F4: States You Would Like to be Apart of Nebraska

FOR COMEDY PURPOSES ONLY

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm Marie. Matt Case is my producer.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Matt.

Speaker 1 (00:01):
What were we talking about last hour? Well, it started
kind of innocently enough, but kind of divolved from there.
You know when you know when you were a kid
and you had some friends stay over, and you guys
just like talking about goofy stuff, And as the night progressed,
it got more and more goofy, and by like five
in the morning, you have completely forgotten how in the

(00:22):
world you ever got there. But it's the funniest thing
in the world.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, I feel like we're at that level right now
because somehow we've been talking about the prospect of Maine
deciding they need to invade Nebraska, well but been using
Colorado as a conduit for that. Yeah, but before that,
we were talking about we need to invade Maine to
make them comply with the transgender bill. That nobody was
saying we need to do that. By the way, I

(00:47):
want to get that out of there, saying what would
happen because she Janet Mills, the governor of Maine, was like, oh,
we'll see you in court. When her and Donald Trump
are yelling at each other in the meeting of the
Fifty Governors, in the President earlier today, and we were
imagining what if court doesn't solve the issue? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
like what if Like what's what's the answer then? Is
she like and Jen, it's not a She's not no

(01:10):
spring chicken. You know, I'm not here to be a
guy who focuses only on people's age. But can't we
just like, wait Janet out here, like she's she's old
enough to where I would figure, you know, it's just
like she does that she really need to concern herself
with all this stuff. She's almost eighty years old. But
my only thing though, I don't think Maine is the
state to pick a fight with here. You first talked

(01:31):
about the terrain. Yeah, you know, the rugged terrain, the
rural conditions, and the hardy armed folks we assume are
are armed. The amount of root sellers in Maine, that's
a problem. Well, they could just bomb themselves and be okay,
like we're invaded. Like just telling you man, this isn't

(01:56):
going to end well for anybody. We got to take
over the root sellers, that's what we need to do.
But your thought was maybe they had to do a
preemptive strike on New Hampshire which I don't think is
a good idea, because if I remember correctly, their state
motto is slip free or tie, so that is the
one state I'm not messing with. They are not going
down easy. So yeah, so May May shouldn't be invading anybody,

(02:18):
is what we've come to. Turns like their only option
is to invade Canada, which will never happen, or invade
New Hampshire to try to show that they mean business
because of the transgender bill in sports, which is how
we got here. If there was ever anything that would
would make us go to war with our own states,
I don't think that's it. By the way, why I

(02:43):
think cooler heads are going to prevail, I'm just throwing
that out there. I believe the cooler heads are going
to prevail. Well, there's a fun Friday for him there
somewhere of like, okay, what would be the four things
that could be done to start us? No more so,
I guess we have a new wing of Friday. Four
is that this is a part of the controversial file
cabinet that we're filing this in. You know, I'm just

(03:06):
laughing at this so hard. There's no way I'm talking
about anything serious. I'm hopeful I can get through this
in a way that you know, I can take calls
and like try really hard, but look, bear with me.
The idea is the Friday four is states. You'd want
Nebraska or if you live in Iowa or Iowa to
annex not necessarily that we're gonna go ahead and just

(03:28):
you know, get a little militia together and just decide
that we're going to take one over. We would never
advocate for that. Do not do that now that it's
a bad idea also, right like which like we're just
like if you could take four states and just make
them part of Nebraska or Iowa if you live there

(03:51):
and you would like to like absorb them, right and
you can't say Iowa or Nebraska, right like, those those
two are off the table. The other forty eight states,
which would you be like, that's that's something I would
like that to be our states so we could govern
it and then I could visit all the time. Which
four states? Yeah, so do you have four states? Well,

(04:14):
how many borders are So I'm I'm Nebraska in this scenario, correct,
Iowa is the only one off limits? Oh you go
any other direction? Well, you know what I don't really
want Iowa then, you know, I mean, what am I
really gaining with Iowa. It's kind of more of don't
do this, don't do this. We'll keep stopping right, you
keep prodding the Iowa people, including the one that you're

(04:37):
sitting in the studio with, not don't don't, don't do that.
So so, okay, so we got Missouri one, Kansas to
Colorado three, Wyoming four, South Dakota five. Those are the
other states that border Nebraska. There's six total, including Iowa. Okay,
so there's no way I can make this list. What
I love the idea. I was just basically giving Nebraska
a chance to spread out fully. And so you were

(04:59):
in a circle you usually want to take over everybody. Yeah,
you just want like the mid the mid West slash
great Plains states. Yeah, just to become greater Nebraska. And
we'll just call the whole big area that the bread
bask Well. And we talked about this earlier this week
that you know, there's some people in eastern net Oregon
that want to join Idaho. Right, so if we ask

(05:20):
the right people, maybe they'd already want to join us.
Like you know what I mean, maybe, but I suppose
I have to be strategic, then I can't make my
dream of mega Nebraska possible. Not fully. You could take
one or two of those, but you only get four. Yeah,
So I think just just on the fact that, well,
it's all about what you want here, correct, And so

(05:42):
I think I think you got to go Colorado on
Wyoming all of that beautiful frontier land which the Panhandle
could use more of. So that's a little shout out
to the Panhandle giving them something. But why though, you
have to explain yourself if we're if we're military generals
or something or leaders, and we're just like we want that,
we have to like, we have to say why I

(06:04):
think that it's a natural buffer. Okay, you're gonna make
me get into it. Yeah, and then we're gonna have
to have more disclaimers. Well, the disclaimer is none of
this is real and none of it's really serious. We're
just having fun. There you go, there's a disclaimer. So
my thought is if Nebraska goes rogue, that's gonna make
a lot of people upset. Well, that's the point, and
so you might want the mountains to separate you from
people who on the other side. So I'm saying you

(06:26):
gotta grab Wyoming in Colorado at least strategically. So so
people who are traveling by land and marching their troops
to kind of come after Nebraska for trying to stretch
out to the west. You're protected by the mountains, that's
what you're saying. Yes, Okay, all right though, So there's two.
And here's what I think. I'm not worried about South

(06:47):
Dakota because I feel like they're gonna be Switzerland in this.
They're not. Now, if I don't touch South Dakota, they're
gonna be like, you know what, We're not gonna We're
not gonna wage any We're not gonna we're not gonna
go after you. Because they're at least enough like us
and sympathetic in a way. I just feel like they'll
just kind of remain neutral if we don't, if we
don't tussle with them. Okay, So I'm going down to Kansas.

(07:10):
Oh so we're taking on Kansas, you know, And I'll
tell you why, because they got that Whiskey Creek in Manhattan, Kansas,
and you know what, they let you throw the peanuts
shells right on the floor. Okay, And I want that
I'm gonna go ahead and say that's not a good
enough reason to want to annex Kansas. But you know
they close on a Grand Island. I'm still ticked off.
It's still your list, I guess. I mean that seems
like a waste of a I like the way it

(07:31):
looks when a horseshoes around, you know, So then you
don't have aesthetic. You're going to the aesthetic of what
Megan Nebraska looks like, right and so and so Iowa
remains neutral as well as what I'm thinking here, because
I can't touch Iowa. You can't touch Iowa. So we
have two neutral parties that border us, that are sympathetic
to the cause, whatever that is. We don't know what
our cause is. That's another problem. So you know what,

(07:53):
I gotta go Missouri here because for a lot of reasons, Missouri.
I gotta go Missouri here. Why. I mean, you get
a couple of big cities in there. And what I'm
just realizing is is if you leave out Wyoming from
this territory, we're kind of just going after all our
old Big twelve foes. H Yes, we're gonna get the
Big eight back. Well, this is the Big eight revenge tours.
What they'll call this, it'll be known in the big

(08:15):
in the history books as the Big Eight Revenge Tour,
the Ghost of Bob Devanny. So we go down and
we take Missouri because you get Branson, you get the
you get the Ozarks. You say, the Branson and Ozarks.
You haven't mentioned Kansas City or Saint Louis at this point. Okay,
and you get those two. Those are ride offs. You
do what you gotta do, Okay, two of the biggest

(08:37):
cities that you get in any of the annexing that
you've done. I really feel like this is a good
plan for the geographical convenience. I think this is a
terrible plan because you could have invaded anywhere. You could
have got you could have annexed anywhere in the country.
Oh I guess, I well, okay, anywhere. Yeah, no, you yeah.
Here's my saying. Problem with the college football is that

(08:57):
the states don't border each other anymore. I like, this
is clean, this is nice, this is clean. Just look
at the way it would look. It's a nice look.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
Right.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
It's the old blob right in the middle of the country,
and we call it the bread basket, the breast, the
nebrask Gat we have the brasket. Yeah, we'd have the
mountains off that way. Do we have the beautiful ozarks
and a nice little trip to Branson out that way,
and then we'd have whatever Kansas has a whiskey creek,
we'd have a whiskey creek down in Kansas. Yeah, that's

(09:27):
worth thriving for. Okay, anyway, it's for eighteen. I'll give
you my list and then we'll take your list the
four states you'd like to just absorb into your state.
You get everything that they have, except you're in charge
of it now, and you get the money. We'll be
back with my list next on news radio elevenson kfab.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Ship Tight Kids. Emily Saunder will be right back on
news radio eleven ten. Aby Donald Trump executive order to
ban transgender females from playing women's sports. I don't know
how we got here, but eventually it got to a
point of, well, if Nebraska could just annex other states

(10:07):
and we don't have to get military involved, the military
involved on this, but if we could just like pinpoint
like the states on the map, that we'd be like, yeah,
I'd like that, Like how do we get that?

Speaker 1 (10:18):
And why now? You're just trying, like like your list
was literally Colorado, Wyoming, Kansas, and Missouri. You're just kind
of trying to stretch us out. I'm just spread I
think logistically, why would you want to state that you
don't even border, Like, how do you really write? I
want you, I want the whole thing to I like
the look of the map. It just a big old
Now now, now see you're flawed here because Massachusetts also

(10:41):
had Maine. Remember, like back in the Thirteen Colonies days,
Maine wasn't a state. It was just an appendage of Massachusetts,
even though it wasn't bordering. There are pieces of Russia
that don't actually border the rest of Russia. They're just
kind of like by themselves, right, It's like an island,
except that there's land in between. So yes, there are
some logistical issues. But I gotta tell you, if you're
giving me any of the other forty eight states that

(11:03):
aren't Nebraska and Iowa that I can just say I
would like to have that, I am going to get
very practical. Number one. I'm going to take Florida. If
I can give Florida, I want Florida. First of all,
I think very easy to defend. We have a lot
of people, we have a lot of stuff that we
I mean, we don't need to leave Florida for anything.
And if you want to come, you have you have

(11:24):
two options. You come in and hit the Florida Panhandle,
where we got a lot of redneck type people who
are going to be willing to help themselves out, or
you have to come by water. And who's really going
to do that? Be honest. Wait, where are you gonna
land at Tampa? You're gonna go to Saint Petersburg, You're
gonna go to Miami. I think that's a lot to
ask of Nebraska to have to to what you have Florida.

(11:45):
You gotta protect it now, Yes, And you know why
because now we have Disney Universal, all of the tourism,
all the stuff that you say that Nebraska doesn't have.
Now we can just like shuttle back and forth. We
can get like a really good deal on flights going
back and forth during the winter time. And that's all
I really want in Like, I think Florida is going
to back out of that deal instantly. Hey, I'm just saying,

(12:05):
we can offer a lot of different things at Florida.
My like Montana You're giving me a huge amount of
the Canadian border there, and it's got some beautiful landscape,
all right, So I'm gonna do my like hiking and
skiing excursions. I got my spot there and I'm close
to Canada. So Canada can't do anything the farious to me.
If our government starts to you know, get a little

(12:28):
bit hairy with them. Hey, you can't do anything. I
What are you gonna do? Montana's ready to go, right,
We're ready to rumble. What are you gonna do there, Canada? Yeah? Okay.
Number three is California. This is a very selfish reason.
Not only is it the largest state by population, and
I would like to have you know, as many people
as possible under Nebraska's watch because guess what force and

(12:50):
power of you know, it comes with people. But also
have you been to southern California? Is there a more
beautiful place just to like kick back? You know many
things that you would have controllover if you had California,
including the media, including Hollywood. All of a sudden, all
that money is just like rolling into you, like that's
that's what we'll just be looking at there. And then finally,

(13:12):
this one makes no sense if you wanted to go there,
but it's Alaska. You know why, because Alaska has some
amazing oil reserves and it's positioned so close. Not only
it's next to Canada, but Russia is there too, and
it's positioning in the Arctic. You're going to have a
presence there as well. And you have all those resources,
you're about to be like, you're going to be so rich.

(13:35):
Imagine Nebraska getting to have direct access with no taxing
on Alaska oil. I have literally built the perfect state.
It just is blotched in you know, five different places,
and that's my problem with it. But I know this
is hypothetical, So I just think it'd be hard to
maintain all spread out like that. It would be, but

(13:56):
that's why you leave the infrastructure in place. We just
come to this strategic alliance. And if they say no,
I don't want to be a part of your state, Nebraska,
and we don't want you to be like the overseers
of everything that we're already doing, well, then that's when
you might have to decide, Okay, how bad do you
want it? And that's when we go to the drawing
board and like, okay, so how would we do this?

(14:17):
Maybe we do come in through Georgia, it'd be tough
to do because you know, all these other states are
probably like, if this is what we're doing, we're certainly
not working with you. So you know, wherever it's worth
four thirty ridiculous conversation, I know, but if you got
a Friday four, we'll open the phone lines and the
email is open as well. If there are four states
that you'd like to add to Nebraska or Iowa and

(14:38):
just like, hey, you got like all of the access resources, money,
all that stuff that they have, which ones would you want?
Call us at four oh two five five eight eleven ten,
four oho two five five eight eleven ten. Email me
Emory atkfab dot com News Radio eleven ten kfab em
Resunger in an antique store, when you have all the

(15:01):
money in the world, I want that one, and I
want that one, and I want that one, and I'll
take this one, give me that one, give me that one,
that one, and fucking no, what that one. That's what
I'm talking about here, and now again it's all for fun.
I'm not saying that we should do it. I'm just saying,

(15:21):
you know, we're far off away from all the world's
problems where this is actually a thing that happens that
if you know, you could bring other states and put
them under Nebraska's umbrella and then have access to what
they have to offer. Which ones would you want? Well,
I got some emails rolling in here, Emory at kfab
dot com. Doug says, Florida, all right, we're on the

(15:44):
same page. California, Yep, we're on the same page. Texas.
Texas is good. There's a lot of good stuff in Texas.
I cut Texas in favor of Montana because obviously Texas
is nice and big and everything, but I kind of
would rather be I would like to have more of
a presence that makes sense, more of a presence in
North And then he said Hawaii. Now, the Hawaii thing

(16:07):
is all for vacation. He says, beach front, baby, Can
you really invade Hawaii? Though, Like if Hawaii didn't want
to play ball, you're just like, hey, Hawaii, you're a
part of Nebraska now. And I don't even know how
that work. First of all, right, it's just like, could
we build like an underground tunnel with a train that
could like get us there in like three hours? Seems

(16:30):
a little unlikely. But that's why I feel like my
list is the only one that makes any sense at
this point. No. What I'm saying though, is like me
annexing Alaska at least makes sense because of the oil reserves.
What does Hawaii have to offer us while we're actually
sitting in Nebraska other than like round trip cheap flights

(16:51):
to and from Maui or something like? I don't know,
you get laid with the flower necklace? What is what
that's called? Right? It's called a lay?

Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah? Right?

Speaker 1 (17:02):
I don't think that's what they call the actual What
did I say? I don't want to say it. That
was bad?

Speaker 2 (17:09):
There was.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
No, your eyes are getting big, like you don't even
know what you said, you know, like, h it's funny,
it's funny. No, I don't need the flowers on my neck. Okay,
it's cool when I'm there. When I'm not there, Why
am I doing it? Why do I need to be
in Nebraska doing that? This is all hypothetical, So why
not embrace the hypothetical? Go ahead, and numbers in Nebraska

(17:34):
are gonna just like have les hanging around, so you know,
it's like, yeah, I feel a little Hawaiian today. Anyway,
Caleb says, I would annex Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, and Louisiana.
He's doing, he's doing kind of your thing, except he
just went straight for the jugular. He went all the
way straight down and took New Orleans, Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas,

(17:54):
and Louisiana. Okay, so he's just going straight down. I
like it. So it kind of almost turns Nebraska into
like a big old hockey stick, you know, kind of.
I like the way that looks. He says, you know,
control wheat, you'll control beef, you'll control oil, natural gas,
you'll have SpaceX, NASA International shipping through the Gulf of
America and the Mississippi Delta. That might actually be the

(18:17):
right answer. I kind of want to change my list
all of a sudden. That might be the right answer. Actually,
if we're gonna, if we're gonna do this and just
like go mega, not maga mega, that I mean you basically,
I mean you are the most important. I mean you're
basically your own country at that point. You don't need
anybody else, Like what would you need that isn't in
the like that for states plus Nebraska lobsters, that's what

(18:42):
be d D you don't need lobsters. Man. It depends
on who you asked. If this was the Friday five,
I would definitely be going with the stripe North Dakota,
South Dakota, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas. Just get that stripe right
down the middle. I don't think anybody liked that, though,
because you'd have such like you'd have such troll over
the entire middle, and you've separated effectively everything on the

(19:04):
west and everything on the east to the point where
there's like, I don't even know what country I'm living
in anymore. And then Steven sent me an email and
said Kansas, Missouri, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. And this has a
little bit of an interesting appendage, says Missouri's neighbor Arkansas
has the Ozarks. We could rename the Sooners the Crimson Pride,

(19:27):
which is pretty funny. Stephen also says I often visited
Arkansas while growing up because my paternal grandparents lived in
Fort Smith. I remember seeing on the highway sign entering
Arkansas the Land of Opportunity. There's also an Omaha in Arkansas.
Meeting theirs would be Omaha too. That'd be a weird,
weird city name, But you're right, you can't have two

(19:49):
Omahas in the same state. You have to put a
number on one of them or something that would create
some some issues. Omaha junior. Now I can't defend Arkansas.
I can't defend Iowa. But that has to be the
junior to Omaha Nebraska. There's no way Omaha Arkansas has anything.
Omaha Nebraska doesn't Omaha Arkansas. It has a population of

(20:11):
one hundred and twenty eight people. There we go. So
there you go. Fun lines. Uh, you got Joe on
the line. Welcome Joe. What's going on?

Speaker 2 (20:22):
I'm gonna go with Florida, Ohio, Idaho, and Iowa. Let's
skip some decent football in Nebraska post turtle Oh.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Now see, actually, when you think about it that way,
thanks Joe. When you think about it that way, if
football is what's important to you, you're gonna win every
national championship from now until the end of time. Unfortunately, like,
do we keep the colleges there or do we just
like zap those colleges out and everybody who wanted to
go there instead just comes and places at Nebraska, or

(20:54):
do they become Nebraska Columbus in Nebraska Miami. Oh, that
just sounds weird. Nebraska Miami. Yeah, there's a Miami of Ohio.
Why wouldn't there be a Nebraska Miami of Nebraska. Yeah,
but this is not Nebraska Miami of Nebraska. This is
like the University of Nebraska. Miami is kind of what
we're talking about. Four forty six. This is a ridiculously
fun conversation. We're just having fun, you know why, because

(21:16):
it's cold outside and it's a Friday. We'll have more
if you want to call in four h two, five, five,
eight to eleven ten News Radio eleven ten Kfab and
Maurice Songer on News Radio eleven ten Kfab, Bill on
the line, Bill, you got a Friday four for us today?

Speaker 2 (21:37):
Absolutely?

Speaker 1 (21:38):
I grab Texas. Probably it's Florida, Alaska as well, because
Alaska doesn't need to be a state, not enough people
live there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
And then definitely Hawaii for.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
Reasons similar to Matt Case.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
I think it'd be a great honeymoon spot. You know.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
I just I want everybody to understand something like this.
I if we could, just if we had control of Hawaii.
What's stopping us from building a tunnel with a train
that goes straight from Omaha Lincoln straight to Maui and
we're there in like three hours exactly exactly. There we go,
and now we're talking my language. Okay, Bell, I'm on

(22:17):
the Hawaii train. Literally. I appreciate you shout Case for
his wordplay. Yeah, yeah, well I don't know what you mean,
but I'll take it. Oh, Matt Outam emails in and says,
only people with a hot sister are picking Arkansas? Is Arkansas?
Like that? I thought that was more of an Alabama thing.

(22:40):
M Only people with a hot sister are picking Arkansas?
Maybe about a deep dive into why that's a stereotype,
you know, like what happened down there in Arkansas? Did
something happen in Arkansas? I mean there's stuff like that
happened everywhere. There's that whole family in West Virginia that
basically is like, uh, have you seen them?

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (23:03):
Have you seen those guys? That just turns your stomach,
Like that's the thing that people let happen. Yeah, we
call them royals back in the day. Huh have you
seen pictures of some royal families who you know, huh
dipped into the stash too many times? Dipped into what
what are you talking about? I'm talking about people having

(23:25):
babies with their family members. There is that song I
Am my own Grandpa, and the math adds up. It
takes a while, you got to get to like the
third stanza and then a couple of verses later, but
did the math adds up? And you get there and
it's not a good place to get to, but at
least at least you figure out what he was what

(23:46):
he was getting at. Yeah. Yeah, it's the Whittakers, by
the way, that's the if you wanted to google the Whittakers,
they're the ones in in West Virginia.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
Look it up.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
I don't know how that's I mean, it's uh, it's
it's not good. It's not good. It's not healthy. I
don't know how anybody's like this is a good idea. Yeah,
and it's just gonna get worse and worse. And I
don't know what the answer is. But you kind of
just have to let them just do their own thing
and not let them out of the compound, if you
know what I mean. It's a family tree that's just
like would you say it was just like one telephone

(24:17):
pole that just goes straight up, no branches, no leaves.
It's one of them Redwoods. It shouldn't be funny, but
it is. But the last thing you need is some

(24:39):
really like down on her luck, like eighteen year old
girl somehow like wanting attention and trying to marry into
this family and trying to procreate with these people. No,
why would you even speak that into existence. It's why
they need their own compound.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Right.

Speaker 1 (24:58):
You imagine you want to get famous that bad for
one million followers, I will marry a Whittaker. That's what
you're imagining right now. Someone's gonna do that. You'll see
is getting on the horn right now and they're like,
oh my, that's a genius idea. There's gotta be somebody

(25:21):
out there. It's like and then it's like twenty chicks
that are trying to win the right to do that.
Oh oh I would not watch that, but wow, oh
oh no, my uh my heart, my heart. So we

(25:41):
got we got more stuff going on there, and uh
we got we have this scenario or situation. I'm gonna
like to get myself back down from that laughing high
that I just had just real quick. Curtis said, Wyoming, Oklahoma,
Texas in South Dakota, and he's got some of these things,

(26:01):
and he says not Dakota only because they inspired the
whole Mount Rushmore idea that we had. Jeffrey said, South Dakota,
North Dakota, the fifty first state. And Alaska he says,
it's a Canada, mostly impossible, all the coastlineman fossil fuels.
And then Doug, Yeah, he says he has plenty. Elon
has plans on an underground aquatic train to London in
an hour. So if if his Facebook says it, maybe

(26:23):
it's possible. Who knows. Five o'clock hour, Oh man, we're
having fun on news radio eleven ten kfab