Kevio Does Italy Part 1

Kevio went to Europe for the first time, and things got off to a rocky start 

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This is the downbeat on ninety sevenone, the freak. All right,
all right, all right, westart at six a m. Of course,
Kevin Turner, Danny Batist, Mike'sRoy, J J. Jackson with
a downbeat, Benantskin Show, nextSpeakeasy, after that Vibe at Buffalo Wildling's
in grape Vine Tonight that Speakeasy twosix, and then we will be out

(00:21):
there doing the draft. Me andJeff Cavnall will do the draft six pms.
Well, we will get started theNFL draft tonight. Look forward to
that. Come now. I wenta little bit of a trip and an
adventure, Kevin, my adventure.I went adventure of a lifetime. So
long story short, I went.I got engaged in November and we have

(00:45):
not said a day and don't reallyknow when we're getting married. But she
always wanted to go to Italy.I had never really, I don't know,
I've just never really been in aposition to be like, oh,
I can go travel the globe.I don't know, for whatever reason.
And I'm like, okay, yeah, I knew she wanted to go,

(01:06):
and she actually sent me like onthis Latina. It was like she sent
me like a Dave Matthews Band tourdates Europe. Like you sent it to
me, like when the day wasreleased, and I was like, hell,
yeah, let's go to Italy.Okay it was it was just like
that, and then it was likeyou know, and then you start talking
in person about it, it's like, yeah, let's go. It was
like, let's do it. True. I love that. That's usually how

(01:30):
that's happened, right, It's somethingthat seems so far fetched or something you
can't afford or whatever, kind ofon a whim. Yeah, definitely on
a whim, and you'll never reallybe able to afford. Yeah, if
you think about it too much,travel or any of this. Like you
just booked the date, you makeit happen. Just do it. And
that's kind of what we did,and you did it to screw it.

(01:51):
I appreciate you taking that leap offaith. It definitely helps for me going
to see it and getting into adanger is can of tuna with wings to
go over deep ocean water. Itis right, a flying tile and all
it really is just a tube.It's so crazy and there's so many people
on there. It feels like there'sa guy about old man making old man

(02:13):
jokes. In my recent flight,and he kept calling it the fart tube.
They did it three times in agood two minutes before I could put
my earbuds in trying to make sureeverybody hurt him. They were all stuck
in the fart tube again. Huh, because this whole the plane, the
airplane, is the fart tube.Okay, did y'all hear what I said?

(02:34):
Said far too? Okay, someonedo something with this guy dad.
Then I reclined right into his pastaprimavera. So I stormed out of here
last Wednesday. Yeah, our flight, it was actually I thought our flight
was earlier than it was. OurI was a little bit later than it
was actually seven thirty, but youknow, you had to get there.
You got to be traffic, soleaving at five year through customs, and

(02:58):
I also had not gone to getmy medication from the pharmacy. Gotta get
snacks because it's a long flight.You might need snacks. You don't want
to get to the plane for internationaltravel at least ten hours before your flight,
for sure, And that's what Idid, but so ended up get
us. I also had to mowthe yard before I went to because what

(03:19):
my grass grows like dude. WhenI got home after one week, the
weeds were taller than my house inthe backyard. It was crazy. Either
way, get on the flight.You're sitting down. We're about to go
a little nervous. I got myflippers, got my laminated shark guide sheet,
and my pool noodle, which isnot bad convenient, but we made

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it. And this is your captainspeaking. We've got a bit of a
problem with one of the lights onthe plane. Maintenance is on the way,
should be able to handle this nextten to fifteen minutes. We appreciate
your patients. Thank you for flyingAmerican Airlines. No problema, ten fifteen
minutes whatever, nine hour flight,what's fifteen minutes thirty minutes later, there's

(04:09):
you're grabbing speak. Still having abit of a problem up here with this
light. We're having to download somenew software and that's what's the big hold
up, is to change a headlight. Didn't even know what these new cars.
Everything's computers, Mikey. So we'regonna we'll keep you updated. Thank

(04:29):
you for your patients. Hopefully we'llget up in the air in no time.
But we're gonna make sure the plane'sperfect. Okay, so I'm just
still in my head like, yeah, the plane better be perfect, right,
So I appreciate the pilot saying that. So I'm in the it's a
two three two setup across, youknow, and I'm in the middle and
the two Wait, you're in theI'm in the not in the middle,

(04:53):
I'm on the aisle. I'm inthe middle. Eree and over on the
far left one row behind me isa guy who is clearly a pilot,
a pilot. Now he was notdressed up like he was a pilot who
was going on vacation undercover pilot.So this fall on Fox, I don't
think he was an American Airlines.But he's talking to his friends and he's

(05:15):
explaining to these other two people aswell what's going on. And I heard
them clearly say are you a pilot? And he goes, yes, I
heard that, So he goes.He goes, well, yeah, I
goes. It's times like this,It's all about customer service. He's like,
part of being a pilot is beinghalf the of being a pilot is
his customer service. If people arefreaked out, you have to calm them

(05:35):
down, you have to explain.He goes, it could be a lie.
It could not be lights. Itcould be something different than that.
And the way he said it,I don't know, it's hard to read
into it. The way he saidit, it sounded like he was being
real. It sounded genuine, genuine, I think. But that's a smart
thing for the pilot to tell youis a light because then when you go

(05:59):
ultimately you're like one lights out.Yeah, and guess what, the pilot
doesn't want to fly over the oceanif it's a bigger issue either as your
grab speaking, Yeah, we're havinga hard time figuring out what the situation
is and we're not gonna take offover the ocean and a plane that's not

(06:21):
ready to go, so we're goingto go ahead and deplane and you'll go
to this gate. Oh my god, this is exhausting me just to hear
those words. So I'm okay,And now I'm like looking at the clock.
I've got a connector in Barcelona toMilan, which is just an hour,

(06:43):
fighter hour and twenty minutes. Likeit was easy. Okay, Well,
as long as you make that,we're good. And they keep giving
you the updates on your phone.Fifteen minutes later, thirty minutes later,
thirty minutes, like okay, we'renot gonna make it now. So we
get off the plane and we're juststanding there and I'm like, okay,
so they're not ready to go.There's things probably a back eleven o'clock before

(07:03):
we can get the new plane inand get on that plane from a seven
point thirty scheduled departure ouch. AndI was like, well, that throws
off our We're not going to makeour connecting flight. Now. Do we
try to get that right now ordo we handle it once we get to
Barcelona? What do you do?There was only one flight scheduled to Milan

(07:25):
at the time. There ended upbeing two more. We got lucky.
So we get back and we're hangingout and then we you know, go
have a drink, and you're justkind of waiting. Sure, if you
got on the plane, you're fine. The flight over there not too much
or a problem. Because I wasexhausted, and you're standing there and you're
waiting. You're about to go tothe plane again, and they're going through

(07:45):
the procedures again. Times you're boardingpass, you're eleven, your boarding pass,
your passport. There's a lady whoeverfifteen minutes is Ago and make sure
you have your board. I'm like, lady, shut up, We've already
been through, we already nailed that. We don't need to be an I
mean, it's a singular group ofpeople all frustrated. Yeah, but Kevin,
she's giving that information to the onestupid person that inevidence is not going

(08:09):
to be paying attention. But Ialso had the feeling that she had a
little bit of radio blue balls thatkind of felt like she wanted to really
be into the PA address and anempty urnmle on the orphanage. So now
he's got an empty sack every dayevery day. So I was also like,
does American Airlines do anything for youif you're having to cancel plans or

(08:33):
is that just the way it is? One flights are delayed. I don't
know, but it did cancel myplans and I had to buy a new
flight once I got to Barcelona.You had to buy a new flight pocket,
Yeah, I miss what you followa grievance with the airlines and Barcelona.
The airlines we're using in Barcelona toget to Milan was Boiling, which

(08:54):
is popular up there, but it'snot terribly short flight. So responsible for
this at all. I guess notthat we'll get you to Milan. It's
just going to take longer. Youdidn't want to wait on American too.
Yeah, would they put you upfor a night or how would that app
So your options are options where wecould have stayed, found a place to

(09:15):
stay in Barcelona, which you've beenpaying for out of pocket. They should
pay for that. Americans just gettingyou to Barcelona, that's their job.
Got you? Got you? Thenmy flight from Barcelona to Milan on whaling,
Yeah, then I understand you're justsomeone who got you. So this
wasn't a flight to Rome with aconnector. These are two separate gotcha.

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And I don't know if there's probablypeople who go to Europe all the time
or travel or whatever who know ifwhaling is good or not whaling Even Rocky,
She's like pretty sure, that's likethe spirit. But it was a
short flight for us, sweepening withcare. You know, Barcelona Malon is
a quick one. So it wasjust a connector that was available. It
was we missed it. The smallerpart to monkey. Now I filed a

(09:56):
grievance again whaling and they tell youwe'll get you a response in ten days,
four laughs. Now, so tendays they can give me a response
if they're gonna give you any moneyback from missing a flight that was American
Airlines' fault, No, you're justpaying for it. And I was like,
I don't care. Oh, weneed to get to where we're going.
I do not want to go tobecause from Milan we had a driver

(10:20):
who was gonna pick us up theMalan Airport and this driver was gonna take
us up to Lake Como where we'restaying, so that gets delayed a little
bit too. You're dealing with himand like it's just a lot of crap.
Yeah, that's stressful, and you'relike Jesus, just because the light
didn't work on American Airlines and theydo not have to do anything now that

(10:41):
thing that passed yesterday now after sixhours, if they if you're international flight
is delayed or domestically if it's threehours, you get a refund back.
Probably very helpful for a lot ofpeople. For me, we ended up
getting to where we were going,saying in Minagio off of Lake Como,
getting there late, having to wakeup the Airbnb lady, you know,

(11:05):
which is weird. But the driverdid it for us. The driver did
it for us, like he Sowhat time was it was like there,
it was about nine thirty pm.This is the longest day ever because we
as we leave eleven pm, wearrive in Barcelona at like five pm Barcelona
time. So the day is continuing. I was like, this is off

(11:28):
to a bad start. My golfthe next day got canceled. No you
got to play no golf. No, no, the golf. Yeah,
the one sacrifice of this missed thegolf. Oho. But it's okay.
They didn't. We didn't have to. You know, we did get a
we had not paid for that yet. It was your scheduled all right.
There was a surprise attack. Buther anyways, but the next day we

(11:50):
Sammon Naugio Lake, come on.Just beautiful, Jesus Christ. We sent
videos and it is simply gorgeous.Sad a little boat tour. There's a
couple from Indiana on there. There'sa couple from Florida. There's a Russian
girl was on there. She wassitting on our side of the boat.
Let's talk about her. Got cold. It's cold. She was cold too.
So there's a Florida man who justhates his wife and he keeps coming

(12:11):
back to the back of the boatwhere we are. It's like three seats
in the back. It's me,Rocks and this Russian girl. And she's
nice, but we're all just tourists, you know. And he starts talking
and he asked, you know whereeveryone's from, and he's doing the thing
and he's from Orlando. Nice guy. And he starts talking about the war.
You know, Russia and Ukraine isin a war. Oh boy,

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And she responds, how many peopleactually believe in fighting for Putin's vision?
Now, keep in mind, I'vebeen drinking wine. It was a stressful
first day. We're here now beautiful, good God, just blown away over
the digs. Good Airbnb, everything, everything good, nice, everything fine.
Stiff bed, stiff bed, ButI'm good. I'm I'm fine.
Horny not something not so much constipated, Yeah, little bit, little that's

(12:58):
the opposite to horny. It isyou can't be horny and consipated at the
same time. He need to makea poop about the war. And she's
like, well, a lot ofpeople do believe in fighting for Putin's vision.
Me a little drunk, I go, are you one of those people?
And she goes, God, no, I haven't seen my mother in

(13:18):
three years now. I didn't doubledown and ask her what Muzzer was.
It was just her accents. Youcan get back to the hotel room.
And Muzza was so offended by myquestion of asking her if she was down
with Putin's vision. Really, what'show was I to know? Response to

(13:39):
his question was a lot of peopleare haven't been able to see my mom
in three years because there's a wargoing on, and I don't want to
go back there, and there's windup Kevio just asking the uncomfortable question,
swirling questions you and those peoples.This is a muzzlim my little Russian doll.

(14:03):
She ends up kind of on theother side of the boat. Yeah,
and that guy's sitting down with us. He's kind of glaring at me
a few times. I didn't noticeit. I was like, this pitch
is get off real Putin vibes lookingat me like that, you're the reason
that they hate America right well,with your Texas Ranger hat on course,
Daler and heart T shirt, weagree on much more. Pretending to be

(14:28):
cultured with his two dollars, Kiante, we get free on the boat.
We agree on so much. Idisagree with Putin's vision. I think trying
to take over Ukraine for no reasonis terrible. This is that it complex
much into once sitting on to Milan. Milan's weird. There's only two places
in Italy that have Uber. Shegets nothing, Rome and Milan. That's

(14:52):
an Uber official or just a ridesharing company like actual Uber Uber which I
don't even know is Uber here?I use Alto, of course, I
use Alto. Why did you useanything other than Alto? I have Alto
in Italy? Oh yeah, onereason I did send you guys. They
tell you on the tour that thisis George Clooney's villa, the Versachi villa,

(15:15):
Richards villa. They tell you thosepersonal friend Richard Branson. I'll tell
you, I don't think that wasGeorge Clooney's villa. It feels, but
they know that every idiot American knowsthat George Clooney of the house and like
como, so they have to justpick a nice one and point out it
like sometimes we see him the thingabout though I know in reality it's shores.

(15:35):
Yeah, exactly. Whe's the juicethe juice again out the back yard,
because I know a lot about beinga tour guide because I've been one
before you were. I know thetracks of the two weeks at Texas Motor
Speedway, I know the tricks ofthe trade. I know what they're doing.
They they try to slow it downin the beginning to kill time so

(15:58):
they can do it at the end. Is that when they say where's everyone
from? Oh? No, yeahthey did do that. I was like,
we don't have to do that.We don't actually want to admit.
What's everyone to do for a living? Oh? Florida and Texas? Wonderful?
What kind of boat was it?Was it like a nice wooden donzie
like you picture, or was itlike a double decker tourist boat? No,

(16:19):
it wasn't a double decker like afairy. It was just a but
it was like seven people could havefit on it, maybe ten could have
fit on it. Was it likea nice wooden kind with the flag on
the back. Yeah, they makeyou take your shoes off before you get
on. There you go, Yeah, but it was not super nicey there.
It was great. One do anyfishing, No, don't do any

(16:40):
fishing. Fish just on a tour. It's kind of cold. Our job
is asked questions during this segment.My two regrets, My too regrets would
be that it was about ten degreescooler than I would have liked for it
to be. Although if you're inthe sun and it tells you it's forty
three degrees on your watch, itfeels like it's seventy five, and if
you are in the shade, it'sforty five like it us. Definitely have

(17:02):
a hoodie. Tell that. Doingthe malon law it's weird. It was
weird, but it was a littlebit easier because you could kind of uber
where you were going, not toworry about that. I like to support
small businesses. We went to aspot called Mister Dick and this place they
sell little pastries that are shaped likepenises and waffles. Huh, that's fun.
Yeah, it was kind of interesting. Don't get an uber from there

(17:26):
though, I know, so theuber guy kept canceling me. He picked
me up at mister Dick. Yeah, it was really called mister Dick.
Yeah, it was actually yeah,no, yeah place because the guy the
owner's mister Dick. But he makespenis shaped waffles and vulva shaped waffles.
They dip them in cream. Ofa business for him to get into.

(17:48):
Went to see the Last Supper.Get this, you know what, you
know what, we'll carry it over. Look at that. We barely even
got to Italy. Something strange happenedat the Last Supper as I went to
see it. Something strange happened.How Jesus brought drama to the dinner table
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