Courting vs Dating

Honey brings in an article she found on HerNorm.com that talks about the differences between courting and dating. Do you know the difference, plus is marriage even the goal anymore? 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
I'm a Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was
born and raised in New York City. I love sneakers
and I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Carolina Bermudez. But
I was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife,
a mama, and a worker bee. This is life in spanglish.
Now I'm wondering why Honey is looking up her norm

(00:25):
dot com on how to court amand but then I
remembered its research. It's research, but it's also something that
came up in the house while I was you know,
it was like a Sunday and I woke up and
I was like, I'm gonna clean. I took out meat
and I cooked, you know, and then when everything was ready,
I looked around. I put a prosecco on ice, and
I asked my husband. I said, what if you came

(00:45):
to a single girl's house and it looked like this,
as she had this food and she had a bottle
of Bubbly on ice for you? He said, I would
be like, bitch, I'm moving in, he said, But you
know what, that'll never happen because women don't know how
to court men. They think we have to court them.
He's like, so this right here, me walking into a
woman's house, car driveway, house, clean food on the stove.

(01:07):
He said, that wouldn't happen. Y'all. I don't know how
to really court men. And that's why I said, I
want to talk to Carolina about this, because you know,
we're both married. So obviously we did something to get
a ring and that was it. But not like the
kind of bacteria, the good kind. Oh no, I just

(01:28):
missed the clean But anyway, but you know, I was
reading I went online and I was like, you know what,
let me see what tips on courting a man? Like
what if I was singled again right now? Well, I
was curious because people who have been listening to us
for many seasons. And by the way, thank you guys
so much for checking out the podcast. But Bella, your sister,
your baby sister, who I just think is like the
most gorgeous human being on the planet. She was single

(01:49):
for years. Has she found love or is she's still
out there looking around? She's still looking see And that's
the thing. It's like we've got all of these beautiful,
intelligent jere ra you know God, but like they cannot
find a man so what is it? Is it the
men or is it the women? Well, I have a
lot of intel on that. So they are dating a lot.

(02:11):
The dating apps are yielding results, but once they go
on one, two, three dates then things fizzle out. Why,
I wonder, m is it because there's too many people there?
There's many options that that's number one. I feel like, Okay,
this date is not going well. Well, you know what,
I'm gonna go under the table and start swiping. When

(02:32):
we met our husbands, this was not a thing you
met people in the street. You actually went out to
a club and if you like the guy, oh my god,
I gotta get his number before we leave. Oh my god.
Hell no, or you would come back next week and
be like, oh my god, I hope he comes again. Totally,
that is not a thing anymore. Now it's let me
check my DMS, let me go on Instagram, let me
go on TikTok. The possibilities are infinite right now for

(02:54):
you to meet people. You don't even have to leave
your house. Remember Carolina, you have to get dressed and
coming see that. You know, I know, well, that's what
I was thinking to myself. It's like, you know, I'm
always in three layers. Okay, I got my boots on,
I got my clothes on, being like I go outside.
But no before I used to go out in the

(03:16):
skimpiest little outfits. It'd be like four o'clock in the
morning in the Tri State area, three below, and I
would be like, this is nothing because you were out there.
I was not wearing no damn coat to the club.
Motherfuckers needed to see that body, Adidi. While I was
walking from the damn garage to the club. You never
knew that advertising it was. I was not wearing no coat.

(03:36):
I ain't cold. You know what celebrity said, hos never
get cold. I think it was Cardi. Oh my gosh,
I like, God bless her, Cardi. You know what you
say everything that we think in our heads that we
never want to say, but it's so accurate. But you
bring up a good point, honey, because you were talking
about how you just like prepared this meal for Noony.
You you made like the effort that you set up

(03:58):
the whole scene for him, And I think that's a big,
big part of it. Courting is a big part and
that's what I think we're missing. We're going from like
apps to just either dating or not dating, and there's
not that in between time. Where are you getting them? Like,
figure somebody out? And I feel also that women courting
men is frowned upon in this day and age. You know,

(04:20):
my single friends, like the ones that I know are
still out there, they need to be courted. What are
you doing for me? Where are you taking me? Are
you buying me a bag? Like the courting has taken
on a whole new meaning. It's just like, okay, he
has to prove to me why I should even be
with him. But then with women, I don't feel like
we're being forced to prove to men why they should

(04:40):
pick us. And it might seem a little antiquated or whatever.
You know, back in the days when women were like
jokosino yo lao yo, plancho jolo. That's gone. It's it's
just now it's aesthetics, bodies, bbl's beauty, extensions of lashes,

(05:01):
Like do you think that that's a part of the
culture though, because I feel like as of late okay,
so now, I was going out and dating in the nineties,
late nineties, I would say, early two thousands, let's put it, okay,
And like I was not wearing fake lashes to the club. No.
I was barely getting my Mac eyeshadow from the counter.
I was borrowing things from my friends, you know what

(05:22):
I mean. Like there just wasn't the access I guess
to a lot of these things. Like nobody knew. There
wasn't YouTube. We weren't teaching ourselves makeup tutorials. Crazy, I
had the wrong NC forty five or some ship from man,
why did you just do fine Nancy thirty five? I
was like forty five or something shades. I don't know,
it's just wrong. I know it's just wrong. That is

(05:43):
that's all I had. Fine to your chin line. It
was like totally different. But you know you were out
there and you were just like having fun with it.
Yet Yes, but yeah, no, not the pressure. We can
we can do a whole other episode on the pressure,
the beauty pressure. Now it's nails, it's lashes, it's fillers,
it's bbl's, it's sensions, it's just laminating the eyebrows. It's

(06:03):
the fucking most Carolina. And if this is what you're doing,
I feel for you because not only financially, but emotionally
and you know, just your self esteem in general has
to feel just tired. Yeah, it's a lot of upkeep.
It's it's a lot of pressure, I believe, for a
woman to constantly be on. And I think there's something

(06:23):
really natural, you know, and I'm not going to quote Drake,
but you know sweatpants, you know, chilling with no makeup on,
that's when you're the prettiest, you know. I think that
a lot of women have lost that natural ability to
just be themselves because we have filters and there's always
somebody on social media who's looking better than you, or
the society pressure Carolina, it's just insane. It's just after

(06:46):
the pandemic, I said, okay, I'm not going to wear
extensions anymore because that was a thorn on my side, right.
But it was the way I never noticed that you
were extensions. You would tell me you would get bundles
sometimes if they did a good job, because I could
never tell they weren't so obnoxious, that's what you know.
The hand time wasn't down to my ankles and they
beat you one sometimes. But but yeah, no, it was
a thing. I didn't feel confident without my extensions. It

(07:06):
just gave me like, okay, now I could do half
up half down. After the pandemic, I said, I'm not
doing this anymore because I felt, you know, it was
kind of like trapped and I didn't feel good and
I didn't feel confident. Without the hair. It was just like,
oh god, I would take out my hair and it's like,
oh my god, if this girl cancels on me, I'm
gonna die. Who the hell I want to live? Like
that same thing with nails, it was just like, oh
my god, my nail broke. The girl can't see me

(07:28):
for a week. I don't want to go nowhere missing
a nail. I gave up on the nail. The best
thing I did. Look at this, I'm showing honey, my
nails right now. I learned how to do my own
manicure during the pandemic. You have one of those. I'm
one of those how to do it, and now I maintain.
It's like listen, No, Carolina, like listen. Just having natural
nails is one thing. Doing your own nails, that's the
next level shit right there, natural my own nails. But

(07:49):
you know why you got the real salone? Time is everything.
You come to my house and it's the salon. I
don't have an hour and a half two hours to
go to the Why don't you try three hours sometimes, Carolina? Right,
because of the weight or whatever it is. And so
I said, I'm going to take matters into my own hands.
Do I like to look clean and you know, nice
and presentable. Absolutely, But I'm not going to be a
slave to beauty industry, to the beauty industry. And so

(08:12):
I think that, like, I know, this is what happens
when Honey and I start talking, We go off on
these tangents. But I know we have to bring it
back to how to court demand to this article because
I thought this was so excellent for people who are
really trying to look for that partner, and we're talking
about you guys both have to be on that level. Though.
You can't have a guy that's still out there trying

(08:33):
to look for three side pieces, trying to smash and
grab and you trying to lock it down. That's absolutely yeah.
So these are the tips that they said, and I
feel like these are really some of them are so basic,
but they're honest, of course. And the first one is
know the difference between dating and courting. Dating is focused

(08:53):
on companionship. It's usually short term, while courtship is when
two people get to know each other better and their
aim is may or And this is the step that
I said that we're missing because you go from dating
and then you're either together and that's it. We're together together,
or they fizzle off and they find somebody else. Courting
is that experience where you get to know the other person,

(09:13):
where you get to ask them the questions about their
family history or what their dreams and what their goals are,
you know what I mean. You normally don't go there
on the third date. No, and if you're dating, you're
obviously not going to start like, hey come over, I'm
going to give you a manicure, or hey I'm going
to cook for you, you you know, because then they're like,
oh my gosh, what is she thinking. She already wants
to marry me, So you have already ordering the embroidered towels. No,

(09:35):
not at all. So it's just like courting. Now that's different.
But yes, I agree with you. And now the second
tip it says court to marry, not to date. This
is huge. When I was in my third well, I
think it was like twenty eight, twenty nine, and I
made that decision and I said, you know, what if

(09:57):
I'm going to date somebody, and if I'm going to
invest my time, it's going to be the person that
I want to be with. And you don't know if
you want to be with somebody until you're actually, like
really dating them. But that was the goal. The goal
for me and mind was like, I want to devote
and invest time in somebody who I believe eventually could
be marriage material. And you know, that's that's an old,

(10:20):
old old mindset, but it still works. It's just like,
why are you wasting time with someone that you cannot
see yourself marrying or having children with or changing, especially
if that's your purpose here. It's because some people date,
you know, for food, some people date for trips, some
people date for gifts. But if you're dating to try
to find someone to marry, then you know, make sure

(10:41):
that person that's in front of you someone you would marry. Exactly,
That's exactly it. The third one said confirm your sentiments
for the man you have intentions of marrying. So basically
it says like you have to reflect personally and have
a conversation with yourself and say, are you sure you
want to do this? Am I ready for the next step,
because you also could maybe not be ready. You could

(11:02):
be putting yourself in a position because your friends are
getting married, your mom wants you to get married, your
biological clock is ticking, all of these things that society
has put on us. But are you really ready? You
have to be honest with yourself. No, that's before you
enter anything. Ask yourself, is it time? Is this jersey
gonna go up on the wall? Am I done dating?
But I don't know. I feel like people put it

(11:24):
in their mind. Okay, I want to get married, but
it's just more. I always bring it back to the
social media. Everybody's married. It's cool to be married. Before
everybody hid the day either had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
It was never cool to be married. Now it's just
social media. A couple goals like TikTok's. You know, don't
think I want that because that's what you see on
social media because you're catching a glimpse like I did,

(11:46):
a couple of questions a couple of weeks ago, or whatever.
The case may be super cool, super fun, but we
will fucking kill each other on our way to wherever
we're going. So just know that, you know, just know
that it looks cool, but there's ups and downs to
every relationship, you know, And that's where I think that
people we get this glossy version on social media where
you don't get to see well, at least for people

(12:06):
like us, because we're not on reality shows. And even
then they're edited. You know, they'll show you everything. So
you got to be willing to put yourself in that
position to say, am I really ready to get into
that type of an intense relationship? Number four for me, honey,
and I'm gonna just focus on you no, because this
actually made me think of you. Start with friendship. The

(12:31):
behavior that I've seen your husband exhibit to you in
the past couple of years. This guy is the real deal,
but the way that he treats you, it's like a
real friend would treat another friend, do you know what
I mean? And that's why I said when I read
this one, it made me think of you immediately. We

(12:52):
say we're family. It's weird, we don't have children, but
we're family, me and him, like we try not to
hurt each other, to say nasty things to each other,
like we are friends. And if you have the right marriage,
it's going to feel like you have your best friend
all the time with you. Wake up, you want to
go get pancakes. You hold me right there, you want
to go to the movies, holdie right here, you want

(13:14):
to go shopping. It's just yeah, definitely start with a
friendship because eventually, yeah, it's gonna be freaky, it's gonna
be nasty, it's gonna be crazy. But in the end,
you want friendship. You want a bond, you want somebody
that treats you good. So you know, plus, like, when
you start out with a friendship, it allows you to
see the person like who they really are, right, but
its surface. You're not really getting to the real person.

(13:37):
You're not getting to meat and potatoes, yeah at all.
So yeah, I would start out with a friendship. You
feel like kissing your friend, you feel like fucking your friend,
go for it because eventually you will exactly. I feel
like Number five says, you have to talk to him
about it, and I this might be scary for people.
I think putting yourself out there and being vulnerable is
a very frightening thing for a lot of people. So

(14:00):
if this is in your game plan and you talk
to this person about it and they're not ready to
receive that message that right there should be assigned to you.
Of course, that's just your breakaway moment, you know. Obviously,
if you're going to talk to him about, you know,
wanting to enter committed relationships, at this point, you have
to have been seeing him, probably for a couple of
months or something. But it might give you the clarity

(14:22):
that you need. He might be like, nah, Son, I'm
not trying to get married. I don't see myself as
the marrying type, and you don't have to waste a
year or two or three to get exactly. But then
you can also see like, if he is there, if
you guys are mutually understanding each other, then you could say, wow, okay,
let's explore this a little bit more, like, let's dive
in a little bit more and give more to the relationship.

(14:43):
Knowing his friends is such a huge one because for me,
I always say I gained so much in my relationship
with Mark. He has the most beautiful group of friends
from college. So if you imagine these people have been
together for what twenty five years almost, and they find
time to see each other, they find time to visit

(15:04):
with one another, you're not going to get along with everybody.
It's not going to be like all peaches and cream
with every single person. But if you know the person's
friends and you can see that they're slightly like minded,
Like all of Mark's friends are devoted husbands, they're family guys,
they love their kids. You know. But no, but that's
what I'm saying. But with you, with Nooney, you were
telling me how he had friends that were always like

(15:26):
he still has messy. He still has friends that are dating.
You know, he still has friends that are cheating. He
still has friends that are just in the same black
where they were born. So it's just it's for me,
it's different. Like I love them all. Don't get me wrong,
they're all They've always been very respectful, not always of
our relationship but exactly, but of me in my face.

(15:48):
They've always been super respectful. But yeah, knowing his friends,
it will give you also a good idea about how
he moves, who he surrounds himself with, where he came from.
So definitely, you know, don't be push either with the friendship.
But the friend thing, I didn't. I didn't actually push
for the friend thing. We went to a wedding. He
invited me to a wedding, and that's where all of
his friends were. And the number one thing that they

(16:10):
kept saying to me was like, wow, Mark never brings
anybody around. Oh my gosh, this must be serious. Was
the one Karl knows, I'm getting mama fucking rings. I
know I was ready, no, because I knew when I
met him like that, that was the point in my
life that I was at. And after we dated, even
like I think it was like the third of the

(16:31):
fourth date or something, I knew. I just knew. I
knew that that was it. Like, Karl, this is like
one in a million. It's one in a million in
New York City because I had kissed a lot of frogs.
Knowing his family, this is one that actually was very
telling to me. You know, Mark, my husband is an
only child, only had his mother and his father. Um.
I did get a glimpse into his family dynamic by

(16:53):
the way that his family treated each other, by the
way that his mother and father and respectfully, I'll just
say they weren't very affectionate with each other. Doesn't mean
they didn't have a great relationship. That was just how
they moved. It helped me gain a better understanding of
what kind of a man I was going to be
getting because of what he grew up with. It didn't
mean that he couldn't change, though, or that he wouldn't
adapt to how my family. He was like, you guys

(17:15):
all hug each other. You guys like touch each other
all the time. He's like like, what, Like what is
that you know? So knowing somebody's family, I think gives
you a really good insight into who they are. And
if you don't get to know his family or there's
some type of roadblock, Yeah, there's something behind there because
I didn't meet my husband's family for a very long time.

(17:36):
But come to find out was that he was treating
our relationship as very very casual and there was still
other people lingering exes and stuff. So I didn't meet
his family for a long time. Was he like afraid
that they were going to call him out in front
of you? Sure? But like I'm pretty sure, so red flag.
If he won't bring you to me his family, he's
hiding something, you know. They always be like, oh, not

(17:57):
everybody meets my family. Not everybody meets my family. But
sometimes the problem is that somebody's already met the family
and they still around because I feel like it's never
been confirmed to me. But I feel like the main
reason why it took me a very long time to
me his family is because he was still trying to
exit another situation which he had kept from me. Okay,
so then that's a red flag right there, and that's
something to look out for. So definitely tell him you

(18:20):
want me his family, and if he gives you any pushback,
you better find out this absolutely. But you know what, also,
it'll it'll show you this is your future potentially if
you love this person, this could be where you spend
your holidays or oh yeah, you know who you're gonna

(18:40):
vacation with. So you better like these people because if
you don't, it's gonna be a lifetime and that's gonna
cause some problem that causes friction. Luckily, my husband has
a small family. I love his mom, I love his sister,
and he has two nephews, which are my nephews too. Girl,
I can't see myself in a family of a You know,
I watched this ghetto ass show called Love after lock Up?

(19:02):
Did I see that girl and this one girl shell
we had trying to have a relationship, and his sisters
is what we had trying to jump up. I'm like, wait,
was this about the people who like are in prison?
And then they wrote to them in prison and they
connected while they were there. Okay, I think, girl, this
is my guilty pleasure. Don't find me no where on
Friday nights because this is what I'm watching. Girl, and
this one girl, Nique, I even DM her like I

(19:23):
felt so bad for what like people are doing to her. Wow,
on social media and on the show. She's overweight and
they're just honing in on it. I will slap the
fattle off you. I'm like, which a bitch would? What
do you think she isn't aware that she's over Like,
why are you bringing this up? That's so her full?
Bringing it back to the family. The family is being
so treacherous and just nasty and mean, talk about get

(19:44):
out the call list fight. I'm like, I would never No,
that's game level of ghetto, Carolina. I love it. I
aspire for that level of ghetto. I want, No, the
hell you don't, I want to see it. That's why
she don't got bundles. That's because she don't got nails,
because you don't got lashes. This was drag you that
not anything else. I don't have any of the other stuff. Um,

(20:05):
well no, but that's actually very true. The other tip
that they said is to acknowledge boundaries, know what intimacy
means to your partner, and acknowledge it. Definitely. No, well
for some people maybe not. But anyway, let's let's talk
whatever your pleasure boundaries. Yeah, but boundaries are important. You
know what. There are some people who are a little

(20:26):
bit more sexually reserved who might not have the experience,
or they might not have the desires, might not want
to be in pain, you know. Yeah, No, but seriously,
like and that's why if you if you know each
other's boundaries, it's a safe space. I also feel like
it gives you more freedom once you know, once you
know what somebody's like hot button is or if they

(20:47):
they're not okay, don't don't go. Most guys, this is
like I'll try to toss my salad. You know. Well
that's like a big thing though you apparently listen. I
don't know. On the Graham everybody talks about it, but
I do. But you know, we definitely know the boundaries.
But it's weird kind of sort of because you want
to be a little experimental. I guess if somebody just
clenches up because you didn't talk about it before. And

(21:10):
that's what the whole point is though, that this that's
why this list to me is just so fantastic because
it gives you a guideline if you've ever wondered why
things aren't connecting for you, or you know, maybe you've
skipped a couple of these steps and this could actually
help you with your next person that you're you know,
going to potentially date, um surprising him. I'm not good
at surprises. I don't like surprises, but I do think

(21:33):
that men like a little bit of variety. I do.
I think that they like for you to like, hell yeah, yeah,
they want the unexpected. When I air drive my hair,
my husband's like, oh my god, you look so different
as a whole nother bitch. I'm like, this is just
my natural hair, Sir, calm down, But no, that's exciting

(21:55):
to them because things do. I mean, think about it.
If you ate a turkey and cheese sandwich every day
for lunch after a while boring, you wouldn't want to
have a turkey and geese. That's what my mom mubano
with extra pickles. That just sounds so good right now,
I'm starving. Maya Bolita used to tell me, yeah, and

(22:18):
she would say Bob, and you know, she's like and
she's basically saying, like, that guy's gonna think about that
little tiny sliver that you gave him. Maybe the next
time you give him a little bit more, but you
don't give him the whole pie, because then he looks
at the pie and he says, I'm sick of it.
I never want to see that dessert or that. You

(22:41):
gotta make them work for exactly a little bit more,
a little bit more, a little bit more, a little
bit no, and then you're a full blown freak big
exactly take it from us. We know, no, I'm kidding,
but yeah, surprises are good sometimes and it's going to
switch things up for yourself too, for sure. You know,
we have a little edible, have a shot and just
let lose girl get it going over to Honey's house.
I'm gonna go a hang out with you guys on

(23:02):
a Friday night love after lock up edibles. I mean,
you guys are surprising each other. This is great. Just
go to the basement. Well, we don't want you to
hear no craziness. No, no no, no, we all need a
safe word at Honey's house. That's what we do. Wrapping
up the list, it says, don't jump into bed with
him at the slightest chance, kind of what we just
talked about. Remember the goal is marriage, you know. I

(23:25):
don't know. I think that's a little bit outdated because
I think that if you're feeling it surrows some people
who just feel it, you know, and like, are you
gonna play games like that? That was one thing I
did not want to do is play games. I said,
I am going to call you when I feel like
calling you. I don't want you to roll your eyes.
I don't want you to be like, oh my gosh,
this girl like she's this or that. Like we have
to be able to communicate in order to build a relationship.

(23:47):
So um, I wouldn't. I would agree with this one,
don't jump into bed with him like asap, but I
would definitely feel him up because I am not trying
to have no surprises three months sects check. Girl. I
need to know what you're working when I'm sorry, I
am not trying. That's it. Oh my god, girl, No,
that's what you do at the club though you used

(24:09):
to do the package check at the club. Yes, exactly anymore,
I mean, are we are we again? Picks are a thing,
so I guess that's how you package check nowadays. Right?
Should we do a whole episode on dick picks? Oh girl,
I've been out the game too long. I don't think
I could give. We would have to bring in somebody else. No,
but that's what I'm saying. Yes, I feel like I

(24:29):
was saved. I don't know what I would do if
I received penis pictures. I did receive unsolicited ones from
like listeners when I was single, but like everybody's pretty
respectful now, which thank you. I don't want any I'm
not soliciting, but I feel like I missed that whole movement.
I don't know, Thank god, all them unsolicited penis. Oh no,
that's it? And then what do you do? You block

(24:49):
them when you just don't like the way to headlooks.
I don't need to see your mushroom. Um okay. So then, finally,
going on dates is so important. Different dates, go go karting,
go hiking, do different things like dinner and going out.
All the time, it gets stale. You don't get to
really talk and get to know somebody. You know that,

(25:10):
that's definitely true. Playing pool that used to be like
my thing. I don't know why I used to like
playing pool, but oh maybe at the pool hall. But
definitely playing pool and sexy stuff. There's a lot of
you know, like aerial shows and stuff like that, dinner shows, circus.
Lay was always my thing. I always took him there.
That was like my thing and he loved it, you know.
But yeah, definitely go on date, especially if you live
in New York, Miami, La Texas. Like we have so

(25:33):
much stuff to do. Follow those pages what to do
this Week or Secret That's a good one. That is
Secret NYC. And they have Secret Miami too, And they
also have like all these places where you can go
to where they're speakeasies like underneath the subways and stuff.
You know, like it's really crazy. Like they get very creative.
I will say, And I know I love Lay as

(25:53):
a date. See that could be for me, but like
if you have body issues you would have to get
over yeah you know what I mean. But like I
feel like that would be a really great day. But also,
you guys, the one honestly, the way that Mark like
won his way into my heart. We went and we
walked shelter dogs for a date. Shut the dog. He
took me to the North Shore Animal Animal Yeah, and

(26:15):
he was like, this man got to write a book.
I said, yeah, I love dogs and he was like,
I said, I rescued my one dog. And he was like,
he's like, I like to go and volunteer sometimes and
walk the dogs. He's like, just to get them out
of their cages. So we went and we walked dogs. Okay, honestly,
did you feel like it was fake or did you
feel like he was being genuine because he at that
moment where you like, this can't be real. At the

(26:35):
at the moment, I actually did think I was like
is this a put on? But then through that's just
so like magical and like rom com type of thing. Right.
The one thing was that when I went there, they
knew him. Okay, so it wasn't like his first time.
They were like hey Mark, oh my gosh. You know.
So it wasn't something where it was like he did
this as like a dating ploy, like actually, I'm gonna

(26:57):
use this these dogs to get some ass tonight. Exactly.
He wasn't using any pit bulls to get me. So no,
but that's why I felt like that was a really
wonderful thing. And then just seeing him with our own
dogs and like the way that he can he always
he actually wanted to be a veterinarian before he went
into finance, So that was something that I learned about
him on that walk. Do you see what I mean? Like,
that's why you have to sometimes take chances and say,

(27:18):
you know, I'm willing to put myself out there, it
might not be the kind of date that I was
looking for. Yeah, don't get me started on dates because,
like I feel like a lot of women now, if
a date is not like five hundred dollars plus, they
don't want to do it. That's the issue, That's what
I'm saying, especially because people are always looking for content.
I'm gonna tell you this while dating, don't use dating
for gathering videos. Oh well, I want to go here

(27:42):
because everybody's going here, or I want to go here
and make my date my photographer. Or there's a wall
over here, let's go over there. That's not a date.
That's you using them as your content producer. Honey, that
shit the fuck down, bro, Focus, stop you don't need
to video. You don't need to order the drink comes
with the smoke so that you can video it. You

(28:02):
don't need to you know, have them bring out a
sign so you can video it. First of all, you're
looking kind of corny. I'm not even gonna lie to you.
You're looking kind of corny. And that person sitting and
cross from you might feel used when they see that
ship on Instagram and they're not even in it. I
would never even think that way. And that just tells
you that we're in twenty twenty three. Because it's like
you go to Miami, what is the place, Fianna, the

(28:24):
place side is the carouseund and everything everybody, how many
people are staked, But that's more for the Graham, Carolina.
It's all for the Graham. And then you have somebody
when the bill comes, Oh it's six hundred dollars. Your
date ordered everything that kim with smoke. Your date ordered
everything she saw on fucking Instagram. Yeah, that person might

(28:46):
be turned off. The truffles. You don't even need truffle
just because just because you want to videotape the tuffles
being shaked shaped off exactly, Yo, just chill out man,
do less. I'm telling you right now because I have
single friends. I know what they're doing, I know what
they're going through, and I also know from the guy's perspective.
I was just about to say that why are you

(29:06):
like we are just this is why we needed to
do this podcast together again. I have two little boys, okay,
and I have said to them, you know, whoever you date,
and I've said this many times, whoever you date, I
don't care who it is. I don't care what color
they are, I don't care what their background is, as
long as they respect you and they love you. Now,
I have two young men who are going to be

(29:27):
dating at some point soon. How are they going to
keep up? You can't take anybody to Starbucks anymore. You
got to take them over here and go to Hudson
Yards and got Cobb. We gotta have a heart on it,
and the Barissa has to come out with a whole
French suit and do it in front of you. Bring
it down, bring it back to basics. If you really
want to get something that's long lasting and true, bring

(29:48):
it back down to basics. And finally, the last tip
that is so important to me. It is so imperative
that I think that everybody should follow this. Being so
obvious about your courtship is a big no. When I
met Mark, I knew that this was going to be
something so special. I did everything to protect it. The

(30:10):
only people who I told were my very closest friends,
and I basically told my mother. I did not tell work,
I did not tell my coworkers, I did not tell
my acquaintances. I pretended like I was single. I actually
told him I'm doing this because I think that this
is worth it, and I don't want anybody fucking this up.
I was gonna say that, Yeah, media is I mean,

(30:34):
it's no glad ocacy. The people say it all the time.
Don't share what you're doing or what you're working on,
because you know people that are envious, and I don't
need that in my life. And so, you know, that
was the one thing. So maybe if you're courting somebody,
keep it to yourself for a little bit, maybe marinate
on it. Maybe you don't put it all out there
on social media for everybody to see. Well that's a fact.

(30:56):
The whole social media thing. Keep it off social media.
I feel like that ruins everything everything, And then it's like, oh, girl,
let me talk to you. He used to mess with
my girlfriend three weeks ago. And then because you know,
people are going to do it, of course, and then
it's like, oh, look at this one. And then you
put a picture with that person and you're like, why
did eighteen people forward this picture? Come to find out
he was out, he had done wild dirt and nodding

(31:18):
on ruenyo. Shit, Yeah, well, you know what it is.
I want people to find love. I feel like there
are just so many women and men who are really
being honest and they want it and they're looking for it.
And I just read a statistic just a couple of
weeks ago in the news, I believe, and don't quote
me on this, it was like something like sixties something
percent of Americans feel lonely. Loneliness is an epidemic that

(31:43):
is going to hit our country. It's already here. And
the only way that you can do it is by
building up yourself, building up those relationships, investing in the
people who are going to help you become the best
person that you can be. And that includes dating the
people that you're dating. So I don't know, I hope
this helps. I loved this list I love this list too,

(32:04):
And the loneliness thing, Carolina, it's a big deal. I
feel like we should do an episode on that because
I know a lot of people that are very lonely.
But the reason I assumed that they're lonely is because
they have created this life on social media that they
believe they're living, but they don't know it'll be old pictures.

(32:29):
Oh today I went to the beach. No they did not.
That picture is seven months old. Oh today I went
here and went in eight No, you didn't. You saved
that from three weeks ago. And you know what you
did today, fucking nothing exactly. You didn't leave your house
because you you were watching Love After lock Up because
you felt satisfied enough with the world thinking you did something,

(32:49):
and you saw someone that you didn't think it was
even necessary for you to leave your house. But this
is why people were taking toilet seats and pretending they
were on private planes. I mean, I like, remember, That's
why I'm saying, it's like we all have to like
we've got it. We got to do a dial it back, absolutely,
and this was so much fun. But honestly, I could
go on for hours and hours and by the way.

(33:09):
I don't want anybody to think. I want to be
very transparent. My relationship with my husband is not perfect.
I've spoken about it many many times. I'm just telling
you my story and my method on how I got
to that place with him, to where we eventually built
a relationship to now where we are a family and
we are a husband and wife. And don't let me

(33:30):
tell you about the chicken, the marrying chicken, because that
I fucked that all the way up there. Allegedly there's
a recipe you make a chicken and then the guy
wants to marry you. Did you hear about this engagement
chicken talking about No, I made a chicken and that
ship was raw and he still who gave you this
recipe for to marry a Cosmo? This is what happens

(33:51):
when you're right that the magazine is on. Nobody even
reads magazines anywhere. No, well you know what I ended
up getting them anyway. So there you have it. But
if you guys have questions, definitely hit us up. We're
at li Spanglish on Instagram. Hit us up and make
sure you subscribe. I love when those episodes pop up.

(34:12):
Give us the five stars, and you know just hit
us up on Instagram. Yeah, it's just your best friends
talking and you know, we hope that you can relate
and if we can ever help you, dm us send
us an email Life and Spanglish at gmail dot com.
Orlena is so good, she remember all this stuff. After
the pandemic, I blanked out. I was like, I said,
they gonna find us. They're gonna find us. They'll find us,

(34:32):
So we'll be back next week. Guys, Love you, guys.
Lifenspanglish is a production of Lifens Spanglish Productions in partnership
with Ihearts Michael Tha Podcast Network