Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I found this article and I am so excited to
talk about it. Did you know that they're Okay, the
ocean's terrifying, right, it's so I think it's such a
crazy place, endless threats that we're not even aware of.
There is a fish in the ocean that's it's penis
(00:40):
can detach and then go and then go out and
come back.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay, goes out, gets laid, comes back, attaches itself back
to your body.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
That's pretty brilliant.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's called a nautilus.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
A nautilus.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Yeah, and during mating, the male paper nautilus detaches his
penis and presents it to the female. It then continues
to function independently, transferring sperm to the female even after
separation from the male's body. The detachable penis of the
(01:21):
paper nautilus, there's multiple purposes from ensuring effective fertilization to
increasing the male's chances of passing on its genetic material.
And it's just showing like how far it will go
to keep going pro create. Okay, the idea that I
could hand not have to put it in my wife's
(01:41):
per just stays in my wife's first that's wild.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So this is where the song detachable penis comes into play,
maybe and maybe.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah, or really having a mind of its own.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I mean that's a good question too. Does it have
a mind of it?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
How does it know to get to the the fish puss?
Speaker 3 (02:03):
You know?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
How does it?
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Does it just fall? The smell?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
How does it know to get to the tuna?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Right? Exactly? That's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I want to see a video of this. I want
to see a little video of this fish micro penis
shoot across? Is it fast?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Well, there's a video of removing the penis fish from
a man's penis.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
We don't want that.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
How do you smell?
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Again?
Speaker 5 (02:28):
How do you spell the.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Nautilus in a U T?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I l U s Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
And when you see the nautiluss you'd be like, oh, yeah,
I've seen that before. You just didn't realize that's what
it was called. And I sugars hell didn't know that
I had a detachable penis.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
It looks kind of like a conk shellow mongst.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Well, that's fun. I think it'd be dangerous though.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Man, your dick gets you in enough trouble as it is,
and now it's detachable and just.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Goes off wandering whenever it wants to.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Oh God, but I guess if you're a single nautilus
in the bottom of the ocean, you know, it doesn't
really matter.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And it's long.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
How long is a nautilust dong?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
It just says it's longest in the body to body ratio. Okay,
So I was in I was I was speaking of penises.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Yeah, yeah, so fucking going through prep. This was last
week when it was in there or whatever. And it's like,
this dog is ready for porno, right, And I was like, well,
I get the fuck out of here, and I click
on it right because I'm curious what are they talking about?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
And this dog had the biggest fucking dick I've ever
seen in my life attached to a dog.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
This thing was massive.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I was like, wow, good for you. And he was
a small dog.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You would have liked chihuah was small, But it was
more like, you know, uh, what are those dogs that
the queen had?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
You know, I'm talking about the corky. Yeah, it's about to
a Corgie.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
But the schlog on this dog was fucking massive. I'm like, wow,
I'm just looking up well endowed dogs right right, because
looking up dogs with massive penis just doesn't. That's too bad.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
It was it was in our it was in our
prep and I don't think I don't that doesn't hold
on to it for too long.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So this is on uh just answers dot com. Somebody
had submitted the question Hi there, oh, where is it
which dog has the thickest penis? Ah? So someone went
online like tried to get the answer, couldn't found this
place to to do this. Hi there, thank you for
(04:46):
your question. It's difficult to say, but in general, a
giant breed dog such as a mastiff or a Great
Dane would have the largest external genitalia.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
You would think, I'm hoping that. You know.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
It's a weird Google search, but it's worth it. But
I can't find the dog the picture of the dog.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Is this it?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
What is the length of a wolf's penis? Again? Someone
was curious why I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
That?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Being said, they've been measured at death and the average
size is seven to ten inches of a wolf penis.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
It's nice.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
This corresponds decently well with one dog breed that is
in similar size, being the Great Dane, which has a
penis length of eight to ten inches. Lindsay Good news.
We know someone who owns a Great Dane and can
give is the get in this room is the great
Dane penis expert. I've never touched my dog. Nobody said that.
(05:48):
I never said that. I just said you we do this.
If you own it, then you are the expert. That's right,
And so you are the Great Dane penis expert in
the room.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
But you've never I don't know if it's that long,
I don't know how you don't look at it? Yeah,
I mean yeah, I mean it's there. Any dog slungs there?
They don't have pants on, you know. But I have
never seen my great Dane wrecked. No, No, he's a humper.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
He's a motherfucking humper. But he just has no fuck
idea what he's doing. And the two lipstick doesn't come out.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's so weird. No, he ain't fixed.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Here's a question, because you said you haven't seen your
great Danes of erect penis? Have you seen any dogs?
How many dogs erect penis have you seen? Probably more
than what I need to You know, there's time. I
can't think of one.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
There's time.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Shit, I got a picture you remember that pug that
I had, right, This is when I first moved into
that house fucking years ago, and we didn't even have
anything moved in yet. Just the dogs, right, no furniture,
no nothing. And and Samson, the pug is sitting there
on the fucking tie by the fireplace, right, it's fucking deck,
just hanging the fuck out, you know, just hey, what's
(07:00):
going on? I guess Samson likes the place. He's habby God,
lucky dog.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Serge of bacca brow. His massive are gross. You could
just say penises. They don't look like that, all right.
This is a subreddit that makes you go, oh, what
the fuck? This is about dogs penises? This is a.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
What are we doing here with that's? I can't see that?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay, you probably don't want to see it, No, you don't.
You don't want to see a dog's penis like a
duck's penis. You ever seen a ducks penis? Lindsay they're
rapers too, Yes, yes, ducks. Ducks are fucking assholes man
cork screwed, raping egg penis shape, raping ass duck. Look
(08:00):
at a koala penis. Look at that?
Speaker 5 (08:04):
Oh god, what is.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
That cotton and blender or something.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
It looks like it's trying to pick something up at
the bottom of a machine at an arcade.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It's like back in the day they have those little
snaps that you put in like cigars and cigarettes, and
you light it and eventually blows the end of that
cigarette cigar up.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
That's what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Female koalas have five have three vaginas.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Wow, what I think it's the snail that has five buttholes. Yeah,
it's so weird, man, it makes me glad to be
a human.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 3 (08:40):
All those vaginas and all those buttholes.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Inside the vagina? It branches off into three spots.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Okay. Uh.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Koalas have forklift penises. Yeah, because she's got three vaginas.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
You gotta hit all of them. Yeah, ones for pleasure,
ones for breeding. What's the other one for?
Speaker 3 (08:59):
There?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
How about this koala sex's voice activated?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
All right?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah? Male koalas broadcast their availability and breeding season. Their
voice travels far and clucky. Females make their travel plans
to the deepest voice in the land. So the you know,
the uh very wide of the koalas gets all the ladies.
Well yeah, uh okay uh. Koalas ovulate only after they've
(09:28):
had sex.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Really in the a little late at that point in time.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I guess hormones released in response to sex cause the
ovary to release an egg, which is fertilized by stored sperm.
M It suggested that it's good for animals with large
home ranges who might have trouble finding each other on
the at the right time. So it has to do
with they migrate around to find their partner, so they
don't want to ovulate and be like, damn, I missed
(09:56):
the window. Female also may also be able to choose
not to ovulate. How about that, I don't want to
have something. I don't want to have this this person's
kouala baby.
Speaker 5 (10:09):
I don't like the way his eyes are not for me.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
It was not good. I don't want to remember this one. Okay,
how about that Koalas. I would have never guessed that
would be what we would talk about on our last
podcast of the year. Yeah, somebody texted and said there
was no way I would go upstairs alone to confront anyone. Well, yeah,
just the nature of confronting is aggression. Yeah, but then
(10:36):
you have no If you can't go alone, you have
no business going up there.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I think a lot of that hinges on. Also, how
are you going up there? How are you presenting yourself?
Are you just going up there like God damn it? Hey, guys,
you know cool about it? Or are you going up
there fucking throwing a fit and throwing your hands in
the air. What the fuck is this?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Man? You're shining dicks down on my daughter's face? What
the fuck man he had do with?
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Say, Hey, guys, I appreciate the drink, thank you so much,
but listen, can you stop with the laser pointing. I've
got my kids down here. I'm just celebrating my birthday.
I would appreciate it again, thank you for the drink.
Have a good night.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Yeah, the problem I agree with that. But the problem
is you're feeding the cat. That's the only issue.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I'm supposed to sit here and let them shine dicks
down on my table right now.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So there's this funny jiu jitsu joke out joke whatever,
and people are like jiu jitsu wouldn't work in the
real world, and he's like, that's right, because you know what,
when's in enough street fight a gun? Yeah, He's like,
I'm not I want to go home. I want to like,
and too many people think that they're entitled to what
they want, and so they get in confrontations over dick
(11:48):
penises when if you just are like, just ignore it,
they'll get bored. Right, they want our reaction.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Right, right, that's why they're shining a laser now.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Yes, yes, haha, it's a penis. Everybody has one, almost
everybody whatever, like, okay, and please bring us our Tara Massule.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Right, And maybe they thought, oh, it's Jamie Fox, he's
a comedian.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
He'll think it's funny.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Sure, you know, but also they might not have but
you cannot get in the head of another individual.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
This is why you always carry a dick laser with you, right,
you never know when the dick gets shined on you.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
You can shine that dick back. Listen, you carry a
gun because you never know exactly. You should carry a
dick laser pointer because you never know.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
That would be an awesome you know, they got laser
sights for gun shoots out a dick onto your target.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Please, we need to respond to the restaurant. Apparently that
some of the individuals are shining a dick penis on
a table. That's that would be a thing.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
For sure, absolutely, fuck all right, I'll go. I'll check
it out.
Speaker 5 (12:52):
The problem We've got dick.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
There's dicks everywhere, sir.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Exqueeze me.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I mean there was a dick. I just saw it.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
There goes sir. There's no dick. It was on my chest, Sir,
I say it with my own eye. And then it
was on my wife's face.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
What my daughter, it was pointing at her mouth. It
was almost in her mouth.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
There was a dick in her soup.
Speaker 5 (13:19):
It was a red dis.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Sure, the color is not important, alright, let's just stick
to the facts. I swear it was red. There was
a green one too, all right, how much have you
been drinking?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Right exactly, I understand it's your birthday. You're gonna have
to leave, right. You saw the light Now there's penises everywhere.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
M yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Jamie, my kid was having a funny conversation with one
of her friends and the they were talking about drugs
for some reason, and my kid was like, yeah, there's
all kinds of drugs. Some drugs are good, some drugs
are bad, like aspirin, okay, right, and the kid was
like the other kid was like, drugs, what are drugs?
They're not what are drugs? And I'm like, oh shit,
(14:05):
you are in trouble, ma'am. Yeah, your kid is either
gonna not be fun to hang out with or also
not be fun to hang out with, right right, because
they're taking so many drugs.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
You're about to get a phone call. What is my
daughter of? Why do you tell my daughter and daughter
about drugs?
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah, I'm not a big believer in Like, we don't
have cutesy names for genitals. It is a penis and
a vagina. I have one, your mom has one. That's
how you're here, right, Really? Yes, we got my oldest.
My youngest asked if we were Santa. Really, she's starting
(14:45):
to figure it out.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Maybe or somebody at the school is telling her. Probably
that more than likely that's it. Yeah, because the little kids,
one of them apparently her dad doesn't believe in Santa.
No shit, dude, right, she's about that age.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Though, is she nine?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Right? My youngest? This is my youngest. It's the youngest
first grade yo.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Ah, So the oldest found out told her about it,
no question, no, no, she said it was from the playground.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Okay, I think it was my brother.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
That told me that broke it to me that Santa
wasn't real, and I was about that that age.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I don't think my parents my brother ruined it for me.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
So what did you tell?
Speaker 1 (15:27):
I just said, well, what.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Do you believe?
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If you believe, then that's good enough. Some people believe,
some people don't. But Santa is about many things. So
Santa is a spirit, it's not it's not a it's
not an effigy. And so you know, if she chooses
to believe, great, if not great. But I'm not gonna
stop being Sanna even if she's like, my thing is like,
(15:51):
don't ruin it for your sister. Right. If she's like
you're saning, aren't you be like, yeah, but don't ruin
it for your sister. I'm not a big believe. I'm
not a big believer in the lying to my kids, like,
I just don't think it gets you anywhere in the end.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
You know what she's gonna do, though, So as soon
as you tell her, she's gonna go run and tell
her sister.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Okay, it's just how it goes man, siblings.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Sorry, it hardly matters, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I'm not gonna I would rather It's more important to
me that my kid knows I'm honest with them than
if they ruin it to their fucking sister. I don't
want them running it, but also don't want them fucking
riding on the wall, like, goddamn kids be kids, right,
I also don't want them doing some of the other
crazy shit. But it's like Lindsay was asking me about
(16:34):
if my kid was seventeen and did at a twenty
year old, would I like it? I was like, no,
I wouldn't like it, but I'm not going back to.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
You trying to hook Marcus up.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
No, No, that's older than Marcus. Marcus is not that old.
But like, it doesn't matter at that point, I'm just
would be interjecting more grievance. Right, it won't stop, and
there's no way it's gonna stop. Well, they're seventeen, now,
that's true. You can keep moving home. No, that's true too,
And then that also doesn't solve it, right, it makes
(17:03):
it way worse.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
It doesn't really help out in the future at all whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I think when your kid starts becoming like an independent
thinker and can do something about it, you've pretty much
lost control at that point.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Unless you beat them into submission.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
And then you're its assault and child abuse and it
comes all these other things and.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
Then they hate you and more.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Some age it turns from child abuse to just domestic
so fine, right, yikes, Yeah, I think it's like that.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
It's at that. It's like that Shane Gillis juke about
make a Wish and that they tell nineteen year olds
get fucked right, and they don't want to admit that
they have a hard line, but they do.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Sorry, sorry you're too old, man.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
But I really want to meet the rug if you're
really sick. And then like you turn nineteen.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Yeah, sorry, we couldn't get to you last year.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Ye're going to The idea that that's like a hard
rule is wild.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
So now just everybody should be part of a make
a Wish.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
No, you gotta have, man, you do. It's kind of
like the argument of public property. Public property, I can
go wherever I want. No, it's been well established that
that's just the taxes paid for it. But there are
rules to kind of keep it orderly.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
There are laws for a reason. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, you got every dying fifty six year old out
there trying to go to Disneyland, the fat man, but
I got cancer.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
You're fifty six and you've been smoking for thirty years.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Should there be like an older version of make That
would be so fucking fantastically awesome? But then again, everyone dies, Yeah,
so at what age do you cap it?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I don't think you can it if it's for adults only, right,
I think I don't think you camp it, like twenty
five and above?
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Well, are twenty one?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
In a b I'll argue this. I'll argue there's a
window where it's not okay, and then then there's a
window where it's okay again. So like you're dying and
you're like in your nineties, and they're they put you
on the plane that you flew on and maybe the
most insane time of your life because you went to
a war, right, or they throw you out of a
goddamn airplane right with a parachute. Like at some point
(19:21):
it becomes okay to do those things again. But then
there's a window they're like, too bad, you're just fucking
middle aged.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Deal with it, right, So you're thinking, like, skip the thirties,
skip the thirties and forties. Anybody fifty and above, why
are you owing?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
No?
Speaker 4 (19:33):
I think because what if you're if you're terminal in
your thirties, I think you should be able.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
To do something like what like what would be your
wish at thirty? It isn't something simple like Disney World.
It's like I want to go with, yeah, make it happen, man,
wear the super Bowl?
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Fuck okay?
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And you can't call you got to call it something else.
It can't be making wish for adults and then it
under and then who this charity?
Speaker 4 (20:01):
You can still just I don't think I think it
could be under the same umbrella. Doesn't have to just
be for It could be no, it could just be
make a wish the pro I could just open it
up to adults.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Listen. The problem with it is that there are there's
a window at a certain age where things go wrong young.
It's shocking when a kid gets fucking cancer. It's shocking
when they get some terminal disease at some age you
just go, fuck, that's life, man.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Right again, you've been smoking for thirty years.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
And that's another thing. If you get lung cancer or
pancreatic cancer, which is quote they classify as a quote
luxury cancer, with somebody you have a fucking issue with it.
You can eat my dick. My dad died of it,
so I can say what the fuck I want about it.
But like that is, you've done something to cause that cancer,
and you should you get a wish right now?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
What if it's lung cancer but you've never smoked a
day in your life.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Again, But that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's
a term illness you've created.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
There has to be some boundaries there. But I think
there's something.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
You're still telling someone who dies they can't have their
final wish. Though my dad died from a cancer like that,
it still was really fucking sad that he was. He
realized all these things he wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
All Right, then, all cancer patients, no matter what you're in,
you're in.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
You're good, no matter what if you brought it upon
yourself or not.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
It's not like they get to everyone anyway.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
What about a stroke victim who can't speak or talk.
Speaker 5 (21:31):
Well, then we'll never know what they act.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Well, no, they wrote it down, okay, right, then send
them on dinner with Kate Upton.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
There you go, Julie, and there are plenty of kids
that go through Make a wish that can't audibilize what
they want, and their parents go they've always loved Spider
Man deep down inside their kids like, oh no, they
don't even like fucking cartoons because you don't know what
they're saying.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
He really always wanted to go to Disneyland because.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Right because I'm in a fucking chair and I can't
stay on the Okay, stay there, Mom and dad are
gonna go on Space Mountain.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Yeah, wait with our bags.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Oh it was so fun. Hold on your drooling and
let me clean that up off your face. Look at
the smile on his face he had. Did he have fun?
I mean he appeared to. But we had a fucking blast.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
It was great. Thanks to Make a Wish.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Don't get me wrong. Make a Wish is an amazing organization,
amazing and it is also for the parents. I know
people don't love hearing that, but it is.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I think we make I'm going to reach out to
the people Make a Wish and reach out to Jane,
you know, and be like, Hey, what's up with this
adult division?
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Can we make this? This is something we can do.
They'll come in next year for the Rumbling Roll.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I don't think I don't think you can call it
make a wish. It has to be a different name
because you need clear separation on what organizations people are
giving money to. People give it to make a wish.
They believe and want and have for years been under
the impression that they're giving money to a child getting
a wish. Granted, I don't want Earl who's been fucking
pounding jack and cokes at the corner bar at eleven
(23:14):
am for fucking forty years because he's always wanted to,
you know, see the Empire State Building, because his great
great grandfather fucking sit on a beam and had a
goddamn lunch there that he should now. All right, So
it's got to be a different.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Name, all right.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (23:33):
One one last trip right?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (23:38):
One one more adventure?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Yeah? I like that. One last trip around Stars.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
I don't know, bucket list, just call it what do
you want?
Speaker 3 (23:55):
You want?
Speaker 1 (23:56):
How about this Golden Wishes?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Okay, see that.
Speaker 5 (24:00):
The Golden Bachelor, No farewell.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Wishes, that seems to fit. Final Wishes, Hey, I got that.
Beyond the Sunset sounds like a retirement home, right, funeral home? Yeah,
final chapter foundation Yeah. See all of those work fine, Yeah,
but they sound sadisfuck.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Before the end, before we say goodbye, we're on or something,
before we wig.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Yeah, you gotta use the acronym because it doesn't sound
awesome the other way.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Make a wish mah yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Yeah, make a wish videos though, and like people get
like they see you get to see videos of kids
getting granted wishes. It ranks up there. If you're like
feeling down, go watch those videos. You're like awesome, or
or go watch the videos of babies or kids that
have never fucking seen and they put glasses on them
or here are you can add to mine here in
a second. But like being able to see and like
they get to see somebody for the first time and
(25:06):
they're like holy, Like the kids like holy fuck, yeah
look at you. Well yeah, it looks around like everybody's
seen this the whole time. They're so awesome.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
You're their mama's voice are good too.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
And we had a guy that worked here who was
color blind and they got on those special glasses to
make up see right, and we're trying to create a
moment like that. If you remember, this is a couple
I don't remember. This is a couple of years back.
The guy he lives in Nashville. Now I don't want
to say his name. That's loud, but you know what
I'm talking about. Worked for the Twister, named after a
(25:43):
se Texas so far Okay, he was color blind and
they went out and got him a special pair of
those glasses that allow color blind people to see like
normal people do.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I didn't know this. Oh yeah, I don't remember.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
This was around the holidays. I want to say, but.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Uh, it pretty much did not go the way they
wanted it to. They was hoping that it would be like, oh,
that's so amazing, I could see you, blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
He's just like, okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Was he not colorblind?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I don't know, to be honest, there, I just got
this ship in passing and I was like, I was like,
you were trying to get a viral moment and you failed.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
What was when that cut was working with us here
on the show?
Speaker 1 (26:27):
The idea? I don't know, Like I would think that
you can't just be like, hey, did you hear Gimpi's
color blind? You're like shit, okay, and you go to
Amazon and you order colorblind glasses and they show up.
I would imagine there's some tweaking that needs to happen
or are you saying that? He put them on and
he was like, fuck, that's worse than who wants to
see blue right?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Or whatever color color? It didn't work out. It didn't
work out the way that that person was expecting it
to be. An eye thought that is.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
It is one of the classic fun things when there's
build up for something and everybody gets excited and it
doesn't happen, you're like, oh, uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
Yeah, Like when I told my kids we were going
to Disney World, surprise them. I got them the twins.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
We surprised them for their birthday.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
We had a puzzle made and it said, surprise, We're
going to Disney World.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
They thought we were going to Idaho and to.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
The potato farm.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
We were gonna Why did they think that? What kind
of fucking puzzle did you buy?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
No?
Speaker 4 (27:30):
No, No, we were going to take a They knew
we were going to take a family vacation, so we said, yeah,
we're going to go to Idaho and plants.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
So you were joking that time, Yeah, so you had
already set up the disappointment. Well, that's on you.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
So then when they put this puzzle together Marcus was
like helping them with it, and he was like, oh
my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, last piece,
you like put in the last piece.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
And he's like surprise.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
He goes to read it because no one else Okay.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
Disney World and Marcus and Leo, oh is this real?
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Is this real?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
They're all excited and Eli and We're like yeah, of course.
And Eli just puts his hands in his and against
his chest and pouts and I wanted to go to
Idaho and see, yeah, grow potatoes.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah that's because you built it up for a fucking Idaho.
That's on you. Yeah, you caused your own disappointment.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:22):
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, but he had a miserable time.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah right, just walking around fucking Disney Road with this
goddamn potato.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
This could be us. Yeah, I could have been putting
you on the ground right now. But no, I'm in
line for this.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I love those things when kids are like I want
a potato for Christmas, or that one with the kid
opens up a banana. Aba was like I asked Santa
for a box. I'm like, you're getting I will, I
will put a call in. Yeah, you will be getting
a box from Santa. I promise I'm gonna buy the
I'm gonna go to the box store, which is a thing,
(28:59):
and I'm gonna buy the biggest fucking box that I
can find. And Santa's gonna make sure she gets regerator boxes.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
The twins got one one year. I don't know how.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I don't think they do that anymore. They're styrofoam and
they're wrapped in Oh well.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
We had a refrigerator box one year and they made
a house out of it, a rocket ship out of it,
a boat out of it.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
It was that thing lasted in our house for months.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Oh shit, Yeah no, I don't let that stuff last
that long. Right, But she was so goddamn big, but
she would love it. Oh yeah, No, she's getting a
fucking box. I'm sorry, she's getting a box to do
whatever she wants to.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Oh yeah, uh, I want to make that one up,
all right.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Last podcast of the year, lindsay you have anything you've
been wanting to bring up in a podcast.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Actually, I had a question written down for to tell
the truth, and it was asked a question.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I know.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
I've had it written and I always freaking look over it.
If there was a day of the year, a holiday
that you could invent or name, what would it be?
Speaker 5 (30:04):
What day of the year a holiday, new holiday?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Oh, give gimpy ten dollars day. Yeah, everybody feels like yeah,
and we'll do it on April twentieth.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Everybody that crosses your path or in the mail, you
just everybody past two mail they go to the website
give dot com and.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, mal okay, mail it Toomey cash ypp ben Mo, mofucker,
I'll give. I'll take it and fucking you know, carry
your pigeon whatever. Yeah, No, that that makes that makes
the most sense. Yeah, that is incredibly selfish. I was
going to think of something a little more charitable.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
But you don't know what I'm doing with the ten
dollars that I get.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I mean, there's a good idea, I fucking know.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I'm mine take a portion of those proceeds and make
it to the golden wishes.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
No, and I hit it to the final destination. You
only would so you could say you did, and ten
dollars would count as you doing it.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
So because I'm gonna be using them golden witches later on.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, I'm gonna pick reverse day, and it is a
day you have to do what.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Your partner does.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Like you would have to go to work for where
you're yeah, Lindsay would have to sell cars. Yeah, I'm
not married, so it works out right, your partner, so
it doesn't your spouse, I guess.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
So you take yeah, go work for a law firm. Yeah, yeah,
just for a day.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
It's like take your daughter to work. You're not getting
any power, Like you're not going to be resting people
putting your fires. Ye right, you have to go and
see what they go through. And also you have to
do like at home, like you've got to do all
their stuff. Oh yeah, whatever they do, settle down.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I would love that.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
No, listen, I know you track your husband's location so
you know when he's on his way home, so he
can get up and act like you've been doing shit
all day, right, man, facking.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Hard to do well.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
Super Bowl Monday would be mine. So the day after
the super Bowl would be a national holiday.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
No work, everybody gets off.
Speaker 5 (32:10):
Yeah work, Yes, you can recover from your super Bowl party.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
I don't really ever have a problem with that. I
don't need to be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
So, uh, what about you can be anything You've wanted
to bring up last podcast. Got some question you've been
waiting to ask for a while?
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Yeah, nothing, bro, It's been a good year. You know.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Started off a little rough, a little weird, got a
little weird there in the beginning, but for the most
part for me anyway, personally, shit's been pretty fucking solid.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
I'm good. I'm happy, you know, even.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
With all the changes that's gone around here in this place,
I'm my happy camper.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
I can still work, I can still pay my bills,
I can still eak. To me, that is success.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, the monumental moment of making it through another year
on the show when there were times that I didn't
know if we can make it to the end of
the year, right, just because it's been wild. It's been
a wild ride so far this year. So hopefully we'll
get to do this be in the same spot in
a year. Been doing the podcast. Has nothing of knowledge
I have. It's just the industry is in a weird place.
(33:12):
Things change and evolve, and I have no idea what
the future holds. So you guys have a fantastic holiday, man,
make sure you enjoy some time with the family and friends,
and it might be for some of the people you
love the last one you have with them, which is crazy.
And don't think just because they're old. It's those people.
You guys, have a fantastic holiday. We love you, Merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
See ya, bye bye
I found this article and I am so excited to
talk about it. Did you know that they're Okay, the
ocean's terrifying, right, it's so I think it's such a
crazy place, endless threats that we're not even aware of.
There is a fish in the ocean that's it's penis
(00:40):
can detach and then go and then go out and
come back.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay, goes out, gets laid, comes back, attaches itself back
to your body.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
That's pretty brilliant.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's called a nautilus.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
A nautilus.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Yeah, and during mating, the male paper nautilus detaches his
penis and presents it to the female. It then continues
to function independently, transferring sperm to the female even after
separation from the male's body. The detachable penis of the
(01:21):
paper nautilus, there's multiple purposes from ensuring effective fertilization to
increasing the male's chances of passing on its genetic material.
And it's just showing like how far it will go
to keep going pro create. Okay, the idea that I
could hand not have to put it in my wife's
(01:41):
per just stays in my wife's first that's wild.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So this is where the song detachable penis comes into play,
maybe and maybe.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah, or really having a mind of its own.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I mean that's a good question too. Does it have
a mind of it?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
How does it know to get to the the fish puss?
Speaker 3 (02:03):
You know?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
How does it?
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Does it just fall? The smell?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
How does it know to get to the tuna?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Right? Exactly? That's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
I want to see a video of this. I want
to see a little video of this fish micro penis
shoot across? Is it fast?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Well, there's a video of removing the penis fish from
a man's penis.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
We don't want that.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
How do you smell?
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Again?
Speaker 5 (02:28):
How do you spell the.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Nautilus in a U T?
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I l U s Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
And when you see the nautiluss you'd be like, oh, yeah,
I've seen that before. You just didn't realize that's what
it was called. And I sugars hell didn't know that
I had a detachable penis.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
It looks kind of like a conk shellow mongst.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Well, that's fun. I think it'd be dangerous though.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Man, your dick gets you in enough trouble as it is,
and now it's detachable and just.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Goes off wandering whenever it wants to.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Oh God, but I guess if you're a single nautilus
in the bottom of the ocean, you know, it doesn't
really matter.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And it's long.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
How long is a nautilust dong?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
It just says it's longest in the body to body ratio. Okay,
So I was in I was I was speaking of penises.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Yeah, yeah, so fucking going through prep. This was last
week when it was in there or whatever. And it's like,
this dog is ready for porno, right, And I was like, well,
I get the fuck out of here, and I click
on it right because I'm curious what are they talking about?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
And this dog had the biggest fucking dick I've ever
seen in my life attached to a dog.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
This thing was massive.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I was like, wow, good for you. And he was
a small dog.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
You would have liked chihuah was small, But it was
more like, you know, uh, what are those dogs that
the queen had?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
You know, I'm talking about the corky. Yeah, it's about to
a Corgie.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
But the schlog on this dog was fucking massive. I'm like, wow,
I'm just looking up well endowed dogs right right, because
looking up dogs with massive penis just doesn't. That's too bad.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
It was it was in our it was in our
prep and I don't think I don't that doesn't hold
on to it for too long.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So this is on uh just answers dot com. Somebody
had submitted the question Hi there, oh, where is it
which dog has the thickest penis? Ah? So someone went
online like tried to get the answer, couldn't found this
place to to do this. Hi there, thank you for
(04:46):
your question. It's difficult to say, but in general, a
giant breed dog such as a mastiff or a Great
Dane would have the largest external genitalia.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
You would think, I'm hoping that. You know.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
It's a weird Google search, but it's worth it. But
I can't find the dog the picture of the dog.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Is this it?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
What is the length of a wolf's penis? Again? Someone
was curious why I don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
That?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Being said, they've been measured at death and the average
size is seven to ten inches of a wolf penis.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
It's nice.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
This corresponds decently well with one dog breed that is
in similar size, being the Great Dane, which has a
penis length of eight to ten inches. Lindsay Good news.
We know someone who owns a Great Dane and can
give is the get in this room is the great
Dane penis expert. I've never touched my dog. Nobody said that.
(05:48):
I never said that. I just said you we do this.
If you own it, then you are the expert. That's right,
And so you are the Great Dane penis expert in
the room.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
There you go.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
But you've never I don't know if it's that long,
I don't know how you don't look at it? Yeah,
I mean yeah, I mean it's there. Any dog slungs there?
They don't have pants on, you know. But I have
never seen my great Dane wrecked. No, No, he's a humper.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
He's a motherfucking humper. But he just has no fuck
idea what he's doing. And the two lipstick doesn't come out.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
It's so weird. No, he ain't fixed.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Here's a question, because you said you haven't seen your
great Danes of erect penis? Have you seen any dogs?
How many dogs erect penis have you seen? Probably more
than what I need to You know, there's time. I
can't think of one.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
There's time.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Shit, I got a picture you remember that pug that
I had, right, This is when I first moved into
that house fucking years ago, and we didn't even have
anything moved in yet. Just the dogs, right, no furniture,
no nothing. And and Samson, the pug is sitting there
on the fucking tie by the fireplace, right, it's fucking deck,
just hanging the fuck out, you know, just hey, what's
(07:00):
going on? I guess Samson likes the place. He's habby God,
lucky dog.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Serge of bacca brow. His massive are gross. You could
just say penises. They don't look like that, all right.
This is a subreddit that makes you go, oh, what
the fuck? This is about dogs penises? This is a.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
What are we doing here with that's? I can't see that?
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Okay, you probably don't want to see it, No, you don't.
You don't want to see a dog's penis like a
duck's penis. You ever seen a ducks penis? Lindsay they're
rapers too, Yes, yes, ducks. Ducks are fucking assholes man
cork screwed, raping egg penis shape, raping ass duck. Look
(08:00):
at a koala penis. Look at that?
Speaker 5 (08:04):
Oh god, what is.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
That cotton and blender or something.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
It looks like it's trying to pick something up at
the bottom of a machine at an arcade.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It's like back in the day they have those little
snaps that you put in like cigars and cigarettes, and
you light it and eventually blows the end of that
cigarette cigar up.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
That's what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Female koalas have five have three vaginas.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Wow, what I think it's the snail that has five buttholes. Yeah,
it's so weird, man, it makes me glad to be
a human.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
What are you going to do?
Speaker 3 (08:40):
All those vaginas and all those buttholes.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Inside the vagina? It branches off into three spots.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Okay. Uh.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Koalas have forklift penises. Yeah, because she's got three vaginas.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
You gotta hit all of them. Yeah, ones for pleasure,
ones for breeding. What's the other one for?
Speaker 3 (08:59):
There?
Speaker 1 (08:59):
How about this koala sex's voice activated?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
All right?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah? Male koalas broadcast their availability and breeding season. Their
voice travels far and clucky. Females make their travel plans
to the deepest voice in the land. So the you know,
the uh very wide of the koalas gets all the ladies.
Well yeah, uh okay uh. Koalas ovulate only after they've
(09:28):
had sex.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Really in the a little late at that point in time.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I guess hormones released in response to sex cause the
ovary to release an egg, which is fertilized by stored sperm.
M It suggested that it's good for animals with large
home ranges who might have trouble finding each other on
the at the right time. So it has to do
with they migrate around to find their partner, so they
don't want to ovulate and be like, damn, I missed
(09:56):
the window. Female also may also be able to choose
not to ovulate. How about that, I don't want to
have something. I don't want to have this this person's
kouala baby.
Speaker 5 (10:09):
I don't like the way his eyes are not for me.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
It was not good. I don't want to remember this one. Okay,
how about that Koalas. I would have never guessed that
would be what we would talk about on our last
podcast of the year. Yeah, somebody texted and said there
was no way I would go upstairs alone to confront anyone. Well, yeah,
just the nature of confronting is aggression. Yeah, but then
(10:36):
you have no If you can't go alone, you have
no business going up there.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I think a lot of that hinges on. Also, how
are you going up there? How are you presenting yourself?
Are you just going up there like God damn it? Hey, guys,
you know cool about it? Or are you going up
there fucking throwing a fit and throwing your hands in
the air. What the fuck is this?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Man? You're shining dicks down on my daughter's face? What
the fuck man he had do with?
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Say, Hey, guys, I appreciate the drink, thank you so much,
but listen, can you stop with the laser pointing. I've
got my kids down here. I'm just celebrating my birthday.
I would appreciate it again, thank you for the drink.
Have a good night.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Yeah, the problem I agree with that. But the problem
is you're feeding the cat. That's the only issue.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
I'm supposed to sit here and let them shine dicks
down on my table right now.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
So there's this funny jiu jitsu joke out joke whatever,
and people are like jiu jitsu wouldn't work in the
real world, and he's like, that's right, because you know what,
when's in enough street fight a gun? Yeah, He's like,
I'm not I want to go home. I want to like,
and too many people think that they're entitled to what
they want, and so they get in confrontations over dick
(11:48):
penises when if you just are like, just ignore it,
they'll get bored. Right, they want our reaction.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Right, right, that's why they're shining a laser now.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Yes, yes, haha, it's a penis. Everybody has one, almost
everybody whatever, like, okay, and please bring us our Tara Massule.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Right, And maybe they thought, oh, it's Jamie Fox, he's
a comedian.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
He'll think it's funny.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Sure, you know, but also they might not have but
you cannot get in the head of another individual.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
This is why you always carry a dick laser with you, right,
you never know when the dick gets shined on you.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
You can shine that dick back. Listen, you carry a
gun because you never know exactly. You should carry a
dick laser pointer because you never know.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
That would be an awesome you know, they got laser
sights for gun shoots out a dick onto your target.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Please, we need to respond to the restaurant. Apparently that
some of the individuals are shining a dick penis on
a table. That's that would be a thing.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
For sure, absolutely, fuck all right, I'll go. I'll check
it out.
Speaker 5 (12:52):
The problem We've got dick.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
There's dicks everywhere, sir.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Exqueeze me.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
I mean there was a dick. I just saw it.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
There goes sir. There's no dick. It was on my chest, Sir,
I say it with my own eye. And then it
was on my wife's face.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
What my daughter, it was pointing at her mouth. It
was almost in her mouth.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
There was a dick in her soup.
Speaker 5 (13:19):
It was a red dis.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Sure, the color is not important, alright, let's just stick
to the facts. I swear it was red. There was
a green one too, all right, how much have you
been drinking?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Right exactly, I understand it's your birthday. You're gonna have
to leave, right. You saw the light Now there's penises everywhere.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
M yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Jamie, my kid was having a funny conversation with one
of her friends and the they were talking about drugs
for some reason, and my kid was like, yeah, there's
all kinds of drugs. Some drugs are good, some drugs
are bad, like aspirin, okay, right, and the kid was
like the other kid was like, drugs, what are drugs?
They're not what are drugs? And I'm like, oh shit,
(14:05):
you are in trouble, ma'am. Yeah, your kid is either
gonna not be fun to hang out with or also
not be fun to hang out with, right right, because
they're taking so many drugs.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
You're about to get a phone call. What is my
daughter of? Why do you tell my daughter and daughter
about drugs?
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah, I'm not a big believer in Like, we don't
have cutesy names for genitals. It is a penis and
a vagina. I have one, your mom has one. That's
how you're here, right, Really? Yes, we got my oldest.
My youngest asked if we were Santa. Really, she's starting
(14:45):
to figure it out.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Maybe or somebody at the school is telling her. Probably
that more than likely that's it. Yeah, because the little kids,
one of them apparently her dad doesn't believe in Santa.
No shit, dude, right, she's about that age.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Though, is she nine?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Right? My youngest? This is my youngest. It's the youngest
first grade yo.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Ah, So the oldest found out told her about it,
no question, no, no, she said it was from the playground.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Okay, I think it was my brother.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
That told me that broke it to me that Santa
wasn't real, and I was about that that age.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I don't think my parents my brother ruined it for me.
Speaker 5 (15:24):
So what did you tell?
Speaker 1 (15:27):
I just said, well, what.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Do you believe?
Speaker 1 (15:29):
If you believe, then that's good enough. Some people believe,
some people don't. But Santa is about many things. So
Santa is a spirit, it's not it's not a it's
not an effigy. And so you know, if she chooses
to believe, great, if not great. But I'm not gonna
stop being Sanna even if she's like, my thing is like,
(15:51):
don't ruin it for your sister. Right. If she's like
you're saning, aren't you be like, yeah, but don't ruin
it for your sister. I'm not a big believe. I'm
not a big believer in the lying to my kids, like,
I just don't think it gets you anywhere in the end.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
You know what she's gonna do, though, So as soon
as you tell her, she's gonna go run and tell
her sister.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Okay, it's just how it goes man, siblings.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Sorry, it hardly matters, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I'm not gonna I would rather It's more important to
me that my kid knows I'm honest with them than
if they ruin it to their fucking sister. I don't
want them running it, but also don't want them fucking
riding on the wall, like, goddamn kids be kids, right,
I also don't want them doing some of the other
crazy shit. But it's like Lindsay was asking me about
(16:34):
if my kid was seventeen and did at a twenty
year old, would I like it? I was like, no,
I wouldn't like it, but I'm not going back to.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
You trying to hook Marcus up.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
No, No, that's older than Marcus. Marcus is not that old.
But like, it doesn't matter at that point, I'm just
would be interjecting more grievance. Right, it won't stop, and
there's no way it's gonna stop. Well, they're seventeen, now,
that's true. You can keep moving home. No, that's true too,
And then that also doesn't solve it, right, it makes
(17:03):
it way worse.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
It doesn't really help out in the future at all whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I think when your kid starts becoming like an independent
thinker and can do something about it, you've pretty much
lost control at that point.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Unless you beat them into submission.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
And then you're its assault and child abuse and it
comes all these other things and.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
Then they hate you and more.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Some age it turns from child abuse to just domestic
so fine, right, yikes, Yeah, I think it's like that.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
It's at that. It's like that Shane Gillis juke about
make a Wish and that they tell nineteen year olds
get fucked right, and they don't want to admit that
they have a hard line, but they do.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Sorry, sorry you're too old, man.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
But I really want to meet the rug if you're
really sick. And then like you turn nineteen.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Yeah, sorry, we couldn't get to you last year.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Ye're going to The idea that that's like a hard
rule is wild.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
So now just everybody should be part of a make
a Wish.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
No, you gotta have, man, you do. It's kind of
like the argument of public property. Public property, I can
go wherever I want. No, it's been well established that
that's just the taxes paid for it. But there are
rules to kind of keep it orderly.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
There are laws for a reason. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yeah, you got every dying fifty six year old out
there trying to go to Disneyland, the fat man, but
I got cancer.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
You're fifty six and you've been smoking for thirty years.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Should there be like an older version of make That
would be so fucking fantastically awesome? But then again, everyone dies, Yeah,
so at what age do you cap it?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I don't think you can it if it's for adults only, right,
I think I don't think you camp it, like twenty
five and above?
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Well, are twenty one?
Speaker 1 (19:00):
In a b I'll argue this. I'll argue there's a
window where it's not okay, and then then there's a
window where it's okay again. So like you're dying and
you're like in your nineties, and they're they put you
on the plane that you flew on and maybe the
most insane time of your life because you went to
a war, right, or they throw you out of a
goddamn airplane right with a parachute. Like at some point
(19:21):
it becomes okay to do those things again. But then
there's a window they're like, too bad, you're just fucking
middle aged.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Deal with it, right, So you're thinking, like, skip the thirties,
skip the thirties and forties. Anybody fifty and above, why
are you owing?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
No?
Speaker 4 (19:33):
I think because what if you're if you're terminal in
your thirties, I think you should be able.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
To do something like what like what would be your
wish at thirty? It isn't something simple like Disney World.
It's like I want to go with, yeah, make it happen, man,
wear the super Bowl?
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Fuck okay?
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And you can't call you got to call it something else.
It can't be making wish for adults and then it
under and then who this charity?
Speaker 4 (20:01):
You can still just I don't think I think it
could be under the same umbrella. Doesn't have to just
be for It could be no, it could just be
make a wish the pro I could just open it
up to adults.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Listen. The problem with it is that there are there's
a window at a certain age where things go wrong young.
It's shocking when a kid gets fucking cancer. It's shocking
when they get some terminal disease at some age you
just go, fuck, that's life, man.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Right again, you've been smoking for thirty years.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
And that's another thing. If you get lung cancer or
pancreatic cancer, which is quote they classify as a quote
luxury cancer, with somebody you have a fucking issue with it.
You can eat my dick. My dad died of it,
so I can say what the fuck I want about it.
But like that is, you've done something to cause that cancer,
and you should you get a wish right now?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
What if it's lung cancer but you've never smoked a
day in your life.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Again, But that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's
a term illness you've created.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
There has to be some boundaries there. But I think
there's something.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
You're still telling someone who dies they can't have their
final wish. Though my dad died from a cancer like that,
it still was really fucking sad that he was. He
realized all these things he wanted to do.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
All Right, then, all cancer patients, no matter what you're in,
you're in.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
You're good, no matter what if you brought it upon
yourself or not.
Speaker 5 (21:24):
It's not like they get to everyone anyway.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
What about a stroke victim who can't speak or talk.
Speaker 5 (21:31):
Well, then we'll never know what they act.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Well, no, they wrote it down, okay, right, then send
them on dinner with Kate Upton.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
There you go, Julie, and there are plenty of kids
that go through Make a wish that can't audibilize what
they want, and their parents go they've always loved Spider
Man deep down inside their kids like, oh no, they
don't even like fucking cartoons because you don't know what
they're saying.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
He really always wanted to go to Disneyland because.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Right because I'm in a fucking chair and I can't
stay on the Okay, stay there, Mom and dad are
gonna go on Space Mountain.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Yeah, wait with our bags.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Oh it was so fun. Hold on your drooling and
let me clean that up off your face. Look at
the smile on his face he had. Did he have fun?
I mean he appeared to. But we had a fucking blast.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
It was great. Thanks to Make a Wish.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Don't get me wrong. Make a Wish is an amazing organization,
amazing and it is also for the parents. I know
people don't love hearing that, but it is.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I think we make I'm going to reach out to
the people Make a Wish and reach out to Jane,
you know, and be like, Hey, what's up with this
adult division?
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Can we make this? This is something we can do.
They'll come in next year for the Rumbling Roll.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I don't think I don't think you can call it
make a wish. It has to be a different name
because you need clear separation on what organizations people are
giving money to. People give it to make a wish.
They believe and want and have for years been under
the impression that they're giving money to a child getting
a wish. Granted, I don't want Earl who's been fucking
pounding jack and cokes at the corner bar at eleven
(23:14):
am for fucking forty years because he's always wanted to,
you know, see the Empire State Building, because his great
great grandfather fucking sit on a beam and had a
goddamn lunch there that he should now. All right, So
it's got to be a different.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Name, all right.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (23:33):
One one last trip right?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (23:38):
One one more adventure?
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Yeah? I like that. One last trip around Stars.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
I don't know, bucket list, just call it what do
you want?
Speaker 3 (23:55):
You want?
Speaker 1 (23:56):
How about this Golden Wishes?
Speaker 3 (23:58):
Okay, see that.
Speaker 5 (24:00):
The Golden Bachelor, No farewell.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Wishes, that seems to fit. Final Wishes, Hey, I got that.
Beyond the Sunset sounds like a retirement home, right, funeral home? Yeah,
final chapter foundation Yeah. See all of those work fine, Yeah,
but they sound sadisfuck.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
Before the end, before we say goodbye, we're on or something,
before we wig.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Yeah, you gotta use the acronym because it doesn't sound
awesome the other way.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Make a wish mah yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Yeah, make a wish videos though, and like people get
like they see you get to see videos of kids
getting granted wishes. It ranks up there. If you're like
feeling down, go watch those videos. You're like awesome, or
or go watch the videos of babies or kids that
have never fucking seen and they put glasses on them
or here are you can add to mine here in
a second. But like being able to see and like
they get to see somebody for the first time and
(25:06):
they're like holy, Like the kids like holy fuck, yeah
look at you. Well yeah, it looks around like everybody's
seen this the whole time. They're so awesome.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
You're their mama's voice are good too.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
And we had a guy that worked here who was
color blind and they got on those special glasses to
make up see right, and we're trying to create a
moment like that. If you remember, this is a couple
I don't remember. This is a couple of years back.
The guy he lives in Nashville. Now I don't want
to say his name. That's loud, but you know what
I'm talking about. Worked for the Twister, named after a
(25:43):
se Texas so far Okay, he was color blind and
they went out and got him a special pair of
those glasses that allow color blind people to see like
normal people do.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I didn't know this. Oh yeah, I don't remember.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
This was around the holidays. I want to say, but.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Uh, it pretty much did not go the way they
wanted it to. They was hoping that it would be like, oh,
that's so amazing, I could see you, blah blah blah.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
He's just like, okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Was he not colorblind?
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I don't know, to be honest, there, I just got
this ship in passing and I was like, I was like,
you were trying to get a viral moment and you failed.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
What was when that cut was working with us here
on the show?
Speaker 1 (26:27):
The idea? I don't know, Like I would think that
you can't just be like, hey, did you hear Gimpi's
color blind? You're like shit, okay, and you go to
Amazon and you order colorblind glasses and they show up.
I would imagine there's some tweaking that needs to happen
or are you saying that? He put them on and
he was like, fuck, that's worse than who wants to
see blue right?
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Or whatever color color? It didn't work out. It didn't
work out the way that that person was expecting it
to be. An eye thought that is.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
It is one of the classic fun things when there's
build up for something and everybody gets excited and it
doesn't happen, you're like, oh, uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
Yeah, Like when I told my kids we were going
to Disney World, surprise them. I got them the twins.
Speaker 5 (27:13):
We surprised them for their birthday.
Speaker 4 (27:16):
We had a puzzle made and it said, surprise, We're
going to Disney World.
Speaker 5 (27:20):
They thought we were going to Idaho and to.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
The potato farm.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
We were gonna Why did they think that? What kind
of fucking puzzle did you buy?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
No?
Speaker 4 (27:30):
No, No, we were going to take a They knew
we were going to take a family vacation, so we said, yeah,
we're going to go to Idaho and plants.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
So you were joking that time, Yeah, so you had
already set up the disappointment. Well, that's on you.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
So then when they put this puzzle together Marcus was
like helping them with it, and he was like, oh
my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, last piece,
you like put in the last piece.
Speaker 5 (27:55):
And he's like surprise.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
He goes to read it because no one else Okay.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
Disney World and Marcus and Leo, oh is this real?
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Is this real?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
They're all excited and Eli and We're like yeah, of course.
And Eli just puts his hands in his and against
his chest and pouts and I wanted to go to
Idaho and see, yeah, grow potatoes.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Yeah that's because you built it up for a fucking Idaho.
That's on you. Yeah, you caused your own disappointment.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (28:22):
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Yeah, but he had a miserable time.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah right, just walking around fucking Disney Road with this
goddamn potato.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
This could be us. Yeah, I could have been putting
you on the ground right now. But no, I'm in
line for this.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I love those things when kids are like I want
a potato for Christmas, or that one with the kid
opens up a banana. Aba was like I asked Santa
for a box. I'm like, you're getting I will, I
will put a call in. Yeah, you will be getting
a box from Santa. I promise I'm gonna buy the
I'm gonna go to the box store, which is a thing,
(28:59):
and I'm gonna buy the biggest fucking box that I
can find. And Santa's gonna make sure she gets regerator boxes.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
The twins got one one year. I don't know how.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I don't think they do that anymore. They're styrofoam and
they're wrapped in Oh well.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
We had a refrigerator box one year and they made
a house out of it, a rocket ship out of it,
a boat out of it.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
It was that thing lasted in our house for months.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Oh shit, Yeah no, I don't let that stuff last
that long. Right, But she was so goddamn big, but
she would love it. Oh yeah, No, she's getting a
fucking box. I'm sorry, she's getting a box to do
whatever she wants to.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Oh yeah, uh, I want to make that one up,
all right.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Last podcast of the year, lindsay you have anything you've
been wanting to bring up in a podcast.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Actually, I had a question written down for to tell
the truth, and it was asked a question.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I know.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
I've had it written and I always freaking look over it.
If there was a day of the year, a holiday
that you could invent or name, what would it be?
Speaker 5 (30:04):
What day of the year a holiday, new holiday?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Oh, give gimpy ten dollars day. Yeah, everybody feels like yeah,
and we'll do it on April twentieth.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Everybody that crosses your path or in the mail, you
just everybody past two mail they go to the website
give dot com and.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, mal okay, mail it Toomey cash ypp ben Mo, mofucker,
I'll give. I'll take it and fucking you know, carry
your pigeon whatever. Yeah, No, that that makes that makes
the most sense. Yeah, that is incredibly selfish. I was
going to think of something a little more charitable.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
But you don't know what I'm doing with the ten
dollars that I get.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I mean, there's a good idea, I fucking know.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I'm mine take a portion of those proceeds and make
it to the golden wishes.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
No, and I hit it to the final destination. You
only would so you could say you did, and ten
dollars would count as you doing it.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
So because I'm gonna be using them golden witches later on.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Yeah, I'm gonna pick reverse day, and it is a
day you have to do what.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Your partner does.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Like you would have to go to work for where
you're yeah, Lindsay would have to sell cars. Yeah, I'm
not married, so it works out right, your partner, so
it doesn't your spouse, I guess.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
So you take yeah, go work for a law firm. Yeah, yeah,
just for a day.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
It's like take your daughter to work. You're not getting
any power, Like you're not going to be resting people
putting your fires. Ye right, you have to go and
see what they go through. And also you have to
do like at home, like you've got to do all
their stuff. Oh yeah, whatever they do, settle down.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I would love that.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
No, listen, I know you track your husband's location so
you know when he's on his way home, so he
can get up and act like you've been doing shit
all day, right, man, facking.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Hard to do well.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
Super Bowl Monday would be mine. So the day after
the super Bowl would be a national holiday.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
No work, everybody gets off.
Speaker 5 (32:10):
Yeah work, Yes, you can recover from your super Bowl party.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
I don't really ever have a problem with that. I
don't need to be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
So, uh, what about you can be anything You've wanted
to bring up last podcast. Got some question you've been
waiting to ask for a while?
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Yeah, nothing, bro, It's been a good year. You know.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Started off a little rough, a little weird, got a
little weird there in the beginning, but for the most
part for me anyway, personally, shit's been pretty fucking solid.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
I'm good. I'm happy, you know, even.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
With all the changes that's gone around here in this place,
I'm my happy camper.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
I can still work, I can still pay my bills,
I can still eak. To me, that is success.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, the monumental moment of making it through another year
on the show when there were times that I didn't
know if we can make it to the end of
the year, right, just because it's been wild. It's been
a wild ride so far this year. So hopefully we'll
get to do this be in the same spot in
a year. Been doing the podcast. Has nothing of knowledge
I have. It's just the industry is in a weird place.
(33:12):
Things change and evolve, and I have no idea what
the future holds. So you guys have a fantastic holiday, man,
make sure you enjoy some time with the family and friends,
and it might be for some of the people you
love the last one you have with them, which is crazy.
And don't think just because they're old. It's those people.
You guys, have a fantastic holiday. We love you, Merry Christmas.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
See ya, bye bye
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