The Morning Dump 5-30-23

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Episode Transcript

(00:17):
I hate talking about first kisses.Why is that because there's no cool first
kiss story never ever, unless yourfirst kiss was like gate option. Even
then it wouldn't have been. Itwould have still had like a Kim Mason
or Justin Jar Jared Flavor or backupBus Flavor too row. Just a little

(00:40):
peck, a little smooch. Yeah, nothing deep my first kiss, and
then I stuck my hand. Iwent a fucking home run. Man.
First time. It's well, it'sjust like first sexual experience, right,
yeah, particularly for girls, butguys like that's never like it was awesome.
No, you'll say that, well, yeah, but only because of

(01:00):
the achievement. Yeah, not becauseof the whole experience, the actual process
in itself. It was just itwas over too fast, and well that
was that. Then I was reallytired. So graduation pretty much has happened,
right, everybody's school is pretty muchoutright. I hope it is done.
I am overall the fucking graduation pictureson fucking Facebook. Motherfucker there listening.

(01:25):
They're fucking graduating every fucking grade graduatespre ki kindergarten, first grade graduation,
fifth grade graduation, high school graduation, college graduation. You just graduated
from Dui School. Congratulations, fuckme, man, yeah, rant over
drivers that. I don't know ifI don't know if that's like some resentment

(01:47):
because of your experience with graduating.But I don't give a shit if people
celebrate a milestone it, Who thefuck do I care? I get it.
Man, It's just like all lastweek in the week before, That's
all I've fucking seen on Facebook andthe feet or whatever. Man, it's
just graduate this and graduate that.Before it was like, all right,
so you graduated kindergarten, You're goinginto big kids school now, and then

(02:10):
like what sixth grade grade grade goinginto the middle school, and then you're
fucking your senior year. That wasit. That was it. Now it
seems like everybody's graduating. It's afucking ceremony and I camp and again I'm
sucking everybody. Yeah again, don'tfuck it's a weird thing to dig in
on. It founds very good offmy lawn. Yeah, but that's fine.
Whatever I was trying to get to, not that. But if you

(02:35):
need to work to that, wecan work to that together. I think
we've worked okay. Uh, seniorpranks, right, and I saw an
awesome one online, which is borderlinecriminal. Uh. They snuck into the
principal's house in the middle of thenight, and when she got up,
what it scared the fucking piss outof her? What as it should.
And they are like they're just standingover her bed being all the room hanging

(03:00):
out watching TV and she's coming outin her robe, all hair disheveled.
Yikes, it's kind of funny.I haven't heard the audio, so I
have no idea what it's gonna It'sgonna sound like the entire senior class nuck
into the principal's house in the middleof the night. Here is the audio.

(03:27):
I don't know how you don't hearit? Yeah, is there not?
Good morning? Little funny and allof you don't want to walk around
you like the sun is up?How did I hear you? You're like

(04:05):
she's taking it well, man,dude. This is a good example of
how like people that educate our childrenare. Most of them are fucking awesome
because they tolerate just my water,everything safe. They tolerate the things we

(04:26):
would never like. The idea likeyou're right, like she's handling well,
why because she tolerates your piece ofshits? Right, right, And I
mean that in the most endearious way. You know them, of course,
you know. Yeah, it doesn'tget like a big school, right,
exactly right. She reading them withtheir little bunnies. Yeah, she put
on a good faith and someone hadto have like let them in or something.

(04:48):
Yeah, but that's just fucking weird. I think that's fucking weird.
Oh yeah, oh yeah. Idon't know if you've seen it I posted
over the weekend, but I guessthere's a TikTok t and where people are
just walking into motherfucker's houses. I'llfucking shoot you fucking a heartbeat and a
heartbeat and then the doors wide open, and at least in the video that

(05:10):
I posted, anyway, the doorswide open and these kids just fucking walk
on in and try to make upsome excuse. So I'm looking for blah
blah blah. They're fucking sitting ontheir couches, they're going through their ship,
and I'm just no, that isa good way to fuck around and
find out in your life, that'sright. Yeah, why would you even
like? How is that even funny? I don't know, I don't know,

(05:32):
but they they thought it was thisgroup of kids thought it was fucking
hilarious. Just go walk into somerandom strangers and they apparently they haven't stuffed
from what kind of some of thecomments that I read of that particular person.
It's just a fucking asshole anyway.Like I read a comment something like
he took an old lady's cat orwhat the fuck and ran off with it,

(05:54):
you know, just to be afucking dick. Yeah, press charges,
yeah, yeah, Yes. Therewas another school prank in Burlington,
North Carolina, the senior prank.The kids broke into the school and filled
the toilets and urinals with cement.Yeah, I've started that before. I
mean, listen, there are plentyof bad, crazy ones. I don't

(06:15):
want to do a list of likepranks that have happened, so I'm breaking
into a house of different And thenproblem with this one that you posted is
it's the youths are just randomly walking. So we're just gonna label the whole
fucking age demo, every last oneof them. Man, from fucking six
to eighteen. It's hardly a thinglike car stealing thing. The news is

(06:35):
making it sound like it's happening leftand right right. Do you I know
people that have Houndai's Yeah, doyou know anybody that's happened to No,
I don't know anyone that is rightexactly, but it happened in one or
two or three or four or five. They're making it sound like all of
us. It's rampant, like it'san infection, right, And maybe maybe
it's not. Maybe that's just onegroup of dumbasses who think they can be

(06:58):
Yes. Yeah, and Buddy theway man fool not good, Yeah,
not good at all. But Ithink ding dong ditching is the same way.
Man, Like, I think you'reasking to get shot right people,
people good on people's property and getshot for less. Yeah, yeah,
I mean it's been a thing lately. Well you know, you turn around
on the driveway or just knocked onthe wrong door or what the fuck.

(07:19):
Ever. It didn't seem like thatwas a problem back in the day,
but maybe there was. Maybe therewas this random kid who played the ding
dong ditching got shot. We neverdid, never got shot at or anything.
There was an old I don't knowif it was a myth urban ledge.
Well, here's why you're thinking aboutit. Here's what I think.
This difference is people treated gun ownershiplike their religion. They kept it pretty

(07:46):
close to the chest. They didn'tbrag about it, they didn't brandish it
for whatever reason, right, Okay, they kept it private, Like if
I have a gun, I don'tjust flash it. I don't only put
him in need to or well no, no, no, no, I
mean my dad just kept shotguns linedup against the wall, like if there

(08:07):
used to be a time where youcan go to school with one in the
back of window of your fucking truck. I think lock cases for guns is
a fairly new thing. Now.There were display cases for shotguns, right,
but those were hardly secure, right, little skeleton key, easy pick,
Yeah if it got locked and notquite what we're doing with now,
no, no, no fingerprint padsand digitals and this and that. Did

(08:28):
you remember, Yeah, yeah,there was. It was a tale of
a guy that he was just aangry, crmudgeon old man that if you
were, you know, one ofthe kids that you know, stepped on
his property because he had a coupleof akers out there, he emptied out
fucking shotgun shells and filled him withsalt instead and would shoot you with fucking
buck salt. What yeah, shootat you shit like that? That like

(08:50):
I'm staying away from that old man'sall right, I'm not like, did
you know people that happened like that? Was just that was just word of
mouth, right right, like oldman Smith and the home, right he
stays in there and eats moldy sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, yeah like that.
Yeah, Yeah, that's exactly howit was. It may not have
been a thing, It may nothave been a thing, but it was
enough to keep me the fuck awayfrom his property, you know what I
mean. I don't want to geta shot with salt or with anything for

(09:13):
that bag. And now they sellone that does it for bugs, right,
yeah, walking into the house you'reasking, but also also but also
keep your fucking door locked. Yeah, don't leave it wide open. And
then that was the thing, atleast at least with that fucking video right
there, you know, the onethat I posted. The door was wide
open. Doesn't it give them anyright to just walk on in? It's

(09:35):
not your place? But it wasjust wide open. Now with these kids,
she was asleep, Yeah, theyI'm interested to find out how they
got it. Somebody had to haveknown get in through a window. Does
she have a teenage son or daughterthat's also a senior or junior or something,
you know what I mean, thatcould be like, oh yeah,
I'll let you be hilarious. Yeah, someone had to have known for that

(09:58):
to happen. And if she were, we want to be a fucking cunt,
she can press charges on all ofthem for breaking an entering or at
least on lawful entry. Is thatbad move? Yeah? I mean if
you want to, you are theauthoritative figure in those kids' life, next
to their parents, so if youwant to teach them a lesson, But
yeah, it's a country move forsure. Is doing the right thing a

(10:20):
county move? Is that where we'reat, Doing the right thing is a
county move. I think we've establishedthat this is a small town, small
town school. Everybody kind of knowseverybody's right man, right, you know
that? Yeah, so I think, yeah, that's the case. If
it's a small town, small townschool. The principle knows all their parents,

(10:41):
they go to church, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, then yeah, calling thelaw on them as a county move.
You know, when you just simplyjust call your parents and be like,
I don't know, you breach thethreshold of my home. I don't care
if we know each other or not. Right, If you surprise me in
my home, I'm gonna lose myfucking mind, right, right, and

(11:03):
you have way more freedoms with methan the other people in the world.
Right, But did you die?Stuff comes up missing, then call That's
another thing you got to think about, because she sound asleep and those kids
are just sitting there doing what thefuck ever, passing time away, waiting
for miss Baker or whatever her nameis to wake up. The idea that

(11:26):
they did that and they said oneam, they'd been there since one am,
and it's fucking the sun is up, so it's at least been five
hours half Fuck that. How aboutthe sheer fact that they were quiet for
that long? Teenagers quiet? Right, they still have food in their house.
What if they were doing something?What if they were doing illegal shit
in her house while she was asleep, I would have like fucking or doing

(11:46):
drugs. The probably were sex anddrugs. I bet you they were listening
to rock and roll, uh huhor wrap they were probably God, we
take gummies while she's sleeping. Probablyuh. To cruise ship things for you
to give examples of why cruise shipson the fucking stupidest thing ever. Stupid.

(12:09):
Apparently a cruise ship was on itsway back from like Saint Barts or
some shit to port in South Carolinaand they came across a storm, fuck
up a storm too, and withhuge swells to where they had water in
the cabin and in the hallways.Yeah, and like people were injured got
injured, like dripping from the ceiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

(12:33):
like that fucking uh it's the sceneof the end of m Wolf of
Wall Street right where the he's onhis private thing and fucking water and they
have to be rescued by the ItalianCoast Guard right Italian name anyway, And
like the cruise ship companies like ah, because they never got told what was
happening or anything. No, likefor like hours hours until they poured it.

(12:56):
They know, but they're they're showingfucking water in like it's it's goddamn
the Titanic. Yes, they're likestay down their rats. Yeah. I
think at that point that's where I'mlike, I'm good as you think you're
gonna be all right, but youtake a chance with that. Storms happen,
and storms happen. Storms don't givea shit whether you're on a fucking

(13:18):
cruise ship or on the in theminta. All right, it's gonna fuck
you up, So I think,yeah, take that chance. But once
you got water running down the hallways. But to be fair, what are
they supposed to do? Where theywhere do? They can't put it in
the garage now? Like they can'tstop right right? They have to be
on time. Yeah, people haveflights. They have what a thousand,

(13:41):
two thousand people on the fucking shipat least, so like they're like,
well, fucking vermon, go right, forge ahead. It's not like a
plane. Like a plane will goaround a storm, right or they can
wait five minutes and then boats can'tdo that, right, You have really
no choice but to just forge onthrough, forge forge, sure go porridge,
porridge, porridge. Forage is whenyou're looking for food. Porridge is

(14:05):
the food. Forge is the headon through by the way, porridge.
I just reminded me of the thingwith the three little bears. And why
have you seen this online? Idon't think I am so so do you
know the story of the three littlebears? Right? Like one was hot,
one was called it was right rightright? Yeah? And who's who's
Who's was just right, baby bears. Yeah, who was called? Um?

(14:26):
Why? Guy? She's got toserve every damn it. But dad
was too hot because he got thefirst fuck bowl. That's right, bitch,
remember that anyway? Uh yeah,So the second thing I have for
cruise ships is apparently this just happenedover the weekend where some eighteen year old

(14:50):
jumped off a cruise ship in theBahamas as a dare and they can't now
that they haven't found him and they'vestopped searching for him, and that in
the video you can see a shark. Oh wow, yes, yes,
here's the thing. The cruise shipdoesn't look like it's moving fast, right,
They don't look like the move theyare they're hauling for a cruise ship.

(15:13):
Yes, they don't have breaks,right, they don't have a wide
berth for steering right, right,So if it's gonna turn around, it
takes miles, yeah, forever.And it isn't like they're not going twenty
five miles an hour, right,they're going in terms of car speed or

(15:33):
jet speed, they're going pretty slow. For boats, they're going pretty fast,
right, So the idea of it, like having to turn around takes
forever. So they can't find thiscat all because he wanted to jump off
a fucking cruise ship on a fuckingdare. Yeah, jump off, Okay,
now I'm good. And he jumpedoff at night, yes, dumb

(15:54):
ass, dumb ass, lindsay.I mean, even if it was during
the day, dumb ass, butseriously at night, Like, uh,
this goes back to like we weretalking earlier, natural selection. Man,
if you're fucking dumb enough, thenyou deserve what you get. You fucking
deserve what you get. And itsucks. And I'm sorry that his parents

(16:15):
are having to mourn the loss oftheir child and his friends are having to
go through all that shit. Butyou play stupid games, you get stupid
prizes. M that's it. Yeah, But also cruise ships are stupid.
True. I've always wanted to andI'm still kind of I still kind of
want to. It's kind of leaninga little bit more towards I don't know
if that's a good idea or not. But one fucking storm, right,

(16:41):
one dumbass kid, One fucking iceberg. Ever, which, by the way,
I was on the TikTok's they thinkthat the iceberg theory is null.
Yeah, I've heard that. Youknow, like they ran a top what
did they say, a glacier shelf? Yeah, and it didn't run on
the side of it. Right,it's not like the movie, right,

(17:02):
gash the bottom of it. Sothey've been lying to us for over one
hundred years, but they didn't know. Yeah, sure, because they couldn't
get to the bottom of the Ilike to think that they've been lying to
us for the past one hundred years, because then it just puts everything else
in the question, like, whatthe hell else are they lying about?
Everything? Right? I guess Ikind of go with I also felt that

(17:22):
way already, Like you've been liedto your whole life, the whole the
whole world has lived in in opposites. Right, he's alive, but he's
dead. Right, she's a virgin, but she gave birth, right,
Like the whole world is set up. It's that way. Yes, we
tell kids don't lick people, whenwhen that is an obvious lie. Right,

(17:48):
that sometimes is the best part.But we don't we don't lick people.
Right, you can't tell your kidsdon't lick them? There, Yeah,
we say don't lick people? Wereappropriate older? No, you won't
know you that out on little bookyou'll let some shitty porn. Yeah,

(18:11):
tell you called. Uh, that'snot where scissors go. You, of
all things to shove in your pothole, man, fucking scissors, pointy fucking
scissors and went first? Or thehandles? No, you gotta dot?
No you do? You do thehandles? Why perforation of your calling?

(18:33):
Man, you don't want that chanceanyway. I mean I was just going
simply on shape and yeah, easeof of insertion here. You don't disagree
I'm going with, don't perforate yourcalling? What if? What if they're
rounded scissors like blue green? Yeah, the picture did not show. That's

(18:53):
like your standard kitchen issue in thisbox. I have picture. You're like
old school, fucking rusty metal fuckingshears at your grandma's hands. Since you
know nineteen twenty three? Is there? Is there a present? Is there
a Reddit page dedicated to ship peoplehave put in their asshole? Lightly?
Like? That's so crazy to me? Yeah, how does one get to?

(19:17):
Okay? No, desire never doneit, don't want to. I
can wrap my head around like aballoon, like a small balloon, right,
a glass even, right? Butit's round is my point? Like?
Okay? Shaped? Appropriate yeah,it's the pill bottle. Yeah,
okay, a microphone whatever, whenyou start going like a fucking pair of

(19:40):
scissors, like yeah, like whyI actually could wrap my brain around that.
You want to be able to sayyou had he man in you.
That's the only logic. I mean. I'm not saying it makes sense.
I'm just saying, Okay, well, I see how someone could get there
scissors. I don't get a knife. I don't get Yeah, I don't

(20:00):
get it either. Well you seethat we've read stories about people shoving the
chords to their headphones and their dickholes. I don't get I'll get it
either, but I guess, andas someone who's been in that world,
you can wrap your head around theidea of the quote quote unquote pleasure right
right right, it brings But eventhen, fucking chord, Yeah, pull

(20:22):
it like start me like a lawnmower. Remember the speaking spell or whatever the
fucking performer see it's for Cal Yeahfuck Cal goes move motherfucker. Yeah,
well they do that. I atleast when I read with their headphones,

(20:42):
it's so you can hear them.Common it's a bad joke. Yeah,
yeah, I heard it was tojust recharge or to get the update,
right, I've got to plug myself. And I mean I'll actually buy that.

(21:03):
I'll actually buy the idea. Thenyou believe you are a machine or
a robot so much that you mustand people are making elon musks whoever are
outperforming you and you need the update, right, I'll buy. I will
buy that sale. I think it'sfucking bullshit. But I can wrap my

(21:26):
brain that people are that demented andfucked up that they think that is how
you do it. How fucked upwould it be? Though? Of like
that was our charging port like onour phones, right it's at the bottom,
but yours is in your genitalia.How crazy, dude. So here's
a total like uh, mind fuckif you want to get like all philosophical

(21:47):
is what if there is a portthat you're supposed to fuck an update and
the guy who creates like Jesus Christ, what like, what are you doing
right right? Christ's son? HYeah? That would explain a lot though
for like those people who are stuckin the eighties, the Uncle Ricos of
the world. You know they hadn'tgot the update or they did right,

(22:11):
right, That's what I'm saying,Like philosophical part, like what's the who's
the comedian? Uh not Bill Burr. Bill, he's Australian and uh He's
like, ah, or would youknow? We're all just standing in front
of a window at a mental hospitalgoing a doit true statement. This is
all a figment of your imagination.Yeah, you don't know, you don't

(22:37):
know, But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with not knowing. That's
like the idea of ticks or catcould be you don't fucking know, absolutely
so before you might need that guywho had shoved the phone charger in his
peep hole might might have known.What if he was like they were like

(23:00):
put it in there and then we'lllet you know, and the ship shows
up, then it's like, youknow the charging station to be okay,
Center, Like you're fucking just sittingthere waiting and you're like, fuck,
I have the wrong chord? CanI borrow yours for a second? SUPERISBC?
Goddamn you got a fucking iPhone userapp Shit, those people can have
him figured out. That is true. I'm okay not knowing. If that's

(23:22):
the case, then it's keeping chordsout of my cockrole. I don't go
with the idea that there's some peoplewho do know and they ground up those
crazies and put them away. Idon't buy that, right, I don't
go with that. Like people fuckingtalk. Many people can't keep fucking secrets.
Absolutely, so the idea that youwould do that makes no sense to
me. But but if you were, you may just be crazy and the

(23:45):
fucking not smart people are like roundthem up, send them up stage.
I would never send them up stage. App that's what they used to do.
Fucking a dude. I would bethere if I was alive in go
down the rabbit hole of like people'skids who are fucked up, and they

(24:06):
just sent them to like upstate orinto the there was a special name for
those schools, and they would putthem there and the people that lived that
ran them would abuse them, fuckingkill them, sexually, assault them,
whatever, and just bury them inthe front yard and make the other kids
who were there fucking dig the holesright like fucking heinous shit. Dude.

(24:30):
Yeah, and we're just like,nah, what out here? That wouldn't
have happened here? It fucking did? It fucking did? Yeah, what's
that? This is gonna be aweird flex. But the Paris Hilton story.
Have you read this ship that abouther? And she went to a
place to um not give her manners, but like a finishing school type of

(24:52):
they fucking did that shit. No, sh yes, they didn't kill them
as much if I can recall,but they did abuse them sexually assault them,
right, and she's the heiress tothe Hilton's. Like, it wasn't
like your kid or my kid rightright, It's kind of like, uh
is it in nineteen twenty three,right, nineteen twenty three? Uh,

(25:14):
where they've got the Native American girl, right, yes, going to that
Catholic school and they're trying to teachher at the white her up. But
it wasn't It was a reum reumshit where they would change to cut their
fucking hairs and give them names likeGeorge, right, like reprogramming like be
fucking white. Yeah, that shit'sfucked up. Yeah, you're talking about
the TV show nineteen twenty three forthose that don't know, which is a

(25:37):
precursor to Yellowstone. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of just like that.
I had the kids out there digginggraves or what the fuck ever. They
were molesting her in the tub afterthey beat the ship at her. Well
she got her though, Fuck,yeah, as you did. Fuck the
idea that we made it to twentytwenty three is just preposterous, right,
I'm kind of glad that we did. Yeah we got air conditioning. Yeah

(26:00):
yeah, and I don't have toWell I was gonna say, I don't
have to worry about kids going toschool and getting raped, but that happens
anyway, right, Well, no, you you have to worry about people
putting fucking chords in their peep holes. Right, it's a different world five
year olds. Lindsay was reading thatfrom earlier today we told the story and
how the youngest person who was impregnatedwas five and she was cycling at what

(26:23):
age three? What the fuck?Yeah? Fucking women, female body,
dude, it's fucking puzzled. We'rein it now. Yeah. Wow.
Can we imagined being the dad beinglike, what right, you're just trying
to change a diaper or whatever,and that's what they think impregnated her.
But it's nineteen twenty three, sothere's like it was nineteen nine, and
so there's no DNA test to findout if you had a dad right to

(26:45):
know if he did it. Butthis isn't his defense. But there was
a belief, or is a beliefthat if you are fucking fertile, you
must be impregnated. Yeah. True, but still no, it's not okay,
I'm not defending it. No,I'm also I also don't believe that,
you know, you shouldn't make itwhere women don't speak in the home

(27:07):
and they don't. But some peoplebelieve that shit, right, right,
And so some people believe that ifyou're fertile, right, I might as
will impregnant you than to somebody else, right, because because it can be
smelled in the air like bears.Yeah, people fucking believe that shit.
Fuck no way, Yeah, sick, fuck around and find out. Man,

(27:29):
oh god, just wait till she'seighteen. Then no one gives a
fuck. That's okay. Absolutely,you can do whatever you want. You're
old enough to know better. No, you're not enough to know better at
fucking twenty eight, even at fortytwo. Man, come on, now,
we're still we're still working on it. I'm still trying to get that
shit figured out. Yeah, cruiseships, stay away from them. That's

(27:52):
my sounds like a plan, that'smy recommendation. Hardly give away. Saturday
do we know the time yet?Eleven to one is the remote, and
so we'll do the giveaway right afterthat remote, like can normally do.
Can't wait be less chance qualifier ironYou guys, have a great week,
See you later. Bye bye bye