September 22, 2024 • 37 mins
Ever felt like you're always on the losing end in the dating game? Discover how to protect your heart from unnecessary heartbreak as we break down the subtle ways you might be setting yourself up to be played. I promise you'll walk away with insights on the five key signs men use to test women, like the classic move of trying to come over after a first date. Grab your favorite drink and check in on your emotional well-being as we tackle these modern dating dilemmas head-on.
Navigating early relationship red flags can feel like walking through a minefield, but I'm here to help you maintain your boundaries and self-respect. From premature sexual conversations to requests for photos, learn how to spot these manipulative tactics and refuse to engage, keeping your dignity intact. We'll discuss the toxic habit of men sharing women's photos without consent and underscore the importance of understanding a man's character before making significant decisions.
What exactly is love bombing, and how can you see it coming? This episode explores why taking your time to get to know someone is crucial and when it's appropriate to discuss sex in a new relationship. I share personal anecdotes on dressing conservatively for a first date to keep the focus on personality and intellect. Finally, join us for the Unfiltered Brunch segment, where I invite both women and men to share their thoughts and provide specific feedback. Tune in on our free iHeartRadio app, YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome back to another episode of Brunch with
Brittany.
You know what to do, right?
We grab our drinks.
We grab our drinks.
Whatever it is, it could be,you know, it could be tequila,
it could be a mimosa.
I am doing water again.
Oh my God, who am I?
That's how I know.
I've, like, made a lot ofprogress where I'm like you know
(00:34):
what.
I'm not just going to do mytypical drinking just to drink.
But I love both sides of me.
So this side of me today is thehydrated side, and if you are
not hydrated but you are havinga drink, add some water to it,
let's go, all right.
So how are you feeling?
Checking in, how do you thinkyou're feeling?
(00:56):
How are you doing?
Are you down bad, sis?
Are you down bad?
Are you doing well?
If you are, congratulations,happy for you, happy for you.
You doing Wow.
If you are, congratulations,happy for you, happy for you.
So I was thinking that you knowI've always big on working on
myself.
All right, if you are that typeof girl, this is definitely
(01:21):
your episode.
Or if you're not that type ofgirl, this is definitely your
episode.
Okay, you need to hear this one.
But I was thinking, you know,with all the self-work I've done
over the years and I have donea lot between reading, okay,
understanding my shortcomings asa person, as a woman, or in
relationships, every aspect of ahuman's life.
(01:44):
Okay, I have self-evaluated andI've done a lot of work over
the years of learning about it,learning how to be a better
person, being just better atwhat I do and who I am.
I'm very big on that.
So I was thinking today wecould talk about are you setting
yourself up to get played?
Ooh, ooh, did you get somechills up your spine?
(02:07):
Ooh, girl, let's get into it.
Hold on, I got to get some morewater in my system because this
is going to be, um, ew, thatsounded nasty Anywho.
So, yes, are you settingyourself up to get played?
If you are out there right nowin the dating world, honey, I
(02:29):
feel for you, I feel so.
I feel for you.
I know it's hard.
Every girl I talk to about thedating scene, it's like we all
have the same consensus whereit's like oh my God, horrible,
oh my God, going terribly.
And I really wish, I promiseyou, when I speak to women and
you know I'm out a lot, I'm outin different places, different
(02:51):
age ranges are around me, youknow, got the young girls, the
Gen Z girls, the millennialgirls and even even the women
who are in their 40s and 50s,right.
And every time the topic ofdating comes up and I'm sure you
hear it it's always like a badthing, right.
It's always trauma and dramaand just like everything's going
(03:14):
wrong.
And I've yet to hear well,maybe I've heard one or two good
stories, good stories, Well, atleast they started that way.
And then you know, you get thetext later, like girl Wayne, he
ghosted me.
Or girl he decided, you know,after a week, after love bombing
me for a week, that you knowgone.
(03:39):
Just, I'm not it, right?
So it's like, are you settingyourself up to get played?
And I don't necessarily justmean like cheated on or like you
know any of that.
It could be that falls into it,but it's not just that, it's
making sure that you are seeingthose signs before you end up
heartbroken, okay.
So, that being said, if you'resetting yourself up to get
(04:00):
played, I would say let's startwith attention.
Okay, attention does not meanthat you have his attention.
Let me say that again.
Attention from him does notmean that you have his attention
and when I say that I mean fullattention where he really is
(04:24):
pursuing you because he wants tobe in a relationship with you.
You know, are you clocking it?
If this is just for a good timeto him, if this is just a fling
to him, or if he is seriouslylooking for his partner to start
and build a life with, for hispartner to start and build a
(04:50):
life with?
So I'm doing some research.
I came up with some five, fivesigns how men will test you,
five signs that men will testyou with.
Okay, let's start with numberone.
I'm sure you've dealt with this.
Going on a first date where heasks you at the end of the night
, right, let's say, you have agreat date, you're.
You know you get some drinks.
You got a nice espresso martini.
(05:12):
Maybe.
You know you got some oystersto start, maybe a seafood tower
that's how I like to start.
But okay, date goes well, right, you're having some good
conversation.
But okay, date goes well, right, you're having some good
conversation, you're having fun,you're laughing.
He's having conversation withyou, you know meaning, like it's
not just he's asking youquestions too.
(05:32):
Right, those are really good.
Green flags, all green flags.
So you do that.
And then you get to the end ofthe date and he walks you to
your car.
Hopefully the first day you didnot go with him in his car.
That's unsafe, ladies.
Unless you really know the guy,then I'll allow it.
But never go in his car on afirst date because you don't
(05:54):
even know how it's going to go.
If it's going to go well, if youare going to end up being so
disgusted by this man and hisviews, that can happen too.
Man and his views, that canhappen too.
So one way a man will test youis at the end of the date.
He will try to come over or tryto have you come over.
(06:18):
And maybe some of you listeningto this right now are like,
well, I don't mind that I'mhaving a good time right now, I
just only want that.
Okay, risky move in this era, inthis time period, I don't
recommend.
I highly discourage that.
And because, let's face it, tobe real, when you gain in that
kind of activity with someone,you're gonna catch feelings.
(06:39):
Stop it, you're gonna catchfeelings.
So, again, that'sself-awareness, be real with
yourself.
So he will test you and he willwant to try to come over.
Have you come over, don't do it.
If you are really actuallylooking for a relationship, if
you're looking for this guy totake you seriously, do not.
(07:01):
That's a test.
And to the girls that do, againat your own risk.
But I would say you're settingyourself up to either get
heartbroken or to get played.
All right, never go over it.
Never, never, never, never.
And you can tell, be straightup.
I don't go over to boys' houseson the first night or the
second or the third.
(07:22):
Highly recommend you don't, butyou're going to live your life
the way you do.
I would just say for sure,though you got to make this a
rule 100% first night, you don'tcome over.
Number two a man will test youby bringing up the conversation,
the topic of sex.
Ooh, have you ever had thathappen to you?
(07:45):
Too soon, too soon.
I definitely remember when Ifirst got back into the dating
game, because remember I don'tknow if you remember, but I did
say that like went in arelationship for years, went
back out into the dating gameand it was completely different,
right, like it was insanelydifferent.
So, anyway, so they'll test youby bringing up the topic of sex
(08:10):
, Sometimes even on the, a lotof times on the first date not
with me, but on the first dateit happens, right, and that man
is testing you to see like how'sshe feeling?
And what can I?
What is you?
You know whether it's anythingon that subject just shouldn't
be spoken about.
But again, this is always atest because they're trying to
(08:30):
take you home that night,whether you want to believe that
or not.
Most men wouldn't mind.
I should say, taking you homethat first night.
Okay, I'm not saying all.
Some of you men are gentlemenand no better, but too many
aren't doing that.
So, and again, these are allfrom experiences I've heard and
from my own.
(08:51):
Okay, so I uh went on a datewith a guy and I remember it was
like maybe he didn't bring itup on the on the first date, did
not?
I was not having that, itdidn't come up.
But I believe, like a week anda half, within a week and a half
, he was sending me like sexymemes, memes, okay, like the
(09:14):
nature of the topic wasdefinitely sexual, and I
remember looking at that likewhat?
Like ew, first of all, ew, ew,but then also what do you?
How do I politely tell him?
And here I go, thinking abouthis feelings when he wasn't
thinking about mine asking orsending those dirty memes.
(09:36):
But, uh, to respectfully belike, hey, I don't, this is not,
I'm not that girl.
Do not talk to me about that,you, it's not.
You know, it's too soon, it'sway too soon.
You don't even really know whoI am yet, so don't start talking
to me about sex.
But anyway, so he did that and Iremember kind of being like,
(09:59):
and he was a nice guy, okay,before all of that I felt like
nice guy, you know, held thedoor open for me, a gentleman
like that, all right, paid onthe first date, all of those
things, right, he did those well, except, you know, getting to
(10:21):
know each other, he sends thosethings.
So I'm like, okay, let me justdead this here, like I, each
other, he sends those things.
So I'm like, okay, let me justdead this here, like I don't
talk about those things, that'stoo soon, too soon, buddy.
And he was like, oh, oh, I wasjust.
I think he tried to play it offas like, oh, it wasn't that
serious, but also he wouldn't doit again, is what he said, and
that's as simple, simple as that.
(10:42):
No, we're not playing that game, we're not going to you know a
home run, even through the phone, before I actually get to know
that person.
That is so important.
Again, he's testing you, though, because if you do fall for it,
if you do engage in that sexualconversation, oh he's
definitely feeling like allright, the next time I see her
is happening, or I can call herover tonight.
(11:04):
You know what I mean.
So you're really helping speedup that process.
When you talk about thatsubject, you're speeding up that
process for it to happen Againbefore you really know the guy,
and I think that that's sodangerous, because, well, you
know what I could do a wholeother episode on that.
(11:24):
It's just dangerous.
Well, you know what I could doa whole nother episode on that.
It's just dangerous.
Don't do it, girl.
You're setting yourself upagain to get heartbroken or to
get left or to feel played.
Okay, another man, another way,a man will test you is oh, this
one I hate.
Oh my God, I hate this one.
Like immediately, I will stop.
(11:45):
I will stop talking to the guy.
Yeah, I will.
Asking for photos, asking forphotos of any kind, even if it's
just a selfie, and you knowthey never really mean.
Send me a selfie of your face,right, like, send me a photo.
Or sometimes they're verydirect and it's like send me a
sexy photo, right, you shouldnot be engaging in that.
(12:13):
Don't do that.
Why would you send a photo ofyourself to a man who barely
worked for it, to a man whodidn't deserve it?
And when I say don't deserve it, that's something that you
should take.
That is very precious of you,very sacred, very rare.
Okay, like, think about it.
If you give that man the photothat he asked for, do you think
(12:33):
you're the only one he asked fora photo of and from?
No, really, think about that.
Do you think that you are theonly woman that he asked that
day or that week to send himphotos?
I'm gonna bet that you're not.
You're not.
(12:54):
So let's say oh, it's, it's,it's, it's not that serious if I
send him a selfie, right, he?
He asked for a pic of me.
Oh, he's thinking of me.
Let me send him a photo, girl.
He's got a gallery of thosephotos, of different selfies of
different women and all kinds,whether they're of their face or
they're sexy, like.
(13:15):
You have to treat that assomething very, very important
to you, that you do not justgive away photos of yourself.
Don't do that.
You're setting yourself up toget played again.
But that man will test youbecause if you do it, then
you're just another one of thegirls who do it, and all he had
to do was ask for it.
Think about that, that's it.
(13:37):
And fellas, if you're listening,do not ask for photos from
women, don't, not in thebeginning, not in the first week
, not.
Don't, just don't do it.
If you want to get a photo ofher, I would suggest that maybe,
like, get her nails done forher, pay for her nails, and then
(13:58):
you can ask for a photo and shecan send you one with her face
and her nails in it.
Okay, like, but it's got to bethat innocent too.
Like that to me, you can startthinking about sending a photo,
but never just send a photo ofyourself, girlfriend, because he
has so many.
And again, not saying every manis like this.
(14:19):
But, men, be real with yourselfand you know your boys.
Maybe you're not the guy, butwhen you get around your boys,
don't act like y'all.
Do not talk about women and andhigh five each other.
If you bagged a girl or if yougot photos, some, some men, will
even share the photos.
That's sick, very sickening.
(14:40):
They'll share the photos youever hear.
You know, when a girl has anOnlyFans too, one guy will buy
it and then he'll show all hisfriends and they think it's so
funny and haha, and I didn'thave to pay for that.
Ew, it's low vibrational.
You don't want a man like that.
So photos take that seriously.
(15:01):
It is bigger than just a selfieof you like I promise you you
don't just want to be anothergirl in their gallery and it
also makes them less likely tochase you after that or to take
you seriously after that.
Right, like you're making ittoo easy.
He just has to ask and thereyou go doing that.
I think you can wait.
(15:21):
I think you can wait so thatyou can see the true character
of him and see if he really isserious.
Then you know he'll wait aroundwhen he really earns that photo
and then he can have a photo ofyou in his phone.
Okay, number four men will testyou by asking for favors.
Now, this one I'm not toofamiliar with.
I don't know what kind offavors a man would ask.
(15:45):
I mean, if he's asking like letme borrow your car, I'm gonna
say you need to exit immediately.
That is not a favor.
Okay, if he's asking you for afavor of even just picking him
up somewhere in the beginning,in the beginning, what's the
(16:05):
reason it's got to be important?
It's got to be worth it.
Are you driving two hours awayto go pick him up?
Are you meeting him two hoursaway to meet him, when he could
have driven those four hours tocome see you?
That that's important Because,again, you are allowing him to
(16:26):
chase you.
When you meet a man halfway,even for a date, I think you're
making it too easy for him.
Okay, now, maybe some peoplemight hear that and think like,
well, that's, you know, it's notmuch to, if I can, you know,
make it easier on him.
You know it's not much to, if Ican, you know, make it easier
on him In the beginning.
Do you want to just?
Do you want easy in thebeginning?
(16:49):
I don't know.
I don't know that you reallywant that, because I don't think
that that's going to lead to astrong partnership.
Right when, again, you didn'tmake him work very hard for that
photo.
You didn't make him work veryhard to meet you.
All right, I think you're worththe drive.
(17:11):
I think that's anotherself-evaluation of what is your
worth.
Are you worth the drive?
If you believe so, then heshould be driving those four
hours to you.
Okay, and I'm just using fourhours as an example.
It could be whatever.
It could be one hour, it couldjust be.
I've heard of women going out ondates where they literally went
to his side of the town, which,in a big city, was three hours
(17:33):
away, you know, and they'll meethim, close to him, and he's
like down the street from hisplace, probably takes women on
that street all the time, right,but here you go, you went above
and beyond and drove to him.
In his mind.
I think that men would see thatas like, again, I didn't have
to try, she'll come to me.
I can call her at a whim.
You know, I've already got her.
(17:57):
You see what I'm saying Versus,like, oh, she's not going to
see me if I don't come drive toher.
Well then, that's the test,right, will, are they willing to
drive to come see you?
Are they really that interestedin having something with you to
do so?
To do that?
If they're not, they're notgoing to make the drive, they're
going to make the excuse.
(18:17):
Meet me halfway and let me tellyou, the girls that I know that
are meeting these men halfwayare having bad experiences.
They find out so many red flagssoon after and I'm not kidding
you, I'm not making that up.
That's why I feel like that isa test that men will do and
again, if it's not a test, it'sjust you're making it too easy
(18:38):
for them.
So they may not feel likethey're testing you, but they're
also just not trying hardenough.
And if you are seriously lookingfor a relationship, that needs
to be like a stand, it has to bea standard of yours, right?
I'm not coming to you.
You come see me.
You should have a lot going onthat you shouldn't even be able
to just go and drive and do that.
(18:58):
You know like absolutely not.
I got things going.
I got to work in the morning.
The morning I have to be upearly, okay, I have my own bills
to pay and this I don't know.
I don't know yet.
Okay, think about that numberfive and this one immediately.
You should know better, but I'mI let me.
(19:19):
Let me hold your hand while Isay this, because I'm not
judging you.
If you have done this, I justdon't want you to do it anymore.
Okay, the fifth way a man willtest you is asking for money.
I think you should run if thathappens.
You're meeting this man, it'sthe beginning of dating and he's
(19:43):
asking for money.
Then he's not ready to date,but again he'll ask because if
you do it and there are womenthat do, then now he knows he
can come to you for that.
Now he knows you're one ofthose contacts that he can hit
up and with whatever sob storyhe has, with whatever sad story
(20:06):
he allegedly has you never knowbut I think that is a huge red
flag that him asking for money,he's not ready to date you.
Honey, you need to onto thenext.
Cut that off.
You need money.
Call your mom, call your sister, call your brother, call 411
411 pain, don't call me.
(20:27):
Call anybody else.
Okay, call a hotline, I don'tknow, throw your cash app on
your Instagram story, but youshould run from a man like that.
So, yeah, make sure that you arenot setting yourself up to get
played, because not allattention means that you have
his full attention, and that issomething that I have definitely
(20:50):
practiced with.
I've had better experiencesbecause of that.
Again, just having standards,standards and standing on those
standards like you cannot.
I promise you, once you startlowering or bending you know
your standards to a guy, becausemaybe you're like he's so cute,
(21:11):
oh, he's so fine, or he's got agreat body, or you know, he
makes me laugh and it's likehoney, we need, we need more in
the package than that.
We need more in that packagethan that.
We need more in that packagethan that.
So men will test you to see howfar you will go and how easy you
will be to get.
Do not make it easy for them.
(21:32):
You're going to save yourselftime.
You're going to save yourselfdisappointment, heartbreak, just
all the things, all thosefeelings you don't like.
You will run into them if yourush into this too fast, not
being aware of those red flagsand those signs that he's really
not that serious about you,even if he's calling you every
(21:54):
day.
You know how many women get lovebombed.
Have you experienced that?
You know where they're alwayscalling and texting.
They're always.
You know they're blowing upyour phone, they're always
trying to see you.
And then and then, if you do,if you do sleep with them I have
(22:15):
such trouble talking about itlike saying sex, sex, right, but
if you do sleep with him andthen he ghosts you or the
communication slows down.
You see what I'm saying?
Like he was never really tryingto have something serious with
you, but you rushed into it soyou couldn't call it right, you
couldn't clock that yet.
So that's why, with time, you'llreally be able to know that and
(22:38):
then you can make a betterinformed decision on do I want
to give this man any more of mytime?
Your time is so valuable, sis,it's very valuable.
Do not sleep on that.
And um, yeah, what is?
Uh, by the way, what is talkingabout sex too soon?
What is that right?
Like, what would you say is thewindow for that?
(23:00):
I was trying to come up withthat answer for myself because I
still feel like in the firstmonth I'm still getting to know
you.
We shouldn't be talking aboutsex, right?
We should have so many othertopics to talk about other than
that, while getting to know eachother.
Right, because at the same timewhen you get into the bedroom,
you'll figure things out.
Then I just don't see a reasonin talking about it.
(23:24):
As far as like, what you like,what you're into, that's none of
his business.
How many partners you've had,none of his business.
I'm telling you, and itshouldn't matter.
By the way, that's anotherthing.
If a guy cares about that, he'simmature and that's a red flag
that's going to cause problemsfor you in the future.
That's an insecurity.
(23:45):
A a confident man will not carebecause that is whatever
happened before him, that is inyour past and that shouldn't
even be on his mind.
I mean, it has nothing to dowith him, and let's not act like
these men, aren't that?
Men don't also have sexualrelations with women, with lots
of them?
Do we ever ask them?
(24:05):
Oh, how many women have youbeen with?
I'm sure there are women whohave asked.
Again, I wouldn't ask.
I don't see why.
It doesn't matter for eitherside.
We're here now.
Let's try to make this work ifthat's what we want.
But yeah, if you're going on adate too, I was like all right,
let's get into.
How do you dress for a date, howdo you dress for a first date?
(24:29):
All right, I'm going to tellyou how not to dress.
I'm going to tell you ladies,you might not want to hear this.
No, you need to hear this.
All right, hold on, I need somewater, hold on.
Okay, how you dress for a dateis very important and maybe you
don't know how to dress for thefirst date.
Let me tell you something rightnow Never wear lace on a first
(24:55):
date.
Don't wear lace on a first date.
Lace screams sex.
It screams objectify me.
It screams I want to engage insexual behavior.
And then it also takes away thefocus of him getting to know
you, your brain and, just yeah,your personality.
(25:16):
Right, like you have already.
It's like someone's hungry andthen you put a filet mignon on
the table, okay, a wagyu on thetable, and you're just like
sitting there in front of themand you think they're not going
to just be thinking about like,when can I eat that?
Yeah, exactly right.
So the cleavage little to nocleavage on a first date.
(25:41):
Again, you are making the focusabout that.
I will never forget.
I remember and I made themistake of doing this because,
again, if I tell you this, Ihave also done some of this
stuff I went with so much damncleavage on one day and it
wasn't you know what Matter offact, it was side.
It was side cleavage, that'sright, side cleavage.
(26:03):
And, um, I forgot, I forgot towear like pasties.
I don't, I think I maybe I ranout.
I don't freaking know, okay,but it was a little too much
right for the visuals.
I, this guy, would not make eyecontact with me like there were.
He did, but there were so manytimes where I saw his eyes just
(26:25):
looking at my boobs, to thepoint where he wasn't even
trying to hide it, you know, tothe point where it was like I
was so annoyed and so disgustedlike, wow, I mean, he's not even
hiding it, at least hide it.
Stupid, don't be like.
Right there we're talking, I'mlooking at your eyes and your
eyes are looking at my chest.
It was that evident, right.
But I also did that to myselfbecause I went dressed like that
(26:49):
I shouldn't have, and then, ofcourse, he turned out to be just
like the most douchiestdouchebag.
I could do a whole episode onthat loser.
But that was years ago.
But that happened, it happened.
I was again when I was likegetting into the dating game
(27:10):
again and not like how do Idress?
And me being used to being sexyaround my man.
You know what I mean.
But you can't do that on thewhen you're first getting to
know a guy because, again,you're just making it like too
much about sex around him.
He can't handle it, lady.
I promise he cannot handle it.
Um, most men, most men I haveto throw that in there because
there's some guys who can handleit.
Where are you?
(27:31):
I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding a little bit, okay.
So, yeah, light to littlecleavage.
You don't need to have yourtetas all out there.
It's none of his business.
It should be none of hisbusiness.
Yet, okay, the mini skirts.
The mini skirts.
You look good in them, yourlegs look great.
(27:52):
But again, you're drawingattention to something sexual
and you want him to be trying toget to know what's in your
brain, if he even likes that, ifyou even like what's in his
brain.
But again, if you're dressingtoo provocatively, you're never
gonna find a substance in a man.
You're just not because you'restarting it off on that foot.
(28:14):
I've had men also tell me like,once they have a conversation
with me wow, oh wow.
I wasn't expecting that fromyou, for you to be intelligent,
for you to have more to say.
You know, and I used to getthat a lot because I used to
dress very, very, veryprovocatively I felt it was like
me being empowered, meempowering myself.
(28:36):
I felt it was like me beingempowered, me empowering myself,
and I think we got that part alittle bit wrong, you know,
because while we feel empowered,the men are actually see us as
less powerful.
If that may, if that, do yousee what I'm saying?
Like they didn't see that aslike, look at this strong,
independent woman.
She dresses how she wants,she's sexy, but she's
(28:58):
intelligent, she's got thingsgoing on for herself.
Girl, men don't think like that.
Men are not thinking like that.
Men see you sexy and they, ifthey don't know you, they're
immediately think oh, she's,she's for the streets.
They love to say that she's forthe streets.
Homie, I saw you in the streetstoo.
No, I'm kidding, but theyalways want to.
(29:20):
You know, that's like theirfirst thing.
Because, men, I think it's hardfor them to understand that you
can be both but at the sametime, when you're giving out so
much of your body visually,that's the first thing they're
going to think.
So they're not going to thinkmuch of you Just showing too
much, being too sexy on thatfirst date.
I remember this girl did a video.
She had one on the first date.
(29:41):
She wore this.
You remember, okay, it'sactually it was a two piece
matching set.
Right, real, real pretty.
The thing is that the side itwas a dress, the side of it like
a two piece.
You know what I'm saying.
It's like connected, but notfully connected, because they
had like all the side out, rightLike where you can't even wear
underwear with it.
So she wore a dress like thatbeautiful on her, she looked
(30:03):
great.
It was very, very sexy.
The guy told her this isn'tgoing to work.
You, dressing like this on ourfirst date is a no for me.
He told her that, okay, so itdoes happen, fellas, it does.
You do have some standards.
I get it, but I'm just sayinglike her.
She thought like oh, let me gosexy, let me for him to want me,
(30:25):
right, that's what you thinkit's like.
Oh, I got to get his attention,so you want to do it through
that way as well?
Don't do it, just don't.
It's too much, too sexy.
You should be wearing somethingfeminine.
I would suggest a dress, rightCovered up, but it still can be
(30:47):
very sexy, sensual, very elegant, sexy.
You know, no minis.
I would say, if you're going todo a two-piece, make sure it's
got very minimal midriff, evenwhat I'm wearing today, right
like I've worn this on a date.
I love it because it's justclassy, sexy.
It's not too much, has a littlebit too much cleavage, if you
(31:08):
ask me.
So I kind of like actuallywouldn't recommend this outfit
completely, maybe on the thirddate, not the first date.
Cover yourself up for the mostpart, but still feel sexy.
There's outfits for that, youknow there's.
Again, if you stick with a dressand it's long, fits your body
(31:30):
nicely, but it's not.
It doesn't show too much youdon't have.
It's not that that lacy stuff,it's not that mesh, see-through
stuff.
Oh, my goodness, do not.
Do not wear those please.
Those body suits with thesee-through mesh.
They scream sex worker.
No offense to the sex workersout there.
I love you girls.
I think you know I couldn't dowhat you do.
(31:51):
It's hard to do what you do,but you do it.
But if you're not that girl,don't wear that, because that's
what you're going to bescreaming.
Yeah, you are definitely goingto be doing that.
As far as clothing, though, I'mthinking, yeah, keep it safe and
ask, call a girlfriend Ifyou're not sure about your
(32:12):
outfit.
If it's too sexy and you're byyourself, call a girlfriend.
Or and you got to be particularwith this if you have a guy
friend that you really feel like.
That's a guy friend, that'syour homie.
And yes, girl, he does want tosleep with you.
He's just not trying it becausehe knows he has no chance, or
he knows you friend zoned him,or he's waiting to get out the
(32:36):
friend zone.
Don't play yourself, so don't doanything crazy.
But FaceTime someone and belike hey, is this too much?
What does this outfit say aboutme?
You know?
Does it?
Does it look like I'm desperatefor attention?
How do you look like you'redesperate for attention?
Showing too much, that's howyou want that attention.
So bad that you're showing offyour body too much, off your
(32:59):
body too much?
No, make him, you know, guess,keep it a little mysterious.
You know they talk about beingthat mysterious girl.
It's a real thing.
Be yourself, they say.
Well, depends.
(33:25):
Who are you?
Who are you?
I don't know you there's.
You do need to be yourself, butyou also need to carry yourself
much more elegantly, and I saythat in the beginning.
It's not like you're going tobe a completely different person
once time passes, but youdefinitely want to start with.
Respect me, respect me, look mein my eyes and really and you
know what else is too reallygood is, um, after you've been
(33:48):
on a few dates, if he's reallystill talking to you, if he's
still messaging you, uh, whatare the compliments that he's
giving you?
Is it just all physically based?
You're so beautiful, really.
Ask, guy, like, why do you likeme?
I think that's a fair question,not on the first date, but you
know after a few days why.
Why are you into me?
And if it's only physical, well, you have an answer there,
(34:09):
right, like, that's mostly it.
But if he can articulate why helikes you more beyond your
beauty, right, he can point outspecific things I really like.
I really like the way you careabout the environment, or I
really like that you can talkabout anything you know.
(34:32):
Specifics like that, those aregreat indicators that he is
really into you and that he it'smore than just your physical
looks or your body and more thanhim just trying to sleep with
you.
Because while all men do wantto sleep with you, they all have
different reasons.
Some are good, some are bad.
(34:54):
How do you know?
That's how you know.
I just told you Were youlistening?
Take care of yourselves.
Make sure you are looking outfor those red flags, those green
flags.
But never give in too soon.
Don't give too much of yourselftoo soon.
Use your mind, use everything.
(35:17):
Everything that's up here isgoing to get you the furthest
your body, body that is shortterm.
And again, you have too much tolose using trying to get a
man's attention and love throughyour body.
Most of the time, again, that'sshort term.
That's short term.
But when you can get a man toreally care about you, for the
(35:39):
person that you are, he'll stickaround longer.
No, I'm not saying that's 100%proof, but at least you won't
just be like that one nightstand or that like love bombing
for a few weeks and he's out ofthere and again he's already
experienced your body and you'redone with.
Don't do that to yourself.
Your body and you're done with.
(36:03):
Don't do that to yourself.
Give yourself the time.
You really need to know who youare dealing with.
Okay, because in this day andage, anyone can pretend to be
someone they're not and there'sso many ways to do it and it's
easy to do so.
A lot of men are out there.
You know running game, tryingto get as much as they can for
as little as possible.
Running game, trying to get asmuch as they can for as little
(36:24):
as possible.
And you don't know if that'sthe man sitting across from you
at that dinner table.
You do not know.
You don't know yet and you oweit to yourself to find that out.
And if you're just having fun,good luck.
Don't get pregnant, girl,because the laws right now are
not in your favor and you canend up having a baby you don't
want by a man who will notparticipate in helping you
(36:49):
parent that child, finance thatchild.
You got a lot to lose.
Don't forget that, but don'tplay yourself.
I'm Brittany Gonzalez and thisis Brunch with Brittany Cheers.
Thanks for joining me.
I am on our and this is BrunchWith Brittany Cheers.
Thanks for joining me.
I am on our free iHeartRadioapp.
I'm on YouTube, spotify, applePodcasts Brunch With Brittany.
(37:10):
Share this episode with allyour girlfriends.
It's a girl's girl podcast.
Fellas, you can learn somethingtoo.
And if I'm wrong, leave me.
I'm talking to the men.
If I'm wrong, leave me.
I'm talking to the men.
If I'm wrong, leave mesomething in the comments.
Tell me what I said wrong.
Be specific about it.
Don't just write down in there.
Not all men.
Be specific, cheers, bye.
Welcome back to another episode of Brunch with
Brittany.
You know what to do, right?
We grab our drinks.
We grab our drinks.
Whatever it is, it could be,you know, it could be tequila,
it could be a mimosa.
I am doing water again.
Oh my God, who am I?
That's how I know.
I've, like, made a lot ofprogress where I'm like you know
(00:34):
what.
I'm not just going to do mytypical drinking just to drink.
But I love both sides of me.
So this side of me today is thehydrated side, and if you are
not hydrated but you are havinga drink, add some water to it,
let's go, all right.
So how are you feeling?
Checking in, how do you thinkyou're feeling?
(00:56):
How are you doing?
Are you down bad, sis?
Are you down bad?
Are you doing well?
If you are, congratulations,happy for you, happy for you.
You doing Wow.
If you are, congratulations,happy for you, happy for you.
So I was thinking that you knowI've always big on working on
myself.
All right, if you are that typeof girl, this is definitely
(01:21):
your episode.
Or if you're not that type ofgirl, this is definitely your
episode.
Okay, you need to hear this one.
But I was thinking, you know,with all the self-work I've done
over the years and I have donea lot between reading, okay,
understanding my shortcomings asa person, as a woman, or in
relationships, every aspect of ahuman's life.
(01:44):
Okay, I have self-evaluated andI've done a lot of work over
the years of learning about it,learning how to be a better
person, being just better atwhat I do and who I am.
I'm very big on that.
So I was thinking today wecould talk about are you setting
yourself up to get played?
Ooh, ooh, did you get somechills up your spine?
(02:07):
Ooh, girl, let's get into it.
Hold on, I got to get some morewater in my system because this
is going to be, um, ew, thatsounded nasty Anywho.
So, yes, are you settingyourself up to get played?
If you are out there right nowin the dating world, honey, I
(02:29):
feel for you, I feel so.
I feel for you.
I know it's hard.
Every girl I talk to about thedating scene, it's like we all
have the same consensus whereit's like oh my God, horrible,
oh my God, going terribly.
And I really wish, I promiseyou, when I speak to women and
you know I'm out a lot, I'm outin different places, different
(02:51):
age ranges are around me, youknow, got the young girls, the
Gen Z girls, the millennialgirls and even even the women
who are in their 40s and 50s,right.
And every time the topic ofdating comes up and I'm sure you
hear it it's always like a badthing, right.
It's always trauma and dramaand just like everything's going
(03:14):
wrong.
And I've yet to hear well,maybe I've heard one or two good
stories, good stories, Well, atleast they started that way.
And then you know, you get thetext later, like girl Wayne, he
ghosted me.
Or girl he decided, you know,after a week, after love bombing
me for a week, that you knowgone.
(03:39):
Just, I'm not it, right?
So it's like, are you settingyourself up to get played?
And I don't necessarily justmean like cheated on or like you
know any of that.
It could be that falls into it,but it's not just that, it's
making sure that you are seeingthose signs before you end up
heartbroken, okay.
So, that being said, if you'resetting yourself up to get
(04:00):
played, I would say let's startwith attention.
Okay, attention does not meanthat you have his attention.
Let me say that again.
Attention from him does notmean that you have his attention
and when I say that I mean fullattention where he really is
(04:24):
pursuing you because he wants tobe in a relationship with you.
You know, are you clocking it?
If this is just for a good timeto him, if this is just a fling
to him, or if he is seriouslylooking for his partner to start
and build a life with, for hispartner to start and build a
(04:50):
life with?
So I'm doing some research.
I came up with some five, fivesigns how men will test you,
five signs that men will testyou with.
Okay, let's start with numberone.
I'm sure you've dealt with this.
Going on a first date where heasks you at the end of the night
, right, let's say, you have agreat date, you're.
You know you get some drinks.
You got a nice espresso martini.
(05:12):
Maybe.
You know you got some oystersto start, maybe a seafood tower
that's how I like to start.
But okay, date goes well, right, you're having some good
conversation.
But okay, date goes well, right, you're having some good
conversation, you're having fun,you're laughing.
He's having conversation withyou, you know meaning, like it's
not just he's asking youquestions too.
(05:32):
Right, those are really good.
Green flags, all green flags.
So you do that.
And then you get to the end ofthe date and he walks you to
your car.
Hopefully the first day you didnot go with him in his car.
That's unsafe, ladies.
Unless you really know the guy,then I'll allow it.
But never go in his car on afirst date because you don't
(05:54):
even know how it's going to go.
If it's going to go well, if youare going to end up being so
disgusted by this man and hisviews, that can happen too.
Man and his views, that canhappen too.
So one way a man will test youis at the end of the date.
He will try to come over or tryto have you come over.
(06:18):
And maybe some of you listeningto this right now are like,
well, I don't mind that I'mhaving a good time right now, I
just only want that.
Okay, risky move in this era, inthis time period, I don't
recommend.
I highly discourage that.
And because, let's face it, tobe real, when you gain in that
kind of activity with someone,you're gonna catch feelings.
(06:39):
Stop it, you're gonna catchfeelings.
So, again, that'sself-awareness, be real with
yourself.
So he will test you and he willwant to try to come over.
Have you come over, don't do it.
If you are really actuallylooking for a relationship, if
you're looking for this guy totake you seriously, do not.
(07:01):
That's a test.
And to the girls that do, againat your own risk.
But I would say you're settingyourself up to either get
heartbroken or to get played.
All right, never go over it.
Never, never, never, never.
And you can tell, be straightup.
I don't go over to boys' houseson the first night or the
second or the third.
(07:22):
Highly recommend you don't, butyou're going to live your life
the way you do.
I would just say for sure,though you got to make this a
rule 100% first night, you don'tcome over.
Number two a man will test youby bringing up the conversation,
the topic of sex.
Ooh, have you ever had thathappen to you?
(07:45):
Too soon, too soon.
I definitely remember when Ifirst got back into the dating
game, because remember I don'tknow if you remember, but I did
say that like went in arelationship for years, went
back out into the dating gameand it was completely different,
right, like it was insanelydifferent.
So, anyway, so they'll test youby bringing up the topic of sex
(08:10):
, Sometimes even on the, a lotof times on the first date not
with me, but on the first dateit happens, right, and that man
is testing you to see like how'sshe feeling?
And what can I?
What is you?
You know whether it's anythingon that subject just shouldn't
be spoken about.
But again, this is always atest because they're trying to
(08:30):
take you home that night,whether you want to believe that
or not.
Most men wouldn't mind.
I should say, taking you homethat first night.
Okay, I'm not saying all.
Some of you men are gentlemenand no better, but too many
aren't doing that.
So, and again, these are allfrom experiences I've heard and
from my own.
(08:51):
Okay, so I uh went on a datewith a guy and I remember it was
like maybe he didn't bring itup on the on the first date, did
not?
I was not having that, itdidn't come up.
But I believe, like a week anda half, within a week and a half
, he was sending me like sexymemes, memes, okay, like the
(09:14):
nature of the topic wasdefinitely sexual, and I
remember looking at that likewhat?
Like ew, first of all, ew, ew,but then also what do you?
How do I politely tell him?
And here I go, thinking abouthis feelings when he wasn't
thinking about mine asking orsending those dirty memes.
(09:36):
But, uh, to respectfully belike, hey, I don't, this is not,
I'm not that girl.
Do not talk to me about that,you, it's not.
You know, it's too soon, it'sway too soon.
You don't even really know whoI am yet, so don't start talking
to me about sex.
But anyway, so he did that and Iremember kind of being like,
(09:59):
and he was a nice guy, okay,before all of that I felt like
nice guy, you know, held thedoor open for me, a gentleman
like that, all right, paid onthe first date, all of those
things, right, he did those well, except, you know, getting to
(10:21):
know each other, he sends thosethings.
So I'm like, okay, let me justdead this here, like I, each
other, he sends those things.
So I'm like, okay, let me justdead this here, like I don't
talk about those things, that'stoo soon, too soon, buddy.
And he was like, oh, oh, I wasjust.
I think he tried to play it offas like, oh, it wasn't that
serious, but also he wouldn't doit again, is what he said, and
that's as simple, simple as that.
(10:42):
No, we're not playing that game, we're not going to you know a
home run, even through the phone, before I actually get to know
that person.
That is so important.
Again, he's testing you, though, because if you do fall for it,
if you do engage in that sexualconversation, oh he's
definitely feeling like allright, the next time I see her
is happening, or I can call herover tonight.
(11:04):
You know what I mean.
So you're really helping speedup that process.
When you talk about thatsubject, you're speeding up that
process for it to happen Againbefore you really know the guy,
and I think that that's sodangerous, because, well, you
know what I could do a wholeother episode on that.
(11:24):
It's just dangerous.
Well, you know what I could doa whole nother episode on that.
It's just dangerous.
Don't do it, girl.
You're setting yourself upagain to get heartbroken or to
get left or to feel played.
Okay, another man, another way,a man will test you is oh, this
one I hate.
Oh my God, I hate this one.
Like immediately, I will stop.
(11:45):
I will stop talking to the guy.
Yeah, I will.
Asking for photos, asking forphotos of any kind, even if it's
just a selfie, and you knowthey never really mean.
Send me a selfie of your face,right, like, send me a photo.
Or sometimes they're verydirect and it's like send me a
sexy photo, right, you shouldnot be engaging in that.
(12:13):
Don't do that.
Why would you send a photo ofyourself to a man who barely
worked for it, to a man whodidn't deserve it?
And when I say don't deserve it, that's something that you
should take.
That is very precious of you,very sacred, very rare.
Okay, like, think about it.
If you give that man the photothat he asked for, do you think
(12:33):
you're the only one he asked fora photo of and from?
No, really, think about that.
Do you think that you are theonly woman that he asked that
day or that week to send himphotos?
I'm gonna bet that you're not.
You're not.
(12:54):
So let's say oh, it's, it's,it's, it's not that serious if I
send him a selfie, right, he?
He asked for a pic of me.
Oh, he's thinking of me.
Let me send him a photo, girl.
He's got a gallery of thosephotos, of different selfies of
different women and all kinds,whether they're of their face or
they're sexy, like.
(13:15):
You have to treat that assomething very, very important
to you, that you do not justgive away photos of yourself.
Don't do that.
You're setting yourself up toget played again.
But that man will test youbecause if you do it, then
you're just another one of thegirls who do it, and all he had
to do was ask for it.
Think about that, that's it.
(13:37):
And fellas, if you're listening,do not ask for photos from
women, don't, not in thebeginning, not in the first week
, not.
Don't, just don't do it.
If you want to get a photo ofher, I would suggest that maybe,
like, get her nails done forher, pay for her nails, and then
(13:58):
you can ask for a photo and shecan send you one with her face
and her nails in it.
Okay, like, but it's got to bethat innocent too.
Like that to me, you can startthinking about sending a photo,
but never just send a photo ofyourself, girlfriend, because he
has so many.
And again, not saying every manis like this.
(14:19):
But, men, be real with yourselfand you know your boys.
Maybe you're not the guy, butwhen you get around your boys,
don't act like y'all.
Do not talk about women and andhigh five each other.
If you bagged a girl or if yougot photos, some, some men, will
even share the photos.
That's sick, very sickening.
(14:40):
They'll share the photos youever hear.
You know, when a girl has anOnlyFans too, one guy will buy
it and then he'll show all hisfriends and they think it's so
funny and haha, and I didn'thave to pay for that.
Ew, it's low vibrational.
You don't want a man like that.
So photos take that seriously.
(15:01):
It is bigger than just a selfieof you like I promise you you
don't just want to be anothergirl in their gallery and it
also makes them less likely tochase you after that or to take
you seriously after that.
Right, like you're making ittoo easy.
He just has to ask and thereyou go doing that.
I think you can wait.
(15:21):
I think you can wait so thatyou can see the true character
of him and see if he really isserious.
Then you know he'll wait aroundwhen he really earns that photo
and then he can have a photo ofyou in his phone.
Okay, number four men will testyou by asking for favors.
Now, this one I'm not toofamiliar with.
I don't know what kind offavors a man would ask.
(15:45):
I mean, if he's asking like letme borrow your car, I'm gonna
say you need to exit immediately.
That is not a favor.
Okay, if he's asking you for afavor of even just picking him
up somewhere in the beginning,in the beginning, what's the
(16:05):
reason it's got to be important?
It's got to be worth it.
Are you driving two hours awayto go pick him up?
Are you meeting him two hoursaway to meet him, when he could
have driven those four hours tocome see you?
That that's important Because,again, you are allowing him to
(16:26):
chase you.
When you meet a man halfway,even for a date, I think you're
making it too easy for him.
Okay, now, maybe some peoplemight hear that and think like,
well, that's, you know, it's notmuch to, if I can, you know,
make it easier on him.
You know it's not much to, if Ican, you know, make it easier
on him In the beginning.
Do you want to just?
Do you want easy in thebeginning?
(16:49):
I don't know.
I don't know that you reallywant that, because I don't think
that that's going to lead to astrong partnership.
Right when, again, you didn'tmake him work very hard for that
photo.
You didn't make him work veryhard to meet you.
All right, I think you're worththe drive.
(17:11):
I think that's anotherself-evaluation of what is your
worth.
Are you worth the drive?
If you believe so, then heshould be driving those four
hours to you.
Okay, and I'm just using fourhours as an example.
It could be whatever.
It could be one hour, it couldjust be.
I've heard of women going out ondates where they literally went
to his side of the town, which,in a big city, was three hours
(17:33):
away, you know, and they'll meethim, close to him, and he's
like down the street from hisplace, probably takes women on
that street all the time, right,but here you go, you went above
and beyond and drove to him.
In his mind.
I think that men would see thatas like, again, I didn't have
to try, she'll come to me.
I can call her at a whim.
You know, I've already got her.
(17:57):
You see what I'm saying Versus,like, oh, she's not going to
see me if I don't come drive toher.
Well then, that's the test,right, will, are they willing to
drive to come see you?
Are they really that interestedin having something with you to
do so?
To do that?
If they're not, they're notgoing to make the drive, they're
going to make the excuse.
(18:17):
Meet me halfway and let me tellyou, the girls that I know that
are meeting these men halfwayare having bad experiences.
They find out so many red flagssoon after and I'm not kidding
you, I'm not making that up.
That's why I feel like that isa test that men will do and
again, if it's not a test, it'sjust you're making it too easy
(18:38):
for them.
So they may not feel likethey're testing you, but they're
also just not trying hardenough.
And if you are seriously lookingfor a relationship, that needs
to be like a stand, it has to bea standard of yours, right?
I'm not coming to you.
You come see me.
You should have a lot going onthat you shouldn't even be able
to just go and drive and do that.
(18:58):
You know like absolutely not.
I got things going.
I got to work in the morning.
The morning I have to be upearly, okay, I have my own bills
to pay and this I don't know.
I don't know yet.
Okay, think about that numberfive and this one immediately.
You should know better, but I'mI let me.
(19:19):
Let me hold your hand while Isay this, because I'm not
judging you.
If you have done this, I justdon't want you to do it anymore.
Okay, the fifth way a man willtest you is asking for money.
I think you should run if thathappens.
You're meeting this man, it'sthe beginning of dating and he's
(19:43):
asking for money.
Then he's not ready to date,but again he'll ask because if
you do it and there are womenthat do, then now he knows he
can come to you for that.
Now he knows you're one ofthose contacts that he can hit
up and with whatever sob storyhe has, with whatever sad story
(20:06):
he allegedly has you never knowbut I think that is a huge red
flag that him asking for money,he's not ready to date you.
Honey, you need to onto thenext.
Cut that off.
You need money.
Call your mom, call your sister, call your brother, call 411
411 pain, don't call me.
(20:27):
Call anybody else.
Okay, call a hotline, I don'tknow, throw your cash app on
your Instagram story, but youshould run from a man like that.
So, yeah, make sure that you arenot setting yourself up to get
played, because not allattention means that you have
his full attention, and that issomething that I have definitely
(20:50):
practiced with.
I've had better experiencesbecause of that.
Again, just having standards,standards and standing on those
standards like you cannot.
I promise you, once you startlowering or bending you know
your standards to a guy, becausemaybe you're like he's so cute,
(21:11):
oh, he's so fine, or he's got agreat body, or you know, he
makes me laugh and it's likehoney, we need, we need more in
the package than that.
We need more in that packagethan that.
We need more in that packagethan that.
So men will test you to see howfar you will go and how easy you
will be to get.
Do not make it easy for them.
(21:32):
You're going to save yourselftime.
You're going to save yourselfdisappointment, heartbreak, just
all the things, all thosefeelings you don't like.
You will run into them if yourush into this too fast, not
being aware of those red flagsand those signs that he's really
not that serious about you,even if he's calling you every
(21:54):
day.
You know how many women get lovebombed.
Have you experienced that?
You know where they're alwayscalling and texting.
They're always.
You know they're blowing upyour phone, they're always
trying to see you.
And then and then, if you do,if you do sleep with them I have
(22:15):
such trouble talking about itlike saying sex, sex, right, but
if you do sleep with him andthen he ghosts you or the
communication slows down.
You see what I'm saying?
Like he was never really tryingto have something serious with
you, but you rushed into it soyou couldn't call it right, you
couldn't clock that yet.
So that's why, with time, you'llreally be able to know that and
(22:38):
then you can make a betterinformed decision on do I want
to give this man any more of mytime?
Your time is so valuable, sis,it's very valuable.
Do not sleep on that.
And um, yeah, what is?
Uh, by the way, what is talkingabout sex too soon?
What is that right?
Like, what would you say is thewindow for that?
(23:00):
I was trying to come up withthat answer for myself because I
still feel like in the firstmonth I'm still getting to know
you.
We shouldn't be talking aboutsex, right?
We should have so many othertopics to talk about other than
that, while getting to know eachother.
Right, because at the same timewhen you get into the bedroom,
you'll figure things out.
Then I just don't see a reasonin talking about it.
(23:24):
As far as like, what you like,what you're into, that's none of
his business.
How many partners you've had,none of his business.
I'm telling you, and itshouldn't matter.
By the way, that's anotherthing.
If a guy cares about that, he'simmature and that's a red flag
that's going to cause problemsfor you in the future.
That's an insecurity.
(23:45):
A a confident man will not carebecause that is whatever
happened before him, that is inyour past and that shouldn't
even be on his mind.
I mean, it has nothing to dowith him, and let's not act like
these men, aren't that?
Men don't also have sexualrelations with women, with lots
of them?
Do we ever ask them?
(24:05):
Oh, how many women have youbeen with?
I'm sure there are women whohave asked.
Again, I wouldn't ask.
I don't see why.
It doesn't matter for eitherside.
We're here now.
Let's try to make this work ifthat's what we want.
But yeah, if you're going on adate too, I was like all right,
let's get into.
How do you dress for a date, howdo you dress for a first date?
(24:29):
All right, I'm going to tellyou how not to dress.
I'm going to tell you ladies,you might not want to hear this.
No, you need to hear this.
All right, hold on, I need somewater, hold on.
Okay, how you dress for a dateis very important and maybe you
don't know how to dress for thefirst date.
Let me tell you something rightnow Never wear lace on a first
(24:55):
date.
Don't wear lace on a first date.
Lace screams sex.
It screams objectify me.
It screams I want to engage insexual behavior.
And then it also takes away thefocus of him getting to know
you, your brain and, just yeah,your personality.
(25:16):
Right, like you have already.
It's like someone's hungry andthen you put a filet mignon on
the table, okay, a wagyu on thetable, and you're just like
sitting there in front of themand you think they're not going
to just be thinking about like,when can I eat that?
Yeah, exactly right.
So the cleavage little to nocleavage on a first date.
(25:41):
Again, you are making the focusabout that.
I will never forget.
I remember and I made themistake of doing this because,
again, if I tell you this, Ihave also done some of this
stuff I went with so much damncleavage on one day and it
wasn't you know what Matter offact, it was side.
It was side cleavage, that'sright, side cleavage.
(26:03):
And, um, I forgot, I forgot towear like pasties.
I don't, I think I maybe I ranout.
I don't freaking know, okay,but it was a little too much
right for the visuals.
I, this guy, would not make eyecontact with me like there were.
He did, but there were so manytimes where I saw his eyes just
(26:25):
looking at my boobs, to thepoint where he wasn't even
trying to hide it, you know, tothe point where it was like I
was so annoyed and so disgustedlike, wow, I mean, he's not even
hiding it, at least hide it.
Stupid, don't be like.
Right there we're talking, I'mlooking at your eyes and your
eyes are looking at my chest.
It was that evident, right.
But I also did that to myselfbecause I went dressed like that
(26:49):
I shouldn't have, and then, ofcourse, he turned out to be just
like the most douchiestdouchebag.
I could do a whole episode onthat loser.
But that was years ago.
But that happened, it happened.
I was again when I was likegetting into the dating game
(27:10):
again and not like how do Idress?
And me being used to being sexyaround my man.
You know what I mean.
But you can't do that on thewhen you're first getting to
know a guy because, again,you're just making it like too
much about sex around him.
He can't handle it, lady.
I promise he cannot handle it.
Um, most men, most men I haveto throw that in there because
there's some guys who can handleit.
Where are you?
(27:31):
I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding a little bit, okay.
So, yeah, light to littlecleavage.
You don't need to have yourtetas all out there.
It's none of his business.
It should be none of hisbusiness.
Yet, okay, the mini skirts.
The mini skirts.
You look good in them, yourlegs look great.
(27:52):
But again, you're drawingattention to something sexual
and you want him to be trying toget to know what's in your
brain, if he even likes that, ifyou even like what's in his
brain.
But again, if you're dressingtoo provocatively, you're never
gonna find a substance in a man.
You're just not because you'restarting it off on that foot.
(28:14):
I've had men also tell me like,once they have a conversation
with me wow, oh wow.
I wasn't expecting that fromyou, for you to be intelligent,
for you to have more to say.
You know, and I used to getthat a lot because I used to
dress very, very, veryprovocatively I felt it was like
me being empowered, meempowering myself.
(28:36):
I felt it was like me beingempowered, me empowering myself,
and I think we got that part alittle bit wrong, you know,
because while we feel empowered,the men are actually see us as
less powerful.
If that may, if that, do yousee what I'm saying?
Like they didn't see that aslike, look at this strong,
independent woman.
She dresses how she wants,she's sexy, but she's
(28:58):
intelligent, she's got thingsgoing on for herself.
Girl, men don't think like that.
Men are not thinking like that.
Men see you sexy and they, ifthey don't know you, they're
immediately think oh, she's,she's for the streets.
They love to say that she's forthe streets.
Homie, I saw you in the streetstoo.
No, I'm kidding, but theyalways want to.
(29:20):
You know, that's like theirfirst thing.
Because, men, I think it's hardfor them to understand that you
can be both but at the sametime, when you're giving out so
much of your body visually,that's the first thing they're
going to think.
So they're not going to thinkmuch of you Just showing too
much, being too sexy on thatfirst date.
I remember this girl did a video.
She had one on the first date.
(29:41):
She wore this.
You remember, okay, it'sactually it was a two piece
matching set.
Right, real, real pretty.
The thing is that the side itwas a dress, the side of it like
a two piece.
You know what I'm saying.
It's like connected, but notfully connected, because they
had like all the side out, rightLike where you can't even wear
underwear with it.
So she wore a dress like thatbeautiful on her, she looked
(30:03):
great.
It was very, very sexy.
The guy told her this isn'tgoing to work.
You, dressing like this on ourfirst date is a no for me.
He told her that, okay, so itdoes happen, fellas, it does.
You do have some standards.
I get it, but I'm just sayinglike her.
She thought like oh, let me gosexy, let me for him to want me,
(30:25):
right, that's what you thinkit's like.
Oh, I got to get his attention,so you want to do it through
that way as well?
Don't do it, just don't.
It's too much, too sexy.
You should be wearing somethingfeminine.
I would suggest a dress, rightCovered up, but it still can be
(30:47):
very sexy, sensual, very elegant, sexy.
You know, no minis.
I would say, if you're going todo a two-piece, make sure it's
got very minimal midriff, evenwhat I'm wearing today, right
like I've worn this on a date.
I love it because it's justclassy, sexy.
It's not too much, has a littlebit too much cleavage, if you
(31:08):
ask me.
So I kind of like actuallywouldn't recommend this outfit
completely, maybe on the thirddate, not the first date.
Cover yourself up for the mostpart, but still feel sexy.
There's outfits for that, youknow there's.
Again, if you stick with a dressand it's long, fits your body
(31:30):
nicely, but it's not.
It doesn't show too much youdon't have.
It's not that that lacy stuff,it's not that mesh, see-through
stuff.
Oh, my goodness, do not.
Do not wear those please.
Those body suits with thesee-through mesh.
They scream sex worker.
No offense to the sex workersout there.
I love you girls.
I think you know I couldn't dowhat you do.
(31:51):
It's hard to do what you do,but you do it.
But if you're not that girl,don't wear that, because that's
what you're going to bescreaming.
Yeah, you are definitely goingto be doing that.
As far as clothing, though, I'mthinking, yeah, keep it safe and
ask, call a girlfriend Ifyou're not sure about your
(32:12):
outfit.
If it's too sexy and you're byyourself, call a girlfriend.
Or and you got to be particularwith this if you have a guy
friend that you really feel like.
That's a guy friend, that'syour homie.
And yes, girl, he does want tosleep with you.
He's just not trying it becausehe knows he has no chance, or
he knows you friend zoned him,or he's waiting to get out the
(32:36):
friend zone.
Don't play yourself, so don't doanything crazy.
But FaceTime someone and belike hey, is this too much?
What does this outfit say aboutme?
You know?
Does it?
Does it look like I'm desperatefor attention?
How do you look like you'redesperate for attention?
Showing too much, that's howyou want that attention.
So bad that you're showing offyour body too much, off your
(32:59):
body too much?
No, make him, you know, guess,keep it a little mysterious.
You know they talk about beingthat mysterious girl.
It's a real thing.
Be yourself, they say.
Well, depends.
(33:25):
Who are you?
Who are you?
I don't know you there's.
You do need to be yourself, butyou also need to carry yourself
much more elegantly, and I saythat in the beginning.
It's not like you're going tobe a completely different person
once time passes, but youdefinitely want to start with.
Respect me, respect me, look mein my eyes and really and you
know what else is too reallygood is, um, after you've been
(33:48):
on a few dates, if he's reallystill talking to you, if he's
still messaging you, uh, whatare the compliments that he's
giving you?
Is it just all physically based?
You're so beautiful, really.
Ask, guy, like, why do you likeme?
I think that's a fair question,not on the first date, but you
know after a few days why.
Why are you into me?
And if it's only physical, well, you have an answer there,
(34:09):
right, like, that's mostly it.
But if he can articulate why helikes you more beyond your
beauty, right, he can point outspecific things I really like.
I really like the way you careabout the environment, or I
really like that you can talkabout anything you know.
(34:32):
Specifics like that, those aregreat indicators that he is
really into you and that he it'smore than just your physical
looks or your body and more thanhim just trying to sleep with
you.
Because while all men do wantto sleep with you, they all have
different reasons.
Some are good, some are bad.
(34:54):
How do you know?
That's how you know.
I just told you Were youlistening?
Take care of yourselves.
Make sure you are looking outfor those red flags, those green
flags.
But never give in too soon.
Don't give too much of yourselftoo soon.
Use your mind, use everything.
(35:17):
Everything that's up here isgoing to get you the furthest
your body, body that is shortterm.
And again, you have too much tolose using trying to get a
man's attention and love throughyour body.
Most of the time, again, that'sshort term.
That's short term.
But when you can get a man toreally care about you, for the
(35:39):
person that you are, he'll stickaround longer.
No, I'm not saying that's 100%proof, but at least you won't
just be like that one nightstand or that like love bombing
for a few weeks and he's out ofthere and again he's already
experienced your body and you'redone with.
Don't do that to yourself.
Your body and you're done with.
(36:03):
Don't do that to yourself.
Give yourself the time.
You really need to know who youare dealing with.
Okay, because in this day andage, anyone can pretend to be
someone they're not and there'sso many ways to do it and it's
easy to do so.
A lot of men are out there.
You know running game, tryingto get as much as they can for
as little as possible.
Running game, trying to get asmuch as they can for as little
(36:24):
as possible.
And you don't know if that'sthe man sitting across from you
at that dinner table.
You do not know.
You don't know yet and you oweit to yourself to find that out.
And if you're just having fun,good luck.
Don't get pregnant, girl,because the laws right now are
not in your favor and you canend up having a baby you don't
want by a man who will notparticipate in helping you
(36:49):
parent that child, finance thatchild.
You got a lot to lose.
Don't forget that, but don'tplay yourself.
I'm Brittany Gonzalez and thisis Brunch with Brittany Cheers.
Thanks for joining me.
I am on our and this is BrunchWith Brittany Cheers.
Thanks for joining me.
I am on our free iHeartRadioapp.
I'm on YouTube, spotify, applePodcasts Brunch With Brittany.
(37:10):
Share this episode with allyour girlfriends.
It's a girl's girl podcast.
Fellas, you can learn somethingtoo.
And if I'm wrong, leave me.
I'm talking to the men.
If I'm wrong, leave me.
I'm talking to the men.
If I'm wrong, leave mesomething in the comments.
Tell me what I said wrong.
Be specific about it.
Don't just write down in there.
Not all men.
Be specific, cheers, bye.
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