This Ain't Normal and You Ain't Crazy Mental health in the Hood

Growing up in poverty is not normal. It puts a strain on your development. You are guaranteed to experience trauma in your day to day life. The temptation is to believe that the trauma of the daily life in the hood is "normal."  It's not normal and today Terence L. Shigg MFT discusses how that type of thinking can do more harm than good.

To accept trauma and to process it in a healthy way are two completely different things. Terence talks about his experience and relates them to concepts of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy.

Terence also talks about getting a therapist or a coach because it is not IF stressors will occur in your life it is just a matter of when. 

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Episode Transcript

Unknown (00:01):
Yeah,

Lyrics (00:02):
let's go. Yeah, he came a long way I can do to do all
came a long way could do was, Icould do all I can do. I'm not

(00:25):
afraid of the moment, I'm notafraid I can't hold it. I got to
get up in the morning, I gottaknow I'm going to take whatever
controllers show me opponentscoming opponent.

Terence Shigg (00:39):
Hello, and welcome back to the peace
project with Terence Shigg.
Today we will be talking aboutmental health in the hood,
mental health in the hood. So Icall this episode, this ain't
normal, and you ain't crazy. Sowe're going to talk in dive into
the interesting or sometimesstigmatized topic of mental

(01:00):
health. If you've been listeningto the podcast, you know, my
background, and I am a licensedMarriage and Family Therapist.
And one of the things I do isindividual therapy as well as
coaching. And I've been kind ofin a little transition for my
practice. And one of the thingsthat I've been recognizing is

(01:22):
have kind of moved more into thecoaching aspect of it. And I
know that that sounds differentdifferent because most people I
think would say that they wouldgo from the coaching to the more
clinical aspects of it. But Ithink I'm starting to realize,
and I think it's giving me moreleeway to be in the coaching

(01:44):
aspect, especially in theneighborhoods in the communities
that I really want to impact.
And I say that because it's someof the communities that I the
communities that I'm reallywanting to impact are the
communities of black and brownpeople of color, the communities

(02:05):
that have poverty, that areaffected by poverty. And those
aren't always the samecommunities. So I don't want to,
I don't want to, to pretend asthough that is the only time
that those those thingsintersect. So and I don't want
to, to continue to push thatfalse narrative. But I do want
to make sure that it's availableto those in poverty or more

(02:30):
impoverished communities as wellas to people of color. And one
of the reasons why I really gotinto mental health. Besides It
was just something that I wasalways attracted to, I always
tell the story is that when Iwas growing up that we used to
ride the I grew up in LA forpart of the time we ride the

(02:51):
public bus. So anybody in a bigcity knows that when you ride
the public bus, there's a very,shall we say, diverse group of
people that get on the citytransit. One of the things that
I learned early on is thatpeople felt comfortable talking
to me. And I know one of thethings that my mom used to
always say is, if someone getson the bus, they're gonna sit

(03:15):
next to you, and they're gonnatalk to you. And she usually put
it a little more colorful in, Ithink it was kind of a family
tree, he would say that if acrazy person gets on the bus,
they're gonna sit next to youjust get used to it. And that
was one of the things that I'vejust always been, I guess that's
just part of my part of mypersonality is people have
always felt comfortable sharingthings with me. And that comes

(03:37):
from just regular people to,quote unquote, crazy people. I
know, I've been on airplanes,and I've learned about farming
worms to building building logcabins from people that were
sitting next to me on planesthat that happened to be what
they they did, sat next tocornerman and cut men for

(04:02):
boxers. And just, we juststarted up conversations and I'm
most people that know me know,I'm not usually the one that
starts up conversations, butpeople feel comfortable talking
to me. Anyway, with that said,that's kind of how I got into
the mental health side of it andreally wanting to to be a
representative for people ofcolor and so that they would see

(04:24):
that there is someone that lookslike them in this type of field,
because there aren't a lot ofespecially men or males in that
category. So it was reallyimportant for me to be that
representative to be there. Andso like I said, I kind of moved
into the coaching aspect of itbecause it's a little less
formal and that stigma that isassociated with being in therapy

(04:47):
because when you ask somebodyyou tell somebody they need to
go to a therapist that's just inthe, in the community that come
from that's the equivalent ofcalling them crazy. So that's
almost like those are fightingwords. When you tell somebody
that They need to go to therapy.
Even though in all of thecommunities we see people that
have mental issues all aroundus. So before I get started,

(05:07):
we're gonna take a break andhear from some of our sponsors.
And then when we come back, wewill get to it. So today's
episode is called, this ain'tnormal, and you ain't crazy.
We'll be right back.

Dwayne E. Shigg (05:24):
Anybody can use foundation teaches our youth to
step off into life with theirbest foot forward without
cowardice, but with courage anddignity. ABC was founded by
legendary life HeavyweightChampion, Archie Moore, in 1957.
He had a heart and passion forhelping the youth. He believed
if we went into the business ofprevention, we could save
billions of dollars and millionsof lives. He started ABC to

(05:47):
teach us the basic ABCs of life.
Are you concerned about theworld today? Do you want to help
train our youth to be the changeneeded in the world? Join us in
the fight for equality in thefight for justice in the fight
for our youth. If you would liketo help, go to
www.ABCyouthfoundation.org.
That'swww.ABC.youthfoundation.org. Be

(06:12):
well and be blessed.

Terence Shigg (06:18):
Okay, and we are back. All right. This is Terence
Shigg. Once again. And I alwayswant to give a little background
I guess for the peace project.
And I wonder if someone thatcomes in and doesn't, hasn't
listened to the first episodekind of wonders, why is it
called the peace project? Andwhy do I misspell peace, I have

(06:39):
started to remind myself thatmaybe I should give a little
background on each one. So ifyou heard the story, just bear
with me for a little bit. So theidea behind the peace project
was something that I believedwould give a vehicle to put out
there and something that wouldbe scalable, so that so that

(07:00):
anyone could could use theseprinciples to enhance not only
their lives, but the lives oftheir communities and the lives
in the society as a whole. Sopeace is spelled like peace,
like peace have a cake. But itbrings to mind the idea of peace
and tranquility. And it's meantto do that. And the letters

(07:22):
stand for the words P is forpolitics is for individual as an
individual responsibility. Hefor education, C for community
and then he for economics. Andthe idea is that those are the
five means that we will attackwhatever issues that come up
from, and it will be a standardway that if you came upon

(07:46):
something, you could say, Okay,what would be the political
ramifications of this? Or whocould I go to in the political
realm? realm to assist me withthis? And then Okay, well, from
the individual standpoint, whatis my responsibility in this. So
that's the idea behind the peaceproject, it's to give a guide, a
simple and very easilyremembered guide to deal with

(08:09):
whatever issues that come up orwhatever issue you want to deal
with. So that's the idea. Soback to the topic at hand, the
topic at hand is mental healthin the hood, or this ain't
normal and new and crazy. So Iphrased it that way. Because
there are many, many more peopleout there dealing with mental

(08:34):
health issues, then we couldeven we even imagine, and unlike
a physical issue, where you cansee if someone is limping or
someone is hurting, or someoneis bleeding, mental health
issues aren't something that youcan readily that aren't as they
aren't as readily apparent. It'snot like somebody walks by and

(08:54):
you look at them and you go,okay, that person's bipolar are
they walk by and say, okay, thatperson is schizophrenic. We may
have ideas of what those are,that person's depressed are,
that person's ADHD, we may haveideas in our head of what those
diagnoses are.

(09:15):
But in reality, they're juststereotypes that we've come up
with from ideas or movies thatwe've seen. So they're, they're
really not accurate is thepoint. And why? Why do I say
that? I say that because there'sa stigma that's associated with
mental health that's notassociated with physical health.

(09:37):
You know, if somebody breakstheir ankle, or, you know, gets
a concussion, there's no stigmato that to say that they're a
judgment on them as a person ortheir character if they have
those issues. But it's notalways the same with mental
health issues. And I thinkthat's a that's one of the

(09:58):
things that I've always wantedTo overcome. So there's lots of
reports out there, especiallyright now with everything that's
going on that saying that themental health issues are
increasing. And I was justreading an article in. It says
that, as of June 2020, duringthe covid 19 pandemic report

(10:20):
found that approximately 40.9%of surveyed individuals
indicated that they werestruggling with a form of mental
health issue. That's 40.9%.
That's almost half of the peoplethat they contacted, during this
pandemic have been dealing withsome type of mental illness or
mental illness. One of thethings I wanted to break down is

(10:40):
how prevalent this mental healththing and mental mental health
issues are. I know for megrowing up in Los Angeles for a
part of my life, it was a normalthing to see things that would
be considered traumatic, I guessfor for most people to hear

(11:01):
gunshots are to hear the ghettobird. And I do my air quotes,
flying around to see fistfightsand altercations to even see
mentally ill people walking downthe street talking to themselves
snapping their fingers jumpingaround. These types of things

(11:22):
happen on a consistent basis inthe types of neighborhood that I
grew up in, which is a moreimpoverished neighborhood, a
neighborhood that the the incomelevel, the average income level
was below the poverty line. Andthese these communities, these
mental health issues are moreprevalent, as well as trauma

(11:46):
inducing events. So I grew upwith these events and knowing
that one of the things I believethat contributes to the stigma
with mental health issues isthat mental health issues are
things that affect them, orthose people or that guy, or
that lady, but they don't affectme personally, they are not

(12:11):
going to impact me because I amstrong, and I am mentally fit.
And I think it really just playsinto our our sense of mental
health, or it plays into ourpsyche that to believe that it's
a sign of weakness, more thanjust something that can happen

(12:31):
to anyone. And we're all goingto go through situations that
are going to be stressors. So tothink that it's just going to
happen to them, puts us at adisadvantage, rather than to
understand that it's going tohappen to every single one of
us. Here's an example. I gotmarried, and we planned a

(12:51):
vacation, we planned to gosomewhere Sunny, somewhere
beautiful, tropical, that kindof thing. So we went to a travel
agency, and we decided to go toFiji. And Fiji has you know, a
series of islands and they're,they're all beautiful and
tropical and warm. And all thosepictures that you have in your

(13:16):
head of what a beautiful islandlooks like. That's what it was.
And we have this package whereyou could go to different
islands and you could stay in abungalow over the water and feed
the fish to the you know, in theliving room. So is this
beautiful concept. And so we wewent and so we get there, and
we'rewe're in one of the bungalows

(13:39):
and one of the islands that westay at. And it's a beautiful
cabin, it's got the palm leafroof and it's got the wooden
floors. And you know this nicebed and it's on a nice trail
that goes down and you have likethe free breakfast buffet which
in the mornings and so it's it'sa wonderful experience. But

(14:02):
we're sitting there and we getthere and we we go through you
know the tour and we see the spaand the ocean and all the
beautiful things. And we go toour room we have a great day.
And we go lay down for the nightbecause we think we're gonna
stay here one more night andthen the next night we go to

(14:23):
another island well during thatnight, where as I'm sleeping, I
start to hear little what itsounds like little little steps
like running across the thewooden floor, because like it
and I'm like What in the worldis that? And so I just cannot

(14:51):
figure out what this is. Youknow, and it took a while, but
we finally realized what it was.
It was they had geckos on thisisland. And what the geckos

(15:12):
would do at night is they wouldsneak into, they'd come into the
bungalows, and they'd forage forfood in your room. So even one
of these occasions that geckoshave gotten into our vitamins
and eaten part of the vitaminsbecause they were curious, and
they want to eat them. Okay, sovery innocent, very harmless. To

(15:35):
most right, that doesn't conjureup any traumatic events or ideas
or memories. For the most part.
It's just, they're just geckos.
They're little cute lizards andless, you have something but
lizards, which is a whole notherthing. But to me, that sound

(15:57):
conjured up a memory for me, ofwhen I was a young boy. And we
were in between places this day.
So as I've talked about times,before, I grew up in Los Angeles
in, in an impoverished area, andat the time, we weren't, we

(16:17):
weren't well off, but weweren't, you know, we weren't
homeless. But we did have tomove around a lot. And we moved
around to several differenthomes and locations, between
before I even got to fourth orfifth grade, where I can
remember three or four homes.

(16:39):
And that's something else that'sunique, and that happens in
impoverished communities is thatwe are forced to move locations
at a higher rate than othercommunities. And that in and of
itself, can be traumatic. But Idigress. So what that memory

(17:03):
brought back to me was there wasa time when we were in between
places this day. So we weren'thomeless, but we didn't have a
permanent resident. My momrented a hotel room. And these,
they were kind of like bungalowapart studio apartments. And it

(17:25):
was one of those types of hotelswhere you rented by the you
could rent by the week. And Icould still picture it, each one
had like a little three steps,seemeth steps that went up to
the door, all the entrances wereon the outside. So there was no
like lobby type of atmosphere,there were more like just little

(17:45):
bungalows, if you are startingto make the connection. So one
night, it was. And I don't knowif it was around Christmas, or
it was around the time where Ihad gotten something, I got a
new bike. So I remember that.
But I remember going to bed, youknow, having a great day, riding
my bike, jumping jumps, allkinds of thing because there's a

(18:10):
little dirt field next next doorto this hotel. And I remember
going to bed and there was onlyone bed so me Mom, brother, just
in one bed. And I remember atnight, hearing the sound very
similar that running across thefloor.

(18:35):
Now, mind you, not on a exoticIsland. When I was growing up at
this time, this hotel was notlocated in Fiji and this hotel
is located in South Central LosAngeles. So it was not geckos
running across the floor. It wasrats running across the floor.

(18:56):
And I still remember waking upto that sound. And I remember my
mom throwing a shoe or somethingat it and the mouse rat,
whatever you want to call itscurries away. But I remember
the rest of the night thinkingand worrying about that sound
coming back and what if theycrawl into the bed and if they

(19:19):
crawl on me, how am I going tosleep? I can't sleep with you
know, thinking about you know,miles crawling on me. That
thought kept me up all night.
Now I hadn't really thoughtabout that. until until I hear
that similar sound going acrossthe floor in Fiji and conjured

(19:41):
up that same old memory and madeit difficult for me to sleep in
that hotel while we were inFiji. beautiful resort Wonderful
amenities, the bed was great,the food was fantastic The

(20:04):
atmosphere was, the atmospherewas amazing. But I could not
sleep because every time I wouldhear that the memory would come
to me of the rats in the hotelin South Central Los Angeles,

(20:26):
that's what I want you torecognize is that memories are
stored in our mind in clusters.
And sometimes things willtrigger them be a smell, or
olfactory or smell is one of thethe strongest cues for memories.
So it could be a smell, it couldbe a sound as it was, for me, it

(20:48):
could be seeing somethingsimilar, that brings things up.
And all of these things, kind ofreawaken memories. And if we're
not aware of it, we'll bereacting based on that past
memory. So my inability to sleepwasn't based on being on this
beautiful island and Fiji, thisresort with all of the

(21:13):
amenities. My inability to sleepwas based on the time when I was
about eight years old, in ahotel room with rat, and those
memories got connected. Sothat's what I want you to think
about when, when we're talkingabout mental health. And we're

(21:34):
talking about processingmemories. And we're talking
about trauma. It really is aboutthe awareness and recognizing
that sometimes things areconnected, the past and the
present, are connected in waysthat are working against you.
And sometimes you are reactingin the present based on what

(21:57):
happened in the past.
But those are the things thatwhen we aren't adept at dealing
with, we process them inunhealthy ways. And to me, the
danger in that is that it justcontinues to stack up. And life
doesn't stop because you had anincident at work, or life

(22:21):
doesn't stop because the billsare due, the rest of life
doesn't stop because you gotlaid off, or because your
husband or wife is mad at you orbecause your kid got in trouble.
All these things can keephappening over and over again,
which creates stressors. Andstressors are, to me the key to

(22:50):
increasing the odds of mentalhealth problems. because your
mind is trying to find a way todeal with the stressors. And the
mind is a very powerful tool,it's a very powerful muscle, and
it will find a way to deal withit. And it's not always the
healthy way to deal with it. Sothat may turn into a self

(23:15):
medicating alcohol type thing,it may turn into anger issues
where you're lashing out atother people above and beyond
whatever the situation is.
Because you haven't dealt withthese other problems with these
other issues that have occurred,these other stressors that
you've dealt with, you haven'tfound a healthy way to process
them. And when I say processthem, I don't mean just get them

(23:38):
not think about them. I meanprocess the process, the means
make, find a way to make thatmemory makes sense. So that it
no longer impacts your futureevents based on that past event
in a negative way. Let me saythat again, processing it in a

(24:03):
way so it doesn't influence afuture event solely based on
that negative event. A lot ofthe difficulties in mental
health and mental healthpractices in communities and
impoverished communities, Ithink can be dealt with. But we

(24:27):
really have to start looking atit and recognizing that these
traumas are very widespread. Andespecially and I would say it's
directly proportional to thelevel is and this is my opinion.
So I can't say that there's astudy for this, but I would say
that it's inversely proportionalto the level of income of

(24:50):
communities, meaning trauma isso the lower the income in the
community, the higher theincidence of trauma in that
community. And I really believethat. And I believe that not as
a means of a, an excuse foranyone. I believe that as a

(25:12):
means for awareness, so that werecognize that this isn't a
level playing field, that allthe resources and opportunities
that we want to bestow uponeverybody and we we are proud of
as in the United States is oneof those countries where you can

(25:33):
bring yourself up above whereyou started. And that's a great
thing. But we also have torealize that, that level of to
get to that level, there's otherthings that are in the way, for
communities that are povertystricken. And one of those
things that is in the way isthis level of trauma that is

(25:53):
inherent in these communities.
And I byproduct of that is themental health issues that come
along with it. And the fact thatthere's such a stigma in getting
treatment for those mentalhealth issues makes it an even
more insidious problem. So mygoal, I guess, my passion, and

(26:17):
my, my hope, is to, one get ridof that stigma to go, Okay, this
is something that, thateverybody is going to have to
deal with to one level, to somedegree, meaning we're all going
to have things that are going tostress us things that are going
to traumatize us, we are allgoing to be exposed to

(26:38):
something. And that somethingcould produce a mental health
issue, unless we are aware, andthat we develop the strength and
the tools to mitigate it. Andeverybody can use that.
And I think it's more readilyavailable in, of course,

(27:00):
communities that have moreresources, because with more
resources, comes better healthcare comes better mental health
care, comes more communityoutreach, and clinics. So this
is what I want for allcommunities, and a specifically
for communities of color. And Iwant this to be something that

(27:22):
is a priority in thesecommunities. And that'll be
something that I'll be reachingout to local politicians and
community leaders to startpushing and finding ways that
even if it's under the, underthe title of more coaching, so
that we can have more classesand more education out there as

(27:44):
to and about the impact oftrauma and mental health and
treatments for it and having itavailable. That's a start,
because that's that's what takesaway that stigma is education if
people know, and I know they andI speak to that from the
experience of dealing with lawenforcement and mental health,

(28:09):
because that is something thatit is this the same type of
stigma on it for lawenforcement, as in the
communities in the same type ofstigma that's in the
impoverished black and browncommunities is that same stigma
for mental health in the lawenforcement community. And I saw
it for years that no one wantedto really talk about it. Even

(28:34):
though in law enforcement,there's a very high suicide
rate. No one really wants totalk about the reasons why there
is a suicide rate and what thereasons why there is such a high
suicide rate and what needs tobe done to fully prepare law
enforcement officers for thetoll that the job will take on

(28:54):
it. So I'm saying that in thecommunities that were that I'm
talking to, and that I'm reallytrying to impact, I want them to
know that there's apsychological toll that comes
with growing up in the hood.
The stories can be from coast tocoast, but there's certain

(29:15):
similarities in the stories, andthat trauma is there. And I find
it hard I'll find you hardpressed to find someone that
grew up in one of thesecommunities that didn't
experience some type of traumabeing vicariously through
witnessing it hearing about it,or specifically to them or a

(29:37):
family member. And the storieslike I said they they may vary
but they're very similar. I wasjust talking to a friend of mine
the other day or and I put it ina newsletter. And I was telling
you about a situation thathappened when I was little that
me and a couple of my buddies wewanted to go and play baseball.
And there's a private CatholicSchool about a mile away. But

(30:02):
they had a basketball courtacross the street from the
school's campus. And the uniquething about that basketball
court was that it had a nicehigh, I want to say 25 foot
chain link fence around it,which, if you're playing
baseball was perfect for us,because it was nice to be able
to hit it over the fence. Andyou, you know, you had that

(30:24):
feeling of hitting a homerun, weone weekend decide we're gonna
go play baseball, so me into myfriends to my buddies, we walk
over there. And there's a groupof guys out there playing older
guys playing, you know, pickupgame, half court game of
basketball, and we're like,okay, maybe we'll get a game of
basketball into but we're gonna,you know, stay out of the way

(30:46):
because as the younger youngerkids, you know, just stay out of
stay out of the older guys way.
And if they need an extraplayer, they'll last you. So we
get there, we're playing for alittle bit. And then all of a
sudden, some you can hear someyelling back and forth, and you
hear you know, the file comingin the calls. Because, you know,
heard when you're playing pickupgames, then the referees you

(31:09):
call your own files. So I don'tknow. I don't know if most
people recognize that. Butthat's how you do it, you call
your own files. And there'salways a guy that calls way too
many files, there's, that's justthere's always a character like
that. Well, it seemed to be thatthat character was in this game.
And that character in everyhood, and every playground, the

(31:32):
closer the game gets, the morehe gets filed. And the more
dramatic he gets about gettingfiled, that's just part of the
game, getting close to the endof the game, obviously, they're
going back and forth. Andthey're getting louder and
louder. So we're paying a littlebit of attention, we'd kind of
take a break from the baseball,because, again, from growing up

(31:52):
in the hood, you kind of knowwhen to be on alert that
something's about to go down.
You see him gamepoint our guyhas the ball, he goes the hole,
he shoots it. And just as theball falls off of the rim, and
he misses it, you hear me Ofcourse, if you call a foul, you

(32:15):
get the ball back. They kind oflook at each other, they laugh,
and he's you know, he's stilladamant about it, you know, bah,
bah, bah, and he's talkingtrash, they give him the ball,
and he throws the ball to him.
And he wasn't ready for it. Sothe ball hits him in the chest.
So of course, now, his prizehurt because this guy just threw
the ball at him. The guy wasn'ttrying to throw the ball at him.

(32:38):
He's just, he was just runninghis mouth and didn't notice. So
of course, now he wants tofight. And so the guy that tried
to give him back the balldoesn't look like he wants to
fight. He's, you know, he's kindof saying check, which means go
take the ball and let's go. Andour foul guy keeps talking. He's
running his mouth, he runs hismouth. And so he gets into a

(33:00):
fighting stance like he wantsto, he wants to fight.
So the other guy who did notwant to fight looks around. And
he's kind of like, you know, ifthat's what you want to do,
let's do it. So they proceed thefight. And my guy that likes to
call the files proceeded to getwhooped. I don't mean beat up,

(33:22):
he got whooped. So he's Iswollen mouth bleeding. And
finally, he just stops. And theguy who didn't want to fight in
the first place. He's gotnothing. It's like he's done.
He's like, okay, we're good.
Well, the other guy can't stoptalking. So he starts running
his mouth again. And he turnsto, to leave the game and to
walk out of the basketballcourt. And the last thing he

(33:46):
says he looks back and he says,You wait till I tell my homeys
what you did to me. And it wasalmost a must have just like,
it's like he flicked the switch,because everybody on that court,
including the guy that didn'treally want to fight, their eyes
just lit up. And as soon as likeone of those things when you say
and you want to try and grab itback. It's almost as if he said

(34:09):
it and he knew he messed up assoon as he said it, because as
soon as those eyes lit up, hetook off running. And he's gone.
And everybody on those guys inthe court, they look around,
they see our baseball bat, theyrun over take all our backs, we
only had like three of them.

(34:29):
Take our bats, and they chaseafter. So this kid is running
for his life, and they'rechasing after him a baseball
bat. Now I tell that story now,and it still tickles me. But I
think about it. And I'm likethis is the story of a kid is I
couldn't have been more thaneight at the time. sitting here

(34:53):
watching what to me were, youknow, grown ups because they're
probably high schoolers. getinto a fight, one guy get
bloodied. And then they chasehim down with the bat. Now they
brought our bats back, and theyweren't any blood on when they
brought them back. So I didn'tsee it. So I don't know if they
actually caught them or not. Butagain, that to me is to most

(35:17):
young children, that would be atraumatic event. But that's just
one of the things that wascommonplace, too commonplace in
the community that I grew upbetween that in the gunshots,
and the helicopters. This wasjust par for the course. And I

(35:38):
think we need to take a look atthis and recognize that these
incidents, and our communitiesare being traumatized. And it's
being ignored. And it's beingtreated as if it's okay. And
it's being treated as if youshould just rub some dirt on it.

(35:59):
And no one wants to actuallytalk about it and say, You know
what, it's wrong. And I'm sorry,to all of the the families and
the kids that have to grow upwith the regular sounds of
sirens, and helicopters andgunshots. I'm sorry that that is

(36:20):
a norm for you. Because that'snot normal. And as I said, this
ain't normal. And you ain'tcrazy. But we got to get a
handle on this and be aware ofit so that what we are going to
teach going further, is just aswell known and as prevalent as a

(36:45):
push up. Because every kid knowsthat if he needs to exercise, he
knows what a push up is, or ajumping jack or a burpee, or how
to jump rope. But how many ofthem know how to take care of
themselves and how to lovethemselves, or how to do a
butterfly hug to decreasestress, or how to meditate and a

(37:10):
three to one method. Every oneof our families should know
that. Because those are going tobe the tools that they're going
to need to overcome thestressors and the traumas not
only in their communities, butin life. So let's, let's start
not only taking care ofourselves, but let's start

(37:32):
recognizing that we are allgoing to have stressors, we're
all going to have mental healthissues, we're all going to have
something that happens that'sgoing to take a psychological

(37:53):
toll on us. And the sooner thatwe admit that, the better we can
prepare for that. And the betterable we are to help our children
and our children's childrenprepare for that. So with that
said, I want to make sure thatthe new know that there are lots

(38:19):
of resources out there that havemental health practices. There's
a Yana therapy is one and I willput the link in the notes. And
Ayanna therapy spare specializesin marginalized communities. So
that's black, brown, people ofcolor, transgender, and it's all

(38:40):
done. It's all done throughtelehealth, and a lot of the
these a lot of mental healthprofessionals are doing
telehealth now. So you don'teven have to go to an office,
you can do it over the phone orover zoom. Psychology Today is
another one that you can go toand find a therapist. And one of
the things that did one alsotalk about is finding a

(39:02):
therapist. Look, if you want tocall it therapist, the coach
have added I could care lesswhat you call me as long as
you're getting the help that youneed. And these venues like
Psychology Today, they they havea large selection of
professionals of differentdisciplines and different styles

(39:25):
that could benefit you so and tome, the main thing is really
isn't there. Isn't theretheoretical orientation, as they
say, and theoretical orientationcould be anything from CBT
cognitive behavioral therapy toreality therapy. There's so
there's lots of differentFreudian. There's lots of
different psychoanalytic Ishould say. There's lots of

(39:47):
different theoreticalorientations. But what you want
to do is you want to findsomeone that fits with you,
because one of the main thingsthat points to successful
treatment or coating now saycoating for you, is the
connection that you have withthat therapist or coach. So

(40:08):
that's what you're looking forbeyond beyond all else you're
looking for someone that canrelate to you, someone that you
can connect with. And so thatdoesn't always mean you're going
to find someone that'sculturally competent. When I say
culturally competent, thatdoesn't mean you're going to
find somebody that knows whatit's like to grow up where you
grew up. But if you findsomebody that's willing to admit

(40:30):
that they don't know and willingto listen so that they
understand where you're comingfrom, without the prejudgment of
where they came from, that'swhat you're looking for. So it
doesn't always have to besomeone that that looks like you
or came from where you camefrom. But it has to be someone
that's willing to listen andunderstand who you are and where

(40:51):
you came from. And that's a verykey component. Now, if you want
someone that looks like you andcame from where you came from,
that's fine. That's yourprerogative. And that's one of
the things I want you tounderstand is to get into this
process. Because coaching andtherapy is a process to get into
this process. It's, it'ssomething that has to be

(41:14):
something that you'recomfortable with, it has to be a
process that you are not onlywilling to participate in, but
that you feel as though theother person that is helping you
that is guiding you isknowledgeable, is competent, is
caring, and is open. And you getto choose that. So if you come

(41:36):
across a counselor, coach,therapist, that you don't feel
comfortable with, don't writeoff all all counselors and
coaches because of that one, gofind another one, and another
one and another one until youfeel comfortable. And though the
way I look at it is because youare you're investing in you. So

(41:58):
if you're investing and you findthe best person for you don't
give up on the process, becauseyou ran into one person who did
not understand and did not havea frame of reference to even
comprehend where you were comingfrom. And I think that's one of
the things that that inhibitsus. And when I say us, I mean

(42:21):
minority people, people, brownpeople, people of color,
people in the communities fromreaching out, because the usual,
the normal in my air quotes areactive again, is that we're
feeling as though we're going togo and talk to someone that has

(42:41):
no idea where we come from, andhas no way to that can't relate
to us. But I want to tell you,there's a lot of good, good
therapists out there that canrelate even if they have never
been in our situation had theblessing or the curse, however,
you want to say it to grow up inmany diverse communities, to

(43:04):
interact with people from theriches of the rich to the poor,
to the poor, to the nicest ofthe nice to the worst of the
worse. I've just had thatdiversity of experiences with
people. Everybody hasn't hadthat. But I've also have the the
awareness and the ability tolisten and to take in to learn

(43:25):
about others. And above allelse, that's what you're looking
for. You're looking for someonewho is willing to listen and
learn. Without a preconceivednotion, notion or preconceived
judgment. And they're out there.
My encouragement to you is Callit whatever you want to call it,

(43:46):
coaching, call it friend making,whatever you want to call it.
But remember that we all needsomeone to relate to someone to
give us that little bit of extraguidance. So that's my episode
for today. I hope that at somepoint, it was beneficial to you.

(44:09):
And I thank you for spending thetime with me once again. And
keep tuning in. And I'll keepcoming back. And as I always
say, let's get to work.

Dwayne E. Shigg (44:30):
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Lyrics (45:12):
Let's go a long way and I can do I can do all I can do I
can do I'm not afraid of themoment I'm not afraid I can't
hold it higher. I gotta get upin the morning. I gotta do it

(45:33):
for Kobe lately I know where Imgoing, I'm taking whatever
controllers so many opponentscoming opponent. I got a gift
and I'm starting to own it.