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November 14, 2022 58 min

Look, life is weird and difficult. Social situations are hard to navigate. The world is too loud or too scratchy. You’re too loud or too bright or just “too much.” And then, a new diagnosis helps you understand all that friction in a new way. It doesn’t magically make things better, but it does make things…. Different. 


On today’s Here After with Megan Devine, Lauren Ober joins us to talk about The Loudest Girl in the World and her journey to understand what it means to be on the autism spectrum, living life as a newly diagnosed autistic person. 

In this episode we cover: 


  • How childhood experiences of shame and “othering” create lifelong ripples
  • Why personality is a work in progress
  • Can our definitions of “acceptable” grief expand to include a lot more of everyday life? 
  • What it means to be on the autism spectrum and how to live life as a newly diagnosed autistic person
  • The accidental activist: how just living your life in full view helps people you don’t even know

Grief is always in the room. Want to become a grief-informed therapist? Registration is open now for Megan Devine’s 6 month grief care professional program. Details at this link. 


Notable quotes: 


“It's like there's a particular type of thing you're allowed to grieve, like your cat dying, but you're not allowed to grieve the restaurant closing, a place that was filled with joy and delight. But you think - that’s stupid. Why are you crying over that? My working definition of grief is just too narrow.” - Lauren Ober


“When we make something visible, it allows other people to be curious about it, and to try it on for themselves. That to me is a really hopeful thing.” - Megan Devine

Guest bio: 


Lauren Ober is a podcast host and producer, currently in production on a show about Koko the signing gorilla. Her latest podcast, The Loudest Girl in the World, is the story of Lauren's journey to understand what it means to be on the autism spectrum and how to live life as a newly diagnosed autistic person. 


Lauren hosted Spectacular Failures, one of TIME magazine's top 10 podcasts of 2019, and NPR's The Big Listen, a nationally distributed broadcast about podcasts. She’s an award-winning public radio reporter, producing stories for outlets like NPR, 99% Invisible, and Criminal.

Additional resources:

Listen to Lauren’s podcast The Loudest Girl in the World

Alice Wong’s Disability Visibility Project

Follow Lauren on Twitter @OberandOut



Get in touch:


Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Here After with Megan Devine. Tune in, subscribe, leave a review, and share the show with everyone you know. Together, we can make things better, even when they can’t be made right. 


Have a question, comment, or a topic you’d like us to cover? call us at (323) 643-3768 or visit


For more information, including clinical training and consulting, visit us at


For grief support & education, follow us at @refugeingrief on IG, FB, TW, and @hereafterpod on TT


Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s Okay That You're Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

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