July 3, 2024 • 46 mins
D-Strong is the Orlando Magic DJ, an Air Talent with iHeartRadio as well as Program Director for multiple radio stations nationwide... oh and he's a great husband and father. I sat down with him to get to the root of why he always seems even-keeled, very warm and loving despite all thats on his plate.
Listen to hear his FANTASTIC story and advice.
Listen to hear his FANTASTIC story and advice.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to Men on Mindfulness. I'myour host, Brian McLear. I'm CEO
and co founder of gent Life men'slifestyle publication. I've also worked twenty plus
years with iHeartRadio, played ice hockeyinternationally at a very competitive level, and
graduated from an IVY League university,all things that really happened. Yet I
(00:23):
still struggle with belief in myself.I'm sure you do too, and that's
why we're here d strong. Yes, we have now known each other about
ten years. We were just sayingabout a decade ten years, which I
think is like when you're starting toknow somebody for a significant amount of time,
(00:44):
you could say a good ten.When I first met you, you
were you were already DJing Magic gamesand MCing magic cogrems. You were also
spending multiple nights a week, atleast two down to town at the Beach.
I'm here in Orlando, some bighip hop nights. We're on your
(01:04):
back, biggest in Orlando. Idon't care what anybody says. I'm claiming
that. I think that's fair basedon what I've seen. But then later
you you added, you know,uh, starting to do afternoon drive and
program director on on a radio stationin Orlando at one O four five the
beat, yep, I had agreat teacher, who is that son of
(01:27):
a bitch? And then on topof that, you you you added programming
duties and then you start managing andnow you're managing multiple brands? How many
right now? Three? Orlando,Tampa and Columbus, Ohio? Right so,
(01:48):
and you're still doing all the magicwork, yes, and now you've
also added duties of fatherhood and you'rea you're a you're a husband and a
husband, which all really happened,you know, in the last it's only
like a couple of years old.Now she just turned two weeks ago.
Congratulations, Thank you, thank you, thank you. That sounds like an
(02:12):
awful lot of work just listing allthose things out in terms of responsibilities.
What I want to kind of pointout is, from my perspective, and
I'm pretty sure everybody else I've evertalked to would agree, unless they've got
some kind of serious beef with you, would be that somehow you would never
know, you would never know youhave all that on your shoulders all day
(02:37):
long. You would it would seemas though, from our perspective that you've
got everything under control. Everything islighthearted and every it always seems like happy
hour time for you. You know. I never looked at it from I
guess another person, but it definitelygets hectic, definitely gets a lot.
(02:59):
I think if anybody on the outsidelooking in doesn't see maybe not really saying
how much work it takes to geteverything done. But I think at the
end of the day, for me, I enjoy everything I'm doing, so
it's like it doesn't really although somedays are tougher than others. You know,
(03:23):
I got into all of this becauseof music, just buying records and
DJing in the four walls of myroom start ah ninety nine. I was
just thinking about this the other day. I've been DJing maybe ninety eight,
ninety eight ninety nine, started djayingand never in life knew where it was
gonna take me. I remember thefirst time I got fifty dollars and I
(03:43):
was like, holy crap, Igot fifty dollars to djeh. So I
mean, I think just always beingyou know, whether it's grounded or humbling
myself to just kind of know whereit all started from. And I think
I'm I'm a very ambitious person,always want to achieve more. So it's
(04:03):
kind of like you kind of getwhat you ask for type of things.
So for me, it's like youcan't ask for something then when you get
it complain about it. Well,when did you recognize that? I just
think that's how I've always been wired. Man, I don't know. I
mean, I come from a backgroundof playing sports as a child. Where
(04:24):
so I grew up in Upstate NewYork. For those of you, every
time I say I'm from New York, they're like, what part I'm like
Poughkeepsie. So I'm like upstate.I'm not from Brooklyn. I'm not from
the Bronx or Manhattan, Staten Island, nothing like that, but Poughkeepsie,
New York. My first love ofsports was baseball. Loved baseball. Then
I kind of, you know,switched over to basketball, probably around my
(04:46):
middle school years. And I waskind of always the youngest kid amongst everybody
I hung out with, so italways you know, they were by default
kind of better than me. Butthen I think they thought they were better
than me as I just kind of, you know, it was something that
I love. You know, whenyou're a kid, like you're I'm out
there shoveling snow to play basketball,Like I'm playing basketball, don't care what
the weather is. And you know, it's funny because you're putting putting me
(05:12):
in a state of mind to reallythink about this that I've never really thought
about maybe where this has come from. But I think even as a kid,
I remember, you know, missinggoing on vacations with the family,
or like my parents saying like,hey, we're gonna go on vacation here
or this and that, and I'mlike, no, I gotta I gotta
go. I got a game,Like you know, I never wanted to
miss out on the what I hadalready signed up for. So I think,
(05:36):
you know, that's something just asa child, and then you know,
I played sports all through high school. That is just kind of how
it was wired. Man, itwas just so I mean, okay,
let's go back to them, likeso expectations from your parents, your teachers,
your coaches, your peers, likethose things didn't stress you out age
(06:00):
ten version age ten d strong.You know, it's it's crazy because I
feel like the only pressure I've everhad stressing me out before I before I've
been married and have children. Yeah, before I got married and had had
a child. That's a different typeof stress. But it was really just
(06:21):
grades. Man. Like you know, not to sound like I'm some wonder
athlete, but you know, becauseclearly I'm not in the NBA, which
I thought. Actually I joke andsay I still am in the NBA.
I made it because of DJ forthe magic. But you know, sports
and that type of stuff kind ofjust always came natural. But I don't
even want to say natural. Ijust I really practiced like I would do
(06:44):
it every day. But the grades. Expectations on my grades were something that
just didn't fly. And in myhousehold, if I didn't get what was
needed. I mean I remember evenin high school there were times where if
my grades weren't up the par byschool standards, I was able to play,
but like my dad, Nope,couldn't play. And you know,
(07:08):
I think, if anything, youknow, my dad had a lot of
tough love I think for me growingup, and I get it now being
a man on my own and havingkids. But it was one of those
like, you know, if Johnny'sdoing that, you don't got to do
everything Johnny's doing. If Johnny's gonnajump off for bridges, you're gonna jump
off of bridge and you should likerepeatedly say these things to me. But
I bring that back to I understoodlike in order for me to kind of
(07:30):
do what I really wanted to do, I still had to do what I
have to do. And I thinkthat kind of transcends into the workplace.
It's kind of like, you know, some things are funner than others.
It's like, do I want togo to me? Last night I went
to a Burning Boy concert. Itwas kind of like work doing social media,
making sure I can, you know, interact with the listeners and the
(07:51):
fans. But before that, Ihad to schedule like six days of music
for work. And it's like,is that as fun as what I did
before? But I know that's stillpart of the job. So you got
to kind of take the good withthe bad. And I think i'm as
you're making me think about it,they said I've never done before. I
really think as a child, man, just really those values that were instilled
(08:13):
into me. Man, well,I had a lot of the same values
like you as you were talking aboutthat, Like I definitely had to set
out hockey games that didn't meet myparents' standards, and I didn't you know,
and I definitely recall practicing a lotfor sports, but I'd start to
get stressed out about Okay, Imade the B team, Now I need
to make the A team, andnow need to make the double A team.
(08:35):
You know, so you know thatI would stress myself out. I
got to push a little harder.I got to get this grade because otherwise
this I got to show up toschool wearing something, because otherwise I maybe
won't have the connection with the friendsthat I think I want to have.
So my question is like, howdo you deal with Okay, you didn't
(08:56):
make the grade? Yeah, andI got to sit through while your team
goes on to play without you.How do you manage that internally? You
know, as a I guess atthat age I was depressed because I was
like, god, dang, Imean I didn't get you know, my
dad was like if I had c's, it was like, what's going on
(09:18):
here? And I'm like, Dad, like, you know, the whole
team, Like I'm still probably mygrades are better than seventy five percent of
the team. But you know,and once again you make me really think
here man, and I feel likeI'm going back in my childhood. But
there was a point where I thinkI gave up on the battle now that
I think about it. So Ifelt like when my senior year in uh
(09:43):
in high school, which I trulyyou know, if you know people who
I grew up with and whatnot,Like I was really good at basketball,
Like I was on varsity as afreshman, I was playing for the high
school team. When I was inmiddle school, started having some bad grades,
started hanging around the wrong people,probably towards the end of my eleventh
(10:05):
grade year, and then you know, my dad, my dad, and
I was just he was just sohard on really like the expectations on what
he had for me. I thinkit got to where, you know,
with high school sports, with anysport, it was time to condition.
And it was like I couldn't conditionbecause my grades weren't up to par with
(10:26):
what he wanted. And I waslike, come on now, like my
senior year, like I've been thisis this is my year. So nevertheless,
I missed all of the conditioning teamstarted. Then it came to a
situation where like the coach was comingto my house and then my dad,
you know, for whatever it's worth, my dad is a West Indian Jamaican
(10:48):
man that stands on business as theysay today, and it was like,
you're gonna come to my house andtalk to me about my child? Like
my dad wasn't having that, SoI think I just kind of was like,
you know what, I'm not evengoing to play this year and I
didn't play my senior year. Andwas that you getting back at your dad
(11:11):
or was that you're just trying tocontrol the situation. Controlling the situation?
I think you know at the ageyou're about seventeen eighteen around that age,
and I think looking back, wasI a man? No? Did?
I think I was absolutely at thatage, And I think it was really
me kind of like thinking I'm puttingmy foot down on what I wanted to
(11:35):
do to do for myself. Andit caused a lot of turmoil in it
was like a downward spiral of alot of things that went completely left in
my life. My senior year,like it was a rough one to the
point where I ended up getting kickedout my house. Wow, got kicked
(11:56):
out of my house my senior year. It was a really jit you're not
welcome in this house. Don't comeback here. You think you're a man?
You think you're grown, like itjust got really crazy. But the
reason I'm saying this because I thinkyou had asked something about how did you
manage your something in the future.But what I realized is as I got
(12:16):
older, I felt like with basketball, I may have fumbled my situation out
of self destruction. Yeah, sonow in my older life, I feel
like, you know, the egois a dangerous thing. You got to
put it aside and kind of notself destruct yourself. Like you're going to
(12:39):
be in situations where you're not alwaysright, you're not the best in the
room. You need to kind ofsit back and listen versus always talking,
or you know, just kind ofbeing a student more of a student of
life. So how like that wasI like how you were able to say
at a pretty young age, bythe way, seventeen eighteen years old,
(13:00):
you're able to kind of recognize thisego, this little kid or whatever,
like angered person inside me who hasissues, is not in control it.
But that is something that most adultsto this day still having grasp and even
(13:20):
the most controlled people who I whoblow my mind in what they can manage,
eventually have a moment of humanity wherethey crack. They might be able
to put it all back together realquick, but some people never do.
Some people never do. Man.And that's kind of what were you and
I were talking about, so likejust being able to kind of recognize like,
(13:43):
no, this isn't my thoughts,these are just thoughts. So are
you saying to me that at ageeighteen nineteen something in that zone you were
able to really always remove your egofrom a moment. I don't think it
happened at that specific moment. Ithink the lesson I learned was reflecting back
(14:05):
on that moment. But I thinkas life came at me getting older and
kind of reflecting back in a situationwhere to arise like whoa, whoa,
whoa, this is this is familiarwhere I kind of, you know,
got in my way of myself withsomething like this similar to the past because
still shoots seventeen eighteen, I thoughtI was right, like, oh you
don't you don't want me to livein this house, I'll get out whatever,
(14:28):
I'm going to college, it doesn'teven matter, like you know,
at that at that moment, Idefinitely didn't think I was. I didn't
learn the lesson when I was seventeeneighteen. But you know, fast forward,
you know, I probably would saymaybe in probably when I was about
in my twenties, maybe twenty midtwenties, because I still was kind of
(14:50):
like a wild it was a wildchild man like I my my, I
was. I was one of thosejust really knucklehead kids that I think when
I got to that point of mytwelfth grade, my senior year of high
school and then going into college andcollege is some of your best amazing years
ever. Yeah, I tell Itell people that I work with who are
(15:13):
in college still to this damn like, yeah, stop trying to work trust
me, no, seriously. Andnow thinking back, and I appreciate you
because I've never really had a chanceto reflect on this type of stuff.
But I think it's when I thinkwhen I really realized, like, you
know what, I'm not going tofumbel. The situation again was when because
I was going to UCF and thenyou know, at this point, I
(15:37):
was still DJing parties. I wasdefinitely still a knucklehead, you know,
doing crazy things. And then hI went to full sale and took the
full sale tour. So I wentto take the full Sale tour and I
was like, damn, I thinkI need to get out of UCF.
At this point, I did notgraduate UCF. I was probably like in
(15:58):
my second third year. Okay,so sophomore junior, Yeah, sophomore junior
year. However, I'm DJing.So like in college, you know,
for the most part, you're you'rebroke, like you don't have but you
didn't have that. I didn't havethat problem. I was different. I
mean, I'm not gonna lie likeI was. I mean, I had
(16:19):
the hottest clothes. I was buyingjewelry. I mean back then, I
had three form of vital watches.Like I was living life in college,
like because I was getting money everysingle week djaying. So when I decided
to leave, you know, callmy mom and say, hey, I
think I'm gonna leave UCF. Whatdo you think? And of course she
was just like, what are youcrazy? Blah blah blah blah blah.
(16:41):
I was like, I don't reallyknow, mom, Like I think,
you know, at this point,some in some aspect the music industry,
I knew like I had something goingfor myself, and I think that's what
it was. It was like,if I'm going to leave this situation that
I have you cf with a conventionaleducation or whatnot. I remember going to
(17:03):
the the orientation, you know,finally my parents were on board. My
dad was all for this. Islike now my dad, Me and my
dad are back close. Now,yeah, we're back good. He's all
into music, my dad. SOIDJ to this day, that's a whole
nother story. So when I wentthere, I think me taking full sale
(17:26):
serious was the pivotal moment of like, no more fumbling. So you transferred.
I transferred, And when I wentto school, I identified seeing where
in all honesty, I saw theother kids and I just sat back and
observed, and there was some takingit serious, some weren't, and I
(17:47):
was like, I'm not. I'mnot playing around with this. I knew
how much money this was about totake, and at this point it was
like I made the decision and thechoice of the path I'm going to take.
So I have to man up andgrabbed the bull by the horns to
do what I gotta do. AndI think at that point is when like
everything kind of really not only switchedbut fell into place like that was a
(18:11):
pivotal point of from then on,like I got an internship at a radio
station, and it's just like thingsjust started to progress. But I took
it serious. It was there wasno the knucklehead strong was was out the
window. I was no longer doingthe things that I used to do,
and I just I took it serious. But I reflect back to when I
was playing basketball. I felt likeI had the opportunity to maybe go to
(18:34):
you know, I could say itwas gonna be in a d one,
but I think I could have probablymade it somewhere. But I was in
my own way. I didn't wantto get my own way again. So
that I guess what I've been diggingfor is that's it's probably that recognition as
you you you you blew something thatyou that you had work, put a
lot of work into and it wasyour ego. Definitely ego one thousand percent.
(18:59):
I could see here today, admitit. Ego. When was the
last time your ego stepped in atthat you had to put them back in
the man bottle? When when didthe ego jump out? I mean I've
never personally seen it, but Idon't know the last time I saw you
lose your mind or or I can'tlike I'm not gonna lie like, you
(19:25):
know, honestly, I met youat a time of life where even me
referencing back to my full sale kindof transformation, I feel like I just
continue to grow and over the years, yeah, why you have in all
honesty, but there's just some thingsI just put put away. I think,
if anything, you know, I'ma man that still doesn't stand for
disrespect. But I think that's awhole different thing than ego. But just
(19:49):
like kind of coming off the cuffof me just going crazy on somebody or
doing something silly, I can't.I don't know, man, which sounds
crazy because I mean everybody has tohave an ego to some extent, but
I just I don't know, man, I have to really think. I
might have to ask somebody else andthey'd be like, yeah, at one
(20:10):
time when you were over there,and that's when yeah. And aside from
like your dad, did you havesomebody that helped you see it this way?
Or was this all you? Ithink in a crazy way, I
think my dad's values he instilled inme was one thing. But I like
to observe and the one thing inlife that I don't want to say,
(20:34):
I like, but I really takeheed to is when I see people that
are disgruntled in situations there are inlife and me sitting back and being like,
one, how did you end upin this? And then sometimes I
feel like once you observe certain people'sactions and the way they move or the
(20:56):
things they do, it comes evident, like that's why you're in this situation.
You're in so And the reason Isay this is because I think me
just observed a lot of people arenot happy in life. Like I'm not
going to say I have everything Iwant in life, but I'm pretty happy,
you know what I mean? Likethings are okay? Could things always
be better? Yes? But youknow there's some people that are just really
(21:18):
angry, angry, don't like theirlife. The environment is yeah problem,
And I think me seeing those people, it's something that scares me straight man,
Like where did you see that first? Where'd you notice that? You
know? I would say because Inever really paid attention and never really understood
(21:40):
what I had going for me inthe radio world, because I remember,
even as an intern, I rememberpulling my boss aside and being like,
hey, we need to talk.They were like what I was like,
I don't think I should be doingthis internship for free, Like, I
think maybe that's my ego. Therewe go up found the one. How
old this version? Oh man,this is about twenty two, twenty two,
(22:03):
twenty three. I was like,legit. Set a meeting with her.
I was like, you know,I'm going to school. This is
when I was in full selle.I just landed the internship at CBS at
that point, one or two jamsto be exact, and I sat.
I asked her to sit down,pulled her and her boss into a meeting,
and I was like, hey,you know, I'm doing this,
(22:25):
this and this and DJ and I'mgoing to school. You know, I
have another job I was actually reallyworking at as well. I was like,
my time is very valuable. Ifyou're gonna ask me to come in
here and intern, I think theleast you guys could do is pay me
for it. I was dead serious. If somebody would have told me or
came to me like that today,I'd probably be like, this person is
smoking rocks. Yeah yeah, butyeah, man, I think I got
(22:52):
lost off track. Maybe that wasback to the ego thing. But oh,
in the radio world, I seea lot of times in the radio
world and DJs as a whole wherelike, you know, I came up
DJing eighty I mean ninety nine ninetyeight, so at that point I'm like
seventeen eighteen. Then I would seelike some guys at that point that are
like forty three, forty four orlike you're around the radio station, you
(23:17):
see that one. And I'm notknocking anybody, but in all honesty,
like sometimes you have the part timersthat are just kind of never really landed
a good gig, been part timefor like twenty years. Like that's you
know, I don't care what anybodysays. There's something you're not doing right,
whether you didn't move, whether youdidn't I don't know, cut commercials
(23:40):
in time with something you're not doingright. Feed to be in that same
situation. And I think actually,when I got the internship and actually engulfed
into the radio world, I oftenwould see a lot of people in jobs
that they just were not happy.And then I would go DJ events and
it'd be like, I, youknow, I'd be the young guy coming
(24:02):
in the old guys like setting upthe equipment. He's like, oh,
I used to DJing and never makeit anywhere. Well, that was what
you did, and like, yeah, I think the industry, I mean
clearly in life as a whole,but I think probably in entertainment. You
see a lot the disgruntled people whoare in situations that they just hate,
and it scares me. I neverwant to be that person. Man.
(24:25):
Yeah, no, I feel you. And then then you added a wife
and kids to that, Yes,which is a whole other variable because now
it's not Now it's not just onyou right now, You've got people counting
on you absolutely, I mean justpeople who are making a wage. I
mean people who are stuck with youideally for life. Yes, yes,
his part right right. So,and you know, from the amount of
(24:49):
time I've gotten to hang out withyou and your wife, Drina, and
like the amount of what I've seenof you, you know, guys make
a lot of time for vacation,spending a lot of time together, you
know, And I don't. Idon't get to see what home life is
like for you, and I Ican't imagine it's perfect like relationship. But
yeah, but you guys have continuedto thrive through you know, through ups
(25:14):
and downs. You know, doyou apply a lot of the same kind
of mentality and mindfulness to those momentsdefinitely do. And it's crazy you sitting
here. I guess I'm gonna sayhaving a conversation with me. I'm not
even gonna say an interview. We'rehaving a conversation, but another you know,
(25:34):
I think throughout life sometimes people dropsome gems on you that like really
stick and I'll never forget. Andyou may don't, you may not even
remember this, but I remember wewere sitting in your office one day and
you had said something about, likethe job will always come and go,
(25:56):
but life with whoever you're with,is something that's going to be forever.
Like ultimately they're the ones that gotyour back, they're the ones that need
to have your back, like you'llbe replaced in a heartbeat in any corporation,
not just saying whatever company you workfor, but it's just kind of
the way of the world. Andwhen you said that, you know,
it was probably one of I'd probablyput it in one of the top three
(26:18):
realist things I've ever swallowed, digestedand applied to life, because it's true,
you know, and I think howfar into your marriage were you at
that point, Well, this isprobably the context short time where I was
like your mentor this is probably yearyear one two, because I had just
(26:40):
got married before I started, beforeI met you. I think we were
probably married for like five months whenI first met you. If that my
wife's listening like it was seven months. It was a short period of time,
man, But I had I hadlearned that lesson. And I truly
(27:03):
feel like it was a lesson whenyou said that, because I remember at
that time I was putting in alot of hours, still put in a
lot of hours. And I thankmy wife for understanding. But you know,
sometimes you know, another piece ofadvice. I probably put this in
the top five, maybe top tenwhen you had mentioned you said, you
know what, there comes a timethroughout the day where you just got to
(27:23):
put it down. It's like thework. You're never going to get through
it all, no matter what youdo. Put it down, just come
back to it tomorrow. And that'ssomething to this day. I'm like,
you know, I mean it's inbox income. Yeah, it's always generating.
Yes, So you know, thoseare just some things I apply.
And I think my wife and Iwe were just we were really good friends
(27:45):
before we ended up, you know, jumping the broom or whatever the case
is, and I think her understandingbecause she met me in this whole kind
of industry or whatnot, so sheknows, you know, what was coming
with the territory. And I appreciateher for that, but you know,
definitely still you gotta go hard manat home. I try to go hard,
(28:07):
harder at home than anything else,you know, I got to make
sure everybody's happy. You know.Sometimes it's it's even more exhausting than work.
You come home and you're tired.Now I got the baby girl that's
added into the mix, and youknow, I don't know if it's more
draining or more energizing when I seeher, because it's like she's just soul
full of energy. It's like daddy, and it's just kind of like puts
(28:30):
another little like quick charge of boostin my back and you know, just
keep it going. That's amazing becausethat's one perspective that I don't have.
I have my own child, SoI can't imagine, you know what that
adds to it. I mean,but we've both had We've all had parents,
you know, in some form oranother, you know, and and
(28:53):
and sometimes our moms and dads youknow, are there. They're obviously trying
to help us, and sometimes theirego is trying to help us, which
is you know, I think anotherthing that I have to remember is,
you know, watching and trying todecipher when my father was giving me a
(29:15):
lesson or when my father's ego isgiving me a lesson. And I don't
think any child is. It's areally that's a tough one to put on
developing brain and soul. Well,and that's a real thing because because now
you're on the other side of it, I am, you're right, and
it's like, now some of thisstuff, you know, I think that
(29:38):
came down from my parents. I'mlike, it's now that's starting to click
and make some sense. But thensome of it's still kind of like,
yeah, I don't know, Ithink this is maybe your ego or you're
just incorrect ways of being a humanat times that you're trying to spring on
me. But yeah, yeah,well it seems as though, I mean,
(29:59):
just based on my per and observationin our colleague life, our friendship
life, it's just I've i've neveri've never seen you have a bad moment,
and you know, and then that'sthat's that's I don't know, a
whole lot of people I can saythat about, you know, I'm I
(30:19):
think there are some who are betterat this than others of understanding. Oh
that's just my ego, that's notme got you, you know, But
like that's a tough thing to recognize, you know, what's what because some
people really think they're the same,you know, And I know, and
I feel like I've never learned howto be really happy until I kind of
(30:41):
figured out the difference. Got youhow soon? I feel like I'm asking
you a question, At what pointdo you feel like you figured out the
difference? Well, if I'm beinghonest, probably not that long ago.
During the pandemic, maybe is whenI really started to put it together.
Shore. I had these little anecdotesmy whole life, but you know,
(31:03):
I had learned and tried to followand obviously things that have always worked for
me for being in and being successful, whether that be in sports, business
school, uh, trying to getlaid whatever, whatever your whatever your endeavor
is. But like I think,you know, when I started recognizing during
(31:26):
the pandemic, I noticed my wife, Yadia, doing a lot of self
help reading, and I remember myego having a lot of response to that,
thinking you know, why is allyou reads health help books? Why
wouldn't you want this, that orthe other thing? Until finally I started
(31:47):
kind of recognizing with a lot oftime and space, because that's one of
the beautiful things about the pandemic thatit brought us, was it brought us
an opportunity to rethink, you know, your daily life, because suddenly you're
life was on Paul's right. AndI took advantage of that wholeheartedly. In
(32:07):
so many ways, I reinvented myselffrom a professional life. I reinvented myself
in how I wanted to do,you know, be an entrepreneur. And
I reinvented myself in terms of howI want to start training my mind to
separate itself from my ego. Now, granted, I actually think you're more
(32:29):
of an expert here than I am, because you've figured it out so much
sooner than I think most people,because like I said to you, I
don't think people in their forties andfifties have figured this out. And certainly
with you know, my family,being I'm the youngest, yea, they
all have these moments, so likewe're all struggling with it. So it
(32:50):
takes a lot it takes years ofwork to train that to not have the
emotional response. So for me,it was recognizing that there was another way,
checking myself into therapy, adding inmultiple pieces of therapy in the aspect
that I have a life coach,and he helped me. He kind of
helped me recognize, like twenty percentof Lebron James's salary is spent on resources
(33:15):
and support for him, whether thatbe the strength and conditioning coach, the
massage therapist that he probably needs constantlyfor taking such a beating on the court,
mental training, an agent to helphim not make stupid financial decisions,
you know, these kinds of things. Adding in all these kinds of things,
(33:36):
then I started to recognize, like, oh, man, like yeah,
And obviously twenty percent of Lebron James'ssalary dwarfs both yours and mine by
quite some quite several zeros and decimalpoints. But still, you know,
I can still spend twenty percent ofmine or ten percent of mine into support
(34:00):
to know that my head's going tobe you know, interesting hearing you say
the you know, the support spending, spending the money of the twenty percent
for the support you need and nottrying to make everything sound like a business.
But it's almost as if like,what are you investing back into yourself
(34:21):
exactly, and that's buying marketing foryour own company or you know, or
investing in a CEO for your company. Do you want it to be successful?
Do you want to carry it onyour back and be stressed out with
that all the time, or doyou want to have buckets for other things?
And I think you've probably seen thata long time ago as well,
maybe you've fine tuned it now,possibly based on what you just said,
(34:44):
But I think that is even whenyou know you're seeing the disgruntled people and
people that are not happy, Ithink a lot of times it could be
that that they're not they have neverinvested anything back into themselves. And I'm
not saying investment necessarily meaning it hadto be monetary, but maybe it's even
(35:04):
just like I don't know, takingsome time to yourself or whatever it is,
to kind of get your headspace clearto for you to be able to
think through whatever it is you're tryingto achieve or get to the next level.
And I think sometimes people feel asif they don't have to invest that
ten to twenty percent, whether it'sentitlement whether they think I'm God's gift because
my ego thinks that I'm the best, whatever the case is. And I
(35:28):
think those are the situations sometimes whenI sit back and I observe, and
I'm like, well, I thinkwe have already unwound the ego problem,
you know, in this conversation.And but you know, recognizing that you
are your own worst obstacle more oftenthan not, and that there's nobody who's
going to invest in your life morethan you be financially mentally, and I
(35:51):
just started really doing that, youknow, full time, which you know,
and I've got a lot of workto do because you know, you
go on vacation for a week.I'm not doing the mental health stuff I
normally do. I have to comeback to it. I have to remember
to come back to it and belike, wait a minute, why are
you feeling tired, Why are youfeeling angry? Why are you feeling a
little Yeah, and then exactly soyou know that's that's for me. So
(36:20):
I guess, on a parting notein this conversation, if you were to
give three pieces of advice to somebodywho is listening, who wants to who
wants to have the life you do, but not just the money, not
just the titles, not just thestrength you know, physically, mentally,
(36:40):
I'm talking all of it. Yeah, you know, you know what mental
thing? Tip? Can you givethem? My three things I would give?
And you know, I'm not tryingto come across as super preachy,
you know, I'm not. Idon't go to church every sunner. No,
(37:00):
Yeah, you know, my momwould probably probably be the first person
to be like, when is thelast time you went to church. I
haven't been in a while, however, And I'm not trying to tell you
what God to pray to or whateverthe case is, like to each his
own. I don't not say it. I don't care whatever religion you are,
but I'm well aware there's many differentreligions or whatever the case is.
But I think whatever religion power,yeah, whatever higher power, I think
(37:24):
really ultimately kind of humbling yourself tothat and giving thanks and you know,
having conversations with that higher power tojust maybe you know, meditate and kind
of you know, just know thatyou're not in control. I think that's
kind of part of what religion isto an extent. It's like I think
(37:45):
some people think they have so muchcontrol over everything they can do in life,
and it's like, I don't reallyknow that's really the truth. I
think you at some point you gotto have some help, and that help
might be a higher power that somebodybefore, or you might have prayed for
it to get you in that situation. So you know, I'm a God
fearing man, so I would sayhaving a relationship with a higher power,
(38:07):
have a relationship. For me,having a relationship with God is super instrumental.
I think on a day to daybasis, like I can't even you
know, just for what it's worthputting out there, like I I can't
even getting my bed at night withoutbowing to my knees and praying and saying
like thank you for the day andwhatnot. Like I can't even like if
(38:29):
I end up falling asleep or gettingbed tired. My mind, the conscious,
the guilt, the moral morality doesn'teven matter how little you sleep or
how you know. It does.Literally, you're the higher power will list
you out of that higher power willrise me up. I get down to
give that thanks man. I gotto. And there's been many drunken nights
(38:49):
where I've woke through like God here, I said, you know, I
know this probably is in the Jesusjuse, but hey, I give my
thing and that's that's a real story, true story. So that's one.
I think. Two is you gotto know when to block out the distractions
(39:12):
and the noise. Give me anexample of what that might be, like,
you know, an example like let'ssay, for instance, all right,
so right now, and I wishwe all had I don't know if
you have an Apple Watch, butyou know when the Apple Watch is like
loud noise for the last thirty seconds, Like I wish we had one of
those on our lives of like thingsthat like are trying to penetrate your mind
and brain or whatever the case is, and it's like you got to block
(39:35):
it out. What a great analogyit does, it does if we have
that on our lives, man,it'd be amazing thing. For myself.
Once again, I can only speakfor myself in situations that I encounter.
Right now, I'm doing this thingcalled seventy five hard. I don't know
if you ever heard of it before. Yeah, I did it during COVID.
(40:00):
It was amazing. I never feltso much at peace once I had
completed it. I had messed uponce all the way through, but I
knew I was going to and thenI was like whatever it was like honestly,
it was like Day fifty, messedup, came back for the next
seventy five. I'm doing seventy fivehard now, and I think in order
(40:20):
to successfully complete that, you gottablock out the noise, like it's gonna
be all kinds of things that justare it's not cohesive for what you got
going on, Like, for instance, there's no alcohol. So it's like
I try, at least in thebeginning, I reach a point where like
it doesn't matter. I'll have anon alcoholic bear or a mocktail. But
(40:44):
you know, I'm not gonna lielike I like a good cocktail every now
and then. Man, it's whatI do. But I think things like
that, man, just kind ofthroughout the seventy five and I'm talking about
drinking. But I think for youto successfully you know, drink your gallon
of water a day, work outto day, read your ten pages a
day, you have to focus onwhat is really best for you to complete
(41:07):
that without anybody interrupting what it isthat you need to do. So When
I say the distractions and the noise, it's like, you know, people
may hit me up like, hey, you want to go do this,
you want to go do that,or I mean even my own wife,
you know, honestly, it's like, hey, you want to watch the
show. I'm like, right now, that's not working for what I got
to do. And I hope youunderstand, and I'm not trying to be
(41:27):
disrespectful, but at this moment,I got to do what I got to
do for me. And I thinkthat's what I mean by like blocking out
the noise and the distractions. AndI think, although I'm talking about a
seventy five day period, I thinkthis is something that people need to apply
to their lives on an everyday basisbecause I think often things will just get
you off track. And there's nothingwrong with getting off track, but sometimes
(41:49):
people have a harder time than othersgetting back on the track. And I
think you have to identify on whenenough is enough, too much is too
much to stay focused. M Yeah, that's number two, you block out
the noise and the distractions. ThreeA good one. A third one.
(42:10):
I think, ultimately, as cheesyas it sounds, I truly feel as
if you can achieve anything in lifeyou want to, the only thing in
between you and achieving whatever is you'retrying to do is you. I think
we are our worst enemies, ourworst excuse my French cock blockers on life.
(42:37):
It's like, you know, it'sjust how bad you want it,
and you have to understand that thereis nobody maybe your mom, I don't
even know of your mom, butthere's nobody that's gonna want for you more
than you want for yourself. Andif you think somebody's gonna hand it to
you, you know, give itto you on a silver plate, silver
spoon. It's just that's not howit works. You got to put in
(42:58):
the work and you gotta get itdone. But truly, I think anything
you want to achieve, you cando it. You just gotta stay out
of your way and put the workin. Some real good feedback there.
So I heard higher power, Yes, I heard gratitude, Yes, block
out the noise, block out thenoise. I also heard in there,
it's okay to be selfish. Itis, you know. I think when
(43:22):
people hear selfish, they hear,well, what a dick that guy has?
He said no to me? Hewouldn't do this. But the reality
as is, like you said,is like you know that it might be
tough, but this is not working. This won't work for me right now,
based on what I need to achieve, what I know I need to
achieve, I think, and youknow, whether you call it selfish or
whatnot, I think if you don't, if you don't possess some type of
(43:45):
and if we're going to classify asselfishness in your life, you're not only
doing yourself a disservice, you're doingeverybody else around you a disservice. Because
I think the only way for youto be the best you is by taking
care of you. And to takecare of you, you gotta be selfish
in some capacity to make sure you'reokay. And there's no way, I
(44:07):
mean, this is this is clichestuff. We've all heard all these things.
It's just like really swallowing the juiceand understanding is true. But I
mean, if you're in a relationship, whatever it is, if you you
can't be the best person in thatrelationship, if you're not the best you,
yeah, you gotta take care ofyou. Man. Yeah. Well,
for those of you who who heardthis and feeling like you got something
(44:30):
out of this today. I knowI did. It's nice almost to hear
you repeat it back to me,you know, because it's like almost like
validates my own journey in so manyways. You said so many things that
I probably would have said as well. You know, I just think you're
I actually think you're further along thanI am in that, which is weird
because I would have thought opposite.I would. I mean, I have
(44:52):
many strengths, and I think youknow, mental mental health and mental strength
to me always just meant grind through. It got you. Yeah, And
you know when when you were talkingabout basketball as a kid, you know,
I did a lot of those thingsfor hockey. I I did go
do the you know, the thecollege scene, you know, with all
(45:15):
that, but like I didn't hadI mentally prepared better, honestly and recognized
some of the things that we talkedabout today. I think I would have
had a longer career. I thinkup until now I would have. I
would have grown faster, you know, with our iHeart corporate work. I
(45:36):
think I would have. You know, maybe I wouldn't have screwed up some
relationships. But ultimately, like youwere kind of saying with the higher power
aspect, I've kind of accepted thatthis is how it is, and that's
is how we got here, andthe reality is is I got a lot
of lessons in my pocket along theway on how to achieve things. So
(45:58):
for those of you in this,share it, Share it with somebody who
needs to hear it. Find thisMen on Mindfulness podcast on iHeartRadio and others.
But I won't talk about them becauseyou know, uh, this is
where we live. But thank youfor listening. And of course, if
you want other aspects of life thatyou know are helpful for men and for
(46:22):
your man potentially, you can checkme out at gentlife gentlife dot com or
at gentlife on your social media platforms. Thanks again, d I appreciate this.
Hey, I thank you for havingWe have to do a part too
one day, I think so,
Welcome to Men on Mindfulness. I'myour host, Brian McLear. I'm CEO
and co founder of gent Life men'slifestyle publication. I've also worked twenty plus
years with iHeartRadio, played ice hockeyinternationally at a very competitive level, and
graduated from an IVY League university,all things that really happened. Yet I
(00:23):
still struggle with belief in myself.I'm sure you do too, and that's
why we're here d strong. Yes, we have now known each other about
ten years. We were just sayingabout a decade ten years, which I
think is like when you're starting toknow somebody for a significant amount of time,
(00:44):
you could say a good ten.When I first met you, you
were you were already DJing Magic gamesand MCing magic cogrems. You were also
spending multiple nights a week, atleast two down to town at the Beach.
I'm here in Orlando, some bighip hop nights. We're on your
(01:04):
back, biggest in Orlando. Idon't care what anybody says. I'm claiming
that. I think that's fair basedon what I've seen. But then later
you you added, you know,uh, starting to do afternoon drive and
program director on on a radio stationin Orlando at one O four five the
beat, yep, I had agreat teacher, who is that son of
(01:27):
a bitch? And then on topof that, you you you added programming
duties and then you start managing andnow you're managing multiple brands? How many
right now? Three? Orlando,Tampa and Columbus, Ohio? Right so,
(01:48):
and you're still doing all the magicwork, yes, and now you've
also added duties of fatherhood and you'rea you're a you're a husband and a
husband, which all really happened,you know, in the last it's only
like a couple of years old.Now she just turned two weeks ago.
Congratulations, Thank you, thank you, thank you. That sounds like an
(02:12):
awful lot of work just listing allthose things out in terms of responsibilities.
What I want to kind of pointout is, from my perspective, and
I'm pretty sure everybody else I've evertalked to would agree, unless they've got
some kind of serious beef with you, would be that somehow you would never
know, you would never know youhave all that on your shoulders all day
(02:37):
long. You would it would seemas though, from our perspective that you've
got everything under control. Everything islighthearted and every it always seems like happy
hour time for you. You know. I never looked at it from I
guess another person, but it definitelygets hectic, definitely gets a lot.
(02:59):
I think if anybody on the outsidelooking in doesn't see maybe not really saying
how much work it takes to geteverything done. But I think at the
end of the day, for me, I enjoy everything I'm doing, so
it's like it doesn't really although somedays are tougher than others. You know,
(03:23):
I got into all of this becauseof music, just buying records and
DJing in the four walls of myroom start ah ninety nine. I was
just thinking about this the other day. I've been DJing maybe ninety eight,
ninety eight ninety nine, started djayingand never in life knew where it was
gonna take me. I remember thefirst time I got fifty dollars and I
(03:43):
was like, holy crap, Igot fifty dollars to djeh. So I
mean, I think just always beingyou know, whether it's grounded or humbling
myself to just kind of know whereit all started from. And I think
I'm I'm a very ambitious person,always want to achieve more. So it's
(04:03):
kind of like you kind of getwhat you ask for type of things.
So for me, it's like youcan't ask for something then when you get
it complain about it. Well,when did you recognize that? I just
think that's how I've always been wired. Man, I don't know. I
mean, I come from a backgroundof playing sports as a child. Where
(04:24):
so I grew up in Upstate NewYork. For those of you, every
time I say I'm from New York, they're like, what part I'm like
Poughkeepsie. So I'm like upstate.I'm not from Brooklyn. I'm not from
the Bronx or Manhattan, Staten Island, nothing like that, but Poughkeepsie,
New York. My first love ofsports was baseball. Loved baseball. Then
I kind of, you know,switched over to basketball, probably around my
(04:46):
middle school years. And I waskind of always the youngest kid amongst everybody
I hung out with, so italways you know, they were by default
kind of better than me. Butthen I think they thought they were better
than me as I just kind of, you know, it was something that
I love. You know, whenyou're a kid, like you're I'm out
there shoveling snow to play basketball,Like I'm playing basketball, don't care what
the weather is. And you know, it's funny because you're putting putting me
(05:12):
in a state of mind to reallythink about this that I've never really thought
about maybe where this has come from. But I think even as a kid,
I remember, you know, missinggoing on vacations with the family,
or like my parents saying like,hey, we're gonna go on vacation here
or this and that, and I'mlike, no, I gotta I gotta
go. I got a game,Like you know, I never wanted to
miss out on the what I hadalready signed up for. So I think,
(05:36):
you know, that's something just asa child, and then you know,
I played sports all through high school. That is just kind of how
it was wired. Man, itwas just so I mean, okay,
let's go back to them, likeso expectations from your parents, your teachers,
your coaches, your peers, likethose things didn't stress you out age
(06:00):
ten version age ten d strong.You know, it's it's crazy because I
feel like the only pressure I've everhad stressing me out before I before I've
been married and have children. Yeah, before I got married and had had
a child. That's a different typeof stress. But it was really just
(06:21):
grades. Man. Like you know, not to sound like I'm some wonder
athlete, but you know, becauseclearly I'm not in the NBA, which
I thought. Actually I joke andsay I still am in the NBA.
I made it because of DJ forthe magic. But you know, sports
and that type of stuff kind ofjust always came natural. But I don't
even want to say natural. Ijust I really practiced like I would do
(06:44):
it every day. But the grades. Expectations on my grades were something that
just didn't fly. And in myhousehold, if I didn't get what was
needed. I mean I remember evenin high school there were times where if
my grades weren't up the par byschool standards, I was able to play,
but like my dad, Nope,couldn't play. And you know,
(07:08):
I think, if anything, youknow, my dad had a lot of
tough love I think for me growingup, and I get it now being
a man on my own and havingkids. But it was one of those
like, you know, if Johnny'sdoing that, you don't got to do
everything Johnny's doing. If Johnny's gonnajump off for bridges, you're gonna jump
off of bridge and you should likerepeatedly say these things to me. But
I bring that back to I understoodlike in order for me to kind of
(07:30):
do what I really wanted to do, I still had to do what I
have to do. And I thinkthat kind of transcends into the workplace.
It's kind of like, you know, some things are funner than others.
It's like, do I want togo to me? Last night I went
to a Burning Boy concert. Itwas kind of like work doing social media,
making sure I can, you know, interact with the listeners and the
(07:51):
fans. But before that, Ihad to schedule like six days of music
for work. And it's like,is that as fun as what I did
before? But I know that's stillpart of the job. So you got
to kind of take the good withthe bad. And I think i'm as
you're making me think about it,they said I've never done before. I
really think as a child, man, just really those values that were instilled
(08:13):
into me. Man, well,I had a lot of the same values
like you as you were talking aboutthat, Like I definitely had to set
out hockey games that didn't meet myparents' standards, and I didn't you know,
and I definitely recall practicing a lotfor sports, but I'd start to
get stressed out about Okay, Imade the B team, Now I need
to make the A team, andnow need to make the double A team.
(08:35):
You know, so you know thatI would stress myself out. I
got to push a little harder.I got to get this grade because otherwise
this I got to show up toschool wearing something, because otherwise I maybe
won't have the connection with the friendsthat I think I want to have.
So my question is like, howdo you deal with Okay, you didn't
(08:56):
make the grade? Yeah, andI got to sit through while your team
goes on to play without you.How do you manage that internally? You
know, as a I guess atthat age I was depressed because I was
like, god, dang, Imean I didn't get you know, my
dad was like if I had c's, it was like, what's going on
(09:18):
here? And I'm like, Dad, like, you know, the whole
team, Like I'm still probably mygrades are better than seventy five percent of
the team. But you know,and once again you make me really think
here man, and I feel likeI'm going back in my childhood. But
there was a point where I thinkI gave up on the battle now that
I think about it. So Ifelt like when my senior year in uh
(09:43):
in high school, which I trulyyou know, if you know people who
I grew up with and whatnot,Like I was really good at basketball,
Like I was on varsity as afreshman, I was playing for the high
school team. When I was inmiddle school, started having some bad grades,
started hanging around the wrong people,probably towards the end of my eleventh
(10:05):
grade year, and then you know, my dad, my dad, and
I was just he was just sohard on really like the expectations on what
he had for me. I thinkit got to where, you know,
with high school sports, with anysport, it was time to condition.
And it was like I couldn't conditionbecause my grades weren't up to par with
(10:26):
what he wanted. And I waslike, come on now, like my
senior year, like I've been thisis this is my year. So nevertheless,
I missed all of the conditioning teamstarted. Then it came to a
situation where like the coach was comingto my house and then my dad,
you know, for whatever it's worth, my dad is a West Indian Jamaican
(10:48):
man that stands on business as theysay today, and it was like,
you're gonna come to my house andtalk to me about my child? Like
my dad wasn't having that, SoI think I just kind of was like,
you know what, I'm not evengoing to play this year and I
didn't play my senior year. Andwas that you getting back at your dad
(11:11):
or was that you're just trying tocontrol the situation. Controlling the situation?
I think you know at the ageyou're about seventeen eighteen around that age,
and I think looking back, wasI a man? No? Did?
I think I was absolutely at thatage, And I think it was really
me kind of like thinking I'm puttingmy foot down on what I wanted to
(11:35):
do to do for myself. Andit caused a lot of turmoil in it
was like a downward spiral of alot of things that went completely left in
my life. My senior year,like it was a rough one to the
point where I ended up getting kickedout my house. Wow, got kicked
(11:56):
out of my house my senior year. It was a really jit you're not
welcome in this house. Don't comeback here. You think you're a man?
You think you're grown, like itjust got really crazy. But the
reason I'm saying this because I thinkyou had asked something about how did you
manage your something in the future.But what I realized is as I got
(12:16):
older, I felt like with basketball, I may have fumbled my situation out
of self destruction. Yeah, sonow in my older life, I feel
like, you know, the egois a dangerous thing. You got to
put it aside and kind of notself destruct yourself. Like you're going to
(12:39):
be in situations where you're not alwaysright, you're not the best in the
room. You need to kind ofsit back and listen versus always talking,
or you know, just kind ofbeing a student more of a student of
life. So how like that wasI like how you were able to say
at a pretty young age, bythe way, seventeen eighteen years old,
(13:00):
you're able to kind of recognize thisego, this little kid or whatever,
like angered person inside me who hasissues, is not in control it.
But that is something that most adultsto this day still having grasp and even
(13:20):
the most controlled people who I whoblow my mind in what they can manage,
eventually have a moment of humanity wherethey crack. They might be able
to put it all back together realquick, but some people never do.
Some people never do. Man.And that's kind of what were you and
I were talking about, so likejust being able to kind of recognize like,
(13:43):
no, this isn't my thoughts,these are just thoughts. So are
you saying to me that at ageeighteen nineteen something in that zone you were
able to really always remove your egofrom a moment. I don't think it
happened at that specific moment. Ithink the lesson I learned was reflecting back
(14:05):
on that moment. But I thinkas life came at me getting older and
kind of reflecting back in a situationwhere to arise like whoa, whoa,
whoa, this is this is familiarwhere I kind of, you know,
got in my way of myself withsomething like this similar to the past because
still shoots seventeen eighteen, I thoughtI was right, like, oh you
don't you don't want me to livein this house, I'll get out whatever,
(14:28):
I'm going to college, it doesn'teven matter, like you know,
at that at that moment, Idefinitely didn't think I was. I didn't
learn the lesson when I was seventeeneighteen. But you know, fast forward,
you know, I probably would saymaybe in probably when I was about
in my twenties, maybe twenty midtwenties, because I still was kind of
(14:50):
like a wild it was a wildchild man like I my my, I
was. I was one of thosejust really knucklehead kids that I think when
I got to that point of mytwelfth grade, my senior year of high
school and then going into college andcollege is some of your best amazing years
ever. Yeah, I tell Itell people that I work with who are
(15:13):
in college still to this damn like, yeah, stop trying to work trust
me, no, seriously. Andnow thinking back, and I appreciate you
because I've never really had a chanceto reflect on this type of stuff.
But I think it's when I thinkwhen I really realized, like, you
know what, I'm not going tofumbel. The situation again was when because
I was going to UCF and thenyou know, at this point, I
(15:37):
was still DJing parties. I wasdefinitely still a knucklehead, you know,
doing crazy things. And then hI went to full sale and took the
full sale tour. So I wentto take the full Sale tour and I
was like, damn, I thinkI need to get out of UCF.
At this point, I did notgraduate UCF. I was probably like in
(15:58):
my second third year. Okay,so sophomore junior, Yeah, sophomore junior
year. However, I'm DJing.So like in college, you know,
for the most part, you're you'rebroke, like you don't have but you
didn't have that. I didn't havethat problem. I was different. I
mean, I'm not gonna lie likeI was. I mean, I had
(16:19):
the hottest clothes. I was buyingjewelry. I mean back then, I
had three form of vital watches.Like I was living life in college,
like because I was getting money everysingle week djaying. So when I decided
to leave, you know, callmy mom and say, hey, I
think I'm gonna leave UCF. Whatdo you think? And of course she
was just like, what are youcrazy? Blah blah blah blah blah.
(16:41):
I was like, I don't reallyknow, mom, Like I think,
you know, at this point,some in some aspect the music industry,
I knew like I had something goingfor myself, and I think that's what
it was. It was like,if I'm going to leave this situation that
I have you cf with a conventionaleducation or whatnot. I remember going to
(17:03):
the the orientation, you know,finally my parents were on board. My
dad was all for this. Islike now my dad, Me and my
dad are back close. Now,yeah, we're back good. He's all
into music, my dad. SOIDJ to this day, that's a whole
nother story. So when I wentthere, I think me taking full sale
(17:26):
serious was the pivotal moment of like, no more fumbling. So you transferred.
I transferred, And when I wentto school, I identified seeing where
in all honesty, I saw theother kids and I just sat back and
observed, and there was some takingit serious, some weren't, and I
(17:47):
was like, I'm not. I'mnot playing around with this. I knew
how much money this was about totake, and at this point it was
like I made the decision and thechoice of the path I'm going to take.
So I have to man up andgrabbed the bull by the horns to
do what I gotta do. AndI think at that point is when like
everything kind of really not only switchedbut fell into place like that was a
(18:11):
pivotal point of from then on,like I got an internship at a radio
station, and it's just like thingsjust started to progress. But I took
it serious. It was there wasno the knucklehead strong was was out the
window. I was no longer doingthe things that I used to do,
and I just I took it serious. But I reflect back to when I
was playing basketball. I felt likeI had the opportunity to maybe go to
(18:34):
you know, I could say itwas gonna be in a d one,
but I think I could have probablymade it somewhere. But I was in
my own way. I didn't wantto get my own way again. So
that I guess what I've been diggingfor is that's it's probably that recognition as
you you you you blew something thatyou that you had work, put a
lot of work into and it wasyour ego. Definitely ego one thousand percent.
(18:59):
I could see here today, admitit. Ego. When was the
last time your ego stepped in atthat you had to put them back in
the man bottle? When when didthe ego jump out? I mean I've
never personally seen it, but Idon't know the last time I saw you
lose your mind or or I can'tlike I'm not gonna lie like, you
(19:25):
know, honestly, I met youat a time of life where even me
referencing back to my full sale kindof transformation, I feel like I just
continue to grow and over the years, yeah, why you have in all
honesty, but there's just some thingsI just put put away. I think,
if anything, you know, I'ma man that still doesn't stand for
disrespect. But I think that's awhole different thing than ego. But just
(19:49):
like kind of coming off the cuffof me just going crazy on somebody or
doing something silly, I can't.I don't know, man, which sounds
crazy because I mean everybody has tohave an ego to some extent, but
I just I don't know, man, I have to really think. I
might have to ask somebody else andthey'd be like, yeah, at one
(20:10):
time when you were over there,and that's when yeah. And aside from
like your dad, did you havesomebody that helped you see it this way?
Or was this all you? Ithink in a crazy way, I
think my dad's values he instilled inme was one thing. But I like
to observe and the one thing inlife that I don't want to say,
(20:34):
I like, but I really takeheed to is when I see people that
are disgruntled in situations there are inlife and me sitting back and being like,
one, how did you end upin this? And then sometimes I
feel like once you observe certain people'sactions and the way they move or the
(20:56):
things they do, it comes evident, like that's why you're in this situation.
You're in so And the reason Isay this is because I think me
just observed a lot of people arenot happy in life. Like I'm not
going to say I have everything Iwant in life, but I'm pretty happy,
you know what I mean? Likethings are okay? Could things always
be better? Yes? But youknow there's some people that are just really
(21:18):
angry, angry, don't like theirlife. The environment is yeah problem,
And I think me seeing those people, it's something that scares me straight man,
Like where did you see that first? Where'd you notice that? You
know? I would say because Inever really paid attention and never really understood
(21:40):
what I had going for me inthe radio world, because I remember,
even as an intern, I rememberpulling my boss aside and being like,
hey, we need to talk.They were like what I was like,
I don't think I should be doingthis internship for free, Like, I
think maybe that's my ego. Therewe go up found the one. How
old this version? Oh man,this is about twenty two, twenty two,
(22:03):
twenty three. I was like,legit. Set a meeting with her.
I was like, you know,I'm going to school. This is
when I was in full selle.I just landed the internship at CBS at
that point, one or two jamsto be exact, and I sat.
I asked her to sit down,pulled her and her boss into a meeting,
and I was like, hey,you know, I'm doing this,
(22:25):
this and this and DJ and I'mgoing to school. You know, I
have another job I was actually reallyworking at as well. I was like,
my time is very valuable. Ifyou're gonna ask me to come in
here and intern, I think theleast you guys could do is pay me
for it. I was dead serious. If somebody would have told me or
came to me like that today,I'd probably be like, this person is
smoking rocks. Yeah yeah, butyeah, man, I think I got
(22:52):
lost off track. Maybe that wasback to the ego thing. But oh,
in the radio world, I seea lot of times in the radio
world and DJs as a whole wherelike, you know, I came up
DJing eighty I mean ninety nine ninetyeight, so at that point I'm like
seventeen eighteen. Then I would seelike some guys at that point that are
like forty three, forty four orlike you're around the radio station, you
(23:17):
see that one. And I'm notknocking anybody, but in all honesty,
like sometimes you have the part timersthat are just kind of never really landed
a good gig, been part timefor like twenty years. Like that's you
know, I don't care what anybodysays. There's something you're not doing right,
whether you didn't move, whether youdidn't I don't know, cut commercials
(23:40):
in time with something you're not doingright. Feed to be in that same
situation. And I think actually,when I got the internship and actually engulfed
into the radio world, I oftenwould see a lot of people in jobs
that they just were not happy.And then I would go DJ events and
it'd be like, I, youknow, I'd be the young guy coming
(24:02):
in the old guys like setting upthe equipment. He's like, oh,
I used to DJing and never makeit anywhere. Well, that was what
you did, and like, yeah, I think the industry, I mean
clearly in life as a whole,but I think probably in entertainment. You
see a lot the disgruntled people whoare in situations that they just hate,
and it scares me. I neverwant to be that person. Man.
(24:25):
Yeah, no, I feel you. And then then you added a wife
and kids to that, Yes,which is a whole other variable because now
it's not Now it's not just onyou right now, You've got people counting
on you absolutely, I mean justpeople who are making a wage. I
mean people who are stuck with youideally for life. Yes, yes,
his part right right. So,and you know, from the amount of
(24:49):
time I've gotten to hang out withyou and your wife, Drina, and
like the amount of what I've seenof you, you know, guys make
a lot of time for vacation,spending a lot of time together, you
know, And I don't. Idon't get to see what home life is
like for you, and I Ican't imagine it's perfect like relationship. But
yeah, but you guys have continuedto thrive through you know, through ups
(25:14):
and downs. You know, doyou apply a lot of the same kind
of mentality and mindfulness to those momentsdefinitely do. And it's crazy you sitting
here. I guess I'm gonna sayhaving a conversation with me. I'm not
even gonna say an interview. We'rehaving a conversation, but another you know,
(25:34):
I think throughout life sometimes people dropsome gems on you that like really
stick and I'll never forget. Andyou may don't, you may not even
remember this, but I remember wewere sitting in your office one day and
you had said something about, likethe job will always come and go,
(25:56):
but life with whoever you're with,is something that's going to be forever.
Like ultimately they're the ones that gotyour back, they're the ones that need
to have your back, like you'llbe replaced in a heartbeat in any corporation,
not just saying whatever company you workfor, but it's just kind of
the way of the world. Andwhen you said that, you know,
it was probably one of I'd probablyput it in one of the top three
(26:18):
realist things I've ever swallowed, digestedand applied to life, because it's true,
you know, and I think howfar into your marriage were you at
that point, Well, this isprobably the context short time where I was
like your mentor this is probably yearyear one two, because I had just
(26:40):
got married before I started, beforeI met you. I think we were
probably married for like five months whenI first met you. If that my
wife's listening like it was seven months. It was a short period of time,
man, But I had I hadlearned that lesson. And I truly
(27:03):
feel like it was a lesson whenyou said that, because I remember at
that time I was putting in alot of hours, still put in a
lot of hours. And I thankmy wife for understanding. But you know,
sometimes you know, another piece ofadvice. I probably put this in
the top five, maybe top tenwhen you had mentioned you said, you
know what, there comes a timethroughout the day where you just got to
(27:23):
put it down. It's like thework. You're never going to get through
it all, no matter what youdo. Put it down, just come
back to it tomorrow. And that'ssomething to this day. I'm like,
you know, I mean it's inbox income. Yeah, it's always generating.
Yes, So you know, thoseare just some things I apply.
And I think my wife and Iwe were just we were really good friends
(27:45):
before we ended up, you know, jumping the broom or whatever the case
is, and I think her understandingbecause she met me in this whole kind
of industry or whatnot, so sheknows, you know, what was coming
with the territory. And I appreciateher for that, but you know,
definitely still you gotta go hard manat home. I try to go hard,
(28:07):
harder at home than anything else,you know, I got to make
sure everybody's happy. You know.Sometimes it's it's even more exhausting than work.
You come home and you're tired.Now I got the baby girl that's
added into the mix, and youknow, I don't know if it's more
draining or more energizing when I seeher, because it's like she's just soul
full of energy. It's like daddy, and it's just kind of like puts
(28:30):
another little like quick charge of boostin my back and you know, just
keep it going. That's amazing becausethat's one perspective that I don't have.
I have my own child, SoI can't imagine, you know what that
adds to it. I mean,but we've both had We've all had parents,
you know, in some form oranother, you know, and and
(28:53):
and sometimes our moms and dads youknow, are there. They're obviously trying
to help us, and sometimes theirego is trying to help us, which
is you know, I think anotherthing that I have to remember is,
you know, watching and trying todecipher when my father was giving me a
(29:15):
lesson or when my father's ego isgiving me a lesson. And I don't
think any child is. It's areally that's a tough one to put on
developing brain and soul. Well,and that's a real thing because because now
you're on the other side of it, I am, you're right, and
it's like, now some of thisstuff, you know, I think that
(29:38):
came down from my parents. I'mlike, it's now that's starting to click
and make some sense. But thensome of it's still kind of like,
yeah, I don't know, Ithink this is maybe your ego or you're
just incorrect ways of being a humanat times that you're trying to spring on
me. But yeah, yeah,well it seems as though, I mean,
(29:59):
just based on my per and observationin our colleague life, our friendship
life, it's just I've i've neveri've never seen you have a bad moment,
and you know, and then that'sthat's that's I don't know, a
whole lot of people I can saythat about, you know, I'm I
(30:19):
think there are some who are betterat this than others of understanding. Oh
that's just my ego, that's notme got you, you know, But
like that's a tough thing to recognize, you know, what's what because some
people really think they're the same,you know, And I know, and
I feel like I've never learned howto be really happy until I kind of
(30:41):
figured out the difference. Got youhow soon? I feel like I'm asking
you a question, At what pointdo you feel like you figured out the
difference? Well, if I'm beinghonest, probably not that long ago.
During the pandemic, maybe is whenI really started to put it together.
Shore. I had these little anecdotesmy whole life, but you know,
(31:03):
I had learned and tried to followand obviously things that have always worked for
me for being in and being successful, whether that be in sports, business
school, uh, trying to getlaid whatever, whatever your whatever your endeavor
is. But like I think,you know, when I started recognizing during
(31:26):
the pandemic, I noticed my wife, Yadia, doing a lot of self
help reading, and I remember myego having a lot of response to that,
thinking you know, why is allyou reads health help books? Why
wouldn't you want this, that orthe other thing? Until finally I started
(31:47):
kind of recognizing with a lot oftime and space, because that's one of
the beautiful things about the pandemic thatit brought us, was it brought us
an opportunity to rethink, you know, your daily life, because suddenly you're
life was on Paul's right. AndI took advantage of that wholeheartedly. In
(32:07):
so many ways, I reinvented myselffrom a professional life. I reinvented myself
in how I wanted to do,you know, be an entrepreneur. And
I reinvented myself in terms of howI want to start training my mind to
separate itself from my ego. Now, granted, I actually think you're more
(32:29):
of an expert here than I am, because you've figured it out so much
sooner than I think most people,because like I said to you, I
don't think people in their forties andfifties have figured this out. And certainly
with you know, my family,being I'm the youngest, yea, they
all have these moments, so likewe're all struggling with it. So it
(32:50):
takes a lot it takes years ofwork to train that to not have the
emotional response. So for me,it was recognizing that there was another way,
checking myself into therapy, adding inmultiple pieces of therapy in the aspect
that I have a life coach,and he helped me. He kind of
helped me recognize, like twenty percentof Lebron James's salary is spent on resources
(33:15):
and support for him, whether thatbe the strength and conditioning coach, the
massage therapist that he probably needs constantlyfor taking such a beating on the court,
mental training, an agent to helphim not make stupid financial decisions,
you know, these kinds of things. Adding in all these kinds of things,
(33:36):
then I started to recognize, like, oh, man, like yeah,
And obviously twenty percent of Lebron James'ssalary dwarfs both yours and mine by
quite some quite several zeros and decimalpoints. But still, you know,
I can still spend twenty percent ofmine or ten percent of mine into support
(34:00):
to know that my head's going tobe you know, interesting hearing you say
the you know, the support spending, spending the money of the twenty percent
for the support you need and nottrying to make everything sound like a business.
But it's almost as if like,what are you investing back into yourself
(34:21):
exactly, and that's buying marketing foryour own company or you know, or
investing in a CEO for your company. Do you want it to be successful?
Do you want to carry it onyour back and be stressed out with
that all the time, or doyou want to have buckets for other things?
And I think you've probably seen thata long time ago as well,
maybe you've fine tuned it now,possibly based on what you just said,
(34:44):
But I think that is even whenyou know you're seeing the disgruntled people and
people that are not happy, Ithink a lot of times it could be
that that they're not they have neverinvested anything back into themselves. And I'm
not saying investment necessarily meaning it hadto be monetary, but maybe it's even
(35:04):
just like I don't know, takingsome time to yourself or whatever it is,
to kind of get your headspace clearto for you to be able to
think through whatever it is you're tryingto achieve or get to the next level.
And I think sometimes people feel asif they don't have to invest that
ten to twenty percent, whether it'sentitlement whether they think I'm God's gift because
my ego thinks that I'm the best, whatever the case is. And I
(35:28):
think those are the situations sometimes whenI sit back and I observe, and
I'm like, well, I thinkwe have already unwound the ego problem,
you know, in this conversation.And but you know, recognizing that you
are your own worst obstacle more oftenthan not, and that there's nobody who's
going to invest in your life morethan you be financially mentally, and I
(35:51):
just started really doing that, youknow, full time, which you know,
and I've got a lot of workto do because you know, you
go on vacation for a week.I'm not doing the mental health stuff I
normally do. I have to comeback to it. I have to remember
to come back to it and belike, wait a minute, why are
you feeling tired, Why are youfeeling angry? Why are you feeling a
little Yeah, and then exactly soyou know that's that's for me. So
(36:20):
I guess, on a parting notein this conversation, if you were to
give three pieces of advice to somebodywho is listening, who wants to who
wants to have the life you do, but not just the money, not
just the titles, not just thestrength you know, physically, mentally,
(36:40):
I'm talking all of it. Yeah, you know, you know what mental
thing? Tip? Can you givethem? My three things I would give?
And you know, I'm not tryingto come across as super preachy,
you know, I'm not. Idon't go to church every sunner. No,
(37:00):
Yeah, you know, my momwould probably probably be the first person
to be like, when is thelast time you went to church. I
haven't been in a while, however, And I'm not trying to tell you
what God to pray to or whateverthe case is, like to each his
own. I don't not say it. I don't care whatever religion you are,
but I'm well aware there's many differentreligions or whatever the case is.
But I think whatever religion power,yeah, whatever higher power, I think
(37:24):
really ultimately kind of humbling yourself tothat and giving thanks and you know,
having conversations with that higher power tojust maybe you know, meditate and kind
of you know, just know thatyou're not in control. I think that's
kind of part of what religion isto an extent. It's like I think
(37:45):
some people think they have so muchcontrol over everything they can do in life,
and it's like, I don't reallyknow that's really the truth. I
think you at some point you gotto have some help, and that help
might be a higher power that somebodybefore, or you might have prayed for
it to get you in that situation. So you know, I'm a God
fearing man, so I would sayhaving a relationship with a higher power,
(38:07):
have a relationship. For me,having a relationship with God is super instrumental.
I think on a day to daybasis, like I can't even you
know, just for what it's worthputting out there, like I I can't
even getting my bed at night withoutbowing to my knees and praying and saying
like thank you for the day andwhatnot. Like I can't even like if
(38:29):
I end up falling asleep or gettingbed tired. My mind, the conscious,
the guilt, the moral morality doesn'teven matter how little you sleep or
how you know. It does.Literally, you're the higher power will list
you out of that higher power willrise me up. I get down to
give that thanks man. I gotto. And there's been many drunken nights
(38:49):
where I've woke through like God here, I said, you know, I
know this probably is in the Jesusjuse, but hey, I give my
thing and that's that's a real story, true story. So that's one.
I think. Two is you gotto know when to block out the distractions
(39:12):
and the noise. Give me anexample of what that might be, like,
you know, an example like let'ssay, for instance, all right,
so right now, and I wishwe all had I don't know if
you have an Apple Watch, butyou know when the Apple Watch is like
loud noise for the last thirty seconds, Like I wish we had one of
those on our lives of like thingsthat like are trying to penetrate your mind
and brain or whatever the case is, and it's like you got to block
(39:35):
it out. What a great analogyit does, it does if we have
that on our lives, man,it'd be amazing thing. For myself.
Once again, I can only speakfor myself in situations that I encounter.
Right now, I'm doing this thingcalled seventy five hard. I don't know
if you ever heard of it before. Yeah, I did it during COVID.
(40:00):
It was amazing. I never feltso much at peace once I had
completed it. I had messed uponce all the way through, but I
knew I was going to and thenI was like whatever it was like honestly,
it was like Day fifty, messedup, came back for the next
seventy five. I'm doing seventy fivehard now, and I think in order
(40:20):
to successfully complete that, you gottablock out the noise, like it's gonna
be all kinds of things that justare it's not cohesive for what you got
going on, Like, for instance, there's no alcohol. So it's like
I try, at least in thebeginning, I reach a point where like
it doesn't matter. I'll have anon alcoholic bear or a mocktail. But
(40:44):
you know, I'm not gonna lielike I like a good cocktail every now
and then. Man, it's whatI do. But I think things like
that, man, just kind ofthroughout the seventy five and I'm talking about
drinking. But I think for youto successfully you know, drink your gallon
of water a day, work outto day, read your ten pages a
day, you have to focus onwhat is really best for you to complete
(41:07):
that without anybody interrupting what it isthat you need to do. So When
I say the distractions and the noise, it's like, you know, people
may hit me up like, hey, you want to go do this,
you want to go do that,or I mean even my own wife,
you know, honestly, it's like, hey, you want to watch the
show. I'm like, right now, that's not working for what I got
to do. And I hope youunderstand, and I'm not trying to be
(41:27):
disrespectful, but at this moment,I got to do what I got to
do for me. And I thinkthat's what I mean by like blocking out
the noise and the distractions. AndI think, although I'm talking about a
seventy five day period, I thinkthis is something that people need to apply
to their lives on an everyday basisbecause I think often things will just get
you off track. And there's nothingwrong with getting off track, but sometimes
(41:49):
people have a harder time than othersgetting back on the track. And I
think you have to identify on whenenough is enough, too much is too
much to stay focused. M Yeah, that's number two, you block out
the noise and the distractions. ThreeA good one. A third one.
(42:10):
I think, ultimately, as cheesyas it sounds, I truly feel as
if you can achieve anything in lifeyou want to, the only thing in
between you and achieving whatever is you'retrying to do is you. I think
we are our worst enemies, ourworst excuse my French cock blockers on life.
(42:37):
It's like, you know, it'sjust how bad you want it,
and you have to understand that thereis nobody maybe your mom, I don't
even know of your mom, butthere's nobody that's gonna want for you more
than you want for yourself. Andif you think somebody's gonna hand it to
you, you know, give itto you on a silver plate, silver
spoon. It's just that's not howit works. You got to put in
(42:58):
the work and you gotta get itdone. But truly, I think anything
you want to achieve, you cando it. You just gotta stay out
of your way and put the workin. Some real good feedback there.
So I heard higher power, Yes, I heard gratitude, Yes, block
out the noise, block out thenoise. I also heard in there,
it's okay to be selfish. Itis, you know. I think when
(43:22):
people hear selfish, they hear,well, what a dick that guy has?
He said no to me? Hewouldn't do this. But the reality
as is, like you said,is like you know that it might be
tough, but this is not working. This won't work for me right now,
based on what I need to achieve, what I know I need to
achieve, I think, and youknow, whether you call it selfish or
whatnot, I think if you don't, if you don't possess some type of
(43:45):
and if we're going to classify asselfishness in your life, you're not only
doing yourself a disservice, you're doingeverybody else around you a disservice. Because
I think the only way for youto be the best you is by taking
care of you. And to takecare of you, you gotta be selfish
in some capacity to make sure you'reokay. And there's no way, I
(44:07):
mean, this is this is clichestuff. We've all heard all these things.
It's just like really swallowing the juiceand understanding is true. But I
mean, if you're in a relationship, whatever it is, if you you
can't be the best person in thatrelationship, if you're not the best you,
yeah, you gotta take care ofyou. Man. Yeah. Well,
for those of you who who heardthis and feeling like you got something
(44:30):
out of this today. I knowI did. It's nice almost to hear
you repeat it back to me,you know, because it's like almost like
validates my own journey in so manyways. You said so many things that
I probably would have said as well. You know, I just think you're
I actually think you're further along thanI am in that, which is weird
because I would have thought opposite.I would. I mean, I have
(44:52):
many strengths, and I think youknow, mental mental health and mental strength
to me always just meant grind through. It got you. Yeah, And
you know when when you were talkingabout basketball as a kid, you know,
I did a lot of those thingsfor hockey. I I did go
do the you know, the thecollege scene, you know, with all
(45:15):
that, but like I didn't hadI mentally prepared better, honestly and recognized
some of the things that we talkedabout today. I think I would have
had a longer career. I thinkup until now I would have. I
would have grown faster, you know, with our iHeart corporate work. I
(45:36):
think I would have. You know, maybe I wouldn't have screwed up some
relationships. But ultimately, like youwere kind of saying with the higher power
aspect, I've kind of accepted thatthis is how it is, and that's
is how we got here, andthe reality is is I got a lot
of lessons in my pocket along theway on how to achieve things. So
(45:58):
for those of you in this,share it, Share it with somebody who
needs to hear it. Find thisMen on Mindfulness podcast on iHeartRadio and others.
But I won't talk about them becauseyou know, uh, this is
where we live. But thank youfor listening. And of course, if
you want other aspects of life thatyou know are helpful for men and for
(46:22):
your man potentially, you can checkme out at gentlife gentlife dot com or
at gentlife on your social media platforms. Thanks again, d I appreciate this.
Hey, I thank you for havingWe have to do a part too
one day, I think so,
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