October 31, 2024 • 49 mins
Ask me anything! Unflitered and honest; Carly answers your questions on this week's episode!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to another episode of Here We Go with Carly Zucker.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
This has been so therapeutic for me, and I'm just
grateful for the time you are all taking to listen
to the podcast to message me.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I opened the door. I wanted you guys to send
me messages.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I haven't even gotten to the emails yet from the website,
so I will be responding. I'm responding as quick as
I can. The connections I've made from this podcast has
been one of the most surprising things. Hearing other women, men,
I mean, whoever it is saying this sounds like my story,
(00:45):
or this feels like me, or I have someone in
my life that's like this, or thank God for your
sister and your family and all of these really wonderful
things that we're connecting on.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
And that was the point of this podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I really really wanted us to feel less alone. And
if it's just from hearing someone else say there's struggles,
that's fine, you know, because I when I was deep
in it, and still when the days i'm in it,
I just remember, Okay, you're not alone.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Like there's other people that feel this and you don't
want them to I don't want other people to feel this,
but at least we're all a little less alone.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
And again, my hope is to build this community to
something that we can lean on each other, have events,
whatever it looks like. I'm not sure yet, but I'm
so thankful for all your messages and for you listening.
So please continue to do so, and please continue to
send me messages because I read them.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
They're important.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
You're important, and we're gonna do another Esque Me Anything.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Why do I sing it? Every time you? Katie? Katie,
turn on your mic, Katie, turn on your Katie? What
is this amateur hour? Now? Now you're on?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Oh Sret's got your back. Yeah, Brett's got your back.
It's okay, You're it's okay.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It's only your like third time on radio for you.
Oh my goodness. People are loving, people are loving you
doing this with me?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
So, Katie Hironsky also known as Katie Applin because we're
the applind sisters, and.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Apparently we also sing.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, apparently I sing to ask me Anything, which I'm
sure everybody's already turned this off, but whatever, No, I.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Hope you're sticking with us.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
We're gonna do and ask me anything, because you guys
sent a lot of really great questions. And also want
to say thank you to everybody for being so respectful,
because you know, you open that.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Door and you have a little bit of fear of.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
We're gonna be like super mean or be like you're
the worst, or I hate you, and I'm sure summer
thinking it.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
That's fine, but everybody's been very respectful. So I just
want to say thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
But my sister's gonna guide us through these questions because
she's a rock star and we've had so much fun
together and you're my co host now on the Here
We Go podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
This is so so fun.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I'm not gonna lie and there's something dream and I
can hide behind her microphone, which have been happier.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
This is a dreamed like new things together.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
The people, Oh, we're annoying. It's fine, I get it.
You can post that if you want to comment. We
already get it. But yeah, so Katie's going to guide
us through this. I also want to mention Katie is
a wonderful, wonderful resource for support questions if you are
not comfortable asking me something or if you're kind of
on the other side of this. You're not the person
that's struggling with the severe mental health or addiction or
(03:28):
any of the things that I talk about. Not that
my sister doesn't have her own things going on. She does,
but she is, do I you dear?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Not sure?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
No, she is so informative and so smart and so
brilliant when it comes to the support side.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
And so if you have any questions, if you need.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
A life coach, like, please reach out to her because
she's available and she really wants to help as well.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
So where first, where can they find you?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Without your address and my social security.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Personal address, please come over anytime. No, my Instagram is
just at Katie Applin, so super simple, l I n yep.
And then if you pop on there you can also
send me an email or anything like that. So okay, cool,
super super easy.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
And then Brett Blake Moore, it's doing the producing again today.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Thank you so much. I love it. I have a
dream team. This is the dream team. Yep. And you
sing dream team. No, I just sing everything. That's fine,
too much, keffee.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Anybody who has worked with me knows, like, literally, we
had a zoom call this morning and I get out
and I'm like, good morning and they're all like, oh.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
My god, I sing a good morning song to.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
My kids and they hate it, which I thought that
they would love.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
It came from either because my dad didn't ream. I
came from because when.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I'm a therapist saying good morning, a good morning song
to us, and now I sing it to the kids
and they hate it.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
If there's a reason to go to treatment there, we're.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Going to talk about it outside of getting help. Okay,
so let's jump into the questions again. Thank you to
listen for listening to the Here we Go pod cast.
I'm Kurly Zooker. You can go to here we Go
dot com, Here we Go podcast dot com to get
more information and let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I love it all right, guys, here we go, Here
we Go.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
So we are gonna start off on a light note today, okay,
because I feel like that's the energy that is just
like booming right now. We're just I don't know, coming off.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
It's a Monday.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Ask a fun question or I'll start singing sound of music, right,
So you have a choice, and we're gonna go with a.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Question that, oh my gosh, just put us in a
room where we can sing musicals and we're happy.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Okay, Grey's nightmare. I digress. Okay, So.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
During track practice, you used to run to Dairy Queen
for frozen hot chocolates.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, so again starting very late.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So this is a question from one of my great
great friends, Angie, and I joined track basically to run
to food places after school, accurate with my friends. So
we there's something called a frozen hot chocolate. If you
have not had it at Dairy Queen, you're missing out.
Do they still have them? Yeah, it's been a long time.
(06:11):
You're not gonna see it on the menu. Oh it's
an off menu thing.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
But Derek Queen is calling you immediately and telling me
never to talk.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
No, no, they want you can sponsor me in the
frozen hot chocolate.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
It is the most delicious thing.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And yes, I used to take my track time and
instead of actually tracking or running tracking, I would run
to Dairy Queen and eat frozen not chocolates.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Oh my goodness. So yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Was this before after the sprinkles and nuts situation.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
No, we're not even gonna go there. But that's an
inside joke. That's radio for two people. But the Yeah,
so that's what I used to do.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
McDonald's was also a big hit for me, so.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Sure, yeah, so I would not Maybe this is where
the thing everything started to collapse in my life, whereas
I wasn't disciplined and I would not take track. Seriously,
I also did the hurdles like three times and fell
every time.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
It was could you imagine me doing hurdles? I have
short little legs. Why did I not even know that
you did hurdles? I mean I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I mean there was nothing really to talk about. But anyway, yeah,
so great question, Angie. And let me talk about Angie
as a support person quick. Yes, when I was really
struggling in Arizona alone without any I did not have
a big support system down there. I had a couple friends,
and I was really deep in it, I mean, struggling
(07:33):
with depression and anxiety.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Angie, who has two of her own kids a husband in.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Chicago, took a week of her life and came to
live with me for a full week in Arizona to
help me out.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
And so she just took her time away.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I mean, that's the friends and support I had. And again,
I want to talk about these people as much as
possible because I am so grateful for them in my life.
And Angie just without question, she didn't she didn't ask,
She just was like, I'm coming down. I'm going to
stay with you for a week and in a week too, and.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
She worked, I mean, and so she worked.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
From there and I just can't tell you. It got
me through another week, right, it got me through another day.
And it's just the day to day, the minute to minute,
and Angie got me through another week.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
And so I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
For people like that. So yeah, I just wanted to
give her a little shout out. Great question, It was
a good question. Yes, So now let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
So we're so wrapped for the day.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Yeah, so let's go sad, all right, So trying to
transition a little bit to the reason kind of why
why do the work? Did you experience anxiety along with depression?
And what techniques, if any, do you use to cope?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Katie could almost laugh at this, I mean cry at
this question. My anxiety from March of twenty twenty five
four till about June.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Was pretty debilitating, you saw me.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So when you when anxiety, of course has so many
varying levels, right, we experience it in so many different ways.
I had had anxiety before, but not to a debilitating
And when I say debilitating, I couldn't make a phone call,
I could barely drive. I was shaking constantly shape and
(09:29):
you saw me. I mean this is this was no joke.
I was physically shaking all day because the anxiety was
stuck in my body.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
And it was a scary thing. I mean you can
speak to it a little bit. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
It was something where you know, as you're thinking about
how things affect you in life, right you if we're
lucky enough as humans to not realize to not go
through enough I don't want to say enough of a trauma,
but a situation don't.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Have that level.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It doesn't mean people deal with their situations differently, so,
but doesn't connect you as physically as it did with you.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
It was I mean your hands looked, I mean it
got really wrinkled.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, let's just put okay, we're putting it all. We're
putting it all out there. You did way ask. I
looked sick.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, it was what it was. I got to a
point I looked sickly. I lost so much weight and
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and it was terrifying.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
It was hard to I think from the other side
of it too, to watch because you just want to
help and fix everything, you know, but what you realize
that it's not about necessarily, you know, it's just everything
that's inside that's just kind of coming out. But how
to even react to that and when you're not used
(10:52):
to that, you know. And it's one thing to have anxiety,
and I think we throw that term around very loosely,
even like myself, Like I'll just sitting at home and
I'm like, oh my gosh, my anxiety is off the charts,
you know, and then I'm.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Like, okay, well wait a minute, it's definitely not, you know,
but that's okay. I feel it so differently.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
So it's like not to take away from your anybody's anxiety.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I just had never gotten to.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
A place where it was so physical for me, So
I definitely experienced it with the depression, and it was
difficult sleeping, and it was it was a scary thing
for a little while because I kept saying to you,
I can't continue to live like this. Feeling was such
a scary feeling. So if you're experiencing the anxiety, I
deeply understand where you're coming from and how difficult that is.
(11:37):
I think for me, I did turn to medication, and
everybody's different on how they feel about things. I turned
to medication, not a heavy dough because of the addiction.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I don't do zan.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
I don't do anything that's kind of an addictive anxiety
med but I did. I did use medication. I still
use medication, and that has leveled me enough to really
be functioning.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And that was super important to me.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Obviously, to be a parent with that level of anxiety
and depression was a really difficult thing and really scary.
And again I'm so lucky to have a village around me,
but yeah, that was difficult.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
So yes, so with the.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Anxiety, some of the things I don't do that I
know you need to do. But what I was doing
in the moments was I was journaling a lot.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I was trying to meditate. But it's so hard when
you have anxiety to calm down to meditate. I mean,
it's just I don't have an answer.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I think professionals, you know, like, try to have a
team if you deal with debilitating anxiety. Make sure that
you're reaching out for help, you're speaking to people.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You're not trying to hold it in, You're asking for help.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And then I do think that there's something to be
said about being active getting outside.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
I was gonna say, because one thing that I notice,
I noticed that really works for you.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And then when you start to see it backwards, Yeah,
is is getting outside and going.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
For a walk like or or workout you know that
we did yesterday, you know, just like things like that,
just just being active at reaching out to somebody, even
if it seems like the hardest thing in the world.
Just text somebody, pick up the phone, do anything. Just
that outreach and that fresh air makes it.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Really I feel like I've seen it make a massive
difference with you. And when you're listening to this, I
also get the side of because you've heard me say
this when if you're deep in depression also or the
anxiety is so bad, the idea of going on a
walk can.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Feel like the biggest obstacle on the planet.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And I get that, and you may not understand that listening,
but the idea of going outside, picking up your phone,
doing these things. But I kept trying to say to myself,
you can do hard things and they may not be
hard to you. I get that if you're listening and
it's like, that's ridiculous. I love working out, whatever it is.
But for me, when I was deep in.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
This, just to walk outside felt hard.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
And so if you are experiencing that, I will say,
do everything you can to push yourself, because I spent
three and a half hours at the arboretum when I
was kind of trying to come out of it, and
it was something that healed me beyond belief and really
put me on a trajectory of healing just to be
outside for that long.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
So anyway, that's all I got for you.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
That's I mean, I'm no professional, but I understand where
you're coming from.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
If you're feeling this, I'm gonna go off book for
a second. Okay, because this was actually a question that
I got ask in reference to that, does did one
lead to another?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Do you think.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Whether anxiety led to the depression or depression lead to
anxiety the.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Chicken in the egg thing?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Wow, that's a great question, I don't I think I
st For me, I think I started feeling the depression first,
and then when you isolate, you stop doing all the
things for healing. There's nowhere for those feelings and the
anxiety to go. And I was so used to numbing
with alcohol, so I didn't go. Thank goodness, I didn't
(15:11):
turn back to it in those feelings of anxiety. But
I had been used to numbing with alcohol, so when
I wasn't, these feelings I had inside were like I
don't know where to go and what to do. I've
never dealt with it, so it just became this ball
of anxiety. And so I would say maybe that for me,
(15:32):
the depression might have come first, and then I didn't.
I was just not doing anything to benefit or heal myself,
and so the anxiety just became overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I think too, seeing that it's like you don't know
because medically, where do they come from? You know, like
it can it's not like one leads to the other one,
you know, I don't think.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
But we have an episode on brain chemistry and how
this all functions too, because.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
That's important, is giving you the information as well.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I think that that was it, yeah, because it was
a really good call out and I wanted to ask
you about that and kind of how you felt. But okay,
we've made it through like two questions, so.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I'll make this. We'll bust this through Quicker.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
This is gonna be a two hour episode, just kidding,
did you How have you communicated what was happening to
the littles? I will say, my heart goes out to
you if you're dealing with anything like this and raising
a family, especially if you're doing it as a single parent,
(16:36):
because you have no one to step in when you
feel like you can't get up. And I think you
realize I mean generational trauma.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I also want to do an episode on that is
very real. And the kids.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Watching me be depressed or have anxiety absolutely affects them,
and I understand that. A conversation I try to have
with them all the time is you're not responsible for
Mom's happiness, because kids want to take that on.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I'm going to do this to make mom happy. I'm
gonna do this. I can make mom happy.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
They are not responsible for my happiness, and I say
that to them over and over. And the conversations I've
said this that I have with Sophia are so open
and honest that she recognizes that I may have a
day of depression, but it's not on her. She knows
I'm going to come out of it. She knows that
I have done, I know what to do. So if
(17:35):
I'm feeling that, it's okay to have that moment, but
it's not okay for me to live in it anymore
because I know better and I'm on medication and I
know what to do. But it absolutely affects your children,
and I think the best thing you can do is
ask them what they need. You get them professional help,
(17:57):
make sure they know that it's not their responsibility, that
they're children, and give them education because you hope it'll
never affect them, but the likelihood of it affecting our
children is becoming greater and greater. I think what you're
teaching them though, too, which I think is absolutely incredible,
is that it's okay to talk about yeah, and if
(18:19):
you know SOF goes through something similar, or if any
of the kids go through something similar or see their
friends go through something similar, they know that it's okay
to talk about and okay to bring up, and that
you don't have to isolate.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Or be afraid of it.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
You know, like you're just not alone, right, No, Like
you saw your mom go through it and she came
out and she did the work, and she's doing the
work and the days become less and less, right, and
so you just hope to break those generational traumas and
how strong you are for you know, continuing to do
the work and continuing to fight through that not giving them. Yeah, yeah,
(18:56):
what steps do you take every day to ensure you
and your kids are happy and healthy? Katie probably wants
to roll her eyes at this one, because there are days.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'm gonna be very honest, there.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Are days that I take the steps that I need
to take, and then there's days I want to lay
in bed and do nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
And I know we all feel that I to some
level that you.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Know, staying in bed is great, right like binging stuff
is great, binging Netflix is great. But there's days where
I can't even look at my phone, you know, where
I don't want to watch something, I don't want to
text people back, I don't want to communicate, and they're.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Less and less. I mean, this happens much more frequently now, but.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
So I but I do know what I need to
do right and again it's.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Getting for me.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
The healing is getting outside, being in nature, being active,
engaging with my kids, playing with the kids, you know,
letting being a little bit free and just having play time.
And sometimes it's forcing yourself to do some things, but
when you do it, you feel so much better.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
And I loved to.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Journal and being grateful and having conversation with friends and
a lot of the times for me it's still forcing
it because I want to isolate. But when I take
those steps and so again, I'm making them more frequent,
and I am putting a lot more accountability on myself
because you can't there's a point where you've got to say, Okay,
(20:29):
are you sick of your bs?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
You know, are you sick of living like this?
Speaker 1 (20:35):
And when you get to a point where you can't
take it anymore, there's a couple options and the best
one is to pick yourself up and keep going.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
So, yeah, well, and I think one thing that I've
seen you do that has worked really well is make
a list, right, so whether it's a list of things
that you need to do daily or weekly, and then
just try to accomplish one thing on that list to
try to help code. And that is the journaling, that
is the meditating, that is you know, those kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
I'm really hard on.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Myself because again, this is such a switch from kind
of how I used to be, you know. It was
I was running on external validation. So I was so
successful externally for so long.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
So this is a very big switch.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
For me because now I'm dealing with all the internal
and really working on that. And so I used to
accomplish so much all the time. And now sometimes it
is did I just get outside today?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Did I just journal?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
And having giving myself the grace to know that that's okay?
You know again, And this is separate than the kids.
The kids are always at school, always.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Taking care of, always have their bad like we do not.
We're good there, yes, but.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
And the days that are tough, you and Mom come
over and help, you know, So it's like we are covered.
But when it comes to just me and like if
the kids are at school, do I lay in bed
or do I do?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I take action? And I'm getting better at taking action.
You can do hard things.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Yeah, all right, I'm going to ask you a tough
one here that came through.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
But you did say ask me anything. Okay, what was
your trauma you had to work through from childhood? Okay?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
When I did the first four episodes, I said this,
and it is true. I don't want to get too
deep into the specifics of trauma because it involves other people,
and generational trauma is real and we all do things.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I do not care what your household looks like.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
There are unmet needs of every child, and to some level,
it doesn't matter. You can't meet your child's needs at
every single moment, and so those unmet needs, it's how
your child develops from them. Do they have the coping
skills to deal when their needs aren't met?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
And that's a healthy household, right. And so I.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Had a variety of childhood trauma, including I talk about
this pretty openly, but when I was in high school,
there was a student at the school who was older
who was breaking into the homes of girls on the
dance team and videotaping us sleeping and stealing our underwear
(23:18):
and bras, and his mom ended up finding these videotapes
of us sleeping, and he stole our video camera and
mom found Mom went to the pawn shop because mom's
just mom, like mom an FBI agent, and she found
some of our stuff and jewelry and all of this
other stuff. But to know that I was being watched
while I was sleeping as.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
A child was very traumatizing.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
I mean, I slept with the lights on through college,
you know, and I didn't realize at the time that
was a trauma response, and so those are I mean,
that's a piece of something I went through. And so
again that's just a glimpse of like, there are a
lot of things that happen in our lives.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
And was that the worst thing in the world. Of
course not.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
But for me, it deeply affected me because I never
dealt with it. And that is the key piece when
things like that happened to me, these trauma things, I
never dealt with it. I didn't see a counselor, I
didn't try to heal.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I just kept moving forward.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And that was what bit me in the ass, honestly
as an adult. Was that because there's a great book
called Body Keeps the Score. The body keeps the score,
and your body remembers all of the trauma. Your body
remembers good and bad, and if you do not deal
with it, it sits somewhere. It stays somewhere. And for me,
that's kind of what happened. So that's like a glimpse
(24:44):
into something that happened to me when I was young.
But again, I just I would I mean, I'm happy
having one on one conversations with people, but there are
things that I definitely want to keep private.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Yeah, No, of course, as I I mean, that's just
everybody gets a level of privacy, right, And I think
that absolutely makes sense in kind of down the same thing.
Do you have trouble letting go of the past? I
have trouble ruminating in all the bad stuff.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Oh man, I feel you. Yes, that was a very
difficult thing for me. I am much better at that now,
which is shocking. So the Hoffman Process, Chris Hockey and
I will do an entire segment on the Hoffman Process
treatment and the Hoffman process, which was a week long,
basically one thousand hours of therapy in one week.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
They allowed me to let go of the past and
forgive and not sit in it. That and this idea.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
And I say this, Chris, and I say this a lot,
that you are guilty, but you're not to blame. You know,
people are guilty of what they've done, but they're not
to blame because they we all come from a past.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Ruminating is one of the most dangerous things because it
keeps you stuck, it keeps.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
You from moving forward.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And that is another thing that ended me up in treatment,
you know, is that I could not get out of
my own head, and it was constant worrying about everything
negative that I had done, or I had said, or
had happened. I was living in and so yeah, I mean,
I definitely have had rumination.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
It is something we deal dealt with a lot in treatment.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
And now I am much better at living in the
present and moving forward and not sitting on any of that.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I've dealt with the past. I've dealt with what has happened,
and that's a big one for me.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
If somebody, this person who asked the question, is sitting
at home and can't let go of it, just sitting there,
living in it, living in the past, what would you
suggest as their first step. And I know you're not
a doctor, obviously, but but my dad is.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I mean, guilty by association.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
It's tough because for me it took professional help, you know.
And I think it depends on the level of your rumination.
Mine was constant every day for years, and that beats
you up.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I think that therapy is a beautiful thing. I think talking.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
About it, writing about it, you have to get it out,
you have to get these feelings out. And so whether
it's writing, whether you can write a letter, never send
it to these people that you're ruminating on things about
you can send the letter, you can, I mean, please
be kind, but talking about it, having a therapist, all
of those pieces. But my biggest suggestion would be is
(27:52):
get it out. Do not keep it in, because you'll
just continue to ruminate.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Right Otherwise you're not if nothing changes, nothing changes, right
this one, I really want to ask because I think
it's really important and we can all relate on some level,
But how can I make friends at.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Age fifty two? I'm so freaking lonely? Oh, loneliness. Loneliness.
Loneliness is killing us. It was killing me. It's still
I say to you all the time. I think my
biggest struggle is I feel so lonely. Yeah, And everyone's like, well,
you have kids, you have this. I'm like, it's it's
(28:30):
not the same, you know. I feel lonely a lot.
And that is a really really sad.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Really hard thing. There's more out there than I think
we know.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
So if you're fifty one or whatever age you are,
I also struggle because I don't really have like I
hate to admit this, but like, I don't really have hobbies,
Like I'm not a golfer, I'm not a pottery I'm
not an artist.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I don't know, Like I don't really have anything to do,
you know.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
And so I think if there's something you love, try
to you know, if there is something, it.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Doesn't matter what it is.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
If it's sowing, I don't care, try to find a group,
if it's reading. I mean, there are so many things
out there and it just takes googling it to find out.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Your area and what's out there.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I will say the sober community for me is a
big one to feel less lonely. But my biggest advice
would be try to find people in it with something
you enjoy. If you can reach out to friends that
you haven't talked to that you're like, oh, they probably wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Care, they will, they will, And so reach out to.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
People in your circles, go for walks, get out there,
have conversation because connection with people is what we're missing.
Deep connection and that is like being physically present with
a person and having a conversation, and so we need
connection as human beings, and a lot of us are
missing that and it creates that loneliness.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Well, and I think since COVID and we were all
kind of forced to stay.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Home, I think that that's a lot of people struggled
to maybe get back out there, you know, whether maybe
you're working from home or maybe you you know, if
you don't have kids at home, or you don't have
you know, it's like you need to You've got to
force yourself to get out, you know.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
And it sucks, like I'm just gonna say it, forcing
yourself to do it is what you have to do.
And it blows, like it just does, like if you
if you're dealing with depression anxiety, I mean, it just blows.
Brett is telling me, what are we at thirty man? Yeah,
you know what, We're gonna go a little long today.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah, let's just go a little long.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
So we're gonna we're gonna do a few more questions
because apparently I'm talking up a storm today. So we'll
try to blow through a few more of these.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
But you get a little extra time with us.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Oh yeah, all extra time with Carly and Katy today.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, everybody's dream. You could say it's overtime. Oh look
at that reference. What Oh nice I have to earn.
I like it.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
One thing I will say, kind of going back to
the lonely thing for a second too, is where what
where is that coming from in your in your life?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Is it have it? Has it always been that way?
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Or was there something that triggered in your life to
where where is that loneliness coming from?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Because I think that that will help you address.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Where you need to go from there. You know, if
it was you know, you know, tragic loss or something,
is it, Is it a person that you're trying to
feel or because at the end of the day, if
it's not, You're never no person is going to be
able to fix your loneliness feeling if it's about yourself,
(31:54):
if that makes sense. So it's like you have to
kind of go back and figure out where that came
from or why it is the way that it is,
and then you'll know how to move forward.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
I'm so stupid, but you have to become your best friend.
Like you have to be your own best friend, which
is gross, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Yeah, but you have to like love yourself and be
your own best friend.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Sometimes sometimes I high five myself my clume. Yeah, like
I will high five myself.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
There are certain things that you shouldn't tell people, and
that's one of them. What we can, We're not going
to take it out because this is authentic.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
But sometimes I high five myself. I love that. It's
so much. Yeah, pumps me out. Hey, wherever you need
that support, I support it. Thank you. Yeah mm hmm, Okay,
let's trying to buzz through a few.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
What is your favorite thing to do to get out
of a funky mental space?
Speaker 2 (32:42):
For me, it's good. It's it's outside. Get outside. It's active.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
It's being outside in nature and active and connecting and
grounding yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Number one for sure?
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Do you see yourself getting married again or dating anytime soon?
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Dating? I wish you could see your face right now.
Everybody have a YouTube channel so you will be able
to see this.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
The idea of dating is so stressful, and you feel
like you're on an island.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I get that. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
I know other people are divorced, I know other people
are single, but you feel like you're on an island.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I don't know. I do not being married again. We've
talked about.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
I love being a partner, I love being a wife,
but I don't need to be married.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
I would love companionship.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
I've tried bumble a little bit that I'm off it
now I can't.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I can't so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
I just that's how Mark and I met, was on
tender I know, but that'll go on mine.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Guys, everybody I would love to date again, I've just
I haven't really, you know, very yeah, very very little.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
So if you're listening and you got anybody it wants
me and three K, when you're ready, it will happen.
They're like, after we listen to all these episodes, sure
you sound like a treat.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Yeah, I can't wait.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Yeah, no, I think it's one of those things that's
when you're ready, it comes to you.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
You know.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
It's like that's when people say they always meet the
level of their life is when they're not looking.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Okay, so I just have to close my eyes and
walk just stop looking. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
What would you tell someone who feels they are not
broken enough to get help?
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Oh? Man, there is no such thing as broken enough.
And I will say that over and over and over.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Trauma is not comparable. Your feelings are not comparable to others.
There is no such thing as broken enough. If you
feel you need help, you need help.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
And whatever level that is there are.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
So what I didn't realize until I went to treatment
was how many varieties or how many avenues there are
to get help, whether it's outpatient, inpatient therapy. You know,
there's just so many things that you can do.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Grief groups, there's a lot.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
So I would say there's no such thing as not
being broken enough you If you need help, you need help.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
And get ahead of it, because if you don't, it's
going to catch up with My brother is an alcoholic
that withdraws when he's binging any helpful tips.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I will say, that's that that can be a scary one.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Because alcohol.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Is the only, if not one of the only, but
I mean it's it's it's the only thing that in
treatment they would tell us that you can actually pass
away from, you can die from if when you're withdrawing,
and so it's a very dangerous thing. And it's places
like mpath at Fairview Southdale that are there to help
(35:49):
you through. I think that sometimes if it is physical
and you're seeing them go through the physical symptoms going
to a hospital, there are play peces now that are
not just emergency rooms that can help you.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
And again calling Thrive calling.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
These places that we've talked about because it is a
dangerous It can be a dangerous thing, and so I
would say professional help is absolutely number one if you
see them physically withdrawing.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Absolutely, I'm going to ask this question even though are you?
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Are you the Reddit account replying to the powertrip reddit
assholes who rip on you?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I am not on Reddit because I don't want to
go back to treatment. Literally, if I was on Reddit,
I would be checking myself into treatment.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
People have sent me things and I'm like, what you know,
I'm fragile.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Why are you sending me these horrible things being said
about me on Reddit? To whoever is replying, bread, is
that you are my back?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
Yes, Katie, I could actually see that. It's my mom.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
No, I don't know, thank you for having my back.
I don't know what was said. I don't want to
know what was said, but yeah, read it's a datrous place.
And I kindness, like, come on, peeps, like we're all
going through stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Let's just be kind to each other. Because if you
hate my voice, you don't have to listen, right.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
You hate my face, don't look at me like nobody's
forcing it ONNYA.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
No, And so.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Yeah, so no, I am not on Reddit, and I
am doing that because yeah, I don't want to end
up back in treatment.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
And I just I think about that, and I'm like,
would you want somebody to do that to you, like
treat others how.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
You want to be treated?
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Or like if you wouldn't say it to someone's face, right,
like if you're gonna walk up to me and be
like you are hideous and I hate your voice?
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Okay, well thanks, I am sorry. Would you like to
pay for my plastic surgery or is that what you're offering?
Speaker 3 (37:56):
Yes, please take some Well I think too that kind
of thing, oh only comes you know, hate breeds hate,
and it's like it comes from a place of I
always think that when people are putting that negative hate
out there, that comes from within, that comes.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
From reflecting what, yeah, what you're going through? Right, Okay,
let's pick.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Three more questions and then wrap it up all right,
as someone, I'm going to go a little bit lighthearted
to kind of end.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
We got three more so you can do a couple
more serious.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Okay, Well let's keep I'm going to look at these
two mmmmm.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Oh, I will ask the one about mom. Okay, Oh,
I miss that when I love the good one.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Did your mom take a back seat to your sister
when navigating your care No, none.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Of my family took a back seat.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Everybody just played a different role, right, which is really cool.
My mom was someone who brought me and continues to
bring me a lot of comfort. If you've met my mom,
she's an angel walking the earth and she brings me
so much comfort, and she loves the kids so much,
and so having her around is a wonderful thing, especially
(39:03):
when you know I've been on.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
My own a little bit and so uh No, nobody's
taken a back seat.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Everybody's just played a different role, which I think would
be interesting. We don't have time to get into it today,
but I would think it would be interesting to talk
about it at some point and how people can play
different roles and you don't.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Have to be the savior to every piece.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
That was really difficult for me because I wanted to
be your savior in every aspect and it's not possible.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
And everybody does play a different role.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
And I mean, my heart goes out to you if
you feel you don't have a support system, And that's
where I would say call places like thrive or mpath
or go somewhere that can help you build a support
because my heart goes out to you because I know
how lucky I am to have a support system.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I get that, and I don't take it for granted.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
What inspired you to start coming back on the Power
Trip after your absence?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
So honest, I mean I was so embarrassed to go.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I've just been completed. I was so embarrassed people listening.
I didn't know what they knew. I got this message
from somebody at the beginning of January twenty twenty three
before I went to treatment, and she said, you look
so sad, because you know, we like air the last
hour of the show, and she said, you look so sad,
(40:16):
And I thought, oh my god, like I'm I'm permeating,
like I'm this feeling, like people can see it on
me how I felt. And so you know, for a while,
I was embarrassed. But our Power Trip group is a family.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
We are so close where family, we love each other.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Corey was one of the first people to reach out
to you when I went to treatment to check in,
and Chris, obviously we relate so much on our mental
health struggles and what we go through. I will say
that we are so much of a family that I
and they said, come on. I mean, if you need
this to get yourself up in the morning, if you
(40:58):
need this to keep going, come in, like our doors
are open, and so truly, it just feels like another
support and a family, and so I'm grateful to have them, and.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
I'm grateful for every second I get on that show.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yeah, yeah, well, I wanted to add the one about
does the alcoholic title stay?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
If you've dealt with the where's that one? It's a
good question. Did you see it on here? No? I
don't what I'm talking about? Does it? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (41:33):
So if mental health issues are addressed properly with therapy,
does the alcoholic title stay? So I'm not I'm not
big on titles. I I call. I say I'm in recovery,
is what I like to say. I think you have
the choice of saying whatever you want, titling yourself in
any way, yeah or not.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
I will say I will forever be in recovery.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
It's not something that will go away for me because
it's something I'm going to deal with the rest of
my life. I just know that I've dealt with it
all of these years up until now, so it's something
I will work on for the rest of my life,
so that piece will never go away.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
But I think as far as like, are you stuck
with a title that's really kind of up to you?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Yeah, you know, yeah, and I think making that different
for every person, I think it's.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Yeah, I like, that's a really good call out.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
As someone who went to Boutaire. Did you get to
use the driving range?
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Okay, So Botaire's the first treatment center I went to
for thirty four days.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Saved my life.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
I would recommend it any day, all day.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
It's it was a great experience.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
I was there in the I was in February, so
I didn't get to use the driving range. I also
kind of thought they had horses when I went there
because it was on the website, but they didn't, and
that was really sad.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
But those things aside.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Again, it was the one of the greatest experiences of
my life because they really focused on the mental health
piece of why I was drinking and I did not. Yeah,
so I didn't use the driving range, but hey, if
you need help and you need help with your golf game,
go go, yeah, go go go.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Can you just speak a little bit because I had
a couple of questions on this about what a day
looks like at Bautaire, because you're going from like a
very intense and this is I think why, I mean,
you can speak to this better than me, obviously, but
why Like outlets like the driving range or something, or
horses for example, are so important because you have that
(43:34):
intense and then you.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Got to release it. For sure. We'll end on this.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
So a day at a treatment center, I mean, obviously
it's a lot about structure and discipline. Not discipline in
a scary way, but it's it's structure because a lot
of us who go there come from kind of chaos,
right like whether it's in our heads or it's in
our lives. There it's a little bit of chaos. So
you create a lot of structure. So it's you make
(43:59):
your bed in the morning, you wake up pretty early,
you know, like seven o'clock, you get breakfast, and then
we would do classes pretty much all day, so everything
from cognitive behavioral therapy, which if you don't know anything
about that, you can google it. It's a great tool
to use when you're deep in mental health and dealing
(44:20):
with all of these issues and substance, and so from
cognitive behavioral therapy to arts and crafts to generational trauma.
We'd even have like a music class where you got
to pick your favorite music and talk about why you
liked it, and those types of classes where it's the
art or the driving range or that those other things
(44:42):
are to allow yourself to have some levity.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
In a very very heavy situation, because.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Again, you're dealing with the hardest things in your life,
so it brings some levity to have these other outlets,
and they're important.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
They're therapeutic tools.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I mean, art is therapeutic, courses are therapeutic. Oh yeah,
so those pieces are really important. But you're basically structured
all day and you're put into a group and and
you you know, you kind of have this little.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Family and you have lunch and dinner structured times. It's
just very structured. Uh.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
For me, it was wonderful because I love education and
I like learning. So I learned a ton when I
was there and built great friendships. And then we'd have
game nights and you know, it's it's like summer camp
for really messed up.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
I loved always hearing.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
Though about like when we would talk on the phone
and how excited you were for game night, you know,
and how yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
It was where I became addicted to ton catam whatever
you say it.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
It became addicted to that. Can I ask you one
more quick question? Yeah? Yeah? Is there a place in
the world that makes you happy wherever you go? When
you know that? Saint Claude Mom and Dad's house.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
We just spent the weekend there and it was Hendricks's birthday,
and we did nerf gun.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
Fights the whole weekend.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
And I recommend that to anybody out there if you
have not done a nerve gun fight.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
It's like when you go like, that's the same situation.
We can go and like break things of environment.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
I did get Hendricks in the face with the nerve
and as he's laying on the ground, I was I
almost had pride, right, Yeah I got him, But as
he was laying another girl laughing by way, Oh yeah fine.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
But Mom and Dad's house brings me a lot of comfort.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Mom is an unbelievable cook, She bakes with the kids,
She Dad plays games with the kids.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
It's just it's a very comforting.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Place for me to be, especially right now as I
heal and the kids love it. We get outside a ton,
very active up there. My parents are incredibly active and
so yeah, so I love Saint.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
Cloud have a soft spot.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
And the why behind that too is I think because
you feel safe there. Yeah, you know you feel safe
and you know, not to use the word again, but
like you feel comforted, you know, and it's just it's
a place where you can find peace and kind of
let all the chaos just dissipate for a short time.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
So if you're looking for a place, if.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
You want to somebody said, somebody messaged me when I
posted from up there and said, when I grew up,
I want to be in the app Careful what.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
You wish were careful what you wish for my friends?
Speaker 1 (47:23):
No, no, we love it up there. So thank you
so much for doing this. Today went a little long.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
I hope you guys enjoyed some of the questions.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
I again, please message me, and I promise you I
will do everything I can to get back to you.
I am Karl Zucker, my co host today, Katie Hronsky,
Brett Blakemore is producing, and just again thank you for
taking the time to listen. I hope you took something
from this. I hope you will share it with your
friends and family. I hope you feel a little less
(47:53):
alone because you are not alone out there. We are
all in this together and just hang on, got this.
Speaker 3 (48:00):
Let us know if you like to ask me anythings,
if that's something that you want to continue, Yeah, if.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
You have so many somebody wanted to know how I
lost weight. I stopped drinking.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
My caloric intake from drinking was pretty I and I
was very swollen.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
So yeah, so we haven't covered everything yet. There's more
to come, and again we're going to be.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
Talking to a lot of professionals about whether how it
affects your family, your actual brain function. We're going to
have so many deep conversations and important educational conversations as well.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
So it's not just going to be about this, but.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
We are going to cover a lot of topics. So
thank you for listening. That is another episode of Here
we Go. So don't want to want to.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Be down, don't wanna be loudly crowd, don't want to darkness.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
To come back find me.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
I don't want to be happy, me
Welcome to another episode of Here We Go with Carly Zucker.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
This has been so therapeutic for me, and I'm just
grateful for the time you are all taking to listen
to the podcast to message me.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I opened the door. I wanted you guys to send
me messages.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I haven't even gotten to the emails yet from the website,
so I will be responding. I'm responding as quick as
I can. The connections I've made from this podcast has
been one of the most surprising things. Hearing other women, men,
I mean, whoever it is saying this sounds like my story,
(00:45):
or this feels like me, or I have someone in
my life that's like this, or thank God for your
sister and your family and all of these really wonderful
things that we're connecting on.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
And that was the point of this podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I really really wanted us to feel less alone. And
if it's just from hearing someone else say there's struggles,
that's fine, you know, because I when I was deep
in it, and still when the days i'm in it,
I just remember, Okay, you're not alone.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Like there's other people that feel this and you don't
want them to I don't want other people to feel this,
but at least we're all a little less alone.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
And again, my hope is to build this community to
something that we can lean on each other, have events,
whatever it looks like. I'm not sure yet, but I'm
so thankful for all your messages and for you listening.
So please continue to do so, and please continue to
send me messages because I read them.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
They're important.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
You're important, and we're gonna do another Esque Me Anything.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Why do I sing it? Every time you? Katie? Katie,
turn on your mic, Katie, turn on your Katie? What
is this amateur hour? Now? Now you're on?
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Oh Sret's got your back. Yeah, Brett's got your back.
It's okay, You're it's okay.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It's only your like third time on radio for you.
Oh my goodness. People are loving, people are loving you
doing this with me?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
So, Katie Hironsky also known as Katie Applin because we're
the applind sisters, and.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Apparently we also sing.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, apparently I sing to ask me Anything, which I'm
sure everybody's already turned this off, but whatever, No, I.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Hope you're sticking with us.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
We're gonna do and ask me anything, because you guys
sent a lot of really great questions. And also want
to say thank you to everybody for being so respectful,
because you know, you open that.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Door and you have a little bit of fear of.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
We're gonna be like super mean or be like you're
the worst, or I hate you, and I'm sure summer
thinking it.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
That's fine, but everybody's been very respectful. So I just
want to say thank you for that.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
But my sister's gonna guide us through these questions because
she's a rock star and we've had so much fun
together and you're my co host now on the Here
We Go podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
This is so so fun.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I'm not gonna lie and there's something dream and I
can hide behind her microphone, which have been happier.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
This is a dreamed like new things together.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
The people, Oh, we're annoying. It's fine, I get it.
You can post that if you want to comment. We
already get it. But yeah, so Katie's going to guide
us through this. I also want to mention Katie is
a wonderful, wonderful resource for support questions if you are
not comfortable asking me something or if you're kind of
on the other side of this. You're not the person
that's struggling with the severe mental health or addiction or
(03:28):
any of the things that I talk about. Not that
my sister doesn't have her own things going on. She does,
but she is, do I you dear?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Not sure?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
No, she is so informative and so smart and so
brilliant when it comes to the support side.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
And so if you have any questions, if you need.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
A life coach, like, please reach out to her because
she's available and she really wants to help as well.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
So where first, where can they find you?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Without your address and my social security.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Personal address, please come over anytime. No, my Instagram is
just at Katie Applin, so super simple, l I n yep.
And then if you pop on there you can also
send me an email or anything like that. So okay, cool,
super super easy.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
And then Brett Blake Moore, it's doing the producing again today.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Thank you so much. I love it. I have a
dream team. This is the dream team. Yep. And you
sing dream team. No, I just sing everything. That's fine,
too much, keffee.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Anybody who has worked with me knows, like, literally, we
had a zoom call this morning and I get out
and I'm like, good morning and they're all like, oh.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
My god, I sing a good morning song to.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
My kids and they hate it, which I thought that
they would love.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
It came from either because my dad didn't ream. I
came from because when.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I'm a therapist saying good morning, a good morning song
to us, and now I sing it to the kids
and they hate it.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
If there's a reason to go to treatment there, we're.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Going to talk about it outside of getting help. Okay,
so let's jump into the questions again. Thank you to
listen for listening to the Here we Go pod cast.
I'm Kurly Zooker. You can go to here we Go
dot com, Here we Go podcast dot com to get
more information and let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I love it all right, guys, here we go, Here
we Go.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
So we are gonna start off on a light note today, okay,
because I feel like that's the energy that is just
like booming right now. We're just I don't know, coming off.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
It's a Monday.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Ask a fun question or I'll start singing sound of music, right,
So you have a choice, and we're gonna go with a.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Question that, oh my gosh, just put us in a
room where we can sing musicals and we're happy.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Okay, Grey's nightmare. I digress. Okay, So.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
During track practice, you used to run to Dairy Queen
for frozen hot chocolates.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, so again starting very late.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So this is a question from one of my great
great friends, Angie, and I joined track basically to run
to food places after school, accurate with my friends. So
we there's something called a frozen hot chocolate. If you
have not had it at Dairy Queen, you're missing out.
Do they still have them? Yeah, it's been a long time.
(06:11):
You're not gonna see it on the menu. Oh it's
an off menu thing.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
But Derek Queen is calling you immediately and telling me
never to talk.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
No, no, they want you can sponsor me in the
frozen hot chocolate.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
It is the most delicious thing.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And yes, I used to take my track time and
instead of actually tracking or running tracking, I would run
to Dairy Queen and eat frozen not chocolates.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Oh my goodness. So yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Was this before after the sprinkles and nuts situation.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
No, we're not even gonna go there. But that's an
inside joke. That's radio for two people. But the Yeah,
so that's what I used to do.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
McDonald's was also a big hit for me, so.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Sure, yeah, so I would not Maybe this is where
the thing everything started to collapse in my life, whereas
I wasn't disciplined and I would not take track. Seriously,
I also did the hurdles like three times and fell
every time.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
It was could you imagine me doing hurdles? I have
short little legs. Why did I not even know that
you did hurdles? I mean I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
I mean there was nothing really to talk about. But anyway, yeah,
so great question, Angie. And let me talk about Angie
as a support person quick. Yes, when I was really
struggling in Arizona alone without any I did not have
a big support system down there. I had a couple friends,
and I was really deep in it, I mean, struggling
(07:33):
with depression and anxiety.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Angie, who has two of her own kids a husband in.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Chicago, took a week of her life and came to
live with me for a full week in Arizona to
help me out.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
And so she just took her time away.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I mean, that's the friends and support I had. And again,
I want to talk about these people as much as
possible because I am so grateful for them in my life.
And Angie just without question, she didn't she didn't ask,
She just was like, I'm coming down. I'm going to
stay with you for a week and in a week too, and.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
She worked, I mean, and so she worked.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
From there and I just can't tell you. It got
me through another week, right, it got me through another day.
And it's just the day to day, the minute to minute,
and Angie got me through another week.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
And so I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
For people like that. So yeah, I just wanted to
give her a little shout out. Great question, It was
a good question. Yes, So now let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
So we're so wrapped for the day.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Yeah, so let's go sad, all right, So trying to
transition a little bit to the reason kind of why
why do the work? Did you experience anxiety along with depression?
And what techniques, if any, do you use to cope?
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Katie could almost laugh at this, I mean cry at
this question. My anxiety from March of twenty twenty five
four till about June.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Was pretty debilitating, you saw me.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
So when you when anxiety, of course has so many
varying levels, right, we experience it in so many different ways.
I had had anxiety before, but not to a debilitating
And when I say debilitating, I couldn't make a phone call,
I could barely drive. I was shaking constantly shape and
(09:29):
you saw me. I mean this is this was no joke.
I was physically shaking all day because the anxiety was
stuck in my body.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
And it was a scary thing. I mean you can
speak to it a little bit. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
It was something where you know, as you're thinking about
how things affect you in life, right you if we're
lucky enough as humans to not realize to not go
through enough I don't want to say enough of a trauma,
but a situation don't.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Have that level.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It doesn't mean people deal with their situations differently, so,
but doesn't connect you as physically as it did with you.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
It was I mean your hands looked, I mean it
got really wrinkled.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, let's just put okay, we're putting it all. We're
putting it all out there. You did way ask. I
looked sick.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Yeah, it was what it was. I got to a
point I looked sickly. I lost so much weight and
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and it was terrifying.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
It was hard to I think from the other side
of it too, to watch because you just want to
help and fix everything, you know, but what you realize
that it's not about necessarily, you know, it's just everything
that's inside that's just kind of coming out. But how
to even react to that and when you're not used
(10:52):
to that, you know. And it's one thing to have anxiety,
and I think we throw that term around very loosely,
even like myself, Like I'll just sitting at home and
I'm like, oh my gosh, my anxiety is off the charts,
you know, and then I'm.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Like, okay, well wait a minute, it's definitely not, you know,
but that's okay. I feel it so differently.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
So it's like not to take away from your anybody's anxiety.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I just had never gotten to.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
A place where it was so physical for me, So
I definitely experienced it with the depression, and it was
difficult sleeping, and it was it was a scary thing
for a little while because I kept saying to you,
I can't continue to live like this. Feeling was such
a scary feeling. So if you're experiencing the anxiety, I
deeply understand where you're coming from and how difficult that is.
(11:37):
I think for me, I did turn to medication, and
everybody's different on how they feel about things. I turned
to medication, not a heavy dough because of the addiction.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I don't do zan.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
I don't do anything that's kind of an addictive anxiety
med but I did. I did use medication. I still
use medication, and that has leveled me enough to really
be functioning.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And that was super important to me.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Obviously, to be a parent with that level of anxiety
and depression was a really difficult thing and really scary.
And again I'm so lucky to have a village around me,
but yeah, that was difficult.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
So yes, so with the.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Anxiety, some of the things I don't do that I
know you need to do. But what I was doing
in the moments was I was journaling a lot.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I was trying to meditate. But it's so hard when
you have anxiety to calm down to meditate. I mean,
it's just I don't have an answer.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I think professionals, you know, like, try to have a
team if you deal with debilitating anxiety. Make sure that
you're reaching out for help, you're speaking to people.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
You're not trying to hold it in, You're asking for help.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And then I do think that there's something to be
said about being active getting outside.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
I was gonna say, because one thing that I notice,
I noticed that really works for you.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And then when you start to see it backwards, Yeah,
is is getting outside and going.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
For a walk like or or workout you know that
we did yesterday, you know, just like things like that,
just just being active at reaching out to somebody, even
if it seems like the hardest thing in the world.
Just text somebody, pick up the phone, do anything. Just
that outreach and that fresh air makes it.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Really I feel like I've seen it make a massive
difference with you. And when you're listening to this, I
also get the side of because you've heard me say
this when if you're deep in depression also or the
anxiety is so bad, the idea of going on a
walk can.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Feel like the biggest obstacle on the planet.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And I get that, and you may not understand that listening,
but the idea of going outside, picking up your phone,
doing these things. But I kept trying to say to myself,
you can do hard things and they may not be
hard to you. I get that if you're listening and
it's like, that's ridiculous. I love working out, whatever it is.
But for me, when I was deep in.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
This, just to walk outside felt hard.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
And so if you are experiencing that, I will say,
do everything you can to push yourself, because I spent
three and a half hours at the arboretum when I
was kind of trying to come out of it, and
it was something that healed me beyond belief and really
put me on a trajectory of healing just to be
outside for that long.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
So anyway, that's all I got for you.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
That's I mean, I'm no professional, but I understand where
you're coming from.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
If you're feeling this, I'm gonna go off book for
a second. Okay, because this was actually a question that
I got ask in reference to that, does did one
lead to another?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Do you think.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Whether anxiety led to the depression or depression lead to
anxiety the.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Chicken in the egg thing?
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Wow, that's a great question, I don't I think I
st For me, I think I started feeling the depression first,
and then when you isolate, you stop doing all the
things for healing. There's nowhere for those feelings and the
anxiety to go. And I was so used to numbing
with alcohol, so I didn't go. Thank goodness, I didn't
(15:11):
turn back to it in those feelings of anxiety. But
I had been used to numbing with alcohol, so when
I wasn't, these feelings I had inside were like I
don't know where to go and what to do. I've
never dealt with it, so it just became this ball
of anxiety. And so I would say maybe that for me,
(15:32):
the depression might have come first, and then I didn't.
I was just not doing anything to benefit or heal myself,
and so the anxiety just became overwhelming.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I think too, seeing that it's like you don't know
because medically, where do they come from? You know, like
it can it's not like one leads to the other one,
you know, I don't think.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
But we have an episode on brain chemistry and how
this all functions too, because.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
That's important, is giving you the information as well.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I think that that was it, yeah, because it was
a really good call out and I wanted to ask
you about that and kind of how you felt. But okay,
we've made it through like two questions, so.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
I'll make this. We'll bust this through Quicker.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
This is gonna be a two hour episode, just kidding,
did you How have you communicated what was happening to
the littles? I will say, my heart goes out to
you if you're dealing with anything like this and raising
a family, especially if you're doing it as a single parent,
(16:36):
because you have no one to step in when you
feel like you can't get up. And I think you
realize I mean generational trauma.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I also want to do an episode on that is
very real. And the kids.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Watching me be depressed or have anxiety absolutely affects them,
and I understand that. A conversation I try to have
with them all the time is you're not responsible for
Mom's happiness, because kids want to take that on.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I'm going to do this to make mom happy. I'm
gonna do this. I can make mom happy.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
They are not responsible for my happiness, and I say
that to them over and over. And the conversations I've
said this that I have with Sophia are so open
and honest that she recognizes that I may have a
day of depression, but it's not on her. She knows
I'm going to come out of it. She knows that
I have done, I know what to do. So if
(17:35):
I'm feeling that, it's okay to have that moment, but
it's not okay for me to live in it anymore
because I know better and I'm on medication and I
know what to do. But it absolutely affects your children,
and I think the best thing you can do is
ask them what they need. You get them professional help,
(17:57):
make sure they know that it's not their responsibility, that
they're children, and give them education because you hope it'll
never affect them, but the likelihood of it affecting our
children is becoming greater and greater. I think what you're
teaching them though, too, which I think is absolutely incredible,
is that it's okay to talk about yeah, and if
(18:19):
you know SOF goes through something similar, or if any
of the kids go through something similar or see their
friends go through something similar, they know that it's okay
to talk about and okay to bring up, and that
you don't have to isolate.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Or be afraid of it.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
You know, like you're just not alone, right, No, Like
you saw your mom go through it and she came
out and she did the work, and she's doing the
work and the days become less and less, right, and
so you just hope to break those generational traumas and
how strong you are for you know, continuing to do
the work and continuing to fight through that not giving them. Yeah, yeah,
(18:56):
what steps do you take every day to ensure you
and your kids are happy and healthy? Katie probably wants
to roll her eyes at this one, because there are days.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
I'm gonna be very honest, there.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Are days that I take the steps that I need
to take, and then there's days I want to lay
in bed and do nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
And I know we all feel that I to some
level that you.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Know, staying in bed is great, right like binging stuff
is great, binging Netflix is great. But there's days where
I can't even look at my phone, you know, where
I don't want to watch something, I don't want to
text people back, I don't want to communicate, and they're.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Less and less. I mean, this happens much more frequently now, but.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
So I but I do know what I need to
do right and again it's.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Getting for me.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
The healing is getting outside, being in nature, being active,
engaging with my kids, playing with the kids, you know,
letting being a little bit free and just having play time.
And sometimes it's forcing yourself to do some things, but
when you do it, you feel so much better.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
And I loved to.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Journal and being grateful and having conversation with friends and
a lot of the times for me it's still forcing
it because I want to isolate. But when I take
those steps and so again, I'm making them more frequent,
and I am putting a lot more accountability on myself
because you can't there's a point where you've got to say, Okay,
(20:29):
are you sick of your bs?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
You know, are you sick of living like this?
Speaker 1 (20:35):
And when you get to a point where you can't
take it anymore, there's a couple options and the best
one is to pick yourself up and keep going.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
So, yeah, well, and I think one thing that I've
seen you do that has worked really well is make
a list, right, so whether it's a list of things
that you need to do daily or weekly, and then
just try to accomplish one thing on that list to
try to help code. And that is the journaling, that
is the meditating, that is you know, those kinds of things.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
I'm really hard on.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Myself because again, this is such a switch from kind
of how I used to be, you know. It was
I was running on external validation. So I was so
successful externally for so long.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
So this is a very big switch.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
For me because now I'm dealing with all the internal
and really working on that. And so I used to
accomplish so much all the time. And now sometimes it
is did I just get outside today?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Did I just journal?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
And having giving myself the grace to know that that's okay?
You know again, And this is separate than the kids.
The kids are always at school, always.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Taking care of, always have their bad like we do not.
We're good there, yes, but.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
And the days that are tough, you and Mom come
over and help, you know, So it's like we are covered.
But when it comes to just me and like if
the kids are at school, do I lay in bed
or do I do?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I take action? And I'm getting better at taking action.
You can do hard things.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Yeah, all right, I'm going to ask you a tough
one here that came through.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
But you did say ask me anything. Okay, what was
your trauma you had to work through from childhood? Okay?
Speaker 1 (22:14):
When I did the first four episodes, I said this,
and it is true. I don't want to get too
deep into the specifics of trauma because it involves other people,
and generational trauma is real and we all do things.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I do not care what your household looks like.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
There are unmet needs of every child, and to some level,
it doesn't matter. You can't meet your child's needs at
every single moment, and so those unmet needs, it's how
your child develops from them. Do they have the coping
skills to deal when their needs aren't met?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
And that's a healthy household, right. And so I.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Had a variety of childhood trauma, including I talk about
this pretty openly, but when I was in high school,
there was a student at the school who was older
who was breaking into the homes of girls on the
dance team and videotaping us sleeping and stealing our underwear
(23:18):
and bras, and his mom ended up finding these videotapes
of us sleeping, and he stole our video camera and
mom found Mom went to the pawn shop because mom's
just mom, like mom an FBI agent, and she found
some of our stuff and jewelry and all of this
other stuff. But to know that I was being watched
while I was sleeping as.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
A child was very traumatizing.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
I mean, I slept with the lights on through college,
you know, and I didn't realize at the time that
was a trauma response, and so those are I mean,
that's a piece of something I went through. And so
again that's just a glimpse of like, there are a
lot of things that happen in our lives.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
And was that the worst thing in the world. Of
course not.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
But for me, it deeply affected me because I never
dealt with it. And that is the key piece when
things like that happened to me, these trauma things, I
never dealt with it. I didn't see a counselor, I
didn't try to heal.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I just kept moving forward.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
And that was what bit me in the ass, honestly
as an adult. Was that because there's a great book
called Body Keeps the Score. The body keeps the score,
and your body remembers all of the trauma. Your body
remembers good and bad, and if you do not deal
with it, it sits somewhere. It stays somewhere. And for me,
that's kind of what happened. So that's like a glimpse
(24:44):
into something that happened to me when I was young.
But again, I just I would I mean, I'm happy
having one on one conversations with people, but there are
things that I definitely want to keep private.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Yeah, No, of course, as I I mean, that's just
everybody gets a level of privacy, right, And I think
that absolutely makes sense in kind of down the same thing.
Do you have trouble letting go of the past? I
have trouble ruminating in all the bad stuff.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Oh man, I feel you. Yes, that was a very
difficult thing for me. I am much better at that now,
which is shocking. So the Hoffman Process, Chris Hockey and
I will do an entire segment on the Hoffman Process
treatment and the Hoffman process, which was a week long,
basically one thousand hours of therapy in one week.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
They allowed me to let go of the past and
forgive and not sit in it. That and this idea.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
And I say this, Chris, and I say this a lot,
that you are guilty, but you're not to blame. You know,
people are guilty of what they've done, but they're not
to blame because they we all come from a past.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
And I think.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Ruminating is one of the most dangerous things because it
keeps you stuck, it keeps.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
You from moving forward.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And that is another thing that ended me up in treatment,
you know, is that I could not get out of
my own head, and it was constant worrying about everything
negative that I had done, or I had said, or
had happened. I was living in and so yeah, I mean,
I definitely have had rumination.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
It is something we deal dealt with a lot in treatment.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
And now I am much better at living in the
present and moving forward and not sitting on any of that.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I've dealt with the past. I've dealt with what has happened,
and that's a big one for me.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
If somebody, this person who asked the question, is sitting
at home and can't let go of it, just sitting there,
living in it, living in the past, what would you
suggest as their first step. And I know you're not
a doctor, obviously, but but my dad is.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
I mean, guilty by association.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
It's tough because for me it took professional help, you know.
And I think it depends on the level of your rumination.
Mine was constant every day for years, and that beats
you up.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
I think that therapy is a beautiful thing. I think talking.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
About it, writing about it, you have to get it out,
you have to get these feelings out. And so whether
it's writing, whether you can write a letter, never send
it to these people that you're ruminating on things about
you can send the letter, you can, I mean, please
be kind, but talking about it, having a therapist, all
of those pieces. But my biggest suggestion would be is
(27:52):
get it out. Do not keep it in, because you'll
just continue to ruminate.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Right Otherwise you're not if nothing changes, nothing changes, right
this one, I really want to ask because I think
it's really important and we can all relate on some level,
But how can I make friends at.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Age fifty two? I'm so freaking lonely? Oh, loneliness. Loneliness.
Loneliness is killing us. It was killing me. It's still
I say to you all the time. I think my
biggest struggle is I feel so lonely. Yeah, And everyone's like, well,
you have kids, you have this. I'm like, it's it's
(28:30):
not the same, you know. I feel lonely a lot.
And that is a really really sad.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Really hard thing. There's more out there than I think
we know.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
So if you're fifty one or whatever age you are,
I also struggle because I don't really have like I
hate to admit this, but like, I don't really have hobbies,
Like I'm not a golfer, I'm not a pottery I'm
not an artist.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I don't know, Like I don't really have anything to do,
you know.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
And so I think if there's something you love, try
to you know, if there is something, it.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Doesn't matter what it is.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
If it's sowing, I don't care, try to find a group,
if it's reading. I mean, there are so many things
out there and it just takes googling it to find out.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Your area and what's out there.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I will say the sober community for me is a
big one to feel less lonely. But my biggest advice
would be try to find people in it with something
you enjoy. If you can reach out to friends that
you haven't talked to that you're like, oh, they probably wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Care, they will, they will, And so reach out to.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
People in your circles, go for walks, get out there,
have conversation because connection with people is what we're missing.
Deep connection and that is like being physically present with
a person and having a conversation, and so we need
connection as human beings, and a lot of us are
missing that and it creates that loneliness.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Well, and I think since COVID and we were all
kind of forced to stay.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Home, I think that that's a lot of people struggled
to maybe get back out there, you know, whether maybe
you're working from home or maybe you you know, if
you don't have kids at home, or you don't have
you know, it's like you need to You've got to
force yourself to get out, you know.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
And it sucks, like I'm just gonna say it, forcing
yourself to do it is what you have to do.
And it blows, like it just does, like if you
if you're dealing with depression anxiety, I mean, it just blows.
Brett is telling me, what are we at thirty man? Yeah,
you know what, We're gonna go a little long today.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah, let's just go a little long.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
So we're gonna we're gonna do a few more questions
because apparently I'm talking up a storm today. So we'll
try to blow through a few more of these.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
But you get a little extra time with us.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Oh yeah, all extra time with Carly and Katy today.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Yeah, everybody's dream. You could say it's overtime. Oh look
at that reference. What Oh nice I have to earn.
I like it.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
One thing I will say, kind of going back to
the lonely thing for a second too, is where what
where is that coming from in your in your life?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Is it have it? Has it always been that way?
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Or was there something that triggered in your life to
where where is that loneliness coming from?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Because I think that that will help you address.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Where you need to go from there. You know, if
it was you know, you know, tragic loss or something,
is it, Is it a person that you're trying to
feel or because at the end of the day, if
it's not, You're never no person is going to be
able to fix your loneliness feeling if it's about yourself,
(31:54):
if that makes sense. So it's like you have to
kind of go back and figure out where that came
from or why it is the way that it is,
and then you'll know how to move forward.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
I'm so stupid, but you have to become your best friend.
Like you have to be your own best friend, which
is gross, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Yeah, but you have to like love yourself and be
your own best friend.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Sometimes sometimes I high five myself my clume. Yeah, like
I will high five myself.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
There are certain things that you shouldn't tell people, and
that's one of them. What we can, We're not going
to take it out because this is authentic.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
But sometimes I high five myself. I love that. It's
so much. Yeah, pumps me out. Hey, wherever you need
that support, I support it. Thank you. Yeah mm hmm, Okay,
let's trying to buzz through a few.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
What is your favorite thing to do to get out
of a funky mental space?
Speaker 2 (32:42):
For me, it's good. It's it's outside. Get outside. It's active.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
It's being outside in nature and active and connecting and
grounding yourself.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Number one for sure?
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Do you see yourself getting married again or dating anytime soon?
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Dating? I wish you could see your face right now.
Everybody have a YouTube channel so you will be able
to see this.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
The idea of dating is so stressful, and you feel
like you're on an island.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
I get that. I'm not.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
I know other people are divorced, I know other people
are single, but you feel like you're on an island.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I don't know. I do not being married again. We've
talked about.
Speaker 1 (33:26):
I love being a partner, I love being a wife,
but I don't need to be married.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
I would love companionship.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
I've tried bumble a little bit that I'm off it
now I can't.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I can't so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
I just that's how Mark and I met, was on
tender I know, but that'll go on mine.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Guys, everybody I would love to date again, I've just
I haven't really, you know, very yeah, very very little.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
So if you're listening and you got anybody it wants
me and three K, when you're ready, it will happen.
They're like, after we listen to all these episodes, sure
you sound like a treat.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Yeah, I can't wait.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Yeah, no, I think it's one of those things that's
when you're ready, it comes to you.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
You know.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
It's like that's when people say they always meet the
level of their life is when they're not looking.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Okay, so I just have to close my eyes and
walk just stop looking. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
What would you tell someone who feels they are not
broken enough to get help?
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Oh? Man, there is no such thing as broken enough.
And I will say that over and over and over.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Trauma is not comparable. Your feelings are not comparable to others.
There is no such thing as broken enough. If you
feel you need help, you need help.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
And whatever level that is there are.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
So what I didn't realize until I went to treatment
was how many varieties or how many avenues there are
to get help, whether it's outpatient, inpatient therapy. You know,
there's just so many things that you can do.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Grief groups, there's a lot.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
So I would say there's no such thing as not
being broken enough you If you need help, you need help.
Speaker 3 (35:08):
And get ahead of it, because if you don't, it's
going to catch up with My brother is an alcoholic
that withdraws when he's binging any helpful tips.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
I will say, that's that that can be a scary one.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Because alcohol.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Is the only, if not one of the only, but
I mean it's it's it's the only thing that in
treatment they would tell us that you can actually pass
away from, you can die from if when you're withdrawing,
and so it's a very dangerous thing. And it's places
like mpath at Fairview Southdale that are there to help
(35:49):
you through. I think that sometimes if it is physical
and you're seeing them go through the physical symptoms going
to a hospital, there are play peces now that are
not just emergency rooms that can help you.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
And again calling Thrive calling.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
These places that we've talked about because it is a
dangerous It can be a dangerous thing, and so I
would say professional help is absolutely number one if you
see them physically withdrawing.
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Absolutely, I'm going to ask this question even though are you?
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Are you the Reddit account replying to the powertrip reddit
assholes who rip on you?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I am not on Reddit because I don't want to
go back to treatment. Literally, if I was on Reddit,
I would be checking myself into treatment.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
People have sent me things and I'm like, what you know,
I'm fragile.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Why are you sending me these horrible things being said
about me on Reddit? To whoever is replying, bread, is
that you are my back?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
Yes, Katie, I could actually see that. It's my mom.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
No, I don't know, thank you for having my back.
I don't know what was said. I don't want to
know what was said, but yeah, read it's a datrous place.
And I kindness, like, come on, peeps, like we're all
going through stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Let's just be kind to each other. Because if you
hate my voice, you don't have to listen, right.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
You hate my face, don't look at me like nobody's
forcing it ONNYA.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
No, And so.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Yeah, so no, I am not on Reddit, and I
am doing that because yeah, I don't want to end
up back in treatment.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
And I just I think about that, and I'm like,
would you want somebody to do that to you, like
treat others how.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
You want to be treated?
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Or like if you wouldn't say it to someone's face, right,
like if you're gonna walk up to me and be
like you are hideous and I hate your voice?
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Okay, well thanks, I am sorry. Would you like to
pay for my plastic surgery or is that what you're offering?
Speaker 3 (37:56):
Yes, please take some Well I think too that kind
of thing, oh only comes you know, hate breeds hate,
and it's like it comes from a place of I
always think that when people are putting that negative hate
out there, that comes from within, that comes.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
From reflecting what, yeah, what you're going through? Right, Okay,
let's pick.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Three more questions and then wrap it up all right,
as someone, I'm going to go a little bit lighthearted
to kind of end.
Speaker 2 (38:22):
We got three more so you can do a couple
more serious.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
Okay, Well let's keep I'm going to look at these
two mmmmm.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Oh, I will ask the one about mom. Okay, Oh,
I miss that when I love the good one.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Did your mom take a back seat to your sister
when navigating your care No, none.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Of my family took a back seat.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
Everybody just played a different role, right, which is really cool.
My mom was someone who brought me and continues to
bring me a lot of comfort. If you've met my mom,
she's an angel walking the earth and she brings me
so much comfort, and she loves the kids so much,
and so having her around is a wonderful thing, especially
(39:03):
when you know I've been on.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
My own a little bit and so uh No, nobody's
taken a back seat.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Everybody's just played a different role, which I think would
be interesting. We don't have time to get into it today,
but I would think it would be interesting to talk
about it at some point and how people can play
different roles and you don't.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Have to be the savior to every piece.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
That was really difficult for me because I wanted to
be your savior in every aspect and it's not possible.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
And everybody does play a different role.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
And I mean, my heart goes out to you if
you feel you don't have a support system, And that's
where I would say call places like thrive or mpath
or go somewhere that can help you build a support
because my heart goes out to you because I know
how lucky I am to have a support system.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I get that, and I don't take it for granted.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
What inspired you to start coming back on the Power
Trip after your absence?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
So honest, I mean I was so embarrassed to go.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I've just been completed. I was so embarrassed people listening.
I didn't know what they knew. I got this message
from somebody at the beginning of January twenty twenty three
before I went to treatment, and she said, you look
so sad, because you know, we like air the last
hour of the show, and she said, you look so sad,
(40:16):
And I thought, oh my god, like I'm I'm permeating,
like I'm this feeling, like people can see it on
me how I felt. And so you know, for a while,
I was embarrassed. But our Power Trip group is a family.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
We are so close where family, we love each other.
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Corey was one of the first people to reach out
to you when I went to treatment to check in,
and Chris, obviously we relate so much on our mental
health struggles and what we go through. I will say
that we are so much of a family that I
and they said, come on. I mean, if you need
this to get yourself up in the morning, if you
(40:58):
need this to keep going, come in, like our doors
are open, and so truly, it just feels like another
support and a family, and so I'm grateful to have them, and.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
I'm grateful for every second I get on that show.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Yeah, yeah, well, I wanted to add the one about
does the alcoholic title stay?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
If you've dealt with the where's that one? It's a
good question. Did you see it on here? No? I
don't what I'm talking about? Does it? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (41:33):
So if mental health issues are addressed properly with therapy,
does the alcoholic title stay? So I'm not I'm not
big on titles. I I call. I say I'm in recovery,
is what I like to say. I think you have
the choice of saying whatever you want, titling yourself in
any way, yeah or not.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
I will say I will forever be in recovery.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
It's not something that will go away for me because
it's something I'm going to deal with the rest of
my life. I just know that I've dealt with it
all of these years up until now, so it's something
I will work on for the rest of my life,
so that piece will never go away.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
But I think as far as like, are you stuck
with a title that's really kind of up to you?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Yeah, you know, yeah, and I think making that different
for every person, I think it's.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Yeah, I like, that's a really good call out.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
As someone who went to Boutaire. Did you get to
use the driving range?
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Okay, So Botaire's the first treatment center I went to
for thirty four days.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Saved my life.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
I would recommend it any day, all day.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
It's it was a great experience.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
I was there in the I was in February, so
I didn't get to use the driving range. I also
kind of thought they had horses when I went there
because it was on the website, but they didn't, and
that was really sad.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
But those things aside.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
Again, it was the one of the greatest experiences of
my life because they really focused on the mental health
piece of why I was drinking and I did not. Yeah,
so I didn't use the driving range, but hey, if
you need help and you need help with your golf game,
go go, yeah, go go go.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Can you just speak a little bit because I had
a couple of questions on this about what a day
looks like at Bautaire, because you're going from like a
very intense and this is I think why, I mean,
you can speak to this better than me, obviously, but
why Like outlets like the driving range or something, or
horses for example, are so important because you have that
(43:34):
intense and then you.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
Got to release it. For sure. We'll end on this.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
So a day at a treatment center, I mean, obviously
it's a lot about structure and discipline. Not discipline in
a scary way, but it's it's structure because a lot
of us who go there come from kind of chaos,
right like whether it's in our heads or it's in
our lives. There it's a little bit of chaos. So
you create a lot of structure. So it's you make
(43:59):
your bed in the morning, you wake up pretty early,
you know, like seven o'clock, you get breakfast, and then
we would do classes pretty much all day, so everything
from cognitive behavioral therapy, which if you don't know anything
about that, you can google it. It's a great tool
to use when you're deep in mental health and dealing
(44:20):
with all of these issues and substance, and so from
cognitive behavioral therapy to arts and crafts to generational trauma.
We'd even have like a music class where you got
to pick your favorite music and talk about why you
liked it, and those types of classes where it's the
art or the driving range or that those other things
(44:42):
are to allow yourself to have some levity.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
In a very very heavy situation, because.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Again, you're dealing with the hardest things in your life,
so it brings some levity to have these other outlets,
and they're important.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
They're therapeutic tools.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I mean, art is therapeutic, courses are therapeutic. Oh yeah,
so those pieces are really important. But you're basically structured
all day and you're put into a group and and
you you know, you kind of have this little.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Family and you have lunch and dinner structured times. It's
just very structured. Uh.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
For me, it was wonderful because I love education and
I like learning. So I learned a ton when I
was there and built great friendships. And then we'd have
game nights and you know, it's it's like summer camp
for really messed up.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
I loved always hearing.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
Though about like when we would talk on the phone
and how excited you were for game night, you know,
and how yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
It was where I became addicted to ton catam whatever
you say it.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
It became addicted to that. Can I ask you one
more quick question? Yeah? Yeah? Is there a place in
the world that makes you happy wherever you go? When
you know that? Saint Claude Mom and Dad's house.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
We just spent the weekend there and it was Hendricks's birthday,
and we did nerf gun.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
Fights the whole weekend.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
And I recommend that to anybody out there if you
have not done a nerve gun fight.
Speaker 2 (46:07):
It's like when you go like, that's the same situation.
We can go and like break things of environment.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
I did get Hendricks in the face with the nerve
and as he's laying on the ground, I was I
almost had pride, right, Yeah I got him, But as
he was laying another girl laughing by way, Oh yeah fine.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
But Mom and Dad's house brings me a lot of comfort.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Mom is an unbelievable cook, She bakes with the kids,
She Dad plays games with the kids.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
It's just it's a very comforting.
Speaker 1 (46:41):
Place for me to be, especially right now as I
heal and the kids love it. We get outside a ton,
very active up there. My parents are incredibly active and
so yeah, so I love Saint.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
Cloud have a soft spot.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
And the why behind that too is I think because
you feel safe there. Yeah, you know you feel safe
and you know, not to use the word again, but
like you feel comforted, you know, and it's just it's
a place where you can find peace and kind of
let all the chaos just dissipate for a short time.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
So if you're looking for a place, if.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
You want to somebody said, somebody messaged me when I
posted from up there and said, when I grew up,
I want to be in the app Careful what.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
You wish were careful what you wish for my friends?
Speaker 1 (47:23):
No, no, we love it up there. So thank you
so much for doing this. Today went a little long.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
I hope you guys enjoyed some of the questions.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
I again, please message me, and I promise you I
will do everything I can to get back to you.
I am Karl Zucker, my co host today, Katie Hronsky,
Brett Blakemore is producing, and just again thank you for
taking the time to listen. I hope you took something
from this. I hope you will share it with your
friends and family. I hope you feel a little less
(47:53):
alone because you are not alone out there. We are
all in this together and just hang on, got this.
Speaker 3 (48:00):
Let us know if you like to ask me anythings,
if that's something that you want to continue, Yeah, if.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
You have so many somebody wanted to know how I
lost weight. I stopped drinking.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
My caloric intake from drinking was pretty I and I
was very swollen.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
So yeah, so we haven't covered everything yet. There's more
to come, and again we're going to be.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
Talking to a lot of professionals about whether how it
affects your family, your actual brain function. We're going to
have so many deep conversations and important educational conversations as well.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
So it's not just going to be about this, but.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
We are going to cover a lot of topics. So
thank you for listening. That is another episode of Here
we Go. So don't want to want to.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
Be down, don't wanna be loudly crowd, don't want to darkness.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
To come back find me.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
I don't want to be happy, me
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