October 24, 2024 • 32 mins
Ask me anything! Unflitered and honest; Carly answers your questions on this week's episode!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wama. I am Carly Zucker. Welcome to another episode.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Of Here We Go.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We talk about.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Everything from mental health, substance abuse, relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
You name it.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
If it affects us in life, we're going to talk
about it here. You do get pretty heavy on some topics,
but we're also going to have a lot of fun.
And today is going to be a blast because we're
going to do an ask me anything.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So dramatic. I already ask me anything, and I did.
I opened it up. I said, I'm an open book.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I asked people to be respectful and kind, and everybody was,
but I said, like I'm an open book, just ask
anything you want to ask.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
And so joining me is my sister again. Yay, Katie Harangs.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Also is Katie Applin.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
She's joining me a kind of the host today.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
You're gonna be the host and asking the questions and
we're gonna have a lot of fun with this.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I love.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
This gonna get deep and then it's gonna get light
and we're gonna have a blast. I don't know why
I feel like I.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Need like a a gavel or something which that certainly
doesn't fit in here, but you know, it's like to
shut me off. Yeah, yeah, perfect, and then Brett Blake
Moore is producing today. Hello sir, for you for doing
this as always are the best.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Oh, thank you. So yeah, we're gonna get rolling right away.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
With the questions, because who doesn't want to know all
the ask me anything?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
The AMAMA is.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
It was funny because when you sent me that, I
was like, what's an AMA like American Music Awards?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I'm very confused, but.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
I've been invited, right, Okay, So we're gonna dive right
into the question.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, let's just get going right away. Here we go, Yay,
here we go, Carly.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
So those questions are coming from the perspective of the
person asking.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
By the way, you got really serious.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
I did for a minute. How were you able to
quit drinking? I'm having a tough time of it?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Oh man, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So if you would have asked me three years ago,
would you not be drinking?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I would have laughed in your face.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I would have thought there, like, I don't have that
big of a problem.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
There's no reason for me to stop at that level.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
So I absolutely never thought that would be in my future.
I will say for me, it took professional help. It
took removing myself from my situation and focusing on the
why I drink. So I think when you're saying like
(03:00):
how did you quit, I think the question.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Is more why are you drinking?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
And a lot of the time it's to numb the feelings.
You don't want to feel what's going on. And that
was it for me.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I don't want to, you know, presume what people are
thinking or feeling.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Ever, this is all just my experience, but I will
say I think there's a reason why we drink as
much as some people drink as much.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
As they do to not feel.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
So I think getting to the core of why you
do that, and it doesn't have to be inpatient, but
if you're at an extreme level and it's hurting your life,
you know, in patients an option. They also have intensive
outpatient IOP, so you can do IOP at certain places.
(03:52):
You can just google that IOP Minneapolis or IOP in
your area. And also a therapist.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
You know, there's a lot of different resources out there
that can.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Help guide you into the right space.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Thrive Pam was.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
On last week with me, was amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
So google Thrive.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
They help you and your family navigate it. So that's
that's my answer to it. I I never thought that
would be in my cards that I wouldn't drink, But
here I.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Am sober as ever, sober as a cucumber. I don't
even know what that means, but we're gonna roll with
it because so pub cungbers are definitely sober.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
So that's good. Does Jason still see the kids?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Of course? Jason is a great dad.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Yes, yes, yes, of course, very clear about that. Yeah,
I want to be very clear that he's a wonderful dad.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Of Course he sees the kids.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
It's it's a difficult time during season because a lot
of people don't understand that he's actually not allowed to
travel home back to Minnesota, so he has to stay in.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Buffalo or do the travel for the team.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
So it's not that he's not wanting to come back
and see the kids, he's unable to come back. We
decided that the best situation was for the kids to
be with me in Minnesota because I'm present more often.
He's on the road half the time. So that was
our decision that we made together. And he sees them
(05:31):
two to three days a month, so it's hard.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
You know, he can go five six weeks without seeing them,
and that's tough for the kids.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
They miss him.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
I imagine tough for him, but that is the circumstance
if he wants to play hockey. Right, So kind of
we'll stand the kids for a minute here, and this
question the.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Baby, right, it's the little.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Oh, happy early birthday to Hendricks by the way, big
time listener.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Right, big time listener. Okay, so this question comes from somebody.
Sorry if this is too much, but are the kids okay?
Speaker 4 (06:15):
And are they getting support? Nothing is too much. Kids
are doing really well.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
The amazing thing about their life even before all of
this was that they were very nomadic and they were
very adaptable to change. So it almost served us well
when all of this happened because they were used to
separate houses, they were used to moving. Uh oh, So
whether that's good or bad, it helped in the situation.
(06:46):
I will say, you know, the I think the hardest
thing has been for Sophia. She understands a lot more
than Hendricks and Stella do, right, And so giving them
I say this over and over, giving your kids information,
appropriate information, as much as.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Possible is the absolute best thing you can do.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
They will create their own narrative, their own story. They
will decide it's my fault. They will make something up
if you don't give them the information, and there are
ways to guide them in giving that information.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So you absolutely, I believe.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Again all my experience, should give your kids as much
information as possible during these difficult times.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I was the opposite.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I actually was in denial for a very long time
about a lot of things, and.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
That I wanted to protect them, right.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I thought, if I just make things happy, they won't
notice the bad. Right, So I'll go above and be
beyond and make things so great that they won't notice
any of the negative.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
But they do. You're smart. It's all there. They know
the feelings, they see it.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
So again, the worst thing you can do is pretend
it's not there, because then they will make up their
own stories.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Right.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
And I think and kids feel the energy in the room,
right like they know that anybody more than anybody, and
especially I think from their parents, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
And so.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Again, you know, I'm certainly not a child psychologist or
therapist or anything like that, but just I think seeing
the kids too, and how happy they are all.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
The time, you know, Yeah, you know, we're they're funny,
they're yeah, you are with them a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
Yeah, lucky enough to spend a ton of time with them.
And yeah, so and we have such a huge support
system as a family, so you know, we know kids
in general, everybody is going to have good days and
bad days.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
But it was just going to say.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
That we are surrounded by love, you know it. You
and Mom are like other moms to them, you know,
and truly and they see you guys as such important
figures in their lives. And then Dad is such a
wonderful grandpa to them. Yeah, and Mark is a wonderful
(09:22):
uncle and Joan Anna when they're around.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
So I mean, we are just surrounded by a village
of love.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, And I think that that makes a big difference
as well.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Life takes a village.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I know I say that all the time, maybe just
to tell myself over and over again, but life takes
a village.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It's true.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
They come, Yes, they do.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
The best part though about seeing them so much is
that I get to sneak them candy.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah. And then I was gonna address professional support. Yes.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
So the kids have done play therapy and will transition
into some family.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Therapy as well. Sophia is well doing therapy.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
I think it's very important for them at a young
age to start those things so professionally.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Also, yeah, they get they get help.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, that's a great call out.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
So moving on to the next question, any advice for
anyone thinking about divorce, And that's the question.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I don't have a ton of context on it.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
If they you know, have they done it or anything
like that.
Speaker 6 (10:23):
So this is a really tough one.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Our parents have been married for what forty two years, forty.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
One forty I'm forty one, they've been married for forty
one because I was born when they got married.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
And we have watched them go through everything.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Difficult, beautiful, and they are happier than I've.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Ever seen them, I know.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And what they've gone through is not simple or not
or not something to you know.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Shrug your shoulders at.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
It's tough stuff, and we've watched them go through it,
and they've kept this family as the strongest family unit
I've ever seen, and then to be as in love
as they.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Are right now and supportive of each other.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So it's a.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Difficult one for me because I'm a loyal ride or
die no matter what's happening, no matter what would.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Have happened to Jason in any situation.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
God forbid, hockey injury, whatever it is, I would have
been there.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I would never have left.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
I do also believe that if you do not feel
you're in a space.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
That is well of course safe, right, or.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
That is tearing you down, that is hurting you on
a level you can't come back from.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Then there are decisions to be made, you know. I
think the one thing that will always kind of like
nag at the back of my head is that I
wanted help.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, is that I.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Asked for help.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I begged for help for years.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
And I wanted it, yeah, And we tried different things,
and then it was never a great time for me
to go to a treatment or to do anything long
term because.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
He was in season, or it was busy, or he
was training.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
So I felt like all of that took a little.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Bit of a back seat, and I wanted help. And
I think if your person wants help and is actively
trying to get help, that is one thing.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I think.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
If that person is maybe narcissistic or sits there and
it's like I'm perfect, I don't know what you're talking
about and is very inappropriate or you know, whatever it is, that's.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
One thing, right.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
But I think if your partner desires change and genuinely
wants to work for it, then there's an opportunity to
work together to be even better and you can come
out stronger.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
So so it's a hard one. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I mean, I don't know if a lot of people
know this, but I was actually married before well I surprise. Wait,
don't tell my husband, don't tell Mark, But I think
and he was the greatest guy, Like I couldn't Oh
my god, I still love show, I know, but I
still love that guy, that guy down the right, But
(13:45):
we just weren't bringing out the best in each other.
And I think that's kind of what ultimately led to.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
So, I mean, I hear you.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
It's tough because I think the hardest thing when you
go through something like that is are you doing enough
to try to fix it?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
And you never truly know the answer to that. What
if you keep trying? What if you do this like
you're never going to go to another marriage counseling thing?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Right?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
At some point you have to decide is this the
rest of my life?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Right? And is this what I want for the rest
of my life?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
So, yeah, I have no answer for you on whether
or not it's a good decision. I I think only
you know truly.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
You know, right.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
I think the one thing too, is you know because
this doesn't this talks specifically about divorce and doesn't mention
anything about addiction or anything. The question in here too,
but are you when you think about your life, where
do you see that going?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
You know?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And because divorce comes with a lot, it comes with.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
It took over a year and a half, right, and
a year and.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
A half of h e double hockey sticks. It was
pun intended, it was.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Gruelly right, it was emotionally exactly. I mean, you watched
me go through the whole thing. It was like, you
can lose you know, there's a lot that comes with it,
you know, so it like you'll probably lose friends, you know,
I mean financially and none of those are reasons to
stay in an unhappy place. But I think just like
knowing what you're walking.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Into, yeah, is you know, It's just I lost so
many people in my life that I genuinely thought were family, and.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
That was tough.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Well, that actually leads me to a question that I'm
going to ask you, what do you miss about married life?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I know it's tough because you loved being married. I
like being a wife.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yeah, I miss having that partner in the simple moments.
So when the kids do something.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Funny and you want to look over at your person
and feel like that was funny.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I miss that.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I miss, you know, when.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
It comes to decorating for the holidays, having your person
with you to do it, going to an apple orchard
just you know, and cooking dinner in the kitchen, playing music,
the very very simple things.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Yeah, waking up next to somebody, those.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Are the things that isn't me.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I do love waking up next to you, and I
do love when we snuggle, but it's just to have
a partner, especially the parent of your kids, who feels
the same way as you do about your kids, to
share in those moments.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I miss that deeply.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Yeah, I am going to switch it out a little
bit from the marriage and then go into a question
about kind of your social circle.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Let's do I've isolated for like a year and a half,
So what do you mean by social circle?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Do you mean like social.
Speaker 7 (17:23):
Point one human just you, you next to each other
and then mom, right, Yeah, how do you navigate your
social circle and push back with such big lifestyle changes?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
So I am very fortunate because a lot of the
people in my life aren't weren't big drinkers. My group
of girlfriends from high school not not big drinkers anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I mean we're older now, you know, you have to
get up with kids, you have things to do, so
not big drinkers. Never really were.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
My college girlfriends take it or leave it, you know,
like they aren't massive drinkers either.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
It was just me.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I was bringing the party, right, exactly what were you doing? Yeah,
I was bringing the party.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Uh. So I'm fortunate that I'm surrounded by and family too.
Mom and dad didn't drink at all growing up. No,
we never saw our parents drink. In fact, the bottles
that are in the cupboard are probably so.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Drunk.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
We filled them with water and they never noticed because
they never drank.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I love when I told mom that and for the
first time and she looked at me, she was like
horrorf I know, uh, devastated.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Yeah, the idea that we were perfect growing up.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
She's like, you did not.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I'm like, oh yeah, fourteen boom, yeah, give me some malibu.
It was some malibu hitten underneath my bathroom. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Not okay, not Okay, It's one thing I say to Sophia,
the longer you can wait, and please come to me first, right.
I try to open that conversation not to make it scary,
you know. I don't want to make drinking frightening. I
want her to be able to speak to me about it,
(19:08):
because the longer you can wait, or if you can
just not do it, I say, you're never going to
regret a day you don't drink, but you will regret
mornings you.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Wake up after you drink. That's just the facts.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
And so we never saw our parents drink really when
we were growing up, and they.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Do now, but not excessively. And so we're really surrounded.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
I'm surrounded by people that just don't drink that often.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
So I'm lucky that my social circles didn't really change
that much.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
I will say, there's pockets where people that I really
considered close or family that do engage more in that,
and I don't hear from them, and so it's a
it's sad, but I also have to remind myself that
that's what's right. Yeah, you know, well, and I think
(20:09):
to that point, like going back to what is the
right thing for you and to keep you on the
right path. Yeah, you know, and like we you and
I talk about all the time, like continuing to do
the work, you know, like whatever that looks like. And
that's part of it, you know, surrounding yourself with the
right people that are going to bring out the best
in you and not where you're going to wake up
in the morning with like those regrets. Yep, regrets, ragrets
(20:35):
with the tattoo.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Right, Hey Brett, Hey, what what's up?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
So I have no idea what our timing is. So
when we hit about a half hour, were you like
wave at me?
Speaker 8 (20:47):
Sure, thank you. Which, by the way, we had very
different parents growing up because so so my sister was
a huge share. Well, my sister was a huge part
of her, Like she loved it. It's in high school.
And I was always like, I mean I saw people
get like sloppy drunk in my house. I have an
older sister, so I saw them as a kid, like
get sloppy and pass out, arrested, you know, all sorts
(21:12):
of But my mom was, well, if it happens in
my basement, then it's at least I can control it.
If it happens in my basement, I mean there were
there were times where like my sister's friends were trying
to peer pressure me to drink and I was, I
don't know, fourteen fifteen, and my mom would just be.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Like, it's not going to kill you. I just have one.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That big deal?
Speaker 8 (21:32):
Really? Oh yeah, yeah, well it was it was more
for the bit she wasn't She wasn't telling me that.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Wouldn't it be part of the power trip? Yeah, well,
nothing's changed.
Speaker 8 (21:40):
Well, she wasn't like telling me to get black arts,
of course.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, but she's like just relax a little.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
But like that, that is where I struggle because the
rule is that.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
She's not Sophia is not allowed to drink. The kids
aren't allowed.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
To drink, right, Well, the rule and by the rule,
you mean the law, the law, the land says the
long arm.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Of is that what it is? A long arm of
the law says she may not drink. But I mean
that's a rule.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Like, but I want her to feel like she can
come to me if there's ever a situation that she's
in where she does make a mistake or she does
is around other people. I'm like, I will be your
drive home. I'm like, if it's your friends, call me.
I'll be the ride home, you know, because I'm sober,
(22:32):
because your parents might be guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Right, I'll take an uber to go get her, but
I'll get her with.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
That because I'm I don't want her afraid of it,
and I don't want her to be afraid of me.
But I also want her to know that it's not
okay right now.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
You know, this is such a controversial topic and question,
and I'm not necessarily directing the question at you, but
just kind of putting it out there. I feel feel
like that is one thing that you see with parents,
and I'm not saying good bad otherwise It's like, what
do you do if you know the kids are going
to potentially drink underage? Do you, Margarita, do you, you know,
(23:17):
pop out the blunder and start mixing them or do
you say, like, absolutely not and then they have to
find another outlet.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I don't know. I struggle because.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
In the back of my I'm like, well, if you
give them easy access, which is your basement, then are
you just setting it up for continued you know that situation.
But good question to direct it, you brat, because how did.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
That affect you?
Speaker 8 (23:44):
I I'm of the opinion that if it's there and
it's available, then it's less like it's more of a
risk if you have to go to like a sketchy
place to get you know, your alcohol, or go to
a house party that could go awry when if it's
in your basement. I mean how I grew up and
we had get togethers all the time, and I for
my sister and for me in our basement and it
(24:05):
was fun and there sometimes there were there was drinking there,
but it never really got to be anything more because
it was so it was so in a controlled environment.
I mean my mom would come down and if we
had like any girls over, she'd be like hand checks
down there.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I mean she oh, she's the best. Oh my god,
I'm one hundred and five. I do hand checks. Yeah
that's the best. So yeah, but that's the rate as
a parent because it's kind of fun.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I do it to you.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
Yeah, when it come it comes over an jacked right.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
No, I would prefer it.
Speaker 8 (24:32):
I mean for me as a kid who grew up
that way, it just made it so like half the
fun of it was because it's so then when it
when it's that way, it's just like, oh yeah, we
can do that if we want, or we can just
hang out like but it's kind of just available, so
it's not really that big of a deal.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Ok, that's you know what I mean, really good to know.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
And I mean everybody's different, obviously, but I think that's
a really good perspective. We are not advocating for anybody
to say that either age drinking.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
No.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
My opinions do not reflect iHeartMedia or no.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
And I advocate for a sober home. Honestly, I think
that children want sober parents, and parents want sober kids.
You're never gonna end up with a mistake in that
way or regrets or.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Or being prifficult. Yeah, and that's the thing for me.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
I was high functioning as someone who drank excessively in
the evening, but like when I did, I mean I
was very high functioning, barely.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
You guys didn't even really know no how bad it was.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
I can't remember if we talked about this on our
episode or not before that we did, But like, if
you were to come to me and be.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Like, is Carly an alcoholic? I would have said absolutely not.
And it's not because I was in denial or defending you.
Because let's be honest.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
As much as I love you, I would look out
for your safety more than I won't be under a
rite exactly, Like literally, I would, you know, make sure
that you were safe before defending you on anything. But
it's like you've said before, everybody is so different that
there is no kind of one definition and not everybody
(26:15):
looks the same.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Well, that's a substance abuse looks so different in almost everybody, right,
we have similarities, you know, I think it comes with
some lying, it comes with some deceitl you know, like
there's certain things that come with substance abuse on any.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Level, whether it's it's drugs, alcohol, whatever.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
But I do believe that everybody's looks so different. I've
met people in treatment who drink twenty hours a day,
you know, they have to wake up to drink right,
to not get sick, to maintain until their body can't
handle it anymore.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
And then there's more people like me.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Who will binge in in a certain amount of time.
So everybody's looked so differently, And it doesn't mean you
have to label yourself as something.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
It's just an opportunity to heal.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
Right, Yeah, So kind of on that same path we
did have a question come across about lying, and I
know that that's a very.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Real thing that and you and I have talked about it.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
But this person says, my cousin I know has been
lying to me any suggestions on how to address it,
and it was in the context of their addiction.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, I think that again.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
And I'm speaking general true, I'm speaking about me and
people that I've met and conversations I've had, classes I've taken.
There is an inherent sense of deceitfulness and hiding that
comes with substance abuse. I believe sometimes with mental illness.
(28:03):
It doesn't mean you have to I'm just saying it
can be a piece of it. It was a piece
of it for me, you know, making everything seem great
and not addressing certain things.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
And I would even to Jason pretend things certain things
were done, you know, but I hadn't gotten them done yet.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I was procrastinating on them.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
And so.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
I don't I guess I don't really know how to
say what to do about the person who's lying. It
was really interesting with Pam. I still had the mentality
of you can't force someone.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
To get help, right.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
That was like a big piece of my mind was like, Oh, well,
you can't make somebody get help, but she had said
to me in our conversation, you can create a healing
environment that encourages somebody to get help.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
And oh, that's I forgot that you right.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Yeah, So again I would call Thrive, call these resources
and and begin to heal with them because they provide
for family.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
And so that's the biggest piece.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
It's not just for the person using, but it's for family, right,
And so reach out to these resources that are out
there like Thrive well. And I mean that was one
of the reasons why I was really advocating for you
to do this in general, because I wanted when we
were going through this, you were going through this like from.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Our family, we did not know what to do.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
It was literally a moment by moment trying to navigate.
And I if we would have known Thrive was out there,
I would have been banging on the doors like what
can I do? You know, but I didn't, And so
it's just more of like getting all of that out
there so that other people know. You can see how
people end up in tough sities situations, homeless or difficult
(30:02):
situations because they don't have the support they don't have
the resources, so they can end up in very difficult situations.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Okay, you got to pick one more and then we're
gonna wrap up this episode.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Okay, one more like get juicy, ma get good wood Hawk?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Of course, I mean utter respect and I'm famous, I
have a podcast, so yeah wood Hawk.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Absolutely, I don't even know what that means. Oh, you
better listen to the or to the portrait more.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
Oh okay, Oh shoot, guys, I thought you're a big fan, yes.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Hawkwood Okay, Hey, that's all right, way to end. Okay,
so we'll end on that one.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Okay, I'm Carly Zucker. Thank you so much for listening
to another episode.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Please go back.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And listen to the other ones if you have a chance.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
The first four really tell the story of how we
got here, how I got.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Here, so I think it's important to go back and
listen to all that episodes.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Thank you again for taking the time. Thank you for
all your questions. It was really fun to answer everything.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Thank you, Katie. Thank you for having me. I'm so
glad that you could host this with me.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
Brett Blakemore, thank you so much for producing the Bess
Well thank you.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Yeah, and we will be back with another episode every Thursday.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
We have new ones drop in here, we go.
Speaker 5 (31:33):
Down, don't want to be
Speaker 6 (32:01):
Would they have been happen
Wama. I am Carly Zucker. Welcome to another episode.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Of Here We Go.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We talk about.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Everything from mental health, substance abuse, relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
You name it.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
If it affects us in life, we're going to talk
about it here. You do get pretty heavy on some topics,
but we're also going to have a lot of fun.
And today is going to be a blast because we're
going to do an ask me anything.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So dramatic. I already ask me anything, and I did.
I opened it up. I said, I'm an open book.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I asked people to be respectful and kind, and everybody was,
but I said, like I'm an open book, just ask
anything you want to ask.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
And so joining me is my sister again. Yay, Katie Harangs.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Also is Katie Applin.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
She's joining me a kind of the host today.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
You're gonna be the host and asking the questions and
we're gonna have a lot of fun with this.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I love.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
This gonna get deep and then it's gonna get light
and we're gonna have a blast. I don't know why
I feel like I.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Need like a a gavel or something which that certainly
doesn't fit in here, but you know, it's like to
shut me off. Yeah, yeah, perfect, and then Brett Blake
Moore is producing today. Hello sir, for you for doing
this as always are the best.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Oh, thank you. So yeah, we're gonna get rolling right away.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
With the questions, because who doesn't want to know all
the ask me anything?
Speaker 1 (01:44):
The AMAMA is.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
It was funny because when you sent me that, I
was like, what's an AMA like American Music Awards?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I'm very confused, but.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
I've been invited, right, Okay, So we're gonna dive right
into the question.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, let's just get going right away. Here we go, Yay,
here we go, Carly.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
So those questions are coming from the perspective of the
person asking.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
By the way, you got really serious.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
I did for a minute. How were you able to
quit drinking? I'm having a tough time of it?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Oh man, okay.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So if you would have asked me three years ago,
would you not be drinking?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I would have laughed in your face.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
I would have thought there, like, I don't have that
big of a problem.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
There's no reason for me to stop at that level.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
So I absolutely never thought that would be in my future.
I will say for me, it took professional help. It
took removing myself from my situation and focusing on the
why I drink. So I think when you're saying like
(03:00):
how did you quit, I think the question.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Is more why are you drinking?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
And a lot of the time it's to numb the feelings.
You don't want to feel what's going on. And that
was it for me.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
I don't want to, you know, presume what people are
thinking or feeling.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
Ever, this is all just my experience, but I will
say I think there's a reason why we drink as
much as some people drink as much.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
As they do to not feel.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
So I think getting to the core of why you
do that, and it doesn't have to be inpatient, but
if you're at an extreme level and it's hurting your life,
you know, in patients an option. They also have intensive
outpatient IOP, so you can do IOP at certain places.
(03:52):
You can just google that IOP Minneapolis or IOP in
your area. And also a therapist.
Speaker 4 (03:59):
You know, there's a lot of different resources out there
that can.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Help guide you into the right space.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Thrive Pam was.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
On last week with me, was amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
So google Thrive.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
They help you and your family navigate it. So that's
that's my answer to it. I I never thought that
would be in my cards that I wouldn't drink, But
here I.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Am sober as ever, sober as a cucumber. I don't
even know what that means, but we're gonna roll with
it because so pub cungbers are definitely sober.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
So that's good. Does Jason still see the kids?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Of course? Jason is a great dad.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Yes, yes, yes, of course, very clear about that. Yeah,
I want to be very clear that he's a wonderful dad.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Of Course he sees the kids.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
It's it's a difficult time during season because a lot
of people don't understand that he's actually not allowed to
travel home back to Minnesota, so he has to stay in.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Buffalo or do the travel for the team.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
So it's not that he's not wanting to come back
and see the kids, he's unable to come back. We
decided that the best situation was for the kids to
be with me in Minnesota because I'm present more often.
He's on the road half the time. So that was
our decision that we made together. And he sees them
(05:31):
two to three days a month, so it's hard.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
You know, he can go five six weeks without seeing them,
and that's tough for the kids.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
They miss him.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
I imagine tough for him, but that is the circumstance
if he wants to play hockey. Right, So kind of
we'll stand the kids for a minute here, and this
question the.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Baby, right, it's the little.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Oh, happy early birthday to Hendricks by the way, big
time listener.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Right, big time listener. Okay, so this question comes from somebody.
Sorry if this is too much, but are the kids okay?
Speaker 4 (06:15):
And are they getting support? Nothing is too much. Kids
are doing really well.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
The amazing thing about their life even before all of
this was that they were very nomadic and they were
very adaptable to change. So it almost served us well
when all of this happened because they were used to
separate houses, they were used to moving. Uh oh, So
whether that's good or bad, it helped in the situation.
(06:46):
I will say, you know, the I think the hardest
thing has been for Sophia. She understands a lot more
than Hendricks and Stella do, right, And so giving them
I say this over and over, giving your kids information,
appropriate information, as much as.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Possible is the absolute best thing you can do.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
They will create their own narrative, their own story. They
will decide it's my fault. They will make something up
if you don't give them the information, and there are
ways to guide them in giving that information.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
So you absolutely, I believe.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
Again all my experience, should give your kids as much
information as possible during these difficult times.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
I was the opposite.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I actually was in denial for a very long time
about a lot of things, and.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
That I wanted to protect them, right.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I thought, if I just make things happy, they won't
notice the bad. Right, So I'll go above and be
beyond and make things so great that they won't notice
any of the negative.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
But they do. You're smart. It's all there. They know
the feelings, they see it.
Speaker 4 (08:10):
So again, the worst thing you can do is pretend
it's not there, because then they will make up their
own stories.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Right.
Speaker 4 (08:17):
And I think and kids feel the energy in the room,
right like they know that anybody more than anybody, and
especially I think from their parents, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
And so.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Again, you know, I'm certainly not a child psychologist or
therapist or anything like that, but just I think seeing
the kids too, and how happy they are all.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
The time, you know, Yeah, you know, we're they're funny,
they're yeah, you are with them a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
Yeah, lucky enough to spend a ton of time with them.
And yeah, so and we have such a huge support
system as a family, so you know, we know kids
in general, everybody is going to have good days and
bad days.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
But it was just going to say.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
That we are surrounded by love, you know it. You
and Mom are like other moms to them, you know,
and truly and they see you guys as such important
figures in their lives. And then Dad is such a
wonderful grandpa to them. Yeah, and Mark is a wonderful
(09:22):
uncle and Joan Anna when they're around.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
So I mean, we are just surrounded by a village
of love.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, And I think that that makes a big difference
as well.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Life takes a village.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I know I say that all the time, maybe just
to tell myself over and over again, but life takes
a village.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
It's true.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
They come, Yes, they do.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
The best part though about seeing them so much is
that I get to sneak them candy.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah. And then I was gonna address professional support. Yes.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
So the kids have done play therapy and will transition
into some family.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Therapy as well. Sophia is well doing therapy.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
I think it's very important for them at a young
age to start those things so professionally.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Also, yeah, they get they get help.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, that's a great call out.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
So moving on to the next question, any advice for
anyone thinking about divorce, And that's the question.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
I don't have a ton of context on it.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
If they you know, have they done it or anything
like that.
Speaker 6 (10:23):
So this is a really tough one.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Our parents have been married for what forty two years, forty.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
One forty I'm forty one, they've been married for forty
one because I was born when they got married.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
And we have watched them go through everything.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Difficult, beautiful, and they are happier than I've.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Ever seen them, I know.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And what they've gone through is not simple or not
or not something to you know.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Shrug your shoulders at.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
It's tough stuff, and we've watched them go through it,
and they've kept this family as the strongest family unit
I've ever seen, and then to be as in love
as they.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Are right now and supportive of each other.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So it's a.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Difficult one for me because I'm a loyal ride or
die no matter what's happening, no matter what would.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Have happened to Jason in any situation.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
God forbid, hockey injury, whatever it is, I would have
been there.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I would never have left.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
I do also believe that if you do not feel
you're in a space.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
That is well of course safe, right, or.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
That is tearing you down, that is hurting you on
a level you can't come back from.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Then there are decisions to be made, you know. I
think the one thing that will always kind of like
nag at the back of my head is that I
wanted help.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, is that I.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Asked for help.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I begged for help for years.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
And I wanted it, yeah, And we tried different things,
and then it was never a great time for me
to go to a treatment or to do anything long
term because.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
He was in season, or it was busy, or he
was training.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
So I felt like all of that took a little.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Bit of a back seat, and I wanted help. And
I think if your person wants help and is actively
trying to get help, that is one thing.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I think.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
If that person is maybe narcissistic or sits there and
it's like I'm perfect, I don't know what you're talking
about and is very inappropriate or you know, whatever it is, that's.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
One thing, right.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
But I think if your partner desires change and genuinely
wants to work for it, then there's an opportunity to
work together to be even better and you can come
out stronger.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
So so it's a hard one. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I mean, I don't know if a lot of people
know this, but I was actually married before well I surprise. Wait,
don't tell my husband, don't tell Mark, But I think
and he was the greatest guy, Like I couldn't Oh
my god, I still love show, I know, but I
still love that guy, that guy down the right, But
(13:45):
we just weren't bringing out the best in each other.
And I think that's kind of what ultimately led to.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
So, I mean, I hear you.
Speaker 4 (13:55):
It's tough because I think the hardest thing when you
go through something like that is are you doing enough
to try to fix it?
Speaker 1 (14:02):
And you never truly know the answer to that. What
if you keep trying? What if you do this like
you're never going to go to another marriage counseling thing?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Right?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
At some point you have to decide is this the
rest of my life?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Right? And is this what I want for the rest
of my life?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
So, yeah, I have no answer for you on whether
or not it's a good decision. I I think only
you know truly.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
You know, right.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
I think the one thing too, is you know because
this doesn't this talks specifically about divorce and doesn't mention
anything about addiction or anything. The question in here too,
but are you when you think about your life, where
do you see that going?
Speaker 2 (14:49):
You know?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And because divorce comes with a lot, it comes with.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
It took over a year and a half, right, and
a year and.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
A half of h e double hockey sticks. It was
pun intended, it was.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Gruelly right, it was emotionally exactly. I mean, you watched
me go through the whole thing. It was like, you
can lose you know, there's a lot that comes with it,
you know, so it like you'll probably lose friends, you know,
I mean financially and none of those are reasons to
stay in an unhappy place. But I think just like
knowing what you're walking.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Into, yeah, is you know, It's just I lost so
many people in my life that I genuinely thought were family, and.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
That was tough.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Well, that actually leads me to a question that I'm
going to ask you, what do you miss about married life?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I know it's tough because you loved being married. I
like being a wife.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yeah, I miss having that partner in the simple moments.
So when the kids do something.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Funny and you want to look over at your person
and feel like that was funny.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I miss that.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I miss, you know, when.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
It comes to decorating for the holidays, having your person
with you to do it, going to an apple orchard
just you know, and cooking dinner in the kitchen, playing music,
the very very simple things.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Yeah, waking up next to somebody, those.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Are the things that isn't me.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I do love waking up next to you, and I
do love when we snuggle, but it's just to have
a partner, especially the parent of your kids, who feels
the same way as you do about your kids, to
share in those moments.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
I miss that deeply.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
Yeah, I am going to switch it out a little
bit from the marriage and then go into a question
about kind of your social circle.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Let's do I've isolated for like a year and a half,
So what do you mean by social circle?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Do you mean like social.
Speaker 7 (17:23):
Point one human just you, you next to each other
and then mom, right, Yeah, how do you navigate your
social circle and push back with such big lifestyle changes?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
So I am very fortunate because a lot of the
people in my life aren't weren't big drinkers. My group
of girlfriends from high school not not big drinkers anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I mean we're older now, you know, you have to
get up with kids, you have things to do, so
not big drinkers. Never really were.
Speaker 3 (17:57):
My college girlfriends take it or leave it, you know,
like they aren't massive drinkers either.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
It was just me.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
I was bringing the party, right, exactly what were you doing? Yeah,
I was bringing the party.
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Uh. So I'm fortunate that I'm surrounded by and family too.
Mom and dad didn't drink at all growing up. No,
we never saw our parents drink. In fact, the bottles
that are in the cupboard are probably so.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Drunk.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
We filled them with water and they never noticed because
they never drank.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
I love when I told mom that and for the
first time and she looked at me, she was like
horrorf I know, uh, devastated.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Yeah, the idea that we were perfect growing up.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
She's like, you did not.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I'm like, oh yeah, fourteen boom, yeah, give me some malibu.
It was some malibu hitten underneath my bathroom. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Not okay, not Okay, It's one thing I say to Sophia,
the longer you can wait, and please come to me first, right.
I try to open that conversation not to make it scary,
you know. I don't want to make drinking frightening. I
want her to be able to speak to me about it,
(19:08):
because the longer you can wait, or if you can
just not do it, I say, you're never going to
regret a day you don't drink, but you will regret
mornings you.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Wake up after you drink. That's just the facts.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
And so we never saw our parents drink really when
we were growing up, and they.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Do now, but not excessively. And so we're really surrounded.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
I'm surrounded by people that just don't drink that often.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
So I'm lucky that my social circles didn't really change
that much.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
I will say, there's pockets where people that I really
considered close or family that do engage more in that,
and I don't hear from them, and so it's a
it's sad, but I also have to remind myself that
that's what's right. Yeah, you know, well, and I think
(20:09):
to that point, like going back to what is the
right thing for you and to keep you on the
right path. Yeah, you know, and like we you and
I talk about all the time, like continuing to do
the work, you know, like whatever that looks like. And
that's part of it, you know, surrounding yourself with the
right people that are going to bring out the best
in you and not where you're going to wake up
in the morning with like those regrets. Yep, regrets, ragrets
(20:35):
with the tattoo.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Right, Hey Brett, Hey, what what's up?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
So I have no idea what our timing is. So
when we hit about a half hour, were you like
wave at me?
Speaker 8 (20:47):
Sure, thank you. Which, by the way, we had very
different parents growing up because so so my sister was
a huge share. Well, my sister was a huge part
of her, Like she loved it. It's in high school.
And I was always like, I mean I saw people
get like sloppy drunk in my house. I have an
older sister, so I saw them as a kid, like
get sloppy and pass out, arrested, you know, all sorts
(21:12):
of But my mom was, well, if it happens in
my basement, then it's at least I can control it.
If it happens in my basement, I mean there were
there were times where like my sister's friends were trying
to peer pressure me to drink and I was, I
don't know, fourteen fifteen, and my mom would just be.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Like, it's not going to kill you. I just have one.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That big deal?
Speaker 8 (21:32):
Really? Oh yeah, yeah, well it was it was more
for the bit she wasn't She wasn't telling me that.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Wouldn't it be part of the power trip? Yeah, well,
nothing's changed.
Speaker 8 (21:40):
Well, she wasn't like telling me to get black arts,
of course.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Yeah, but she's like just relax a little.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
But like that, that is where I struggle because the
rule is that.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
She's not Sophia is not allowed to drink. The kids
aren't allowed.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
To drink, right, Well, the rule and by the rule,
you mean the law, the law, the land says the
long arm.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Of is that what it is? A long arm of
the law says she may not drink. But I mean
that's a rule.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Like, but I want her to feel like she can
come to me if there's ever a situation that she's
in where she does make a mistake or she does
is around other people. I'm like, I will be your
drive home. I'm like, if it's your friends, call me.
I'll be the ride home, you know, because I'm sober,
(22:32):
because your parents might be guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Right, I'll take an uber to go get her, but
I'll get her with.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
That because I'm I don't want her afraid of it,
and I don't want her to be afraid of me.
But I also want her to know that it's not
okay right now.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
You know, this is such a controversial topic and question,
and I'm not necessarily directing the question at you, but
just kind of putting it out there. I feel feel
like that is one thing that you see with parents,
and I'm not saying good bad otherwise It's like, what
do you do if you know the kids are going
to potentially drink underage? Do you, Margarita, do you, you know,
(23:17):
pop out the blunder and start mixing them or do
you say, like, absolutely not and then they have to
find another outlet.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
I don't know. I struggle because.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
In the back of my I'm like, well, if you
give them easy access, which is your basement, then are
you just setting it up for continued you know that situation.
But good question to direct it, you brat, because how did.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
That affect you?
Speaker 8 (23:44):
I I'm of the opinion that if it's there and
it's available, then it's less like it's more of a
risk if you have to go to like a sketchy
place to get you know, your alcohol, or go to
a house party that could go awry when if it's
in your basement. I mean how I grew up and
we had get togethers all the time, and I for
my sister and for me in our basement and it
(24:05):
was fun and there sometimes there were there was drinking there,
but it never really got to be anything more because
it was so it was so in a controlled environment.
I mean my mom would come down and if we
had like any girls over, she'd be like hand checks
down there.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
I mean she oh, she's the best. Oh my god,
I'm one hundred and five. I do hand checks. Yeah
that's the best. So yeah, but that's the rate as
a parent because it's kind of fun.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I do it to you.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
Yeah, when it come it comes over an jacked right.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
No, I would prefer it.
Speaker 8 (24:32):
I mean for me as a kid who grew up
that way, it just made it so like half the
fun of it was because it's so then when it
when it's that way, it's just like, oh yeah, we
can do that if we want, or we can just
hang out like but it's kind of just available, so
it's not really that big of a deal.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Ok, that's you know what I mean, really good to know.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
And I mean everybody's different, obviously, but I think that's
a really good perspective. We are not advocating for anybody
to say that either age drinking.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
No.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
My opinions do not reflect iHeartMedia or no.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
And I advocate for a sober home. Honestly, I think
that children want sober parents, and parents want sober kids.
You're never gonna end up with a mistake in that
way or regrets or.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Or being prifficult. Yeah, and that's the thing for me.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
I was high functioning as someone who drank excessively in
the evening, but like when I did, I mean I
was very high functioning, barely.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
You guys didn't even really know no how bad it was.
Speaker 4 (25:36):
I can't remember if we talked about this on our
episode or not before that we did, But like, if
you were to come to me and be.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Like, is Carly an alcoholic? I would have said absolutely not.
And it's not because I was in denial or defending you.
Because let's be honest.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
As much as I love you, I would look out
for your safety more than I won't be under a
rite exactly, Like literally, I would, you know, make sure
that you were safe before defending you on anything. But
it's like you've said before, everybody is so different that
there is no kind of one definition and not everybody
(26:15):
looks the same.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Well, that's a substance abuse looks so different in almost everybody, right,
we have similarities, you know, I think it comes with
some lying, it comes with some deceitl you know, like
there's certain things that come with substance abuse on any.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Level, whether it's it's drugs, alcohol, whatever.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
But I do believe that everybody's looks so different. I've
met people in treatment who drink twenty hours a day,
you know, they have to wake up to drink right,
to not get sick, to maintain until their body can't
handle it anymore.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
And then there's more people like me.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Who will binge in in a certain amount of time.
So everybody's looked so differently, And it doesn't mean you
have to label yourself as something.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
It's just an opportunity to heal.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
Right, Yeah, So kind of on that same path we
did have a question come across about lying, and I
know that that's a very.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Real thing that and you and I have talked about it.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
But this person says, my cousin I know has been
lying to me any suggestions on how to address it,
and it was in the context of their addiction.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Yeah, I think that again.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
And I'm speaking general true, I'm speaking about me and
people that I've met and conversations I've had, classes I've taken.
There is an inherent sense of deceitfulness and hiding that
comes with substance abuse. I believe sometimes with mental illness.
(28:03):
It doesn't mean you have to I'm just saying it
can be a piece of it. It was a piece
of it for me, you know, making everything seem great
and not addressing certain things.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
And I would even to Jason pretend things certain things
were done, you know, but I hadn't gotten them done yet.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I was procrastinating on them.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
And so.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
I don't I guess I don't really know how to
say what to do about the person who's lying. It
was really interesting with Pam. I still had the mentality
of you can't force someone.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
To get help, right.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
That was like a big piece of my mind was like, Oh, well,
you can't make somebody get help, but she had said
to me in our conversation, you can create a healing
environment that encourages somebody to get help.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
And oh, that's I forgot that you right.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Yeah, So again I would call Thrive, call these resources
and and begin to heal with them because they provide
for family.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
And so that's the biggest piece.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
It's not just for the person using, but it's for family, right,
And so reach out to these resources that are out
there like Thrive well. And I mean that was one
of the reasons why I was really advocating for you
to do this in general, because I wanted when we
were going through this, you were going through this like from.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Our family, we did not know what to do.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
It was literally a moment by moment trying to navigate.
And I if we would have known Thrive was out there,
I would have been banging on the doors like what
can I do? You know, but I didn't, And so
it's just more of like getting all of that out
there so that other people know. You can see how
people end up in tough sities situations, homeless or difficult
(30:02):
situations because they don't have the support they don't have
the resources, so they can end up in very difficult situations.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Okay, you got to pick one more and then we're
gonna wrap up this episode.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Okay, one more like get juicy, ma get good wood Hawk?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Of course, I mean utter respect and I'm famous, I
have a podcast, so yeah wood Hawk.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Absolutely, I don't even know what that means. Oh, you
better listen to the or to the portrait more.
Speaker 4 (30:37):
Oh okay, Oh shoot, guys, I thought you're a big fan, yes.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Hawkwood Okay, Hey, that's all right, way to end. Okay,
so we'll end on that one.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Okay, I'm Carly Zucker. Thank you so much for listening
to another episode.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Please go back.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And listen to the other ones if you have a chance.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
The first four really tell the story of how we
got here, how I got.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Here, so I think it's important to go back and
listen to all that episodes.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Thank you again for taking the time. Thank you for
all your questions. It was really fun to answer everything.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
Thank you, Katie. Thank you for having me. I'm so
glad that you could host this with me.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
Brett Blakemore, thank you so much for producing the Bess
Well thank you.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
Yeah, and we will be back with another episode every Thursday.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
We have new ones drop in here, we go.
Speaker 5 (31:33):
Down, don't want to be
Speaker 6 (32:01):
Would they have been happen
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