February 13, 2025 • 37 mins
Julie Brown is the queen of networking, we know because This Shit Works! Lisa and Julie sat down to discuss all Julies advice in her book, This Shit Works. She told us how to use social media and LinkedIn to your advantage and how to be 80% more sucsessful than your peers. Lisa's next book club event will be with Lisa Genvoa at Joss and Main on February 26th; join the livestream on the Kiss108 Facebook!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, Welcome to Lisa's book Club, a podcast where I
interview best selling authors from the New England area, pulling
back the curtain on what it's really like being a
best selling author. They're guilty pleasures, latest projects, and so
much more. Hey, you know what This Shit works? Actually,
it really does. It's a book by Julie Brown. She's
an author, a speaker, podcast host, entrepreneur. She joined me
(00:27):
at my book club about two years ago to talk
about her book This Shit Works, and I'm telling you
it really does.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Listen to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
She gives clear cut ideas, examples of easy ways that
you can transform your life. You're going to be eighty
percent ahead of the game after you listen to this podcast.
I really wanted to have someone that is a dynamic
woman and that can help all of us just reach
our potential and use what you've learned to just motivate
(01:02):
and network better.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
So that's what we're going to talk about today.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Whatever stage you're in, whether you're happy in your job
or you're happy in your life, you want more friends,
or you want a better job, you want more money, all.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
That kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
So that's where Julie can, you know, can really speak
to today.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So she has a book and it's.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Called this Shit Works, and I'm only allowed to say
it once because Tony ahead of our digital this is
We're Facebook living this right now and kiss one away
dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Sorry Tony, So that's the only time I can say it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
This is the book she's selling it, and I actually
love I think this is a great title. There's also
a woman in Boston who I know, you know, the
stick woman that she makes, she makes the hats, the
ship that I knit. Oh yes twice, good friend of
our show, good friend of kiss And I'm telling you
(01:57):
it's all about the name. Yeah, so it's good. I
always say I didn't write a book called this Doesn't Work, right,
So yeah, So I love your style already, thank you. So,
as I said, Julie is into networking and making things
better in your life. So let's just start there, all right.
So when I first opened your book, one of the
(02:19):
first things that jumped out of me was that you
say that you need to just be yourself. You need
to write down who you are because you're great. And
when you start to write down who you are, that's
when you're like, wow, I really do do a lot
I really am okay, right.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So let's start there. So I call it the list
yourself approach.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
And I created this approach after so, I'm a networking expert.
I travel the world teaching people how to network and
do business development, lead generation for relationship building, and so
many people would say to me, I don't have anything
to talk about, and I was like, what do you mean?
You don't having anything to talk about? So created this
thing called the list your self approach. And the list
your self approach is this approach in which you write
(03:03):
down all of the things that make you you that
have nothing to do with what you do for work
or business. In America, we're consumed by defining ourselves by
our profession.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
And it starts when we're young.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
We ask children, I'm sure you're asking children right now,
what do you want to be when you grow up?
And then you're in college and you're at a frat
party and the first thing some dude says to you
is what's your major? And then you get out of
college and you graduate and the first thing that somebody
asks you at a networking event is what do you do?
And it's like you're defined by this thing that your
profession when there's so many other facets of you. So
(03:36):
I created the list of your self approach so you
could remember all of the things that make you you
that have nothing to do with what you do for business.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Do you think that's an American thing?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
All?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
One hundred percent? Because in Europe.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
In Europe, they don't have the question what do you do?
They have the question who are you? So when you
go to an event anywhere in Europe, it's more about
who are you? Tell me who you are versus what
do you do. It's a very American, industrialized nation, industrialized
American point of view. So so let's start there. So
we should all be writing down who we are. So
(04:10):
you would write down a list of all the things
that make you you that have nothing to do with business. So,
for for example, my list and it changes every year.
She should make a new list because every year things
are happening in your life. So my list would be
that I'm can I say dank? Yes, okay, so I'm
a dink's just dual income no kids, But I'm actually
(04:33):
I learned recently that I'm a dink wad, which is
dual income no kids with a Dog's awesome so, so
I'm a marathon runner. I ran the Boston Marathon three times.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, I was young. Then I don't do it anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Skier, I ski every weekend. Any Vermont skiers here?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Show my neighbor in Vermont?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Sure, Bush, I know you're you're yeah. So yeah. Wine snobs.
I see a lot of wine snobs in the room
right now. World Traveler Peloton. Anybody have Pelton Peloton? Yeah,
my butt's on that peloton, at least my second husband.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Of course you can't. I am not used to being
on terrestrial st so you see.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I mean it's like I love tequila, I love you know,
I love philanthropy, like so all of these things that
are so important and make me this person that people
want to talk to you versus I talk for a living,
like how boring? You know? And and then studies show
that there is the most hated question ever is what
(05:51):
do you do for a living? And it's the first
question you're asked at networking events where why aren't we
asking what do you do? And so I love what
I do for your living. Let me just tell you
I wouldn't want to do any else. But when I'm
at an event or I'm anywhere and people are like,
what do you do for a living? I'm like, okay,
I talk a lot for a living, Like I don't
(06:12):
want to talk about it because it's so boring to me.
I want to know everything else that you guys do,
because commonality is is how we're gonna It's how you connect.
And I have to say on the radio, I mean,
you guys are all here because you listen to Kiss
One Away and you listen to Billy and Lisa in
the morning. And I think one of the things that
we do on the show, and I think we do
it pretty well, is we talk about what we do.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
We talk about our lives.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You know, and that connects people, and people like that
because everybody can relate to everyone, even if you're on
the radio. You know, we all have the same problems,
we have the same you know issues.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So I totally agree with that. Really important.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
You said to assess it every year. We were just
in a meeting last week. I mean, and this is
more for social media, which is which I'm going to
ask you about. They say, assess it every six months. Yeah, sure,
look at yourself, Yeah, take a self assessment. Yeah, I mean,
your life is changing every day. So why aren't you
thinking about all of the things that are happening in
your life that could connect you to other people. I
(07:14):
want to have a little sidebar here because I do
my life is teaching women how to network. And one
of the single biggest limiting factors for women in business
is lack of a network. And we hear all of
the statistics about women under forty makes seventy nine cents
to a dollar for every man makes women over forty
raise your hand, you make eighty two cents. Congratulations on
(07:38):
your three cent raise. I mean, there are more CEOs
named John than there are women CEOs. There are more
CFOs named David than there are female CFOs. Eighty five
percent of board members or white men. One of the
single biggest limiting factors for women in business is lack
of a network.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
And it doesn't have to.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Be that way.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
But why do you think it is?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Well, okay, so there's a lot of reasons about that.
We could talk about, you know, sort of gender roles
until you know, probably the mid eighties, you know, where
women stayed home. We could talk about the good Old
Boys Club. We could talk about the.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Difference how men and women network.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
A book came out in nineteen ninety two and mena
for Mars, Women Are from Venus, written by a man
to tell a woman what planet she came from. Okay,
And in that book, it's all about the idea that
we want different things from relationships, where forty years of
scientific study have shown that there's no scientific difference in
the way we build relationships, and let we've been told
(08:44):
that we build them differently, and then we want different things. Okay,
there's no scientific difference in the way we build relationships. Okay,
but there's very different ways in which we network. Can
I talk about that? Yeah, Okay. There's four main differences
in the way men and women network. The first one
is men tend to build networks that are wide and deep. Okay,
(09:04):
they understand that the more people they know, the more
people they meet, the more people can help them achieve
their goals. That's the first one. The second one is
women tend to build homogeneous networks.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Look around this room, we all kind of look the same.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
We tend to build networks with women who look like us,
who are at the same age as us, We're at
this same career status as us. Where men build networks
with people who are They are not afraid. You know,
they're coming in the first day at work, They're like,
I'm gonna network with the CFO. Good, because that's what
you should be doing. Okay. They're not afraid to network up,
(09:41):
They're not afraid to network horizontally, and they are not
afraid to network down. The third one is women tend
to shy away from transactional relationships meeting. We tend to
shy away from asking for what we want from people,
meaning I want more money, I want to not make
e two cents on the dollar, okay, I want referrals,
(10:03):
I want strategic introductions, I want push projects. I want
you to be my ally, I want you to be
my mentor. And the fourth one is time. Women tend
to take on the familial obligations, whether you are caring
for children or you're in the Sandwich generation, which a way,
I look around this room. There's a lot of people
in the Sandwich generation who are taking care of children
(10:24):
and aging parents at the same time moms stay healthy. Yeah,
I never knew it was called the Sandwich and Sandwich
generation trusting. So when you think about the familial obligations
and you think about when networking events happen before work
or after work. That's generally when men have the most
you know, time to time that and women don't. So
(10:47):
those are the four major differences on how men and
women network. So are you seeing that changing a little
bit with the fact that men tend to, like you said,
walk in on the first day of work and say,
I'm going to get to know the CEO, and you
know how I'm going to do it. We're going to
play golf together, We're going to ski together, We're going
to go play bathshoot together. I don't know, right right, Yeah, so, yeah,
(11:11):
so I did.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I don't know if I can't.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I wrote the book a couple years ago. I can't
remember I talked about Karen. Did I talk about golf
in the book?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
I did?
Speaker 3 (11:19):
You?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Did you know what I did?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
My girlfriend Tracy raise your hand, she's in my top five.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
You learn about that in the book.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Tracy and I were so sick and tired of women
not golfing for business that we created a golf league
nice for We're in the bill to industry architecture, engineering, construction,
real estate development, which is how it meant Jackie.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah, So all of the women in.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Real estate were like, we don't know what we're doing,
and so we just started a golf league and we said,
if you don't have clubs, use ours. If you're afraid,
just come with us, because let me just tell you
a secret. Guys, you're so afraid of looking like you
stuck at golf, right I oh yeah, okay, absolutely said it.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah suck is okay, right.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Yeah stink let me I'm here, shocker, ladies, I have
been on the golf course for twenty years.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
The men they suck to, they do. But you know what,
they're not going to tell you that they oh, never know.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Just kidding, I mean, oh. The thing about networking is
it seems like this thing that has to have a
prescribed area in which you do it. But you have
to be at a networking event, the chamber thing, which.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Like whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Networking happens wherever you want it to network. It happens
at the grocery store, it happens on the golf course,
it happens on the ski lift. Okay, it happens here
in this room. Right. The people you meet will change
your life like nothing else. But you have to be
willing to meet those people. You have to be willing
to be in this room, meet some knew and follow
(13:01):
up tomorrow. Networking can happen in the hallway. Okay, it's
just your mindset around networking.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
It can happen at a Christmas party, like you said,
at the grocery store, at.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
A book club.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
And then when you say follow up, I want to
ask you. I mean, usually it's the old email, it's
the text message. Are people still writing personal notes?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Are they? I mean they're obviously dming people a couple
of things about follow up.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
So I'm a big on my list. I should have
listed podcast listener. I should have listed more specifically true
crime podcast listener. Raise your hand if you listen to
true crime podcasts. Okay, ladies, we all know true crime.
First twenty four hours is the most important. After a
crime scene, right when you meet someone, the first twenty
(13:59):
four hours is the most important time to follow up.
So whether that is you've met them and you've you know,
linked in with them and you send them a message,
or you've got their email and you send them an email,
or you got their their cell phone number and you
send them a text message, that is the most important thing.
Get that initial follow up out first twenty four hours.
(14:19):
If you want to really stand out, you stand a
handwritten note, You send a hand written note for anything,
for any like. Do you think it comes across as
too eager? Sometimes? Never, No, I'm just I'm just starting
it out there. Yeah, this is real hard toisica.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
It's almost like you're dated.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's almost like it's like it's like a dating So
there's the thing that's going to happen. Eighty percent of
building and maintaining relationships. I'll say it again, eighty percent
of building and maintaining relationships is just following up. And people, Yeah,
people suck at it, okay because they think it's the
other person's sto because it comes from this dating thing
(14:57):
where it's like, oh no week days, right, But it's
true though you know you have you know, by that point,
you forgot what you talked about, you forgot why you
wanted to follow up. And so my I always say
when you when you meet anybody, you take that responsibility
of follow up as your own. If you become really
(15:20):
good at follow up, you'll beat eighty percent of your competition,
no matter what industry you're in. Because eighty percent of
building mantaging relationships is just following up, and people don't
do it. So what you're gonna do is you're gonna
send an You're gonna meet me tonight. Okay, you're gonna
be like, oh my god, you were great. You're so funny,
and my husband's gonna be like, she's not that funny,
and you're gonna What you're gonna do is we're gonna
exchange business cards and then you're gonna send what would
(15:44):
happen normally if it wasn't me, because I'm an expert
at networking, so I would definitely send you the email first.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
But you would meet.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Somebody and you would send them an email and you
would say it was so amazing meeting the last night.
I loved our conversation about crocheting sweaters for chickens because
you got into your list, right, and that's what you do.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
And then that person.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Is going to respond and say I was just sending
you an email. No they weren't, No, they weren't, and
it was never gonna happen. I will tell you so
many missed opportunities in your networking, in your career is
because you met somebody who would change your life and
you didn't follow up. Yes, right, yeah, I take that away.
(16:36):
I don't let me let me say, oh, she just
asked a question about power play that it seems like
it's a power play going back and forth just for
the stream.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Okay, I take that away. I don't see it as that.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Okay, when I meet somebody that I genuinely want to
have a connection with that I am so intrigued by,
because we'll bring in dopamine.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Are we going to talk about? Dopamine?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Mean?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Is a neurotransmitter in the brains that's in the pleasure
center of the brain. When you have really good conversations
with somebody that dop't mean spikes in your brain. You're like,
oh my god, yeah, wait to talk to you again.
I want those kind of conversations. And when I have
those kind of conversations of somebody, there's no power. It's
it's literally I hope you beat me to email you first.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I I don't ever consider, no matter how successful I get,
I don't ever consider meeting somebody. I don't know exactly
how to phrase this. I don't know ever consider it
is can I offer them more than they can offer me?
Is there a power difference in difference here are I
(17:43):
don't ever think about it that way at all, because
I think that also plays into why women network differently,
because we only network with women who are in general,
who are on the same level as.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Us, and it in it and it's so devoid.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
We're like we're robbing ourselves of experiences with other people
in relationships with other people.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Totally agree.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
I want to talk a little bit about social media
and sort of how that plays into the networking game
and how you can really utilize social media.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
And that platform.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So I actually so I'm in two places as far
as social media goes. I'm on Instagram, but then I'm
also on LinkedIn and for people who don't know who
are in a professional setting, LinkedIn is the best social
network for business to business relationships for business to business leads.
Eighty percent of leads that are from business to business
(18:44):
come from LinkedIn. So I spend most of my energy
on LinkedIn.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So for that first to know.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
The second thing about social media, whether it's Instagram or LinkedIn,
is I only look at it as a way for
me to provide useful content, useful con content for me
to disseminate my expertise in a fun way. I don't
use it for there's for content for so content is king.
(19:12):
Content is king as far as wanting to establish yourself
as an expert in whatever industry you're in. But content
for content is noise and you.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Will quickly get.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Unfollowed or people are like, oh, that's it's a bad
word people, that's crap, you know. So if you're going
to use social media for networking for brand building, make
sure you're disseminating really useful information and you're not just
creating noise. Well, because people are going to look at
that now like they're going to check you out. That's
(19:47):
part of their research. Right. So if you if you
were if you don't have your own website, if you
don't own your own company and you don't have your
own website and somebody googles your name, the first thing
that will come up is your LinkedIn prof file. Because
Google and LinkedIn work on SEO and they work on
word search. So if you have a LinkedIn profile but
(20:08):
you don't have your own website, that's the first thing
that's going to come up. So think about like, what
if I posted what am I you know, what would
be the first thing, my first impression of people when
they go to that site. Okay, what about social media
for networking other than trying to get a better job,
just like trying to expand my social circle. Yeah, I
(20:29):
mean I think you have to do it with intention.
So anything in your life that you would want to
succeed at, you would have a plan and you would
have reasons for doing what you're doing. So if you
would think about, Okay, these are the people on Instagram
or on LinkedIn or on whatever that you want to
connect with, be really honest about why you want to
(20:53):
connect with them, follow them, interact with their posts. Don't
just come out there and slide into their dms real hot,
you know, and ask for what you want, like, spend
time getting to know them through their content and then
send the right because it sort of develops a sense
of respect, ye for right exactly for what they're putting
out there. I didn't even realize it. We're like Nagie Magie.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Yeah, we have navy blue nail on. I like that.
I know we color coordinate it. Yep.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Do you want to come up and use the MicroC Yeah,
come on up, Yeah, because I want this to expand
it like, I know it's a it's a job thing,
but it's also like, how can we just expand, like
make more friends because we're all sort of in a
similar you know, twenty five fifty four. Let's just say,
and you're right, you get stuck, you hang out with
(21:42):
the same people, Like how do you how do you expand.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Your circle without looking creepy?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Let me just say, I know I was going to
say while you were walking up, but you're there because
we talked about Pam Anderson and that she didn't get
her royalties and all of that. Right, had she had
a network of people around her, lawyers in her network,
people who had her back, were invested in her success,
that wouldn't have happened.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Right, you're right, but back then we didn't have all
of that.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
One thing that close, close, close, yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
One thing that really bothers me is that people look
at your profile pictures and they judge you by your looks.
Like my friends and I were sitting at a table
and tonight and a guy came by and he's like.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh, you guys are a B plus. Oh am I right,
get him kicked out.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I know.
Speaker 5 (22:36):
It's like, like, why would you even say that, so
are you judging us? But they look at your profile
pictures and they judge you by the way you look.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
So I don't. I don't like that. So how can
we get around that? Okay, well you're oh, I wish
I could sweare.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I know right, you are never going to get around
those kinds of people. And and let me just tell
you you don't want those kinds of people in your network.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I want people in my network who are invested in
my success, who love me for who I am, who
look at that list and go half of it is crazy,
but I love it anyway. And also in a room
full of opportunity, say my name.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
No matter what you know, you're you're fighting.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
A couple of bad apples here. I think I don't
think correct me if I'm wrong, But I don't think
it's a blanket general.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I just don't think that.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
That's never happened to me. And if that had happened
to me, that guy would.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I don't know, you'd see that I have really good
kicking on my list.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
YEA.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Well, let's go back to how you create your profile, because,
like we said, like that's what people are looking at
these days.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
I mean, I mean they are so so.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
For example, my profile on LinkedIn says it says international
keynote speaker, podcast host, author, but then it also says
dog mom wine lover, and then it says nineties hip
hop is the best hip hop.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Fight me.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Okay, So immediately I've disarmed people. It's no longer about
my profile picture, no matter how good that profile picture looks.
It is about you know, how many people come after
me and they're like, yeah, nineties hip hop is the best.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
If I'm like, I know you want.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
To talk about it, yeah, Like so on your LinkedIn,
So if you if we can go back to the
beginning of this conversation where I was talking about the
LinkedIn the list your self approach, and I said, make
who you are about who you are, not about what
you do. Yeah, my LinkedIn, you have two hundred and
eighty characters or something like that on your LinkedIn title.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
So put put whatever you are and.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Then the problems you solve but also about you and
and disarm them so quickly that they just want to
know who you are. So you see me and you're like, yeah, okay,
international keynote speaker who Cares author Who Cares podcast, Who Cares,
Dog Bomb ninety.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Hip hop is the best hip hop? Come at me?
Very cool? Why stop?
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Like that is how you start stripping away people's preconceptions. Yeah,
I really like that. I like that, and I totally
agree with you. So nine is the best nip off exactly.
And I have to say that even if people don't
agree with you, they're still going to engage with you
because they.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Know you're cool. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Like, that's just a cool thing to put on you
on your profile. So I really like that.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
It's a really really good example.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Mix it up a little bit, change it every six months,
put something new on your profile. When that guy walked
by and said you're a B plus, did you say
you're a D minus?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
That's yeah, you did. So do you want to go
into the don't be an asshole? Chapter? Yes? You can.
You can say it on the radio. I can say
it a million times. You can't say all at once.
You can say you can say it on the radio.
(26:16):
Yeah he's fine. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
So the title of the chapter is being an asshole
won't get you very far right.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
I think it's a perfect time to talk about it because.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
I think that guy needs to read that chapter right.
And so it's about this idea that you know, business
takes a long time to cultivate, and we're building relationships
out of integrity and because we want to, not because
we need to. And my goal for everybody in this
room is for you not to have to do business
(26:47):
with anybody you don't like. I want you to build
the kind of network around you in which you only
do business with the people you actually really like and
want to interact with. And the bigger than net you make,
the stronger you make again women, the more diverse you
make that, the easier that is for you to do.
(27:10):
I totally agree. So the other thing that I thought
was interesting was that you said that anytime you walk
into even if it's a networking event, a conference, whatever,
a cocktail party, a Christmas party, do your research before
you get there. And I actually liked the part where
you said if you can get an eye on the
guest list, if you look and see who's there, you
(27:31):
can kind of figure out, oh, okay, so and So's
going to be here. Then you kind of get an
idea of oh, well, if I run into them, I'm
going to say this to them. We're going to bring
up this, We're going to bring up that. So I
don't know if you want to touch on that. Well,
that came out of a lot of introverted people coming
to me and saying that they didn't feel comfortable networking.
So if I can just do a little bit on
introvert versus extrovert. So I hear a lot of things
(27:53):
about the difference of the differences between introvert and extroverts,
And the honest truth is there's no one that's like
a hunch undred percent extroverted and one hundred percent introverted.
We all fall in this thing that's called the ambrovert spectrum,
and then we lean towards one end.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Of the other.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
So we're ambroverts who lean towards extroversion or amberverts who
lean towards introversion.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
And introvert versus.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Extrovert is a lot about where you get your energy from.
When you walk into a room full of people, does
your battery drain or are you like me who tends
to shocker the extroverted part of the introvert spectrum. When
I walk into a room, feed but I could be
dead tired. But then I walk in and those people
fill my cup. So that is a lot about introvert
versus extrovert. Also, societally, we like to tell extrovert introverts
(28:42):
that there's something wrong with them because there are so
many books and articles telling you to be different, how
to change how you naturally are. There's extra vat Extra
sorry networking for introverts, and there's how to come out
of your shell and all of this stuff. But there's
not one book that I've read that says, hey, extra
why don't you shut up? It's so true, let somebody
(29:04):
else talk for half a second, you know. So I
think we have to stop telling introverts that there's something
wrong with them, because there's not. So this came out
of a lot of conversations that I had with introverts
where when I was talking to them, they are so
prepared to go to events because they're so nervous, and
the more prepared they are, the more comfortable they were
(29:28):
walking into a room. And so these techniques works for anybody.
Before you walk into a room, think about could I
call somebody who might be going to that event? How
many of you going to this event came with somebody?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, that's like you walk.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
In with a wing person and automatically walking into event doesn't.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Feel so scary.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Can you call the organizers of the event and say,
I don't know anybody. Would you be willing to share
the attendee list with me? Half of the time they won't.
Half the time they will, And then you can look
at it and be like, oh my god, I actually
know a couple of people who are going to this.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
That's a great thing. Yeah, idea.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Or you can just get a better feel for who's
going to be in that room so you are more
comfortable walking into that room. I also thought the thing
about set a goal for yourself when you walk into
any type of event. I know that that's always worked
for me, even when I'm like not feeling like I
want to go to an event. It's like if I
set a goal and be like, you know what, I'm
(30:21):
going to meet two new people and that's what I'm
going to do, and I'm telling you.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
You do it and it's great and then it makes
your night. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
And so people say to me, well, my network isn't
big enough. How do I build a network? And I say,
you don't do it overnight. You're not going to do
it tonight in this room. You're not going to meet
everybody in this room and know you know exactly how
to follow up. So what you should do is you
if you thought about it like this, I have.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Fifty two weeks a year.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
If fifty weeks out of the year I met one
new person, I would know fifty new people at the
end of this year. And that's a huge amount of
people to try to maintain a relationship with. So people
they come into networking and they say, oh, I got
to build it right now because it's so important. It's
the single biggest limiting factor for women. Yes it is,
but you're not going to build this network overnight. So
(31:07):
slow and study the win's the race. So every event
you go to say I'm just going to meet one
new amazing person, I'm going to meet two new amazing people,
and I'm gonna take it ask my role to follow
up with them the next day, and then next week
I'm going to do it again. If you did that
and you met two new people every week, you'd meet
one hundred new people every year, which is a lot
of relationships to change your life.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
It is. It's great.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
So do we have any questions anyone have any questions
for Julie.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Okay, so I came to this event, can you Yeah, yeah,
I'm sorry. So main reason I came to this event,
that's to network. And I have really no idea that
you would be speaking.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
How lucky you, I know.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I just to get out of my community and meet
new people. Yeah, and my wing man is my husband,
because none of my friends would come. Sorry hunt me,
But I mean, what do you do when you're so nervous,
I mean to even.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Or what if you do if you had to come
by yourself, if your lovely husband couldn't come.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Right. Well, So here's a couple of things at first.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So nerves is just energy, and so if you can
think about energy, nerves different as I'm excited, I have
this energy around this event. So people ask me all
the time. So I get in front of I travel
the world speaking in front of large stages, and people
always say, don't you get nervous? And I say, yeah,
I mean I get nervous, but I transfer that into
(32:37):
energy because if I'm nervous, that makes it about me.
It doesn't make about what's happening around me. So if
I'm nervous when I get on a stage that's really
internalizing what's happening, and it's making it all about me,
not what I have to deliver to the people there.
So if you can think about your nervousness as I
actually have energy in my body around this. I want
(32:58):
to do this, I wanted to meet you people, then
that's one way of doing it. The second thing is
a lot of nerves comes from people worrying that people
are judging them, or they don't have the right thing
to say, or they're not sure that they're in the
right room. And I always say to people that no
one's judging you as hard as you're judging yourself. And
(33:20):
so if you can go into rooms understanding that no
one is looking at you as hard as you are
internally navel gazing, then you can walk into that room
with a bit more confidence. And confidence comes with repetition.
So the more you do it, the easier it gets.
The more rooms you walk into, the easier every room
becomes good. I like that, thanks any other questions, It's
(33:46):
like I wrote a book on it now.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
So, Julie, I was interested.
Speaker 6 (33:54):
When you are comparing how men can network more effectively
than women. One of your points was that there they
are have a greater ability to transcend generational differences. So
how could we do better at that? Could we break
out of always just networking with people who are in
(34:16):
our demographic looking us all that?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (34:18):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
So, the thing is is there's a couple of answers
to that. The first is, whatever organization you belong in,
no matter how big or small, network with the entire organization.
Don't be afraid to network with the president, with the CFO,
with the CEO, with the people in the mailroom.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Don't be afraid of that.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
So people think of networking as external networking only, but
internal networking is super important as well for career development.
So think about how you could network differently within the
organization that you work in. The second one is when
you think about networking, think about, Okay, how can I
network in a diverse population? What rooms am I spending
(34:55):
my time in? What organizations am I giving my money
to membership money to time to Can I look at
them and say I want to be a part of
more diverse organizations and spend time in more diverse rooms.
Those are the two easiest way ways to do it.
And then the other one is is to ask for
strategic introductions.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Ask people in.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Your network who you already know, who you already have
rapport with, to say, I'm trying to increase my network.
Is there anybody within your network that you think that
I should know? Everybody is said to have a sphere
of influence of about two hundred and fifty people, and
that sphere of influence just means you know about two
hundred and fifty people within which your opinion carries weight.
There's also a thing in social network theory called triatic closure.
(35:38):
Try to closure means when you are introduced to somebody
who don't know through somebody you know, the rate with
which your relationship grows is faster because you have a
common connection. So can you use people who are already
in your network to introduce you to a more diverse population?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Got it all right? So do you have any other questions? Nope?
Speaker 1 (35:59):
So I think we should like send them away with
something like some homework, right, Like homework would be okay?
Two things for homework?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
The first thing would be to create your list. Yes,
put it on anything, a scrap of paper, anything. Rediscover yourself,
Rediscover how amazing you are, rediscover the experiences you have
had and learn how important those are to share with
other people.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
That's number one.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
The second one is in this room, talk to somebody
you don't know, and then tomorrow follow up. And I
hope there's a battle for how fast you can follow
up with each other exactly. The reason why this script
was created was to get people together and to meet
people and to help. We all need to help each other.
So thank you so much, Julie. This is amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Well, this shit really does work.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
I hope you enjoyed Julie Brown as much as I did.
And again, these are easy things to implement. If you
want to join Lisa's book clubcy just go to Kiss
Oneaway dot com slash Lisa's book Club.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
You're in.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
I hope to see you at one of our events.
Next event is February twenty sixth with Lisa Genova at Johnson, Maine.
And my next podcast, I sit down with the very
famous Caroline Kepnis. She's from Centerville, mass She created the
U series on Netflix and you are going to love her.
Hey, Welcome to Lisa's book Club, a podcast where I
interview best selling authors from the New England area, pulling
back the curtain on what it's really like being a
best selling author. They're guilty pleasures, latest projects, and so
much more. Hey, you know what This Shit works? Actually,
it really does. It's a book by Julie Brown. She's
an author, a speaker, podcast host, entrepreneur. She joined me
(00:27):
at my book club about two years ago to talk
about her book This Shit Works, and I'm telling you
it really does.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Listen to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
She gives clear cut ideas, examples of easy ways that
you can transform your life. You're going to be eighty
percent ahead of the game after you listen to this podcast.
I really wanted to have someone that is a dynamic
woman and that can help all of us just reach
our potential and use what you've learned to just motivate
(01:02):
and network better.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
So that's what we're going to talk about today.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Whatever stage you're in, whether you're happy in your job
or you're happy in your life, you want more friends,
or you want a better job, you want more money, all.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
That kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
So that's where Julie can, you know, can really speak
to today.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
So she has a book and it's.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Called this Shit Works, and I'm only allowed to say
it once because Tony ahead of our digital this is
We're Facebook living this right now and kiss one away
dot com.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Sorry Tony, So that's the only time I can say it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
This is the book she's selling it, and I actually
love I think this is a great title. There's also
a woman in Boston who I know, you know, the
stick woman that she makes, she makes the hats, the
ship that I knit. Oh yes twice, good friend of
our show, good friend of kiss And I'm telling you
(01:57):
it's all about the name. Yeah, so it's good. I
always say I didn't write a book called this Doesn't Work, right,
So yeah, So I love your style already, thank you. So,
as I said, Julie is into networking and making things
better in your life. So let's just start there, all right.
So when I first opened your book, one of the
(02:19):
first things that jumped out of me was that you
say that you need to just be yourself. You need
to write down who you are because you're great. And
when you start to write down who you are, that's
when you're like, wow, I really do do a lot
I really am okay, right.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So let's start there. So I call it the list
yourself approach.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
And I created this approach after so, I'm a networking expert.
I travel the world teaching people how to network and
do business development, lead generation for relationship building, and so
many people would say to me, I don't have anything
to talk about, and I was like, what do you mean?
You don't having anything to talk about? So created this
thing called the list your self approach. And the list
your self approach is this approach in which you write
(03:03):
down all of the things that make you you that
have nothing to do with what you do for work
or business. In America, we're consumed by defining ourselves by
our profession.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
And it starts when we're young.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
We ask children, I'm sure you're asking children right now,
what do you want to be when you grow up?
And then you're in college and you're at a frat
party and the first thing some dude says to you
is what's your major? And then you get out of
college and you graduate and the first thing that somebody
asks you at a networking event is what do you do?
And it's like you're defined by this thing that your
profession when there's so many other facets of you. So
(03:36):
I created the list of your self approach so you
could remember all of the things that make you you
that have nothing to do with what you do for business.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Do you think that's an American thing?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
All?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
One hundred percent? Because in Europe.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
In Europe, they don't have the question what do you do?
They have the question who are you? So when you
go to an event anywhere in Europe, it's more about
who are you? Tell me who you are versus what
do you do. It's a very American, industrialized nation, industrialized
American point of view. So so let's start there. So
we should all be writing down who we are. So
(04:10):
you would write down a list of all the things
that make you you that have nothing to do with business. So,
for for example, my list and it changes every year.
She should make a new list because every year things
are happening in your life. So my list would be
that I'm can I say dank? Yes, okay, so I'm
a dink's just dual income no kids, But I'm actually
(04:33):
I learned recently that I'm a dink wad, which is
dual income no kids with a Dog's awesome so, so
I'm a marathon runner. I ran the Boston Marathon three times.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah, I was young. Then I don't do it anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Skier, I ski every weekend. Any Vermont skiers here?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Show my neighbor in Vermont?
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Sure, Bush, I know you're you're yeah. So yeah. Wine snobs.
I see a lot of wine snobs in the room
right now. World Traveler Peloton. Anybody have Pelton Peloton? Yeah,
my butt's on that peloton, at least my second husband.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Of course you can't. I am not used to being
on terrestrial st so you see.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I mean it's like I love tequila, I love you know,
I love philanthropy, like so all of these things that
are so important and make me this person that people
want to talk to you versus I talk for a living,
like how boring? You know? And and then studies show
that there is the most hated question ever is what
(05:51):
do you do for a living? And it's the first
question you're asked at networking events where why aren't we
asking what do you do? And so I love what
I do for your living. Let me just tell you
I wouldn't want to do any else. But when I'm
at an event or I'm anywhere and people are like,
what do you do for a living? I'm like, okay,
I talk a lot for a living, Like I don't
(06:12):
want to talk about it because it's so boring to me.
I want to know everything else that you guys do,
because commonality is is how we're gonna It's how you connect.
And I have to say on the radio, I mean,
you guys are all here because you listen to Kiss
One Away and you listen to Billy and Lisa in
the morning. And I think one of the things that
we do on the show, and I think we do
it pretty well, is we talk about what we do.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
We talk about our lives.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You know, and that connects people, and people like that
because everybody can relate to everyone, even if you're on
the radio. You know, we all have the same problems,
we have the same you know issues.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So I totally agree with that. Really important.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
You said to assess it every year. We were just
in a meeting last week. I mean, and this is
more for social media, which is which I'm going to
ask you about. They say, assess it every six months. Yeah, sure,
look at yourself, Yeah, take a self assessment. Yeah, I mean,
your life is changing every day. So why aren't you
thinking about all of the things that are happening in
your life that could connect you to other people. I
(07:14):
want to have a little sidebar here because I do
my life is teaching women how to network. And one
of the single biggest limiting factors for women in business
is lack of a network. And we hear all of
the statistics about women under forty makes seventy nine cents
to a dollar for every man makes women over forty
raise your hand, you make eighty two cents. Congratulations on
(07:38):
your three cent raise. I mean, there are more CEOs
named John than there are women CEOs. There are more
CFOs named David than there are female CFOs. Eighty five
percent of board members or white men. One of the
single biggest limiting factors for women in business is lack
of a network.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
And it doesn't have to.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Be that way.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
But why do you think it is?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Well, okay, so there's a lot of reasons about that.
We could talk about, you know, sort of gender roles
until you know, probably the mid eighties, you know, where
women stayed home. We could talk about the good Old
Boys Club. We could talk about the.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Difference how men and women network.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
A book came out in nineteen ninety two and mena
for Mars, Women Are from Venus, written by a man
to tell a woman what planet she came from. Okay,
And in that book, it's all about the idea that
we want different things from relationships, where forty years of
scientific study have shown that there's no scientific difference in
the way we build relationships, and let we've been told
(08:44):
that we build them differently, and then we want different things. Okay,
there's no scientific difference in the way we build relationships. Okay,
but there's very different ways in which we network. Can
I talk about that? Yeah, Okay. There's four main differences
in the way men and women network. The first one
is men tend to build networks that are wide and deep. Okay,
(09:04):
they understand that the more people they know, the more
people they meet, the more people can help them achieve
their goals. That's the first one. The second one is
women tend to build homogeneous networks.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Look around this room, we all kind of look the same.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
We tend to build networks with women who look like us,
who are at the same age as us, We're at
this same career status as us. Where men build networks
with people who are They are not afraid. You know,
they're coming in the first day at work, They're like,
I'm gonna network with the CFO. Good, because that's what
you should be doing. Okay. They're not afraid to network up,
(09:41):
They're not afraid to network horizontally, and they are not
afraid to network down. The third one is women tend
to shy away from transactional relationships meeting. We tend to
shy away from asking for what we want from people,
meaning I want more money, I want to not make
e two cents on the dollar, okay, I want referrals,
(10:03):
I want strategic introductions, I want push projects. I want
you to be my ally, I want you to be
my mentor. And the fourth one is time. Women tend
to take on the familial obligations, whether you are caring
for children or you're in the Sandwich generation, which a way,
I look around this room. There's a lot of people
in the Sandwich generation who are taking care of children
(10:24):
and aging parents at the same time moms stay healthy. Yeah,
I never knew it was called the Sandwich and Sandwich
generation trusting. So when you think about the familial obligations
and you think about when networking events happen before work
or after work. That's generally when men have the most
you know, time to time that and women don't. So
(10:47):
those are the four major differences on how men and
women network. So are you seeing that changing a little
bit with the fact that men tend to, like you said,
walk in on the first day of work and say,
I'm going to get to know the CEO, and you
know how I'm going to do it. We're going to
play golf together, We're going to ski together, We're going
to go play bathshoot together. I don't know, right right, Yeah, so, yeah,
(11:11):
so I did.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I don't know if I can't.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I wrote the book a couple years ago. I can't
remember I talked about Karen. Did I talk about golf
in the book?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
I did?
Speaker 3 (11:19):
You?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Did you know what I did?
Speaker 1 (11:22):
My girlfriend Tracy raise your hand, she's in my top five.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
You learn about that in the book.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Tracy and I were so sick and tired of women
not golfing for business that we created a golf league
nice for We're in the bill to industry architecture, engineering, construction,
real estate development, which is how it meant Jackie.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah, So all of the women in.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Real estate were like, we don't know what we're doing,
and so we just started a golf league and we said,
if you don't have clubs, use ours. If you're afraid,
just come with us, because let me just tell you
a secret. Guys, you're so afraid of looking like you
stuck at golf, right I oh yeah, okay, absolutely said it.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Yeah suck is okay, right.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Yeah stink let me I'm here, shocker, ladies, I have
been on the golf course for twenty years.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
The men they suck to, they do. But you know what,
they're not going to tell you that they oh, never know.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Just kidding, I mean, oh. The thing about networking is
it seems like this thing that has to have a
prescribed area in which you do it. But you have
to be at a networking event, the chamber thing, which.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Like whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Networking happens wherever you want it to network. It happens
at the grocery store, it happens on the golf course,
it happens on the ski lift. Okay, it happens here
in this room. Right. The people you meet will change
your life like nothing else. But you have to be
willing to meet those people. You have to be willing
to be in this room, meet some knew and follow
(13:01):
up tomorrow. Networking can happen in the hallway. Okay, it's
just your mindset around networking.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
It can happen at a Christmas party, like you said,
at the grocery store, at.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
A book club.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
And then when you say follow up, I want to
ask you. I mean, usually it's the old email, it's
the text message. Are people still writing personal notes?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Are they? I mean they're obviously dming people a couple
of things about follow up.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
So I'm a big on my list. I should have
listed podcast listener. I should have listed more specifically true
crime podcast listener. Raise your hand if you listen to
true crime podcasts. Okay, ladies, we all know true crime.
First twenty four hours is the most important. After a
crime scene, right when you meet someone, the first twenty
(13:59):
four hours is the most important time to follow up.
So whether that is you've met them and you've you know,
linked in with them and you send them a message,
or you've got their email and you send them an email,
or you got their their cell phone number and you
send them a text message, that is the most important thing.
Get that initial follow up out first twenty four hours.
(14:19):
If you want to really stand out, you stand a
handwritten note, You send a hand written note for anything,
for any like. Do you think it comes across as
too eager? Sometimes? Never, No, I'm just I'm just starting
it out there. Yeah, this is real hard toisica.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
It's almost like you're dated.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
It's almost like it's like it's like a dating So
there's the thing that's going to happen. Eighty percent of
building and maintaining relationships. I'll say it again, eighty percent
of building and maintaining relationships is just following up. And people, Yeah,
people suck at it, okay because they think it's the
other person's sto because it comes from this dating thing
(14:57):
where it's like, oh no week days, right, But it's
true though you know you have you know, by that point,
you forgot what you talked about, you forgot why you
wanted to follow up. And so my I always say
when you when you meet anybody, you take that responsibility
of follow up as your own. If you become really
(15:20):
good at follow up, you'll beat eighty percent of your competition,
no matter what industry you're in. Because eighty percent of
building mantaging relationships is just following up, and people don't
do it. So what you're gonna do is you're gonna
send an You're gonna meet me tonight. Okay, you're gonna
be like, oh my god, you were great. You're so funny,
and my husband's gonna be like, she's not that funny,
and you're gonna What you're gonna do is we're gonna
exchange business cards and then you're gonna send what would
(15:44):
happen normally if it wasn't me, because I'm an expert
at networking, so I would definitely send you the email first.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
But you would meet.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Somebody and you would send them an email and you
would say it was so amazing meeting the last night.
I loved our conversation about crocheting sweaters for chickens because
you got into your list, right, and that's what you do.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
And then that person.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Is going to respond and say I was just sending
you an email. No they weren't, No, they weren't, and
it was never gonna happen. I will tell you so
many missed opportunities in your networking, in your career is
because you met somebody who would change your life and
you didn't follow up. Yes, right, yeah, I take that away.
(16:36):
I don't let me let me say, oh, she just
asked a question about power play that it seems like
it's a power play going back and forth just for
the stream.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Okay, I take that away. I don't see it as that.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Okay, when I meet somebody that I genuinely want to
have a connection with that I am so intrigued by,
because we'll bring in dopamine.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Are we going to talk about? Dopamine?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Mean?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Is a neurotransmitter in the brains that's in the pleasure
center of the brain. When you have really good conversations
with somebody that dop't mean spikes in your brain. You're like,
oh my god, yeah, wait to talk to you again.
I want those kind of conversations. And when I have
those kind of conversations of somebody, there's no power. It's
it's literally I hope you beat me to email you first.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I I don't ever consider, no matter how successful I get,
I don't ever consider meeting somebody. I don't know exactly
how to phrase this. I don't know ever consider it
is can I offer them more than they can offer me?
Is there a power difference in difference here are I
(17:43):
don't ever think about it that way at all, because
I think that also plays into why women network differently,
because we only network with women who are in general,
who are on the same level as.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Us, and it in it and it's so devoid.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
We're like we're robbing ourselves of experiences with other people
in relationships with other people.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Totally agree.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
I want to talk a little bit about social media
and sort of how that plays into the networking game
and how you can really utilize social media.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
And that platform.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
So I actually so I'm in two places as far
as social media goes. I'm on Instagram, but then I'm
also on LinkedIn and for people who don't know who
are in a professional setting, LinkedIn is the best social
network for business to business relationships for business to business leads.
Eighty percent of leads that are from business to business
(18:44):
come from LinkedIn. So I spend most of my energy
on LinkedIn.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
So for that first to know.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
The second thing about social media, whether it's Instagram or LinkedIn,
is I only look at it as a way for
me to provide useful content, useful con content for me
to disseminate my expertise in a fun way. I don't
use it for there's for content for so content is king.
(19:12):
Content is king as far as wanting to establish yourself
as an expert in whatever industry you're in. But content
for content is noise and you.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Will quickly get.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Unfollowed or people are like, oh, that's it's a bad
word people, that's crap, you know. So if you're going
to use social media for networking for brand building, make
sure you're disseminating really useful information and you're not just
creating noise. Well, because people are going to look at
that now like they're going to check you out. That's
(19:47):
part of their research. Right. So if you if you
were if you don't have your own website, if you
don't own your own company and you don't have your
own website and somebody googles your name, the first thing
that will come up is your LinkedIn prof file. Because
Google and LinkedIn work on SEO and they work on
word search. So if you have a LinkedIn profile but
(20:08):
you don't have your own website, that's the first thing
that's going to come up. So think about like, what
if I posted what am I you know, what would
be the first thing, my first impression of people when
they go to that site. Okay, what about social media
for networking other than trying to get a better job,
just like trying to expand my social circle. Yeah, I
(20:29):
mean I think you have to do it with intention.
So anything in your life that you would want to
succeed at, you would have a plan and you would
have reasons for doing what you're doing. So if you
would think about, Okay, these are the people on Instagram
or on LinkedIn or on whatever that you want to
connect with, be really honest about why you want to
(20:53):
connect with them, follow them, interact with their posts. Don't
just come out there and slide into their dms real hot,
you know, and ask for what you want, like, spend
time getting to know them through their content and then
send the right because it sort of develops a sense
of respect, ye for right exactly for what they're putting
out there. I didn't even realize it. We're like Nagie Magie.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Yeah, we have navy blue nail on. I like that.
I know we color coordinate it. Yep.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Do you want to come up and use the MicroC Yeah,
come on up, Yeah, because I want this to expand
it like, I know it's a it's a job thing,
but it's also like, how can we just expand, like
make more friends because we're all sort of in a
similar you know, twenty five fifty four. Let's just say,
and you're right, you get stuck, you hang out with
(21:42):
the same people, Like how do you how do you expand.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Your circle without looking creepy?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Let me just say, I know I was going to
say while you were walking up, but you're there because
we talked about Pam Anderson and that she didn't get
her royalties and all of that. Right, had she had
a network of people around her, lawyers in her network,
people who had her back, were invested in her success,
that wouldn't have happened.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Right, you're right, but back then we didn't have all
of that.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
One thing that close, close, close, yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:15):
One thing that really bothers me is that people look
at your profile pictures and they judge you by your looks.
Like my friends and I were sitting at a table
and tonight and a guy came by and he's like.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Oh, you guys are a B plus. Oh am I right,
get him kicked out.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
I know.
Speaker 5 (22:36):
It's like, like, why would you even say that, so
are you judging us? But they look at your profile
pictures and they judge you by the way you look.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
So I don't. I don't like that. So how can
we get around that? Okay, well you're oh, I wish
I could sweare.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I know right, you are never going to get around
those kinds of people. And and let me just tell
you you don't want those kinds of people in your network.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
I want people in my network who are invested in
my success, who love me for who I am, who
look at that list and go half of it is crazy,
but I love it anyway. And also in a room
full of opportunity, say my name.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
No matter what you know, you're you're fighting.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
A couple of bad apples here. I think I don't
think correct me if I'm wrong, But I don't think
it's a blanket general.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I just don't think that.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
That's never happened to me. And if that had happened
to me, that guy would.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I don't know, you'd see that I have really good
kicking on my list.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
YEA.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Well, let's go back to how you create your profile, because,
like we said, like that's what people are looking at
these days.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
I mean, I mean they are so so.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
For example, my profile on LinkedIn says it says international
keynote speaker, podcast host, author, but then it also says
dog mom wine lover, and then it says nineties hip
hop is the best hip hop.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Fight me.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Okay, So immediately I've disarmed people. It's no longer about
my profile picture, no matter how good that profile picture looks.
It is about you know, how many people come after
me and they're like, yeah, nineties hip hop is the best.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
If I'm like, I know you want.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
To talk about it, yeah, Like so on your LinkedIn,
So if you if we can go back to the
beginning of this conversation where I was talking about the
LinkedIn the list your self approach, and I said, make
who you are about who you are, not about what
you do. Yeah, my LinkedIn, you have two hundred and
eighty characters or something like that on your LinkedIn title.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
So put put whatever you are and.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Then the problems you solve but also about you and
and disarm them so quickly that they just want to
know who you are. So you see me and you're like, yeah, okay,
international keynote speaker who Cares author Who Cares podcast, Who Cares,
Dog Bomb ninety.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Hip hop is the best hip hop? Come at me?
Very cool? Why stop?
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Like that is how you start stripping away people's preconceptions. Yeah,
I really like that. I like that, and I totally
agree with you. So nine is the best nip off exactly.
And I have to say that even if people don't
agree with you, they're still going to engage with you
because they.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Know you're cool. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Like, that's just a cool thing to put on you
on your profile. So I really like that.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
It's a really really good example.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Mix it up a little bit, change it every six months,
put something new on your profile. When that guy walked
by and said you're a B plus, did you say
you're a D minus?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
That's yeah, you did. So do you want to go
into the don't be an asshole? Chapter? Yes? You can.
You can say it on the radio. I can say
it a million times. You can't say all at once.
You can say you can say it on the radio.
(26:16):
Yeah he's fine. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
So the title of the chapter is being an asshole
won't get you very far right.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
I think it's a perfect time to talk about it because.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
I think that guy needs to read that chapter right.
And so it's about this idea that you know, business
takes a long time to cultivate, and we're building relationships
out of integrity and because we want to, not because
we need to. And my goal for everybody in this
room is for you not to have to do business
(26:47):
with anybody you don't like. I want you to build
the kind of network around you in which you only
do business with the people you actually really like and
want to interact with. And the bigger than net you make,
the stronger you make again women, the more diverse you
make that, the easier that is for you to do.
(27:10):
I totally agree. So the other thing that I thought
was interesting was that you said that anytime you walk
into even if it's a networking event, a conference, whatever,
a cocktail party, a Christmas party, do your research before
you get there. And I actually liked the part where
you said if you can get an eye on the
guest list, if you look and see who's there, you
(27:31):
can kind of figure out, oh, okay, so and So's
going to be here. Then you kind of get an
idea of oh, well, if I run into them, I'm
going to say this to them. We're going to bring
up this, We're going to bring up that. So I
don't know if you want to touch on that. Well,
that came out of a lot of introverted people coming
to me and saying that they didn't feel comfortable networking.
So if I can just do a little bit on
introvert versus extrovert. So I hear a lot of things
(27:53):
about the difference of the differences between introvert and extroverts,
And the honest truth is there's no one that's like
a hunch undred percent extroverted and one hundred percent introverted.
We all fall in this thing that's called the ambrovert spectrum,
and then we lean towards one end.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Of the other.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
So we're ambroverts who lean towards extroversion or amberverts who
lean towards introversion.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
And introvert versus.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Extrovert is a lot about where you get your energy from.
When you walk into a room full of people, does
your battery drain or are you like me who tends
to shocker the extroverted part of the introvert spectrum. When
I walk into a room, feed but I could be
dead tired. But then I walk in and those people
fill my cup. So that is a lot about introvert
versus extrovert. Also, societally, we like to tell extrovert introverts
(28:42):
that there's something wrong with them because there are so
many books and articles telling you to be different, how
to change how you naturally are. There's extra vat Extra
sorry networking for introverts, and there's how to come out
of your shell and all of this stuff. But there's
not one book that I've read that says, hey, extra
why don't you shut up? It's so true, let somebody
(29:04):
else talk for half a second, you know. So I
think we have to stop telling introverts that there's something
wrong with them, because there's not. So this came out
of a lot of conversations that I had with introverts
where when I was talking to them, they are so
prepared to go to events because they're so nervous, and
the more prepared they are, the more comfortable they were
(29:28):
walking into a room. And so these techniques works for anybody.
Before you walk into a room, think about could I
call somebody who might be going to that event? How
many of you going to this event came with somebody?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, that's like you walk.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
In with a wing person and automatically walking into event doesn't.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Feel so scary.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Can you call the organizers of the event and say,
I don't know anybody. Would you be willing to share
the attendee list with me? Half of the time they won't.
Half the time they will, And then you can look
at it and be like, oh my god, I actually
know a couple of people who are going to this.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
That's a great thing. Yeah, idea.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Or you can just get a better feel for who's
going to be in that room so you are more
comfortable walking into that room. I also thought the thing
about set a goal for yourself when you walk into
any type of event. I know that that's always worked
for me, even when I'm like not feeling like I
want to go to an event. It's like if I
set a goal and be like, you know what, I'm
(30:21):
going to meet two new people and that's what I'm
going to do, and I'm telling you.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
You do it and it's great and then it makes
your night. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
And so people say to me, well, my network isn't
big enough. How do I build a network? And I say,
you don't do it overnight. You're not going to do
it tonight in this room. You're not going to meet
everybody in this room and know you know exactly how
to follow up. So what you should do is you
if you thought about it like this, I have.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Fifty two weeks a year.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
If fifty weeks out of the year I met one
new person, I would know fifty new people at the
end of this year. And that's a huge amount of
people to try to maintain a relationship with. So people
they come into networking and they say, oh, I got
to build it right now because it's so important. It's
the single biggest limiting factor for women. Yes it is,
but you're not going to build this network overnight. So
(31:07):
slow and study the win's the race. So every event
you go to say I'm just going to meet one
new amazing person, I'm going to meet two new amazing people,
and I'm gonna take it ask my role to follow
up with them the next day, and then next week
I'm going to do it again. If you did that
and you met two new people every week, you'd meet
one hundred new people every year, which is a lot
of relationships to change your life.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
It is. It's great.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
So do we have any questions anyone have any questions
for Julie.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Okay, so I came to this event, can you Yeah, yeah,
I'm sorry. So main reason I came to this event,
that's to network. And I have really no idea that
you would be speaking.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
How lucky you, I know.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I just to get out of my community and meet
new people. Yeah, and my wing man is my husband,
because none of my friends would come. Sorry hunt me,
But I mean, what do you do when you're so nervous,
I mean to even.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Or what if you do if you had to come
by yourself, if your lovely husband couldn't come.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Right. Well, So here's a couple of things at first.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
So nerves is just energy, and so if you can
think about energy, nerves different as I'm excited, I have
this energy around this event. So people ask me all
the time. So I get in front of I travel
the world speaking in front of large stages, and people
always say, don't you get nervous? And I say, yeah,
I mean I get nervous, but I transfer that into
(32:37):
energy because if I'm nervous, that makes it about me.
It doesn't make about what's happening around me. So if
I'm nervous when I get on a stage that's really
internalizing what's happening, and it's making it all about me,
not what I have to deliver to the people there.
So if you can think about your nervousness as I
actually have energy in my body around this. I want
(32:58):
to do this, I wanted to meet you people, then
that's one way of doing it. The second thing is
a lot of nerves comes from people worrying that people
are judging them, or they don't have the right thing
to say, or they're not sure that they're in the
right room. And I always say to people that no
one's judging you as hard as you're judging yourself. And
(33:20):
so if you can go into rooms understanding that no
one is looking at you as hard as you are
internally navel gazing, then you can walk into that room
with a bit more confidence. And confidence comes with repetition.
So the more you do it, the easier it gets.
The more rooms you walk into, the easier every room
becomes good. I like that, thanks any other questions, It's
(33:46):
like I wrote a book on it now.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
So, Julie, I was interested.
Speaker 6 (33:54):
When you are comparing how men can network more effectively
than women. One of your points was that there they
are have a greater ability to transcend generational differences. So
how could we do better at that? Could we break
out of always just networking with people who are in
(34:16):
our demographic looking us all that?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (34:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (34:18):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
So, the thing is is there's a couple of answers
to that. The first is, whatever organization you belong in,
no matter how big or small, network with the entire organization.
Don't be afraid to network with the president, with the CFO,
with the CEO, with the people in the mailroom.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Don't be afraid of that.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
So people think of networking as external networking only, but
internal networking is super important as well for career development.
So think about how you could network differently within the
organization that you work in. The second one is when
you think about networking, think about, Okay, how can I
network in a diverse population? What rooms am I spending
(34:55):
my time in? What organizations am I giving my money
to membership money to time to Can I look at
them and say I want to be a part of
more diverse organizations and spend time in more diverse rooms.
Those are the two easiest way ways to do it.
And then the other one is is to ask for
strategic introductions.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
Ask people in.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Your network who you already know, who you already have
rapport with, to say, I'm trying to increase my network.
Is there anybody within your network that you think that
I should know? Everybody is said to have a sphere
of influence of about two hundred and fifty people, and
that sphere of influence just means you know about two
hundred and fifty people within which your opinion carries weight.
There's also a thing in social network theory called triatic closure.
(35:38):
Try to closure means when you are introduced to somebody
who don't know through somebody you know, the rate with
which your relationship grows is faster because you have a
common connection. So can you use people who are already
in your network to introduce you to a more diverse population?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Got it all right? So do you have any other questions? Nope?
Speaker 1 (35:59):
So I think we should like send them away with
something like some homework, right, Like homework would be okay?
Two things for homework?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
The first thing would be to create your list. Yes,
put it on anything, a scrap of paper, anything. Rediscover yourself,
Rediscover how amazing you are, rediscover the experiences you have
had and learn how important those are to share with
other people.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
That's number one.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
The second one is in this room, talk to somebody
you don't know, and then tomorrow follow up. And I
hope there's a battle for how fast you can follow
up with each other exactly. The reason why this script
was created was to get people together and to meet
people and to help. We all need to help each other.
So thank you so much, Julie. This is amazing.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Well, this shit really does work.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
I hope you enjoyed Julie Brown as much as I did.
And again, these are easy things to implement. If you
want to join Lisa's book clubcy just go to Kiss
Oneaway dot com slash Lisa's book Club.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
You're in.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
I hope to see you at one of our events.
Next event is February twenty sixth with Lisa Genova at Johnson, Maine.
And my next podcast, I sit down with the very
famous Caroline Kepnis. She's from Centerville, mass She created the
U series on Netflix and you are going to love her.
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