July 13, 2025 • 39 mins
Join host Misty Lynch as she dives deep into money mindsets with certified financial planner and podcast host Shari Rash. This candid discussion tackles the shame, myths, and realities behind our relationship with money.
Where to find Shari Rash
Instagram: @everyonestalkinmoney
Website: everyonestalkinmoneypodcast.com
Podcast: everyonestalkinmoneypodcast.com/episodes/
Where to find Misty
Websites:
- Why we feel shame and anxiety about money—and how to get comfortable talking about it
- The impact of early money memories and upbringing on financial decisions
- How emotions and mindset shape your financial habits and retirement planning
- Debunking common money myths and learning to see money as simply a tool
- Practical steps for shifting from “just getting by” to building unapologetic wealth
Where to find Shari Rash
Instagram: @everyonestalkinmoney
Website: everyonestalkinmoneypodcast.com
Podcast: everyonestalkinmoneypodcast.com/episodes/
Where to find Misty
Websites:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Demistifying Money podcast, where each week you
will hear unforgettable conversations with expert guests about success, money, business,
and small steps you can take to elevate your life
and wealth. Now here's your host, Misty Lynch.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Thanks everyone for joining us for the Demistifying Money Podcast.
I'm your host, Missy Lynch, and I'm excited to continue
a conversation that I've been having with Sherry Rash, who
is a NOBS Money Expert, certified financial planner and host
of the acclaimed Everyone's Talking Money podcast. Sherry, thanks for
coming on my show today to talk about your insights
when it comes to money and mindset.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I'm so excited to be on the other side of
the microphone.
Speaker 5 (00:42):
This episode of Demystifying Money with Misty Lynch is proudly
sponsored by Soundview Financial Advisors. Visit www dot Soundview financial
Advisors dot com to learn more.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
No, you're interviewing a lot of people. Tell me now,
you know you have over thirteen hundred episodes.
Speaker 6 (01:02):
Of your podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Now, I'd love to hear from you because you talked
to people about money. You get to the point, what
are some of the things that you notice are some
common themes that are coming up when it comes to
your clients or people you talk to when it comes
to really opening up about money, shame and why it's
really important for us to get more comfortable doing that.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Many people we don't realize how money it plays a
role in our lives, Like we just think of money
as accumulating it our investments, our retirement, paying bills, whatever,
But we don't realize how money. We can't do anything
without money, right that it's what makes the world go round.
(01:43):
And so many people have a negative relationship with money,
and we don't realize how much subconsciously that affects us,
Like if you don't like money, or if you don't
have a good relationship with it, and just stuff as
simple as swiping your credit card at the grocery store,
(02:03):
like opening up your banking app is a dreadful act
and that's terrible, Like that's a terrible way to live.
And there is so much shame around money. And it's
just like our personalities. We have these quirks, if you will,
to our personalities, and a lot of it is just
who we are, the way we are raised. Money is
no different and it's and so many people think that
(02:26):
like the way they think about money is right, or
like everyone thinks that way and no one's right or wrong.
But there are so many different ways that we think
about money, So understanding the way you think about money
is just so important, especially if it's a negative relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yeah, I think it's interesting how you know money. You're right,
we can't avoid it. Everybody, you know, we think, we
use it every day. There's really no way that you
can just like for time that it doesn't exist, or
like kick it out of your life. But I'm noticing
that people do have very strong opinions about money. I know,
we just saw Jeff Bezos had a way that costs
an extraordinary amount of money able to rent out an
(03:04):
entire city, And the things that I'm hearing people say
about how much that bothers them and makes them angry.
It really does make me think a little bit about
like our thoughts about you know, money and well and
what people should or shouldn't do Like this is you know,
obviously I think a lot of people who have these.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
Comments or you know, they.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Shop at Amazon and they use it, But what are
your thoughts there when you see people that really like
get upset about the way.
Speaker 6 (03:34):
Other people have wealth spend their wealth. Where do you
think that that really comes from or what does that
tie back to.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
It's funny you say that because of course I go
down the rabbit hole and read all of the comments
of everyone online, and one woman was like, he should
be donating his money instead of spending it like this,
And then, you know, I do not condone arguing with
strangers on the internet. But this other person engaged and
was like, well, he does donate his money and he
(04:02):
started Amazon in his garage and built it to this
Like who are you to say how he should spend
his money? And he is doing those things you said,
so that's.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Not good enough?
Speaker 4 (04:13):
And yeah, it really comes from like and I the
person even said in so many words like this is
your comments more of a reflection on you than it
is on him, So like, figure out your own stuff
first before you start projecting it on Jeff Bezos and
how he spends his money. But it really is, it's like, well,
(04:35):
what the way you think about it? And having more
money just enhances who you are as a person, right, Like,
it doesn't change you, It just makes you, Like it
just puts more of a spotlight on it, Like if
you were if you're super philanthropic without money, you're likely
when you have more money, you're going to be more philanthropic.
(04:57):
If you were a spender before it, when you have
more money, you're going to more spending. So that it's
so expecting someone to do something with their money that
isn't who they are, what is not fair, that's your
own stuff that you're putting on them.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It's interesting though, because everybody seems to have a take
on things, but you're right, a lot of people are like,
he should be doing this, and they're saying, you know,
all these shoulds and all of these judgments, but you wonder,
like how much of that are you doing with your money? Well,
I don't have enough money to be general and okay,
you know, and you think, like is money going to
necessarily change or like what's the tipping point? How much
(05:33):
money would it take for you to actually be more
philanthropic or generous or do you donate your time at all?
These But I love that your point about it kind
of just enhances who you already are and it doesn't
necessarily mean that you're going to go from a good
person to a bad person or a bad person to
a good person. If you're Dolly Partner with no money,
you're gonna be generous and share it. And with Dolly
(05:55):
Partner a lot of money, you're probably gonna be funding
a lot of things and helping people. And you know,
so really it's really interesting, though, how we get so
upset and so fired up about it. But I think
that there's you know, I think there's a lot of
things that get in our way when it comes to
being you know, either financially literate or comfortable. And you
(06:15):
talk about uneffing your finances a lot, and so I'm curious,
what does that phrase really mean to you, and what
do you think the first step in that process is
if somebody is really just a hot mess when it
comes to their finances and they don't know.
Speaker 6 (06:29):
Where to start.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Yeah, so that's a little bit.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
That's just to say, let's like remove the junk, like
just like clean like clean out like the gunky drain
of thinking about money, like stop putting our emotions on it.
Because money is just a tool. It's a tool to
do things, tool to achieve things. Whatever you want to do,
you need money to do it right, So get Unaffing
(06:56):
yourself with money is just getting rid of the junk
and looking at money for what it is a tool
to achieve something. That achieving something could be just going
to the grocery store.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Right.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
It doesn't have to.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Be these big, grandiose ideas or plans. It can just
be something as simple as you know, paying for stuff living.
But we tie our emotions to money, and that's where
we get ourselves into trouble, is that we give money
way more credit than it deserves as far as its
(07:29):
impact that it has on us.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
So that's really.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
What the show strives strives to achieve is to show you, hey,
there's so many aspects of your life that money affects. Right,
And I'll have people on the show that have nothing
to do with money. But then I just interviewed Stephanie
Seffrin from Sustainable Minimalists, and she does not she you know, outwardly,
(07:57):
I do not have a good relationship with money. But
I we talked about how minimalism and money kind of
go together, like your stuff and your money, it really
goes together.
Speaker 6 (08:05):
How we put our.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Emotions on our stuff or our space, and you do
the same with your money. So the show really strives
to show you money's an aspect in all of our lives.
But if we remove the gunk of it and remove
the shame or the negative opinions that we have, we
can really just look at it for what it is
a tool to do awesome things and live.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I like you shared something I was looking on your
social media and it was about I think it was
just a short clip about like children and like looking
for those teachable moments when it's like everything is a
teachable moment, And I think that's something that we do
with money. We think it has to be like the
perfect scenario or the right time to like have these conversations.
Really just we're probably avoiding it because we feel like
it's awkward or we're not able to talk about it.
(08:47):
But I mean, we're dealing with money every single day.
There's really not many times that you can't, like, like
you said, go to the store, or you can look
at your statement. You can do certain things to like
start to move forward word when it comes to like
that fear all that anxiety or on money, or you
can have these conversations without having it be like a
(09:08):
forget it. Money has a ground trees like terrible, shut
it down immediately type of conversation.
Speaker 6 (09:12):
I think it's so.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I think it's so important that we start having a
little bit more I think I think, yeah, just a
little bit more calm, a little bit more less anxiety
less emotions when you talk about money and really just
look at it like the tool that it is. So
I love that you're sharing all of those stories. What
are some of the common money myths that you help
work to dismantle that you see more frequently than others.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Well, one, money isn't bad, it just is. It's not
good or bad, it just is your your bank account statement.
Your net worth is no reflection on you as a person.
It's a number, and the number isn't good or bad.
It just is right. And I think that that's one
of the big the drums that I beat a lot,
(09:57):
is that your you know, your net worth is not
equal to yourself forth and we really need to sit
down and identify why are we attaching negative number, negative
feelings to these numbers.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
And again, that.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Comes from your own stuff that you're dealing with, and
you have to acknowledge that stuff and realize that stuff.
And so that's one of the biggest things that I'm
trying to undo is just removing the emotion from money.
It makes the world go round. We have to use
it all the time, every day, just and also just
(10:33):
changing the phrases that we use about money, just small
things like instead of I can't afford that, I'm choosing
not to spend my money on that, right, And you
made the comment before about while you know someone should
be more philanthropic, it's like, well, what would you do
if you had.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
One hundred more dollars come in? What would you do
with it?
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And choose where you're choosing to spend your money. So
everything's a choice. So instead of your money controlling you,
you're controlling it. We just give way too much power
to this thing that should not have this power over us.
We need to have the power over it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
That's definitely si that even just the change in language
or saying I choose or this is not a priority
for like all of these things that put you more
in the driver's seat versus I can't afford that, or
that's too expensive, or we don't have that kind of money,
or things like that that people have probably heard over
and over again or think in their mind all the time. Oh,
if I had money, it must be nice, all of
(11:35):
those things that they say on loop. I think it
is important to think, Okay, what if you really got
down to what you want to do? What do you
do any health get there and see if you're kind
of holding yourself back and just using those you know
that thought loop to keep you down. I'm curious, though,
as somebody who's also a CFP and someone who's like
(11:57):
trauma informed, where do we sometimes gets stuck when it
comes to maybe things that have happened to us financially
in the past, or really negative feelings that we have
about money, or maybe scary situations. What happens when you
come across that with people you know that really maybe
need to do a little bit more work that they
blame money, but there might be a lot more there.
What would you suggest for somebody in that situation.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
I mean, it's just like when we have issues as
an adult, like we're therapy, like therapy, talking about it,
acknowledging it, realizing that it may not it may you
may have just just because it's It's like I said,
there's no right or wrong when it comes to money,
(12:41):
but there is healthy and unhealthy right or the way
we think about it, So really working through it and
sitting there and for something that we use every day
and it's so important to us, we rarely sit there
and like think about our relationship with money. So for
someone that is like like stuck in it. I a
(13:02):
couple questions that I ask people is when I say
the word money, what do you think of? And like
what words come to mind? And if it's like stress, responsibility,
burden that right, that we're going in a direction of
what you think about money, right, it's pointing you in
a direction. Also, was your what's your first money memory?
(13:24):
And this may not necessarily necessarily be like your first,
but if it's like the one that comes to your
mind right away, that helps to that really tells you
what how you define money or how your brain is wired.
If it was while I heard my parents arguing about money,
telling us we can't afford things, you know, whatever, whatever
(13:46):
it is, like someone making a kid at school making
fun of me because of.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
The clothes I wore.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Whatever it is that again shapes your relationship with money
and you really have to work through it. And I
mentioned therapy, but it could also just be journaling or
you know, using prompts to work, but you really have
to work through it and acknowledge it and like sit
in it for a second and go oh, like and
how it could this could have contributed to your relationship
(14:15):
with money throughout your life if you if you grew
up with parents who argued about money, you may never
feel like you have enough right so you become what
I call a money hoarder. So looking at what your
relationship with money is and really how it has stemmed
through some these you know, points in your life, because
(14:36):
that's what we can look back to.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, I think, and those are really good questions to ask.
I think a lot of times we just don't reflect.
We really don't think about why we're thinking these things automatically,
why that's our go to response. I think that in
sometimes it's just not asking the right questions, even if
it's to yourself and it's journaling. I think you can
do a lot of work kind of identifying like, yeah,
if I had an extra hundred dollars, where would it go?
(14:59):
Like maybe you don't have it yet, but like what
would you do with it? Or if you had a
million dollars, what would you do with it? And like
I think that people can start to really uncover maybe
certain things that they're not thinking or realize like, oh yeah,
that does sound a lot like mom, not like me,
So that's so important. Can you share any moments that
you've had with a client or a podcast guest where
you've had that breakthrough where it's kind of shifted from
(15:21):
fear and shame to like either an AHA moment or
maybe on the path to empowerment.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
So I can identify pretty quickly with a client, like
what their money personality is, and so often, especially my
clients that are nearing retirement, and I have a lot
of clients in the LGBT plus community, so women and
(15:49):
women want to have their own complicated relationship with money
because we are told money's taboo to talk about it's
not lady like to talk about money. Oh let my
husband handle it, or like my father handle it. They
know everything, they have the spreadsheets.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
I've heard all of that.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
But then I've a lot of clients that are female
in the LGBT plus community, and it's like they have
no resource, they have no idea, they no one to
turn to for help with their money.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
So I'm helping.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Actually, quite a few of my clients right now retire
and giving them the permission to retire. It's like I
can tell them all day long, the math works. You
can do it, like the math is there right because
I'm removing all of my emotion from it. And then
but they have to be emotionally feel secure enough because
(16:42):
they haven't ever felt secure in it. They likely have
kept their finances from their partner separate because.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
They haven't been able to.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
They weren't able to have joint book bank accounts, you
know as spousees, you know, up until just a few
years ago. So there's so many things with it. But
I had a client a few weeks ago that retired,
and you know, we're we're talking about, well, okay, how
do I how do I get my income? And we're
figuring it out, and I said, like, you know, I'm
(17:14):
you don't need my permission to do this.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
She's like, you can do like, you can do this, you.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Don't need my permission. I'm giving you the gold star
of approval, like I'm telling you everything works. And she
finally said, like it just I know, I don't like
I finally can see it. It just feels really good
for someone to affirm that I've done the right things,
and so she's like, I'm not asking for permission, I'm
just I just the reinforcement feels really good because I've
(17:42):
never had it before.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yeah, that's wow, that's so that that's not like see,
I actually admit that is you know, because I think
we and other advisors listening, like I've we've worked with
people who, you know, the math looks good and everything
looks right. But sometimes yeah, people might just want to
hear like you did you did a really good job,
this is amazing, congratulations and uh. And then there are
(18:06):
some people I did one financial plan. I think when
I was in corporate, there was one time when the
person figured out they had enough money and actually got
the okay that actually went.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
Upstairs and resigned. One time where.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
It happened like literally like they just really wanted permission.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I had another client.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I sat down with her and I said, you can
do it, and she's like, okay, I'm doing it next week.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Okay, Like yes, literally, they just wanted like one person
to like double check the work and be like okay, good.
But yeah, most of the time it is really like
not having that supporter, not really knowing who to talk
to and I think you know a lot of people
I work with a lot of you know, female business owners,
and like they're kind of on their own path here.
You know, it doesn't look exactly like their moms or
(18:52):
maybe their dad's not talking, you know, And so I
think it is interesting to see, like where do you
go for support? And so it is great once people
do start, you know, to find the help they need,
to find the communities, find the shows, the pocket whatever
it is that works for them, to have people kind
of talking the same language as them and thinking those things,
because it can feel really isolating and we could feel
(19:13):
like we're the only person thinking about these things, and
clearly we're not. If if you ask a whole room
of people who feels great about their finances and their
money mindset, I don't think you'd get many hands raised.
So we all have these thoughts and these feelings, but
we all still feel so alone, which is you know,
definitely part of the problem though or out here trying
(19:34):
to fix.
Speaker 6 (19:34):
But I did want to ask you a question. For
people who say they wake up and they're panicked about
their money, what is.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Something you recommend they do before they go and pick
up their phone? Check their bank balance, check their credit
you know, school, what do you think that they should
be doing instead.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Sitting for a minute? And what are we freaking out about?
Why are we freaking out?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You know?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Is it because you're comparing yourself to other people around you?
Speaker 3 (20:06):
You have this you know.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Arbitrary number you should have in your bank account or
you know, you're what what are we freaking out about?
Speaker 3 (20:15):
What is this about?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
And a lot of times it's not about the numbers
that we have when you open up your bank account
or you look at your four A one K statement.
A lot of times it's not about the numbers. It's
like all this other noise that we have, and a
lot of it's comparison comparing ourselves to other people, assuming
other people have things that we don't, so that that's
what that's And again that's where we blame money, like
(20:39):
money is the scapegoat on for this because we're getting
mad at our bank account or we're getting mad at
our four oh one k, But when in actuality, it's
not money's fault and we're not Money's not doing anything wrong.
It's this other stuff going on that we need to acknowledge.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
That's like you mentioned before and you ask people like
how they describe money, if they're like awful, terrifying, pathetic,
Like imagine like using those words in any other relationship.
Speaker 6 (21:07):
In your life, like that would not grow.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
It wouldn't grow, it wouldn't thrive, It would be sad.
Speaker 6 (21:16):
A sad relationship.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
If that's really how you like, wake up and think
when it comes to that, and you're right, it's just there.
It's just it's just your it's just your checking account,
it's just your paycheck, all those things, you know. But
the more you put that that emotion, those late, those
human traits to it, it does, it does start to
(21:38):
cause some problems. I wondered you kind of you help
people kind of especially And this is something that I
feel like is a really difficult thing to jump from
that feeling of just getting by paying the bills to
like wealth and growth and how to build like unapologetic wealth.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
That is such a.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Difficult transition I think for some people to make. Even
if the money increases, like the you know, the spending increases,
the keeping up with the all of those things, where
people they don't necessarily feel any different even if their
tax bracket changes, of their income changes, how do you
help people look at shift that from that kind of
(22:20):
just getting by mentality into something that's more long term.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
Yeah, again, it's I mean, it's well one addressing the
relationship with your money, right, and I call those people
money hoarders. They keep on accumulating. They they they want
to accumulate. Some things happen. They there's never going to
be enough in the bank account, there's never going to
be enough saved once they get to that bogie, Well,
(22:48):
well I really need X amount more because that that
just makes more sense.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
You're never going to get there. So when when?
Speaker 4 (22:55):
So at first, what does wealth look like?
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Right?
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Because it looks different to everyone, just like you know,
I say to my kids, don't use the word rich.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
What is rich?
Speaker 4 (23:05):
Rich is different for everyone. Or my clients will say,
how much money do I need to retire?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
I'm like, we need to figure that out. Like everyone's different.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
One person could last a lifetime on what another person
has saved. Another person may last three years. Right, So
we need to figure out what is your lifestyle and
where's your money going? Is it going to the best places?
Is it going to places that your future self is
going to appreciate? So there is some evaluation of where
(23:38):
is your money going? If you feel like you're on
that hamster wheel and we're never getting ahead, it is
a very important first step to look at where is
your money going. And that is not me saying stop
buying your coffee in the morning. Stop doing that, right, that's.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
No good advice.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
That only makes us feel bad, feel bad because that
might be the best part of our day. So who
am I to take that away from you? But looking
at where your money is going? And then and these
are conversations that I've had on my show and I've
had with clients of there might just not be enough
money coming in, so what can we do about that?
(24:16):
And a lot of people have multiple streams of income.
They use a genius that their job isn't necessarily using,
you know, using up and they may pursue another passion
to generate some so and that also does so many
wonderful things. Brings in more money, obviously, but then also
exercises other parts of our brain and gives us a
(24:36):
sense of worth outside of our office or our outside
of our home. But looking at like where is the
money coming from, where is it going? What does wealth
mean to you? Wealth may mean that one person like
I can just open up my banking app and not
freak out and not feel bad.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
All right, great, let's figure out.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Those numbers to not make you feel bad, and let's
do everything in our power to get you there. So
really understanding what wealth means I think is super important
also and not just chasing numbers.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
No, I've definitely experienced that with you know, money order
type of personalities where you know, we've been like, what
are we going to do with all this money?
Speaker 6 (25:18):
And basically unless the answer is count it.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Yeah, I haven't done enough work to figure out like
what wealth really means and what that what that retirement
would look like, what the ideal day would look like
if you didn't have to go to because I mean,
some people like to work and they don't want to
and that's great, you know, but.
Speaker 6 (25:35):
Also there's plenty of people who just feel like they have.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
To or they're freed and and like you said, I
think if you can't really define wealth, you're just going
to continue doing what feels like the answer sheet, get
a job, acts, how your retirement work, and like not
really and then you might I feel like sometimes those
are the people that transition from retirement, whether it's their
(25:59):
choice or not, and really don't know what to do
because they haven't spent any time kind of thinking about
their life in any other context between you know, making money,
paying the bills, and kind of moving along. So can
you can you tell our listeners like when you how
do you define wealth and financial success for yourself?
Speaker 6 (26:19):
Personally?
Speaker 4 (26:22):
Personally, I define it as being able to do what
I want, having the flexibility. We have a similar backstory.
I wasn't on the corporate side of finance, and you know,
hit the road. I was working with advisors every day,
helping them provide solutions to their clients, and after a while,
(26:45):
it was like I'm tired of that grind, so I
made the.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Switch to be an advisor.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
That was all my always my intention when I graduated
college was to be an advisor. But you know, no
one's giving their life savings to a twenty two year
old fresh out of college, so I had to make
a little little bit of a pivot. But then, you know,
the voice was always in the back of my head
of Cherie, you love what you do, but this wasn't
always the goal and I have I have four children,
(27:12):
and it was like, well, I need to make a switch.
And so wealth to me means being able to go
to the beach with my kids during the day and
knowing I have income coming in. I know my clients
are happy. I'm happy. Where everyone's happy, I can we
can do what we want to do without the fear
(27:33):
and the worry of money. I have a very good
relationship with money, so I don't have that negative and
when I think of my first money story was a
very positive one, so that I think has really shaped
who I am today. So thankfully I don't have the junk,
which makes me so passionate about helping people get rid
(27:55):
of it because it feels really good to not have.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
It, not have that junk in their head.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
That's and having an abundance mentality like more's gonna come.
It's okay, everything's fine, it's all gonna work out. More's
gonna come, and when it comes, I am open to it.
And and that's really how I wake up every day thinking, No.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I love and you're one of the only financial advices
I know that like knew they wanted to do this.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Like.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Really from the start, which is I think it is
fantastic because, like you know, I.
Speaker 6 (28:31):
I usually do. Usually it's like we got here.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Somehow through you know, either kind of through the fire,
kind of figured it out on our own, or just
got really interested in what.
Speaker 6 (28:44):
But it's it's interesting, it's great.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You know. I think some of us too, And I
think that there's some guilt and shame there for some
people that have had actually a pretty decent, you know,
financial upbring and financial life and comfort and like abundance and.
Speaker 6 (28:57):
Not feeling that scarcity.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And then I've talked to those people that are like,
but my husband has so much student loans and I
feel so bad because I don't struggle, And I'm like,
why he doesn't want you to, Like, it's it's not
your fault, you know, like all these things that we
kind of can carry around. So I love that you
have that healthy mindset and you're kind of helping people
instead of being like, well just fix it.
Speaker 6 (29:20):
Just don't think those things. Think the money's coming.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Like, there's definitely a lot of work that needs to
be done. But they're just thoughts and they're both optional.
Speaker 6 (29:31):
At any given time, we.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Can check them and we can change them, right, We
can be aware of way we're thinking and just like
once you stop and acknowledge and go, oh, this probably
isn't the best for me, Like you said, Like, would
I use the word terrible and awful and stressful to
describe any relationship you had, Like if you had a
friend that you're like, oh, she's terrible and awful and
(29:54):
you know, she makes me sad, and it's like get
rid of her dumper, right, Like we can.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
You can change it.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
You can change it, but we just have to figure
out where it's coming from first. And we got to
attack that because we could fix all the numbers all
day long. But if it never feels good, it never
feels right, the job's not done yet.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
No, I agree, and I think, yeah, I think a
lot of times people think with mindset work it means
jumping from terrible awful to amazing and I love it.
But it could be this is you know, I'm happy,
this is here today.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Just neutral?
Speaker 6 (30:31):
Neutral is good?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Just yeah, like you know what it's why isn't it less? Well,
it must have made some good decisions. I must have
done something right and then you can kind of slowly
get there. Same with you know, hopefully you don't have
too many toxic runs or people in your life.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Describing that way.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
But yeah, your money is going to be a long
relationship no matter what.
Speaker 6 (30:53):
It can't avoid it.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So I'm curious before we go, what are some There's
some merging money mindset trends, and there's some things I've
seen lately. You mentioned you talked to somebody who talked
about sustainability. You're talking to a lot of different people.
Are there any things that you're seeing lately that feel
like are really healthy good trends that you're liking to
see either online or you're hearing people discuss?
Speaker 6 (31:13):
And then are there some others.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
That are just the tried and true old school of
rules that you think are worth people paying attention to.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I love a rule of thumb.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
They exist for a reason, right, but we have to
take the rules of thumb and put some emotion to it.
The problem with most financial advice is that one men
and women speak a very different language when it comes
to money. And going back to my client of me
(31:46):
just giving her the permission to retire and being like,
the math works, but it was more of an emotional thing.
If her advisor was a male like, she would have
probably never retired because he just would have been shoving
down her throat the math works, retire or whatever.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
But it didn't feel right.
Speaker 4 (31:59):
There was more there and being that you and I
are few and far between. Unfortunately in the industry, right,
the voices have really always been male, and when we
speak two different languages, it's like a completely different language
coming to us. So I think, and so all the
advice that we've been given or what we hear comes
(32:21):
from more of the male voice, which is stop buying
that coffee, you know, set a budget and do these things.
And it's like that doesn't like, dude, that doesn't work,
Like that doesn't work. That there's a reason budgets fail
for seventy percent of people. They don't work. So I
think blending the rules of thumb, which are correct, but
(32:44):
then bringing the emotional side into it. Here's something very
simple an emergency fund.
Speaker 5 (32:51):
Right.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
We can google in an emergency what our emergency fund
should be.
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Right.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
Google will tell us three to six months of expenses. Okay,
So human brain, we go, okay, three months or six months?
Speaker 6 (33:03):
What do I want?
Speaker 4 (33:03):
It's like, no, there's three, four, five, six months. And
when I work with my clients, I'll say, here's what
the three month number is, and here's what the six
month number is, or do we like a number in between? Yeah,
we're using the math, but then we're using the emotion
because one side feels a number could just feel better,
(33:25):
or we just like a.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Nice round number. Great, let's just do a nice round number.
Let's do it.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
Who cares?
Speaker 5 (33:30):
You know?
Speaker 4 (33:31):
And and that, and so I think that that's what's
happening now, is that we're taking the math and the
robotic side of money and we're now blending our emotions.
And I think that the acknowledgment that money does have
an emotion is new, and it's mostly female voices that
are bringing it out and saying like, Okay, how can
(33:52):
we take this and make this more emotional to apply
but still have the logic attached to it. So that's
really exciting to see that there's so many voices that
are like, all this stuff is great, but we need
to appeal to the emotions too.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
And I think that's why we do have a lot
of people that might come to us and be like,
just tell me the answer, and it's like, there's so
much more we have to do, because, like you said,
how much do I need to retire?
Speaker 6 (34:19):
How much do you spend how much do you how
much does it cost to be you?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
And a lot of people don't know. They're like, oh,
I thought it was just I thought the answer was
just like two million, four million, one million, And it's like, could.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Be I read an article that said you need three
million dollars and I'm like, that's like you have.
Speaker 6 (34:36):
It absolutely could be like do you have a more?
What do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
And like, I think that a lot of people don't
realize that it is so emotional, there is so much
behind it, and you're right. There's some people where I
could say how much money do you want to have
in the bank, like what feels good to you? They
might be like, boom, ten thousand dollars. The rest of
it's got to be invested. Someone else might say fifty
hundred and it's like they're not right or wrong, but
they might just have some idea of what they can
(35:00):
go look at no is there and feel fine and
then versus you know, okay, well let's talk about certain
things like wealth and growing them and opportunity. You know,
because I know a lot of people that are sitting
on a lot of money in a high old savings
account because they just want to see it safe and sound.
But you know, sometimes it is a matter of like
(35:20):
getting down to like why that number, Okay, Like let's
look at some of them now, let's look at the reports,
look look at some of the math, but also acknowledging
like that's not wrong, it's just it just is. And
so I think it's so important to kind of bring
that emotional side in instead of more bigger like what's enough,
(35:41):
And like a lot of people really haven't spent some
time to think about that. So I love what you're doing.
I love the conversations you're having, and I'm so grateful
that you had me on your show to talk about
this and that we're able to continue the conversation here.
If somebody's listening and they're still not quite ready to
make a change, what is the one message that you
hold at in both of our conversations that they can
(36:03):
hear today and maybe reflect on a little bit more.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
I think just thinking about the two questions of when
you hear the word money, what do you think of?
And what's your first money memory that's going to tell
you everything you need to know of where you are,
and even if you're not going to change, sit with
where you are and at least acknowledge it, and you know, well,
(36:29):
maybe I'm coming from a negative place, Maybe this stemmed
from my parents, maybe this came from my childhood, and
just sit in it and acknowledge it and at least
so you understand where you're coming from. I think that's
the best way to start improving your relationship with money.
Even if you already feel good about it, it can
only get better. So that to me is the biggest
(36:52):
the light bulbs that go off when I'm sitting down
with people and I ask those questions.
Speaker 6 (36:56):
Yeah, I agree. I love those questions.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
And if you're in a relationship and you don't want
to talk about money, I think it's an interesting question
to ask somebody like their first memory of money, because
I mean, I feel like mine and my sisters is different,
like everybody's is so is so different, but it can
kind of provide a little bit of insight about how
they might think and feel. And definitely want to ask
yourself if you haven't, because we've all got we've all
(37:18):
got a story, We've all got things that we can reflect,
the things we can unlearn, things that we can like
kind of hold on to that maybe we're really helpful,
So thank you.
Speaker 6 (37:27):
So much for joining me.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Where can people learn about you and find out more
about your work and find your show if they're looking
to listen there.
Speaker 4 (37:36):
Yes, my show is called Everyone's Talking Money t A
l k I N. So you can find me everywhere
podcasts are released and then so you can listen to
all the episodes. There thirteen hundred episodes all about money,
mindset and thought leaders and it's just it's fun. We
try to make it as fun as possible. So that's
(37:58):
Everyone's Talking Money. Or you can learn more about me
and how I work with my client at GWA wealth
dot com.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Thank you so much for joining. I'm so glad that
we were able to connect. I feel like we had
so much in common. It's so nice to meet another
person that is talking about money, helping clients, but also
kind of combining both the mindset and the planning the practical.
Speaker 6 (38:21):
Piece of it. Today.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
I mean, I wish, you know, I hope there's more
of you, anybody out there that's thinking about this career path.
It is wonderful. It is one of the best things
that you know. It's certainly such a warning job. It's
so much it's so interesting. There's so much work that
needs to be done, but it was so wonderful to
meet you. And if you're looking at your finances and
you think it's time to get control of your financial life,
(38:42):
or maybe you're contemplating a big decision like retirement or
changing jobs or starting a business, head over to Misty
Lynch dot com. I'd love to find some time to
meet with you. Also, you can catch up on other
episodes of the podcast or order a copy of my
books he missed Buying Money there. Thank you everyone so
much for listening and we'll talk again next week. Thank
(39:03):
you for joining us on another insightful episode of demonst
Find Money. If you enjoyed this episode.
Speaker 6 (39:07):
Please subscribe, rate, and leave a review.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Stay tuned for more engaging conversations on our next episode,
and remember knowledge is the key to financial empowerment.
Welcome to the Demistifying Money podcast, where each week you
will hear unforgettable conversations with expert guests about success, money, business,
and small steps you can take to elevate your life
and wealth. Now here's your host, Misty Lynch.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Thanks everyone for joining us for the Demistifying Money Podcast.
I'm your host, Missy Lynch, and I'm excited to continue
a conversation that I've been having with Sherry Rash, who
is a NOBS Money Expert, certified financial planner and host
of the acclaimed Everyone's Talking Money podcast. Sherry, thanks for
coming on my show today to talk about your insights
when it comes to money and mindset.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
I'm so excited to be on the other side of
the microphone.
Speaker 5 (00:42):
This episode of Demystifying Money with Misty Lynch is proudly
sponsored by Soundview Financial Advisors. Visit www dot Soundview financial
Advisors dot com to learn more.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
No, you're interviewing a lot of people. Tell me now,
you know you have over thirteen hundred episodes.
Speaker 6 (01:02):
Of your podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Now, I'd love to hear from you because you talked
to people about money. You get to the point, what
are some of the things that you notice are some
common themes that are coming up when it comes to
your clients or people you talk to when it comes
to really opening up about money, shame and why it's
really important for us to get more comfortable doing that.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Many people we don't realize how money it plays a
role in our lives, Like we just think of money
as accumulating it our investments, our retirement, paying bills, whatever,
But we don't realize how money. We can't do anything
without money, right that it's what makes the world go round.
(01:43):
And so many people have a negative relationship with money,
and we don't realize how much subconsciously that affects us,
Like if you don't like money, or if you don't
have a good relationship with it, and just stuff as
simple as swiping your credit card at the grocery store,
(02:03):
like opening up your banking app is a dreadful act
and that's terrible, Like that's a terrible way to live.
And there is so much shame around money. And it's
just like our personalities. We have these quirks, if you will,
to our personalities, and a lot of it is just
who we are, the way we are raised. Money is
no different and it's and so many people think that
(02:26):
like the way they think about money is right, or
like everyone thinks that way and no one's right or wrong.
But there are so many different ways that we think
about money, So understanding the way you think about money
is just so important, especially if it's a negative relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Yeah, I think it's interesting how you know money. You're right,
we can't avoid it. Everybody, you know, we think, we
use it every day. There's really no way that you
can just like for time that it doesn't exist, or
like kick it out of your life. But I'm noticing
that people do have very strong opinions about money. I know,
we just saw Jeff Bezos had a way that costs
an extraordinary amount of money able to rent out an
(03:04):
entire city, And the things that I'm hearing people say
about how much that bothers them and makes them angry.
It really does make me think a little bit about
like our thoughts about you know, money and well and
what people should or shouldn't do Like this is you know,
obviously I think a lot of people who have these.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
Comments or you know, they.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Shop at Amazon and they use it, But what are
your thoughts there when you see people that really like
get upset about the way.
Speaker 6 (03:34):
Other people have wealth spend their wealth. Where do you
think that that really comes from or what does that
tie back to.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
It's funny you say that because of course I go
down the rabbit hole and read all of the comments
of everyone online, and one woman was like, he should
be donating his money instead of spending it like this,
And then, you know, I do not condone arguing with
strangers on the internet. But this other person engaged and
was like, well, he does donate his money and he
(04:02):
started Amazon in his garage and built it to this
Like who are you to say how he should spend
his money? And he is doing those things you said,
so that's.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Not good enough?
Speaker 4 (04:13):
And yeah, it really comes from like and I the
person even said in so many words like this is
your comments more of a reflection on you than it
is on him, So like, figure out your own stuff
first before you start projecting it on Jeff Bezos and
how he spends his money. But it really is, it's like, well,
(04:35):
what the way you think about it? And having more
money just enhances who you are as a person, right, Like,
it doesn't change you, It just makes you, Like it
just puts more of a spotlight on it, Like if
you were if you're super philanthropic without money, you're likely
when you have more money, you're going to be more philanthropic.
(04:57):
If you were a spender before it, when you have
more money, you're going to more spending. So that it's
so expecting someone to do something with their money that
isn't who they are, what is not fair, that's your
own stuff that you're putting on them.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It's interesting though, because everybody seems to have a take
on things, but you're right, a lot of people are like,
he should be doing this, and they're saying, you know,
all these shoulds and all of these judgments, but you wonder,
like how much of that are you doing with your money? Well,
I don't have enough money to be general and okay,
you know, and you think, like is money going to
necessarily change or like what's the tipping point? How much
(05:33):
money would it take for you to actually be more
philanthropic or generous or do you donate your time at all?
These But I love that your point about it kind
of just enhances who you already are and it doesn't
necessarily mean that you're going to go from a good
person to a bad person or a bad person to
a good person. If you're Dolly Partner with no money,
you're gonna be generous and share it. And with Dolly
(05:55):
Partner a lot of money, you're probably gonna be funding
a lot of things and helping people. And you know,
so really it's really interesting, though, how we get so
upset and so fired up about it. But I think
that there's you know, I think there's a lot of
things that get in our way when it comes to
being you know, either financially literate or comfortable. And you
(06:15):
talk about uneffing your finances a lot, and so I'm curious,
what does that phrase really mean to you, and what
do you think the first step in that process is
if somebody is really just a hot mess when it
comes to their finances and they don't know.
Speaker 6 (06:29):
Where to start.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Yeah, so that's a little bit.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
That's just to say, let's like remove the junk, like
just like clean like clean out like the gunky drain
of thinking about money, like stop putting our emotions on it.
Because money is just a tool. It's a tool to
do things, tool to achieve things. Whatever you want to do,
you need money to do it right, So get Unaffing
(06:56):
yourself with money is just getting rid of the junk
and looking at money for what it is a tool
to achieve something. That achieving something could be just going
to the grocery store.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Right.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
It doesn't have to.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Be these big, grandiose ideas or plans. It can just
be something as simple as you know, paying for stuff living.
But we tie our emotions to money, and that's where
we get ourselves into trouble, is that we give money
way more credit than it deserves as far as its
(07:29):
impact that it has on us.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
So that's really.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
What the show strives strives to achieve is to show you, hey,
there's so many aspects of your life that money affects. Right,
And I'll have people on the show that have nothing
to do with money. But then I just interviewed Stephanie
Seffrin from Sustainable Minimalists, and she does not she you know, outwardly,
(07:57):
I do not have a good relationship with money. But
I we talked about how minimalism and money kind of
go together, like your stuff and your money, it really
goes together.
Speaker 6 (08:05):
How we put our.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Emotions on our stuff or our space, and you do
the same with your money. So the show really strives
to show you money's an aspect in all of our lives.
But if we remove the gunk of it and remove
the shame or the negative opinions that we have, we
can really just look at it for what it is
a tool to do awesome things and live.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I like you shared something I was looking on your
social media and it was about I think it was
just a short clip about like children and like looking
for those teachable moments when it's like everything is a
teachable moment, And I think that's something that we do
with money. We think it has to be like the
perfect scenario or the right time to like have these conversations.
Really just we're probably avoiding it because we feel like
it's awkward or we're not able to talk about it.
(08:47):
But I mean, we're dealing with money every single day.
There's really not many times that you can't, like, like
you said, go to the store, or you can look
at your statement. You can do certain things to like
start to move forward word when it comes to like
that fear all that anxiety or on money, or you
can have these conversations without having it be like a
(09:08):
forget it. Money has a ground trees like terrible, shut
it down immediately type of conversation.
Speaker 6 (09:12):
I think it's so.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
I think it's so important that we start having a
little bit more I think I think, yeah, just a
little bit more calm, a little bit more less anxiety
less emotions when you talk about money and really just
look at it like the tool that it is. So
I love that you're sharing all of those stories. What
are some of the common money myths that you help
work to dismantle that you see more frequently than others.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Well, one, money isn't bad, it just is. It's not
good or bad, it just is your your bank account statement.
Your net worth is no reflection on you as a person.
It's a number, and the number isn't good or bad.
It just is right. And I think that that's one
of the big the drums that I beat a lot,
(09:57):
is that your you know, your net worth is not
equal to yourself forth and we really need to sit
down and identify why are we attaching negative number, negative
feelings to these numbers.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
And again, that.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Comes from your own stuff that you're dealing with, and
you have to acknowledge that stuff and realize that stuff.
And so that's one of the biggest things that I'm
trying to undo is just removing the emotion from money.
It makes the world go round. We have to use
it all the time, every day, just and also just
(10:33):
changing the phrases that we use about money, just small
things like instead of I can't afford that, I'm choosing
not to spend my money on that, right, And you
made the comment before about while you know someone should
be more philanthropic, it's like, well, what would you do
if you had.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
One hundred more dollars come in? What would you do
with it?
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And choose where you're choosing to spend your money. So
everything's a choice. So instead of your money controlling you,
you're controlling it. We just give way too much power
to this thing that should not have this power over us.
We need to have the power over it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
That's definitely si that even just the change in language
or saying I choose or this is not a priority
for like all of these things that put you more
in the driver's seat versus I can't afford that, or
that's too expensive, or we don't have that kind of money,
or things like that that people have probably heard over
and over again or think in their mind all the time. Oh,
if I had money, it must be nice, all of
(11:35):
those things that they say on loop. I think it
is important to think, Okay, what if you really got
down to what you want to do? What do you
do any health get there and see if you're kind
of holding yourself back and just using those you know
that thought loop to keep you down. I'm curious, though,
as somebody who's also a CFP and someone who's like
(11:57):
trauma informed, where do we sometimes gets stuck when it
comes to maybe things that have happened to us financially
in the past, or really negative feelings that we have
about money, or maybe scary situations. What happens when you
come across that with people you know that really maybe
need to do a little bit more work that they
blame money, but there might be a lot more there.
What would you suggest for somebody in that situation.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
I mean, it's just like when we have issues as
an adult, like we're therapy, like therapy, talking about it,
acknowledging it, realizing that it may not it may you
may have just just because it's It's like I said,
there's no right or wrong when it comes to money,
(12:41):
but there is healthy and unhealthy right or the way
we think about it, So really working through it and
sitting there and for something that we use every day
and it's so important to us, we rarely sit there
and like think about our relationship with money. So for
someone that is like like stuck in it. I a
(13:02):
couple questions that I ask people is when I say
the word money, what do you think of? And like
what words come to mind? And if it's like stress, responsibility,
burden that right, that we're going in a direction of
what you think about money, right, it's pointing you in
a direction. Also, was your what's your first money memory?
(13:24):
And this may not necessarily necessarily be like your first,
but if it's like the one that comes to your
mind right away, that helps to that really tells you
what how you define money or how your brain is wired.
If it was while I heard my parents arguing about money,
telling us we can't afford things, you know, whatever, whatever
(13:46):
it is, like someone making a kid at school making
fun of me because of.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
The clothes I wore.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Whatever it is that again shapes your relationship with money
and you really have to work through it. And I
mentioned therapy, but it could also just be journaling or
you know, using prompts to work, but you really have
to work through it and acknowledge it and like sit
in it for a second and go oh, like and
how it could this could have contributed to your relationship
(14:15):
with money throughout your life if you if you grew
up with parents who argued about money, you may never
feel like you have enough right so you become what
I call a money hoarder. So looking at what your
relationship with money is and really how it has stemmed
through some these you know, points in your life, because
(14:36):
that's what we can look back to.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, I think, and those are really good questions to ask.
I think a lot of times we just don't reflect.
We really don't think about why we're thinking these things automatically,
why that's our go to response. I think that in
sometimes it's just not asking the right questions, even if
it's to yourself and it's journaling. I think you can
do a lot of work kind of identifying like, yeah,
if I had an extra hundred dollars, where would it go?
(14:59):
Like maybe you don't have it yet, but like what
would you do with it? Or if you had a
million dollars, what would you do with it? And like
I think that people can start to really uncover maybe
certain things that they're not thinking or realize like, oh yeah,
that does sound a lot like mom, not like me,
So that's so important. Can you share any moments that
you've had with a client or a podcast guest where
you've had that breakthrough where it's kind of shifted from
(15:21):
fear and shame to like either an AHA moment or
maybe on the path to empowerment.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Yes.
Speaker 4 (15:29):
So I can identify pretty quickly with a client, like
what their money personality is, and so often, especially my
clients that are nearing retirement, and I have a lot
of clients in the LGBT plus community, so women and
(15:49):
women want to have their own complicated relationship with money
because we are told money's taboo to talk about it's
not lady like to talk about money. Oh let my
husband handle it, or like my father handle it. They
know everything, they have the spreadsheets.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
I've heard all of that.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
But then I've a lot of clients that are female
in the LGBT plus community, and it's like they have
no resource, they have no idea, they no one to
turn to for help with their money.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
So I'm helping.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Actually, quite a few of my clients right now retire
and giving them the permission to retire. It's like I
can tell them all day long, the math works. You
can do it, like the math is there right because
I'm removing all of my emotion from it. And then
but they have to be emotionally feel secure enough because
(16:42):
they haven't ever felt secure in it. They likely have
kept their finances from their partner separate because.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
They haven't been able to.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
They weren't able to have joint book bank accounts, you
know as spousees, you know, up until just a few
years ago. So there's so many things with it. But
I had a client a few weeks ago that retired,
and you know, we're we're talking about, well, okay, how
do I how do I get my income? And we're
figuring it out, and I said, like, you know, I'm
(17:14):
you don't need my permission to do this.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
She's like, you can do like, you can do this, you.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Don't need my permission. I'm giving you the gold star
of approval, like I'm telling you everything works. And she
finally said, like it just I know, I don't like
I finally can see it. It just feels really good
for someone to affirm that I've done the right things,
and so she's like, I'm not asking for permission, I'm
just I just the reinforcement feels really good because I've
(17:42):
never had it before.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yeah, that's wow, that's so that that's not like see,
I actually admit that is you know, because I think
we and other advisors listening, like I've we've worked with
people who, you know, the math looks good and everything
looks right. But sometimes yeah, people might just want to
hear like you did you did a really good job,
this is amazing, congratulations and uh. And then there are
(18:06):
some people I did one financial plan. I think when
I was in corporate, there was one time when the
person figured out they had enough money and actually got
the okay that actually went.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
Upstairs and resigned. One time where.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
It happened like literally like they just really wanted permission.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I had another client.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
I sat down with her and I said, you can
do it, and she's like, okay, I'm doing it next week.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Okay, Like yes, literally, they just wanted like one person
to like double check the work and be like okay, good.
But yeah, most of the time it is really like
not having that supporter, not really knowing who to talk
to and I think you know a lot of people
I work with a lot of you know, female business owners,
and like they're kind of on their own path here.
You know, it doesn't look exactly like their moms or
(18:52):
maybe their dad's not talking, you know, And so I
think it is interesting to see, like where do you
go for support? And so it is great once people
do start, you know, to find the help they need,
to find the communities, find the shows, the pocket whatever
it is that works for them, to have people kind
of talking the same language as them and thinking those things,
because it can feel really isolating and we could feel
(19:13):
like we're the only person thinking about these things, and
clearly we're not. If if you ask a whole room
of people who feels great about their finances and their
money mindset, I don't think you'd get many hands raised.
So we all have these thoughts and these feelings, but
we all still feel so alone, which is you know,
definitely part of the problem though or out here trying
(19:34):
to fix.
Speaker 6 (19:34):
But I did want to ask you a question. For
people who say they wake up and they're panicked about
their money, what is.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Something you recommend they do before they go and pick
up their phone? Check their bank balance, check their credit
you know, school, what do you think that they should
be doing instead.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Sitting for a minute? And what are we freaking out about?
Why are we freaking out?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You know?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
Is it because you're comparing yourself to other people around you?
Speaker 3 (20:06):
You have this you know.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Arbitrary number you should have in your bank account or
you know, you're what what are we freaking out about?
Speaker 3 (20:15):
What is this about?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
And a lot of times it's not about the numbers
that we have when you open up your bank account
or you look at your four A one K statement.
A lot of times it's not about the numbers. It's
like all this other noise that we have, and a
lot of it's comparison comparing ourselves to other people, assuming
other people have things that we don't, so that that's
what that's And again that's where we blame money, like
(20:39):
money is the scapegoat on for this because we're getting
mad at our bank account or we're getting mad at
our four oh one k, But when in actuality, it's
not money's fault and we're not Money's not doing anything wrong.
It's this other stuff going on that we need to acknowledge.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
That's like you mentioned before and you ask people like
how they describe money, if they're like awful, terrifying, pathetic,
Like imagine like using those words in any other relationship.
Speaker 6 (21:07):
In your life, like that would not grow.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
It wouldn't grow, it wouldn't thrive, It would be sad.
Speaker 6 (21:16):
A sad relationship.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
If that's really how you like, wake up and think
when it comes to that, and you're right, it's just there.
It's just it's just your it's just your checking account,
it's just your paycheck, all those things, you know. But
the more you put that that emotion, those late, those
human traits to it, it does, it does start to
(21:38):
cause some problems. I wondered you kind of you help
people kind of especially And this is something that I
feel like is a really difficult thing to jump from
that feeling of just getting by paying the bills to
like wealth and growth and how to build like unapologetic wealth.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
That is such a.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Difficult transition I think for some people to make. Even
if the money increases, like the you know, the spending increases,
the keeping up with the all of those things, where
people they don't necessarily feel any different even if their
tax bracket changes, of their income changes, how do you
help people look at shift that from that kind of
(22:20):
just getting by mentality into something that's more long term.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
Yeah, again, it's I mean, it's well one addressing the
relationship with your money, right, and I call those people
money hoarders. They keep on accumulating. They they they want
to accumulate. Some things happen. They there's never going to
be enough in the bank account, there's never going to
be enough saved once they get to that bogie, Well,
(22:48):
well I really need X amount more because that that
just makes more sense.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
You're never going to get there. So when when?
Speaker 4 (22:55):
So at first, what does wealth look like?
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Right?
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Because it looks different to everyone, just like you know,
I say to my kids, don't use the word rich.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
What is rich?
Speaker 4 (23:05):
Rich is different for everyone. Or my clients will say,
how much money do I need to retire?
Speaker 3 (23:10):
I'm like, we need to figure that out. Like everyone's different.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
One person could last a lifetime on what another person
has saved. Another person may last three years. Right, So
we need to figure out what is your lifestyle and
where's your money going? Is it going to the best places?
Is it going to places that your future self is
going to appreciate? So there is some evaluation of where
(23:38):
is your money going? If you feel like you're on
that hamster wheel and we're never getting ahead, it is
a very important first step to look at where is
your money going. And that is not me saying stop
buying your coffee in the morning. Stop doing that, right, that's.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
No good advice.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
That only makes us feel bad, feel bad because that
might be the best part of our day. So who
am I to take that away from you? But looking
at where your money is going? And then and these
are conversations that I've had on my show and I've
had with clients of there might just not be enough
money coming in, so what can we do about that?
(24:16):
And a lot of people have multiple streams of income.
They use a genius that their job isn't necessarily using,
you know, using up and they may pursue another passion
to generate some so and that also does so many
wonderful things. Brings in more money, obviously, but then also
exercises other parts of our brain and gives us a
(24:36):
sense of worth outside of our office or our outside
of our home. But looking at like where is the
money coming from, where is it going? What does wealth
mean to you? Wealth may mean that one person like
I can just open up my banking app and not
freak out and not feel bad.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
All right, great, let's figure out.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Those numbers to not make you feel bad, and let's
do everything in our power to get you there. So
really understanding what wealth means I think is super important
also and not just chasing numbers.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
No, I've definitely experienced that with you know, money order
type of personalities where you know, we've been like, what
are we going to do with all this money?
Speaker 6 (25:18):
And basically unless the answer is count it.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Yeah, I haven't done enough work to figure out like
what wealth really means and what that what that retirement
would look like, what the ideal day would look like
if you didn't have to go to because I mean,
some people like to work and they don't want to
and that's great, you know, but.
Speaker 6 (25:35):
Also there's plenty of people who just feel like they have.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
To or they're freed and and like you said, I
think if you can't really define wealth, you're just going
to continue doing what feels like the answer sheet, get
a job, acts, how your retirement work, and like not
really and then you might I feel like sometimes those
are the people that transition from retirement, whether it's their
(25:59):
choice or not, and really don't know what to do
because they haven't spent any time kind of thinking about
their life in any other context between you know, making money,
paying the bills, and kind of moving along. So can
you can you tell our listeners like when you how
do you define wealth and financial success for yourself?
Speaker 6 (26:19):
Personally?
Speaker 4 (26:22):
Personally, I define it as being able to do what
I want, having the flexibility. We have a similar backstory.
I wasn't on the corporate side of finance, and you know,
hit the road. I was working with advisors every day,
helping them provide solutions to their clients, and after a while,
(26:45):
it was like I'm tired of that grind, so I
made the.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Switch to be an advisor.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
That was all my always my intention when I graduated
college was to be an advisor. But you know, no
one's giving their life savings to a twenty two year
old fresh out of college, so I had to make
a little little bit of a pivot. But then, you know,
the voice was always in the back of my head
of Cherie, you love what you do, but this wasn't
always the goal and I have I have four children,
(27:12):
and it was like, well, I need to make a switch.
And so wealth to me means being able to go
to the beach with my kids during the day and
knowing I have income coming in. I know my clients
are happy. I'm happy. Where everyone's happy, I can we
can do what we want to do without the fear
(27:33):
and the worry of money. I have a very good
relationship with money, so I don't have that negative and
when I think of my first money story was a
very positive one, so that I think has really shaped
who I am today. So thankfully I don't have the junk,
which makes me so passionate about helping people get rid
(27:55):
of it because it feels really good to not have.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
It, not have that junk in their head.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
That's and having an abundance mentality like more's gonna come.
It's okay, everything's fine, it's all gonna work out. More's
gonna come, and when it comes, I am open to it.
And and that's really how I wake up every day thinking, No.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I love and you're one of the only financial advices
I know that like knew they wanted to do this.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Like.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Really from the start, which is I think it is
fantastic because, like you know, I.
Speaker 6 (28:31):
I usually do. Usually it's like we got here.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Somehow through you know, either kind of through the fire,
kind of figured it out on our own, or just
got really interested in what.
Speaker 6 (28:44):
But it's it's interesting, it's great.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You know. I think some of us too, And I
think that there's some guilt and shame there for some
people that have had actually a pretty decent, you know,
financial upbring and financial life and comfort and like abundance and.
Speaker 6 (28:57):
Not feeling that scarcity.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
And then I've talked to those people that are like,
but my husband has so much student loans and I
feel so bad because I don't struggle, And I'm like,
why he doesn't want you to, Like, it's it's not
your fault, you know, like all these things that we
kind of can carry around. So I love that you
have that healthy mindset and you're kind of helping people
instead of being like, well just fix it.
Speaker 6 (29:20):
Just don't think those things. Think the money's coming.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Like, there's definitely a lot of work that needs to
be done. But they're just thoughts and they're both optional.
Speaker 6 (29:31):
At any given time, we.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Can check them and we can change them, right, We
can be aware of way we're thinking and just like
once you stop and acknowledge and go, oh, this probably
isn't the best for me, Like you said, Like, would
I use the word terrible and awful and stressful to
describe any relationship you had, Like if you had a
friend that you're like, oh, she's terrible and awful and
(29:54):
you know, she makes me sad, and it's like get
rid of her dumper, right, Like we can.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
You can change it.
Speaker 4 (30:01):
You can change it, but we just have to figure
out where it's coming from first. And we got to
attack that because we could fix all the numbers all
day long. But if it never feels good, it never
feels right, the job's not done yet.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
No, I agree, and I think, yeah, I think a
lot of times people think with mindset work it means
jumping from terrible awful to amazing and I love it.
But it could be this is you know, I'm happy,
this is here today.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Just neutral?
Speaker 6 (30:31):
Neutral is good?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Just yeah, like you know what it's why isn't it less? Well,
it must have made some good decisions. I must have
done something right and then you can kind of slowly
get there. Same with you know, hopefully you don't have
too many toxic runs or people in your life.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Describing that way.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
But yeah, your money is going to be a long
relationship no matter what.
Speaker 6 (30:53):
It can't avoid it.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So I'm curious before we go, what are some There's
some merging money mindset trends, and there's some things I've
seen lately. You mentioned you talked to somebody who talked
about sustainability. You're talking to a lot of different people.
Are there any things that you're seeing lately that feel
like are really healthy good trends that you're liking to
see either online or you're hearing people discuss?
Speaker 6 (31:13):
And then are there some others.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
That are just the tried and true old school of
rules that you think are worth people paying attention to.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I love a rule of thumb.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
They exist for a reason, right, but we have to
take the rules of thumb and put some emotion to it.
The problem with most financial advice is that one men
and women speak a very different language when it comes
to money. And going back to my client of me
(31:46):
just giving her the permission to retire and being like,
the math works, but it was more of an emotional thing.
If her advisor was a male like, she would have
probably never retired because he just would have been shoving
down her throat the math works, retire or whatever.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
But it didn't feel right.
Speaker 4 (31:59):
There was more there and being that you and I
are few and far between. Unfortunately in the industry, right,
the voices have really always been male, and when we
speak two different languages, it's like a completely different language
coming to us. So I think, and so all the
advice that we've been given or what we hear comes
(32:21):
from more of the male voice, which is stop buying
that coffee, you know, set a budget and do these things.
And it's like that doesn't like, dude, that doesn't work,
Like that doesn't work. That there's a reason budgets fail
for seventy percent of people. They don't work. So I
think blending the rules of thumb, which are correct, but
(32:44):
then bringing the emotional side into it. Here's something very
simple an emergency fund.
Speaker 5 (32:51):
Right.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
We can google in an emergency what our emergency fund
should be.
Speaker 5 (32:55):
Right.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
Google will tell us three to six months of expenses. Okay,
So human brain, we go, okay, three months or six months?
Speaker 6 (33:03):
What do I want?
Speaker 4 (33:03):
It's like, no, there's three, four, five, six months. And
when I work with my clients, I'll say, here's what
the three month number is, and here's what the six
month number is, or do we like a number in between? Yeah,
we're using the math, but then we're using the emotion
because one side feels a number could just feel better,
(33:25):
or we just like a.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Nice round number. Great, let's just do a nice round number.
Let's do it.
Speaker 4 (33:29):
Who cares?
Speaker 5 (33:30):
You know?
Speaker 4 (33:31):
And and that, and so I think that that's what's
happening now, is that we're taking the math and the
robotic side of money and we're now blending our emotions.
And I think that the acknowledgment that money does have
an emotion is new, and it's mostly female voices that
are bringing it out and saying like, Okay, how can
(33:52):
we take this and make this more emotional to apply
but still have the logic attached to it. So that's
really exciting to see that there's so many voices that
are like, all this stuff is great, but we need
to appeal to the emotions too.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
And I think that's why we do have a lot
of people that might come to us and be like,
just tell me the answer, and it's like, there's so
much more we have to do, because, like you said,
how much do I need to retire?
Speaker 6 (34:19):
How much do you spend how much do you how
much does it cost to be you?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
And a lot of people don't know. They're like, oh,
I thought it was just I thought the answer was
just like two million, four million, one million, And it's like, could.
Speaker 4 (34:31):
Be I read an article that said you need three
million dollars and I'm like, that's like you have.
Speaker 6 (34:36):
It absolutely could be like do you have a more?
What do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (34:39):
And like, I think that a lot of people don't
realize that it is so emotional, there is so much
behind it, and you're right. There's some people where I
could say how much money do you want to have
in the bank, like what feels good to you? They
might be like, boom, ten thousand dollars. The rest of
it's got to be invested. Someone else might say fifty
hundred and it's like they're not right or wrong, but
they might just have some idea of what they can
(35:00):
go look at no is there and feel fine and
then versus you know, okay, well let's talk about certain
things like wealth and growing them and opportunity. You know,
because I know a lot of people that are sitting
on a lot of money in a high old savings
account because they just want to see it safe and sound.
But you know, sometimes it is a matter of like
(35:20):
getting down to like why that number, Okay, Like let's
look at some of them now, let's look at the reports,
look look at some of the math, but also acknowledging
like that's not wrong, it's just it just is. And
so I think it's so important to kind of bring
that emotional side in instead of more bigger like what's enough,
(35:41):
And like a lot of people really haven't spent some
time to think about that. So I love what you're doing.
I love the conversations you're having, and I'm so grateful
that you had me on your show to talk about
this and that we're able to continue the conversation here.
If somebody's listening and they're still not quite ready to
make a change, what is the one message that you
hold at in both of our conversations that they can
(36:03):
hear today and maybe reflect on a little bit more.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
I think just thinking about the two questions of when
you hear the word money, what do you think of?
And what's your first money memory that's going to tell
you everything you need to know of where you are,
and even if you're not going to change, sit with
where you are and at least acknowledge it, and you know, well,
(36:29):
maybe I'm coming from a negative place, Maybe this stemmed
from my parents, maybe this came from my childhood, and
just sit in it and acknowledge it and at least
so you understand where you're coming from. I think that's
the best way to start improving your relationship with money.
Even if you already feel good about it, it can
only get better. So that to me is the biggest
(36:52):
the light bulbs that go off when I'm sitting down
with people and I ask those questions.
Speaker 6 (36:56):
Yeah, I agree. I love those questions.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
And if you're in a relationship and you don't want
to talk about money, I think it's an interesting question
to ask somebody like their first memory of money, because
I mean, I feel like mine and my sisters is different,
like everybody's is so is so different, but it can
kind of provide a little bit of insight about how
they might think and feel. And definitely want to ask
yourself if you haven't, because we've all got we've all
(37:18):
got a story, We've all got things that we can reflect,
the things we can unlearn, things that we can like
kind of hold on to that maybe we're really helpful,
So thank you.
Speaker 6 (37:27):
So much for joining me.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Where can people learn about you and find out more
about your work and find your show if they're looking
to listen there.
Speaker 4 (37:36):
Yes, my show is called Everyone's Talking Money t A
l k I N. So you can find me everywhere
podcasts are released and then so you can listen to
all the episodes. There thirteen hundred episodes all about money,
mindset and thought leaders and it's just it's fun. We
try to make it as fun as possible. So that's
(37:58):
Everyone's Talking Money. Or you can learn more about me
and how I work with my client at GWA wealth
dot com.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Thank you so much for joining. I'm so glad that
we were able to connect. I feel like we had
so much in common. It's so nice to meet another
person that is talking about money, helping clients, but also
kind of combining both the mindset and the planning the practical.
Speaker 6 (38:21):
Piece of it. Today.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
I mean, I wish, you know, I hope there's more
of you, anybody out there that's thinking about this career path.
It is wonderful. It is one of the best things
that you know. It's certainly such a warning job. It's
so much it's so interesting. There's so much work that
needs to be done, but it was so wonderful to
meet you. And if you're looking at your finances and
you think it's time to get control of your financial life,
(38:42):
or maybe you're contemplating a big decision like retirement or
changing jobs or starting a business, head over to Misty
Lynch dot com. I'd love to find some time to
meet with you. Also, you can catch up on other
episodes of the podcast or order a copy of my
books he missed Buying Money there. Thank you everyone so
much for listening and we'll talk again next week. Thank
(39:03):
you for joining us on another insightful episode of demonst
Find Money. If you enjoyed this episode.
Speaker 6 (39:07):
Please subscribe, rate, and leave a review.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Stay tuned for more engaging conversations on our next episode,
and remember knowledge is the key to financial empowerment.
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