Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
First Date follow Up powered by the Advocates Injury Attorneys
online at advocuslaw dot com.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Ryan is on the phone today for our first Date
follow up. He's getting ghosted by a woman named Lena,
and in a few minutes we're gonna call her seems
to tell us why she's ghosting him and maybe get
him another date. But first, Ryan, how long has it
been since you heard from her?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
You know, it's been like a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
That's definitely a ghosting. Yeah, So how many times have
you reached out to her.
Speaker 4 (00:25):
In that time?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
You know, just a few times. I don't like to
like text too much, you know what I mean, Like
you like, I think three times I text her and
I'm like, yeah, that's I'm not doing any more than that.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
So what do you Let's go back to the date then, like,
how did you guys meet? What happened on the date?
Speaker 3 (00:40):
So we met on Hinge and then I felt like
a really good connection. We both love concerts and like
new adventures and trying new things, traveling and stuff like that,
and like she's very witty and she's very interesting. She's beautiful.
So we went to a burger spot on the water hic. Yeah,
(01:02):
you know, it was a lot of fun. Like it
was nice, like kind of outside kind of area, and
we were having some drinks, you know, just talking and
afterwards we went and walked around and like kind of
took in the scenery and we you know, we had
a really great kiss. And it was just like, I
don't understand why she goes to me because it felt
(01:22):
so romantic and like idealized, you know. I mean maybe
some people would think it's cheesy. I don't know, but
that's what I was looking for.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
But it sounds romantic actually, So after all this time,
you know, she's ghosting you two weeks later, the date
sounds great, But what is it about her that makes
you want to see her now?
Speaker 3 (01:42):
You know? I just felt like I had a real connection.
We were like kind of similar goals. We both want
to travel. I just felt like we went well together.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Did something happen on the date at all that may
have made it go in a different direction?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Well, I will say, you know, something kind of not
popular now is I had made a decision recently to
abstain from sex until marriage.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Okay, and you told her this.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Yeah, yeah, I did, And this is new. You have
I'm always urged.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, okay, right, and you think maybe she had a
problem with that because she's like I need you right now.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Ryan.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
It's you know, it's possible because like I don't think
that's the thing that's common now, Like, you know, some
people do it, but it's like, especially you know here,
like I don't feel like that's one of those things
that people do anymore. But the reason why I kind
of went that direction is, you know, I slept around
and it felt empty, and it felt like I was
(02:42):
just kind of using girls for their body and I
wasn't connecting right, you know, and it's one of those
things after a while, you're like, gosh, like what do
I really want? So, you know, I asked myself when
I was like, I want somebody that I could build
a future with, and I feel like Lana has that potential.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
Okay, I can respect that.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I heard my last breakup, I decided that I wasn't
going to give myself to anybody unless I thought that
their energy was good, you know, or that like it
wasn't necessarily a marriage thing, but it was kind of
the same thing, but it was more about I don't
want to like mix my energy with bad energy, you know,
because I feel like it does. I feel like you
know you do do it does somehow become a part
(03:22):
of you. Well, you exchanged more than just what you
can see. That energy is also exchanged between the two
of you. So fair, fair, for fair points for both
of you. Look at you, guys.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
Thank you, because that's for sure. I'm maturing right.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Everybody connections to So why do you think she's ghosting you?
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Then?
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I think, you know, I just don't know if she
was comfortable with that. I mean that's my thought, but like,
I don't know for sure because everything else went pretty well.
But when I said that, she she didn't have a
bad reaction, but it was just kind of like she
tended up a little bit, you know, and then it
kind of like pat that moment passed. So I was like, oh,
I guess it's fine.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
We'll see if we can figure it out for you.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Then we'll play a song come back, and then call
her and see if she'll tell us why she's ghosting
you and maybe get you another date.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Okay, okay, sounds great.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
All right, man, please don't come back. Get your first
DA follow up.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Next Right in the middle of the first day follow
up and if you're just joining us.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
Ryan is on the phone.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
He's getting ghosted by Lana and in a minute we're
gonna call her see if us why she's ghosting him
and maybe get him another date. But first, Ryan, why
don't you recap to everybody your situation.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
So I met Lana on Hinge. We connected really quickly.
I felt like a good connection with her loss of
similar andris. We went to a burger spot on the water,
had a bunch of cocktails and had a lot of fun,
and we went for a walk. We kissed. Everything seemed perfect,
But I feel like, maybe because I want to stain
(04:45):
from sex and until marriage because of my past, that
she might be ghosting me.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Okay, are you ready for us to call her?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Okay, here we go. Hello, Hi, man, I speak to Alana. Please.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
This is Lana.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Hi Lana, how are you? My name is Jewbell and
I host a radio show. It's called The Jewbel Show.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
Hi, Lana, the whole show's here. I'm Nina. Hi, I'm Victoria.
How are you?
Speaker 5 (05:15):
Hi?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Good?
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Thank you?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
Have you ever heard the show before?
Speaker 3 (05:20):
I have not.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Okay, I'll let you know something. We do a segment
on our show, it's called the first date follow up.
What that is is if you go out on a
date with somebody and then you ghost them, that person
can email us to get you on the phone and
ask why you're ghosting them. So we got an email
about you.
Speaker 5 (05:35):
Oh and this is from Ryan.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Oh, yes it is Wowy. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Sometimes you will say another name, so we know they're
ghosting multiple people. But you're obviously just ghosting Ryan right now.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
I would say that I have not exactly been ghosting Ryan.
That wasn't my intention. I was taking time to process
what he told me. At the end of our date.
Ryan said that he is waiting until marriage, and that
is not something that I've ever done in a relationship.
(06:12):
I have always had intimacy with all of my partners
and it's a really big part of a relationship for me.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
So it was not my.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
Intention to completely ghost Ryan. I really was trying to
take time to think about if this could be something
that would work for me. I had such a good time. Yes,
it was so magical, and he's such a spiritual guy
and we really connected. I felt like he was really
(06:45):
seeing me. But I'm afraid that if we get into
this relationship without you know, the intimacy that I'm.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Usual will one.
Speaker 5 (06:56):
This sounds bad, but what if we're not good together
physically and.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
We find out too?
Speaker 4 (07:00):
That's fair.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
And another thing that I have been thinking.
Speaker 5 (07:05):
About is what if it becomes something that gives me,
you know, reason to stray, our thoughts to stray because
I am a sexual person.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Yeah, so you're processing a lot of different things.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yes, absolutely, I.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
Can understand that.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I mean, it's not something that you hear all the time,
and especially if that's a way that you connect and
share yourself with another person. And then that's a lot
of pressure too, right because you're like, wait a second,
so we're doing this, I'm gonna get excited and want
to unwrap the present, but I.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Can't marry you. So what if we could convince Ryan
to sleep with you before you're married? Would you swallow
them again?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
But would you?
Speaker 5 (07:47):
I would love to sleep with Ryan, But if this
is a boundary that he is setting I and I
were to get into a relationship with him, I would
I would want to respect that. I would not once
I am in the relationship, I would not. I would
have given up any plans to sleep with Ryan what if.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
We could convince him to go back on his morals? Though,
do ball she's.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Respecting his boundaries, maybe you should respect his boundaries.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I'll respect his boundaries for now, Lona. Ryan is actually
on the phone listening and wants to talk to you.
Speaker 5 (08:22):
Oh hi Ryan.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Yeah, I know it's probably like the most awkward way
we could meet again. But I want to say, first
of all, I respect that, like you respect my boundaries.
It was nice to hear that without you knowing I
was there, because like that, that proves to me that
if it could make it work, that this could work.
But I just want to say, like for me, I
(08:47):
don't see intimacy as just there's physical, emotional, mental intimacy
that can be built, Like you know, we can have
days where we just cuddle, his collapse, like all that's
on the the table. Still, I'm just not trying to
think it all the way.
Speaker 4 (09:03):
So like where do you draw the line?
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Well, I think that's something that we have to discuss, right.
I respect that, and that.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
Does make me excited to hear that you have interest
in being intimate with me. I am My biggest concern
is still I just am really concerned of straying and
that's not your fault, not your fault at all, And
that's something that I need to decide and you know,
(09:39):
make a plan with my.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Morals that I will not you know, if.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
We were to be in a relationship together, that I
will not feel that I'm not getting what I need
and then.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Look for what I need elsewhere. I think I can
find ways to take care of what you need at
least shorter.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Not that I'm trying to get you to rethink the
promise that you made to yourself, but I'm trying to
get you to rethink it. When I decided to do
this similar thing, I didn't make it about marriage because
you know, like you should really get to know somebody
for it, and it can be a long time before marriage,
so that's a long time not doing it. But me
and my therapist came up with I will not give
(10:20):
myself to anybody until I know I have a secure
connection with them.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Well, I think that's fair. I think that's a healthy
way of thinking of it.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Two.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
So, cause, does it have to be like a ring
and a ceremony and all that for Ryan to get
it out?
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Okay, I don't think it has to. But there definitely
has to be that line where it's like, I know
I'm building a future with you at the very least.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
I think there's a lot of talk that we're getting
ahead of ourselves here a little bit. You guys like
each other, and I think there's definitely stuff that you
guys can explore to even see if you're gonna make
it all that way. People just tell me not to
get ahead of myself, and I feel like we're gonna
be ahead of ourselves here too, So I don't know
that there's a possibility of you getting your needs met
in a so in Waylana and Ryan, you know you're
open to exploring that stuff too.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
I don't see any problems.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Yeah, I think that would work.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
I do think that it may be cheesy, but I
think that it is very sweet that you brought me
on the radio to call me for a second date.
I think that is very romantic and I'm willing to
try it.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
I think that we have such a good connection.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
So Lana, you'll go out with Ryan again. We'll pay
for it, I will.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I would love to see you again. Ryan, So awesome,
that's great. I'm glad to hear that. It's like it's
I'm so excited.
Speaker 5 (11:37):
You know.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
Yeah, you guys are cute. I'm excited too, me too.
Speaker 5 (11:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
Congratulations, Ryan, you did it. You got another date? All right?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Jules First Date follow up