June 17, 2025 • 53 mins
In this episode of the 'Chats with GiGi' podcast, GiGi discusses the profound connection between personal well-being and business success. She is joined by Luz Martinez, a seasoned therapist with almost two decades of experience. They explore how personal boundaries, mental health, and trauma directly impact entrepreneurial growth.
Luz shares her journey into mental health, the importance of seeking mentorship, and practical steps to enhance mental well-being for a healthier business. The conversation also delves into overcoming the fear of vulnerability and recognizing the difference between being genuine and being openly vulnerable.
00:00 Introduction: Your Business as an Extension of You
01:53 The Importance of Mental Health for Entrepreneurs
02:37 Welcoming Lu Martinez: Mental Health Expert
04:47 Lu's Journey into Mental Health
09:07 Misconceptions About Mental Health in Business
19:38 The Power of Vulnerability and Genuine Connection
23:53 Understanding and Addressing Trauma
28:44 Understanding the Pressure of Leadership
29:47 Embracing Self-Doubt and Fear
30:36 Shifting Perspectives on Fear and Pressure
31:33 Facing and Processing Emotions
38:25 Catastrophizing and Survival Instincts
51:06 The Role of Self-Compassion
51:51 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
You can connect with Luz at www.luzmartinezcounseling.com
Let's keep the conversation going!
Find GiGi on all social media platforms as @GiGiDiazLIVE
Connect with Seizing Happy® on all social media @seizinghappy
Luz shares her journey into mental health, the importance of seeking mentorship, and practical steps to enhance mental well-being for a healthier business. The conversation also delves into overcoming the fear of vulnerability and recognizing the difference between being genuine and being openly vulnerable.
00:00 Introduction: Your Business as an Extension of You
01:53 The Importance of Mental Health for Entrepreneurs
02:37 Welcoming Lu Martinez: Mental Health Expert
04:47 Lu's Journey into Mental Health
09:07 Misconceptions About Mental Health in Business
19:38 The Power of Vulnerability and Genuine Connection
23:53 Understanding and Addressing Trauma
28:44 Understanding the Pressure of Leadership
29:47 Embracing Self-Doubt and Fear
30:36 Shifting Perspectives on Fear and Pressure
31:33 Facing and Processing Emotions
38:25 Catastrophizing and Survival Instincts
51:06 The Role of Self-Compassion
51:51 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
You can connect with Luz at www.luzmartinezcounseling.com
Let's keep the conversation going!
Find GiGi on all social media platforms as @GiGiDiazLIVE
Connect with Seizing Happy® on all social media @seizinghappy
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You hear me say it all the time that I
believe your business is an extension of you, like my
business is an extension of me. And so what that
means is that everything that's going on in our personal life,
everything that is happening with our mind, with our body,
is going to somehow manifest itself in our business. I'll
give you a few examples. If you're struggling creating and
(00:26):
maintaining boundaries with certain people in your family or maybe
with your friends in your life, nine times out of ten,
that's going to manifest itself in your business. And you're
going to struggle creating boundaries with your clients, you end
up overserving, undercharging, answering calls after work hours, or worse yet,
working after work hours. And so what happens is that
(00:49):
there are so many layers to the beautiful thing that
is you.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
And one of those layers that we.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Sometimes, I almost want to say we almost always don't
pay enough attention to, is our mental health, especially us women,
because we're taught to be strong, We're taught that we
can handle it.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We are taught that we've got to figure it out.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And I know that a lot of times when boys
are growing up, they say boys don't cry.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
But I don't know about you, but I heard that
shit too. Oh.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
It was like, you got to keep your emotions in check.
You can't show vulnerability, you can't show weakness. You have
to be powerful all the time. It's just a lot
of messages that have been deposited into our minds that
have become a part of who we are, that are
causing a ripple effect in our relationships, in our views
(01:40):
of people, money, things, business men, women, friendships, time, work, everything,
and of course if it is a part of us.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
It is going to reflect in our business.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
And so today we're going to talk about specifically the
layer of our mental health and our trauma and how
that can reflect practically directly on your sales, on your growth,
on your scalability. And so to join me on this
beautiful journey of talking about mental health and how powerful
and important it is, especially for women entrepreneurs, is my dear,
(02:16):
dear friend Louis Martinez. She is the founder of Louise
Martinez Counseling. She's been doing this for nineteen years. We
actually had to redo the math before we started recording.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
She's like seventeen eighteen and nineteen.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
It happens to me too. At this point.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's just like, listen a long time and I know
what I'm talking about period. So Lose is here to
share with us the power and the need for mental
health and for really taking care of it, especially for entrepreneurs.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Louise, welcome.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I'm so glad that you're here. I am so excited
to be here. On the drive over here, I was
getting pumped because I can talk about this. You're gonna
have to cut me off because I can talk about
such health and well beings all day every day. I know.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I think when we first met, because you've been on
the podcast before, and when we first met, I think
justin like our pre interview, we were talking for a
solid hour and then some and then when you were
on the podcast last I think it was one of
the longest podcasts I've done.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Because I love what you do.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I believe in what you do.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I implement what you offer in my own life, and so.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
It's just such a key part of my growth, and
I get so excited to be able to share that
expertise with the Seizing Happy tribe, right like with our
fellow legacy makers out there, and.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I don't think it's an accident that you embody it,
because you wouldn't be successful without having embodied it.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I want to get into that.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
But before we officially start this episode of the Chats
with GG podcast, I want to ask you, how are
you seizing happy today?
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Ooh, okay. Typically on the drive anywhere, I'm listening to
podcasts or news radio, but today I decided to listen
to music. It's a beautiful day, I'm having a great
hair day. So I said, you know what, I'm going
to do this. So I was listening to my nineties
hip hop and R and B on the drive over here.
(04:12):
And I live pretty far so I had a really nice,
you know music session that just gets you pumped up.
And I'm like, yeah, that's how I'm deciding to spend
this Friday. I love that.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
And it's so interesting, I think, to me, when we
have such simple ways of elevating our mood, our mindset,
what's going on? You have a choice. You know, you
have the choice to say, this drive is long. You
know there's going to be traffic no matter where you're
coming from. It's Miami, yes, and so you have a choice.
Am I going to just complain about this traffic or
(04:43):
am I going to listen to some of my favorite music?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Nope and jam out. I'd love that for you.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
So how did you end up in this space in
mental health? I feel like there's always something in our
lives that brings us to our calling, or that reminds
us of our calling, awakens the calling within, because I
feel like we're born with this. I feel like we
don't decide what we're going to do for a living.
It was always within us, and then a circumstance has
(05:10):
to occur that awakens it and then we begin that path.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
So what was that for you? It is not an accident,
So I agree with you completely. What I wanted to
do originally, and what I started going to school for
was communications and public relations because I loved speaking to
people right And I was like, yeah, that's what I
want to do. But you know, through circumstances, I ended
up moving here to Miami from California. I ended up
(05:37):
ending a relationship at that time, and I realized that
there were things that I was doing that weren't working
for me. So still in school and I decided to
just take I'd already take an intro to psychology. But
it took you know, the next class over and I
started to piece together some things that I said, huh, okay,
(05:58):
this is what's happening, and this is something's here. And
I took another class and I'm like, oh wait, something
else is here. I was like, oh no, when did
this happen? And it was in that part that it
really taught me new things. I always believed, and I
always say this to my clients. I believed for a
long time, if I think it, it must be true.
(06:20):
I thought that I believed it. If I think it,
of course it's true. It's a lie. It's a lie.
But I didn't know that. And through that process, I realized, way,
hold on, there's more here, and this really speaks to me.
And I started to go through that process for me
(06:41):
personally but also in my education, and it has been
life changing and I can't imagine doing anything else.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, what would you say is your favorite part of
what you do? Because there are so many layers that
you can uncover, there are so many ways, different ways
that you can help your clients. But there's got to
be one thing that's like the light bulb, like the
oh yes, this.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Is why I do this when clients tell me, I
don't know when this happened, but this has changed, And
I always tell them and I say, I know it's
not magic, because I'm sitting here, I'm watching them change
in front of me. They don't see it, but I
see it. But I always equate it to it's like
magic because they don't realize the little steps that they've
(07:30):
been taking that has led them to this new point.
But I've been watching their journey all along the way,
and there is no better feeling for me to watch that.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, I can see that because there's something very similar
that happens in the coaching space when you're talking to
them and you're talking and you're asking the questions, and
you're asking the questions and then you slowly see it. It
almost happens like in their eyes, something kind of like
shifts in their gaze and you can and you're just like,
all right, what's the next question I got to give
(08:01):
them for them to find that truth within, because that's
the difference between consulting and coaching, is being able to
ask the questions that are going to help the person
find their own answer. And it's very similar I think
with therapy as well, right, would.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
You say, absolutely, people think that I'm giving advice. I
do not give advice. I am not the expert of
their lives. I'm barely the expert of my life, you know,
Like there are days where I'm like, wait, am I
an imposter in my own life? You know, it happens,
I have those days, right, So I don't try to
be the expert of their lives. But it's exactly what
you just said, where I'm helping them figure out, get
(08:39):
rid of things that don't work for them, get rid
of stories that they've been that have been handed down
through the generations, which we'll be talking about in the
minute or two, you know, and help them uncover those
things for themselves, because yeah, they know, they know, we know,
we know deep down inside we know. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
And so what would you say is one of the
biggest misconceptions about mental health as it pertains to entrepreneurship.
What is the biggest misconceptions that women have about mental
health as it pertains to their business.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
I think one of the big things is that we
can't need the help, that we have to do it alone,
that we have to show strength and to show preparedness
that we have to go on this journey by ourselves
and that we don't need anyone else for it. Yeah.
(09:36):
And how does that reflect in business? Oh, ma'am. It
reflects in we don't seek mentorship. We don't we don't
advertise because we're waiting to be successful, to be able
to say this is why I'm proud of this, but
(09:57):
that what we don't realize is that that actually delay
our success. Say more on that. Yeah, because I don't
know everything, and I don't need to know everything because
I'm not going to know everything when I'm starting something
new and then not being able to talk about what
I'm doing and where I want to go because I
(10:19):
need to already have been there to be able to
say it. I'm just I don't even realize that I'm
tripping over the same rock and I don't realize that
actually there's someone that can help me lift that rock
and move it to the side. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And I can even see it reflect and things like
hiring delegating, Oh yeah, he delegating.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
That one like, oh, I have to do it all.
I have to answer my phones, enter my emails, do
all of like the face forward with clients. I have
to do everything.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
It's that, yeah, And so what would you say when
it comes to I want to go back to I
want to unpack some of what you already said. So
we'll go back a step before we talk about before
we talk about delegating and inside the actual business, where
do you think it is rooted? Where do you think
(11:16):
this concept of I have to have been there, I
have to have already succeeded to be able to celebrate
myself and what I'm doing, to be able to advertise,
where does that even come from?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Oh my gosh. I think for a lot of women,
particularly women, we aren't used to bragging about ourselves. So
we don't want to be too much. We don't want
to be two of anything. We can't be too ambitious.
I can't be shouting out that I want to make
(11:52):
a million dollars in my business, right, because, oh my god,
Like that's so gotty, Like how are you talking money?
How do you talk money in your family systems? Right?
How do you talk about dreams in your family systems?
So we learn along the way to keep it to ourselves.
We learn along the way to not share because we
(12:13):
don't want to be vulnerable. But what we haven't recognized
and what we haven't been taught is that we've been
vulnerable with the wrong people. Right, kind of going back
to like who's in your community who understands this? So
if you tell someone like, hey, I had, you know,
a small win here, it's who celebrate you in a
small win and who says like, yeah, but and we're
(12:36):
always afraid of the yeah. But because you know, entrepreneurship
is scary, you know, And this is why I like
to talk about trauma in this right. And I know
we'll get there, but it's fearful to be an entrepreneur.
We're constantly in a state of fear, right, And it's
not a bad thing because we're wanting to get to
the next level. So I always tell my clients like,
(12:59):
of course you're going to be afraid. You're leaping. You're leaping.
How could you not be afraid to leap? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I love that you said that.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
And I think there's something really curious that I want
to add too, and that is or that I want
to get deeper into with you, and that is you said,
we don't want to be too much. We don't want
to say things like I want to make a million
dollars with my business. However, my bone with that is
that if there are two men in a room and
(13:28):
one of those men, one of those men says I
want to make a million dollars in my business, nobody
would bunch, nobody would have any sort of.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Oh my god, I can't believe. I can't believe he
wants to make that much money?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
What's he going to do with them?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Like? No one would question it, no one would care.
It would be a completely normal conversation. Yeah, men don't
struggle with being too much. On the contrary, they're constantly
trying to lift more, do more, and be more. And
so where is that in women? And I can tell
you my thoughts, but I want to hear yours.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
No, you know, it's in the too much, but it's
never It's always in the two right, because you're either
doing too little or you're being too much. You're wanting
too much. And I can see where we will even
center ourselves of wanting the things that we want, because
then we don't kind of going back to what you
said of you know, if we don't know how to
(14:25):
set boundaries, if we don't know how to say no
to certain things too much and wanting what we want
comes with these obligations that then we don't know how
to say no to.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Why where's the root of that? Where's the root of
women feeling like they need to.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Be because we do it? Because we do it all. Yeah,
because we do it all, but to our detriment? Right
Where the caretakers where the listeners? Where the organizers? I
think I just I was just reading something where I
was talking about and I've seen it in my own family,
right it with my own in laws, where it was
(15:02):
talking about how when the maternal figure who does the
organizing passes away if another woman doesn't pick up the task,
the family kind of like disintegrates. Yeah, and they end
they can't hold the closeness because that's a task. But
it was talking about the mental burden, the emotional burden
(15:25):
that doesn't get seen but lands on women. And I
think when we're talking about this, it's really those things
that end up landing on women that we don't even
we don't even pay attention to because we're so accustomed
to them. Right, it's the mental burden of oh, what
are we going to have for lunch? What are we
going to cook for dinner? It's so common, it's every day,
(15:47):
but three hundred and sixty five days a year, yeah,
plus the leap year plus right, plus how many years? Right,
It's a lot of like these additional burdens that we
have that we don't even recognize when we're going going
back to not even seeing the small winds. We don't
actually even see these small costs. We don't ready too
(16:07):
if we're not seeing small wins, we're not seeing small costs.
But they cost they're there. We feel it in our
bodies and our nervous system. It's there.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
And then you know, to tap back.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
On what you said of showing up and asking for help,
how do we break through that? Because this is one thing,
and and the seeking mentorship part I think is really
important too. I mean, on the selfish side, as a
business and media coach, the first thing is like, of
course I want women to break through this, get more clients,
help more women build their businesses. But it's so much
(16:40):
deeper than that, because mentorship comes in ways that are also.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Not business related.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Mentorship and the ability to seek somebody whom you aspire
to be like, I feel sometimes has a really negative
perception on behalf of the person doing the seeking because
instead of thinking I aspire to be like this person,
it's I am comparing myself against this person and I
(17:07):
am not enough because they have, or are or whatever
more than me. And so how do we create that
How do we alter that perception? Because I'm thinking about it.
Even even with motherhood, I can stop and say, when
when I first became a mom, I knew intuitively there
(17:28):
were a lot of things that I didn't want advice on.
I knew that there were a lot of things that
I was going to do them the way I needed
to do them. Because I am also a significantly older
mom than most. I became a mom at thirty eight,
and so I'm a grown ass woman. I don't need
advice on certain things that I know have to be
a certain way. But there were other parts of motherhood
that I could have used a mentor that I could
(17:50):
have used somebody to come in and lovingly and kindly
said to me, try this, try that this has worked.
This hasn't worked for me. I've heard this word for
a friend. You know, how do we break down that
understanding or that belief erroneous belief. Yes, that asking or
(18:11):
seeking out mentorship means that we are failing somehow, or
that we are less than somehow.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Yeah, I mean it's tied back into how I started
our discussion of just because I'm having the thought does
not mean it's true. And that's tied into so many
of our narratives of what we think that is success,
of what we think that asking for mentorship is, and
that that's a sign of not having it together or
(18:37):
it's almost like we're too embarrassed to ask for it,
or we're too embarrassed to acknowledge that I don't know something.
And that comes from many many places, right, It comes
from our experiences, it comes from our comparisons, it comes
from what we think it's supposed to look like. And
I can't help but notice like it's gotten even worse
(18:57):
because we're seeing people's highlights on social media. Girl, don't
get me started. Those are all highlights. That's great, those
are my highlights. Hey, those are my highlights. Right Because also,
like you said, right, like I'm an older person, you know,
like I'm an old old but like I didn't grow
up with social media, so I'm not putting my horrible
(19:19):
days on the internet because that level of vulnerability is
not I don't need to share that.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
With people, because I don't think anybody needs to share
that with people, But I know I think that, yeah,
I think that there's there's a beauty in being able
to be vulnerable. There's definitely a power and a strength. Absolutely,
hands down, there is power and strength in vulnerability. And
knowing to be vulnerable is not a weakness. But I
(19:45):
think that the key to the safety of vulnerability is
knowing with whom you should be vulnerable and when, because
I feel like if you have the core strength of
sharing something deep and personal and vulnerable to the masses,
so like on social media, for whatever the purpose.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Is, you need to be ready for all of it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
You need to be ready for the best of humanity
to come at you and for the worst of humanity
to come at you. And sometimes the best time to
be vulnerable isn't when you're in the turmoil, but rather
when the scar has healed, and then you can pick
up my scar. But you're not going to get any scabs.
I've already healed, the scab is gone. Can't pick anything
out of my scars, right, So how do we how
(20:34):
do we determine that?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Do you have any advice?
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Because vulnerability is being sold as the most amazing thing
for sales for business, and you know, we focus on
business here, So like, what is your advice on knowing
when and what and where?
Speaker 3 (20:48):
I love this question because I actually want to say, obviously,
I believe in vulnerability. This is what I do. This
is how I try to be with my clients and
have them be with me, you know. But there's a
difference between one and also being genuine, and I think
that sometimes we confuse the two. And in my business,
I want to be genuine. I am being genuine, but
(21:12):
I may not be vulnerable because that's not the space
for it. Well, right, So like there's levels and it's
also you will hear this from me all the time.
It's not in you know, in like it's not a
one or the other. It's not a black or white.
So there's a level of vulnerability. But you're gonna get
more genuine for me in a business setting because that's
(21:32):
the right space for it.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
To find genuine. What is the difference what is vulnerable
and what is genuine? So very similar, so this is
why they get intermixed but different.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Right. So in being vulnerable, it's with people that I trust,
it's with people that are in my circle that I
know I can rely on them to be able to
share whatever I'm going to share. And it doesn't mean
that they don't have opinions, because you're human beings. You're
gonna have opinions. But at the end of the day,
they will support me, and they will hear me, and
(22:04):
they will create that space for me because there's trust.
You can't have vulnerability without trust. They got to go together,
They got to go together. Being genuine is I'm being
genuine to myself. So I'm touched. I'm connected to my values.
I'm connected to how I view the world, how I
want to show up. I'm connected to the space that
(22:26):
I want to take in. That's me being genuine. It's
all so I know me. So that's how I'm showing
up as me. I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I love those two distinctions because they really are able
to break down that showing up as me carries the
things that make me vulnerable, but it doesn't necessarily mean
I have to expose them. Being genuine, from what I
understand as your definition, is being genuine means that I'm
going to carry with me in my person or perhaps not.
(22:59):
I don't want to use the word that sounds exhausting,
but like, I am going to show up in all
of the layers of me, in all of the good,
the bad, the sad, the breaking, the strengthening, the growing,
the heeled, the broken, all of it, and I can
genuinely speak from that space, that that core without giving
(23:20):
you the nitty gritty details of what the broken is,
what the vulnerability is like, what every single fight, argument
or issue or history or trauma.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
You don't have to put all of it out there to.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
The masses who you don't trust, inevitably, right, you don't
have to put it all out there to strangers, but
you can still be genuine Yes, is that that's what
you're saying.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
That's exactly what I'm saying. I love that. I love it.
It works.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
It works.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You've touched on trauma a few times and how trauma
can impact our lives as specially, but also our businesses
explain trauma.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
So trauma, we understand the concept when we're under threat, right,
So we get that, right, So we get like when
something severe and devastating has happened to us or to someone, Yes,
that's a traumatic event. But trauma is also viewed because
we're talking about the body, right, I'm talking about the body.
So this is where I do have to do a
(24:25):
lot of education for clients where trauma is also the
experience of having a stressor that has overwhelmed us, and
it's overwhelmed us for too much, too soon, too much,
too long, or not enough for too long. And this
is how this is our body. This is our body.
(24:48):
Is this well oiled machine. Our nervous system is this
well oiled machine. It we are here. We are descendants
of people who responded to the nervous system and at
the wrestling of leaves in the background, booked it and
they're like gotta go running rather than like, well let
me see what's behind there, they got eaten and chump, chump. Yeah,
(25:12):
so you know, so we are not descendants of them.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, where in our evolution and in our awareness today
do we need to remind our nervous system that the
rustling of the leaves no longer means we are going
to get eaten? I know, because this is the part
(25:35):
right here, and I am speaking the metaphorical rustling of
the leaves.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Of course, if you hear leaves, please do book it.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
If something behind you is bussing and fidgeting and whatever.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Run, Yes, but the metaphorical right, like.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
With this machine, this ancient perfect machine, descendants of the
people who knew to run when there was a rustling
of the leaves behind them, with the machine that now
feels like those unknowns, the rustling of the leaves, the
metaphorical rustling of the leaves can be something as simple
as an unknown space.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
The leaves rustle.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
You don't know if it's a cute little deer or
if it's the saber truth right, and so you don't
know what's on the other side of launching a business.
You don't know what's on the other side of your
two weeks. Notice, your nervous system responds to that as
the rustling of the leaves regardless, and wants to either
fight or flight or freeze. And so what is the
thing that we need to do to remind our nervous
(26:33):
system like, hey, unknown things are not always or necessarily dangerous.
How do we tell a nervous system that was trained
when it hears a rustling to leave, it is the
thing that has brought us here to be. Our ancestors
survived because.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
They booked it.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Like you said, how do we teach our nervous system
now that not all rustling of.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Leaves is bad? Yes? Oh my gosh, I mean this
is this is like a twenty part series but in
a nutshell, right, So we do have this. It's what
you said. We have to teach ourselves. We have to
learn this. This is not something automatic. And this is
(27:17):
where mentorship, This is where therapy, this is where coaching,
This is where these spaces can help us. Because I
only know what I know. So if I only know
that that's a threat, I don't have more information coming
in telling me differently. So I need community. I need
a safe space. I need to be able to create
(27:37):
that so I can start to add those the parts
and the mechanisms to be able to get me to
pause and say, wait, hold on, is that a threat?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (27:49):
No? Right? Is that email a threat? No? It's uncomfortable,
But is it a threat? No?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
I recently had a coaching session with a client and
she is at a moment of expansion, like her business
is just booming, and she is so dedicated and she
is so good to take action and to take action
quickly that she'll do like one little thing that we
come across and like it'll just her business into like
(28:20):
more income more like just like this, you know, because
we've been working for a long time now, slowly building
up the momentum, and so, you know, and so in
this recent session with this client, we were talking about hiring,
we were talking about expanding, and she was like, you know,
it's just I feel this pressure in my chest every
time I think about hiring new people.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
And I was like, Okay, why do you feel the pressure?
What does the pressure mean?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And she's like, well, I feel the pressure because you know,
I just I want to make sure that I'm hiring
the right people. I want to make sure that when
they come in, I'm going to train them in the
best way. And I want to have a culture in
my business that's going to make everybody feel cohesive and
want to be there and excited to work. I want
to hire somebody who's passionate, and I want to make
(29:05):
sure that I'm leading them, like not just leading them.
I need to be able to like hold them and
like support them. And just I don't know if I'm
going to be a good leader. And so I'm hearing it,
I'm like, okay, I'm listening, and all I hear is
you want to do good by your team. You want
to prepare your team, You want to hire the right people.
You want to look into the best way to make
(29:25):
sure that they thrive in your business, so that your
clients are doing okay, so that they feel good about
what they're doing. How is this pressure bad? This pressure
is a reminder of what a freaking badass you are
and her bad everything you're doing. And so what are
some ways in which we can distinguish that sometimes the
(29:49):
fear is good, Yes, that sometimes the pressure is good.
That sometimes the self doubt is good. Yes, self doubt
is I love what I'm doubting myself because it means
two things. Yeah, it means that I am stepping into
a space of bigness. I'm having to fill bigger shoes,
(30:12):
or else I would just be super confidable confident because
this is what I've already.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
Been doing right.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yes, And it means that I care to deliver to
my maximum most phenomenal capacity, which means by association, that
I value the people that are going to receive that,
whether it's a client or an audience or a listener
of this podcast, whatever. So I can frame that because
I've been doing this work for a long time. You
(30:36):
as a therapist, what resource can you give us? How
can we find a way to say the fear is good,
the pressure in the truest is good, the self doubt
is good. How do we create that shift?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Yeah, and it really is creating a shift, and it's
creating a shift in the way that we're thinking about things.
So one of the things that I that I tell
all of my clients, right, like I said, I thought, oh,
I'm thinking this, this must be right. I always tell them,
get it out of your head and let's get it
into real life. Because in our heads it's not real life.
(31:10):
It's not anymore about that. It's just our story. But
we actually haven't tried it. We haven't don't, we haven't
gathered any evidence, right, So we have to get it
out of our heads. And one of the ways that
we get it out of our heads, there's multiple ways.
So depending on the way that you that resonates for you,
talking it out loud to someone is one of the ways. Well, first,
(31:33):
let me back up a little bit. Let's slow it down.
When you notice that pressure in your chest, don't push
through it. Don't push through it. When you notice the
sensation in your stomach, the tension, the pressure. Stop pushing
through it because we just ignore it, so then we're
(31:54):
not reflecting on it, and then that makes it feel
like it's bad. Because when I have a stomach ache,
I'm like, that's not good. But if I don't, but
if I'm on a roller coaster and I feel those
sensations in my stomach, I'm not scared. Like I'm scared,
but in a good way. Right. So it's the way
(32:15):
that we think about things. But when we're pushing through it,
we're like, well, this is bad, so I can't think
about it. Well, we're just setting ourselves up with oh,
this is bad, so I can't think about it and
just have to push through. So we're continuously like adding
to that narrative that it's a bad thing. So let's
face our fear, because every time we avoid it, we're
(32:36):
saying to ourselves, Oh, this is dangerous, don't look here.
So let's face it. Let's face our fear. Let's face
that pressure, let's face that tension in our chest, Let's
face that. So let's low it down, let's notice it.
Then let's get it out into the real world. So
that may mean I have to write it out so
(33:00):
like I always have to like put pen to paper
exactly unfiltered, unfiltered, unfiltered, because this is only for me
what I'm thinking, and I have to write it down.
And my clients know this, right, And my next step
is then I will talk it out loud to myself,
so I will say, so this is the key. I
(33:20):
will actually take a step back. I will take a
physical step back. So I will stand up and say, okay,
hold on, let me take a look at this. And
I will take a step back, and then I will
say the story that I am telling myself is and
I go all the way, all the way. I don't
stop because a lot of times it's almost like we're
(33:42):
on a roller coaster and we'll get stopped. Well, like,
well stop the roller coaster. No, that's not how life is.
So I have to work it out. I have to see,
like what am I actually scared of? What is the
because I need to see it. Okay, I can't change
it if I don't see it. Just so you know,
and my clients all know this. My fear is in
I'm going to be destitute, I'm going to be homeless,
(34:05):
and it's going to be me, my husband, and my
two dogs that were good. Like that's where it leads me, right,
And then I go back and I start looking at it,
and I start analyzing, like, Okay, is this reality? Is
this based on reality? And I start pointing out like, well,
(34:28):
when I'm here, if that were to happen, I have
like three or four options, okay, and then here if
that were to happen before that happened, oh this other
stuff would I start bringing it into reality. So I
start looking at it and then I start then changing
the story of Okay, well what does this then mean
for me? Oh so I'm scared, Okay, but I'm not
(34:52):
scared of being scared. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
I think giving it a tangible perception is so important because,
like you, I also have those.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
What's the word I want to use.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
It's like these big absurd truths that are not true
at all. Yeah, it's absurd, right, like everything's And I
am willing to bet that right now, there's somebody listening
who when you said yeah, Because in the end, what's
gonna happen is I'm just gonna be homeless, living out
of a car and everyone's gonna die. Yeah, Yeah, yeah,
we yeah, same, Hi, I'm gg I've been there. I
(35:31):
think that too sometimes where it's like but what if,
and then it always ends in like.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
These worst case scenarios.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
That are just like absurd and if you would let
it linger in your mind, if you let it, if
you let it maintain, if you let it keep the stage,
if you let it stay on center stage, the fear
the absurd ultimate because in the end, what's gonna happen
is everything is just gonna be destroyed and I'm gonna
(35:59):
lose every and we're gonna lose the house, and we're
dude for it to get there, there are so many,
so many other things that need to happen. There are
so many other points in life that you're going to
touch upon. There are so many flags, warning signs, people
who are gonna be like, hey, that doesn't that doesn't
sound right, this doesn't look like you, this kind of bit,
(36:21):
I've seen you do that before. And it's there's so
many things are gonna happen before it becomes that big
absurd truth.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
But you're right, if.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
We don't stop and say what am I actually feeling here?
Speaker 3 (36:32):
What is it? What is it?
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Then really thinking about if we don't stop and flesh
that out somehow, whether it's writing or talking it out.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, it can consume us.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Oh, it's all consuming. I mean, this is what the
repetitive thoughts are. Yeah, right, like these intrusive thoughts that
are on repeat, and every time then that you're going
to go do something, you're feeling it in the body.
These thoughts are there, whether you even recognize them. I
cannot tell you how often, and you know who you
are people, how often I will say, so, oh, you're
(37:06):
feeling this, So tell me what were you thinking about? Everyone?
I wasn't thinking about anything. I had no thoughts in
my head. Yes, yes, people tell me this every day
every day. I wasn't thinking about anything. But as we
continue to have these conversations, right, I like to point
it out to them. I'm like, oh, it sounded like
you were saying this is this and that in your thoughts.
(37:28):
It sounded like this was a story that you had.
And they're like oh yeah. I'm like, it runs in
the background. So if we don't bring it into real life,
if we don't know ourselves, like I know where my
thoughts go. Like, oh, and that's the other thing that
it's always the same repeat of thoughts. They have like
a different like, it's the same theme. They they look
a little bit different, but it's the same. It's the same. Right,
(37:49):
So I know where my thoughts go. Right, So I
now know because I'm aware of them. I'm like, oh okay,
I'm like, ugh, I'm over generalizing again. Oh okay, I'm
catastrophe advising, my favorite Oh mind reading. Oh I think
I know what that person's saying about me. But I
had a great mind reader, because otherwise we would.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Have won the lotto, we would have passed all of
our tests in school.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
What should have good?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
It?
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Right?
Speaker 2 (38:17):
What is?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
And now this is just me being super selfish right now,
because I have the mic and it's my show.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
This is for me.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Why do we catastrophize?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Dude?
Speaker 2 (38:28):
I swear if there was an award for.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Catastrophizing, I would win, you would I would because I
have And I think you heard me say this before
we started recording, Like, I have this healthy obsession with
really removing or at least very largely decreasing margins for error. Yes,
so I often think what could go wrong so that
(38:53):
I can minimize those margins? Right, So, what could go
wrong is to use this as an example something my
not record. We have backup sounds, we have backup video, right,
so to use you know what could go wrong, so
I you minimize, right, the margin for what could go wrong. Yes,
but there's a difference between that healthy mindset that I
have of like minimizing the margin for error and the catastrophizing.
(39:16):
And it happens at the most unexpected moments, for no
reason whatsoever, where I can be somewhere and I'll like
look at like right now, I can so it just
happened right now. We're like I'll sit here and it's
like this floor can give out and it could just
fall and we'll fucking die on camera.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Like what is what is wrong with me? Is that me?
Speaker 3 (39:33):
Is that like a DG problem?
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Because or like I'll be driving and then there's like
no traffic, everything is smooth, and I'll just look up
and it's like and a plane could fall right here.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
It's happened before it could.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
It's not like you know, or it's these and they're
so random, Like.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I
do that? What is the root of that? I know
I can't be the only police to somebody write me
on Instagram.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
It's on me.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
I am not the old only person who sometimes has
these thoughts.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
You are not the only person. I have my own
thoughts that I will quickly like do a scan and
I'm like could jump off this second floor and i
would be okay, Like if if there were an emergency,
I'm like I could do this again. Our bodies were
geared for survival. Thank you for having these types of thoughts.
We are geared for survival. This is our brain works
(40:26):
to survive. So it's looking for problems to make sure
that we survive. It's its only function. We are right,
like we are taking in this really old machine and
trying to put like AI on it, right, Like this
really old computer and we're trying to like start using
AI applications on it. Right, So it's not so we're
(40:49):
always like shocked, like well, I must be thinking about
this for a reason, because it must be true. No,
this is how we're geared. Our ancestors were geared to
look for like what that little like wait, that leaf
is out of sorts. That might have meant that like
something was passing through here. Let me So, of course
(41:09):
we're always gonna look for the negative. So we just
have to recognize that that we're always looking for, like
the worst case scenario for survival because our brain is
doing its job. Thank you brain for doing your job.
But I have to I identify it and then I
have to move on because it did its job. No
threat here, Let me move on. And this is why
(41:32):
we also have a hard time then of thinking about
our positives right, thinking about our small winds, because our
brain is just naturally geared towards looking at like worst
case scenario, doom and gloom. How am I gonna die today?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Right?
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Like isn't there a book like a thousand and one
Way to die? Like? Oho? Rights? Shit? Like yeah, so
someone did and they even had like a show about it. Right, So,
like these things happen, our brain is geared to look
for that just because we're thinking that way. It is
not the boss of us. It is not the boss
of us. We can also say, okay, I've looked at it,
(42:10):
no threat here for now. When there is a threat,
I will respond what is going well in my day today?
I can shift. And that's the thing we can shift.
We can shift the way we think. We can shift
what we pay attention to. We can shift what type
(42:30):
of energy we bring in. We can shift just because
we're thinking it or around it doesn't mean that we
have to be stuck there. So it's how do I
then choose to shift? And I choose to shift. And
I will tell you I have people that I'm around
that I love them, but they're always negative, right, They're
always negative? Love them? You're always negative. I have to
(42:53):
limit because I have to choose for me. So I
have to limit my interactions because I choose. My choice
is to be optimistic. My choice is to be positive.
I'm not talking about being delusional, right, I'm grounded in reality,
but I choose to look at Oh I'm stuck in traffic.
(43:15):
Oh my god, this sucks, and it has been me.
I've been really angry when I get home because I've
just been negative. I can't believe this guy cut me off.
What was he thinking? He wasn't pain or I'm like,
oh okay, luckily no one got into an accident. Let
me focus on my music again. I have to make
(43:35):
that choice.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
He just gave me such a beautiful shift of perception, right,
Because sometimes what we see, what we are given, is
not what we perceive and sometimes what we perceive is
not the truth. And it was so interesting right now
what you said about your brain is built to find
(43:59):
problems to solve because the only job of that machine
is to keep you alive. And so it has been
thousands of years looking around for what's the potential for death,
what's the potential for something to go wrong, And so
when you're at piece, it is easy for your brain
to find a problem. But also when you're doing things,
and this is the shift that I just had, is
(44:21):
so when you're launching in your business, when you are
doing something new, when you are about to expand when
you're going to take that next step, and your brain
is telling you all of the ways in which it
could go wrong, it is actually helping you because it
wants that outcome to be positive. It wants the outcome
to be good, and so it's looking at all the
ways you could fail so that you don't, so that
(44:43):
you can have a minimized margin for error, so that
you can maybe find a faulty step that you can say, oh,
I could just fix that right up by doing this.
I could improve that by doing that, And it actually
strengthens your plan versus how I used to think about it,
which is if my mind is showing me differ for
multiple ways that it could fail, it's because it could fail. No,
(45:03):
it's because my mind's job is to find my success
slash survival. And so I can create that shift in
my mind and in my business. And that's just really delicious.
Oh my god, I love I love this shift that
just just happened.
Speaker 3 (45:18):
Yeah. And the way that like that you took in
that information and like what I'm like, Yeah, I love
the way that you just packaged that because I think
it says it all there right, like not to be
scared of it.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yeah, I love that. And so there's I encounter this client.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
I don't know if you encounter this client as well,
but I have a type of client sometimes that comes
to me. Usually it's the client that doesn't completely know
the difference between coaching and consulting, and so they'll come
to me and they'll just be like, well, I don't
want to talk about it, I just want solutions.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Just tell me what to do.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Yes, first thing I tell that client is go high
or a consultant, because I can't help you. It's not
my job, that's not what I do. It's not what
I'm certified and trained in doing. But also I feel like,
I feel like when you just want someone to tell
you what to do, it's kind of like the easy
(46:17):
way out, because I can tell you what I think
you should do, but I don't know, and I'll never know.
Nobody else in the whole world, no matter what your
mama told you, knows you better than you. My mom
spent her whole damn life telling me I know you
better than you know yourself, no, ma'am, And so nobody
knows the true depth of our self doubt, sphears, you know, desires,
(46:40):
whatever it is, our traumas, all the stuff that makes
us the amazing individual, unique human being that we are.
And so when you're going to someone and instead of
wanting to workshop it out for you in a way
that serves you your business, your uniqueness as a person
and as a creator of this business, the service, when
you just want the answer, just tell me what to do.
(47:01):
I feel like that's so freaking lazy, because first of all,
it's not gonna work, because what I think you should
do is not necessarily what you should do because I
am not you. I don't have access to the intricacies
of your being the way that you do. And second
of all, it's like, why don't you want to own it?
Why don't you want to own the decision and the step?
That's not true entrepreneurship. So do you get clients like
(47:22):
that ever?
Speaker 3 (47:22):
Oh, my gosh, absolutely, And of course I get it
right like they they They're like, I don't want to
feel anxious anymore. Yeah, I don't want to be responding
the way that I respond, right, I don't want to
have these trauma responses. Oh absolutely, And I wish I
could take it away from them. And even then, like
a lot of the times, the work that I do
with them and even just for myself, right, like if
(47:46):
we could blame someone, I would be one hundred percent
behind you. Let's blame that person. This is the These
are the difficult conversations that I have to have with people.
We can blame everyone and your mother, their mother, everyone mother,
We could blame them all, but at the end of
the day, it's your responsibility, fair or unfair, because no
(48:09):
one else can make these changes for you. And a
lot of the work that I do is educating clients
on that because I say, like, if you know and
I always challenge them. I'm like, if you can figure
out how to do that, we will take this puppy
on the road. We will sell stadiums. Just include me
in here. If we could just blame someone and your
life changes, let's do it. But it doesn't. So even
(48:34):
if you did have all the answers, even if you
did right in my experience, we all have the answers.
We all know. I've had clients tell me I know
I shouldn't do this, but I can't stop. That's where
you and I come in. It's in the but I
can't stop. And this is where we expand on it.
(48:54):
This is the type of work that we do. I
love that.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
And it's also so powerful because yeah, it's not so
many times we know what we're supposed to do, we
know the steps we're supposed to take. It's in the
reframing the why are we not doing it? That the
work of either a mentor or a therapist or a
coach or you know somebody who's going to help you
to go deeper into that why, that is truly going
(49:20):
to create the transformation that is required for your life's
next elevation.
Speaker 3 (49:24):
And I will say that is only for the courageous.
You cannot do this work and not be courageous. Every
person that sits in front of me, hats off to you.
I am always and I tell them I am always
in awe of their honesty with themselves with me. Right,
(49:46):
It's not with me, it's with themselves.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
I'm just the conduit for them. So courageous to be
picking at those things, opening them up, looking at them,
changing them. There is no one more that I respect
than the clients that I work with. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
So to wrap up, what are three steps, Three simple
but powerful actions that someone listening to or watching this
can take today to start creating a shift for better
mental health, to reflect in a better business.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Step away from the distractions, Step away from your phone,
Step away from your computer. Step away when you're trying
to avoid Step one, just notice it, Notice and ask
yourself what are you trying to avoid? Just that. Step two,
(50:48):
be honest with yourself. Do not lie to yourself, even
if you're not going to make the change, be honest
with it. And I've had people tell me I'm not
going to do this perfect, Just don't lie to yourself
about it. So don't avoid, don't lie to yourself. And
the last one I would say is practice self compassion.
(51:12):
We haven't talked about that here, and maybe for a
future podcast I will throw it out there, but self compassion,
because we can't do this work if then we're going
to be judgmental, if we're going to be judging ourselves
for how we're feeling, We're not gonna start opening up
our suitcases that we are traveling with. So be compassionate
(51:33):
with yourself. That means not beating yourself up, not kicking
yourself in the head when things don't go well. Just
be very graceful with yourself as you're not avoiding and
as you're making the decisions that you're making and not
lying to yourself. Be self compassionate. I love that.
Speaker 1 (51:51):
Thank you so so much for being on the show again.
I feel like every time we talk we never have
enough time to go into all the wonderful things that
we get to talk about.
Speaker 3 (51:59):
Five podcast No, I cannot.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
This is where I do practice boundaries. This is like, Nope,
absolutely not. But I'm excited to have you back and
we will talk about compassion and self compassion because I
feel like we are so good at having compassionate for others,
being compassionate for others and not giving it to ourselves.
So definitely going to have to bring you in here
once again. Lose Martinez, thank you so much for joining
(52:26):
us today. Thank you for listening. I feel like every
time I dive into an episode of the Chats with
GD podcast, I uncover something about myself. I find something
really valuable to bring to our listeners, to our legacy
makers inside the Seizing Happy community. And what I love
the most and the reason I keep doing this podcast
is when I hear from you, when you reach out
(52:46):
and you tell me what did you love?
Speaker 2 (52:48):
What do you want more of?
Speaker 1 (52:49):
What was in a ha moment or an awakening for
you in this process and this interview in this episode.
So find us online at Chats with GG podcast on
Instagram or pse shoot me an email info at Seizinghappy
dot com. It doesn't matter how you find me, as
long as you tell me what did you love about
this episode so that we can do more like this.
Thank you so much for tuning in
You hear me say it all the time that I
believe your business is an extension of you, like my
business is an extension of me. And so what that
means is that everything that's going on in our personal life,
everything that is happening with our mind, with our body,
is going to somehow manifest itself in our business. I'll
give you a few examples. If you're struggling creating and
(00:26):
maintaining boundaries with certain people in your family or maybe
with your friends in your life, nine times out of ten,
that's going to manifest itself in your business. And you're
going to struggle creating boundaries with your clients, you end
up overserving, undercharging, answering calls after work hours, or worse yet,
working after work hours. And so what happens is that
(00:49):
there are so many layers to the beautiful thing that
is you.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
And one of those layers that we.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Sometimes, I almost want to say we almost always don't
pay enough attention to, is our mental health, especially us women,
because we're taught to be strong, We're taught that we
can handle it.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We are taught that we've got to figure it out.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
And I know that a lot of times when boys
are growing up, they say boys don't cry.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
But I don't know about you, but I heard that
shit too. Oh.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
It was like, you got to keep your emotions in check.
You can't show vulnerability, you can't show weakness. You have
to be powerful all the time. It's just a lot
of messages that have been deposited into our minds that
have become a part of who we are, that are
causing a ripple effect in our relationships, in our views
(01:40):
of people, money, things, business men, women, friendships, time, work, everything,
and of course if it is a part of us.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
It is going to reflect in our business.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
And so today we're going to talk about specifically the
layer of our mental health and our trauma and how
that can reflect practically directly on your sales, on your growth,
on your scalability. And so to join me on this
beautiful journey of talking about mental health and how powerful
and important it is, especially for women entrepreneurs, is my dear,
(02:16):
dear friend Louis Martinez. She is the founder of Louise
Martinez Counseling. She's been doing this for nineteen years. We
actually had to redo the math before we started recording.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
She's like seventeen eighteen and nineteen.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
It happens to me too. At this point.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's just like, listen a long time and I know
what I'm talking about period. So Lose is here to
share with us the power and the need for mental
health and for really taking care of it, especially for entrepreneurs.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Louise, welcome.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I'm so glad that you're here. I am so excited
to be here. On the drive over here, I was
getting pumped because I can talk about this. You're gonna
have to cut me off because I can talk about
such health and well beings all day every day. I know.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I think when we first met, because you've been on
the podcast before, and when we first met, I think
justin like our pre interview, we were talking for a
solid hour and then some and then when you were
on the podcast last I think it was one of
the longest podcasts I've done.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Because I love what you do.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I believe in what you do.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I implement what you offer in my own life, and so.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
It's just such a key part of my growth, and
I get so excited to be able to share that
expertise with the Seizing Happy tribe, right like with our
fellow legacy makers out there, and.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
I don't think it's an accident that you embody it,
because you wouldn't be successful without having embodied it.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I want to get into that.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
But before we officially start this episode of the Chats
with GG podcast, I want to ask you, how are
you seizing happy today?
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Ooh, okay. Typically on the drive anywhere, I'm listening to
podcasts or news radio, but today I decided to listen
to music. It's a beautiful day, I'm having a great
hair day. So I said, you know what, I'm going
to do this. So I was listening to my nineties
hip hop and R and B on the drive over here.
(04:12):
And I live pretty far so I had a really nice,
you know music session that just gets you pumped up.
And I'm like, yeah, that's how I'm deciding to spend
this Friday. I love that.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
And it's so interesting, I think, to me, when we
have such simple ways of elevating our mood, our mindset,
what's going on? You have a choice. You know, you
have the choice to say, this drive is long. You
know there's going to be traffic no matter where you're
coming from. It's Miami, yes, and so you have a choice.
Am I going to just complain about this traffic or
(04:43):
am I going to listen to some of my favorite music?
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Nope and jam out. I'd love that for you.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
So how did you end up in this space in
mental health? I feel like there's always something in our
lives that brings us to our calling, or that reminds
us of our calling, awakens the calling within, because I
feel like we're born with this. I feel like we
don't decide what we're going to do for a living.
It was always within us, and then a circumstance has
(05:10):
to occur that awakens it and then we begin that path.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
So what was that for you? It is not an accident,
So I agree with you completely. What I wanted to
do originally, and what I started going to school for
was communications and public relations because I loved speaking to
people right And I was like, yeah, that's what I
want to do. But you know, through circumstances, I ended
up moving here to Miami from California. I ended up
(05:37):
ending a relationship at that time, and I realized that
there were things that I was doing that weren't working
for me. So still in school and I decided to
just take I'd already take an intro to psychology. But
it took you know, the next class over and I
started to piece together some things that I said, huh, okay,
(05:58):
this is what's happening, and this is something's here. And
I took another class and I'm like, oh wait, something
else is here. I was like, oh no, when did
this happen? And it was in that part that it
really taught me new things. I always believed, and I
always say this to my clients. I believed for a
long time, if I think it, it must be true.
(06:20):
I thought that I believed it. If I think it,
of course it's true. It's a lie. It's a lie.
But I didn't know that. And through that process, I realized, way,
hold on, there's more here, and this really speaks to me.
And I started to go through that process for me
(06:41):
personally but also in my education, and it has been
life changing and I can't imagine doing anything else.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Yeah, what would you say is your favorite part of
what you do? Because there are so many layers that
you can uncover, there are so many ways, different ways
that you can help your clients. But there's got to
be one thing that's like the light bulb, like the
oh yes, this.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Is why I do this when clients tell me, I
don't know when this happened, but this has changed, And
I always tell them and I say, I know it's
not magic, because I'm sitting here, I'm watching them change
in front of me. They don't see it, but I
see it. But I always equate it to it's like
magic because they don't realize the little steps that they've
(07:30):
been taking that has led them to this new point.
But I've been watching their journey all along the way,
and there is no better feeling for me to watch that.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, I can see that because there's something very similar
that happens in the coaching space when you're talking to
them and you're talking and you're asking the questions, and
you're asking the questions and then you slowly see it. It
almost happens like in their eyes, something kind of like
shifts in their gaze and you can and you're just like,
all right, what's the next question I got to give
(08:01):
them for them to find that truth within, because that's
the difference between consulting and coaching, is being able to
ask the questions that are going to help the person
find their own answer. And it's very similar I think
with therapy as well, right, would.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
You say, absolutely, people think that I'm giving advice. I
do not give advice. I am not the expert of
their lives. I'm barely the expert of my life, you know,
Like there are days where I'm like, wait, am I
an imposter in my own life? You know, it happens,
I have those days, right, So I don't try to
be the expert of their lives. But it's exactly what
you just said, where I'm helping them figure out, get
(08:39):
rid of things that don't work for them, get rid
of stories that they've been that have been handed down
through the generations, which we'll be talking about in the
minute or two, you know, and help them uncover those
things for themselves, because yeah, they know, they know, we know,
we know deep down inside we know. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
And so what would you say is one of the
biggest misconceptions about mental health as it pertains to entrepreneurship.
What is the biggest misconceptions that women have about mental
health as it pertains to their business.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
I think one of the big things is that we
can't need the help, that we have to do it alone,
that we have to show strength and to show preparedness
that we have to go on this journey by ourselves
and that we don't need anyone else for it. Yeah.
(09:36):
And how does that reflect in business? Oh, ma'am. It
reflects in we don't seek mentorship. We don't we don't
advertise because we're waiting to be successful, to be able
to say this is why I'm proud of this, but
(09:57):
that what we don't realize is that that actually delay
our success. Say more on that. Yeah, because I don't
know everything, and I don't need to know everything because
I'm not going to know everything when I'm starting something
new and then not being able to talk about what
I'm doing and where I want to go because I
(10:19):
need to already have been there to be able to
say it. I'm just I don't even realize that I'm
tripping over the same rock and I don't realize that
actually there's someone that can help me lift that rock
and move it to the side. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
And I can even see it reflect and things like
hiring delegating, Oh yeah, he delegating.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
That one like, oh, I have to do it all.
I have to answer my phones, enter my emails, do
all of like the face forward with clients. I have
to do everything.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
It's that, yeah, And so what would you say when
it comes to I want to go back to I
want to unpack some of what you already said. So
we'll go back a step before we talk about before
we talk about delegating and inside the actual business, where
do you think it is rooted? Where do you think
(11:16):
this concept of I have to have been there, I
have to have already succeeded to be able to celebrate
myself and what I'm doing, to be able to advertise,
where does that even come from?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Oh my gosh. I think for a lot of women,
particularly women, we aren't used to bragging about ourselves. So
we don't want to be too much. We don't want
to be two of anything. We can't be too ambitious.
I can't be shouting out that I want to make
(11:52):
a million dollars in my business, right, because, oh my god,
Like that's so gotty, Like how are you talking money?
How do you talk money in your family systems? Right?
How do you talk about dreams in your family systems?
So we learn along the way to keep it to ourselves.
We learn along the way to not share because we
(12:13):
don't want to be vulnerable. But what we haven't recognized
and what we haven't been taught is that we've been
vulnerable with the wrong people. Right, kind of going back
to like who's in your community who understands this? So
if you tell someone like, hey, I had, you know,
a small win here, it's who celebrate you in a
small win and who says like, yeah, but and we're
(12:36):
always afraid of the yeah. But because you know, entrepreneurship
is scary, you know, And this is why I like
to talk about trauma in this right. And I know
we'll get there, but it's fearful to be an entrepreneur.
We're constantly in a state of fear, right, And it's
not a bad thing because we're wanting to get to
the next level. So I always tell my clients like,
(12:59):
of course you're going to be afraid. You're leaping. You're leaping.
How could you not be afraid to leap? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I love that you said that.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
And I think there's something really curious that I want
to add too, and that is or that I want
to get deeper into with you, and that is you said,
we don't want to be too much. We don't want
to say things like I want to make a million
dollars with my business. However, my bone with that is
that if there are two men in a room and
(13:28):
one of those men, one of those men says I
want to make a million dollars in my business, nobody
would bunch, nobody would have any sort of.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Oh my god, I can't believe. I can't believe he
wants to make that much money?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
What's he going to do with them?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Like? No one would question it, no one would care.
It would be a completely normal conversation. Yeah, men don't
struggle with being too much. On the contrary, they're constantly
trying to lift more, do more, and be more. And
so where is that in women? And I can tell
you my thoughts, but I want to hear yours.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
No, you know, it's in the too much, but it's
never It's always in the two right, because you're either
doing too little or you're being too much. You're wanting
too much. And I can see where we will even
center ourselves of wanting the things that we want, because
then we don't kind of going back to what you
said of you know, if we don't know how to
(14:25):
set boundaries, if we don't know how to say no
to certain things too much and wanting what we want
comes with these obligations that then we don't know how
to say no to.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Why where's the root of that? Where's the root of
women feeling like they need to.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Be because we do it? Because we do it all. Yeah,
because we do it all, but to our detriment? Right
Where the caretakers where the listeners? Where the organizers? I
think I just I was just reading something where I
was talking about and I've seen it in my own family,
right it with my own in laws, where it was
(15:02):
talking about how when the maternal figure who does the
organizing passes away if another woman doesn't pick up the task,
the family kind of like disintegrates. Yeah, and they end
they can't hold the closeness because that's a task. But
it was talking about the mental burden, the emotional burden
(15:25):
that doesn't get seen but lands on women. And I
think when we're talking about this, it's really those things
that end up landing on women that we don't even
we don't even pay attention to because we're so accustomed
to them. Right, it's the mental burden of oh, what
are we going to have for lunch? What are we
going to cook for dinner? It's so common, it's every day,
(15:47):
but three hundred and sixty five days a year, yeah,
plus the leap year plus right, plus how many years? Right,
It's a lot of like these additional burdens that we
have that we don't even recognize when we're going going
back to not even seeing the small winds. We don't
actually even see these small costs. We don't ready too
(16:07):
if we're not seeing small wins, we're not seeing small costs.
But they cost they're there. We feel it in our
bodies and our nervous system. It's there.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
And then you know, to tap back.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
On what you said of showing up and asking for help,
how do we break through that? Because this is one thing,
and and the seeking mentorship part I think is really
important too. I mean, on the selfish side, as a
business and media coach, the first thing is like, of
course I want women to break through this, get more clients,
help more women build their businesses. But it's so much
(16:40):
deeper than that, because mentorship comes in ways that are also.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Not business related.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Mentorship and the ability to seek somebody whom you aspire
to be like, I feel sometimes has a really negative
perception on behalf of the person doing the seeking because
instead of thinking I aspire to be like this person,
it's I am comparing myself against this person and I
(17:07):
am not enough because they have, or are or whatever
more than me. And so how do we create that
How do we alter that perception? Because I'm thinking about it.
Even even with motherhood, I can stop and say, when
when I first became a mom, I knew intuitively there
(17:28):
were a lot of things that I didn't want advice on.
I knew that there were a lot of things that
I was going to do them the way I needed
to do them. Because I am also a significantly older
mom than most. I became a mom at thirty eight,
and so I'm a grown ass woman. I don't need
advice on certain things that I know have to be
a certain way. But there were other parts of motherhood
that I could have used a mentor that I could
(17:50):
have used somebody to come in and lovingly and kindly
said to me, try this, try that this has worked.
This hasn't worked for me. I've heard this word for
a friend. You know, how do we break down that
understanding or that belief erroneous belief. Yes, that asking or
(18:11):
seeking out mentorship means that we are failing somehow, or
that we are less than somehow.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Yeah, I mean it's tied back into how I started
our discussion of just because I'm having the thought does
not mean it's true. And that's tied into so many
of our narratives of what we think that is success,
of what we think that asking for mentorship is, and
that that's a sign of not having it together or
(18:37):
it's almost like we're too embarrassed to ask for it,
or we're too embarrassed to acknowledge that I don't know something.
And that comes from many many places, right, It comes
from our experiences, it comes from our comparisons, it comes
from what we think it's supposed to look like. And
I can't help but notice like it's gotten even worse
(18:57):
because we're seeing people's highlights on social media. Girl, don't
get me started. Those are all highlights. That's great, those
are my highlights. Hey, those are my highlights. Right Because also,
like you said, right, like I'm an older person, you know,
like I'm an old old but like I didn't grow
up with social media, so I'm not putting my horrible
(19:19):
days on the internet because that level of vulnerability is
not I don't need to share that.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
With people, because I don't think anybody needs to share
that with people, But I know I think that, yeah,
I think that there's there's a beauty in being able
to be vulnerable. There's definitely a power and a strength. Absolutely,
hands down, there is power and strength in vulnerability. And
knowing to be vulnerable is not a weakness. But I
(19:45):
think that the key to the safety of vulnerability is
knowing with whom you should be vulnerable and when, because
I feel like if you have the core strength of
sharing something deep and personal and vulnerable to the masses,
so like on social media, for whatever the purpose.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Is, you need to be ready for all of it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
You need to be ready for the best of humanity
to come at you and for the worst of humanity
to come at you. And sometimes the best time to
be vulnerable isn't when you're in the turmoil, but rather
when the scar has healed, and then you can pick
up my scar. But you're not going to get any scabs.
I've already healed, the scab is gone. Can't pick anything
out of my scars, right, So how do we how
(20:34):
do we determine that?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Do you have any advice?
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Because vulnerability is being sold as the most amazing thing
for sales for business, and you know, we focus on
business here, So like, what is your advice on knowing
when and what and where?
Speaker 3 (20:48):
I love this question because I actually want to say, obviously,
I believe in vulnerability. This is what I do. This
is how I try to be with my clients and
have them be with me, you know. But there's a
difference between one and also being genuine, and I think
that sometimes we confuse the two. And in my business,
I want to be genuine. I am being genuine, but
(21:12):
I may not be vulnerable because that's not the space
for it. Well, right, So like there's levels and it's
also you will hear this from me all the time.
It's not in you know, in like it's not a
one or the other. It's not a black or white.
So there's a level of vulnerability. But you're gonna get
more genuine for me in a business setting because that's
(21:32):
the right space for it.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
To find genuine. What is the difference what is vulnerable
and what is genuine? So very similar, so this is
why they get intermixed but different.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Right. So in being vulnerable, it's with people that I trust,
it's with people that are in my circle that I
know I can rely on them to be able to
share whatever I'm going to share. And it doesn't mean
that they don't have opinions, because you're human beings. You're
gonna have opinions. But at the end of the day,
they will support me, and they will hear me, and
(22:04):
they will create that space for me because there's trust.
You can't have vulnerability without trust. They got to go together,
They got to go together. Being genuine is I'm being
genuine to myself. So I'm touched. I'm connected to my values.
I'm connected to how I view the world, how I
want to show up. I'm connected to the space that
(22:26):
I want to take in. That's me being genuine. It's
all so I know me. So that's how I'm showing
up as me. I love that.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I love those two distinctions because they really are able
to break down that showing up as me carries the
things that make me vulnerable, but it doesn't necessarily mean
I have to expose them. Being genuine, from what I
understand as your definition, is being genuine means that I'm
going to carry with me in my person or perhaps not.
(22:59):
I don't want to use the word that sounds exhausting,
but like, I am going to show up in all
of the layers of me, in all of the good,
the bad, the sad, the breaking, the strengthening, the growing,
the heeled, the broken, all of it, and I can
genuinely speak from that space, that that core without giving
(23:20):
you the nitty gritty details of what the broken is,
what the vulnerability is like, what every single fight, argument
or issue or history or trauma.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
You don't have to put all of it out there to.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
The masses who you don't trust, inevitably, right, you don't
have to put it all out there to strangers, but
you can still be genuine Yes, is that that's what
you're saying.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
That's exactly what I'm saying. I love that. I love it.
It works.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
It works.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
You've touched on trauma a few times and how trauma
can impact our lives as specially, but also our businesses
explain trauma.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
So trauma, we understand the concept when we're under threat, right,
So we get that, right, So we get like when
something severe and devastating has happened to us or to someone, Yes,
that's a traumatic event. But trauma is also viewed because
we're talking about the body, right, I'm talking about the body.
So this is where I do have to do a
(24:25):
lot of education for clients where trauma is also the
experience of having a stressor that has overwhelmed us, and
it's overwhelmed us for too much, too soon, too much,
too long, or not enough for too long. And this
is how this is our body. This is our body.
(24:48):
Is this well oiled machine. Our nervous system is this
well oiled machine. It we are here. We are descendants
of people who responded to the nervous system and at
the wrestling of leaves in the background, booked it and
they're like gotta go running rather than like, well let
me see what's behind there, they got eaten and chump, chump. Yeah,
(25:12):
so you know, so we are not descendants of them.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, where in our evolution and in our awareness today
do we need to remind our nervous system that the
rustling of the leaves no longer means we are going
to get eaten? I know, because this is the part
(25:35):
right here, and I am speaking the metaphorical rustling of
the leaves.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Of course, if you hear leaves, please do book it.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
If something behind you is bussing and fidgeting and whatever.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Run, Yes, but the metaphorical right, like.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
With this machine, this ancient perfect machine, descendants of the
people who knew to run when there was a rustling
of the leaves behind them, with the machine that now
feels like those unknowns, the rustling of the leaves, the
metaphorical rustling of the leaves can be something as simple
as an unknown space.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
The leaves rustle.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
You don't know if it's a cute little deer or
if it's the saber truth right, and so you don't
know what's on the other side of launching a business.
You don't know what's on the other side of your
two weeks. Notice, your nervous system responds to that as
the rustling of the leaves regardless, and wants to either
fight or flight or freeze. And so what is the
thing that we need to do to remind our nervous
(26:33):
system like, hey, unknown things are not always or necessarily dangerous.
How do we tell a nervous system that was trained
when it hears a rustling to leave, it is the
thing that has brought us here to be. Our ancestors
survived because.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
They booked it.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Like you said, how do we teach our nervous system
now that not all rustling of.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Leaves is bad? Yes? Oh my gosh, I mean this
is this is like a twenty part series but in
a nutshell, right, So we do have this. It's what
you said. We have to teach ourselves. We have to
learn this. This is not something automatic. And this is
(27:17):
where mentorship, This is where therapy, this is where coaching,
This is where these spaces can help us. Because I
only know what I know. So if I only know
that that's a threat, I don't have more information coming
in telling me differently. So I need community. I need
a safe space. I need to be able to create
(27:37):
that so I can start to add those the parts
and the mechanisms to be able to get me to
pause and say, wait, hold on, is that a threat?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (27:49):
No? Right? Is that email a threat? No? It's uncomfortable,
But is it a threat? No?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
I recently had a coaching session with a client and
she is at a moment of expansion, like her business
is just booming, and she is so dedicated and she
is so good to take action and to take action
quickly that she'll do like one little thing that we
come across and like it'll just her business into like
(28:20):
more income more like just like this, you know, because
we've been working for a long time now, slowly building
up the momentum, and so, you know, and so in
this recent session with this client, we were talking about hiring,
we were talking about expanding, and she was like, you know,
it's just I feel this pressure in my chest every
time I think about hiring new people.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
And I was like, Okay, why do you feel the pressure?
What does the pressure mean?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
And she's like, well, I feel the pressure because you know,
I just I want to make sure that I'm hiring
the right people. I want to make sure that when
they come in, I'm going to train them in the
best way. And I want to have a culture in
my business that's going to make everybody feel cohesive and
want to be there and excited to work. I want
to hire somebody who's passionate, and I want to make
(29:05):
sure that I'm leading them, like not just leading them.
I need to be able to like hold them and
like support them. And just I don't know if I'm
going to be a good leader. And so I'm hearing it,
I'm like, okay, I'm listening, and all I hear is
you want to do good by your team. You want
to prepare your team, You want to hire the right people.
You want to look into the best way to make
(29:25):
sure that they thrive in your business, so that your
clients are doing okay, so that they feel good about
what they're doing. How is this pressure bad? This pressure
is a reminder of what a freaking badass you are
and her bad everything you're doing. And so what are
some ways in which we can distinguish that sometimes the
(29:49):
fear is good, Yes, that sometimes the pressure is good.
That sometimes the self doubt is good. Yes, self doubt
is I love what I'm doubting myself because it means
two things. Yeah, it means that I am stepping into
a space of bigness. I'm having to fill bigger shoes,
(30:12):
or else I would just be super confidable confident because
this is what I've already.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
Been doing right.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Yes, And it means that I care to deliver to
my maximum most phenomenal capacity, which means by association, that
I value the people that are going to receive that,
whether it's a client or an audience or a listener
of this podcast, whatever. So I can frame that because
I've been doing this work for a long time. You
(30:36):
as a therapist, what resource can you give us? How
can we find a way to say the fear is good,
the pressure in the truest is good, the self doubt
is good. How do we create that shift?
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Yeah, and it really is creating a shift, and it's
creating a shift in the way that we're thinking about things.
So one of the things that I that I tell
all of my clients, right, like I said, I thought, oh,
I'm thinking this, this must be right. I always tell them,
get it out of your head and let's get it
into real life. Because in our heads it's not real life.
(31:10):
It's not anymore about that. It's just our story. But
we actually haven't tried it. We haven't don't, we haven't
gathered any evidence, right, So we have to get it
out of our heads. And one of the ways that
we get it out of our heads, there's multiple ways.
So depending on the way that you that resonates for you,
talking it out loud to someone is one of the ways. Well, first,
(31:33):
let me back up a little bit. Let's slow it down.
When you notice that pressure in your chest, don't push
through it. Don't push through it. When you notice the
sensation in your stomach, the tension, the pressure. Stop pushing
through it because we just ignore it, so then we're
(31:54):
not reflecting on it, and then that makes it feel
like it's bad. Because when I have a stomach ache,
I'm like, that's not good. But if I don't, but
if I'm on a roller coaster and I feel those
sensations in my stomach, I'm not scared. Like I'm scared,
but in a good way. Right. So it's the way
(32:15):
that we think about things. But when we're pushing through it,
we're like, well, this is bad, so I can't think
about it. Well, we're just setting ourselves up with oh,
this is bad, so I can't think about it and
just have to push through. So we're continuously like adding
to that narrative that it's a bad thing. So let's
face our fear, because every time we avoid it, we're
(32:36):
saying to ourselves, Oh, this is dangerous, don't look here.
So let's face it. Let's face our fear. Let's face
that pressure, let's face that tension in our chest, Let's
face that. So let's low it down, let's notice it.
Then let's get it out into the real world. So
that may mean I have to write it out so
(33:00):
like I always have to like put pen to paper
exactly unfiltered, unfiltered, unfiltered, because this is only for me
what I'm thinking, and I have to write it down.
And my clients know this, right, And my next step
is then I will talk it out loud to myself,
so I will say, so this is the key. I
(33:20):
will actually take a step back. I will take a
physical step back. So I will stand up and say, okay,
hold on, let me take a look at this. And
I will take a step back, and then I will
say the story that I am telling myself is and
I go all the way, all the way. I don't
stop because a lot of times it's almost like we're
(33:42):
on a roller coaster and we'll get stopped. Well, like,
well stop the roller coaster. No, that's not how life is.
So I have to work it out. I have to see,
like what am I actually scared of? What is the
because I need to see it. Okay, I can't change
it if I don't see it. Just so you know,
and my clients all know this. My fear is in
I'm going to be destitute, I'm going to be homeless,
(34:05):
and it's going to be me, my husband, and my
two dogs that were good. Like that's where it leads me, right,
And then I go back and I start looking at it,
and I start analyzing, like, Okay, is this reality? Is
this based on reality? And I start pointing out like, well,
(34:28):
when I'm here, if that were to happen, I have
like three or four options, okay, and then here if
that were to happen before that happened, oh this other
stuff would I start bringing it into reality. So I
start looking at it and then I start then changing
the story of Okay, well what does this then mean
for me? Oh so I'm scared, Okay, but I'm not
(34:52):
scared of being scared. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
I think giving it a tangible perception is so important because,
like you, I also have those.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
What's the word I want to use.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
It's like these big absurd truths that are not true
at all. Yeah, it's absurd, right, like everything's And I
am willing to bet that right now, there's somebody listening
who when you said yeah, Because in the end, what's
gonna happen is I'm just gonna be homeless, living out
of a car and everyone's gonna die. Yeah, Yeah, yeah,
we yeah, same, Hi, I'm gg I've been there. I
(35:31):
think that too sometimes where it's like but what if,
and then it always ends in like.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
These worst case scenarios.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
That are just like absurd and if you would let
it linger in your mind, if you let it, if
you let it maintain, if you let it keep the stage,
if you let it stay on center stage, the fear
the absurd ultimate because in the end, what's gonna happen
is everything is just gonna be destroyed and I'm gonna
(35:59):
lose every and we're gonna lose the house, and we're
dude for it to get there, there are so many,
so many other things that need to happen. There are
so many other points in life that you're going to
touch upon. There are so many flags, warning signs, people
who are gonna be like, hey, that doesn't that doesn't
sound right, this doesn't look like you, this kind of bit,
(36:21):
I've seen you do that before. And it's there's so
many things are gonna happen before it becomes that big
absurd truth.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
But you're right, if.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
We don't stop and say what am I actually feeling here?
Speaker 3 (36:32):
What is it? What is it?
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Then really thinking about if we don't stop and flesh
that out somehow, whether it's writing or talking it out.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, it can consume us.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Oh, it's all consuming. I mean, this is what the
repetitive thoughts are. Yeah, right, like these intrusive thoughts that
are on repeat, and every time then that you're going
to go do something, you're feeling it in the body.
These thoughts are there, whether you even recognize them. I
cannot tell you how often, and you know who you
are people, how often I will say, so, oh, you're
(37:06):
feeling this, So tell me what were you thinking about? Everyone?
I wasn't thinking about anything. I had no thoughts in
my head. Yes, yes, people tell me this every day
every day. I wasn't thinking about anything. But as we
continue to have these conversations, right, I like to point
it out to them. I'm like, oh, it sounded like
you were saying this is this and that in your thoughts.
(37:28):
It sounded like this was a story that you had.
And they're like oh yeah. I'm like, it runs in
the background. So if we don't bring it into real life,
if we don't know ourselves, like I know where my
thoughts go. Like, oh, and that's the other thing that
it's always the same repeat of thoughts. They have like
a different like, it's the same theme. They they look
a little bit different, but it's the same. It's the same. Right,
(37:49):
So I know where my thoughts go. Right, So I
now know because I'm aware of them. I'm like, oh okay,
I'm like, ugh, I'm over generalizing again. Oh okay, I'm
catastrophe advising, my favorite Oh mind reading. Oh I think
I know what that person's saying about me. But I
had a great mind reader, because otherwise we would.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Have won the lotto, we would have passed all of
our tests in school.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
What should have good?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
It?
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Right?
Speaker 2 (38:17):
What is?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
And now this is just me being super selfish right now,
because I have the mic and it's my show.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
This is for me.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Why do we catastrophize?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Dude?
Speaker 2 (38:28):
I swear if there was an award for.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Catastrophizing, I would win, you would I would because I
have And I think you heard me say this before
we started recording, Like, I have this healthy obsession with
really removing or at least very largely decreasing margins for error. Yes,
so I often think what could go wrong so that
(38:53):
I can minimize those margins? Right, So, what could go
wrong is to use this as an example something my
not record. We have backup sounds, we have backup video, right,
so to use you know what could go wrong, so
I you minimize, right, the margin for what could go wrong. Yes,
but there's a difference between that healthy mindset that I
have of like minimizing the margin for error and the catastrophizing.
(39:16):
And it happens at the most unexpected moments, for no
reason whatsoever, where I can be somewhere and I'll like
look at like right now, I can so it just
happened right now. We're like I'll sit here and it's
like this floor can give out and it could just
fall and we'll fucking die on camera.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Like what is what is wrong with me? Is that me?
Speaker 3 (39:33):
Is that like a DG problem?
Speaker 1 (39:34):
Because or like I'll be driving and then there's like
no traffic, everything is smooth, and I'll just look up
and it's like and a plane could fall right here.
Speaker 3 (39:45):
It's happened before it could.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
It's not like you know, or it's these and they're
so random, Like.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I
do that? What is the root of that? I know
I can't be the only police to somebody write me
on Instagram.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
It's on me.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
I am not the old only person who sometimes has
these thoughts.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
You are not the only person. I have my own
thoughts that I will quickly like do a scan and
I'm like could jump off this second floor and i
would be okay, Like if if there were an emergency,
I'm like I could do this again. Our bodies were
geared for survival. Thank you for having these types of thoughts.
We are geared for survival. This is our brain works
(40:26):
to survive. So it's looking for problems to make sure
that we survive. It's its only function. We are right,
like we are taking in this really old machine and
trying to put like AI on it, right, Like this
really old computer and we're trying to like start using
AI applications on it. Right, So it's not so we're
(40:49):
always like shocked, like well, I must be thinking about
this for a reason, because it must be true. No,
this is how we're geared. Our ancestors were geared to
look for like what that little like wait, that leaf
is out of sorts. That might have meant that like
something was passing through here. Let me So, of course
(41:09):
we're always gonna look for the negative. So we just
have to recognize that that we're always looking for, like
the worst case scenario for survival because our brain is
doing its job. Thank you brain for doing your job.
But I have to I identify it and then I
have to move on because it did its job. No
threat here, Let me move on. And this is why
(41:32):
we also have a hard time then of thinking about
our positives right, thinking about our small winds, because our
brain is just naturally geared towards looking at like worst
case scenario, doom and gloom. How am I gonna die today?
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Right?
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Like isn't there a book like a thousand and one
Way to die? Like? Oho? Rights? Shit? Like yeah, so
someone did and they even had like a show about it. Right, So,
like these things happen, our brain is geared to look
for that just because we're thinking that way. It is
not the boss of us. It is not the boss
of us. We can also say, okay, I've looked at it,
(42:10):
no threat here for now. When there is a threat,
I will respond what is going well in my day today?
I can shift. And that's the thing we can shift.
We can shift the way we think. We can shift
what we pay attention to. We can shift what type
(42:30):
of energy we bring in. We can shift just because
we're thinking it or around it doesn't mean that we
have to be stuck there. So it's how do I
then choose to shift? And I choose to shift. And
I will tell you I have people that I'm around
that I love them, but they're always negative, right, They're
always negative? Love them? You're always negative. I have to
(42:53):
limit because I have to choose for me. So I
have to limit my interactions because I choose. My choice
is to be optimistic. My choice is to be positive.
I'm not talking about being delusional, right, I'm grounded in reality,
but I choose to look at Oh I'm stuck in traffic.
(43:15):
Oh my god, this sucks, and it has been me.
I've been really angry when I get home because I've
just been negative. I can't believe this guy cut me off.
What was he thinking? He wasn't pain or I'm like,
oh okay, luckily no one got into an accident. Let
me focus on my music again. I have to make
(43:35):
that choice.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
He just gave me such a beautiful shift of perception, right,
Because sometimes what we see, what we are given, is
not what we perceive and sometimes what we perceive is
not the truth. And it was so interesting right now
what you said about your brain is built to find
(43:59):
problems to solve because the only job of that machine
is to keep you alive. And so it has been
thousands of years looking around for what's the potential for death,
what's the potential for something to go wrong, And so
when you're at piece, it is easy for your brain
to find a problem. But also when you're doing things,
and this is the shift that I just had, is
(44:21):
so when you're launching in your business, when you are
doing something new, when you are about to expand when
you're going to take that next step, and your brain
is telling you all of the ways in which it
could go wrong, it is actually helping you because it
wants that outcome to be positive. It wants the outcome
to be good, and so it's looking at all the
ways you could fail so that you don't, so that
(44:43):
you can have a minimized margin for error, so that
you can maybe find a faulty step that you can say, oh,
I could just fix that right up by doing this.
I could improve that by doing that, And it actually
strengthens your plan versus how I used to think about it,
which is if my mind is showing me differ for
multiple ways that it could fail, it's because it could fail. No,
(45:03):
it's because my mind's job is to find my success
slash survival. And so I can create that shift in
my mind and in my business. And that's just really delicious.
Oh my god, I love I love this shift that
just just happened.
Speaker 3 (45:18):
Yeah. And the way that like that you took in
that information and like what I'm like, Yeah, I love
the way that you just packaged that because I think
it says it all there right, like not to be
scared of it.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yeah, I love that. And so there's I encounter this client.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
I don't know if you encounter this client as well,
but I have a type of client sometimes that comes
to me. Usually it's the client that doesn't completely know
the difference between coaching and consulting, and so they'll come
to me and they'll just be like, well, I don't
want to talk about it, I just want solutions.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Just tell me what to do.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
Yes, first thing I tell that client is go high
or a consultant, because I can't help you. It's not
my job, that's not what I do. It's not what
I'm certified and trained in doing. But also I feel like,
I feel like when you just want someone to tell
you what to do, it's kind of like the easy
(46:17):
way out, because I can tell you what I think
you should do, but I don't know, and I'll never know.
Nobody else in the whole world, no matter what your
mama told you, knows you better than you. My mom
spent her whole damn life telling me I know you
better than you know yourself, no, ma'am, And so nobody
knows the true depth of our self doubt, sphears, you know, desires,
(46:40):
whatever it is, our traumas, all the stuff that makes
us the amazing individual, unique human being that we are.
And so when you're going to someone and instead of
wanting to workshop it out for you in a way
that serves you your business, your uniqueness as a person
and as a creator of this business, the service, when
you just want the answer, just tell me what to do.
(47:01):
I feel like that's so freaking lazy, because first of all,
it's not gonna work, because what I think you should
do is not necessarily what you should do because I
am not you. I don't have access to the intricacies
of your being the way that you do. And second
of all, it's like, why don't you want to own it?
Why don't you want to own the decision and the step?
That's not true entrepreneurship. So do you get clients like
(47:22):
that ever?
Speaker 3 (47:22):
Oh, my gosh, absolutely, And of course I get it
right like they they They're like, I don't want to
feel anxious anymore. Yeah, I don't want to be responding
the way that I respond, right, I don't want to
have these trauma responses. Oh absolutely, And I wish I
could take it away from them. And even then, like
a lot of the times, the work that I do
with them and even just for myself, right, like if
(47:46):
we could blame someone, I would be one hundred percent
behind you. Let's blame that person. This is the These
are the difficult conversations that I have to have with people.
We can blame everyone and your mother, their mother, everyone mother,
We could blame them all, but at the end of
the day, it's your responsibility, fair or unfair, because no
(48:09):
one else can make these changes for you. And a
lot of the work that I do is educating clients
on that because I say, like, if you know and
I always challenge them. I'm like, if you can figure
out how to do that, we will take this puppy
on the road. We will sell stadiums. Just include me
in here. If we could just blame someone and your
life changes, let's do it. But it doesn't. So even
(48:34):
if you did have all the answers, even if you
did right in my experience, we all have the answers.
We all know. I've had clients tell me I know
I shouldn't do this, but I can't stop. That's where
you and I come in. It's in the but I
can't stop. And this is where we expand on it.
(48:54):
This is the type of work that we do. I
love that.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
And it's also so powerful because yeah, it's not so
many times we know what we're supposed to do, we
know the steps we're supposed to take. It's in the
reframing the why are we not doing it? That the
work of either a mentor or a therapist or a
coach or you know somebody who's going to help you
to go deeper into that why, that is truly going
(49:20):
to create the transformation that is required for your life's
next elevation.
Speaker 3 (49:24):
And I will say that is only for the courageous.
You cannot do this work and not be courageous. Every
person that sits in front of me, hats off to you.
I am always and I tell them I am always
in awe of their honesty with themselves with me. Right,
(49:46):
It's not with me, it's with themselves.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
I'm just the conduit for them. So courageous to be
picking at those things, opening them up, looking at them,
changing them. There is no one more that I respect
than the clients that I work with. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
So to wrap up, what are three steps, Three simple
but powerful actions that someone listening to or watching this
can take today to start creating a shift for better
mental health, to reflect in a better business.
Speaker 3 (50:28):
Step away from the distractions, Step away from your phone,
Step away from your computer. Step away when you're trying
to avoid Step one, just notice it, Notice and ask
yourself what are you trying to avoid? Just that. Step two,
(50:48):
be honest with yourself. Do not lie to yourself, even
if you're not going to make the change, be honest
with it. And I've had people tell me I'm not
going to do this perfect, Just don't lie to yourself
about it. So don't avoid, don't lie to yourself. And
the last one I would say is practice self compassion.
(51:12):
We haven't talked about that here, and maybe for a
future podcast I will throw it out there, but self compassion,
because we can't do this work if then we're going
to be judgmental, if we're going to be judging ourselves
for how we're feeling, We're not gonna start opening up
our suitcases that we are traveling with. So be compassionate
(51:33):
with yourself. That means not beating yourself up, not kicking
yourself in the head when things don't go well. Just
be very graceful with yourself as you're not avoiding and
as you're making the decisions that you're making and not
lying to yourself. Be self compassionate. I love that.
Speaker 1 (51:51):
Thank you so so much for being on the show again.
I feel like every time we talk we never have
enough time to go into all the wonderful things that
we get to talk about.
Speaker 3 (51:59):
Five podcast No, I cannot.
Speaker 1 (52:04):
This is where I do practice boundaries. This is like, Nope,
absolutely not. But I'm excited to have you back and
we will talk about compassion and self compassion because I
feel like we are so good at having compassionate for others,
being compassionate for others and not giving it to ourselves.
So definitely going to have to bring you in here
once again. Lose Martinez, thank you so much for joining
(52:26):
us today. Thank you for listening. I feel like every
time I dive into an episode of the Chats with
GD podcast, I uncover something about myself. I find something
really valuable to bring to our listeners, to our legacy
makers inside the Seizing Happy community. And what I love
the most and the reason I keep doing this podcast
is when I hear from you, when you reach out
(52:46):
and you tell me what did you love?
Speaker 2 (52:48):
What do you want more of?
Speaker 1 (52:49):
What was in a ha moment or an awakening for
you in this process and this interview in this episode.
So find us online at Chats with GG podcast on
Instagram or pse shoot me an email info at Seizinghappy
dot com. It doesn't matter how you find me, as
long as you tell me what did you love about
this episode so that we can do more like this.
Thank you so much for tuning in
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