Douchy

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hi. So I've been with myboyfriend Joe for about two years. He
promised me we'd be married by now. I caught him cheating almost a year
ago. Oh boy, last timeI caught him. I looked on his
computer and I saw that he wasin an internet chat with another woman and
I saw from what they were passingback, and boo, you let him

(00:24):
go on that one. You letthat one slide? Is that correct?
Yeah? I forget, you know, you forgive people. Sometimes people learn
from mistakes and the relationship can beeven better. So I figured he said
he loved me, he said hewanted to marry me, that it was
a big mistake, that he wasjust getting scared. So I decided to
give him another chance. I letit go. And here we are a

(00:45):
year later, and he still hasn'tasked me to marry him. And I
think he's cheating again online online,again with online. So I created a
fake profile on Tinder to see ifI matched up with him. And I
made it really specific, you know, said I liked his type, made

(01:07):
it within three miles of him.Within three miles, yeah, boy,
because we don't live together. Soand we matched up. Wow, with
this fake with this fake identity thatyou've created. Yeah, I pretended to
be someone named Angel. Your nameis Angel? Yes? Okay, okay?

(01:27):
And Angel lives within three miles ofJoe. Yes. And here's the
good part. Angel and Joe havebeen interacting for the past three weeks and
they finally changed numbers, and sohere we are. Oh, this is
perfect, This is perfect. Ohboy, can you tell me a little

(01:49):
bit about Angel. What's the dealAngels? That five seven blonde, very
busty. She's a hocktail waitresses ata bar in Manhattan. She's trying to
be a bikini model. Has heseen a picture of Angel? Yeah?
I grabbed a couple of pictures ofsome model in Connecticut somewhere. He took

(02:10):
a bunch of cocky pictures. Allright, you got you got this work.
What's the end goal here for you, Claire? For everyone to know
what he did to me. Iwant to do it publicly. I want
to break up. I'm done.I want to break up with him,
but I want to do it publiclyafter what he put me through. And
I've got all our friends listening,and his coworkers do of course she do.

(02:45):
Hello, Hi, is this Joe? Yeah, who's this. Hi?
It's Angel. Oh, Hi Angel. I was wondering if you were
going to call. I know,finally got some free time that I could
give you a call, so Ithought, why not. I'm so happy

(03:06):
you did. I really enjoyed yourpictures you did. Yeah, nervous.
I am a little nervous, aren'tyou. I'm so embarrassed you've got a
little miss piggy thing going on.Oh thanks, I'm liking it. That's

(03:28):
so sweet of you. So whatare you doing? I'm just getting ready
to leave work? Actually, whyare you around? Well? Yeah,
I mean I am. I'm supposedto go to this modeling thing for bartender
thing. I don't even I don'teven know. I got to read the

(03:49):
email again. But I can maybemeet you before I go, or I
might be able to meet you afterall. Right, Well, maybe we
could slow it down a little bitand you can tell me a little bit
about yourself. I know you domodeling. What else do you do?
I also clean horses? I groomthem. Wow, that's an odd combination

(04:14):
for a model to go from tendingbar to washing horses. Well, you
know, I love horses, Ilove riding. You do, huh?
Are you a writer. Never inmy life you've ridden a horse. I've
never ridden a horse. I'm bornand raised in the city. I'm so
nervous. What I always like tohave you roden a horse? I don't
even make sense. Yeah, that'snot such good grammar. So you say

(04:41):
in a few days, what didyou have in mind? You know what?
I've never been to the torch ofthe Liberty thing? You mean the
Statue of Liberty. Yes, I'venever been there. I would love to
get I don't think you will.I don't think you can go up into
the torch. I think the crownis about as high as you can go.
Why not? I think some yearsago the arm was getting loose and

(05:04):
they decided that they would only letTaurus go up to the crown where the
observation part is yew, so thatarm could fall. Sure. What about
the Staten Island Fairy. I've neverridden the Staten Island Fairy. It's pretty
boring. Do you do you doanything more exciting than that? Ouch?
That's not very nice. I mean, well, come on, let's get

(05:29):
things to somebody. What is wrong? What is wrong with you? Wrong
with me? I thought you wantedto do some fun things. I am
doing fun things, going to thearm of that liberty bell lady and then
going to ride the fairy. Imean that's romance. I'm sorry, I'll
be a little nicer. Well,I don't appreciate that. That was really

(05:51):
mean. Well, I mean,what if I asked Claire about this.
Let's see if she has the sameexperience as me. What if you ask
who Claire Claire? Claire? Areyou there? You're nothing but a lying,

(06:13):
time wasting scumbag who sold two yearsof my precious life. Joe.
Yes, Angel, angel is Claire, Claire is Angel, and I'm Sean
Hollywood Hamilton, and that angel isactually Marie. She helps me with something
called We're the Roses. I'm Katie. You like you could ever get anybody
that looks like that. You're sopathetic. I'm so happy I'm ending this.

(06:38):
I'm just glad everybody knows what adouchebag you are. Joe. She's
got every one of your friends listening. Yeah, that's what she said.
Every one of your friends is listeningright now. You can't put this on
the radio. In a minute.We're gonna offer you an incentive, and
if you take the incentive, we'regonna be able to air the call.
You're actually not live right now.You're being recorded later on this afternoon at

(06:59):
five four Joe, So standby.We're going to take you off the recording
now to talk to you about theincentive. Don't never call me again,
take me off your phone. Youare going to be lonely your whole life.
And you know what, you cantake Angel off your list too,
do she? Okay? So whodoes not have a home security system yet?

(07:20):
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(07:45):
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(08:09):
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