Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
He served at the Pentagon as an army jag. He
graduated from Notre Dame and has two law degrees from
Boston University and Georgetown University. He's been practicing law for
over thirty years. He's your family's personal attorney. It's time
for the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hello, and welcome to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Now's the time give us a call.
Six months. I know you're waiting all week for this,
haven't you? For the one live show on Sunday, the
only live show on Sunday other than going to church.
That would be a live show as well, and you
should do that. But six six seven seven four twenty
(00:41):
four twenty four. At six six seven seven four twenty
four to twenty four, we'll get your question, comment or concern, question,
comment or concern on the air. And you can't complain
about my looks because you can't see him. Otherwise we
get mostly complaints on that probably anyway. Six months, six
seven seven four, twenty four twenty four. Of course we
(01:04):
talk here about estate planning. What's a state planning? Estate
planning is the thing that you never want to do
you want to put off because you know that as
soon as you get a will or a trust, as
soon as you get your affairs in order, boom, you're
gonna die. I can't I can't tell you how many
times I've heard that. Oh yeah, I do it. But
you know everybody always dies when they get a will
or trust. It's like what everybody dies? Period? Man, that's deal.
(01:31):
That's why you get this stuff done. So the last
act of your life does not resemble a dumpster fire.
How about that? Maybe we should call it that. Maybe
you should call it that non dumpster fire death. Yeah,
I like that. So huh death planning When no dumpster fires,
you're not remembered as a pathetic loser. You're remember somebody
(01:52):
who got the job done. How about that? I don't
know that'd be different anyway. That's what estate planning is
not really And this is my view of the world right,
which is not customary, as I keep being reminded, is
what everybody's doing. You know, Well you're so special. Well
I'm not special. If my clients who were special, let's
face it, and what is it? Where? What is it
(02:14):
we're doing here? Well, we're making sure that you don't
go broke, and making sure that the rest of your life,
the rest of your life, honors the first seven eighths
of it, like why wouldn't we do that? And yet,
and yet so many people just ignore that, They blow
it off, they forget about it. It's not what's important,
it's not customary. I had a nickel every time I
(02:36):
heard that anyway, six one, six, seven, seven four, twenty four,
twenty four. The key is not that you're gonna die,
because guess what comes for us? All the graveyards. I
forget who said this. The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
And of course nowadays they would say and women too,
don't forget the women. Indispensable women, full of people that
(02:57):
you know you can't do without. But I guess what,
somehow or other you managed to do without them. And
that's the deal. We all come to it, right, ashes
to ashes, dust to dust. Right, that's the deal. You
can't get around it. The question is, though, how are
you going to handle it? You managed to handle your
time here, right. The things that you did were primarily,
(03:20):
at least in this country, thank god, in this country,
is pretty much what you wanted to do. You pretty
much did it pretty much? And you made choices and
you sacrificed for this and that, and now you are
where you are and the question is how do you
not screw it up? Now? That's what in case you
(03:40):
haven't figured that one out. Okay, that's really what this is.
That's what this stuff is all about. It's about making
sure that the rest of your life honors the first
part of it. Okay, that's first and foremost. Because the
death stuff. Yeah, yeah, death stuff is important, you know,
but guess what, You're dead? You are though, I mean
(04:00):
you are when that happens. You're not living anymore. And
you know, yeah, nobody nobody wants to leave a dumpster fire,
as I say, the dumpster fire of death. Nobody wants
to leave that for their kids, for their families or relations.
When you know, you'd rather be remembered as somebody who
had their act together, which is how you lived your life,
as opposed to somebody who you know, just gave up
(04:22):
and you know, became a burden on every everyone. So
I don't want to be a burden. Well, you don't
take care of yourself, you're going to be a burden.
So why not take care of yourself because there are
very simple things that you can do to do that.
That's the elder law part of it. You know, the
elder law, like it's different, it's not different, it's it's
the thing. It is the thing. Anyway, we also do
(04:42):
with real estate and business law. So interest rates coming down,
Oh my goodness, oh wow, chicken in every pot in
the car and every garage, and a mortgage, a mortgage
for the kiddies. It goes on until the twenty third generation. Anyway.
That's so that's happening. Interest rates coming down. What does
that mean? That means that all that foot traffic that
(05:04):
you got people looking at your house, Oh boy, I
really love your house. The house is great. Well, what
a wonderful house. But they didn't buy it. Now they
can buy it right and the market will adjust. And
you know for some people who who've been oh, we
can't get anybody to buy the house because the interest
rates are too high. Interest rates coming down, that's that's
(05:26):
a good thing. So yeah, I wonder how that happened. Anyway. Also,
business law, you know, COVID was terrible for business. Sixty
percent of small business got wiped out, right, So what
does that mean? It means there's a lot of opportunity
out there, you know, provided you're not in one of
those cities where you have to lock away the toothpaste.
(05:47):
I don't know why you be there, but anyway, as
so long as you don't have to worry about smashing grabs,
now is the time not a bad time to start
a business? Why not? Right? So if you if you're
wondering about that, what do we do for the business, Hey,
we can help out. Now A big, big news, big announcement,
you know, wonderful stuff happening. We we just got a
(06:09):
fifty page it's it's really it's a reference guy, is
what it is. It's a reference guy. And it's free, free,
free for you. We've got our first five hundred copies.
You know. It's so exciting because because I've been working
on this literally since since before the COVID that's been
a long time. That's been five six years now, I've
(06:30):
been working on this, and we finally finally got we
got the it's a fifty page brochure, but it's you know,
it's a full size you know, like eight and a
half by eleven, really good stuff. It's free. Give us
a call. We'll get it for you, or best yet,
Davidcarrier Law dot com. Just leave us, leave me an
(06:51):
email David at Davidcarrier Law dot com and we'll get
your copy. Hey, we've got Jason on the line. Good morning, Jason,
Welcome to the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Hi, how are you.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Working? And working? Notre name lost, but I'm right here.
Can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I lost by one.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Give me a moment, let me since I think that's
my problem.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Oh there you go. Yeah, Okay, that's not my probability.
That's a problem.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
But you know I have a problem with technology, and
I think that that's actually got part of my question
for you. Okay, okay, let's make sure you can still hear.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Unplug it and plug it back in.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
That's my answer to restart it. Yeah, I keep hearing
that I need to restart everything ever, over and over again.
So I am currently attempting to help my grandmother transition
from one standard of living to another would probably be
the most appropriate way to put this. And I've ran
(08:00):
into a few problems with family planning as far as
who's okay to to do what? And I was hoping
you might have some advice for someone in my position.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh dear God, do we have advice? Oh, we came
to the right chop for that. So let me ask
a couple of let me ask just a couple of questions.
So all right, well you should you should record it?
Well anyway, you know the radio show. Yeah, it's available,
(08:35):
figure out if you email me. Well with that, here's
the here's the deal we've got. We're at the Ice
Store for the last twenty years. Okay, so you can download,
you can go back like I don't know whenever you started,
which seems like twenty years. It's probably only eighteen nineteen.
But you can at the Ice store. Yeah, or you
(08:58):
can they've got it on the on the wood, on
the iHeartMedia, on the website. It's on there, and we
can we can email it to you because we've got
a bunch of these on the on our own website.
So many ways to do it, and if you'd like,
if you drive it, just drop us an email David
at Davidcarrier Law dot com and say, hey, give me
that new brochure you were talking about, because it is
(09:20):
jam packed with information and I wrote it so it
sounds kind of like the radio show. But on paper,
you can imagine a different technology, right, all right, so
we'll get you that. But I'm going to answer it.
I'm going to answer your question. I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna slough that off. It's just that my my
producers telling me. I've got thirty seconds here, But go ahead.
(09:40):
Does grandma have a house?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Okay? And does grandma have any savings.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
As far as I know, not a lot, not a lot.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Like what twenty thousand, fifty thousand, something like that, or
some people think a million dollars, not a lot. Okay, okay, good,
But we've got a house. But we've got a house,
that's kay. Okay. So, and how old is she? If
I could ask, well, she was.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Born in the late nineteen thirties, we'll put it into that.
But before nineteen forties.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Okay, if I told her age, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I get it, I get it. But in her eighties anyway,
and then any significant health issues at this point, you.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Know, not any that I can see. And we've been
making sure to get to all the doctor's appointments, so
you know, as far as cool.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
So that music good, Jason, hang on to the next segment.
It means you got to listen to commercials. But it'll
be okay, and we'll back and we'll talk about what
needs to be done next.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Fair enough, no problem, appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Okay, you've actually you're listening to the David Carriers Show
on David Carrier, your family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
This hour of the David Carrier Show is pro bono,
so call in now at seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. This is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Give us a call away, don't
you just sixty one six seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. That's sixty one six seven seven four twenty
four twenty four. Let's do a little thought experiment, shall we.
Let's say you have a grandmother, grandmother, and she's in
(11:33):
her eighties. Now, health is pretty good, you know, from
what we can tell, she's coaching and making it, making
it happen. We take her to her doctor's appointments, which
he goes to joyfully, willingly anyway, and she still has
her home. So unless it's an absolute shotgun check, you know,
it's a quarter million dollars three hundred and fifty thousand
(11:54):
dollars in this in this area. Thank god you're not
in California. No particular health issues. As I said, minimal savings.
And let's say you're the dutiful grandchild and you're wondering
what do I do with grandma so that things don't
go awry? Am I summing up accurately? There? Jason? Is
(12:15):
that about the situation?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah? Yeah, that nailed it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Okay, So let's do a Let's assume some facts not
in evidence. Let's assume that she was at death's door, right,
or doing poorly and on a decline. Let's just assume
that if the most important documents you can have, the
(12:40):
most important documents you can have are the healthcare financial
powers of attorney along with a HIPPA, a privacy release form,
an advanced directive, and a designation of funeral representative. These
are the very basics, so that if she became incompetent
or and you can see, if you could see that coming,
then at least you're not going to probate court for
(13:01):
a guardianship and conservatorship, right. So that's the that's the
triage sort of thing. Having a will is not a
bad idea. So so at least we know who the
referee is, who's going to fight over the house. Now,
if Grandma eventually needs long term care and all you
have is a will, which is a lot of people
say that's all you need, Oh, you need a will,
(13:22):
then remember a will is simply instructions to the probate court.
That's all it is. So if you have a will
and you're going to use the will, the only place
a will works is in probate. Okay, Now, if you've
got nothing, then fine, you don't don't even worry. You
don't have to worry about probate because you got nothing,
(13:43):
will go through probate on right. So if I've got
a house, though, that's in the you know court, it's
got to be quarter million dollars, assuming that it's not
a total wreck and nowadays, so this.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Is a start to interrupt, but this no, please, My
question too is what if it's a what if it's
a mobile home? You own the mobile home, but you
don't own a lot of the time.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Right. So, in fact, we just had one of these
on on Friday where the and it was sort of
the same situation. It was a relative and it's like,
you know, like Sandy Pines for example, is it's all
manufactured homes. Nobody owns the land. Those things are worth
hundreds of thousands of nous is ridiculous. It depends where
(14:32):
you're at, depends what the contract is. Okay, it can
it can actually be very valuable thing. I don't know,
but obviously situation. So I'm giving general advice. Yeah, I
beg your pardon. So let's hypothetically.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
The way to go about it.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Okay, Yeah, So what you would do, what what we
would do if you if you hadn't asked that there
was Let's say, I'm just assuming the house is not
a twelve thousand dollars nineteen seventy two win. Would you
know it's a it's something that's worth that's worth keeping.
Then that's what that's my operating assumption. If now here's
(15:14):
the deal. If if it's not, if it's you know,
a boy, I hope they don't charge me to haul
it away, and we've got a minimal amount of money
in the bank, then you do a will because who
cares anyway? And then you do you do the powers
of attorney. So while your grandmother's alive then and if
she's not able to make decisions for herself, or if
(15:36):
she just wants you to do it, she can delegate
authority through the powers of attorney and now you're done.
If you have assets that are that are valuable that
could be sold, like and this comes up with the
mobile homes a lot. Why we do trusts for exactly?
Why are you doing a trust for someone has a
mobile home? You know, so I waste the time, blah
(15:56):
blah blah. Well wait a second. The problem with a
mobile home is, especially if it's a park model, is
you're paying the rent right on the thing, and if
you sell it, now you've got cash. If you've got cash,
you can't keep the cash if you need help with
the long term care. Okay, So our goal with people
(16:17):
who've got the manufactured homes, park model or not, what
we say is, given that she's eighty, I'm in her eighties,
I'm guessing the question is are there does she have
some deficits at this point, activities of daily life, memory
or cognition issues, anything like that where she would need
(16:39):
assistance to stay at home. If so, my favorite program
in the world, which is the program of all Inclusive
Care for the Elderly, a Medicaid program that she's been
paying into for the last umpty ump years. Okay, every
paycheck you've been paying for. It would be ideal for her, okay,
(17:00):
because what PACE is they'll come out to the Yeah,
it's called PACE Program of All Inclusive Care for the Elderly.
Which what county is she in? If I could ask
Walker Michigan, Okay, so she's in Kent County. Great, so
then yeah, so it's uh, this is embarrassing because I
(17:24):
can't decide if it's life circles or care choices. But anyway,
we have a wonderful I mean really wonderful PACE program
here in Kent County. It's it's great. There's two locations,
one kind of down south, the other one's over in Lowell,
near near Ionia, and they'll come pick her up five
days a week, take her to the senior center, they
(17:46):
do the personal hygiene and if as time goes by,
she needs assisted living or skilled nursing, which only a
very very small percentage do. Most PACE recipients die at home.
Most of them die at home, then that'd be perfect
for her, you see. And then the reason we would
still do a trust, you know, at least think about
(18:06):
it is if the mobile home has value, Let's say
it's fifty thousand dollars, and let's say she can't stay
there anymore. If I've got the trust, and I do
a divestment trust, and I do it with millionaires, I
do it with people with very little, because the technique
is the same. I don't care how much money you've got.
It's worth hanging on to, all right, I don't want
(18:28):
to I don't want to spend it if I don't
have to write, and so that would be in the mix. Right,
there's no this is not legal advice. Incidentally, this is
a lively legal discussion, but not legal advice. Okay, So
exactly what we would do is going to depend on
the individual situation. Okay, but we go a lot further
(18:48):
than you know, most people just brush this up. Oh
you got mobile man, you know, put somebody else on
the title, forget about it. No, no, no, no no,
because depending on depending on the value of the of
the property. If she does go to an assisted living,
right and I've maintained that value, now you've got Jason's
got enough money to make sure that grandma gets her
(19:09):
hair done every week, and she gets she gets the extras.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
As another question. So that's that's definite concern, is that
is how to go about broaching this conversation with her
in a way that has the answers immediately. Like, so
as far as the home the healthcare part goes, and
since that's such a tricky subject with you know, everyone's
(19:38):
personal medical rights and privacy, I'm my concern is protecting
my grandmother's privacy while at the same time making sure
that everything's done above board.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Yeah, so get her in for an appointment, because here's
the thing, you're a grandkid. Okay, very difficult to listen
to the whipper snappers, you know, I mean people have
I'll talk about the next that in the next in
the next segment. Okay, that the communication thing is very
very difficult. And if we if you can get her
(20:10):
into the office right where it's not See it's not
that you're saying anything wrong. You're not, and there's no
technique that fixes it. It's just who you are. It's
the messenger is the problem. They'll listen to me, they
just won't listen to you. I mean, I'm sorry, but
that's the way it goes all right, I'll talk about
that more in the next segment. Hang on if you'd
(20:31):
like to. Okay, sure, thank you. All right, you've got
the music means I need to get out. You've been
listening to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier, your
family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
David's got the how too you're looking for Just call
seven seven twenty four. This is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your Family's personal attorney. We're just talking with Jason about
grandma and it's a you know, I usually start this
thing with some idea what I'm going to talk about,
not a not a script or anything, but some idea,
and then somebody calls in and it's like, oh, let's
(21:16):
talk about that instead. It's a lot more interesting. And
the question is how do you talk to somebody about
this stuff? All right? How do you do it? And
there are all kinds and I've seen them, all kinds
of advice out there for oh, how do you bring
out how do you have the conversation? Right, not the
(21:36):
sex conversation with your kids, but but the long term
conversation with your parents, and it's just as difficult, more
touchy and whatnot. But the problem is not the message.
See everybody thinks it's the message. Oh how do I
say this? Or or what do I say? Or mayrint?
(21:57):
And and he completely missed the boat because the question
is not is not what you're saying. Now Usually it's wrong, okay,
because you're repeating what everybody else told you, what the
lawyer told you, what the financial advisor told you, what
the person over the backyard fence told you, unless it Chris,
you're repeating, but I say, which is always correct. Is anyway,
(22:22):
it's not the message, it's the messenger. Do you see?
The problem is not what you're saying, it's that it's
you saying it. I can't tell you how many times
you're sitting across the table and it's it's very typical
husband and wife, right, because it's always one of them
dragged not always, but usually one of them dragged the
(22:42):
other one in, you know, and they've been trying to
drag him in for the last twenty years. You know, Oh,
we need to get this taken care of, We need
to get this taken care of. And sometimes it's the
husband and sometimes it's the wife, and I'm there's no
all this or never that. Forty three percent of caregivers
are men, according to the New York Times. So there
(23:03):
you go a lot of misconception about that. But the
point is somebody dragged the other one in. And then
when I start laying things out right, and now the
reluctant spouse, the one that had to be dragged kicking
and screaming to do anything. Oh yeah, that makes sense.
That makes sense. Now the one who's been a good
(23:24):
one gets all pissed off. It's like elbows the ah,
I've been telling you not for twenty years. And my
attitude there is then celebrate the victory. Just take the
win because they finally agreed with you, and now we're
going to get something done. That's a win. And if
you think it's bad with spouses, at least you're nominally equal, right,
(23:46):
I mean, you're both adults. Whatever. Imagine now that the person,
an individual who's butt you used to wipe right your
kid is now the one telling you, oh my god,
I mean it's it's it's it's terrible on so many levels,
you know, relationship and all the rest of it, you know,
even parents, even parents who acknowledge their kids and all
(24:10):
the rest of it, have very very difficult time listening
to this kind of thing from their kids. And it's
not the message. And you and your parents are sharp, right,
I mean, even people who who've lost the step, right,
these folks know when someone's trying to get over on them.
(24:31):
So these you see these strategies, Oh, here's how you
bring it up, you know. And it's like it's like
if you don't think they see you coming a mile away,
you don't know them very well. Okay, people have been
bamboozling your parents since before you were born. Okay, they
can see it coming. So don't think you're gonna say
(24:52):
something that's tricksy or whatever else and get away with it.
It ain't happening. The my advice is, this is what
I think, and this is one of the reasons. So
we've got a couple of ways of doing this. One
is the workshop. That's why we do workshops, why because
they're easy to come to. All Right, now, you've got
somebody standing up in front of the room, myself, one
(25:14):
of the attorney, other attorneys, one of our pair ofalegals, right,
just kind of laying out for you what's going on,
and now you don't have to bring it up. Plus
we have cookies, you know, just come for the cookies
or whatever and tell them that. But get their butt
in the seat. Right for the three secrets especially is great,
right because it's short, it's to the point. It's not
(25:36):
a bunch of legalese. Right. It might be a lawyer
giving it, might be one of the pair of legals
giving it right, because it's really just basic stuff that
you gotta know. And it isn't you saying it all right.
It's not the spouse saying it. It's not the kids
saying it, or god forbid the grandkids saying it right. Instead,
it's just kind of a new Oh what do you
(25:57):
think about on the way home? What do you think
about that? Grandma? Oh? That was a bunch of yeah,
well maybe, but you know whatever, it gets a conversation started,
and you're not the ones starting it, so you have
at least a fighting chance of actually having a conversation,
do you see. And it's not I can't say it
(26:18):
enough because people think, and I've seen these coaches out there,
it's like, oh, say it like this, you know, related
to their birthday or Christmas or Easter. I don't know.
There's supposedly these ways of ways to talk to your parents,
you know, and it's like it's just utter nonsense because
it's not about what you say, it's about who you
(26:39):
are saying it. Okay, you know, don't shoot the messenger.
Why do you think people say don't shoot the messenger,
because they shoot the messenger. That's why messengers get shut.
Messengers get shot all the time when you say, oh,
don't shoot the messenger. Okay, it's a problem. And that
(27:00):
is the big deal. So one way as you come
to the workshop's very easy way, very low, very low threshold.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Oh you got to go to the lawyer's out. Yeah,
but there's gonna be a whole bunch of other people there. Great, great, okay,
let's do that. Or if it's one of our off
site we're doing them at Russ's restaurants. Oh, let's go
have some of that Russ's onion rings and fried chicken
or the pressure cooked chicken that they have. Oh that's wonderful. Yeah,
let's do that. Oh and look, you know it's they
talk about this stuff. Okay, well why not? And now
(27:29):
you've got something, you're in a room with you know,
twenty thirty other people, and you know everybody's kind of listening,
and it's not that bad. Okay, we could do it
like that, or or if there's any recognition at all
that there might be something necessary to be done, you
call the office and you set an appointment. Just come
on in and we'll talk to you. We'll talk to
(27:51):
you one on one. Okay, that doesn't cut it either, right.
The reason we do the workshops, why do we do
workshops because it's a lot less expensive, Right to do
a workshop where you're talking to a dozen people or
twenty families or whatever else, Right, that's a lot less
expensive than one on wanting it, Okay, so it is
so that brings our cost down. That's that's why we
(28:14):
like doing it. But in a given case, right, and
we don't charge extra, it's just our overhead, right, we
don't charge extra. But if you do a one on
one for that meaning it's still free. Right, that's and
then you decide what path you're going to take. But
the point is, right, what you really need to do.
My suggestion is don't try to convince them that they
(28:37):
are to do a plan or what the nature of
the plan ought to be or any of that stuff.
Don't do it. This is this is why so many rotten, lousy,
stupid plan This is why ladybird Deder know. Oh it's easy,
it's easy. Oh yeah, and they've heard about it somewhere,
so you just do it. And now it's all screwed up.
But oh it was easy, right. But if you come
to a workshop, well why not you know what that?
(29:00):
Or do the Russ's thing. You know, we're doing those
every other week, so you know, you've got an excuse
to have the conversation. But you don't have to carry
the conversation because I'll tell you what happens sometimes, and
it's not that unusual. Is it's the one who cares
the most, who is pushing to get it done. Now
(29:22):
the suspicion falls on them. Now they get disinherited because
they were the only one that cared. And then when
they didn't care, well, there's no problem. It's it's not good,
but it does happen. You don't want it happen in
your family. And again they will shoot the messenger. Let
me be the messenger. Okay, Let one of the attorneys
be the messenger because that way they can actually hear it.
(29:46):
They can't hear it from you because of the relationship,
not because you're saying anything wrong now, because you're not
skillful in how you present it. It's a fundamental problem. Spouses
with spouses, parents with kids and grandkids. That's the it's
the relationship that makes the makes it difficult. And then
you can be very supportive once they buy into it,
(30:08):
once it's their idea. Okay, once it's their idea, good good.
Now you can be very helpful. Okay, But if you're
the one, you know, what did they do? You know
what happened to the first time Moses came down with
the tablets right smashed them because they were ignoring And
it's terrible, all right. Being the messenger is a very
difficult thing. But that's where we can help out. That's
(30:29):
why we do the workshops and you can do a
one on one if you'd like to as well. Just
give us a call. Even listening to the David Carrier Show,
I'm David Carrier, your family's personal attorney. Wellcome back to
the David Carrier Show where we make the rock and
world go around nless we try, We do our best.
Six one six seven seven four twenty four twenty four.
(30:50):
That's six one, six seven seven four twenty four twenty
four is the number to call. We'll get your question,
comment or concern on the air. We had a caller
earlier who brought up the well, the first question is
what do we do with grandma right? Who is sharpest attack?
Living in a single wide or it could be double white,
I don't know, liv in a manufactured home. What's the
(31:13):
good idea? Well, you know right away you're thinking. I'm
thinking for anybody, anybody at all, anybody at all, whether
it's your college student, whether it's your middle aged person,
whether it's your older, older parent, whoever the most important documents.
I know everyone thinks trusts and wills, and it's not trusting.
It's not about trust and wills. It's about you're still alive.
(31:36):
And I would just assume not spend bookoo bucks, thousands
and thousands of dollars on going to probate court because
you had a stroke, or because you were in a
car accident, or because whatever happened, and now we need
somebody to pay your bills. Talk to the doctors, make
medical decisions all the rest of it. And when I'm
talking about our powers of attorney and the associated documents,
(31:59):
it's not just the power of attorney. And here's the
here's the other problem you got when I say power
of attorney. People think that's a thing. It isn't a thing.
There isn't just oh give me one of them powers
of attorney. It's not like, uh, well, if I say
give me an egg, what do you think I'm talking
(32:19):
about chicken egg? Right, that's what I would think. Well,
maybe it's an ostrich egg, or maybe it's one of
those they sell these package of quail eggs. I'm like,
what's the deal with those, you know, quail eggs? And
it's like, oh, well, you know, they're cute, they're little. Yeah,
I know, but you gotta if you're gonna have scrambled eggs, boy,
you gotta crack a whole bunch of shells. Get the jumbo,
(32:41):
you know, get the big ones. Anyway, I have to
admit that what she made, she hard boiled them and
used them as a sort of a garnished sort of thing.
It was cool. Anyway. The point is the point is
when you say egg, you mean something. When you say,
power of attorney, you mean something, at least you think
you mean something. But the problem is that it doesn't
(33:03):
work like that. Powers of attorney are unique. Eggs are
It's not enough to say, get me an egg. You
think you know what you're talking about. I've used this
example gazillion times. Hammer give me a hammer, well, a
ballpeen hammer, a framing hammer, a sledge hammer, you know,
the thing that the doctor hits your knee with. I mean,
(33:24):
what kind of hammer are we talking about? Right? It matters.
You got to be aware that when people say powers
of attorney, right, like, I've seen a million powers of
any you can't use most of them. Ninety five percent.
And that's my estimation from my experience my first Amendment
right to say ninety five percent. I don't know. Maybe
it's ninety three percent, maybe it's ninety seven percent. It's
(33:47):
an awful lot. Most of the powers of attorney I see,
I can't use them when it comes to actually getting
things done because the powers are not delegated in the
power of attorney. In fact, most of what we need
to do need to do is presumptively not in the
power of attorney. You have to be very explicit about it. Okay,
(34:08):
So yeah, you get the powers of attorney. That's the basic.
At least get those, okay, and then we can talk
about the rest of it when we've got we've got
a difficult timely situation. Okay, now, how are you going
to have that? But having the conversation is key to
all of this, and they don't want to have the
(34:30):
conversation with you for the reasons I just talked about,
which is mostly you're the relative, you're the little kid,
you're the grandkid. Hard to take advice from you, Easier
to take advice from the attorney. Not easy, but easier.
And to make it even easier we talk about this
before too. We just came out with a fifty page,
(34:51):
heavy duty, really good brochure. It's a brochure, okay, but
it's you know, it's a card stock really nice, it's free,
it doesn't cost you anything to get it, and it
kind of lays out the philosophy of how do we
do these things? What's important? What is it important? What
does this mean? What does that mean? It's a very
(35:14):
good It gives you something rather than you trying to
remember this stuff, it gives you something in your hot
little hand there to say, here's what's going on now
along with that, right, because not everybody can call in,
all right, we've only got two hours here. Not everybody
can call in, but we do. We have done a
(35:35):
we call it the threat assessment, the diagnostic threat assessment,
and what it is you call in right, we pull
out this up to an AI thing, okay, and we
ask you a bunch of questions. We go through the
questions and it produces a report. Again, a conversation piece.
It's not it's not here's what you gotta do, right,
(35:58):
it's more like going to it's you know, it's like
it's like getting an x ray right there. The person
at the x ray machine isn't going to interpret the
x ray for you, okay, But but if you don't
have that, then nobody can. Nobody knows what's going on.
So you've got to go through that diagnostic sort of thing.
And there is some general advice. You know, you get
(36:21):
your you get nowadays, you get all your medical stuff
there and you can kind of figure out what's going on.
It's a conversation piece, it's not you got to do
this or in your situation, that is the absolute thing
to do. No, But it is a conversation starter. It
is useful information and you're not going to be reading
(36:41):
about stuff that is irrelevant to you. That's see, that's
the power of these new tools. We can give you
a report, we can give you a written thing and
you can double check, go to the you know, type
it in and ask questions and all the rest of that.
That's good. Good to verify what we're saying, want you
to do that. But now you've got a framework for it.
(37:04):
So we've got the very general the book right that
you can get. Oh and my book is finally coming out,
you know, ten years in the making, that'll be out.
That'll be out the next couple of months, who knows,
maybe in time for Christmas. But that's a regular book.
This is a fifty page here's what's going on in
this world, and it's big print, and it's got pictures
(37:24):
in it and stuff like that. It's free, call in
and if you ask, if you ask, we're more than
happy not only to send that to you, but also
do the diagnostic threat assessment. Here's what's going on, and
we ask some simple questions, how old are you, are
you married, do you have a house, what are your
savings like, don't tell us exactly. We don't care exactly.
(37:47):
But the more you tell us, the more detailed, the
more specific the report's going to be. All right. This
is all with the idea of putting something in your
hands that you can use as a reference. You can
evaluate why'd you say this, why'd you say that? Well,
here's why, and this was what this means, and that's
what that means. Take it somewhere else. Go ahead, God
(38:09):
bless you, right, go ahead, that's wonderful. Fine, we're just
trying to get the information out in a way that's useful,
that's authoritative, without dictating what it is exactly you're going
to do, because it's complex. It's not that easy, and
everybody who tells you it is is selling something, right.
(38:30):
It's just not that, oh here, you just do this,
just do that, just fill in the blanks. It ain't
like that. But you can get some guidance. You can
get guidance there, and that can be very useful to
having the conversation with your loved ones, to determining for
yourself what you might like to do. This communication thing
(38:50):
is really so it is very important and over the
last thirty five years. I've been doing this. You can
see that it's not done well, and we're trying to
make it better. E've been listening to the David Carrier Show.
I'm David Carrier, your family's personal attorney. If you want
that brochure, David at Davidcarrier Law dot com, drop us
an email. We'll get it right back to you. We've
(39:12):
got five hundred h and we can get more.
He served at the Pentagon as an army jag. He
graduated from Notre Dame and has two law degrees from
Boston University and Georgetown University. He's been practicing law for
over thirty years. He's your family's personal attorney. It's time
for the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hello, and welcome to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Now's the time give us a call.
Six months. I know you're waiting all week for this,
haven't you? For the one live show on Sunday, the
only live show on Sunday other than going to church.
That would be a live show as well, and you
should do that. But six six seven seven four twenty
(00:41):
four twenty four. At six six seven seven four twenty
four to twenty four, we'll get your question, comment or concern, question,
comment or concern on the air. And you can't complain
about my looks because you can't see him. Otherwise we
get mostly complaints on that probably anyway. Six months, six
seven seven four, twenty four twenty four. Of course we
(01:04):
talk here about estate planning. What's a state planning? Estate
planning is the thing that you never want to do
you want to put off because you know that as
soon as you get a will or a trust, as
soon as you get your affairs in order, boom, you're
gonna die. I can't I can't tell you how many
times I've heard that. Oh yeah, I do it. But
you know everybody always dies when they get a will
or trust. It's like what everybody dies? Period? Man, that's deal.
(01:31):
That's why you get this stuff done. So the last
act of your life does not resemble a dumpster fire.
How about that? Maybe we should call it that. Maybe
you should call it that non dumpster fire death. Yeah,
I like that. So huh death planning When no dumpster fires,
you're not remembered as a pathetic loser. You're remember somebody
(01:52):
who got the job done. How about that? I don't
know that'd be different anyway. That's what estate planning is
not really And this is my view of the world right,
which is not customary, as I keep being reminded, is
what everybody's doing. You know, Well you're so special. Well
I'm not special. If my clients who were special, let's
face it, and what is it? Where? What is it
(02:14):
we're doing here? Well, we're making sure that you don't
go broke, and making sure that the rest of your life,
the rest of your life, honors the first seven eighths
of it, like why wouldn't we do that? And yet,
and yet so many people just ignore that, They blow
it off, they forget about it. It's not what's important,
it's not customary. I had a nickel every time I
(02:36):
heard that anyway, six one, six, seven, seven four, twenty four,
twenty four. The key is not that you're gonna die,
because guess what comes for us? All the graveyards. I
forget who said this. The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
And of course nowadays they would say and women too,
don't forget the women. Indispensable women, full of people that
(02:57):
you know you can't do without. But I guess what,
somehow or other you managed to do without them. And
that's the deal. We all come to it, right, ashes
to ashes, dust to dust. Right, that's the deal. You
can't get around it. The question is, though, how are
you going to handle it? You managed to handle your
time here, right. The things that you did were primarily,
(03:20):
at least in this country, thank god, in this country,
is pretty much what you wanted to do. You pretty
much did it pretty much? And you made choices and
you sacrificed for this and that, and now you are
where you are and the question is how do you
not screw it up? Now? That's what in case you
(03:40):
haven't figured that one out. Okay, that's really what this is.
That's what this stuff is all about. It's about making
sure that the rest of your life honors the first
part of it. Okay, that's first and foremost. Because the
death stuff. Yeah, yeah, death stuff is important, you know,
but guess what, You're dead? You are though, I mean
(04:00):
you are when that happens. You're not living anymore. And
you know, yeah, nobody nobody wants to leave a dumpster fire,
as I say, the dumpster fire of death. Nobody wants
to leave that for their kids, for their families or relations.
When you know, you'd rather be remembered as somebody who
had their act together, which is how you lived your life,
as opposed to somebody who you know, just gave up
(04:22):
and you know, became a burden on every everyone. So
I don't want to be a burden. Well, you don't
take care of yourself, you're going to be a burden.
So why not take care of yourself because there are
very simple things that you can do to do that.
That's the elder law part of it. You know, the
elder law, like it's different, it's not different, it's it's
the thing. It is the thing. Anyway, we also do
(04:42):
with real estate and business law. So interest rates coming down,
Oh my goodness, oh wow, chicken in every pot in
the car and every garage, and a mortgage, a mortgage
for the kiddies. It goes on until the twenty third generation. Anyway.
That's so that's happening. Interest rates coming down. What does
that mean? That means that all that foot traffic that
(05:04):
you got people looking at your house, Oh boy, I
really love your house. The house is great. Well, what
a wonderful house. But they didn't buy it. Now they
can buy it right and the market will adjust. And
you know for some people who who've been oh, we
can't get anybody to buy the house because the interest
rates are too high. Interest rates coming down, that's that's
(05:26):
a good thing. So yeah, I wonder how that happened. Anyway. Also,
business law, you know, COVID was terrible for business. Sixty
percent of small business got wiped out, right, So what
does that mean? It means there's a lot of opportunity
out there, you know, provided you're not in one of
those cities where you have to lock away the toothpaste.
(05:47):
I don't know why you be there, but anyway, as
so long as you don't have to worry about smashing grabs,
now is the time not a bad time to start
a business? Why not? Right? So if you if you're
wondering about that, what do we do for the business, Hey,
we can help out. Now A big, big news, big announcement,
you know, wonderful stuff happening. We we just got a
(06:09):
fifty page it's it's really it's a reference guy, is
what it is. It's a reference guy. And it's free, free,
free for you. We've got our first five hundred copies.
You know. It's so exciting because because I've been working
on this literally since since before the COVID that's been
a long time. That's been five six years now, I've
(06:30):
been working on this, and we finally finally got we
got the it's a fifty page brochure, but it's you know,
it's a full size you know, like eight and a
half by eleven, really good stuff. It's free. Give us
a call. We'll get it for you, or best yet,
Davidcarrier Law dot com. Just leave us, leave me an
(06:51):
email David at Davidcarrier Law dot com and we'll get
your copy. Hey, we've got Jason on the line. Good morning, Jason,
Welcome to the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Hi, how are you.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Working? And working? Notre name lost, but I'm right here.
Can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I lost by one.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Give me a moment, let me since I think that's
my problem.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Oh there you go. Yeah, Okay, that's not my probability.
That's a problem.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
But you know I have a problem with technology, and
I think that that's actually got part of my question
for you. Okay, okay, let's make sure you can still hear.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Unplug it and plug it back in.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
That's my answer to restart it. Yeah, I keep hearing
that I need to restart everything ever, over and over again.
So I am currently attempting to help my grandmother transition
from one standard of living to another would probably be
the most appropriate way to put this. And I've ran
(08:00):
into a few problems with family planning as far as
who's okay to to do what? And I was hoping
you might have some advice for someone in my position.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh dear God, do we have advice? Oh, we came
to the right chop for that. So let me ask
a couple of let me ask just a couple of questions.
So all right, well you should you should record it?
Well anyway, you know the radio show. Yeah, it's available,
(08:35):
figure out if you email me. Well with that, here's
the here's the deal we've got. We're at the Ice
Store for the last twenty years. Okay, so you can download,
you can go back like I don't know whenever you started,
which seems like twenty years. It's probably only eighteen nineteen.
But you can at the Ice store. Yeah, or you
(08:58):
can they've got it on the on the wood, on
the iHeartMedia, on the website. It's on there, and we
can we can email it to you because we've got
a bunch of these on the on our own website.
So many ways to do it, and if you'd like,
if you drive it, just drop us an email David
at Davidcarrier Law dot com and say, hey, give me
that new brochure you were talking about, because it is
(09:20):
jam packed with information and I wrote it so it
sounds kind of like the radio show. But on paper,
you can imagine a different technology, right, all right, so
we'll get you that. But I'm going to answer it.
I'm going to answer your question. I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna slough that off. It's just that my my
producers telling me. I've got thirty seconds here, But go ahead.
(09:40):
Does grandma have a house?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Okay? And does grandma have any savings.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
As far as I know, not a lot, not a lot.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Like what twenty thousand, fifty thousand, something like that, or
some people think a million dollars, not a lot. Okay, okay, good,
But we've got a house. But we've got a house,
that's kay. Okay. So, and how old is she? If
I could ask, well, she was.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Born in the late nineteen thirties, we'll put it into that.
But before nineteen forties.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Okay, if I told her age, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I get it, I get it. But in her eighties anyway,
and then any significant health issues at this point, you.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Know, not any that I can see. And we've been
making sure to get to all the doctor's appointments, so
you know, as far as cool.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
So that music good, Jason, hang on to the next segment.
It means you got to listen to commercials. But it'll
be okay, and we'll back and we'll talk about what
needs to be done next.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Fair enough, no problem, appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Okay, you've actually you're listening to the David Carriers Show
on David Carrier, your family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
This hour of the David Carrier Show is pro bono,
so call in now at seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. This is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your family's personal attorney. Give us a call away, don't
you just sixty one six seven seven four twenty four
twenty four. That's sixty one six seven seven four twenty
four twenty four. Let's do a little thought experiment, shall we.
Let's say you have a grandmother, grandmother, and she's in
(11:33):
her eighties. Now, health is pretty good, you know, from
what we can tell, she's coaching and making it, making
it happen. We take her to her doctor's appointments, which
he goes to joyfully, willingly anyway, and she still has
her home. So unless it's an absolute shotgun check, you know,
it's a quarter million dollars three hundred and fifty thousand
(11:54):
dollars in this in this area. Thank god you're not
in California. No particular health issues. As I said, minimal savings.
And let's say you're the dutiful grandchild and you're wondering
what do I do with grandma so that things don't
go awry? Am I summing up accurately? There? Jason? Is
(12:15):
that about the situation?
Speaker 3 (12:16):
Yeah? Yeah, that nailed it.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Okay, So let's do a Let's assume some facts not
in evidence. Let's assume that she was at death's door, right,
or doing poorly and on a decline. Let's just assume
that if the most important documents you can have, the
(12:40):
most important documents you can have are the healthcare financial
powers of attorney along with a HIPPA, a privacy release form,
an advanced directive, and a designation of funeral representative. These
are the very basics, so that if she became incompetent
or and you can see, if you could see that coming,
then at least you're not going to probate court for
(13:01):
a guardianship and conservatorship, right. So that's the that's the
triage sort of thing. Having a will is not a
bad idea. So so at least we know who the
referee is, who's going to fight over the house. Now,
if Grandma eventually needs long term care and all you
have is a will, which is a lot of people
say that's all you need, Oh, you need a will,
(13:22):
then remember a will is simply instructions to the probate court.
That's all it is. So if you have a will
and you're going to use the will, the only place
a will works is in probate. Okay, Now, if you've
got nothing, then fine, you don't don't even worry. You
don't have to worry about probate because you got nothing,
(13:43):
will go through probate on right. So if I've got
a house, though, that's in the you know court, it's
got to be quarter million dollars, assuming that it's not
a total wreck and nowadays, so this.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Is a start to interrupt, but this no, please, My
question too is what if it's a what if it's
a mobile home? You own the mobile home, but you
don't own a lot of the time.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Right. So, in fact, we just had one of these
on on Friday where the and it was sort of
the same situation. It was a relative and it's like,
you know, like Sandy Pines for example, is it's all
manufactured homes. Nobody owns the land. Those things are worth
hundreds of thousands of nous is ridiculous. It depends where
(14:32):
you're at, depends what the contract is. Okay, it can
it can actually be very valuable thing. I don't know,
but obviously situation. So I'm giving general advice. Yeah, I
beg your pardon. So let's hypothetically.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
The way to go about it.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Okay, Yeah, So what you would do, what what we
would do if you if you hadn't asked that there
was Let's say, I'm just assuming the house is not
a twelve thousand dollars nineteen seventy two win. Would you
know it's a it's something that's worth that's worth keeping.
Then that's what that's my operating assumption. If now here's
(15:14):
the deal. If if it's not, if it's you know,
a boy, I hope they don't charge me to haul
it away, and we've got a minimal amount of money
in the bank, then you do a will because who
cares anyway? And then you do you do the powers
of attorney. So while your grandmother's alive then and if
she's not able to make decisions for herself, or if
(15:36):
she just wants you to do it, she can delegate
authority through the powers of attorney and now you're done.
If you have assets that are that are valuable that
could be sold, like and this comes up with the
mobile homes a lot. Why we do trusts for exactly?
Why are you doing a trust for someone has a
mobile home? You know, so I waste the time, blah
(15:56):
blah blah. Well wait a second. The problem with a
mobile home is, especially if it's a park model, is
you're paying the rent right on the thing, and if
you sell it, now you've got cash. If you've got cash,
you can't keep the cash if you need help with
the long term care. Okay, So our goal with people
(16:17):
who've got the manufactured homes, park model or not, what
we say is, given that she's eighty, I'm in her eighties,
I'm guessing the question is are there does she have
some deficits at this point, activities of daily life, memory
or cognition issues, anything like that where she would need
(16:39):
assistance to stay at home. If so, my favorite program
in the world, which is the program of all Inclusive
Care for the Elderly, a Medicaid program that she's been
paying into for the last umpty ump years. Okay, every
paycheck you've been paying for. It would be ideal for her, okay,
(17:00):
because what PACE is they'll come out to the Yeah,
it's called PACE Program of All Inclusive Care for the Elderly.
Which what county is she in? If I could ask
Walker Michigan, Okay, so she's in Kent County. Great, so
then yeah, so it's uh, this is embarrassing because I
(17:24):
can't decide if it's life circles or care choices. But anyway,
we have a wonderful I mean really wonderful PACE program
here in Kent County. It's it's great. There's two locations,
one kind of down south, the other one's over in Lowell,
near near Ionia, and they'll come pick her up five
days a week, take her to the senior center, they
(17:46):
do the personal hygiene and if as time goes by,
she needs assisted living or skilled nursing, which only a
very very small percentage do. Most PACE recipients die at home.
Most of them die at home, then that'd be perfect
for her, you see. And then the reason we would
still do a trust, you know, at least think about
(18:06):
it is if the mobile home has value, Let's say
it's fifty thousand dollars, and let's say she can't stay
there anymore. If I've got the trust, and I do
a divestment trust, and I do it with millionaires, I
do it with people with very little, because the technique
is the same. I don't care how much money you've got.
It's worth hanging on to, all right, I don't want
(18:28):
to I don't want to spend it if I don't
have to write, and so that would be in the mix. Right,
there's no this is not legal advice. Incidentally, this is
a lively legal discussion, but not legal advice. Okay, So
exactly what we would do is going to depend on
the individual situation. Okay, but we go a lot further
(18:48):
than you know, most people just brush this up. Oh
you got mobile man, you know, put somebody else on
the title, forget about it. No, no, no, no no,
because depending on depending on the value of the of
the property. If she does go to an assisted living,
right and I've maintained that value, now you've got Jason's
got enough money to make sure that grandma gets her
(19:09):
hair done every week, and she gets she gets the extras.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
As another question. So that's that's definite concern, is that
is how to go about broaching this conversation with her
in a way that has the answers immediately. Like, so
as far as the home the healthcare part goes, and
since that's such a tricky subject with you know, everyone's
(19:38):
personal medical rights and privacy, I'm my concern is protecting
my grandmother's privacy while at the same time making sure
that everything's done above board.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Yeah, so get her in for an appointment, because here's
the thing, you're a grandkid. Okay, very difficult to listen
to the whipper snappers, you know, I mean people have
I'll talk about the next that in the next in
the next segment. Okay, that the communication thing is very
very difficult. And if we if you can get her
(20:10):
into the office right where it's not See it's not
that you're saying anything wrong. You're not, and there's no
technique that fixes it. It's just who you are. It's
the messenger is the problem. They'll listen to me, they
just won't listen to you. I mean, I'm sorry, but
that's the way it goes all right, I'll talk about
that more in the next segment. Hang on if you'd
(20:31):
like to. Okay, sure, thank you. All right, you've got
the music means I need to get out. You've been
listening to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier, your
family's personal attorney.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
David's got the how too you're looking for Just call
seven seven twenty four. This is the David Carrier Show.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Welcome back to the David Carrier Show. I'm David Carrier,
your Family's personal attorney. We're just talking with Jason about
grandma and it's a you know, I usually start this
thing with some idea what I'm going to talk about,
not a not a script or anything, but some idea,
and then somebody calls in and it's like, oh, let's
(21:16):
talk about that instead. It's a lot more interesting. And
the question is how do you talk to somebody about
this stuff? All right? How do you do it? And
there are all kinds and I've seen them, all kinds
of advice out there for oh, how do you bring
out how do you have the conversation? Right, not the
(21:36):
sex conversation with your kids, but but the long term
conversation with your parents, and it's just as difficult, more
touchy and whatnot. But the problem is not the message.
See everybody thinks it's the message. Oh how do I
say this? Or or what do I say? Or mayrint?
(21:57):
And and he completely missed the boat because the question
is not is not what you're saying. Now Usually it's wrong, okay,
because you're repeating what everybody else told you, what the
lawyer told you, what the financial advisor told you, what
the person over the backyard fence told you, unless it Chris,
you're repeating, but I say, which is always correct. Is anyway,
(22:22):
it's not the message, it's the messenger. Do you see?
The problem is not what you're saying, it's that it's
you saying it. I can't tell you how many times
you're sitting across the table and it's it's very typical
husband and wife, right, because it's always one of them
dragged not always, but usually one of them dragged the
(22:42):
other one in, you know, and they've been trying to
drag him in for the last twenty years. You know, Oh,
we need to get this taken care of, We need
to get this taken care of. And sometimes it's the
husband and sometimes it's the wife, and I'm there's no
all this or never that. Forty three percent of caregivers
are men, according to the New York Times. So there
(23:03):
you go a lot of misconception about that. But the
point is somebody dragged the other one in. And then
when I start laying things out right, and now the
reluctant spouse, the one that had to be dragged kicking
and screaming to do anything. Oh yeah, that makes sense.
That makes sense. Now the one who's been a good
(23:24):
one gets all pissed off. It's like elbows the ah,
I've been telling you not for twenty years. And my
attitude there is then celebrate the victory. Just take the
win because they finally agreed with you, and now we're
going to get something done. That's a win. And if
you think it's bad with spouses, at least you're nominally equal, right,
(23:46):
I mean, you're both adults. Whatever. Imagine now that the person,
an individual who's butt you used to wipe right your
kid is now the one telling you, oh my god,
I mean it's it's it's it's terrible on so many levels,
you know, relationship and all the rest of it, you know,
even parents, even parents who acknowledge their kids and all
(24:10):
the rest of it, have very very difficult time listening
to this kind of thing from their kids. And it's
not the message. And you and your parents are sharp, right,
I mean, even people who who've lost the step, right,
these folks know when someone's trying to get over on them.
(24:31):
So these you see these strategies, Oh, here's how you
bring it up, you know. And it's like it's like
if you don't think they see you coming a mile away,
you don't know them very well. Okay, people have been
bamboozling your parents since before you were born. Okay, they
can see it coming. So don't think you're gonna say
(24:52):
something that's tricksy or whatever else and get away with it.
It ain't happening. The my advice is, this is what
I think, and this is one of the reasons. So
we've got a couple of ways of doing this. One
is the workshop. That's why we do workshops, why because
they're easy to come to. All Right, now, you've got
somebody standing up in front of the room, myself, one
(25:14):
of the attorney, other attorneys, one of our pair ofalegals, right,
just kind of laying out for you what's going on,
and now you don't have to bring it up. Plus
we have cookies, you know, just come for the cookies
or whatever and tell them that. But get their butt
in the seat. Right for the three secrets especially is great,
right because it's short, it's to the point. It's not
(25:36):
a bunch of legalese. Right. It might be a lawyer
giving it, might be one of the pair of legals
giving it right, because it's really just basic stuff that
you gotta know. And it isn't you saying it all right.
It's not the spouse saying it. It's not the kids
saying it, or god forbid the grandkids saying it right. Instead,
it's just kind of a new Oh what do you
(25:57):
think about on the way home? What do you think
about that? Grandma? Oh? That was a bunch of yeah,
well maybe, but you know whatever, it gets a conversation started,
and you're not the ones starting it, so you have
at least a fighting chance of actually having a conversation,
do you see. And it's not I can't say it
(26:18):
enough because people think, and I've seen these coaches out there,
it's like, oh, say it like this, you know, related
to their birthday or Christmas or Easter. I don't know.
There's supposedly these ways of ways to talk to your parents,
you know, and it's like it's just utter nonsense because
it's not about what you say, it's about who you
(26:39):
are saying it. Okay, you know, don't shoot the messenger.
Why do you think people say don't shoot the messenger,
because they shoot the messenger. That's why messengers get shut.
Messengers get shot all the time when you say, oh,
don't shoot the messenger. Okay, it's a problem. And that
(27:00):
is the big deal. So one way as you come
to the workshop's very easy way, very low, very low threshold.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Oh you got to go to the lawyer's out. Yeah,
but there's gonna be a whole bunch of other people there. Great, great, okay,
let's do that. Or if it's one of our off
site we're doing them at Russ's restaurants. Oh, let's go
have some of that Russ's onion rings and fried chicken
or the pressure cooked chicken that they have. Oh that's wonderful. Yeah,
let's do that. Oh and look, you know it's they
talk about this stuff. Okay, well why not? And now
(27:29):
you've got something, you're in a room with you know,
twenty thirty other people, and you know everybody's kind of listening,
and it's not that bad. Okay, we could do it
like that, or or if there's any recognition at all
that there might be something necessary to be done, you
call the office and you set an appointment. Just come
on in and we'll talk to you. We'll talk to
(27:51):
you one on one. Okay, that doesn't cut it either, right.
The reason we do the workshops, why do we do
workshops because it's a lot less expensive, Right to do
a workshop where you're talking to a dozen people or
twenty families or whatever else, Right, that's a lot less
expensive than one on wanting it, Okay, so it is
so that brings our cost down. That's that's why we
(28:14):
like doing it. But in a given case, right, and
we don't charge extra, it's just our overhead, right, we
don't charge extra. But if you do a one on
one for that meaning it's still free. Right, that's and
then you decide what path you're going to take. But
the point is, right, what you really need to do.
My suggestion is don't try to convince them that they
(28:37):
are to do a plan or what the nature of
the plan ought to be or any of that stuff.
Don't do it. This is this is why so many rotten, lousy,
stupid plan This is why ladybird Deder know. Oh it's easy,
it's easy. Oh yeah, and they've heard about it somewhere,
so you just do it. And now it's all screwed up.
But oh it was easy, right. But if you come
to a workshop, well why not you know what that?
(29:00):
Or do the Russ's thing. You know, we're doing those
every other week, so you know, you've got an excuse
to have the conversation. But you don't have to carry
the conversation because I'll tell you what happens sometimes, and
it's not that unusual. Is it's the one who cares
the most, who is pushing to get it done. Now
(29:22):
the suspicion falls on them. Now they get disinherited because
they were the only one that cared. And then when
they didn't care, well, there's no problem. It's it's not good,
but it does happen. You don't want it happen in
your family. And again they will shoot the messenger. Let
me be the messenger. Okay, Let one of the attorneys
be the messenger because that way they can actually hear it.
(29:46):
They can't hear it from you because of the relationship,
not because you're saying anything wrong now, because you're not
skillful in how you present it. It's a fundamental problem. Spouses
with spouses, parents with kids and grandkids. That's the it's
the relationship that makes the makes it difficult. And then
you can be very supportive once they buy into it,
(30:08):
once it's their idea. Okay, once it's their idea, good good.
Now you can be very helpful. Okay, But if you're
the one, you know, what did they do? You know
what happened to the first time Moses came down with
the tablets right smashed them because they were ignoring And
it's terrible, all right. Being the messenger is a very
difficult thing. But that's where we can help out. That's
(30:29):
why we do the workshops and you can do a
one on one if you'd like to as well. Just
give us a call. Even listening to the David Carrier Show,
I'm David Carrier, your family's personal attorney. Wellcome back to
the David Carrier Show where we make the rock and
world go around nless we try, We do our best.
Six one six seven seven four twenty four twenty four.
(30:50):
That's six one, six seven seven four twenty four twenty
four is the number to call. We'll get your question,
comment or concern on the air. We had a caller
earlier who brought up the well, the first question is
what do we do with grandma right? Who is sharpest attack?
Living in a single wide or it could be double white,
I don't know, liv in a manufactured home. What's the
(31:13):
good idea? Well, you know right away you're thinking. I'm
thinking for anybody, anybody at all, anybody at all, whether
it's your college student, whether it's your middle aged person,
whether it's your older, older parent, whoever the most important documents.
I know everyone thinks trusts and wills, and it's not trusting.
It's not about trust and wills. It's about you're still alive.
(31:36):
And I would just assume not spend bookoo bucks, thousands
and thousands of dollars on going to probate court because
you had a stroke, or because you were in a
car accident, or because whatever happened, and now we need
somebody to pay your bills. Talk to the doctors, make
medical decisions all the rest of it. And when I'm
talking about our powers of attorney and the associated documents,
(31:59):
it's not just the power of attorney. And here's the
here's the other problem you got when I say power
of attorney. People think that's a thing. It isn't a thing.
There isn't just oh give me one of them powers
of attorney. It's not like, uh, well, if I say
give me an egg, what do you think I'm talking
(32:19):
about chicken egg? Right, that's what I would think. Well,
maybe it's an ostrich egg, or maybe it's one of
those they sell these package of quail eggs. I'm like,
what's the deal with those, you know, quail eggs? And
it's like, oh, well, you know, they're cute, they're little. Yeah,
I know, but you gotta if you're gonna have scrambled eggs, boy,
you gotta crack a whole bunch of shells. Get the jumbo,
(32:41):
you know, get the big ones. Anyway, I have to
admit that what she made, she hard boiled them and
used them as a sort of a garnished sort of thing.
It was cool. Anyway. The point is the point is
when you say egg, you mean something. When you say,
power of attorney, you mean something, at least you think
you mean something. But the problem is that it doesn't
(33:03):
work like that. Powers of attorney are unique. Eggs are
It's not enough to say, get me an egg. You
think you know what you're talking about. I've used this
example gazillion times. Hammer give me a hammer, well, a
ballpeen hammer, a framing hammer, a sledge hammer, you know,
the thing that the doctor hits your knee with. I mean,
(33:24):
what kind of hammer are we talking about? Right? It matters.
You got to be aware that when people say powers
of attorney, right, like, I've seen a million powers of
any you can't use most of them. Ninety five percent.
And that's my estimation from my experience my first Amendment
right to say ninety five percent. I don't know. Maybe
it's ninety three percent, maybe it's ninety seven percent. It's
(33:47):
an awful lot. Most of the powers of attorney I see,
I can't use them when it comes to actually getting
things done because the powers are not delegated in the
power of attorney. In fact, most of what we need
to do need to do is presumptively not in the
power of attorney. You have to be very explicit about it. Okay,
(34:08):
So yeah, you get the powers of attorney. That's the basic.
At least get those, okay, and then we can talk
about the rest of it when we've got we've got
a difficult timely situation. Okay, now, how are you going
to have that? But having the conversation is key to
all of this, and they don't want to have the
(34:30):
conversation with you for the reasons I just talked about,
which is mostly you're the relative, you're the little kid,
you're the grandkid. Hard to take advice from you, Easier
to take advice from the attorney. Not easy, but easier.
And to make it even easier we talk about this
before too. We just came out with a fifty page,
(34:51):
heavy duty, really good brochure. It's a brochure, okay, but
it's you know, it's a card stock really nice, it's free,
it doesn't cost you anything to get it, and it
kind of lays out the philosophy of how do we
do these things? What's important? What is it important? What
does this mean? What does that mean? It's a very
(35:14):
good It gives you something rather than you trying to
remember this stuff, it gives you something in your hot
little hand there to say, here's what's going on now
along with that, right, because not everybody can call in,
all right, we've only got two hours here. Not everybody
can call in, but we do. We have done a
(35:35):
we call it the threat assessment, the diagnostic threat assessment,
and what it is you call in right, we pull
out this up to an AI thing, okay, and we
ask you a bunch of questions. We go through the
questions and it produces a report. Again, a conversation piece.
It's not it's not here's what you gotta do, right,
(35:58):
it's more like going to it's you know, it's like
it's like getting an x ray right there. The person
at the x ray machine isn't going to interpret the
x ray for you, okay, But but if you don't
have that, then nobody can. Nobody knows what's going on.
So you've got to go through that diagnostic sort of thing.
And there is some general advice. You know, you get
(36:21):
your you get nowadays, you get all your medical stuff
there and you can kind of figure out what's going on.
It's a conversation piece, it's not you got to do
this or in your situation, that is the absolute thing
to do. No, But it is a conversation starter. It
is useful information and you're not going to be reading
(36:41):
about stuff that is irrelevant to you. That's see, that's
the power of these new tools. We can give you
a report, we can give you a written thing and
you can double check, go to the you know, type
it in and ask questions and all the rest of that.
That's good. Good to verify what we're saying, want you
to do that. But now you've got a framework for it.
(37:04):
So we've got the very general the book right that
you can get. Oh and my book is finally coming out,
you know, ten years in the making, that'll be out.
That'll be out the next couple of months, who knows,
maybe in time for Christmas. But that's a regular book.
This is a fifty page here's what's going on in
this world, and it's big print, and it's got pictures
(37:24):
in it and stuff like that. It's free, call in
and if you ask, if you ask, we're more than
happy not only to send that to you, but also
do the diagnostic threat assessment. Here's what's going on, and
we ask some simple questions, how old are you, are
you married, do you have a house, what are your
savings like, don't tell us exactly. We don't care exactly.
(37:47):
But the more you tell us, the more detailed, the
more specific the report's going to be. All right. This
is all with the idea of putting something in your
hands that you can use as a reference. You can
evaluate why'd you say this, why'd you say that? Well,
here's why, and this was what this means, and that's
what that means. Take it somewhere else. Go ahead, God
(38:09):
bless you, right, go ahead, that's wonderful. Fine, we're just
trying to get the information out in a way that's useful,
that's authoritative, without dictating what it is exactly you're going
to do, because it's complex. It's not that easy, and
everybody who tells you it is is selling something, right.
(38:30):
It's just not that, oh here, you just do this,
just do that, just fill in the blanks. It ain't
like that. But you can get some guidance. You can
get guidance there, and that can be very useful to
having the conversation with your loved ones, to determining for
yourself what you might like to do. This communication thing
(38:50):
is really so it is very important and over the
last thirty five years. I've been doing this. You can
see that it's not done well, and we're trying to
make it better. E've been listening to the David Carrier Show.
I'm David Carrier, your family's personal attorney. If you want
that brochure, David at Davidcarrier Law dot com, drop us
an email. We'll get it right back to you. We've
(39:12):
got five hundred h and we can get more.
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