws have changed
a lot about being able to go toPlanned Parenthood and take
care of an accident.
I'll say that right.
So you are really puttingyourself at risk right now to
just be having casual sex withsomeone you know, especially if
(20:13):
you have goals and you want acareer that will really set you
back.
It doesn't make it impossible.
If you're listening to this andyou're like, well, I already
have kids and I.
That's exactly what happened tome.
It is not over for you.
It is not.
I'm talking to the girls thathaven't gone through that and
shouldn't, because let's be realwith each other.
If you're that girl, did itmake it easier for you?
(20:36):
Did it make you morefinancially secure to have that
baby unplanned?
Did you continue on chasingyour career after that?
And some of you may answer yesto that and that's great, but
did it make it easier?
And that's what I want for usultimately, girls, is to not
(21:05):
make it harder for us to live inthis already difficult world,
right, so that comes with.
Again, if you're boy crazy,you're going to fall in that
trap.
You know I mentioned thisbefore.
But at the same time, to stopgiving these men babies before
the ring.
Stop doing that.
You're really putting yourselfin a situation that maybe, long
term, you're probably not goingto be very happy with.
(21:28):
And again, that's why I saidthis is a girl's girl podcast,
because we need to hear the hardtruths.
Okay, we got to protectourselves.
We got to look out for us.
Number one meaning that, like,take care of yourself, make sure
that if you're dating or ifyou're with a guy, you're secure
with him.
You know you're not giving ababy to a man that's a cheater,
(21:48):
because, girl, you're going togo through it.
And is that how you want to beduring your pregnancy Always
upset, screaming, arguing,stress on the baby.
You don't want that and that'swhy I'm telling you that if you
are around the boy crazy girls,you are going to be let down as
a friend.
But also, if you are that boycrazy girl, I need you to
(22:12):
self-correct.
I need you to read some books,follow some therapists, some
dating experts, some datingcoaches.
I've been doing that over theyears and really just kind of
making sure that right now I'mworking on myself.
That's my main goal, my mainpriority, and I've got, I feel,
so much more to do, you know,and I can't do it with kids.
(22:35):
I couldn't do all of this withkids.
There's no way, not, happily,me myself.
I am speaking to the girls thatlove it, love motherhood, love
that for you.
I'm not that girl and it's notfor me, it's simply not for me.
So I do feel like, yeah,de-centering I want to say
(22:56):
de-centering men, which I coulddo a whole nother episode on,
and I will.
But as far as friendships go, ithas to come to that you got to
realize that if you're in acircle with any of those type of
girls, understand where theirplace is in your life and that
they're not forever, because assoon as they and as soon as they
(23:17):
get a boyfriend, they're goingto be out.
They no longer want thatfriendship with you.
You're no longer needed intheir life, right?
If you have that friend thatyou're only bonding with over
bad dating stories and badrelationships, as soon as she
gets in a relationship, she isgoing to be out.
(23:41):
She doesn't want to hear yourproblems anymore.
She got her man.
Okay, like this, you were just,you were just a placeholder
until she could get that man anda real friend, a good friend, a
girl's girlfriend, is nevergoing to leave you because a man
comes in to the room or intoher life.
That's just not going to happen.
You know what I'm saying.
(24:01):
She's going to keep you rightin the same position.
She's going to make sure heknows that you are her best
friend, are in her circle andand that she wants you there and
that he's gotta get along withyou.
I know a lot of girls your bestfriend don't get along with
your man whoo, I've been thereon both sides right, either.
(24:23):
You are the girl that the theguy hates, right, because you're
always telling your girl thetruth and she needs to leave him
, which I don't know that we.
I've started to ask my friendslike do you want my advice or do
you just want me to listen?
Because you can drive yourselfcrazy and mentally exhaust
(24:46):
yourself trying to convince thisgirl to leave a man that she's
not ready to leave.
Okay, everybody's on their owntiming and you gotta.
You gotta again meet the girlswhere they're at.
If she is not really ready toleave that man, let her vent to
you.
Be that good friend that justlistens.
You know she's going to cry toyou.
(25:06):
You gotta to just take that.
And if she really is bringing agood, valuable friendship to
your life, then you'll be okaywith that and you'll understand.
All right, it's not my place totell her Now.
She might ask you what do youthink?
Then you can tell her, butyou're not.
It's not your job to tell heragain and again.
It's not your job to correcther.
(25:29):
Everybody's got their chapter,their era, their era.
You know Sometimes it's their.
You know their tonta era.
In Spanish, tonta is like yourdummy, you're not thinking
straight and men will have youlike that.
So what was I saying about?
(25:49):
Yeah, so those kind of girlslike you cannot the friendship.
You got to know what it isright and then you don't want to
get in between theirrelationship Because, let me
tell you, she's going to come toyou complaining, and we all do
this, right.
We go to our best friends orour friends.
We complain about the guy.
Well, now they hate him, nowthey can't stand him because
they know that he cheated on you, they know that he, you know,
(26:13):
spoke to you crazy.
They know that he put his handson you.
And how could they like him?
You have painted, not you, butyou telling them, they see it
for what it is right and they'rean outsider and they're not the
one sleeping with him, like youare right.
So they don't have noattachment to him.
That's why you're attaching him.
(26:34):
Also because you're.
You know you're thinking aboutsleeping, the sleeping with him
part.
So I'm losing my thought.
But I'm here because there'sjust so much on this subject.
You know there's so many anglesto go with it, but I just can't
(26:54):
do it anymore.
So for me, yeah, listening tothe girls, not giving my advice
unless asked, and then afterthat it's like that's on you.
You know I'm going to go do mything.
I want to go flourish.
I cannot be here to save you.
You got to know when to savethe girlfriend and when you just
got to let them sink.
But they can swim, knowing theycan swim.
(27:17):
Okay, I'm not saying you justleave your girl Although some
girls if they're a lost cause,you need to know that there are
girls that will put you insituations, girlfriends that
will put you in situations thataren't good for you but good for
them in that moment and thatyou need to separate yourself
from.
(27:38):
That's not a good friend.
Again, not a good friend.
So it's important if you're aboy crazy, I, you're gonna end
up with one of the worst men youwill, because your validation
comes from a man telling youthat you are valuable.
You ever hear those women andI've heard, um, women with more
(28:00):
years on them and young womenwho get married and then they
shame the girl that's notmarried.
Well, well, you ain't never hada ring on your finger.
You've never had a ring on yourfinger.
You've never had a man proposeto you, you've never had a
husband.
And that to them is like but Idid, I got the ring, I've been
married before.
And to them, that's how theytry to make other women feel
(28:23):
less than feel devalued.
And every time I've heard itbecause I watch the Real
Housewives and I follow thesewomen and they all have their
own real lives of relationshipsand marriages and divorces and
they'll say things like that andI'm like even to that age,
women are still feeling likeyour value.
One of the ways to show yourvalue, one of the biggest ways,
(28:47):
is if a man chose you.
If a man gave you a ring, andevery time that I've heard that,
I'm like why are you?
Why is it so important?
Why does that make you like, haha, you are, you are an amazing
woman.
A man chose you and instead ofgiving yourself the value in
(29:08):
other ways because I am all fora partner, I am not by any means
saying you don't need a man.
I do think that we needpartners, I think we need love,
all of that but it's got to comein a healthy way, in a way
that's good for you and good forhim, not just all good for him.
Or you know, not just I'mnothing until I have this person
(29:31):
Right.
You know they.
I'm so such a firm believer thatyou really got to be whole by
yourself, not first, but it'simportant to be whole Right,
because you do learn along theway from dating.
You know people are like thisis my other half and I do think
that's beautiful, but I also I'mlike is that?
(29:52):
Why look at it like you weremissing half of you?
Why not be your whole self anda man be his whole self, and you
can come together andcompliment each other still and
it's still be a great person foryou, without feeling like
without this person I I'm, I'mnothing, I'm not whole, I'm not
(30:15):
full, you know, I just don't I.
That's another like to me,something we need to break a
train of thought, a way of being, a way of thinking.
A train of thought, a way ofbeing, a way of thinking it's
not.
You give yourself the value youtruly do.
And when you date men or allowmen to give you the bare minimum
(30:38):
right, the guy who hasn't takenyou on a date yet but wants to
come over, ew, ew, and some ofyou, you know, got some alcohol
in your system it's like okay.
That's why it's important Don'tbe getting litty on dates.
Don't do it.
Your inhibition goes down, girl, and the legs go up.
(31:00):
You don't want that.
Don't fall for it.
It's a trick.
Two drinks maximum on a firstdate.
Two drinks, okay, okay, anddrink water in between and
before, because if you have athird, you better have had some
water, at least two glasses ofwater, maybe three, but you
(31:21):
could always go above that.
I'm just saying this is howyou'll end up with a dusty If
you rush it, if you don't valueyourself and you wait for the
man to tell you I chose you.
Well, why aren't you alsochoosing the man, though, and
don't just choose him based offof his looks?
Okay, that to me, like cute isonly cute for so long.
(31:47):
You know they say like men willsay women, you know, your beauty
fades.
The men who say that, not forme, my beauty never fades
because I stay beautiful.
I will stay beautiful even inmy old age, with my silver hair
and some wrinkles, because Iwill get Botox.
I am going to be that viejitawith, like you know, she's got
(32:11):
younger skin in her face, andhopefully they get the neck by
then.
By the time I'm that age, youknow I'm gonna be doing
everything to look younger, butI'm still gonna be beautiful
even in my old age.
So when men tell you, oh, you,you know, women not only devalue
, but they're they just.
They'll say beauty fades.
If you think beauty fades.
(32:34):
That's a problem for me, that'sa problem for you when men say
that, because I've even heard um, I remember, like years ago I
went on a date with a guy and hewas like, oh, when men get
older, you know, we get moredistinguished, we get more
handsome.
You know that's not the samefor women.
And I'm looking at him like I'mgonna be a baddie when I get
older.
Sir, don't tell me what I'mgonna look like or that I'm not
(32:57):
gonna be.
You know hot, going to be abaddie when I get older.
Sir, don't tell me what I'mgoing to look like or that I'm
not going to be.
You know hot enough to bag aguy.
If I'm single in my 60s, 70sand 80s, I am going to be dating
and have plenty of men at myfeet.
I'm not worried about that.
You can't.
Don't let them trick you intothinking that you only have this
short window of being wanted.
I had another guy try to tellme that, oh, you know, you're in
(33:21):
your late 20s.
You know, get into your 30s,you're not going to be as sought
after.
And I'm laughing because I'mlike, please, please.
But I think that was his way oftrying to make me feel like I
needed to.
That's why I needed to committo him.
That's why I needed to just bein a relationship with him,
because I had.
(33:41):
He was making me feel like Ihave a small window and no one
else is going to want me.
They will say things I'mtelling you it's, it's crazy.
And then you see, if you haven't, they have the Golden
Bachelorette.
It's a new show.
They did it with a guy before.
It was like a guy in his 70s,okay, I think his name was Gary
(34:01):
or Jerry, anyway, it was a70-year-old guy.
And then it was like 15 to 20women from their 50s to 70s, or
60s to 70s, something like that,but they were all still trying
to find love in their 60s, right?
And these women, okay,beautiful, took care of
themselves, great hair, greatbodies, fit In shape, healthy,
(34:27):
you know like just baddies.
Okay, in their 60s and 70s,still looking for love.
Some of them were widowed, youknow.
I think that most of them were.
And now they have the showagain, and this time it's going
to be a golden bachelorette.
This woman is in her 60s, Ibelieve, and then it's going to
be.
It's a bunch of men in their 60sand 70s and I hope they're all
(34:49):
widowed, because why Let me notjudge, let me not judge, I'm
just saying if you haven't beenmarried by the time you're close
to 70, I think that's a redflag for a man.
That's a red flag because whyhaven't you been able to commit,
why haven't you found at leastone woman to marry, you know,
(35:10):
but anyway.
So these people are in their60s and 70s and still dating and
still trying to find love.
Like you have to know that thatmight be an option, that might
be something.
You know, and I know thatsounds scary, that sounds like,
oh, I don't want to be in my 60sand 70s and still single.
Of course not.
But you don't have to be afraidand feel less than if you ended
(35:31):
up like that, because I'mtelling you, these women are
still successful, they livegreat lives.
Like that, because I'm tellingyou, these women are still
successful, they live greatlives.
They just want a partner.
And that's why and a lot ofthem were like I did find my
partner but he died.
Oof, oof.
That's rough, that is rough,but that is also life, right.
But the last thing I will waittill my last breath before I
(35:53):
settle, okay, and I think thatthat's the attitude that you got
to have in this day and age,because it's just too easy for
men to have access to women, toget bored of women quickly.
Okay, they might think you'rehot and sexy today, tomorrow
they're focused on the next girlbecause she's also hot and sexy
.
(36:14):
It is so in their hands, like Isaid, literally in their hands.
Just too much.
It's too much and honestly, Ido think it's affected men
negatively when it comes todating and seeing women as
something as long-term and notdisposable too right, oh, it
didn't work out with this girl,I'll find another girl.
It's a horrible like.
We men really right now havethe upper hand and that's just
(36:41):
the truth.
That really is reality, is whatI should.
It's reality and that's why yougot to.
You have to protect yourself,protect your energy, protect
your mental, protect your body,you know.
That's why I'm saying don'tgive your body away like that,
because it's so so many womenare doing that that the men are
no longer seeing the value ofbeing in a monogamous
(37:04):
relationship, of being with agreat woman.
I know so many great womensuccessful, beautiful,
independent, you know, take careof themselves and they're
single and I'm looking at themlike how, how are you single?
If, if I was a man, I would, Iwould ask you to marry me.
Like, literally, I know womenlike that that I've thought if I
was a man I'd totally want tomarry her.
(37:24):
She has everything together,she is, and a respectable woman,
gorgeous and fun.
These girls are also fun.
These aren't girls that arelike you know, have no
personality.
So when I I run into so manywomen having the same issue,
I've got to think this plays apart in it, you know, and the
(37:44):
girls that are like oh well, youknow, I had a good conversation
with him, I had a good datewith him.
And then you go and you sleepwith him that night.
And you go and you sleep withhim that night, and then the
next day or the couple daysafter, the communication slows
down.
The texting is not, as you know, the good morning text go away.
(38:07):
The charm no longer there.
You're no longer knowing whereyou stand with this guy.
You can prevent yourself fromthose lows, because those do
feel low, girl, and you know it.
You know it.
When you wake up the next dayand you're laying in bed and
you're like I gave him all ofthat.
I gave him all of that and whatdo I get?
(38:28):
This dusty t-shirt that he letme wear the next day because I
didn't have clothes and you gotto give that T-shirt back.
Make it make sense, okay.
So I think that be careful withthat.
(38:50):
Be mindful of that.
Move with intention, girls.
This is it.
This is the time to do it.
This is the time to do it.
This is the time to do it soyou don't end up in a situation
where you are putting yourselflike to be set up to fail, set
up to do bad.
I don't want to see my girlsdown doing bad.
(39:10):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We have too many resources, toomuch knowledge now, too much
more freedom now, before it getstaken away, be careful with
that.
Go to the polls.
We need a vote.
Our reproductive rights are onthe line.
You care about women.
You'll care about that Ifyou're a man listening.
(39:32):
It is important to us women andyou need to be voting for that,
for women.
Otherwise, I don't think youshould date those kind of men
that don't care about women'srights and women's bodies.
Do you even know how he feelsabout that?
Before you slept with him, youcould be sleeping with a man who
(39:54):
, literally, is voting to takeaway all of those rights from
you to be able to decide foryourself for you to even.
I want to.
I want to say this correctly.
I'm just saying you need toknow who you're sleeping with
before you're sleeping with them.
(40:14):
Take care of yourself.
This is the Brunch with Brittanypodcast.
I'm so glad you're here with metoday.
Did we hydrate?
I haven't even drank some water.
Drink some water.
Go, stretch and decenter thatman.
Okay, stop being so boy crazy.
Get it together, sis.
(40:35):
We got a lot of work to do.
Stay a baddie forever like me.
I'm Brittany Gonzalez.
Make sure you are followingBrunch with Brittany.
It's on YouTube.
It's on the iHeartRadio app.
I'm on Spotify, apple PodcastsSubscribe.
Share this episode with someonewho is boy crazy.
(40:56):
Share it with someone who needsto hear this message.
But I I'm saying this with love.
Remember I was holding yourhand, holding your hand through
this conversation, because it'snot easy.
It's not easy saying it outloud, saying the hard part out
loud, but, uh, again, I want thebest for us.
So make sure you're followingand share this episode.
(41:16):
I love you.
I love you.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
It's brunch with Brittany.
I'm out.
Welcome back.
It's Brunch with Brittany, mypodcast.
Grab your drink and it doesn'thave to be alcohol.
As you know, we are healthyover here.
We are doing what's best for us.
As you know, we are healthyover here.
We are doing what's best for us.
Sometimes that's a mimosa andsometimes it's a bottle of water
.
Lately it's been water for me.
I've been feeling like I love mydrinks, but during the day day
(00:37):
drinking it's like if I'm notgoing hard, I got to just chill.
So get your water or whateverit is that you like to drink,
even if it's coffee.
And let's, let's chat, let'schat on this episode.
So how are you?
How's everything going?
Are you good?
Are you going crazy, like me?
Because I'm kind of going crazyFor the last what two days I
(01:02):
broke a glass right by my bedand I haven't cleaned it.
It's just right there by my bed, shattered glass, just trying
to show you how crazy and hecticit's been that I haven't been
able to tend to that.
Yeah, but my sheets are clean,so that's good.
(01:23):
So this episode I was thinkingI wanted to talk to the girls.
I got to talk to us girls.
We got to huddle.
Get in here, boy, crazy girls.
Some of you are here today withme and I'm going to hold your
hand through this episode.
Okay, the boy crazy girls.
If you don't know what thatmeans, it is the girl that
(01:47):
completely prioritizes andchooses the guy over their
female friendships.
Okay, that is their number onefocus.
These kind of girls are thegirls that, let's say, you go
out, right, you go, it's agirl's night.
You all go out for drinks andyou know you're going to have a
good time.
(02:07):
You know it's girl bonding time.
Let's have some drinks maybeget some free ones, you know,
depending on on how the night isand then one of the girls meets
a cute boy at the bar orwherever you are.
Cute boy comes along and nextthing, you know you can't find
your girl.
She's gone, she's gone.
(02:30):
Maybe she told you she wasleaving, maybe she didn't, she
probably didn't.
But next thing, you know youcan't find her, she's a goner.
And then she tells you oh, I'mgoing to go, I'm going to go
home with him.
Wrong move.
Never go home with a guy on thefirst date.
It's not even a date, notice.
I said the first day okay,because if you meet a guy out at
(02:54):
the bar, you should not begoing home with him that night.
Okay, I don't care how much funyou want to have, trust me,
it's not worth it.
It go to dinner first.
If you're gonna be like that,okay, at least do that.
At least do that, because thenyou'll find out if he has a car.
You don't want to be meetingthat guy at the bar and then you
(03:16):
later on find out after, afteryou went to his place and he was
staying at his friend's place.
It it's not even his end up ona couch.
I'm not speaking from experience.
I'm speaking from stories I'veheard and I just don't want more
of us women, more of thosegirls I should say us.
I really am not in that group,but just I don't want that for
(03:38):
us, for any of us.
That's why I said this is agirl's girl podcast, which is
why I'm like these boy crazygirls.
Look, I can't.
I don't think it's your job tochange them.
And if you are that girllistening, maybe you didn't even
know if these examples aresomething you've done.
(03:59):
You're a boy crazy girl andit's good to acknowledge that.
I don't think everyone's aware.
I don't think everyone's aware.
I don't think everyone's awareA boy crazy girl is the kind of
girl that will embarrass youaround other men for attention,
to make you look like less thanher, to make you look like the
(04:21):
one that they shouldn't want.
Right, like they'll, you know,say something like oh, that was
so dumb of you to say that,right, they'll make you sound
dumb, make you feel dumb, youknow, ignore you when you're
talking.
Don't even have you ever hadthat.
Oh, I've experienced this and Iknow some girls have too where,
like there's a guy in theconversation maybe you're all
(04:42):
three talking and she you'retalking and she wants nothing to
do with it.
Right, like she starts talkingover you, she's all focused in
on him, you no longer matter.
That is a boy, crazy girl.
Um, they'll make fun of youroutfit in front of the men.
Like that's a girl again, who'strying to make you seem like
(05:03):
less, so that she can seem likethe, like the one in the group,
that that the boys need to wantand it's important to them.
These are the kind of girlswhere that, that is what makes
them feel valued.
Is that male validation, youknow?
And I think that it's.
(05:23):
It's one of those things whereit's like I get it when you want
that guy's attention, but atwhat cost?
Right, and why?
Why are you putting in so mucheffort and work?
You think about that, andthat's the problem with a boy
crazy girl is that they will doanything to get whatever kind of
male validation.
That is, whether it's you knowa phone number, whether it's
(05:47):
just to get them looking intheir direction, like that is
the most important thing to them.
I remember this was when I wasin college.
I remember I had a girlfriendwho I loved her.
Okay, we became so closebesties, all right.
Um, she was quirky, she was fun, funny, um, a little older than
(06:11):
me.
Well, I was like this with her.
Okay, locked in you can, ifyou're not watching my podcast
right now on YouTube, I got myfingers crossed.
We were locked in.
Like I was like this is goingto be my sister for life.
Okay, that's what I was lookingfor in college.
That's what I'm always lookingfor A sister.
More than a friend, I want asister.
Uh, so she was.
(06:33):
We were close and, um, Iremember a guy coming into our
life.
Uh, we were actually livingtogether.
I have to add that detailbecause it made a difference.
So we were living together and Iremember she started dating
this guy and he was alwayscoming over, right, and I, me
being like I want my girls to behappy.
I never had an issue with ituntil our bills started to go up
(06:57):
.
Like there was a noticeabledifference in the bills from him
being over so much showering,using the electricity, cooking
whatever the heck he was doingin there.
Okay, my little college budget.
I felt it All right.
I was eating 99 centcheeseburgers twice a day to
survive in college, all right.
So it made a difference in mypocket.
(07:19):
So I remember bringing it up toher and being like, hey, can you
just ask him to throw in?
Throw in some money, becausehe's always here and I don't
mind it.
I'm never like annoyed thathe's here, but I am annoyed that
he's a man and he's notpitching in and he's here too
much.
So she asked him.
I wasn't there for thatconversation, but she asked him
(07:42):
and then he's like he throws.
I'm not even kidding.
The next time I see him he sayshe says something to me like oh
, yeah, here, you know that'sfor.
For my part, gives me some cash.
I open it up and it's gotta be.
I I remember $15, but it couldhave been 10.
Okay, and I was like, no, hedid not.
(08:06):
He, this was like two to threemonths.
In that I started to ask forhim to pay, okay, so, mind you,
right.
So the $15 was just theaudacity.
Well, that caused a rift.
He no longer liked me afterthat.
Naturally, I called him out onit.
No longer liked me.
So then she started to go andlike she no longer like her
(08:30):
loyalty to me as a friend whowas there for her Day.
One all of a sudden was likeBrit, he doesn't like you,
you're out, right.
So we weren't we?
There was a whole bunch ofdrama that went down after that,
but then I remember they lastedthree months, right, three
months.
Three, four, no, four months.
They lasted no more than fourmonths.
It went about three and a halfmonths before like they
(08:51):
officially broke up.
But I just remember that momentand I'm like man, I thought we
were locked in and this guycomes and he shakes us up.
You're no longer the samefriend to me.
You know, and that was just.
That was an example of a boy,crazy girl where, even though
you may have this close bondwith her, once a male enters the
room, once a male enters heratmosphere, oh no, throw that
(09:15):
friendship out the window.
It's no longer important to her, important to that person.
So that's something that I hateto see and again, I feel like I
can't.
When a girl is boy crazy, ittakes time, energy and a lot of
(09:36):
self-worth to break thatmentality.
Where you're like, everythingyou do is for the male gaze.
You know, and, being a woman,that's definitely something
that's always been taught to ussince we were little.
You know, know through everyform, open your eyes.
You know, we've always beentaught to like.
It's always about would a manlike this?
And what kind of body does theman like, right?
(09:59):
Does he like a big butt?
So then the girls go get theBBLs right.
That's why the girls aregetting BBLs.
It's for the guys Okay, you'renot going to tell me that that
is just for us girls.
And not when they're sounnatural looking Cause, why?
Why?
I think there's very few womenthat are doing that for
themselves.
(10:19):
Okay, um, same thing withanything like.
Again, the way you dress, it's,it's always for like, and I even
dress today with a littlecleavage showing, but I felt
like being cute.
And this is not for the men,this is for me this really is.
But I think it's important tostill be sexy, feel sexy.
(10:41):
Just not always think that ithas to be sexy to be, to be
wanted by a man, because beingwanted by a man is low effort,
it doesn't take much.
You ever been at the grocerystore looking raggedy, trying to
pick up some rice-a-roni andthere's a guy trying to hit on
you?
You have no makeup, your hair'sin a bun, you feel horrible,
(11:05):
and there he is hitting on you.
And I know I have somegirlfriends that are like well,
I think that's a compliment.
Well, honey, I don't.
I think that means he'll pickup anything.
Okay, because you didn't putany effort into yourself.
So imagine you when you getdressed up.
You look all good and he'scheating on you with a girl that
(11:27):
looks like she didn't try.
But there you are trying.
It means something in thebeginning.
You know what I mean.
You got to be presentable andthat's why it's important also
to be presentable always Ifyou're looking for a man, if you
are.
If you're not, then who cares?
Right again.
But I do think that there's morevalue to dressing up, dressing
(11:49):
nice, than just getting the maleattention right.
It makes you feel moreconfident it makes you.
When you are more confident,you will make better decisions.
You will be more in control ofyour life.
So there's a lot of benefitsfor yourself in dressing up and
dressing sexy, right, andfeeling that confidence.
But when you're just doing itfor a man and thinking that, oh
(12:13):
well, if I want his attention, Ihave to wear the little mini
skirts and I have to, you know,wear my cleavage is all out.
I was that girl doing that too,you know.
But then I realized like it'sthe wrong kind of attention.
It really is.
It brings in the dusties, itbrings in the dusties, it brings
in the dusties.
(12:33):
So you got to be careful aboutwhy you're dressing sexy and who
you're attracting when you'redressing sexy like that you know
who's and this is a might be a.
Okay, let me walk you throughit.
What I really liked about CardiB and Offset's relationship was
when they were on a hightogether, on a good note, right,
(12:55):
they would go out together andthere was videos of them where,
like, cardi B would just bedancing all over Offset shaking
her romper, doing her thing,being nasty out in public, okay,
like I remember one time shehad like a thong with her dress
like lifted or something, andshe's like dancing on him,
(13:15):
putting it on him.
Mind you, this is after thering, this is after the ring.
I should have pointed that out,right, this is after they're
married.
And I felt like, see, that'show I would do a relationship,
not like that, like I need tohave my thong out or anything
like that.
But I'm'm just saying, like, ifI'm going to be nasty or dress
very provocative, I should saythat if I'm going to be dressed
provocatively, I want to bealready in that relationship,
(13:39):
because then I've alreadyattracted the man.
I'm already with the man that Iwant to be with, right, I'm not
dressing to find him, I alreadyfound him at that point, the
ring, right.
So who cares?
Dress sexy, that's for your manand hopefully he's, you know,
confident.
He loves that you feelconfident, you feel sexy and
(13:59):
that you should feel protectedwhile you're dressed sexy,
because that's the other thingyou know, like dressing sexy,
too sexy, by yourself.
It's a scary world out therewith men Like you know, you kind
of, you put yourself in danger.
I've seen videos of womenwalking alone at night in skirts
and, unfortunately, things,things went, and I am not
(14:21):
blaming the girls by any means.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying that that's howdangerous it is and that's you
can make it easier.
Even it's crazy.
So what I'm saying is that forme, I thought that was like a
really good way, for if you'regoing to be that sexy girl, do
it after you have the ring.
But I am not saying don't besexy.
(14:42):
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just be careful with it, bemindful with it.
You know.
Again, if you're having to wearyou know what I really want to
go away, that I've been wantingto go away for a long time, is
those outfits that they're likemesh.
It's like a one-piece bodysuit,right, and they're mesh and
(15:03):
they got a lot of holes in them,in the front and on the sides.
Can't wear underwear with them.
You can only wear boob tape,can't wear a bra.
Okay, those outfits right there, those to me girls, they look
so good on you that they look sogood on you, right, you look
very sexy.
The problem is you're givingfree sexiness like that, like
(15:25):
it's close to OnlyFans.
Let's be real.
It's close to OnlyFans and youare putting that on the internet
and giving that out for free.
For free, you know.
You know when you do that, youdon't think about it.
These men, I'm not even kiddingyou.
Ask any guy.
(15:45):
If you are next to a guy rightnow, ask him to look I'm about
to get.
Ask him to look at his for youpage.
Just look at his for you page,that's it Just.
You don't even have to scroll,just open it.
If he'll let you tell me whatyou see, I really want you to
take this survey with me andthen I want you to comment under
(16:06):
the video, wherever you seethis comment, what did you see
on his explore page?
Because I can guarantee you,one of the first main things
you're going to notice isnothing but girls.
It's going to be all femalesmodels, either in their bathing
suits, in lingerie or thongs orin that mesh outfit I was
(16:28):
telling you about lingerie orthongs or in that mesh outfit I
was telling you about.
So when a man opens his phonefirst thing in the morning, a
lot of that is what he sees inthe first part of the morning,
like that is a lot of sexualcontent.
Think about that.
It's like desensitizing them.
It's not good for them.
To them, they're like oh, thisis great, you know them.
(16:50):
To them.
They're like, oh, this is great, you know, but if, if they
really thought about it, it'stoo much.
It's too much too easily andtoo easy for them to get it.
You see what I'm saying youdidn't make them chase it, you
didn't make them work for it.
You're showing most of yourbody, you're on all four, you're
doing a photo shoot and and Iknow like I again I've been that
(17:13):
girl like doing that kind ofphoto shoot, feeling good about
myself, thinking like, oh, I'mempowered, I can post this and
I'll feel good about it.
Whole time, though, the men arelooking at it, like you know,
with these eyes of like, no,that's not empowered, they're,
they don't.
They don't look at you asempowered.
They look at you as like, lookat this piece of meat that I
(17:35):
need to take a bite out of and Ijust want to try it, and it's
just a meal.
How long does a meal last?
You?
Until the what?
Until the next meal?
Are you that next meal?
Because there's so much foodout there we're still talking
about food here and meals rightfrom different women.
(18:00):
So where is that longevity right?
And that's what you want.
If you are so male centered,you should want that longevity,
that long-term guy.
You don't want that verytemporary.
This was just a sexual thing,and now you find out that he
really is a loser.
You found out that you've givenyour body to someone who
(18:24):
doesn't have a job, maybedoesn't have a car, maybe has an
addiction.
You don't know this man, youdon't know this man.
You don't know this man.
So it's important that's why totake the time, because in this
day and age, the way dating is,it's completely different.
Like I remember, in college, Ihad the best dating experiences.
(18:45):
Everybody would be like noteverybody, but a lot of people
would say, oh, dating so bad.
I would have so many greatdates, great convo.
Uh, they never made me pay.
I never, I never, no, never,never, wanted a date where they
wanted to do 50, 50 or make mepay, okay.
So I was experiencing that andI would really like getting to
(19:06):
know the guys.
I was in college, college, theywere all college guys.
You know what I'm saying.
So I knew they had a future, Iknew they were headed towards
something.
But you know, so that was funand then you were only really
finding people like, if you wentto the parties, you went out,
you had to go outside to meetsomebody.
Now it's completely different.
You know they have it right intheir hands.
(19:29):
Completely different.
You know they have it right intheir their hands, so having any
option that they want in theirhands on those apps.
The dating apps are horriblegirls.
If you're on it, you cannot beseriously looking for a partner
on there, and I get this.
Some of you are in your chapter, your era of just having a good
time.
That is a big risk right now,whereas maybe before that wasn't
(19:51):
.
And why I say it's a risk nowis because the laws have changed
a lot about being able to go toPlanned Parenthood and take
care of an accident.
I'll say that right.
So you are really puttingyourself at risk right now to
just be having casual sex withsomeone you know, especially if
(20:13):
you have goals and you want acareer that will really set you
back.
It doesn't make it impossible.
If you're listening to this andyou're like, well, I already
have kids and I.
That's exactly what happened tome.
It is not over for you.
It is not.
I'm talking to the girls thathaven't gone through that and
shouldn't, because let's be realwith each other.
If you're that girl, did itmake it easier for you?
(20:36):
Did it make you morefinancially secure to have that
baby unplanned?
Did you continue on chasingyour career after that?
And some of you may answer yesto that and that's great, but
did it make it easier?
And that's what I want for usultimately, girls, is to not
(21:05):
make it harder for us to live inthis already difficult world,
right, so that comes with.
Again, if you're boy crazy,you're going to fall in that
trap.
You know I mentioned thisbefore.
But at the same time, to stopgiving these men babies before
the ring.
Stop doing that.
You're really putting yourselfin a situation that maybe, long
term, you're probably not goingto be very happy with.
(21:28):
And again, that's why I saidthis is a girl's girl podcast,
because we need to hear the hardtruths.
Okay, we got to protectourselves.
We got to look out for us.
Number one meaning that, like,take care of yourself, make sure
that if you're dating or ifyou're with a guy, you're secure
with him.
You know you're not giving ababy to a man that's a cheater,
(21:48):
because, girl, you're going togo through it.
And is that how you want to beduring your pregnancy Always
upset, screaming, arguing,stress on the baby.
You don't want that and that'swhy I'm telling you that if you
are around the boy crazy girls,you are going to be let down as
a friend.
But also, if you are that boycrazy girl, I need you to
(22:12):
self-correct.
I need you to read some books,follow some therapists, some
dating experts, some datingcoaches.
I've been doing that over theyears and really just kind of
making sure that right now I'mworking on myself.
That's my main goal, my mainpriority, and I've got, I feel,
so much more to do, you know,and I can't do it with kids.
(22:35):
I couldn't do all of this withkids.
There's no way, not, happily,me myself.
I am speaking to the girls thatlove it, love motherhood, love
that for you.
I'm not that girl and it's notfor me, it's simply not for me.
So I do feel like, yeah,de-centering I want to say
(22:56):
de-centering men, which I coulddo a whole nother episode on,
and I will.
But as far as friendships go, ithas to come to that you got to
realize that if you're in acircle with any of those type of
girls, understand where theirplace is in your life and that
they're not forever, because assoon as they and as soon as they
(23:17):
get a boyfriend, they're goingto be out.
They no longer want thatfriendship with you.
You're no longer needed intheir life, right?
If you have that friend thatyou're only bonding with over
bad dating stories and badrelationships, as soon as she
gets in a relationship, she isgoing to be out.
(23:41):
She doesn't want to hear yourproblems anymore.
She got her man.
Okay, like this, you were just,you were just a placeholder
until she could get that man anda real friend, a good friend, a
girl's girlfriend, is nevergoing to leave you because a man
comes in to the room or intoher life.
That's just not going to happen.
You know what I'm saying.
(24:01):
She's going to keep you rightin the same position.
She's going to make sure heknows that you are her best
friend, are in her circle andand that she wants you there and
that he's gotta get along withyou.
I know a lot of girls your bestfriend don't get along with
your man whoo, I've been thereon both sides right, either.
(24:23):
You are the girl that the theguy hates, right, because you're
always telling your girl thetruth and she needs to leave him
, which I don't know that we.
I've started to ask my friendslike do you want my advice or do
you just want me to listen?
Because you can drive yourselfcrazy and mentally exhaust
(24:46):
yourself trying to convince thisgirl to leave a man that she's
not ready to leave.
Okay, everybody's on their owntiming and you gotta.
You gotta again meet the girlswhere they're at.
If she is not really ready toleave that man, let her vent to
you.
Be that good friend that justlistens.
You know she's going to cry toyou.
(25:06):
You gotta to just take that.
And if she really is bringing agood, valuable friendship to
your life, then you'll be okaywith that and you'll understand.
All right, it's not my place totell her Now.
She might ask you what do youthink?
Then you can tell her, butyou're not.
It's not your job to tell heragain and again.
It's not your job to correcther.
(25:29):
Everybody's got their chapter,their era, their era.
You know Sometimes it's their.
You know their tonta era.
In Spanish, tonta is like yourdummy, you're not thinking
straight and men will have youlike that.
So what was I saying about?
(25:49):
Yeah, so those kind of girlslike you cannot the friendship.
You got to know what it isright and then you don't want to
get in between theirrelationship Because, let me
tell you, she's going to come toyou complaining, and we all do
this, right.
We go to our best friends orour friends.
We complain about the guy.
Well, now they hate him, nowthey can't stand him because
they know that he cheated on you, they know that he, you know,
(26:13):
spoke to you crazy.
They know that he put his handson you.
And how could they like him?
You have painted, not you, butyou telling them, they see it
for what it is right and they'rean outsider and they're not the
one sleeping with him, like youare right.
So they don't have noattachment to him.
That's why you're attaching him.
(26:34):
Also because you're.
You know you're thinking aboutsleeping, the sleeping with him
part.
So I'm losing my thought.
But I'm here because there'sjust so much on this subject.
You know there's so many anglesto go with it, but I just can't
(26:54):
do it anymore.
So for me, yeah, listening tothe girls, not giving my advice
unless asked, and then afterthat it's like that's on you.
You know I'm going to go do mything.
I want to go flourish.
I cannot be here to save you.
You got to know when to savethe girlfriend and when you just
got to let them sink.
But they can swim, knowing theycan swim.
(27:17):
Okay, I'm not saying you justleave your girl Although some
girls if they're a lost cause,you need to know that there are
girls that will put you insituations, girlfriends that
will put you in situations thataren't good for you but good for
them in that moment and thatyou need to separate yourself
from.
(27:38):
That's not a good friend.
Again, not a good friend.
So it's important if you're aboy crazy, I, you're gonna end
up with one of the worst men youwill, because your validation
comes from a man telling youthat you are valuable.
You ever hear those women andI've heard, um, women with more
(28:00):
years on them and young womenwho get married and then they
shame the girl that's notmarried.
Well, well, you ain't never hada ring on your finger.
You've never had a ring on yourfinger.
You've never had a man proposeto you, you've never had a
husband.
And that to them is like but Idid, I got the ring, I've been
married before.
And to them, that's how theytry to make other women feel
(28:23):
less than feel devalued.
And every time I've heard itbecause I watch the Real
Housewives and I follow thesewomen and they all have their
own real lives of relationshipsand marriages and divorces and
they'll say things like that andI'm like even to that age,
women are still feeling likeyour value.
One of the ways to show yourvalue, one of the biggest ways,
(28:47):
is if a man chose you.
If a man gave you a ring, andevery time that I've heard that,
I'm like why are you?
Why is it so important?
Why does that make you like, haha, you are, you are an amazing
woman.
A man chose you and instead ofgiving yourself the value in
(29:08):
other ways because I am all fora partner, I am not by any means
saying you don't need a man.
I do think that we needpartners, I think we need love,
all of that but it's got to comein a healthy way, in a way
that's good for you and good forhim, not just all good for him.
Or you know, not just I'mnothing until I have this person
(29:31):
Right.
You know they.
I'm so such a firm believer thatyou really got to be whole by
yourself, not first, but it'simportant to be whole Right,
because you do learn along theway from dating.
You know people are like thisis my other half and I do think
that's beautiful, but I also I'mlike is that?
(29:52):
Why look at it like you weremissing half of you?
Why not be your whole self anda man be his whole self, and you
can come together andcompliment each other still and
it's still be a great person foryou, without feeling like
without this person I I'm, I'mnothing, I'm not whole, I'm not
(30:15):
full, you know, I just don't I.
That's another like to me,something we need to break a
train of thought, a way of being, a way of thinking.
A train of thought, a way ofbeing, a way of thinking it's
not.
You give yourself the value youtruly do.
And when you date men or allowmen to give you the bare minimum
(30:38):
right, the guy who hasn't takenyou on a date yet but wants to
come over, ew, ew, and some ofyou, you know, got some alcohol
in your system it's like okay.
That's why it's important Don'tbe getting litty on dates.
Don't do it.
Your inhibition goes down, girl, and the legs go up.
(31:00):
You don't want that.
Don't fall for it.
It's a trick.
Two drinks maximum on a firstdate.
Two drinks, okay, okay, anddrink water in between and
before, because if you have athird, you better have had some
water, at least two glasses ofwater, maybe three, but you
(31:21):
could always go above that.
I'm just saying this is howyou'll end up with a dusty If
you rush it, if you don't valueyourself and you wait for the
man to tell you I chose you.
Well, why aren't you alsochoosing the man, though, and
don't just choose him based offof his looks?
Okay, that to me, like cute isonly cute for so long.
(31:47):
You know they say like men willsay women, you know, your beauty
fades.
The men who say that, not forme, my beauty never fades
because I stay beautiful.
I will stay beautiful even inmy old age, with my silver hair
and some wrinkles, because Iwill get Botox.
I am going to be that viejitawith, like you know, she's got
(32:11):
younger skin in her face, andhopefully they get the neck by
then.
By the time I'm that age, youknow I'm gonna be doing
everything to look younger, butI'm still gonna be beautiful
even in my old age.
So when men tell you, oh, you,you know, women not only devalue
, but they're they just.
They'll say beauty fades.
If you think beauty fades.
(32:34):
That's a problem for me, that'sa problem for you when men say
that, because I've even heard um, I remember, like years ago I
went on a date with a guy and hewas like, oh, when men get
older, you know, we get moredistinguished, we get more
handsome.
You know that's not the samefor women.
And I'm looking at him like I'mgonna be a baddie when I get
older.
Sir, don't tell me what I'mgonna look like or that I'm not
(32:57):
gonna be.
You know hot, going to be abaddie when I get older.
Sir, don't tell me what I'mgoing to look like or that I'm
not going to be.
You know hot enough to bag aguy.
If I'm single in my 60s, 70sand 80s, I am going to be dating
and have plenty of men at myfeet.
I'm not worried about that.
You can't.
Don't let them trick you intothinking that you only have this
short window of being wanted.
I had another guy try to tellme that, oh, you know, you're in
(33:21):
your late 20s.
You know, get into your 30s,you're not going to be as sought
after.
And I'm laughing because I'mlike, please, please.
But I think that was his way oftrying to make me feel like I
needed to.
That's why I needed to committo him.
That's why I needed to just bein a relationship with him,
because I had.
(33:41):
He was making me feel like Ihave a small window and no one
else is going to want me.
They will say things I'mtelling you it's, it's crazy.
And then you see, if you haven't, they have the Golden
Bachelorette.
It's a new show.
They did it with a guy before.
It was like a guy in his 70s,okay, I think his name was Gary
(34:01):
or Jerry, anyway, it was a70-year-old guy.
And then it was like 15 to 20women from their 50s to 70s, or
60s to 70s, something like that,but they were all still trying
to find love in their 60s, right?
And these women, okay,beautiful, took care of
themselves, great hair, greatbodies, fit In shape, healthy,
(34:27):
you know like just baddies.
Okay, in their 60s and 70s,still looking for love.
Some of them were widowed, youknow.
I think that most of them were.
And now they have the showagain, and this time it's going
to be a golden bachelorette.
This woman is in her 60s, Ibelieve, and then it's going to
be.
It's a bunch of men in their 60sand 70s and I hope they're all
(34:49):
widowed, because why Let me notjudge, let me not judge, I'm
just saying if you haven't beenmarried by the time you're close
to 70, I think that's a redflag for a man.
That's a red flag because whyhaven't you been able to commit,
why haven't you found at leastone woman to marry, you know,
(35:10):
but anyway.
So these people are in their60s and 70s and still dating and
still trying to find love.
Like you have to know that thatmight be an option, that might
be something.
You know, and I know thatsounds scary, that sounds like,
oh, I don't want to be in my 60sand 70s and still single.
Of course not.
But you don't have to be afraidand feel less than if you ended
(35:31):
up like that, because I'mtelling you, these women are
still successful, they livegreat lives.
Like that, because I'm tellingyou, these women are still
successful, they live greatlives.
They just want a partner.
And that's why and a lot ofthem were like I did find my
partner but he died.
Oof, oof.
That's rough, that is rough,but that is also life, right.
But the last thing I will waittill my last breath before I
(35:53):
settle, okay, and I think thatthat's the attitude that you got
to have in this day and age,because it's just too easy for
men to have access to women, toget bored of women quickly.
Okay, they might think you'rehot and sexy today, tomorrow
they're focused on the next girlbecause she's also hot and sexy
.
(36:14):
It is so in their hands, like Isaid, literally in their hands.
Just too much.
It's too much and honestly, Ido think it's affected men
negatively when it comes todating and seeing women as
something as long-term and notdisposable too right, oh, it
didn't work out with this girl,I'll find another girl.
It's a horrible like.
We men really right now havethe upper hand and that's just
(36:41):
the truth.
That really is reality, is whatI should.
It's reality and that's why yougot to.
You have to protect yourself,protect your energy, protect
your mental, protect your body,you know.
That's why I'm saying don'tgive your body away like that,
because it's so so many womenare doing that that the men are
no longer seeing the value ofbeing in a monogamous
(37:04):
relationship, of being with agreat woman.
I know so many great womensuccessful, beautiful,
independent, you know, take careof themselves and they're
single and I'm looking at themlike how, how are you single?
If, if I was a man, I would, Iwould ask you to marry me.
Like, literally, I know womenlike that that I've thought if I
was a man I'd totally want tomarry her.
(37:24):
She has everything together,she is, and a respectable woman,
gorgeous and fun.
These girls are also fun.
These aren't girls that arelike you know, have no
personality.
So when I I run into so manywomen having the same issue,
I've got to think this plays apart in it, you know, and the
(37:44):
girls that are like oh well, youknow, I had a good conversation
with him, I had a good datewith him.
And then you go and you sleepwith him that night.
And you go and you sleep withhim that night, and then the
next day or the couple daysafter, the communication slows
down.
The texting is not, as you know, the good morning text go away.
(38:07):
The charm no longer there.
You're no longer knowing whereyou stand with this guy.
You can prevent yourself fromthose lows, because those do
feel low, girl, and you know it.
You know it.
When you wake up the next dayand you're laying in bed and
you're like I gave him all ofthat.
I gave him all of that and whatdo I get?
(38:28):
This dusty t-shirt that he letme wear the next day because I
didn't have clothes and you gotto give that T-shirt back.
Make it make sense, okay.
So I think that be careful withthat.
(38:50):
Be mindful of that.
Move with intention, girls.
This is it.
This is the time to do it.
This is the time to do it.
This is the time to do it soyou don't end up in a situation
where you are putting yourselflike to be set up to fail, set
up to do bad.
I don't want to see my girlsdown doing bad.
(39:10):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We have too many resources, toomuch knowledge now, too much
more freedom now, before it getstaken away, be careful with
that.
Go to the polls.
We need a vote.
Our reproductive rights are onthe line.
You care about women.
You'll care about that Ifyou're a man listening.
(39:32):
It is important to us women andyou need to be voting for that,
for women.
Otherwise, I don't think youshould date those kind of men
that don't care about women'srights and women's bodies.
Do you even know how he feelsabout that?
Before you slept with him, youcould be sleeping with a man who
(39:54):
, literally, is voting to takeaway all of those rights from
you to be able to decide foryourself for you to even.
I want to.
I want to say this correctly.
I'm just saying you need toknow who you're sleeping with
before you're sleeping with them.
(40:14):
Take care of yourself.
This is the Brunch with Brittanypodcast.
I'm so glad you're here with metoday.
Did we hydrate?
I haven't even drank some water.
Drink some water.
Go, stretch and decenter thatman.
Okay, stop being so boy crazy.
Get it together, sis.
(40:35):
We got a lot of work to do.
Stay a baddie forever like me.
I'm Brittany Gonzalez.
Make sure you are followingBrunch with Brittany.
It's on YouTube.
It's on the iHeartRadio app.
I'm on Spotify, apple PodcastsSubscribe.
Share this episode with someonewho is boy crazy.
(40:56):
Share it with someone who needsto hear this message.
But I I'm saying this with love.
Remember I was holding yourhand, holding your hand through
this conversation, because it'snot easy.
It's not easy saying it outloud, saying the hard part out
loud, but, uh, again, I want thebest for us.
So make sure you're followingand share this episode.
(41:16):
I love you.
I love you.
Thanks for hanging out with me.
It's brunch with Brittany.
I'm out.
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