May 1, 2025 • 7 mins
Nick Leighton joins Mendte in the Morning to talk about the proper etiquette when splitting the bill after a dinner with others.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, it is always uncomfortable, isn't it if you haven't
already established rules when you go out to dinner with
people and the check comes, because who's going to pay it?
Can you split it? Can you even bring that up
that you want to split the check? There's an etiquette
to this. And for the rules, we bring in Nick Layton,
who is etiquette expert and co host of the hit
(00:23):
podcast Were You Raised by Wolves? I love that title,
which can be heard on the iHeartRadio app. Nick, Thanks
for being here, Thanks so much.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
This is a treat.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Now it's a treat for us as well. Listen, before
we get to the end, I just tease the whole thing,
and I'm going to say, now, let's just hold off.
And the only reason I'm saying hold off is because
we had a caller earlier and he brought up something
that has been kind of a controversy throughout the day,
not only here in the studio, but other people that
have called in. And it has to do with Mother's
(00:54):
Day and if on Mother's Day the husband should give
a gift to his wife considering she is not his mother. Oh,
good question.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Well, I think the question is this an etiquette question
or is this just a marriage counseling question? So who
cares what the etiquette is? Would it kill you to
get some flowers? Then I agree with you, and I
think if the wife gave the husband a Father's Day gift,
that's a really good hint that the wife expects a
Mother's Day gift.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah right, hold on, hold on, now you lost me.
The father's Day gifts are never as good as the
Mother's Day gifts.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Okay, never, But you know what, in June you always
have the better weather. We always have rain and cold
and you have sunshine and warm.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
So there you go. So it's payback to that with
a chief presence or payback for that. Fathers get screwed
all the time, Nick, all the time.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
All right, they get the flowers. It just gets the flowers.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I agree with you, although my wife wants to jewelry
from Mother's Day, so it's a little bit more expensive
than that. Let's talk about the restaurant bills, because I
think everybody has been through this. Are there rules for this, like,
for instance, should you I would imagine this is a
smart thing to do, but nobody ever does it. Should
you bring it up before you even have the meal.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I mean, it's nice to know what the rules are
gonna be, yeah, and what everybody's expecting. So yeah, if
you're not sure who's hosting and who might be paying,
it's fine to clarify, and you can do that in
a plight yet direct way at the beginning of the meal,
no problem. But the rule is if you're invited out,
then you are a guest, and generally speaking, guests do
(02:41):
not pay. So I think the question is how is
the invitation issued.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I like that a lot, and I'm not inviting anybody
anymore after I hear that. I'm gonna wait to be invited,
I you know.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
And I like the fact that do it at the
beginning of the meal, not when the bill comes out,
because we had an incident. This was years ago and
we were all went out as couples and the bill
came and this one guy took it and he started saying, okay,
who had the chicken franches for twenty four and ninety
nine and he's like checking it off. We're like, we're
just gonna split this, like we're not part.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
No, no, no, no, you don't split the bill. You don't
if you're gonna if you're gonna pay. You gotta pay
what you owe. I I ask Nick, Nick, what if
I have a salad he and they have prime rib?
But do I have to pay the same? Do I
have to pay for part of his prime rib?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Well, we want fairness in the world, and I think
the question is how often do you dine with these
people and in the grand ledger of your life when
we look back, is it gonna work out? Is it
gonna kind of come out in the wash? So I
think that's the question. You know, with my friends, sometimes
I'll pay the bill, Sometimes they'll pay the bill. Sometimes
I had the martini and the steak and they had
the salad. Sometimes it's the other way around. So in
(03:55):
the end it kind of works out. But if you
want to split something to the penny, and maybe you do.
If you want to do that, you grab the check,
you put it all on your card, and then later
after the meal you can reach out. You can venmo
request people what they owe. But let's not do the
calculator at the table, or we're getting it done with
a penny.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I like that now if someone else pays the bill.
If you're out with a couple of people and they
pay the bill. Should the other person be offering to
leave the tip.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
I mean, you could certainly offer it. That's very nice,
But what you should do is reciprocate. So the next
time you should pick up the bill, Well.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
What if I just gave the tip? Would I have
to then reciprocate?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
You don't have to do anything, but edykin has a
way of having consequences. So if you don't get future
invitations from me, you know, you might wonder why.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I haven't got one yet. So I'm not gonna don't
forguret of telling you. There is always that uncomfortable moment
when the bill comes. If nobody grabs for it right away,
should that be a sign that you have to pick
it up? If somebody doesn't just go ahead immediately and
(05:11):
grab the bill.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Well, someone needs to touch it at some point. But yes,
you could grab it, and you could say, should we
all just cover what we ordered? Question mark? Leave it
for the table. So you could certainly do that. If
nobody wants to volunteer.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
It seems like it's a great deal being the person invited.
Are there any rules if you're invited to go out
to dinner? Because if the other person's gonna pay the check?
What what do I What am I supposed to do?
I know, I never know what to do. I'm like,
do I offer? Am I gonna insult them? I guess
it's you.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Can absolutely offer, Like, oh are you sure? Oh that's
very nice. But yeah, I think you want to make
a genuine effort, you know, if somebody's gonna pick up
the bill and then, yeah, you just want to send
a thank you note of some sort, so at least
a text afterwards. I love a good handwritten note sent
in the mail, but you do you, But yeah, gratitude
is important. You know, you want to say that you
(06:04):
actually appreciated that gesture.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I want to friend. I'd love to get a time.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I have a couple of friends who do handwritten notes,
and it is the nicest thing I have to say.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
I agree with you so low effort.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
It takes so little effort to send it, and the
emotional impact that a handwritten note has is wildly disproportionate.
So I'm a big fan. But actually I prefer that
you don't do it because it makes my notes look better.
I look like a better person because I'm the only
person to send notes.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Would prefer nobody to send notes. I would like to
be the only one. You know what I can't stand
and and I've been involved with this before and I
wasn't paying, somebody else was paying. But when there's like
a big party and somebody brings an unexpected guest, what happens?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Then you note that about that person that they are
a bad person, and you make sure that you never
invite that person ever again. Showing up with uninvited guests
is so rude to not let your host know, Like,
that's so rude. And nobody who does that has ever
hosted a party, because if you actually were ever a host,
you would know that you would never do that.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Nick. Look, I'm a Cretan, so we need you to
come back. We'd love to talk to you again because
I feel like I'm going to school. Thanks so much.
Nick Layton, etiquette expert and co host of the hit
podcast Were You Raised by Wolves? Which could be heard
right here on the iHeartRadio app. Thanks again, Nick, thanks
(07:31):
so much that thank you noticed in the mail. Well
do we all get one? Or are you just getting one?
Natalie
Well, it is always uncomfortable, isn't it if you haven't
already established rules when you go out to dinner with
people and the check comes, because who's going to pay it?
Can you split it? Can you even bring that up
that you want to split the check? There's an etiquette
to this. And for the rules, we bring in Nick Layton,
who is etiquette expert and co host of the hit
(00:23):
podcast Were You Raised by Wolves? I love that title,
which can be heard on the iHeartRadio app. Nick, Thanks
for being here, Thanks so much.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
This is a treat.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Now it's a treat for us as well. Listen, before
we get to the end, I just tease the whole thing,
and I'm going to say, now, let's just hold off.
And the only reason I'm saying hold off is because
we had a caller earlier and he brought up something
that has been kind of a controversy throughout the day,
not only here in the studio, but other people that
have called in. And it has to do with Mother's
(00:54):
Day and if on Mother's Day the husband should give
a gift to his wife considering she is not his mother. Oh,
good question.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Well, I think the question is this an etiquette question
or is this just a marriage counseling question? So who
cares what the etiquette is? Would it kill you to
get some flowers? Then I agree with you, and I
think if the wife gave the husband a Father's Day gift,
that's a really good hint that the wife expects a
Mother's Day gift.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah right, hold on, hold on, now you lost me.
The father's Day gifts are never as good as the
Mother's Day gifts.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Okay, never, But you know what, in June you always
have the better weather. We always have rain and cold
and you have sunshine and warm.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
So there you go. So it's payback to that with
a chief presence or payback for that. Fathers get screwed
all the time, Nick, all the time.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
All right, they get the flowers. It just gets the flowers.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
I agree with you, although my wife wants to jewelry
from Mother's Day, so it's a little bit more expensive
than that. Let's talk about the restaurant bills, because I
think everybody has been through this. Are there rules for this, like,
for instance, should you I would imagine this is a
smart thing to do, but nobody ever does it. Should
you bring it up before you even have the meal.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I mean, it's nice to know what the rules are
gonna be, yeah, and what everybody's expecting. So yeah, if
you're not sure who's hosting and who might be paying,
it's fine to clarify, and you can do that in
a plight yet direct way at the beginning of the meal,
no problem. But the rule is if you're invited out,
then you are a guest, and generally speaking, guests do
(02:41):
not pay. So I think the question is how is
the invitation issued.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I like that a lot, and I'm not inviting anybody
anymore after I hear that. I'm gonna wait to be invited,
I you know.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
And I like the fact that do it at the
beginning of the meal, not when the bill comes out,
because we had an incident. This was years ago and
we were all went out as couples and the bill
came and this one guy took it and he started saying, okay,
who had the chicken franches for twenty four and ninety
nine and he's like checking it off. We're like, we're
just gonna split this, like we're not part.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
No, no, no, no, you don't split the bill. You don't
if you're gonna if you're gonna pay. You gotta pay
what you owe. I I ask Nick, Nick, what if
I have a salad he and they have prime rib?
But do I have to pay the same? Do I
have to pay for part of his prime rib?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Well, we want fairness in the world, and I think
the question is how often do you dine with these
people and in the grand ledger of your life when
we look back, is it gonna work out? Is it
gonna kind of come out in the wash? So I
think that's the question. You know, with my friends, sometimes
I'll pay the bill, Sometimes they'll pay the bill. Sometimes
I had the martini and the steak and they had
the salad. Sometimes it's the other way around. So in
(03:55):
the end it kind of works out. But if you
want to split something to the penny, and maybe you do.
If you want to do that, you grab the check,
you put it all on your card, and then later
after the meal you can reach out. You can venmo
request people what they owe. But let's not do the
calculator at the table, or we're getting it done with
a penny.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I like that now if someone else pays the bill.
If you're out with a couple of people and they
pay the bill. Should the other person be offering to
leave the tip.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
I mean, you could certainly offer it. That's very nice,
But what you should do is reciprocate. So the next
time you should pick up the bill, Well.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
What if I just gave the tip? Would I have
to then reciprocate?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
You don't have to do anything, but edykin has a
way of having consequences. So if you don't get future
invitations from me, you know, you might wonder why.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I haven't got one yet. So I'm not gonna don't
forguret of telling you. There is always that uncomfortable moment
when the bill comes. If nobody grabs for it right away,
should that be a sign that you have to pick
it up? If somebody doesn't just go ahead immediately and
(05:11):
grab the bill.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Well, someone needs to touch it at some point. But yes,
you could grab it, and you could say, should we
all just cover what we ordered? Question mark? Leave it
for the table. So you could certainly do that. If
nobody wants to volunteer.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
It seems like it's a great deal being the person invited.
Are there any rules if you're invited to go out
to dinner? Because if the other person's gonna pay the check?
What what do I What am I supposed to do?
I know, I never know what to do. I'm like,
do I offer? Am I gonna insult them? I guess
it's you.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Can absolutely offer, Like, oh are you sure? Oh that's
very nice. But yeah, I think you want to make
a genuine effort, you know, if somebody's gonna pick up
the bill and then, yeah, you just want to send
a thank you note of some sort, so at least
a text afterwards. I love a good handwritten note sent
in the mail, but you do you, But yeah, gratitude
is important. You know, you want to say that you
(06:04):
actually appreciated that gesture.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I want to friend. I'd love to get a time.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I have a couple of friends who do handwritten notes,
and it is the nicest thing I have to say.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
I agree with you so low effort.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
It takes so little effort to send it, and the
emotional impact that a handwritten note has is wildly disproportionate.
So I'm a big fan. But actually I prefer that
you don't do it because it makes my notes look better.
I look like a better person because I'm the only
person to send notes.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Would prefer nobody to send notes. I would like to
be the only one. You know what I can't stand
and and I've been involved with this before and I
wasn't paying, somebody else was paying. But when there's like
a big party and somebody brings an unexpected guest, what happens?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Then you note that about that person that they are
a bad person, and you make sure that you never
invite that person ever again. Showing up with uninvited guests
is so rude to not let your host know, Like,
that's so rude. And nobody who does that has ever
hosted a party, because if you actually were ever a host,
you would know that you would never do that.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Nick. Look, I'm a Cretan, so we need you to
come back. We'd love to talk to you again because
I feel like I'm going to school. Thanks so much.
Nick Layton, etiquette expert and co host of the hit
podcast Were You Raised by Wolves? Which could be heard
right here on the iHeartRadio app. Thanks again, Nick, thanks
(07:31):
so much that thank you noticed in the mail. Well
do we all get one? Or are you just getting one?
Natalie
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