The Morning Dump 05-28-24

Episode Transcript

(00:15):
Lindsay asked me about the grandma thing. If it was my mom, go
ahead, Oh yeah. If itwas his mother, I asked him if
she came to him, Hey,how do you set up an OnlyFans page?
How would he handle the situation?And you responded with find someone else.
You're not You're not gonna set yourmama's only fans though. No,

(00:38):
I'm not set the camera up.Take a couple of test shots. I
am my mom's IT person. Yesyou are. She will need a separate
geek squad member. I don't knowbecause I'm not gonna come in troubleshoot that.
I'm not going to show up introubleshoot that right, Hey, can
you come over right now? Andshe's wearing like some silk robes. I

(01:00):
just can't log in and I needto live a have a have a video
chat right in fifteen minutes, Comeon, Aria, you can troubleshoot it
over the phone. You don't haveto show up, right. I know
your mom's been dead for a while, but it's not as easy as an

(01:21):
Israeli missile strike order. Right.What will they do when they call customer
service when you know their satellite isout. You know, so they call
a dish network and they don't haveyou know, techniquity. Sometimes they have
a technician come out, but youknow they talk all throughout the phone.
You know. My mom's officially thatage where everything is a conspiracy against her.
Oh yeah, they're just trying toscrew her over. Those are the

(01:42):
fun years. Yeah, they cameand fixed her internet, okay, because
it was something happened to a wireconnecting to the house. Yeah, and
so like, I don't know,we're gonna to have them come out.
She said, well, wow,that's good. Mount is not gonna cost
I'm like, doesn't he's gotta getfixed. Yeah. She's like okay,

(02:04):
So they come out, they fixit, no big deal, no charts.
And then she's like, hey,my computer won't turn on. Ever
since they fixed the internet, mycomputer won't turn on the at he must
have unplugged something. I'm like,why do you why do you think he
unplugged something. She's like, well, he was here. It worked before
he came and fixed it. Nowit doesn't work. What other possible scenario

(02:27):
could it be? Right, I'mlike, no, that's that's a fair
it's a fair assumption. So yeah, she's officially everything. I love it.
I think that's great. I loveit. I think it's fantastic.
Everybody reaches that paranoid state of life. Yeah, it's fucking exhausting. Man,
You'll be there, don't worry.No, you'll be there soon enough.

(02:49):
I am doing my best to sayless. Right, I have four
hours a day where that doesn't holdtrue. Right. Beyond that, I'm
trying not to talk for the restof the day. Yeah, yeah,
grunts, smiles, frown. Ihave three women in my house. Two
of them are developing strong opinions liketheir mother. Nobody wants to fucking hear

(03:12):
my name or my opinion. Yeah, whatever you want, Yeah, whatever
you say. Even now, Hey, can we play the Switch? Yeah?
Oh good? Runoff? Come back? Hey did you say we could
play the Switch? Yes? Okay, come back? Hey did you say
I could play goddammit? The answeris yes. For the last time,

(03:38):
I say no, you fucking rememberthat in a second, right right.
Uh. This is an interesting thingthat's surfacing online, and it is a
conspiracy theory about Finding Nemo. Iwas okay, so you know the movie
Finding Nemo? Yeah, yeah,clownfish, you know, and gets attacked

(04:00):
and fucking they gotta move every buthe's dead except for Nemo. He's trying
to you know. Yeah, hewas a baby, Nemo's dad and mom
tried to protect him. Didn't happen. Mom dies, and then the movie
is about how the dad is veryover a protective Oh and he's got a
flipper fish like a small fin.He's not as good or capable as a
fucking other ones, but he's justas capable. Yes, so it's a

(04:23):
very good movie. But in themovie, we're never led to believe how
exactly the mom dies, is itkind of they kind of point us in
a direction that a barracuda eats theclown the mom, and that's why they're
left alone. Oh no, that'snot the case, huh, not by
literal sense. Apparently barracudas don't eatclownfish. Oh this is a movie,

(04:46):
you know, and you know whoeats clownfish? Female clownfish, And that
the mom tried to fucking eat Nemoand they had to kill her. Right
then. I kind of like it. I like a dark twist of that
movie. It just has a differenttone. Now. Yeah, well,
another conspiracy about it is the factthat, oh it was mine different than

(05:10):
your a little bit, A littlebit, not so much. But in
the beginning, you see that thebarracouta comes and they it eats all of
the babies, all of their babies, and Nemo was supposedly the only one
that had survived. Yeah, butreally no, she the mom eats them
all and disappears. Who knows whereshe went, she just leaves or possibly

(05:32):
the barracoon actually got the mom.No, barracas don't have counties. Yeah,
exactly, so, but here's thething. And then like, well,
why would they leave Nemo? Butin Latin nemo means nobody. So
did Nemo even exist in the firstplace? Or was he just a figment

(05:53):
of the dad's imagination? Maybe?So Okay, here's why I'm here's why
I think that's a bunch of bullshitbecause we see if the movie was always
with the dad, right with Nemo, but we see Nemo by himself a
lot. So then then we're alsoseeing you know what I'm saying, like,
you can't play it to me.It has to be it's like in

(06:15):
sixth sense, right when Bruce willyeah, that that has to happen multiple
times. It can't just be alone. Right. I like the idea of
the mother eating all the unborn children. If the story was from Nemo's standpoint,
like the Nemo like the Bruce Willisstuff, then maybe I don't know

(06:38):
I'm buying that. But that's thethings people go to for twisted stuff about
movies, just like just making upstuff. Oh yeah, just this is
all made up. It's so awesome. That's the kind of content I'm for
on social media, rather than allthe chaos and fear mongering that that happens,

(07:00):
fucking politics and bad drivers, foodeverything, right, like, god,
damn man, give it a fuckingbreak. Uh, how about Kinksinks?
This says Kinks are misunderstood. Ilike Kinks. Kinks could be misunderstood.
Five kink myths that are easily debunked, and oh fucking laying in bed

(07:26):
last night. Right, Okay,it'll make sense and it'll tie in with
what we're about to talk about.And I get this fucking Facebook message from
a listener and I'm not going tomention any names. I'm just going to
read the message as it is,Okay, Okay, because so this is
your for your to your private phoneor through your private Facebook, private Facebook

(07:47):
right. Uh, it says here, Uh, hey, I have a
weird question for you. Da dada da, And I'm like, yeah,
what's up. I've heard you talkabout out certain certain things about stuff.
So my friend is talking about soundingand wants to know if it's painful.
He said, you would know whatit is. Is this from a

(08:11):
guy? This is from a gal. I guess it's her old man or
whatever. So is it worth it? He says, If not spectacular,
then I guess, he says,never mine, And I said, well,
it doesn't tickle, it's definitely interesting. I mean, yeah, give
it a shot. You're the onlyperson I know that's participated anything like that.

(08:35):
He's a freak, and like you, and any suggestions on him trying
something else you feel being called afreak. I'm okay with being called a
freak. I've been called a freakfor many different reasons all my life,
so it's not a big deal.Yeah, being called a freak to me
isn't a big counniball. It's justthe fact that I was their go to
person for shoven cock rods down yourcock hole. To me, it is

(08:56):
the comfortableness with being able to sendthat message. My if my wife sent
a message to a dude about whathe's done with his cock right, huh.
You know what, listen, Itried to tell him go for it,
you know, try it. Younever know what you might like.
Do I know who it is?No? Don't, Okay, No,

(09:18):
I don't think so. So Iwas like, I was like, you
bring up kings and that's I wasjust I was laying in bed watching TV,
just trying to wind down for theday, and and then hey,
so about the shoving rods down yourcock hole? Yeah? Why would it
be? How would it be up? You don't go in through the back?
Yeah, I guess you could goin through the No, you couldn't
go in through the back. Youcould not shove a rod into your penis

(09:41):
from the back. Oh you cannot. That's not back down down the shaft.
You've never watched a video? No, go ahead, go ahead,
go ahead. I'm uh Lizzo didher thing of south Park crushing her this
weekend. Oh yeah, let's goahead. Get Lindsay's real time response of

(10:03):
sounding sounding yeah. Feel free toturn the volume up too so we can
hear the play by play. Sure, because are you just gonna go to
the hub and find a sounding video, or you just google sounding videos and
what are you typing? Sounding video? Okay? Yeah, I don't know
if you might have type porn inthe air. I don't know if you
want to see how someone sets upa fucking speaker, right, this is

(10:26):
a fucking album. I don't knowif that's what you're looking for. Yeah,
give us the title. What'd youend up typing? It took me
to porn hub. I just didsounding video porn? Okay? Which one
is looking good? What are someof the choices? Not that one?

(10:48):
Soundingex videos dot Com did her creditcard? Right? Jeez? This site
can't provide a secure connection. Comeon, it should be fine. I
don't know. While you're having somuch trouble. You could probably pull up
like six of them on my phoneright now, right of my own.
I don't want to have to signin. You go to pornhub and search

(11:11):
sounding Just go to pornhub dot com. Hot, why first time sounding cock
to come pornhub dot com? Damn? Okay, but it's trying to make
me sign in. Oh god,mister, I t here you go right
here? Watch Lindsey all right?Thank you? God? Damn. I

(11:31):
don't know if I can watch.Hmm, that man's penis, Why is
it pointing at us? Why isthere boobs? Look like that? Yeah?
So uncomfortable right now. So she'sgetting him excited and more excited.
I guess. Wow, that's aweird technique. She's also squeezing his nipple

(11:56):
at the like but very she's battingat it. She's like petty him.
Yeah is it? Really old lookinghands too, and a very strong forearm.
I mean she is very muscular.Okay, she does that a lot.
Woa, turn it up, turnit to ten, not a one

(12:18):
one opening one? Are there?What is she doing? Her arms are
so muscular. Can we the fourplaces and straight? Okay? Here we
go here? Oh god, damn, oh no, I can't. No,

(12:46):
you did that? Yeah, you'refucking crazy. What's he got?
What is that a blow dryer?What does he have a controller? Oh?
It's probably it's probably, yeah,yeah, because they have those they
like blue. That's the camera.He's got a camera. He's got a
camera. Well, yeah, yougotta get all up in there, uncomfortable.

(13:07):
Imagine how he feels. He doesn'tlook uncomfortable at all. All right,
I don't need anymore that was itthat thick when you did it right?
Right? Right? They come indifferent sizes, in different Did that

(13:28):
look advanced or beginner standing? Imean I didn't get a good look at
it. It looks a little moreadvanced, you know, definitely. I
think it's maybe bigger than the onethat I got. I'll bring it in
tomorrow. No, don't need toactually dropped right, think think think,
think they keep picking it up nexttime, bring it in, but bringing

(13:52):
a piece of fucking rebarb right.This is what I've stepped up to started
off with. No, you don'tneed to tell anybody that, right.
What do you got there? It'smy new sounding rod. Yeah, yeah,
so I've got I got asked aboutthat yesterday and I thought that was
bizarre. That was bizarre. Iwouldn't I was not. That was not
on my bingo card of questions toanswer before I went to bed. What

(14:15):
is the point of the sounding rod? Uh? You know how catheters work,
right, you know? And it'sit's the same basic, basic thing,
a good time, right, AndI could piss through it. Maybe
I piss around it. But that'show I kind of got started. You
know. There is a certain feelingand pleasure Like I don't know, Corman.
If you know, you probably haven't, but you know, you go

(14:35):
to the health department to get yourSTD check and they fucking shove that giant
Q tip down your cockle and thenpull it out, you know, and
that's what they used to you know, send off for testing or whatnot.
So there's a there, Yeah,that's this says the aim is to enhance
sexual pleasure by encouraging your partner toexplore your penis in several ways. Uh

(15:00):
was surprised. Definition the pleasure isnot necessarily on Gimpi's end, though,
it is. It is seeing yourpartner explore you, right, do different
things like shoving a screwdriver down yourpaint as all. Yeah, yeah,
no, try right, I'll letyou borrow mine. You can take it

(15:22):
home as Kevin wants to go.That's terrible, are you what if he
wasn't right? Listen, we haven'teven got to the goddamn fucking list,
because the point is there's a giantmisconception about Kinks. Yeah, you have
no I know you know your husband, and I know my wife. I

(15:43):
have no idea what she's into,only what she's allowed me to know.
Right, and only what he's allowedyou to know, right, right right.
Think about if you look at somebody'sporn history, right when they're doing
their business by themselves or whatever,they probably see some ship that you guys,
and I say that royally that youknow you're like what I've never seen
you be interested in gangbang born before? Why is that white way? But

(16:07):
you know it's it's there. Yeah, and not just because they watch it
doesn't mean that's what they want either, true true debt. Not every woman
wants to bouknky fast. So anyway, these are myths about kinks that having
a kink equals BDSM. That isa myth. BDSM bondage dominant submission sadism

(16:29):
aschism, right, is considered kinky, but not all kinks fall under the
umbrella of BDSM. The terms arenot interchangeable. BDSM is a kink,
but a kink is not BDSM.Right. Sure, being kinky equals having
mental health issues. That is amyth that says, yes, some people

(16:49):
who are kinky have suffered some formof mental trauma, just the same as
some who aren't the least big kinkyhave as well. Well, there's no
correlation between the two kinks can benormal and healthy expression of the infinite possibilities
of human sexuality. For those whohave experienced some form of trauma, kinks

(17:10):
can be a way to work outthose issues, provided that they are with
trusted partners are in touch with theirlimits and boundaries. Makes sense. I
don't think I associated with the two. Just because somebody likes you know,
chocolate pudding thrown at them doesn't necessarilymean they were, you know, locked
in a closet as a kid.Right. Kinks are a twenty four to

(17:30):
seven lifestyle. That's a myth.Uh, some form of structure or scheduled
together with their partners to make itclear when they are on and off of
their kink. Being a sub meansyou give up all power. That is
a myth. So in terms ofdominance are dominatrix it is a myth that

(17:52):
the sub gives up all power.This says, just because someone is a
sub doesn't mean they're powerless. Yes, it's a role they take on,
but a trusting and respectful partner knowshow to respect established boundaries and safe words
that the power goes both ways,so the dominant partner can put the brakes
on too. That is not somethingi'd be into getting whipped. I'm not

(18:12):
okay with a little you know,touch and tickle, but oh yeah,
getting whipped or spit on. Idon't want anyone leaving marks. The best
part welts. It's a good question. I like that question. Are you
okay with your partner sexually leaving amark on you? No? Not at

(18:34):
all. No, I don't wantto know, because that's gonna be I
don't want to be in pain necessarily, like a little slap little I guess
a red mark is fine because aslap on the ass doesn't bother me.
I talk yourself into it. Yeah, but I don't want welts. I
don't want bruises. I don't wantbite marks. No, not in for

(18:56):
that. You're not in for alittle biting, A little biting, sure,
but I don't want to bite.This is the problem with sex,
right, Like you go, I'mnot in you want to say, and
I'm not saying you don't. Butyou say, Individuals will go I'm not
into that, and then they're like, but but they starts parameters around it.
You can don't chomp on me,just bite me a little bit,

(19:18):
just nibble me. Right, spankedme, but don't leave a welt on
me, but harder right right?Yeah, BDSM always leads to more intense
sex acts. That is a myth. Sometimes when people start exploring their sexuality,
their palette can expand to other areas. That doesn't apply to everyone,
though. Establishing a list of greenlight, yellow light, and red light

(19:40):
activities, let's all involved know what'sacceptable, what's possible, and what will
never happen under any circumstances. Ifsomeone looked through your Google searches, what
kind of kinks would they discover youwere the most curious about? Hmm,
man, I don't I don't google. I don't google it much. I'm

(20:03):
always afraid, afraid of what,afraid of what might be found in my
history. Huh? By who it'smore of a thing that I talk about
with my girlfriends than rather than Google. We'll get to that. Why what
do you who are you afraid of? Catching you? I guess we're probablybody
Yeah, everybody her kids or oldman us. Okay, yeah, it's

(20:29):
okay, it's okay. I don'tgoogle search kings and stuff like that.
I just go straight to the huband use that search bar. Same thing
that's what they mean, right,yeah, yeah, basically, So what
would be the what is if someonelooks through your Google, your porn hub
searches what kink would they discover thatyou were the most curious about that?
I was the most curious about,man. I mean there's a lot of

(20:49):
gang bang stuff in there, uhstrap ons. I think watching other women
fuck other women with Robert Dix youknow, huh yeah that what's the fascination
there? Because there are men,there are videos of men doing that.
Yes, absolutely, But you've gotall these goals, all those boobs.
So to see a woman with afake penis, yeah, turns you on.

(21:12):
Yeah, she's given judgment, she'sgiven somebody else the business. Yeah,
now I will. I've seen theones where they're like the reverse the
pegging, you know, right,fucking scroll right on past that. I
don't need to see that ship.But you get two hot chicks, a
couple of brunette yeah, probably threesomes, Okay, women on women right,

(21:41):
Yeah, that would be pretty muchthe list. Yeah. I don't watch
a lot of porn, but Iam interested in, uh getting a sex
swing. I wouldn't mind having oneof those. Those are all right,
very interesting. I've only used oneonce. Yeah, I had one.
Yeah. Yeah, they're giant panisthe like, where do you keep it?

(22:03):
Yeah? But they have ones nowthat you can hook on over the
Yeah, we can get it.Tell the kids to stay out of it.
And it's weird. Yeah, andthe I don't know if they make
doors like they used to. Butyou're limited at that point, m right,
because you only got that space.So you'd have to install fucking hardware
in the ceiling, you know,stabilize everything, reinforce it. It's a

(22:27):
lot of work. I don't thinkit's worth it. I don't think it's
worth it. Most guys don't likefor play. But now we have to
have fucking set up time right andtear down time right. Nothing is fun
more fun after sex than tearing downthe toys. Right. We can just

(22:47):
throw them in the box in thecorner and be like, all right,
we'll come back to you later.I don't want to equate cleaning the paint
sprayer and then cleaning the sex swing. I don't want. I want to
be done, right, Yeah,go to sleep, talk whatever, right
right, right, watch a movie, take shower, eat some fruity pebbles,
whatever, whatever floats your boat.Yeah, yeah, what's the what's

(23:12):
the sexual? She said? Swingthat is sure? What would yours be
that I'm interested in? You'd liketo explore? Fuck man, I mean
question like what haven't I done?So it's like, all right, because
I've done all the toys and allthis, you know, swings and stuff
like that. Uh, a fuckingmidget probably. I made out with one,

(23:33):
but you know, and we talkedfor a little while, but uh,
you know, that didn't go anywhere. So, I mean, yeah,
there's a gal out there called TinyTAXI google her. She's just a
little bitty old thing, right sheuh you know, she's short, very
small, you know, And I'mlike, well, that could be fun.

(23:56):
Clown sex is another one I thinkwould be all right. Yeah,
she's an interesting looking person. Yeah, and I've seen her do some strap
on things with this Amazon bitch andI was like that, that's interesting.
She wear contacts to make her eyesbrown. I don't know, I don't
know. She's relatively new. Imean, and I say relatively new.

(24:18):
Within the last couple of years iswhen I discovered her, and she's really
starting us. She's an adult.Yeah eight percent? Sure, God,
I what makes you feel like shemight not be. She just looks young
to me. It's because she's threefeet tall. No, her face looks
young, is it not? No, Okay, she's a small person.

(24:41):
Yeah should all the videos like everybody'sso hot high up right, she's so
small. Yeah, she's got thatone, uh disease. I forget what
it is she has as a weightlist. She's a Oh that's a weird
look. That's a weird look.The waits Okay, Yeah, she's working

(25:03):
on her forum strength for her.Good for her. Mine would probably be
maybe some sort of BDSM, justto try, like I don't know,
what's the thing they used to putin the square, oh, the rack
or something like your stock stock stockockand yeah, yeah, I've seen beds

(25:25):
like that that have stocks built intothem. You can get all this to
a patricious Yeah, anytime I'd goto any place like that, and like
if my wife and I like,yeah, let's explore even lingerie, you
go in there like, fuck,I'm overwhelmed. There's a lot of fucking
choices here, and you don't wantto go to the register and then be

(25:45):
like have fun. We're just tryingeverything all at one time. Yeah,
they should do like a starter pack. I'll bring that up to her next
different like begin like just a beginnerstarter pack with different types of things in
it, because I would think peoplejust get so overwhelmed they're not sure where
to start. That makes sense,That's something that makes perfect good sense.

(26:07):
Maybe a set of straps for thefor the bed, you know, and
intensity, Yeah exactly, I'll bea barometer with like green, yellow,
red, right right, yes,yes, yes you do a you know,
novice or expert or whatever, youknow, a sounding rods would obviously
I think be in these sexpert yeathe red end. Yeah, yeah,

(26:32):
and I would think that you eitherdon't participate because you're embarrassed or have shamed
asks which you shouldn't. There thestaff there's awesome, that works, there
is awesome, or two you justget overwhelmed. Yeah. Some people can't
go out to eat because they can'tpick what to eat on a menu?
Right, What makes you think theygo to a sex storm and be like,
I know what I wanted, rightright, I'll bring that up.
I'll bet you, I bet youshould probably come up with something like that.

(26:55):
Oh, I'm sure she would.They probably have done it knowing them,
they're probably they're no it. Yeah, all right, listen. Sure
this was a one for the onefor the books. I am too.
I'm sure we'll have a meeting aboutit. You guys have a fantastic week.