The Legend of Matthew Pancake

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You buy it, you bow it, you blew it. Have
you ever done something really stupid? Yeah? Me neither, but
these people did, and that means it's time for you
get an f al right, emery sucker here, we are
gonna go ahead and give an f three point fifty

(00:20):
one is the time. Matt Case has told me he's
been sitting on this one like an egg, incubating it
for a while. I have I'm go ahead and fire
away what you got. It's time to hatch this baby.
Let me tell you this every once while you get
a story. This is a nutrient rich high in protein.
You get an f right here. I'm excited. Police arrest

(00:40):
suspect accused of breaking into West Columbus Pet Store Columbus,
Ohio pet store where several animals were set loose. Okay,
I already don't like where this is going, but go ahead.
The suspect, who identifies as Matthew Pancake, was found sleeping
near the Big Lots on Robert's Road. Officers found four

(01:03):
hamsters in his pants, just another day on the job.
Matthew Pancake was described as a man with long hair,
wearing leopard print pajamas and he had hamsters. They in
his pants. I wonder what they're doing in there. So

(01:25):
he broke into a pet store, let a bunch of
animals out, let a bunch of animals out, put four
hamsters in his pants. And then you know what he did, Emory, Uh,
he went to roosters, just like everybody does. Go get
yourself some delicious food from roosters. This guy's not homeless.
I don't know what he is. He's a lot of things.
I'll tell you that much, because it sounds like a

(01:45):
crazy homeless guy. This is a man who has many things.
He has many different ways to describe himself. That's my
good bet. Detectives of obtained video evidence showing him, Oh,
I already read that part. Leopard print pajamas with four
hamsters inside. Sergeant Joe Albert set officers were still searching
for a couple bunnies and birds and a ferret. One

(02:06):
day you're running after a suspect, the next day, you're
running after ferrets and bunnies. He said, all a part
of the job. Matthew Pancake was then found sleeping near
the Big Lots with four hamsters in his leopard print pants.
No words on where Matthew Pancake is now because I
haven't followed up on the story. But whatever he's doing now,

(02:28):
he's still named Matthew Pancake. He still has leopard print pants,
and there may or may not be animals inside those pants,
which means which means Matthew Pancake. Although it almost hurts
my heart to say it, Noh, stop, you get an fh.
Come on, yeah, don't put hamsters in your pants. He
definitely deserves the app Here's one. A person died in

(02:50):
one hundred and fifty others sick after eating grilled eel
prepared by a restaurant chain and sold at a department
store in tow One hundred and forty seven customers as
of yesterday reported or this isn't yesterday, this as last
week reported symptoms like vomiting in diarrhea after eating grilled
eel dishes, which were sold in the grocery section of

(03:13):
that department store based in New Yar, Tokyo. In late July,
a woman in her nineties died after developing symptoms, but
they're trying to figure out what the official cause of
death was for her. The only common denominator among the
one hundred and forty seven six was the grilled eel,
which was sold separately as part of boxed lunches served

(03:34):
with rice. I'm just gonna go ahead and say this,
if you're grilling eel and think that that's a good idea,
no matter where you're from, you get it. At what
happened to the days where you just have a good lobster,
I agree, or a crab leg or some fresh cod,

(03:55):
fresh cod mahi mahi, or a hamster in your pain.
You don't eat hamster. There's no nutritional value to eating
a hamster. You know who wouldn't have eaten grilled eel,
Matthew pancake. He would have put it in his leopard
print pants. He would have put a live eel in there.
And again, I don't even want to know what's going
on in there. Didn't Richard Gear have this thing with

(04:18):
the hamster in his pants? Did he look at gear
hamster in the pants or was it a gerbil? I
can't remember? Look it up. Hurry, hey, do you have
thirty seconds. I'm pretty sure there was something about Richard
Gear in a hamster or a gerbil or something. I
am seeing that. The legend states that Gear was hospitalized

(04:39):
at California Cedars and I Hospital when, oh no, I
can't read that next part, Oh no, oh no no,
this is going on my permanent search history. Why no
four o'clock hour? Next on his radio eleventh in KFAB