Episode Transcript
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This podcast was recorded in the IHeart Radio line of Podcasting Center. It's
your girl, COURTNEYO. It's yourbig dog Man Sanders. The difference between
me and you, Say what's yourtruth? What everybody else is thinking?
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Say whatever comes to your mind andshop it up. But today we got
time. I love that gray Yoyo yo. It's your girl, COURTNEYO.
It's your big dog Man Sanders,and we are here for another episode
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of Sporadic Thoughts. We've been onthat little hiatus, but we're still here
picking your brain, letting you knowwhat's on our mind, and we ultimately
want to know what's on your mind. Right. Glad to be back at
it again, court mm hm metoo. You whosa take a break and
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just sit back and let it marinate. Yes, m you've been good.
It's been pretty good. You know. I can't complain. I'm here sunshine,
and it's still a little nippy outthere, but we're getting there.
I mean, we can't really complainthough, because winter was a breeze.
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It really was too easy, tooeasy, It's unbelievable. So I'm like,
I hope summer don't be yeah,I don't be right yeah or super
hot just because we had a milewinter. That's how it is. You
roll right into it, right,um So, I think we need to
just go ahead and jump in itright now. Um So lately and I
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had to come to your defense butpost yesterday on Facebook and it basically asked
the question can a single mother raiseh a young boy and to a man?
And just to be fair, we'regonna go ahead and ask the same
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question for men, can a singlefather raise a girl into womanhood? And
in mass defense because this is oneof the topics that has been argued,
discussed, bad, it right,undisputed topic ever, and my stances,
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I don't think there's a right ora wrong answer. I think it's a
perspective type definitely answer definitely. What'syour take on it, Matt um And
I know you got some strong feelingsand we're just gonna keep it. But
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the question of well, let mephrase it. So I started off saying
basically that, yeah, you didn'teven ask a question. Yeah, I've
been noticing a lot of our youngmen are having female or feminine ways,
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and it's just I feel like they'relooking at the world through a woman's eyes.
And you can tell who's being raisedby a single woman. You know
you can. It's it's it's toldwithin the verbage, within the body language.
Um, and I feel like wegotta step up as man. First
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off, I'm gonna say that we'vegotta step up. We gotta we gotta
say these youths because it's getting lostin the sauce and things are getting confusing.
Absolutely. Now with that being said, Um, majority of women that
I've seen, they are emotional thinkers, agreed. So when emotional thinking is
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occurring, it's not usually the logicright, choice right, it's a get
get back or whatever it's happening atthat time. And what that does,
that can cloud the vision of theactual goal. Ok Um, pettiness,
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yeah, petty too. Yeah,man can be petty too. But but
but emotional reactions is what causes youknow, a lot of bad choices in
life and a lot of things.And I'm agreeing with you on the emotional
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part because I know there's been timewhen I'm pissed off, I'm mad.
I might want to cry, scream, yell and kick right, But do
I want my son to react inthat same way? You know? So
I've had times where you know,I just wanted to cry. But you
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know, I might go in theshower and lock myself in the bathroom right
right, because I didn't want themto see me do that, because ultimately
they'll start to pick up on mytraits and my emotions and my feelings.
Where I'm a woman, true andtrue, true feminine and the masculine energy.
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It has to be a sweet scienceto it, right, a balance
and there's nothing wrong with being emotional. Um. I like the fact that
now in my older years, I'mable to get in tune with that and
it's okay to have emotions, right, because that's not something that has been
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taught to young man that you're allowedto have emotions or learned to articulate your
feelings, and that's where the cloudof confusion can happen when you react emotional
right. But I like that partthough, So we're not saying that young
man can't have emotions, right,that's definitely not it. When to have
those emotions and how to conduct thoseemotions. There's a book called Emotional Intelligence
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by Rod Goldman that, yeah,you know, if we always reacted off
of our emotions, a lot ofthings when it getting conquered or are completed,
you are exactly right. And likeI said, I totally agree with
you on this fact because I've beena single mother for the past twenty one
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years and it was easier when myboys were smaller because I still had more
control. But as they started togo into manhood, there's just things that
I can only give them from myperspective, not from my experience. So
that experience experience. Yeah, LikeI just had an issue with my youngest
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son where he got in trouble,and I know the way that I reacted.
I'm like, damn. If hehad a dad that was involved in
this aspect of his life, itprobably would have been easier because he could
have pulled him to the side andsaid, hey, yo, don't do
that. You know, that's reilly. You got to think about your consequences
where I just wanted to like Kelly, you know, and we get caught
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up in those those those feelings attimes. So since a child of being
a male, the m I'm gonnasay, the burden is placed on you
of carrying all the weight and holdingeverything down. You know. We've even
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seen in movies the single mom anda couple of kids and then the sons
there and hey, you're the manof the house, have placed that on
them already. So becoming the manof the house, how how's he gonna
learn to be the man? It'ssome things he has to just figure out,
right, And you need a healthyexample, a role model of some
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kind of guidance coaches, um,just someone there to show. Now.
Me, growing up, I hada couple of good male role models.
You know, my mother was married. But the kicker is, majority of
the time I was taught what notto do. And there's a big difference.
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So if you're teaching your son froma woman's perspective on how a man
supposed to be, they're gonna assumethat this is it. Yeah, they're
gonna assume this is it. Nowwhen I'm learning what not to do,
I know already that's not how aman is supposed to act in that type
of situation, whatever it might be. Right. So the gyms that were
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dropped on me of how a manconducts himself, how how are things that
men do? Um, they werevery valuable because, like I said,
I've always had someone a mail inmy in my life, absolutely, and
even with the ones that weren't right, like you know, the ones that
we're right, my uncle and mygrandfather things of that nature. So it's
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there, but it is very difficultbecause a man is supposed to be a
leader and a protector. Those arethe two given things. Birthrights will call
you. It's it's it's clear asday. You know. Um, the
man's supposed to lead, right,that's the hierarchy of the things. And
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I don't want people to confuse leadingas controlling. That's a big okay,
So I'm gonna say that again.Don't confuse the leading with controlling. You
know the Lord put in the Bible. You know, the man leads in
the Mary. There's going to beone king, there's going to be one
queen that empire. And it's verydetrimental that those roles are fulfilled and played
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to the exact or right absolutely unionstand. Yeah. And and like being
a single mother, I hear somany women where it as a badge of
honor. And like I said,I'm speaking from my point of view.
I know this isn't one of thethings where my point of view is where
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the majority rules. But I didwhat I had to do. I didn't
want to do that. I didn'tforesee in the future that all this dude
is gonna you know, I know, I don't think anybody ever thinks that
I hear a lot from dudes work. You should think about who you laid
down with, YadA YadA at thattime. That was the furthest thing you
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know how to be from my mind. So we're just gonna just go ahead
and take that out the whole conversationright there. But like I said,
I did what I had to do, and I always kept my boys in
sports or male dominated programs just sothey could understand a male's voice when it
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comes down to authority. Okay,if you're constantly hearing authority from me,
now when they hear it from aman, they like, oh god,
what's going on? You know whatI mean? Because this man is gonna
come at you differently than I'm gonnacome at you. He's gonna be more
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authority, terrian, if I mightsay, and he's gonna be harder on
you, simply because that's a male'snature. See, I'm gonna press pause
on you because I don't want tolose this thought. And when that mail
comes with things like that, Ithink the key component of what makes a
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man a man is how they dealwith problems and problems solving. Now,
women can solve problems clearly, butthe critical thinking of a man and how
to conduct and solve a problem theright way because it's a logical thought.
Most majority women are emotional thinking.So when a man is thinking logically,
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all right, I want to punishthe shit out this due right now,
but I can't do that. Theappropriate way is let me address my problem
head on. I can still haveeffective communication and if need to, options
we're given before the last resort,whatever that last resort is, is given
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when you're emotional with it, thenthe logical strategic way goes out the way.
Yeah, because I might get thecorrect hell out of somebody. And
that's not a downfault to women,because there are men that react emotionally more
than strategically. I myself, atone point in time in life reacted emotionally
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because how the what not to dolearning situations wasn't given to me the right
Yeah, if that makes sense.So when you have that component of thinking
right and showing how to lead byexample little things from just the simple protection,
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most of the time you see likeand I might bounce around, but
it's gonna come back together. Mostof the time. You see, Like
like when a man and woman's goingsomewhere, the man's always driving in the
car. As I mentioned before,the man is supposed to be the leader.
That is his given right to seethe protection of getting from one spot
to the next spot. Yeah,you've never heard in a situation that something
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went wrong with a family. Allthe wife led them to. Do you
understand what I'm saying. Yeah,no, you'll You'll never hear that.
All she did. The man ledthem to wherever the destination is to go.
And and a man can only bewhole and complete with the right woman.
So say that again, a mancan only be whole and complete with
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the right woman. Okay, itjust it won't work. It won't work.
Yeah, you know what I mean. You got to be able to
bring out the best in each other, not the worst in each other.
And you know, even with teachingmy boys simple things like when you walk
with the lady, make sure she'snot on the street side, and you
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know, and you're ready, youknow, just being a gentleman. So
I had to teach them from theperspective of how I would like to be
treated by, you know, aman. And even in relationships my son
have. Both of them have seenme do everything, so don't I don't
ever want them to slip in theideology of thinking that, oh I see
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my mom do everything, so it'sokay, right, yeah, So I
don't want them to put me upon this superwoman pedestal like I seen my
mom did everything, so you needto do this. You need my mom
did it all, so if shecan do it, you can do that.
No, I did what I hadto do. So I often worry
about will they be able to functionin a relationship, okay, and then
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you and I don't want to cutyou off? And you know, by
their dad being the absent and I'mnot saying he wasn't there, but hell
I was the baron. I amthe murdering bearer, and will they be
able to recognize like, oh no, when I have a family, I
don't want my kids to have togo through that. So I need to
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step all the way to hell up. And that's something that's gonna be within
you. Have you mentioned that youknow a young man will say my mom
did all? Did my mom doit? I had said that, and
I had to understand and realize becauseshe had no choice voice. It's either
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she do it or it don't.Don't get done exactly. Yeah, and
and and at times you can't holdyour mother to a certain pedal stool,
like, oh, she can killthat spider or dude, why can't you?
Because she didn't have the blessings ofsomeone to we'll say, elope wit
and walk through life together to sharethose burdens. Now you mentioned little things
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of uh, don't let your ladywalk closest to the curve. My stepfather
was an ex pimp, so thegame was given to me differently, but
I think it's the same message.Okay, okay, okay, so the
big dumb might be a little rougharound things, but I get it.
So that concept, to me washow it was broken down to me.
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This is your woman. You're gonnastand on the curb because you're not letting
people know that she's available. It'sthe same, but not the same.
I get what. Yeah. Ohyeah, I'm saying. So this was
minds such as we are one,she's not available. It's the protection of
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her. Yeah you know right.Yeah, Like I said, some the
game was given to me a littledifferent, but to me it was,
oh, you don't care about her? They can happen. Bro Okay,
cool, um little things, umlike that makes a difference on how you
mentioned how you like to be treated. Yeah, we it's good that we
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hear from women how they'd like tobe treated, because in a relationship,
you're teaching someone how to love you. So hearing it from a woman's perspective,
we'll give us that insight and achi codal. Okay, you still
have to perform the duties, um, how you like to be Okay,
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but go ahead, okay, listen, and I'm gonna even go from a
deeper sociological, psychological point of viewmessage. Okay. During the nineteen seventies,
a thing happened called public housing rightnow, the way to really kill
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off of people and destroy a race. It's called divide and conquer. And
we can even trace this back tothe Willie Lynch letters. And if anybody
is familiar with the Willie Lynch letters, it talks about how to make a
slave, and oh yeah, we'regonna way back and in these papers it
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was basically saying to split the blackfamily, make the woman the leader of
the household, and put the mailin the background. So once you do
this, the black family it startsto the strongest thing in any races,
the family, the family unit.Once you break the family unit down,
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then what happens, right, theboys they start to take on the characteristics
of the woman, and the girlsare now basically the burden bearers because we
didn't dumb this man down, right, and now we've pushed her out front
and then okay, and I'm gonnajump all the way back, all the
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way up, rather to like thenineteen seventies when they came along with the
programs to help women out, whichwill will say is the Section eight programs
for public housing programs and all thosetype of programs. And I actually work
for public housing, and during thatprocess, I learned that the mail cannot
be in the household. So inorder for a woman to receive this assistance,
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the mail is not allowed to bein the household. If the mail
is in the household, you cannotget this voucher, you cannot get these
food stamps, you cannot get thiswicked program, and ultimately you cannot live
here. So what does she door you gotta go? Keep in mind,
yeah, you gotta go. Soright then and there, that's when
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it really starts to take effect inthe collapse of the black family. Because
before that, your grand bombs andyour granddad, nine times out of ten
they was together. Granddaddy might havehad sixteen different families, but at the
end of the day, they stayedtogether. I don't know what kind of
understandings they had, but everybody stayedtogether. What can I pause that?
Right? Quick? Go ahead?I think you right? Yeah, go
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ahead. I mentioned earlier their leadershipand control should not be confused, right,
Okay, The control back then wasthe financial ability. Yeah, so
I accept what this man, WillieEarl Jones is, accept what he's doing
and continue my lifestyle. Are Iget out there in the workforce while I'm
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getting paid extremely lowered? Right?And we got sixteen kids? Correct?
So that's where that that was controlback then. But I didn't want to
stop you, but I wanted thatwas a good way to it. Hey,
don't confuse my leadership. Yeah exactly. But you know, back to
what I was saying, the destructionof the whole black family really happened during
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that time period. And now womenthey look at men, especially in a
black community. I don't know aboutany other communities because I've never been in
any of them, you know.But what I see in the black community,
it's us against each other, youknow what I mean, instead of
a collective force. Even when Igo on Facebook, I don't see white
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dudes talking about other white women.I don't see Chinese man talking detrimental about
Chinese women, and I don't seeChinese women talking detrimental about Chinese man.
I don't think I've ever seen,for real, I've never seen that,
and I'm just spitting facts. Ihave never ever seen that. So putting
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us against one another is the causeof all the single parent homes and women
wearing these badges and capes of honorlike it's cool to be superwoman. And
Matt, I'm I'm almost cuss realhard. I'm tired. You know you're
able to raise a child by youknow yourself. That's not the way it's
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supposed to be. You need bothhalves to make a whole, just how
I mentioned before, Yeah, withoutthe right woman. Yeah. And and
I hope like the people listening tous don't take this message wrong. And
how can she say that, oh, woman can't raise a man. I
do this. I do this myson seven kings. He No, your
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son is not your king. Yourson is your son, and stop treating
him like that, like we havean Oedipus complex, Like we fall in
love with our sons, you knowwhat I mean. We gotta stop putting
them in that position. Or youknow, you got your son, he's
this dope basketball player. He's thedope football player. So now all he
hearing is I want you to makeit to the league, and I want
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you to take care of me,and you gotta do this. You gotta
do You know how much pressure thatputs on a black boy. And I've
seen it right because he's wearing thisbirden like this his family, like he's
supposed to be the man of thishouse when he's the man and and the
Oedipus um. I like how youdo because you do see that you spa
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a lot um and I get theunderstanding of when you go through things together
makes the bond stronger. Yeah,my mother have a bond like that.
I've met someone recently that have abond like that and they're very dirty.
Me down, but oh something happening. Oh I'm OK, but don't right
right, Like oh no no,but when you when you start ingraining things,
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see words are very powerful grain things. Oh, you're gonna be my
little man. You you you're gonnatake this that you're the man in the
house. Be advised of what you'redoing. Yeah. Absolutely can't treat your
child as your significant other. Yeah, we gotta stop doing that, ladies.
M definitely And even on the flipside, like I've seen women raise
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girls into women with no problem.I'm not saying that they can't, because
they do what they have to do. But when it comes to tough issues
like safer, when that girl startsto develop in her you know, she
gets her minstrual cycle, and aman he has to be able to be
comfortable with that. But just imagineif a woman had been in that girls,
if that not even that a woman, if a mother had have been
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in that child's life, how mucheasy it easier it would have been for
her to make that transition into womanhood. Because once again, I'm talking about
the experience of it, not whatyou heard, not what somebody told you,
but the experience of it all ofknowing how to be a woman.
Yeah, a lot of them dogrow up with daddy issues, ye,
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and the vice versas as a mama'sboy. Because it's been one side of
their whole life. Um, withouthaving the example of what love it is.
Yeah, how to love someone.Oh god, it's difficult. And
I myself had had to learn whata healthy relationship is. Yeah, and
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it takes time, takes it takesevery day is a challenge. Um,
this is new to me. Um. I don't have people in my family
from the most part that are inrelationship that are healthy and the marriage.
So yeah, every day, asI said, you your your significant other
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teaches you how to love them.And and it's take key. That's why
communication, it's key with everything.Um. And and and just speaking you
know, problem solving. Um,it means something. And this is exactly
how we stay as in the blackcommunity lower than most because there is a
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system put in place that we keepfalling for. Like like they tricking us
again, They tricking us again,and we got to find a way to
uprise in I'm hearing now like theseyoung cats be like, oh you know
all this, Like you don't wantto have a female and you want to
play Madden with your homeboys all night? Yeah? Who shooting dice makes you
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happy? Why do we do alleverything that we do. Let's let's break
that down. Yeah, I thinka man only does what he what what
what he does is for a womanfor the most part, I wouldn't care
what kind of car I had orhow I addressed if I wasn't trying to
impress my significant other or keep mysignificant other. And but it all boils
down to it does and we justgot lost in the sauce over you know
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what I mean on that issue,because as you were talking, I'm thinking
in my head, relationships that youhad in your childhood they affect the relationships
that you have in your adulthood.Like I have a real problem, Like
I can speak to the world,but in toment relationships, I have a
problem with communication, like I don'tknow how to express my truth feelings sometimes,
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or like you said, we havethose daddy issues and my dad wasn't
there. So like am I acceptingthe bare minimum from people because of that?
Is it detection to your heart againto not to shield yourself? And
how I mentioned you know the youngman I don't want to be yea understand
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Is it because you feel like you'regonna be looked at? Is oh man?
You want to be in the life, you know, you want to
live that family life. Is it? Is it because we're afraid to give
or all? Or is it justbecause that's all we've seen so we're just
like it's just gone. And likemy my whole life has been like um,
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male energy dominated, you know.So just because I can do everything,
how do I? Yeah? Canyou do what? I mean?
Like I want to do everything?Or but but see what a strong woman
like that as yourself and others,you had to do everything. But when
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that right mail comes around, doyou feel you know when when to be
submissive and who to be submissive too? That's probably the main thing you have
to know who is going to leadyour family, lead you, It doesn't
mean control you. And words mightsound embrace it, but the male is
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supposed to be the leader. Weneed someone to walk with us, not
behind us, not in front ofus, walk with us, you know.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. But being submissive, A lot
of women feel like it's hard todo that. And I can understand if
the man's not doing what he's supposedto do, you know, if he's
not that right. Yeah. Hey, they have a misconception of submission.
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Just because you submit to somebody,it's not about a control issue. It's
not about uh monetary issue. It'snot about just because this person is doing
all of this and all that,I have to submit to this every person.
When I think of submission, Ithink more um like, are you
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safe for giving this person the completeeverything? Are you like your your your
heart? Um your decision making?Like it it moves from an eye to
a wee into a us. Seewhen you said decision making, That's why
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I like you know I brought upthat problem. Solving and thinking is the
logical part of the man, andthe woman is more the emotional. So
at times women are very indecisive.Majority women are very indecisive. And that's
what I'm seeing in a lot ofthese young males a field characteristic trait.
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And when I when I said thatearlier on the post yesterday, it wasn't
to downplay women. We need thatsoft touch too, but a lot of
the times women need to be guided, not control, but guided to a
certain degree. Simplest question, Heywe want for dinner, that's an hour.
Someone needs to take control of thesituation and guide let's eat this.
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Then you know what I mean.And I like how you mentioned that because
indecisiveness is one of the main thingsI see, and if they had the
right mail in their life, thatcan show them how to critical think,
you know, and use their cognitiveand all the above, that can control
a lot of the outcomes and theirmorals and how they Yeah, yeah,
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that's heavy stuff, and it's it'sreally it's you know, it's really something
to think about because the alarming rateof single mothers and now even single fathers,
you know, it's a it's mindboggling. I remember one time asking
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my son's like, how many ofyour friends has a dad that lives with
them, is married to their mom? And like they really could only name
like one. Yeah. So Ithink when we start to build that back
up, you know, as arace and as a people, I think
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we'll be better off instead of goingwith the divide and conquered thing. And
I think that was the whole pointof this conversation was just try to you
know, fill out where you comingfrom, where I'm coming from, and
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like, um, Reginald Williams Madam, Yeah, definitely. And he made
it a point to where he wassaying a lot of women arguing for us
about this topic because it's ego driven, it is, Yeah, it kind
of think. I don't know,but if I were to take an educated
against it probably feels like, howdare you uh trying to chest tires me
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about what I had to do?And that's not what we're saying. Yeah,
yeah, that is not an emotionalresponse. R Yeah. See,
And that is not what we aresaying at all. It's just a different
perspective, shifty, And I lovethat perspective because, like I said,
I never wordis as a badge ofhonor. Even on Father's Day, Like
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I get pissed off on people sayingHappy Father's Day. I'm like, and
who and what world? I havenever been these boys father, right,
I have never tried to take onthem characteristics, even though I could probably
shoot a basketball and throw a footballbetter than half of you dudes out there.
But I mean, I ain't celebratingwhere where my downfall? Yeah,
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And that's where us men have tobe held accountable of the cowardly acts of
not being and holding that burden andand holding that weight, I'll say,
doing our part as walking the journey, you know with our mates. Um,
this is how we forced women tobe masculine, and the rules are
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starting to reverse. Yeah, andit's just going to be complete chaos.
Yeah, women are more aggressive women. Women have more of a men's mentality
now on certain aspects. Yep.It's like we took on a trade all
the men that fucked us soul becausethey were they were they were giving no
choice. Right. So if yougot a homeboy who ain't doing what he's
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supposed to do, and you associateyourself with him, well, birds of
a feather flock together. Yeah.You know, um, we can find
a way to uplift one another andeach one you can find a way.
There's there's a way we can getto him, you know. Um.
Sometimes it's just straight blunt force straightto you, or sometimes you gotta let
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me just try to find a way. What sparks this person, this motive?
Oh, you got all these kidsbetween their life. Nah, but
you can't come to the club withme who ain't doing what you post accountability?
Yeah, I'm not gonna be seenwith you you over here acting up.
Oh No, you can't come tothe casino or wherever we're doing.
Nah, fight night or who NIGGInah? Nah? And And I'm a
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very uh upfront person. I saywhat's on my mind. I'm pull up
king too and get that out.I'll pull up quick. But that's the
part where you're taught how to addressthings head first, how to problem solve,
right. And I was fortunate enoughto have that, even though majority
(36:15):
came from another way. But Iwas the jewels that were dropped on me.
It was enough to all right.He got me through, you know,
and in the blessings of seeing whatnot to do. Um, there
was something else I was going tosay that was imperative. It'll probably pop
back up. Right, Let's seewhat some of the people got on the
let me see, let me see, let me look on me up.
(36:38):
Um. They didn't want to betalking back and stuff. They just be
listening, you know, and sometimesyou just need to listen. Yeah.
Yeah, and you know I've seenthis on your status. Okay. One
of the girls, she said,why don't we shift the perspective of single
mothers to fatherless children? And Ilike that because I wonder if that would
(37:02):
change the whole perspective definitely, Andum, you know, brought up,
yeah, brought up because that's whatit really is, children, Yeah,
And that's what it is. Andum, like I said, this is
an emotional topic and the goal ofsporadic thoughts. As we were Matt and
I. We're funny as hell,we laugh, but we also want you
(37:27):
to think. And a lot ofthese topics get emotional. Sometimes we're sitting
here and we're fighting and holding backtears and shit. You know, I
could hear the cracking my voice andsometimes I can see Matt. You know,
that's just how it is. Butwe just want more direction and guidance
for our kids and and the kidscoming along, like, we gotta be
(37:49):
able to get along. So byall means, like if you're your mom's
I'm talking to y'all. If youhave a child and you are not letting
that father be involved in that child'slife, yeah, don't be you know,
because of personal reason, personal issues. And I can understand this man
might be an asshole to the twentyfifth power and has caused nothing but havoc
in your life, but you havegot to let your card down and let
(38:12):
your child have a relationship with thatfather. And I'm not saying for anything,
right, you don't have to gointo his weekend. Everybody. Yeah,
start like my baby steps. Yeah, let's see what you know.
He might not be the right leader. Yeah it might not. Yeah,
if he acting right, I'm notsaying what your child and your child in
any kind of danger. Ye,you're right, and the same for men.
(38:38):
You know. Sometimes mother ain't analways and you know I ain't always
up to par, and she goingthrough things. But you have to come
together for the sake of the childand for the sake of our future generation
to come along. Almost definitely,I don't want it to end, but
right, Yeah, it's a goodtopic. It's a beautiful and good top.
(39:00):
But that we can just go aboutfor times. And um, I
know a lot of my childhood umplays into who I am. Um,
and I say childhood, but attimes I don't feel I had a childhood,
you know, I feel like alow key you know for a while.
(39:21):
Now, oh my god, it'sabout twelve at least. But yeah,
you know what I'm saying. So, um, a lot of a
lot of things were placed on me. And I love my mother, love
her the death and have number ofrespect to her. She had to do
what she had to do, soit made sense to a lot of that
fell back from the next thing.Wow, So um, things make sense
now that I'm getting older and Isee Um, I understand it more and
(39:45):
it's new to me. Um,I can't uphold my wife to a single
woman standard. You have to dothis because I've seen that and maybe though
my mother wasn't single situations a littledifferent. My book, you'll know more
about it. But you know whatI'm saying. Yeah, you know.
(40:07):
But but being that that other mailin the house that with a lot to
deal with this, you know,we need positive examples. And I mentioned
that I thought and thinking about,you know, maybe doing a nonprofit or
something for you, because, um, what greater way to give back if
I had just a little more guidancemyself. Imagine how much further I feel
(40:30):
I can be mentally, definitely,And that's what matters, you know,
how much more further I can bementally. I always tell my wife that
I'm glad you met me how youmet me, because it took a lot
in a long time to get towork. I was that And the crazy
part is I'm partly just average basic. But to me, I'm like,
(40:52):
oh, because I never known orseeing it like this, and I knew
where I came from and what I'vedone and what I was doing, So
I'm like, you're gonna be happy. Man, what you're saying, because
if you got hold, then youthink. But you know, I acknowledge.
(41:15):
You know where I'm at and whereI'm trying to be, and I'm
always striving to be better and nomatter what aspect in life. That is
um and I think everybody should dothat in general. Always try to be
better, no matter Yeah, youknow what it is. Absolutely, Yeah,
that's all we got. But guesswhat, y'all were gonna come back
next week and week after that andwe're gonna start this thing popping. And
(41:36):
you see, we moved to anew night right now. Yeah, we
are on Monday, so Monday Night, Yeah, Monday Night Live. We're
like light night, Monday Night Live. So we appreciate y'all for listening and
chatting it up with you, wellwith me and matt Um. Send us
some suggestions so we can talk aboutsomething. Come on, yeah, somebody
come on with us, Come on, let's sit down and chop it up.
(41:58):
Press that hier but yes, wereyou always sharing the other stuffy press?
And then y'all like we're doing thisright now, right here in line
when y'all getting the best of usright now, because yeah, and it's
your girl, Courtney Oh. Thankyou for listening to another episode of Sporadic
(42:21):
Thoughts. This podcast was recorded inthe iHeartRadio Podcasting Center. Thanks for listening.
This podcast was recorded in the IHeart Radio line of Podcasting Center. It's
your girl, COURTNEYO. It's yourbig dog Man Sanders. The difference between
me and you, Say what's yourtruth? What everybody else is thinking?
(00:22):
Say whatever comes to your mind andshop it up. But today we got
time. I love that gray Yoyo yo. It's your girl, COURTNEYO.
It's your big dog Man Sanders,and we are here for another episode
(00:46):
of Sporadic Thoughts. We've been onthat little hiatus, but we're still here
picking your brain, letting you knowwhat's on our mind, and we ultimately
want to know what's on your mind. Right. Glad to be back at
it again, court mm hm metoo. You whosa take a break and
(01:08):
just sit back and let it marinate. Yes, m you've been good.
It's been pretty good. You know. I can't complain. I'm here sunshine,
and it's still a little nippy outthere, but we're getting there.
I mean, we can't really complainthough, because winter was a breeze.
(01:29):
It really was too easy, tooeasy, It's unbelievable. So I'm like,
I hope summer don't be yeah,I don't be right yeah or super
hot just because we had a milewinter. That's how it is. You
roll right into it, right,um So, I think we need to
just go ahead and jump in itright now. Um So lately and I
(01:56):
had to come to your defense butpost yesterday on Facebook and it basically asked
the question can a single mother raiseh a young boy and to a man?
And just to be fair, we'regonna go ahead and ask the same
(02:17):
question for men, can a singlefather raise a girl into womanhood? And
in mass defense because this is oneof the topics that has been argued,
discussed, bad, it right,undisputed topic ever, and my stances,
(02:40):
I don't think there's a right ora wrong answer. I think it's a
perspective type definitely answer definitely. What'syour take on it, Matt um And
I know you got some strong feelingsand we're just gonna keep it. But
(03:00):
the question of well, let mephrase it. So I started off saying
basically that, yeah, you didn'teven ask a question. Yeah, I've
been noticing a lot of our youngmen are having female or feminine ways,
(03:22):
and it's just I feel like they'relooking at the world through a woman's eyes.
And you can tell who's being raisedby a single woman. You know
you can. It's it's it's toldwithin the verbage, within the body language.
Um, and I feel like wegotta step up as man. First
(03:44):
off, I'm gonna say that we'vegotta step up. We gotta we gotta
say these youths because it's getting lostin the sauce and things are getting confusing.
Absolutely. Now with that being said, Um, majority of women that
I've seen, they are emotional thinkers, agreed. So when emotional thinking is
(04:12):
occurring, it's not usually the logicright, choice right, it's a get
get back or whatever it's happening atthat time. And what that does,
that can cloud the vision of theactual goal. Ok Um, pettiness,
(04:36):
yeah, petty too. Yeah,man can be petty too. But but
but emotional reactions is what causes youknow, a lot of bad choices in
life and a lot of things.And I'm agreeing with you on the emotional
(04:57):
part because I know there's been timewhen I'm pissed off, I'm mad.
I might want to cry, scream, yell and kick right, But do
I want my son to react inthat same way? You know? So
I've had times where you know,I just wanted to cry. But you
(05:20):
know, I might go in theshower and lock myself in the bathroom right
right, because I didn't want themto see me do that, because ultimately
they'll start to pick up on mytraits and my emotions and my feelings.
Where I'm a woman, true andtrue, true feminine and the masculine energy.
(05:47):
It has to be a sweet scienceto it, right, a balance
and there's nothing wrong with being emotional. Um. I like the fact that
now in my older years, I'mable to get in tune with that and
it's okay to have emotions, right, because that's not something that has been
(06:09):
taught to young man that you're allowedto have emotions or learned to articulate your
feelings, and that's where the cloudof confusion can happen when you react emotional
right. But I like that partthough, So we're not saying that young
man can't have emotions, right,that's definitely not it. When to have
those emotions and how to conduct thoseemotions. There's a book called Emotional Intelligence
(06:32):
by Rod Goldman that, yeah,you know, if we always reacted off
of our emotions, a lot ofthings when it getting conquered or are completed,
you are exactly right. And likeI said, I totally agree with
you on this fact because I've beena single mother for the past twenty one
(06:54):
years and it was easier when myboys were smaller because I still had more
control. But as they started togo into manhood, there's just things that
I can only give them from myperspective, not from my experience. So
that experience experience. Yeah, LikeI just had an issue with my youngest
(07:19):
son where he got in trouble,and I know the way that I reacted.
I'm like, damn. If hehad a dad that was involved in
this aspect of his life, itprobably would have been easier because he could
have pulled him to the side andsaid, hey, yo, don't do
that. You know, that's reilly. You got to think about your consequences
where I just wanted to like Kelly, you know, and we get caught
(07:44):
up in those those those feelings attimes. So since a child of being
a male, the m I'm gonnasay, the burden is placed on you
of carrying all the weight and holdingeverything down. You know. We've even
(08:05):
seen in movies the single mom anda couple of kids and then the sons
there and hey, you're the manof the house, have placed that on
them already. So becoming the manof the house, how how's he gonna
learn to be the man? It'ssome things he has to just figure out,
right, And you need a healthyexample, a role model of some
(08:30):
kind of guidance coaches, um,just someone there to show. Now.
Me, growing up, I hada couple of good male role models.
You know, my mother was married. But the kicker is, majority of
the time I was taught what notto do. And there's a big difference.
(08:54):
So if you're teaching your son froma woman's perspective on how a man
supposed to be, they're gonna assumethat this is it. Yeah, they're
gonna assume this is it. Nowwhen I'm learning what not to do,
I know already that's not how aman is supposed to act in that type
of situation, whatever it might be. Right. So the gyms that were
(09:18):
dropped on me of how a manconducts himself, how how are things that
men do? Um, they werevery valuable because, like I said,
I've always had someone a mail inmy in my life, absolutely, and
even with the ones that weren't right, like you know, the ones that
we're right, my uncle and mygrandfather things of that nature. So it's
(09:39):
there, but it is very difficultbecause a man is supposed to be a
leader and a protector. Those arethe two given things. Birthrights will call
you. It's it's it's clear asday. You know. Um, the
man's supposed to lead, right,that's the hierarchy of the things. And
(10:01):
I don't want people to confuse leadingas controlling. That's a big okay,
So I'm gonna say that again.Don't confuse the leading with controlling. You
know the Lord put in the Bible. You know, the man leads in
the Mary. There's going to beone king, there's going to be one
queen that empire. And it's verydetrimental that those roles are fulfilled and played
(10:24):
to the exact or right absolutely unionstand. Yeah. And and like being
a single mother, I hear somany women where it as a badge of
honor. And like I said,I'm speaking from my point of view.
I know this isn't one of thethings where my point of view is where
(10:46):
the majority rules. But I didwhat I had to do. I didn't
want to do that. I didn'tforesee in the future that all this dude
is gonna you know, I know, I don't think anybody ever thinks that
I hear a lot from dudes work. You should think about who you laid
down with, YadA YadA at thattime. That was the furthest thing you
(11:07):
know how to be from my mind. So we're just gonna just go ahead
and take that out the whole conversationright there. But like I said,
I did what I had to do, and I always kept my boys in
sports or male dominated programs just sothey could understand a male's voice when it
(11:31):
comes down to authority. Okay,if you're constantly hearing authority from me,
now when they hear it from aman, they like, oh god,
what's going on? You know whatI mean? Because this man is gonna
come at you differently than I'm gonnacome at you. He's gonna be more
(11:52):
authority, terrian, if I mightsay, and he's gonna be harder on
you, simply because that's a male'snature. See, I'm gonna press pause
on you because I don't want tolose this thought. And when that mail
comes with things like that, Ithink the key component of what makes a
(12:13):
man a man is how they dealwith problems and problems solving. Now,
women can solve problems clearly, butthe critical thinking of a man and how
to conduct and solve a problem theright way because it's a logical thought.
Most majority women are emotional thinking.So when a man is thinking logically,
(12:37):
all right, I want to punishthe shit out this due right now,
but I can't do that. Theappropriate way is let me address my problem
head on. I can still haveeffective communication and if need to, options
we're given before the last resort,whatever that last resort is, is given
(12:58):
when you're emotional with it, thenthe logical strategic way goes out the way.
Yeah, because I might get thecorrect hell out of somebody. And
that's not a downfault to women,because there are men that react emotionally more
than strategically. I myself, atone point in time in life reacted emotionally
(13:18):
because how the what not to dolearning situations wasn't given to me the right
Yeah, if that makes sense.So when you have that component of thinking
right and showing how to lead byexample little things from just the simple protection,
(13:43):
most of the time you see likeand I might bounce around, but
it's gonna come back together. Mostof the time. You see, Like
like when a man and woman's goingsomewhere, the man's always driving in the
car. As I mentioned before,the man is supposed to be the leader.
That is his given right to seethe protection of getting from one spot
to the next spot. Yeah,you've never heard in a situation that something
(14:07):
went wrong with a family. Allthe wife led them to. Do you
understand what I'm saying. Yeah,no, you'll You'll never hear that.
All she did. The man ledthem to wherever the destination is to go.
And and a man can only bewhole and complete with the right woman.
So say that again, a mancan only be whole and complete with
(14:31):
the right woman. Okay, itjust it won't work. It won't work.
Yeah, you know what I mean. You got to be able to
bring out the best in each other, not the worst in each other.
And you know, even with teachingmy boys simple things like when you walk
with the lady, make sure she'snot on the street side, and you
(14:54):
know, and you're ready, youknow, just being a gentleman. So
I had to teach them from theperspective of how I would like to be
treated by, you know, aman. And even in relationships my son
have. Both of them have seenme do everything, so don't I don't
ever want them to slip in theideology of thinking that, oh I see
(15:16):
my mom do everything, so it'sokay, right, yeah, So I
don't want them to put me upon this superwoman pedestal like I seen my
mom did everything, so you needto do this. You need my mom
did it all, so if shecan do it, you can do that.
No, I did what I hadto do. So I often worry
about will they be able to functionin a relationship, okay, and then
(15:43):
you and I don't want to cutyou off? And you know, by
their dad being the absent and I'mnot saying he wasn't there, but hell
I was the baron. I amthe murdering bearer, and will they be
able to recognize like, oh no, when I have a family, I
don't want my kids to have togo through that. So I need to
(16:03):
step all the way to hell up. And that's something that's gonna be within
you. Have you mentioned that youknow a young man will say my mom
did all? Did my mom doit? I had said that, and
I had to understand and realize becauseshe had no choice voice. It's either
(16:25):
she do it or it don't.Don't get done exactly. Yeah, and
and and at times you can't holdyour mother to a certain pedal stool,
like, oh, she can killthat spider or dude, why can't you?
Because she didn't have the blessings ofsomeone to we'll say, elope wit
and walk through life together to sharethose burdens. Now you mentioned little things
(16:51):
of uh, don't let your ladywalk closest to the curve. My stepfather
was an ex pimp, so thegame was given to me differently, but
I think it's the same message.Okay, okay, okay, so the
big dumb might be a little rougharound things, but I get it.
So that concept, to me washow it was broken down to me.
(17:14):
This is your woman. You're gonnastand on the curb because you're not letting
people know that she's available. It'sthe same, but not the same.
I get what. Yeah. Ohyeah, I'm saying. So this was
minds such as we are one,she's not available. It's the protection of
(17:37):
her. Yeah you know right.Yeah, Like I said, some the
game was given to me a littledifferent, but to me it was,
oh, you don't care about her? They can happen. Bro Okay,
cool, um little things, umlike that makes a difference on how you
mentioned how you like to be treated. Yeah, we it's good that we
(17:59):
hear from women how they'd like tobe treated, because in a relationship,
you're teaching someone how to love you. So hearing it from a woman's perspective,
we'll give us that insight and achi codal. Okay, you still
have to perform the duties, um, how you like to be Okay,
(18:21):
but go ahead, okay, listen, and I'm gonna even go from a
deeper sociological, psychological point of viewmessage. Okay. During the nineteen seventies,
a thing happened called public housing rightnow, the way to really kill
(18:47):
off of people and destroy a race. It's called divide and conquer. And
we can even trace this back tothe Willie Lynch letters. And if anybody
is familiar with the Willie Lynch letters, it talks about how to make a
slave, and oh yeah, we'regonna way back and in these papers it
(19:07):
was basically saying to split the blackfamily, make the woman the leader of
the household, and put the mailin the background. So once you do
this, the black family it startsto the strongest thing in any races,
the family, the family unit.Once you break the family unit down,
(19:30):
then what happens, right, theboys they start to take on the characteristics
of the woman, and the girlsare now basically the burden bearers because we
didn't dumb this man down, right, and now we've pushed her out front
and then okay, and I'm gonnajump all the way back, all the
(19:52):
way up, rather to like thenineteen seventies when they came along with the
programs to help women out, whichwill will say is the Section eight programs
for public housing programs and all thosetype of programs. And I actually work
for public housing, and during thatprocess, I learned that the mail cannot
be in the household. So inorder for a woman to receive this assistance,
(20:18):
the mail is not allowed to bein the household. If the mail
is in the household, you cannotget this voucher, you cannot get these
food stamps, you cannot get thiswicked program, and ultimately you cannot live
here. So what does she door you gotta go? Keep in mind,
yeah, you gotta go. Soright then and there, that's when
(20:41):
it really starts to take effect inthe collapse of the black family. Because
before that, your grand bombs andyour granddad, nine times out of ten
they was together. Granddaddy might havehad sixteen different families, but at the
end of the day, they stayedtogether. I don't know what kind of
understandings they had, but everybody stayedtogether. What can I pause that?
Right? Quick? Go ahead?I think you right? Yeah, go
(21:03):
ahead. I mentioned earlier their leadershipand control should not be confused, right,
Okay, The control back then wasthe financial ability. Yeah, so
I accept what this man, WillieEarl Jones is, accept what he's doing
and continue my lifestyle. Are Iget out there in the workforce while I'm
(21:25):
getting paid extremely lowered? Right?And we got sixteen kids? Correct?
So that's where that that was controlback then. But I didn't want to
stop you, but I wanted thatwas a good way to it. Hey,
don't confuse my leadership. Yeah exactly. But you know, back to
what I was saying, the destructionof the whole black family really happened during
(21:51):
that time period. And now womenthey look at men, especially in a
black community. I don't know aboutany other communities because I've never been in
any of them, you know.But what I see in the black community,
it's us against each other, youknow what I mean, instead of
a collective force. Even when Igo on Facebook, I don't see white
(22:14):
dudes talking about other white women.I don't see Chinese man talking detrimental about
Chinese women, and I don't seeChinese women talking detrimental about Chinese man.
I don't think I've ever seen,for real, I've never seen that,
and I'm just spitting facts. Ihave never ever seen that. So putting
(22:40):
us against one another is the causeof all the single parent homes and women
wearing these badges and capes of honorlike it's cool to be superwoman. And
Matt, I'm I'm almost cuss realhard. I'm tired. You know you're
able to raise a child by youknow yourself. That's not the way it's
(23:03):
supposed to be. You need bothhalves to make a whole, just how
I mentioned before, Yeah, withoutthe right woman. Yeah. And and
I hope like the people listening tous don't take this message wrong. And
how can she say that, oh, woman can't raise a man. I
do this. I do this myson seven kings. He No, your
(23:26):
son is not your king. Yourson is your son, and stop treating
him like that, like we havean Oedipus complex, Like we fall in
love with our sons, you knowwhat I mean. We gotta stop putting
them in that position. Or youknow, you got your son, he's
this dope basketball player. He's thedope football player. So now all he
hearing is I want you to makeit to the league, and I want
(23:48):
you to take care of me,and you gotta do this. You gotta
do You know how much pressure thatputs on a black boy. And I've
seen it right because he's wearing thisbirden like this his family, like he's
supposed to be the man of thishouse when he's the man and and the
Oedipus um. I like how youdo because you do see that you spa
(24:10):
a lot um and I get theunderstanding of when you go through things together
makes the bond stronger. Yeah,my mother have a bond like that.
I've met someone recently that have abond like that and they're very dirty.
Me down, but oh something happening. Oh I'm OK, but don't right
right, Like oh no no,but when you when you start ingraining things,
(24:37):
see words are very powerful grain things. Oh, you're gonna be my
little man. You you you're gonnatake this that you're the man in the
house. Be advised of what you'redoing. Yeah. Absolutely can't treat your
child as your significant other. Yeah, we gotta stop doing that, ladies.
M definitely And even on the flipside, like I've seen women raise
(25:00):
girls into women with no problem.I'm not saying that they can't, because
they do what they have to do. But when it comes to tough issues
like safer, when that girl startsto develop in her you know, she
gets her minstrual cycle, and aman he has to be able to be
comfortable with that. But just imagineif a woman had been in that girls,
if that not even that a woman, if a mother had have been
(25:23):
in that child's life, how mucheasy it easier it would have been for
her to make that transition into womanhood. Because once again, I'm talking about
the experience of it, not whatyou heard, not what somebody told you,
but the experience of it all ofknowing how to be a woman.
Yeah, a lot of them dogrow up with daddy issues, ye,
(25:47):
and the vice versas as a mama'sboy. Because it's been one side of
their whole life. Um, withouthaving the example of what love it is.
Yeah, how to love someone.Oh god, it's difficult. And
I myself had had to learn whata healthy relationship is. Yeah, and
(26:08):
it takes time, takes it takesevery day is a challenge. Um,
this is new to me. Um. I don't have people in my family
from the most part that are inrelationship that are healthy and the marriage.
So yeah, every day, asI said, you your your significant other
(26:29):
teaches you how to love them.And and it's take key. That's why
communication, it's key with everything.Um. And and and just speaking you
know, problem solving. Um,it means something. And this is exactly
how we stay as in the blackcommunity lower than most because there is a
(26:51):
system put in place that we keepfalling for. Like like they tricking us
again, They tricking us again,and we got to find a way to
uprise in I'm hearing now like theseyoung cats be like, oh you know
all this, Like you don't wantto have a female and you want to
play Madden with your homeboys all night? Yeah? Who shooting dice makes you
(27:15):
happy? Why do we do alleverything that we do. Let's let's break
that down. Yeah, I thinka man only does what he what what
what he does is for a womanfor the most part, I wouldn't care
what kind of car I had orhow I addressed if I wasn't trying to
impress my significant other or keep mysignificant other. And but it all boils
down to it does and we justgot lost in the sauce over you know
(27:41):
what I mean on that issue,because as you were talking, I'm thinking
in my head, relationships that youhad in your childhood they affect the relationships
that you have in your adulthood.Like I have a real problem, Like
I can speak to the world,but in toment relationships, I have a
problem with communication, like I don'tknow how to express my truth feelings sometimes,
(28:07):
or like you said, we havethose daddy issues and my dad wasn't
there. So like am I acceptingthe bare minimum from people because of that?
Is it detection to your heart againto not to shield yourself? And
how I mentioned you know the youngman I don't want to be yea understand
(28:30):
Is it because you feel like you'regonna be looked at? Is oh man?
You want to be in the life, you know, you want to
live that family life. Is it? Is it because we're afraid to give
or all? Or is it justbecause that's all we've seen so we're just
like it's just gone. And likemy my whole life has been like um,
(28:51):
male energy dominated, you know.So just because I can do everything,
how do I? Yeah? Canyou do what? I mean?
Like I want to do everything?Or but but see what a strong woman
like that as yourself and others,you had to do everything. But when
(29:12):
that right mail comes around, doyou feel you know when when to be
submissive and who to be submissive too? That's probably the main thing you have
to know who is going to leadyour family, lead you, It doesn't
mean control you. And words mightsound embrace it, but the male is
(29:33):
supposed to be the leader. Weneed someone to walk with us, not
behind us, not in front ofus, walk with us, you know.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. But being submissive, A lot
of women feel like it's hard todo that. And I can understand if
the man's not doing what he's supposedto do, you know, if he's
not that right. Yeah. Hey, they have a misconception of submission.
(30:00):
Just because you submit to somebody,it's not about a control issue. It's
not about uh monetary issue. It'snot about just because this person is doing
all of this and all that,I have to submit to this every person.
When I think of submission, Ithink more um like, are you
(30:22):
safe for giving this person the completeeverything? Are you like your your your
heart? Um your decision making?Like it it moves from an eye to
a wee into a us. Seewhen you said decision making, That's why
(30:48):
I like you know I brought upthat problem. Solving and thinking is the
logical part of the man, andthe woman is more the emotional. So
at times women are very indecisive.Majority women are very indecisive. And that's
what I'm seeing in a lot ofthese young males a field characteristic trait.
(31:11):
And when I when I said thatearlier on the post yesterday, it wasn't
to downplay women. We need thatsoft touch too, but a lot of
the times women need to be guided, not control, but guided to a
certain degree. Simplest question, Heywe want for dinner, that's an hour.
Someone needs to take control of thesituation and guide let's eat this.
(31:37):
Then you know what I mean.And I like how you mentioned that because
indecisiveness is one of the main thingsI see, and if they had the
right mail in their life, thatcan show them how to critical think,
you know, and use their cognitiveand all the above, that can control
a lot of the outcomes and theirmorals and how they Yeah, yeah,
(32:02):
that's heavy stuff, and it's it'sreally it's you know, it's really something
to think about because the alarming rateof single mothers and now even single fathers,
you know, it's a it's mindboggling. I remember one time asking
(32:23):
my son's like, how many ofyour friends has a dad that lives with
them, is married to their mom? And like they really could only name
like one. Yeah. So Ithink when we start to build that back
up, you know, as arace and as a people, I think
(32:46):
we'll be better off instead of goingwith the divide and conquered thing. And
I think that was the whole pointof this conversation was just try to you
know, fill out where you comingfrom, where I'm coming from, and
(33:06):
like, um, Reginald Williams Madam, Yeah, definitely. And he made
it a point to where he wassaying a lot of women arguing for us
about this topic because it's ego driven, it is, Yeah, it kind
of think. I don't know,but if I were to take an educated
against it probably feels like, howdare you uh trying to chest tires me
(33:30):
about what I had to do?And that's not what we're saying. Yeah,
yeah, that is not an emotionalresponse. R Yeah. See,
And that is not what we aresaying at all. It's just a different
perspective, shifty, And I lovethat perspective because, like I said,
I never wordis as a badge ofhonor. Even on Father's Day, Like
(33:54):
I get pissed off on people sayingHappy Father's Day. I'm like, and
who and what world? I havenever been these boys father, right,
I have never tried to take onthem characteristics, even though I could probably
shoot a basketball and throw a footballbetter than half of you dudes out there.
But I mean, I ain't celebratingwhere where my downfall? Yeah,
(34:20):
And that's where us men have tobe held accountable of the cowardly acts of
not being and holding that burden andand holding that weight, I'll say,
doing our part as walking the journey, you know with our mates. Um,
this is how we forced women tobe masculine, and the rules are
(34:45):
starting to reverse. Yeah, andit's just going to be complete chaos.
Yeah, women are more aggressive women. Women have more of a men's mentality
now on certain aspects. Yep.It's like we took on a trade all
the men that fucked us soul becausethey were they were they were giving no
choice. Right. So if yougot a homeboy who ain't doing what he's
(35:07):
supposed to do, and you associateyourself with him, well, birds of
a feather flock together. Yeah.You know, um, we can find
a way to uplift one another andeach one you can find a way.
There's there's a way we can getto him, you know. Um.
Sometimes it's just straight blunt force straightto you, or sometimes you gotta let
(35:32):
me just try to find a way. What sparks this person, this motive?
Oh, you got all these kidsbetween their life. Nah, but
you can't come to the club withme who ain't doing what you post accountability?
Yeah, I'm not gonna be seenwith you you over here acting up.
Oh No, you can't come tothe casino or wherever we're doing.
Nah, fight night or who NIGGInah? Nah? And And I'm a
(35:54):
very uh upfront person. I saywhat's on my mind. I'm pull up
king too and get that out.I'll pull up quick. But that's the
part where you're taught how to addressthings head first, how to problem solve,
right. And I was fortunate enoughto have that, even though majority
(36:15):
came from another way. But Iwas the jewels that were dropped on me.
It was enough to all right.He got me through, you know,
and in the blessings of seeing whatnot to do. Um, there
was something else I was going tosay that was imperative. It'll probably pop
back up. Right, Let's seewhat some of the people got on the
let me see, let me see, let me look on me up.
(36:38):
Um. They didn't want to betalking back and stuff. They just be
listening, you know, and sometimesyou just need to listen. Yeah.
Yeah, and you know I've seenthis on your status. Okay. One
of the girls, she said,why don't we shift the perspective of single
mothers to fatherless children? And Ilike that because I wonder if that would
(37:02):
change the whole perspective definitely, Andum, you know, brought up,
yeah, brought up because that's whatit really is, children, Yeah,
And that's what it is. Andum, like I said, this is
an emotional topic and the goal ofsporadic thoughts. As we were Matt and
I. We're funny as hell,we laugh, but we also want you
(37:27):
to think. And a lot ofthese topics get emotional. Sometimes we're sitting
here and we're fighting and holding backtears and shit. You know, I
could hear the cracking my voice andsometimes I can see Matt. You know,
that's just how it is. Butwe just want more direction and guidance
for our kids and and the kidscoming along, like, we gotta be
(37:49):
able to get along. So byall means, like if you're your mom's
I'm talking to y'all. If youhave a child and you are not letting
that father be involved in that child'slife, yeah, don't be you know,
because of personal reason, personal issues. And I can understand this man
might be an asshole to the twentyfifth power and has caused nothing but havoc
in your life, but you havegot to let your card down and let
(38:12):
your child have a relationship with thatfather. And I'm not saying for anything,
right, you don't have to gointo his weekend. Everybody. Yeah,
start like my baby steps. Yeah, let's see what you know.
He might not be the right leader. Yeah it might not. Yeah,
if he acting right, I'm notsaying what your child and your child in
any kind of danger. Ye,you're right, and the same for men.
(38:38):
You know. Sometimes mother ain't analways and you know I ain't always
up to par, and she goingthrough things. But you have to come
together for the sake of the childand for the sake of our future generation
to come along. Almost definitely,I don't want it to end, but
right, Yeah, it's a goodtopic. It's a beautiful and good top.
(39:00):
But that we can just go aboutfor times. And um, I
know a lot of my childhood umplays into who I am. Um,
and I say childhood, but attimes I don't feel I had a childhood,
you know, I feel like alow key you know for a while.
(39:21):
Now, oh my god, it'sabout twelve at least. But yeah,
you know what I'm saying. So, um, a lot of a
lot of things were placed on me. And I love my mother, love
her the death and have number ofrespect to her. She had to do
what she had to do, soit made sense to a lot of that
fell back from the next thing.Wow, So um, things make sense
now that I'm getting older and Isee Um, I understand it more and
(39:45):
it's new to me. Um,I can't uphold my wife to a single
woman standard. You have to dothis because I've seen that and maybe though
my mother wasn't single situations a littledifferent. My book, you'll know more
about it. But you know whatI'm saying. Yeah, you know.
(40:07):
But but being that that other mailin the house that with a lot to
deal with this, you know,we need positive examples. And I mentioned
that I thought and thinking about,you know, maybe doing a nonprofit or
something for you, because, um, what greater way to give back if
I had just a little more guidancemyself. Imagine how much further I feel
(40:30):
I can be mentally, definitely,And that's what matters, you know,
how much more further I can bementally. I always tell my wife that
I'm glad you met me how youmet me, because it took a lot
in a long time to get towork. I was that And the crazy
part is I'm partly just average basic. But to me, I'm like,
(40:52):
oh, because I never known orseeing it like this, and I knew
where I came from and what I'vedone and what I was doing, So
I'm like, you're gonna be happy. Man, what you're saying, because
if you got hold, then youthink. But you know, I acknowledge.
(41:15):
You know where I'm at and whereI'm trying to be, and I'm
always striving to be better and nomatter what aspect in life. That is
um and I think everybody should dothat in general. Always try to be
better, no matter Yeah, youknow what it is. Absolutely, Yeah,
that's all we got. But guesswhat, y'all were gonna come back
next week and week after that andwe're gonna start this thing popping. And
(41:36):
you see, we moved to anew night right now. Yeah, we
are on Monday, so Monday Night, Yeah, Monday Night Live. We're
like light night, Monday Night Live. So we appreciate y'all for listening and
chatting it up with you, wellwith me and matt Um. Send us
some suggestions so we can talk aboutsomething. Come on, yeah, somebody
come on with us, Come on, let's sit down and chop it up.
(41:58):
Press that hier but yes, wereyou always sharing the other stuffy press?
And then y'all like we're doing thisright now, right here in line
when y'all getting the best of usright now, because yeah, and it's
your girl, Courtney Oh. Thankyou for listening to another episode of Sporadic
(42:21):
Thoughts. This podcast was recorded inthe iHeartRadio Podcasting Center. Thanks for listening.
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