Sporadic Thoughts Podcast Episode 45

Its time for more Sporadic Thoughts!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
This podcast was recorded in the iHeartRadio line of Podcasting Center. It's your
girl, Courtneyo, It's your bigdog, Matt Sanders. The difference between
me and your truth? Say,what's your truth? What everybody else is
thinking? That thoughts say whatever comesto your mind. We get sick and

(00:26):
chop it up. But today wegot time. I love that girl,
yo yo yo. It's your girl, COURTNEYO. And it sh your big
dog. Matt Sanders here with anotherepisode of sporadic thoughts. Starts starts,

(00:49):
yeah, and I mean sporadic todayabout to be real sporadic. It really
is. You know, sometimes weneed that to just let loose. Sometimes
you just gotta just they say,bump your gun. Yeah, that's it.
Just that's it. How was yourday? It was pretty good man.
I did something to my shoulder yesterday. Ended up having to go get
a shot and muscle relaxers. Sothe muscle relaxes. Oh. I woke

(01:15):
ume back two pm last night aboutnine yea yeah, and I'm still grog.
I don't see how people function aspill papers. Hey, you know
the perk thirty is crazy. Yeahwith the young boys like yeah, like
y'all like the itch like it needssome being a drill something. I don't
like that. I needed them becauseI had an injury. That's how I

(01:40):
know about thee like y'all know mebad, right right, yeah, but
I just I don't get it,like you like that that's fun, I
understand it. You know, umthese people like to be in a zone
that they can't even control theselves forreal, sleep, I don't get yeah,

(02:04):
right, that's that's kind of scaryif you think about it, it
is you should feel better, youknow what I mean to sleep, be
careful with the must feel like youknow, we get a little older now,
yeah, you know, I justturned forty three to us, so
I'm like, it's just my newpain with forty three. I bet it
don't be I bet I take thatone muscle relaxed or that one? Is

(02:24):
it for me? Other than thatthey're gonna sit on the who want to
buy some? No, I'm justsaying, yeah, right, yeah,
the baby's going in the medicine cabinetnot to be used. No, definitely.
You know something that black folks,you know, we always think you
know, they give us a prescriptionfor fourteen days, okay, and then

(02:46):
a day six were like I feelbetter. Let me just say these others.
No, no, no, yougotta take all those completely feel you
know right, you might mentally feelbetter, but you're not. You're not
he take all of them, especiallylike an antibiotic or something. All of
it us, Like, I'm nottaking all the muscle relaxes, man,
true. I'll be in the upperroom somewhere. That's a classic. Yeah,

(03:12):
it is Eddie Murphy and Lawrence inlife. No shout out to Matthew
Sanders score how about that? Yeah, Okay, we're gonna we're gonna do
a little deep brief here, okay, because I need to know. How
did you feel seeing your whole visionjust come to life? I mean,

(03:36):
from the rooter to the two,from the pin the paper to the premiere.
How do you feel like a genuinegut heartfelt feeling. Okay, well,
the time that I had because itwent by fast. I'm telling now
y'all. The premiere was so fast, and I was like damn, damn,
damn. But it's a like justa surreal feeling like wow, bro,

(04:01):
like you really wrote this shit,oh this shit, you really produce
it really and didn't to see it? And the part that's wild. Is
that the way the people who wereable to see it. I saw all
that when I was writing. Ididn't see the actual people, like the
faces. But I've seen it allplay out, you know, I'm writing,

(04:23):
I'm like, uh, and atthis time transition this, I'm really
thinking of all all the transitions,and then we're cut from that to them
in the bed, or we'll cutto this to now that the coffee shop,
like, and I wrote all thatdown and it was just wild,
Like, damn, bro, youreally did that. That's crazy? Right?
Um it just let's you know,me know and and hopefully let other

(04:43):
people know that. Dream big,you know what I'm saying, dream big
because you you fucking around and catchit. Yeah, because if you're dreaming
small and your dreams don't scare you, then you're not dreaming enough. And
you know I would. I wasthere from the very beginning, even when
you wrote the script. Then itwasn't a movie for him, And you're
like, what it's got to bein a movie for him? You know?

(05:06):
We write Microsoft words And I gotwith some of my industry buddies.
They were like, no, you'regonna need that in the script. But
I'm like yeah, so just youcame against a lot of trial and error,
so for the next go around,you'll know, like, Okay,

(05:27):
when I write this out, Igotta write this out in movie script,
so it'll kind of take away fromthe time it won't be so I'm consuming.
And man, I applaud you becauseyou know, even me being in
the movie in a smaller role,it's something that I've always wanted to do
and it just sparked my creativity togo back to my root because a lot

(05:49):
of this stuff is really my roots. You know. I went to school
for performing art and we would dostage plays and different things like that.
So I swear it took me backto my roots. Like Corton, you
got so much more other than poetry. And man, I really thank you
because now I'm like, oh,okay, what's next. We're gonna do

(06:09):
next? You know, I'm ready. Thank you for being you and just
you know, being able to bea part of it and wanting to be
a part of it. You know, you didn't have to believe in me
and oh yeah, except that role. And I'm glad that it sparked the
brain to open your mind to belike I can do this. I got
this, this is, this isyou know what we're here for. And

(06:30):
as I'm watching myself on the ohmy god, that role really caught me
because I put my own person inpersonality on the role. So I'm looking
at myself like that. I'm bubblyas hell even in characters. And let
them know what role you were.I was the doctors doctor, So yeah,

(06:51):
I was the best doctor ever wasThank you. You could have cooked
my clar I can take you blood, don't I didn't do that. Yeah,
but man, it was just itwas beautiful in the creative process and
even when we are when we wereon set, you know, it was
a beautiful thing. It was reallyprofessional. It was very very professional,

(07:14):
and it just gave me a glimpseof my future. Yeah, you know,
Um, I don't know. Imean, how do I say.
I've never not given quality and anythingthat I've done. But I am surprised,
as you guys are too, howhow great it came out. Yes,
I knew it was gonna be good, but I was like, oh,

(07:34):
I didn't know it was gonna bethat good. Yeah, everything just
just perfect and then, um,just a lot of people don't know.
You know, it was a lotof trials and a lot of era and
you know, we lost shit.At one point in time, we had
zero footage. Can you imagine justsixty bands throwing down the drains, just

(07:57):
like, oh my god. Yeah, that was a scary feeling, like
it was. It sucked. Imust smoke to pack a cigarette that day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Butwe got it all back and then
you know, we just kept pushingthrough. You know, we had a
nice, dedicated team. We needall hands on deck, you know,
even the support that you know fromthe city. Oh, just get ready

(08:18):
to see that. Whoever said LIMAdon't support one another and LIMA doesn't show
up for each other, you lied, or you lie, or you are
just around the wrong group of people, right, because that night, man
standing up front and actually looking outand see how the city came out,

(08:39):
and a lot of people didn't believeyou that it was sold out, Like,
man, see more than that,yea, whatever, whatever, But
to go in there and to seeeverybody fly nice, man, I'm so
proud of the city. Man,it was beautiful. It was. It
was sold out, but everybody showedup, showed out. Um, there

(09:00):
wasn't no nonsense. It looked good. We looked good, y'all. And
we did it with style, likewe hey, the red carpet, man,
we fucked that red carpet up.We did the place with stealing grace.
Yeah, we did put that carpetup. Though. You know,
the news showed us love. Um, um, everybody just showed us love.
Man, and um, I'm verygrateful, and I think everyone,

(09:24):
Um, this ain't gonna be thelast one. I said, that was
an amazing feeling, and we gota lot a lot in us, you
know, and I think it,like you said, it opened your eyes,
but I think it also opened alot of other people's eyes that,
um, shit, you can doit. Yeah, And we got talent
hearing we can do we can compete. Yeah, And you know, everybody
like when the next movie, Iwant to be in it. I want

(09:45):
to try out. I want totry out. And it was almost like
you had to make believers out ofnonbelievers, true, because when the auditions
was coming up, and then whenit happened, it's like, damn,
what should it did? Willing teefull and teeth. Man, that's just
a dope five and an adult.But I can understand, you know,

(10:05):
some people might have been skeptic.I understand. I've heard a lot of
tried um you know, so Ican understand. But I'm a man on
my word and I take pride inthat. And it was just amazing too.
How just the whole production team cametogether, you know, somebody specialized

(10:28):
in that, someone specialized in that, and then we were just the adventures.
Yeah, it was the real lyou know, it was the real
deal. And you know when theysay a skeleton crew, that's usually like
twenty people or the skeleton crew hadnine people in production. Man, we
rocked this eighty minute movie with ninepeople, yo, and sometimes it was
seven people a day only you knowwhat I'm saying, Like, Yeah,

(10:50):
it was. I think it wasone of those things that was meant to
be. It had to be.It definitely definitely was, because because even
with the footage that we got leftwith and those to you who saw it,
that's not even our best footage.That's the one that the Lord provided
and left us with to say,hey, continue this movie. Yeah,
I can only imagine with it.We had some great shots for real.

(11:13):
And you know what, right nowin my life at forty three, I'm
really I hope I don't get emotional, but I'm starting to live the life
that I prayed about. That's good. Look, I'm getting emotional real because
I'm a creative mind. And youknow, there's been so many times that
I wanted to just leave Lima,but my mom here, my boys racing
here, and I was just ina position where I just couldn't. It

(11:37):
wasn't reality. And now, youknow, I still see that on the
horizon. But it's like a newLima is emerging and something that I don't
even have words to say. It'scoming into fruition here because there's so many
creative minds and a lot of peoplethat I've worked with. We've been doing
this since we were teenagers, right, and like Chris Synesthetic, you know,

(12:00):
and Honey Keys and Steve like wewe all have been doing this since
we were in our teams, right, and we're in our late thirties and
forties. Like it didn't happen asfar as us being big like musical and
rap stars, yeah, but it'sso many other avenues that has been opened
up to us. And I thinkbecause we didn't quit, God allowed us

(12:22):
to grow with our craft. Andnow our craft is just because when I
met you. You know what Imean. You you plugged in on my
creative side, like the writing,Like, oh you've been writing raps.
You're a writer, you know whatI mean. So I truly Look,
I'm a big old cry baby.Look I'm a cancer and I'm forty three,
so I get emotional. But it'sjust beautiful to be able to still

(12:43):
do your credit even and even thoughI work a regular job, I still
that's not me. It's it's ameans right now, and eventually I'll be
able to walk out of that.Thankfully. It's coming. Yeah, And
that's one thing that I I madesure to us our model. I kept
saying, and I'm gonna die trying. We're gonna turn hobbies into careers.

(13:07):
Absolutely hold me on that. Mgonna turn hobbies in hobbies into careers.
We got some shit here that wecan do. Um, and I'm thankful
that you stayed down all those years. Um, you know, it took
some a little longer than others,but it's here now. We're gonna keep
moving forward with it. Um.We just gotta keep the momentum going.

(13:28):
Yeah, I mean, yeah,fifteen minutes to shine, well, shit,
I need all fifteen Yeah. Andfor real and and even like our
kids, like your kids are inthe movies, and my youngest son,
he's creative, he can flow.Also, I'm finally getting him to the
point where like, okay, wewent over Shooter house, Okay, like

(13:52):
for sure, but I want toget him in the direction and in the
presence of the right people. Andby working with you you. Shoot was
the musical director for the movie.So that just put me in another position
to introduce my son, to shoota message message and to put him around
somebody that's gonna pour into his craft. And I'm a bunch of bullshit exactly.

(14:13):
You know, you experience people whoare serious business. Um, you're
gonna run into people at times onyour journey and they might detour you.
Yeah, gotta you gotta go throughthe bag into the good. When you
find it good, you're gonna know. And Shooter definitely one of the good.
And it's hard to find good businesswith people. So, um,
we appreciate him and we appreciate networking. Um, there's a lot of stuff

(14:37):
that that these creative minds, youknow, that we're gonna put together.
It ain't gonna just stop with youknow, with just movies or whatever.
We're just starting. Yeah, wejust were just starting, you know,
and um, since we're on theroute. But UM, I'm looking at
doing a TV series, web seriesand UM, I want to do eight
to ten episodes about forty five minuteseach. Um. I'm looking to shoot

(15:01):
the pilot soon so you know,UM, I will announce when I get
time to do and like auditions andstuff like that. Once I really narrow
it down. But it don't takemuch for me to write and they just
get to going. But honestly,I think I'm gonna do it off from
my first book, Truth of aLoss, So I think that's that's that's
the unicorn for me. Yeah,there's a life and know if y'all ain't

(15:22):
if you ain't read that book,you need to. And I'm actually looking
for about two people to read itand give me proper feedback to uh condensed
it down because it's so much likeI want to do everything in it.
I'm sure I can't. You know, I can play with somebody else,
but I need some help on howto condense it down and what episodes,

(15:43):
so you know, I would bringpeople on a's like a a production consultant
and things in that nature, soI'll be I'll beginning that too. Y'all
be listening, And you know what, when you said web series, it
reminds me of Ea Ray. That'show Ea Ray came out with Insecure.
She started with a web series,I think with the phone see, I
mean it's and then HBO picked Insecure. I'll look at her see you know,

(16:03):
and that's my that's my goal,you know. Yeah, I'll tell
you my business. My I planon shooting the pilot and then shopping it
around and seeing who wants to investto finish the season. It's like,
you know what, the pilot aboutgot the rest of the who's gonna help
me get to what I'm trying togo? Yeah? And if I got
to, I'll do it right.It's just like I'm even putting that out

(16:23):
there. You want to help y'all, showing the creative process and even opening
up the doors, you know,kick me out soon if I keep doing
too much. She'd be like herewe go, right. But I love
Kay I love her spirit because shetrusts you and let you. Now,

(16:45):
I don't know what the He'll gobe clocked behind close doors. She might
be supplexing you and body slamming youand all that she beat you right and
help on the side of the window. No, but that's a beautiful thing
to even when she bakes her poston Facebook about you, man, I

(17:07):
just love it because that's like true, that's black love and to build each
other up is the most beautiful thing. So many times, like in our
culture, we tear each other down. True, even in relationships, we
tear each other down. But tosee that it's just a beautiful thing to
me, Well, you know,we definitely appreciate it. Um. You
know, I'm definitely not perfect.If not perfect, we're not perfect,

(17:29):
and don't think that we are wheredon't. We go through trials and trie
relations like everybody else. But atthe end of the day, our foundation
is strong. And I'm gonna telleveryone out there in relationships and who wants
to be in marriage, communication isthe key, you know. Um,
I let it be known where I'mat, what I'm doing. Can nobody
tell my wife where I'm at?Hey, I'm over here. Yeah,
I'm at the strict club, Right, I tell her like, you know,
because that's that's what I do.Yeah, I can't tell my wife

(17:53):
where I'm at, And I realizedthat from other relationships of where things went
wrong. You have to learn fromwhat you've been through, you know what
I'm saying. So as long asyou know, I ain't gonna say it's
checking in, but it's it's respect. It's that's where I'm at, because
anything can get twisted quick. Yeah, I've just in coordiny and man,
yeah, trying to Jesus and weclosed. Yeah, the wrong person said

(18:18):
they'd be like like way the minuteyea. So absolutely indicate with your significant
other and um, that's your yourstrongest foundation you can have. Yeah,
that's beautiful. Um, but wegot, like I said, hell,
the things that you know I wantto try, I want to do,
but I think I won't go withthat. Um the TV web series.
Um. I even thought about,you know, maybe um something quick and

(18:40):
simple, maybe even running the play. You know, I got like a
little thirty minute play that I've writtenalready. Really I think that would be
dope, just to maybe even dolike at like the theater, the New
theater that wasnot yeah right, yeahto them. I think it's Michael something
I need to high at him again. But um, you know, I
just want to try some shit,you know, I can live with what

(19:02):
knowing I wasn't good enough, butI can't live without the knowing you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, soI just be trying shit, y'all.
Like, and you know, don'tdon't think that. You know that it's
not going to be the best ofme of whatever I do, because I
can literally go from over here tookay, now you're a plumber. That's
why. Then you know I don'tgive them my all? Yeah, definitely,

(19:22):
Yeah, that's me too. Yeah, that's when I look back over
my little life friends and mat like, dam i'n't done a little bit of
this, a little bit of this, a lot of bit of this,
a lot of bit of this,just everything. Like, I don't I'm
one of them people. I don'tlike to be stuck in just one thing.
If I got all these different talents, I should be able to use
them. Why am I going tolimit myself? If God gave me all
these gifts? There you go.If if the Lord provides you with multiple

(19:45):
skills and gifts, you know nothingwrong with using them, and plus you
know that experience can help someone else. Um, yes, given the insights,
Okay, I try to like that. You might want to try it
this way or you know, anyany any little bit of advice helps you
know, Um, I could hitup a lot, you know, And
yeah, I'm just happy that Iwas able to go through some of the
stuff I went through to be likelike that, this is what it worked

(20:07):
for me, you know what I'msaying. Yeah, I don't even know
I have any machines. I gotsnacks. I had like eight Vindy machines
pumping around the city, brought eightsack. I got snacks with two eggs
that. The only machines was justthat it took a little more time than
I thought, you know, loadingit up because that was cranking right.
So like twice a week I'm inthere loading and off. I needed somebody

(20:30):
to do it. Yeah, that'syeah, But ven the machines, y'all,
don't sleep on that. Hey,listen your game right now. You
find one three phone hunting on myFacebook market. Go down the Sands club,
do your little math who you pullup about six hundred a month from
each VNDY machine if you do itright, Wow, imagine with seven and
eight in them. That was justthat was just extra month. That's what

(20:52):
helped provide some of this shit,I'll take you know, yeah, definitely.
Well you know I got snacks.It's a hustle, same game at
exactly, Yeah for sure. Yeahman, that still see you inspired me
so much. Thank you, promiseyou know where, you know what a
lot of it comes from. It'sjust honestly, I'm so afraid of going
back to how I used to livewhen you yeah, just not having nothing

(21:15):
like now, I'm not about eightypercent of my life. I've been living
or excuse me, about twenty percentof my life. I've been living,
living life, but surviving eighty percentof your life, That's that's no way
to live. Like, were youreally you know, thinking about like damn,
I got three dollars in me,get this bag of chips in an
soda, and maybe I feel lovefor the dinner, right, you know
when you think about stuff like that, and then even at a young age,

(21:36):
you know what I'm saying, Igotta feed myself. I gotta do
this year. That's a lot ofpressure, y'all. Um, Yeah,
surviving just man, I don't wantto go back to that. I'm nervously
here. I Once you eat asteak, you don't want to hurt Yeah,
for real, and you know what, I was just talking to my
cousins about this, Like everything thatyou have went through in your life,
whether it be good or bad,it mode you to the person that you

(21:57):
are today, like you that Inever want to go back to living like
that. So you do what youhave to do to not go back to
living like that. So sometimes wehave to be thankful for the valleys of
our life because when you think aboutbeing in a valley, when you're in
a valley, all you can dois look up. Message right, when

(22:21):
you are in a valley, allyou can do is look up. And
then you look up and you knowthat all of your help it comes from
God. But you still have tomove right. God is not going to
help you if you don't move.So sometimes that this is my cortneology,
Oh cortneology. Sometimes God puts usin positions to see how we will respond

(22:47):
true and responding the right way willjust open the door for you to have
more blessings. And even in myown life when I've gone through valleys,
I never sat there, Okay,I'm like, okay, I'm in this
valley, sit here for like you, I'm allowing myself to feel it and

(23:07):
then all of a sudden something's goingto click and say, of Courtney,
to get your aspect, I justhave to tell the buddy of mine something
like that. Yeah, and thatmakes a lot of sense because sometimes when
unit position, it's like I ain'ta way butt up. So yeah,
for real, I ain't got nochoice, you know. And I always
used to say to myself, andI still do, but I used to
say, it can't last forever,and no, don't matter if it's bad

(23:29):
off it's good. You know,even right now my things are going good.
Can't last forever, bro, Soyou better give you a one hundred
percent. And everything you did andeverything that I've done one hundred percent,
I've never felt that. And there'sanother another message for y'all. Everything I've
ever done a hundred percent, I'venever felt that. I'm eight for eight.
That's even just going to college.I want one hundred percent of that.
I told myself I'm gonna be theLebron James of college in academics.

(23:52):
Yeah for me, it was becauseyou know, I'm you know, I
was a cat, you know,one point three shooting high school and all
you know, I ain't never youknow, did nothing we're gonna breathe on
the track right quick. Feel Yeah, you know, I ain't graduate from
nothing but college on my own.You know what I'm saying. When I
was in high school, I gotkicked out the last couple three months,
and then my Army recruiter she don'ttook the test for me. You know

(24:15):
what I'm saying to my high schooldiplumber and get into the Army. So
when I when I sat down andI've really focused on things in life and
put my all exhausted, I've neverfelt so just get all you guys,
um believe in what you do,walk with a supreme confidence, and um
buckets you. You know what I'msaying, Yeah, for sure, And
I love it because you know what, I've never taken the test that I

(24:37):
failed for real. I might havelearned some things from it, but I
have never failed that doing anything that'sdoing you know what I mean? Like
I said, you might get notget the expectation that you wanted when it
was a learning process. So thenext time I come out, I'm coming
out harder because I know I knownot to do that and I know to

(24:59):
do this. So I truly lovethat because it's a learning experience. It
definitely is. That's all life is, just learning a lessons and the journey.
And um, you know, wetalked a little earlier about how I
felt during the premiere. I didn'treally get a chance to absorb it all
in because it was so fast.Yeah, like the two days later,
that's when I realized, oh shit, boy, you just did that what

(25:22):
I'm saying, But it's the journey. That's really the day. You know,
you need too much from now goingon the vacation here the whole time
you're waiting every day, think aboutthat. That's the the part that you
you really you know, with thegrowth and you're learning. Yeah, you're
feeling it at that time that you'rewaiting on. It's gonna come real quick,
you know what I mean. Soit's the journey y'all. You know,

(25:42):
And and yeah, sometimes the painyou feel like you'll never let up.
I know sometimes it can't last foreverthough, But you also got to
appreciate that pain because you'll never understandjoy without it, you know what I'm
saying. You'll never understand it.You never You're never able to appreciate it.
Like, yeah, and I've beenbumping this song, right, and

(26:03):
they say let the sun shine throughmy pain. Okay, So who whenever
I'm feeling any kind of pain,whatever it may be, I just pray
that God allows the sunshine to shinethrough my pain. Oh that's like finding
the silver lining and everything. Becausepain is pressure and you can either lay

(26:25):
with it or it could be pressuredto get up and move with it.
Yeah, it can motivate you,you know, and I hope that it
does motivate you because you can't justaccept it. You know what I'm saying.
You have to go through those roughrides. And I know we hear
it all the time. You know, the Lord don't give you more to
what you can handle. But it'strue, you know it's true. And
sometimes it's like damn, I can'thandle no more, right, Yeah,

(26:49):
And you'll be wondering, like,dang, I wonder what what does God
know about me that I don't knowabout myself that makes it seem like my
life is just so hard feel withso many hardships and filled with so much
pressure. What's the endgame? Like? What does he see in me that
I don't see in myself? ThatI don't even know? And that's exactly
what it is. You mentioned thateverything that we go through, it's the

(27:11):
MOLTI you are. I didn't seea way out. Um, you know,
I didn't see a way out growingup. I say even ntil I
was twenty five, twenty six whenI start opening my eyes like you might
be able to do something, focusin, But I didn't see it a
way out, and it molded mebecause I needed all that experience. I

(27:32):
needed all that pain to know whyI go hard and why I need to
go hard, or or or tohave that testimony to tell someone else.
You can too, bro, youknow what I'm saying, Like it's just
choices. Yeah, Um, youcan't too. You ain't gotta be a
street dude or whatever whatever. Youcan still hold your own weight and just

(27:52):
be a solo dolo dude. Youcan still be solid as the fuck and
not be whatever. You know,the negativity they ate, they hype up.
Yeah, I mean, but yougotta go through some stuff and and
those pages that are wrote doesn't meanthat there ain't other chapters about I never
thought in my life, anything thatI've I've done these past five six years,

(28:15):
that I even would even have thecourage to attempt. Yeah, you
know what I'm saying, but it'sit's it's the you have to It's like,
you know, I'm gonna tell youall a quick, little little little
secret. The big dog man sayingbig the big dog for me. Whenever
I have a call, you know, an ideal or inclinent, I don't
want to do something, somehow,it always comes to me in my dream

(28:36):
like I'll be dreaming and I don'tknow, you'd be like, start cleaning
business. Then I'll just wake up. I'm gonna start cleaning and my wife
look at me like child, goback to baby. Just went to sleep.
But almost everything has came to mein my sleeps and then boom oh
do a card game, like Idon't know how, So pay attention to
your signs, you know, orsomething keeps you know after you saying that,

(29:00):
that's that that's the voice of Godpersonally and sleep, yeah, you
know what I mean. In orderyou are at arresting state, it's like
the closest thing to death, right, let's just keep it real. So
during that time you're you're subconscious andconscious is fully aware, like you don't
even know you exist at this time, and when you hear the voice of

(29:21):
God, you just and you haveto move on it, you have to
act on it. And those youknow, we say, God, send
me a sign, God send mea sign. That the sign for real,
That's exactly the sign, because it'sit's like a it's I don't know
what it be like. Yeah,and then didn't you'll start waking up a
little bit. Do a movie.Then you'll start waking a little more.

(29:44):
It's kind of like that sleep,that sleep you have and you can't get
out your body. Can't. Ye, dude, do a movie I'm gonna
do, you know, or whateverit is. So you gotta pay attention
to it, you know. Andthey just don't be afraid, y'all.
You know, they don't have tobe all at one yeah time. But
and we are really speaking to ourline of people because man, it gets

(30:07):
hard to dream big around here becausewe are so enclosed and we weren't taught
to dream big. So we arehere to teach a new generation that it's
okay to dream big. If youwant to do music, if you want
to act, if you want todo anything, you can do that.
Just because we're from line and thisright this space that we feel like we're
contained, like don't let that steeryou from not following your dreams. I

(30:33):
promise you it can be done.And me, like at forty three,
I wanted to do all this stuffin my twenties, but it wasn't there
for me then because I couldn't handleit then. Right, So we have
to learn that we have to operateon God's timing, not our own timing
when we operate our own time.And look, you we we almost destined
for failure. And that's one thingtoo that I've realized. I'm glad you

(30:56):
brought that up. You have tooperate on Guys. There's a lot of
things that I've wanted are even tried, or a person who I've tried to
be. It wasn't time for methere to be that person, you know.
Um, yeah, it wasn't timefor me to be the gentleman who
I am now. Back then Iwouldn't survive then, you know, or
whatever. So I can't be theperson wh I was back then now.

(31:18):
It's just not that time. Yeah, Like my grandmother used to say,
sometimes you gotta go through some things. Sometimes you gotta go through somethings real
shit, um, And damn man, you know my oldest son was down
here and that was that was abeautiful moment. But you know, because
it's not often I have my familyat one hundred percent. Were usually at
eighty percent. So when my familyis at one hundred percent, that's when

(31:38):
my happiest and I see what Ido it for. But um, you
know him being hearing and just seeingeverybody able to have a memory that like
they're gonna remember this forever. Yeah, definitely, y'all might too. But
I know my family gonna remember thisforever, and my youngest son's old enough
to remember it, like, yeah, something much that happened. That's why

(32:00):
I'll be thinking about I hate tosay that, I'd be thinking like,
damn, they're gonna remember me,you know what? The same I gotta
leave my legacy, Like how amI gonna do that? Like I want
to be talked about, at leastin my my family forever. You know,
I share pass away and I said, family, be like all right,
uncle, wrong or whatever. Youjust be like two weeks later everybody
back to business. That was thebusiness? Yeah, yeah, sure that

(32:21):
legacy. Yeah. I don't wantto be uh, y'all eating talking about
like damn pops, Like tomatoes inthis top. You know, I don't
want that ship. Give me thereal shit. Yeah. Yeah, Like
like my boy eight ball said,eight ball eight ball and MJ. He
said, if I die fresh playand bring me back to life. Now
do you get that? If Idie fresh play and bring me back to

(32:42):
life, it's right there, likeyou can be here forever, Yes you
can. It's how bad you wanted. But how about this, Like I
have what's up with this standoff thathappened? Uh oh yeah. So apparently
on the ninth I believe that wasSunday. Yeah, we had a gentleman

(33:06):
that was fifty nine and he gotinto an altercation with another man had had
a weapon. Police were called andwe had a hostage slash standoff for sixteen
hours. But within them sixteen hours, somehow this person was able to shoot
at the police three different occasions.Three I don't know what's going on with

(33:31):
that. And and from the picturesthat I've seen, they showed him getting
walked out in a lot of verbalsand negotiations was happening. Let's just say,
if this guy would have been upa different persuasion, correct three times?
Three times? Yeah, it waslike it wasn't all right, just

(33:58):
let holding like, I'm just remindhim, yeah for it, and it's
a mental health yeah sure, butdang, like for that to go on
that long and I've seen things that'stwo hours just get massacre bringing a body
out. I kind of hota negotiation, no kind of nothing. Just I

(34:23):
mean shout out to them for conductingthings properly, properly. But you know,
if we can hopefully be properly allthe time and on accord, yeah
every time, that'd be great everytime. And UM, I'm not gonna
talk about it right now, butI'm gonna tell mad about it. And
I want to bring something to lightabout this unfair sentencing going on in Lima,

(34:47):
Ohio, particularly with the young manand the young lady and where the
father shoots his son. I don'tthink, um, enough attension has been
brought to that. I think everythinghas been kind of hush hush on that.
And I want to know why everythinghas been hush hush with that topic,
right Yeah, like, um,did they make them accept to plead

(35:13):
to It's just a lot going onand I want to dig and I want
to do some investigation of my ownto see what's going on with that because
twenty eight years, twenty three yearsfor kids that don't have a record.
I think that is absolutely absurd.And I know there's consequences for everything,

(35:34):
but if you are a CCW holderand you shoot under the influence, doesn't
that change things definitely? So Yeah, it's it's that's moving too fast and
they're sweeping shitting under the rug toomuch for that for me. If y'all
got any information or you'd like toshare any information, don't be afraid of
DMUs. Yeah, get down tothe bottom of the Yeah, we're trying

(35:58):
to get down to the bottom ofit. Yeah, about to start getting
our civil rights activists, Yeah forreal today, Yeah, for real.
We we finished start bringing all kindsof stuff to the show because I was
just thinking about that and somebody hadgotten in contact with me, somebody that
I would never expect it, andit was like white people, you know
what I mean, they don't evenblack people because black people ain't really saying

(36:20):
too much about this topic. Idon't know if we get scared to speak
out or you know, we justlet ship fly by. But it's white
people that's looking at this situation like, yeah, if we get desensitized to
it, like damn, damn.Yeah you know yeah yeah, yeah,
but yeah, I think more lightneeds to be brought into that. Well,
I'm going to spend some time.Yeah, I'm gonna put away six

(36:43):
hours, right, I didn't dosix six hours? And yeah, I'm
thinking of like some Central part five, you know what I mean, Like
what's really going on? Like whyso quiet? Sound like a documentary?
Yeah? Done it? Yeah,they hit the uh the submarine up there?
Right? You never know for mycreation. The right's a big dog

(37:06):
man, Sandy, and it's yourgirl Cordio sporadic thoughts. I'll be blessed.
This podcast was recorded in the iHeartRadioPodcasting Center. Thanks for listening.