When artist, fashion and web designer Nathalie Filmon found herself divorced and childless, she made a decision to raise a child on her own. But it was so much more complicated and difficult than that. Nathalie couldn't have a child.
This episode explains the circumstances that brought about the new children's book, I am Unique and You Are, too.
Her fascinating life took her around the globe, from Paris, to Spain, London, Sweden and New York City. Nathalie explains in her new book how her own child was brought into this world.
Nathalie's Instagram
Nathalie's art and portfolio website
Click here for Nathalie's children's book
This episode explains the circumstances that brought about the new children's book, I am Unique and You Are, too.
Her fascinating life took her around the globe, from Paris, to Spain, London, Sweden and New York City. Nathalie explains in her new book how her own child was brought into this world.
Nathalie's Instagram
Nathalie's art and portfolio website
Click here for Nathalie's children's book
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This week on iHeart Sinsey, building a family in an
unconventional way is growing in popularity.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I want the parents and the children to feel seen
and validated.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Whether the issue is infertility, the inability to carry a
child due to medical conditions, or the desire to be
a solo dad or parent. Surrogacy is gaining popularity in
the US, and one solo parent has written a children's
book to explain it to her own daughter.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Because it feels like nonexistent right now in the market
and it's just such a growing movement.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
We'll meet French author Nathalie Filmont to explain her work
here in the US and France and how a devastating
medical condition forced her to look at other options to
be a mom, and why she chose a surrogate. Now
on iHeart Sensey with Sandy Collins, family is at the
very heart of our human existence and tens of thousands
(00:56):
of parents have chosen IVF to create their families. Today,
my guest is here to share her new children's book,
I Am Unique and You Are Too, a child's tale
of love, family, the magic of surrogacy, and donor Heroes.
Nathalie FilmOn is an amazing world traveling artist, fashion and
web designer and author. Born in France nineteen seventy four,
(01:19):
Nathalie studied in France, Spain, London and Sweden and lived
in New York City for nearly twenty years working as
an advertising executive for fashion luxury brands. Natalie's here to
tell you about how she came to this place in time,
a divorced a life threatening medical condition, and the decision
then to start a family alone, and why she chose surrogacy.
(01:41):
Natalie has written a children's book, I Am Unique and
So Are You. It's available now. Welcome to iHeart Since Natalie,
and thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I'm very excited about your new book. This book comes
from your personal experience with the most important decision that
we have as humans, and that's whether to have a family.
So for a little background, you were a working woman
and you were traveling all over the world between here
and Europe, and you decided you were going to start
a family on your own. Can you tell us more
(02:15):
about you and how you first came to that decision.
First of all, just to become a single parent, right
of course, My name.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Is Natalie Fillmont and I actually grew up in the
western part of France, Sovia, and I had a marketing career,
marketing advertising career in more and fashion brands.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Worked a lot in York and in Paris, so I was.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Traveling a lot and really having that was the goal,
having a career, and I think like many of us
doing their thirties, really want to have that career and
to create something of yourself in a way, and got
it burned out and really re evaluated my life. I
was like, Okay, I'm working so many hours. I don't
(03:00):
enjoy this saily life. I got divorced and I was like,
I really want this family and how am I going
to make this possible? And you know, it's often through
through hardship that you create something beautiful. And when I
learned that I actually would have hardship with becoming a mother,
it really resonated with me and really made me feel
(03:24):
like I need to make a decision right now. So
I add uterus cancer and that's why I decided to
freeze my eggs and proceed to become a single nun.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Natalie, I'm sorry to hear you had to go through
that it's.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It's we all go through different things off ways, So
it's it's just a It's just life, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
But thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's harder for some than others.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
That's true. That's true, sing, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
To become a parent. You chose surrogacy and I chose
a sperm donation. So for the young people who are listening,
can you quickly pa that process?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
So I was lucky enough to actually be able to
freeze my eggs prior to having all these health issues
or treatment, I should say, so the eggs were my
idef is this technology where you actually have the sperm
and the egg come to an embryo, and that's how
you create a baby. Within that process, the idef is
(04:28):
you put it in the uterus of a woman. It
can be yours and normally it is, or it can
be someone else's uterus.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
And that was that's the role of a surrogate.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
When to fathers, for example, or a mom like me
who can't carry her child, a kind person like a
surrogate will actually come forward and decide to carry that
for you.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
One of the most selfless things I think anybody can do.
I just have to have the right mindset not only
to allow your child to be in a surrogate, but
then also to trust that person to go through with
this whole procedure. I was looking up IVF this whole
test tube baby name. It's been around for fifty years.
(05:14):
I cannot believe fifty years. Were the first quote unquote
test tube.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Baby seventy nine?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Seventy eight, Yeah, seventy eight. Yeah. I really checked as well,
and I was like, oh my god, this is so crazy.
And I think surrogacy. The first surrogate success was in
eighty five. Wow, so ten years afterwards, right.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well, they've had twelve million babies born this way from
what the last numbers that I can find, So twelve
million children are alive because of this amazing technology, including
your child. Can we talk a little bit. I don't
want to get into privacy, but what did you have?
And you know what, I.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Have a little girl and she's five years old. Name
is Naomi.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
And I did it in the States. I was living
in the.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
States at the time, and I went through a surrogate agency.
So you have so many different options, so it's a
it's a very daunting to ask for sure, And as
soon as I met my Sarahgate Annie, I knew it
was she was one.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
She was just so kind and so warm. She already
had two kids of her own.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
And that's the beauty of the States and.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
The way it's regulated. It's it's very much.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Safe, and there is all these procedures in place, and
you feel you know, you have the contract and the lawyers,
and you feel they are protected.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
And so this is such a beautiful way.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
To actually have a relationship with someone, just knowing that
you know there will be protected. Because of course it's
it's a it's emotionally and physically really.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Hard to do for sure.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
So it's it's it's something that's beautiful to to know
as a as an intended parent, I.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Just can't imagine making those amazing decisions, you know, by
your self. Basically, I'm sure you have some family and
support system, but really you're looking at now, I'm an
adoptive parent. I went to China and just before they
cut everything off. So this was twenty some years ago,
(07:14):
and so some of these problems that you're talking about
in your book really resonate because you're talking about non
traditional families and some of the issues that they have
and your daughter, you said, Naomi, Naomi Yami. She is
now getting to school age, and that is where it
starts getting dicey, because now you have all these people
(07:35):
around here all the time that you can't control, you
don't know who they are. You have to leave her
with strangers. And the teachers in particular can make school
better or worse worse and a lot of times and
this is what we did, was to go to the
(07:57):
teacher before the school and say, here's this child, and
here's her situation, because we were aware of you know,
bring in your baby pictures, bring in your parents' pictures,
where's your mom and your dad, and all these very traditional,
very normal, very innocent things to help children. But if
(08:18):
they don't know someone in their classroom is not in
a traditional such situation, that can really mess with the kid.
And so the child in your story, is it nony
or nanny NOONI?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I should have.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
Known it's spelled noonie and I was trying to be fancy.
Tell me about she's a surrogate child, apparently, and the
teacher then makes an assignment that kind of upsets the child.
Speaker 6 (08:51):
Let's go into that, which absolutely and I think it
really comes from experience and from my own life and
I've lived through this, and that's why it was very
important for me to tell that story family Tree.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
It's such a very simple children's task.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
She was two and a half, I think when she
was in an English school because I want her to
pick in English, and so this was not the actual school,
but an English school, and they asked for pictures, family
pictures because they were going to do a create a
family tree, and I panicked. I was like, oh my god,
she's not prepared for this. Harm I going to you know,
all the questions that comes out of you. And I
(09:30):
think that's really the job of the parents to understand
that you're making this decision clear and sound before the
child is born. You think you're at peace with it,
and then when it comes time to actually have your
child being aware of it and what word do you
want to use and how complicated the situation is, but
(09:51):
you really want to make it okay and protect them.
But I think the main protection is really to talk
to them and make to have them for situation like
like those and for for situation in the in the
as a simple as a as a class project. And
I think that's what really was important for me because
(10:12):
I think it's it's often as the adult because it's painful,
or it's a little bit scary, or it's you know,
it brings back fertility issue or issues with partner, with
things like that, and so normally it's not your first choice.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
So those those are very difficult things to talk about.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
But as as a parent, I think you have the
responsibility to actually talk about it. And so that's what
I wanted to say in my books, like she has
this very excited about it, actually, because I find children
being extremely open to differences when they're young, and it
doesn't make any difference for them. It's like, yeah, sure,
i'll do I'll do a tree, which you know, that's
(10:51):
what the character does in the in the book when
she does the presentation and she sees her classmate reactions
of like is your father?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
What's happening?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
That she's actually stumbled into that reality and feeling.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Different for the first time.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
And I think that's really much what society does to us,
to our kids.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
It's just that very.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Quiet pressure of feeding in that perfect family mold, right,
And so even though we were saying that we don't
but we're a little bit we still want to be
part of that, and I think that the kids feel
the same way. And so it's about standing up and
knowing your truth and standing in your truth and how
powerful that can be.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
If you just joined us on Sandy Collins and I'm
speaking today with French author Natalie FilmOn. She's written a
new book for children titled I Am Unique and You
Are Too. It's about surrogacy and how to explain it
to your children. We'll be back with more in just
a moment. This is iHeart, Cincy. If you just joined us,
I'm speaking with Natalie FilmOn. She is a advertising and
(11:58):
marketing veteran who decided to have a child after a
cancer diagnosis on her own US insurgacy and donor sperm,
and has a beautiful I'm sure she's beautiful because her
mom is a beautiful five year old little girl now
and has written the book this very personal journey. What
(12:18):
ages are you targeting with this book?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Four to nine? But really I think four plus I
should have written.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I think it's more the beginning of that conversation.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I feel that the.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Younger the kids know about their reality, the better they
will be adjusted to who they are and accept who
they are, so I really wanted to have that conversation
with her and have that book early on, And to
tell you the truth, I actually looked for a book.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
It wasn't my idea at first.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I just wanted, you know, something to light and fun
to just start talking about those heavy conversations.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And I couldn't find one about solar parenting.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Right, so you're the first one on the market.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Maybe, but it was really hard for me to find.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And if it's hard for me to find, it's probably
hard for other parents to find it as well.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
So many women choose sperm donation for a lot of
different reasons. Circusy is the second level on top of
that that makes what you went through difficult and for
your child to understand. Why was it important for you
in this book it's called We didn't even get the
name of the book. I Am Unique and You Are Too,
A child's tale of love, family, the magic of circusy
(13:32):
and donor heroes. Why was it important for you to
kind of center the story on the child's perspective.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I've tried different books before that was really clinical, even
if they were catched to children's it was very generic
or very clinical, and she didn't relate to it, and
so I just I had such a hard time keeping
her focus on the book and just starting conversation because
it's really like a you're using that group to really, Okay,
(14:01):
here's here I am. I'm I'm going to start and
and and and create this conversation that might be difficult otherwise,
and couldn't get her interested. So I really wanted her
because of course it's it's adult problems in a way,
So if you're talking about it through an adult eyes
of like, okay, we me and dad went to the
(14:23):
to the doctor. There were issues with with our fertility.
The key doesn't it doesn't resonate with them.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
It doesn't really they don't really understand it the way.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
A class project, sure, And so that's that's what I
wanted to intend, really weave those themes through an actual storytelling, right.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I want to kind of go back to what you
said about telling the child as early as possible. As
an adoptive parent of a child who has Asian features,
it's very easy for people and it's very common now
for people to see Americans with Asian children, and so
it's obvious it's easy to kind of bring up because
the child is already asking questions, why isn't my hair
(15:02):
the same as you? Why isn't it But when your
child doesn't look different, you know, if you've adopted a
white child or a black child from another country, the
one of your own race. If you have a child
that is your same race, it's easier to ignore the
pressure that eventually you're going to have to tell your
(15:23):
kid their origin. And I know a lot of people
that wait too long, like you said, but I think
the culture has changed so much that people are now
realizing we really do need to bring it up as
soon as we can.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Spot on on everything you've said, I so see this
how you know, And for me it's a little bit
the same. She doesn't have a father, there's no actual
person there, So I have it's easier for me to
actually breach the subject earlier on, because I know the
questions are going to come right. But when I see
traditional parents having using firm donor or Sarahgates and not
(16:04):
necessarily addressing it until a later age, I think that
the child is also very resistant to the idea. But
I think, yes, you're right, the parents are having a
hard time because again, we want to fit in that mold,
even though we know it's not necessarily good.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
I think we're just waiting and we're like time.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Will pass, easier to put it off, it's easier to
put it off.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I'm going to give you a little parental helps that
helped me. So taking my child to an amusement park,
so we would say, okay, what's your name? You know,
three four or five years old? So she was getting
used to that. I know so many kids that are
eight years old don't even know how to what their
name is, or what their parents' name is, or what
their phone number is. It's egregious actually, So three four
(16:46):
and five, try what's your name? Who did you come
here with? Did you come here with your mom and dad?
And I would ask her, what are you going to
say if you get lost and somebody says, where's your dad?
And what are you going to say? Because you don't
have a dad? And she started being able to say that,
And it was just easier to prep her for this,
(17:07):
because I didn't want her little feelings to.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Get hurt, exactly, preparing them for like those hard conversations,
is I think essential?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
You so right?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
You so spot on absolutely right.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
How do you hope your book fills the gap for
children and adults raising them?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
I really want them to.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
I want the parents and the children to feel seen
and validated because it feels like, you know, it's kind
of like non existent right now in the market.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
And it's just such a growing movement.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I was really amazed that there was not that much
literature around it. There's about families, there's about how to
make a baby, but having that combined and having a
really storytelling it's.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Very hard for me to find.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And that's what I'm hoping for that it helps keeps
feel seen, that they see their stories in those books
and feel validated, empowered, because that's really what it's about,
and for the parents as well to be like, you
know what, we're not alone.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
So if you've had a family through assisted reproduction in
any way, I can imagine whether you had the child
yourself or you use a surrogate. I'm sure this book
will resonate because it's the same issue. Is that we
we we you know, we have to explain eventually, you know,
your existence. How do you want this to affect, you know,
the media perception, society of the schools, what what are
(18:29):
you hoping for in that realm when it comes to
surrogacy and different families.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And traditional things and Donna conceive the children.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, And I think that was also something that quite
often people were telling me when I was talking about
my book or what the project of my book was
at the time, it was oh, yes, it's niche. So
you have to reach out to like fertility, you know,
clinics or just you know, find those database because that's
only what his parents will that full of parents will
(19:02):
be interested in. And I completely disagree, and I want
to challenge that because I think for children, all children
to understand what their friends are experiencing. You know, my
daughter is the only one who has a solo parent
in her class, and they've.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Been asking her why don't you have a father?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And I think it's important to make this book resonate
within all kids, and that's how you create empathy and
understanding of our complex worlds and how it works.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Natalie, this topic is it just brings out so much
personal stuff. I don't normally share a ton of personal stuff,
but it just hits everything. And I'll tell you that
my father died when I was five, and so I'm
in school, six, seven, eight, and nine. With all these
people that are in my neighborhood, I know them all.
(19:51):
I grew up in my whole neighborhood. But kids would
make fun of me because my father had died, you know,
and it was like, Okay, I don't get you know,
because kids are bullies and we know that and you
have to you know, steal yourself again. But to think about,
you know, nobody got divorced back then, quote unquote.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Right, I grew up in the same environment.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, yeah, So they were all two parent families, so
I was the anomaly and it just felt so unfair.
And but I don't even know if I told anybody,
because what are you gonna do? I mean, there's you know,
it's not like there's anything major. It was just like,
what do you mean your dad is you know, dad whatever?
So that dad question or those dad issues can be
(20:34):
a place for a red hot poker, you know, just.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
And it's right exactly, and it's it's triggering. It's triggering,
especially if you've lost your dad. I mean, I can't
even imagine now, So do you have this always those
things that are actually set in place in a calendar
where you just it's just, you know, like almost a
gentle reminder that you're different. And I can't believe that
you're actually gotten bullied for that. I feel, you know,
(21:00):
I grew up in a family that was very traditional
and a three kids, and they were always even that
having just a single kid was just weird, like, oh,
there's something wrong, and you know, all of the things
that you're trying to un learn because you think it's
reality or do you think that this is the truth.
Really when you grow up and you just find out
it's like, no, it's just a societal It's something that
(21:23):
has nothing to do with is if my daughter is
going to be less adjusted because she's coming from a
solo parents hasshold or having no brother and sister, well
she be is more lonely.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I know. We all say, you know, love is the most.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Important, that's what builds family, and we say it with
that really thinking about it in some ways, because we
do create still those very you know, strong beliefs that
are not necessarily too.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
There are downsides to not having two parents in some ways,
no fault of anybody's, but there's also great opportunity for
children who don't have that dad to rely on, and
here's why you learn to be self sufficient. You learn
to do some of those things that someone would have
(22:18):
done for you. You become a stronger adult, You become
a more understanding and compassionate person, and you know, you
can always find the silver lining in every situation. I think.
And I remember talking to my mother as a child
and saying, you know, if Daddy was alive, I would
be a different person. And she's like, what are you
(22:39):
talking about? And I'm like, well, you know, I do
this and this and this and this. I wouldn't do
any of that. I wouldn't be able to change change
the tires on my sixty seven Ford Falcon, or change
the oil, or cut the grass, or take out the trash,
or face the bully at the school you.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Know, had send the brother become more resilient.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Yeah, So that there's a wonderful lesson, I think is
that when there's a deficit, there's always the possibility for
strength as well.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Absolutely, And that was what I was trying to say
in the book because it mentions the you know, diverse
families as well, but it's more like we all have
positive and negative in any situations. And I think that
I was in a very traditional household, and my parents
didn't get along, so we just had always fights and
(23:30):
anger and you know, and so I would be probably
perceived as like, oh, she's so lucky she has a
brother and sister and like come from it. And so
I think that deep down, you know that there's always
issues within any setup or any families, and that's that's
what you have to make peace with in a way, right,
And that was really a huge decision making for me
(23:51):
to be like, I was so resistant to the idea
of becoming a solo mom at first because I was
I want her to have a father, I want or
him more her. Of course, now I'm saying her because
I know it's a girl, but I want my child
to have a father figure.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
I think it would be more.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
You know.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
So all these things I needed to disconstruct to be like, Okay,
well is this really true or can you actually make
this different? Remember your childhood was it that glorious?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
So you know, Natalie, I tell you there's another thing.
My daughter wanted siblings, And I said, listen, they're not
all they're cracked up to be. You're lucky because you're
a solo and you get all of our love, all
of our attention, all of our inheritance, and you're going
to have all of this furniture to deal with when
we're gone. And she would laugh and stuff. But but yeah,
(24:44):
siblings are not what all they're cracked up to be.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I mean, no, no, no, completely.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I have two siblings, and you know, yes there's plusant
and negative and positive. But again they're not my best friends.
And so again it's it's a very you have that
idea when you don't have siblings, of I would have
this sister and we would just.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Be like you would be perfect, everything would be wonderful.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Yes, we would love each other and she would be
my best friend. And so it's it's you know, we
know it's not real life.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
The harsh reality. Well listen Natalie FilmOn. She is the
author of the new book called I Am Unique and
You Are Too. And this is a book about the
magic of surrogacy and donor heroes. It's a child's tale
of love and family. And that's the name of the
title of the book. It's out now and you can
get this book where Amazon Amazon.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Did you type that exactly? Is my name? Or the title?
You'll be able to find.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
It Natalie, thank you very much for this time.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Thank you so much, Sandy, thank you. Have a lovely day.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
That's a show for this week. This is a community
affairs program helping folks here in the tri State find resources,
celebrating the great people that are here and the events
that change our lives and make a difference in our community.
Thanks for tuning in today. If you have any questions
about the show or comments or suggestion for a future program,
(26:03):
just shoot me an email send it to iheartsincy with
an I at iHeartMedia dot com. Iheartsincy at iHeartMedia dot
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(26:23):
Till next week. Iheartsinsey is a production of iHeartMedia, Cincinnati,
This week on iHeart Sinsey, building a family in an
unconventional way is growing in popularity.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I want the parents and the children to feel seen
and validated.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Whether the issue is infertility, the inability to carry a
child due to medical conditions, or the desire to be
a solo dad or parent. Surrogacy is gaining popularity in
the US, and one solo parent has written a children's
book to explain it to her own daughter.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Because it feels like nonexistent right now in the market
and it's just such a growing movement.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
We'll meet French author Nathalie Filmont to explain her work
here in the US and France and how a devastating
medical condition forced her to look at other options to
be a mom, and why she chose a surrogate. Now
on iHeart Sensey with Sandy Collins, family is at the
very heart of our human existence and tens of thousands
(00:56):
of parents have chosen IVF to create their families. Today,
my guest is here to share her new children's book,
I Am Unique and You Are Too, a child's tale
of love, family, the magic of surrogacy, and donor Heroes.
Nathalie FilmOn is an amazing world traveling artist, fashion and
web designer and author. Born in France nineteen seventy four,
(01:19):
Nathalie studied in France, Spain, London and Sweden and lived
in New York City for nearly twenty years working as
an advertising executive for fashion luxury brands. Natalie's here to
tell you about how she came to this place in time,
a divorced a life threatening medical condition, and the decision
then to start a family alone, and why she chose surrogacy.
(01:41):
Natalie has written a children's book, I Am Unique and
So Are You. It's available now. Welcome to iHeart Since Natalie,
and thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I'm very excited about your new book. This book comes
from your personal experience with the most important decision that
we have as humans, and that's whether to have a family.
So for a little background, you were a working woman
and you were traveling all over the world between here
and Europe, and you decided you were going to start
a family on your own. Can you tell us more
(02:15):
about you and how you first came to that decision.
First of all, just to become a single parent, right
of course, My name.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Is Natalie Fillmont and I actually grew up in the
western part of France, Sovia, and I had a marketing career,
marketing advertising career in more and fashion brands.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Worked a lot in York and in Paris, so I was.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Traveling a lot and really having that was the goal,
having a career, and I think like many of us
doing their thirties, really want to have that career and
to create something of yourself in a way, and got
it burned out and really re evaluated my life. I
was like, Okay, I'm working so many hours. I don't
(03:00):
enjoy this saily life. I got divorced and I was like,
I really want this family and how am I going
to make this possible? And you know, it's often through
through hardship that you create something beautiful. And when I
learned that I actually would have hardship with becoming a mother,
it really resonated with me and really made me feel
(03:24):
like I need to make a decision right now. So
I add uterus cancer and that's why I decided to
freeze my eggs and proceed to become a single nun.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Natalie, I'm sorry to hear you had to go through
that it's.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
It's we all go through different things off ways, So
it's it's just a It's just life, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
But thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's harder for some than others.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
That's true. That's true, sing, so thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
To become a parent. You chose surrogacy and I chose
a sperm donation. So for the young people who are listening,
can you quickly pa that process?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
So I was lucky enough to actually be able to
freeze my eggs prior to having all these health issues
or treatment, I should say, so the eggs were my
idef is this technology where you actually have the sperm
and the egg come to an embryo, and that's how
you create a baby. Within that process, the idef is
(04:28):
you put it in the uterus of a woman. It
can be yours and normally it is, or it can
be someone else's uterus.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
And that was that's the role of a surrogate.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
When to fathers, for example, or a mom like me
who can't carry her child, a kind person like a
surrogate will actually come forward and decide to carry that
for you.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
One of the most selfless things I think anybody can do.
I just have to have the right mindset not only
to allow your child to be in a surrogate, but
then also to trust that person to go through with
this whole procedure. I was looking up IVF this whole
test tube baby name. It's been around for fifty years.
(05:14):
I cannot believe fifty years. Were the first quote unquote
test tube.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Baby seventy nine?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Seventy eight, Yeah, seventy eight. Yeah. I really checked as well,
and I was like, oh my god, this is so crazy.
And I think surrogacy. The first surrogate success was in
eighty five. Wow, so ten years afterwards, right.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Well, they've had twelve million babies born this way from
what the last numbers that I can find, So twelve
million children are alive because of this amazing technology, including
your child. Can we talk a little bit. I don't
want to get into privacy, but what did you have?
And you know what, I.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Have a little girl and she's five years old. Name
is Naomi.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
And I did it in the States. I was living
in the.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
States at the time, and I went through a surrogate agency.
So you have so many different options, so it's a
it's a very daunting to ask for sure, And as
soon as I met my Sarahgate Annie, I knew it
was she was one.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
She was just so kind and so warm. She already
had two kids of her own.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
And that's the beauty of the States and.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
The way it's regulated. It's it's very much.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Safe, and there is all these procedures in place, and
you feel you know, you have the contract and the lawyers,
and you feel they are protected.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
And so this is such a beautiful way.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
To actually have a relationship with someone, just knowing that
you know there will be protected. Because of course it's
it's a it's emotionally and physically really.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Hard to do for sure.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
So it's it's it's something that's beautiful to to know
as a as an intended parent, I.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Just can't imagine making those amazing decisions, you know, by
your self. Basically, I'm sure you have some family and
support system, but really you're looking at now, I'm an
adoptive parent. I went to China and just before they
cut everything off. So this was twenty some years ago,
(07:14):
and so some of these problems that you're talking about
in your book really resonate because you're talking about non
traditional families and some of the issues that they have
and your daughter, you said, Naomi, Naomi Yami. She is
now getting to school age, and that is where it
starts getting dicey, because now you have all these people
(07:35):
around here all the time that you can't control, you
don't know who they are. You have to leave her
with strangers. And the teachers in particular can make school
better or worse worse and a lot of times and
this is what we did, was to go to the
(07:57):
teacher before the school and say, here's this child, and
here's her situation, because we were aware of you know,
bring in your baby pictures, bring in your parents' pictures,
where's your mom and your dad, and all these very traditional,
very normal, very innocent things to help children. But if
(08:18):
they don't know someone in their classroom is not in
a traditional such situation, that can really mess with the kid.
And so the child in your story, is it nony
or nanny NOONI?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I should have.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
Known it's spelled noonie and I was trying to be fancy.
Tell me about she's a surrogate child, apparently, and the
teacher then makes an assignment that kind of upsets the child.
Speaker 6 (08:51):
Let's go into that, which absolutely and I think it
really comes from experience and from my own life and
I've lived through this, and that's why it was very
important for me to tell that story family Tree.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
It's such a very simple children's task.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
She was two and a half, I think when she
was in an English school because I want her to
pick in English, and so this was not the actual school,
but an English school, and they asked for pictures, family
pictures because they were going to do a create a
family tree, and I panicked. I was like, oh my god,
she's not prepared for this. Harm I going to you know,
all the questions that comes out of you. And I
(09:30):
think that's really the job of the parents to understand
that you're making this decision clear and sound before the
child is born. You think you're at peace with it,
and then when it comes time to actually have your
child being aware of it and what word do you
want to use and how complicated the situation is, but
(09:51):
you really want to make it okay and protect them.
But I think the main protection is really to talk
to them and make to have them for situation like
like those and for for situation in the in the
as a simple as a as a class project. And
I think that's what really was important for me because
(10:12):
I think it's it's often as the adult because it's painful,
or it's a little bit scary, or it's you know,
it brings back fertility issue or issues with partner, with
things like that, and so normally it's not your first choice.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
So those those are very difficult things to talk about.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
But as as a parent, I think you have the
responsibility to actually talk about it. And so that's what
I wanted to say in my books, like she has
this very excited about it, actually, because I find children
being extremely open to differences when they're young, and it
doesn't make any difference for them. It's like, yeah, sure,
i'll do I'll do a tree, which you know, that's
(10:51):
what the character does in the in the book when
she does the presentation and she sees her classmate reactions
of like is your father?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
What's happening?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
That she's actually stumbled into that reality and feeling.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Different for the first time.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
And I think that's really much what society does to us,
to our kids.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
It's just that very.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Quiet pressure of feeding in that perfect family mold, right,
And so even though we were saying that we don't
but we're a little bit we still want to be
part of that, and I think that the kids feel
the same way. And so it's about standing up and
knowing your truth and standing in your truth and how
powerful that can be.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
If you just joined us on Sandy Collins and I'm
speaking today with French author Natalie FilmOn. She's written a
new book for children titled I Am Unique and You
Are Too. It's about surrogacy and how to explain it
to your children. We'll be back with more in just
a moment. This is iHeart, Cincy. If you just joined us,
I'm speaking with Natalie FilmOn. She is a advertising and
(11:58):
marketing veteran who decided to have a child after a
cancer diagnosis on her own US insurgacy and donor sperm,
and has a beautiful I'm sure she's beautiful because her
mom is a beautiful five year old little girl now
and has written the book this very personal journey. What
(12:18):
ages are you targeting with this book?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Four to nine? But really I think four plus I
should have written.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I think it's more the beginning of that conversation.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I feel that the.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Younger the kids know about their reality, the better they
will be adjusted to who they are and accept who
they are, so I really wanted to have that conversation
with her and have that book early on, And to
tell you the truth, I actually looked for a book.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
It wasn't my idea at first.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
I just wanted, you know, something to light and fun
to just start talking about those heavy conversations.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
And I couldn't find one about solar parenting.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Right, so you're the first one on the market.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Maybe, but it was really hard for me to find.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And if it's hard for me to find, it's probably
hard for other parents to find it as well.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
So many women choose sperm donation for a lot of
different reasons. Circusy is the second level on top of
that that makes what you went through difficult and for
your child to understand. Why was it important for you
in this book it's called We didn't even get the
name of the book. I Am Unique and You Are Too,
A child's tale of love, family, the magic of circusy
(13:32):
and donor heroes. Why was it important for you to
kind of center the story on the child's perspective.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I've tried different books before that was really clinical, even
if they were catched to children's it was very generic
or very clinical, and she didn't relate to it, and
so I just I had such a hard time keeping
her focus on the book and just starting conversation because
it's really like a you're using that group to really, Okay,
(14:01):
here's here I am. I'm I'm going to start and
and and and create this conversation that might be difficult otherwise,
and couldn't get her interested. So I really wanted her
because of course it's it's adult problems in a way,
So if you're talking about it through an adult eyes
of like, okay, we me and dad went to the
(14:23):
to the doctor. There were issues with with our fertility.
The key doesn't it doesn't resonate with them.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
It doesn't really they don't really understand it the way.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
A class project, sure, And so that's that's what I
wanted to intend, really weave those themes through an actual storytelling, right.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I want to kind of go back to what you
said about telling the child as early as possible. As
an adoptive parent of a child who has Asian features,
it's very easy for people and it's very common now
for people to see Americans with Asian children, and so
it's obvious it's easy to kind of bring up because
the child is already asking questions, why isn't my hair
(15:02):
the same as you? Why isn't it But when your
child doesn't look different, you know, if you've adopted a
white child or a black child from another country, the
one of your own race. If you have a child
that is your same race, it's easier to ignore the
pressure that eventually you're going to have to tell your
(15:23):
kid their origin. And I know a lot of people
that wait too long, like you said, but I think
the culture has changed so much that people are now
realizing we really do need to bring it up as
soon as we can.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Spot on on everything you've said, I so see this
how you know, And for me it's a little bit
the same. She doesn't have a father, there's no actual
person there, So I have it's easier for me to
actually breach the subject earlier on, because I know the
questions are going to come right. But when I see
traditional parents having using firm donor or Sarahgates and not
(16:04):
necessarily addressing it until a later age, I think that
the child is also very resistant to the idea. But
I think, yes, you're right, the parents are having a
hard time because again, we want to fit in that mold,
even though we know it's not necessarily good.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
I think we're just waiting and we're like time.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Will pass, easier to put it off, it's easier to
put it off.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
I'm going to give you a little parental helps that
helped me. So taking my child to an amusement park,
so we would say, okay, what's your name? You know,
three four or five years old? So she was getting
used to that. I know so many kids that are
eight years old don't even know how to what their
name is, or what their parents' name is, or what
their phone number is. It's egregious actually, So three four
(16:46):
and five, try what's your name? Who did you come
here with? Did you come here with your mom and dad?
And I would ask her, what are you going to
say if you get lost and somebody says, where's your dad?
And what are you going to say? Because you don't
have a dad? And she started being able to say that,
And it was just easier to prep her for this,
(17:07):
because I didn't want her little feelings to.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Get hurt, exactly, preparing them for like those hard conversations,
is I think essential?
Speaker 4 (17:14):
You so right?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
You so spot on absolutely right.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
How do you hope your book fills the gap for
children and adults raising them?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
I really want them to.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
I want the parents and the children to feel seen
and validated because it feels like, you know, it's kind
of like non existent right now in the market.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
And it's just such a growing movement.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I was really amazed that there was not that much
literature around it. There's about families, there's about how to
make a baby, but having that combined and having a
really storytelling it's.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Very hard for me to find.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And that's what I'm hoping for that it helps keeps
feel seen, that they see their stories in those books
and feel validated, empowered, because that's really what it's about,
and for the parents as well to be like, you
know what, we're not alone.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
So if you've had a family through assisted reproduction in
any way, I can imagine whether you had the child
yourself or you use a surrogate. I'm sure this book
will resonate because it's the same issue. Is that we
we we you know, we have to explain eventually, you know,
your existence. How do you want this to affect, you know,
the media perception, society of the schools, what what are
(18:29):
you hoping for in that realm when it comes to
surrogacy and different families.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And traditional things and Donna conceive the children.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, And I think that was also something that quite
often people were telling me when I was talking about
my book or what the project of my book was
at the time, it was oh, yes, it's niche. So
you have to reach out to like fertility, you know,
clinics or just you know, find those database because that's
only what his parents will that full of parents will
(19:02):
be interested in. And I completely disagree, and I want
to challenge that because I think for children, all children
to understand what their friends are experiencing. You know, my
daughter is the only one who has a solo parent
in her class, and they've.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
Been asking her why don't you have a father?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
And I think it's important to make this book resonate
within all kids, and that's how you create empathy and
understanding of our complex worlds and how it works.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Natalie, this topic is it just brings out so much
personal stuff. I don't normally share a ton of personal stuff,
but it just hits everything. And I'll tell you that
my father died when I was five, and so I'm
in school, six, seven, eight, and nine. With all these
people that are in my neighborhood, I know them all.
(19:51):
I grew up in my whole neighborhood. But kids would
make fun of me because my father had died, you know,
and it was like, Okay, I don't get you know,
because kids are bullies and we know that and you
have to you know, steal yourself again. But to think about,
you know, nobody got divorced back then, quote unquote.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Right, I grew up in the same environment.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, yeah, So they were all two parent families, so
I was the anomaly and it just felt so unfair.
And but I don't even know if I told anybody,
because what are you gonna do? I mean, there's you know,
it's not like there's anything major. It was just like,
what do you mean your dad is you know, dad whatever?
So that dad question or those dad issues can be
(20:34):
a place for a red hot poker, you know, just.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
And it's right exactly, and it's it's triggering. It's triggering,
especially if you've lost your dad. I mean, I can't
even imagine now, So do you have this always those
things that are actually set in place in a calendar
where you just it's just, you know, like almost a
gentle reminder that you're different. And I can't believe that
you're actually gotten bullied for that. I feel, you know,
(21:00):
I grew up in a family that was very traditional
and a three kids, and they were always even that
having just a single kid was just weird, like, oh,
there's something wrong, and you know, all of the things
that you're trying to un learn because you think it's
reality or do you think that this is the truth.
Really when you grow up and you just find out
it's like, no, it's just a societal It's something that
(21:23):
has nothing to do with is if my daughter is
going to be less adjusted because she's coming from a
solo parents hasshold or having no brother and sister, well
she be is more lonely.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I know. We all say, you know, love is the most.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Important, that's what builds family, and we say it with
that really thinking about it in some ways, because we
do create still those very you know, strong beliefs that
are not necessarily too.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
There are downsides to not having two parents in some ways,
no fault of anybody's, but there's also great opportunity for
children who don't have that dad to rely on, and
here's why you learn to be self sufficient. You learn
to do some of those things that someone would have
(22:18):
done for you. You become a stronger adult, You become
a more understanding and compassionate person, and you know, you
can always find the silver lining in every situation. I think.
And I remember talking to my mother as a child
and saying, you know, if Daddy was alive, I would
be a different person. And she's like, what are you
(22:39):
talking about? And I'm like, well, you know, I do
this and this and this and this. I wouldn't do
any of that. I wouldn't be able to change change
the tires on my sixty seven Ford Falcon, or change
the oil, or cut the grass, or take out the trash,
or face the bully at the school you.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Know, had send the brother become more resilient.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Yeah, So that there's a wonderful lesson, I think is
that when there's a deficit, there's always the possibility for
strength as well.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Absolutely, And that was what I was trying to say
in the book because it mentions the you know, diverse
families as well, but it's more like we all have
positive and negative in any situations. And I think that
I was in a very traditional household, and my parents
didn't get along, so we just had always fights and
(23:30):
anger and you know, and so I would be probably
perceived as like, oh, she's so lucky she has a
brother and sister and like come from it. And so
I think that deep down, you know that there's always
issues within any setup or any families, and that's that's
what you have to make peace with in a way, right,
And that was really a huge decision making for me
(23:51):
to be like, I was so resistant to the idea
of becoming a solo mom at first because I was
I want her to have a father, I want or
him more her. Of course, now I'm saying her because
I know it's a girl, but I want my child
to have a father figure.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
I think it would be more.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
You know.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
So all these things I needed to disconstruct to be like, Okay,
well is this really true or can you actually make
this different? Remember your childhood was it that glorious?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
So you know, Natalie, I tell you there's another thing.
My daughter wanted siblings, And I said, listen, they're not
all they're cracked up to be. You're lucky because you're
a solo and you get all of our love, all
of our attention, all of our inheritance, and you're going
to have all of this furniture to deal with when
we're gone. And she would laugh and stuff. But but yeah,
(24:44):
siblings are not what all they're cracked up to be.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I mean, no, no, no, completely.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I have two siblings, and you know, yes there's plusant
and negative and positive. But again they're not my best friends.
And so again it's it's a very you have that
idea when you don't have siblings, of I would have
this sister and we would just.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Be like you would be perfect, everything would be wonderful.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Yes, we would love each other and she would be
my best friend. And so it's it's you know, we
know it's not real life.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
The harsh reality. Well listen Natalie FilmOn. She is the
author of the new book called I Am Unique and
You Are Too. And this is a book about the
magic of surrogacy and donor heroes. It's a child's tale
of love and family. And that's the name of the
title of the book. It's out now and you can
get this book where Amazon Amazon.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Did you type that exactly? Is my name? Or the title?
You'll be able to find.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
It Natalie, thank you very much for this time.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Thank you so much, Sandy, thank you. Have a lovely day.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
That's a show for this week. This is a community
affairs program helping folks here in the tri State find resources,
celebrating the great people that are here and the events
that change our lives and make a difference in our community.
Thanks for tuning in today. If you have any questions
about the show or comments or suggestion for a future program,
(26:03):
just shoot me an email send it to iheartsincy with
an I at iHeartMedia dot com. Iheartsincy at iHeartMedia dot
com love to hear from you. You can hear this
show on the iHeartRadio podcast section. Just download the app.
It's absolutely free and search for my name, Sandy Collins.
(26:23):
Till next week. Iheartsinsey is a production of iHeartMedia, Cincinnati,
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