December 22, 2022 • 38 mins
Nancy Jarecki, an entrepreneur and mother of three, didn’t know what was hitting her as she walked the red carpet at Ali’s Head Case premiere. What she thought was a strange little fainting spell was actually a subarachnoid hemorrhage. And while almost 50% of people do not make it, Nancy did. She shares the story of that day’s events, the brain surgeries and many months of recovery, all of which, according to her doctors, were made better by her attitude and optimism. She seems to think that having part of her skull sewn into her abdominal wall for “safe keeping” is a hoot. And it kinda is! Let’s just say that keeping a sense of humor is also part of the story.
If you have questions or guest suggestions, Ali would love to hear from you. Call or text her at (323) 364-6356. Or email go-ask-ali-podcast-at-gmail.com. (No dashes)
**Go Ask Ali has been nominated for a Webby Award for Best Interview/Talk Show Episode! Please vote for her and the whole team at https://bit.ly/415e8uN by April 20, 2023!
Links of Interest:
“Nancy Jarecki: Head Strong” (Vogue, 02/02/11)
CREDITS:
Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins
Producer & Editor: Brooke Peterson-Bell
Associate Producer: Akiya McKnight
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Go Ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land
Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. I think, like
a vaginas have a lot to say. I think we
should let them spay out of it and they'll just talk. Yes,
one of the hardest things to absorb for those who
are new to these kinds of fights. Again, if we
want all of them, we wouldn't be here. If you
(00:21):
see a monster, don't try to run away, step right
up to it and say, what do you have to
teach me? Why are you? In my mind, I want
to be the person who has cancer and doesn't run
a marathon, Like, do I have to work that hard? No,
it's the best excuse not to run a marathon. Welcome
(00:43):
to Go Ask Alli. I'm Alli Wentworth Now in my
podcast Go asked Alli. I mostly have a lot of
people I don't know because I often go to experts
and people because there's things I want to be educated on,
and then sometimes I talk to people I do know.
(01:03):
Nancy Jarecki is one of my very best friends, and
she has an incredible story that I want to be
told in every form because she is somebody who has
basically kissed death on the lips and lived to talk
about it. And I also, after she takes us through
(01:23):
this story, I want to talk to Nancy about how
it has changed her life. Because Nancy is the most fun,
the greatest sense of humor, the biggest zest for life,
always game for anything. This is a girl who could
discover a band in Nashville, direct a film, probably run
(01:46):
for office fly fish in Montana. She is beloved by everybody,
and she has a story to tell. So, so hello,
Nancy Jarecki. Well, hello, Ali, I'm so glad you're here
because your story is a story that needs to be heard,
and it's a story that I have told so many times,
and it's a story that I'm actually involved in. That's right,
(02:10):
So would you mind regaling my my audience with your story?
And then we're gonna go into a little Q and
A about lessons learned. Sure, I guess we might as
well start with that night. Myself and my two sons
are big fans of Alleys, and she had a wonderful
show called Headcase. It's the red carpet. We arrive at
(02:32):
the moment and I see George, your lovely husband. I
see him at the end of the red carpet. Standing there,
we start to chat. He sees the kids, He's like,
no one wants you know, they're board kids. Go downstairs.
There's some food down there. So as I'm talking to him,
I just feel out of the blue, a little lightheaded,
(02:53):
and I think to myself, you know, I had some food.
I had a banana. It can't be you know, low
blood sugar. And then got really hot. And I remember
talking to him speaking about some political stuff. I'm sure
it was very intelligent, because I have intelligent conversations George
all the time. Always. Anyway, all of a sudden, I
felt this rush come in me, was kind of heat,
(03:16):
and oh am I going to throw up? And as
I was kind of looking at him, he just stops.
It's as though he just stops and freezes. And I'm thinking,
within you know, seconds, I'm going, oh, the flashbulbs are
going off from the red carpet. I've stunned my eyes.
So I continued to try and blink him back to moving,
(03:40):
and he doesn't, and then another flash comes over and
I thought, I'm going to faint. Was a flash like
when somebody freezes on FaceTime? Was it like that? Yes,
except it was a little darker and then almost black
and white, and then when the flush comes over me again,
it's kind of this ready sepia liquid. And I just thought,
(04:04):
that's not right. I say to George, I think I'm
going to faint. He says, I'm going to get you
a chair. This is how I remember. I'm going down. Now.
I wake up and so many people are around me.
They're touching me, which is amazing. I can't emphasize enough.
And somebody saying to me, Hi, Nancy, it's Jessica. I'm
(04:25):
right here. We've called an ambulance. I'm going to stay
by your side. And I'm thinking, in that crazy I fainted.
I knew I fainted, so you could hear. You could
hear voices. I could hear voices, And just to give
the other perspective, we are all standing around Nancy, assuming
she fainted. I of course thought she's on some weird diet.
(04:48):
And we're standing around and there was a photographer there
who was one of the guys on the red carpet,
and he looked at her because she was having the
quick moments where her hand would shake, her mouth would move,
her eyes were fluttering, and the photographer said to all
of us because we're about to pick her up. Don't
(05:12):
touch her. This is not somebody that they did. This
is somebody that's having a seizure. Yeah, so I don't
know any of that. I'm trying to tell people. I'm okay,
I just fainted. Jessica kept telling me we've called an ambulance.
I'm like an ambulance. I don't need an ambulance. And
a funny side of it that what I was thinking
(05:32):
was I really had to peep. So a few minutes
after that, the ambulance comes. So these paramedics come and
you're aware of all of us, You're aware of paramedics
touching you. And yes, it was so comforting, even though
I thought it wasn't something serious. The paramedics come move
in and they're doing all kinds of stuff. They're asking
(05:54):
questions and it's very rushed and I'm trying to answer,
but they're talking over me, and I was getting and frustrated.
And so then by the way, you think that you're
talking to all these people, but you're not. Right from
their perspective, you have not communicated anything. And I had
my eyes kind of rolled back that you were describing
the fluttery. I had a seizure where I found out
(06:18):
later that when I thought I was telling Jessica, yes,
I'm very hot, I was actually scratching her so badly
from the seizure. Then when I got into the gurney,
they had secured my legs and my wrists, and I
went ballistic. So you had like a physical reaction for
(06:41):
somebody that was just lying down kind of having a seizure,
you suddenly have some strong physical motions. And the reason
I'm asking you this is because recently and has died
and she had, you know, driven her car into this house,
burst into flames, and I saw this footage of a haze,
(07:02):
and she was on the gurney and all of a sudden,
her whole body kind of leaps up and she kind
of tries to get off the gurney, which did not
it didn't make sense with what I was reading in
the paper that happened to her. So is there a
physical reaction? Is It's almost like your brain has no
(07:22):
idea what's going on, and your your body goes, hey,
I'm getting the hell out of here. Yeah. And I
think once I learned more about my brain and what
happened at that event, it makes sense. My brain had
a very big bleed in it and it was starting
to kind of get angry. And I didn't know this,
(07:42):
but your brain starts to kind of shut down with
that much blood. You know, that had ruptured and I
was starting to come to, But I also was confused
why I was restrained. I think I just started to fight,
like hell, that could be something that happened, you know
with Ann Hash where she's like, wait, what's going you know, yep, yep, yeah.
(08:03):
But it was a real fear, and I knew I
was in an ambulance, but I didn't know where anybody was.
And a couple of friends followed me there and they
take the kids because now I'm really ballistic. They're telling
me that they have to do a scan. I go,
(08:24):
I can't go into the scan. First of all, I
have to go the bathroom. And I had gotten bits
and pieces that something was neurologic, like basically I was
paralyzed on the left side, so I had droopiness because
I could hear the paramedics say something about that. So
you're you're connecting the dots based on what you're hearing.
(08:44):
These kind of murmuring voices around you. I was, but
I was still concentrated on No, I have to go
to the bathroom. What's he talking about? And the biggest
thing is I don't like Mr Ees what I call
this metal coffin, and I just know you're not going
to get me in there. And I completely blocked myself
from going into the scanner, into that MRI machine. They then,
(09:09):
I think, had to give me whatever it is that
calms you down a little bit. And I also just
felt like I can't I can't fight anymore. I'm so tired,
and Max and now says what happens is I just
stop and I have a little bit of a relief smile,
(09:30):
and I just peed everywhere. That's what you even wanting
to do all night? And he goes, it was so peaceful,
Oh my god. All right, so you black out them?
When when are you conscious again? After that, later I
find out that I was in what they call a
critical holding pattern, and that's when the bleed has happened.
(09:54):
That's when she's probably not gonna make it. Let's put
her on lifelines. And I'm in the special room where
you're basically put on I didn't need life support, but
in the event that I did. You're on that because
it's such critical care. And then these doctors come in
and they explained that I had a sub or acknoid aneurism,
(10:17):
which at hemorrhage, which means that your main artery in
your head, your M three had ballooned out and it ruptured,
so the blood is everywhere in in your brain. At
this point, nobody has operated on you. You've had nothing right.
(10:39):
So because I was unconscious, they think I'm in a coma,
and usually a rupture will not rebleed, so the damage
is the damage. They're hoping it won't be bad that
next morning, and and I just kind of woke up
that next day and that's the morning of the surgery. Yeah,
(11:01):
what did they do during the surgery. What they did
is they go in, they make a big hole in
the side of your head, the area where the bleed is.
They find the artery and they just kind of clip
it but make sure the blood can still flow so
you have blood going into your brain. Then they sewed
me back up and that was early Friday morning. I
(11:21):
woke up later Friday evening and I remember seeing my kids.
At that time. I did not know who they were
and that upset my kids. Then I went back to sleep.
I woke up and a friend of mine, Charlie Westler,
walks into the room. And I had been so quiet,
(11:44):
but I heard his voice and from my bed, I go, Charlie,
is that you? And the entire room was like, oh
my god, I go can you believe it? Look what
happened to me? And then I saw the kids I
knew of them. I said hello, and then I went
back to sleep, and then didn't wake up till later
(12:06):
that night. And they did as much mending as they could.
And now it's up to you how your brain is
going to react. Is your husband Andrew with you the
whole time? Yes, he is with me. He was not
with me when it happened. He was in l A
making a movie and he had to make a decision
(12:29):
to either get on a plane and come in for
the surgery or should he just stay and be part
of the real time what's going to happen to me?
But he chose to get on a plane. The flight
attendant had to wake him up. He called and I
had lived through the night, okay, Jesus Scott, And I
(12:50):
said to him, how did you get here so fast,
and so that's when everyone was like, her memory is great,
and the doctors are like, don't count on it. We're
gonna take a short break and we'll be right back,
(13:11):
and we're back. What did they find and what did
they do after that surgery? Everything seemed to be fine.
And then it was the next day where it was
an emergency that my intercranial pressure was getting high. It
means that my brain is swelling, and so they did
a craniotomy where they took out on my right hand side.
(13:34):
They have to remove as much skull as possible for
the brain to expand. The brain does very well, but
it's really got to have the room to expand. And
that's when people like Natasha Richardson, when she hit her
head and her brain swelled and she had there was
nowhere for the brain to go and unfortunately it can't survive.
(13:58):
I mean, it all happened so fast for her. But
had she been taken right away to a hospital, if
they were able to immediately do what they did, to you,
what that I've saved her life? Do you think? I
think it probably would have helped, because I know that
it was from brain swelling. I also know that it
didn't happen that fast. She had hit her head. She
had been complaining of a headache. She refused to get
(14:22):
help because we don't know, we don't know what's going on,
the likelihood that she has a brain bleed. She did
have a brain bleed, And a lot of times when
you do have these aneurysms, you can't survive them. A
lot of people, and I think many will probably relate
to this. You hear about someone who has the most
excruciating headache, they decide I'm gonna take to askpen and
(14:43):
take a nap and go to bed and never wake up.
They don't survive. And I just happened to be in
a public area. I did not have the precursor to
what most people feel when they have an aneurysm. I
only had that moment it with with George, those feelings
and that rush in the flash. People talk about seeing
(15:06):
double sometimes or having the worst headache in the world
days leading up to it. I didn't have any of that.
So they take what a quarter of your your skull off.
They took this called like two flaps. Two flaps. Can
you imagine like a quarter of a cantaloup a little
(15:27):
bit more than a quarter. You now wear a helmet, yes,
And how long did you wear the helmet for and
how long was the recovery from that surgery? Um, so,
what you have is your scalp that has your hair,
but what's underneath it is just a swollen brain that
has extended out from the rest of your skull. So
(15:50):
there's hair, so it's not like an open wound. And
that's what needs to be protected by the helmet. And
I thought to myself, well, if you took it out,
which you do with it, it's so then what they
did do is they put it in your abdomen what
they call, you know, safe keeping, And so I use
in the hospital for another three and a half weeks.
(16:11):
I had some issues. My brain was starting to spasm
and stroke, so I had another brain surgery to fix
that anything that probably could go wrong. I had a
little hydrocephalus, you know, but I kind of rallied out
of it, and then they thought, you know, I'm doing
pretty well. I have my memory, I'm starting to walk
pretty well. So they sent me home for my brain
(16:33):
to de swell. And that was for another two and
a half months, almost three months, and then once your
head looks like there's a big golf divot in your head,
then you know that your brain is de swelled and
you're ready to put the flaps back in, the flaps
that you've been hiding in your abdomen. Yes, yes, because
(16:56):
what they do is they print in you're the fat
of your abdominal wall, the fat part. But I had
lost so much weight they started to click up against
my ribs. It's God, Nancy, and how was that surgery?
When they put the flaps back, I had about three
months of just living in fear. Everyone kept saying, this
(17:19):
is you lived through the worst part of it. You
live through the parts that you were supposed to live through.
This is just putting back your skull. But I started
to write just about why am I so scared? You
were scared of dying. I've dying, Okay, I made it
through that. Well, what if something goes wrong and I
have like twenty seven things that are so irrational that
(17:41):
I thought could happen to the doctor. I had a
private detective a couple of friends go and maybe try
and follow the doctor to see he didn't go to
a bar, so he was like prime for the surgery.
I'm not even Catholic. I saw priest walking down this
street and I thought he looked at me one day
(18:03):
and I was on the helmet and I could take
these little walks and his his cloak blew over my leg,
and I really thought it was a sign, a good
sign or a bad sign. I thought it was a
good sign that I meant to talk to him, so
I followed where he was. I don't even know anything
about the Catholic church, but I went in to a
(18:26):
one of those when you confessional confessional and I just
started to cry, and I go, I'm not even Catholic,
but I'm worried about you know. And the fear that
I had is so out of it's I can feel
it now. But it was also a fear of like, wow,
I made it through the big stuff. What if this
the little stuff that is going to trip me up?
(18:49):
And I had to process that, and it really was
trying to get me through those double doors, because I
knew once I the surgery was going to have been
Once I went through those double doors, there was no
going back right and there was no control. Yeah, and
that surgery was the worst surgery. Here's the thing, Nancy,
(19:11):
I've never had anything that traumatic happened to me. I've
never been tested physically this way. I've never been in
a situation where I would think that a priest's cloak
brushing against my leg had meaning. So for those of
us that knock gun wood have not experienced anything like that.
You know, you've heard of people, You've seen films, you've
(19:33):
read books about people that were in the hospital and
they see the light and they come back from the
light and become different people. You're very much the same person,
A lovely, just positive, life affirming lady. Tell us the
things that only a person that has lived through a
life altering situation. What kinds of things you've learned, I'd
(19:56):
have to say in NEU, I see you. They were
of ones who kind of embraced me and said, your
personality before you had this, we feel has a lot
to do with how you're accepting this and how you
move forward. And I thought, you know, what it happened.
(20:20):
There's not much more I can do. But what I
can do is I can make everybody else feel more
at ease. And so my recovery, which I always was
very appreciative of my kids my life, my upbringing. I
started to realize it was more of the small things
(20:42):
that I really started to appreciate. You know. With the kids,
I did become more physically loving, you know, where I
drove them crazy where it's like, okay, not so much touching.
Another one where one day I was supposed to be
going somewhere, And this is after I'm kind of recovering
(21:04):
in New York City. There's all kinds of things that
are happening in the streets. I just found myself stopping
and watching stuff. And one particular thing was I was
watching this crane lift a piano, and for whatever reason,
I just stayed there and it must have been for
like an hour. I started just to stop and see
(21:28):
process and ask questions. Yes. And that's another thing that
has changed is, you know, I have much more curiosity,
but I also am more blunt and probably less patient.
You know. It's interesting to me because I've interviewed Michael J. Fox,
(21:51):
who has gone through so much with Parkinson's for such
a very long time, and he's always an optimist, and
I think of you as an optic missed and I
wonder if there is a connection between people who just
are naturally optimistic if there is a correlation with how
(22:11):
people deal with a brain aneurysm, Parkinson's, any kind of
disease or kind of trauma, because I know a lot
of people who have dealt with no pun intended hard
blows who did not fare as well. But there were
people that were very cynical. Yes, And in my understanding,
(22:34):
I've researched the brain a lot, because nobody knows about
the brain until something happens to it for layman like myself.
So I learned all about why is it? I had
a great recovery, and there really is something about having
a positive attitude, a sense of happiness, love, and kind
(22:56):
of you know what, We're all here for a reason.
There's a reason why this happened. And that's how the
hospital and the people that were directly dealing with me
really felt. You recovered very well and in an extremely
weird positive way because of your attitude. Are you more
(23:18):
spiritual now? Um? I am more spiritual in feelings, meaning
now I've tapped into if something upsets me or if
something makes me really happy, I can only really express
that through crime. It's the weirdest thing. Yeah, It's like
because I feel something visceral. So I'm more in touch
(23:42):
with my feelings, I believe. But I do think that
pre Nancy was a precursor to a more positive outcome
post Nancy and YOURYSM. You know, it's unfortunate that Mike
has Parkinson's. It was unfortunate that happened to, you know,
with me. But you can't change it. And I think
(24:03):
the skills of radical acceptance. You can't change it. You
might as well make the best of it, so you
lean into it, lean into it. Yeah, we're gonna take
a short break and we'll be right back. Welcome back
(24:27):
to go ask Gali. And so you didn't do any
drastic changes after you recovered. You didn't become a painter,
You didn't change your sexual preference. There weren't any big swings.
There was a big swing I became, which also is
part of my personality. I became manic, clinically manic, and
(24:50):
a lot of people don't understand sometimes when there's something
comes to the brain, you can go into a deep depression.
Because I think I was predisposed to a gregarious, happy
per person. I went manic. You know, before it's like
high functioning, really excited but this was at a level
where it could be very destructive, and that's where sexual
(25:14):
stuff can come in. This is where I was. I
felt like I just wanted to like be part of everything.
I had euphoria. You don't think about consequences. You know,
if I had the opportunity, I probably would have like
cheated on my husband. And I was just kind of like,
oh my god, I sexually I'm attracted to like that
cup of pencils, and it can be very destructive. You know,
(25:35):
I do shopping, but I didn't go crazy, but I
did go crazy with emotions. But for some people who
have gone through that, that have survived a brain aneurysm
and they had that kind of manic behavior, they probably
did by three hundred of the exact same bed frame online. Right, Yeah, yeah,
I mean, and I had an assistant her named Laura,
(25:56):
who basically was like babysitting me. I mean, it's a
real thing. So then you go on these drugs to
control the the manic part of it, and I was
on that for years. I just got off all of
my meds last year. And how many years has it
been since the surgery? Twelve years? And now you're not
(26:18):
on anything. I'm not on anything, and it's probably the
first time because I think also what was happening is
I didn't need to have those drugs anymore. And I
was getting evaluated and they thought, we think you might
You don't need to have that medication that keeps you down.
You know that keeps you down. We don't think you're
(26:39):
gonna be manning anymore. So it took some time and
they weaned me off of it. How do you feel now,
I feel very good. I feel very very good. So
it's it's not like you've recovered. One thing that happens
is when you have a change like this um and
even though as bad as it was, it changed it
for the best. Like I wouldn't have had the experiences
(27:03):
that I've had now, I feel that I've been given
a gift because one thing that I do really feel
fortunate about is I went through something and I learned
about it and now I can help people. I love
when someone says, hey, my aunt has X Y and Z.
I said, you know what, let me think I think
I can help you. Like I love that. I feel
(27:24):
like that is something that is an identity. It's now
part of my personality and I've embraced it and I've
written about it, and people were really supportive, and even
though most of the people that they know died of
an aneurism, they were all so happy for me. Oh, yes,
(27:46):
very happy. Yes. Well, it's like when soldiers come back
from war and you know, you're incredibly sad that we
lost so many men, but the men that do come
back from war, yeah, it's victorious, you know, And it's
victorious that you you got through this. And so what
I'm hearing is that one of the great takeaways from
(28:07):
what was a horrific experience is that because you lived
to tell you're able now to write articles, to write books,
to talk to people and share your experience in a
way that has provided so much help for people. Yeah,
and also providing what other people can do when they
(28:28):
know somebody who's going through this, right, who would have
thought because you're lying in the bed, he can't really
do much. So there's all these visitors that are looking
at you and just kind of like they don't know
what to say. They're also being very quiet because it's
such a serious thing. That I'm the one who was
cracking jokes. Andrew says, I was showing off. No, you
(28:51):
were you were taking care of your guests, which you
didn't need to do right exactly. And by the way,
it doesn't have to be a brain and you're ism.
You know, anybody that's gone through any kind of trauma,
physical trauma, you're providing service, which is how do we
act when we're in a hospital room? Do we bring
(29:12):
macaroni salad? How do we deal with the family of
the person that's in the hospital. But because that's not
really talked about a lot, it's not and a lot
of people don't know what to say, don't know what
to do, And when you're in crisis like that, you know,
I'll give you one little anecdote where I've survived. I'm
out and about I run into somebody. They hadn't seen
(29:34):
me since the whole ordeal, and they're like, I've got
a bone to pick with your husband And I'm like yeah,
and he goes, yeah, you know, I didn't know your
email or your number, and I tried to call your
husband and he never called me back. Jesus Christ. And
I'm like, you mean when I was in the hospital
and he goes, yeah, he goes, I have a bone
(29:56):
to pick with him. He never got back to me,
and I'm like, okay, well, unfortunately that's gonna go in
my book. Yeah, of course it is as something he'll say, yeah, yeah,
sorry that he didn't put down everything because his wife
was in crisis to take care of your needs, you know.
But I think people innately want to help in some way.
(30:16):
But we can't forget about humor. It's very uncomfortable because
you're not sure. I can't make a joke, but there
are times that is such a nice relief. Well, I
am so glad that you brought that up, because you know,
humor is my thing and and it's something that you
(30:38):
and I share together too. Do you remember what you
said to me? No, tell me when I visited you
in the hospital, what did I say? Okay, So you
come in there and we had guests there, and it's
been such a quiet nobody wants to talk. Everybody's just
so worried because the doctor says she's not out of
(30:59):
the wood, you know, and it's already like to whatever
it was, you know, so it's still a very critical time.
And you walk in and you had a gift for me,
and you threw it at me. You go fucking drama queen.
You stole my night. Hey listen, because one of the
things that you have taught me through this process was
(31:23):
how important humor was for you and how important it
is for people. Everybody is so terrified and anxious, and
it gets to be a little morose and probably too
morose for the patient who's lying in the hospital bed. Yes,
because we feel we already feel guilty that our kids
are suffering from something that they don't understand. Our parents
(31:45):
are there, everyone's there. We already feel somewhat guilty that
people are fawning over us and oh my god, what
does this mean? And one, it gave me something to
do too. I just really felt like I'm going to
help them. You know what's great. I loved it when
my Nashville friends brought me in my playlist on a
(32:09):
little recorder. You know what, I can teach people to
do that, right, Don't take them country music because they
might not like it, but take them their playlist. There's
two things that you really taught me, and one is
you know, I'm a big believer in humor, and you
taught me that when people are in you know, you
(32:30):
have to read the room. But in difficult times, sometimes
humor is such a relief. I mean, they say humor
is the best medicine for a reason. You know, sometimes
people need to laugh because they've been crying so much.
And the other thing that you taught me was that
we have a tendency as humans when people are in
(32:50):
crisis and whatever that means. People have a tendency to retreat.
And you've always taught me, no, bring that cast role,
call all them up, email them, let people know that
you're there. Don't retreat. They don't want people to go away. Yeah,
and that's absolutely true. And what's interesting is in my
(33:12):
research of this particular behavior where we retreat, you know,
we modify our behavior thinking we're being sensitive. It's the
most insensitive thing you could possibly do. We feel like,
oh my god, if I bring it up, And I
always say, what if you bring it up, you're gonna
remind them they know that they had an aneurism, or
they know that their father died, so we make it
(33:36):
about us. That's exactly right. And it was really helpful advice.
And I've used it since you gave this to me.
So having gone to the brink of death, shall we say,
has it changed how you view death, how you expect
to experience death. You know, some people say they fear
it even more. Some people get excited about the notion
(33:59):
of it. On me, about how you feel about the
the idea, let's say, of death, still completely scared about death,
scared to death, scared to death. A lot of people thought,
you've got a second chance at life. Oh my god,
everything must be amazing, you know, you must be just
(34:21):
on a high. And I mean, you shouldn't be depressed
about anything. And it's like it doesn't really work that way, don't.
I get nervous about things that I don't know about.
I would actually think that the last thing you ever
thought you would experience with a brain aneurysm, And so
it would actually make me think, oh, if this can happen,
(34:43):
what else can happen? You know what I mean? Yes,
I live in a world where the most unusual things happened.
So I do not rest because I've already been through
a near death situation. I do not rest. I embrace it,
and I try not to live a life that is
always in fear. But I do look over my shoulder
(35:05):
in a different way about what's coming. Well put well
put all right, So, Nancy, you have been so great,
and now my podcast go ask Ali. I let the
guests ask me a question. So, Nancy Direky, do you
(35:27):
have a question for Ali Wentworth? You know I do. Ali.
You're one of my favorite people. I think you know
that I'm one of your biggest fans. I love you.
But what I really want to ask you is what's
your favorite thing about you? My favorite thing about me
is my humor. You know, I'm married to an overachiever,
(35:52):
and I'm never gonna be able to talk to him
about theology from the fifteenth century. I'm not good at
predicting who is gonna win local elections. I'm mediocre in bed,
but I love my sense of humor. I love what
makes me laugh, and I feel like I have here
(36:12):
we Go. I'm gonna put it into terms of this podcast.
I feel like I have worked on that muscle in
me that gives me a quick wit and makes me
appreciate other people that can kind of play comedy tennis
with me. And I appreciate so much the ability to
laugh that I like to give it to other people.
(36:33):
So that's my favorite thing about me. Now, had you
asked me what my least favorite thing was about me,
well beyond for the next few hours. I wanted you
to say it was your humor, because I really feel
that you're so witty, you're so quick, and the idea
that you can embrace that and say, you know what,
that's what I love about myself. Too many people complain
(36:55):
about what they don't like about themselves, so I just
wanted to hear you say it. Well, hold on, I
would say it's my humor. But I have an amazing
ass I know, do people know about that? Yes, well,
you're always called up just behind these you know podcasts.
I'd have to say, you asked is amazing. It is.
I did not get George Shepanopolis to marry me based
(37:16):
on my cooking alone, but it is something that I
like about myself. Are pretty good. Thank you, Thank you,
but you should try my milkshade that's not getting dirty
brings all the boys of the yard. Thank you for
(37:36):
listening to Go ask Alli. For more info and what
you heard in this episode, check out our show notes.
Be sure to subscribe, rate and review Go ask Alli,
and follow me on social media on Twitter at Ali
e Wentworth and on Instagram at the Real Ali Wentworth Now.
If you'd like to ask me a question or suggest
a guest or a topic to dig into, I'd love
to hear from you, and there's a bunch of ways
(37:57):
you can do it. You can call or text me
at three three three four six six, or you can
email a voice memo right from your phone to Go
Ask Gali podcast at gmail dot com. If you leave
a question, you may hear it on Go Ask Alli.
Go Ask Gali is a production of Shonda land Audio
(38:20):
and partnership with I heart Radio. For more podcasts from
Shondaland Audio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Go Ask Ali, a production of Shonda Land
Audio and partnership with I Heart Radio. I think, like
a vaginas have a lot to say. I think we
should let them spay out of it and they'll just talk. Yes,
one of the hardest things to absorb for those who
are new to these kinds of fights. Again, if we
want all of them, we wouldn't be here. If you
(00:21):
see a monster, don't try to run away, step right
up to it and say, what do you have to
teach me? Why are you? In my mind, I want
to be the person who has cancer and doesn't run
a marathon, Like, do I have to work that hard? No,
it's the best excuse not to run a marathon. Welcome
(00:43):
to Go Ask Alli. I'm Alli Wentworth Now in my
podcast Go asked Alli. I mostly have a lot of
people I don't know because I often go to experts
and people because there's things I want to be educated on,
and then sometimes I talk to people I do know.
(01:03):
Nancy Jarecki is one of my very best friends, and
she has an incredible story that I want to be
told in every form because she is somebody who has
basically kissed death on the lips and lived to talk
about it. And I also, after she takes us through
(01:23):
this story, I want to talk to Nancy about how
it has changed her life. Because Nancy is the most fun,
the greatest sense of humor, the biggest zest for life,
always game for anything. This is a girl who could
discover a band in Nashville, direct a film, probably run
(01:46):
for office fly fish in Montana. She is beloved by everybody,
and she has a story to tell. So, so hello,
Nancy Jarecki. Well, hello, Ali, I'm so glad you're here
because your story is a story that needs to be heard,
and it's a story that I have told so many times,
and it's a story that I'm actually involved in. That's right,
(02:10):
So would you mind regaling my my audience with your story?
And then we're gonna go into a little Q and
A about lessons learned. Sure, I guess we might as
well start with that night. Myself and my two sons
are big fans of Alleys, and she had a wonderful
show called Headcase. It's the red carpet. We arrive at
(02:32):
the moment and I see George, your lovely husband. I
see him at the end of the red carpet. Standing there,
we start to chat. He sees the kids, He's like,
no one wants you know, they're board kids. Go downstairs.
There's some food down there. So as I'm talking to him,
I just feel out of the blue, a little lightheaded,
(02:53):
and I think to myself, you know, I had some food.
I had a banana. It can't be you know, low
blood sugar. And then got really hot. And I remember
talking to him speaking about some political stuff. I'm sure
it was very intelligent, because I have intelligent conversations George
all the time. Always. Anyway, all of a sudden, I
felt this rush come in me, was kind of heat,
(03:16):
and oh am I going to throw up? And as
I was kind of looking at him, he just stops.
It's as though he just stops and freezes. And I'm thinking,
within you know, seconds, I'm going, oh, the flashbulbs are
going off from the red carpet. I've stunned my eyes.
So I continued to try and blink him back to moving,
(03:40):
and he doesn't, and then another flash comes over and
I thought, I'm going to faint. Was a flash like
when somebody freezes on FaceTime? Was it like that? Yes,
except it was a little darker and then almost black
and white, and then when the flush comes over me again,
it's kind of this ready sepia liquid. And I just thought,
(04:04):
that's not right. I say to George, I think I'm
going to faint. He says, I'm going to get you
a chair. This is how I remember. I'm going down. Now.
I wake up and so many people are around me.
They're touching me, which is amazing. I can't emphasize enough.
And somebody saying to me, Hi, Nancy, it's Jessica. I'm
(04:25):
right here. We've called an ambulance. I'm going to stay
by your side. And I'm thinking, in that crazy I fainted.
I knew I fainted, so you could hear. You could
hear voices. I could hear voices, And just to give
the other perspective, we are all standing around Nancy, assuming
she fainted. I of course thought she's on some weird diet.
(04:48):
And we're standing around and there was a photographer there
who was one of the guys on the red carpet,
and he looked at her because she was having the
quick moments where her hand would shake, her mouth would move,
her eyes were fluttering, and the photographer said to all
of us because we're about to pick her up. Don't
(05:12):
touch her. This is not somebody that they did. This
is somebody that's having a seizure. Yeah, so I don't
know any of that. I'm trying to tell people. I'm okay,
I just fainted. Jessica kept telling me we've called an ambulance.
I'm like an ambulance. I don't need an ambulance. And
a funny side of it that what I was thinking
(05:32):
was I really had to peep. So a few minutes
after that, the ambulance comes. So these paramedics come and
you're aware of all of us, You're aware of paramedics
touching you. And yes, it was so comforting, even though
I thought it wasn't something serious. The paramedics come move
in and they're doing all kinds of stuff. They're asking
(05:54):
questions and it's very rushed and I'm trying to answer,
but they're talking over me, and I was getting and frustrated.
And so then by the way, you think that you're
talking to all these people, but you're not. Right from
their perspective, you have not communicated anything. And I had
my eyes kind of rolled back that you were describing
the fluttery. I had a seizure where I found out
(06:18):
later that when I thought I was telling Jessica, yes,
I'm very hot, I was actually scratching her so badly
from the seizure. Then when I got into the gurney,
they had secured my legs and my wrists, and I
went ballistic. So you had like a physical reaction for
(06:41):
somebody that was just lying down kind of having a seizure,
you suddenly have some strong physical motions. And the reason
I'm asking you this is because recently and has died
and she had, you know, driven her car into this house,
burst into flames, and I saw this footage of a haze,
(07:02):
and she was on the gurney and all of a sudden,
her whole body kind of leaps up and she kind
of tries to get off the gurney, which did not
it didn't make sense with what I was reading in
the paper that happened to her. So is there a
physical reaction? Is It's almost like your brain has no
(07:22):
idea what's going on, and your your body goes, hey,
I'm getting the hell out of here. Yeah. And I
think once I learned more about my brain and what
happened at that event, it makes sense. My brain had
a very big bleed in it and it was starting
to kind of get angry. And I didn't know this,
(07:42):
but your brain starts to kind of shut down with
that much blood. You know, that had ruptured and I
was starting to come to, But I also was confused
why I was restrained. I think I just started to fight,
like hell, that could be something that happened, you know
with Ann Hash where she's like, wait, what's going you know, yep, yep, yeah.
(08:03):
But it was a real fear, and I knew I
was in an ambulance, but I didn't know where anybody was.
And a couple of friends followed me there and they
take the kids because now I'm really ballistic. They're telling
me that they have to do a scan. I go,
(08:24):
I can't go into the scan. First of all, I
have to go the bathroom. And I had gotten bits
and pieces that something was neurologic, like basically I was
paralyzed on the left side, so I had droopiness because
I could hear the paramedics say something about that. So
you're you're connecting the dots based on what you're hearing.
(08:44):
These kind of murmuring voices around you. I was, but
I was still concentrated on No, I have to go
to the bathroom. What's he talking about? And the biggest
thing is I don't like Mr Ees what I call
this metal coffin, and I just know you're not going
to get me in there. And I completely blocked myself
from going into the scanner, into that MRI machine. They then,
(09:09):
I think, had to give me whatever it is that
calms you down a little bit. And I also just
felt like I can't I can't fight anymore. I'm so tired,
and Max and now says what happens is I just
stop and I have a little bit of a relief smile,
(09:30):
and I just peed everywhere. That's what you even wanting
to do all night? And he goes, it was so peaceful,
Oh my god. All right, so you black out them?
When when are you conscious again? After that, later I
find out that I was in what they call a
critical holding pattern, and that's when the bleed has happened.
(09:54):
That's when she's probably not gonna make it. Let's put
her on lifelines. And I'm in the special room where
you're basically put on I didn't need life support, but
in the event that I did. You're on that because
it's such critical care. And then these doctors come in
and they explained that I had a sub or acknoid aneurism,
(10:17):
which at hemorrhage, which means that your main artery in
your head, your M three had ballooned out and it ruptured,
so the blood is everywhere in in your brain. At
this point, nobody has operated on you. You've had nothing right.
(10:39):
So because I was unconscious, they think I'm in a coma,
and usually a rupture will not rebleed, so the damage
is the damage. They're hoping it won't be bad that
next morning, and and I just kind of woke up
that next day and that's the morning of the surgery. Yeah,
(11:01):
what did they do during the surgery. What they did
is they go in, they make a big hole in
the side of your head, the area where the bleed is.
They find the artery and they just kind of clip
it but make sure the blood can still flow so
you have blood going into your brain. Then they sewed
me back up and that was early Friday morning. I
(11:21):
woke up later Friday evening and I remember seeing my kids.
At that time. I did not know who they were
and that upset my kids. Then I went back to sleep.
I woke up and a friend of mine, Charlie Westler,
walks into the room. And I had been so quiet,
(11:44):
but I heard his voice and from my bed, I go, Charlie,
is that you? And the entire room was like, oh
my god, I go can you believe it? Look what
happened to me? And then I saw the kids I
knew of them. I said hello, and then I went
back to sleep, and then didn't wake up till later
(12:06):
that night. And they did as much mending as they could.
And now it's up to you how your brain is
going to react. Is your husband Andrew with you the
whole time? Yes, he is with me. He was not
with me when it happened. He was in l A
making a movie and he had to make a decision
(12:29):
to either get on a plane and come in for
the surgery or should he just stay and be part
of the real time what's going to happen to me?
But he chose to get on a plane. The flight
attendant had to wake him up. He called and I
had lived through the night, okay, Jesus Scott, And I
(12:50):
said to him, how did you get here so fast,
and so that's when everyone was like, her memory is great,
and the doctors are like, don't count on it. We're
gonna take a short break and we'll be right back,
(13:11):
and we're back. What did they find and what did
they do after that surgery? Everything seemed to be fine.
And then it was the next day where it was
an emergency that my intercranial pressure was getting high. It
means that my brain is swelling, and so they did
a craniotomy where they took out on my right hand side.
(13:34):
They have to remove as much skull as possible for
the brain to expand. The brain does very well, but
it's really got to have the room to expand. And
that's when people like Natasha Richardson, when she hit her
head and her brain swelled and she had there was
nowhere for the brain to go and unfortunately it can't survive.
(13:58):
I mean, it all happened so fast for her. But
had she been taken right away to a hospital, if
they were able to immediately do what they did, to you,
what that I've saved her life? Do you think? I
think it probably would have helped, because I know that
it was from brain swelling. I also know that it
didn't happen that fast. She had hit her head. She
had been complaining of a headache. She refused to get
(14:22):
help because we don't know, we don't know what's going on,
the likelihood that she has a brain bleed. She did
have a brain bleed, And a lot of times when
you do have these aneurysms, you can't survive them. A
lot of people, and I think many will probably relate
to this. You hear about someone who has the most
excruciating headache, they decide I'm gonna take to askpen and
(14:43):
take a nap and go to bed and never wake up.
They don't survive. And I just happened to be in
a public area. I did not have the precursor to
what most people feel when they have an aneurysm. I
only had that moment it with with George, those feelings
and that rush in the flash. People talk about seeing
(15:06):
double sometimes or having the worst headache in the world
days leading up to it. I didn't have any of that.
So they take what a quarter of your your skull off.
They took this called like two flaps. Two flaps. Can
you imagine like a quarter of a cantaloup a little
(15:27):
bit more than a quarter. You now wear a helmet, yes,
And how long did you wear the helmet for and
how long was the recovery from that surgery? Um, so,
what you have is your scalp that has your hair,
but what's underneath it is just a swollen brain that
has extended out from the rest of your skull. So
(15:50):
there's hair, so it's not like an open wound. And
that's what needs to be protected by the helmet. And
I thought to myself, well, if you took it out,
which you do with it, it's so then what they
did do is they put it in your abdomen what
they call, you know, safe keeping, And so I use
in the hospital for another three and a half weeks.
(16:11):
I had some issues. My brain was starting to spasm
and stroke, so I had another brain surgery to fix
that anything that probably could go wrong. I had a
little hydrocephalus, you know, but I kind of rallied out
of it, and then they thought, you know, I'm doing
pretty well. I have my memory, I'm starting to walk
pretty well. So they sent me home for my brain
(16:33):
to de swell. And that was for another two and
a half months, almost three months, and then once your
head looks like there's a big golf divot in your head,
then you know that your brain is de swelled and
you're ready to put the flaps back in, the flaps
that you've been hiding in your abdomen. Yes, yes, because
(16:56):
what they do is they print in you're the fat
of your abdominal wall, the fat part. But I had
lost so much weight they started to click up against
my ribs. It's God, Nancy, and how was that surgery?
When they put the flaps back, I had about three
months of just living in fear. Everyone kept saying, this
(17:19):
is you lived through the worst part of it. You
live through the parts that you were supposed to live through.
This is just putting back your skull. But I started
to write just about why am I so scared? You
were scared of dying. I've dying, Okay, I made it
through that. Well, what if something goes wrong and I
have like twenty seven things that are so irrational that
(17:41):
I thought could happen to the doctor. I had a
private detective a couple of friends go and maybe try
and follow the doctor to see he didn't go to
a bar, so he was like prime for the surgery.
I'm not even Catholic. I saw priest walking down this
street and I thought he looked at me one day
(18:03):
and I was on the helmet and I could take
these little walks and his his cloak blew over my leg,
and I really thought it was a sign, a good
sign or a bad sign. I thought it was a
good sign that I meant to talk to him, so
I followed where he was. I don't even know anything
about the Catholic church, but I went in to a
(18:26):
one of those when you confessional confessional and I just
started to cry, and I go, I'm not even Catholic,
but I'm worried about you know. And the fear that
I had is so out of it's I can feel
it now. But it was also a fear of like, wow,
I made it through the big stuff. What if this
the little stuff that is going to trip me up?
(18:49):
And I had to process that, and it really was
trying to get me through those double doors, because I
knew once I the surgery was going to have been
Once I went through those double doors, there was no
going back right and there was no control. Yeah, and
that surgery was the worst surgery. Here's the thing, Nancy,
(19:11):
I've never had anything that traumatic happened to me. I've
never been tested physically this way. I've never been in
a situation where I would think that a priest's cloak
brushing against my leg had meaning. So for those of
us that knock gun wood have not experienced anything like that.
You know, you've heard of people, You've seen films, you've
(19:33):
read books about people that were in the hospital and
they see the light and they come back from the
light and become different people. You're very much the same person,
A lovely, just positive, life affirming lady. Tell us the
things that only a person that has lived through a
life altering situation. What kinds of things you've learned, I'd
(19:56):
have to say in NEU, I see you. They were
of ones who kind of embraced me and said, your
personality before you had this, we feel has a lot
to do with how you're accepting this and how you
move forward. And I thought, you know, what it happened.
(20:20):
There's not much more I can do. But what I
can do is I can make everybody else feel more
at ease. And so my recovery, which I always was
very appreciative of my kids my life, my upbringing. I
started to realize it was more of the small things
(20:42):
that I really started to appreciate. You know. With the kids,
I did become more physically loving, you know, where I
drove them crazy where it's like, okay, not so much touching.
Another one where one day I was supposed to be
going somewhere, And this is after I'm kind of recovering
(21:04):
in New York City. There's all kinds of things that
are happening in the streets. I just found myself stopping
and watching stuff. And one particular thing was I was
watching this crane lift a piano, and for whatever reason,
I just stayed there and it must have been for
like an hour. I started just to stop and see
(21:28):
process and ask questions. Yes. And that's another thing that
has changed is, you know, I have much more curiosity,
but I also am more blunt and probably less patient.
You know. It's interesting to me because I've interviewed Michael J. Fox,
(21:51):
who has gone through so much with Parkinson's for such
a very long time, and he's always an optimist, and
I think of you as an optic missed and I
wonder if there is a connection between people who just
are naturally optimistic if there is a correlation with how
(22:11):
people deal with a brain aneurysm, Parkinson's, any kind of
disease or kind of trauma, because I know a lot
of people who have dealt with no pun intended hard
blows who did not fare as well. But there were
people that were very cynical. Yes, And in my understanding,
(22:34):
I've researched the brain a lot, because nobody knows about
the brain until something happens to it for layman like myself.
So I learned all about why is it? I had
a great recovery, and there really is something about having
a positive attitude, a sense of happiness, love, and kind
(22:56):
of you know what, We're all here for a reason.
There's a reason why this happened. And that's how the
hospital and the people that were directly dealing with me
really felt. You recovered very well and in an extremely
weird positive way because of your attitude. Are you more
(23:18):
spiritual now? Um? I am more spiritual in feelings, meaning
now I've tapped into if something upsets me or if
something makes me really happy, I can only really express
that through crime. It's the weirdest thing. Yeah, It's like
because I feel something visceral. So I'm more in touch
(23:42):
with my feelings, I believe. But I do think that
pre Nancy was a precursor to a more positive outcome
post Nancy and YOURYSM. You know, it's unfortunate that Mike
has Parkinson's. It was unfortunate that happened to, you know,
with me. But you can't change it. And I think
(24:03):
the skills of radical acceptance. You can't change it. You
might as well make the best of it, so you
lean into it, lean into it. Yeah, we're gonna take
a short break and we'll be right back. Welcome back
(24:27):
to go ask Gali. And so you didn't do any
drastic changes after you recovered. You didn't become a painter,
You didn't change your sexual preference. There weren't any big swings.
There was a big swing I became, which also is
part of my personality. I became manic, clinically manic, and
(24:50):
a lot of people don't understand sometimes when there's something
comes to the brain, you can go into a deep depression.
Because I think I was predisposed to a gregarious, happy
per person. I went manic. You know, before it's like
high functioning, really excited but this was at a level
where it could be very destructive, and that's where sexual
(25:14):
stuff can come in. This is where I was. I
felt like I just wanted to like be part of everything.
I had euphoria. You don't think about consequences. You know,
if I had the opportunity, I probably would have like
cheated on my husband. And I was just kind of like,
oh my god, I sexually I'm attracted to like that
cup of pencils, and it can be very destructive. You know,
(25:35):
I do shopping, but I didn't go crazy, but I
did go crazy with emotions. But for some people who
have gone through that, that have survived a brain aneurysm
and they had that kind of manic behavior, they probably
did by three hundred of the exact same bed frame online. Right, Yeah, yeah,
I mean, and I had an assistant her named Laura,
(25:56):
who basically was like babysitting me. I mean, it's a
real thing. So then you go on these drugs to
control the the manic part of it, and I was
on that for years. I just got off all of
my meds last year. And how many years has it
been since the surgery? Twelve years? And now you're not
(26:18):
on anything. I'm not on anything, and it's probably the
first time because I think also what was happening is
I didn't need to have those drugs anymore. And I
was getting evaluated and they thought, we think you might
You don't need to have that medication that keeps you down.
You know that keeps you down. We don't think you're
(26:39):
gonna be manning anymore. So it took some time and
they weaned me off of it. How do you feel now,
I feel very good. I feel very very good. So
it's it's not like you've recovered. One thing that happens
is when you have a change like this um and
even though as bad as it was, it changed it
for the best. Like I wouldn't have had the experiences
(27:03):
that I've had now, I feel that I've been given
a gift because one thing that I do really feel
fortunate about is I went through something and I learned
about it and now I can help people. I love
when someone says, hey, my aunt has X Y and Z.
I said, you know what, let me think I think
I can help you. Like I love that. I feel
(27:24):
like that is something that is an identity. It's now
part of my personality and I've embraced it and I've
written about it, and people were really supportive, and even
though most of the people that they know died of
an aneurism, they were all so happy for me. Oh, yes,
(27:46):
very happy. Yes. Well, it's like when soldiers come back
from war and you know, you're incredibly sad that we
lost so many men, but the men that do come
back from war, yeah, it's victorious, you know, And it's
victorious that you you got through this. And so what
I'm hearing is that one of the great takeaways from
(28:07):
what was a horrific experience is that because you lived
to tell you're able now to write articles, to write books,
to talk to people and share your experience in a
way that has provided so much help for people. Yeah,
and also providing what other people can do when they
(28:28):
know somebody who's going through this, right, who would have
thought because you're lying in the bed, he can't really
do much. So there's all these visitors that are looking
at you and just kind of like they don't know
what to say. They're also being very quiet because it's
such a serious thing. That I'm the one who was
cracking jokes. Andrew says, I was showing off. No, you
(28:51):
were you were taking care of your guests, which you
didn't need to do right exactly. And by the way,
it doesn't have to be a brain and you're ism.
You know, anybody that's gone through any kind of trauma,
physical trauma, you're providing service, which is how do we
act when we're in a hospital room? Do we bring
(29:12):
macaroni salad? How do we deal with the family of
the person that's in the hospital. But because that's not
really talked about a lot, it's not and a lot
of people don't know what to say, don't know what
to do, And when you're in crisis like that, you know,
I'll give you one little anecdote where I've survived. I'm
out and about I run into somebody. They hadn't seen
(29:34):
me since the whole ordeal, and they're like, I've got
a bone to pick with your husband And I'm like yeah,
and he goes, yeah, you know, I didn't know your
email or your number, and I tried to call your
husband and he never called me back. Jesus Christ. And
I'm like, you mean when I was in the hospital
and he goes, yeah, he goes, I have a bone
(29:56):
to pick with him. He never got back to me,
and I'm like, okay, well, unfortunately that's gonna go in
my book. Yeah, of course it is as something he'll say, yeah, yeah,
sorry that he didn't put down everything because his wife
was in crisis to take care of your needs, you know.
But I think people innately want to help in some way.
(30:16):
But we can't forget about humor. It's very uncomfortable because
you're not sure. I can't make a joke, but there
are times that is such a nice relief. Well, I
am so glad that you brought that up, because you know,
humor is my thing and and it's something that you
(30:38):
and I share together too. Do you remember what you
said to me? No, tell me when I visited you
in the hospital, what did I say? Okay, So you
come in there and we had guests there, and it's
been such a quiet nobody wants to talk. Everybody's just
so worried because the doctor says she's not out of
(30:59):
the wood, you know, and it's already like to whatever
it was, you know, so it's still a very critical time.
And you walk in and you had a gift for me,
and you threw it at me. You go fucking drama queen.
You stole my night. Hey listen, because one of the
things that you have taught me through this process was
(31:23):
how important humor was for you and how important it
is for people. Everybody is so terrified and anxious, and
it gets to be a little morose and probably too
morose for the patient who's lying in the hospital bed. Yes,
because we feel we already feel guilty that our kids
are suffering from something that they don't understand. Our parents
(31:45):
are there, everyone's there. We already feel somewhat guilty that
people are fawning over us and oh my god, what
does this mean? And one, it gave me something to
do too. I just really felt like I'm going to
help them. You know what's great. I loved it when
my Nashville friends brought me in my playlist on a
(32:09):
little recorder. You know what, I can teach people to
do that, right, Don't take them country music because they
might not like it, but take them their playlist. There's
two things that you really taught me, and one is
you know, I'm a big believer in humor, and you
taught me that when people are in you know, you
(32:30):
have to read the room. But in difficult times, sometimes
humor is such a relief. I mean, they say humor
is the best medicine for a reason. You know, sometimes
people need to laugh because they've been crying so much.
And the other thing that you taught me was that
we have a tendency as humans when people are in
(32:50):
crisis and whatever that means. People have a tendency to retreat.
And you've always taught me, no, bring that cast role,
call all them up, email them, let people know that
you're there. Don't retreat. They don't want people to go away. Yeah,
and that's absolutely true. And what's interesting is in my
(33:12):
research of this particular behavior where we retreat, you know,
we modify our behavior thinking we're being sensitive. It's the
most insensitive thing you could possibly do. We feel like,
oh my god, if I bring it up, And I
always say, what if you bring it up, you're gonna
remind them they know that they had an aneurism, or
they know that their father died, so we make it
(33:36):
about us. That's exactly right. And it was really helpful advice.
And I've used it since you gave this to me.
So having gone to the brink of death, shall we say,
has it changed how you view death, how you expect
to experience death. You know, some people say they fear
it even more. Some people get excited about the notion
(33:59):
of it. On me, about how you feel about the
the idea, let's say, of death, still completely scared about death,
scared to death, scared to death. A lot of people thought,
you've got a second chance at life. Oh my god,
everything must be amazing, you know, you must be just
(34:21):
on a high. And I mean, you shouldn't be depressed
about anything. And it's like it doesn't really work that way, don't.
I get nervous about things that I don't know about.
I would actually think that the last thing you ever
thought you would experience with a brain aneurysm, And so
it would actually make me think, oh, if this can happen,
(34:43):
what else can happen? You know what I mean? Yes,
I live in a world where the most unusual things happened.
So I do not rest because I've already been through
a near death situation. I do not rest. I embrace it,
and I try not to live a life that is
always in fear. But I do look over my shoulder
(35:05):
in a different way about what's coming. Well put well
put all right, So, Nancy, you have been so great,
and now my podcast go ask Ali. I let the
guests ask me a question. So, Nancy Direky, do you
(35:27):
have a question for Ali Wentworth? You know I do. Ali.
You're one of my favorite people. I think you know
that I'm one of your biggest fans. I love you.
But what I really want to ask you is what's
your favorite thing about you? My favorite thing about me
is my humor. You know, I'm married to an overachiever,
(35:52):
and I'm never gonna be able to talk to him
about theology from the fifteenth century. I'm not good at
predicting who is gonna win local elections. I'm mediocre in bed,
but I love my sense of humor. I love what
makes me laugh, and I feel like I have here
(36:12):
we Go. I'm gonna put it into terms of this podcast.
I feel like I have worked on that muscle in
me that gives me a quick wit and makes me
appreciate other people that can kind of play comedy tennis
with me. And I appreciate so much the ability to
laugh that I like to give it to other people.
(36:33):
So that's my favorite thing about me. Now, had you
asked me what my least favorite thing was about me,
well beyond for the next few hours. I wanted you
to say it was your humor, because I really feel
that you're so witty, you're so quick, and the idea
that you can embrace that and say, you know what,
that's what I love about myself. Too many people complain
(36:55):
about what they don't like about themselves, so I just
wanted to hear you say it. Well, hold on, I
would say it's my humor. But I have an amazing
ass I know, do people know about that? Yes, well,
you're always called up just behind these you know podcasts.
I'd have to say, you asked is amazing. It is.
I did not get George Shepanopolis to marry me based
(37:16):
on my cooking alone, but it is something that I
like about myself. Are pretty good. Thank you, Thank you,
but you should try my milkshade that's not getting dirty
brings all the boys of the yard. Thank you for
(37:36):
listening to Go ask Alli. For more info and what
you heard in this episode, check out our show notes.
Be sure to subscribe, rate and review Go ask Alli,
and follow me on social media on Twitter at Ali
e Wentworth and on Instagram at the Real Ali Wentworth Now.
If you'd like to ask me a question or suggest
a guest or a topic to dig into, I'd love
to hear from you, and there's a bunch of ways
(37:57):
you can do it. You can call or text me
at three three three four six six, or you can
email a voice memo right from your phone to Go
Ask Gali podcast at gmail dot com. If you leave
a question, you may hear it on Go Ask Alli.
Go Ask Gali is a production of Shonda land Audio
(38:20):
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