EP 6 My child was trafficked while in the system part 1 Tiffany

A frustrated mom speaks on her experience withthe juvenile system for herself and for her daughter. Discussions on policies, laws and crazy DID YOU KNOW facts.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Baking faces and my thoughts to belie Angel faces on my lot, to
see the side lest the new leaf, and loving this version of me.
Some episodes previously recorded Carly rain MattersTopics that arise from the murder of a

(00:23):
young woman in Omaha, Nebraska podcast, which is really just a conversation about
the things that we're finding after mydaughter, Carly rain Wood was murdered November
thirteenth of twenty twenty two. Myname is Amber Wood, and today I

(00:43):
brought in Tiffany, who we're goingto talk about how we met and we're
going to talk about her experience andgo from there. All right, Tiffany,
thanks for coming in. You're welcome. I guess first let's talk about
and tell everybody how we met andhow actually, how you heard about Carly's

(01:08):
situation? Okay, so well,id I met it? Or I heard
about Carly's situation after going through somethingpretty traumatic with my daughter in October where
she was sex trafficked in the hospital, and I remember seeing it on the
news and it stuck out to mebecause you know, like here I am
chasing my kid all over town becausethe detention centers don't hold runaways and you

(01:30):
know. So when I saw that, it was like a breath of a
little bit of fresh air, becauselike I was like, oh my god,
that's gonna be my kid one day, you know. And then the
more it was just all over thenews, and I just remember seeing her
picture and I was like, ohmy god, Like she's beautiful and she
just, you know, everything abouther kind of reminds me of the today's

(01:52):
teenage girls and what they want tobe. And so she kind of said
something to you something yeah, morethan any other. Yeah, I've never
stories that you've seen or yeah,I've never never like I see news stuff
all the time, but I've justnever had one that I'm just like,
I remembered her name, I rememberedeverything. It was just stuck with me.
She had that way about her,even people that met her, and

(02:16):
I'll actually recently people who've never mether, including you, for some reason
somehow, uh, she resonated withthem, whether it was a picture or
a video or a whatever. Soyou saw that and then thought of your
daughter, and it just kind ofstuck with you. And then it had

(02:37):
came out that the people that werearrested were also failed juveniles at one point
like you're like a few years prior, right, And then that's where it
just became a like every day Ithought about it because here I'm battling the
juvenile system to save my kid forthe last five years, and all that's
doing is making it worse and kindof like setting her up to go to

(02:59):
prison when she's eighteen. And theguys involved with Carly's murder and the mass
shooting that night for people who don'tknow, it's a mass shooting on thirty
thirty names in Omaha and nine peoplewere shot. Carly was shot eight times
and the only one that died,and all of the people involved with that

(03:22):
shooting are a product of the currentjuvenile system in Douglas County. So people
always ask me why your daughter wasn'tkilled by juveniles, Well, but she
was killed by a product of what'scurrently happening, right, So, and
actually, juvenile crime is on therise, And honestly, I feel like

(03:46):
it's more prominent as far as innocentpeople. I feel like it's more prominent
in the news stories you see oron scanner. So it's only gonna get
worse, and then those kids aregonna grow up to be the same as
these guys and it's just gonna keepthe cycle going, right. So when
was the first time you met me? Was it in Lincoln? It was

(04:11):
in Lincoln when you gave us thebracelet? And were we for the people
listening? Oh my gosh? Wasit at the uh? It was capital?
Yeah? Oh yeah, yeah.I just I don't remember what the
bill was that we were there forto remove probation from the courts. Wasn't
it that one? I don't know. There was several bills, and it

(04:32):
was all a blur because I thinkI went to the legislature only like a
month or two months after Carly waskilled? Was January or something? That
was March because my daughter Actually theday I went there was the day my
daughter had come home from the PRTFat Boystown. Oh okay, and so
we drove straight straight from Boystown downto Lincoln. Well, there was a
bill that was that I spoke against. That was Oh by the way,

(04:59):
I whenever I see angel numbers,I say it on here. When I
pulled up earlier, it was fourforty four and right now it's five fifteen.
Listen. I catch myself looking atthem now and I'm just like,
really, AnyWho. So one ofthe bills was that Tero McKinney wanted to

(05:20):
give inmates fifteen dollars an hour andreduce their commissary so the price of their
Cheetos would go down because we're robbingthem, and also they have families to
take care of, so we shouldpay them fifteen dollars an hour. I
say, sure, go ahead andpay them fifteen dollars an hour. But

(05:41):
getting that money goes to the familiesthey hurt. What about one hundred thousand
I have to pay boys town justtrying to get my kid help. There
you go. So that was oneof the bills. The other one were
you speaking against her for whatever itwas? I think it was for removing
probation from the court. So Imight not have been in that one,
but I was just in the room. Or did I speak? You spoke

(06:01):
before I did, okay, Andit was something to do it because probation
wasn't like oh no, it wasthat police didn't have live GPS location of
someone on GPS monitoring right. Well, that was all in like I thought,
in one like with the removing probationso that there's more accountability because there
isn't any accountability right, and thelaw enforcement having to go get a subpoena

(06:32):
in order to find a location onsomeone who's already on monitoring makes absolutely zero
sense. Oh no, what makesabsolutely no sense is my kid on an
ankle monitor ran away October thirty firstthis year, has right two weeks ago,
two weeks ago, she is stillon the run, has her ankle
monitor on ankle monitor died on Octobertwenty fifth, and the people tracking it

(06:56):
never made a phone call. Sowhat you're is so I went and actually
toured with Mike Myers, the directorof Corrections. Now I don't know if
that's same as juvenile, but hetold me because with Carly they weren't monitoring
pretrial release. They had one personthat they said monitored twenty four to seven.

(07:24):
I'm pretty sure that person has tosleep right. And I was also
told over nine hundred people on pretrialrelease. Oh geez, now that doesn't
mean nine hundred on GPS. Butat one of those bills, I still
can't remember which one. We wereso many, right, he spoke for

(07:47):
something that we were against, Ibelieve, or vice versa. AnyWho.
One of the senators actually perked upfrom their nap because I believe it was
Carol Blood who was sleeping during oneof them, which is frustrating, you
know, to see. Oh yeah, uh. It was a gentleman who
spoke up and said, well,excuse me, then, sir, what

(08:11):
happened with Carly? So that wasnice and then he said, well,
there weren't things implemented before, Sobasically things weren't implemented with Carly yet because
of Carly, now we're going tomonitor. But right, so when I
went in there, he said,oh, so since we've implemented, we
now we have four more people.And it was like the desks in a

(08:33):
hallway, tables in a hallway,you know, where people would sit.
And then from what I understood,it's a phone that they pass around like
a like an on call phone,but supposedly the system is supposed to alert
them. Okay, that's so weird. That also means that that person has
to be awake to hear that phone. Correct, right, and last I

(08:56):
checked, most criminals aren't nine tofour like probation. When did the house
or the ankle monitors and all thatchange because I know years and years ago,
it was a box and you hadto put your ankle or your wrist
into the box when it buzzed,because it would buzz if you went out
of range, and that's how theywould check and make sure you were within

(09:18):
range. And so like when Iheard my kid was getting on an ankle
monitor, I'm like, yes,and you know, went and got a
landline and everything, and no,you don't need a landline. So it
was like, how's this gonna work? Well, it's probably GPS, why
you know, satellite something right,but it's not being tracked right, and
they make it seem like it's thesame as they've always been doing, but
it's not. Well, it shouldbe like the Carly said, hello,

(09:41):
I just found a little pink stickerfrom cleaning out some of her room today,
I found like the alcohol monitor orthe alcohol monitors that they have ankle
monitors that monitor your alcohol. Okay, you had go in every week or

(10:03):
month or something like that to theydownload the information. Are you cute?
So, but that holds you accountablebecause then they change the battery while you're
there, they download the information,and then right then and there you're there.
So it should be the same withGPS. Like either a probation person

(10:24):
goes to the house, which isprobably way caught too costly, or the
person has to show up to somelocation at some time, just like a
p test, just like UAS,and they have to get their information downloaded,
because then it would say if youever not livetime, oh you went

(10:46):
out of your circle of ripe zone, and then here's your new battery.
That's what it should be. Thenif you miss that appointment, then they
send someone after you. Not aconstant monitor right unless you're very high risk,
and then there should be someone constantlymonitoring. Well, even with the

(11:07):
juveniles. Like my daughter, shewas on the Sarpie County Cares program,
so that I mean, and itwas a decent program, you know.
I mean, there are a lotof good programs. But the thing is
is that there is no consequences sothey can do their program. But I
mean, my kids violated probation probablyfifty times, and they they don't even

(11:28):
file it with the court because theydon't do anything. And that's Sarpie County
who's hard on adults. So you'resaying Sarpey County is not now they are,
they are not strict with juveniles.I had to beg Sarpie County for
probably about almost a year of themcoming to my house because you know,
originally started with my daughter. Shewas, you know, very angry and

(11:48):
suicidal and destroying stuff in my houseand I would call the sheriffs because she
put holes in my walls, youknow, just everything, and they would
not do anything. You know,I don't know when the ball dropped or
when the no child left behind?And then we were nine, Oh she

(12:11):
knows, Okay, elaborate. Areyou sure it didn't start before then?
Though? I mean, well,the laws changed in twenty nineteen because of
him. Apparently. How I evenheard of all this was the first time
I thught he ran away and shewas gone overnight. I happened to find
her and she ended up she wasin Bellevue in a yard. So I

(12:31):
kindly laid on her till the policecame. And there was an older laid
on her, Yeah, because Iwas gonna lit r like you're like pinned
her down, Like yes, insomebody's front yard. But that's parenting,
yes. But the Bellevue police officerthat showed up, he was an older
guy and he was like and Iwas talking to him and I'm like,
well, now they're going to detainher. He goes, they're gonna let
her go. I was like what. I was like, no, she's

(12:52):
on probation, they're gonna let hergo. And he's like, if you
want to make a difference, hewas like, you need to start with
Tony Vargas. And that's when Istarted kind of looking and reading into things
because I was a juvenile and Igrew up in the system and I got
caught shoplifting. So Moose and Iwent to DCYC for six months. Moose
she shows her age HAIRM right.I still use moose, stop it,

(13:16):
but you know, and so it'slike, I, you know, there
was so much accountability back then forjuvenile So I mean I expected the same
thing for my kid. That's whyI went to the court. Why were
you stealing, Moose? I don'tI was not a good kid. I
mean, was it a high orwas it you just didn't have money?
No? I well I didn't havethe money, but I you know,

(13:37):
I grew up. My mom wason drugs and stuff like that, and
so I took the the hard roadof life for a very long time before
I decided to change. So whenwhen people a lot of people run to
the term generational trauma. I don'tthink anybody's parents are perfect. I don't
think anybody's parents haven't been traumatized intheir life. I know certain people deal

(14:00):
with a different certain nationalities deal withit differently. But like like you said,
your mom was this or your momwas that. No, none of
us had this perfect childhood, right, but you chose to not go into
a life of crime, right.Well, I finally chose, And but

(14:24):
what changed that? You know?I my daughter was probably like just barely
a year and it was just kindof like that realization of like breaking the
cycle. Enough is enough. Backthen, there was not treatment centers where
you could just walk in the door. Campus for Hope had like an eight
month waiting list and you know,when you're ready to go, you're ready
to go type thing. But Iended up finding an Oxford house, got

(14:48):
into an Oxford house, and that'skind of where, you know, and
I just stayed through that for likeeighteen months and just kept building onto the
next step, you know, Andwhat is an Oxford house. It's like
a three quarterway house. So it'skind of like I'm trying to find my
way, but I'm stuck, orlike if you aged out of the system
type of No, I wouldn't sayaged out of the system. A lot
of people will come from prison thatare on parole like a re entry not

(15:11):
real, it's more of they kindof run it like a democracy. So
it's like you don't have staff membersthat work there, but you you have
your house president, which is youknow, it's all recovering addicts, you
know, all trying to be better, so like a frat without the hazing
and them yeah, yeah about youknow, and sometimes they're good, sometimes
they're bad. I you know,I did very well in the Oxford House,

(15:31):
and I ended up going to twodifferent ones just because one was not
a women and children's house, soI had to go to the women and
children. But you know, that'skind of where I got my foundation.
And so after going through that,like I was that mom of like been
there, done that. You know, there's a lot from my past growing
up that like, you know,I see people now use that as a

(15:54):
reason why they're this way or thatway, and I'm not saying that,
you know, it's not a realthing. It wasn't for me. I
got to the point of, likeI have to do better. I want
better for my kids, and that'swhat I did. Right. It's like
a so that's like a stepping stoneinto real world. Right. But it
seems to me that it's almost moreexhausting to be on the streets or to

(16:18):
be a criminal to survive than itis to like just stay out of jail
and have your freedom. I thinkfor me, that was like the only
and I wasn't in and out ofjail. It wasn't that it was juvenile.
I was definitely definitely a wild one, but it was all I knew.

(16:40):
You know, I grew up.My mom was on drugs. You
know, she's sober now, butthat was the only life I knew.
When I got sober, I didn'tknow anybody in the state of Nebraska sober,
not one person. Wow. Yeah, And you know, my family
didn't live here, and so itwas so to me. It's like,
I that's it was not so muchthat that lifestyle was so hard, but
I look back at it now andthere's no way I could ever go back

(17:02):
and you know, live that it'sit's once you get on the other side
of it, like you realize howterrible it really is, you know,
And but it was so normal tome that I didn't realize, but you
chose. Oh, I have akid now, and I want better for
them, Like I don't want thislife. I'm not like gonna be a
mob queen like I don't. Idon't want that legacy. I want my

(17:25):
kids to not have to go throughwhat I went through. Well, and
my husband, you know, butI was with him and he has a
very solid family, and that waslike where I started seeing like how the
family dynamic runs and you know,a whole different a whole different life,
you know, And how did youmeet him? Oh? You know,

(17:47):
we all have a past, soyou know, he didn't live the best
life for either, you know,but he turned his life around long before
I did so, so he hada good family life. But he was
still kind of a troubled guy.So you get troubled together, yea,
so to speak. Okay, Welllook at Jelly Roll right right. I

(18:07):
mean that story is pretty inspirational too, and they just found each other.
And that's why I thought, likeout of everybody, you know, everybody
says, not my kid, notmy kid, but really, like my
daughter having the parents that she has, like what the hell she should have?
Like the stuff she does is justit's people. It's mind blowing.

(18:30):
I well, even with me.You know, my girls didn't drink,
right, I'm like, they didn'tgo to the mall and do the ma
all thing. They I kept goingon, are these they're not normal teenagers?
But they're not. They're my kids, but they saw what not to
do, right, I mean really, Plus the generations are a little different,

(18:52):
like they don't. I mean,we couldn't wait to get our license
and I had to push Carly.I'm like, dude, I'm tired of
driving you to school. You're asenior. But they just don't right care
if they get their license. Ithink she's like she was the same age
as my son, are pretty close. Carly was my son's very laid back

(19:12):
and just kind of chill. Yeah, she was like eighteen or nineteen when
she got her license. I mean, and hey, that saved on insurance.
I mean my daughter she still hasn'tgotten it and she's seventeen, so
wow wow. But I mean whenyou look at like you ever watched any
tiktoks on like gen X and uskids like tossed outside, do not come

(19:37):
home until the street lights are on, and that merry go around, that's
spun around. I love that thing, but yes, how many kids got
wiped out on that? Yeah?I mean, and now we cad all
America kids, which I think hasled to a problem. Right. I
mean parents don't want a parent,whether it's they're messed up themselves from their

(20:00):
own whatever. Right. But thenthe other parents who have tons of money
or both mom and dad's work,and I think that's when it started.
I was a latch key kid,right like you put the little key on
your neck went home. I hadmy own key, I'll go home.
But when both parents worked, thenI feel like guilt set in for some

(20:22):
some parents like, oh, I'mnever there with them, So then they
just handed the money. Right.And then so there's parents like that,
and then they want to be theirbest friends because they're never around, and
they want to spoil them because they'renever around. Right. But that none
of that, in my opinion,is good parenting. No, And it's
a breakdown of at the parent levelconsequence, right, because I don't want

(20:45):
to punish them I'm never home,because then that's what the kid's gonna say,
well, you're never here, right, and then I want to hear
that, right, and it's Icoached for many years and it was the
same thing like that, it shifted, right because parents used to say,
listen to your coat. She listento your teacher. Right now it's the
parents know better. The teachers arewrong, the coaches are wrong, and

(21:08):
I'm paying for playtime right. No, actually you're paying for training and for
your kid to improve. Right.But they forget this, and so do
the bottom line people at the top, right, because then it's a business.
Well, it's a joke. Inthe schools, you know, I

(21:29):
can't tell you how many times Iwould go into because my daughter, like
I said, she was very testy. You know, she had gotten bullied
in school. So then you know, their answer is take her to a
psychiatrist. The psychiatrist's answers, giveher medication, the pill line. Oh
god, And that that's where everythingreally started and got bad because it just
didn't sit like it made her absolutelyinsane. And I would go up to

(21:49):
the school like I would just getyou know, kids all day long on
Snapchat they would be posting pictures ofthem vaping in a classroom with the teacher
there. And the teacher can't doanything like these these teachers have no power
at all. Teachers and police kindof are stripped of power on right right.
I was just someone just mentioned todayhow they didn't even pull people over

(22:11):
for speeding anymore because they feel likethey're gonna get in trouble right now.
And then I guess that's a goodquestion about So it started off with bullying,
you think is where hers led fromstemmed from or was there parent issues?
I will say, like, sheis my kids, so I kind
of knew she was gonna be alittle bit of a walk in the pond,

(22:33):
you know, she's gonna be then. Yeah, it's just like,
you know, a little but andthat's why I was always like on top
of it with my kids and justyou know, very not super strict,
but you know, I worked inchildcare, so my kids, you know,
unfortunately I knew everything that they didwrong because I knew all the kids.
But you know, it started,Yeah, like the bullying happened,
and then then my daughter, well, there was a project in the school

(22:57):
going on where they were It wassomething to do with the book The Outsiders.
Now these are sixth grade the movieOutside. Yeah, but these are
sixth graders, and the teacher toldthem to like look at the she had
different pictures put up of like therewas like an African king and a cheerleader
and just all different nationalities and shewas like, you know which one and

(23:18):
they were in groups? Which oneswould you guys judge like just by walking
by and seeing them? And sothere it was not just my daughter's group,
but there was like six groups thatit was the African king and it
was like he had I don't knowmuch about that, but he had like
the hat thing on in the gownand so that like yes, And so

(23:41):
there was a girl in the classfor whatever reason. I'm sure she has
her issues, but she didn't likemy kid. And you know, when
my daughter's group picked that, shekept telling my daughter why because you're racist?
Why because you're racist? And wellno, no, And then after
a little bit, my daughter's likewhatever, you know, because she's kind
of a smart ass. But andthe teacher heard all of it. Teacher
did not intervene. You would thinkthat with sixth graders, like that's kind

(24:03):
of a serious topic. If youhear them, call and write, you
know what I mean, Like somewherethere should have been an intervention. So
after that class, the girl wentaround and told everybody my daughter was a
racist. And so at lunchtime,the girl had lots of people recording while
she went up and pour chocolate milkon my daughter's head in the lunch room.

(24:25):
And I found out because my daughterwas testy and I had taken her
phone and it kept dinging and keptdinging, and it was snapchat and people
are like, how's your hair,you know, and I'm like, what
is going on? And I thoughtwhen I saw it the video, I
thought it was old and I waslike, this explains everything, you know,
like her behavior and her kind ofacting out. But it didn't.

(24:47):
It had just happened. And Ithink that was like the time or the
moment that it like completely broke mydaughter. But for whatever reason, she
will like she would not let anybodysee that it it broke her, so
she would fight extra hearts. Sothen that's when she's just you know,
when she would feel uncomfortable because peoplewould call her milk dud all through middle

(25:07):
school. I mean, it wasit was so bad that I kept going
to the school, like I stillhave all the snapchats people would send.
They put all that information out thatmy daughter was a racist on social media
and had people threatened, people startedto burn down my house, you know,
from Atlanta, Georgia. It wasjust crazy and it's you know whatever
from Atlanta. Yeah, I haveno you know, but you know,

(25:30):
And so when that happened, yeah, it was you know, it was
tough on her. But then itwas like so she just started kind of
acting out, like shutting down,like if she didn't want to be in
class. Rather than saying like,hey I don't want to be in class
because they made me feel uncomfortable orwhatever, she'd act out to get kicked
out. She would just walk outand walk the whole school and the principal,
you know, I had a reallygood relationship, not with the principal,

(25:51):
the assistant principal. I had agood relationship with him, and he
would always call me and he's like, all right, she's doing this.
And I would go up there andpull her out of the school and be
like, we're not We're not doingthis, you know, cause it's not
fair to them, right. Doyou ever think about changing schools? I,
well, she had. That's thatwas kind of what happened. Like
she was at one Millard elementary ormiddle school, and I thought I was

(26:11):
gonna transfer her to one by mywork, but they're like, nope,
you got to go to the neighborhoodone, which I already knew was gonna
be bad because she grew up withthem kids and it's just caddy, you
know. And but at that point, it was like, what's the point
of transfer the school? Is thatvideo went everywhere, you know, all
the Millard School, I mean everyyou it was everywhere, you know,

(26:32):
And so she was just like,I don't want people to think I'm running
and you know, right, So, I mean eventually I ended up having
to get her. I got herinto the PRTF at Boystown. What's that
a residential like psychiatric facility. It'slike a short term kind of like three
to six months. So do youthink she thought something was wrong with her

(26:53):
or was she just in defense mode? I don't. I don't think she
processed me much of anything. Shejust kind of shut down. And then
there was never that time too,like, because that's what I've noticed with
kids is they are not taught howto regulate their emotions, you know.
I mean, yeah, like bullyingis terrible, it is, but it

(27:15):
should be a teachable moment and youshould be able to teach them and teach
them like them feelings you don't feelgood, you know, and kind of
work through it from there, butthey don't well. And literally, I
just had this conversation with someone becauseyou know, as you know, like
my girls were the opposite, Likethey didn't get in trouble, they didn't

(27:36):
write. You know, Carly wasn'ton the brink of anything, you know,
growing up. She she even atone point, you know that transition
in like junior high to high schoolwhen they start to experiment with like pot
or whatever. Right, even Carlywas like, well, I don't talk
to her anymore because she was doingpot and blah blah blah. And Carly
didn't like say anything about it.She just took herself out of it.

(27:59):
Right. I was like, oh, that's very mature of her because she
just didn't want to be around it. Well then it was it was literally
like her excitement was or what sheliked doing most was like doing makeup,
learning it to a tea to likemake herself look like friends or make her
friends look like her. They wouldgo listen to music and do makeup what

(28:23):
kids are supposed to do. Andthen but this was I'm talking like it
eighteen even then. Yeah, youknow, you think about it like that's
perfect. They even when she whenso when she was driving, and I
guess that's where she's a little likeme. But they would just drive around
listen to music, which is whatI did all me too, But they
wouldn't go any and I was like, really, you're going to a party?

(28:45):
Nope, nope. And so honestly, I think her first party ever,
which I guess if you could callit a party, was like basketball
team was there. One of herfriends went to Lincoln and they went to
this house. And so when Iand you and I say party, like

(29:08):
we know what parties were, right, I think she said there was you
know, like twenty people there orwhatever. But the party that she was
killed at was her first party,like her first after hours, her first
right party. And even that thatwas to those fifty to seventy people,

(29:30):
right, like we're used to partieswhere it was like overflown like you see
on movies. You know, it'sjust where that location is, you know,
And I guess I don't know whatthe streets are like, you know,
at that time of night. Buthow the hell did all of that
even happen, right, I justit's still I one, that's pretty ballsy
to go and shoot up a housethe way that they did. So I

(29:52):
was with you in court. Iseen the videos. You know they do
they not think there was cameras around, Like, seriously, don't care,
Right, that's the problem. Idon't care. That is the problem with
the kids. Like it's like mykid right now is on the run and
she's never been held accountable, andshe's gonna be eighteen in June, and
she's gonna be screwed because I mean, she can run away and they're like,

(30:14):
oh, if you come back inforty eight hours, we won't if
she will warrant really well yeah,and it's it's I feel like we kind
of well we went in a circlebecause my point of the Carly thing was
that she she was bullied, bulliedso bad that I was called to the

(30:36):
principal's office and they were calling thepolice, or they had called the police,
and I was like, what thehell because Carly didn't like engage ever
with that. But this one girlman, and in sixth grade, it
was really bad. They were enemiesso bad. Cassie was so mean and

(30:56):
guess what. Cassie was her bestfriend who looked up to Carly, and
when she died, she's the onethat spoke at her funeral and then ended
up in the er. So six, You know how girls are. It's
like I hate you one day,I like you the next day. But
it was bad with those two inelementary and then Carly be and Carly,

(31:18):
you know, there was a lotof girls that like picked on her and
then they'd end up being her becauseit was a jealousy thing. They like
they looked up to her, likeshe was pretty or whatever, the same
shit I was bullied for. Butit's also a different route. Like your
daughter went one way, Carly wenta different but she did get into her

(31:41):
feelings and she did at one pointtell me she was going to kill herself,
and that wasn't about bullying, thatwas about her dad. And I
sent her, you know, toa counselor, and I said, well,
because I know, you know alot of times they say that,
right, and it's like but theyreally don't want to, And I'm like,
you know what, therapy's work,right, You're gonna see. So

(32:06):
she went and she talked a fewtimes and then she went fuck this.
She was like, you know what, this guy's making me go to all
this stuff. He'd no longer getsspace in my brain for right. Good
for her, And that's when shedecided I choose happy right. And I

(32:27):
found after she died a letter andthat was to him and she was sixteen
and she knocked me in it too, and that's what they do, you
know. But she flat out said, you had your shot, you had
sixteen years and you're never gonna knowme now. Wow. She said,
I'm talented, I can sing,I'm this, I'm that, and you're

(32:51):
never gonna know and she put itall out there. I haven't given that
to him yet. I really should. That's so, you know, that's
why sometimes I struggle with in theend. In the end, everything is

(33:14):
a choice, right, absolutely,And it's emotional intelligence that isn't taught or
just naturally had. And I hada book called Emotional Intelligence and I found
it in Carly's room and I thinkI think I showed it to her and
gave it and I was like,hey, I have this book when she
was going through her feelings and rightdidn't, I said, they had to

(33:36):
tell me. I mean for years, it's like your emotions are not reality.
It's how your feel is, butit's not the reality, right,
And so I feel like these juvenilesneed to be taught this because they're not,
especially if they're troubled parents, orif they're on drugs, or if

(34:00):
they're absent themselves and have zero emotionalintelligence. The juvenile system is there to
be a backup parent, in myopinion, That's why I went to them,
and they have bad parenting. Well, so there's two judges in sarpy.
Both of them have now retired,you know, but we had started

(34:22):
with one and then we got transferredto the other, and you know,
going through all this with my daughter, you know, it was also the
beginning of COVID after she did herfirst stay at the PRTF and then she
was doing really good and came homeand then it was like when school shut
down with COVID. That's when shegot on the internet and the you know,
and everything just spiraled. However,I will tell you that I've had

(34:42):
judges shut me off of Zoom inthe middle of a court session because of
course I'm gonna lash out and crybecause I sat here and fought to get
my kid help, and I'm gettingyou know. And I was even like
privately placing her in Boystown and payingungodly bills. I still owe ungodly amounts
of money. But nobody would,you know, Like they gave my daughter
an attorney, They gave her anattorney, and they wanted her to get

(35:05):
on an ankle monitor. Well,because she didn't agree to it, we
had to go to court and thejudge had a rule for her to get
an ankle monitor. She was inUtah Holly. The judge put a court
order. She's a minor, yes, and the mother is saying, right,
put it on. The judge orthe probation was saying put it on
too, but she didn't want it, so they had to because she didn't
agree. Yeah, but she's achild. It's just like an inmate,

(35:30):
right, refusing to come to court, which we just ran into. I'm
sorry, when you're an inmate,the county owns you, right, that's
what incarcerated is, right, theyown you. You don't have a freaking
choice. Hey, you were aparent. She shouldn't have a choice,
right, correct. There was acourt order one time for her not to

(35:51):
go. Well, she was atthe Uta Holly shelter because it finally had
that was the first time, LikeI was like, I can't you know
she was on an ankle monitor home. It was just a shit show.
Sorry, I don't know if I'mnot so is the answer here? No,
we're a podcast. You can sayshit, okay, shit fucking is
the answer. First of all,they're taking power from parents. But then

(36:13):
they blame parents. The parents thataren't engaging, they want to blame.
But then the parents that want toengage and say, hey, do this
help my kid? Take them,here's a permission, slip whatever. Nope,
won't do that. And detention isnot just for public safety, that

(36:36):
should be number one, but itshould be to help a child understand their
emotions, which is a process ofparenting, whether it's through the court or
through a blood parent. Right,you cannot a kid. What do they
say when they want to excuse juvenilesfor all the trauma or or inflicting harm

(36:58):
on people children and their frontal lobeisn't blah blah blah exactly telling me that
their frontal lobe is is established enoughthat they can make a decision if they
want ankle monitor, right, buthold on, if it's not developed,
that still doesn't mean, don't teachthem right from wrong. You know,
they don't want to blame them forit. Well, no consequence, that's

(37:19):
sumatizing. Okay, let's let's talkabout that. Okay. They talk about
one day in detention being more traumatizingthan anything that can happen on the run.
Okay, Oh really sex trapping?Yeah, my daughter was sex trafficked
in seven days? You know,how is that more traumatizing? And I
you know, I understand that thereare people in this world that just want
to look their kids up because theydon't want your parents. I get that,

(37:42):
but my god, like all ofthese kids are all being treated as
a one size fits all and that'sjust not the case for you know what.
I mean, what works for onekid isn't going to work for another.
But that also isn't the parents thathave the toughest or the most rough
criminals, the high risk that areout here shooting at cops and stabbing people.

(38:05):
And now the parents are like,oh, they don't want their kid
to take responsibility his frontal lobe.Isn't that what? Right? And then
there's me that's like, my kidis gonna be like, that's what my
kid's drawn to is like trouble,the the the adrenaline rush, and that
was a big thing with you know, your daughter's situation was like laying in

(38:27):
bed at night me as a mom, like, how would I live with
myself if my daughter was involved insomething like that, you know, cause
you love your kids and you're supposedto love them, and and I c
I mean, I'm sure I wouldlive her, but like that's just a
tough, a tough reality that Ihave to look at, Like she could
definitely put herself in a very badsituation. And your daughter's how old.
She's seventeen. So Carly was twentyand knew these new friends for less than

(39:00):
seven months, So you know,it's phases. How many phases did you
go through growing up? You know? And it's the same thing with she,
And honestly, Carly, when youwatch, if you look at even
the detective said when he looked ather pictures, like she always changed.
She was shape shifted, like seriously, right to the point where my friends

(39:24):
were like, that's not Carly becausethey only saw the bronde hair. She
just did the brunette in like fivemonths before that, freight months. So
I didn't even have very many picturesof her that way. I like watching
your videos though there's one where she'sin like a I think it was like
that the Christmas Story pajamas. Ohyeah, and you put that on TikTok

(39:44):
and like every time. I mean, that was the first video I ever
saw of her, and I justyou know, because I see her picture
out there where her with her lashesdone and just like all. But then
I saw that side and it waslike it makes it real, you know,
like like she's a real person.I'm not that little kid spirit she
had and you can see it inthat she was that was going to Christmas

(40:07):
and I was like, nobody,Childie's like I'll wear it, and she
was like look at me and shedid advance and then you can't hear her
voice in that video, but shewas unapologetically her. That's the thing we
say and something that I wish Istill could be. Something I wish that
I would have known that young,something that if young girls figured that out,

(40:35):
right, if your daughter figured thatout, there was no abusing Carly
by any man, trust me.She went on a side note. She
went on a date with one ofthe unl basketball players. I think it
was from France or something. Shewas very quiet about who she dated,

(40:55):
like she didn't want to tell mebecause she didn't think I'd approve or whatever.
And she said something about, well, he just wanted one thing and
da da da, and he likesomething about he could overpower her. He
was like strong. And I waslike, well, what does that mean?
What did he do? And she'slike, she's like, he didn't

(41:15):
do anything, because I'm big too, But I just noticed that he was
strong and he could have, youknow, had a little bit power over
me or done something. And ifyour daughter's small, right, like you,
you know, that's a whole differentworld. Luckily, you know,
Carly was pushing I said six four, but it was we say five point

(41:36):
fifteen. But you know, shedidn't put up with any of that,
right, And you know, I'mstill hearing from people, even grown ass
men who were trying to hit ona twenty year old and like, right,
I tried to holler at her.She was a baddie and she wasn't
having anything to do with it,you know, And just like hearing that

(41:59):
stuff, it was like, youknow that goofy side of Carlely that I
see, Like my daughter has that, like personality, but the like throwing
everything away into saying fuck it.And because it's easier to go and do
this because of a no accountability juvenilesystem, she goes to the other you
know what I mean, Like soI don't get to see them goofy glimpses
of her very after, Like Idon't even know my kid anymore. You

(42:21):
know, she's been in and outof my home since she was twelve.
I mean, she spent more timeon the run in five years than she's
spent at home. But she probablywants to be that kid, she does,
but she just doesn't. You know. It's like, you know,
I could take her and try tomix her with people now with her being
in the system. Eventually they senther to Provo Utah. And that was
a Provo Canyon School thing. Iwas told by probation and everybody had been

(42:45):
there. It was a great place. It wasn't I'm not going to get
into all the war stories of it, but it was absolutely terrible and I
think that that kind of started adifferent that that's where my daughter became disconnected
with emotion. And I think it'sbecause she was out there and she just
shut down. She do want peopleto see her sad, you know,
and it was that was all thekids there. So this is brings me

(43:06):
to a part where, clearly becauseI'm new at this podcast thing, I
just kind of talk me too becausethere's so much to do rather than be
all organized and like segment one,we'll get there. But Nebraska currently doesn't
Now is this a locked facility provo? Yeah, it is, so Nebraska

(43:27):
currently doesn't allow group homes or detention. Well, detention is locked, but
group homes, therapeutic group homes,they're not locked right by state statute.
But we also send our kids outof state rather than having those types of
homes here. Did they ever tellyou why we don't have that here?
Well, we used to have themhere because I used to be in quite

(43:49):
a few of them. And whatare they called specifically, Well, we
used to have Nova. They stillhave Nova for the kids now, which
like it's supposedly like a drug treatment. Now, back in when I was
a juvenile, when I first gotin trouble, they would send you like
for a thirty day evaluation. Youwould either go to Nova Geneva for your
evaluation, yes, but like that, Yeah, well they shut Geneva down

(44:10):
because nobody took care. It wasterrible. But you know, there was
just different like different places that youcould go. I was in DCYC.
There was a Salvation Army. Therewas the Yes House which is now it's
still there, but it's for somethingdifferent. There was just there was the
Utahlly Group Home down by Miller Park. It was there was so much for

(44:30):
kids, like boys and girls andthey don't have any of them anymore.
And you know what was it traumatizingfor kids? Is that what they I
mean ruin it first? I mean, it wasn't like a Hey, I
made fun now like I can makefun in any situation. But you know,
I'm sure that it could be traumaticfor people. Everybody's different, you

(44:51):
know. But for me, no, I would have never reached out to
the system to try and get mydaughter in the system if it was that
traumatic. You know, my biggestthing was like my kid going to sleep
alone at night, and like thatwas what broke me up about like putting
her in the system, because Ithought the minute I called the court,
like they would detain her and theydidn't. And there were times I would
beg them, can you just takeher for a night because she would just

(45:14):
have me so flustered, like youknow, like like I'm either gonna harm
my kid or she's gonna harm me, so let's have a time out,
right, And they wouldn't. Andit's almost like, well, even now,
what if you signed off your rightsand gave her to the state,

(45:34):
I mean back then I can't Theywould charge my child neglect so kind of
like the moms that turn the babyinto the fire house, right right,
but you would say, hey,I want help, and I don't want
to give up on my kid,but damn right, but then if you
say I want to give up onmy kid and you take her, then
your child neglect. Yeah, andthey wouldn't. They wouldn't allow And like

(45:54):
at that point, I worked inchildcare. You know, in any job
you have, you don't want thatcharge on you. You know, even
if you know, you just don'twant to deal with that. And you
know there were times that like itwould have almost financially been easier if they
would have taken on that because theysay probation pays for stuff. If they
order her to go places, that'sa croc of shit. I get all

(46:15):
the bills, I'm paying all thebills, so I don't whatever, I
have to pay all the bills forthe Have you tried to fight that I
did in the beginning, and nowit's just like there's it's always one thing
after another with my daughter's like where'sthe time? What's the point? I
mean, how do you? Howdo you fight it? So? I

(46:37):
have always said that the system doesnot want you off the system, right,
they give you just enough to survive. Then they give you an incentive
for getting jobs. But then inthe second you get a job, some
of those incentives go away, right, and then you're like, what the
hell am I working for then?Right? And then they wonder why some

(46:58):
people go and have a million kids, right because they need the money right
well, and then they're overwhelmed becausethey're selves or they have a problem.
But there's no middle part of thesystem that steps in and says, hey,
this person's asking for help because Carlycould have gone an opposite way,
right, but she didn't. Anautumn could have too, right, But

(47:22):
there's no like, let's commend themfor trying, right, system, you
know, there's there should be likeit's crazy, but I feel like when
I got sober, you know,way back two thousand and seven. It
was such different times. And youknow, like I said, like I
grew up, I didn't have youknow, just life was crazy. I

(47:43):
didn't know how to be a mom, like you know, I hate to
say it, but it was likeI was being a mom on like what
I saw or what you know,trial and error, just kind of winging
it. And there is things thatI have done wrong as a mom,
Like I know that, and itdoesn't feel good, you know, but
I can own that. But whenI go to the court and I am
like literally bawling and begging them forhell. But by the time you're nobody

(48:05):
knows how to be the mom thefirst time, right, nobody knows they
they although I shout out to whatto expect when you're expecting love that book.
Give it to anyone I know hasan OOPS. And I was pregnant
on birth control twice. But thereneeds to be a well use it for

(48:34):
WICK or something, a mandatory parentingclass or a mandatory deal with your feelings
stressed out because a baby won't shutup class, you know, support groups
things like that. In order toget this WICK, you need to go
through this class, right because youhave to do the process of signing up,
So why not make in that process, but a four hour class or

(48:57):
whatever. They will do that forthe help, because they need the help
for the baby, right, andit it isn't gonna hurt anybody, right,
even if they only get one thingout of that damn class, it's
gonna help something. Well. Andeverybody says, oh, the money,
it'll cost, the money it'll cost. Look at the damn money that we've
wasted with all these juveniles that arelike literally falling through the cracks, Like

(49:17):
juveniles are out there murdering people leftand right. Then you have to ask,
is that a machine that they wantthe machine to make the money so
they need the juveniles acting out,or you could have the proactive approach,
which apparently government doesn't like. Right, It's just sad. It's I don't
know. I just look at thekids and it's like, you know,

(49:38):
I've definitely seen my fair share ofnot very well behaved teenagers that may not
have hope for them. I don'tknow, but they weren't born that way,
you know, they were child isborn, right, I mean,
I don't know. I guess Satanspawn is one in eight million or whatever.

(49:58):
But I used to I used tokind of like judge when I started
this with my daughter, like whydo these parents let their kids do whatever
they want? Like I don't getit. Well, now I get it
because it's easier, you know,And they probably don't know that it's easier.
It's just what they do. Butlike it would have been easier to
be that parent that let my kidsgo out and smoke weed or whatever.
But they don't understand. They're like, gee, why are all these juveniles
acting out? They blame the parents. What does a baby do? When

(50:22):
a baby acts out or a toddler, Right, there's a reason. It
either needs structure or it needs something. Right. If they're at thirteen fourteen
doing the same shit, they're stillscreaming, except they're bigger now and they
can cause more damage. Why isthis so hard for them to understand?
Right? Well, and we're shovinghow many kids into one classroom expecting them

(50:44):
to learn one way and if theydon't pass the class, we'll still pass
them along and you don't have toshow up anymore to school. No.
Uh, they stopped. And I'ma big blamer of Michelle Obama for this.
Hate me if you want, Iwatched it with my girls. They
stopped giving spelling tests, they stoppeddoing handwriting, which I get the handwriting

(51:07):
part, but at the same timethat's a pride thing, right, and
half the kids now can't even read. But the no child left behind was
the worst idea ever. Well,here here's a good one. My daughter
has never ever stepped foot into areal high school, not one foot.
She graduated a year early. Shegraduated last year, so basically she got

(51:30):
all of her they said, MillerSouse is where she graduated from. What
you know, she earned three yearsworth of credits in high school in six
months at the Sarpy County JJC.And then they do the test to see
if like she's like like scores highenough to pass, and she didn't,
so then they gave her a differenttest so that they could pass her,

(51:51):
which a different scale test. Yes, but my opinion is is that once
she was done with high school,there are no o the courts don't have
to help her. So they wantedher out. Oh, I mean,
the county attorney told me flat outlike, if I don't like how he
does things, then he can justthrow her case out and close it and
I can deal with her. Butthen you're gonna deal with her then taxpayers,

(52:12):
as an adult criminal. And that'sjust so wrong. It's so wrong.
They make more money that way becausethe taxpayers pay for the public defendant.
And okay, but us moms likethat's where we all need to get
together, because it's gonna be moreand more moms like me that are gonna
be going through hell with their kids, and if we don't band together,

(52:34):
then we can't outnumber them. Right, We're gonna take a little break.
I've gone a long time without takinga break, actually, and we will
be back with Tiffany. And thankyou for listening to another episode of Carly
Rain Matters. We really appreciate it. Please join us for part two with

(52:54):
this guest, and as always,please share Carly's kindness. No to my
knees, a will for my past, the bay against lacking, taking a

(53:15):
fat back on feets. This isfar from mover. I am far from
over. I haven't seen the lastof me. No, no,