After Show: Sometimes you need a Jamarcus

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
This is the mood Kimmy and otisin the Morning Daily podcast, It's the
moo Kimmy. Notice after show apodcast, we got ron Dalla Smith from
Georgia followers in the building. Sothen after the afterwards, we're like hanging
out and I'm like, well,I got to do my show tonight.
Do you want to go? Myfriend Jamie who she's friends with, she's
gonna be there with her husband.She's like, oh, yeah, yeah,
I actually told Jamie that I wouldgo see your show tonight. But

(00:27):
she doesn't know that I'm staying,that I stayed in Seattle today and she
doesn't know that I'm here, andshe doesn't know that me and you are
anything or talk or I'm like,oh all right, that's cool whatever,
I'll keep that a secret. Sothen yeah, totally fine. Yeah,
I mean I gotta leave in twodays anyway, So I so this is
crazy. So then the next dayI get a d M from her husband.

(00:50):
Oh my god, I thought itwas her ex and it's like this
guy Michael pops up on my phone. I'm like damn. And so I
opened it up and he's like,hey, man, I know that you're
you you hung out with my wifeand I'm like wife and I go,
I go, oh, sorry,I thought you guys were divorced. And
he's like, we're not divorced,we're married. I just want you to
promise or just want to ask younot to like hang out with her again.

(01:12):
And I'm like, wait, soyou guys are married, but like
like you're not gonna attack me witha bat or something like I'm way too
easy to find. Yeah, I'mall over everywhere on instant stories. You'd
just be like he's over here.We go and yeah, I'm just way
too predictable. You can't so andhe goes, no, we're not getting

(01:34):
a divorce. I cheated on her. Oh, and she told me that
she needed to cheat on me tolike even the school. This is the
greatest story ever. This is thegreatest story ever. So she chose me
as the guy like as her an. I felt weirdly used. You were
used because I was like like abatter child. You'd be like I was

(01:56):
chosen of all the men. Couldwell look you felt like in the Hunger
Games, I'm gonna sacrifice. Iwanted the tribute today. I would have
done that because she was I mean, she is stunning, like she was
gorgeous. But the problem is isthat I felt bad for her because I'm
like, she has five kids andher her husband was a cheater and he's

(02:19):
all over the places mean to her, and so then I'm like feeling bad
for it, and then I'm alittle nervous, like okay, Like afterwards,
she's like nope, I just youknow, I'm going through a lot
right now, and I'm like cool. And then I was like, man,
Brian, like if you really likethis girl, and like I'm thinking
about this stuff in my head.I'm like, you like this girl,
You're ready to be like a stepdadto like five kids. I'm in the
middle of that conversation in my headand then dude hits me up and then

(02:39):
I I DM her and she's like, yeah, sorry, I probably should
have been a little more honest,but I feel like the only way I
could move on from him cheating wasif I cheated. And I was like
damn, and she goes, I'mreally sorry. I hope you're okay with
that, and I'm like, no, I mean I'm not gonna whatever now

(03:00):
in a couple hours or whatever.I mean, yeah, whatever, cool,
Yeah, yeah, but my nextquestion would have been want to do
it again? I told the guyI wouldn't, but I didn't know.
I don't want to get killed?Yeah, why did he get your number?
And or how because she told himlike she goes, hey, guess
what good news? Even like wecan move on, and I'm like,

(03:23):
this is insanity and now I'm justcurious, like wait a minute, so
what I was just a back andforth thing at this point? Then he
cheats again? Yeah, like they'replaying a game of tennis. Hey,
Brian, you won't let you knowmy husband cheated on me again? To
cheat? Cheat again? Yeah you'redown, Yeah, let's do it.
How long has it been? Yousaid? Five years? Probably I'll do
it. I mean she so thiswas in like this is I was probably

(03:44):
twenty six or twenty five years old, So this is like twelve years ago.
Listen to keep the sparkle live,dude. But that's why it shocked
me because when it she popped backinto my feed, I was like,
oh, there's no way she's stillmarried. Still married? Knowing it is
is that once she cheated. Ilike you said, I bet that marriage

(04:05):
got even tight. Like our babe, we both we both did what we
needed to do. All right,let's reset, and they're probably swingers that
don't be honest with you. Well, it's kind of the like movie I
can't think of the movie now,but it's kind of like, yeah,
you guys really think is it ahall No, it's not hall pass.
It might be a very sim Imean that's what basically, that's what it
was. She got one hall passto do whatever. And I'm sure that

(04:28):
like it probably eats this guy alidbecause he because like that was just me,
Like I had been on Comedy Centralonce for like a four minute spot,
and I was just touring and likeheadlining some clubs, opening in a
lot of other clubs for people doingcolleges and living in LA. But now
it's like doing all this other stuffand this guy, like I pulled up
his thing and he just he worksin like like finance. It's a hard

(04:49):
that's a hard pill. It's ahard pill to swallow when you think of
like your woman getting having that's athat's a hard pill. It's I think
it's easier for women to like liketake cheating versus the men taking cheating.
Oh see, I don't know,but maybe I'm not sure. I don't
think I could ever take it regardlesslike I need to, Like I couldn't.

(05:10):
I would never be able to getover it mentally. But that's what
I was thinking. It's like,Okay, that was what ten years ago.
So at this point, it's likeit gets harder and harder to find
a replacement the older you get,right, So I feel like tak with
that person. It's just like,hey man, you cheat it. I
don't feel like you look around andall this extra stuff. Dog, I'm
just going now listen, I can'tafford it. Yeah, And I can't

(05:31):
afford it. That's when that's whenpeople start having those conversations of all right,
look if you cheat, just letme know, right, like I
don't, yeah, don't or justdon't do it. Yeah. But and
I decided I feel like if ifJessica messed up one night, which she
would never but if it happened,yeah, yeah, I would just say
take that to your grip. Yeah. I know, like I know myself
phone enough to know like I'm notgonna recover from this, yeah man,

(05:54):
Like like I'm not saying we geta divorce, but I am saying that
I would live in misery for therest of the time would die a little
bit every single day. He wouldjust see me in the baptub with a
shower running and a bottle of vodka. Just God, but men, men
break down way harder when it comesto women's cause I think we tried that.

(06:16):
We I think just knew this aboutme, like right out the gates
because we want to. I don'tknow why we did this, but we're
playing this game like who have youdated? If you've dated anybody like famous
or anybody. I think it's Ithink it started everyone anybody. I'm talking
it was such a dumb game.I think it's because my ex wife was
like d list villain, reality TVfamous in the UK. And then Jessica

(06:38):
came out the gates with like goingto Miami with Andrew Jones from the Braves,
and I was like, let's notplay this game. I don't that's
not the game. I don't wantto do this, not the game.
And it's because that's where the insecuritycomes from, because it's like immediately I
gotta be playing easily well now andnow I'm measuring myself to them, right,
So like when women get cheated on, it's like you feeld a herd

(07:00):
of like feeling like you're not enoughfor their saying it's like, what does
she feel the insecurity that like wait, that guy exactly brou And now I
got to think about that for therest of time. You need to like
you feel like you need to stepup your day to day game, like
really, if you were more thanenough, there's nothing I can do to
become Dominican and rich exactly. Andit's also not even that. See,
my mind goes to I wonder whatthey did. I wonder if he if

(07:24):
she did that little trick that shedoes on him that she does to me,
or I wonder if I wonder ifhe like really hit it, like
you know what I mean. Shecomes back to me and it's just like,
yeah, this ain't it. Playingthis ain't it? This ain't it?
That is funny thing, you knowwhat I mean? Dude, that's
the that's where that's where I go, and that's where I get the most.
Yeah, oh my god, dude. Anytime something like experimental happens,
it's like wait a minute. Youknow, dude, wait a minute,

(07:46):
you never done this. The dayI didn't teach you this, the day
I knew that my ex was talkingto her now fiance is she never eats
sushi. We're going out one nightwhen she ordered sushi. I said,
you already know ten years you've neverhad sushi, and now you want sushi?
I said, hold? And thenI also I said, said,

(08:07):
who got you eating sushi? Whendo you want to start? I just
wanted to try it. No,you didn't never wanted to try sushi in
your life, but now you wantto try sushi. It's just the little
things that start that you start topick up, like girl, you don't
do this, Like what are youdoing? You never sucked my toes before?
When did you start sucking to Youjust made you're gonna get that out

(08:28):
of toes, but now you wantto suck my feet all of us?
Man? You what really okay?But also you have to look at it
like this whoever she's doing these thingswith, and she's bringing those characteristics back
to you in the bedroom. Sometimesyou just have to call this dude up
and be like, hey man,thank you, I appreciate it. I
appreciate it all. I mean,you didn't you didn't did something because he

(08:52):
ain't never did this, brother,I appreciate that. Actually teaching her.
I don't know how you got hersay, yeah you do. Do you
even ask you just try it?Just give a shot. You guys were
just asking a lot of bravery.You guys are just at lunch just talking
about it. So like you justtried to just give it them. Hey,
man, just go in and doit. Man, she likes it.
What I mean, I never knewthat. But you can just go
ahead and try that. What happensif it goes bad? He's like,

(09:13):
dude, do it. Bro,Like I would like to have those conversations.
So when I was a freshman incollege or I was back home between
my freshman and sophomore year, myhigh school girlfriend was in town right,
Like she lived in Portland, Oregonat the time, but she was in
town in Washington, and so weended up like meeting up. She was
there for like a week, andshe we had that awkward conversation, was

(09:35):
like, did you hook up witha new one last year? And I
was like, honestly, I washonest. I was like no. I
was like, I moved to Californiaand the girls aren't feeling the Washington listens
like they're just not feeling it yet, and uh, like I had an
awkward freshman fifteen that was like,for some reason, just in my face,
and I was like, nah,it's just not going great right now,

(09:56):
and she's like, yeah, meneither. And then we ended up
hooking up and I was like afterafterwards, I was like, she's so
full. Yeah, yeah, there'sno way. We learned a lot of
new stuff. Lewis and Clark College, you were doing more than exploring.
I know they're known for exploration,but come on, whatever you were doing
heart it's heartbreaking with your fingers andyeah, it's heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking.

(10:18):
I mean I walked off like Iknow, this is just a temper because
it was just like we were togetherfor a week. It's one of those
like I'm back for a week lessboyfriend and girlfriend for a week, and
let's just good. And then afterwardsI was like laughing because I'm like,
Mary, you could have just beenhonest, like, yeah, I had
a boyfriend, Like she couldn't havenot beforehand that would have been in your
mind. Well, it's funny.I think she thought I was lying because
she did things like well did youhook up? Then? Last year?

(10:39):
I was like, did you youwanted to see if she's like saying,
I'm like, no too, butI wasn't lying, which, by the
way, I'm sure she figured outpretty quickly. She was like, damn,
Brian, you're still doing the sameold move. We didn't even get
to move. It was more likeit was they goot, it was a

(11:01):
week, you know what I mean. I have some redemption. Oh my
god, feel like it's stories likethis that helps my brain like reconcile all
the times when you talk about likethe guy that you used to be,
because I can't picture these moments andI'm like, it feels so pass that
guy had his heart broken in collegeand then went on a tear and see.
And I think a lot of womendon't. I think a lot of
women don't realize I got my heartbroken in to this day. I got

(11:24):
my heart broken in high school byshe wasn't my high school sweetheart, some
girl that I just loved so much. And then our senior year, she
finally told me, like, yo, I did like you all these years,
but she was a white girl,so her parents weren't fully dating black
man. That hurts so and Iunderstood that it was at your first like
real like heart experience. Oh yeah, racism though I mean not racist,
not necessarily racism, but it definitelywas like, but it's like a type

(11:46):
of racist. It was. Itwas it was because her family loved me,
dude, that's the thing that theyjust didn't want exactly. They loved
me. I went to I wentto so many family christmases. I brought
her gifts for Christmas, all kindsof stuff, Like me and this girl
was super tight. And like yearslater, my heart was broken. And
that day I was just like,oh I hate women. That I was
like, I hate women, andI think I that was something that I'm

(12:07):
still getting over, which is crazy. I'm thirty three years old, but
bruh that Lingers. I hate tobreak it to a lot of you.
I hate to break it to peoplelike girls are always like get over it,
get over I'm like, dude,no, like that, Lingers.
And you wonder why a lot ofthese men do the things they do in
these relationships, because it's like,no, my heart was broken, like
because that wasn't just between you andher, it was also like a family
thing. It's a relationship with theirfamily. And then it was like it

(12:30):
was the whole thing. I endedup looking out with a cousin though,
well, I mean you have toget also sometimes like the I think when
a dude gets their heart broken,they're genuinely so blind sided that it's crazy.
Like sometimes I think, usually usuallywith women, like when you get
your heart broken, you've been tryingreally hard because you've seen this coming,
you've felt things are off, andyou've been putting more of you into it.

(12:52):
So tell me that, Brian,because I try to work on this
with my therapist and I'm like,no, I'm not, I'm not picking
up on these things. Oh well, I'm not saying for everybody, but
I'm saying like the times that forme, I've been so genuinely blindsided.
Like when I was in grad schoolin Boston, I started dating this girl
and I was like like in lovewith her, and she was like cheating
on me for a while with thiswith this married police officer from like a

(13:16):
mass state trooper, which is theworst kind of cop, state troopers,
And like the police officers don't evenlike the troops, like they're afraid of
them. They're just like because theyjust don't really have a real job.
They're just supposed to hassle people.So, and on Valentine's Day, I
cooked this and pulled dinner for it, and then she showed up. She
worked at a homeless shelter as theintake coordinator, and the guy that she
was hooking up with was the statetrooper that was there like for overtime hours,

(13:41):
like they needed to have an officeron site for security. Yeah,
And so she misses the entire dinnerand then like a week later, she's
like, hey, so Chris ismoving in. And I was like,
oh, are things getting that tightwith money right now? Like you need
a roommate and she had to thenshe could tell I didn't know that she
was telling me that it was overbetween us, and and I go,

(14:03):
I go, I go, butyou guys are gonna be you need a
roommate. She goes, no,Ryan, like we're together, like Chris
and I are together, like we'regonna be together. And I'm like,
huh yeah. I was like,wait, that's so it's over me and
you over. So she goes,do you want me to drive you back
to your apartment? I'm like no, no, no, I need to
walk for sure, I need airand no, no walk, gotta I

(14:28):
gotta do the walk right now,Like there's about five bars that I'm gonna
go tell this story. No,but then it gets better. This is
how much of how blindsided and stupidI was. I'm walking down the street
and I go, man, soher and Chris are just gonna start being
together? Like how do you juststart being together? And I was like,
you idiots, they've been together formonths, you're back. And then
I was like David sleeping, No, like this starts, yeah, eight

(14:56):
blocks away. I was like Istarted out walking out a door, Like
that's crazy. So two people juststarted being together. Wow, Wow,
it's crazy. Seems like a moviewhere you just like all of a sudden
one day, guys just decided likehey, I just want to be with
this person, like because he wasmarried. So I'm like, so he's
leaving his wife and you're leaving okay, so you're just gonna start that's it.
That's it, Ben, Like I'mwaving as you go off in a

(15:20):
boat together. And then I realized, like, oh, you idiots,
they've been they've been to those timesthat like she was like late for stuff
like hooking up with this dude.Wait, so this is I think this
is why Brian had such an aversioneven if you turned out to be right
to the fact that kiss cam guymade me dinner, because that probably that

(15:41):
was a big break up for youand you cooked all of that meal and
everything. Laying over there is watchingepisodes of Lost, just like what am
I doing would have been even likethat show so stupid, Like what the
hell are these smoke things? Iwas watching it. I was watching it
because they're trying to catch up,and I'm like this, I was stupid.
There's like smoke stacked monsters and likehate this thing. Bro, it

(16:03):
move. This island blows up exactly, and I think it did. I
don't know. I would have watchedall the episodes show, dude. I
would have watched all the episodes beforeit and just just text her, oh,
bro, text me so the island. Oh my god, I know
you're it tomorrow. I ruined itfor her. Bro. I would have
ruined it for I had this.I had this one. And this is
not even as far as like relationshipwise polyamory. I didn't know that,

(16:27):
like that's a real that's that's athing right now. Now here's the thing.
I didn't know how big it wasuntil I actually me and my ex
actually broke up. You have toget it on the apps then you see
it. I didn't even get onthe app. Here's what happened. I
was when I was on twil lastyear. I forgot where I was at.
Either it was Houston. Uh,I don't know where I was at
anyway, I was in the hotelwith the bar and I'm sitting down at

(16:48):
the bar. Then finished whatever atthe fair and I'm sitting down having a
drink and these two people walk up. It's a merry couple. Now we
started talking and we started to chatting, and I told the story before we
started talking. Started chatting, makingthem laugh there, making me laugh.
And uh. He goes, hey, what do you do for work?
And I said, I'm a standoupcomedian And he goes, oh, man,
my wife loves comedians. Now that'sa little red flag for me.
Red or green flag? She did. He didn't say my wife loves comedy.

(17:10):
He said, my wife loves comedian, you know what I mean.
So I was like, okay,now it's I don't. I don't like
red flags or green flag. SoI'm it's a great flag. So I'm
not. I don't know what's goingon. It's a flag up, but
I don't know what color it is, you know what I mean. So
at this point, her husband getsup and he goes to the bathroom and
he just walks to the bathroom.Now he's me and this lady is sitting

(17:30):
here chit chatting, laughing. Sheputs her hand on my thigh like my
own, like my inner thigh,and she just says, you are funny
as hal like, looks at meright in my eyes and says this.
So now my mom, And I'mlike, oh, dude, I'm about
to have sex with this guy's wife, Like, oh my god, this
is about to happen. But Ididn't know. I didn't know, but
I'm in my head I'm thinking that. I'm like, ah no, it's
not about happen, dude. Thisis crazy, BRAU, A lot of

(17:52):
you not. The guy comes backout of the bathroom, he kisses his
wife on the forehead and goes,hey, I'm heading upstairs. I'm leaving
for the night. Doesn't say bodyme, say nice meeting you, doesn't
say anything, just hey, I'mleaving, and just disappears. So in
my mind, I'm like, whydid he just leave his wife? Right
here with me. Okay whatever,I'm just gonna be, continue to be
myself. Now, me and hiswife are drinking whatever finish. She pays

(18:12):
for the tab. She goes,hey, you want to come upstairs.
I'm like, oh, I'm definitelyhaving sex. So this guy's wife,
Yes, this is it. Butisn't he in the room, dude?
Like if he went upstairs too?Bro, the lights are off in the
room. We get straight to it. I'm talking about straight to work.
Bro, you have somebody listen allI hear in the background. I hear

(18:33):
this this soft whisper and goes,slow down, take your time, bro.
So we finished right, turns onthe light. He is sitting in
the chair, fully closed audience watchingme. I was mad though, because
I didn't give it my off.I know that you didn't know. I

(18:55):
was so pissed off that I didn'tget her like the crazy finishing, you
know what I mean. I wouldhave backflipped and did some crazy you know
what I mean, I would dosome nutty something, dude. I was
so pissed. Man, I wasso mad. I was like, you're
watching this whole time, and wehad a conversation. Slapped me on my
ass before I when I hate makegood job. He gave you, like
a good game. Good game asslap. That's weird. Not bare booty,

(19:17):
though, it was like I havemy pants on. His kink could
have been a lot worse. Ithink you're a hero because I feel like
like that, either they have tofind something weird like that, or they
just stare and watch, or they'remurdering people and bearing them And dude,
you could have been I could have. And when the lights came on,
he said, he's just sitting there, just chilling, just watching this.
He gave me a good job.I walked to my room. It wasn't
like, wasn't anything. The nextday. The next day, I get

(19:41):
downstairs and I see in my breakfast. I was hoping I would never see
this. Well, yeah, I'mnot going to breakfast. Man. I
went to breakfast around like ten andthey're downstairs and they're chilling, and they
asked me what I'm doing today.I'm like, I probably just hang out.
No, nothing too much. Hegoes, hey, do you want
to hang out with us tonight?And well here's the thing. It took
all of me and in my mindI was like, I don't do this.
But I definitely did. God,so did you do better this?

(20:06):
Oh dude, now that I knowhe was watching, and they want and
they're into role playing too, sothey wanted me to come downstairs and act
like I didn't know him. Againstthat went so well with you. The
scene from Four Christmases, bro Icame down which I'm talking, I came
downstairs, dude, and they werelike, hey, what's your name?
And I gave him a fake name. This time I was gonna play this
role. I was like, hey, man, my name is JaMarcus.

(20:29):
And she was like, oh,JaMarcus. I don't even know where JaMarcus
came from. I'm I don't evenlook like a jams you don't, but
it sounds like JaMarcus laid it downa little harder than dude. That's my
point. Brian. JaMarcus goes himin the bedroom, Rondelle. He's cool,
but JaMarcus, what I put thatthang on her that night? Ug
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Marcus.Yeah, dude, And this time we
had the lights on, so Iclearly visibly could see him sitting in and

(20:52):
going I didn't, but now i'dwant to be safe. I want to
make sure he stays there and didn'tweird me out at all, man.
And he would get up and likewalk, Bro, this is this story
is something you would get up walkaround the bed and just like look and
be like sit back down, dude. One thing, I don't think this
guy ever got like an erectionary,That's what. I don't think he got
any you think you did. Ithink what happens is and I had to

(21:15):
ask one of my friends who waslike living this lifestyle. It's a cuckold
situation. But what happens is afterthey finished with the person that you know
there the wife finished was the personthat she's having sex with her husband,
watching they have sex with their wifelike a horrible bike injury. I don't
know. I don't know, dude. Yeah, maybe that's how they maybe

(21:37):
a digit or like a mic whatis that? What is a ma?
What like a maimed one? Likeit it looks started, I know,
like kicked, Yeah, got kicked. I don't know. I don't know,
man, But maybe it's a microand he just has to relent on
this dude. That experience was probablytop ten of all times. Bro,
all right, who is run isronde at ga? Followers. I can

(22:03):
never predict how this conversation is gonnago with you and who is JaMarcus?
You'd like to go to the base, Ja Marcus. That's gonna be as
icy only fans. This is mylaughing. You guys want to follow me?
You cash app him too? Justnothing but polyamory, nothing. This

(22:23):
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