October 14, 2025 • 34 mins
Nick talks about dive bar ettiquette, sponsored weddings, and has a conversation with comedian Uncle Lazer
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
I speaking that that should not have made it to
the rest of us. Inside Thoughts check check check one,
two three.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
We're live, baby, Welcome back to Inside Thoughts. I hope
you're having a good week. I got a good interview
for you at the end of the podcast with comedian
Uncle Laser. He's uh, he's a character dude, He's a
funny guy. So yeah, I got that for you at
the end. But I hope you're having a good week.
Sorry for skipping a week on the podcast. Work's been
(00:38):
beating my ass, dude, just plain and simple. And it's
not even like, uh, well, I don't know how to
do the job. I just don't have time to do
all the things of the job sometimes and like you know,
burning both ends of the candle trying to you know,
work and then go do stand up at night. And
(01:00):
then I also have to pay attention to my girlfriend
so that she doesn't leave me. And I got to
try and wake up early and go to the gym,
like sometimes, you know, you just you run out of
time in the week. And so I was like, should
I go home and do the podcast in front of
my girlfriend or should I go with a nice, mindful
(01:22):
walk with my girlfriend and have fun. So you know,
I I chose my girlfriend over you guys. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, but it was the right decision because fuck
you guys. You know, like, what are you doing for me? Nothing? No,
I'm kidding. Just you know, I gotta There will be
(01:42):
sometimes like where I'm working all day because like I'll
wake up, go to the gym and then immediately go
to work and be out until like you know, I'll
be working till like six and then I've cut it down.
But there's like three days a week where I go
do stand up where I'm basically just out of the
house all day, and then Amy goes to sleep like
(02:05):
you know, at nine nine thirty because she's a healthy person.
So there would be times where like we don't see
each other and I feel bad. So I was like,
you know what, I just there are some things you
got to cut out. You gotta make sacrifices. God damn it.
Well been having a good week. It's just you know,
it's been busy. Last week, me and Amy went up
(02:27):
to Chicago for work. We went to see a country
concert Jordan Davis Mitchell Tenpenny. They were super cool and
Amy was in the in the radio room, like they
always have alcohol, you know what I mean. And Amy's big,
you know, wine drinker, but they don't have wine in
a radio room. That's not very like, hell yeah, let's
(02:50):
listen to some music. That's more and what happened at
work today? You know, So they have liquor or beer,
those are the two options. She don't really you know,
like beers. She was drinking wicker we we got up there,
we hadn't really eaten all day, and she was knocking
them back and I was like, hey, you know, she
probably chill out. She was like, don't call me a pussy.
(03:12):
I was like, Okay, drink and see what happens. We
got like midway through Jordan Davis's set, he was the headliner,
and you know they have like at the concert, they
got like the backdrop where they're doing whatever kind of
theme the country singer wants. And Jordan Davis's theme was
going down this windy road in his truck and he
(03:34):
starts going, I think I'm trunk. The back truck's making
me dizzy. I was like, all right, we can get
out here. I've been here long enough. So we went home.
She she had a rough morning, and then we had
to wake up and drive back to Indy cause the
country station here that I worked for, Hank was having
(03:57):
their twentieth birthday bash, so we had to go to that,
and you know, I was drinking some beers watching Notre
Dame whoop up on NC State. That was fun. And
then the next day we woke up and I had
to work for the like pop station B one O
five point seven do like we do stuff with the Colts,
(04:21):
the football team, so like we have a tailgate before
and then they'll give you tickets to go to the
game like for working it. So we're up early. Amy's
just like dragging. I'm starting to drag, but like you know,
it's ten am. I'm like, fuck it, I gotta keep going.
We're gonna have a beer and so I'm getting into
like that Sunday football tailgate energy. And Ames was super
(04:42):
excited because she had never been to an NFL football
game before, like took her to see Notre Dame Texas
A and M. She had seen Duke Clemson before, which
you know, that's like basically like high school shit compared
to Notre Dame Texas A and M. Like we went
to the college football mecca basically, and she was like, oh, okay,
I like this. I was like, yeah, all right, well
(05:02):
we're gonna go to an NFL game and go into
the NFL stadium and it is gonna be some life
changing shit. She was like, oh, I don't think so.
And I was like, oh, think show. So Lucas Oil
Stadium where the Colts play, it kind of looks like,
you know, a nothing building. From the outside, it's just
like this big brick looking structure. Edifice is that right?
(05:24):
Not oedipice edifice At the It's a big building made
out of bricks. It just says Lucas Oil Stadium on it.
Not very impressive. So we drive by it all the
time and I'm like, that's where the Colts play, you know,
just being a taiwan All American, like the Colts play
right there. She's like, yeah, okay, cool, never cared about it.
We walk in and Lucas Oil was like one of
(05:46):
the first newer stadiums that got built. So it's just
one of these like super arenas where it's like, Okay,
this is this is our Roman Empire shit right here,
this is our Colisseum NFL football whoa so we walk
in and it just opens up and it looks so cool,
and it was a nice sunny day. They opened the
roof up and we had some super nice seats. Amy
(06:08):
was looking around like, I'll think I'll look NFL football.
I was like, yes, I bet you do. We're gonna
be coming all the time. The only difference is we're
gonna be sitting up in the nosebleeds when I'm paying
for them. That's the only thing that stinks about Uh, well,
not stinks, but just like you know when work gives
you something that the company has a much bigger bank
(06:31):
account than me. So they're like, yeah, these are our
these are our club level seats. You'll be down close
to the fifty yard line, have a nice time. We
looked up how much they were. I was like, oh shit,
oh shit, these some nice seats. I'm never sitting here again. Hey, Ames,
take mental pictures because we will never be this close again.
And like we even had you know, like normally you
(06:54):
go to a game, you're sitting in like the plastic chairs.
We had. We had like cushions on our chairs. It
was like flying first class. It was beautiful, and you know,
I'm a couple of beers deep, and this guy and
his wife, you know, about five minutes into the first
quarter come and sit down next to us, and I
just go, hey, how's it going? You know, don't really
(07:15):
look at him that much, and I like do a
double take, and I'm like, oh no, this is this
is like the vice president of the company sitting right
next to me. I was like, oh fuck, I gotta
act not drunk on a football Sunday. I turned to
Amy and she starts laughing. She's like, you a bit uncomfortable.
I was like, yeah, I gotta walk in dude. He
(07:37):
ended up being super cool though, So it was fun.
But it was just like a long week of bouncing
back and forth and doing stuff. And then you know,
you wake up Monday after drinking sixty to seventy beers
over the weekend, and you're like, sandy water did not
make it to the gym Monday. Went to the gym
(07:57):
this morning, though, got back to it, had some beef
and rice for lunch with some fruit. Back to it, man,
gotta shake it off. Probably gained a few pounds, but well,
what are you gonna do. It was a fun weekend.
It was just it was busy. I was cracking up though,
so I think it was the night before Thursday, night
(08:20):
before we went to Chicago. We were just like, oh,
let's eat out, Like I don't feel like cooking. We're
going out of town. We're basically gonna be gone the
whole weekend anyway, We're not going to the store. So
we got some food and then we stopped at this
cookie place next to our apartments called Crave Cookies, Super
Good Cookies. And I think it's like Mormon or something,
(08:43):
so like they hire like all these high schoolers to
work in it, and they're like, would you like us
to combine all of your sodas together in the name
of Jesus, Like no, I just I'll take a cookie,
Thank you, Joseph Smith. And when you walk in, like
if you open the door of bell rings, you know,
(09:04):
and there was like it was kind of wait. There
was only like, you know, two high school girls working
in there, and like I walked in as somebody was
walking out, so they turned their backs to workers and
didn't hear me walk in. And as soon as like
the door shut, this one girl goes Andy, just text
(09:25):
me back please, And I started cracking up, laughing and
the other girl turns around and sees that I just
saw what happened, and she starts dying laughing. And I
felt bad because the girl that said it, you know,
she's already going through a lot. Andy's not texting her back,
being a dick. By the way Andy text her back,
she was very nice, got me a cookie. She turns around,
(09:48):
just like tears welling up in her eyes, like can
I get you sir? Just having the worst day of
her life. And I was like, can I have a
centimon cookie? Please'mna take my fat fucking ass home, have
a nice wife. It gets better. Sometimes I felt so bad, man,
because you know, like when you're in like that well
(10:10):
high school age, everything is the biggest deal of all time.
And she's like, you know, I thought things for going
good with me and Andy, and I don't know. I
just said, am I working too much? He's not texting
me back. He's probably playing call of duty, you know,
Like that's what I wanted to tell her, but I
just I didn't want to invest any time. I was like,
(10:30):
you know what this is, it is bigger than me.
I'm gonna take my cookie, I'm gonna leave hope. Andy
text you back. I didn't say that obviously, because I'm
not a dick, but you know, I just was like,
thank you. I walked out, and yeah, she probably had
a tough night. I hope Andy. Andy had Andy texted
her back, because you know, it would be mean not to,
(10:51):
even though you know, you think back to the terrible
things that you've done, and like a middle and high
school age boy, we're just bad people, you know, Like
when you're that age, you're so Yeah, I'm just trying
to be cool. I don't care who it affects. I'm
(11:13):
just gonna do what I gotta do to have like
the most epic moment of all time all the time. Dude.
That's that's basically like the mindset you're walking around. You're
an idiot, you know what I mean? So I know
Andy's an idiot. Like I actually thought of this story
that happened, Like I'm I don't know, like I hadn't
(11:33):
thought about this story in probably like ten years. But
you know, on Facebook, it tells you, hey, it's so
and so's birthday, blah blah blah. I'm still friends with
like people I went to high school with. Oh there,
and it was this girl's birthday, and I like just
immediately remember going, oh no. So there was there was
(11:54):
this guy that was like kind of in our friend group.
He was like a little too intense, you know. He
was like super bro all the time. I'm Jack, dude.
He was like Joe Rogan bro before Joe Rogan bros
were a thing, you know what I mean. And he
was just super intense and he was just like he
was kind of annoying to be around, right because sometimes
(12:15):
you just like want to chill, and he was like, hey,
I didn't. Yeah what we do next? What's the next map?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Dude?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Like Peter settled down.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
So we're at a party one time and he's talking
to this girl who it was just her birthday on
Facebook that I saw, and apparently like they just broke
up or something. We're at this party and you know,
it's kind of loud, and I guess she tells him
to like, you know, f off, like I don't want
to talk to you anymore, and so he tries to
(12:46):
round all of us up to leave this party. If
he had done it any other way, we probably would
have just you know, like, yeah, bro, just leave, like
we're having a good time. You get out of here.
But he did it in such a like sociopathic high
school way where you're just like, ah, that's kind of funny.
But when I get older, I'm gonna realize that this
(13:07):
was wrong and not okay. He just stands up, the
music cuts off, and he goes, this girl has Harry Nipples,
let's go. We were all like, what, okay, Well he
said her name and just everybody looks right at her.
It was so bad, dude, but we were all like, yeah,
(13:27):
we gotta not be at this party anymore. And we left.
And I hadn't thought about that girl or that story,
and like I said, like ten years. And then Facebook
was like, bloop, it's Harry Nipples's birthday today. So that's
so bad. I'm sorry for telling that story. That's it.
But that's like what I'm trying to say, you know,
to that crave Cookie girl, I'm like, you don't need Andy.
(13:49):
You know what I mean. Andy's being a dick. He's
not texting you back. Okay, leave him, you don't. You
don't need that. I'm practicing for when I have to
Inevita talk to my children and all the karma from
all the terrible things I did or I was around,
comes back and happens to my kids. See, this is
(14:11):
probably why I need to wait longer, you know, to
have children, because it's just like I'm not ready to
give them the fatherly advice yet. You know, I'll be like, yeah,
you know we did we did some bad shit. Well,
let me give you an anecdotal story. I'll tell you
Harry Nipples in twenty ten, and they're gonna be like, Dad,
I don't know what you're saying. It's mean, Like, yeah, what,
(14:34):
I'm a better person now. I try to be at least,
but you know, it doesn't doesn't work out all the time.
Like I still get like mad at people's happiness sometimes,
or like when people are trying to connect, like I
I gotta change my driver's license and get my new
plates for Indiana. I still haven't done it yet, which
(14:54):
is stupid. I know I'm gonna get pulled over and
get a ticket. Oh how long have you lived here?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Obviously I'm gonna lie. Oh you need to get that sorted.
You know it's illegal. Why you still have my information?
I'll tell you where I live. Why is it illegal? Well?
Because whatever, dude, I know I'm being an idiot. But
that's not the reason I need to go get my
license changed. I need to go get a change because
the liquor store by my house has one of the
(15:20):
chattiest people sitting at the front counter. She's super nice,
But I still have my North Carolina license with my
Raleigh address on there. And she lived in Raleigh for
like five years, and now she lives in you know, Fisher's, Indiana,
So she's reevaluating life choices. So I get it. But
every time I go there, she wants to talk to
(15:42):
me about Raleigh for twenty minutes. And I gotta be honest,
I have never once walked into a liquor store and
been like, I want to spend thirty five minutes in here.
I'm always going somewhere, either I'm picking up stuff to
go to a party, or I'm just had a long
ass day and I want to get my my sad
wiquid to drink and go sip my poison at home
(16:05):
by myself. And this lady's like, you remember cookout? Cookout's nice?
Where did you live off glenn Wood? Yeah? I loved
glenn Wood. We had fun times. You ever been to
a tin roof? I'm like, yes, let me go. And
then it's not even one of those like conversations where
we're going back and forth like oh, I know that place.
Do you know that place? Yeah? I know that place.
It's she's just talking and going into a monologue of
(16:27):
her time in Raleigh and I've heard it now about
four or five times, and I know she's being nice
and she just wants to connect. I'm being ay, I'm
being a bad person. This is me laughing at the
Harry Nipple situation all over again. I need to grow,
I need to get better. I'm trying. I'm trying, but well,
(16:49):
what are you gonna do? Also, I don't know I've
been in an agitated mood lately. I don't I don't
know what it is. If I'm just you know, realizing
that I'm short bald every day now, That's that's what
it is. Or I'm just running into like stupid people
like I was. I was at stand up at a
bar last week and I'm just trying to get like, Hey,
(17:15):
what's the cheapest most water tasting like beer you have
at the bart Miller White? Yeah, sure, I'll take that.
Takes two seconds for me to order, right, I cannot
stand people that treat bars like ice cream shops. It's
a bar, Okay, we're writing in pen here, it's not
a Oh and what's that flavor? Is that vanilla with sprinkles?
(17:37):
Can I try that? No? Just order some this in
the ice cream points. Man. This girl gets up to
the bar and she was like, I want some tequila.
Take kiero boca tico. What's that? Is that? Like tequila?
Fucking pick something? She did this for twenty minutes. I
know I'm sounding angry, short and bald, which I am,
but this literally went on for twenty minutes, kept asking
(17:59):
the bar about every single tequila, and the bartender he's
looking at me like your next bro. I know I
want to kill myself too. This is my thirteenth reason why.
She was like, and what's that cas case? Casamigo? So
she's just making noises with her mouth and she was like,
can you put orange juice and grenadine in it? And
(18:19):
goes like we don't have grenadine's Oh you don't have that?
While I was at a bar last week and they
had not the same bar. Make a decision, knock it
back and go sit down, dumb, dumb. She was doing
that for twenty minutes. What about a basil leaf? Oh,
you don't have that. Sorry, I'm just like a bartender
in my own head. It's a die bar, pick a
(18:40):
beer move like that. That sat with me, that interaction
of just watching someone you wanted to just go, hey,
have you ever been a person outside before? But I
kept it in, and that that anger, that grouchiness, that
hater stuck with me up until it's been a week
(19:01):
almost and I'm still thinking about how dumb that person was.
Oh man, is Joe Like I I think that says
more about me. You know, you just gotta be able
to let people go okay. Just you're never gonna see
him again. You just gotta let it go okay. I
(19:21):
like think about that person still, Like, how do you
operate through your normal life? Are you like this at work?
Do you have family and friends that put up with that?
Do you have a whole family tree of the stupidest
people on the planet?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Do you have a basil weaf?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
It is the diviest part. There's piss on the floor.
You think they got a basil leaf? Back here? Hey,
guy Fieri, pick a tiquiwa and get out of line.
I finally we got my Miller white. Though it was
it was good, tastes like water with a little bit
of alcohol in it, just like I like it. So stupid, man,
(19:57):
oh man, Mark Sanchez got stabbed. That was cool, that
happened right here. I actually like I saw, like you
just see so many ridiculous headlines scroll across your feet
all the time. I saw that. I didn't even realize
that that happened here at first, So I was just like, Okay, well,
Mark Sanchez is fallen a little bit from his uh
(20:20):
his days at USC. No, I just hit a button.
It's just still going check check, Yeah, it still works.
I'm just an idiot, my baud. I plugged my UH
charger into my computers. It was about to die, and
immediately Adobe was like, hey, we have some updates for you.
You have enough power to update. No, leave me alone.
(20:43):
If I wanted to update it, I'd have done it
being needy. Yeah, Mark Sanchez got stabbed in just the
most ridiculous way possible. I like they said he was drunk.
If you didn't hear the story, Basically, Mark Sanchez got
hammered in downtown Indianapolis before he was supposed to call
(21:04):
the Colts Raiders game on TV, which, by the way,
I don't know how you get that hammered. And then
you're like, yeah, I'm gonna get on TV. You're already
a psycho. So like two in the morning, this dude's
hammer just like running down the streets a downtown Indianapolis.
He sees some guy, some old guy by the way
driving a truck and he just parks something like to
(21:27):
drop something off. He was just, you know, like a
delivery guy doing something. He had a big truck, and
Mark Sanchez, I don't know if like the white woman
he was that drunk just like came out of him.
He was like, you can't park there. The guy was like, yeah,
I'm gonna park here. Dudes, two in the morning, take
your drunk ass home. And he like tried to get
in this guy's truck to move it. He was like,
give me the keys, I'm sober, don't move it. I
(21:48):
don't know what he was doing, and then like push
the guy, and the guy was like, all right, you're insane.
I have a knife because I'm a truck driver and
I deal with crazy people all the time. Stab stab stab,
stap stab. He stabbed Mark Sanchez. They have video him
like stumbling across the street, like walking up the sidewalk
(22:09):
after he got stabbed, with just the look of I
fucked up on his face. And then he got arrested
and they interviewed his baby mama, who was like, I'm
glad he's okay, but this behavior does not surprise me.
I was like, okay, I see why you guys aren't married.
She was like, I'm just worried about my son right now.
I was like, yeah, okay, Mark Sanchez, buff fumble guy,
(22:32):
stomach stab guy. Now that's crazy. It's just I didn't
even realize that happened here until like I you know,
somebody was like, were you hanging out with Mark Sanchez
last night? And I was like, that's a dumb thing
to said, why would I be hanging Oh it was
down this street. Oh okay, it's crazy. I've never been
drunk enough to care about how another person parked. Sober
(22:53):
I care, you know, like driving somewhere and you see
somebody parked like an asshole and you're just like, well,
what are you doing? Like I don't get out and
like help him move or fight him to the point
where I get stabbed. But he had to be on drugs. Dude.
There's no way, no way that was just alcohol unless
(23:14):
he's got something else going on in his life. Maybe
he was just at a bar and he was dealing
with basil leaf ice cream shop lady, and he was like,
you know what, I gotta I gotta write the world
next person I see fucking up, I'm gonna let him
know that this is not how we act in a society.
And he's like, hey, buddy, you can't park like that.
(23:35):
Uh all right, Maybe Mark Sanchez wasn't totally in the wrong.
I'm kidding obviously. I just I can't believe there's people
that go through life like that where they think they're
that important. He says, talking into a microphone and a
podcast that he made up. Yeah, hey, listen, everybody's a hypocrite.
What do you want from me? Man? What do you
want from me? What else?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
I just gotta say this for like, maybe the for
Cleveland Browns fans that may be listening to this. Every
time Baker Mayfield has a good game, you don't need
to talk about him like he's an ex girlfriend that
you'll let get away. It's so annoying, like being a
Browns fan, like we suck. Okay, was Baker being an
(24:20):
asshole and he was being stubborn on his way out
of Cleveland. Absolutely, people forget that Baker was hurt. He
couldn't his left shoulder was messed up so bad. He
couldn't make a turn rolling left to throw. His accuracy
was all messed up. So he's bad. He should have
sat out, but he was in a contract year and
somebody in his family was stealing money from him, and
(24:40):
so his uh management team was like, no, you need
to go out and play, show that you're good. Get
the biggest contract of all time. We need money. He
got jerked around a little bit. So he went out
there and he was terrible, and everybody was like, bro
sit out, and he's like, nope, I can go out there.
I can play. I don't know, like how the coach
didn't sit him down. Stefans game be like, you're not playing.
(25:02):
I don't know if that's like the owner was like, no,
my first round draft picks are gonna play type thing,
which not completely you know, out of the realm of possibility,
knowing Jimmy has one, but Kevin Stefanski literally just every
other play would have Baker roll out to his left
to show him that he couldn't play. You know, it
was terrible season. And then you know, Baker leaves Ego shattered,
(25:27):
goes to the Panthers. He's on the scout team, he's
being a defensive end. They cut him, goes to the
Raider or the Rams. I think it was against the Raiders.
Last chance saved the career. You know, goes down, does
Baker things awesome? You just root for the guy. Okay,
it wasn't working out here because he needed to. Okay,
(25:49):
I failed. I got to reevaluate. Then I'll get back
up to the top of the mountain. That's what happens.
It wasn't gonna happen here. And Browns fans every time
Baker has a good game, which by he's looking like
an MVP right now, just making ridiculously silly plays, like
against forty nine Ers, who was like third nineteen. He scrambled, juke,
somebody out stiff arm, somebody reached the ball across, got
(26:12):
the first incredible play. Dude's balling. You just gotta go, hey,
I like watching that guy play football. I know he's
not on my team, but that's Okay, it didn't work
out here. Every Browns fan I know he's like, yeah,
we went Baker go. He's the best thing that ever
happened to us. No, I'm not gonna get over it.
Stop talking about Baker the same way he talked about
(26:33):
Lebron when he left. It's okay, it's not happening that way.
It might happen a different way. You never know. All right,
let's uh, let's get to your headline of the week
and then uh get the interview with Uncle Wazer and
get out of here. Uh, this is a crazy one.
Most Americans would consider a sponsored wedding to save money.
(26:58):
Six and ten Americans would consider a brand sponsored wedding.
Brands must cover about two thirds of the costs to
be included. One in three would invite a mascot. One
in six would wear a logo. Yeah, hey, why don't
we just bring the prices of everything down? Has anybody
thought about that? Now? We're just gonna keep jacking the
price up till nobody can afford anything. Do you take
(27:24):
your dearly beloved to love you? In Sickness and Health
sponsored by Hymns. If your dick doesn't work, will you
still love him if his hair falls out when he
gets fat sponsored bi ozempic. Like, what are we doing?
It's not even funny anymore, you know. Like everybody always
used to joke because NASCAR used to put the sponsors
(27:46):
all over the cars, and then the first time like
sponsor logo appeared on like an NFL jersey or a
basketball jersey or baseball jersey, people would be like, Oh,
what's next. We're just gonna be like nascars. Uh, it's good.
Were a bunch of stickers on the jersey. That's dumb.
Now everybody's like, ooh, look Bumble is on my team.
That's cool. Oh I can't afford this wedding, but fucking
(28:11):
guy Code's gonna sponsor it. What what are we doing?
At what point do we say enough? That's like I
keep telling like my conspiracy theory friends, They're like, dude, what,
like what what does all this stuff mean? Like? What
what do you think the end? End goal is all
this evil all these evil things that are happening, Dude,
it's just to get as much data from us as
(28:36):
possible so that they can sell that data to whatever store,
whatever company, so they can sell us as much stuff
as possible and squeeze every single bit of money out
of us, and they get us in debt because we
keep buying the things, and things are so expensive, so
we have to keep working to buy the things and
afford the things. And we don't ever own anything, we're
(28:57):
just renting it. And they basically have us hooked up
to a feeding to, but it doesn't work the way
of feeding to. It's a backwards feeding to, and we
just keep giving them money. Well, that was a nice
happy thought to end on. Nick. Yeah, I know. Sorry
the tequila lady pissed me off a week ago. I'm
still thinking about it. That's okay. Just like you know,
(29:21):
like be nice to people every once in a while,
if you if you get the chance, try and be
nice to people. You know, like if you go up
to a dive bar, order a beer and fuck off,
you know, you don't need to ask for some big cocktail,
just get out of the way. That's that's it, all right,
Let's get into this interview with comedian Uncle Lazer. What's
(29:45):
going on, bro, just.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
You know, out of here doing the lord's work, single
mother at a time.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
That's what's up.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Man.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
We got to tell everybody to hide their moms. This Thursday,
you're gonna be at a Helium comedy club for one
night and then you're gonna be up in Fort Wayne.
Where you're gonna be at in Fort Wayne? Summit coming
to commit Yeah, Summit City up there.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
You it's a fine establishment.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
The best dude. You're making a little Indiana run. So
you got a bunch of places that you can go
see Uncle Wayser this week? What for the people who
know you, they know what they're getting into. To the
people who don't, do you want to warn them? Do
you want to give them any kind of heads up?
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Well?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
What are we getting into at Uncle Waser show?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
I mean, listen, come hell or high water. I mean,
if your mother is coming, make sure she's fully insured
because them hips will be thrusted.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
It's it's next level. I'm just listen. I'm just a
simple guy with a simple dream and I just want
to hold your mother's hands.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
See, all the moms in Indiana are gonna get treated
nice this weekend. That's what's up, bro. So I saw
it apart from stand up, I was looking at your Instagram.
Do you have like a a show coming out with
barstool or is it a skit the therapy thing.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Oh no, it's a yeah. A good friend of mine
because he's country artist, mister John Wolf, is releasing he
has a song called Barstool Therapy and he's like, man,
I wrote this part for this music video for you,
and he's like, just be you and they just let
me go and yeah, it turned out real good. I
think it's actually the Watch parties in Nashville the following weekend,
so that'll be pretty cool. That's be coming out suiting.
(31:20):
It's John Wolf. Yeah, it was a lot of fun.
The music videos are fun.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Dude, that's what's up. So, like you just got to
go have a good time at a bar and they
filmed you.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Yeah, basically Riley's Tavern down there in Saint Marc's, Texas,
where I kind of stay. It's just like one of
the oldest honky tonks in Texas there, and they're like, yeah,
we've just got this concept where I had to be
like a therapy session and then he like writes me
a prescription and I thought it was viagro. That turns
out he just got to go to a bar and
just hit on a couple old old hags and just live,
you know, live right by the lord.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
That's what's up man? Yeah, Like when I first read
the description, I was like, is barstool Sports like doing
a therapy side of their business and they're making you
the front man? I was that's cool, But the music
video makes a lot more sense. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Yeah, so I don't that'll be a good time. It
was like I said, I don't really say note anything.
So they're like, hey, we got this park for you.
I said, shit, I'm on the way. You know what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
All right? So I got to ask, because you know,
you're a famous comedian, you get to tour all over
the country. You don't say no to anything. Like what's
what's like the coolest thing you've gotten to do where
you're like, oh, dude, this is a long way from
the oil field man.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
That's a that's a really good question.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Like do you ever have a moment where do you
kind of just stop and go do what I'm doing? No?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
I do?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
I do?
Speaker 3 (32:36):
This is some kind of it's kind of heart felt
and gay, but it's kind of it's warming and I
like that. So the other night there was a girl,
uh she grows five hours to come to my show,
and I'm like, oh, well, that's you know, it's a
long preck But I was like, and I found out
later that I would be in her town, like just
a week later. I was like, why didn't you just wait?
She's like, well, I have to go out to work.
I wouldn't be there. And I was like, well, man,
(32:57):
it's a long way to drive. She goes, yeah, but
I wouldn't miss it for the world. She said that
when or He was in the hospital and he was dying. Uh,
they watched my videos on TikTok and Instagram. As she said,
it was the last couple of moments I had with
him where I was truly happy. And I said that
right there, that feeling right there. It's better than money
if I can make your day just a tad bit
better by making you smile, but money can't buy that.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Well, that's that's like what it's all about.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I mean, money's cool, obviously, but yeah, you got.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
To yea, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, it keeps
the lights on, that's nice. But yeah, dude, at the
end of the day, it's just people helping people through
just pass broken traumas and I can get down on that.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
That's uh. That had to be one of those moments
where she told you that and you kind of got
like one tear in your eye and you had to
turn away. You like, no, not crying, dude, That's that's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
I cried like a baby and then made sweet love
all night. It was it was quite. It was quite
the fiasco.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
That is a beautiful story right there. They can make
a kid's book about that one. Man, is there? Is
there anything else you want to promote before I'll let
you get out of here?
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Man, on Sunday there, I'm in Louisville. But are the
Colts playing on Sunday in Indianapolis?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
No, they're out in Lay, So you got no competition.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Man, Oh okay, well I wanted to tailgate. They're a
pregame and then just drive to Louisville. But uh, yeah no, man,
I mean look, just check me out Uncle Laser everywhere.
Got some movie stuff coming out of Western all kinds
of stuff. But yeah, just hey, buy your tickets, bring
your mom, tell her I'm miss her. Touch We'll take
a picture. You can put it on a refrigerator if
you want. I don't care.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
There you go, bro and if you uh come back
through Indy uh on your way back down to Loouisville. Uh,
the Slippery Noodle is the bar you want to go
to if you want to watch Colts game tailgate a
little bit before you go to Wouisville and there will
be single mothers in there, so you'll be all good.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Slippery noodle. That's that sounds like.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Me honestly where you need to goredible perfect man. All right,
have it go on, bro, go murder this week.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Appreciate your buck, y'all. Pivioty's not Mexico money money, money
money
I speaking that that should not have made it to
the rest of us. Inside Thoughts check check check one,
two three.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
We're live, baby, Welcome back to Inside Thoughts. I hope
you're having a good week. I got a good interview
for you at the end of the podcast with comedian
Uncle Laser. He's uh, he's a character dude, He's a
funny guy. So yeah, I got that for you at
the end. But I hope you're having a good week.
Sorry for skipping a week on the podcast. Work's been
(00:38):
beating my ass, dude, just plain and simple. And it's
not even like, uh, well, I don't know how to
do the job. I just don't have time to do
all the things of the job sometimes and like you know,
burning both ends of the candle trying to you know,
work and then go do stand up at night. And
(01:00):
then I also have to pay attention to my girlfriend
so that she doesn't leave me. And I got to
try and wake up early and go to the gym,
like sometimes, you know, you just you run out of
time in the week. And so I was like, should
I go home and do the podcast in front of
my girlfriend or should I go with a nice, mindful
(01:22):
walk with my girlfriend and have fun. So you know,
I I chose my girlfriend over you guys. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, but it was the right decision because fuck
you guys. You know, like, what are you doing for me? Nothing? No,
I'm kidding. Just you know, I gotta There will be
(01:42):
sometimes like where I'm working all day because like I'll
wake up, go to the gym and then immediately go
to work and be out until like you know, I'll
be working till like six and then I've cut it down.
But there's like three days a week where I go
do stand up where I'm basically just out of the
house all day, and then Amy goes to sleep like
(02:05):
you know, at nine nine thirty because she's a healthy person.
So there would be times where like we don't see
each other and I feel bad. So I was like,
you know what, I just there are some things you
got to cut out. You gotta make sacrifices. God damn it.
Well been having a good week. It's just you know,
it's been busy. Last week, me and Amy went up
(02:27):
to Chicago for work. We went to see a country
concert Jordan Davis Mitchell Tenpenny. They were super cool and
Amy was in the in the radio room, like they
always have alcohol, you know what I mean. And Amy's big,
you know, wine drinker, but they don't have wine in
a radio room. That's not very like, hell yeah, let's
(02:50):
listen to some music. That's more and what happened at
work today? You know, So they have liquor or beer,
those are the two options. She don't really you know,
like beers. She was drinking wicker we we got up there,
we hadn't really eaten all day, and she was knocking
them back and I was like, hey, you know, she
probably chill out. She was like, don't call me a pussy.
(03:12):
I was like, Okay, drink and see what happens. We
got like midway through Jordan Davis's set, he was the headliner,
and you know they have like at the concert, they
got like the backdrop where they're doing whatever kind of
theme the country singer wants. And Jordan Davis's theme was
going down this windy road in his truck and he
(03:34):
starts going, I think I'm trunk. The back truck's making
me dizzy. I was like, all right, we can get
out here. I've been here long enough. So we went home.
She she had a rough morning, and then we had
to wake up and drive back to Indy cause the
country station here that I worked for, Hank was having
(03:57):
their twentieth birthday bash, so we had to go to that,
and you know, I was drinking some beers watching Notre
Dame whoop up on NC State. That was fun. And
then the next day we woke up and I had
to work for the like pop station B one O
five point seven do like we do stuff with the Colts,
(04:21):
the football team, so like we have a tailgate before
and then they'll give you tickets to go to the
game like for working it. So we're up early. Amy's
just like dragging. I'm starting to drag, but like you know,
it's ten am. I'm like, fuck it, I gotta keep going.
We're gonna have a beer and so I'm getting into
like that Sunday football tailgate energy. And Ames was super
(04:42):
excited because she had never been to an NFL football
game before, like took her to see Notre Dame Texas
A and M. She had seen Duke Clemson before, which
you know, that's like basically like high school shit compared
to Notre Dame Texas A and M. Like we went
to the college football mecca basically, and she was like, oh, okay,
I like this. I was like, yeah, all right, well
(05:02):
we're gonna go to an NFL game and go into
the NFL stadium and it is gonna be some life
changing shit. She was like, oh, I don't think so.
And I was like, oh, think show. So Lucas Oil
Stadium where the Colts play, it kind of looks like,
you know, a nothing building. From the outside, it's just
like this big brick looking structure. Edifice is that right?
(05:24):
Not oedipice edifice At the It's a big building made
out of bricks. It just says Lucas Oil Stadium on it.
Not very impressive. So we drive by it all the
time and I'm like, that's where the Colts play, you know,
just being a taiwan All American, like the Colts play
right there. She's like, yeah, okay, cool, never cared about it.
We walk in and Lucas Oil was like one of
(05:46):
the first newer stadiums that got built. So it's just
one of these like super arenas where it's like, Okay,
this is this is our Roman Empire shit right here,
this is our Colisseum NFL football whoa so we walk
in and it just opens up and it looks so cool,
and it was a nice sunny day. They opened the
roof up and we had some super nice seats. Amy
(06:08):
was looking around like, I'll think I'll look NFL football.
I was like, yes, I bet you do. We're gonna
be coming all the time. The only difference is we're
gonna be sitting up in the nosebleeds when I'm paying
for them. That's the only thing that stinks about Uh, well,
not stinks, but just like you know when work gives
you something that the company has a much bigger bank
(06:31):
account than me. So they're like, yeah, these are our
these are our club level seats. You'll be down close
to the fifty yard line, have a nice time. We
looked up how much they were. I was like, oh shit,
oh shit, these some nice seats. I'm never sitting here again. Hey, Ames,
take mental pictures because we will never be this close again.
And like we even had you know, like normally you
(06:54):
go to a game, you're sitting in like the plastic chairs.
We had. We had like cushions on our chairs. It
was like flying first class. It was beautiful, and you know,
I'm a couple of beers deep, and this guy and
his wife, you know, about five minutes into the first
quarter come and sit down next to us, and I
just go, hey, how's it going? You know, don't really
(07:15):
look at him that much, and I like do a
double take, and I'm like, oh no, this is this
is like the vice president of the company sitting right
next to me. I was like, oh fuck, I gotta
act not drunk on a football Sunday. I turned to
Amy and she starts laughing. She's like, you a bit uncomfortable.
I was like, yeah, I gotta walk in dude. He
(07:37):
ended up being super cool though, So it was fun.
But it was just like a long week of bouncing
back and forth and doing stuff. And then you know,
you wake up Monday after drinking sixty to seventy beers
over the weekend, and you're like, sandy water did not
make it to the gym Monday. Went to the gym
(07:57):
this morning, though, got back to it, had some beef
and rice for lunch with some fruit. Back to it, man,
gotta shake it off. Probably gained a few pounds, but well,
what are you gonna do. It was a fun weekend.
It was just it was busy. I was cracking up though,
so I think it was the night before Thursday, night
(08:20):
before we went to Chicago. We were just like, oh,
let's eat out, Like I don't feel like cooking. We're
going out of town. We're basically gonna be gone the
whole weekend anyway, We're not going to the store. So
we got some food and then we stopped at this
cookie place next to our apartments called Crave Cookies, Super
Good Cookies. And I think it's like Mormon or something,
(08:43):
so like they hire like all these high schoolers to
work in it, and they're like, would you like us
to combine all of your sodas together in the name
of Jesus, Like no, I just I'll take a cookie,
Thank you, Joseph Smith. And when you walk in, like
if you open the door of bell rings, you know,
(09:04):
and there was like it was kind of wait. There
was only like, you know, two high school girls working
in there, and like I walked in as somebody was
walking out, so they turned their backs to workers and
didn't hear me walk in. And as soon as like
the door shut, this one girl goes Andy, just text
(09:25):
me back please, And I started cracking up, laughing and
the other girl turns around and sees that I just
saw what happened, and she starts dying laughing. And I
felt bad because the girl that said it, you know,
she's already going through a lot. Andy's not texting her back,
being a dick. By the way Andy text her back,
she was very nice, got me a cookie. She turns around,
(09:48):
just like tears welling up in her eyes, like can
I get you sir? Just having the worst day of
her life. And I was like, can I have a
centimon cookie? Please'mna take my fat fucking ass home, have
a nice wife. It gets better. Sometimes I felt so bad, man,
because you know, like when you're in like that well
(10:10):
high school age, everything is the biggest deal of all time.
And she's like, you know, I thought things for going
good with me and Andy, and I don't know. I
just said, am I working too much? He's not texting
me back. He's probably playing call of duty, you know,
Like that's what I wanted to tell her, but I
just I didn't want to invest any time. I was like,
(10:30):
you know what this is, it is bigger than me.
I'm gonna take my cookie, I'm gonna leave hope. Andy
text you back. I didn't say that obviously, because I'm
not a dick, but you know, I just was like,
thank you. I walked out, and yeah, she probably had
a tough night. I hope Andy. Andy had Andy texted
her back, because you know, it would be mean not to,
(10:51):
even though you know, you think back to the terrible
things that you've done, and like a middle and high
school age boy, we're just bad people, you know, Like
when you're that age, you're so Yeah, I'm just trying
to be cool. I don't care who it affects. I'm
(11:13):
just gonna do what I gotta do to have like
the most epic moment of all time all the time. Dude.
That's that's basically like the mindset you're walking around. You're
an idiot, you know what I mean? So I know
Andy's an idiot. Like I actually thought of this story
that happened, Like I'm I don't know, like I hadn't
(11:33):
thought about this story in probably like ten years. But
you know, on Facebook, it tells you, hey, it's so
and so's birthday, blah blah blah. I'm still friends with
like people I went to high school with. Oh there,
and it was this girl's birthday, and I like just
immediately remember going, oh no. So there was there was
(11:54):
this guy that was like kind of in our friend group.
He was like a little too intense, you know. He
was like super bro all the time. I'm Jack, dude.
He was like Joe Rogan bro before Joe Rogan bros
were a thing, you know what I mean. And he
was just super intense and he was just like he
was kind of annoying to be around, right because sometimes
(12:15):
you just like want to chill, and he was like, hey,
I didn't. Yeah what we do next? What's the next map?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Dude?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Like Peter settled down.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Bro.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
So we're at a party one time and he's talking
to this girl who it was just her birthday on
Facebook that I saw, and apparently like they just broke
up or something. We're at this party and you know,
it's kind of loud, and I guess she tells him
to like, you know, f off, like I don't want
to talk to you anymore, and so he tries to
(12:46):
round all of us up to leave this party. If
he had done it any other way, we probably would
have just you know, like, yeah, bro, just leave, like
we're having a good time. You get out of here.
But he did it in such a like sociopathic high
school way where you're just like, ah, that's kind of funny.
But when I get older, I'm gonna realize that this
(13:07):
was wrong and not okay. He just stands up, the
music cuts off, and he goes, this girl has Harry Nipples,
let's go. We were all like, what, okay, Well he
said her name and just everybody looks right at her.
It was so bad, dude, but we were all like, yeah,
(13:27):
we gotta not be at this party anymore. And we left.
And I hadn't thought about that girl or that story,
and like I said, like ten years. And then Facebook
was like, bloop, it's Harry Nipples's birthday today. So that's
so bad. I'm sorry for telling that story. That's it.
But that's like what I'm trying to say, you know,
to that crave Cookie girl, I'm like, you don't need Andy.
(13:49):
You know what I mean. Andy's being a dick. He's
not texting you back. Okay, leave him, you don't. You
don't need that. I'm practicing for when I have to
Inevita talk to my children and all the karma from
all the terrible things I did or I was around,
comes back and happens to my kids. See, this is
(14:11):
probably why I need to wait longer, you know, to
have children, because it's just like I'm not ready to
give them the fatherly advice yet. You know, I'll be like, yeah,
you know we did we did some bad shit. Well,
let me give you an anecdotal story. I'll tell you
Harry Nipples in twenty ten, and they're gonna be like, Dad,
I don't know what you're saying. It's mean, Like, yeah, what,
(14:34):
I'm a better person now. I try to be at least,
but you know, it doesn't doesn't work out all the time.
Like I still get like mad at people's happiness sometimes,
or like when people are trying to connect, like I
I gotta change my driver's license and get my new
plates for Indiana. I still haven't done it yet, which
(14:54):
is stupid. I know I'm gonna get pulled over and
get a ticket. Oh how long have you lived here?
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Obviously I'm gonna lie. Oh you need to get that sorted.
You know it's illegal. Why you still have my information?
I'll tell you where I live. Why is it illegal? Well?
Because whatever, dude, I know I'm being an idiot. But
that's not the reason I need to go get my
license changed. I need to go get a change because
the liquor store by my house has one of the
(15:20):
chattiest people sitting at the front counter. She's super nice,
But I still have my North Carolina license with my
Raleigh address on there. And she lived in Raleigh for
like five years, and now she lives in you know, Fisher's, Indiana,
So she's reevaluating life choices. So I get it. But
every time I go there, she wants to talk to
(15:42):
me about Raleigh for twenty minutes. And I gotta be honest,
I have never once walked into a liquor store and
been like, I want to spend thirty five minutes in here.
I'm always going somewhere, either I'm picking up stuff to
go to a party, or I'm just had a long
ass day and I want to get my my sad
wiquid to drink and go sip my poison at home
(16:05):
by myself. And this lady's like, you remember cookout? Cookout's nice?
Where did you live off glenn Wood? Yeah? I loved
glenn Wood. We had fun times. You ever been to
a tin roof? I'm like, yes, let me go. And
then it's not even one of those like conversations where
we're going back and forth like oh, I know that place.
Do you know that place? Yeah? I know that place.
It's she's just talking and going into a monologue of
(16:27):
her time in Raleigh and I've heard it now about
four or five times, and I know she's being nice
and she just wants to connect. I'm being ay, I'm
being a bad person. This is me laughing at the
Harry Nipple situation all over again. I need to grow,
I need to get better. I'm trying. I'm trying, but well,
(16:49):
what are you gonna do? Also, I don't know I've
been in an agitated mood lately. I don't I don't
know what it is. If I'm just you know, realizing
that I'm short bald every day now, That's that's what
it is. Or I'm just running into like stupid people
like I was. I was at stand up at a
bar last week and I'm just trying to get like, Hey,
(17:15):
what's the cheapest most water tasting like beer you have
at the bart Miller White? Yeah, sure, I'll take that.
Takes two seconds for me to order, right, I cannot
stand people that treat bars like ice cream shops. It's
a bar, Okay, we're writing in pen here, it's not
a Oh and what's that flavor? Is that vanilla with sprinkles?
(17:37):
Can I try that? No? Just order some this in
the ice cream points. Man. This girl gets up to
the bar and she was like, I want some tequila.
Take kiero boca tico. What's that? Is that? Like tequila?
Fucking pick something? She did this for twenty minutes. I
know I'm sounding angry, short and bald, which I am,
but this literally went on for twenty minutes, kept asking
(17:59):
the bar about every single tequila, and the bartender he's
looking at me like your next bro. I know I
want to kill myself too. This is my thirteenth reason why.
She was like, and what's that cas case? Casamigo? So
she's just making noises with her mouth and she was like,
can you put orange juice and grenadine in it? And
(18:19):
goes like we don't have grenadine's Oh you don't have that?
While I was at a bar last week and they
had not the same bar. Make a decision, knock it
back and go sit down, dumb, dumb. She was doing
that for twenty minutes. What about a basil leaf? Oh,
you don't have that. Sorry, I'm just like a bartender
in my own head. It's a die bar, pick a
(18:40):
beer move like that. That sat with me, that interaction
of just watching someone you wanted to just go, hey,
have you ever been a person outside before? But I
kept it in, and that that anger, that grouchiness, that
hater stuck with me up until it's been a week
(19:01):
almost and I'm still thinking about how dumb that person was.
Oh man, is Joe Like I I think that says
more about me. You know, you just gotta be able
to let people go okay. Just you're never gonna see
him again. You just gotta let it go okay. I
(19:21):
like think about that person still, Like, how do you
operate through your normal life? Are you like this at work?
Do you have family and friends that put up with that?
Do you have a whole family tree of the stupidest
people on the planet?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Do you have a basil weaf?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
It is the diviest part. There's piss on the floor.
You think they got a basil leaf? Back here? Hey,
guy Fieri, pick a tiquiwa and get out of line.
I finally we got my Miller white. Though it was
it was good, tastes like water with a little bit
of alcohol in it, just like I like it. So stupid, man,
(19:57):
oh man, Mark Sanchez got stabbed. That was cool, that
happened right here. I actually like I saw, like you
just see so many ridiculous headlines scroll across your feet
all the time. I saw that. I didn't even realize
that that happened here at first, So I was just like, Okay, well,
Mark Sanchez is fallen a little bit from his uh
(20:20):
his days at USC. No, I just hit a button.
It's just still going check check, Yeah, it still works.
I'm just an idiot, my baud. I plugged my UH
charger into my computers. It was about to die, and
immediately Adobe was like, hey, we have some updates for you.
You have enough power to update. No, leave me alone.
(20:43):
If I wanted to update it, I'd have done it
being needy. Yeah, Mark Sanchez got stabbed in just the
most ridiculous way possible. I like they said he was drunk.
If you didn't hear the story, Basically, Mark Sanchez got
hammered in downtown Indianapolis before he was supposed to call
(21:04):
the Colts Raiders game on TV, which, by the way,
I don't know how you get that hammered. And then
you're like, yeah, I'm gonna get on TV. You're already
a psycho. So like two in the morning, this dude's
hammer just like running down the streets a downtown Indianapolis.
He sees some guy, some old guy by the way
driving a truck and he just parks something like to
(21:27):
drop something off. He was just, you know, like a
delivery guy doing something. He had a big truck, and
Mark Sanchez, I don't know if like the white woman
he was that drunk just like came out of him.
He was like, you can't park there. The guy was like, yeah,
I'm gonna park here. Dudes, two in the morning, take
your drunk ass home. And he like tried to get
in this guy's truck to move it. He was like,
give me the keys, I'm sober, don't move it. I
(21:48):
don't know what he was doing, and then like push
the guy, and the guy was like, all right, you're insane.
I have a knife because I'm a truck driver and
I deal with crazy people all the time. Stab stab stab,
stap stab. He stabbed Mark Sanchez. They have video him
like stumbling across the street, like walking up the sidewalk
(22:09):
after he got stabbed, with just the look of I
fucked up on his face. And then he got arrested
and they interviewed his baby mama, who was like, I'm
glad he's okay, but this behavior does not surprise me.
I was like, okay, I see why you guys aren't married.
She was like, I'm just worried about my son right now.
I was like, yeah, okay, Mark Sanchez, buff fumble guy,
(22:32):
stomach stab guy. Now that's crazy. It's just I didn't
even realize that happened here until like I you know,
somebody was like, were you hanging out with Mark Sanchez
last night? And I was like, that's a dumb thing
to said, why would I be hanging Oh it was
down this street. Oh okay, it's crazy. I've never been
drunk enough to care about how another person parked. Sober
(22:53):
I care, you know, like driving somewhere and you see
somebody parked like an asshole and you're just like, well,
what are you doing? Like I don't get out and
like help him move or fight him to the point
where I get stabbed. But he had to be on drugs. Dude.
There's no way, no way that was just alcohol unless
(23:14):
he's got something else going on in his life. Maybe
he was just at a bar and he was dealing
with basil leaf ice cream shop lady, and he was like,
you know what, I gotta I gotta write the world
next person I see fucking up, I'm gonna let him
know that this is not how we act in a society.
And he's like, hey, buddy, you can't park like that.
(23:35):
Uh all right, Maybe Mark Sanchez wasn't totally in the wrong.
I'm kidding obviously. I just I can't believe there's people
that go through life like that where they think they're
that important. He says, talking into a microphone and a
podcast that he made up. Yeah, hey, listen, everybody's a hypocrite.
What do you want from me? Man? What do you
want from me? What else?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (23:59):
I just gotta say this for like, maybe the for
Cleveland Browns fans that may be listening to this. Every
time Baker Mayfield has a good game, you don't need
to talk about him like he's an ex girlfriend that
you'll let get away. It's so annoying, like being a
Browns fan, like we suck. Okay, was Baker being an
(24:20):
asshole and he was being stubborn on his way out
of Cleveland. Absolutely, people forget that Baker was hurt. He
couldn't his left shoulder was messed up so bad. He
couldn't make a turn rolling left to throw. His accuracy
was all messed up. So he's bad. He should have
sat out, but he was in a contract year and
somebody in his family was stealing money from him, and
(24:40):
so his uh management team was like, no, you need
to go out and play, show that you're good. Get
the biggest contract of all time. We need money. He
got jerked around a little bit. So he went out
there and he was terrible, and everybody was like, bro
sit out, and he's like, nope, I can go out there.
I can play. I don't know, like how the coach
didn't sit him down. Stefans game be like, you're not playing.
(25:02):
I don't know if that's like the owner was like, no,
my first round draft picks are gonna play type thing,
which not completely you know, out of the realm of possibility,
knowing Jimmy has one, but Kevin Stefanski literally just every
other play would have Baker roll out to his left
to show him that he couldn't play. You know, it
was terrible season. And then you know, Baker leaves Ego shattered,
(25:27):
goes to the Panthers. He's on the scout team, he's
being a defensive end. They cut him, goes to the
Raider or the Rams. I think it was against the Raiders.
Last chance saved the career. You know, goes down, does
Baker things awesome? You just root for the guy. Okay,
it wasn't working out here because he needed to. Okay,
(25:49):
I failed. I got to reevaluate. Then I'll get back
up to the top of the mountain. That's what happens.
It wasn't gonna happen here. And Browns fans every time
Baker has a good game, which by he's looking like
an MVP right now, just making ridiculously silly plays, like
against forty nine Ers, who was like third nineteen. He scrambled, juke,
somebody out stiff arm, somebody reached the ball across, got
(26:12):
the first incredible play. Dude's balling. You just gotta go, hey,
I like watching that guy play football. I know he's
not on my team, but that's Okay, it didn't work
out here. Every Browns fan I know he's like, yeah,
we went Baker go. He's the best thing that ever
happened to us. No, I'm not gonna get over it.
Stop talking about Baker the same way he talked about
(26:33):
Lebron when he left. It's okay, it's not happening that way.
It might happen a different way. You never know. All right,
let's uh, let's get to your headline of the week
and then uh get the interview with Uncle Wazer and
get out of here. Uh, this is a crazy one.
Most Americans would consider a sponsored wedding to save money.
(26:58):
Six and ten Americans would consider a brand sponsored wedding.
Brands must cover about two thirds of the costs to
be included. One in three would invite a mascot. One
in six would wear a logo. Yeah, hey, why don't
we just bring the prices of everything down? Has anybody
thought about that? Now? We're just gonna keep jacking the
price up till nobody can afford anything. Do you take
(27:24):
your dearly beloved to love you? In Sickness and Health
sponsored by Hymns. If your dick doesn't work, will you
still love him if his hair falls out when he
gets fat sponsored bi ozempic. Like, what are we doing?
It's not even funny anymore, you know. Like everybody always
used to joke because NASCAR used to put the sponsors
(27:46):
all over the cars, and then the first time like
sponsor logo appeared on like an NFL jersey or a
basketball jersey or baseball jersey, people would be like, Oh,
what's next. We're just gonna be like nascars. Uh, it's good.
Were a bunch of stickers on the jersey. That's dumb.
Now everybody's like, ooh, look Bumble is on my team.
That's cool. Oh I can't afford this wedding, but fucking
(28:11):
guy Code's gonna sponsor it. What what are we doing?
At what point do we say enough? That's like I
keep telling like my conspiracy theory friends, They're like, dude, what,
like what what does all this stuff mean? Like? What
what do you think the end? End goal is all
this evil all these evil things that are happening, Dude,
it's just to get as much data from us as
(28:36):
possible so that they can sell that data to whatever store,
whatever company, so they can sell us as much stuff
as possible and squeeze every single bit of money out
of us, and they get us in debt because we
keep buying the things, and things are so expensive, so
we have to keep working to buy the things and
afford the things. And we don't ever own anything, we're
(28:57):
just renting it. And they basically have us hooked up
to a feeding to, but it doesn't work the way
of feeding to. It's a backwards feeding to, and we
just keep giving them money. Well, that was a nice
happy thought to end on. Nick. Yeah, I know. Sorry
the tequila lady pissed me off a week ago. I'm
still thinking about it. That's okay. Just like you know,
(29:21):
like be nice to people every once in a while,
if you if you get the chance, try and be
nice to people. You know, like if you go up
to a dive bar, order a beer and fuck off,
you know, you don't need to ask for some big cocktail,
just get out of the way. That's that's it, all right,
Let's get into this interview with comedian Uncle Lazer. What's
(29:45):
going on, bro, just.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
You know, out of here doing the lord's work, single
mother at a time.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
That's what's up.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Man.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
We got to tell everybody to hide their moms. This Thursday,
you're gonna be at a Helium comedy club for one
night and then you're gonna be up in Fort Wayne.
Where you're gonna be at in Fort Wayne? Summit coming
to commit Yeah, Summit City up there.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
You it's a fine establishment.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
The best dude. You're making a little Indiana run. So
you got a bunch of places that you can go
see Uncle Wayser this week? What for the people who
know you, they know what they're getting into. To the
people who don't, do you want to warn them? Do
you want to give them any kind of heads up?
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Well?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
What are we getting into at Uncle Waser show?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
I mean, listen, come hell or high water. I mean,
if your mother is coming, make sure she's fully insured
because them hips will be thrusted.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
It's it's next level. I'm just listen. I'm just a
simple guy with a simple dream and I just want
to hold your mother's hands.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
See, all the moms in Indiana are gonna get treated
nice this weekend. That's what's up, bro. So I saw
it apart from stand up, I was looking at your Instagram.
Do you have like a a show coming out with
barstool or is it a skit the therapy thing.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Oh no, it's a yeah. A good friend of mine
because he's country artist, mister John Wolf, is releasing he
has a song called Barstool Therapy and he's like, man,
I wrote this part for this music video for you,
and he's like, just be you and they just let
me go and yeah, it turned out real good. I
think it's actually the Watch parties in Nashville the following weekend,
so that'll be pretty cool. That's be coming out suiting.
(31:20):
It's John Wolf. Yeah, it was a lot of fun.
The music videos are fun.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Dude, that's what's up. So, like you just got to
go have a good time at a bar and they
filmed you.
Speaker 3 (31:30):
Yeah, basically Riley's Tavern down there in Saint Marc's, Texas,
where I kind of stay. It's just like one of
the oldest honky tonks in Texas there, and they're like, yeah,
we've just got this concept where I had to be
like a therapy session and then he like writes me
a prescription and I thought it was viagro. That turns
out he just got to go to a bar and
just hit on a couple old old hags and just live,
you know, live right by the lord.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
That's what's up man? Yeah, Like when I first read
the description, I was like, is barstool Sports like doing
a therapy side of their business and they're making you
the front man? I was that's cool, But the music
video makes a lot more sense. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Yeah, so I don't that'll be a good time. It
was like I said, I don't really say note anything.
So they're like, hey, we got this park for you.
I said, shit, I'm on the way. You know what
I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
All right? So I got to ask, because you know,
you're a famous comedian, you get to tour all over
the country. You don't say no to anything. Like what's
what's like the coolest thing you've gotten to do where
you're like, oh, dude, this is a long way from
the oil field man.
Speaker 3 (32:28):
That's a that's a really good question.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Like do you ever have a moment where do you
kind of just stop and go do what I'm doing? No?
Speaker 3 (32:34):
I do?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
I do?
Speaker 3 (32:36):
This is some kind of it's kind of heart felt
and gay, but it's kind of it's warming and I
like that. So the other night there was a girl,
uh she grows five hours to come to my show,
and I'm like, oh, well, that's you know, it's a
long preck But I was like, and I found out
later that I would be in her town, like just
a week later. I was like, why didn't you just wait?
She's like, well, I have to go out to work.
I wouldn't be there. And I was like, well, man,
(32:57):
it's a long way to drive. She goes, yeah, but
I wouldn't miss it for the world. She said that
when or He was in the hospital and he was dying. Uh,
they watched my videos on TikTok and Instagram. As she said,
it was the last couple of moments I had with
him where I was truly happy. And I said that
right there, that feeling right there. It's better than money
if I can make your day just a tad bit
better by making you smile, but money can't buy that.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Well, that's that's like what it's all about.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
I mean, money's cool, obviously, but yeah, you got.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
To yea, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, it keeps
the lights on, that's nice. But yeah, dude, at the
end of the day, it's just people helping people through
just pass broken traumas and I can get down on that.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
That's uh. That had to be one of those moments
where she told you that and you kind of got
like one tear in your eye and you had to
turn away. You like, no, not crying, dude, That's that's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
I cried like a baby and then made sweet love
all night. It was it was quite. It was quite
the fiasco.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
That is a beautiful story right there. They can make
a kid's book about that one. Man, is there? Is
there anything else you want to promote before I'll let
you get out of here?
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Man, on Sunday there, I'm in Louisville. But are the
Colts playing on Sunday in Indianapolis?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
No, they're out in Lay, So you got no competition.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Man, Oh okay, well I wanted to tailgate. They're a
pregame and then just drive to Louisville. But uh, yeah no, man,
I mean look, just check me out Uncle Laser everywhere.
Got some movie stuff coming out of Western all kinds
of stuff. But yeah, just hey, buy your tickets, bring
your mom, tell her I'm miss her. Touch We'll take
a picture. You can put it on a refrigerator if
you want. I don't care.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
There you go, bro and if you uh come back
through Indy uh on your way back down to Loouisville. Uh,
the Slippery Noodle is the bar you want to go
to if you want to watch Colts game tailgate a
little bit before you go to Wouisville and there will
be single mothers in there, so you'll be all good.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Slippery noodle. That's that sounds like.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Me honestly where you need to goredible perfect man. All right,
have it go on, bro, go murder this week.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Appreciate your buck, y'all. Pivioty's not Mexico money money, money
money
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