September 8, 2024 • 21 mins
As the year draws to a close, it's time for a heartfelt check-in. Ever felt like the hustle and bustle of life is overwhelming you? This episode of "Brunch with Britney" promises a deep dive into the essential practices of self-care, hydration, and setting boundaries. Reflect with me on your emotional well-being, relationship dynamics, and the time you set aside for personal peace and hobbies. We’ll also tackle societal stigmas, like being single, and emphasize the importance of prioritizing self-pleasing over people-pleasing. Plus, discover how stepping away from the constant buzz of notifications can bring a surprising calm to your mind.
Navigating friendships can be tricky, and maintaining open, honest communication is key. I'll share personal reflections on whether I'm fostering a safe space for my friends and why addressing issues head-on is crucial for harmony. Also, enjoy a light-hearted anecdote about my amusing encounter with a card reader, proving that self-care can sometimes lead to unexpected adventures. Finally, let’s embrace the joy of the fall season and Halloween, celebrating with festive decorations and taking some much-needed time for ourselves. Don't forget to download, share, and subscribe to "Brunch with Britney" on your favorite platforms like iHeart Radio, Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome back to Brunch with Brittany.
Thanks for joining me again.
So today's episode I wanted tokind of just check in with the
girls and the fellas.
You too, you too second, butyou too yeah.
So we are back and I wasthinking about how this is
(00:34):
coming up, on what we got a fewmonths till the end of the year,
and I was thinking abouteverything that maybe you're
going through this year.
Just checking in with you rightnow, you know like I always tell
you to start the podcast with,like, a drink.
And then I realized, like whenI say a drink, I don't even
always mean alcohol, right, like, when you think of brunch, it's
(00:55):
typically like we're going todo mimosas or something which I
love to do.
But it's also like making surethat you are hydrated.
You know like, ask yourselfright now, are you hydrated?
Like, when's the last time youhad some water today?
Right, and coffee, maybe Didyou do anything peaceful for
yourself today?
Even Did you stretch?
(01:16):
I know I didn't.
I did not stretch this morning,but I do.
I do make time for that.
But things like that you knowlike, how are you feeling right
now?
Are you feeling good?
Are you feeling like, you know,not good and what's the reason
for that?
That's what today's episode isabout.
Really, just what's going onwith you, you know, are you in a
(01:40):
relationship right now?
Is he claiming you girl?
Are you on his socials?
Because if not, that's not yourman and it's still summer.
So you need to make, makearrangements for that, and these
are the kind of things you needto check in with yourself about
.
You know, are you single?
Are you enjoying it?
(02:01):
You know, we were just talkingI was talking to some friends
about, like you know, it was anarticle, right, and they were
talking about how being singleis seen as like an embarrassing
thing or maybe a negative thing.
But it's also about whatchapter you're in.
Right, maybe you are in yoursingle chapter era and you don't
want to be, but you need to be.
(02:23):
Maybe you need to be and itdoesn't feel good.
It feels lonely, but that's notloneliness.
You're just bored, sis, pick upa hobby, it's all you really
need.
Go stretch, you know.
Go back into pouring into you,because if you're not doing that
, then everything else is goingto be stressful.
(02:43):
You're going to find a man instress mode.
Don't do that.
You're going to pick the wrongone.
You got to do it when you're atpeace, when you're feeling good
, even if you're not.
And I was thinking too aboutlike boundaries, you know, are
we?
Do we have any boundaries?
As a former, like extremepeople pleaser, oh my God, I was
(03:07):
definitely that girl that if Ispent a night even at a friend's
house and I would be freezingcold and I wouldn't ask for a
blanket, I'd be like no, that'stoo much, I can't even ask them
for that, I don't want to botherthem with that.
And I thought that was kind ofjust a me know, just a me thing.
And then I find out otherpeople do that too.
(03:27):
But it's like part of thatpeople pleasing.
Right, you don't want to bothersomeone, but are you even
creating that kind ofself-pleasing for yourself?
You know, instead of worryingabout always people pleasing and
how others are perceiving you,how are you even taking care of
yourself first?
And I had to unlearn that realbad.
(03:48):
I think it's always important tocare.
I'm not saying don't care.
I'm not saying be selfish.
That's definitely not themessage here.
That doesn't even feel good.
People who naturally likethrive off of being selfish.
First of all, stay away from meplease.
Oh my God, I don't want anymore like life-sucking people in
my life, but, yeah, there arepeople who are enjoy that right
(04:12):
and like understanding.
Are you around, those peoplewho are kind of enabling you to
even stay that way?
It's just important for you tokind of ask yourself Again those
boundaries like for me?
You know, you know what I like,what I've been seeing too, when
people put their phone on, donot disturb.
Like, are you always you get anotification or you get a
(04:35):
message, and you have to answerwhatever question or whatever
someone needs, like right away.
You just you know, and it'slike is that really good for you
, though?
Is it that important?
Can it wait?
And you know what I found?
A lot of these things can wait.
A lot of these things you needto put in your schedule
(04:56):
accordingly.
Okay, for your peace of mind,because I have been searching
for peace of mind for a longtime and you got to practice
different things that work foryou, right?
You might think that somethingis good for you that's going to
bring you peace, and then yourealize like, oh, that was
actually very stressful.
That made it worse.
You know, um, when I see peopleput their phone on, like do not
(05:19):
disturb.
I immediately, like I alreadyknow, don't bother them.
Respect that boundary becauseeven without them telling you
directly, it's like, obviously,right now they are, they're into
something, they're, they can'tgive attention to anything else,
and I think that's important to, like, you know, really allow
(05:40):
yourself to kind of detach too.
Are you too much right now?
Like there for everybody else?
That's a good thing up until acertain point.
You know you got it.
Like they say, you always haveto pour into your own glass
before you can pour into others.
That is so true.
Time and time again, I haveexperienced that you know where
(06:03):
you end up with nothing and thenyou feel like you can't give
anything because you really havepushed yourself to that point
where you now need to replenishand whatever that looks like,
whether it's more sleep, youknow, going to bed at a good
hour, making sure you'rehydrated, making time to get to
the gym.
I struggle with that.
I'm constantly feeling like youknow where's the time and
(06:26):
where's the energy.
Well, the time is there, theenergy is there, but I'm clearly
not doing things that allow meto feel like I have that Right.
So something's got to changeand we all go through seasons of
that Right Like you might begoing to the gym three, four
times a week.
I was that girl.
And then life happens and thenyou get caught up with something
(06:47):
else.
I think I threw my shoulder out.
I think I threw my shoulder out.
I had to stop going and then itwas just so easy to not go
again.
You know.
So life will really do that toyou.
But I love that we can alwaysreset.
Right, like every new day youcan reset and that's pretty cool
(07:08):
.
If you think about it, you knowlike today might have been a
crappy day.
We're always going to have somedays like that, no matter what.
And they do suck right.
It feels like the worst.
It feels like, you know, low.
Nobody likes feeling like that,but I, what I do is sometimes
(07:28):
I'll just go take a shower, gojump in the shower.
You might be.
If you are feeling low rightnow, keep this on.
Okay, all right, you have me onthe app.
You don't have to turn this off.
But, like, go and start takinga shower.
Go like, just wash your body,wash your hair, and you'll see
how much better you feel and howlike really, whatever you're
going through is, you can dealwith it later, and I don't mean
(07:51):
to put it off, but I just meanthat right now, clearly, your
body and your mental need neednourishing right, need
replenishing, need self-focusback onto yourself.
Yeah, or you know, callingsomeone that you love, that you
care about.
Have you done that recently?
Maybe it's even calling someoneto say, hey, like you're doing
(08:15):
a great job at this or I'mloving seeing this about you.
You know that can really bringyou like happiness.
It's sharing happiness withother people and even reaching
out, like some people.
I don't know, sometimes I'm likeI don't want to bother anyone
with my problems.
You know, like I'm goingthrough it, I just got to go
(08:35):
through it alone, and that's notalways the way, but sometimes
it is.
Sometimes you do just need togo through it.
People have problems, right,but I always feel like if you do
have those resources, those keypeople in your life that you
can trust, that you can call andyou know that they'll be there
for you, definitely use them,definitely use that, because I
(08:58):
think that they'd want to bethere for you too.
So it's not so much a burdeningthing, but it's allowing
someone else to be there for youwhen you have always made
yourself available for everyoneelse and to be there, that
shoulder, for someone to lean on, that ear, you know, for them
to just emotionally dump on you,like there's definitely that
(09:22):
Recognizing who are those peoplein your life that just call you
to emotionally dump.
Do you have someone like that inyour life right now?
I definitely have.
I've gone through that and Inever.
You have someone like that inyour life right now?
I definitely have.
I've gone through that and Inever looked at it like that.
I always looked at it as youlisten, you're just listening,
lending an ear, but then whenyou have your turn and they're
(09:44):
not there, they don't want tolend that ear, they want to
bring it back to them and theirproblems again or what they're
going through.
That's when you got to realizelike, oh okay, so this person
doesn't really care about me inthat way Doesn't mean they don't
care about you at all.
It just means that they can'tbe there for you.
In that capacity, which I alwayssay too, I learned to meet
(10:04):
people where they are, whereverthat may be in a good, in a bad
place, right, if they're notthat friend that can be there
for you emotionally with support.
They may not be able to becauseof other things going on in
their life.
You know where they're feeling,like that's the focus, and
their problems are moresignificant, and it doesn't mean
(10:25):
that they don't love you, theydon't care about you, but it
could just mean that that'stheir priority in that chapter,
and knowing, understanding whatchapter people are in is so
important.
What chapter are you in, though?
Right, like, what is thismoment of this time of the year?
Like the goals that you maybeput out at the beginning of the
year, or the thoughts or justthe ideas?
(10:47):
Have you put anything intoaction?
And I am by no means tellingyou like you need to get on it.
This, you know, I'm testing you,I'm challenging you, not that,
but I just mean that what yourvision was at the beginning of
the year, are you going back toit?
Are you following through withit?
And it may not be consistent,but art did you?
(11:09):
Did you just put it down andnever come back to it?
You know, did you allow therest of life and everything that
comes with that, because, oh mygod, like between friends,
family, work, you know, I mean,that's three.
To me, that's like threedifferent circles that need
attention, time and energy andlove, and and sometimes it's not
(11:31):
even that.
You know, if you deal withfriends and family, especially,
sometimes that goes there'sreally bad times with that,
really bad relationships, right,they go south.
And um me going through thatright now, like actually
actually with a friend.
You know, I found out that agirlfriend of mine was feeling
(11:54):
some type of way about somethingthat we had done over a year
ago together, right, and it cameout later when I was telling
her I don't even remember Ibrought up something about us
and then she goes on to say,like well, you did this.
And I'm like, wait a minute, Ihad no idea you were feeling
(12:16):
this way.
I had no idea you were feelingthat way, thinking that way.
And also, why didn't you feelcomfortable to come and tell me
at the time like, sooner I donin, oh, you should have told me
that day.
I know some people are like, ifyou were feeling this way, you
should have told me right there.
And then you got to give peopletime to process what they're
(12:38):
even feeling, and especiallybecause if you are in a high
stress or an emotion of anger,you don't want to say something
and say it the wrong way andlose that friend or lose that
relationship with the familymember or with work?
Right, you don't want to.
That's not the time to havethose conversations.
So I actually would discourageyou to handle it right there and
(13:02):
then you know if something'smaking you feel some type of way
.
But I, you know I was like Iwish you would have told me a
week after two weeks, after evena month After a month, I feel
like you are definitely nevergoing to bring that up again and
it's going to boil over andit's going to blow up and there
goes whatever relationship y'allhad when it could have been
fixed, you know.
(13:23):
So me also feeling like becauseI do a lot of self-reflection
and self-awareness why, I askmyself like, why didn't she feel
safe or like she could be openand honest with me?
Why didn't she feel that way?
Did I not make her feelcomfortable?
(13:46):
Did I make her feel like shecouldn't be?
You know I wouldn't take itwell and that our friendship
would be over.
I know some girls are don't like.
They'll call it conflict right,like if we have a disagreement,
they see that as conflict and Idon't want anything to do with
that and I don't work that waybecause I don't want to lose
that friendship or whateverrelationship it is.
You know, I want it to besquashed, I want it to be worked
(14:08):
through so that we can get topeace on the other side of it.
It's never about like who'sright, it's like, well, what's
more important?
Do I want to be right or do Iwant this friendship?
But we should be able todiscuss that so that we can get
back right, both together and atpeace.
You know, so I was like.
I even asked her like I wish Iwould have known.
(14:29):
I thought that I had an open,safe space for you.
I didn't get why.
And I've had other friends dothis to me too, where I'm open
and I'll say, hey, I'm feelingsome type of way about what you
did on this or what you saidabout this, right, your opinion
on this, and it's always just tolike let's elaborate.
Why do you feel that way, whyyou think that way, why did you
(14:52):
do that?
And they'll hit me back withthe well, you did this.
And again it's from like way inthe past, something I didn't
even know was going throughtheir mind, and I just think
that that's so.
It's like immature and toxicand it's not okay, like it's
immature and toxic and it's notokay.
Remember that when we have thesefriendships, these
relationships, it is for us towork together.
(15:16):
At the end of the day, we wantto be on good terms, we want to
be good with each other.
We don't want to be goingagainst each other.
Obviously, if we ended up ineach other's lives where we
liked each other enough tocontinue that relationship, then
and then we want to always tryto get back to that peace.
So I don't get that, but Ithink it's something that it
(15:39):
really took me aback, because Ithink that that's so important
to have those safe spaces, and Igot to figure out what I'm
doing.
I don't know if I need to talkto the girl from the beginning
and be like every girlfriend.
Listen, you can come to me withanything.
If I said or did something thatmade you feel some type of way,
bring it to me, bring it to me.
(16:00):
I am not the girl that's likewell, now that you don't like
something I did, I don't want totalk to you.
It's over our friendship.
It's not like that for me.
But I definitely would like tosee that more being reciprocated
.
Because, again, what are wedoing here?
Do we really want to be at oddswith each other?
No, that's not the goal.
That's not what I want anyway.
(16:21):
But on a lighter note, so I um,I actually recently.
So I was, I made an.
No, I didn't make anappointment, I'm lying, I'm
lying.
So I was just like I want to gosee a card reader.
I haven't done this in years,in years, okay, it's been like
no, over 10 years, I don't knowAnyway.
(16:43):
So I was like, random, let mego read, go go see a card reader
.
I just Googled one in the areaand it was open.
Okay, so I drive up there.
First of all, it's definitelyin a not a good area.
Okay, I don't know if that's agood sign or a bad sign, but it
was not in a good area.
(17:03):
So I'm like, whatever, I'malready here, let me just go in
and see what this, this reader,is going to say.
Cause I just felt like doing it, I thought it was going to be
for fun, to be honest, like Iknow there's some that are real.
But then, you know, I also wantto see, like, all right, let's
see.
So go there.
The door is locked and I'm like, oh no, I maybe I should have
left an appointment.
(17:23):
I don't know.
There's a door to the left.
There's two doors.
So I go, I tug on the door,it's locked.
And I'm like, well, okay, thisbuilding looks like the door for
to.
Maybe there's another entrance.
So I go and I open the door andit opens.
So I'm like, yeah, of course,duh walk right in and I see a
patient, like in the on the leftof me on the couch, and I'm
(17:44):
like, oh, this is really thisnice place, you know, I just
keep on walking and then Irealized it's not the freaking
card reader spot.
Okay, it's somebody's home, allright, literally next door.
So I was like, oh my God, I amso sorry.
He's like no, no, no, it's okay, I know what you're doing.
You're trying to, you know,meet the.
I don't know what her nameactually.
I don't want to say her name.
(18:04):
I don't want to say her name.
He's like she's not even hereright now.
You got to call her, you got toyou for you to come in.
Maybe she lived around the areaand she could just really go
down the street.
So go there.
She's not there.
It's like not even worth itAfter I see the area, I'm like I
(18:26):
got to go because I think I'vehad a bad experience before.
I had another card reader tellme I was going to end up with.
She said I think she said itwas a policeman.
I was like ma'am, ma'am, apoliceman.
Like are you telling me I'mgonna, you know, get murdered?
Like are you telling me I'mgonna choose the wrong guy, no
(18:47):
offense, but the, the, thestatistics aren't good for
police officers withrelationships.
Okay, let's just say that, ohand that there.
But I was like I want to see, Iwant to see what they say.
So I didn't get to do that, butI enjoyed trying it, like just
doing that with my day, I wantto go get my skincare products
taking care of my skin, becauseright now it is all broken out.
(19:08):
No, I shouldn't say that, justa little bit, a little bit, but
I don't like that, a little bittoo much for me.
So I was enjoying that, but yes, so, um, let's see where am I
at.
I told you about the safe space.
I was really bothered by that,but I think we will work that
through.
At least I hope so.
(19:28):
You know, on my end, I don'tknow.
You know, some people will tellyou oh, we're good, no, we're
good, and whole time is, we'renot good like they.
They're gonna start treatingyou differently.
Well, I hope not.
That's me drinking my coffee,and I do have a big jug of water
(19:49):
next to me and a really prettyglass.
So if you're not hydrated, goahead and grab a drink.
Right now I'm telling you, dosome stretches while you're
listening to me.
You're not hydrated?
Go ahead and grab a drink.
Right now.
I'm telling you, do somestretches while you're listening
to me.
You're going to feel better.
But yeah, so checking onyourself, checking on your
girlfriends, and maybe even Iwould say more so checking on
(20:10):
yourself this time of year We'vegot a few more months left it's
summertime.
It's going to be, you know, fall, halloween, summertime.
It's going to be fall Halloween.
All of that's going to be goingon, and I've been seeing all
the Halloween decorations.
I'm excited for it.
There's a lot to be excitedabout, and I will say well, you
know what?
I'll save that for anotherepisode, but take some time for
(20:31):
you.
Do some good things foryourself that really make you
feel good, and thanks for tuningin.
Don't forget, though, you gotto download this episode brunch
with britney.
I'm on iheart radio spotify.
I am on youtube apple podcast.
I mean, anywhere you listen topodcasts, you will find brunch
with britney.
(20:51):
Please share this episode.
Subscribe to my youtube brunchwith Brittany.
We got more episodes comingyour way, of course.
Bye.
Welcome back to Brunch with Brittany.
Thanks for joining me again.
So today's episode I wanted tokind of just check in with the
girls and the fellas.
You too, you too second, butyou too yeah.
So we are back and I wasthinking about how this is
(00:34):
coming up, on what we got a fewmonths till the end of the year,
and I was thinking abouteverything that maybe you're
going through this year.
Just checking in with you rightnow, you know like I always tell
you to start the podcast with,like, a drink.
And then I realized, like whenI say a drink, I don't even
always mean alcohol, right, like, when you think of brunch, it's
(00:55):
typically like we're going todo mimosas or something which I
love to do.
But it's also like making surethat you are hydrated.
You know like, ask yourselfright now, are you hydrated?
Like, when's the last time youhad some water today?
Right, and coffee, maybe Didyou do anything peaceful for
yourself today?
Even Did you stretch?
(01:16):
I know I didn't.
I did not stretch this morning,but I do.
I do make time for that.
But things like that you knowlike, how are you feeling right
now?
Are you feeling good?
Are you feeling like, you know,not good and what's the reason
for that?
That's what today's episode isabout.
Really, just what's going onwith you, you know, are you in a
(01:40):
relationship right now?
Is he claiming you girl?
Are you on his socials?
Because if not, that's not yourman and it's still summer.
So you need to make, makearrangements for that, and these
are the kind of things you needto check in with yourself about
.
You know, are you single?
Are you enjoying it?
(02:01):
You know, we were just talkingI was talking to some friends
about, like you know, it was anarticle, right, and they were
talking about how being singleis seen as like an embarrassing
thing or maybe a negative thing.
But it's also about whatchapter you're in.
Right, maybe you are in yoursingle chapter era and you don't
want to be, but you need to be.
(02:23):
Maybe you need to be and itdoesn't feel good.
It feels lonely, but that's notloneliness.
You're just bored, sis, pick upa hobby, it's all you really
need.
Go stretch, you know.
Go back into pouring into you,because if you're not doing that
, then everything else is goingto be stressful.
(02:43):
You're going to find a man instress mode.
Don't do that.
You're going to pick the wrongone.
You got to do it when you're atpeace, when you're feeling good
, even if you're not.
And I was thinking too aboutlike boundaries, you know, are
we?
Do we have any boundaries?
As a former, like extremepeople pleaser, oh my God, I was
(03:07):
definitely that girl that if Ispent a night even at a friend's
house and I would be freezingcold and I wouldn't ask for a
blanket, I'd be like no, that'stoo much, I can't even ask them
for that, I don't want to botherthem with that.
And I thought that was kind ofjust a me know, just a me thing.
And then I find out otherpeople do that too.
(03:27):
But it's like part of thatpeople pleasing.
Right, you don't want to bothersomeone, but are you even
creating that kind ofself-pleasing for yourself?
You know, instead of worryingabout always people pleasing and
how others are perceiving you,how are you even taking care of
yourself first?
And I had to unlearn that realbad.
(03:48):
I think it's always important tocare.
I'm not saying don't care.
I'm not saying be selfish.
That's definitely not themessage here.
That doesn't even feel good.
People who naturally likethrive off of being selfish.
First of all, stay away from meplease.
Oh my God, I don't want anymore like life-sucking people in
my life, but, yeah, there arepeople who are enjoy that right
(04:12):
and like understanding.
Are you around, those peoplewho are kind of enabling you to
even stay that way?
It's just important for you tokind of ask yourself Again those
boundaries like for me?
You know, you know what I like,what I've been seeing too, when
people put their phone on, donot disturb.
Like, are you always you get anotification or you get a
(04:35):
message, and you have to answerwhatever question or whatever
someone needs, like right away.
You just you know, and it'slike is that really good for you
, though?
Is it that important?
Can it wait?
And you know what I found?
A lot of these things can wait.
A lot of these things you needto put in your schedule
(04:56):
accordingly.
Okay, for your peace of mind,because I have been searching
for peace of mind for a longtime and you got to practice
different things that work foryou, right?
You might think that somethingis good for you that's going to
bring you peace, and then yourealize like, oh, that was
actually very stressful.
That made it worse.
You know, um, when I see peopleput their phone on, like do not
(05:19):
disturb.
I immediately, like I alreadyknow, don't bother them.
Respect that boundary becauseeven without them telling you
directly, it's like, obviously,right now they are, they're into
something, they're, they can'tgive attention to anything else,
and I think that's important to, like, you know, really allow
(05:40):
yourself to kind of detach too.
Are you too much right now?
Like there for everybody else?
That's a good thing up until acertain point.
You know you got it.
Like they say, you always haveto pour into your own glass
before you can pour into others.
That is so true.
Time and time again, I haveexperienced that you know where
(06:03):
you end up with nothing and thenyou feel like you can't give
anything because you really havepushed yourself to that point
where you now need to replenishand whatever that looks like,
whether it's more sleep, youknow, going to bed at a good
hour, making sure you'rehydrated, making time to get to
the gym.
I struggle with that.
I'm constantly feeling like youknow where's the time and
(06:26):
where's the energy.
Well, the time is there, theenergy is there, but I'm clearly
not doing things that allow meto feel like I have that Right.
So something's got to changeand we all go through seasons of
that Right Like you might begoing to the gym three, four
times a week.
I was that girl.
And then life happens and thenyou get caught up with something
(06:47):
else.
I think I threw my shoulder out.
I think I threw my shoulder out.
I had to stop going and then itwas just so easy to not go
again.
You know.
So life will really do that toyou.
But I love that we can alwaysreset.
Right, like every new day youcan reset and that's pretty cool
(07:08):
.
If you think about it, you knowlike today might have been a
crappy day.
We're always going to have somedays like that, no matter what.
And they do suck right.
It feels like the worst.
It feels like, you know, low.
Nobody likes feeling like that,but I, what I do is sometimes
(07:28):
I'll just go take a shower, gojump in the shower.
You might be.
If you are feeling low rightnow, keep this on.
Okay, all right, you have me onthe app.
You don't have to turn this off.
But, like, go and start takinga shower.
Go like, just wash your body,wash your hair, and you'll see
how much better you feel and howlike really, whatever you're
going through is, you can dealwith it later, and I don't mean
(07:51):
to put it off, but I just meanthat right now, clearly, your
body and your mental need neednourishing right, need
replenishing, need self-focusback onto yourself.
Yeah, or you know, callingsomeone that you love, that you
care about.
Have you done that recently?
Maybe it's even calling someoneto say, hey, like you're doing
(08:15):
a great job at this or I'mloving seeing this about you.
You know that can really bringyou like happiness.
It's sharing happiness withother people and even reaching
out, like some people.
I don't know, sometimes I'm likeI don't want to bother anyone
with my problems.
You know, like I'm goingthrough it, I just got to go
(08:35):
through it alone, and that's notalways the way, but sometimes
it is.
Sometimes you do just need togo through it.
People have problems, right,but I always feel like if you do
have those resources, those keypeople in your life that you
can trust, that you can call andyou know that they'll be there
for you, definitely use them,definitely use that, because I
(08:58):
think that they'd want to bethere for you too.
So it's not so much a burdeningthing, but it's allowing
someone else to be there for youwhen you have always made
yourself available for everyoneelse and to be there, that
shoulder, for someone to lean on, that ear, you know, for them
to just emotionally dump on you,like there's definitely that
(09:22):
Recognizing who are those peoplein your life that just call you
to emotionally dump.
Do you have someone like that inyour life right now?
I definitely have.
I've gone through that and Inever.
You have someone like that inyour life right now?
I definitely have.
I've gone through that and Inever looked at it like that.
I always looked at it as youlisten, you're just listening,
lending an ear, but then whenyou have your turn and they're
(09:44):
not there, they don't want tolend that ear, they want to
bring it back to them and theirproblems again or what they're
going through.
That's when you got to realizelike, oh okay, so this person
doesn't really care about me inthat way Doesn't mean they don't
care about you at all.
It just means that they can'tbe there for you.
In that capacity, which I alwayssay too, I learned to meet
(10:04):
people where they are, whereverthat may be in a good, in a bad
place, right, if they're notthat friend that can be there
for you emotionally with support.
They may not be able to becauseof other things going on in
their life.
You know where they're feeling,like that's the focus, and
their problems are moresignificant, and it doesn't mean
(10:25):
that they don't love you, theydon't care about you, but it
could just mean that that'stheir priority in that chapter,
and knowing, understanding whatchapter people are in is so
important.
What chapter are you in, though?
Right, like, what is thismoment of this time of the year?
Like the goals that you maybeput out at the beginning of the
year, or the thoughts or justthe ideas?
(10:47):
Have you put anything intoaction?
And I am by no means tellingyou like you need to get on it.
This, you know, I'm testing you,I'm challenging you, not that,
but I just mean that what yourvision was at the beginning of
the year, are you going back toit?
Are you following through withit?
And it may not be consistent,but art did you?
(11:09):
Did you just put it down andnever come back to it?
You know, did you allow therest of life and everything that
comes with that, because, oh mygod, like between friends,
family, work, you know, I mean,that's three.
To me, that's like threedifferent circles that need
attention, time and energy andlove, and and sometimes it's not
(11:31):
even that.
You know, if you deal withfriends and family, especially,
sometimes that goes there'sreally bad times with that,
really bad relationships, right,they go south.
And um me going through thatright now, like actually
actually with a friend.
You know, I found out that agirlfriend of mine was feeling
(11:54):
some type of way about somethingthat we had done over a year
ago together, right, and it cameout later when I was telling
her I don't even remember Ibrought up something about us
and then she goes on to say,like well, you did this.
And I'm like, wait a minute, Ihad no idea you were feeling
(12:16):
this way.
I had no idea you were feelingthat way, thinking that way.
And also, why didn't you feelcomfortable to come and tell me
at the time like, sooner I donin, oh, you should have told me
that day.
I know some people are like, ifyou were feeling this way, you
should have told me right there.
And then you got to give peopletime to process what they're
(12:38):
even feeling, and especiallybecause if you are in a high
stress or an emotion of anger,you don't want to say something
and say it the wrong way andlose that friend or lose that
relationship with the familymember or with work?
Right, you don't want to.
That's not the time to havethose conversations.
So I actually would discourageyou to handle it right there and
(13:02):
then you know if something'smaking you feel some type of way
.
But I, you know I was like Iwish you would have told me a
week after two weeks, after evena month After a month, I feel
like you are definitely nevergoing to bring that up again and
it's going to boil over andit's going to blow up and there
goes whatever relationship y'allhad when it could have been
fixed, you know.
(13:23):
So me also feeling like becauseI do a lot of self-reflection
and self-awareness why, I askmyself like, why didn't she feel
safe or like she could be openand honest with me?
Why didn't she feel that way?
Did I not make her feelcomfortable?
(13:46):
Did I make her feel like shecouldn't be?
You know I wouldn't take itwell and that our friendship
would be over.
I know some girls are don't like.
They'll call it conflict right,like if we have a disagreement,
they see that as conflict and Idon't want anything to do with
that and I don't work that waybecause I don't want to lose
that friendship or whateverrelationship it is.
You know, I want it to besquashed, I want it to be worked
(14:08):
through so that we can get topeace on the other side of it.
It's never about like who'sright, it's like, well, what's
more important?
Do I want to be right or do Iwant this friendship?
But we should be able todiscuss that so that we can get
back right, both together and atpeace.
You know, so I was like.
I even asked her like I wish Iwould have known.
(14:29):
I thought that I had an open,safe space for you.
I didn't get why.
And I've had other friends dothis to me too, where I'm open
and I'll say, hey, I'm feelingsome type of way about what you
did on this or what you saidabout this, right, your opinion
on this, and it's always just tolike let's elaborate.
Why do you feel that way, whyyou think that way, why did you
(14:52):
do that?
And they'll hit me back withthe well, you did this.
And again it's from like way inthe past, something I didn't
even know was going throughtheir mind, and I just think
that that's so.
It's like immature and toxicand it's not okay, like it's
immature and toxic and it's notokay.
Remember that when we have thesefriendships, these
relationships, it is for us towork together.
(15:16):
At the end of the day, we wantto be on good terms, we want to
be good with each other.
We don't want to be goingagainst each other.
Obviously, if we ended up ineach other's lives where we
liked each other enough tocontinue that relationship, then
and then we want to always tryto get back to that peace.
So I don't get that, but Ithink it's something that it
(15:39):
really took me aback, because Ithink that that's so important
to have those safe spaces, and Igot to figure out what I'm
doing.
I don't know if I need to talkto the girl from the beginning
and be like every girlfriend.
Listen, you can come to me withanything.
If I said or did something thatmade you feel some type of way,
bring it to me, bring it to me.
(16:00):
I am not the girl that's likewell, now that you don't like
something I did, I don't want totalk to you.
It's over our friendship.
It's not like that for me.
But I definitely would like tosee that more being reciprocated
.
Because, again, what are wedoing here?
Do we really want to be at oddswith each other?
No, that's not the goal.
That's not what I want anyway.
(16:21):
But on a lighter note, so I um,I actually recently.
So I was, I made an.
No, I didn't make anappointment, I'm lying, I'm
lying.
So I was just like I want to gosee a card reader.
I haven't done this in years,in years, okay, it's been like
no, over 10 years, I don't knowAnyway.
(16:43):
So I was like, random, let mego read, go go see a card reader
.
I just Googled one in the areaand it was open.
Okay, so I drive up there.
First of all, it's definitelyin a not a good area.
Okay, I don't know if that's agood sign or a bad sign, but it
was not in a good area.
(17:03):
So I'm like, whatever, I'malready here, let me just go in
and see what this, this reader,is going to say.
Cause I just felt like doing it, I thought it was going to be
for fun, to be honest, like Iknow there's some that are real.
But then, you know, I also wantto see, like, all right, let's
see.
So go there.
The door is locked and I'm like, oh no, I maybe I should have
left an appointment.
(17:23):
I don't know.
There's a door to the left.
There's two doors.
So I go, I tug on the door,it's locked.
And I'm like, well, okay, thisbuilding looks like the door for
to.
Maybe there's another entrance.
So I go and I open the door andit opens.
So I'm like, yeah, of course,duh walk right in and I see a
patient, like in the on the leftof me on the couch, and I'm
(17:44):
like, oh, this is really thisnice place, you know, I just
keep on walking and then Irealized it's not the freaking
card reader spot.
Okay, it's somebody's home, allright, literally next door.
So I was like, oh my God, I amso sorry.
He's like no, no, no, it's okay, I know what you're doing.
You're trying to, you know,meet the.
I don't know what her nameactually.
I don't want to say her name.
(18:04):
I don't want to say her name.
He's like she's not even hereright now.
You got to call her, you got toyou for you to come in.
Maybe she lived around the areaand she could just really go
down the street.
So go there.
She's not there.
It's like not even worth itAfter I see the area, I'm like I
(18:26):
got to go because I think I'vehad a bad experience before.
I had another card reader tellme I was going to end up with.
She said I think she said itwas a policeman.
I was like ma'am, ma'am, apoliceman.
Like are you telling me I'mgonna, you know, get murdered?
Like are you telling me I'mgonna choose the wrong guy, no
(18:47):
offense, but the, the, thestatistics aren't good for
police officers withrelationships.
Okay, let's just say that, ohand that there.
But I was like I want to see, Iwant to see what they say.
So I didn't get to do that, butI enjoyed trying it, like just
doing that with my day, I wantto go get my skincare products
taking care of my skin, becauseright now it is all broken out.
(19:08):
No, I shouldn't say that, justa little bit, a little bit, but
I don't like that, a little bittoo much for me.
So I was enjoying that, but yes, so, um, let's see where am I
at.
I told you about the safe space.
I was really bothered by that,but I think we will work that
through.
At least I hope so.
(19:28):
You know, on my end, I don'tknow.
You know, some people will tellyou oh, we're good, no, we're
good, and whole time is, we'renot good like they.
They're gonna start treatingyou differently.
Well, I hope not.
That's me drinking my coffee,and I do have a big jug of water
(19:49):
next to me and a really prettyglass.
So if you're not hydrated, goahead and grab a drink.
Right now I'm telling you, dosome stretches while you're
listening to me.
You're not hydrated?
Go ahead and grab a drink.
Right now.
I'm telling you, do somestretches while you're listening
to me.
You're going to feel better.
But yeah, so checking onyourself, checking on your
girlfriends, and maybe even Iwould say more so checking on
(20:10):
yourself this time of year We'vegot a few more months left it's
summertime.
It's going to be, you know, fall, halloween, summertime.
It's going to be fall Halloween.
All of that's going to be goingon, and I've been seeing all
the Halloween decorations.
I'm excited for it.
There's a lot to be excitedabout, and I will say well, you
know what?
I'll save that for anotherepisode, but take some time for
(20:31):
you.
Do some good things foryourself that really make you
feel good, and thanks for tuningin.
Don't forget, though, you gotto download this episode brunch
with britney.
I'm on iheart radio spotify.
I am on youtube apple podcast.
I mean, anywhere you listen topodcasts, you will find brunch
with britney.
(20:51):
Please share this episode.
Subscribe to my youtube brunchwith Brittany.
We got more episodes comingyour way, of course.
Bye.
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