April 28, 2025 • 41 mins
Divorce and homeownership can be an emotional and overwhelming process, especially when life transitions force big financial decisions. In this episode of Demystifying Money, Amy Slate, founder of The Breakup Broker, shares practical and emotional guidance for anyone navigating heartbreak and real estate.Key topics covered:
Website: thebreakupbroker.com
Instagram: TheAmySlate
LinkedIn: Amy Slate
Facebook: TheAmySlate
Where to find Misty
Websites:
Instagram: @mistylynchcfp
- The three essential “buckets” to consider when deciding what to do with the family home after a breakup: finances, logistics, and emotions
- Common mistakes people make during separations—like rushing decisions or relying solely on trust
- How to manage the emotional attachment to a home, especially when kids are involved
- The importance of seeking professional advice, from real estate agents to divorce financial advocates
- Actionable budgeting tips and steps to regain control of your finances after a major life change
Website: thebreakupbroker.com
Instagram: TheAmySlate
LinkedIn: Amy Slate
Facebook: TheAmySlate
Where to find Misty
Websites:
Instagram: @mistylynchcfp
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Demistifying Money podcast, where each week you
will hear unforgettable conversations with expert guests about success, money, business,
and small steps you can take to elevate your life
and wealth. Now here's your host, Misty Lynch.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hi, everyone, thanks so much for joining me for this
episode of Demistifying Money. Today, we're going to talk about heartbreak.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
And home ownership. So I am joined by my friend
Amy Slate.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
She is the founder of the Breakup Broker, and she's
a real estate professional, and we're going to talk about
the things that people can do if they are experienced
a separation or divorce because a lot of times real
estate is a big piece of the financial picture. So
we're going to talk today about some of the tips
that she has for people who are going through this.
Also some other financial tips, as somebody who is very
(00:48):
in control of her personal finances likes to look at
these things and has some budgeting tips for people who
might either be unfamiliar maybe feeling a little insecure about
their budgeting how they can start to take control of
that as they enter a new phase in their life.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
So Amy, thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
Bett thanks for having me.
Speaker 5 (01:06):
This episode of Demystifying Money with Misty Lynch is proudly
sponsored by Soundview Financial Advisors. Visit www dot Soundview financial
Advisors dot com to learn more.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
So, Amy, what led you to want to go down
this path of working with people who are who are
going through divorce? And you know, how do you think
it's a little different, you know than other real estate
professionals who maybe do like to look at this this
market because there's change and potential potential deals to be had.
(01:42):
But what does this mean to you?
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Sure? And yes, I think divorce, life, transition, death, all
these things are opportunities for realestate agents to get listings.
And so we all are heads on us. We're all
looking for opportunity, right, And that's great and no knock
to like all my colleagues. But I I truly feel
like to work in the divorce real estate space. It's
(02:04):
got to be near and dear to your heart. And
I am super transparent and authentic. So get ready because
year it all comes. March of last year, twenty twenty four,
I was surprised with the divorce. I was living in
Florida at the time, and I said, holy crap, took
some time to like let the fog clear and the
dust settled and all those phrases. Packed up my life,
(02:25):
moved back to Massachusetts and said, Okay, I need to
rebuild my business because I was a real estate agent
kind of going between Florida and Massachusetts. But I need
to double down. I'm the only paycheck. I'm paying all
my bills, Like what is this going to look like?
At the same time, I'm in divorce support groups and
divorce Facebook groups, and I was working with a certified
divorce financial advocate and all these people all in the
(02:48):
doorce space and the theme of so many women particularly
who were like do I keep the house, do I
sell the house? What's it worth? I don't know? What
are all my options? And just so many questions around
real estate. And I could feel the stress and the
weight of that decision making like oozing from their pores.
And as someone who was going through it also working
(03:09):
on liquidating a bunch of you know, investment properties and
buying out the family home and all these things, I
was like, I do this for a living and I'm
still stressed, you know, juggling divorce and real estate stuff.
I can only imagine what it's like for all these
women going through this, and it was like an epiphany
one day. I was like, I'm here to support them,
like I know what they're going through. I know the
(03:32):
actual like practical business end of things, but also the
emotional piece, which plays such a huge role in any
real estate transaction, but particularly a divorce related one.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
And I think that it's really important, especially as we
work with professionals, you know, I think you know, there's
a lot of there's a lot of people who'd like
to find their little their target market or their niche
and say like this is what I do. And sometimes
you know, there's been a lot of experiences a financial
planner where people were like, oh, this is focus on divorce,
focus on and widows because there's one hundred percent of
the money you're divorced here, and so some of it
(04:05):
has to it has to feel authentic for you to
really feel like this is like complete alignment with what
you should be doing, the people you should be serving,
the people you should help, Just like I always seem
to like I work with a lot of clients, but
I always seem to come back to like small business
owners or people with irregular because like I just get
that I get them. I was, you know, like all
of those feelings. And so for you not to say
(04:26):
this is messy, this is harder to say there is
a need that there is. There are a lot of confused, upsets,
stressed out, scared people that you can go help. I
think it's really really important, you know, because I feel
like people can tell when you're authentic, they can tell
when you actually are that you can empathize with them,
(04:47):
and so I think that's really you know, I think
that's where a lot of great businesses are kind of built,
when there is that that gap where we're not exactly
sure who the right person is or what their best
interests are. So I'm happy that you're doing that, but
i'd love to hear because I know financially, this is
a massive concern for people going through a divorce, and
(05:09):
usually the family home. It's not just practical, this isn't
a this is a very emotional property. And also interest
rates have made it very difficult for people to just
go find an affordable home at a great when they
when they've maybe locked in a three percent mortgage with
their ex and what what are some of the things
(05:31):
that you see from a real estate perspective that that
people really need to look at maybe a little bit
differently than just you know, what they want to happen.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Sure, you know, I think there are kind of three
big buckets. The first is the money piece, like what
does that look like, the value of the home, how
much equity is in it, the interest rate that you're at,
who can afford to buy or sell, you know, buy
the other one out, or doesn't like all just the
actually dollars and cents of it. Right. Then there's the logistics.
(06:04):
Do you have kids in a school in that district
and you need to stay in that town or city
to keep those kids in those schools? Or is that
super convenient to your work and if you had to move,
you know, miles and miles away, that's gonna make your
work life really difficult or your spouse's work life really difficult.
And then the third bucket, which I don't know that
all realty agents are so well versed in, is the
(06:26):
actual emotional piece. Like I've had some tough conversations with
women about like, I know you love your home, but
like from a practicality standpoint, you don't have kids in
school and you can't afford to keep it. And I
know you've built memories and you've like marked the kids
heights on the doorframes. Like I get all that, but
let's just step back and talk about some practical, practical
stuff and how we can not dismiss those emotions because
(06:49):
they are there and they are on fire, but like
manage them and address them and process them. I'm not
a therapist, I'm not a divorced coach, but like I've
been through it. I've processed the grief, process the the
unknown and like all these things, and I can like
talk you through it and we can get to the
other side. So I think really looking at those three
buckets and then saying, Okay, with all that information gathered,
(07:14):
what are the options.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I think there are those different and you can't really
you can't ignore any of them because it might you know,
you might say, okay, but you know, I just all right,
find another place to live right here, right next to
the trade or right right next to your par or
the school districts where you maybe you can't right, maybe
it's not there, or it's going to cost a lot
of money to try to do that. But I do
(07:37):
think that it's important to look at all of those
things and kind of from a different lens, you know,
just you know, it is hard when you're like kind
of reading a label from inside the bottle, when you're
it's you and your brain and your feelings. But to
have somebody like you to help, yeah, to say these
are the things we have to think about and where
you know, we can't maybe get one hundred percent of
(07:59):
each them perfect, but we can figure.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Out what that new that new thing will be.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So we kind of talked a little bit about one
of the buckets being emotional. What are the emotional biggest
hurdles that you're seeing when people are making real estate
decisions after this breakoup.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
It's ninety nine percent of the time related to kids.
I think couples with no children involved, like there are memories,
but like you can pack those in a box and
take them with you, right, Like there's different than like
I remember my kids playing in the backyard on the
swing set, Like those are much more like gut wrenching,
heartfelt emotions when there are children involved. And for so
(08:34):
many again I speak mostly to women, it's not wanting
to upset their kids anymore than they already feel like
they are. They're already like tearing apart their parents and
somebody's not gonna be living in the home, or nobody's
living in the home, and like changing all that environment
for that kid is really where it comes into a
lot of the stress. And you know, it's I know
(08:57):
plenty of to horse, couples, clients and just friends and family,
and there is a light of the end of the tunnel.
There is a way to get past it. And it's
about building new memories, right. I mean, let's pretend you're
not getting a divorce. You just decided, like this house
is too small, we're moving to a new house. You're
still you don't leave those memories behind. It's almost me
a little bit easier, but you're still going to do it. It's
(09:18):
just that this was a choice forced upon you, as
opposed to a choice you made. And so getting around
that mindset of like this is happening to me, for me,
around me, with me, you know, whatever adjective is you
want to use, and really thinking about, Okay, that's that's
a chapter. What's my next chapter going to look like?
And how do I make it just as amazing for
(09:39):
my kids? If that's the case, or for myself if
I don't have kids.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yeah, the children.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I think that is such an important point because you're right,
families do move because they you know, changed it. We
moved because we you know, we needed you know, my
dad's business changed. When I was saying, and I mean, no,
moving is a very emotional and stressful part of your life.
But I'm I mean, I think sometimes people forget how.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Resilient kids can be.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, And so also trying to minimize anybody's emotions, Like,
we can't in general control how people feel.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Period. We'd like to think we can, and we'd like.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
To really really try, but sometimes you know, when it
is when it is a matter of trying to figure
out big financial decisions and emotional ones, like there is
there is a risk and reward for everything. If you
try to stay in the family home to preserve memories
but you can't afford it, then you might either have
to work longer, you might have to sacrifice, you might
not do the vacations, you might not be able to
(10:34):
do the things that you want to do for your
kids because you financially can't afford it anymore. We have
to look at both sides. You have to look both
sides of those things. It can be very difficult, but
I think it's it's really important to kind of, you know,
kind of work through that with clients to see, Okay,
what is the worst case scenario here, and you know,
how can we try to how can we try to
(10:55):
make a good life. That now doesn't mean we're going
to eventually our kids are going to be financial responsible
for us because we've never saved anything.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Oh yeah, that huge.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
And another kind of not popular in the real estate
agent world is like sometimes it's okay to go rent
an apartment. Yeah, you know, and I get paid when
someone buys herselves a home. But the fact that I'm
giving advice, like based on your situation and what I
know of everything happening, like I think you should go
rent for a year. I don't make anything off that,
(11:25):
but I, like, I believe in doing what is best
for them, and if that's getting an apartment and getting
your life back together and then figuring out your next move,
then that's what we're gonna recommend. It's not always like
sell this big monstrosity and go buy a new little
cape down the street. So I get two commissions, like
it's not that it's really what is best for that
client in that point in their life.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yeah, no, And I think that's something you know.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
For for me as like as a certified financial planner,
we're a producier. We have to make decisions are the
best interest to the client. Sometimes the client could be
sitting on like a pile of money that could be invested,
which would make money for me in the firm. But
also sometimes the right thing is for that person to
have a big, heavy savings account ready to go because
there's job insecurity, divorce, all these things. And so I
think it is important that you're looking at it from
(12:08):
that perspective because there could be there could be some
alternatives that maybe we haven't thought of, like renting.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Maybe you could see how.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
You feel about this location before you actually buy here,
or maybe it means that you have a lot nicer
place in the town or the location you want without
having to wait for the perfect time to buy or
buying at the top of your budget or the market.
So looking at everything and thinking about okay, maybe it's
maybe you liked being a homeowner. Doesn't mean you won't
(12:37):
be ever again, but maybe it's a matter of waiting
for the right places and things like that, because it's harder.
Some people think you just buy a property and then
you sell it and you make a profit, and I
feel like that can be you know, home ownership can
be very expensive, especially if you're going to be honing
a home by yourself and maybe you don't maybe you'd
(12:58):
have to pay a lot for maintenance or things that
you weren't doing for the whole.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I have a widow who talk to you today, and
she was linking about her budget and she was thinking
about yard work and snow removal. Yeah, we've got to
add in some money for here, because this is something
that we have to do. So I like that you're
thinking about that. And I think that it's important to
not always think about like your best interests, think about
our client's best interests. And I think that usually that
(13:24):
ends up becoming you know, usually we find some comment
because eventually we can, you know, figure out what's right.
But it's so important I want to quit then, I know,
from my perspective, but from yours. When somebody's newly separated,
how do they begin to kind of separate or assess
the assets, like what they could sell what they what
they should be doing, and what they should look at,
(13:46):
especially if this isn't.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Necessarily their their part of the relationship.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Yeah, you know, it's I always trust the professionals, right
I am. I am savvy and smart, and I was
my part of the relationship, and there still were so
many parts and pieces that I was like, what is happening?
So in theory, I always recommend like getting a just
quality attorney who can walk you through and help you
understand your assets and depending on your financial picture, like
(14:16):
there's these I have want a certified divorce financial advocate
whose job is really to like drill down on the
assets and the equitable distribution and you know, are there
stock options and RSUs involved in all these things that
I can google and chat YOUBT all day long, but
at the end of the day, it's not what I
do for a living. And so really bringing a professional
that can help you on those pieces, but also taking
(14:40):
the time to get your head around like what are
all the accounts, what are the balances, what's the outgoing
Like if that's not something you if you weren't paying
the bills and you were just like, you know, I
trust him, he's doing it. Take some time and familiarize yourself.
And it's it sucks because you're already like a ball
of nerves and stress and you're doing all this paperwork
(15:01):
and talking to attorneys and all this. But the more
knowledge you have, the more powerful you're going to be
going into it and coming out of it on the backside.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Is that that kind of leads me to the next
question about some of the common mistakes that people make
early post break up, you know, not just housing but
in general, Like, what are some of those decisions that
people make, and is it also usually based on a
lack of understanding and knowledge.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
I think it's a lack of knowledge. I think it's emotional,
and I think it's misguided trust. I'm just as guilty.
In the beginning, it was we don't need attorneys, we
can be amicable. This is all going to work out.
Let me tell you. It was not amicable, and it
is still not working out. Like there, you know what
I mean, Like, there's just things that got uncovered, and
there was a moment of like, oh, yeah, let's allege,
(15:48):
just want to breathe, let's just make this easy, let's
just get done, and then like assets I didn't know
about we're uncovered, and you know, I think, don't. I
don't want to say don't trust your spouse who soon
to be your ex spouse, but don't trust them at
this point, like once that decision is made, you are
looking out for yourself number one, and don't take the
first offer on the table. You know. I think we
(16:08):
were talking about someone, you know, the the ex. Soon
the ex spouse was like, here's fifty thousand dollars, I'll
buy you out of the house. That's worth a million.
Like those numbers don't make sense, and so I think
not jumping at something just to have it done like that.
There's there's such a there's so many moments. I've had
so many moments of like I just want to be done.
I just want to be done, and fine, like I'll
(16:30):
take whatever, but no, I deserve so much more. And
so many women have worked so hard to build these lives,
and you know, they've done so much that their spouse
could work these C suite jobs and build these empires
and to then just be like, here's fifty thousand, have
a nice life.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah, you know, no, And I think it's it's true
and I see it in business and stuff too, as
far as negotiations are concerned, usually the most patient person went.
And I think that that is something that a lot
of times in breakups it's pressure. All the kids are
so upset, everybody is so upset. You're making this hard
or you should do this, And I think that that
(17:08):
is you know, some of the things that I've just
heard that sound pretty manipulative, but also it's effective to
go to somebody and be like you causing so much
pain to everybody else, And so it can be difficult
for people to say, well, yeah and keep moving forward.
That's where those third parties, those you know, planners, lawyers,
(17:29):
advocates and stuff can be helpful because it is I
mean a lot of times in some breakups there's some
emotional and you know manipulation going on period.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
So and it can be very difficult to see that.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
But I think a lot of times wanting it to
be done men or women is a huge, you know, motivator,
because yes, you want to move on with your life.
Maybe there's guilt, maybe there's shame, maybe there's remorse, maybe
there's anger, all of those feelings, but financially, this is
kind of it isn't something you could really go back
and do the way if you get it wrong. So
(18:02):
it is important to be patient. It is important to
get the help that you need and the advice that
you need, because yeah, there's some people who probably looking backwards,
you know, that are five years down the road chin
you're supposed to break up, really wish that they held
out for something different, or really really wish that they
actually didn't just do media got a lawyer figured it
out because the person who had more control is in
(18:24):
a better position. So I think that's one thing to
really really think about.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
And please know I'm not of the like I'm going
to take them to the cleaner's mindset, like let's just
be fair and equitable, like what is fair right?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
And I think that's true. There's a lot of times
people think, as far as fairness, my spouse made more
than me.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
But also, you know, I'm talking one a client who
has five children. She raised five children and they're off
to college.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
So like the actual labor and equity all of that,
it's it's hard to just look at it as like
what your paycheck was and what your to what your
value was for you know, for the other spouse to
be able to have a home and a family and
a C suite job or these stock options and things
(19:07):
like that. And so I think it is it is
important for people not just to look at it as
far as I make less or I make more, because
that's not how you know. It's not fifty to fifty
almost ever as far as the income is concerned. So,
and there might be certain assets and property and things
like that that you might not understand. But if you
(19:28):
did understand it, then maybe you could say, Okay, I
don't want the house I want, I'll take that or
figure out mey to make it fair. It's really just
about kind of fairness at the end. But how do
you help clients? Okay, so say somebody has decided that
like selling the home is god, it has to happen,
or it wants to happen. What are some ways that
(19:50):
you can help clients like negotiate, like navigate the nostalgia
and the grief and things like that if they're stuck
in it.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Yeah, I mean everyone's different, but kind of the two
main ways are just letting them talk it through. Like
sometimes it's just like sitting in the house and having
them give you a really lengthy tour and pointing out
all the things and just like tell the story so
they can feel like it. They're sharing this information. It's
not just all kept in their cell in their minds
and their hearts, you know, sharing with somebody puts it
(20:21):
out there into the universe, so it exists almost. It's
not just in this house. It exists out in the
world now. But there are some cases that are really tough,
where you know, there are women who are like, I
don't I literally don't have the constitution to sit in
this room and pack up my kids toys. I can't
do it. And so again you bring in a third party.
I've got plenty of like stagers and declutterers and packers
(20:41):
and all these people who can come in and do
that part because they have no emotional attachment. They're really
good at their job, but they don't have the memories.
And so taking some of that burden off people, you know,
divorcing couples who are selling their home, who are already
like their brain is that capacity, Rather than saying like okay,
and now packboxes every night you home from work, you know,
having an I mustay, an expert professional cuming to help
(21:04):
them is sometimes the way to go to as.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
A real from the real estate agent perspective, do you
think there's some things that people should be doing all
the time when it comes to the amount of stuff
in their home. I'm just thinking of some people who've
gone through like losses, like tragic like they're fires and
things like that.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
We're all this.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Sudden everything like and all this stuff you know is there?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
You know? Is there? Some are there?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Some Brice Bus for moving into somewhere brand new and
being able to decide what comes with you and what goes.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Oh many. I have so many thoughts about this. The
first is I'm a bit of a nutcase. I do
a quarterly clean out of my entire place. I've been
doing this for years. Every quarter I go through every drawer,
every cabinet, every shelf, every everything, and if there's something
I haven't thought about touch used in a couple quarters,
it's getting donated, it's getting sold, it's getting thrown out.
(21:58):
So that just minimizes much stuff. That being said, like,
I've moved probably eight times in fifteen years because we
were buying investment properties and doing like the house hacking,
move into it, fix it up, move out of it.
Like we're doing that so I was like always moving,
and I'm like, I'm tired of packing all this stuff
that I don't need. So that's the first. Just stay
on top of your stuff. Secondly, like just I just lost,
(22:22):
totally lost my train of thought. Just knowing what you
have and where it is is super helpful. Again to
your point about the fire, Like I always joke I
have two cats, and I have a collection of Christmas
ornaments for my grandmother, And like I always say, anyone
who's like in my life, I'm like, if there's a fire,
we get the cats in the Christmas ornaments and where
out the door, Like that is all I'm taking with me,
(22:42):
and I know exactly where they all are at all times.
So that's that. But then pivoting to like your new space,
there is something super cathartic. Like when I was packing
up in Florida to move back to Massachusetts, I was
really selective. I was like, I've got a U haul
van and I can only take what can go and
that you all van, right, And so I was going
(23:03):
through my whole house room by room by room by
room and saying like this is important to me, and
that is important to me, and like these random dishes
from Target, I don't care about those are replaceable. So
there's that, and then the kind of the next level
of that, which I always use my wallpaper as a demonstration.
Being able to create your new space really for you
(23:25):
is huge and building it and saying like that's my
choice right, like because my ex husband might have wanted
just gray walls everywhere, but I really love a little
pattern and now I can do that. And making those
choices for you to create your space and build your
new memories there is huge.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, No, I think that's you know. I love that
you're going quarterly through your stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I do, you know. I think that I moved as.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
A child, so I'm somebody who went from having a
very large, beautiful home until it was about.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Nine to living in apartments.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And so I also have a very skewed idea about
like holding onto stuff or getting too attached to stuff.
I don't really more so like my husband is more
nostalgic than me by far, But I think, like, you know,
knowing what you really like. I don't like clutter, maybe
because we had some places so getting like that gives
me anxiety. So I feel like for some people, you know,
(24:19):
even if you're feeling out of control with other thing
going on, stress at work, stress in your relationships. Getting
some getting rid of things sometimes or giving them a
new home or a new life can feel even though
it's you know, it doesn't cost anything anything, it can
it can be a very nice way to kind of
feel a little bit empowered making decisions, making choices, even
(24:41):
if it's like one drawer at.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
A time, whatever, there's no right or wrong. And I
think a lot of people are like, this is so wasteful.
I don't want to just throw it out well donated,
because there are a crowd of people who are trolling
the Goodwill who need a new set of bedsheets or
some dishes or some whatever. And knowing that that thing
that is no longer necessary in your life can benefit
someone else, I think can help that process.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Yeah, I think I think that's smart for everybody listening.
But you know, if you're thinking about your new placing,
once you get to the point where you can, you know,
you could really start to visualize, like what what you
would do if you were in control, what it would
be yours? Would you have the patterns on the wall,
would you you know, would you bring certain things back
in that maybe we're like a no, I don't like
that's even you know, my mom is a newer widow.
She can have a sparkly grandma pillow.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
In the middle of the couch.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
No one's around to say, no, this is tachy.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
You know, you're really get to you know, it's it's
it's difficult. But I do think that sometimes, you you know,
very few times are we able to be exactly.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Us decide what we what we love.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I want to go back to real estate though, because
financially this is a huge item on the balance sheet.
It is a lot of people's a big part of
people's net worth. And I'm curious, what are some of
your thoughts in your experience when couples really can't see
eyed eye on what to do with the home and
what are some of those, you know, strategic ways that
you've worked with people or other professionals to try to
to really try to figure out this tough one.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Yeah, and I will say along those lines any divorce
or separation, there are two parties, right, There's one home potentially,
but two parties. Yeah, And even if you know it's
the wife that called me and said I need to
know what to do about my house, like that the
husband is still in these conversations or the spousations, I's
still in the conversation. So as an agent, it's super
important to make sure everyone is in every conversation because
(26:28):
otherwise this like insider trading and like infighting starts happening
and people are feeling like, well, she's taking your side
or she's not giving all the information. So paramounts always
communicate with everybody, and I think when they aren't seeing
eye to eye, the first plan of attack is to understand, like,
what's their angle, where are they coming from? Is it?
(26:50):
Most often this is broad stroke generalization. The wife is
coming at it from an emotional perspective and the husband
is coming at it from a financial perspective. That's just
the default. I'm not saying it can't change other other things,
but like that's often it so nailing down like what's
their pain point, what's their trigger on this that they like,
what part of this are they not seeing eye to
eye on, and then trying to mediate that, negotiate that
(27:15):
while staying completely neutral because I may think like, actually,
he's totally right, like the numbers he's talking about makes sense,
and she's just emotionally attached and that's why she won't
give into it. Like I may see one art or
the other as making more sense, but at the end
of the day, like I'm neutral, and I'm just facilitating
communication between the parties and helping them share data and
(27:36):
share information and try to get to that that decision
and that that point of Okay, we get it. Now
we're on the same page. Yes, this is what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
It's important to have people in the both people in
the conversation. It's so important once couples are separated. I
you know, we have you know, am I firm, Like
I can't represent you both anymore. I can't be your
both your financial planners they were because I know too much.
But during that process, yeah, I feel like that having
everybody at the table, the lawyer at like really understand
what is out there, because you're right, you could be
(28:10):
getting one side of a conversation. Oh he's he's giving
it to manipulate me, or she's doing this because she
hates me, instead of you know, the genuine fears, because
I think there are usually yeah, like you said, two
sides to really figure out, you know, what's happening, what
makes sense. Most people just kind of want to be
understood and have people like really understand where they're coming
(28:30):
from instead of dismissing it.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
But any negotiation is going to have to have some
sort of common ground, So I think that's so important
that you that you meet with both.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
What are some real.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Estate red flags that people should watch out for during
a divorce financially or emotionally.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
I mean, like, if there's I mean there's kind of
a couple again the buckets, right, if it's a buyout
that cheap and easy, I'll just give you this amount
of money and you be on your way. Get an
expert to give you a valuation of that property. Don't
try trust what one spouse finds on zillo right. Get
an expert, whether that's a real estate agent, a third
party appraiser, someone to say to come in look at
(29:09):
your house. Because Zillow for those who don't know, like
they're basing their data or the data they're pulling is
square feet, you know, size, number of bedrooms, number of bathrooms, location,
what things have sold in the area. They don't know
if the house down the street has a beautiful you know,
marble kitchen and yours has linollium and micro seventies like,
(29:30):
they just don't know that kind of thing. So getting
someone with eyes in your actual house to get a
true value, so you know what you're negotiating against. Right,
if one spouse says, oh, it's worth three hundred thousand,
here's one hundred and fifty, like, have a nice life,
but the reality is worth a million, you've just lost
out on three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. So I
think what feels like a quick and easy fix is
(29:53):
never actually true. So just having accurate data, accurate dollar
amounts professionals providing that information is huge. The other one
that I've heard come up recently hasn't happened to me directly,
but I've heard come up is in a situation where
there are two spouses the house. They've agreed the house
has to get sold, like on paper, they've agreed the
(30:13):
house has to get sold, but at the end of
the day, one of them doesn't actually want to sell,
so they are sabotaging showings. They're not keeping place clean,
they're not allowing the agent to schedule, they're not doing
you know, And I think as the agent. You got
to call it out. You can't. It feels like you're
throwing someone under the bus. But they have hired you
to do a job, and now one of them is
(30:34):
impeding your ability to do your job, and so calling
that out to the couple which can get ugly. But like,
at the end of the day, our contract, you have
hired me to sell your home. You have agreed to
do X, Y and Z. You're not doing X, Y
and Z. Let's talk about that. I'm trying to think
at any other red flags, it's just the quick and
(30:54):
uninformed is really the bigest one for me.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Yeah, I think that that's I think that you know it.
It is obviously our brains are wired to want to
avoid pain and find shortcuts period. So like I think
that it's really hard to like pass that up. But
it's so it's so important to really do the due
diligence to understand everything that's going on, not just try
to get it done faster. Because I have I've worked
(31:18):
with people who are on the other side of this.
I've worked with people who I've worked with women who
are able now to buy their own home maybe a
year or two years outside of this. They are planning
for their own retirement, They are planning for certain things.
You know. Obviously they're still going to be connected if
there's children, for other you know, for reasons. But I've
seen people create really nice lives. It might not feel
that way when you're in the middle of it. It
(31:39):
might feel like this is, you know, the worst possible scenario.
So I do think that you're patient, and you do
you advocate for yourself men and women. I think it's
really really important because that that in the long run
is going to matter. What do you wish more real
estate agents understood about working with people going through divorce.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
The emotional piece. I mean, I just like who I
am as a human being, I'm an introvert, I'm empathic,
so I'm always listening and like really tuned into people's
emotions just about the kind of regular real estate transactions.
And I think a lot of agents are really good
about managing people's stress and emotion during a renal the
mill transaction. They don't necessarily understand the real heightened sense
(32:26):
of oh my god, my world has turned upside down
emotion involved in a divorce, and really the need to
just listen because there are going to be clients, you know,
spouse divorcing clients who are calling and crying, and it
has nothing to do with the job you're doing. It
has to do with the fact that he or she,
the other spouse, says something to that one this morning,
(32:46):
and now your calling saying like, hey, can I show
you that the house today at six and they just
lose it, you know, because there's so much. It's an
emotional roller coaster, and there are days as a divorcing
person you think you're fine and great and everything's okay,
and then something just tips the skills and you are
an emotional basket case. And that's when the realesty agent calls.
And I think being prepared for any sort of emotion, excitement, sadness,
(33:09):
anger like and just handling it with kid gloves and
a level of sensitivity that you don't necessarily need for
your real estate transactions is the biggest one.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
Yeah, I think that's true. I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
A lot of a lot of a lot of our businesses,
we're dealing with people. We might not catch people on
their best days. We might be catching people in the
middle of like the worst time of their life. And
I think that is a you know, that's kind of
what we sign up for when we're in these roles,
because you know, we could be working with a computer
and a spreadsheet and never have to deal with messy
human emotions. But if you are in these, you know,
(33:41):
public client facing roles, this is going to be something
that you need to you know, even if you don't
like it.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Maybe this is a skill.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
This is a skill that's going to keep us from
being replaced by robots and AI. These are the important
things that we can learn and we can continue to
work on, and we can become better listeners, and we
can think about more creative ways, better questions to ask
to get to the root of it if we see
that people. You know, another thing I wanted to ask
is like, what do you do when you see people
who feel stuck, people who are afraid to make any
(34:08):
decisions about housing or anything to move forward because they
feel overwhelmed. What are some of the ways that you
help people take control of that when it comes to
their finances.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Yeah, it's I mean, it's a lot about not rushing
them and not crushing them. And I get there's like
there's moving slowly and then there's not moving at all,
and so we need to keep moving forward, but it
can be slow. There's no I mean, unless you can't
make next month's mortgage payment for whatever reason. Like we
can take a pause and we can talk this through,
(34:39):
and I'm here to listen and talk and sympathize and
you know, play it all out and just not not
making them feel rushed. And I also think taking as
much of the burden off of them as you can.
There's a study that I can't quote. I don't know
where it came from, but I read it recently that women,
(34:59):
in particularly during divorce, their cognitive ability is diminished, like
they literally are not firing on all cylinders because of
the like traumatic stuff happening. And so you're already kind
of like not at one hundred percent. And now I'm like, okay,
so if you can sign this and pack your boxes
and clean the house and so like any of that
stuff that I can take away. I can't take away
(35:21):
your sadness necessarily about having to give up this home,
but I can help you pack, and I can get
a cleaner in there, and I can do a lot
of the things that are just too much for you
right now. And so I think really being tuned into
not even waiting for the person to ask because they
don't even know what they need necessary, but just offering
it up and saying, listen, I've got a great cleaner.
(35:42):
She'll be in here on Tuesday. She'll take care of everything.
You don't need to worry about it.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
YEA, yeah, it's good, it's true.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
And I think I've read you know, I've read books
about people who are going through who are grieving, going
through stress, things like that. And you're right about the
mental capacity, because we have enough space in our brain
to do certain things all day long, you know, the
things that are on autopilot, like crushing your teeth, getting
our ride to work, all of those things, and then
you don't get more mental capacity when you're going through
a divorce or if a level one is ill, like
(36:08):
you don't you have to break it up in certain things,
then we'll start to slide. So I love that you're
helping people stay. You know, you're kind of anticipating these
needs are going to come up, or you're thinking your
head about okay, well now we have to make sure
we do this. We can help with that before instead
of just blindly being like, how can I help because
no one knows, they don't exactly know what they need.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
So I think that's such an important thing to think about.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
And finally, I want to talk about because you know,
you've mentioned going through this yourself, and I know that
you're a financially literate person. You're somebody who's explored the
fire movement, the financial independence, retire early, all of these things.
So and you mentioned, you know, budget, I'm curious if
you'll talk about some of the things that you've done
for yourself, for your financial your own financial planning, your
own empowerment. There as somebody going through a divorce that
(36:50):
maybe some other people listening can can hear and really
understand that that might be something that can help them to.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Yeah, you really have to get a handle on your numbers,
your your incoming and your outgoing and what does it
look like every month. Because I my ex husband did
very well, I didn't have to worry about Oh, I
made three trips to Target this week, I didn't right,
And now I've got rent and I've got my student
loan payments, and like I have all these things that
(37:16):
are coming out of a limited amount of money in
a you know, a smaller bucket than what it was
when I was married, and just having a handle on
how much did I spend at Starbucks last month? Because
that's my weakness and maybe I need to dial it back.
And I'm not saying like I never advocate for like
living the life of you know, total deprivation and not
(37:36):
ever doing anything you want, but just knowing how much
comes in, how much goes out? What am I spending
it on? Do I need all those streaming services? Right?
Monarch money, which we've talked about, is what I use
to track everything, And I just feel empowered and in
control when I see like, Okay, there's my commission, there's
(37:57):
my rental income, there's my like this is all the
money coming in? Okay, Yes, the amount I've spent on
my car is trending, is consistently trending across the last
six months. Like I haven't had any wild expenses or
oh I'm clearly I've been going to Whole Foods instead
of you know, Trader or Joe. Is it My grocery
bill is a way up? Like let's talk about work.
We make some adjustments because I really want to go
(38:17):
on a vacation and just building the life you love
and the life you deserve starts with knowing what you've got.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yep, that's so important.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I think there's tools, there's things that can help even
I mean, the divorce process kind of forces you to
take a look at all the assets and things like that.
But when it comes to the budget, it comes to spending,
those are things that you control directly, and like you said,
it's not a matter of cutting everything that you enjoy
out of your life, but it can be. Okay, am
I paying for five streamings? So do I need to
even do this anymore? Did I not cancel something that
we don't even use? Or what do I want to
(38:49):
bring in? What do I want more of? What are
the goals? Because I think that's when we start to
make progress, even if it's slow progress towards those goals,
because you'll have them, yeah, vacation things like that.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Maybe, yeah, you.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Feel like where you can see it because I think,
especially in the beginning of Doors, there's like so much
unknown and I'm there's a statements everyone I don't know,
I don't know, and then like it's just me. Now
I have three accounts and two credit cards. Before it
was like twelve accounts and twelve credit cards. And now
it's like my life is simplified and I am in
control of every dollar that comes in and goes out,
(39:25):
and I can set those goals and I can be
excited about that thing I'm planning and that I'm saving for.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
Yeah, no, it's absolutely true.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Thank you so much, Amy for joining me today. How
can people find you if they're interested in following along
with you or learning more about you and your business.
Speaker 4 (39:39):
I am a good time on the Instagram at the
Amy Slate. I drink a lot of coffee, I meditate,
cuddle with my cats, show a lot of houses. I
am super authentic. What you see is what you get. Otherwise,
if you are someone in an incoming separation, divorce, or
in the middle of or whatever, and if I can
help in any way, the breakupbroker dot com is where
you can also find me.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Thank you so much, Amy, Thank you. Good luck with you.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
Know.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
I think this is such a wonderful area to serve,
and I think that there's going to be a lot
of people who are helped by this and listening to
you and kind of even following you along and watching
you with.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Your cat and your things that you have.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
You know, just enjoying you know, your life with your place,
and I think it's really important that we talk more
about these things because a lot of people go through it,
and a lot of people feel like they're all alone
and it's not necessarily true. If you're somebody who's looking
to get your financial plans or your investments in order,
I would love to talk to you as well. You
can head over to Misty Lynch dot com thanks to
sound you from there, or you can find a copy
(40:35):
of my book or other episodes and podcasts that will
hopefully help you with whatever is going on in your
life today. Thank you all so much for listening, and
we'll talk again next week. Thank you for joining us
on another insightful episode of Demised Buying Money. If you
enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and lead a review.
Stay tuned for more engaging conversations on our next episode,
and remember knowledge is the key to financial empowerment.
Welcome to the Demistifying Money podcast, where each week you
will hear unforgettable conversations with expert guests about success, money, business,
and small steps you can take to elevate your life
and wealth. Now here's your host, Misty Lynch.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hi, everyone, thanks so much for joining me for this
episode of Demistifying Money. Today, we're going to talk about heartbreak.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
And home ownership. So I am joined by my friend
Amy Slate.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
She is the founder of the Breakup Broker, and she's
a real estate professional, and we're going to talk about
the things that people can do if they are experienced
a separation or divorce because a lot of times real
estate is a big piece of the financial picture. So
we're going to talk today about some of the tips
that she has for people who are going through this.
Also some other financial tips, as somebody who is very
(00:48):
in control of her personal finances likes to look at
these things and has some budgeting tips for people who
might either be unfamiliar maybe feeling a little insecure about
their budgeting how they can start to take control of
that as they enter a new phase in their life.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
So Amy, thank you so much for joining me today.
Speaker 4 (01:04):
Bett thanks for having me.
Speaker 5 (01:06):
This episode of Demystifying Money with Misty Lynch is proudly
sponsored by Soundview Financial Advisors. Visit www dot Soundview financial
Advisors dot com to learn more.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
So, Amy, what led you to want to go down
this path of working with people who are who are
going through divorce? And you know, how do you think
it's a little different, you know than other real estate
professionals who maybe do like to look at this this
market because there's change and potential potential deals to be had.
(01:42):
But what does this mean to you?
Speaker 4 (01:44):
Sure? And yes, I think divorce, life, transition, death, all
these things are opportunities for realestate agents to get listings.
And so we all are heads on us. We're all
looking for opportunity, right, And that's great and no knock
to like all my colleagues. But I I truly feel
like to work in the divorce real estate space. It's
(02:04):
got to be near and dear to your heart. And
I am super transparent and authentic. So get ready because
year it all comes. March of last year, twenty twenty four,
I was surprised with the divorce. I was living in
Florida at the time, and I said, holy crap, took
some time to like let the fog clear and the
dust settled and all those phrases. Packed up my life,
(02:25):
moved back to Massachusetts and said, Okay, I need to
rebuild my business because I was a real estate agent
kind of going between Florida and Massachusetts. But I need
to double down. I'm the only paycheck. I'm paying all
my bills, Like what is this going to look like?
At the same time, I'm in divorce support groups and
divorce Facebook groups, and I was working with a certified
divorce financial advocate and all these people all in the
(02:48):
doorce space and the theme of so many women particularly
who were like do I keep the house, do I
sell the house? What's it worth? I don't know? What
are all my options? And just so many questions around
real estate. And I could feel the stress and the
weight of that decision making like oozing from their pores.
And as someone who was going through it also working
(03:09):
on liquidating a bunch of you know, investment properties and
buying out the family home and all these things, I
was like, I do this for a living and I'm
still stressed, you know, juggling divorce and real estate stuff.
I can only imagine what it's like for all these
women going through this, and it was like an epiphany
one day. I was like, I'm here to support them,
like I know what they're going through. I know the
(03:32):
actual like practical business end of things, but also the
emotional piece, which plays such a huge role in any
real estate transaction, but particularly a divorce related one.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
And I think that it's really important, especially as we
work with professionals, you know, I think you know, there's
a lot of there's a lot of people who'd like
to find their little their target market or their niche
and say like this is what I do. And sometimes
you know, there's been a lot of experiences a financial
planner where people were like, oh, this is focus on divorce,
focus on and widows because there's one hundred percent of
the money you're divorced here, and so some of it
(04:05):
has to it has to feel authentic for you to
really feel like this is like complete alignment with what
you should be doing, the people you should be serving,
the people you should help, Just like I always seem
to like I work with a lot of clients, but
I always seem to come back to like small business
owners or people with irregular because like I just get
that I get them. I was, you know, like all
of those feelings. And so for you not to say
(04:26):
this is messy, this is harder to say there is
a need that there is. There are a lot of confused, upsets,
stressed out, scared people that you can go help. I
think it's really really important, you know, because I feel
like people can tell when you're authentic, they can tell
when you actually are that you can empathize with them,
(04:47):
and so I think that's really you know, I think
that's where a lot of great businesses are kind of built,
when there is that that gap where we're not exactly
sure who the right person is or what their best
interests are. So I'm happy that you're doing that, but
i'd love to hear because I know financially, this is
a massive concern for people going through a divorce, and
(05:09):
usually the family home. It's not just practical, this isn't
a this is a very emotional property. And also interest
rates have made it very difficult for people to just
go find an affordable home at a great when they
when they've maybe locked in a three percent mortgage with
their ex and what what are some of the things
(05:31):
that you see from a real estate perspective that that
people really need to look at maybe a little bit
differently than just you know, what they want to happen.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Sure, you know, I think there are kind of three
big buckets. The first is the money piece, like what
does that look like, the value of the home, how
much equity is in it, the interest rate that you're at,
who can afford to buy or sell, you know, buy
the other one out, or doesn't like all just the
actually dollars and cents of it. Right. Then there's the logistics.
(06:04):
Do you have kids in a school in that district
and you need to stay in that town or city
to keep those kids in those schools? Or is that
super convenient to your work and if you had to move,
you know, miles and miles away, that's gonna make your
work life really difficult or your spouse's work life really difficult.
And then the third bucket, which I don't know that
all realty agents are so well versed in, is the
(06:26):
actual emotional piece. Like I've had some tough conversations with
women about like, I know you love your home, but
like from a practicality standpoint, you don't have kids in
school and you can't afford to keep it. And I
know you've built memories and you've like marked the kids
heights on the doorframes. Like I get all that, but
let's just step back and talk about some practical, practical
stuff and how we can not dismiss those emotions because
(06:49):
they are there and they are on fire, but like
manage them and address them and process them. I'm not
a therapist, I'm not a divorced coach, but like I've
been through it. I've processed the grief, process the the
unknown and like all these things, and I can like
talk you through it and we can get to the
other side. So I think really looking at those three
buckets and then saying, Okay, with all that information gathered,
(07:14):
what are the options.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
I think there are those different and you can't really
you can't ignore any of them because it might you know,
you might say, okay, but you know, I just all right,
find another place to live right here, right next to
the trade or right right next to your par or
the school districts where you maybe you can't right, maybe
it's not there, or it's going to cost a lot
of money to try to do that. But I do
(07:37):
think that it's important to look at all of those
things and kind of from a different lens, you know,
just you know, it is hard when you're like kind
of reading a label from inside the bottle, when you're
it's you and your brain and your feelings. But to
have somebody like you to help, yeah, to say these
are the things we have to think about and where
you know, we can't maybe get one hundred percent of
(07:59):
each them perfect, but we can figure.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Out what that new that new thing will be.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So we kind of talked a little bit about one
of the buckets being emotional. What are the emotional biggest
hurdles that you're seeing when people are making real estate
decisions after this breakoup.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
It's ninety nine percent of the time related to kids.
I think couples with no children involved, like there are memories,
but like you can pack those in a box and
take them with you, right, Like there's different than like
I remember my kids playing in the backyard on the
swing set, Like those are much more like gut wrenching,
heartfelt emotions when there are children involved. And for so
(08:34):
many again I speak mostly to women, it's not wanting
to upset their kids anymore than they already feel like
they are. They're already like tearing apart their parents and
somebody's not gonna be living in the home, or nobody's
living in the home, and like changing all that environment
for that kid is really where it comes into a
lot of the stress. And you know, it's I know
(08:57):
plenty of to horse, couples, clients and just friends and family,
and there is a light of the end of the tunnel.
There is a way to get past it. And it's
about building new memories, right. I mean, let's pretend you're
not getting a divorce. You just decided, like this house
is too small, we're moving to a new house. You're
still you don't leave those memories behind. It's almost me
a little bit easier, but you're still going to do it. It's
(09:18):
just that this was a choice forced upon you, as
opposed to a choice you made. And so getting around
that mindset of like this is happening to me, for me,
around me, with me, you know, whatever adjective is you
want to use, and really thinking about, Okay, that's that's
a chapter. What's my next chapter going to look like?
And how do I make it just as amazing for
(09:39):
my kids? If that's the case, or for myself if
I don't have kids.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yeah, the children.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I think that is such an important point because you're right,
families do move because they you know, changed it. We
moved because we you know, we needed you know, my
dad's business changed. When I was saying, and I mean, no,
moving is a very emotional and stressful part of your life.
But I'm I mean, I think sometimes people forget how.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Resilient kids can be.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, And so also trying to minimize anybody's emotions, Like,
we can't in general control how people feel.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Period. We'd like to think we can, and we'd like.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
To really really try, but sometimes you know, when it
is when it is a matter of trying to figure
out big financial decisions and emotional ones, like there is
there is a risk and reward for everything. If you
try to stay in the family home to preserve memories
but you can't afford it, then you might either have
to work longer, you might have to sacrifice, you might
not do the vacations, you might not be able to
(10:34):
do the things that you want to do for your
kids because you financially can't afford it anymore. We have
to look at both sides. You have to look both
sides of those things. It can be very difficult, but
I think it's it's really important to kind of, you know,
kind of work through that with clients to see, Okay,
what is the worst case scenario here, and you know,
how can we try to how can we try to
(10:55):
make a good life. That now doesn't mean we're going
to eventually our kids are going to be financial responsible
for us because we've never saved anything.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Oh yeah, that huge.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
And another kind of not popular in the real estate
agent world is like sometimes it's okay to go rent
an apartment. Yeah, you know, and I get paid when
someone buys herselves a home. But the fact that I'm
giving advice, like based on your situation and what I
know of everything happening, like I think you should go
rent for a year. I don't make anything off that,
(11:25):
but I, like, I believe in doing what is best
for them, and if that's getting an apartment and getting
your life back together and then figuring out your next move,
then that's what we're gonna recommend. It's not always like
sell this big monstrosity and go buy a new little
cape down the street. So I get two commissions, like
it's not that it's really what is best for that
client in that point in their life.
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yeah, no, And I think that's something you know.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
For for me as like as a certified financial planner,
we're a producier. We have to make decisions are the
best interest to the client. Sometimes the client could be
sitting on like a pile of money that could be invested,
which would make money for me in the firm. But
also sometimes the right thing is for that person to
have a big, heavy savings account ready to go because
there's job insecurity, divorce, all these things. And so I
think it is important that you're looking at it from
(12:08):
that perspective because there could be there could be some
alternatives that maybe we haven't thought of, like renting.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Maybe you could see how.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
You feel about this location before you actually buy here,
or maybe it means that you have a lot nicer
place in the town or the location you want without
having to wait for the perfect time to buy or
buying at the top of your budget or the market.
So looking at everything and thinking about okay, maybe it's
maybe you liked being a homeowner. Doesn't mean you won't
(12:37):
be ever again, but maybe it's a matter of waiting
for the right places and things like that, because it's harder.
Some people think you just buy a property and then
you sell it and you make a profit, and I
feel like that can be you know, home ownership can
be very expensive, especially if you're going to be honing
a home by yourself and maybe you don't maybe you'd
(12:58):
have to pay a lot for maintenance or things that
you weren't doing for the whole.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I have a widow who talk to you today, and
she was linking about her budget and she was thinking
about yard work and snow removal. Yeah, we've got to
add in some money for here, because this is something
that we have to do. So I like that you're
thinking about that. And I think that it's important to
not always think about like your best interests, think about
our client's best interests. And I think that usually that
(13:24):
ends up becoming you know, usually we find some comment
because eventually we can, you know, figure out what's right.
But it's so important I want to quit then, I know,
from my perspective, but from yours. When somebody's newly separated,
how do they begin to kind of separate or assess
the assets, like what they could sell what they what
they should be doing, and what they should look at,
(13:46):
especially if this isn't.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Necessarily their their part of the relationship.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
Yeah, you know, it's I always trust the professionals, right
I am. I am savvy and smart, and I was
my part of the relationship, and there still were so
many parts and pieces that I was like, what is happening?
So in theory, I always recommend like getting a just
quality attorney who can walk you through and help you
understand your assets and depending on your financial picture, like
(14:16):
there's these I have want a certified divorce financial advocate
whose job is really to like drill down on the
assets and the equitable distribution and you know, are there
stock options and RSUs involved in all these things that
I can google and chat YOUBT all day long, but
at the end of the day, it's not what I
do for a living. And so really bringing a professional
that can help you on those pieces, but also taking
(14:40):
the time to get your head around like what are
all the accounts, what are the balances, what's the outgoing
Like if that's not something you if you weren't paying
the bills and you were just like, you know, I
trust him, he's doing it. Take some time and familiarize yourself.
And it's it sucks because you're already like a ball
of nerves and stress and you're doing all this paperwork
(15:01):
and talking to attorneys and all this. But the more
knowledge you have, the more powerful you're going to be
going into it and coming out of it on the backside.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Is that that kind of leads me to the next
question about some of the common mistakes that people make
early post break up, you know, not just housing but
in general, Like, what are some of those decisions that
people make, and is it also usually based on a
lack of understanding and knowledge.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
I think it's a lack of knowledge. I think it's emotional,
and I think it's misguided trust. I'm just as guilty.
In the beginning, it was we don't need attorneys, we
can be amicable. This is all going to work out.
Let me tell you. It was not amicable, and it
is still not working out. Like there, you know what
I mean, Like, there's just things that got uncovered, and
there was a moment of like, oh, yeah, let's allege,
(15:48):
just want to breathe, let's just make this easy, let's
just get done, and then like assets I didn't know
about we're uncovered, and you know, I think, don't. I
don't want to say don't trust your spouse who soon
to be your ex spouse, but don't trust them at
this point, like once that decision is made, you are
looking out for yourself number one, and don't take the
first offer on the table. You know. I think we
(16:08):
were talking about someone, you know, the the ex. Soon
the ex spouse was like, here's fifty thousand dollars, I'll
buy you out of the house. That's worth a million.
Like those numbers don't make sense, and so I think
not jumping at something just to have it done like that.
There's there's such a there's so many moments. I've had
so many moments of like I just want to be done.
I just want to be done, and fine, like I'll
(16:30):
take whatever, but no, I deserve so much more. And
so many women have worked so hard to build these lives,
and you know, they've done so much that their spouse
could work these C suite jobs and build these empires
and to then just be like, here's fifty thousand, have
a nice life.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yeah, you know, no, And I think it's it's true
and I see it in business and stuff too, as
far as negotiations are concerned, usually the most patient person went.
And I think that that is something that a lot
of times in breakups it's pressure. All the kids are
so upset, everybody is so upset. You're making this hard
or you should do this, And I think that that
(17:08):
is you know, some of the things that I've just
heard that sound pretty manipulative, but also it's effective to
go to somebody and be like you causing so much
pain to everybody else, And so it can be difficult
for people to say, well, yeah and keep moving forward.
That's where those third parties, those you know, planners, lawyers,
(17:29):
advocates and stuff can be helpful because it is I
mean a lot of times in some breakups there's some
emotional and you know manipulation going on period.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
So and it can be very difficult to see that.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
But I think a lot of times wanting it to
be done men or women is a huge, you know, motivator,
because yes, you want to move on with your life.
Maybe there's guilt, maybe there's shame, maybe there's remorse, maybe
there's anger, all of those feelings, but financially, this is
kind of it isn't something you could really go back
and do the way if you get it wrong. So
(18:02):
it is important to be patient. It is important to
get the help that you need and the advice that
you need, because yeah, there's some people who probably looking backwards,
you know, that are five years down the road chin
you're supposed to break up, really wish that they held
out for something different, or really really wish that they
actually didn't just do media got a lawyer figured it
out because the person who had more control is in
(18:24):
a better position. So I think that's one thing to
really really think about.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
And please know I'm not of the like I'm going
to take them to the cleaner's mindset, like let's just
be fair and equitable, like what is fair right?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
And I think that's true. There's a lot of times
people think, as far as fairness, my spouse made more
than me.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
But also, you know, I'm talking one a client who
has five children. She raised five children and they're off
to college.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
So like the actual labor and equity all of that,
it's it's hard to just look at it as like
what your paycheck was and what your to what your
value was for you know, for the other spouse to
be able to have a home and a family and
a C suite job or these stock options and things
(19:07):
like that. And so I think it is it is
important for people not just to look at it as
far as I make less or I make more, because
that's not how you know. It's not fifty to fifty
almost ever as far as the income is concerned. So,
and there might be certain assets and property and things
like that that you might not understand. But if you
(19:28):
did understand it, then maybe you could say, Okay, I
don't want the house I want, I'll take that or
figure out mey to make it fair. It's really just
about kind of fairness at the end. But how do
you help clients? Okay, so say somebody has decided that
like selling the home is god, it has to happen,
or it wants to happen. What are some ways that
(19:50):
you can help clients like negotiate, like navigate the nostalgia
and the grief and things like that if they're stuck
in it.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
Yeah, I mean everyone's different, but kind of the two
main ways are just letting them talk it through. Like
sometimes it's just like sitting in the house and having
them give you a really lengthy tour and pointing out
all the things and just like tell the story so
they can feel like it. They're sharing this information. It's
not just all kept in their cell in their minds
and their hearts, you know, sharing with somebody puts it
(20:21):
out there into the universe, so it exists almost. It's
not just in this house. It exists out in the
world now. But there are some cases that are really tough,
where you know, there are women who are like, I
don't I literally don't have the constitution to sit in
this room and pack up my kids toys. I can't
do it. And so again you bring in a third party.
I've got plenty of like stagers and declutterers and packers
(20:41):
and all these people who can come in and do
that part because they have no emotional attachment. They're really
good at their job, but they don't have the memories.
And so taking some of that burden off people, you know,
divorcing couples who are selling their home, who are already
like their brain is that capacity, Rather than saying like okay,
and now packboxes every night you home from work, you know,
having an I mustay, an expert professional cuming to help
(21:04):
them is sometimes the way to go to as.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
A real from the real estate agent perspective, do you
think there's some things that people should be doing all
the time when it comes to the amount of stuff
in their home. I'm just thinking of some people who've
gone through like losses, like tragic like they're fires and
things like that.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
We're all this.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Sudden everything like and all this stuff you know is there?
Speaker 3 (21:24):
You know? Is there? Some are there?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Some Brice Bus for moving into somewhere brand new and
being able to decide what comes with you and what goes.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Oh many. I have so many thoughts about this. The
first is I'm a bit of a nutcase. I do
a quarterly clean out of my entire place. I've been
doing this for years. Every quarter I go through every drawer,
every cabinet, every shelf, every everything, and if there's something
I haven't thought about touch used in a couple quarters,
it's getting donated, it's getting sold, it's getting thrown out.
(21:58):
So that just minimizes much stuff. That being said, like,
I've moved probably eight times in fifteen years because we
were buying investment properties and doing like the house hacking,
move into it, fix it up, move out of it.
Like we're doing that so I was like always moving,
and I'm like, I'm tired of packing all this stuff
that I don't need. So that's the first. Just stay
on top of your stuff. Secondly, like just I just lost,
(22:22):
totally lost my train of thought. Just knowing what you
have and where it is is super helpful. Again to
your point about the fire, Like I always joke I
have two cats, and I have a collection of Christmas
ornaments for my grandmother, And like I always say, anyone
who's like in my life, I'm like, if there's a fire,
we get the cats in the Christmas ornaments and where
out the door, Like that is all I'm taking with me,
(22:42):
and I know exactly where they all are at all times.
So that's that. But then pivoting to like your new space,
there is something super cathartic. Like when I was packing
up in Florida to move back to Massachusetts, I was
really selective. I was like, I've got a U haul
van and I can only take what can go and
that you all van, right, And so I was going
(23:03):
through my whole house room by room by room by
room and saying like this is important to me, and
that is important to me, and like these random dishes
from Target, I don't care about those are replaceable. So
there's that, and then the kind of the next level
of that, which I always use my wallpaper as a demonstration.
Being able to create your new space really for you
(23:25):
is huge and building it and saying like that's my
choice right, like because my ex husband might have wanted
just gray walls everywhere, but I really love a little
pattern and now I can do that. And making those
choices for you to create your space and build your
new memories there is huge.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yeah, No, I think that's you know. I love that
you're going quarterly through your stuff.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I do, you know. I think that I moved as.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
A child, so I'm somebody who went from having a
very large, beautiful home until it was about.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Nine to living in apartments.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And so I also have a very skewed idea about
like holding onto stuff or getting too attached to stuff.
I don't really more so like my husband is more
nostalgic than me by far, But I think, like, you know,
knowing what you really like. I don't like clutter, maybe
because we had some places so getting like that gives
me anxiety. So I feel like for some people, you know,
(24:19):
even if you're feeling out of control with other thing
going on, stress at work, stress in your relationships. Getting
some getting rid of things sometimes or giving them a
new home or a new life can feel even though
it's you know, it doesn't cost anything anything, it can
it can be a very nice way to kind of
feel a little bit empowered making decisions, making choices, even
(24:41):
if it's like one drawer at.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
A time, whatever, there's no right or wrong. And I
think a lot of people are like, this is so wasteful.
I don't want to just throw it out well donated,
because there are a crowd of people who are trolling
the Goodwill who need a new set of bedsheets or
some dishes or some whatever. And knowing that that thing
that is no longer necessary in your life can benefit
someone else, I think can help that process.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Yeah, I think I think that's smart for everybody listening.
But you know, if you're thinking about your new placing,
once you get to the point where you can, you know,
you could really start to visualize, like what what you
would do if you were in control, what it would
be yours? Would you have the patterns on the wall,
would you you know, would you bring certain things back
in that maybe we're like a no, I don't like
that's even you know, my mom is a newer widow.
She can have a sparkly grandma pillow.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
In the middle of the couch.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
No one's around to say, no, this is tachy.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
You know, you're really get to you know, it's it's
it's difficult. But I do think that sometimes, you you know,
very few times are we able to be exactly.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Us decide what we what we love.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I want to go back to real estate though, because
financially this is a huge item on the balance sheet.
It is a lot of people's a big part of
people's net worth. And I'm curious, what are some of
your thoughts in your experience when couples really can't see
eyed eye on what to do with the home and
what are some of those, you know, strategic ways that
you've worked with people or other professionals to try to
to really try to figure out this tough one.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Yeah, and I will say along those lines any divorce
or separation, there are two parties, right, There's one home potentially,
but two parties. Yeah, And even if you know it's
the wife that called me and said I need to
know what to do about my house, like that the
husband is still in these conversations or the spousations, I's
still in the conversation. So as an agent, it's super
important to make sure everyone is in every conversation because
(26:28):
otherwise this like insider trading and like infighting starts happening
and people are feeling like, well, she's taking your side
or she's not giving all the information. So paramounts always
communicate with everybody, and I think when they aren't seeing
eye to eye, the first plan of attack is to understand, like,
what's their angle, where are they coming from? Is it?
(26:50):
Most often this is broad stroke generalization. The wife is
coming at it from an emotional perspective and the husband
is coming at it from a financial perspective. That's just
the default. I'm not saying it can't change other other things,
but like that's often it so nailing down like what's
their pain point, what's their trigger on this that they like,
what part of this are they not seeing eye to
eye on, and then trying to mediate that, negotiate that
(27:15):
while staying completely neutral because I may think like, actually,
he's totally right, like the numbers he's talking about makes sense,
and she's just emotionally attached and that's why she won't
give into it. Like I may see one art or
the other as making more sense, but at the end
of the day, like I'm neutral, and I'm just facilitating
communication between the parties and helping them share data and
(27:36):
share information and try to get to that that decision
and that that point of Okay, we get it. Now
we're on the same page. Yes, this is what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
It's important to have people in the both people in
the conversation. It's so important once couples are separated. I
you know, we have you know, am I firm, Like
I can't represent you both anymore. I can't be your
both your financial planners they were because I know too much.
But during that process, yeah, I feel like that having
everybody at the table, the lawyer at like really understand
what is out there, because you're right, you could be
(28:10):
getting one side of a conversation. Oh he's he's giving
it to manipulate me, or she's doing this because she
hates me, instead of you know, the genuine fears, because
I think there are usually yeah, like you said, two
sides to really figure out, you know, what's happening, what
makes sense. Most people just kind of want to be
understood and have people like really understand where they're coming
(28:30):
from instead of dismissing it.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
But any negotiation is going to have to have some
sort of common ground, So I think that's so important
that you that you meet with both.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
What are some real.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Estate red flags that people should watch out for during
a divorce financially or emotionally.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
I mean, like, if there's I mean there's kind of
a couple again the buckets, right, if it's a buyout
that cheap and easy, I'll just give you this amount
of money and you be on your way. Get an
expert to give you a valuation of that property. Don't
try trust what one spouse finds on zillo right. Get
an expert, whether that's a real estate agent, a third
party appraiser, someone to say to come in look at
(29:09):
your house. Because Zillow for those who don't know, like
they're basing their data or the data they're pulling is
square feet, you know, size, number of bedrooms, number of bathrooms, location,
what things have sold in the area. They don't know
if the house down the street has a beautiful you know,
marble kitchen and yours has linollium and micro seventies like,
(29:30):
they just don't know that kind of thing. So getting
someone with eyes in your actual house to get a
true value, so you know what you're negotiating against. Right,
if one spouse says, oh, it's worth three hundred thousand,
here's one hundred and fifty, like, have a nice life,
but the reality is worth a million, you've just lost
out on three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. So I
think what feels like a quick and easy fix is
(29:53):
never actually true. So just having accurate data, accurate dollar
amounts professionals providing that information is huge. The other one
that I've heard come up recently hasn't happened to me directly,
but I've heard come up is in a situation where
there are two spouses the house. They've agreed the house
has to get sold, like on paper, they've agreed the
(30:13):
house has to get sold, but at the end of
the day, one of them doesn't actually want to sell,
so they are sabotaging showings. They're not keeping place clean,
they're not allowing the agent to schedule, they're not doing
you know, And I think as the agent. You got
to call it out. You can't. It feels like you're
throwing someone under the bus. But they have hired you
to do a job, and now one of them is
(30:34):
impeding your ability to do your job, and so calling
that out to the couple which can get ugly. But like,
at the end of the day, our contract, you have
hired me to sell your home. You have agreed to
do X, Y and Z. You're not doing X, Y
and Z. Let's talk about that. I'm trying to think
at any other red flags, it's just the quick and
(30:54):
uninformed is really the bigest one for me.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Yeah, I think that that's I think that you know it.
It is obviously our brains are wired to want to
avoid pain and find shortcuts period. So like I think
that it's really hard to like pass that up. But
it's so it's so important to really do the due
diligence to understand everything that's going on, not just try
to get it done faster. Because I have I've worked
(31:18):
with people who are on the other side of this.
I've worked with people who I've worked with women who
are able now to buy their own home maybe a
year or two years outside of this. They are planning
for their own retirement, They are planning for certain things.
You know. Obviously they're still going to be connected if
there's children, for other you know, for reasons. But I've
seen people create really nice lives. It might not feel
that way when you're in the middle of it. It
(31:39):
might feel like this is, you know, the worst possible scenario.
So I do think that you're patient, and you do
you advocate for yourself men and women. I think it's
really really important because that that in the long run
is going to matter. What do you wish more real
estate agents understood about working with people going through divorce.
Speaker 4 (32:00):
The emotional piece. I mean, I just like who I
am as a human being, I'm an introvert, I'm empathic,
so I'm always listening and like really tuned into people's
emotions just about the kind of regular real estate transactions.
And I think a lot of agents are really good
about managing people's stress and emotion during a renal the
mill transaction. They don't necessarily understand the real heightened sense
(32:26):
of oh my god, my world has turned upside down
emotion involved in a divorce, and really the need to
just listen because there are going to be clients, you know,
spouse divorcing clients who are calling and crying, and it
has nothing to do with the job you're doing. It
has to do with the fact that he or she,
the other spouse, says something to that one this morning,
(32:46):
and now your calling saying like, hey, can I show
you that the house today at six and they just
lose it, you know, because there's so much. It's an
emotional roller coaster, and there are days as a divorcing
person you think you're fine and great and everything's okay,
and then something just tips the skills and you are
an emotional basket case. And that's when the realesty agent calls.
And I think being prepared for any sort of emotion, excitement, sadness,
(33:09):
anger like and just handling it with kid gloves and
a level of sensitivity that you don't necessarily need for
your real estate transactions is the biggest one.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
Yeah, I think that's true. I think that's true.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
A lot of a lot of a lot of our businesses,
we're dealing with people. We might not catch people on
their best days. We might be catching people in the
middle of like the worst time of their life. And
I think that is a you know, that's kind of
what we sign up for when we're in these roles,
because you know, we could be working with a computer
and a spreadsheet and never have to deal with messy
human emotions. But if you are in these, you know,
(33:41):
public client facing roles, this is going to be something
that you need to you know, even if you don't
like it.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Maybe this is a skill.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
This is a skill that's going to keep us from
being replaced by robots and AI. These are the important
things that we can learn and we can continue to
work on, and we can become better listeners, and we
can think about more creative ways, better questions to ask
to get to the root of it if we see
that people. You know, another thing I wanted to ask
is like, what do you do when you see people
who feel stuck, people who are afraid to make any
(34:08):
decisions about housing or anything to move forward because they
feel overwhelmed. What are some of the ways that you
help people take control of that when it comes to
their finances.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Yeah, it's I mean, it's a lot about not rushing
them and not crushing them. And I get there's like
there's moving slowly and then there's not moving at all,
and so we need to keep moving forward, but it
can be slow. There's no I mean, unless you can't
make next month's mortgage payment for whatever reason. Like we
can take a pause and we can talk this through,
(34:39):
and I'm here to listen and talk and sympathize and
you know, play it all out and just not not
making them feel rushed. And I also think taking as
much of the burden off of them as you can.
There's a study that I can't quote. I don't know
where it came from, but I read it recently that women,
(34:59):
in particularly during divorce, their cognitive ability is diminished, like
they literally are not firing on all cylinders because of
the like traumatic stuff happening. And so you're already kind
of like not at one hundred percent. And now I'm like, okay,
so if you can sign this and pack your boxes
and clean the house and so like any of that
stuff that I can take away. I can't take away
(35:21):
your sadness necessarily about having to give up this home,
but I can help you pack, and I can get
a cleaner in there, and I can do a lot
of the things that are just too much for you
right now. And so I think really being tuned into
not even waiting for the person to ask because they
don't even know what they need necessary, but just offering
it up and saying, listen, I've got a great cleaner.
(35:42):
She'll be in here on Tuesday. She'll take care of everything.
You don't need to worry about it.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
YEA, yeah, it's good, it's true.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
And I think I've read you know, I've read books
about people who are going through who are grieving, going
through stress, things like that. And you're right about the
mental capacity, because we have enough space in our brain
to do certain things all day long, you know, the
things that are on autopilot, like crushing your teeth, getting
our ride to work, all of those things, and then
you don't get more mental capacity when you're going through
a divorce or if a level one is ill, like
(36:08):
you don't you have to break it up in certain things,
then we'll start to slide. So I love that you're
helping people stay. You know, you're kind of anticipating these
needs are going to come up, or you're thinking your
head about okay, well now we have to make sure
we do this. We can help with that before instead
of just blindly being like, how can I help because
no one knows, they don't exactly know what they need.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
So I think that's such an important thing to think about.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
And finally, I want to talk about because you know,
you've mentioned going through this yourself, and I know that
you're a financially literate person. You're somebody who's explored the
fire movement, the financial independence, retire early, all of these things.
So and you mentioned, you know, budget, I'm curious if
you'll talk about some of the things that you've done
for yourself, for your financial your own financial planning, your
own empowerment. There as somebody going through a divorce that
(36:50):
maybe some other people listening can can hear and really
understand that that might be something that can help them to.
Speaker 4 (36:56):
Yeah, you really have to get a handle on your numbers,
your your incoming and your outgoing and what does it
look like every month. Because I my ex husband did
very well, I didn't have to worry about Oh, I
made three trips to Target this week, I didn't right,
And now I've got rent and I've got my student
loan payments, and like I have all these things that
(37:16):
are coming out of a limited amount of money in
a you know, a smaller bucket than what it was
when I was married, and just having a handle on
how much did I spend at Starbucks last month? Because
that's my weakness and maybe I need to dial it back.
And I'm not saying like I never advocate for like
living the life of you know, total deprivation and not
(37:36):
ever doing anything you want, but just knowing how much
comes in, how much goes out? What am I spending
it on? Do I need all those streaming services? Right?
Monarch money, which we've talked about, is what I use
to track everything, And I just feel empowered and in
control when I see like, Okay, there's my commission, there's
(37:57):
my rental income, there's my like this is all the
money coming in? Okay, Yes, the amount I've spent on
my car is trending, is consistently trending across the last
six months. Like I haven't had any wild expenses or
oh I'm clearly I've been going to Whole Foods instead
of you know, Trader or Joe. Is it My grocery
bill is a way up? Like let's talk about work.
We make some adjustments because I really want to go
(38:17):
on a vacation and just building the life you love
and the life you deserve starts with knowing what you've got.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Yep, that's so important.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I think there's tools, there's things that can help even
I mean, the divorce process kind of forces you to
take a look at all the assets and things like that.
But when it comes to the budget, it comes to spending,
those are things that you control directly, and like you said,
it's not a matter of cutting everything that you enjoy
out of your life, but it can be. Okay, am
I paying for five streamings? So do I need to
even do this anymore? Did I not cancel something that
we don't even use? Or what do I want to
(38:49):
bring in? What do I want more of? What are
the goals? Because I think that's when we start to
make progress, even if it's slow progress towards those goals,
because you'll have them, yeah, vacation things like that.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Maybe, yeah, you.
Speaker 4 (39:03):
Feel like where you can see it because I think,
especially in the beginning of Doors, there's like so much
unknown and I'm there's a statements everyone I don't know,
I don't know, and then like it's just me. Now
I have three accounts and two credit cards. Before it
was like twelve accounts and twelve credit cards. And now
it's like my life is simplified and I am in
control of every dollar that comes in and goes out,
(39:25):
and I can set those goals and I can be
excited about that thing I'm planning and that I'm saving for.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
Yeah, no, it's absolutely true.
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Thank you so much, Amy for joining me today. How
can people find you if they're interested in following along
with you or learning more about you and your business.
Speaker 4 (39:39):
I am a good time on the Instagram at the
Amy Slate. I drink a lot of coffee, I meditate,
cuddle with my cats, show a lot of houses. I
am super authentic. What you see is what you get. Otherwise,
if you are someone in an incoming separation, divorce, or
in the middle of or whatever, and if I can
help in any way, the breakupbroker dot com is where
you can also find me.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Thank you so much, Amy, Thank you. Good luck with you.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
Know.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
I think this is such a wonderful area to serve,
and I think that there's going to be a lot
of people who are helped by this and listening to
you and kind of even following you along and watching
you with.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Your cat and your things that you have.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
You know, just enjoying you know, your life with your place,
and I think it's really important that we talk more
about these things because a lot of people go through it,
and a lot of people feel like they're all alone
and it's not necessarily true. If you're somebody who's looking
to get your financial plans or your investments in order,
I would love to talk to you as well. You
can head over to Misty Lynch dot com thanks to
sound you from there, or you can find a copy
(40:35):
of my book or other episodes and podcasts that will
hopefully help you with whatever is going on in your
life today. Thank you all so much for listening, and
we'll talk again next week. Thank you for joining us
on another insightful episode of Demised Buying Money. If you
enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, and lead a review.
Stay tuned for more engaging conversations on our next episode,
and remember knowledge is the key to financial empowerment.
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