December 22, 2025 • 45 mins
Get an inside look at the world of financial planning with Misty Lynch and guest Abbe F. Large, Managing Director at Lennox Advisors. In this episode, they break down the realities of wealth protection, insurance, and why having tough conversations matters.What you’ll learn in this episode:
Where to find Abbe F. Large
Website: lenoxadvisors.com/about/our-team/advisors/abbe-f-large/
LinkedIn: @lenoxadvisors
Facebook: @LenoxAdvisors
Where to find Misty
Websites:
- Abbe F. Large’s journey into financial services and how she thrived in a male-dominated industry
- The importance of authenticity and personal resilience in building a successful career
- How major life events shape financial viewpoints and planning decisions
- Strategies to help clients take action on insurance and estate planning before crisis hits
- Why open communication about money within families is critical for long-term financial health
Where to find Abbe F. Large
Website: lenoxadvisors.com/about/our-team/advisors/abbe-f-large/
LinkedIn: @lenoxadvisors
Facebook: @LenoxAdvisors
Where to find Misty
Websites:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Demist Defying Money podcast, where each week
you will hear unforgettable conversations with expert guests about success, money, business,
and small steps you can take to elevate your life
and wealth. Now here's your host, Misty Lynch.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hello everyone, thank you for joining me for this episode
of Demist Buying Money. I'm your host, Misty Lynch, and
today I'm talking with Abby f. Large. She is a
financial professional and she is the managing director at Lenox Advisors,
and I wanted to talk to her. I talked to
some people in different industries, but sometimes I love to
talk to people who are also in financial services because
(00:38):
there's so many different parts of a financial plan and
a financial picture, not just your income or your retirement savings.
There's so many other things to think about. And she's
really focused with her clients on looking at some insurance strategies,
estate and trust planning, which is just such an important
piece of that wealth transfer protection side of the business
(00:59):
that I think everybody needs to be aware of and
learn more about, whether you're in the beginning of your
financial career or if you're transitioning to retirement looking at
transferring wealth to your family members or really just trying
to get a better picture of the whole, you know,
all of the financial things that we need to think about.
And so thank you Abby so much for joining me today.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Oh thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
This episode of Demystifying Money with Misty Lynch is proudly
sponsored by Soundview Financial Advisors. Visit www dot Soundview financial
Advisors dot com to learn more.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
So, I know we're in a fairly male dominated industry
and you've been working for more than thirty years in
this space. What drew you to financial services and the
work that you're doing today?
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Well, that is a thirty two year ago question, which
thirty two years ago. I didn't go to college to
be a financial advisor, right. I have a Bachelor and
Science in journalism. I mean I have a tpitalism okay,
And I thought that I wanted to get into advertising,
but I didn't, you know, fast forward, I really didn't
(02:10):
have the talent for that or the wherewithal I was floundering.
I was in my twenties, I was living in Manhattan.
I didn't have my family. My family sold their home.
I grew up on Long Island. They sold their home
after you know, my childhood home and moved to Texas,
and they just assumed I was going to be moving
with them, and I'm like, no, I'm not moving with you.
(02:34):
Gave you the idea that I would. I'm a New
York girl. Not there's anything wrong with Texas. But I
wasn't moving and I had no money. I was, I was,
I didn't. I really didn't know what I was doing.
And in my job I had, I was. I was
an assistant at a publishing company and one of the
associate publishers came up into my little cubicle and he
(02:56):
called me a maverick. At the time, I had no
idea what he was talking about, Like this was way
before top Gun, right, Like, no idea. And he said,
you belong in sales. You're wasting your time here, like
this is not your strength. And I kind of ignored
it because I didn't know what to do and I
didn't really have great support. I just had myself, really
(03:21):
And fast forward, I'm in his office and I'm putting
in coke Cola cans in his little fridge in his
office and they're falling out and putting them back in.
They're falling up put in and he starts laughing, and
he goes, oh, my goodness, if you don't leave here
and get yourself a sales job, I'm going to have
to have you fired. Like it was. So I wound
up getting a sales job at a women's HEU club
(03:41):
and I was selling memberships too, and I'm going to
around corporations and trying to sell memberships. They gave me
a script and I couldn't remember it to save my
life because it wasn't my words. And that was in
that moment I realized the the that authenticity, how important
authenticity is when you're trying to share a product with
(04:02):
someone and why it will benefit them. Right. So I were,
I was having trouble with the script, but people were
coming in and I would just connect with them and
I would talk to them, and these Caddy sales managers,
who were women by the way, took them in the
back and signed them up and I never got credit
for it. And this went on for a few months.
In the meantime, they sent me to a sales seminar
(04:24):
and in the first two rows were all these guys
from this financial group, and one of them thankfully came
up to me and we exchanged our business cards, and
he gave my card to a sales manager there, and
that sales manager called me like, I'm not kidding, Missy,
like six or seven times. It was just like why,
(04:45):
Like okay, I'll just come in just to get this
person to stop calling me. So I went in and
at the time, now let me preface this, at the time,
I had told the managers about what was going on,
and they said, whatever it takes to get the sale.
(05:05):
I'm like, okay, kind of don't feel like this is
where I should learn or you know, dig my roots in.
So I went to the interview and everyone that I
met there, I had no idea what was going on,
what they were selling, what they were doing. All I
know is that they were happy, they were healthy, they
were in control of their destiny. And I was this
(05:27):
twenty six year old woman girl I should say, lost,
broke my family, no family. They moved. My apartment was
going co up, which means they said you either buy
it or move out. I was dating some schmuck that
(05:47):
thought I should go work at the gap on the floor.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that's what
they thought. He thought my potential was. And I decided
I was going to do this. I decided let me go.
The culture was what drew me. And I was the
only woman there. And I used to think that I
(06:10):
don't know, I never separated myself mentally from the guys.
I felt like I got one over on you. I'm different,
I'm different than you, and I capitalized on the differences,
Like I don't know. I just brought my own personality,
my own creativity to the prospecting, my own grind. I mean,
(06:32):
I grinded the that first year, I cried every night
in the shower. It was so hard, but I had
no option, no option, like failure was not an option
for me. And if I did fail, I had to
move and I wasn't moving, so there was no option.
And in that first year I qualified for being the
(06:55):
top one of the top five producers in the entire
company in their first year in their business. I was
the only woman on that stage when I got recognized,
and I remember my and that and sorry, I want
to go back. And that year I bought my apartment,
I put money in savings, I met my husband, I
(07:20):
met my best friends in my life, and I found
my career.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
That's amazing.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
All because I was just following my desperation, following what
felt good and my intuition. That was it. And I
didn't see myself as you know. You asked the question,
what was it like being in a world? I don't know.
(07:47):
I felt like I never sat in the corner. I
always sat at the table I I don't know. I
demanded things, I wanted things, and again I was driven
because failure was not an option. Now how does that
carry over into today?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Well, like I said, Jane Goodall with her sexy legs
was the reason she got on the front of the
Time magazine, is what she was told, and she said
thank you Legs. I'll say thank you, Abby, and thank
you for how you were and who you were at
the time. Because failure was not an option, I didn't
take shit from anybody. If it was going to be,
(08:32):
it was up to me, and I made it happen.
And were there times where I was discriminated against, sure
that I stood up to it. I'll give you an example.
I was with my client and his accountant and we
were discussing the insurance component of his plan, and the
(08:56):
CPA belittled me. It was so bad, and then my
client excused himself to go to the bathroom, and while
I was in the bathroom, I looked straight into this
person's eyes. I said, don't you ever speak to me
like that in front of our client. I would never
disrespect you. Don't do it to me. And then they said,
(09:17):
oh my god, I'm so sorry. I said, no, you
could apologize when my client gets back, when our client
gets back, and they did. So. I think that maybe
that stems from how I was raised. I don't know,
but I don't like bullying, and it was a form
(09:39):
of bullying to me, and I stand up to that
like nobody's business, like how dare you? Like nobody puts
baby in the corner, like don't you dare? And I
don't know, I just had that mentality, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
No, And I think that that's something that's important for
people if you feel like like people tend to treat
you how you let them and a lot of ways
if you are taking it and maybe not giving anything back.
Because there's been certain times where I agree with you.
You know, I've been in a lot of rooms where
I'm the only woman, I'm the only person on the panel,
and it's like, but I'm here and I'm happy about it,
(10:15):
and I'm going to take advantage of that. And so
I think that there is a different you know, whether
it's you know, just choosing not to feel like a
victor or choosing not to, you know, let things hold
you back or kind of push you aside, because that
first part of your career, that first year when you
were making you know, when you had no plan B like, yes,
(10:38):
you go home and maybe it's hard, but like other
people maybe just want to get the script think it's
going to be easy and sales it's not. But I
feel like if you're putting your you know, your heart
into it and you really genuinely care about what you're what,
you know, whatever you sell. And I've talked to sales
coaches on the podcast before, selling lots of different services
or products, but it really depends on that feeling that
(11:00):
you get across to that client, to that person who
is looking to you for advice and help. So I
love the fact that you just kind of went ahead,
went for it because this was going to work for
you and you fell in love with the culture. You
didn't necessarily know exactly what what this team was going
to be like, but you liked and you trusted your intuition,
(11:22):
which I think is so important for some people. A
lot of times we'll feel like this isn't the right
place for me, and people will stay for whatever different reason.
But if you feel like I'm taking a shot on this,
sometimes you do have to go with your gut, which
I think is something that you know, I think all
of us here, but I will you know, I will
say that I've used that as well, you know, in
(11:42):
my career, to feel like this is the right fit,
this is the wrong room, this is where I want
to be. It's just something that I think isn't part
of formal training in sales. It's not part of formal
training in business. But I do feel like that is
something that we all should start to listen to and
really look at those you know, yes, these disadvantages maybe
(12:04):
of certain things, but are those opportunities? Is it sometimes
okay to be different than maybe everybody else in your field.
So it's really I'm glad that you stuck with it
because you've helped a lot of people have And I
wanted to ask you kind of personally, have any like
major financial or life changes in your life kind of
(12:26):
helped you shape the way you've taken your career since
you started.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yes, in twenty nineteen, I learned that my father had
stage four pancretic cancer and I was estranged from my
parents and my mother. I always adored my dad, but
(12:52):
my mom and I always had issues. And if I'm
being completely honest, you know, at the end of the day,
he was just a really, really good guy that married
the wrong woman and he just loved her, but unfortunately
that love was not given to him. I'll circle back
(13:12):
to that in a minute. But when we were going
through all this difficult time in the relationship with my folks,
my dad in particular, had you know, he was never
a rich man and he never knew how to handle money.
I didn't grow up knowing about money or how to
handle money. But as I got into this career and
(13:37):
learned everything, of course, I did everything for him with
regard to his financial plan. And when we were still speaking,
he asked to borrow money, and my husband was smart
enough to take out a life insurance policy on him,
(13:58):
and I didn't even know that he did that, Like, yeah,
I kind of just knew, Like I don't know. My
husband is amazing that way he can see things and
then just take He can see from a to ze
really fast. And he just took out the policy as
as an insurance policy that does it's exact definition, and
(14:21):
we bought my dad had purchased a disability policy and
long term care policy. Like we really took note of
the protection component. Unfortunately, he spent all the money. He
didn't know, he didn't really know how to save. So
it was it was a weird dynamic, right, but knowing
what we know and in the in the insurance world,
(14:44):
we protected him. Okay, fast forward. Now he has pacriatic cancer.
I'm estranged from them, and I made the decision he
has very little life to live, and I'm going to
go to Texas and I'm going to be the daughter
that I need to. Never mind the rest of the family.
This is what I'm doing. And for three months we
(15:07):
spent a lot of time together and it was the
most beautiful time I spent with him. We listened to music,
I showed him what love it's like. And I remember
one day I was making him an omelet and he
was hysterical crying and I said, Dad, why are you crying?
And he said, I just I feel something when you're
(15:30):
with me, and I don't know how to explain it.
And I knew exactly what he was feeling. Yeah, And
I remember him turning to my mother and saying, it's
not you. It's like he was like defending himself to heart.
It was like, this a whole weird thing. And I'll
never forget that. But here's the thing. There was a
(15:51):
lot of back and forth with travel. I spent hundreds
of thousands of dollars here on travel, medicine, doctors, everything,
And I remember speaking to my husband about it. I
was really really worried and upset by it. And my
(16:11):
sister and I never got along and we continue not
to get life. It was a whole family dynamic. But
guess what we didn't have to talk about. Yeah, money
these days, money, money, money, because no matter how much
money I spent didn't matter because my husband said, don't
worry about the money. I bought a life insurance policy
on him. Yeah, don't worry about it. Just take that
(16:35):
out of the conversation. And let me tell you something.
If that was part of the conversation, Oh, that would
have been the worst ending of my dad's life. Is
for his entire family to be like screaming and yelling
about money, but we didn't. So I was in my
(16:57):
client's shoes for the first time, really like with everything
that I that I do with all of that money
that came in, and not worrying about it and just
focusing on family and love and building and repairing that.
And so you asked the question, how did my experiences
(17:20):
in my career help shape what I do right with
my clients? Now? When I talk about this kind of planning,
haven't I have felt this to the bone is bone
deep what I have felt, how that money got rid
of so much anxiety and so much family dynamic crap,
(17:45):
that what I do really matters to families. And when
someone gives me a pushback, I can authentically and truly
from the core, say no, that is not right, and
this is what happens, Like this is what really happens.
We have the unfortunate job of painting a picture for
(18:07):
people twenty thirty years out that they can't see.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Right.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
So I did all this planning years before the event, right,
And now I see all that planning come to fruition,
and I feel it in my bones. That kind of
conviction you can't fake, right.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
No, you can't fake it. You can't have AI generate
your content and include that it's not there. That is
the very human part of the work that we do
with people. It is very personal and everybody's situation is different,
but there are some there are some things that we
have in common. There's a lot of people that I
talk to now, especially women, but men as well, that
(18:53):
feel like they are part of that sandwich generation where
they have aging parents and they have young children, and
they have a million different buyers to put out and
places that their money is being pulled in different directions.
And sometimes I've noticed that insurance is one of the
things that they put on the back burner because that's
(19:15):
an expense, like you said, for future me, future me
down the road me like I am thinking about the
lessons I need to pay for now, or the care
that mom needs, all of those things. So how do
you help your clients, because it is so hard to
picture ourselves in the future. How do you help them,
you know, aside from even just the stories that you
can personally share, but what are some ways and some
(19:37):
tools that you use to help people have a better
financial picture. So when things do happen, like you said,
the money's there, that piece of the conversation can be
put to the side, so you could focus on what's
really important.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Is your question? How do I bring up the topic is?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I think there's there's lots of you know, I think
people know that they need help when they come to us,
you know, or when when they're introduced to us, because
they have a lot of things going on financially, but
maybe they're like, okay, retire or college planning. How do
you introduce that whole risk mitigation piece? And then you know,
(20:17):
what are some of the things you do to help solve.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Well, it's easy. You just ask questions. What would happen
if what keeps you up at night? The whole what
keeps you up at night thing? That's a very blanket thing,
but very specifically, what would happen if you got in
a car accident you couldn't go to work? Ever, how
would that look? Could you afford to live where you're living?
(20:39):
Could you afford to put your kids through college? Could
what does your retirement assets look like if you're distribut
If you're distributing them now, if you're distributing in a
down market, you could decimate your savings like, so you
just go through this series of questions, like real questions,
like Okay, I'll give you a I'm pivoting just a
(21:04):
tiny bit, but I'm answering your question at the same time.
A lot of And you're a woman in this business,
so I'm sure that a lot of your clients are men,
and there are spouses who are women you do not
meet sometimes, but yeah, it happens a lot, And in
(21:25):
the beginning of my career it happened all the time.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Well, I had I had a client that passed away suddenly,
and he had a ten million dollar policy life insurance
policy and every year, and it was a term policy,
and every year he would come dangerously close to lapsing
(21:54):
it and we would chase him and make sure it
was paid. Every He had nine chid like nine children, yes,
very big. And his spouse did not work outside of
the home. She was a homemaker, okay, took care of
the kids. I never met her. And one day she
called me hysterical crying, say that, saying that he suddenly died.
(22:17):
And I was the first call. He said, if anything
happens to me, you call Abby. She did. Yeah, yes,
did it make me feel good? That I was the
first call. Sure did, I felt, but the fact that
she felt confused, lost, had no idea what the finances were,
(22:40):
had no idea if she could stay in the house,
had no idea if she could send her four other
children to college, had no idea. And when I co
cooned her with the advisors that she needed and told
her the money and I helped her and gave her
(23:01):
language to tell people because believe me, everybody wanted that money. Yeah,
it made me. In that moment, I realized that I
will never do a Discovery call again without both people there,
without the entire like, no way, because don't tell me.
So I'll get answers like, oh, they're not interested, they
(23:23):
don't care. Really, are you sure they don't care to
know if there is enough money to send the kids
to college? If something happens to you tomorrow, Are you
sure that she's not interested in making sure that she
can stay in the house for the rest of her
life and have enough money in retirement. If you're not there,
(23:44):
what happens? If something happens, like you guys go on
a skiing trip and like what happens? Tell me, tell
me what happens, and they can't. And so here's the thing.
When you ask those kinds of questions, it's not you
telling them what they need, it's them actually telling themselves
(24:06):
what they need. They're answering their own question like they're
answering their own question because it's it's now their idea, right,
So that is that is I just ask questions. You
just have to keep asking questions. Why is money? What
is what is it about money that's important to you?
What matters to you? What do you care about? How
(24:29):
do you want your legacy to be? How do you
want to be remembered? These conversations are what I latch
onto because those conversations are very cool and one of
the reasons why I love this business because you get
into this like under the hood conversations about life and
(24:50):
what matters, and I have the products to solve all
of those problems. And so I think the biggest thing,
the big message out there should be, don't tell someone
about what their problems are. Ask them, ask questions, have
(25:10):
them tell you what their problems are, and then you
come up with solve. Don't show the solve first, because
so many people like it. They get all excited that
they have a new idea that they just had. It
came from a meeting of all these spreadsheets and numbers,
and look how great this looks, and then they can't
wait to show it to their clients. Okay, your clients
don't care. They don't care, they don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And I think that is such an important thing because
I feel like when I started, when I first started
my career, I got an insurance license because I didn't
need to have a job. I didn't need to be sponsored.
The state of Connecticut would give me an insurance license
if I sat for training and sat for the test.
But I feel like then when I started to work
in that space, and I did pivot away to financial
(25:54):
you know, financial planning and investment management, because the insurance side,
what I was hearing for our training was asking one question,
the what keeps you up at night question, and then
stopping there and drilling into how afraid they could be,
so finally they just buy the product. And it always
felt like it was coming from a place of like fear.
(26:16):
And so I feel like when you have that conversation, yeah,
that comes up like, Okay, there's certain things that are
on my mind, but also what you know, if we
ask better questions and really get to know like Okay, well,
what would we do if this happened? Or what you know,
what are your thoughts if this good thing happened? Like
getting people to think and talk to you like that's
the value of the relationship, and then the products or
(26:38):
the services.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
That's just all then you could.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Figure out what's there. Because I felt like there would
be like Okay, we are learning about this new product,
go out there and sell it, and then you'd be
like hey, everybody, and like nobody's really like this is
waiting for that.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Cost to pivot. It's it's you're learning about a product
and that the manufacturers of that product want you to
go out there and distribute it and sell it. As
an advisor, No, I'm not there to distribute and sell
your products. I am there to understand your products so
that when I find a problem, if your product solves
that problem, great, yeah, right, let's take a look at that.
(27:18):
But the other way doesn't work. It's a problem first,
then the solve, not the solve, and then it just
doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, And that's the cases where I've had clients come
here and say I bought this product. I don't really
understand what it does. They told me all of these
different things, when can I get my money? And then
I heard that I can't get my money? Like and
I feel like that is something you know in our industry.
And that's why I was very excited to talk with
you today and meet with you, because not every you know,
(27:48):
insurance is important. Yeah, there are so many places where
these products that are sold, you know, are so valuable.
I can see gaps when certain families have no disability.
I'll be getting my hair done and I'll talk to
my hair dresser and I'll be like, what happens if
your shoulder breaks?
Speaker 3 (28:03):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
All of these things that I think about, And it's just,
you know, a lot of small business owners, a lot
of people would benefit from these products if somebody like
took the opportunity to actually get to know them, versus
being like, how much money can you sink into this
product for us and move on.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
These are real people with real issues, with real relationships,
and you got to get to know what that is
because Yeah, I am of the school that you really
need to understand. You need to seek to understand before
(28:41):
you're being understood. You need to really do. My fact
mindes last sometimes three hours. Like I don't leave any
question unturned, Like I want to know everything. I want
to know how you were raised with money, growing up
as a kid, what was that? Like, I get deep
(29:01):
and I want to understand the relationship they have with
money because a lot of because it's emotional. Money is emotional.
Right when we first got on, you know, when the
markets are going crazy, I don't want to like I
don't want to deal with those emotions, but emotions. I
want to solve those problems with my products, those emotions,
those So I don't know I am. I feel very
(29:26):
blessed that I've been in a working environment that's been
cultivating women in my firm. I feel very blessed that
I have had support from my husband and my children.
And I feel so blessed that I'm able to learn.
(29:52):
And this is also a career where you're never to
stop learning ever, ever, ever, And I love that that
excites me. The learning and learning about new products and
learning about new laws and taxes, and if our clients
situation doesn't change, the tax laws change.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yeah, everything is always changing. Like that's yeah, that's one
of the thing. For a while I was doing financial
planning where it was like a one time plan, and
I've stopped doing those completely because it doesn't It's life
doesn't work that way. As soon as they leave the
plan could there could be changes. And so I feel
like that ongoing piece of it is so important. And
(30:33):
like you said, with your clients, those relationships you build,
you keep those relationships, and as something comes up or
as things change, there might be something better for that person,
but you won't know it unless you do that deep
dive with them, unless you know. And I love that
you're focusing too on how people were raised with money,
how they feel about money. I mean, it's so important
(30:55):
to have that, and I do make couples come in together,
but I have had some people where I can see
that visibly tense just even talking about money, and I
feel like even being in the room is progress, just listening,
and eventually it like gets more comfortable because you're right,
I feel like a lot of people are boxed out
of the conversation, like, oh, I'll spare them the discomfort
(31:19):
of having to talk about finances, or I'll handle everything.
But there's a lot of times where we're at some point,
women will be in charge of their family's finances, whether
it's divorced, if they're widowed, if they there's just such
a high percentage chance that that's going to happen that
we really do need to focus on getting people involved.
(31:40):
And I love having how you mentioned mentoring more women
in the field and having more women at your firm
because it helps representation. Feeling like oh, I like, I
can't tell you how many people I've talked to that
felt really uncomfortable with their ex husband's financial advisor or
the financial advisor they worked with because they didn't even
acknowledge that they were.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Oh, that's that's you know, it's really funny. That's like,
that's like that's like sales one oh one. Like when
you have a spouse, like a husband and wife, look
at the wife or look at the Look at the
spouse that doesn't do the finances, look at them.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
No, And I feel like that is sometimes like even
the like groundbreaking training is like ask throw the woman
a question, make an easy one, and I'm just like
I want to know everything.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Oh no, no, my wife, My wife doesn't work. Really
you don't think she works?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Okay, Well, why don't we go replace all of those.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
M H, yeah, I don't. I don't let any of
my clients get away with silly responses like that, I
really don't and and and you don't. You don't answer
ego with ego. You answer ego with a question, have
you considered? And then ask your question. It's the best
way when you're dealing with an ego to handle the question,
(33:01):
because then it becomes their idea.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
There I do their answer there thought like, you know
what we were talking and if something happened to me,
you should probably know this.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
So you considered that you are no longer here, What
will happen to your children? Who will take care of them? M?
What them? Apes? Who will take care of them? Them?
And then what happens is they get they start getting
to those like deep conversations with each other. I once
had a couple this is this is interesting. I once
(33:33):
had a couple.
Speaker 5 (33:34):
You mentioned the you like the uh how you were
raised about you're raised with money? I had a fact
line with a couple and I asked, I asked that question,
how are you guys raised with money in your house?
Speaker 3 (33:48):
And I got polar opposite answers. The ousbands like, no problem,
no issue, The wife said, Oh, I was raised really wealthy,
like private jet wealthy. My father lost all of it.
So now I am like, I just want to put
(34:08):
cash onto the mattress. And the husband didn't know this
about the why yeah, so I'm like and so and
they were looking at annuities and so I had to
pick a product that worked mentally and emotionally with both
of them. And it did, and I found that product. Now,
(34:31):
when you do all your training, you learn about those products.
That's the point of that.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Right, Yes, that's the point people to identify the right
move for the right person.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
No.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I agree. And it's funny because I feel like those
conversations about me. I feel like people always assume, you know,
but especially when you're dealing with couples or even with individuals,
when we wonder like if there is a hesitation or
they're like, oh, I'm just going to keep all this
money in my checking account because it feels good, you know, Like,
why is that true for you?
Speaker 3 (35:04):
Yeah? What feels good about it?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
And like sometimes that in in some situations when I've
done financial planning, even having visibility into all of the
accounts and what's there and looking at it in one
spot versus like just looking at your checking balance and
like freaking out feels like a little bit of relief,
like oh okay, like this money that's going out here
into mye k or this sect like and you know,
(35:29):
just making sure even knowing what other people have or
your spouse has, Like most of my some of my
clients can't even tell me how much their spouse makes
really when they first start, yeah, because it's just such
a it's like kind of like that old belief like
we shouldn't talk about it, but it's like, yeah, but
you should with your household, your family.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Talk a lot about that. I am often speaking on
podcasts about speaking early and often to your children about money.
It is not to have. This is a little funny,
but I'm watching Sex and the City, the whole thing
all over again, and Charlotte, you know, the character, she
(36:10):
goes for money, right, and she's like, and when when
Carrie Bradshaw's when she was getting kicked out of her apartment,
do you watch them? Yeah, I've watched getting kick out
the partment. She had to buy it and she'dn't have
the money. And Charlotte was like, no, you shouldn't talk
about money. It's not. Wow, it's so interesting to see
(36:31):
that because I think times have changed, I really do.
I don't believe in that anymore, and I don't think
I ever did. I think money needs to be discussed
with the family early and often, because you're to your
point about the Sandwich years, right, People are put in
(36:52):
that position because they didn't speak to their parents about
their finances. They're put in that position now and they
have to take care of the parents' finances. They have
to take care of their health, their bills, all that stuff.
It's like major responsibility. It's a full time job. And
then they're also raising their kids. And the only reason
why that's happening and it's so overwhelming is because they
(37:16):
didn't plan, they didn't talk about it, and so it's
just they don't need to know the balances. They don't
need to know how much money you have. They don't
need to know any of that. But do they need
to know like how to balance a checkbook or how
to open up accounts or I don't know. Like my
(37:39):
kids are older now. I have twins, they're twenty four,
boy and girl, and I have an eighteen year old
and she's my last kid in the house, and they're
all financially independent in the sense that they pay their
own rent, they have their own bills, they have their
own credit cards, they're building up their own credit, they're
doing all those things. Talked about money when we were
(38:02):
when they were growing up a lot. Yeah, so I
don't think that that is a taboo. I think the
more we say it's okay to talk about the more
people will talk about it. Yeah. I agree.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
I feel like it's as important as teaching them like
nutrition and health and taking care of their body, like
all like you need to know these things. Yes, it's
like the most important thing I feel like I could
teach them because like you said, like there's you know,
a lot of people I talk to, you know, they're
in a lot of debt or they have all these
(38:36):
you know, and they really didn't understand any of that
piece of it. And also, like you said, like some
people who don't talk to their parents about money and
their parents are older and they don't realize like oh yeah,
like she never wants to leave the house, and like
she wants full time care, like I have an Italian family,
like you don't like like the daughters are supposed to
be providing all of the care. It's just an interesting like,
(38:58):
you know, if you don't know what's coming, it could
be a massive amount of your time, amount of your money,
and like not that it makes it any easier when
like those days come, but also like having a heads
up it can be very very helpful because you know,
we don't really know when we're going to you know,
need to to step in and help. And sometimes it's
(39:20):
faster then you know, you have a five years to
kind of plan for this. Not with a lot of
the families I've talked to you lately, it's much much
more sudden, so or it feels that way, probably because
the conversation starts when the urgent.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
It's very happy you and I are like, I'm like
so in sync with you right now because you are
one thousand percent right I am. I am. The guests
on podcasts a lot to talk about the Sandwicheers, and
it's really interesting to me because the podcasters are in
that position and they're like, how do we get out
of it? I'm like, you should have spoken about this,
you know, twenty years ago. Yeah, it's like, wh it's
(40:00):
a real problem. It's it's kind of too late. Late Harner.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
It's it's going to require more money.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Money they could, sure, but learn the lessons so that
you don't repeat it for your own kids, because they're
going to go through what you're going through right now.
So fix it, fix you at least you can't fix them.
Learn from six, fix your spells, make sure that kids
don't have the same problem. And that's it's. Yeah, and
(40:28):
let me tell you something. We are we are in
a world of worry because people are living longer, and
people are not planning to live this long. They are
not saving enough money, they're not taking out the insurance
policies that they need to. They are just not doing it.
(40:50):
And they think they're all they think they're all going
to die when they're what seventy No, seventy five is
like the new sixty sixty five. I mean people, it's
and it's really important for us financial advisors to make
sure that when we're doing the planning, it's to age
one hundred or more. Further one hundred and twenty. Yeah,
(41:13):
life insurance is to one hundred and twenty one. So
think about that, right, I don't have to live but
it's true, But.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Yeah, no, but I feel like that is that's true.
I know, like in a lot of times, I'll talk
to clients and I will go out to age ninety five,
age hundred, and they'll be like, you've got to be
kidding me. My dad passed away at like this age.
And it's funny because my father's father died young, and
I think he assumed too, so he like financially acted
(41:43):
like he was going to be here for a good
time and not a long time, and he lived to
seventy eight.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
You know, it would have maybe it would have.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Maybe been cool to save a little But that's why
I do what I do now.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Is that true? Why? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (42:00):
In some ways because it felt like, wow, this could
have been a little bit easier, but like ment like
if you don't it's so hard again to picture yourself,
you know. And I talk to some clients who are like, oh,
I guess I'll retire at sixty five. I'm like, okay,
we're funding maybe a thirty thirty five year and you
don't want to take any risk. You don't want to like, yeah,
you know, and if you like working, like why don't
(42:22):
you work longer?
Speaker 3 (42:24):
Keep charging?
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Like there's so many things that I feel like we
have in our heads that are just kind of like
the template or the answer sheet that we feel like
is gonna, Well, everyone retires then, right, shouldn't I It's like,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I don't believe any hiring. I don't think people should
be retired. I think I.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Feel like it's certainly going to change, especially these ages
with way like you mentioned, people living longer, people living healthier.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Like, there's right you're doing. There's a lot of change,
so many changes there. You know, people are no longer retiring,
They're just pivoting to something that gives them joy. Yeah,
there's what's different is that the paycheck is different. That's
that's it. The inflows of cash are different, and people
(43:06):
are not realizing. Look, as financial advisors, we have to
educate people on their accumulation phase, their distribution phase, and
the preservation phase, and what products are going to take
you through all three phases. There are temporary products, there
are permanent products, but we have to talk about what
(43:28):
products will fit what you want, right, And a lot
of people just focus on the now. They can't picture
themselves when they're older. They can't do it. And I mean,
I remember my first day of kindergarten. For God's sake,
don't you time goes by like this?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah? No, I agree, it does go quickly. I could
think of like mine, I could think of my kids
first ae like and now they're you know, in middle.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
School, and it's like cod was what six years ago? Five? What? Yeah,
it's no time. It's why people don't they only see
an the accumulation phase because that's all they are. That's
it's just what's in front of them, and our jobs
to make sure that they see the full picture and
that that's a tough job. But I love it.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
Yes, No, I agree, I love it too. Thank you
so much for coming on the podcast and talking with me.
It's been really I I'll have to have you back on.
I think there's so many other conversations that we can
have in this space. But if people want to learn
more about your firm and how you help people, or
maybe they want to reach out to you, what's the
best way to find its way?
Speaker 3 (44:40):
Please just send me an email. It goes directly to
me a large at lenox Advisors dot com and Lenox
is with one N L E N O X A
d V I S O R S dot com.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Thank you so much, Abby, and thank you everyone for listening.
If you'd like to listen to other episodes of the
podcast or grab a copy of my book, please head
over to Misty Lynch dot com. And if you like
this episode, please feel free to like and subscribe to
this show. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll
talk again next week. Thank you for joining us on
another insightful episode of demonst Buying Money. If you enjoyed
(45:14):
this episode, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Stay
tuned for more engaging conversations on our next episode, and
remember knowledge is the key to financial empowerment.
Welcome to the Demist Defying Money podcast, where each week
you will hear unforgettable conversations with expert guests about success, money, business,
and small steps you can take to elevate your life
and wealth. Now here's your host, Misty Lynch.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hello everyone, thank you for joining me for this episode
of Demist Buying Money. I'm your host, Misty Lynch, and
today I'm talking with Abby f. Large. She is a
financial professional and she is the managing director at Lenox Advisors,
and I wanted to talk to her. I talked to
some people in different industries, but sometimes I love to
talk to people who are also in financial services because
(00:38):
there's so many different parts of a financial plan and
a financial picture, not just your income or your retirement savings.
There's so many other things to think about. And she's
really focused with her clients on looking at some insurance strategies,
estate and trust planning, which is just such an important
piece of that wealth transfer protection side of the business
(00:59):
that I think everybody needs to be aware of and
learn more about, whether you're in the beginning of your
financial career or if you're transitioning to retirement looking at
transferring wealth to your family members or really just trying
to get a better picture of the whole, you know,
all of the financial things that we need to think about.
And so thank you Abby so much for joining me today.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Oh thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
This episode of Demystifying Money with Misty Lynch is proudly
sponsored by Soundview Financial Advisors. Visit www dot Soundview financial
Advisors dot com to learn more.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
So, I know we're in a fairly male dominated industry
and you've been working for more than thirty years in
this space. What drew you to financial services and the
work that you're doing today?
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Well, that is a thirty two year ago question, which
thirty two years ago. I didn't go to college to
be a financial advisor, right. I have a Bachelor and
Science in journalism. I mean I have a tpitalism okay,
And I thought that I wanted to get into advertising,
but I didn't, you know, fast forward, I really didn't
(02:10):
have the talent for that or the wherewithal I was floundering.
I was in my twenties, I was living in Manhattan.
I didn't have my family. My family sold their home.
I grew up on Long Island. They sold their home
after you know, my childhood home and moved to Texas,
and they just assumed I was going to be moving
with them, and I'm like, no, I'm not moving with you.
(02:34):
Gave you the idea that I would. I'm a New
York girl. Not there's anything wrong with Texas. But I
wasn't moving and I had no money. I was, I was,
I didn't. I really didn't know what I was doing.
And in my job I had, I was. I was
an assistant at a publishing company and one of the
associate publishers came up into my little cubicle and he
(02:56):
called me a maverick. At the time, I had no
idea what he was talking about, Like this was way
before top Gun, right, Like, no idea. And he said,
you belong in sales. You're wasting your time here, like
this is not your strength. And I kind of ignored
it because I didn't know what to do and I
didn't really have great support. I just had myself, really
(03:21):
And fast forward, I'm in his office and I'm putting
in coke Cola cans in his little fridge in his
office and they're falling out and putting them back in.
They're falling up put in and he starts laughing, and
he goes, oh, my goodness, if you don't leave here
and get yourself a sales job, I'm going to have
to have you fired. Like it was. So I wound
up getting a sales job at a women's HEU club
(03:41):
and I was selling memberships too, and I'm going to
around corporations and trying to sell memberships. They gave me
a script and I couldn't remember it to save my
life because it wasn't my words. And that was in
that moment I realized the the that authenticity, how important
authenticity is when you're trying to share a product with
(04:02):
someone and why it will benefit them. Right. So I were,
I was having trouble with the script, but people were
coming in and I would just connect with them and
I would talk to them, and these Caddy sales managers,
who were women by the way, took them in the
back and signed them up and I never got credit
for it. And this went on for a few months.
In the meantime, they sent me to a sales seminar
(04:24):
and in the first two rows were all these guys
from this financial group, and one of them thankfully came
up to me and we exchanged our business cards, and
he gave my card to a sales manager there, and
that sales manager called me like, I'm not kidding, Missy,
like six or seven times. It was just like why,
(04:45):
Like okay, I'll just come in just to get this
person to stop calling me. So I went in and
at the time, now let me preface this, at the time,
I had told the managers about what was going on,
and they said, whatever it takes to get the sale.
(05:05):
I'm like, okay, kind of don't feel like this is
where I should learn or you know, dig my roots in.
So I went to the interview and everyone that I
met there, I had no idea what was going on,
what they were selling, what they were doing. All I
know is that they were happy, they were healthy, they
were in control of their destiny. And I was this
(05:27):
twenty six year old woman girl I should say, lost,
broke my family, no family. They moved. My apartment was
going co up, which means they said you either buy
it or move out. I was dating some schmuck that
(05:47):
thought I should go work at the gap on the floor.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that's what
they thought. He thought my potential was. And I decided
I was going to do this. I decided let me go.
The culture was what drew me. And I was the
only woman there. And I used to think that I
(06:10):
don't know, I never separated myself mentally from the guys.
I felt like I got one over on you. I'm different,
I'm different than you, and I capitalized on the differences,
Like I don't know. I just brought my own personality,
my own creativity to the prospecting, my own grind. I mean,
(06:32):
I grinded the that first year, I cried every night
in the shower. It was so hard, but I had
no option, no option, like failure was not an option
for me. And if I did fail, I had to
move and I wasn't moving, so there was no option.
And in that first year I qualified for being the
(06:55):
top one of the top five producers in the entire
company in their first year in their business. I was
the only woman on that stage when I got recognized,
and I remember my and that and sorry, I want
to go back. And that year I bought my apartment,
I put money in savings, I met my husband, I
(07:20):
met my best friends in my life, and I found
my career.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
That's amazing.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
All because I was just following my desperation, following what
felt good and my intuition. That was it. And I
didn't see myself as you know. You asked the question,
what was it like being in a world? I don't know.
(07:47):
I felt like I never sat in the corner. I
always sat at the table I I don't know. I
demanded things, I wanted things, and again I was driven
because failure was not an option. Now how does that
carry over into today?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Well, like I said, Jane Goodall with her sexy legs
was the reason she got on the front of the
Time magazine, is what she was told, and she said
thank you Legs. I'll say thank you, Abby, and thank
you for how you were and who you were at
the time. Because failure was not an option, I didn't
take shit from anybody. If it was going to be,
(08:32):
it was up to me, and I made it happen.
And were there times where I was discriminated against, sure
that I stood up to it. I'll give you an example.
I was with my client and his accountant and we
were discussing the insurance component of his plan, and the
(08:56):
CPA belittled me. It was so bad, and then my
client excused himself to go to the bathroom, and while
I was in the bathroom, I looked straight into this
person's eyes. I said, don't you ever speak to me
like that in front of our client. I would never
disrespect you. Don't do it to me. And then they said,
(09:17):
oh my god, I'm so sorry. I said, no, you
could apologize when my client gets back, when our client
gets back, and they did. So. I think that maybe
that stems from how I was raised. I don't know,
but I don't like bullying, and it was a form
(09:39):
of bullying to me, and I stand up to that
like nobody's business, like how dare you? Like nobody puts
baby in the corner, like don't you dare? And I
don't know, I just had that mentality, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
No, And I think that that's something that's important for
people if you feel like like people tend to treat
you how you let them and a lot of ways
if you are taking it and maybe not giving anything back.
Because there's been certain times where I agree with you.
You know, I've been in a lot of rooms where
I'm the only woman, I'm the only person on the panel,
and it's like, but I'm here and I'm happy about it,
(10:15):
and I'm going to take advantage of that. And so
I think that there is a different you know, whether
it's you know, just choosing not to feel like a
victor or choosing not to, you know, let things hold
you back or kind of push you aside, because that
first part of your career, that first year when you
were making you know, when you had no plan B like, yes,
(10:38):
you go home and maybe it's hard, but like other
people maybe just want to get the script think it's
going to be easy and sales it's not. But I
feel like if you're putting your you know, your heart
into it and you really genuinely care about what you're what,
you know, whatever you sell. And I've talked to sales
coaches on the podcast before, selling lots of different services
or products, but it really depends on that feeling that
(11:00):
you get across to that client, to that person who
is looking to you for advice and help. So I
love the fact that you just kind of went ahead,
went for it because this was going to work for
you and you fell in love with the culture. You
didn't necessarily know exactly what what this team was going
to be like, but you liked and you trusted your intuition,
(11:22):
which I think is so important for some people. A
lot of times we'll feel like this isn't the right
place for me, and people will stay for whatever different reason.
But if you feel like I'm taking a shot on this,
sometimes you do have to go with your gut, which
I think is something that you know, I think all
of us here, but I will you know, I will
say that I've used that as well, you know, in
(11:42):
my career, to feel like this is the right fit,
this is the wrong room, this is where I want
to be. It's just something that I think isn't part
of formal training in sales. It's not part of formal
training in business. But I do feel like that is
something that we all should start to listen to and
really look at those you know, yes, these disadvantages maybe
(12:04):
of certain things, but are those opportunities? Is it sometimes
okay to be different than maybe everybody else in your field.
So it's really I'm glad that you stuck with it
because you've helped a lot of people have And I
wanted to ask you kind of personally, have any like
major financial or life changes in your life kind of
(12:26):
helped you shape the way you've taken your career since
you started.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yes, in twenty nineteen, I learned that my father had
stage four pancretic cancer and I was estranged from my
parents and my mother. I always adored my dad, but
(12:52):
my mom and I always had issues. And if I'm
being completely honest, you know, at the end of the day,
he was just a really, really good guy that married
the wrong woman and he just loved her, but unfortunately
that love was not given to him. I'll circle back
(13:12):
to that in a minute. But when we were going
through all this difficult time in the relationship with my folks,
my dad in particular, had you know, he was never
a rich man and he never knew how to handle money.
I didn't grow up knowing about money or how to
handle money. But as I got into this career and
(13:37):
learned everything, of course, I did everything for him with
regard to his financial plan. And when we were still speaking,
he asked to borrow money, and my husband was smart
enough to take out a life insurance policy on him,
(13:58):
and I didn't even know that he did that, Like, yeah,
I kind of just knew, Like I don't know. My
husband is amazing that way he can see things and
then just take He can see from a to ze
really fast. And he just took out the policy as
as an insurance policy that does it's exact definition, and
(14:21):
we bought my dad had purchased a disability policy and
long term care policy. Like we really took note of
the protection component. Unfortunately, he spent all the money. He
didn't know, he didn't really know how to save. So
it was it was a weird dynamic, right, but knowing
what we know and in the in the insurance world,
(14:44):
we protected him. Okay, fast forward. Now he has pacriatic cancer.
I'm estranged from them, and I made the decision he
has very little life to live, and I'm going to
go to Texas and I'm going to be the daughter
that I need to. Never mind the rest of the family.
This is what I'm doing. And for three months we
(15:07):
spent a lot of time together and it was the
most beautiful time I spent with him. We listened to music,
I showed him what love it's like. And I remember
one day I was making him an omelet and he
was hysterical crying and I said, Dad, why are you crying?
And he said, I just I feel something when you're
(15:30):
with me, and I don't know how to explain it.
And I knew exactly what he was feeling. Yeah, And
I remember him turning to my mother and saying, it's
not you. It's like he was like defending himself to heart.
It was like, this a whole weird thing. And I'll
never forget that. But here's the thing. There was a
(15:51):
lot of back and forth with travel. I spent hundreds
of thousands of dollars here on travel, medicine, doctors, everything,
And I remember speaking to my husband about it. I
was really really worried and upset by it. And my
(16:11):
sister and I never got along and we continue not
to get life. It was a whole family dynamic. But
guess what we didn't have to talk about. Yeah, money
these days, money, money, money, because no matter how much
money I spent didn't matter because my husband said, don't
worry about the money. I bought a life insurance policy
on him. Yeah, don't worry about it. Just take that
(16:35):
out of the conversation. And let me tell you something.
If that was part of the conversation, Oh, that would
have been the worst ending of my dad's life. Is
for his entire family to be like screaming and yelling
about money, but we didn't. So I was in my
(16:57):
client's shoes for the first time, really like with everything
that I that I do with all of that money
that came in, and not worrying about it and just
focusing on family and love and building and repairing that.
And so you asked the question, how did my experiences
(17:20):
in my career help shape what I do right with
my clients? Now? When I talk about this kind of planning,
haven't I have felt this to the bone is bone
deep what I have felt, how that money got rid
of so much anxiety and so much family dynamic crap,
(17:45):
that what I do really matters to families. And when
someone gives me a pushback, I can authentically and truly
from the core, say no, that is not right, and
this is what happens, Like this is what really happens.
We have the unfortunate job of painting a picture for
(18:07):
people twenty thirty years out that they can't see.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Right.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
So I did all this planning years before the event, right,
And now I see all that planning come to fruition,
and I feel it in my bones. That kind of
conviction you can't fake, right.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
No, you can't fake it. You can't have AI generate
your content and include that it's not there. That is
the very human part of the work that we do
with people. It is very personal and everybody's situation is different,
but there are some there are some things that we
have in common. There's a lot of people that I
talk to now, especially women, but men as well, that
(18:53):
feel like they are part of that sandwich generation where
they have aging parents and they have young children, and
they have a million different buyers to put out and
places that their money is being pulled in different directions.
And sometimes I've noticed that insurance is one of the
things that they put on the back burner because that's
(19:15):
an expense, like you said, for future me, future me
down the road me like I am thinking about the
lessons I need to pay for now, or the care
that mom needs, all of those things. So how do
you help your clients, because it is so hard to
picture ourselves in the future. How do you help them,
you know, aside from even just the stories that you
can personally share, but what are some ways and some
(19:37):
tools that you use to help people have a better
financial picture. So when things do happen, like you said,
the money's there, that piece of the conversation can be
put to the side, so you could focus on what's
really important.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Is your question? How do I bring up the topic is?
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I think there's there's lots of you know, I think
people know that they need help when they come to us,
you know, or when when they're introduced to us, because
they have a lot of things going on financially, but
maybe they're like, okay, retire or college planning. How do
you introduce that whole risk mitigation piece? And then you know,
(20:17):
what are some of the things you do to help solve.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Well, it's easy. You just ask questions. What would happen
if what keeps you up at night? The whole what
keeps you up at night thing? That's a very blanket thing,
but very specifically, what would happen if you got in
a car accident you couldn't go to work? Ever, how
would that look? Could you afford to live where you're living?
(20:39):
Could you afford to put your kids through college? Could
what does your retirement assets look like if you're distribut
If you're distributing them now, if you're distributing in a
down market, you could decimate your savings like, so you
just go through this series of questions, like real questions,
like Okay, I'll give you a I'm pivoting just a
(21:04):
tiny bit, but I'm answering your question at the same time.
A lot of And you're a woman in this business,
so I'm sure that a lot of your clients are men,
and there are spouses who are women you do not
meet sometimes, but yeah, it happens a lot, And in
(21:25):
the beginning of my career it happened all the time.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
Well, I had I had a client that passed away suddenly,
and he had a ten million dollar policy life insurance
policy and every year, and it was a term policy,
and every year he would come dangerously close to lapsing
(21:54):
it and we would chase him and make sure it
was paid. Every He had nine chid like nine children, yes,
very big. And his spouse did not work outside of
the home. She was a homemaker, okay, took care of
the kids. I never met her. And one day she
called me hysterical crying, say that, saying that he suddenly died.
(22:17):
And I was the first call. He said, if anything
happens to me, you call Abby. She did. Yeah, yes,
did it make me feel good? That I was the
first call. Sure did, I felt, but the fact that
she felt confused, lost, had no idea what the finances were,
(22:40):
had no idea if she could stay in the house,
had no idea if she could send her four other
children to college, had no idea. And when I co
cooned her with the advisors that she needed and told
her the money and I helped her and gave her
(23:01):
language to tell people because believe me, everybody wanted that money. Yeah,
it made me. In that moment, I realized that I
will never do a Discovery call again without both people there,
without the entire like, no way, because don't tell me.
So I'll get answers like, oh, they're not interested, they
(23:23):
don't care. Really, are you sure they don't care to
know if there is enough money to send the kids
to college? If something happens to you tomorrow, Are you
sure that she's not interested in making sure that she
can stay in the house for the rest of her
life and have enough money in retirement. If you're not there,
(23:44):
what happens? If something happens, like you guys go on
a skiing trip and like what happens? Tell me, tell
me what happens, and they can't. And so here's the thing.
When you ask those kinds of questions, it's not you
telling them what they need, it's them actually telling themselves
(24:06):
what they need. They're answering their own question like they're
answering their own question because it's it's now their idea, right,
So that is that is I just ask questions. You
just have to keep asking questions. Why is money? What
is what is it about money that's important to you?
What matters to you? What do you care about? How
(24:29):
do you want your legacy to be? How do you
want to be remembered? These conversations are what I latch
onto because those conversations are very cool and one of
the reasons why I love this business because you get
into this like under the hood conversations about life and
(24:50):
what matters, and I have the products to solve all
of those problems. And so I think the biggest thing,
the big message out there should be, don't tell someone
about what their problems are. Ask them, ask questions, have
(25:10):
them tell you what their problems are, and then you
come up with solve. Don't show the solve first, because
so many people like it. They get all excited that
they have a new idea that they just had. It
came from a meeting of all these spreadsheets and numbers,
and look how great this looks, and then they can't
wait to show it to their clients. Okay, your clients
don't care. They don't care, they don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And I think that is such an important thing because
I feel like when I started, when I first started
my career, I got an insurance license because I didn't
need to have a job. I didn't need to be sponsored.
The state of Connecticut would give me an insurance license
if I sat for training and sat for the test.
But I feel like then when I started to work
in that space, and I did pivot away to financial
(25:54):
you know, financial planning and investment management, because the insurance side,
what I was hearing for our training was asking one question,
the what keeps you up at night question, and then
stopping there and drilling into how afraid they could be,
so finally they just buy the product. And it always
felt like it was coming from a place of like fear.
(26:16):
And so I feel like when you have that conversation, yeah,
that comes up like, Okay, there's certain things that are
on my mind, but also what you know, if we
ask better questions and really get to know like Okay, well,
what would we do if this happened? Or what you know,
what are your thoughts if this good thing happened? Like
getting people to think and talk to you like that's
the value of the relationship, and then the products or
(26:38):
the services.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
That's just all then you could.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Figure out what's there. Because I felt like there would
be like Okay, we are learning about this new product,
go out there and sell it, and then you'd be
like hey, everybody, and like nobody's really like this is
waiting for that.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Cost to pivot. It's it's you're learning about a product
and that the manufacturers of that product want you to
go out there and distribute it and sell it. As
an advisor, No, I'm not there to distribute and sell
your products. I am there to understand your products so
that when I find a problem, if your product solves
that problem, great, yeah, right, let's take a look at that.
(27:18):
But the other way doesn't work. It's a problem first,
then the solve, not the solve, and then it just
doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yeah, And that's the cases where I've had clients come
here and say I bought this product. I don't really
understand what it does. They told me all of these
different things, when can I get my money? And then
I heard that I can't get my money? Like and
I feel like that is something you know in our industry.
And that's why I was very excited to talk with
you today and meet with you, because not every you know,
(27:48):
insurance is important. Yeah, there are so many places where
these products that are sold, you know, are so valuable.
I can see gaps when certain families have no disability.
I'll be getting my hair done and I'll talk to
my hair dresser and I'll be like, what happens if
your shoulder breaks?
Speaker 3 (28:03):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 2 (28:04):
All of these things that I think about, And it's just,
you know, a lot of small business owners, a lot
of people would benefit from these products if somebody like
took the opportunity to actually get to know them, versus
being like, how much money can you sink into this
product for us and move on.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
These are real people with real issues, with real relationships,
and you got to get to know what that is
because Yeah, I am of the school that you really
need to understand. You need to seek to understand before
(28:41):
you're being understood. You need to really do. My fact
mindes last sometimes three hours. Like I don't leave any
question unturned, Like I want to know everything. I want
to know how you were raised with money, growing up
as a kid, what was that? Like, I get deep
(29:01):
and I want to understand the relationship they have with
money because a lot of because it's emotional. Money is emotional.
Right when we first got on, you know, when the
markets are going crazy, I don't want to like I
don't want to deal with those emotions, but emotions. I
want to solve those problems with my products, those emotions,
those So I don't know I am. I feel very
(29:26):
blessed that I've been in a working environment that's been
cultivating women in my firm. I feel very blessed that
I have had support from my husband and my children.
And I feel so blessed that I'm able to learn.
(29:52):
And this is also a career where you're never to
stop learning ever, ever, ever, And I love that that
excites me. The learning and learning about new products and
learning about new laws and taxes, and if our clients
situation doesn't change, the tax laws change.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yeah, everything is always changing. Like that's yeah, that's one
of the thing. For a while I was doing financial
planning where it was like a one time plan, and
I've stopped doing those completely because it doesn't It's life
doesn't work that way. As soon as they leave the
plan could there could be changes. And so I feel
like that ongoing piece of it is so important. And
(30:33):
like you said, with your clients, those relationships you build,
you keep those relationships, and as something comes up or
as things change, there might be something better for that person,
but you won't know it unless you do that deep
dive with them, unless you know. And I love that
you're focusing too on how people were raised with money,
how they feel about money. I mean, it's so important
(30:55):
to have that, and I do make couples come in together,
but I have had some people where I can see
that visibly tense just even talking about money, and I
feel like even being in the room is progress, just listening,
and eventually it like gets more comfortable because you're right,
I feel like a lot of people are boxed out
of the conversation, like, oh, I'll spare them the discomfort
(31:19):
of having to talk about finances, or I'll handle everything.
But there's a lot of times where we're at some point,
women will be in charge of their family's finances, whether
it's divorced, if they're widowed, if they there's just such
a high percentage chance that that's going to happen that
we really do need to focus on getting people involved.
(31:40):
And I love having how you mentioned mentoring more women
in the field and having more women at your firm
because it helps representation. Feeling like oh, I like, I
can't tell you how many people I've talked to that
felt really uncomfortable with their ex husband's financial advisor or
the financial advisor they worked with because they didn't even
acknowledge that they were.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Oh, that's that's you know, it's really funny. That's like,
that's like that's like sales one oh one. Like when
you have a spouse, like a husband and wife, look
at the wife or look at the Look at the
spouse that doesn't do the finances, look at them.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
No, And I feel like that is sometimes like even
the like groundbreaking training is like ask throw the woman
a question, make an easy one, and I'm just like
I want to know everything.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Oh no, no, my wife, My wife doesn't work. Really
you don't think she works?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Okay, Well, why don't we go replace all of those.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
M H, yeah, I don't. I don't let any of
my clients get away with silly responses like that, I
really don't and and and you don't. You don't answer
ego with ego. You answer ego with a question, have
you considered? And then ask your question. It's the best
way when you're dealing with an ego to handle the question,
(33:01):
because then it becomes their idea.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
There I do their answer there thought like, you know
what we were talking and if something happened to me,
you should probably know this.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
So you considered that you are no longer here, What
will happen to your children? Who will take care of them? M?
What them? Apes? Who will take care of them? Them?
And then what happens is they get they start getting
to those like deep conversations with each other. I once
had a couple this is this is interesting. I once
(33:33):
had a couple.
Speaker 5 (33:34):
You mentioned the you like the uh how you were
raised about you're raised with money? I had a fact
line with a couple and I asked, I asked that question,
how are you guys raised with money in your house?
Speaker 3 (33:48):
And I got polar opposite answers. The ousbands like, no problem,
no issue, The wife said, Oh, I was raised really wealthy,
like private jet wealthy. My father lost all of it.
So now I am like, I just want to put
(34:08):
cash onto the mattress. And the husband didn't know this
about the why yeah, so I'm like and so and
they were looking at annuities and so I had to
pick a product that worked mentally and emotionally with both
of them. And it did, and I found that product. Now,
(34:31):
when you do all your training, you learn about those products.
That's the point of that.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Right, Yes, that's the point people to identify the right
move for the right person.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
No.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I agree. And it's funny because I feel like those
conversations about me. I feel like people always assume, you know,
but especially when you're dealing with couples or even with individuals,
when we wonder like if there is a hesitation or
they're like, oh, I'm just going to keep all this
money in my checking account because it feels good, you know, Like,
why is that true for you?
Speaker 3 (35:04):
Yeah? What feels good about it?
Speaker 2 (35:05):
And like sometimes that in in some situations when I've
done financial planning, even having visibility into all of the
accounts and what's there and looking at it in one
spot versus like just looking at your checking balance and
like freaking out feels like a little bit of relief,
like oh okay, like this money that's going out here
into mye k or this sect like and you know,
(35:29):
just making sure even knowing what other people have or
your spouse has, Like most of my some of my
clients can't even tell me how much their spouse makes
really when they first start, yeah, because it's just such
a it's like kind of like that old belief like
we shouldn't talk about it, but it's like, yeah, but
you should with your household, your family.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Talk a lot about that. I am often speaking on
podcasts about speaking early and often to your children about money.
It is not to have. This is a little funny,
but I'm watching Sex and the City, the whole thing
all over again, and Charlotte, you know, the character, she
(36:10):
goes for money, right, and she's like, and when when
Carrie Bradshaw's when she was getting kicked out of her apartment,
do you watch them? Yeah, I've watched getting kick out
the partment. She had to buy it and she'dn't have
the money. And Charlotte was like, no, you shouldn't talk
about money. It's not. Wow, it's so interesting to see
(36:31):
that because I think times have changed, I really do.
I don't believe in that anymore, and I don't think
I ever did. I think money needs to be discussed
with the family early and often, because you're to your
point about the Sandwich years, right, People are put in
(36:52):
that position because they didn't speak to their parents about
their finances. They're put in that position now and they
have to take care of the parents' finances. They have
to take care of their health, their bills, all that stuff.
It's like major responsibility. It's a full time job. And
then they're also raising their kids. And the only reason
why that's happening and it's so overwhelming is because they
(37:16):
didn't plan, they didn't talk about it, and so it's
just they don't need to know the balances. They don't
need to know how much money you have. They don't
need to know any of that. But do they need
to know like how to balance a checkbook or how
to open up accounts or I don't know. Like my
(37:39):
kids are older now. I have twins, they're twenty four,
boy and girl, and I have an eighteen year old
and she's my last kid in the house, and they're
all financially independent in the sense that they pay their
own rent, they have their own bills, they have their
own credit cards, they're building up their own credit, they're
doing all those things. Talked about money when we were
(38:02):
when they were growing up a lot. Yeah, so I
don't think that that is a taboo. I think the
more we say it's okay to talk about the more
people will talk about it. Yeah. I agree.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
I feel like it's as important as teaching them like
nutrition and health and taking care of their body, like
all like you need to know these things. Yes, it's
like the most important thing I feel like I could
teach them because like you said, like there's you know,
a lot of people I talk to, you know, they're
in a lot of debt or they have all these
(38:36):
you know, and they really didn't understand any of that
piece of it. And also, like you said, like some
people who don't talk to their parents about money and
their parents are older and they don't realize like oh yeah,
like she never wants to leave the house, and like
she wants full time care, like I have an Italian family,
like you don't like like the daughters are supposed to
be providing all of the care. It's just an interesting like,
(38:58):
you know, if you don't know what's coming, it could
be a massive amount of your time, amount of your money,
and like not that it makes it any easier when
like those days come, but also like having a heads
up it can be very very helpful because you know,
we don't really know when we're going to you know,
need to to step in and help. And sometimes it's
(39:20):
faster then you know, you have a five years to
kind of plan for this. Not with a lot of
the families I've talked to you lately, it's much much
more sudden, so or it feels that way, probably because
the conversation starts when the urgent.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
It's very happy you and I are like, I'm like
so in sync with you right now because you are
one thousand percent right I am. I am. The guests
on podcasts a lot to talk about the Sandwicheers, and
it's really interesting to me because the podcasters are in
that position and they're like, how do we get out
of it? I'm like, you should have spoken about this,
you know, twenty years ago. Yeah, it's like, wh it's
(40:00):
a real problem. It's it's kind of too late. Late Harner.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
It's it's going to require more money.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Money they could, sure, but learn the lessons so that
you don't repeat it for your own kids, because they're
going to go through what you're going through right now.
So fix it, fix you at least you can't fix them.
Learn from six, fix your spells, make sure that kids
don't have the same problem. And that's it's. Yeah, and
(40:28):
let me tell you something. We are we are in
a world of worry because people are living longer, and
people are not planning to live this long. They are
not saving enough money, they're not taking out the insurance
policies that they need to. They are just not doing it.
(40:50):
And they think they're all they think they're all going
to die when they're what seventy No, seventy five is
like the new sixty sixty five. I mean people, it's
and it's really important for us financial advisors to make
sure that when we're doing the planning, it's to age
one hundred or more. Further one hundred and twenty. Yeah,
(41:13):
life insurance is to one hundred and twenty one. So
think about that, right, I don't have to live but
it's true, But.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
Yeah, no, but I feel like that is that's true.
I know, like in a lot of times, I'll talk
to clients and I will go out to age ninety five,
age hundred, and they'll be like, you've got to be
kidding me. My dad passed away at like this age.
And it's funny because my father's father died young, and
I think he assumed too, so he like financially acted
(41:43):
like he was going to be here for a good
time and not a long time, and he lived to
seventy eight.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
You know, it would have maybe it would have.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Maybe been cool to save a little But that's why
I do what I do now.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Is that true? Why? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (42:00):
In some ways because it felt like, wow, this could
have been a little bit easier, but like ment like
if you don't it's so hard again to picture yourself,
you know. And I talk to some clients who are like, oh,
I guess I'll retire at sixty five. I'm like, okay,
we're funding maybe a thirty thirty five year and you
don't want to take any risk. You don't want to like, yeah,
you know, and if you like working, like why don't
(42:22):
you work longer?
Speaker 3 (42:24):
Keep charging?
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Like there's so many things that I feel like we
have in our heads that are just kind of like
the template or the answer sheet that we feel like
is gonna, Well, everyone retires then, right, shouldn't I It's like,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I don't believe any hiring. I don't think people should
be retired. I think I.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Feel like it's certainly going to change, especially these ages
with way like you mentioned, people living longer, people living healthier.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
Like, there's right you're doing. There's a lot of change,
so many changes there. You know, people are no longer retiring,
They're just pivoting to something that gives them joy. Yeah,
there's what's different is that the paycheck is different. That's
that's it. The inflows of cash are different, and people
(43:06):
are not realizing. Look, as financial advisors, we have to
educate people on their accumulation phase, their distribution phase, and
the preservation phase, and what products are going to take
you through all three phases. There are temporary products, there
are permanent products, but we have to talk about what
(43:28):
products will fit what you want, right, And a lot
of people just focus on the now. They can't picture
themselves when they're older. They can't do it. And I mean,
I remember my first day of kindergarten. For God's sake,
don't you time goes by like this?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah? No, I agree, it does go quickly. I could
think of like mine, I could think of my kids
first ae like and now they're you know, in middle.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
School, and it's like cod was what six years ago? Five? What? Yeah,
it's no time. It's why people don't they only see
an the accumulation phase because that's all they are. That's
it's just what's in front of them, and our jobs
to make sure that they see the full picture and
that that's a tough job. But I love it.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
Yes, No, I agree, I love it too. Thank you
so much for coming on the podcast and talking with me.
It's been really I I'll have to have you back on.
I think there's so many other conversations that we can
have in this space. But if people want to learn
more about your firm and how you help people, or
maybe they want to reach out to you, what's the
best way to find its way?
Speaker 3 (44:40):
Please just send me an email. It goes directly to
me a large at lenox Advisors dot com and Lenox
is with one N L E N O X A
d V I S O R S dot com.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
Thank you so much, Abby, and thank you everyone for listening.
If you'd like to listen to other episodes of the
podcast or grab a copy of my book, please head
over to Misty Lynch dot com. And if you like
this episode, please feel free to like and subscribe to
this show. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll
talk again next week. Thank you for joining us on
another insightful episode of demonst Buying Money. If you enjoyed
(45:14):
this episode, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Stay
tuned for more engaging conversations on our next episode, and
remember knowledge is the key to financial empowerment.
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