Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh is a source of hope for survivors of domestic abuse. By offering a holistic approach to healing, our programs and services provide the safety and support survivors deserve. We welcome survivors of domestic violence at different stages in their journey and work with them to meet their personal, individual needs.https://wcspittsburgh.org/
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(00:04):
And welcome in. This is apublic affairs program shedding the light on the
interest, issues and concerns of thegreater Pittsburgh area. Good morning. My
name is Johnny heart Well, andtoday it's my honored pleasure to actually meet
and introduce President and CEO of theWomen's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh,
Nicole mal and Arrow. Good morning, Good morning, Johnny. Thank you
so much for having me on today. It's such a pleasure to meet you.
(00:26):
Thank you. You're doing okay thismorning, doing fantastically. Yes,
I have a million questions, Sowe only have thirty minutes, but I've
got a million questions. Get readyto now go for it. I think
the first one is, I know, I know. The Women's Shelter has
been in Pittsburgh for a long,long talk fifty years, right, fifty
years, and this year, intwenty twenty four, we're celebrating our fiftieth
(00:46):
anniversary as one of the first sixdomestic violence programs in the whole country.
Really, yes, so we're youknow, it's amazing. Pittsburgh has always
been kind of a forefront and innovatoron so many things. Now we both
and there's a lot of people wishwe didn't have to have an organization like
yours. Absolutely I wish I didn'thave to go to my job every day
helping survivors of domestic violence because Iwish that domestic violence was not around.
(01:11):
Unfortunately, it is, and hasbeen, and in the foreseeable future still
will be. So while domestic violenceexists, Women Center will be here to
offer help and hope. How manyhow many women and children do you help?
On how big of a problem isit? Absolutely so. Women's Center
(01:32):
and Shelter specifically helps any survivor ofdomestic violence, adult or child, regardless
of age, regardless of sexual identity, regardless of gender, it nothing matters.
We will help anybody who's a survivorof domestic violence, and we help
over seventy five hundred adult and childsurvivors every single year. Only about four
(01:53):
percent of them are in need ofour emergency shelter, which of course is
the service for which we are bestknown because it's in our name, But
really most folks need our range ofservices, our continuum of services that is
beyond shelter. To address the otherpart of your question about how big of
a problem it is, domestic violenceactually impacts one out of every four women
(02:15):
and one out of every seven toten men, depending on the study you're
looking at. So it is anabsolutely huge issue. Their domestic violence obviously
results in homicides, it results intrauma, and it results in, you
know, really people needing a lotof help and hope and support and a
(02:37):
lack of judgment often to be ableto help them to escape a relationship that's
abusive. I recognize that it's aproblem, but I didn't realize it was
seventy five hundred last year. Isthat are the numbers going in the right
direction. So we serve about seventyfive hundred adult child survivors every year.
And it's important to note that we'reone of four domestic violence programs Alligany County,
(03:00):
and every county in the state ofPennsylvania has a domestic violence program that
serves it. So we are talkingabout an absolutely huge issue, and honestly,
we know that we're not even reachingmost of the people who are experiencing
domestic violence. So that's why it'sso important for us to be able to
talk about this so that folks knowthat we are here to offer help and
(03:23):
hope and that they know where toreach out for services, whether it's to
us or the domestic violence program intheir area. All right, I want
to get into a little bit ofyou know, when somebody needs your services,
what do they do? But let'sstart at the beginning. You're celebrating
your fiftieth anniversary. What's the historybehind the Women's shelter? Oh, Johnny,
(03:44):
I love to talk about the historybecause the Women's Center and Shelter of
Greater Pittsburgh started really as a placefor women to just get together and be
just get together and craft and quiltand Stateler and Ellen Berliner are founders,
and they really just noticed that therewas a huge issue for the women who
were coming just to kind of hangout and have a place to gather.
(04:08):
They noticed that forty percent of thosewomen were actually in need of a safe
place, so you know, aplace to stay overnight, a place to
help them to get out of therelationship, the violent relationship that they were
in. And they noticed this becausethey were social workers, and they started
to really look at the issue,and with the backdrop and the inspiration really
(04:30):
of the civil rights movement and thewomen's movement, they said, we need
to do something about this. Thisis absolutely unacceptable. Now, keep in
mind, in nineteen seventy four andaround that area when we were born,
domestic violence wasn't really understood. Itwas thought of as a one time problem.
It wasn't understood as a pattern ofpower and control that's used within a
(04:54):
relationship, which we now know,of course, that that's what domestic violence
is. We understand it can bephysical, but it might not be physical
abuse. We understand the domestic violencecan be a whole range of different types
of abuse, whether it's psychological abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, spiritual
abuse, financial abuse, which actuallyimpacts ninety nine percent of all victims of
(05:17):
domestic violence, and then there's othertypes of abuse as well. At that
point in nineteen seventy four, verylittle of that was understood. The response
to domestic violence was, oh,he just needs to sleep it off,
or oh, it's just because he'sdrunk. We absolutely know that that is
not the case now, that itcan get worse if somebody is using drugs
(05:38):
or alcohol or has a mental healthproblem. But the domestic violence itself is
not any of those. It's notbecause of drug and alcohol use. It's
not because of alcohol use, it'snot because of mental health problems in and
of itself. Is a learned behaviorthat can be unlearned with help, But
it's a learned behavior that somebody whois abusive uses this behavior really to get
(06:02):
what they want out of a relationship. Well, fifty years ago, there
was a lot of abuse, abusein schools, there was police abuse.
It was almost commonplace. And youwould think, I would hope that because
we understand abuse a little bit more, that a woman's shelter wouldn't be necessary.
(06:23):
But that's not the case obviously,right, Well, you're completely spawn
on, Johnny. We do wishthat that was the case, you know,
and we were I think we wereheaded in the right direction pre pandemic,
to really starting to reduce the numbersof survivors, to reduce the numbers
of homicides. Unfortunately, the pandemicstarted, and since then the complexities in
(06:48):
our society have only gotten more complex. So, you know, when you
look at community violence, when youlook at the use of drugs, alcohol,
when you look at mental health problems, when you look at poverty,
the lack of affordable housing, thelack of affordable childcare, when you look
at the use of guns, andthe proliferation of guns. All of that
(07:09):
has combined to really worsen the situationsfor domestic violence, to make them more
complex. In the pandemic itself,and the lack of ability to reach out
for help and support and the isolationthat was inherent because of the pandemic really
increase the severity and the frequency ofdomestic violence. So severity, frequency,
(07:31):
and complexity of domestic violence has gottenworse since the pandemic. And unfortunately,
I think a lot of things fromthe pandemic, Like I was just reading
an article about how virtual work ishere to stay. You know, we
don't think that office behavior is goingto change necessarily ever, like it's forever
changed. Unfortunately, that's what itseems like right now with domestic violence.
(07:55):
It's possible that domestic violence is foreverworsened. And so what that means is
that we need to really just continueto say we are here. All domestic
violence problems or programs are here.We're here to offer help, We're here
to offer hope. We're here tooffer concrete solutions and empowerment to whatever situation
(08:16):
you're in, regardless of whether youare just trying to figure out if you're
an abusive relationship, or you areliterally fleeing for your life. There are
people in their programs to be ableto offer help. So let me let
me ask you a few questions aboutthe pandemic. So what you're saying is
that so many of us were quarantined, so we're all in one under roof,
(08:39):
and let's put it this way.You know, we were all under
pressure. We were absolutely you know, we were scared, we were confused,
We we were you know, wehear a lot of good things about
working from home, but now we'reall working from home, which is going
to make tensions in the home evenworse. And you would think that after
the pandemic, after things got alittle bit better, things would get better.
I'm sare sure they got a littlebit better. But also if they're
(09:03):
quarantined at home, the likelihood ofor the opportunity to ask and call for
help probably made things problematic, exactlyright. So there were a couple of
questions in there. I'll try toaddress in the order that you said them.
So the first thing is with thepandemic. First of all, globally,
we saw an eight percent increase inthe incidence of domestic violence. So
(09:26):
there's science behind this increase happening,right, And it makes sense when you
think about when we think back tothe pandemic, especially the early parts of
the pandemic, everything seemed out ofour control, I mean and everything for
the most part, most things wereout of our control. So if you
already are somebody who uses power andcontrol within your relationship, it makes sense
(09:50):
that that would kind of spark andincrease and threaten your own ability to thrive
right and be and you would useviolence and abuse even more so. It
really was the power and control issuethat is endemic to domestic violence that made
(10:11):
it kind of worse during the pandemic. I've been describing it as, and
I'm sure others have as well,as a Pandora's box that once it's opened,
it's hard to kind of get everythingback in and close again. Right.
So, now that we've seen thisincrease and again taken in combination with
societies, you know, ever evolvingin complex challenges, you know, definitely
(10:39):
with one of the leading ones beingthe use of guns. Because when there
is a gun present and a domesticviolence situation, a woman is five times
more likely to be killed. Sothat's a huge risk factor. So when
you take all of these community problemsand layer them on top of domestic violence,
you know it's it will take alot for domestic violence to even go
(11:03):
back to the already unacceptable level thatit was prior to the pandemic. We're
talking with president and CEO of theWomen's Center Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh,
Nicole mal and Arrow. If youwant more information, their website is
WCS Pittsburgh dot org. May Iaddress the last part of what you asked
about about working from home absolutely andthe pressures and stress of that, because
(11:24):
that absolutely was a huge problem.Because when you're a survivor of domestic violence,
when you're in the workforce, workforce, what we've heard often again and
again and again is that work maybe the only place to go that you
feel safe, that you have selfesteem, that you're able to be productive
and be a highly functioning member ofa team, because that's exactly what your
(11:48):
abuser is telling you. You're notat home, So going to the workplace
can be life saving emotionally and physicallyin some cases. So that's it's so
important for us to continue our workwith work workplaces. So we have a
program called Standing Firm, which isthe workplace case to end domestic violence.
We work actually with corporations, withorganizations with any workforce to help to help
(12:13):
them to implement policies, procedures andtraining around domestic violence. So for instance,
the whole HR team can get trainedon domestic violence and how to help
somebody who's in a violent situation asa victim. And because we know that
perpetrators, of course are employed aswell. If you have a perpetrator that
you're supervising, how do you youknow, and that comes to your attention,
(12:35):
how do you work with that situation. So we think it's really important
because domestic violence comes to work right. You can't just you can try to
kind of put it in a boxand ignore things when you're at work.
And certainly a lot of folks areable to do that. They're able to
compartmentalize and still really really succeed atwork. And there are many situations where
(12:58):
the survivor has to take off ofwork because of injuries, because of demands
of the batterer, because of courthearings, et cetera. So we really
do want to make sure that workplacesknow how to respond and understand domestic violence,
because way too many survivors of domesticviolence end up getting fired for something
(13:20):
that's really not their fault. Ouremployers understanding that situation a little bit more,
I would say more, yes,but it really does very much depend
upon the employer. All right,if somebody of who's suffered abuse, what's
the process how do they usually reachout to you? So, any victim
of domestic violence again, whether youare literally just saying, hey, is
(13:43):
this new relationship the ship that I'min abusive, or whether you're literally needing
to run for your life from theperson, can call a domestic violence hotline.
So our hotline, for instance,they're all twenty four to seven,
all open, three hundred and sixtyfive days year. Our hotline is four
one two six eight seven eight zerozero five. It's four one two six
(14:07):
eight seven eight zero zero five.And wherever you are listening to this,
there is a domestic violence program thatserves you. So you can call your
local domestic violence program and use theirhotline as well. There's also a national
domestic violence hotline, depending on whichway you want to go, and you
could also use our bright Sky app. So our bright Sky app we launched
(14:31):
last last March March twenty twenty three, we already have one hundred and thirty
plus oh, I should say onehundred and thirty thousand plush. Yeah,
that's a big difference there. Yeah, users of the website and the app,
and what the bright Sky app doesis provide practical information, support resources,
helpful videos on what does abuse,what can abuse look like? And
(14:54):
provide a database for across the entirecountry of domestic violence programs that you can
reach out directly to. There's alsoother, you know, really wonderful opportunities
on the app, for for instance, family members or anybody who cares about
somebody experiencing domestic violence to learn howto help them, how to help them,
to reach out for support and justunderstand domestic violence more. All right,
(15:18):
if there's somebody listening now who haswho is being abused, or has
a family member that's being abused,there's probably some reluctance to reach out for
help. Absolutely, we see thatall the time. You know. Unfortunately,
there is a stigma attached to domesticviolence that we wish wasn't there.
(15:39):
That we don't believe, we inthe domestic violence movement belief should not be
there because none of this is thevictim's fault, and so we really want
to offer non judgmental support, youknow, emotional support, concrete support to
anybody experiencing domestic violence. No goahead. Do abusers show any kind of
(16:03):
potential warning signs? Absolutely, thereare a lot of red flags that if
we know them and our eyes areopen, oftentimes we can spot. Now
with that said, and you canlook up this information online, there's a
ton of information about the warning signsand red flags of those who are abusive.
What I will say, though,is it so often those who are
(16:27):
abusive are also very charming. Sowe see a lot of folks who are
leaders in their community, or whoare leaders in their church, or you
know, who are wonderful neighbors whowould give you the shirt off their back,
and they're a different person behind closeddoors. And that's really the power
and control dynamic. Those who areabusive know that they can't necessarily go into
(16:51):
work and punch their boss right orthey're going to get fired. You can't
necessarily be at a gas station andstart a fight with a person next to
you, or you don't know what'sgoing to happen there right, you might
end up in court or worse.So abusers are able to manage their anger.
So often a real misunderstanding is thatthey can't control their anger, that
(17:14):
abusers can't control their anger. It'sactually the exact opposite. They know exactly
how to manage their anger, andthey manage their anger on the person that
they are in a relationship with becausethey know that that's the person that they
have the most chance of being ableto control. And so whether it's physical
or emotional or psychological, etc.There's a pattern of power and control that's
(17:38):
used against the person and their relationship. And one of the factors that makes
it hard to believe somebody when theysay I'm in an abusive relationship is that
so often you know both people anda couple, right, and you might
look and say, oh my gosh, how can my neighbor Johnny, Right,
that's your name. How can myneighbor Johnny be abusive? That can't
(18:00):
possibly be the case. But thatalso means you're saying that the person that's
saying this is lying, right,So think about it this way. Part
of the abusive cycle, part ofbeing somebody who uses abuse is being manipulative
and able to oftentimes charm folks andbeing able to kind of say, hey,
(18:22):
this is who I am, whileat the same time behaving very very
differently behind closed doors. All right, So they can turn the abuser can
turn it on and off exactly,But do they really recognize what they are
doing? Do they really recognize it? Like from a psychological standpoint, I
love that question. I think somedo and some don't, just as some
(18:44):
abusers are very sorry for their behaviorsand others say they are but aren't,
and others don't even apologize, sothey're you know, there are definitely patterns,
and we see all of the differenttypes of abusers. But what we
do see typically is an abusive relationshipstarting off in a honeymoon phase, right,
which I think most new relationships starton. Right. You want to
(19:06):
put forth your your best foot andyou know, then the real person right
exactly, and then the real personstarts to come out. And if it's
a relationship that's healthy, you knowyou can able, You're able to resolve
tension in a healthy communicative way.You're able to act respectfully towards one another
as you face problems and stress andsituations. But for somebody who's abusive.
(19:30):
The honeymoon phase turns into at tensionbuilding phase, and then it turns into
some sort of explosive phase. Andagain that can be verbally, that can
be physically. That can mean sexualabuse, it can mean all of it.
A battering or abusive phase can beyou know, it can be one
(19:51):
big incident, right, one smallincident, or it can last for days
and days. We have folks whohave been held captive by their abusers for
days. We've served folks who haveessentially been captive of their abusers for years.
So and I think you see alot of these, you see those
more in the news, then yousee the less dramatic ones. But domestic
(20:17):
violence is all of that. It'sthe dramatic situations and it's the everyday,
not dramatic but still very very traumaticexperiences. So once the abused realizes they're
in a situation, they need help, they reach out to you. What
kind of help do you provide them? So, domestic violence programs across the
country will offer emotional support, willoffer safety planning. That's a big thing
(20:41):
I'd like to talk about. Whatis that? Yes, thank you for
asking. So safety planning is reallyexactly what it sounds like, it's helping
the person to plan for their safety. So we don't assume that anybody calling
the hotline is calling saying I wantto get out of this relationship. We
know that plenty of folks are callingnot in a position to leave the situation
(21:02):
at that point or even maybe ina year from now, but they want
to be able to live more safelyin the relationship. So wherever the person
is and whatever their goal is,whether it's to immediately get out, to
get out in a couple months,to plan and need to get out,
and you know the planning is goingto take a year or two years to
be able to safely get out,we will help to work with them on
(21:23):
those plans. That might be aone time conversation about your immediate safety,
it might be an ongoing conversation thatcan last for over a year. And
we also know for those who arein our shelter, they're there because they
are in a potentially lethal situation.So some folks can leave the building,
(21:45):
but only with safety plans and knowingkind of where where they may or may
not need to avoid seeing their abuser, and other folks just are not safe
to leave at all, and itjust really depends on their situation. We
do know, for instance, thatprobably the best example of a safety plan
is if you have already left yourabuser. That's actually the leaving or planning
(22:10):
after you've left, or planning toleave, like telling them that you're leaving
is the most dangerous time and anabusive relationship. So actually, seventy three
percent of all women who are killedby their partner or ex partner are killed
when they leave or after they've left, so seventy three percent. It's a
very danger It can be a verydangerous time depending on the situation. So
(22:33):
for instance, where can you typicallyfind somebody at their workplace? Right?
And over half of workplace mass shootingslike violent incidences are connected to domestic violence,
so it's obviously a huge risk.You know, does the person work
in a situation where they're able toswitch branches? For instance, if they
work for a bank, are theyable to switch to another location for their
(22:57):
employer? Are they able to swichptheir work from home versus work in the
office place? You know, time, there's lots of different potential solutions,
lots of different potential solutions that wecan work with I'm sure a lot of
individuals who have been abused who seekyour help end up returning back to the
home where they're in danger. Right, That absolutely happens. Yes, and
(23:21):
we know that that happens and weare there as all domestic violence programs are
whether the person has left once orwhether they have left ten times, and
they need that support after the tenthtime. That's why being non judgmental and
really just being supportive regardless of whoyou are when when you're helping somebody who's
in an experiencing a domestic violence relationship, that is one of the most key
(23:42):
important things to just be supportive andnon judgmental because you really don't know what
that person is experiencing and the fearthat's oftentimes in their hearts of the person
that's being abusive towards them. Speakingof help and support, how can we
help and support? Yes, yeah, thank you for asking that. So
there's lots of different ways to supportand help Women Center and Shelter. Our
(24:04):
essential needs list on our website isone of the best ways to do that.
We have a constantly changing list ofneeds depending on what you need.
Absolutely, so we always need giftcards to places like Target and Giant Eagle
and the Dollar stores, et cetera. That's a constant, evergreen need.
We also have may not leave withanything exact and exactly. Yes, yeah,
(24:33):
we absolutely for both adults and kids. And it's way too difficult for
us to accept used clothing. Wedon't do that anymore. We just don't
have the staff, staff capacity,or storage. We partner with lots of
thrift shops, but we also havinggift cards. They're able to actually go
and be empowered by choosing their ownclothes and choosing their own needs, so
(24:55):
we always have a need for giftcards there. We also have lots of
different needs like diapers, specific sizeslike air mattresses for folks who are moving
out but their bed won't be deliveredfor a while for instance. You know,
for toothbrushes and too like. Itjust really depends on the week and
the month as to what our currentessential needs are. So our website's always
(25:18):
updated with that, and the websiteis www dot wcs Pittsburgh dot org.
We only have about a minute left. What is the one thing you really
want people to know about the Women'sChapter. I really want people to know
that if you are listening to thisand experiencing a domestic violence in your relationship
that there is help and there ishope. No matter how much you think
(25:42):
that's not the case, there absolutelyis. There are people who care and
will help you to get what whereveryou need to go. Whether that's to
live safely in the current relationship orto leave your relationship in a month,
a day, a year, itdoesn't matter. We're all there for you.
Women's Shelter the Women's Center and Shelterof Greater Pittsburgh. The hotline is
(26:03):
four one two six eight seven eightzero zero five. The website is WCS
Pittsburgh dot org. President and CEONicole Mullinero. It's been a pleasure.
Thank you so much, Johnny,Thank you so much for having me.
If you have any comments, concerns, or an idea for a future program,
please email us from this radio station'swebsite. I'm Johnny Hartwell, thank
you so much for listening.
And welcome in. This is apublic affairs program shedding the light on the
interest, issues and concerns of thegreater Pittsburgh area. Good morning. My
name is Johnny heart Well, andtoday it's my honored pleasure to actually meet
and introduce President and CEO of theWomen's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh,
Nicole mal and Arrow. Good morning, Good morning, Johnny. Thank you
so much for having me on today. It's such a pleasure to meet you.
(00:26):
Thank you. You're doing okay thismorning, doing fantastically. Yes,
I have a million questions, Sowe only have thirty minutes, but I've
got a million questions. Get readyto now go for it. I think
the first one is, I know, I know. The Women's Shelter has
been in Pittsburgh for a long,long talk fifty years, right, fifty
years, and this year, intwenty twenty four, we're celebrating our fiftieth
(00:46):
anniversary as one of the first sixdomestic violence programs in the whole country.
Really, yes, so we're youknow, it's amazing. Pittsburgh has always
been kind of a forefront and innovatoron so many things. Now we both
and there's a lot of people wishwe didn't have to have an organization like
yours. Absolutely I wish I didn'thave to go to my job every day
helping survivors of domestic violence because Iwish that domestic violence was not around.
(01:11):
Unfortunately, it is, and hasbeen, and in the foreseeable future still
will be. So while domestic violenceexists, Women Center will be here to
offer help and hope. How manyhow many women and children do you help?
On how big of a problem isit? Absolutely so. Women's Center
(01:32):
and Shelter specifically helps any survivor ofdomestic violence, adult or child, regardless
of age, regardless of sexual identity, regardless of gender, it nothing matters.
We will help anybody who's a survivorof domestic violence, and we help
over seventy five hundred adult and childsurvivors every single year. Only about four
(01:53):
percent of them are in need ofour emergency shelter, which of course is
the service for which we are bestknown because it's in our name, But
really most folks need our range ofservices, our continuum of services that is
beyond shelter. To address the otherpart of your question about how big of
a problem it is, domestic violenceactually impacts one out of every four women
(02:15):
and one out of every seven toten men, depending on the study you're
looking at. So it is anabsolutely huge issue. Their domestic violence obviously
results in homicides, it results intrauma, and it results in, you
know, really people needing a lotof help and hope and support and a
(02:37):
lack of judgment often to be ableto help them to escape a relationship that's
abusive. I recognize that it's aproblem, but I didn't realize it was
seventy five hundred last year. Isthat are the numbers going in the right
direction. So we serve about seventyfive hundred adult child survivors every year.
And it's important to note that we'reone of four domestic violence programs Alligany County,
(03:00):
and every county in the state ofPennsylvania has a domestic violence program that
serves it. So we are talkingabout an absolutely huge issue, and honestly,
we know that we're not even reachingmost of the people who are experiencing
domestic violence. So that's why it'sso important for us to be able to
talk about this so that folks knowthat we are here to offer help and
(03:23):
hope and that they know where toreach out for services, whether it's to
us or the domestic violence program intheir area. All right, I want
to get into a little bit ofyou know, when somebody needs your services,
what do they do? But let'sstart at the beginning. You're celebrating
your fiftieth anniversary. What's the historybehind the Women's shelter? Oh, Johnny,
(03:44):
I love to talk about the historybecause the Women's Center and Shelter of
Greater Pittsburgh started really as a placefor women to just get together and be
just get together and craft and quiltand Stateler and Ellen Berliner are founders,
and they really just noticed that therewas a huge issue for the women who
were coming just to kind of hangout and have a place to gather.
(04:08):
They noticed that forty percent of thosewomen were actually in need of a safe
place, so you know, aplace to stay overnight, a place to
help them to get out of therelationship, the violent relationship that they were
in. And they noticed this becausethey were social workers, and they started
to really look at the issue,and with the backdrop and the inspiration really
(04:30):
of the civil rights movement and thewomen's movement, they said, we need
to do something about this. Thisis absolutely unacceptable. Now, keep in
mind, in nineteen seventy four andaround that area when we were born,
domestic violence wasn't really understood. Itwas thought of as a one time problem.
It wasn't understood as a pattern ofpower and control that's used within a
(04:54):
relationship, which we now know,of course, that that's what domestic violence
is. We understand it can bephysical, but it might not be physical
abuse. We understand the domestic violencecan be a whole range of different types
of abuse, whether it's psychological abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, spiritual
abuse, financial abuse, which actuallyimpacts ninety nine percent of all victims of
(05:17):
domestic violence, and then there's othertypes of abuse as well. At that
point in nineteen seventy four, verylittle of that was understood. The response
to domestic violence was, oh,he just needs to sleep it off,
or oh, it's just because he'sdrunk. We absolutely know that that is
not the case now, that itcan get worse if somebody is using drugs
(05:38):
or alcohol or has a mental healthproblem. But the domestic violence itself is
not any of those. It's notbecause of drug and alcohol use. It's
not because of alcohol use, it'snot because of mental health problems in and
of itself. Is a learned behaviorthat can be unlearned with help, But
it's a learned behavior that somebody whois abusive uses this behavior really to get
(06:02):
what they want out of a relationship. Well, fifty years ago, there
was a lot of abuse, abusein schools, there was police abuse.
It was almost commonplace. And youwould think, I would hope that because
we understand abuse a little bit more, that a woman's shelter wouldn't be necessary.
(06:23):
But that's not the case obviously,right, Well, you're completely spawn
on, Johnny. We do wishthat that was the case, you know,
and we were I think we wereheaded in the right direction pre pandemic,
to really starting to reduce the numbersof survivors, to reduce the numbers
of homicides. Unfortunately, the pandemicstarted, and since then the complexities in
(06:48):
our society have only gotten more complex. So, you know, when you
look at community violence, when youlook at the use of drugs, alcohol,
when you look at mental health problems, when you look at poverty,
the lack of affordable housing, thelack of affordable childcare, when you look
at the use of guns, andthe proliferation of guns. All of that
(07:09):
has combined to really worsen the situationsfor domestic violence, to make them more
complex. In the pandemic itself,and the lack of ability to reach out
for help and support and the isolationthat was inherent because of the pandemic really
increase the severity and the frequency ofdomestic violence. So severity, frequency,
(07:31):
and complexity of domestic violence has gottenworse since the pandemic. And unfortunately,
I think a lot of things fromthe pandemic, Like I was just reading
an article about how virtual work ishere to stay. You know, we
don't think that office behavior is goingto change necessarily ever, like it's forever
changed. Unfortunately, that's what itseems like right now with domestic violence.
(07:55):
It's possible that domestic violence is foreverworsened. And so what that means is
that we need to really just continueto say we are here. All domestic
violence problems or programs are here.We're here to offer help, We're here
to offer hope. We're here tooffer concrete solutions and empowerment to whatever situation
(08:16):
you're in, regardless of whether youare just trying to figure out if you're
an abusive relationship, or you areliterally fleeing for your life. There are
people in their programs to be ableto offer help. So let me let
me ask you a few questions aboutthe pandemic. So what you're saying is
that so many of us were quarantined, so we're all in one under roof,
(08:39):
and let's put it this way.You know, we were all under
pressure. We were absolutely you know, we were scared, we were confused,
We we were you know, wehear a lot of good things about
working from home, but now we'reall working from home, which is going
to make tensions in the home evenworse. And you would think that after
the pandemic, after things got alittle bit better, things would get better.
I'm sare sure they got a littlebit better. But also if they're
(09:03):
quarantined at home, the likelihood ofor the opportunity to ask and call for
help probably made things problematic, exactlyright. So there were a couple of
questions in there. I'll try toaddress in the order that you said them.
So the first thing is with thepandemic. First of all, globally,
we saw an eight percent increase inthe incidence of domestic violence. So
(09:26):
there's science behind this increase happening,right, And it makes sense when you
think about when we think back tothe pandemic, especially the early parts of
the pandemic, everything seemed out ofour control, I mean and everything for
the most part, most things wereout of our control. So if you
already are somebody who uses power andcontrol within your relationship, it makes sense
(09:50):
that that would kind of spark andincrease and threaten your own ability to thrive
right and be and you would useviolence and abuse even more so. It
really was the power and control issuethat is endemic to domestic violence that made
(10:11):
it kind of worse during the pandemic. I've been describing it as, and
I'm sure others have as well,as a Pandora's box that once it's opened,
it's hard to kind of get everythingback in and close again. Right.
So, now that we've seen thisincrease and again taken in combination with
societies, you know, ever evolvingin complex challenges, you know, definitely
(10:39):
with one of the leading ones beingthe use of guns. Because when there
is a gun present and a domesticviolence situation, a woman is five times
more likely to be killed. Sothat's a huge risk factor. So when
you take all of these community problemsand layer them on top of domestic violence,
you know it's it will take alot for domestic violence to even go
(11:03):
back to the already unacceptable level thatit was prior to the pandemic. We're
talking with president and CEO of theWomen's Center Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh,
Nicole mal and Arrow. If youwant more information, their website is
WCS Pittsburgh dot org. May Iaddress the last part of what you asked
about about working from home absolutely andthe pressures and stress of that, because
(11:24):
that absolutely was a huge problem.Because when you're a survivor of domestic violence,
when you're in the workforce, workforce, what we've heard often again and
again and again is that work maybe the only place to go that you
feel safe, that you have selfesteem, that you're able to be productive
and be a highly functioning member ofa team, because that's exactly what your
(11:48):
abuser is telling you. You're notat home, So going to the workplace
can be life saving emotionally and physicallyin some cases. So that's it's so
important for us to continue our workwith work workplaces. So we have a
program called Standing Firm, which isthe workplace case to end domestic violence.
We work actually with corporations, withorganizations with any workforce to help to help
(12:13):
them to implement policies, procedures andtraining around domestic violence. So for instance,
the whole HR team can get trainedon domestic violence and how to help
somebody who's in a violent situation asa victim. And because we know that
perpetrators, of course are employed aswell. If you have a perpetrator that
you're supervising, how do you youknow, and that comes to your attention,
(12:35):
how do you work with that situation. So we think it's really important
because domestic violence comes to work right. You can't just you can try to
kind of put it in a boxand ignore things when you're at work.
And certainly a lot of folks areable to do that. They're able to
compartmentalize and still really really succeed atwork. And there are many situations where
(12:58):
the survivor has to take off ofwork because of injuries, because of demands
of the batterer, because of courthearings, et cetera. So we really
do want to make sure that workplacesknow how to respond and understand domestic violence,
because way too many survivors of domesticviolence end up getting fired for something
(13:20):
that's really not their fault. Ouremployers understanding that situation a little bit more,
I would say more, yes,but it really does very much depend
upon the employer. All right,if somebody of who's suffered abuse, what's
the process how do they usually reachout to you? So, any victim
of domestic violence again, whether youare literally just saying, hey, is
(13:43):
this new relationship the ship that I'min abusive, or whether you're literally needing
to run for your life from theperson, can call a domestic violence hotline.
So our hotline, for instance,they're all twenty four to seven,
all open, three hundred and sixtyfive days year. Our hotline is four
one two six eight seven eight zerozero five. It's four one two six
(14:07):
eight seven eight zero zero five.And wherever you are listening to this,
there is a domestic violence program thatserves you. So you can call your
local domestic violence program and use theirhotline as well. There's also a national
domestic violence hotline, depending on whichway you want to go, and you
could also use our bright Sky app. So our bright Sky app we launched
(14:31):
last last March March twenty twenty three, we already have one hundred and thirty
plus oh, I should say onehundred and thirty thousand plush. Yeah,
that's a big difference there. Yeah, users of the website and the app,
and what the bright Sky app doesis provide practical information, support resources,
helpful videos on what does abuse,what can abuse look like? And
(14:54):
provide a database for across the entirecountry of domestic violence programs that you can
reach out directly to. There's alsoother, you know, really wonderful opportunities
on the app, for for instance, family members or anybody who cares about
somebody experiencing domestic violence to learn howto help them, how to help them,
to reach out for support and justunderstand domestic violence more. All right,
(15:18):
if there's somebody listening now who haswho is being abused, or has
a family member that's being abused,there's probably some reluctance to reach out for
help. Absolutely, we see thatall the time. You know. Unfortunately,
there is a stigma attached to domesticviolence that we wish wasn't there.
(15:39):
That we don't believe, we inthe domestic violence movement belief should not be
there because none of this is thevictim's fault, and so we really want
to offer non judgmental support, youknow, emotional support, concrete support to
anybody experiencing domestic violence. No goahead. Do abusers show any kind of
(16:03):
potential warning signs? Absolutely, thereare a lot of red flags that if
we know them and our eyes areopen, oftentimes we can spot. Now
with that said, and you canlook up this information online, there's a
ton of information about the warning signsand red flags of those who are abusive.
What I will say, though,is it so often those who are
(16:27):
abusive are also very charming. Sowe see a lot of folks who are
leaders in their community, or whoare leaders in their church, or you
know, who are wonderful neighbors whowould give you the shirt off their back,
and they're a different person behind closeddoors. And that's really the power
and control dynamic. Those who areabusive know that they can't necessarily go into
(16:51):
work and punch their boss right orthey're going to get fired. You can't
necessarily be at a gas station andstart a fight with a person next to
you, or you don't know what'sgoing to happen there right, you might
end up in court or worse.So abusers are able to manage their anger.
So often a real misunderstanding is thatthey can't control their anger, that
(17:14):
abusers can't control their anger. It'sactually the exact opposite. They know exactly
how to manage their anger, andthey manage their anger on the person that
they are in a relationship with becausethey know that that's the person that they
have the most chance of being ableto control. And so whether it's physical
or emotional or psychological, etc.There's a pattern of power and control that's
(17:38):
used against the person and their relationship. And one of the factors that makes
it hard to believe somebody when theysay I'm in an abusive relationship is that
so often you know both people anda couple, right, and you might
look and say, oh my gosh, how can my neighbor Johnny, Right,
that's your name. How can myneighbor Johnny be abusive? That can't
(18:00):
possibly be the case. But thatalso means you're saying that the person that's
saying this is lying, right,So think about it this way. Part
of the abusive cycle, part ofbeing somebody who uses abuse is being manipulative
and able to oftentimes charm folks andbeing able to kind of say, hey,
(18:22):
this is who I am, whileat the same time behaving very very
differently behind closed doors. All right, So they can turn the abuser can
turn it on and off exactly,But do they really recognize what they are
doing? Do they really recognize it? Like from a psychological standpoint, I
love that question. I think somedo and some don't, just as some
(18:44):
abusers are very sorry for their behaviorsand others say they are but aren't,
and others don't even apologize, sothey're you know, there are definitely patterns,
and we see all of the differenttypes of abusers. But what we
do see typically is an abusive relationshipstarting off in a honeymoon phase, right,
which I think most new relationships starton. Right. You want to
(19:06):
put forth your your best foot andyou know, then the real person right
exactly, and then the real personstarts to come out. And if it's
a relationship that's healthy, you knowyou can able, You're able to resolve
tension in a healthy communicative way.You're able to act respectfully towards one another
as you face problems and stress andsituations. But for somebody who's abusive.
(19:30):
The honeymoon phase turns into at tensionbuilding phase, and then it turns into
some sort of explosive phase. Andagain that can be verbally, that can
be physically. That can mean sexualabuse, it can mean all of it.
A battering or abusive phase can beyou know, it can be one
(19:51):
big incident, right, one smallincident, or it can last for days
and days. We have folks whohave been held captive by their abusers for
days. We've served folks who haveessentially been captive of their abusers for years.
So and I think you see alot of these, you see those
more in the news, then yousee the less dramatic ones. But domestic
(20:17):
violence is all of that. It'sthe dramatic situations and it's the everyday,
not dramatic but still very very traumaticexperiences. So once the abused realizes they're
in a situation, they need help, they reach out to you. What
kind of help do you provide them? So, domestic violence programs across the
country will offer emotional support, willoffer safety planning. That's a big thing
(20:41):
I'd like to talk about. Whatis that? Yes, thank you for
asking. So safety planning is reallyexactly what it sounds like, it's helping
the person to plan for their safety. So we don't assume that anybody calling
the hotline is calling saying I wantto get out of this relationship. We
know that plenty of folks are callingnot in a position to leave the situation
(21:02):
at that point or even maybe ina year from now, but they want
to be able to live more safelyin the relationship. So wherever the person
is and whatever their goal is,whether it's to immediately get out, to
get out in a couple months,to plan and need to get out,
and you know the planning is goingto take a year or two years to
be able to safely get out,we will help to work with them on
(21:23):
those plans. That might be aone time conversation about your immediate safety,
it might be an ongoing conversation thatcan last for over a year. And
we also know for those who arein our shelter, they're there because they
are in a potentially lethal situation.So some folks can leave the building,
(21:45):
but only with safety plans and knowingkind of where where they may or may
not need to avoid seeing their abuser, and other folks just are not safe
to leave at all, and itjust really depends on their situation. We
do know, for instance, thatprobably the best example of a safety plan
is if you have already left yourabuser. That's actually the leaving or planning
(22:10):
after you've left, or planning toleave, like telling them that you're leaving
is the most dangerous time and anabusive relationship. So actually, seventy three
percent of all women who are killedby their partner or ex partner are killed
when they leave or after they've left, so seventy three percent. It's a
very danger It can be a verydangerous time depending on the situation. So
(22:33):
for instance, where can you typicallyfind somebody at their workplace? Right?
And over half of workplace mass shootingslike violent incidences are connected to domestic violence,
so it's obviously a huge risk.You know, does the person work
in a situation where they're able toswitch branches? For instance, if they
work for a bank, are theyable to switch to another location for their
(22:57):
employer? Are they able to swichptheir work from home versus work in the
office place? You know, time, there's lots of different potential solutions,
lots of different potential solutions that wecan work with I'm sure a lot of
individuals who have been abused who seekyour help end up returning back to the
home where they're in danger. Right, That absolutely happens. Yes, and
(23:21):
we know that that happens and weare there as all domestic violence programs are
whether the person has left once orwhether they have left ten times, and
they need that support after the tenthtime. That's why being non judgmental and
really just being supportive regardless of whoyou are when when you're helping somebody who's
in an experiencing a domestic violence relationship, that is one of the most key
(23:42):
important things to just be supportive andnon judgmental because you really don't know what
that person is experiencing and the fearthat's oftentimes in their hearts of the person
that's being abusive towards them. Speakingof help and support, how can we
help and support? Yes, yeah, thank you for asking that. So
there's lots of different ways to supportand help Women Center and Shelter. Our
(24:04):
essential needs list on our website isone of the best ways to do that.
We have a constantly changing list ofneeds depending on what you need.
Absolutely, so we always need giftcards to places like Target and Giant Eagle
and the Dollar stores, et cetera. That's a constant, evergreen need.
We also have may not leave withanything exact and exactly. Yes, yeah,
(24:33):
we absolutely for both adults and kids. And it's way too difficult for
us to accept used clothing. Wedon't do that anymore. We just don't
have the staff, staff capacity,or storage. We partner with lots of
thrift shops, but we also havinggift cards. They're able to actually go
and be empowered by choosing their ownclothes and choosing their own needs, so
(24:55):
we always have a need for giftcards there. We also have lots of
different needs like diapers, specific sizeslike air mattresses for folks who are moving
out but their bed won't be deliveredfor a while for instance. You know,
for toothbrushes and too like. Itjust really depends on the week and
the month as to what our currentessential needs are. So our website's always
(25:18):
updated with that, and the websiteis www dot wcs Pittsburgh dot org.
We only have about a minute left. What is the one thing you really
want people to know about the Women'sChapter. I really want people to know
that if you are listening to thisand experiencing a domestic violence in your relationship
that there is help and there ishope. No matter how much you think
(25:42):
that's not the case, there absolutelyis. There are people who care and
will help you to get what whereveryou need to go. Whether that's to
live safely in the current relationship orto leave your relationship in a month,
a day, a year, itdoesn't matter. We're all there for you.
Women's Shelter the Women's Center and Shelterof Greater Pittsburgh. The hotline is
(26:03):
four one two six eight seven eightzero zero five. The website is WCS
Pittsburgh dot org. President and CEONicole Mullinero. It's been a pleasure.
Thank you so much, Johnny,Thank you so much for having me.
If you have any comments, concerns, or an idea for a future program,
please email us from this radio station'swebsite. I'm Johnny Hartwell, thank
you so much for listening.
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