May 11, 2023 • 12 mins
James and Vanessa first matched on Hinge about a month ago and instantly connected and James tells us it only took them five days before going off the app. After two weeks of talking, they decided to go on their first date together and James tells us he thought dinner went really well and that there was no lull period during the date. James tells us he kissed Vanessa on the cheek to end their date just to not “over step his boundaries,” but ever since he says it’s been difficult to get Vanessa to respond to him.
We call Vanessa to find out why she hasn’t really responded to James since their date and she tells us wasn’t a fan of how James reacted to Jordyn’s profession. Find out what’s really going on in this Second Date Update!
We call Vanessa to find out why she hasn’t really responded to James since their date and she tells us wasn’t a fan of how James reacted to Jordyn’s profession. Find out what’s really going on in this Second Date Update!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Your morning shows. You are newthe show Second Date Update. We want
you to be happy. We wantedyou to be in a healthy relationship.
And there's no worse feeling. You'rein the dating scene. You think you
found somebody kind of vibe with,and then they stopped talking to you,
and you don't know what happened?Was it you, was it them?
Was it whatever? We try tofigure that out, so we call Second
(00:23):
Date Update. Bring him back onJames. Good morning, sir, Good
morning guys. How you doing,good man? So let's kind of walk
through this. You have Vanessa firstmet where okay? And that was about
how long ago? I don't know, maybe a month, like a month
ago, okay? And what aboutvan estimators stand out to you? The
(00:46):
conversation was just really easy, likeyou know, weird jokes are flying pretty
quick. It's ever seemed you know, it just seemed chill. Okay.
And so how long did it takeus to go from hinge to texting or
talking on the phone. We startedtexting probably you know, five six days
in and then talk on the phonea few times, and we met up
(01:07):
after about two weeks okay, Andwhose idea was it to meet up?
I mean, it just seemed likethe natural progression. I said, hey,
can can I take you out?But you know it was and our
schedules were a little bit if hehad first, but we knew pretty I
think pretty much right away it wasgoing to be a meet up. You
know, yeah, because I guessthat's always the hard part too, of
(01:27):
like you don't want to seem overlyanxious of like right away suggesting a meet
up. But you also I findthat line of I'm interested but not making
it seem like you're too interested,right, that kind of like a you
don't want to wait too long?Absolutely, okay, so we do we
go on a date dinner, itsounds like, yeah, And honestly,
(01:49):
the conversation in real life was evenbetter than on the apps. And yeah,
like just better as in quality ofor the ease of the conversation.
You just never felt like, youknow, I don't think either was felt
pressure to like fill the conversation.Yeah, it happened naturally. We were
laughing a lot, that's right,And you know, the date went it
(02:12):
went quick and in that like youknow, I was like, oh,
shoot, we've been here a coupleof hours. Yeah, okay, Yeah,
So who rest me cut you offrapid fire? Though? Who paid?
I paid? Okay? Did weride together? Do we ride separately?
We rode separately. I walked todo her car and we talked for
(02:35):
a few more minutes, kissed onthe cheek, which she seemed like super
receptive too. Why the cheek andadd flippers? Yeah, you know,
just the vibe of it. II probably could have tried, but I
think that I didn't feel the need. But also we had talked, you
know, throughout the date about youknow, getting together again, so I
just assumed it was going to happensoon. Okay, So we did the
cheek. Everything's good and then sosince then has been kind of dead man's
(03:00):
done right, no real response.I mean, she hasn't ghosted me,
but I'd say previously every getting responsesto text every ten fifteen minutes, and
now it's like forty five two anhour, and that's thrown out two or
three you know, invites to gettogether and just need a no go.
There's always something going on. Youask me my next questions? I do.
(03:21):
I could imagine if she was justwaiting around for you to like ask
her out again, and it's justlike you're just you know, fumbling the
ball. But if you ask,like specifically directly, do you want to
go out again, and got noresponse, that's a whole other issue.
So is it Morris? So thedirect ask? Yeah, I mean I've
just I've named things that we coulddo, and she's like, o't if
I can't do that, sod ofstrange thing. She hasn't completely born me
(03:43):
off, then she's not like goingfor it. Okay, So let me
just I'll call her up and gether to go on with us, and
then hopefully she has some answers,because it sounds like I think went well,
Like yeah, as far as firstdates can go out to meeting somebody
on one segam do do m Hello? Hey, calling for Vanessa please yep,
(04:23):
NANSA. My name is in turnJohn. I got Rose here as
well from your show. Can wetalk to you on the air real quick
about something nothing bad, just soreal quick? Um okay, so mat
listen, we're doing a appreciate thankyou Wow. Okay, yeah, we're
doing a second date update and Ihave somebody named James on the line.
(04:44):
James told us that James who wantto say hello? He perfect. James
told us about you guys, isuh story if you will. Mesh Sean
Hinge talked off the app at afirst date a couple of weeks ago,
and he's this kind of sitting herefiguring out where we are now and why
it seems like you pulled back.Ah, this was awkward. Okay,
(05:06):
time too based the music high,James, I hope you're well. Um
yeah, James, you are acutie. Uh, very easy to talk
to. Really did enjoy the conversation. So I can't understand why there would
be confusion on your part, um, But there was just a lot of
(05:28):
um focus on my profession. Um. Actually the issue was that it is
a profession for me, but Ididn't get the vibe from James. There's
a much some pushback about my professionbeing a profession. What wait if I'm
asking, what do you Yeah,I'm a hospitality feel okay okay, and
(05:53):
I love it. Yeah, youknow for sure? But why what gave
you the vibe that he didn't likethat he wouldn't let it go. It
wasn't that he didn't like it.I don't want to put words in his
mouth, um, but it wasthat it was like, oh, well,
that's what you're doing now, andthat's great, but you know,
what do you really what do youwant to do with your life? What
(06:15):
your career going to be? Andit was I kept pushing back and saying,
no, this is my career.Yeah no, no, I know
that's what you're doing for money now, But where do you where do you
see yourself with? What kind ofcareer you gonna pursue? To him,
the hospitality could not possibly be anythingmore than okay, yeah, sure,
(06:38):
James, your your thoughts real quick? Does that sound writer? Oh?
I mean that's definitely. I'm notgonna, you know, pretend that there
was a misinterpretation for me. Ijust this is awesome. She seemed like
she's got, you know, areally good head on her shoulders, and
uh, I just I wanted tobe encouraging of aspiration. I know more
(07:02):
about her, Okay, So Iwasn't trying to be rude about it.
I just I guess it came acrossrolling before we go to the phones,
rose your thoughts, I think,I guess I can kind of see both
sides. Maybe he just didn't understandlike how much she loved her job in
the hospitality field. Hospitality and suchlike a broad term. It could mean
so many different things. But Ithink maybe he shouldn't have been so pushy
(07:26):
about asking, like, oh,well, what do you really want to
do? Like if she had saidit, take that answer and accept it,
like that's her answer. Yeah.It is almost like the you can't
put your own aspirations on somebody else. Yeah, like love, if they
love what they do, then doesit matter. Well on the flip side
too, people are texting and whattype of hospitality that could be on the
(07:46):
pole and that is well judge,but it's a pretty pretty broad thing.
But I do think that the factthat if he kept going back to it
and kept almost in the way,yeah, which is kind inadvertently demeaning.
I guess what somebody does probably notthe vibeu wand go with Let me go
to Charmainne, good morning, goodmorning. What do you want to say
(08:09):
with second day update? I wantedto say that I'm seen James. I
mean, he sounds genuinely like agood guy. It sounds like they had
a great date. Um. Ifeel like now that they understand with a
disconnect list, like why not justtry again? I mean it seems like
they had you know, or theycould fall on some type of connection,
just try again. Started it justtoo interesting. Yeah, I think that's
(08:33):
fair because I think now James hopefullywould know that, like that's clearly not
the button to keep pushing, orif you're not trying to push it,
it comes across that way. Charmaine, thank you for calling him a great
day, you too, Hey,let's go in a Howard County Lauren,
good morning, Good morning. Whatdo you want to say with second day
update? I agree with Rose.I feel like there's a way to kind
(08:54):
of do that, and there's away to be encouraging without being rude about
it. I mean, this isthe first date. So if she says
that's her job and she feels passionateabout it, like you gotta let it
go, my guy. Yeah.It's also like, yeah, you can't
really draw a line in the sandon the first date if there's either don't
(09:15):
go on the second date or yeahI can't. Yeah, it just not.
Also, I feel like it'd behard not to know somebody's job before
a date. That'd be pretty difficultto not have that information, I think,
Lauren, thank you for calling ita great day, you too.
My man, My man, letme. Somebody texted as a former server
Team Vanessa, she's making bank.I bet I've heard that to Depending on
(09:35):
where you go, let me goin Frederick, Michelle, good morning,
Good morning. What'd you want tosay with second date? Up date?
I am Team Vanessa. I justfeel like, who is he to be
encouraging her about her career on afirst date anyways, And that's something that
like maybe a husband or wife woulddo later on down the line of things
(09:56):
weren't working out with your job.But I think it's kind of a red
for him to be trying to encourageher and push her on their first date
when he's just supposed to be gettingto know her. Yeah, I agree,
I got because for a first date. I would also assume Michelle if
I was her, if I thoughtI was being pushy. If you're being
pushing in the first date, itprobably isn't going to stop there now.
It's gonna be literally everything every singleday. Yeah, Michelle, thank you
(10:18):
for calling it a great day.Thank you to so. I didn't tell
Molly on our first date that myreal um plan to get rich aside from
the only fans is the Beani babycollection judged. But you don't even I'll
have that in your possession. No, it's in a safe and secure location.
Rose. Yeah, but is it? Is it really yours at this
(10:39):
point? Hell yeah, it's mine? Hell yeah, and it's worth a
billion dollars probably billion dollars. Probablydon't want to brag. Wow, let
me go in Odington Sean Tay,good morning, good morning. How are
you got good? Let me askyou this first. If I told you
that I had a giant Beanie Babycollection, would you believe me? I
(11:00):
don't believe you. Okay, whatdo you want to say? With a
second? Dy update? So I'mdefinitely team her, Like you cannot decide
what if I say? This iswhat I'd love to do. This is
a goal life has since high schoolof college. And you're like, but
what is it really? I mean, really dig deep? Like to me,
definitely a red flag. But mysecond portion is that every time I
listened to one of these calls,the other party has a reason as to
(11:22):
why they either pulled away or ghosted, And I'm like, why can't that
just be a conversation with the personlike, hey, we had a really
great time, but blah blah blah, Hey your friend came and I thought
it was odd that she was likesitting with us on this first day,
or you know, you were reallypushy about BLA, like why is it
that it comes out during this timeand like why pink grown people just say,
(11:43):
hey, it's not working, it'sokay. Are you gonna ghost or
pull back from every day you goon to set or just being upfront like
that was a very easy conversation tohave. This is awkward. I'm like,
it's not awkward at all. Youcould have set that on the phone,
Like, especially if you're if you'reso right, if you're standing up
for yourself too, that really shouldn'tbe that ebinocway situation. I agree,
(12:03):
Sean, tell your mind me neverto make you mad? Okay, right,
perfect for listening. Hi, youcan continues our text three eight.
If I miss it on the show, I download the podcast Your Morning Show
Your morning shows. You are newthe show Second Date Update. We want
you to be happy. We wantedyou to be in a healthy relationship.
And there's no worse feeling. You'rein the dating scene. You think you
found somebody kind of vibe with,and then they stopped talking to you,
and you don't know what happened?Was it you, was it them?
Was it whatever? We try tofigure that out, so we call Second
(00:23):
Date Update. Bring him back onJames. Good morning, sir, Good
morning guys. How you doing,good man? So let's kind of walk
through this. You have Vanessa firstmet where okay? And that was about
how long ago? I don't know, maybe a month, like a month
ago, okay? And what aboutvan estimators stand out to you? The
(00:46):
conversation was just really easy, likeyou know, weird jokes are flying pretty
quick. It's ever seemed you know, it just seemed chill. Okay.
And so how long did it takeus to go from hinge to texting or
talking on the phone. We startedtexting probably you know, five six days
in and then talk on the phonea few times, and we met up
(01:07):
after about two weeks okay, Andwhose idea was it to meet up?
I mean, it just seemed likethe natural progression. I said, hey,
can can I take you out?But you know it was and our
schedules were a little bit if hehad first, but we knew pretty I
think pretty much right away it wasgoing to be a meet up. You
know, yeah, because I guessthat's always the hard part too, of
(01:27):
like you don't want to seem overlyanxious of like right away suggesting a meet
up. But you also I findthat line of I'm interested but not making
it seem like you're too interested,right, that kind of like a you
don't want to wait too long?Absolutely, okay, so we do we
go on a date dinner, itsounds like, yeah, And honestly,
(01:49):
the conversation in real life was evenbetter than on the apps. And yeah,
like just better as in quality ofor the ease of the conversation.
You just never felt like, youknow, I don't think either was felt
pressure to like fill the conversation.Yeah, it happened naturally. We were
laughing a lot, that's right,And you know, the date went it
(02:12):
went quick and in that like youknow, I was like, oh,
shoot, we've been here a coupleof hours. Yeah, okay, Yeah,
So who rest me cut you offrapid fire? Though? Who paid?
I paid? Okay? Did weride together? Do we ride separately?
We rode separately. I walked todo her car and we talked for
(02:35):
a few more minutes, kissed onthe cheek, which she seemed like super
receptive too. Why the cheek andadd flippers? Yeah, you know,
just the vibe of it. II probably could have tried, but I
think that I didn't feel the need. But also we had talked, you
know, throughout the date about youknow, getting together again, so I
just assumed it was going to happensoon. Okay, So we did the
cheek. Everything's good and then sosince then has been kind of dead man's
(03:00):
done right, no real response.I mean, she hasn't ghosted me,
but I'd say previously every getting responsesto text every ten fifteen minutes, and
now it's like forty five two anhour, and that's thrown out two or
three you know, invites to gettogether and just need a no go.
There's always something going on. Youask me my next questions? I do.
(03:21):
I could imagine if she was justwaiting around for you to like ask
her out again, and it's justlike you're just you know, fumbling the
ball. But if you ask,like specifically directly, do you want to
go out again, and got noresponse, that's a whole other issue.
So is it Morris? So thedirect ask? Yeah, I mean I've
just I've named things that we coulddo, and she's like, o't if
I can't do that, sod ofstrange thing. She hasn't completely born me
(03:43):
off, then she's not like goingfor it. Okay, So let me
just I'll call her up and gether to go on with us, and
then hopefully she has some answers,because it sounds like I think went well,
Like yeah, as far as firstdates can go out to meeting somebody
on one segam do do m Hello? Hey, calling for Vanessa please yep,
(04:23):
NANSA. My name is in turnJohn. I got Rose here as
well from your show. Can wetalk to you on the air real quick
about something nothing bad, just soreal quick? Um okay, so mat
listen, we're doing a appreciate thankyou Wow. Okay, yeah, we're
doing a second date update and Ihave somebody named James on the line.
(04:44):
James told us that James who wantto say hello? He perfect. James
told us about you guys, isuh story if you will. Mesh Sean
Hinge talked off the app at afirst date a couple of weeks ago,
and he's this kind of sitting herefiguring out where we are now and why
it seems like you pulled back.Ah, this was awkward. Okay,
(05:06):
time too based the music high,James, I hope you're well. Um
yeah, James, you are acutie. Uh, very easy to talk
to. Really did enjoy the conversation. So I can't understand why there would
be confusion on your part, um, But there was just a lot of
(05:28):
um focus on my profession. Um. Actually the issue was that it is
a profession for me, but Ididn't get the vibe from James. There's
a much some pushback about my professionbeing a profession. What wait if I'm
asking, what do you Yeah,I'm a hospitality feel okay okay, and
(05:53):
I love it. Yeah, youknow for sure? But why what gave
you the vibe that he didn't likethat he wouldn't let it go. It
wasn't that he didn't like it.I don't want to put words in his
mouth, um, but it wasthat it was like, oh, well,
that's what you're doing now, andthat's great, but you know,
what do you really what do youwant to do with your life? What
(06:15):
your career going to be? Andit was I kept pushing back and saying,
no, this is my career.Yeah no, no, I know
that's what you're doing for money now, But where do you where do you
see yourself with? What kind ofcareer you gonna pursue? To him,
the hospitality could not possibly be anythingmore than okay, yeah, sure,
(06:38):
James, your your thoughts real quick? Does that sound writer? Oh?
I mean that's definitely. I'm notgonna, you know, pretend that there
was a misinterpretation for me. Ijust this is awesome. She seemed like
she's got, you know, areally good head on her shoulders, and
uh, I just I wanted tobe encouraging of aspiration. I know more
(07:02):
about her, Okay, So Iwasn't trying to be rude about it.
I just I guess it came acrossrolling before we go to the phones,
rose your thoughts, I think,I guess I can kind of see both
sides. Maybe he just didn't understandlike how much she loved her job in
the hospitality field. Hospitality and suchlike a broad term. It could mean
so many different things. But Ithink maybe he shouldn't have been so pushy
(07:26):
about asking, like, oh,well, what do you really want to
do? Like if she had saidit, take that answer and accept it,
like that's her answer. Yeah.It is almost like the you can't
put your own aspirations on somebody else. Yeah, like love, if they
love what they do, then doesit matter. Well on the flip side
too, people are texting and whattype of hospitality that could be on the
(07:46):
pole and that is well judge,but it's a pretty pretty broad thing.
But I do think that the factthat if he kept going back to it
and kept almost in the way,yeah, which is kind inadvertently demeaning.
I guess what somebody does probably notthe vibeu wand go with Let me go
to Charmainne, good morning, goodmorning. What do you want to say
(08:09):
with second day update? I wantedto say that I'm seen James. I
mean, he sounds genuinely like agood guy. It sounds like they had
a great date. Um. Ifeel like now that they understand with a
disconnect list, like why not justtry again? I mean it seems like
they had you know, or theycould fall on some type of connection,
just try again. Started it justtoo interesting. Yeah, I think that's
(08:33):
fair because I think now James hopefullywould know that, like that's clearly not
the button to keep pushing, orif you're not trying to push it,
it comes across that way. Charmaine, thank you for calling him a great
day, you too, Hey,let's go in a Howard County Lauren,
good morning, Good morning. Whatdo you want to say with second day
update? I agree with Rose.I feel like there's a way to kind
(08:54):
of do that, and there's away to be encouraging without being rude about
it. I mean, this isthe first date. So if she says
that's her job and she feels passionateabout it, like you gotta let it
go, my guy. Yeah.It's also like, yeah, you can't
really draw a line in the sandon the first date if there's either don't
(09:15):
go on the second date or yeahI can't. Yeah, it just not.
Also, I feel like it'd behard not to know somebody's job before
a date. That'd be pretty difficultto not have that information, I think,
Lauren, thank you for calling ita great day, you too.
My man, My man, letme. Somebody texted as a former server
Team Vanessa, she's making bank.I bet I've heard that to Depending on
(09:35):
where you go, let me goin Frederick, Michelle, good morning,
Good morning. What'd you want tosay with second date? Up date?
I am Team Vanessa. I justfeel like, who is he to be
encouraging her about her career on afirst date anyways, And that's something that
like maybe a husband or wife woulddo later on down the line of things
(09:56):
weren't working out with your job.But I think it's kind of a red
for him to be trying to encourageher and push her on their first date
when he's just supposed to be gettingto know her. Yeah, I agree,
I got because for a first date. I would also assume Michelle if
I was her, if I thoughtI was being pushy. If you're being
pushing in the first date, itprobably isn't going to stop there now.
It's gonna be literally everything every singleday. Yeah, Michelle, thank you
(10:18):
for calling it a great day.Thank you to so. I didn't tell
Molly on our first date that myreal um plan to get rich aside from
the only fans is the Beani babycollection judged. But you don't even I'll
have that in your possession. No, it's in a safe and secure location.
Rose. Yeah, but is it? Is it really yours at this
(10:39):
point? Hell yeah, it's mine? Hell yeah, and it's worth a
billion dollars probably billion dollars. Probablydon't want to brag. Wow, let
me go in Odington Sean Tay,good morning, good morning. How are
you got good? Let me askyou this first. If I told you
that I had a giant Beanie Babycollection, would you believe me? I
(11:00):
don't believe you. Okay, whatdo you want to say? With a
second? Dy update? So I'mdefinitely team her, Like you cannot decide
what if I say? This iswhat I'd love to do. This is
a goal life has since high schoolof college. And you're like, but
what is it really? I mean, really dig deep? Like to me,
definitely a red flag. But mysecond portion is that every time I
listened to one of these calls,the other party has a reason as to
(11:22):
why they either pulled away or ghosted, And I'm like, why can't that
just be a conversation with the personlike, hey, we had a really
great time, but blah blah blah, Hey your friend came and I thought
it was odd that she was likesitting with us on this first day,
or you know, you were reallypushy about BLA, like why is it
that it comes out during this timeand like why pink grown people just say,
(11:43):
hey, it's not working, it'sokay. Are you gonna ghost or
pull back from every day you goon to set or just being upfront like
that was a very easy conversation tohave. This is awkward. I'm like,
it's not awkward at all. Youcould have set that on the phone,
Like, especially if you're if you'reso right, if you're standing up
for yourself too, that really shouldn'tbe that ebinocway situation. I agree,
(12:03):
Sean, tell your mind me neverto make you mad? Okay, right,
perfect for listening. Hi, youcan continues our text three eight.
If I miss it on the show, I download the podcast Your Morning Show
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