December 20, 2025 • 20 mins
Recent data shows one out of every four American adults are providing some sort of unpaid caregiving for a loved one, be it a parent, child, or someone else they know with a chronic illness or disability. Caregiving can require a lot of physical, emotional and mental energy, but there's a lot of love there, too - and there is assistance out there to ensure you don't burn out. Nichole talks with Kate Granigan, CEO of Alder in Newton, about the balance that's needed to ensure caregivers can take care of themselves, and resources that can help lighten the load.
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
From WBZ News Radio in Boston. This is New England Weekend.
Each week right here, we come together and talk about
all the topics important to you and the place where
you live. Great to have you with us this week.
I'm Nicole Davis. So back over the summer, the National
Alliance for Caregiving and AARP put out a report and
in that report they said almost one out of every
(00:28):
four adult Americans right now are acting as unpaid caregivers
for someone they love. Many of us even just part time,
or taking care of our parents or older family members.
Others are caregiving for children or people who have disabilities
or chronic illness. Whatever the reason, whoever it is, it
requires a lot of energy. And we're not just talking
physical energy, we're talking emotional, mental, and fiscal. But it
(00:51):
of course is worth it to make sure our loved
one maintains their independence for as long and as much
as possible. Let's talk more about this now with Kate Granigan.
She's the CEO of Alder in Newton. Their job there
is helping local families navigate the aging process and make
sure they have all the support they need. Kate, it's
so good to have you here. Thank you for coming
on the show, and I'm going to start with this
(01:11):
because it seems like from the data I've seen and
the research I've read, more and more Americans of a
certain age every year are taking on these roles more
than ever before.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
The aging population is growing, and we're about to be
at the height of that in the next few years.
And caregiving itself is a you know, it's a marathon,
not a sprint. People are living longer. We have multiple
family levels that you know need care often because somebody
is living longer. You may have two or three or
(01:43):
more elders in your life that may need assistance on
a sort of a small basis initially, and sort of
slowly that creeps up to more and more things. And
I think often people don't even identify themselves as caregivers
until they're pretty deep in the process in my experience,
and so I think having a National Caregiver Month is
(02:05):
critical because it really begins to bring awareness to, quite frankly,
what has become a pretty big challenge for so many
Americans across the country and of many ages. I think
that's a misunderstanding. A lot of people don't notice or
recognize that people that are raising their own very small children.
Often we have people who are still college age that
(02:28):
are caring for a family member, a parent that has
a diagnosis of young onset Alzheimer's or dementia. So it
is across generations and you know, economics, all kinds of things.
People are involved in caregiving, and you talk.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
About cross generations. It's not even just people helping their parents.
This could be somebody who has a disabled child. This
could be somebody who is raising very small children themselves.
I mean, caregiving, as you mentioned, it comes in so
many shapes and sizes, that's.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Right, And you know, you hear the term is sort
of out there called the sandwich generation, and it really
is true. People really do feel sandwiched when they're trying
to balance the needs of their own young family or
perhaps you know, their own aging parents, their own health
care needs, and there's often maybe a disabled family member
(03:21):
as well. So I think there's so many forms that
caregiving comes in, and people are often finding themselves trying
to make choices between taking care of mom's medical needs
and their own, quite frankly, or you know, taking a
leave of absence from work due to the increased needs
that they have no real understanding of how to get
help or where the resources are can be very, very challenging.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Oh, I believe it, and independence is important for everybody.
None of us wants to admit that we might need
a little extra help, and nobody wants to admit that,
oh my gosh, I can't do these basic things by
myself anymore. Talk to me about what it's like when
you're trying to deal with an aging parent or somebody
else in your life who is on their end dealing
with grieving, essentially losing their independence.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
You know, I think that's such an important piece. We
don't necessarily focus on that, you know, when the person
that is in need of help help based on health
changes or cognitive decline. We're talking about people who often
you know, have had very successful careers, raised their own families,
been through generations of challenge and struggle, and succeeded. So
(04:27):
regardless of a de client that may be presenting itself
now to aging to adult children, these are still people
who have the right to make their own decisions as
much as possible, who are going to be as all
of us would be resistant to someone telling them you
have to you must, you need to move, you can't.
And in my experience, you know, my background is as
(04:49):
a licensed to independent clinical social worker, and when you're
talking to people about those things, the reality is it's
how you approach the topic conversation, not so much what's
needed to be discussed. And that's something we really try
to coach caregivers on because I think when you come
at your aging parent who raised you, and you start
(05:11):
telling and they can't live alone anymore, they can't drive,
that's going to be met with some resistance, as you
would imagine, and so it really sometimes is the approach,
it's who's having the question or the conversation. There's a
lot of ways to approach that that can be much
more successful.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I can tell you from personal experience, telling somebody, namely
your parent, what to do generally doesn't go over well
because then you quickly get reminded that you're the child.
But that's the thing. If you're in your thirties and
forties and fifties, yes you're still the child, but you
know there is the whole concept of parentification of the child,
and that's difficult on both ends too.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
You mentioned loss earlier. I think there's a lot of
loss that goes on in the aging process if we
focus on it, and I think it's important to acknowledge
it while looking at then what and despite that, and
I think the loss for you know, adult child, when
they start seeing someone who they leaned on and depend
on for their lifetime starting to show signs of decline,
(06:11):
that's a that's a big loss that needs to be
acknowledged as they're going to take on a role of caregiving.
And then for the adult that's in question that may
have issues that are needing support, you know, really their losses,
you know, very often loss of sight, loss of mobility,
loss of their social circles. You know, there's and that
(06:32):
goes on and on. Sometimes spouses are family members, so
they have you know, often multiple losses that they're experiencing
as well. So really taking time and taking a step
back and recognizing all the dynamics that are playing a
part in this scenario really can help move forward in
a much more compassionate, successful way so that the adult
(06:55):
child can feel confident that they're doing their part and
helping an aging parent. And they're also you know, reducing
their stress and guilt, and the aging person is able
to impact their own decisions and are able to be
part of a plan, you know, if we do this well.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
And third party caregivers do play a big role in
that because at the end of the day, we as
the children just want our parents to be safe and
healthy and happy. The parent just doesn't want to burden
the child, and yet they are also dealing with this
change in their life. Talk to me a little bit
about third party care giving and how you even can
bring that up to somebody who you know still mentally
(07:35):
maybe in great shape, their body's just not working as
well as it used to. What is that process like well.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
So some of the challenge often is who's having the
conversation right, Because I will just give you my personal example.
I am a professional that has been doing this work
in aging life care for over thirty years, and I
have an aging mother, I've had other aging relative and
I am still the child, I am still the niece.
(08:04):
So you know, sometimes despite your knowledge, it's really hard
to shake the fact that you're not the person that
should be having this conversation all the time. And so
there's a couple options. One is I think approaching conversations
around these topics with curiosity rather than demands or statements
is really important. It's it's starting. I always say, you know,
(08:26):
have the conversation a little bit all the time. So
don't wait till it's a crisis, and don't approach it
when you need tomorrow to have something you know solved.
But start talking about this is normal part of you know, planning,
much like you would for your child that's going to college,
or you know, planning for your vacation. We're we're talking about, Uh,
(08:47):
you would not take a vacation without a roadmap and
just say I want to get over there and I
guess I'll just wing it. You would you would probably
need some direction, you know, And so there are ways
to get support outside of the family. There are ways
to get coaching around this, and there are you know,
there's a lot of ways that resources can support those
(09:09):
conversations so that they can be successful, not tense and
you know negative. So I think just beginning the conversation
with hey, you know, I've been thinking about this. You know,
you're in your house that we grew up in. Dad
has passed away and you're still here in this big
house with lots and lots of needs that the house
(09:31):
you know is burning you with I wonder if you've
ever thought about relocating. I wonder if there were some
things we could take off your plate. You know, I
know your knees are bothering you and we're facing surgery,
but that's a big decision in the meantime, What would
it be like to bring in someone that would help
with the laundry that's down three flights of stairs, or
you know, bringing in the groceries from the outside so
(09:52):
you could focus on what you like doing and your wellness.
And a lot of times that's not saying you can't
do it, it's saying, here's an option to outsource. And
so there's different techniques of approaching this. You know, we
all outsource things if you think about it, right, And
so the choice is what would you like to outsource
to keep you well and safe? How do we mitigate
(10:14):
risk if you want to stay in this big house
that has three sets of stairs. But we know falls
are often the thing that causes people to have to
lead their home. So unless we want to think about that,
how about we look at making this safe and that
might mean bringing in some additional help or outsourcing.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Cost of course, is a big issue when it comes
to people who are aging. Many people who are older
are on a fixed budget. Many people who are disabled
are on a very fixed budget. How can people bring
care giving into the conversation knowing that there's not a
lot of money always to go around here?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Yeah, I mean, that's an excellent question, and there's no
one answer to that I would tell you. There are
you know, there are certain resources if you qualify financially
that may their give cost cuts in those in that
in those cases there's some state federal services that may
be applicable. Those are you know, they are they're sensitive
(11:12):
to someone's incommon assets, so you know, you go through
state agencies to evaluate whether that's a resource that you
can take advantage of. There are ways to you know,
assess what is the most important times of day or
different ways to utilize support so that it's not a
huge expense, but it's a relatively small expense to the
(11:36):
other expense, which might mean leaving the home and moving
into an assisted living community or you know, or the like.
Those can sometimes be much more expensive. And so comparing
costs and looking at what might be applicable, what they
might be eligible for, what insurance might pay for short times,
we often will look at people's you know, if they
(11:57):
have a long term care insurance policy hidden in your
drawer somewhere, which actually often happens. Kids will pull something
out and say I found this, and we will review
that and say in back, you have some benefits you're
not taking advantage of. So I think there can be
a small cost to looking at even getting that kind
of expert advice and assessment. That can be a couple
(12:19):
of hours with someone who can really.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Guide you to what the right resources are, how to
access them, what your eligibilities are, and then what the
financial picture would look like if you stayed home and
as needs increased, potentially based on a new diagnosis, or
there's also veterans benefits.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
There are sometimes grants for home modification. So having an
expert that understands and knows those resources inside and out
and can point you in the direction of those things
can often, believe it or not, be cost savings.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Now you're putting the money out at first, but you're
getting a lot of savings back, so that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
That's right, Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
There is a lot of guilt I think for many
adult children who may not live close at home now gratefully.
A lot of people have children nearby and they can
do the sort of diy caregiving thing, you know, stop
by every day, make sure mom's got what she needs
in the freezer, and make sure dad's stuff is all
taken care of. But then there are other adults who
live across the country, across the world, and they must,
(13:23):
or they do often feel a lot of guilt you're
not being able to be there. So to me, it
seems like having that third party caregiver can also be
a sort of touch point to make sure that everybody
stays connected and that the adult child doesn't necessarily have
to uplift their entire life to make sure their parents
are Okay, that's right, and.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
You're referring to a caregiver, I'll use some terms that
are slightly different. There are third party or private caregivers
that are also you know, there's unpaid caregivers is a
term that's used, and that's typically referring to the family itself.
These are people who are carrying the burden of caregiving,
often up to twenty hours a week with their full
time job, and they're caring for their aging parents, and
(14:03):
they're sort of referred to in the industry as the
unpaid caregiver. There's the third party or the private caregiver
that's hired as someone outside that might be in a
home care agency or some sort that would be coming
in and providing. They're typically providing more sort of hands
on care, helping with meal preparation, activities of daily living.
And then there's a resource in which the company that
(14:26):
I am with alder that we provide, which is that coaching,
that level of care support. We call it life care management.
And these are folks who are clinically, you know, professionally
trained experts, master's levels, social workers, nurses, those that have
experience in the aging field, and then bring that expertise
(14:48):
to the family. They are an objective observer and they're
able to guide the family to what it looks like
in their eyes as somebody who has not had the
emotion connection. They're able to really give the sort of
give the picture and then give a roadmap that roadmap
we talked about, and then they're able to in the
(15:11):
case of your question about long distance caregivers, they are
able to actually remain involved if the family would like,
as a sort of contact locally, and we call it
boots on the ground, right, And that's what most families
feel most guilty about. When mom or dad gets up
in the middle of night, has a fall and ends
up in the emergency room and they're a plane ride away,
(15:34):
and they have small children that they have to arrange for,
you know, so for care for before they can get
to mom or dad. That feels horrible. And so in
those cases, having a local resource like a life care
manager that can you know, be at bedside, be at
the hospital, communicate on the behalf of the family knows
(15:55):
the loved one, the aging loved one, can report on
you know, what medication they're currently taking, what is their
typical state, you know, are they typically disconfused or could
it be some medical thing that's happening. Did they have
a fall, are they are they have a mobility issue
or is this new? So there's a lot of resources
and data that they can bring to the to the scene,
(16:18):
to the doctor's office. They can attend doctor's visits that
you know, families often would be at if they could.
And that's a good example of an expense that may
at first seem like, you know, sort of frivolous or oh,
I should be there myself. That's where a lot of
guilt comes in. On the other hand, when you're hopping
on a plane last minute, or you're leaving work every
(16:40):
other week unexpectedly and flying across the country to attend
to emergencies for an aging parent, that can add up
to yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I can, I guess. My final question is, if you
are a caregiver, an unpaid caregiver, so on and so forth,
tell me how people can best avoid getting burned out
than calling and bringing somebody in, which is of course
a great option if that's where you're.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
At, if that possible, but if if.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
You're not at that point yet or financially you can't
make it happen, what is your advice for people?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
My advice is start early. My advice is name the
caregiving role as quickly as it becomes apparent to you.
You know. Again, it starts with I'm just going to
grab groceries when I grab my groceries every week, and
that's it. And then all of a sudden, you're being
called at two in the morning because someone is confused,
or you're being attending every doctor's visit, and those things
(17:34):
quickly add up to burnout because you're also trying to
balance your own life, and so I think calling in
the resources that you can. Often there are siblings across
the country in different areas, and so you know, identifying
the need and the role early setting boundaries on that role.
That's a really hard one, a whole other topic, I'm sure,
(17:57):
but we all know that saying no is sometimes really
important for our own well being and if we don't,
we can get quickly overwhelmed and inundated. So when you
have a sibling that lives around the corner but you
seem to be a little closer, you're the one that
always goes say I'm sorry. I can do this on
Tuesdays and Fridays, but I'm off on Wednesdays and Sundays.
(18:20):
I'm going to need you to be the one on call.
So ask for help. People often very vaguely say, oh,
I'm sorry about your mom and dad, I'd love to help.
Let me know. Well, take that as a you know
what I need. Every Thursday she goes to bingo and
I need you to pick her up and the end
of the day and stop by the the place she
loves to grab her pastry. So be specific about what
(18:42):
you need. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Start
early and look at resources. Local councils on aging are
fantastic resources. They're not just for the I had clients
that were in their nineties and say I'll go there
when I'm old. I would joke and say, they're not
just for old people anymore. I'm dying to get in
the door.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I cannot wait. Go bring it on now.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And they're not just bingo. They are doing lifelong learning.
They have book clubs, they have exercise and yoga and zumba.
And so check out your local or your parents' local
resources and start early and become an educated consumer. And
don't do it alone. You don't need to do it alone.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
No you don't. All right, Well, how can we find
out more about the work you're doing at older Tell
us a bit, how we can get in touch with
you if need.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Be sure thing? Yeah, So we are located in the
Boston area, but we cover all of Massachusetts. We're boots
on the ground all of Massachusetts, the islands Cape cod
and uh southern New Hampshire into Rhode Island and expanding.
You can call our office for more information at six
one seven nine two eight zero two zero zero or
(19:48):
you can check us out at Askalder dot com and
we're happy to answer questions. It's a complimentary call, no pressure.
We're happy to listen to your story, and if we're
not the right resources, we will always point you in
the direction that you need.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Okay, ask a l dr askalder dot com. Correct, it
is correct?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
All right?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Great, well, Kate, this has been wonderful conversation, great advice,
really important insight for so many of us who are
caregiving our loved ones. Thank you for the time on
the show.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
You're welcome and thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Have a safe and happy and healthy holiday season. After
the first of the year, We've got some great content
coming up, so be sure to stick around for that.
I'm Nicole Davis from WBZ News Radio on iHeartRadio.
From WBZ News Radio in Boston. This is New England Weekend.
Each week right here, we come together and talk about
all the topics important to you and the place where
you live. Great to have you with us this week.
I'm Nicole Davis. So back over the summer, the National
Alliance for Caregiving and AARP put out a report and
in that report they said almost one out of every
(00:28):
four adult Americans right now are acting as unpaid caregivers
for someone they love. Many of us even just part time,
or taking care of our parents or older family members.
Others are caregiving for children or people who have disabilities
or chronic illness. Whatever the reason, whoever it is, it
requires a lot of energy. And we're not just talking
physical energy, we're talking emotional, mental, and fiscal. But it
(00:51):
of course is worth it to make sure our loved
one maintains their independence for as long and as much
as possible. Let's talk more about this now with Kate Granigan.
She's the CEO of Alder in Newton. Their job there
is helping local families navigate the aging process and make
sure they have all the support they need. Kate, it's
so good to have you here. Thank you for coming
on the show, and I'm going to start with this
(01:11):
because it seems like from the data I've seen and
the research I've read, more and more Americans of a
certain age every year are taking on these roles more
than ever before.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
The aging population is growing, and we're about to be
at the height of that in the next few years.
And caregiving itself is a you know, it's a marathon,
not a sprint. People are living longer. We have multiple
family levels that you know need care often because somebody
is living longer. You may have two or three or
(01:43):
more elders in your life that may need assistance on
a sort of a small basis initially, and sort of
slowly that creeps up to more and more things. And
I think often people don't even identify themselves as caregivers
until they're pretty deep in the process in my experience,
and so I think having a National Caregiver Month is
(02:05):
critical because it really begins to bring awareness to, quite frankly,
what has become a pretty big challenge for so many
Americans across the country and of many ages. I think
that's a misunderstanding. A lot of people don't notice or
recognize that people that are raising their own very small children.
Often we have people who are still college age that
(02:28):
are caring for a family member, a parent that has
a diagnosis of young onset Alzheimer's or dementia. So it
is across generations and you know, economics, all kinds of things.
People are involved in caregiving, and you talk.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
About cross generations. It's not even just people helping their parents.
This could be somebody who has a disabled child. This
could be somebody who is raising very small children themselves.
I mean, caregiving, as you mentioned, it comes in so
many shapes and sizes, that's.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Right, And you know, you hear the term is sort
of out there called the sandwich generation, and it really
is true. People really do feel sandwiched when they're trying
to balance the needs of their own young family or
perhaps you know, their own aging parents, their own health
care needs, and there's often maybe a disabled family member
(03:21):
as well. So I think there's so many forms that
caregiving comes in, and people are often finding themselves trying
to make choices between taking care of mom's medical needs
and their own, quite frankly, or you know, taking a
leave of absence from work due to the increased needs
that they have no real understanding of how to get
help or where the resources are can be very, very challenging.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Oh, I believe it, and independence is important for everybody.
None of us wants to admit that we might need
a little extra help, and nobody wants to admit that,
oh my gosh, I can't do these basic things by
myself anymore. Talk to me about what it's like when
you're trying to deal with an aging parent or somebody
else in your life who is on their end dealing
with grieving, essentially losing their independence.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
You know, I think that's such an important piece. We
don't necessarily focus on that, you know, when the person
that is in need of help help based on health
changes or cognitive decline. We're talking about people who often
you know, have had very successful careers, raised their own families,
been through generations of challenge and struggle, and succeeded. So
(04:27):
regardless of a de client that may be presenting itself
now to aging to adult children, these are still people
who have the right to make their own decisions as
much as possible, who are going to be as all
of us would be resistant to someone telling them you
have to you must, you need to move, you can't.
And in my experience, you know, my background is as
(04:49):
a licensed to independent clinical social worker, and when you're
talking to people about those things, the reality is it's
how you approach the topic conversation, not so much what's
needed to be discussed. And that's something we really try
to coach caregivers on because I think when you come
at your aging parent who raised you, and you start
(05:11):
telling and they can't live alone anymore, they can't drive,
that's going to be met with some resistance, as you
would imagine, and so it really sometimes is the approach,
it's who's having the question or the conversation. There's a
lot of ways to approach that that can be much
more successful.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
I can tell you from personal experience, telling somebody, namely
your parent, what to do generally doesn't go over well
because then you quickly get reminded that you're the child.
But that's the thing. If you're in your thirties and
forties and fifties, yes you're still the child, but you
know there is the whole concept of parentification of the child,
and that's difficult on both ends too.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
You mentioned loss earlier. I think there's a lot of
loss that goes on in the aging process if we
focus on it, and I think it's important to acknowledge
it while looking at then what and despite that, and
I think the loss for you know, adult child, when
they start seeing someone who they leaned on and depend
on for their lifetime starting to show signs of decline,
(06:11):
that's a that's a big loss that needs to be
acknowledged as they're going to take on a role of caregiving.
And then for the adult that's in question that may
have issues that are needing support, you know, really their losses,
you know, very often loss of sight, loss of mobility,
loss of their social circles. You know, there's and that
(06:32):
goes on and on. Sometimes spouses are family members, so
they have you know, often multiple losses that they're experiencing
as well. So really taking time and taking a step
back and recognizing all the dynamics that are playing a
part in this scenario really can help move forward in
a much more compassionate, successful way so that the adult
(06:55):
child can feel confident that they're doing their part and
helping an aging parent. And they're also you know, reducing
their stress and guilt, and the aging person is able
to impact their own decisions and are able to be
part of a plan, you know, if we do this well.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
And third party caregivers do play a big role in
that because at the end of the day, we as
the children just want our parents to be safe and
healthy and happy. The parent just doesn't want to burden
the child, and yet they are also dealing with this
change in their life. Talk to me a little bit
about third party care giving and how you even can
bring that up to somebody who you know still mentally
(07:35):
maybe in great shape, their body's just not working as
well as it used to. What is that process like well.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
So some of the challenge often is who's having the
conversation right, Because I will just give you my personal example.
I am a professional that has been doing this work
in aging life care for over thirty years, and I
have an aging mother, I've had other aging relative and
I am still the child, I am still the niece.
(08:04):
So you know, sometimes despite your knowledge, it's really hard
to shake the fact that you're not the person that
should be having this conversation all the time. And so
there's a couple options. One is I think approaching conversations
around these topics with curiosity rather than demands or statements
is really important. It's it's starting. I always say, you know,
(08:26):
have the conversation a little bit all the time. So
don't wait till it's a crisis, and don't approach it
when you need tomorrow to have something you know solved.
But start talking about this is normal part of you know, planning,
much like you would for your child that's going to college,
or you know, planning for your vacation. We're we're talking about, Uh,
(08:47):
you would not take a vacation without a roadmap and
just say I want to get over there and I
guess I'll just wing it. You would you would probably
need some direction, you know, And so there are ways
to get support outside of the family. There are ways
to get coaching around this, and there are you know,
there's a lot of ways that resources can support those
(09:09):
conversations so that they can be successful, not tense and
you know negative. So I think just beginning the conversation
with hey, you know, I've been thinking about this. You know,
you're in your house that we grew up in. Dad
has passed away and you're still here in this big
house with lots and lots of needs that the house
(09:31):
you know is burning you with I wonder if you've
ever thought about relocating. I wonder if there were some
things we could take off your plate. You know, I
know your knees are bothering you and we're facing surgery,
but that's a big decision in the meantime, What would
it be like to bring in someone that would help
with the laundry that's down three flights of stairs, or
you know, bringing in the groceries from the outside so
(09:52):
you could focus on what you like doing and your wellness.
And a lot of times that's not saying you can't
do it, it's saying, here's an option to outsource. And
so there's different techniques of approaching this. You know, we
all outsource things if you think about it, right, And
so the choice is what would you like to outsource
to keep you well and safe? How do we mitigate
(10:14):
risk if you want to stay in this big house
that has three sets of stairs. But we know falls
are often the thing that causes people to have to
lead their home. So unless we want to think about that,
how about we look at making this safe and that
might mean bringing in some additional help or outsourcing.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Cost of course, is a big issue when it comes
to people who are aging. Many people who are older
are on a fixed budget. Many people who are disabled
are on a very fixed budget. How can people bring
care giving into the conversation knowing that there's not a
lot of money always to go around here?
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Yeah, I mean, that's an excellent question, and there's no
one answer to that I would tell you. There are
you know, there are certain resources if you qualify financially
that may their give cost cuts in those in that
in those cases there's some state federal services that may
be applicable. Those are you know, they are they're sensitive
(11:12):
to someone's incommon assets, so you know, you go through
state agencies to evaluate whether that's a resource that you
can take advantage of. There are ways to you know,
assess what is the most important times of day or
different ways to utilize support so that it's not a
huge expense, but it's a relatively small expense to the
(11:36):
other expense, which might mean leaving the home and moving
into an assisted living community or you know, or the like.
Those can sometimes be much more expensive. And so comparing
costs and looking at what might be applicable, what they
might be eligible for, what insurance might pay for short times,
we often will look at people's you know, if they
(11:57):
have a long term care insurance policy hidden in your
drawer somewhere, which actually often happens. Kids will pull something
out and say I found this, and we will review
that and say in back, you have some benefits you're
not taking advantage of. So I think there can be
a small cost to looking at even getting that kind
of expert advice and assessment. That can be a couple
(12:19):
of hours with someone who can really.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Guide you to what the right resources are, how to
access them, what your eligibilities are, and then what the
financial picture would look like if you stayed home and
as needs increased, potentially based on a new diagnosis, or
there's also veterans benefits.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
There are sometimes grants for home modification. So having an
expert that understands and knows those resources inside and out
and can point you in the direction of those things
can often, believe it or not, be cost savings.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Now you're putting the money out at first, but you're
getting a lot of savings back, so that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
That's right, Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
There is a lot of guilt I think for many
adult children who may not live close at home now gratefully.
A lot of people have children nearby and they can
do the sort of diy caregiving thing, you know, stop
by every day, make sure mom's got what she needs
in the freezer, and make sure dad's stuff is all
taken care of. But then there are other adults who
live across the country, across the world, and they must,
(13:23):
or they do often feel a lot of guilt you're
not being able to be there. So to me, it
seems like having that third party caregiver can also be
a sort of touch point to make sure that everybody
stays connected and that the adult child doesn't necessarily have
to uplift their entire life to make sure their parents
are Okay, that's right, and.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
You're referring to a caregiver, I'll use some terms that
are slightly different. There are third party or private caregivers
that are also you know, there's unpaid caregivers is a
term that's used, and that's typically referring to the family itself.
These are people who are carrying the burden of caregiving,
often up to twenty hours a week with their full
time job, and they're caring for their aging parents, and
(14:03):
they're sort of referred to in the industry as the
unpaid caregiver. There's the third party or the private caregiver
that's hired as someone outside that might be in a
home care agency or some sort that would be coming
in and providing. They're typically providing more sort of hands
on care, helping with meal preparation, activities of daily living.
And then there's a resource in which the company that
(14:26):
I am with alder that we provide, which is that coaching,
that level of care support. We call it life care management.
And these are folks who are clinically, you know, professionally
trained experts, master's levels, social workers, nurses, those that have
experience in the aging field, and then bring that expertise
(14:48):
to the family. They are an objective observer and they're
able to guide the family to what it looks like
in their eyes as somebody who has not had the
emotion connection. They're able to really give the sort of
give the picture and then give a roadmap that roadmap
we talked about, and then they're able to in the
(15:11):
case of your question about long distance caregivers, they are
able to actually remain involved if the family would like,
as a sort of contact locally, and we call it
boots on the ground, right, And that's what most families
feel most guilty about. When mom or dad gets up
in the middle of night, has a fall and ends
up in the emergency room and they're a plane ride away,
(15:34):
and they have small children that they have to arrange for,
you know, so for care for before they can get
to mom or dad. That feels horrible. And so in
those cases, having a local resource like a life care
manager that can you know, be at bedside, be at
the hospital, communicate on the behalf of the family knows
(15:55):
the loved one, the aging loved one, can report on
you know, what medication they're currently taking, what is their
typical state, you know, are they typically disconfused or could
it be some medical thing that's happening. Did they have
a fall, are they are they have a mobility issue
or is this new? So there's a lot of resources
and data that they can bring to the to the scene,
(16:18):
to the doctor's office. They can attend doctor's visits that
you know, families often would be at if they could.
And that's a good example of an expense that may
at first seem like, you know, sort of frivolous or oh,
I should be there myself. That's where a lot of
guilt comes in. On the other hand, when you're hopping
on a plane last minute, or you're leaving work every
(16:40):
other week unexpectedly and flying across the country to attend
to emergencies for an aging parent, that can add up
to yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I can, I guess. My final question is, if you
are a caregiver, an unpaid caregiver, so on and so forth,
tell me how people can best avoid getting burned out
than calling and bringing somebody in, which is of course
a great option if that's where you're.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
At, if that possible, but if if.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
You're not at that point yet or financially you can't
make it happen, what is your advice for people?
Speaker 2 (17:13):
My advice is start early. My advice is name the
caregiving role as quickly as it becomes apparent to you.
You know. Again, it starts with I'm just going to
grab groceries when I grab my groceries every week, and
that's it. And then all of a sudden, you're being
called at two in the morning because someone is confused,
or you're being attending every doctor's visit, and those things
(17:34):
quickly add up to burnout because you're also trying to
balance your own life, and so I think calling in
the resources that you can. Often there are siblings across
the country in different areas, and so you know, identifying
the need and the role early setting boundaries on that role.
That's a really hard one, a whole other topic, I'm sure,
(17:57):
but we all know that saying no is sometimes really
important for our own well being and if we don't,
we can get quickly overwhelmed and inundated. So when you
have a sibling that lives around the corner but you
seem to be a little closer, you're the one that
always goes say I'm sorry. I can do this on
Tuesdays and Fridays, but I'm off on Wednesdays and Sundays.
(18:20):
I'm going to need you to be the one on call.
So ask for help. People often very vaguely say, oh,
I'm sorry about your mom and dad, I'd love to help.
Let me know. Well, take that as a you know
what I need. Every Thursday she goes to bingo and
I need you to pick her up and the end
of the day and stop by the the place she
loves to grab her pastry. So be specific about what
(18:42):
you need. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Start
early and look at resources. Local councils on aging are
fantastic resources. They're not just for the I had clients
that were in their nineties and say I'll go there
when I'm old. I would joke and say, they're not
just for old people anymore. I'm dying to get in
the door.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I cannot wait. Go bring it on now.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
And they're not just bingo. They are doing lifelong learning.
They have book clubs, they have exercise and yoga and zumba.
And so check out your local or your parents' local
resources and start early and become an educated consumer. And
don't do it alone. You don't need to do it alone.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
No you don't. All right, Well, how can we find
out more about the work you're doing at older Tell
us a bit, how we can get in touch with
you if need.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Be sure thing? Yeah, So we are located in the
Boston area, but we cover all of Massachusetts. We're boots
on the ground all of Massachusetts, the islands Cape cod
and uh southern New Hampshire into Rhode Island and expanding.
You can call our office for more information at six
one seven nine two eight zero two zero zero or
(19:48):
you can check us out at Askalder dot com and
we're happy to answer questions. It's a complimentary call, no pressure.
We're happy to listen to your story, and if we're
not the right resources, we will always point you in
the direction that you need.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Okay, ask a l dr askalder dot com. Correct, it
is correct?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
All right?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Great, well, Kate, this has been wonderful conversation, great advice,
really important insight for so many of us who are
caregiving our loved ones. Thank you for the time on
the show.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
You're welcome and thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Have a safe and happy and healthy holiday season. After
the first of the year, We've got some great content
coming up, so be sure to stick around for that.
I'm Nicole Davis from WBZ News Radio on iHeartRadio.
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