How to Manage Stress During the Holiday Season

We’re in the midst of the holiday season and while it’s often a joyful time filled with family moments, it can also be quite stressful for folks for a variety of reasons. In this episode, we talk with Dr. Hopkins, Senior Medical Director of Behavioral Health at Excellus BlueCross BlueShield, about how we can manage the stress that comes this time of year.

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
Welcome to excel Us Blue Cross BlueShields Community check In. Each week we
cover a specific topic featuring excel UsBlue Cross Blue Shield experts. You'll get
to know our team as we discussthe latest in healthcare, health education,
and community health. Find us atexcel USBCBS dot com and follow on Instagram

(00:26):
and Facebook. Hi, I'm Joelamonicoand welcome to the Community check In.
We are in the midst of theholiday season, and while it is a
very joyful time filled with family moments, it can also be on the other
side of the coin quite a stressfultime for people for a variety of reasons.
So today we're going to talk withdoctor Jeffrey Hopkins about how we can

(00:48):
manage the stress that comes with thistime of year. Doctor Hopkins, Welcome
back to the Community check In.Oh, it's great to be here.
Doctor Hopkins is a Senior medical directorand behavioral health expert with excell Us Blue
Cross Blue Shield. He's a Boardcertified in Child and Adolescent psychiatry and adult
psychiatry by the American Board of Psychiatryand Neurology. He's a member of the
Onondaga County Medical Society as well.He previously served as chair of the Department

(01:11):
of Psychiatry for Saint Joseph's Hospital HealthCenter in Syracuse, New York. He
maintains a private practice and provides administrativesupport and training for staff for nonprofit integrated
Health Systems. Doctor Hopkins, let'sstart off with this time of year.
As we mentioned in the beginning,it is a joyous time of the year.
It's a time of get togethers andfamily and festivities and lights and all

(01:34):
of that, but it is notwithout its sources of stress. So why
don't we talk a little bit aboutthe stress that people might experience this time
of year that may be different thanthe things they might experience at other times.
So when we're trying to think aboutthe stress of the holiday season,
the stress is something that it's importantfor us to acknowledge and that can help

(01:56):
us to deal with it. Whenwe're thinking about the holiday season, and
we have a lot of additional responsibilitiesand goals ideas about how things can happen.
In particular, women may juggle morethan the typical things during the holiday
season. They have additional responsibilities likeorganizing holiday activities, and there's the continued

(02:16):
and regular demands of professional life andparenting. According to the American Psychological Association
report, forty four percent of womenreport and increase in stress during the holidays
versus thirty one percent of men.We can also impose stress in ourselves to
our sense of obligation and what wehave planned around the holidays. Just as

(02:39):
a curiosity question, why do youthink that is that women tend to experience
more than men. Do you thinkthey just take on more through I mean
that's kind of the role in manyhouseholds, that they just take on more
and find that maybe others don't stepup, there's not the right kind of

(02:59):
delegation. And why do you thinkthe numbers are so disproportionate. I think
women still are the traditional organizers ofour household life, and at the same
time, you know, they stillhave to provide the majority of parenting and
they have their own, you know, professional obligations. Even though our culture
is in transition, traditional roles stillimpose a very high degree of responsibility and

(03:21):
stress on women. So you mentionedabout acknowledging that stress, acknowledging that there
are going to be stressors, There'sgoing to be things that might be different
at this time of year or heightenedat this time of year. So how
might people be experiencing stress at thistime of year? Maybe that we need
to acknowledge that could be, aswe mentioned, different from other times of
the year. Oh, it's importantto acknowledge that stress is deeply personal experience.

(03:44):
We all experience it and show itin different ways. Some of us
maybe feel exhausted or debilitated when we'reexperiencing stress. Others might feel energized or
full of energy. It's important towreck recognize how you and others experience stress
and how you can function to supportand help each other. Some examples would

(04:09):
be trying to be an active listenerto another person's experience, trying to consider
their challenges from their point of view. You can also try to have an
awareness for the variety of holiday traditionsobserved in our community and understand that not
everyone celebrates the holiday season. Youmight even have a conversation about stress with

(04:30):
your family, including your kids,if you have them. Being able to
talk about emotions with your kids andother family members opens up the dialogue and
it strengthens the connection and helps otherslearn how to best support you and vice
versa. You might even ask yourselfa few questions like how do you experience
stress? Do you have body sensationslike stomach aches or headaches or muscle tension,

(04:55):
or do you have strong emotions likefeeling tense or overwhelmed. Sometimes might
even have stressful thoughts like I haveto or I should. Practicing this and
being able to even share it withour children is a great way for them
to learn about themselves too. Andof course this moves into talking about the
way that these stressors might exhibit themselvesor present themselves. I want to talk

(05:17):
a little bit more about how peoplecan then start to approach these stresses at
different times. You mentioned it's verypersonal. Everyone could experience things in a
different way, but there are waysthat we can, maybe in general or
for many of us, take somecues off of how to keep the stress
levels as low as we possibly canduring a time when certainly they're going to

(05:39):
creep in. Certainly, and oneway is to set realistic expectations for ourselves
and others. This may mean beingable to settle with things that work as
opposed to our own self imposed visionof perfection. Also taking time to plan
ahead. It'll help you manage thestress of the holiday season by giving you
enough time to take care of what'snecessary. You could try to consider about

(06:01):
when it's okay to say no.It is okay to say no sometimes being
able to set some boundaries and sayingno to holiday demands and social obligations.
You know, just being honest andletting somebody know that you just have too
much going on, or you reallyneed a night in, or you just
need a night with your family,that's okay to do. Being able to
ask for help. When we askfor help from those around us, we

(06:27):
can help to lighten our own burdenand make other people feel included. It
does make other people feel good tohelp each other, even us. It
might be something big like asking somebodyelse to host, or might be something
small like asking your partner to helptake care of an errand. Another thing
you can do to try to helpmaintain your ability to withstand the stress is
keeping up with your healthy habits.This is really important through the holiday season.

(06:51):
You could try to maintain a regularsleep schedule. You can avoid the
excessive use of alcohol and keep exercising. You can have holiday suites and treats
and they can be enjoyed in moderation. And maintain a healthy foundation of food
choices. A real simple thing thatyou can do is just stepping back from

(07:12):
the business and the activity. Ifyou can head outside, take walk,
or pause and read a book orlisten to some soothing music if you only
have a moment, even just goinginto another room away from everybody and taking
a few slow, deep breaths andhelp reduce that stress. Doctor Jeffrey Hopkins
is our guest on the Community checkin this week. He's a senior medical
director of behavioral health that excels BlueCross, Blue Shield. We're talking about

(07:36):
holiday stress levels and how to helpyou best prepare yourself. Doctor, there
is so much to unpack in thatlast bit of how we can approach stress.
How much of the holiday season wouldyou guess, And of course it's
going to be different for everyone.It seems that when I look at this
list, a lot of the stressescan be self imposed. That we'll do

(07:57):
it to ourselves, or we willor we'll dial up to eleven some of
the stressors that are already present.Because we feel like, as you mentioned
earlier, we have to do theholiday the way we've always done traditionally.
We should be visiting all of ourrelatives and seeing people and inviting people in.
Is a lot of what we dokind of brought upon ourselves. Not

(08:20):
to say that it's a bad thing, but it's just kind of there that
way. We have these really strongself imposed visions, and you know,
if we look outside to our youknow, advertisements and our special holiday movies,
it shows things being incredibly vibrant,and in fact that may be something
more. Let's advertised. It's ait's an image, and we actually have

(08:41):
to live our lives through the holidayseason. Yeah, you know, a
lot a lot of times we havethese like really intense feelings that we need
to buy a lot of stuff forother people, or that we have to
have humongous parties and get togethers.And while those are that's wonderful, it
can happen. There's nothing wrong ifit's a little bit more contained. Yeah,
you mentioned there, it's the okayto say no. That's something that

(09:05):
we've talked about before in other context, but in the holiday season, I
think many people do feel that theno is something that they shouldn't do because
it's not in the spirit of theseason. But really it is a gift
that you can give to yourself sometimesto just step back a little bit when
you are starting to feel overwhelmed.And certainly it's going to be an understandable

(09:26):
thing, and I would suspect othersare going to want to maybe take a
queue off your lead and maybe sayno once or twice themselves. Right,
you don't have to feel guilty fortaking a step back or for acknowledging that
you have stress and being able toadmit the fact that the holiday season can
be stressful. It's okay. Itdoesn't mean that you don't enjoy it,
or you're not looking forward to it, or the traditions aren't important to you.

(09:48):
And you also mentioned keeping up withroutines, sleep habits, eating habits,
exercise habits very important to keep upthrough the holidays. When we contend
to say I'll get back to thatonce New Year's is done, but we
can often get ourselves kind of outof kilter in December, and sometimes it

(10:09):
can take a little bit of effortand maybe even more effort as we get
older to get back on those tracks. It's true, and it's even important
for kids to stay up with theirroutines. If we think about maintaining our
own routine, and then also havingkids maintain their routine, having healthy sleep
schedules, trying to understand that kidsthemselves can have stress during the holidays.

(10:31):
They're anticipating the holiday season. Schoolgoes right up until the holiday starts,
and then oftentimes, you know,there's an excitement to do a lot of
screen time by kids. And ifwe can help maintain routines, acknowledge the
child's stress, and do things thataren't related to screen time, it can
help have kids maintain a positive moodas we maintain our own positive habits during

(10:56):
the holiday season. Remember your mindfull eating everyone, because this is a
time when there's a lot of thingsthrown in your face and at arms at
arm's length, and that can alsobe You might feel good in the moment,
but it can add to stresses downthe road. So, doctor,
let's talk about advice for helping peoplewho might really feel guilty about their holiday

(11:18):
stress. They're not finding ways ordon't have the mechanisms to deal with it
in an appropriate and healthy way.Well, I do think that people feel
guilt and also have difficulty with theholiday stress, and I think there's a
few things that you can do tomanage that stress. One of the things
is to acknowledge that there's a lotof material drive to get presents for each

(11:45):
other, to bring presents, Butif you really think about your own personal
history and what are some of themost vibrant and powerfully good memories, it's
about what you actually did with yourloved ones as opposed to what they gave
you. Yeah, and being ableto create those strong memories. It helps
to enrich the holiday experience and itcan move the focus away from material stuff.

(12:07):
For a lot of us, we'lldo holiday traditions great. Starting or
maintaining holiday traditions helps to maintain ourfamily bonds, makes our holidays meaningful,
and it can reduce our stress.For myself, making sugar cookies and decorating
them with the family, it's somethingthat we've been doing for generations. That's
one of the things that I noticemore the older I get. I can

(12:30):
think back to Christmases of my youthand past, and I don't remember a
single thing I got, But Iremember those things we did together when it
was a large family dinner and wegathered around a grandmother's table for hours,
talking and eating and laughing with eachother, Or what my wife and I
do right now. On Christmas,we get up in the morning, we

(12:52):
go out and take a nice walkin the woods, listen to the wildlife
and see the birds. It's quietand we enjoy that quiet. And as
you mentioned that there's a lot ofpressure and focus sometimes on material things as
opposed to say, experiences, andthe material things can often add to financial
stress. Financial stress is big aroundthe holidays. Let's talk a bit about

(13:13):
those people that might be trying tobalance the gift giving and the stress of
the debt they may incur because ofthose expectations or those wants to do during
the holidays. Being able to focuson experiences versus material objects, right,
it helps to shift that emphasis awayfrom material objects. And for a lot

(13:39):
of people in their families, settingthe stage for reduced financial expenditure and reduced
materialism during the holiday season can reallyhelp to reduce the stress. The common
adage that we hear that some familiesdo is that you have a modest number
of gifts. You have something towear, something to read, something you

(14:01):
want, and then something you need, and then that's enough. And that
really can make a big difference.I'm gonna remember that, and it's a
wonderful sort of a rhyme to havein your head. But yeah, that's
a good way to help us paredown because, as we mentioned earlier in
the show, sometimes we think thatthe holidays have to be large and grand,
but they can be more meaningful andmaybe that's what we're really going for

(14:24):
overall, is to simplify. Andif we think about, like outside of
our family, and we think aboutthe richness of our community and how nice
it can feel to us and bemeaningful if we engage in a charity drive
or go to a community holiday eventor volunteer. These things that we can

(14:46):
do that don't cost anything but occuroutside of the family can really help to
enrich us and reduce our stress andshift us away from the financial burden that
we might experience during the holidays.See Now, let's talk about the young
ones and how they are impacted bythis time of year and what is often
an incredibly packed social schedule that theyhave no control over. Sometimes, I

(15:11):
mean, what can the parents caregiversdo to support these little ones? I
do think understanding that socialization is fun, but it also is a stressor for
most of us. Being able totake a look at your own individual young
ones and figuring out how extroverted orintroverted they are, and being able to
balance what they need in terms ofbeing able to socialize with family, going

(15:33):
on trips, talking to neighbors andfriends, and also being able to have
quiet time if that's something that's benefitto that individual, being able to support
them, being able to actually supportthem, and being able to say no
sometimes or even yourself setting a limitwith excess of socialization really helps. And
sometimes you're right, they can beput into positions that are stressful on them

(15:56):
in ways that adults don't quite realizebecause they may be focused on how are
they moving through their own holiday,how are they fulfilling obligations that they feel
they have, and then the youngones are kind of brought along for the
ride, and sometimes it's not thinkingabout it until after the fact, like
what has what's happened to them,and what may how can we help just

(16:22):
elevate their experience and keep them stressfree while we're trying to maybe take on
more stress than we normally do duringthe holidays. I think it's important that
we try to control our own reactiondistress. Know we talked about those self
care tips earlier, and being ableto control our own reaction distress so that
our children and our young ones don'thave to mirror our own stress to show
their alliance with us. That's oneway. Being able to talk openly with

(16:47):
them, like how are you doing? Are you feeling tired? Is it
time to go home? Or areyou excited? Being able to have young
ones, even if you're in asocial situation, have a quiet place to
go to relax if that's what theyneed, or have some way to destress,
or just not necessarily have to besocially on all the time. These
are some basic things that we cando to help our children when we're out

(17:08):
socializing with them. I want totalk about a subject that impacts many families,
Dr Hopkins, And that's about howfuture holidays are experienced when a family
has experienced the loss of a lovedone, either during the holiday season in
a previous year, or maybe evenduring the calendar year leading up to that

(17:30):
time, and this would be thefirst major holiday where that family member is
not there anymore. Let's unpack thata little bit about what families can do
to not only cope with that thatthey are working with, but also maybe
what it feels like to have conversationsabout it with the family unit, just
the small family unit, about howeveryone is feeling and how they're going to

(17:55):
celebrate that loved one who's not here. I think it's important, given our
context, talking about those that we'velost and celebrating their lives and sharing memories
and acknowledging the important, positive impactthat they've had in our life. It's
healthy and being able to voice theimpact loss has had on you. It
can be a relief, especially whenit removes that taboo of talking about loss

(18:19):
and death. Having these types ofconversations can help improve our connection right to
family and friends, and it canalso help to elevate our mood even though
we're talking about something sad. It'salso important to know that not all loss
happens when somebody dies. For instance, you know, sometimes people move away,
children can experience divorce. Some peoplenever even had the kinds of relationships

(18:42):
that we're hoping for with important people. All of these things can be magnified
during the holiday season with our importanceand the focus on family time. It's
just like the loss of having thedeath of a loved one. Talking about
these things can be helpful more Communitycheck in on managing holiday stress with doctor

(19:03):
Jeffrey Hopkins up next. Everyone deservesto be cared for and to live well,
and at Excellus Blue Cross Blue Shield, that's why we're here. Through
affordable plan options, community investments,partnerships and education, we're working to address
iniquities that made care feel out ofreach for too many people for far too
long. Because when we build upcommunities and break down health barriers, everybody

(19:30):
benefits. Learn more at EXCELUSBCBS dotcom. Welcome back to the community check
in. Doctor Jeffrey Hopkins is ourguest this week, and he's a Senior
medical Director Behavioral Health with Excell's BlueCross Blue Shield. We're talking about holiday
stress in this week's episode and waysthat you can help not only to acknowledge
your stress, understand it, butalso to find ways of reducing those stress

(19:53):
levels, find ways of making meaningfulconnections not only within your family community,
but within the greater community. Ithink it's important for the larger community to
understand and be aware that not everyonecelebrates the holiday or a holiday the same
way. Not everyone has their stressfront and center and easily known. You

(20:18):
don't really know right doctor the strugglethat someone else might be going through.
And it's important to know that evenas individuals get through the holiday stress,
somebody may get through it and looktotally fine, and then they can experience
post holiday blues which some people thenafter the excitement is over, they can
feel tired or irritable, even sad, and they might be confused about what's

(20:42):
going on. For most of us, this goes away in a few days.
If it sticks around for more thantwo weeks, it's important that you
talk to your healthcare professional. Ithink that don't be afraid and don't be
hard on yourself if you do havethis kind of a post holiday syndrome as
they call it, and to knowthat it's normal, it's nothing being worried

(21:02):
about, absolutely, and to knowthat at you're working with a few things,
and some of them are environmental thatyou really can't control. We don't
have a whole lot of sunlight atthis time of year. We're still working
towards the longest Night as they callit, in the first day of winter,
where we really do have a lotof darkness out there, and that
can really be something that puts usat a disadvantage. The holidays are filled

(21:26):
with cheer and light and sound andlaughter, but that can often be isolating.
Would you agree that for some peopleit can put them in a place
that makes them feel that they're notconnected though there are so many connections going
on around them. It's true,and one of the great ways to start
a conversation with somebody else is evenjust to say, hey, lots of

(21:48):
people get stressed out during the holidays, how are you doing. Also,
if it goes beyond that, foryourself, make sure to talk to your
primary care doctor. And if youare an excell As Blue Cross Blue Shield
member, you might have access tothe call map and that can help to
manage stress and promote wellness. Youcan find out if you access your Excell's

(22:10):
Blue Cross Blue Shield account and login, you can see if you have
access to that application. And ifyou go to the excel Us Blue Crossblu
Shield dot com web page and youcan go to under the health and Wellness
tab, there's a lot of tipsand activities that you can do that we've
referenced that can help you get throughthe holiday stressful time. And that site

(22:33):
is excel USBCBS dot com. Itis available to members and community members,
not necessarily just those that are membersand have Blue Cross Blue Shield. Excel
as Blue Cross Blue Shield there istheir primary provider. There's a lot of
resources available to the community. Aswe wrap up our discussion, doctor Hopkins
talk a little bit more about thoseresources that are available, not just through

(22:56):
excellis Blue Cross Blue Shield, butreally there are resources that are really they're
in our families, they're in ourneighborhoods, they're in our entire community.
I'd like you to everybody to rememberthat talking with other people that you're close
to is a great place to startagain. Talking with your primary care provider.
If you feel overwhelmed, if youare in a crisis, you can
always dial nine to eight eight.It's the Actives Mental Health Crisis Line in

(23:21):
New York State. Or if youjust aren't sure what kind of resources are
out there, you can always dialtwo one one and get connected to community
support person that can help direct youto supports that you might need outside of
Blue Cross Blue Shield. We havebeen spending time on this pre holiday edition
of the Community Check In talking withdoctor Jeffrey Hopkins, who's a senior medical

(23:42):
director of Behavioral Health that Excels BlueCross Blue Shield. In our final moments,
Doctor Hopkins, you mentioned sugar cookiesfrosted or unfrosted sprinkles and if so,
what variety definitely frosted with red andgreen sprinkles Red and green as opposed
to the rainbow. There are somewho think the rainbow tastes better. That's

(24:06):
how we always did it in littlesheets too. And if you if you
make snowmen, do you go forthe head first when you eat them?
Always? Because again, the headalso tastes better. We definitely want to
thank doctor Jeffrey Hopkins for a littlelaugh there at the end of our program.
We've been talking about ways to helpyou manage the holidays and keep your
stress levels low. To your family, Doctor Hopkins, have a very happy

(24:30):
holiday, sir, and to youJoe. Thanks for joining us on Community
check In, a presentation of excelUs Blue Cross, Blue Shield and iHeartRadio.
Podcasts of Community check In are availableon the iHeartRadio app or wherever you
find your favorite audio content. Formore ways to stay safe, healthy and

(24:51):
educated, visit excel USBCBS dot comand follow on Instagram and Facebook.