March 5, 2025 • 24 mins
Nick talks about holy holiday szn, grocery stores not having empaths, and sketch in NCAA
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Why are you still speaking that that should not have
made it to the rest of us. This is inside thoughts.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Check check check, welcome back. Appreciate you listening to inside thoughts.
How you doing? It's March? Are you being nice to women?
It's National Women's Month, International Women's Month, whatever you want
to call it, Women's internationally national month. Be nice to girls. Also,
(00:37):
if you need a month to tell you to do that, well,
I yeah, I was. I beat my wife eleven months
out of the year. But come March, I get or
something nice. Yeah, you're a bad person. Don't do that.
I need two hands to do this. Hope you're doing good.
Sun's starting to come out a little bit. I think
(01:00):
we are almost out of winter. What do that groundhog say?
Six more weeks of winter? How many weeks was that? One? Two, three, four, five, six?
After next week, Saint Patty's Day is going to be
the start of summer or spring, depending on where you live.
(01:24):
It's gonna be a little bit different. But hopefully the
sun comes out a little more, you get a little happier,
you know. It's also we're in the Holy holidays season.
This is the holy month. We got Ramadan going on
Wentz started fat Tuesday was yesterday. It's all good stuff. Man,
(01:45):
Easter is gonna be coming up. Shout out to you
if you're doing it, you know. I just I don't
care what you're giving up. You're supposed to keep that
to yourself. People are always like, I'm giving up coke,
the drinker, the sugar. What are we doing? Keep it
to yourself. That's between you and the big guy. I'm
(02:09):
actually giving up social media, so I have to put
a long post out on Facebook to let you know
that I will be gone for forty days. Went so
funny to me, man, like I grew up like having
a do because I grew up Catholic, but now not
so much. I just try and be wes of an
asshole for forty days, you know. And that's really I
(02:31):
think the whole point of the Bible, the Koran, the
lit Tora, whatever holy book you wanted to choose to read.
I think that's the main idea. Hey, don't be a dick, right,
But wink comes around because Jesus walked through the desert
for forty days and forty nights, So you have to
(02:53):
give something up because Jesus gave up Wi Fi he
just walked out in the desert forty days, no phone,
no TikTok, no scrolling, no sending texts, not knowing what
was going to heat. Probably had no idea that jd
Vance is a baby on Twitter. Everybody's putting that on there.
(03:15):
Don't forgot to shay please, he's a fat baby on Twitter.
Jesus had no idea he was out in the desert. Bro.
So you gotta give something up. And then for some
reason on Fridays you can't eat meat. You gotta eat fish,
which probably you know is more to do with like
(03:38):
you know, the government back there or back then, whoever
was running stuff over there was like the cow the
cow farmers are killing us. Man, Hey, John Pope to Paul.
Aren't you and your brother a big fisherman? Doesn't he
work for big Fish? Yes he does. So you know
(03:58):
what I'm going to do. I'm going to pass it
all that during lynt we have to eat fish on Fridays,
fish sales go up all of a sudden, you go
to hell for eating a hamburger. That was always the
funniest thing, like, especially when you were a kid, like
I always forgot, you know, things that like had meat
(04:20):
in them. You know, you're at school, you're getting lunch
from the cafeteria. You're not paying attention. You're like, I
will have a slice of pizza, miss lunch lady. Thank you.
You go and sit down and you eat it, and
you're having a good day. You don't even think about it.
You go to recess, play play football, play smear the queer.
(04:44):
That was the thing we used to play with the football.
Wonder what they call that now. And then you'd go
home and your mom would be like, hey, how was
your day? Go? Good? Because that's how well kids talk.
They don't know how to adjust the volume the voices. Good. Well,
what'd you do? Nothing? What'd you eve for lunch? Pizza?
(05:06):
What kind of pizza? Pepperoni that has meat on it?
You're going to hell? And I was eight years old?
Why what the hell? I'm sorry? And then you get
older and you're like, you know what, fuck that. If
I want to eat a hamburger on a Friday, because
that happens to be my cheat, dam I'm out. I'm
gonna do it. I don't care if it's during win
because if I'm a nice person my whole life, I'm
(05:28):
not sounding very nice right now? If I'm a nice
person my whole life, I treat people with respect. I
try not to be a dick because I'm getting kind
of the whole moral fiber of all the big Bible books,
the Holy Testaments. If I do all that and I
die and I get to the pearly gates, and God,
(05:51):
who knows everything, is like, eh, yeah, everything checks out.
Oh do you see what's on here? What? What did
I do? Two thousand and five Friday? You had a
a slice of Pepperoni pizza? You son up a bitch?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Go to hell.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
If that's the reason I go to hell, then I
don't want to go to heaven, you know what I mean?
Because I don't think God's that much of a dick.
I really don't. That's why I get in arguments all
the time with family members who are like super religious,
because I've done mushrooms enough to know like there's something
you know, like you feel the essence. You're like, hey, man,
we're we're all the same man. I think the big
(06:35):
joke in life is like we just gotta live the
same life but through different eyes. And the big joke
is we think we're different. Man. You know all that
annoying hippie shit that people say to you. I felt that,
but then like I got family members who are like
super religious where they're like, well, if you do this,
(06:56):
then you're good. If you do this, then you're bad.
Who told you that? How do you know? Like I
did this one thing? I was like, I was, I
was being a dick. But we were getting into a
drunk philosophical conversation, which is never a conversation anybody wants
to be a part of. It's not fun. Nobody agrees
(07:16):
with each other, and somebody's gonna walk away a little matt.
You're probably gonna run out of alcohol and go home.
But one of my family members was like, I don't
I don't understand Muslims. I you know, I don't think
that's the way. And I was like, yeah, I think
they kind of like do the same things that Christians do.
They just got a different, different guy they root for,
(07:37):
you know what I mean, Muhammad and Jesus kind of
the same. You know, You're like, hey, this is what
we need to do. God said don't be a dick,
and everybody's like, oh, okay, but my guy, my guy's
better at saying don't be a dick, So you're a dick.
(07:57):
And one of my family members was like, well, if
somebody doesn't know Jesus, then they don't go to heaven.
I was like, what do you mean don't know Jesus?
You got his phone number. You have to If you
don't accept the word of Jesus, you don't go to heaven.
And I was like, what if somebody doesn't live in
a white country or a country that's had white people,
(08:19):
come there and tell them about Jesus and they're a
good person, what happens to them, Well, they go to Hell.
I don't think God's that much of a dick, you
know what I'm saying? Did we miss the message? People?
All I'm saying is, if you want to eat Pepperoni
pizza this Friday, go ahead and eat it. You're not
going to hell. I don't think so. You might. I
(08:39):
could be wrong. This could be the devil talking right now,
steering you astray. Eat that pepperoni pizza you fed. Fuck,
go ahead, spit in God's face, eat that Pepperoni pizza.
I'm just saying, I don't think that God's that much
of a dick. That's all I'm saying. I'm also saying,
if you're doing went, if you're Christian, Catholic, one of
(09:04):
the nine hundred other denominations of Jesus, then you got
it a hell of a lot easier than the Muslims.
Bro I tried. I got a buddy that's Muslim. At Muslim.
I tried to do Ramadan for like two weeks. I
was just pissed because you're not allowed to do anything
(09:25):
during the day. All you can do is like you
can eat before the sun comes up, which who's waking
up that? Or we to eat and you can eat
when the sun goes down. And other than that, you
just have to have water. And then you know, I
was googling some things and some people were like, well,
you can have black coffee too. I was like, oh, okay,
(09:47):
water and black coffee all day. It's you're just mad,
you know what I mean? And I wish like I
hit that point of fasting where like I had some
sort of revelation or epiphany about life. I was just
angry all day. So they got it. They got it
(10:08):
a lot tougher. I did it for like two weeks,
and I was like, no, you got it. You guys
care about God more than I do. I cannot do that.
So just you know, if you were lucky enough to
hear the word of Jesus, be thankful you can eat
that pepperoni pizza on Friday. Jesus don't care, or he might.
(10:30):
I don't know. Maybe Jesus is a dick. I don't
think so. Anyway, I probably shouldn't be talking about this
if I have any family members or probably like he
strayed so far from the white of God. I'm just
joking around. Relax, But I will say, you know, it's
it's not bad. Every once in a while to you know,
(10:53):
take something away from you, you know, like your daily routine,
like say like he can cook, you love cookies. Just
take some cookies with you, know what I mean. Self
police yourself, have some dedication, have some restraint. Hey, Nick,
are you gonna quit dipping? No? But maybe I won't
(11:18):
have a soda, I won't have a pop. I wish
I could give up having to watch stupid people at
the grocery store though, Like, I don't understand at what
point in society that we just decided we didn't care
about rules anymore. At the grocery store. It makes me
(11:42):
angry like there are so many people that just bypass
the sign of hey, this lane right here is for
ten items or less. It's the ones. It's like a
stop sign. You see a stop sign, do you go no?
Because if you do, you get pulled over, you get
(12:04):
a ticket. I think we need to start hanging out tickets.
We need publics needs to have will like Dwight shrewd
volunteer cop. Like maybe a cop who isn't quite there yet,
can't pass like the physical fitness test to be a
police officer or something. Or maybe you have a cop
that you know is trying to rehab get back in
the game. Maybe playing some drugs on somebody put them
(12:25):
in the public's line. I'm trying to think of, you know,
productive ways to rehab people. I don't know. I just
like I get it, you know, because the grocery stores
got mad or not mad. The grocery stores did us dirty.
So it made us mad because they took people out
(12:45):
of the grocery stores. Anyway, Now everything's like self checkout.
Like when self checkout first came out, it was supposed
to be the convenience aisle. Like, hey, I only got
like four or five things. I'm just gonna go to
this self checkout thing. I don't have to wait and
people are doing their whole shopping. I don't have to
do all that. I just boom boom boop scan get
out of there, convenience. And then whoever was running the
(13:11):
grocery stores was like, well, what if we fire some
more part time minimum wage workers and we just have
everything be a self checkout, and they they did that,
So now you got dumb ass people doing their whole
shopping for like a week, family of four full grocery
(13:33):
cart at the self checkout, holding everybody up. So that
what they started doing at grocery stores is they'll just
leave like two lanes open. You got one lane that
is for you know, anybody to come through with any
amount of items. That's for like the old people who
still remember the nineties. You know, I got my check
(13:55):
buck here and I shaved a coupond that I got
in a mail. Yeah, that's for them. But then there's
still the ten items or less express checkout lane, and
people just they don't care. What kind of a sociopath
piece of shit do you have to be to do?
(14:15):
I actually like I hate getting on Twitter and like
seeing somebody putting out a think piece, like, dude, that's
not what this SIT's for. Come on, make a joke
about somebody dying or something horrible, and get on with
your wife. But every once in a while, somebody will
come along with a think piece. And I saw this
(14:37):
when I'm not sure, you know, because I just saw
it was a tweet, but I did actually think maybe
this is true. Apparently kids aren't reading books as much anymore.
And somebody said that there was like a study done
that said kids who don't read books aren't good at
putting their imagining themselves in somebody else's shoes, so it
(15:02):
makes them not develop their empathy. So people just walk
around going I'm the only person that exists, and that
creates sociopaths. It also creates people who actually, you know,
like can feel the vibe in a room or like
see another human being and go, huh, they have peers
(15:22):
come down their face. I bet they're set. They go,
I'm an EmPATH. I feel things. It's like, yep, do
you feel me thinking that you should kill yourself right now?
Because that is a stupid thing to say out loud
to other human beings. Seriously, So maybe reading books is
(15:42):
the key to getting people to stop not following the
rules of the grocery store. I'm just saying, if I
have four things in there because I'm unemployed, if you
couldn't tell by anything I'm talking about. So I go
to the grocery store every day because I have that
kind of time. Now know, if there's just too many
people or there's a bunch of unemployed people, but there
are always people at the grocery store. There is never
(16:04):
a downtime at the grocery store. And if I go
in there and I'm just grabbing things that I need
to make lunch in the next thirty minutes, I want
to get in and out. There's some guys sitting there, like,
what was it Monday? I was going to the grocery store.
I had an onion, a potato, and some chicken, and
there was I had three things and the self checkouts
(16:24):
there was a line because you know, people were just
that's what you have to do. Now, Well, I gotta
go stand in this line, dude, work the self checkout thing.
And there was one express line open, and I went
over there. This guy started walking over with a full cart,
gets in front of me. Full cart, he walks right
by the sign that says ten items or less, and
(16:46):
the cashier was like fifteen years old, didn't have the
balls to say, sir, no, go find another line. So
he's just sitting there taking his you know, taking his
sweet time spending one hundred and fifty bucks at Public's.
And I'm sitting there like just looking at him. He
was looking back at me, like, what are you looking
at you dumb ass? Can you not read signs? Now?
(17:06):
Because he didn't read books, we doesn't know how to
put himself in other people's shoes. And realize that he
inconvenienced me by four and a half minutes, totally threw
off my whole day of unemployment. I got a busy schedule, bro,
I got a busy schedule. I had fun this weekend though,
or this past weekend. Shout out to the Raleigh Improv.
(17:30):
Finally we got to be a feature act for a
whole weekend, which is like, if you're not familiar with
stand up, there's the headliner, which is the person that
everybody actually comes to see. There's and the headliner normally
does like forty five minutes to an hour. Then the
feature act is like the second person to like keep
(17:52):
the crowd warm. They do twenty to twenty five, sometimes thirty,
depending on you know what the situation is. Then you
have the opener. They do like ten minutes and they're
just there to get the crowd up. I've been I've
been an opener, and it's tough to get in the
comedy clubs, but I've been an opener a few times
for a few weekends. It was cool. Finally got the
(18:13):
email like, hey, do you want to come feature this weekend?
I was like, yeah, I do. Played a cool though
It's like, uh yeah, that'd be chilly. I'll come through.
I'll tell some jokes. It was awesome, Like the first
show sucked, like before I actually went out there, though
Amy was with me and the whole time like she
(18:33):
was all excited for me, and I just I couldn't
enjoy any of it because the whole time I was like,
I don't want to fuck this first show up and bomb,
and then one, I'll make the headliner dig himself out
of a hole because I killed the crowd. And two
the manager at the improv probably sees that and goes on,
I'm not putting up with that shit all weekend. You suck,
(18:56):
We're gonna get someone else. You're fired. So I was
thinking about that the whole time. Went out for a show.
Is good, got into it the next couple of shows
it was. It was a really fun time and uh
the headliner was cool as shit. Uh Winnard Oots. He's
a comedian out of New York. He was super cool
and hilarious. Like you, It's one of those things where
(19:17):
like when you're doing stand up, like you think you're good.
You're like, yeah, I'm good because you're just around, like
you know, other open micers or other comedians that are
on your same level, and then like you see somebody
that's just like surgically good at doing stand up, You're like, fuck,
I got another at least half a decade until I'm
(19:40):
even close to that good, you know what I mean.
But it was cool man like he was. He was
just a regular dude. We were chopping it up. We
were talking. He said he brought, uh brought his game
with him. Amy was like, what'd you guys talk about?
I was like video games. She was like, oh great,
you guys are both stupid. But it was it was
(20:02):
cool man. We were talking about, you know, playing Call
of duty playing NC double A. I just got to say,
I'm getting pretty sick of NC double A, Like I'm
transitioning into becoming an old person, you know what I mean,
because things are just pissing me off. They added like
new celebrity players into the game. So it's like Big
(20:24):
Cat from Barstool, Sketch from streaming or twitch whatever, and
then Shane Gillis, he's a comedian. They like gave them
positions and put them in the video game as a
player you can get, and they're all like ninety nine's
you know what I mean. So like Sketches a wide receiver,
Big Cats a tight end, and Gillis is a middle linebacker.
(20:45):
I've been getting diced up by Sketch. They got this
dude out there. He's like five seven and twenty pounds,
got ninety nine speed, agility, all that stuff, dicing my
defense up, and then I'm getting sacked by Shane Gillis.
It's pissing me off, Like I'm I'm getting old because
I'm tired of the things that I like trying to
(21:05):
market to make kids happy, you know what I mean,
Fuck the children. I don't care. I still play this game,
all right, well, we gotta make the kids happy. Everything's
everything's gotta be Fortnite. Now they're putting teenage mutant Ninja
turtles into Call of Duty. Shane Gillis and Sketcher in
(21:26):
n C Double A. What are we doing, dude, Well,
that makes kids happy. Fuck the kids, dude, Their wife's
already awesome. They're a kid. They haven't paid a bill.
They get to play sports, eat candy, they get to
eat whatever they want. They don't know what heartburn is. Well,
we gotta make them. Gotta make them happy. Put Sketch
in the n C double A game. Don't do that.
(21:48):
I'm just telling you, Like I'm getting old, old and
angry every time, like the my iPhone updated, and I
just I realized I was becoming an old person because
they did like this AI summarization for everything you get now,
Like it works on the emails, you know what I mean.
(22:09):
Like you open an email and it's like, hey, this
is what this email says in like six words. I'm like, okay, cool,
I'm still going to open the email because I want
to see what it actually says. But it does it
for everything, like even text messages, and it definitely doesn't
work for summarizing what the group chat's talking about. When
you haven't been looking at your phone for about an hour.
(22:32):
It's like Clouds' is fire, Kyrie's dead. I'm like, what
the fuck happened? I go open it up. It's like, oh, okay,
we're talking about j Cole's new song and Kyrie tores acl. Hey,
you don't need to summarize everything. Go read, because if
you don't read, you won't know how to put yourself
in other people's shoes and you won't be an mpath anymore.
(22:57):
All right, let's get your headline in the week and
then I'll let you go. Gene Hackman, his wife, and
his dog passed away last week. Like they all found
everybody dead at the same time, so they were thinking
it was carbon monoxide week. But it says Gene Hackman
(23:20):
and his wife tested negative for carbon monoxide poisoning, as
their cause of death remains unknown. The actor's pacemaker in
the case. He died on February seventeenth, over a week
before he his wife and dog were found dead. That sucks,
and now everybody's like guessing to see what happened. They're like, Oh,
(23:41):
I think I know what happened, but it's stupid because,
like you know, social media is gonna do what social
media does. And I stupidly went and read the comments.
It just it pissed me off. So like on Instagram,
it had you know, Gene Hackman actor passed away, and
(24:01):
the comment I saw was and their dog three question marks. Damn,
it's giving carbon monoxide poisoning. It's giving carbon monoxide poisoning. Okay,
why don't you go suck on a tailpipe, bubby, buddy,
And then above that comment was carbon monoxide. On the
eve of the Epstein Files being released with Hollywood, who
(24:21):
knows dot dot dot, there was one hundred likes on
that we are dumb people, read more books, read signs
that say if you have more than these many items
in your cart at the grocery store, don't come into
this line. I'm getting over every day, all right, appreciate
y'all for listening. I will check back in on money,
(24:42):
money for money for money for
Why are you still speaking that that should not have
made it to the rest of us. This is inside thoughts.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Check check check, welcome back. Appreciate you listening to inside thoughts.
How you doing? It's March? Are you being nice to women?
It's National Women's Month, International Women's Month, whatever you want
to call it, Women's internationally national month. Be nice to girls. Also,
(00:37):
if you need a month to tell you to do that, well,
I yeah, I was. I beat my wife eleven months
out of the year. But come March, I get or
something nice. Yeah, you're a bad person. Don't do that.
I need two hands to do this. Hope you're doing good.
Sun's starting to come out a little bit. I think
(01:00):
we are almost out of winter. What do that groundhog say?
Six more weeks of winter? How many weeks was that? One? Two, three, four, five, six?
After next week, Saint Patty's Day is going to be
the start of summer or spring, depending on where you live.
(01:24):
It's gonna be a little bit different. But hopefully the
sun comes out a little more, you get a little happier,
you know. It's also we're in the Holy holidays season.
This is the holy month. We got Ramadan going on
Wentz started fat Tuesday was yesterday. It's all good stuff. Man,
(01:45):
Easter is gonna be coming up. Shout out to you
if you're doing it, you know. I just I don't
care what you're giving up. You're supposed to keep that
to yourself. People are always like, I'm giving up coke,
the drinker, the sugar. What are we doing? Keep it
to yourself. That's between you and the big guy. I'm
(02:09):
actually giving up social media, so I have to put
a long post out on Facebook to let you know
that I will be gone for forty days. Went so
funny to me, man, like I grew up like having
a do because I grew up Catholic, but now not
so much. I just try and be wes of an
asshole for forty days, you know. And that's really I
(02:31):
think the whole point of the Bible, the Koran, the
lit Tora, whatever holy book you wanted to choose to read.
I think that's the main idea. Hey, don't be a dick, right,
But wink comes around because Jesus walked through the desert
for forty days and forty nights, So you have to
(02:53):
give something up because Jesus gave up Wi Fi he
just walked out in the desert forty days, no phone,
no TikTok, no scrolling, no sending texts, not knowing what
was going to heat. Probably had no idea that jd
Vance is a baby on Twitter. Everybody's putting that on there.
(03:15):
Don't forgot to shay please, he's a fat baby on Twitter.
Jesus had no idea he was out in the desert. Bro.
So you gotta give something up. And then for some
reason on Fridays you can't eat meat. You gotta eat fish,
which probably you know is more to do with like
(03:38):
you know, the government back there or back then, whoever
was running stuff over there was like the cow the
cow farmers are killing us. Man, Hey, John Pope to Paul.
Aren't you and your brother a big fisherman? Doesn't he
work for big Fish? Yes he does. So you know
(03:58):
what I'm going to do. I'm going to pass it
all that during lynt we have to eat fish on Fridays,
fish sales go up all of a sudden, you go
to hell for eating a hamburger. That was always the
funniest thing, like, especially when you were a kid, like
I always forgot, you know, things that like had meat
(04:20):
in them. You know, you're at school, you're getting lunch
from the cafeteria. You're not paying attention. You're like, I
will have a slice of pizza, miss lunch lady. Thank you.
You go and sit down and you eat it, and
you're having a good day. You don't even think about it.
You go to recess, play play football, play smear the queer.
(04:44):
That was the thing we used to play with the football.
Wonder what they call that now. And then you'd go
home and your mom would be like, hey, how was
your day? Go? Good? Because that's how well kids talk.
They don't know how to adjust the volume the voices. Good. Well,
what'd you do? Nothing? What'd you eve for lunch? Pizza?
(05:06):
What kind of pizza? Pepperoni that has meat on it?
You're going to hell? And I was eight years old?
Why what the hell? I'm sorry? And then you get
older and you're like, you know what, fuck that. If
I want to eat a hamburger on a Friday, because
that happens to be my cheat, dam I'm out. I'm
gonna do it. I don't care if it's during win
because if I'm a nice person my whole life, I'm
(05:28):
not sounding very nice right now? If I'm a nice
person my whole life, I treat people with respect. I
try not to be a dick because I'm getting kind
of the whole moral fiber of all the big Bible books,
the Holy Testaments. If I do all that and I
die and I get to the pearly gates, and God,
(05:51):
who knows everything, is like, eh, yeah, everything checks out.
Oh do you see what's on here? What? What did
I do? Two thousand and five Friday? You had a
a slice of Pepperoni pizza? You son up a bitch?
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Go to hell.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
If that's the reason I go to hell, then I
don't want to go to heaven, you know what I mean?
Because I don't think God's that much of a dick.
I really don't. That's why I get in arguments all
the time with family members who are like super religious,
because I've done mushrooms enough to know like there's something
you know, like you feel the essence. You're like, hey, man,
we're we're all the same man. I think the big
(06:35):
joke in life is like we just gotta live the
same life but through different eyes. And the big joke
is we think we're different. Man. You know all that
annoying hippie shit that people say to you. I felt that,
but then like I got family members who are like
super religious where they're like, well, if you do this,
(06:56):
then you're good. If you do this, then you're bad.
Who told you that? How do you know? Like I
did this one thing? I was like, I was, I
was being a dick. But we were getting into a
drunk philosophical conversation, which is never a conversation anybody wants
to be a part of. It's not fun. Nobody agrees
(07:16):
with each other, and somebody's gonna walk away a little matt.
You're probably gonna run out of alcohol and go home.
But one of my family members was like, I don't
I don't understand Muslims. I you know, I don't think
that's the way. And I was like, yeah, I think
they kind of like do the same things that Christians do.
They just got a different, different guy they root for,
(07:37):
you know what I mean, Muhammad and Jesus kind of
the same. You know, You're like, hey, this is what
we need to do. God said don't be a dick,
and everybody's like, oh, okay, but my guy, my guy's
better at saying don't be a dick, So you're a dick.
(07:57):
And one of my family members was like, well, if
somebody doesn't know Jesus, then they don't go to heaven.
I was like, what do you mean don't know Jesus?
You got his phone number. You have to If you
don't accept the word of Jesus, you don't go to heaven.
And I was like, what if somebody doesn't live in
a white country or a country that's had white people,
(08:19):
come there and tell them about Jesus and they're a
good person, what happens to them, Well, they go to Hell.
I don't think God's that much of a dick, you
know what I'm saying? Did we miss the message? People?
All I'm saying is, if you want to eat Pepperoni
pizza this Friday, go ahead and eat it. You're not
going to hell. I don't think so. You might. I
(08:39):
could be wrong. This could be the devil talking right now,
steering you astray. Eat that pepperoni pizza you fed. Fuck,
go ahead, spit in God's face, eat that Pepperoni pizza.
I'm just saying, I don't think that God's that much
of a dick. That's all I'm saying. I'm also saying,
if you're doing went, if you're Christian, Catholic, one of
(09:04):
the nine hundred other denominations of Jesus, then you got
it a hell of a lot easier than the Muslims.
Bro I tried. I got a buddy that's Muslim. At Muslim.
I tried to do Ramadan for like two weeks. I
was just pissed because you're not allowed to do anything
(09:25):
during the day. All you can do is like you
can eat before the sun comes up, which who's waking
up that? Or we to eat and you can eat
when the sun goes down. And other than that, you
just have to have water. And then you know, I
was googling some things and some people were like, well,
you can have black coffee too. I was like, oh, okay,
(09:47):
water and black coffee all day. It's you're just mad,
you know what I mean? And I wish like I
hit that point of fasting where like I had some
sort of revelation or epiphany about life. I was just
angry all day. So they got it. They got it
(10:08):
a lot tougher. I did it for like two weeks,
and I was like, no, you got it. You guys
care about God more than I do. I cannot do that.
So just you know, if you were lucky enough to
hear the word of Jesus, be thankful you can eat
that pepperoni pizza on Friday. Jesus don't care, or he might.
(10:30):
I don't know. Maybe Jesus is a dick. I don't
think so. Anyway, I probably shouldn't be talking about this
if I have any family members or probably like he
strayed so far from the white of God. I'm just
joking around. Relax, But I will say, you know, it's
it's not bad. Every once in a while to you know,
(10:53):
take something away from you, you know, like your daily routine,
like say like he can cook, you love cookies. Just
take some cookies with you, know what I mean. Self
police yourself, have some dedication, have some restraint. Hey, Nick,
are you gonna quit dipping? No? But maybe I won't
(11:18):
have a soda, I won't have a pop. I wish
I could give up having to watch stupid people at
the grocery store though, Like, I don't understand at what
point in society that we just decided we didn't care
about rules anymore. At the grocery store. It makes me
(11:42):
angry like there are so many people that just bypass
the sign of hey, this lane right here is for
ten items or less. It's the ones. It's like a
stop sign. You see a stop sign, do you go no?
Because if you do, you get pulled over, you get
(12:04):
a ticket. I think we need to start hanging out tickets.
We need publics needs to have will like Dwight shrewd
volunteer cop. Like maybe a cop who isn't quite there yet,
can't pass like the physical fitness test to be a
police officer or something. Or maybe you have a cop
that you know is trying to rehab get back in
the game. Maybe playing some drugs on somebody put them
(12:25):
in the public's line. I'm trying to think of, you know,
productive ways to rehab people. I don't know. I just
like I get it, you know, because the grocery stores
got mad or not mad. The grocery stores did us dirty.
So it made us mad because they took people out
(12:45):
of the grocery stores. Anyway, Now everything's like self checkout.
Like when self checkout first came out, it was supposed
to be the convenience aisle. Like, hey, I only got
like four or five things. I'm just gonna go to
this self checkout thing. I don't have to wait and
people are doing their whole shopping. I don't have to
do all that. I just boom boom boop scan get
out of there, convenience. And then whoever was running the
(13:11):
grocery stores was like, well, what if we fire some
more part time minimum wage workers and we just have
everything be a self checkout, and they they did that,
So now you got dumb ass people doing their whole
shopping for like a week, family of four full grocery
(13:33):
cart at the self checkout, holding everybody up. So that
what they started doing at grocery stores is they'll just
leave like two lanes open. You got one lane that
is for you know, anybody to come through with any
amount of items. That's for like the old people who
still remember the nineties. You know, I got my check
(13:55):
buck here and I shaved a coupond that I got
in a mail. Yeah, that's for them. But then there's
still the ten items or less express checkout lane, and
people just they don't care. What kind of a sociopath
piece of shit do you have to be to do?
(14:15):
I actually like I hate getting on Twitter and like
seeing somebody putting out a think piece, like, dude, that's
not what this SIT's for. Come on, make a joke
about somebody dying or something horrible, and get on with
your wife. But every once in a while, somebody will
come along with a think piece. And I saw this
(14:37):
when I'm not sure, you know, because I just saw
it was a tweet, but I did actually think maybe
this is true. Apparently kids aren't reading books as much anymore.
And somebody said that there was like a study done
that said kids who don't read books aren't good at
putting their imagining themselves in somebody else's shoes, so it
(15:02):
makes them not develop their empathy. So people just walk
around going I'm the only person that exists, and that
creates sociopaths. It also creates people who actually, you know,
like can feel the vibe in a room or like
see another human being and go, huh, they have peers
(15:22):
come down their face. I bet they're set. They go,
I'm an EmPATH. I feel things. It's like, yep, do
you feel me thinking that you should kill yourself right now?
Because that is a stupid thing to say out loud
to other human beings. Seriously, So maybe reading books is
(15:42):
the key to getting people to stop not following the
rules of the grocery store. I'm just saying, if I
have four things in there because I'm unemployed, if you
couldn't tell by anything I'm talking about. So I go
to the grocery store every day because I have that
kind of time. Now know, if there's just too many
people or there's a bunch of unemployed people, but there
are always people at the grocery store. There is never
(16:04):
a downtime at the grocery store. And if I go
in there and I'm just grabbing things that I need
to make lunch in the next thirty minutes, I want
to get in and out. There's some guys sitting there, like,
what was it Monday? I was going to the grocery store.
I had an onion, a potato, and some chicken, and
there was I had three things and the self checkouts
(16:24):
there was a line because you know, people were just
that's what you have to do. Now, Well, I gotta
go stand in this line, dude, work the self checkout thing.
And there was one express line open, and I went
over there. This guy started walking over with a full cart,
gets in front of me. Full cart, he walks right
by the sign that says ten items or less, and
(16:46):
the cashier was like fifteen years old, didn't have the
balls to say, sir, no, go find another line. So
he's just sitting there taking his you know, taking his
sweet time spending one hundred and fifty bucks at Public's.
And I'm sitting there like just looking at him. He
was looking back at me, like, what are you looking
at you dumb ass? Can you not read signs? Now?
(17:06):
Because he didn't read books, we doesn't know how to
put himself in other people's shoes. And realize that he
inconvenienced me by four and a half minutes, totally threw
off my whole day of unemployment. I got a busy schedule, bro,
I got a busy schedule. I had fun this weekend though,
or this past weekend. Shout out to the Raleigh Improv.
(17:30):
Finally we got to be a feature act for a
whole weekend, which is like, if you're not familiar with
stand up, there's the headliner, which is the person that
everybody actually comes to see. There's and the headliner normally
does like forty five minutes to an hour. Then the
feature act is like the second person to like keep
(17:52):
the crowd warm. They do twenty to twenty five, sometimes thirty,
depending on you know what the situation is. Then you
have the opener. They do like ten minutes and they're
just there to get the crowd up. I've been I've
been an opener, and it's tough to get in the
comedy clubs, but I've been an opener a few times
for a few weekends. It was cool. Finally got the
(18:13):
email like, hey, do you want to come feature this weekend?
I was like, yeah, I do. Played a cool though
It's like, uh yeah, that'd be chilly. I'll come through.
I'll tell some jokes. It was awesome, Like the first
show sucked, like before I actually went out there, though
Amy was with me and the whole time like she
(18:33):
was all excited for me, and I just I couldn't
enjoy any of it because the whole time I was like,
I don't want to fuck this first show up and bomb,
and then one, I'll make the headliner dig himself out
of a hole because I killed the crowd. And two
the manager at the improv probably sees that and goes on,
I'm not putting up with that shit all weekend. You suck,
(18:56):
We're gonna get someone else. You're fired. So I was
thinking about that the whole time. Went out for a show.
Is good, got into it the next couple of shows
it was. It was a really fun time and uh
the headliner was cool as shit. Uh Winnard Oots. He's
a comedian out of New York. He was super cool
and hilarious. Like you, It's one of those things where
(19:17):
like when you're doing stand up, like you think you're good.
You're like, yeah, I'm good because you're just around, like
you know, other open micers or other comedians that are
on your same level, and then like you see somebody
that's just like surgically good at doing stand up, You're like, fuck,
I got another at least half a decade until I'm
(19:40):
even close to that good, you know what I mean.
But it was cool man like he was. He was
just a regular dude. We were chopping it up. We
were talking. He said he brought, uh brought his game
with him. Amy was like, what'd you guys talk about?
I was like video games. She was like, oh great,
you guys are both stupid. But it was it was
(20:02):
cool man. We were talking about, you know, playing Call
of duty playing NC double A. I just got to say,
I'm getting pretty sick of NC double A, Like I'm
transitioning into becoming an old person, you know what I mean,
because things are just pissing me off. They added like
new celebrity players into the game. So it's like Big
(20:24):
Cat from Barstool, Sketch from streaming or twitch whatever, and
then Shane Gillis, he's a comedian. They like gave them
positions and put them in the video game as a
player you can get, and they're all like ninety nine's
you know what I mean. So like Sketches a wide receiver,
Big Cats a tight end, and Gillis is a middle linebacker.
(20:45):
I've been getting diced up by Sketch. They got this
dude out there. He's like five seven and twenty pounds,
got ninety nine speed, agility, all that stuff, dicing my
defense up, and then I'm getting sacked by Shane Gillis.
It's pissing me off, Like I'm I'm getting old because
I'm tired of the things that I like trying to
(21:05):
market to make kids happy, you know what I mean,
Fuck the children. I don't care. I still play this game,
all right, well, we gotta make the kids happy. Everything's
everything's gotta be Fortnite. Now they're putting teenage mutant Ninja
turtles into Call of Duty. Shane Gillis and Sketcher in
(21:26):
n C Double A. What are we doing, dude, Well,
that makes kids happy. Fuck the kids, dude, Their wife's
already awesome. They're a kid. They haven't paid a bill.
They get to play sports, eat candy, they get to
eat whatever they want. They don't know what heartburn is. Well,
we gotta make them. Gotta make them happy. Put Sketch
in the n C double A game. Don't do that.
(21:48):
I'm just telling you, Like I'm getting old, old and
angry every time, like the my iPhone updated, and I
just I realized I was becoming an old person because
they did like this AI summarization for everything you get now,
Like it works on the emails, you know what I mean.
(22:09):
Like you open an email and it's like, hey, this
is what this email says in like six words. I'm like, okay, cool,
I'm still going to open the email because I want
to see what it actually says. But it does it
for everything, like even text messages, and it definitely doesn't
work for summarizing what the group chat's talking about. When
you haven't been looking at your phone for about an hour.
(22:32):
It's like Clouds' is fire, Kyrie's dead. I'm like, what
the fuck happened? I go open it up. It's like, oh, okay,
we're talking about j Cole's new song and Kyrie tores acl. Hey,
you don't need to summarize everything. Go read, because if
you don't read, you won't know how to put yourself
in other people's shoes and you won't be an mpath anymore.
(22:57):
All right, let's get your headline in the week and
then I'll let you go. Gene Hackman, his wife, and
his dog passed away last week. Like they all found
everybody dead at the same time, so they were thinking
it was carbon monoxide week. But it says Gene Hackman
(23:20):
and his wife tested negative for carbon monoxide poisoning, as
their cause of death remains unknown. The actor's pacemaker in
the case. He died on February seventeenth, over a week
before he his wife and dog were found dead. That sucks,
and now everybody's like guessing to see what happened. They're like, Oh,
(23:41):
I think I know what happened, but it's stupid because,
like you know, social media is gonna do what social
media does. And I stupidly went and read the comments.
It just it pissed me off. So like on Instagram,
it had you know, Gene Hackman actor passed away, and
(24:01):
the comment I saw was and their dog three question marks. Damn,
it's giving carbon monoxide poisoning. It's giving carbon monoxide poisoning. Okay,
why don't you go suck on a tailpipe, bubby, buddy,
And then above that comment was carbon monoxide. On the
eve of the Epstein Files being released with Hollywood, who
(24:21):
knows dot dot dot, there was one hundred likes on
that we are dumb people, read more books, read signs
that say if you have more than these many items
in your cart at the grocery store, don't come into
this line. I'm getting over every day, all right, appreciate
y'all for listening. I will check back in on money,
(24:42):
money for money for money for
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